ေဆာင္းေလျပည္

Thoughts .. March 2015

2015-03-02T20:49:00.000+08:00

I am just trying to keep my promise to write regularly. 1 year domain hostage shouldn't be wasted cuz of my laziness right ? :)

First of all, I am really surprised and shocked at my final realization on how the world isn't fair. Seeing with my own eyes, I can't believe that there are many people out there wasting money like it's just a small thing. Yeah I am talking about gambling as I started working at Casino around mid February. It won't disturb my mind if it is about thousands or may be few digits numbers. But I saw about millions of money wasted in gambling (and in just one night) and it just blew my mind. How sad it is that at one end of the world, there are people trying so hard just to earn a penny and then at the other side, there are those kind of people spending money like water. It is not like I have not seen gambling movies, but it just kinda make my mood down and I don't feel happy working there.

Love is definitely devil for me. I becomes so pessimistic when it comes to love thanks to that person. I have never encountered such a shameless person....really. And I am so angry at myself for being so stupid. Anyway now I learned not to trust people so easily and not to judge based on how they look. I feel so sorry for him though. I used to have such a good impression on him becasue he looked so innocent back in those high school days. But no he is such a messed up person, crazy to be in a relationship to show the world and I don't think he even knows what is real love. =_=
But on the other hand, it is shameful to admit but I am heart broken. And I dare not to love again and will always be cautious :(

I wish all the projects and assignments will be finished on time. I have no idea what I am doing though.. But well it's uni life and most of the time, we really don't know things :P
Anyway I am glad February is over and wish that good things will come to me soon.

Thuzar
02.03.2015

First Post of 2015

2015-02-09T00:48:00.000+08:00

It's already February .. and as usual, I am starting to be busy. School works are piling up with study debts since semester start and I am trying to do three part-time works at the same time :P . It sounds crazy but actually it doesn't require that much time (hopefully). Two part-time works are already settled (it will give me regular income) and I want to try freelancing job for CMS and therefore trying to see whether I can do or not. But 50% of me wants to reject that job because it might somehow give pressure to me.. Just doing two heavy school projects is already killing me !_!

As for school projects and study, they are just crazy and impossible for me to do well. I am barely alive and depressed at the same time after every lecture, tutorial and lab. Luckily there are two subjects that I think I can do well and I forsee that those subjects' grades will help me alot in final GPA :D . Circuit and Signal part, I am still trying hard to adjust. Coming from business IT background, it sure is very difficult for me to understand well. I just can't get concepts straight and sometime lost because there are too much to remember. It's not even like programming where I can rely on internet solutions and basic theories. Well part of me like it, but part of me want to die and give up on it. However, I can't right.. After all these efforts I have been putting to survive in Computer Engineering, I am so gonna get myself to the top and become so called embedded system engineer! That's what I am dreamt of and hopefully one day the dream will come true :)

Things are getting crazier day by day with my friends want to hang out with me and yet I need to work to earn money and balance my time for school and work. And furthermore, my nephew is coming here to study and I need to meet him also. Sorry friends and relatives, I don't think I can give much time to u. Why you all never come during school holidays >_< .

First post of 2015... I hereby promise myself that I will try harder and become better person everyday. :)

Post No #sth

2014-10-28T00:43:00.001+08:00

I've read another Tat-Ka-Tol Bhone Naing novel မ်က္ရည္ေလာကမ်ား၏ဟိုမွာဘက္ and once again I feel so devastated and disappointed after finishing it. Although I like his writing, why are his characters always so complex? May be it is due to generation difference, but I really hate that kind of endings :( .

And as usual, I think of you. I think that your mind might have been influenced by his books by seeing that you are more mature than me. Your thinking is always very different from me though we are of same age. Sometimes, I didn't like when you told me those strange and deep words that I couldn't comprehend. But I think I can understand you and your words now. (How did you even endure my childish behaviours and thinkings? )

I wonder whether I can move on completely without dwelling on past. I wonder whether I won't be doing second mistake again. I wonder, after all these pains, whether I can love a person so much like others. I wonder whether the person I am loving now .. loves me or not. I wonder whether we can be together even if we love each other. Future is a scary imagination, but just simply following my heart might break my heart in future. However, I feel so confused but I can't seem to stop loving him and missing him. :(
I am not guilty to love, but love comes with pain and I don't like it distracting me from my study. Oh. I don't really like my current self... really..

R.e.m.e.m.b.e.r

2014-10-02T19:08:00.001+08:00

ဘာလိုလိုနဲ႔ ႏွစ္ႏွစ္ ျပည့္ခဲျ့ပီပဲ....
တစ္ခ်ိန္ခ်ိန္မွာေတာ့ ခံစားရခဲ့တာေတြ အားလံုး ေမ့သြားမွာပါ။
Time heals... and only memories will be left.. not the feelings

Just some quote

2014-10-01T00:56:00.000+08:00

I saw one of my friends' post in facebook and really like it. I don't know it is her own writing or not though..

It is something I should always remember and take note of. When my anger, my pride over power my heart and brain, may this post will help me and calm my mind.

တို႔ႏွစ္ေယာက္ တစ္ေယာက္ကိုတစ္ေယာက္ခ်စ္ခင္စံုမက္ေနရဲ႕သားနဲ႕
ဘယ္လိုေဘးပေရာဂေတြကမွ ဝင္ေရာက္မတားဆီးဘဲနဲ႕
ႏွစ္ေယာက္စလံုး လိမၼာပါးနပ္ရင္ ထာဝရေပ်ာ္ရႊင္ႏိုင္မွာကိုသိရက္နဲ႕
အခ်ိန္ေတြကကိုယ္ေတြရဲ႕ဘဝေတြကို တိုက္စားသြားၿပီဆိုတာေနာင္တရေနရက္နဲ႕
ဘာမွန္းမသိရတဲ႔ အျဖစ္အပ်က္ေတြအတြက္
ဘာေၾကာင့္ျဖစ္မွန္းမသိရတဲ႔ အေၾကာင္းအရာေတြအတြက္
ဘာကိုမွထပ္ၿပီးမစဥ္းစားၾကေတာ့ဘဲ
ဘယ္သူကမွဘယ္သူ႕မ်က္ႏွာကို မေထာက္ထား မငဲ႔ကြက္ေတာ့ဘဲ
အႏွစ္ႏွစ္အလလ စုစည္းတည္ေဆာက္ထားတဲ႔အရာတစ္ခုကို
အလြယ္တကူလက္လႊတ္လိုက္ရတယ္ဆိုရင္
ဒါဟာ မင္းေရာ ကိုယ္ေရာသိပ္ညံ႕လို႕ဘဲ။

Sometimes we just drift apart for no reason.. There may be misunderstanding, or disapointment, but why keep all to yourself instead of settling it by being honest. Arguments are not bad and we can explain each other and even understand better through good arguments.

But yeah when it's time to say goodbye, we will have to say goodbye no matter what..

Random again

2014-08-07T01:14:00.002+08:00

Just posted because I was so boring.. and feeling sad that the precious three months holidays are over now !_! ...Lectures are staring next week and I feel like I didn't rest so well during holidays. Well I mostly work so can't complain $_$

The month of August has never been good to me. Last year I lost my phone in August and this year I was seriously sick because of flu.. It's a relief that I recoverd this fast. I really wanted to donate blood but then the illness spoiled everything! Please August, be good to me at least once!

Today I watched so many videos. Rewatched Sherlock holmes Season3Ep1 'The Empty Hearse' (I'm really addicted to this series and I don't know how many times I will be rewatching them. Like I rewatched HP countless times :D) And I also watched the movie "Confucius", it gave me so much lessons and somehow taught me to appreciate the ancient chinese traditions. They are so admirable especially how they respect their teachers.

And lastly this song is not new, but became my favourite today. I love the MV, the song lyrics and of cuz not to mention the singer 'Lee Sun Hee'. :)

I never wished for fate to bring us so close
Now that you're gone , my days are useless
Of all the people, I met you
It was like a dream
And the love I got from you
It was like a miracle

I thought I was ready
I was sure I'd be fine
But look where I am
I can't let you go
Of all the people, I met you
It was like dream
And the love I got from you
It was like a miracle

You used to call my name
with the sweetest voice I know
But now I'm just another face
And everything I have means nothing to me

Of all the people, we met
but we parted ways
Maybe we'll meet again someday
If we were meant to be
It'll be miracle

Just some thoughts

2014-06-17T02:32:00.000+08:00

Lately I have been asking myself this question "Am I unlucky in love?". And I know the answer is half-half.. I am unlucky in the way that I liked the person I shouldn't like and the person I like doesn't like me back. However I also won't forget that there were people who loved me and even if they don't now, I was happy when they did.

Was I unlucky to have met you or were u unlucky to have met me? The choices were ours but we made it turned into this ugly ending. Was it my fault not to hold tightly to you or was it your fault to ask for a break up? Everytime I ask those questions, I feel so suffocated. As much as I want to, I cannot complain about how could you change your mind so easily and leave me. I simply have to accept or otherwise I am going to live with anger my whole life. That is just not me.. I am not the type to put all the blame on people. I know I was wrong to some extent, however I am not guilty.
I don't believe it was because of our fate either. Fate creates meeting and goodbyes are just people' choices. But what I keep thinking is what have I gained and lost from meeting you. I was happy and yes, lucky to receive love and care. And I was devasted and unlucky to let my heart break again. I don't know but definitely I was not unlucky.

And I won't consider myself unlucky for anything.. things just happen and I'll just try to accept as they are.. simple mind, simple happiness and live peacefully.

Random Post #6

2014-04-24T00:10:00.001+08:00

Saw a friend's post about Bambino song and happened to listen to this song

ေငြေၾကးေတြ မျပည့္စံုတဲ့ငါ ေရွ႕ေရးကို ေတြ႕ၾကံဳ တဲ့အခါ
ဆက္ျပီးေတာ့ မေျပာပါနဲ႔ကြာ မင္းမုန္းသြားမွာ ငါအေၾကာက္ဆံုးပါ
မ်က္၀န္းေတြ သိမ္းလိုက္ေတာ့မယ္ ဖြင့္မေျပာဘူး ထိန္းလိုက္ေတာ့မယ္
ျဖစ္ႏိုင္ရင္ ငါ့ရဲ႕အခ်စ္ေတြ တစ္ျခားတစ္ေယာက္ဆီ ယိမ္းလိုက္ေတာ့မယ္
....

Well, as a teenager, this song was one of my fav songs. But this part of the lyrics always irritated me. One reason is why we need to love other person just because we don't have courage to love that person. Another reason is I myself is the one who is afraid of financial situations among two different people. I don't have faith in myself. I don't think I can handle severe poverty or being low class. And I also don't think I can handle marrying to a person from different background, be it very poor or very rich. Frankly speaking, I don't fancy rich guys and it's a far cry for me to have relationship with them. But what if I happen to like them or give them a space in my heart??? Well.. I think I should change my teenager's opinion and resort to that lyrics... Just keep that damn feelings and wait time to forget.

One more day from exam , study hasn't finished and I am feeling crazy... And this is really really random post..

Uncertainity of Future

2014-04-07T19:26:00.001+08:00

Lately, I have been gettine news of friends losing family members. First, the friend whose father is a very good person though I have only met him for a few times. And my schoolmate lose her brother just suddenly. It just scare me so much of death.

I don't know when I will be losing my father, my mother, my brother and my sisters. No I am not going to be trouble myself everyday with this fear. But I really can't imagine myself without them. Each of them is very important to me. They are the reason I am here to this day. I have never forgotten the support and care I received from them .. every single details. The pain of losing them .. I don't ever want to face. But again, we just don't know what will happen tomorrow.. Just the thought of it is scary,very very scary and depressing.

But for now, I just have to live everyday praying them to be healthy and safe. Especially papa, mama and brother who are living far far away from me....
I am just missing you all.

Thoughts at the end of 2013

2013-12-31T02:59:00.003+08:00

It has been four years since I created this little blog. Most of the times, I wrote rubbish and childish about my feelings. There were not much reflections. I don't want to reflect either (cuz most of the times, I did mistakes and I will feel guilty if I reflect more). I want to forget everything, every memories and every moments I shared with those people I used to think were my other half. I feel really bad about things I am doing now, ignoring someone and being sarcastic to someone. But these are the things I need to do and should have done earlier not to keep getting hurt. It is time for me to wake up from this dream.. The dream that someone special will always make me happy and the dream that someone will listen and care me every time I feel so down. And this is the time for me to stand strong and not fall in love anymore. Be myself, independent and look for joyful things and chase after my dreams. My happinese will not be destroyed by others again, and I will not depend on others to feel happy too. 2014, I warmly welcome you with my new decisions and I am confident that I will do well.

Last few days ago, I finished tidying up that box. I don't know how many times I have reopened that (putting things and taking out again and again) and every time I can't help my tears flowing. I discovered the letters, the Avada movie tickets we went for first times, photos, cards and other cute cute little things. Love could be so sweet when we were facing it, and yet can be this bitter when it ends suddenly. A part of me wants to throw away that box, but a part of me is against for that idea. I don't know, but I may still keep those for years until the time I think I can let go.... like the time I threw away the things another person gave me.

On the other hand, I feel freed. I swear I am not going to be in relationship until I finish uni, and it 's my own promise and my self-discipline. All my life, I was always getting hurt by loving people. I don't want to love anymore.. anymore... seriously...

Anyway, Happy New Year to myself. :)

W.H.Y

2013-11-18T01:30:00.001+08:00

ဘာလို႔လဲ..
အျမဲတမ္း ဒီလိုမ်ိဳး ခံစားေနရတာ..
လူတစ္ေယာက္ကို ႏွလံုးသားထဲမွာ ေနရာေပးျပီးတဲ့ေနာက္
ေနာက္တစ္ေယာက္ အစားထိုးဖို႔ မျဖစ္ႏိုင္ေတာ့ဘူးလား။
ဒါမွမဟုတ္ နာက်င္စရာေတြ မ်ားလြန္းလို႔
ဘယ္သူကိုမွ ေနရာမေပးႏိုင္ေတာ့တာလား။

ငါ .. သတိမရခ်င္ပါဘူး
သတိရမိတိုင္း စိတ္ပင္ပန္းရလို႔
သတိရမိတာေတာင္ အတင္း ငါ့ကိုယ္ငါ ထိန္းခ်ဳပ္ျပီး
သတိမရေအာင္ ၾကိဳးစားေနတာပါ။
ဒါေပမယ့္ ..
မသိစိတ္ က ထိန္းခ်ဳပ္ရတာ ဘာေၾကာင့္ အဲ့ေလာက္ ခက္သလဲ။
သတိမျပဳမိလိုက္ပဲ ျပန္ဖတ္မိတဲ့ chat history ေတြ
သတိမျပဳမိလိုက္ပဲ ျပန္ေတြးမိတဲ့ အရင္က အေၾကာင္းေတြ
သတိမျပဳမိလိုက္ပဲ စစ္မိတဲ့..........

ငါ တကယ္ ဘာကိုမွ မေမွ်ာ္လင့္ပါဘူး။
ငါ ဒီ အိမ္မက္ဆိုးေတြ ဒဏ္ရာေတြကေန
အျမန္ဆံုး ရုန္းထြက္ႏိုင္ဖို႔ပဲ ဆုေတာင္းမိတယ္။

Just Random Feelings
Thuzar

Just out of boredom

2013-10-05T02:10:00.002+08:00

I have been so busy that I cannot keep up with regular blog posts. I have several things and ideas to write, but I just can't find time. Study and work is things that occupied my times mostly and the rest goes to movies, chatting and just purely being lazy. I have never been that depressed for my laziness like I am being now. Seriously, I just can't believe I studied most of the time in my 11th standard. How did I pass those days without complaining? Now study just becomes a nightmare to me, mostly because I have total 7 modules to catch up and also because the materials are too deep and wide for my little brain. :(

Anyway this week (sadly it has come to the end) is the recess week. It was given to students to do reports, study and rest. Well, what I did mostly is rest. (Good student I am, right? ^^) And I have been listening to "old but new" to me songs. So I came to know lots of Jay Chou's songs. (You can search 周杰倫 and filter for playlist , if you are interested). And I want to share this particular song that I am currently addicted to.

I hope you like this song. It has nice beat and really beautiful lyrics. Well, most of Jay Chou's songs are nice and meaningful. I hope he continues to be popular and active. :)

Severus Snape

2013-08-24T03:57:00.003+08:00

Recently Channel 5 aired Harry Potter series once a week and I was addicted to it again. But this time, I wanted more than watching movies so I chose reading books. Sadly, I cannot read all the books since my school is starting so I chose two favorites. Half Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows. This series never fails to attract me and I was again feeling very emotional by 'The Prince's Tale' chapter. I have read Deathly Hallows like four or five times. But it have never occurred to me to think and reflect for a big picture. Although I cry every time I read that chapter, it was only because I was deeply moved by Snape's unrequited love. But now, I see more.

Snape's story is pretty sad. Poor and problematic family, unpleasing appearance and his cold personality let people have bad impressions on him. In my opinion, he is normal except he likes to study Dark Magic. He likes Lily (Harry's mother) ever since they met and they have been good friends since then. However, he made unforgivable mistake on calling Lily, the person he loves so much,as 'Mudblood'. The price he had to pay for it was really huge. They turned into strangers and Lily didn't forgive (I can say more that she hated him). And once again, he unknowingly made the biggest mistake again by telling the prophecy to Lord Voldemort. He never knew what his actions might do so much harms on her. And the price this time is her death.
But there came the reason I admire him which is him getting back his senses. Many people may think it's easy to be a good person but it's not especially when you are already doing bad things. Snape became loyal to Dumbledore to protect Harry Potter. Why? The woman he loves died protecting her son and it was his fault. He put his determination, risked his life in doing so until his death. Where can we find this kind of love?
The part that make me feel moved is his conversation with Dumbledore.

“For him?” shouted Snape. “Expecto Patronum!” From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe. She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
“After all this time?”
“Always,” said Snape.

While I feel sorry for Snape, I can't help realizing that it was his actions that made him suffer. And then I came to understand that sometimes the reason was me. As a selfish person I am, my pride and my greed often made me do things I wouldn't do usually. It wasn't the real me, but somehow somewhat it was me doing those. Deep inside I care so much, but I pretended like I don't give a damn. Deep inside I love you but I forced myself not to fall in love so deep. The reason I did things is because I don't want to get hurt and yet I ended up being hurt because of the things I did. In love, as Snape taught us, may be it's better to express your feelings on the spot. Never hesitate to show your affections and never let your pride cover your real intentions and feelings. Otherwise, you will lose the person you love most in this world.

To Severus Snape - the hero of my fiction world, I will never never get over your unrequited love for Lily Evan. I don't know whether I can really love a person like that. From my personal experience, my pride won't allow me to do so. But still, I believe in that kind of love ...

KTZT

Definition of my happiness

2013-06-28T14:30:00.003+08:00

Last night, I was thinking about what are the happiness for me. I close my eyes and I see those moments living with my family, hanging out with my friends and the moments with him. And I think about when do I feel happy in Singapore. And I hesitate because I have never been so happy here for most of the times. There are times I feel good and happy such as hanging out with friends and playing around with nephews. But those are rare. Indeed we can only meet like two or three times a week. Most of the times, the boring routine of going to work, staying at home and passing time by watching movies and doing housework consumes me a lot. It goes on and goes on and my whole body becomes inactive to outgoing activities and my personalities changed.

I was really outgoing person back in 2008. Since my childhood, I rarely stayed at home for the whole day. When my family bought a computer and I started learning typing, drawing pictures and games, I somehow hooked up to it. But it didn't last long and I was back to playing around with neighbours. And I think this is what makes me feel empty here - neighbours are really strangers. And the faces of people are too rigid to give a smile. My outgoing personality has also changed and I might become alien if I go back and live in Myanmar. The current me is unlike the real me. That's what struck me last night as I realized I am lacking the real happiness.. being happy most of the times and having carefree and peaceful mind like I used to be.

I know I still can't affort to go back to Myanmar to work and have a simple life. Though it was my parent's decision that I studied in RP, now it is my decision to study in NTU. It was also my greed to attend the university here. Though I can get a degree in Myanmar, I don't want to go back to the learning environment with insufficient resources. Though I have to struggle here with part time job, I rather choose here for better future. That also means that I will lose some of my happiness , but may be I can find my life motivation in University.

The happiness I want most is not easy to achieve right now. It may take more than five years or may be even more. What I can hope for best is for my parents to stay healthy and wealthy as I am gonna need their support for the coming four years. Millions bilions of gratitude towards my parents. No matter what, I swear I will go back to Myanmar and settle down there.

28.6.2013
Khin Thuzar Thin

My Beautiful Memories

2013-06-21T14:13:00.000+08:00

My childhood memories are mostly good ones, though there were also bad things occured.
When I was about 5, I remembered my eldest sister loved me a lot. My daily routine at that time was to go to school at morning, go to tuition at evening and watch movie and sleep at night :). Weekends were my favorite times as I usually played with my friend near my home, Pyi Pyi which was two years younger than me.

When I was grade 3, I moved to my aunt house which is in Ahlone with my sisters. They were preparing to sit matric exam and so my parents decided to let them study at my aunt's house. As my mother was doing business at that time, there was no one to care me at home. So, I followed my sisters who cared me most at that time. Living at my aunt's house was fun. After school and tuition, I usually played with my three nephews who were about three years younger than me. I received my tom-boy behaviours from them. They were so naughty at that time. If they were angry, they fought back to the one they were mad at. Usually, we played together by doing Power Rangers. :) I was pink power ranger.. :D

One year passed quickly, and I was at home again. My relatives from Taiwan started to contact with my parents and they sent us a lot of presents at that time including clothes for me, a video camera, a digital dictionary , etc. I liked their presents a lot. My father used to play with the camera a lot. He shot so many scenes. On my birthday at that year, we made Kyauk Kyaw Juice and he shot it. After that, I went to Playground with my friend and he also shot it. We still have that video clip. :) And at night, my father bought a birthday cake and my family sang "Happy Birthday song" for me. One of my life best moments it is.

The years after I was grade 5 were not very good. When I was grade 5, I met with a friend called "Wityi" who is now my best best friend. We went to same tuition. In weekends, I usually stayed and played at her house till 10pm. :D .. My family didn't like it . They worried about me and my brother would always come and fetch me at night. We played many games every weekend nights. It is embrassing to say that I always lost in most of the games.

I was with Wityi everyday since the day we met. Though we were in different schools, we were best friends. We went to different tuitions most of the years. But in summer, we usually attended Sayar U Soe Min English classes. I always feel happy when I am with Wityi . Yet we have quarreled a lot and also didn't called each other for sometimes, but still we are best friends. She always tell me about her feelings & experiences and so do I . When I was bullied by others, she protected me. She is like a sister and a friend to me. Miss her a lot.. :(

There were typically five occasions I am always enthusiastic about. Starting from January, Chinese New Year, Thingyan , Thadingyut, my school awarding ceremony and (Hna Kyate Shithsu Pwe ) which is usually held around december or January. I always feel happy at those times.. :)
Now, I think I can only celebrate Chinese New Year or Thigyan in Myanmar next year. Being apart with home which I love most is really a kind of painfulness.

Unrequited Love

2013-06-17T11:17:00.001+08:00

I am currently hooked up with another drama called A Gentleman's Dignity . It's really hilarious. So the drama focus on unrequited love of the main actress to her friend, and the main actor to the main actress. And it just reminds me of... my own story.

I was in Grade 7 when I first knew him. It was not love at first sight. The first day we met, we were fighting silently with our badminton skills. I think it's his smile I fell for.I couldn't speak to him when I knew I liked him. At that time, writing in 'Auto' book was trend. So I asked my friend's help to let him write in my book. His handwriting was pretty. What he wrote was just a popular poem. I don't remember the exact words but the meaning is "Don't let the stone 'LOVE' destroys your ship 'Education' in life." Something like that. Our friendship wasn't that good and also not that bad.

Another year passed, and it seemed like he noticed I liked him. His manners changed whenever he saw me. It's like acting cool. But it became so annoying as time passed. Neglect and awkwardness were all I got from him. My pride was somehow hurt. But I was not the age to think and care about pride, attitudes, family background, etc. All I know was I like him and I simply hoped he would like me someday.

Though most of the times we just exchanged our glances, there were times I can never forget. If you have watched the korean drama 'My Girl', there was a famous scene in it where people see the person they love when they open their eyes after counting to ten. I did it during a festival. Among so many people, I closed my eyes and counted 1,2,3...,10 and I opened my eyes. Seconds later I was temporarily stunned because in front of my eyes, he was standing with his friends staring at me and he might probably wondering what the hell this girl was doing. My mind just went black and the last thing I knew was me running so fast and finding it hard to accept things that just happend. I was just testing out drama sayings and why this thing got to be so damn true at that time.

Things got worse when I moved to the place nearer to his house. He was in a boy group and they always intentionally walked in front of my house, making noises and alarming me. He walked like he didn't care, but his friends turned their heads to check me out. The neighbourhood boys started teasing me with him. So irritating! This was when I started to ignore him and this was when another person came into my mind slowly. My unrequited love just began to fade away like that.

May be in his mind, he liked me a tiny bit out of sympathy. But he just had no interest in me. And also things just won't work out between us. The more I know him, the more I realize it was just his appearance that attracted me, not his mind or his manners.

However, I still feel sad whenever I hear about one-sided love. I don't know why, I don't understand my mind. May be because I never had a chance to confess him. Or may be because he didn't like me back and it hurted my self-esteem. But I don't hate him, and I still talk to him sometimes. Because I am curious to who he will love someday and devotes himself. :)

My Once Best Friend

2013-06-10T10:35:00.001+08:00

It was during my grade 6 school days, she and I were inseparable friends. She has tomboy characters and she cannot get along with most of friends. Since the start of school days, we have been getting along so well. She has the milky skin that I always envy. When I asked her why her skin is so white and beautiful, she said she shower with milk. Well I did believe it that time. She likes to make up stories and I always believe those. I liked being with her, I liked sharing food with her and I really liked her. But at that time, I had another close friend called Zu Zu from different class who was separated from me for that school year. So, I mostly went to another class looking for Zu Zu. When the classes end, I also went to look for Zu Zu. So she was not happy with that. The thing about me is I want to be friends with many people. It's not about loyalty , I am loyal to all of my best friends. It's just I like making many friends.

I don't remember how things went wrong, but I remembered one day we had a big fight. I can't recall the reason I was angry, but I remembered I threw all the things on the desk and shouted her. Such a bad temper I had back then. And last thing I know is that we didn't talk with each other and I went out with other friends. I regretted and wanted to make up. But fate wasn't on my side. Her grades went down and we were in different classes next year. However I visited her and talked to her. But there were awkwardness and I didn't know how to fix that somehow broken friendship. It was very sad. The worse thing is she has no anger left. I think she made her mind to keep a distance with me and I can never reach close to her. Still then, I went around classes and talked with her. After matriculation exam, I lost many contacts and till now I haven't met with her again. But the guilt I feel still exists. I want to meet her, I want to tell her how much I felt sorry. And I want to tell her that fighting with her was the most regrettable action I did in my life. That my personality somehow changed and I dare not to use violence and speak bad words to people any more. I am afraid to lose because I know how bad is the feeling of regret.

And this friend who I always remember, I hope she still remembers me. A beautiful name she has which is called 'Yin Yin'. Someday in somewhere, I wish the fate to bring us together.

Update =3

2013-05-20T14:14:00.000+08:00

O_o.. It's almost about two months I didn't write any posts. Has been losing myself with family matters, house moving, and many occasions. Most of them were good moments and some were really bad.

So.. I am 21 this 11th May and I celebrated fully for it.
1. Blood Donation for both of us birthdays (I fulfilled my last year wish at last!)
2. Offerings of fruits, water, snacks and candle light to Buddha in early morning on my birthday
3. Home cooked food and a small quiet celebration
4. Outgoing with my friends and had a fun time together ^_^

Not so say birthday wishes from others and my two most important persons in my life. This is the first time to hear his birthday wish. And I hope that won't be the last time.

Good news came and I might be enrolling to NTU if things goes well according to as I hoped. I really have to get the two loans and make things work out, if not I might have to return to workforce. Please let me have some good luck...

So we were talking over phone last Sat and he said he felt sad waking up every morning and realized I am not by his side. I know it sounds cheesy but I believe in him 100% because I am feeling the same too. It's not waking up though. Going to bed every night thinking of him, and again feeling sad and miss his presence.. .. people would think it's too much. But we both know that both of us are not lying.
Sometimes I think I am being too selfish making him suffer in this way. His life was peaceful before I came in. I don't know whether my love is just pure or selfish. Because every step I take for my life is like taking a step further away from his. Life isn't easy for him and I feel like I am making it harder for him. But then, part of me hopes that it's be good and enough if I am a source of happiness and comfort to him as he is to me. Please fate, bring us closer and make better situations for us. :)

အျပစ္မျမင္

2013-03-25T14:05:00.001+08:00

ဒီသီခ်င္းကို အခုတေလာ အရမ္း ခံစားျဖစ္ေနတယ္။ အခ်စ္ဆိုတာ လူတစ္ေယာက္ကို ဘယ္ေလာက္ထိေျပာင္းလဲပစ္ေစႏိုင္လဲ။ ၾကည္ႏူးရတဲ့ အခိုက္အတန္႔ေတြ ရွိသလုိ စိတ္ညစ္ရတဲ့အခိုက္အတန္႔ေတြလည္း ရွိခဲ့တယ္။ ကိုယ့္ဘက္က အမွား မပါေပမယ့္ သူ႔ဘက္က ျဖစ္ေစခ်င္တဲ့အရာကို မလုပ္ႏိုင္ခဲ့ေတာ့ သူစိတ္ညစ္မွာေပါ့..။ တျခားသူသာဆို ေဒါသထြက္မိလိမ့္မယ္။ အခုေတာ့ ၀မ္းနည္းရတယ္။ သူလည္းပဲ ခံစားေနရတာ နားလည္ေနလို႔..။ သူ ကိုယ့္ကုိ အလုိမက်လို႔ စိတ္တိုတဲ့အခါ သူ႔ကိုယ္သူ ပုိျပီး စိတ္တိုအျပစ္တင္ေနမွာ ..မျမင္ရ မေျပာျပေပမယ့္ အလိုလို နားလည္မိေနတာကိုး... ။ အျပစ္မျမင္ပါဘူး.. အရာရာ နားလည္မွဳေတြနဲ႔ပါ..

ေနာက္တစ္ခါ ေနာက္တစ္ခါ ဒီလိုမ်ိဳး မျဖစ္ေစရပါဘူး...

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အခ်စ္က အသိခက္တဲ့ ကဗ်ာေလးပဲ
ခြင့္လႊတ္ခ်စ္တတ္ေအာင္ တို႔ ၾကိဳးစားၾကည့္တယ္
လွ်ိဳ႕၀ွက္ခ်က္မ်ားစြာထဲမွာ အျမဲတမ္း တ၀ဲလည္လည္
မွားလည္းေလ မွားပါေစေတာ့ကြယ္ ~~~

Grown Up & Mature or Spoiled & Crazier?

2013-03-19T16:12:00.000+08:00

ဆယ္တန္းတုန္းက ဓာတုေဗဒ သင္တဲ့ ဆရာမ ေဒၚၾကည္ၾကည္၀င္း ေျပာခဲ့တဲ့ စကား တစ္ခြန္းရွိတယ္။
ဒီတစ္သက္ လုပ္ခဲ့ဖူးတဲ့ အရာေတြထဲမွာ ေနာင္တအရဆံုး အရာတစ္ခု ရွိတယ္တဲ့။ အဲဒါက ေမာင္ႏွမေတြနဲ႔ လက္တည့္စမ္းျပီး အရက္ တစ္ခါ စမ္းေသာက္ခဲ့တာတဲ့။ ဘုရားမၾကိဳက္တဲ့အရာ.. အကုသိုလ္ေတြ လုပ္ဖုိ႔ လွဳံေဆာ္ေပးႏုိင္ဆံုး အရာ တစ္ခု ကို သူ လုပ္ခဲ့မိတာ ေနာင္တအရဆံုးတဲ့။

အဲဒီ စကား ၾကားျပီး ေနာက္ပိုင္း ငါ အရက္နဲ႔ ပတ္သတ္တာေတြ လံုး၀ မေသာက္ဘူးလို႔ ဆံုးျဖတ္ခ်က္ ခ်ထားခဲ့တယ္။ ဒါေပမယ့္ ခုေနာက္ပိုင္း အေတြးအေခၚေတြ ေျပာင္းလာတယ္ စိတ္ဓာတ္ေတြ ေျပာင္းလာတယ္။ လက္တည့္စမ္းခ်င္တဲ့ စိတ္ဆိုတာ ဒါမ်ိဳး ေနမယ္။ ျပီးေတာ့ "Learn to socialize" ဆိုတဲ့ စကားေနာက္ကြယ္မွာ ပုန္းျပီး စမ္းသပ္မိတယ္။

ခုထိေတာ့ အရက္မေသာက္ဖူးေသးပါဘူး။ အရက္နံ႔ကို မခံႏိုင္ဘူး။ ဒါေပမယ့္ ဘီယာ၊ ၀ိုင္ နဲ႔ ထန္းရည္ ေတာ့ စမ္းျပီးျပီ။ ၀ိုင္ကေတာ့... ျပန္သတိမရခ်င္တဲ့ ေန႔ တစ္ေန႔ မွာ စေသာက္ဖူးတယ္။ ဘီယာကေတာ့ လြန္ခဲ့တဲ့ ႏွစ္ရက္ေလာက္က ေသာက္ၾကည့္တယ္။ ဘီယာဆိုေပမယ့္ Fruit Beer ပါ.. ဒါေပမယ့္လည္း နည္းနည္း ခါးတာပဲ။ ၀ုိင္နဲ႔ ဘာမွ မျဖစ္ေပမယ့္ ဘီယာကေတာ့ သံုးငံုေလာက္ဆို စမူးေနျပီ။ အိမ္မွာ ေသာက္လို႔ ေတာ္ေသးတယ္။ သူကေတာ့ ေျပာတယ္ အဲဒါ မေသာက္ဖူးေတာ့ အူရိုင္းသြားျပီး မူးတာတဲ့..။ မူးေနလို႔လားမသိဘူး အဲ့ဒီေန႔က ေတာ္ေတာ္ စကားေျပာတယ္။

အခု ျပန္စဥ္းစားၾကည့္ေတာ့ လူက ၂၀ေက်ာ္ေနျပီ.. ရင့္က်က္တာလည္း မဟုတ္ေသးပါဘူး။.. အမွားေတြလည္း ဆက္တုိက္လုပ္ေနတုန္း။ ျပီး ဘာမဆို စမ္းသပ္ခ်င္ေနတဲ့ စိတ္ရွိလာတယ္.. ျဖစ္ေသးဘူး.. ဘီယာ အဆင့္နဲ႔ ရပ္ထားရမယ္။.. အရက္ေတာ့ မခံႏိုင္ဘူး..
လူက ပ်က္စီးဖုိ႔ လမ္းအစမွာ ရပ္မိေနတယ္။ ဘာေတြ ျဖစ္ေနလဲ ကိုယ့္ကုိယ္ကို သိတယ္။ ေနာက္မဆုတ္ေနေပမယ့္ ေရွ႔ေတာ့ မတိုးႏိုင္ဘူး။ မၾကာခင္ လမ္းလႊဲေပၚလာမွာပါ .. အခ်ိန္ကို ေစာင့္ရမွာေပါ့။

Feeling blues

2013-03-18T14:15:00.002+08:00

I didn't call him last night. It made my heart painful... I know he would be wondering and worrying about me by now ... But I had to do that cuz I was so out of control last night.. and I can't risk him hearing my voice and sensing my troubled mind. If he asked me why my voice is like that... I am afraid to tell him truth.. and if I said 'nothing'.. he will get mad at me secretly.. He won't show his anger immediately, but after days later.. he will turn back to it and ask again. Oh boy.. sometimes the way you being serious about little things, when others may think it childish.. it makes me adore u more. As it is because u care so much and being sincere about me.

And here I am again... everyday having troulbe with the fear of losing you someday..

I don't want to ask many things in my life... I just wanna have a peaceful life with you in my future. May my love give me courage to overcome all the difficulties ahead.

All about you

2013-03-12T12:37:00.001+08:00

Last night, I cried so much to the extent that I couldn't even breathe properly. I know this time, it's just temporary seperation. But I'm afraid it will turn out like last time... Can't you see my ultimate fear of losing you? Every night I go to bed missing you, I miss your hug and I recall the time I held you in my arms and not wanting to let you go. I miss you terribly.

Love is somehow selfish. Of course in the progress, we learn to sacrifice, sympathize, share and give up for each other. But the fear of losing you begins with the desire of possesing you -- to be with you every day and want your love to be only for me. I'm frightened by my love now. I am worried that I won't be able to endure the pain if I have to let you go one day by uncontrollable reasons and situations. I am worried my love would burden you one day and try to control your freedom without me realizing it. I am worried of my ego, my anger and my other half which could hurt you.

You know what is happening to me through my voice, and you always try to comfort me and make me happy when I'm down. It really made me feel warm when you tried to lift my mood by singing that song. I promise I'll be happy for you.

You like to exaggerate but you never tell words that's not from your heart. The best part of you is you don't pretend even if it takes making people think bad of you. The same goes for how you treated me back then. You didn't pretend like you still cared for me after we parted for a year. After all these years, I am the only who pretends and have doubts on you. But now,I know you are not lying to me and that you really love me and care for me. I have no doubts and I believe in our mutual love that is so deep, true and beautiful.

ထိေတြ႔ျခင္း အႏုပညာ

2013-02-21T13:24:00.002+08:00

It reminds me so much of him....

I really really miss every seond of the moments I were with you..

ခ်စ္သူရည္းစားျဖစ္စမွာ လူအမ်ားစုက တစ္ေယာက္ကိုတစ္ေယာက္ ထိေတြ႔ဖို႔အတြက္ ဘယ္လိုစရမွန္းမသိ ေခါင္းစားတတ္္ၾကတယ္။ ေယာက္်ားေလးက ကိုယ့္အျပဳအမူ ရိုင္းစိုင္းသြားမွာကို စိုးရိမ္တယ္။ မိန္းကေလးက ေယာက္်ားေလး ကိုယ့္ကိုအထင္ေသးသြားမွာကို စိုးရိမ္တယ္။ တစ္ေယာက္ကိုတစ္ေယာက္ ထိေတြ႔တာကို ေယာက္်ားေလးဖက္က စတင္သင့္ပါတယ္။ ခ်စ္သူအျမင္မွာ ကိုယ့္အျပဳအမူ မရိုင္းစိုင္းရေအာင္ ထိေတြ႔တဲ့အႏုပညာတခ်ဳိ႕ မွ်ေဝလိုက္ပါတယ္။

လက္နဲ႔ ထိေတြ႔တဲ့အႏုပညာ

(၁) မ်ဥ္းၾကားျဖတ္ကူးခ်ိန္မွာ “လာ.. မီးနီေတာ့မယ္”ဆိုၿပီး သူ႔လက္ကိုတဲြၿပီး မ်ဥ္းၾကားျဖတ္ကူးႏိုင္တယ္။

(၂) ေလွ၊ သဗၺာန္ေပၚက ဆင္းခ်ိန္၊ ဒါမွမဟုတ္ မညီညာတဲ့လမ္းေပၚ ေလွ်ာက္တဲ့အခ်ိန္ ကိုယ့္လက္ကို အလိုအေလွ်ာက္ ကမ္းၿပီး “လာ.. သတိထား.. ငါ့လက္ကိုဆဲြ လဲက်တတ္တယ္” လို႔ ေျပာႏိုင္တယ္။

(၃) လူေတြတိုးေဝွ႔ခ်ိန္ “လူကဲြသြားမွာစိုးတယ္.. ငါ့လက္ကိုတဲြထား” လို႔ ေျပာႏိုင္တယ္။ တကယ္လို႔ သူက ရွက္ကိုးရွက္ကန္းလုပ္ေနရင္ သူ႔လက္ကို ဖ်တ္ခနဲတဲြထားႏိုင္တယ္။ တကယ္လို႔ သင့္ကို သူတကယ္ႏွစ္သက္ရင္ လက္ရုန္းခ်င္ဟန္ေဆာင္ၿပီး ၿငိမ္သြားလိမ့္မယ္။ တကယ္လို႔ လက္အတဲြမခံရင္ မတဲြပါနဲ႔။ သူ႔ဆႏၵကို ဦးစားေပး ေလးစားလိုက္ပါ။ ဒါဟာ သင္ေပ်ာ့ည့ံတယ္လို႔ သေဘာမေဆာင္ပါဘူး။

(၄) ထိုင္ရာက သူထရပ္ဖို႔ျပင္ခ်ိန္ “လာ.. ငါတဲြထမယ္”ဆိုၿပီး လက္ကိုတဲြထႏိုင္တယ္။

(၅) သူနဲ႔ လက္ဖဝါးအႀကီးအငယ္ခ်င္း တိုင္းၾကည့္ႏိုင္ၿပီး သူ႔လက္က ခ်စ္စရာေကာင္းေၾကာင္း ေျပာႏိုင္တယ္။

(၆) သင့္လက္ေကာက္ဝတ္ သူ႔ကိုဆဲြေစၿပီး အားစမ္းကစားႏိုင္တယ္။

(၇) လကၡဏာၾကည့္ႏိုင္တယ္။ ဒီနည္းက ရိုးၿပီး ေဟာင္းေနၿပီဆိုေပမယ့္ အက်ဳိးရွိပါတယ္။ တကယ္လို႔ လကၡဏာပညာကို သင္အနည္းအက်ဥ္း ေလ့လာထားတယ္ဆိုရင္ ငါးမိနစ္ေျပာရံုနဲ႔ သူ႔ကိုစိတ္ဝင္တစားျဖစ္ေစႏိုင္ပါတယ္။

ပုခံုးနဲ႔ ထိေတြ႔တဲ့အႏုပညာ

(၁) ေနာက္ေက်ာဖက္မွာ ကားလာတဲ့အခါ “ကားလာေနတယ္”ဆိုၿပီး သူ႔ပုခံုးကို ညင္ညင္သာသာ ထိႏိုင္ပါတယ္။

(၂) ဒါန္းစီးတဲ့အခ်ိန္ “လာ.. တြန္းေပးမယ္”ဆိုၿပီး သူ႔ပုခံုးကို သာသာေလးကိုင္ တြန္းႏိုင္ပါတယ္။

(၃) စားေသာက္ဆိုင္ေရွ႕ေရာက္တဲ့အခါ သူ႔ပုခံုးကို သာသာေလးပုတ္ၿပီး “ဒီဆိုင္ဆိုရင္ မဆိုးဘူး ထင္တယ္ေနာ္!” လို႔ေမးပါ။ တကယ္လို႔ သူသေဘာတူရင္ သူ႔ပံုခံုးကို သာသာေလးဖက္ၿပီး အတူတူဝင္သြားႏိုင္ပါတယ္။

(၄) ေလေအးေလးတိုက္လို႔ပဲျဖစ္ျဖစ္၊ မိုးဖဲြဖဲြရြာလိုပဲျဖစ္ျဖစ္ သင့္အျပင္အကႌ်ကိုခၽြတ္ၿပီး သူ႔ပုခံုးေပၚ အသာေလးတင္ေပးႏိုင္ပါတယ္။

(၅) အေဆာက္အဦးကို မိတ္ဆက္ေျပာျပတဲ့အခါျဖစ္ျဖစ္၊ ေရွးေဟာင္းပစၥည္းကို မိတ္ဆက္ေပးတာပဲျဖစ္ျဖစ္ ဘယ္လက္ကို သူ႔ပံုခံုးေပၚတင္ၿပီး ညာလက္နဲ႔ထိုးျပ မိတ္ဆက္ေပးႏိုင္ပါတယ္။

(၆) ကစားကြင္းမွာ ခ်ားရဟတ္စီးတာပဲျဖစ္ျဖစ္၊ ဒျမသေဘၤာစီးတာပဲျဖစ္ျဖစ္ သူ႔လက္ကို တင္းတင္းဆုပ္ကိုင္ထားႏိုင္သလို သူ႔ပုခံုးကို ဖက္ထားႏိုင္ပါတယ္။

(၇) ျမက္ခင္းျပင္ေပၚထိုင္ၿပီး သူထလာတဲ့အခါ “ဟာ.. ဒီမွာေပသြားၿပီ”ဆိုၿပီး လက္နဲ႔ သာသာေလး သူ႔တင္ပါးကို ပုတ္ေပးႏိုင္ပါတယ္။

မွတ္ထားရမွာက ထိေတြ႔တဲ့အျပဳအမူက သဘာဝက်ၿပီး ညင္သာရပါမယ္။ စကားအေျပာအဆိုလည္း သဘာဝက်ၿပီး ေပါ့ပါးရပါမယ္။ စိတ္လႈပ္ရွားတာမ်ဳိး၊ တုန္လႈပ္တာမ်ဳိး မရွိရပါဘူး။ မိန္းကေလးေတြက ပထမဆံုးအႀကိမ္ ေယာက္်ားေလးနဲ႔ ထိေတြ႔ဆက္ဆံတာမို႔ စိတ္လႈပ္ရွား၊ တုန္လႈပ္ေနၿပီးသားပါ။ ရင္ထဲမွာ သင့္ကိုတကယ္ႏွစ္သက္တယ္ဆိုရင္ သင္ထိေတြ႔တာကို သူေဗြယူမွာမဟုတ္ပါဘူး။ ေနာက္တစ္ႀကိမ္ သင္ဒီလုိလုပ္ဖို႔ကို သူေမွ်ာ္လင့္တတ္ပါေသးတယ္။ ဒါေပမယ့္ သင့္အျပဳအမူ၊ သင့္စကားအေနအထား၊ သင့္ဟန္ပန္ေတြက သူ႔ခံစားခ်က္ကို အမ်ားႀကီး အက်ဳိးသက္ေရာက္ေစႏိုင္ပါတယ္။ တကယ္လို႔ သင္အျပဳအမူေတြက သဘာဝမက်ေနဘူးဆိုရင္ သူလည္း အေနရခက္တာမ်ဳိး၊ သင့္ကို ျငင္းဆန္တာမ်ဳိးေတြ ျဖစ္တတ္ပါတယ္။

ေအာက္က အခ်က္ေတြက သင့္ကိုသူႏွစ္သက္ေစမယ့္၊ သင္လုပ္ရတာ သဘာဝက်ေစမယ့္ အခ်က္ေတြျဖစ္ပါတယ္။

တျခားအစိတ္အပိုင္းနဲ႔ ထိေတြ႔တဲ့အႏုပညာ

(၁) သူ႔ေခါင္းကို ပြတ္သပ္တယ္။ လက္ေခ်ာင္းနဲ႔ သူ႔ဆံပင္ေတြကို သပ္တင္ေပးတယ္။ ဒါမွမဟုတ္ လက္ေခ်ာင္းနဲ႔ သူ႔ဆံပင္ကို ဖြတယ္။ တကယ္လို႔ သူအမူအရာက ရွက္ကိုးရွက္ကန္းျဖစ္ေနၿပီး ျငင္းဆန္တဲ့ အရိပ္အေယာင္မျပဘူးဆိုရင္ ေနာက္တစ္ႀကိမ္မွာ ဒီထက္ထိေတြ႔ႏိုင္ဖို႔ သင္အခြင့္ရပါတယ္။

(၂) သူ႔လက္ကို ကုိင္တြယ္ခ်ိန္မွာ သူ႔လက္ေခ်ာင္း၊ လက္ဆစ္ေတြကိုလည္း ပြတ္သပ္ကုိင္တြယ္ႏိုင္ပါတယ္။ အမွတ္မထင္တဲ့ ခံစားမႈမ်ဳိး သူ႔ကိုခံစားေစႏိုင္ပါတယ္။

(၃) သူ႔ႏွာေခါင္းကို သာသာေလး ညစ္ကိုင္ႏိုင္တယ္။ ျငင္းဆန္စိတ္ဝင္သြားတဲ့ခံစားမႈမ်ဳိး သူ႔ကို ခံစားေစႏိုင္ပါတယ္။

(၄) လက္ညိဳးနဲ႔ သူ႔နဖူးကိုထိကို “ေတာ္ေတာ္ဆိုးတဲ့ ခ်ာတိတ္မ”လို႔ သူ႔ကိုရယ္ေအာင္ စႏိုင္ပါတယ္။

သတိထားရမွာက အထက္ကအခ်က္ေတြနဲ႔ အေျခခံထိေတြ႔မႈကို သင့္ေတာ္တဲ့ပတ္ဝန္းက်င္နဲ႔ သင့္ေတာ္တဲ့ အေျခအေနမွာ ျပဳလုပ္ရမွာျဖစ္တယ္။ ဥပမာ- စိတ္ထိခိုက္ဝမ္းနည္းတဲ့ ရုပ္ရွင္ကားမ်ဳိးၾကည့္ေနခ်ိန္မွာ လုပ္လို႔မရပါဘူး။ တကယ္လို႔ ပတ္ဝန္းက်င္သင့္ေတာ္ၿပီး ရိုမန္တစ္ဆန္တဲ့ အသက္အေငြ႔မ်ဳိး သင္ထည့္ႏိုင္ရင္ မိန္းကေလး စိတ္ဆိုးလိမ့္မွာမဟုတ္ဘူး။ ဒါေပမယ့္ အသက္ႀကီးပိုင္း ရင့္က်က္တဲ့ မိန္းကေလးမ်ဳိးဆိုရင္ သင္ရိုမန္တစ္ဆန္စရာ သိပ္မလိုပါဘူး။

မူရင္း-- http://www.rs66.com/a/3/57/27524_3.html

Credit: Translation by 99 Sanay

အခ်စ္ဆုိတာ..

2013-02-21T10:15:00.000+08:00

အခ်စ္ဆိုတာ တစ္ေယာက္နဲ႔တစ္ေယာက္ အေဝးေရာက္ေနတုန္း အခ်င္းခ်င္းဆက္တဲ့ဖုန္းျဖစ္တယ္။ လြမ္းဆြတ္ေဝးကြာေနတဲ့ ႏွလံုးသားတစ္စံုကို နီးကပ္ေစတယ္။

အခ်စ္ဆိုတာ ေရဆာေနတုန္း ေသာက္ရတဲ့ေရတစ္ေပါက္ျဖစ္တယ္။ ပင္ပန္းေနတုန္း ေသာက္ရတဲ့ေရေႏြးၾကမ္းတစ္ခြက္ျဖစ္တယ္။ စိတ္ညစ္အားငယ္ေနတုန္း ႏွစ္သိမ့္အားေပးတဲ့စကားျဖစ္တယ္။စိတ္တိုေဒါသထြက္တုန္း ေနာက္ေျပာင္တဲ့ဟာသျဖစ္တယ္။ စိတ္မၾကည္လင္တုန္း နမ္း႐ႈံ႕လိုက္တဲ့ ပန္းကေလးတစ္ပြင့့္ျဖစ္တယ္။

အခ်စ္ဆိုတာ စိတ္ေနစိတ္ထားတစ္ခုျဖစ္တယ္။ ႏွင္းဆီတစ္ပြင့္ပဲျဖစ္ျဖစ္၊ စိန္လက္စြပ္တစ္ကြင္းပဲျဖစ္ျဖစ္ လွပတဲ့အခ်စ္ကို ပိုင္ဆိုင္ႏိုင္တယ္။ အခ်င္းခ်င္းၾကည့္တ့ဲ အၾကည့္ထဲကေန ေပ်ာ္ရႊင္မႈကိုရေစတယ္။

အခ်စ္ဆိုတာ ယံုၾကည္မႈတစ္မ်ဳိးျဖစ္တယ္။ ဘယ္လိုပခံုးမ်ဳိးကိုမီွရမယ္ဆုိတာ သင္သိတယ္။ ဘယ္လိုရင္ခြင္မွာအိပ္မွ အိပ္ေပ်ာ္မယ္ဆိုတာကို သူသိတယ္။

အခ်စ္ဆိုတာ ဘဝတစ္မ်ဳိးျဖစ္တယ္။ မခဲြမခြာ၊ ဒိုးတူေပါက္ဖက္၊ လက္ခ်င္းယွက္ၿပီး ေလျပင္းမုန္တိုင္းေတြကို အတူတူရင္ဆိုင္တယ္။ ႏွစ္ၾကာေလ အဖိုးတန္ေလျဖစ္တဲ့ ႏွစ္ခ်ဳိ႕ဝိုင္ျဖစ္တယ္။

တကယ္ေတာ့ အခ်စ္ဆိုတာ မထင္မွတ္၊ ေမွ်ာ္လင့္မထားတဲ့အခ်ိန္မွာ သင့္လက္ကိုေႏြးေထြးေစၿပီး သင့္ႏွလံုးသားကို လႈပ္ရွားေစတဲ့အရာျဖစ္ပါတယ္။ ေႏြမိုးေဆာင္းအေျပာင္းအလဲၾကားမွာ အတူတူ တေျဖးေျဖးအိုမင္းသြားတာျဖစ္တယ္။ အခ်စ္က အဲဒီေလာက္ ရိုးရွင္းခဲ့ပါတယ္။

အခ်စ္ကို အမ်ဳိးမ်ဳိးဖဲြ႔ဆိုၾကတယ္။

ႏူးႏူးညံ့ညံ့ဖဲြ႔ဆိုတဲ့အခ်စ္က ခ်ဳိၿမိန္တယ္၊ ရင္ကိုၾကည္ႏူးေစတယ္။
ၾကမ္းၾကမ္းတမ္းတမ္းဖဲြ႔ဆိုတဲ့အခ်စ္က ရက္စက္တယ္၊ ရင္ကိုထိရွနာက်င္ေစတယ္။

သင္ေရာ.. အခ်စ္ကို ဘယ္လိုဖဲြ႔ဆိုခ်င္သလဲ?

(Credit: ႏိုင္းႏိုင္းစေန ဘာသာျပန္မွ)

Scattered thoughts

2013-02-19T13:32:00.001+08:00

9 holidays in Myanmar was really really short. I still can't adjust with my work after holidays. If I were brave enough, I just wanted to quit everything here and stay at Myanmar by going against my family. :( Well I am not brave enough and I can't do things that could make my mum sad.

I don't know what I am doing is right or wrong. I can't see the future, and I am afraid of future. I see no hope in this journey. This isn't a dark road, but I feel so blacked out.
But I am trying my best.... I am trying my best.

Even if all people in this world hate you,blame you and abandon you, I'll be on your side. I may not understand you fully, I may not know whether you are right or wrong, but I won't ignore you, abandon you and will always be with you. Even if I can't be with you physically, please know that my mind is always with you... always...

I wonder whether we are just foolish or being "two bodies one mind"....
I knew we would meet this time as I kept having dreams about you....
You told me it was coincidence but I knew you came to my house purposely on that day...
Luck is on our side this time, but I wonder until when will it be on our side.
Thank you so much... for making time for me even though you had many things to take care.... Thank you so much for waiting me patiently...

I will be always happy from now on because I know there are family, best friends and you who will always love me... even if the whole world ignores me and leave me behind.