My own little world

The task of Home making!

2011-02-25T15:21:00.000+05:30

I am a forced full time house wife from 10 days now. Although my son is perfectly active and is upto his usual antics, Since he has chicken pox, he cant be sent to school!.... Which leaves me little choice...

These 10 days have been the most illuminating days of my life... First, I realized what I am missing in my life.. (my Son's antics, growing up). Second and the most important thing, It is not easy to be a house wife!...

When my son got diagonised with Chicken pox, My first reaction was sadness, I was sad that my son had to go through the whole thing and moreover, I had to take a leave of absence But deep down inside, I was welcoming the break.

I thought, Now, I could relax, watch TV whenever I want and catch upon my favorite shows, have a good afternoon siesta, Cook my favorite food, read my favorite books, do my favorite activities... Cos, I always used to think that a house wife is the luckiest human being on earth, since, she didnot bother about earning money nor had to work hard for a living..

Now that I was a interim Housewife.. I thought upon myself that I will do things that a house wife would do. My maid also supported me in this cause by taking a leave of absence without informing me. This made me do all the trivial things like making chapatis, doing the dishes, running the vaccum, Dusting the windows or scrubbing the floor. I further stopped bringing cut veggies, but brought vegetables off the cart in a vegetable market and cut them myself. Washing machine was switched off for a while and I used to wash clothes myself, since I thougt it would be unhygeinic, given that we had a sick child @ home. On top of all this I had a hyper active son who was always upto some or the other mischief.

Honestly, I could never catch a wink of sleep that I was so eagerly looking forward to, Neither could I ever read my favorite book. Ofcourse, I could do the cooking bit!... Cos, My husband had taken upon himself to demand anything and everything off the global cuisine on the menu.. So, There I was slogging in the kitchen, One day making italian pasta, the next day making his favorite Gulab jamuns or My son's favorite soup!.... And at the end of each day, I was so worn out and tired. This kind of tiredness was alien to me..

As I am working, I had a lot of facilities at home, like There was a maid who used to come in twice daily for cleaning and washing the dishes, She used to hang out the washed clothes and the sundried clothes were sorted for ironing. There was one more maid who used to come in to make the chapatis. I had everything at my door step which was normally ordered by the maid. I never used to find time to properly cook. I never tried to cook anything complicated and always stuck to easy 10 min recipes. Still, I used to feel tired at the end of the day and used to pride myself that I handle both home and office single handedly!

For the first time in my life, I realized that being a home maker is no joke...

We never appreciate the efforts of our mothers/wives who work so hard during the day and cook for us, clean our houses, ensure our clothes are washed ironed and stacked neatly. For us, they were such menial tasks which didnot require any hardwork or effort.
I have heard my colleagues speaking @ office, so what if my wife has to get up early to cook, She has all the time in the day when she can rest.

Trust me, After I have experienced it myself, I would say, It is the home maker who is always late to bed, early to rise and strives to make our lives healthy, proper and nice!....

The tale of an Happy marriage!

2011-02-01T11:31:00.000+05:30

Well, I dont want to be redundant when I write, But this is one topic which intrigues me all the time!.. Happy Marriage!..

What is a happy marriage? When can we consider people to be happily married? How to we deem a marriage successful/unsuccessful?

These are some of the questions that I keep pondering over. Let me tell you my reader, I am married for 3 years now. My marriage is successful and happy when I speak to some of my friends who have had troubled marriages. The same is true according to my parents, relatives etc. The same is true for me too if I compare it with some of the contemporaries that I have seen. But still, these questions loom over my head.

Well, I have been always told to be writing something about marriage, the inside stories of marriage and share my experiences. Here are some of them.

The main reason why I ponder whether my marriage is happy or not is that in the last 3 years, it has been a herculean task to have a normal conversation with my partner. That, We come from very different social backgrounds forms the crux of all the arguments we have. I have given up on finding ways to make my partner understand what is Love, attachment and emotions.
Don't assume he has none of them, For, He is a wonderful person who loves his family, Ensures every minute of his free time is family time, is a dutiful father and a caring husband.
Confused my reader!.. I know you are, cos I myself am. I have hit the dead end in understanding why such a caring person is so detached from everybody other than me and my son!, for E.g., when my father sent something he required without delay, just because he did not need it anymore, He didnot bother to collect the parcel!.. Here is where I am stuck, How do I make him realise that when people to something for us, the least we could do is appreciate their effort!...

The other reason why I am confused is his temperament!... His punch line always has been " Expenses for some things which are necessary for a comfortable living are acceptable" But till today, I am unable to define, what he thinks is necessary and what is useless :) For e.g. He tells me, if you are tired don't cook, we can order something from outside. Think it is good!, Now read the downside, the next day he complains that we are unnecessarily spending on eating out. In such a case, what do I do? Am I not entitled to being tired when I have to manage, office, home and kid at the same time?

He is too too too compassionate towards others which is the other reason why we argue. If the maid absents her self, he says she might have some problem at home, which is fine and understandable, But even if she repeats the same almost every alternate day, Should I not fire her and hire another one? According to him, No, cos, We need to understand their problems. I wish I had such an employer cos, when I try to explain the same to my supervisor, I am told in my appraisal, U take too many unplanned leaves and hence I cannot give u a 5 :)..

O.K my reader, this is not a complaint post about my husband. Anyways, if You really want to know the insight of marriage all these things I guess do make some impact.

Trust me, No Man is perfect, so no marriage is. But if both Husband and wife are able to live with imperfections as the above, the marriage is not only happy and successful, but it is close to being perfect. Mine is!

A Task called Parenting!

2011-01-24T14:29:00.000+05:30

Hi My readers,

It is a while since I have blogged.. The obvious reason is the topic of this one :).. I have missed my "My Time" during which I used to blog, update my FB status, Check my mails, write my diary and so on...

Ok, Let me clarify one thing here. I am a working mother to a spritely little toddler who has taken upon himself to ensure his Mum never sits at one place and is constantly on her toes.. I have not known a moment of peace after he has started staying with us (P.S. My sonny was with my mum during his second year and recently started staying with us).

He has his unique way of ensuring his mum never has a moment of peace. On a normal weekday, I struggle to wake him up, get him ready to school and reach office without being late, but on weekends, the time which I look forward to catching up on some sleep, My sonny boy is up as early as 6 AM and starts demanding breakfast!
I leave him in a creche during the day and as soon as I pick him up in the evening, He starts of with an out of the world demand which unless met becomes a nasty tantrum. The most recent one being the horse ride :)

Dealing with his tantrums is still an enigma to me. I have read loads of articles on parenting but none of them seem to help me when it comes to this. All my knowledge on parenting ( both theoritical and Practical) go vain and useless.

Most of the books/articles about dealing with tantrums asks me to ignore the same or be firm about not giving in to the demand. But honestly, when the poor baby cries his heart out I just feel like giving him anything that he asks. I refrain from doing it and here I am landing in his red book. So much so that once his Papa comes home, he outrightly refuses my advances to feed him, clothe him or clean him. Which makes me rethink whether I am right in not giving in to his demands.

I try to bring in some discipline in him by making him take off his own shoes, making him eat at the dining table alone, readying his bag for school or other simple chores like putting the soiled dishes in the sink.. I know I am taxing him sometimes, but then I want him to survive independantly even if I am not with him anymore. May be I am too early in teaching him these things, but then I have always been told it is better to start early cos you can bend a plant in which ever direction you want but you cant bend a tree..

I have always had doubts in my mind about my parenting style. I dont compare myself to others but I have seen my contemporaries( read parents having same age kids) doing the same thing as me. I hate it when my son refuses me which makes me think whether I am right in doing whatever I am doing.

I feel there can never be a style defined for Parenting. Each set of parents need to define their own styles in the upbringing of their children which will suit them and their kids fine. For E.g. My friend used to put her 2 yr old in her own room and the child adjusted just fine, but when I tried the same with my son, He was back to our bedroom in just 10 mins time. Now I have stopped trying.
Many of my friends keep telling me to stop bottle feeding my son since he is already 2, but however much I try, My son resists drinking from a cup. Although he does drink from the cup, He prefers his bottle.

Now tell me, Where am I wrong?? I am so confused about the whole thing. This is one task which is proving to be herculean to me. I have been a topper all the time but this time, I fail miserably!...

I hope someday I clear my test of parenting and define my own Parenting style!..

Any Suggestions any one!

Nicky!

A boon called Daughter!

2010-09-21T11:37:00.001+05:30

It was a beautiful day!.. Early Morning rays were kissing her Good morning and she was in turn smiling in her sleep..
Ah, It was a beautiful sight! I could just watch her sleep through out the day.. Such is the serene beauty of her that emmitted a radiance wherever she went..

Every single day of my life, I thanked God for bestowing upon me nature's priceless creation. Quickly, I darted to my wardrobe to get my camera.. I had to capture this moment of blissful innocence...

We had met hardly 3 years ago but still she has become the very reason of my existence. The very reason of my slogging day and night in the office to provide her the finest of clothing, the best of education and a perfect life. But Life is far from Perfect!

Mama, What are you thinking? Asks my innocent little daughter and I am broken out of my reverie.. There I was sitting at my desk in my study and trying to analyze the situation at home.

By the way, I am a working mother to a lovely daughter. Lovely because my daughter is the most understanding thing in the world and always got along with any schedule that I conferred upon her based on my convinience..
But today, I am in a dilemma. My Inlaws are troubling me to bear a son. According to my inlaws, our family was incomplete without a heir. It is as if we are the last descendants of the species and if we die without a heir the entire species would be extinct!..
In recent times,I have noticed somethings which were weird ( atleast according to me). My husband has started saving for my daughters wedding and my inlaws are preserving anything and everything to pass on to her in Dowry..

I dont understand... Are Girl's of today not self dependant? I have not seen any difference between a girl and a boy.. God has given both equal amount of brains, Strength.. A girl is capable of studying as much as a boy and even excels in studies in today's times.. You can see more of Girls than boys in the topper lists..
I have always known Girls who are there for their parents even after their wedding. A girl not only accepts her husband's home as her own and cares for them, She never leaves behind her own family. She just adds new responsibilities...
I have always seen, Boys struggling to take care of their parents after their wedding.. I have seen men saying what they earn is not suffice for their family hence, they cant take care of their parents, but I have never seen a girl doing the same thing.. As a girl of today, even after 3 years of my wedding, I can claim I have never put my parents down. When I can manage both my homes efficiently, Why cant a man?? Then what is the point of yearning for a son when he doesnot care for his parents?

During the times when there was an argument on this matter, My Inlaws say, there should be some one to pass on the family legacy and take care of the final rites when we die.. This is the most weirdest thing I have heard.. Why bother what happens after we die? Why cant a girl pass on the family legacy? Dont I give my daughter the same cultural upbringing as I might give my son had it been the case?
I have read in newspapers that people actually check the gender of the foetus and try to kill it just because it is a girl!... This is a murder. How can you stop a child from coming to the earth just based on what gender it is?
I have also seen people differentiating in terms of facilities.. I remember long time ago, my own uncle put his boy in a private school with better facilities and his daughter would go to the nearest govt school. Further he stopped the girl from studying engineering even though she was a topper of her school while her brother got to go to the best Engineering college in the area although his father paid a lumpsum for his admission. But Why such a bias?? The Irony is that the girl, although was denied education is doing well in her profession and the boy who was given such preferential treatment is working in a call center which is nowhere close to his degree! Today, My uncle is proud because he has a daughter!... Wow, thats some transformation!

Long time ago, when my sister was born, Nobody visited my mother or the baby just because it was a girl!,
Also,I remember my own grandmother forcing my mother to have a son, She even threatened to kill herself If my mother opted for the surgery!...... My mother did give into her and along came my brother.. But all along their lives they had to skrimp on things because they had to bring one more member in the family whom they couldnt afford owing to their financial commitments..And Imagine, if the third child was a girl too... then would my poor parents have been forced yet again! and if it were the case, My parents would have to just skrimp further and God knows, if they could afford us the education they have given the three of us.. had there been a fourth one!

My parents are never to be blamed for what they did because they never differentiated between us.. But All along my life, I remember my relatives pitying my mother for having two daughters... Although, today the same relatives are proud to call both of us a part of their family just because we are successful in our fields and earn as much as a boy could earn..What an Irony!...

The Point here is that I am against the whole idea of yearning for a son.. For me, the most important thing in this world is to provide a comfortable life to my offspring be it a boy or a girl.. I, as a person would never compromise to bring in another life when I know that I cannot afford it.. Even if it would mean I dieing without a heir apparent (whatever that means!)..

People, it is a beautiful feeling to have a daughter in your life and those of you who dont have one, you are missing out on something so exotic. I can giveup a thousand sons to have one daughter because, A son is a son till he gets himself one, But a daughter is a daughter all her life!

Please stop female infanticide. Let the girl child live. Please uphold all the rights for girlchildren. Please remember everybody has an equal right to survive, be it a boy or a girl!

A Scary Number called Age!!!

2010-09-13T17:18:00.000+05:30

Hiya Guys,

Its been almost a week since I blogged anything. First of all, Thanks to all my readers for encouraging me... It is nice to be praised for a change!...

Nice topic eh!.. I know!... I turn a year older pretty soon and thought this is a nice topic to be touched upon..

Honestly speaking, Age is an enigma to me.. I have never understood the characteristics of Age..

When I was three, I got my first sibling. I dont remember all of it, but yes, I do remember people telling me, now that I have a sibling, I should act older.. I am yet to grasp how a three year old acts.. and by the looks of it, I never will cos, my son steps into his 3rd year soon... and I cant get hold of him...:)
Anyways, At 3, because of my sister I was considered to be elder. When I turned 4, I started school, This probably was the biggest transition yet in my life then and I could no more feel responsible than I was at the age 3.. Moving on, I grew older.. or atleast the numbers around my age increased, 4 to 5 to 6 .. I did find some changes in life like, I had more to study.. I had another sibling (which meant I am more elder by then.. Whatever that meant!) and I could travel alone under adult supervision ( read School bus.. Without parents) But, Yet, I didnot feel a day more than 3.. I enjoyed playing like I did when I was three. I was as innocent as I was at 3 ofcourse, I might have looked a different than I was at 3 but I didnot feel that.. I grew up.. Time went on, and my age kept on increasing... More studies, More responsibilities ( I had two siblings, U see, so I was supposed to be the elder one as I said earlier), but yet, I was pretty much the same in my basic characteristics.. I grew up, I went to college and eventually graduated from college..

Now you might say, in All this transition, I must have felt the growing up.. Yes, I did feel the growing up then, As years went on and on, I did feel more and more responsibilities on me, More burden of studies and more independance.. But From within, I was the same 3 year old who still liked to play, enjoyed playing with every small bit of paper or the likes of it, Enjoyed the occasional pampering by my mum, still cried for my failures and rejoiced at my successes...

After my graduation, I started work.. Now, after this the Age is just a shrouding mystery to me.. Every year, My birthday arrives, and I grow a year older but I dont really feel the difference by what I was a day before my birthday and a day after that.. I feel pretty much the same.. For me, my Birthday is just like any other day in my life..
When I was 3, I used to lookup to people who were in the 1st Grade as the most responsible people ever on earth, Eventually, when I reached the 1st Grade, I realised that the 1st graders then were just kids like me.. In the same way, when I was 16, I used to look up to my seniors and could vouch that there is no one who is more responsible.. But when I reached the final year of college I was as clueless as I was at the age of 16..

The age group of responsible people just increased as I grew and tomorrow I would be entering an age which My mum says is a respectable age to be mature, have control over one's life, would have planned well ahead for the future..But Honestly, I am not sure at this age. I still feel like a young child left in a place with a lot of doors and confused to find the right one.. I am not a mature individual, Not responsible, I dont have any control over things in my life nor have I planned well Ahead for my future...
I am not feeling a day older than what I was last year this day or all the previous years on the same day!.. Then what is Age??

I dont have any answer... I hope I feel a little differently tomorrow than the way I feel today.. I hope I feel I am 27.. ( Although, I dont know what that feeling should be) :)... Because, I still enjoy playing, I can play with any bit of paper or the likes of it, still Enjoy the occasional pampering by my mum, still cry for my failures and rejoice at my successes!

Problems Problems all the way!...

2010-09-07T07:29:00.000+05:30

Once upon a time, everyone in the world was complaining about their problems in life.. So, God called an emergency meeting and asked them to place all their problems on the table... He then asked them to pick up the problem they think are easier for them and exchange it with their own.. Soon, People were picking up their own problems and retreating...

This is a true fact my reader... I have always seen people around me complaining about how God is unfair with them and they are suffering the most in this world.. Infact, attimes I feel I have been treated unfairly.
But most of the times, these problems are created by ourselves..

All of us are aware of EGO, You will be awed my reader as to how this ego is necessary for most of our problems..Let me list out the problems I face

1. I feel I am not good looking, That God has only made me fat in this world...Well, I was just analyzing yesterday and I realised how wrong I was.. Ofcourse I am a little on the plumpier side, but Hold on, I am as healthy as any slim/fit person in this world. I dont have any illnesses, I can play with my child without getting tired.. Lift weights without feeling drained and work 24 hours round the clock without collapsing.. Now, If I see the positive side of things, I should not be feeling so bad about being plumpy..There must be many people in this world who are obese and restricted with activities.. Now, Why do I have this problem, Because my ego realises that I am not at par with other people who are slim and fit.. I have created this problem myself by trying hundreds of weightloss methods, stress and dissappointment when they dont work out... If I just leave my weight to itself, I need not bother about it at all..

2. My son's upbringing!... I always feel I am a lousy mum who doesnot know to rear children.. Can you imagine from the past few days I am unable to sleep because of this issue. You will be surprised to know that my poor son is not even 2 years old, can read the alphabet by himself, show the parts of his body, Will tell u when he wants food, and also tell u when he wants to relieve himself.. Come to think of it, is this not progress. My son says Thank you, Sorry and Welcome at the right places.. Treats everyone with respect and even helps old people around.. What more can I ask for? Am I a lousy mum then? This problem is again created by myself.. U know why? I once heard a 18 month old saying Mama, see Doggie... Thts all.. after this encounter, I started feeling my son is underdeveloped, that I am lousy and what not.. I forgot one basic fact that each child is unique and grows accordingly. We can never compare two kids together... This problem is no problem at all.. Only a state of my mind created by myself!

3. I have this weird feeling that I dont have the right partner... HE HE, this is the most funniest problem I have... If I just sit back and count on his good traits, the bad traits just dont seem important at all, But I, nurture the bad traits and enlarge them to a 1000% and then say, I dont have the right partner... Do you want to know how.. My partner is a caring person, He never intrudes my lifestyle, let me wear what I want doesnot interfere with what I do with my money, Never questions about my friend, Understands when I am tired, doesnot bother about how I look, or how much I weigh, Eats whatever I feed him without any complain, Never deprives me of anything.. The only problem with him is he doesnot know to express himself.. Now, Shouldnt I be feeling lucky to have the best one in this world when I have seen women suffering because of their partner's negligence/dominance. But No, I keep feeling I dont have the right person.. All because he is not lovey dovey, like the romantic movie that I saw last weekend, I feel he is not good...

So, My reader, Remember one thing, Most of the problems are created by ourselves either to satisfy our ego, by comparing others or by just not seeing the positive things..
Remember, There is no problem without a solution and if there is, then it is not a problem at all!

Thanks to one and all for liking my write ups!... Do leave your suggestions if any

And They Live Happily Ever After!

2010-09-03T18:25:00.000+05:30

I was wondering on the topic for my next blog. When one of my friends suggested I write an Inside story of marriage.. Now, Thts an interesting topic Is it not my reader!... So here you go!.. The next few blogs( or More) would be dedicated to Marriage!...

Indian Cinema is never complete without a marriage scene.. Normally, in a movie we see a boy meeting girl, falling in love, parents oppose, the couples try to convince their set of parents and finally the marriage, the Movie ends with " They lived happily ever After". Nobody really shows what happens after marriage..

I remember when I reached the adoloscent age, I was fascinated with love marriages, I used to watch all these Romantic movies intently.. and My Mum, who was scared I might follow the footprints always used to point out that most movies end on a happy note and they never show what happens after.. ( Well, According to her atleast, love marriages are not successful and breakdown soon after marriage).. Influenced by her words, I had vowed not to fall into such a trap... Eventually, I didnot fall into that trap, but yes, you guessed it right my reader, I did choose my life partner on my own...

The perception of love marriage has changed a lot over generations. I have seen couples being ousted from their families, being cast as social threats once upon a time for getting married to being accepted these days

Recently, One of my friends got married to a boy of her choice with her parents agreeing to the match although they belong to different social backgrounds and She is very happy after that.. So Now I wonder whether my mom was, you know, wrong about atleast this one!...

I am not a strong believer of religion and my basis to a successful marriage is based on some other criteria.

Most of my cousins have had an arranged match. Some of them have had a love marriage. I have seen arranged marriages crumple like a tower of cards in the same way as so called Love marriage. So, I dont believe arranged marriages are better over love marriages or vice versa, but both stand on the same belief which is the basis of a marriage.

All of us are individuals brought up in different households which have a unique culture. I dont think any two houses in the world follow the same recipe of a traditional dish( although these days they might due to many cookery blogs available on the internet :P).. so when the recipe cannot be same, the thinking, the culture, the tradition can differ too right!..

According to my mum, the basis of a successful Indian marriage is in being arranged by the elders. The latter of which was true in this case. But, although the marriage continues, I dont call it successful..
I have seen the wife literally living in the dread of her husband!.. She is being suppressed by his dominance and he loves to discriminate her infront of everyone.. He makes her do things which she doesnt like and she does it like a meek little rat!.. All this because the girl is less educated than him, is not stunningly beautiful or confident.
At an young age of 32 that poor girl has diabetes, tennis elbow and loads of other illnesses.

See, This is the inside story of a marriage... Now lets analyze this.. This marriage is not successful. It is sustaining only because the girl doesnot have the guts to speak up for herself!.. The husband is a Male chauvinist who takes pride in insulting the poor wife and nurtures his ego by doing so!.. I dont think it should work that way! .. Instead, I feel he should support his wife, build her self confidence and boost her morale by encouraging her to learn something new and most of all make her feel that she is loved and cared for. Inturn, the girl should make an effort to understand her husband's needs, try to cope up with his knowledge and be a wife for him and not his slave..... If this happens, I am sure the marriage will be so successful that it will be envied by everyone around!...

Take another case, In this case, I have seen it work the otherway around.. The husband is being dominated by his wife who puts him down everywhere doesnot appreciate his efforts in taking care of her and nags about his habits all the time. Eventually, the husband bugged of his wife's nagging behavior, took to drinking, and a relationship outside wedlock!.. The wife got to know of his infedility and the marriage just ended in a bad note!.. Now, the girl is in a depression, the husband is lonely and most of all the baby is homeless!...

This is another inside story my reader!.. What do you think went wrong here? The Woman first of all was very rude, nagging and irritating all the time and never appreciated what she had. She constantly compared her husband to others and finally lost him due to this behavior.. She could have simply had a straight talk about her expectations and sorted it out rather than nagging all the time.. Even the husband is at fault here though, He could have put his foot down about the behavior and spoken to her about it instead of drinking or getting into another relationship.. What about the innocent child? Why is the child punished for no mistake?

Both the above instances of marriage is a writer's dream cos we can debate a lot about what is wrong and right about these scenarios.
But, In actual what is inside a marriage?
My Reader, I think it is common in a marriage to have differences.. If there is no difference of opinion, might aswell it is not marriage but a one sided relationship where only one has the say and the other follows.
When two normal individuals with different personalities live together, there is ought to be different perceptions about various things which according to me is normal.. All the matters is that both understand that the perceptions are different, talk and sort out their differences.. For E.g. when me and My partner have some differences, we speak up to each other frankly and then arrive at a common solution so that either of us is not hurt.
Second, About responsibilities.. As we all know Marriage is a commitment for life.. In our marriage wow, We include things like I will take care of you in sickness and health and keep you happy all through our life and not leave you...I dont think it is entirely husband's responsibility to ensure that his wife is happy.. The poor husband slogs his butts off and tries to provide for his wife who wants everything in this world to keep her happy... Nor do I think it is the wife's responsibility to ensure that the husband gets sumptous meals all the time, His tie is always at the stipulated place and his shoes are polished all the time..

Marriage is more about understanding each other and sharing every responsibility. If the wife is not working, she needs to understand that her husband is not a superman and is trying his best to make her life comfortable.. Inturn she should take care of her husband's needs and make it easier for him to go through his work life.. It becomes her responsibility to ensure he gets his food on time, his clothes are laundered and his shoes are polished.. and the kids are taken care of .. Ofcourse, the husband can lend a hand when the wife needs him...

In another way, If the wife is also working, the husband needs to understand that his wife also struggles to make their world a better place to live for the both of them and not make things difficult for her by demanding things unreasonably.. It doesnot become the wife's responsibility to cook a meal for him or launder his clothes.. They should share the chores together.. That way neither the wife is stressed too much after her work.. Nor the husband.. It would increase their WE time and ensure they get some quality time together.. because chores are a lot easier when they are shared..

This is the inside story of marriage my reader.. This is known probably to each and everyone of us but Rarely is this implemented in real world..The husband becomes a miser and tries to stop his wife from buying anything that she wants incase she isnt working and doesnt give any economical independence to her... The wife inturn becomes greedy and demands unrealistic things which the husband cant provide.. and in the other instance, the husband refuses to play his part in the household and which makes the wife too stresssed to handle both home and office..

I really hope that my blog is of some use to you my reader and if this idea is actually put to use, I am sure No husband will complain about his wife nor the wife will struggle to manage.. Instead, There will be so much peace and quiet that Marriage will really seem to be a pair made in heaven..

The saying "And they lived happily everafter" will actually mean happily ever after :)

Thank you!

Money is Honey, Honey!

2010-09-01T20:25:00.000+05:30

Disclaimer : Please donot read is you are too futuristic and materialistic!

I have always been this carefree person who doesnot care much about the long lost future or the long forgotten past. I always live for today!.. Ofcourse, I am aware that I should be saving for the winter, which I do, but only suffice for me to survive during those difficult times. The rest of my money, my hard earned money goes into my today, My wonderful today which I like living to the fullest..

You have a larger than life attitude accuses my partner! But Hey, All my life, I have heard it is good to have an attitude like that!..

All my childhood, I have seen my parents struggling to meet ends meet. They had to provide for 2 ever hungry children, Children who were hungry for knowledge, food, clothing and shelter!.. I have always seen my mom stopping herself from buying that fav Sari just because she had to save for her future!... or my dad skipping his favorite food to take care of ours!

To summarize, with a meagre salary of a few thousands, my parents used to feed, clothe and educate their 3 children, try to save for their future and also take care of the mountain of bills that used to pile up at the end of every month! A future which is their today and they are as penniless as they were all those years ago. Today they are struggling to get their daughters' married off, their son settled and to their future!..

I really appreciate my parents and am ever grateful for them for providing me good education without which I would not be penning my thoughts here today! I would never be so successful in life without their little sacrifices. I, Thank you Mum and Dad with all my heart for that!

But, Sometimes I feel, Was their sacrifices worth it? Yes, their children are successful today and everything but what do they have in their kitty? All their life they have tried to save for their future but now when that long dreaded future arrives they are as clueless as they were those many years ago! I really feel sorry for my mum and dad.
As a daughter I do try and give them all the happiness in this world. I want to give them everything they might have sacrificed, the holidays they skipped or the dinner dates they missed, but can I wipe their dissappointments? No, I can never do that!...

That is the root for my carefree attitude. Today, Thanks to my parents' sacrifice, I have a lucrative career and earn 6 digit salary and am successful in life! I have been saving enough for my son's education and my future. Then is there anything wrong if I spend rest of my money in what I desire? Is it wrong for me to buy that dress I adore in the boutiques window even though I might be having a handful? Is it wrong for me to eat out when I am tired? I dont think so!

Why shouldnt I feel thankful to God for giving me such a good life? Why should I brood over things and make life difficult for myself?

I know dear reader, you must be feeling Why am I asking you these questions ?

My Partner feels there should be lakhs of rupees in one's account to feel secure. Is it absolutely neccessay? I am happy with a few grands in my account. I know I am saving up enough when the need be. I know I have my future safely locked up some where. So Why cant I spend money??

I am sure of one thing , For me Money is not honey, Honey!.. Money is just a means to make my today a better place to live in and my future a secure enough place to survive!.. It is not everything, and I dont need to have lakhs of rupees to make myself feel secure and happy!...

I am happy with what I do and I dont need any suggestions to improve my lifestyle, Thank you very much!...

So on that note, I leave you my reader to prioritize your life!..

Weighty Issues

2010-08-31T20:44:00.000+05:30

I happened to read a book on weightloss. Now, This is one goal I have never been able to achieve no matter how hard I try... Funny, I should say How hard I try :)..

Honestly, I dont think I have that spark in me to go through a diet plan completely. I have always been on a diet all my life.. When I was about 5,( that is the longest memory of myself that I have) I was always regarded as a chubby baby, my mom used to flaunt me for being so healthy, chubby and cute(??).. My mum was always swarmed with questions like what she gives me to eat? How does she manage to make me eat? etc.. Well, Honestly, I dont think my mum had any problem making me eat anytime in her life!( coupled with the fact that I love eating). When I grew up, i.e I went into my teen years, the same chubbiness was regarded as fat. Again, My mum was swarmed with questions like why she is not controlling my diet? Doesnt she think I am fat? Etc..

Reader, Did you notice the change in the type of questions... Well, anyways, that is not the topic of discussion. Going on from there, My mum suddenly realised I eat too much and asked me to refrain from eating.( She still tells me not to eat by the way). Today, I am about twice my age since my earliest teen age now but I am still clueless about how to refrain from eating.

Somehow, I cannot stop myself from eating what I want. I feel so hungry that I feel, I will die! is this normal? As I grew up, I got aware that I was never meant to be a model or a heart throb of my college, I settled down in my jeans and a loose tshirt inorder to hide my flab. What did I lose? My self Confidence.
I started hating socialising, going to parties became a hazard to me. I hated even talking to people because, I was normally asked Why dont I lose some weight? and used to get about a 100 suggestions to lose weight.

I was just analyzing my situation when I happen to read this book on weight loss. All my life, people have made fun of how I look( even now they do), I have been suggested a million ways to lose weight ( even my Gym instructor for that matter) and been regarded as fat!..

Honestly, I am fitter than most of the slim people around me. I have an immense stamina, can do my work on my own, Can actually do more than most of the average individuals at my age. But still, Where ever I go, Which ever book I read, I feel Flattened!.. My spirits are lost!... I donno what to do!

On an average day, My diet includes,

Morning Snack:
1 Fruit
Breakfast
Tea/Upma/Poha/Idli
Mid Morning
Milk
Lunch
Subzi/Roti/Rice/Dal
Evening Snack
Idli/Dosa/Poha/Upma/Sandwich/Milk
Dinner
Subzi/Roti/Rice/Dal

I walk almost an hour daily/ do my gymming regularly. Am I missing something? Is this not the ideal diet suggested by every dietician in this world? Then why am I not losing weight?

Even when I go to buy clothes, I am branded with a size which is unvailable in most of the brands.. All I have to make do is with the most unfashionable clothes on this earth!.. I mean come on, What has size got to do with fashion?
I am really frustrated with life, not because I am fat ( although, I prefer to be called healthy) but because of all these issues I face. I mean, I dont understand what is the fun in putting down a person's spirits just because the person is XL sized?

I really hope someday, I would be able to prove to these people that external looks dont really matter. What matters is the inner self!..

Male Chauvinism

2010-08-25T16:32:00.001+05:30

Well, Not a nice topic for a blog eh!.. But what do I do? Early this morning, I logged in to facebook as usual.. There I saw the post " A Man is so restive to get married, but after marriage he never rests"...

I am really annoyed and awed at the same time.. This is one topic which has been touched upon by every tom dick n Harry on earth, but yet, my blood boils when I see such messages..

I want to throw a challenge to every man in India. Let them leave the cosiness of their homes where they were born, Leave their friends behind, their life behind and start living with their wives..

Anyone upto the challenge? I dont think so. It is we, Women who have to leave our parents, our pets, our friends, our job at times and even our names most of the time to come and live in a house of strangers.

Don't we learn to start loving these strangers? Make an effort to call that home ours and settle in so called marriage? Yet, it is men who compromise their lives in Marriage...Men whose life changes drastically after marriage... What an irony!..

All through my life, I have come across many illustrations on a wife.. Wife is depicted in cartoons as that vindictive woman who is greedy, selfish and dominating, U can always see a woman with a rolling pin in her hand and beating the hell out of her poor frail husband... Have we ever come across a cartoon which shows the other way around? I dont think so!

I know of a woman, who earns at par with her husband, has her own identity, a booming career and an exciting life.. But, yes, there is always a but!.. This woman doesnot have independence!.. Now, I know you must be feeling, I am contradicting myself in the same sentence.. Let me give you a reason, my reader.. This woman is married for an year, she is given "Pocket money" by her husband who keeps her debit card to himself. According to him, she is not capable of managing her finances on her own, Doesnot know how to dress up, Doesnot have the social etiquettes! Now thats some thing, isnt it?

Let me tell all the men in this world, A woman of average intelligence knows how to deal with her life, Thank you very much! We are not weak, We are as educated as you are, have a job like you do.. Then why do you think we are not capable of managing ourselves? I mean, if a company has hired us, they must be knowing we r capable right?

Well, Another thing is about the household chores. I am really awed when my husband tells me it is my duty to give him food when he gets back home everyday!.. I mean, Why is it "my duty"?

In the olden days, it was only the men who were working . They were bringing in the money to manage the house, Hence, it came upto women to do the household chores like laundry, cooking, cleaning etc. It was just a part of the commitment that I will take up half your burden because I am married to you.

Now, Lets take the current scenario, I am working full time, almost at the same level as my husband, earning almost equally, Still why is it expected that even though I am dead tired at the end of the day, I should be serving a sumptous meal, doing the laundry, tidying the house? well, Yes, My husband does help me at times.. but hold on, why is he helping me? Is it not his responsibility too?

I too am tired at the end of the day after a hard days work, why am I not entitled for rest? My husband comes home and takes his position on the couch infront of the television while I, rush to the kitchen to fix some dinner, tidy all the mess he has left behind, do the laundry. And Yet, Most of the time, it is him that is trying to cope up with marriage!...

When my son was born, it was an unsaid rule that It was going to be me who gets up in the middle of the night to change his dirty nappy, me who will take my days off when he is sick, me who will keep up with his immunization schedule, me who will deal with all his tantrums and all his father would do is cuddle him, play with him and the moment he cries or dirties his nappy, he is turned to his mother!

Why all the unsaid rules are for women? Even though we do so much for our families, at the end of the say we cant even expect an appreciation!... Why what we do is so thankless? I have never seen a husband appreciate his wife for what she has done!...

We Women, Love our role as a wife, yet, we are always blamed to be the cause of misery for our husbands!..
Recently, My husband saved my mobile number under the name Wife.. I am still clueless as to why his friend insisted it to be changed to Knife...

I am sure, one day if every one of us Women refuse to do your job for you, dont wash your dirty laundry, Dont cook for you or refuse to take care of your children, May be then you would understand what being a Woman Means!...

I wish, one day.. That day arrives when Man is thankful that he has a WOMAN in his life!..

Nicky!

23/08/2010 - Diet Day 1

2010-08-23T15:12:00.000+05:30

Dear Sweetu,
I am on a diet... Now, whenever somebody who knows me listens to these words from my mouth, they burst out laughing.. yes, I for one, Cant diet.. I just love food!...
Recently, I happen to read one of the books which have been in demand from a long time "Dont Lose your mind, Lose your weight - Rujuta Diwekar"... Believe me, It was such a refresher for me... I realised All this while , I was actually not dieting but punishing my body...
So Here I am , From today, I will eat my fav food, Live the life the way I want to.. will not give up Pizza's Burgers or Pasta, and I know I will lose weight...

Confused!, I can understand.. I too was when I read the Foreword of the book.. But Now, I am confident that this time it is going to work...
Wish me luck,
Nikki

Taare Zameen Par- A film Review

2007-12-31T11:12:00.000+05:30

Friday the 21^st Dec , Saw me watching one of the greatest flicks of Indian cinema Taare Zameen Par, A directorial debut of Super star, Aamir Khan!.... Wow, What a Phenomenal movie! The Movie deals with children with special needs… As rightly quoted “It’s a movie for Parents as well as future parents” This movie gives a message to parents that there is a world beyond topping in a class test.

Owing to the competitive environment today, we see poor children loaded with enormous amount of work at school, and further burdened by parents who want them to excel in studies, become an expert dancer or a singer, not because the child likes singing or dancing but for the upcoming reality shows of Indian television. Sadly these overburdened children now don’t have the time to play or live their childhood in a blissful innocent way. Their innocence is curbed by the parents who want to see their children on the top of the ladder by hook or by crook.

Recently, in a television reality show, an agitated parent whose daughter couldn’t make it to the wild card entry and lost on the basis of audience vote’s claims that he had set up computers in various parts of India to vote his daughter, what he claims to be lakhs of votes. What’s happening is the question of every television viewer; I am shocked at the parent’s incapability to understand that it’s a competition. Ironically, it’s the parent who has to make the child understand that in a competition, there must be fair play and justice, and that there can be only one winner, while participation is the most important part! But here the parent himself plays foul, whatsoever happened to sportsman spirit! As for the child, she is already a genius who has finished her schooling at a mere age of 12.

Such is the poor state of children. Taare Zameen par addresses these parents to look beyond topping in a class or winning a reality show. It tells parents each child is special in its own way. Where one might be a genius in math, the other might be fascinated by history or art. TZP deals with a dyslexic child Eshaan (with a very cute nick name Enu) who has a difficulty to comprehend alphabets or numbers, has a wonderful imagination and is a fantastic painter. He is overshadowed by his genius brother who is a topper in every field be it sports or studies and who lives up to his parents expectations. His parents don’t understand Eshaan’s problems, and succumbing to the enormous pressure they put him to a boarding school! The poor child has to deal with all the humiliation alone and turns out to be a loner. He stops painting, is scared of his imagination and retreats into a shell. Teachers of the school give him a tag of good for nothing fool. Enter Aamir Khan aka Ram Shankar Nikumb who had been a dyslexic child himself, realizing Eshaan’s problem and is all set to solve it for him! As I sit watching the movie with apt attention and tears in my eyes, He makes the reluctant parents face the reality and also the principal of the school who terms Eshaan as a mentally retarded child! Aamir then boosts the lost self confidence in the child and helps him regain the control of the lost strings of his life. Although the climax of the story is predictable, the movie addresses to the audience through a near to life narration and a very natural darsheel safary. It’s a phenomenal debut for Aamir khan as a director. All in all, it’s a must watch film.

I am awed by it and as a future parent, promise myself to deal with my child more carefully and vow to listen to my child’s heart. I urge everyone to watch this movie, not to make it a super hit, but for the essence of the movie. It’s the first time in my entire life that I have seen a movie such as this with such a near to life experience. The narration is so good and the screenplay excellent. I am never a critic but after I have seen this one movie, I feel other than a handful of films, Indian cinema by large lacks films like TZP!

I wish I get to see more meaningful films from Aamir Khan, and also hope many other directors follow his suite!

Nischita!

My experience with Auto drivers in Bangalore

2007-05-31T13:15:00.000+05:30

Amazing Experience, In my 3 years stay in Bangalore, not once have I got an auto without asking 3 or 4 drivers, An auto driver wont agree to drop you if its too near, or he will ask for more when it is too far..... I dont understand their predicament.
Just two days back, I had taken Mom and my sis out to MG road , as my sis wanted to eat at her Fav. joint, Mcdonalds. Once we finish, we walk down to MG road and walk to the prepaid counter. One lady inspector who was sitting there, Gapes at me when I tell her I need to go to Ulsoor, Coz Ulsoor is just about 2 kms from MG road. So I just stand by the counter and an auto pulls in and asked me where do we need to go... I tell him my destination , he stares at me as if I am an alien.... and then he says Madam 110 Rs.....Now tell me How do I need to react to this? Laugh , Cry or shout? By meter its just 12 Rs and He asks me almost 10 times more...Look at the Audacity. I ask him to go ahead...Another guy pulls in , He asks for 70 bucks.... I am getting annoyed...I mean U ask for double meter one can give, but Three times the fare...Its so unfair....
Another time,

Introduction to the blogging world.

2007-05-30T12:46:00.000+05:30

I've always heard of Blogging and its advantages. It used to look wierd to me that I type my thoughts on the net and the whole world reads it. But now, I have a different view....The day I started my work as a software engineer, I realised, I need to start blogging not just to while my time, but to store my memories and experiences...... In my own little world I would be piling on a lot of experiences in my life, some good and some bad and some interesting.. Coz Life is full of experiences and memories...to remember them forever I am recording them in this blog.

Live life to the Fullest!