Sweet Life

Why I Haven't Posted

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 03:46:00 +0000

It's simple: writing this blog was becoming an obsession. I began going through the day thinking of things I would write about and it was becoming difficult for me to discern whether they were truly interesting or simply Seinfeld-like musings.

So here is the thing: I am committed to my coaching practice and to helping people live meaningful lives. Spend some time on my past entries: clutter, self-care, death, divorce, time management, love and more.

And, if you are interested in learning more about coaching, visit my website http://www.coachingpartnerships.com/. If you would like a complimentary session you can reach me through the website.

I'll be back when the time is right.

I wish you the best--Gari

My Gift to You

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 11:06:00 +0000

I have a gift for anyone who wants it:

A Complimentary Coaching Session

Coaching is a series of one-on-one conversations between you and a trained personal life coach. Together, we examine opportunities, or obstacles, in your life, strategizing around single issues or lifestyle choices. With your coach, you set a series of goals and design strategies tomeet--or exceed!--them.

Since coaching is done on the telephone, not face-to-face, it can be done from anywhere. We talk two or three times monthly in scheduled appointments to focus on issues of concern to you. Changes and shifts come through clear questions from your coach and thoughtful responses from you.

The process always begins with a complimentary session. In this session we talk about what coaching is and how it works. More importantly, we discuss something that may be on your mind so that you can see how the strategies progress. It is important to remember that together we can tackle large life-style or philosophical quality of life concepts or be very issue-specific.

Drop me an email, or give me a call to claim your life-changing gift today.

gari@coachingpartnerships.com or visit my website: www.coachingpartnerships.com

Super Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 01:38:00 +0000

Frank Rich said it oh-so-well in this morning's NY Times. The article, Ask Not What JFK Can Do for Obama is perfect!

For those of you voting on Tuesday, I wish you clarity combined with faith. I am looking toward what may be possible: a new day and a new way of being a politician and an American.

Happily, I am an Obama Mama.

Free Rice

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 11:01:00 +0000

This site came my way and I am hooked! It is called Free Rice. When you visit the site you test your vocabulary. With each correct click of the mouse, 20 grains of rice will be donated through the United Nations to end world hunger. Who is paying for the rice? The advertisers you see at the bottom of the screen. This is a convergence of good, charitable work, self-improvement, fun, capitalism and the medium we all seem to be connected to – the internet.

Read the FAQ’s – they explain it all so well. Then start clicking.

PS- pass this far and wide – especially to the high school kids we know and love.

Life of Ease

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 16:27:00 +0000

I have a wish for you. It is the same one I hold for my coaching clients, friends and loved ones. I wish you a life of ease.

It sounds naïve doesn’t it? We all know that life is not easy.

But here is the ease I am talking about. It is living a life that is in sync with your natural rhythms, values and desires. I see it as an energy-thing. As you create a life of ease you are free-er to do the big work in the world. How do you lead your day? What personal systems do you have in place? What time you get to sleep? How do you manage time? These things can either flow or trip you up.

I am not talking about a life of ease equaling a life of irresponsibility. I am actually working toward taking more responsibility in attending to our daily lives. Is this a paradox? Maybe so. No one said attaining a life of ease was going to be easy…Let’s talk.

1 Day = $720 Million

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 10:33:00 +0000

My friend helped produce a video for the American Friends Service Committee and it is worth looking at. This will take 2 min of your time and could really help AFSC. They need signatures on a petition and folks to watch this video on the actual cost of war. The more views, the more likely we get on the homepage of youtube, which is the goal. That way we aren't preaching to the choir. The video is interesting and your two minutes will be well spent.This is a quick and easy way to actively participate in the effort to end the war and help bring peace to Iraq. Pass this on to your friendsand folks that would be interested.

Here is the link to the clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wnq6cD5jk1QAFSC is asking all friends and supporters to- watch this video (at least once)- rate it (be honest) and- send it to your whole network of friends and family with the same message. After you view the video and send it to your friends, if you have a few more moments, please sign the petition to Congress to DEFUND theIraq War and RE-FUND human needs at home and in Iraq:

http://support.afsc.org/site/PageNavigator/DefundRefundPetition

What if this really did make a difference and we pushed the candidates and the election wave instead of simply watching and waiting for Georgie to leave?

I Kid You Not: Kale Chips

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 10:45:00 +0000

These really-good-for you kale chips are easy to make and taste like potato chips. For real!

Kale Chips
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cooking Time: 10 minutes
Yields: 4 servings
Ingredients:1-2 bunches of kale
Olive oil
Directions:
1.Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
2.Remove kale from stalk, leaving the greens in large pieces.
3.Place a little olive oil in a bowl, dip your fingers and rub a very light coat of oil over the kale.
4.Lay out on a baking sheet and bake for 5 minutes or until it starts to turn a bit brown. Keep an eye on the kale, it can burn quickly. Turn the kale over and bake with the other side up. Remove and serve.

Variations: Try different kinds of kale or collard greens. You can sprinkle with a little salt or spice such as curry or cumin after rubbing on olive oil for a little added flavor.

Call to Action - MLK Day

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 11:50:00 +0000

This weekend we celebrate the birth of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Sadly, he died right as I was coming of age so my most vivid memory of him is his assassination. However my defining image of Washington DC is the rally at the reflecting pool and the “I Have a Dream” speech. Aside from the Watergate building, that is Washington, DC to me.

In the Philadelphia area we are asked to “Make it a Day On, Not a Day Off” by performing some kind of community service. Todd Bernstein, the director of the Greater Philadelphia Martin Luther King Day of Service describes the genesis of MLK Day:

In 1994, former Pennsylvania U.S. Senator Harris Wofford and Atlanta Congressman John Lewis, both veterans of the civil rights movement with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., co-authored the King Holiday and Service Act, which calls on Americans of all backgrounds and ages to celebrate Dr. King’s legacy by transforming the federal holiday into one of turning community concerns into citizen action. This federal legislation was signed into law by President Bill Clinton, creating the national Martin Luther King Day of Service.

The organization coordinates many opportunities throughout the region and from what the website says, it is not too late to register.

VolunteerMatch is a robust on-line directory of volunteer opportunities nation-wide. Punch in your zip code and select from a large list of needs right near you. Good news: there are so many good organizations doing important work in the world. Bad news: there is a need for so many good organizations to do important work in the world.

Local churches and synagogues are partnering to provide community service for community members. Check out some programs near you.

I am grateful that our culture honors Dr. King’s legacy and that this long weekend is designed to be one of reflection and action. President’s Day, Veteran’s Day, Columbus Day, Memorial Day all provide us with fabulous sales as we are encouraged to shop for linens and washing machines. Martin Luther King Day encourages us to provide for others.

Amen.

Blessings Abound

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 11:06:00 +0000

Sometimes, in the daily mess of life we forget one true thing: we are individual wonders of creation. We are blessings to those who know and love us and have the ability to bring change, repair and joy to the world in small and large ways.

These tiny scrolls by a company called Blessings Abound can serve as reminders to us and to those we love. They come in two sizes, but the teeny ones appeal to me the most. These are pocket versions of blessings, sized 1- 1/4'”x 8 -½”. Your choices include:

I Celebrate Your Joy
Seek Peace and Pursue It
You Are a Blessing
This Too Shall Pass
Peace be With You

And they are reasonable too: $4.00 each/ $7.50 for pairs.

Creativity, spirituality and gratitude, literally rolled into one.

Quote Collector?

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 10:50:00 +0000

Some people are avid quote collectors. I am not one of them but I certainly appreciate a good quote when I read it. I have begun quote collecting for a project I am working on and received this one yesterday.

I love it.

Imagination is everything, it’s the preview of life’s coming attractions.

Albert Einstein

Hormones in Milk 1

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 10:35:00 +0000

This comes to us from award-winning environmental educator and writer, Mike Weilbacher. He wrote this in response to some questions he received regarding hormones in milk. He says this all better than I can. My 2 cents have to do with being a breast cancer survivor and my own vigilance about eating only hormone-free food products.

Here's Mike:

I've enjoyed reading the thread of commentary on PA's requirement, starting Feb 1, that milk be no longer be labeled free of anything, like 'hormone fee' or 'pesticide free.' Coincidentally, I had just been reading up on this for commentary on WHYY's "Morning Edition," and thought I'd add some additional layers to the conversation.

First, the state says it is misleading to label milk 'free' of something, implying that milk free of, say, hormones is somehow better than milk that is not, even though the FDA claims there is no health risk from synthetic bovine growth hormone (called rBGH, or recombinant bovine growth hormone) in milk, and consumers have been confused. Fine. But the state also could not present any consumers who were in fact confused-- contrary to what our Secretary of Agriculture says, consumers have not clamored for this labeling; industry has. So the whole premise of this is suspicious.

Second, Europe and Canada have already banned rBGH milk hormones in it, so our milk cannot be exported to many other countries. What do the Europeans know that we seem to miss?

Third, rBGH increases milk production by 10-15%, and separate from the hormone itself, raises other issues. One is that the lifespan of cows may be diminished, as they are milked more vigorously than otherwise and I guess are dying from exhaustion. rBGH becomes short term gain at the cost of the long-term health of the herd. In addition, increased milking leads to a higher incidence of mastitis, infection of the udders. With apologies for perhaps grossing us out, this leads to higher levels of pus in our milk-- at high levels, the infection changes milk visually so that milk does not make it to market, but at lower levels, it's fairly undetectable. And to treat mastitis, farmers put antibiotics in the feed, which ends up in our milk as well, and many physicians and health experts are concerned about high levels of antibiotics in our food.

Additionally, milk made with synthetic hormones shows higher levels of IGF, insulin growth factor, which can be even 10x higher in rBGH milk. Health activists claim this chemical, not the hormone itself, increases risks of prostate, breast and colon cancer, and correlates to a higher tendency of people to give birth to twins. It's IGF that may be the health risk, not rBGH.

Finally, with farmers having to inject each cow with rBGH every two weeks, add antibiotics to feed to combat mastitis, and replace cows more frequently, it's hard for family-run dairy farms to survive, and activists point out that Monsanto's rBGH has contributed measurably to the loss of family farms.

The first rule of ecology is "you can never do just one thing." Adding rBGH does one thing well, but has a ripple of effects through the food chain. So everyone, including PA's ag secretary, who says rBGH milk is safe is technically correct in that no study seems to point to higher risk from the hormone itself. But we need to take into consideration the entire ripple-- and again, one has to wonder why Europe bans it outright while America paves the way for increased use...

For those worried about milk and this issue, the easiest solution is to simply buy milk labeled organic-- that milk will always be pesticide- and hormone-free, and can blessedly be exported anywhere in the world.

How far Do I Go?

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 11:07:00 +0000

On New Year’s Day I was happily walking my 4 year-old, rescued, Bichon Frise, Max, when he was attacked by two huge dogs being walked by (what I found out later) a dog-walking service. The walker left the scene in a hurry and Max limped home. He and I spent the entire day and well into the night in the ER at the University of Pennsylvania Vet School. We left at 1:30 AM, January 2nd with drains placed in the two punctures, tons of stitches, antiobiotics and pain med.

I was determined to find the owner of these two dogs and found her through our friendly mailman. There were two things the owner needed to know: One was that whoever was walking the gorgeous Great Dane and Other Huge Black Dog could not control these two mammoth animals and that other dogs and kids were at risk. The second was the cost of my vet bill. The owner, an elderly woman, was mortified and very upset, ready to write me a check but then realized that the dog-walking service was insured and bonded. Maybe we should go in that direction.

That’s where this story really begins. The owner of the service was awful! I needed her to know that her walker had no control of these dogs thereby putting, people, dogs and her business in jeopardy. Suffice to say that even her insurance company told me that she was horrible to them, making them want to work on my behalf instead of hers! Clearly she is stupid, especially since her business thrives on word of mouth.

So here is the dilemma. How far do I go with negative word of mouth? After all it is someone’s living. Do I post her business name on my blog? On all the local listserves I am a member of? Do I pitch a story to the local paper on choosing a dog-walking service? Do I paper the neighborhood with flyers stuck in doors? I’ve been thinking, eh? How far do I go to compromise someone’s livelihood?

PS—Max will be fine. He is an awesome dog.

Self-Care Support

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 10:42:00 +0000

If you are in the Philadelphia area, consider attending this program. If you are not, I will be making this available by group conference call -- just let me know.

I am offering a program through the Yoga Garden in Narberth. It is a Self-Care Support group that will meet once a week for 6 weeks to kick-start your self-care goals for the coming year. It will be a true give and take of collective wisdom on issues that weigh us down: fitness, sleep, nutrition, time management, clutter and more.

You know how clear we always are with another person’s issues?

Now you will have the opportunity to share your smarts and help others along the way to increased self-care, while you benefit from the group as well. Size will be limited to 12 people

Here are the details:

Six Fridays beginning January 18th from 12 noon-1:15 at the Yoga Garden in Narberth
Cost is $100 for six sessions, paid in advance.

Commitment to attending all six sessions is requested.
Bonus! Complimentary coaching session to help tease out issues for you.

If this time does not work for you, new groups can be formed. Are you looking for an evening group?

I don't know why self-care is so hard -- I just know that it is! I think that when we partner with others (think Weight Watchers, 12-step programs) we can move through the blocks easier until the new behaviors become habit.

Feel free to spread the word!

Important Disclaimer: this is not a therapy support group for issues such as any form of addiction or psychological needs. It will use the lay wisdom of its members and will be led by a life coach. It is not a substitute for medical or therapeutic support or intervention.

Do You Get It?

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 10:50:00 +0000

Over time I have noticed a similar feeling when I finish doing these three things:

Clean up after a yard sale
Finish a meal at a sushi restaurant
Hear the bell or leader’s voice after a meditation session

I couldn’t ID the feeling for a long time and also couldn’t imagine what these activities had in common, but now I’ve got it.

I feel wistful. Is it a little sad that the event is over? Is it disappointment with the outcome? Or is it that these activities don’t happen often enough and they feel good? I don’t know. I am simply noticing and I am intrigued. Do you get it?

Happy New Year!

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 17:20:00 +0000

Below you will find an adaptation of an essay I wrote in the Philadelphia Jewish Voice for the Jewish New Year. The full essay can be found on my website.

A New Year

Here we are on New Year’s eve with have another opportunity to look at ourselves and our place in the world. Resolutions surface: better nourishment, both spiritually and physically; less weight, emotionally and literally. More action. It is a new year and with it, a new you.

But this year don’t re-invent yourself again. Instead, wonder if you have been the juiciest you that you can be. It is the question the Chassidic master, Reb Zusia asked himself in the oft-told story. He wondered how he would present himself to G-d, since in his lifetime he had not been as strong as Joshua or as brave as Moses. In a moment of clarity the humble rebbe realized that the hardest question he would be asked by the Divine was not Why were you not like these mighty men, but Why were you not Zusia? Zusia, were you the most you could be?

The question can get you right in the kishkes. Are you the most you can be? Not the richest or prettiest person around. Simply the most.

As you look at the year ahead, think about how you can bring your juiciest self to your daily life. The quality of our lives is determined by how we live each day. Sounds daunting? Exciting? It is all yours to create!

May you have many opportunities to shine your own bright light in the coming year.

New Year's Resolution: Clutter

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 22:23:00 +0000

There are so many ways to begin the New Year, but human nature often brings us back to the same ones: health, diet, weight, exercise and clutter. Here is an article from the Philadelphia Inquirer about clutter. Give it a look and come back to the blog. I am happy to say that I am mentioned in the article as well…

Welcome back.

Clutter is such a downer for so many reasons. It literally gets in our way and weighs us down. It sucks energy out of us, mocks us and is emotionally debilitating. The practice of Feng Shui understands the energy of space especially when folks need to change the stressful energy of the chaotic space they live in. Have you ever written a check for a bill and when it came to put it in the mailbox you couldn’t find it? Anywhere? Do you know where your lipstick is? How abou thte dog's leash? How long does it take you to leave your house because you can’t find your keys?

I have all sorts of theories as to why people hold on to clutter but let’s focus on action today and get it outta here.

Select your first clutter-reduction project on any one of the following parameters:

1. Which area is most urgent to clear
2. Which would be the easiest to start or work on
3. Which is bringing you down the most
4. What is calling to you with no logical reason
5. Where is the light shining in the smallest bit to get you started?

Now, what to do with all your stuff.

Some ideas for you:
1. Freecycle – many cities have this exchange of usable goods for free. It is awesome.
2. Recycle – find out what your area recycles. You are in special luck if they take office paper
3. Donate – to thrift shops, charities, shelters, libraries, schools.
4. Sell – eBay is a gas and craig’slist is everywhere.

Ready to begin?

Rock on!

One Quote That Works For You

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 14:07:00 +0000

As the new year begins, I invite you to take a moment to both help me with something and perhaps reflect on the year past or the year ahead.

I am working on a project where I need meaningful quotes about life, love or health. Are there certain quotes or passages that have really gotten you through hard times or inspire continued good ones? Is there a quote you use as a mantra?

Feel free to list them as comments or email them to gari@coachingpartnerships.com.

Thanks!

December Dilemma - NOT

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 15:33:00 +0000

Oy – do I think folks have this one all wrong. Here is how the dilemma is posed: What do intermarried families (Jewish and non-) do during the Christmas season? To celebrate or not, to visit or not, to participate or not, to enjoy or not.

My husband’s family is Catholic. I always joke that he left the church long before his mom could blame me. He and his brother were primo altar boys, the ones tapped for nun’s funerals. He left the church when he left home for college and although we have been together for 16 years, he joined my people in the synagogue only five years ago. But that’s another story.

For us, Christmas is a holiday half our family celebrates and we celebrate it with them in their homes with their customs and feeling their love. We created our own Christmas minhag/tradition. (Bet you never saw those 2 words together—Christmas Minhag) We stay at the local Marriott and go swimming at midnight. OK, I knit but the other 3 swim.

Here is the thing: we love our family and love that all our children, Catholic and Jewish “get” and respect each other. We sit through their communions and they dance at our Bat Mitzvahs. We all learn through love.

So what is the dilemma? Here are two for starters:
1. What if your cousin’s wedding is on Yom Kippur? She didn’t vet the date with you—why should she? What do you do?

2. What if your in-laws come to visit during Pesach, bringing a box of Entenmanns’s crumb cake and you say Thanks, but the family is not eating cake right now. They say, Oh right, well, we’ll eat it ourselves and you say I’m sorry, you can’t bring that box in the house right now. How could a non-Jew ever understand that? Here is his dilemma – how can I understand this new life my son has chosen where cake can or cannot be brought into the house.

Christmas is one day (although it starts in October) a year. How do intermarrieds negotiate the 364 other days?

We do it in the context of love and respect and knowledge that religion has divided and conquered for too long. Intermarried families have the opportunity to make the world a little smaller and more tolerant – with the added gift of diversifying the gene pool.

Merry Crispness.

Our Stories

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 12:39:00 +0000

Oh boy, do we get stuck in our stories! As you tell them over and over again are you beginning to get sick of them yourself? Can you feel the nudge to give it up - to stop defining yourself through that story?

Give yourself a present and kiss the story goodbye.

John and Elizabeth Edwards

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 11:02:00 +0000

As a woman who had breast cancer, I am invested in Elizabeth Edwards' health.

I remember when the news about her metastasized cancer burned through the airwaves and how opinions were formed in an instant. What was most disconcerting was the venomous criticism of her husband, John, as he continued his bid for the presidency.

While Elizabeth’s health is not consistently in the news, the venom against Edwards has not necessarily dissipated. He’s selfish, he has small children, yadayadayada. Of course he is selfish – he is running for president. His kids? He’s been a lawyer and a politician. What's different? A husband? Here he wins. He and Elizabeth believe in the power of dreams and in living each day. How do I know? We cancer dreamers recognize each other.

One of the most difficult issues for those with breast cancer is the horror we bring to our families. Not only is the experience unplanned and unrequested but the outcome could be fatal. In one day a family's life is changed forever. How each family copes and struggles with dreams of survival is of no concern to anyone else.

I maintain that if people truly wish Elizabeth Edwards well, they will not question her decision to help her husband pursue the presidency. We don't know what shared dreams John and Elizabeth have. We don't know what triumph means to them. Could it be fully living with cancer and living in the white house?

You want to show support for a potential candidate's wife? Don't criticize her decisions. Send her love, ease and strength. And back off.

Everything is Possible

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 03:10:00 +0000

The colors outside were variations of grays and blues with a memory of green on the grass. Naked bushes and trees allowed us to see the squirrels scamp as we looked for deer. I was hanging with a 16 year old who is on the brink of exploring her life as she begins to envision a world out of her parent’s home. She said “When it looks like this I feel as though anything is possible. It all looks so clear.”

I was surprised that she saw possibility when most of us see emptiness. Possibilities come with buds on the trees, with the sweet hint of green washing branches and earth, waiting for color to burst forward. Against her backdrop of gray I realize how literal my expectant buds are.

For her -- is it because she is young? -- possibilities exist against a canvas of what is. She doesn’t need the suggestion of growth or hint of color. It was the clear, uncluttered view that supported her ability to dream in that moment.

I am thankful for small conversations that continue to teach me lovely lessons.

Mmmm

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 16:47:00 +0000

By us, (as my NY Grandmother would say) today is gray and blustery. There is only one response to this kind of weather: soup. Here is a recipe from Cherie Calbom’s The Healthy Gourmet, a book I’ve owned since the mid 90’s. It is the one on my shelf with the broken spine. I have only made two things out of this book but they are comforting, delicious staples in my repertoire. I suppose I should expand and turn to a few other pages in this well-worn book.

I soak the beans over night because I like to. It's not necessary in today’s world of healthy canned beans but when I do, I feel more connected to the process.

Enjoy!

Mediterranean White Bean Soup

Like all bean dishes, this delicious soup is very high in fiber and protein; it can be a complete meal with multi-grain bread and a salad.

I tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
4 or 5 celery stalks, chopped
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 to 1'/2 cups small white beans, such as navy or great northern, soaked for 4 hours or
overnight and drained
6 cups water or vegetable stock
I tablespoon vegetable base or 2 vegetable bouillon cubes
I tablespoon miso (any kind)
Dash of tamari or light soy sauce
3 large carrots, sliced
1 cup chopped fresh parsley
2 bay leaves
2 tablespoons minced fresh oregano, or 1 teaspoon dried
1 teaspoon dried tarragon
Sea salt and pepper to taste (optional)

1. Heat the oil in a large soup pot or Dutch oven and saute the onion, celery, and garlic for approximately 5 minutes. Add the drained beans, water or stock, vegetable base or bouillon cubes, miso, tamari or soy sauce, half the carrots, half the parsley, and the bay leaves. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat to medium, cover, and cook 1 1/2 hours or until the beans are tender.
2. When the beans are fully cooked, add the remaining carrots, parsley, oregano, tarragon, and salt and pepper, if using. Cook for another 10 minutes or until the carrots are tender but not mushy. Remove the bay leaves, ladle into soup bowls, and serve hot.

Prep Time: 20 min.
Cooking Time: 1 ½-2 hours

Y/N?

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 11:48:00 +0000

Prior to becoming a teacher of the deaf, I studied the linguistics of American Sign Language or ASL. Much time has passed and I stutter now when I sign and do the hearing person’s nod when people sign to me as if I am getting it all. I’m not.

Anyway, there are two kinds of questions: wh questions – who, what, where, etc. and more close-ended yes/no questions. In ASL our bodies do different things with each of these questions. Wh- eyebrows and head up; Yes/No – eyebrows and head tilted down. Cool, yes?

Wh- questions are expansive and the possible answers are endless. Yes/no questions have smaller answers. I am here to shoot some air into the yes/no question in the context of self-care.

First of all – when asking a yes/no question anticipate both answers. You are asking it, and even if you want the answer to be yes, the fact that you are asking it in that structure means that you better be ready for a no. If you can’t believe that Sally denied your request to run the candy sale, believe it. Sally doesn’t want to do it and she took your request seriously and answered it honestly. Good for Sally.

Still learning from Sally, when you are asked a yes/no question, you don’t have to say yes. Sally didn’t. You have no idea how many folks cannot say no to requests. They feel guilty, they feel honored or they can’t “hurt” the person asking. You get it. They say yes and HATE the experience, bitching and sighing, groaning and grumpy the whole way through. I have an exercise in a workshop I offer where people practice saying No to insane requests – all true, I may add. We laugh while I suggest that if you can’t say no, say no, thank-you. Thank you for asking.

Remember a yes/no question has two possible outcomes. Sometimes the answer is yes, but it can also be no. When you start saying no to things, you make space for all the
yesses that you desire.

Pricked: Extreme Embroidery

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 11:38:00 +0000

I recently had the pleasure of wandering through the exhibit, Pricked: Extreme Embroidery at the Museum of Art & Design in NYC and I loved it! I welcome seeing how people re-invigorate classic crafts such as embroidery. I romanticize the days when people created handwork out of necessity and then added embellishments of detail and design because the human eye delights in beauty. In fact, there is a studio near Philadelphia, the Handwork Studio, which teaches these crafts to the next generation.

But I digress. The artists in Pricked take needlework and bring it to contemporary art, conveying political and social messages – some subtle and some disturbing. Most are challenging to describe but I think I can do justice to one installation. I apologize that I cannot name the artist—I will call the museum so that I can attribute proper credit to the proper person. This was a series of lace doilies, mounted individually on black velvet, each with intricate designs, each one unique and beautiful. Upon reading the description we learn that each one is a true representation of different viruses: SARS, Flu, HIV and others. Until this exhibit, perhaps the only folks who thought a virus beautiful were the researchers who were intimate with their essence. Here, we are invited to re-examine potentially life-threatening illnesses with proper awe, brought to us by art.

Pricked: Extreme Embroidery is exquisite. Go and enjoy.

Happiness

noreply@blogger.com (Gari) — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 01:40:00 +0000

Fill in the blank:
I will be happy when _____________________.
(This is a trick question)

Now answer these questions:
Is happiness up there on your top ten values?
Do you know what makes you happy?
Does the concept of happiness seem trivial in today’s world?
Do you make time for happiness?

Can you see where I am going with this? I am a vocal convert to the happiness movement also known as positive psychology as represented by Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D. and Martin Seligman, Ph.D. I am loving the book Happier, by Ben-Shahar. Upon seeing the book on the coffee table, my youngest asked me in a worried but calculatedly calm way – "Mom, are you happy?" "Yes, sweetheart, I am. I am reading the book for my coaching practice." I smiled and realized that she values happiness and wants that for me. Nice.

Here is a quote from Ben-Shahar’s book:

Rather than feeling despondent because we have

not yet reached the point of perfect happiness,
rather than squandering our energies to gauge
how happy we are, we need to recognize that
happiness is an unlimited resource and then
focus on ways in which we can attain more of it.
Becoming happier is a lifelong pursuit.

Go for it – create happiness for yourself now. Then you can bring more happiness into the world with your smile and an open heart.