Lady of Leisure

Ready, Set What??

2012-10-16T10:56:00.005-07:00

Ready, Set What? Lady of Leisure Blog Post

Personal note to readers 10.8.12

2012-10-08T14:32:00.003-07:00

My Dear Readers,

I’ve moved over to ONELEISURELADY.COM and hope you’ll make the move with me! Over the next few months there will be lots of great Lady of Leisure articles and advice from Dating, to trying new foods & exercises, and making the most out of your travels. I’ll have some guest article bloggers as well so stay tuned!

Like the One You're With

2012-10-08T14:32:00.001-07:00

You hear it constantly, “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.” But what happens if you don’t LOVE the job you’re currently doing? Is that supposed to be a reflection of where you are in life? And what if you love being comfortable more than you love your job? What if you want to have a life?

I’m a writer and a producer. I love what I do- most of the time. But there are jobs that you take, just for the money and the ability to have a Lady of Leisure lifestyle. For those of you new to the blog, an LOL lifestyle is a new lease on life! It’s putting yourself first, being adventurous; finding moments of carefree bliss in our otherwise hectic and crazy lives.

Recently, I was working on a show that sucked. I won’t name which one, but needless to say a combination of things came together to make it a less than exciting experience. And again, I usually love what I do, but I found this particular job incredibly annoying with difficult parameters and not challenging in a positive way. I found myself in uncharted waters because usually, I feel like I can do anything! I usually love what I do! Its part of my new LOL mantra!

The reality is, that I did the job at 100%, not at my usual 200% speed. This makes me think of two things. 1) Why do we always feel like giving all of ourselves during the time required is not enough. Why do I feel bad that I only gave 100%? I only did exactly what was asked me, nothing more and nothing less and for some reason that makes me feel bad about my performance? This feeling of having to give more than is asked of you and it being expected in work performance is ludicrous. We are all culpable too, because when taking a new job, we like to over deliver and over achieve. We don’t talk about all the things that we need to be the most successful, we talk about the things that the company or the job need. This makes you start already behind because it is impossible to deliver great results when you are burning yourself out or when you aren’t discussing the time off you need to recharge, the benefits, and other “you things” that are needed to provide you with energy and brain power for your optimum performance.

The second thing it made me wonder is why I need to love the material. Is it necessary that you love each job? I don’t think so. I think that sometimes, you can just like it and be fine. This notion we have of having to be in love all the time is inconsistent with the rest of the worlds notions of work. Sometimes, a job is just a job and you do it well, get paid and move on. Just because you’re not dreaming up new ways of making it better every second does not mean that you’re not doing a great job. So take a deep breathe and get rid of those guilty feelings!

On the flip side, having a job you don’t love can be a miserable experience. It can lower your productivity and make you a generally crabby person. I think that it all comes back to being a “glass is half full” kind of person. If you’re in the unfortunate situation of being in job you don’t love and you feel like you’re working hard for no reason, think about all the great benefits of this situation!

1- A pay check is great!

2-You have an ability to disconnect from the material and have a life!

3-Yoga/workouts/personal hobbies – these are all things you tend to put off when you are working on something you LOVE.

So I say that you don’t have to love what you do all the time. Sometimes, you love that your doing something that is moving you further along in your career endeavors and that is enough. It’s okay to just mildly like the job your with. We don’t need to have love affairs with our work all the time. Sometimes having a life for a moment is just as great.

So don’t get discouraged if you’re an actor out there wearing a chicken suit right now – Brad Pitt did that too. Or if you’re a housewives whose kids are driving her crazy and at night is penning the next 50 Shades. Like the job you’re with enough to just appreciate that its moving your along on your path. The rest will come.

Failure to Launch

2012-09-10T14:54:00.002-07:00

I fell down Runyon the other day and have a wicked bruise on my left leg. As I was falling in slow motion, i thought about 2 things:

1-George Clooney's Inside the Actors studio appearance was really good.
2-Please don't let me fall on my dog. She is tiny. I will kill her.

I got up with a little help from my friends and limped back to the car, eventually making it home. When I got home I fed my dog and was about to cancel my spin class date when I looked at my badge of honor, purple and blue and thought, "F it".

While at Spin class, feeling incredibly proud of myself for being there, I started thinking about all the things I wanted to do and made a to do list in my head.

1-Re-watch a moment of George's Inside the Actors Studio
2- Edit my novel
3-Edit one of my screenplays
4-Edit my spec
5-Find work
6-Figure out the pesky health insurance thing
7-What the F is wrong with my car
8-The dog needs food
9-Where in the world are my sisters
10-Touch base with my brothers
11-Jesus, when did my To Do list get so long
12-When was the last time I went to church
13-Check out the Churchill
14-Don't fall down anymore hills
15-Stop making lists

And it went on. Suddenly, I was wishing I had stayed in my bed, bruise and sweat free. I had a moment of panic during the uphill climb. What was I doing with my life? Prince was singing, Purple Rain and I was pondering the meaning of my life. Purple bruise and now purple rain? Was the universe sending me a sign or was I just acting crazy, looking for signs everywhere in the hopes of getting a clear directive?

When our parents were our age, they were adults with children and steady jobs. Most of the "kids" my age I know, have dreams and worlds that don't revolve around PTA. Even my friends with kids have sort of alternative lifestyles. They take yoga, they might not own a home, they try to eat organic.

My overseas friends insist its a big city American thing. They are sure that in the big cities we are all big dreamers rebelling against conservative conformist ideals yet secretly making communes of our own where we want to grow cabbage out in the wilderness with some sort of family.

My city friends insist that they aren't hippies and that this "failure to launch" is due to the overwhelming amount of options they are now presented with. When our parents were kids the career paths were clear - Doctor, Lawyer, Homemaker, Teacher and maybe the artsy ones would be journalists, actors and in LA, a producer. Now a days kids can be youtube sensations, they can multi-platform marketing specialists and brand multimedia managers or skate board artists - and get paid for it. Our dreams have gotten so big and our childhood a bit longer.

The HBO show, GIRLS, deals with this. I love in the pilot when she points out that she's ONLY 24 and that in this generation, how is she supposed to follow her dreams without help? She still has dreams and feels some sort of entitlement to follow them despite the current state of the economy. Most 20 somethings can probably relate and we excuse them as 30 is the new 20 and 20 is the new 14.

But in your 30s when do we give up the right to have those dreams? When is it that we start feeling like we shouldn't be renting, we should be buying? When is it that we feel we should take that 9-7 job that we don't love because we need financial security? Is there an acceptable age? When I was 20 I used to think that number was 30 and now that I'm there, I know that I didn't have a clue.

Say What?

2012-08-29T22:42:00.002-07:00

I went to visit an adorable little baby this weekend. He was 3 days old and already had a personality. He liked being swaddled, he had a little snort, he was already a little guy. Who knows what ideas were swimming in his little brain or what smells he was attracted to, but grabbing fingers and making faces seem to be his favorite past times while awake.

Now, as a Lady of Leisure, I've had plenty of time to think lately. And as I stared into his tiny little blue eyes, I wondered what were the things that would have the biggest impression on this tiny little life. Would it be his surroundings? His parents? His friends? Would it be movies that would teach everything he needed to unlearn about dating? Would it be his favorite TV shows or the music he listens to everyday?

Well, I've been paying attention - and I'm ready to pick a beef with some of the music! Yes, you artist! You with your catchy song lyric and great tempo - I'm talking to you!

BRUNO MARS - GRENADE
So, I actually like this song, and listen to it often, but level with me here Bruno - what are we saying? You would catch a grenade for this girl, but she's likely to rip the breaks out of your car. That doesn't seem like a fair trade...or like unrequited love even. That just seems like you're a pansy. I'm sorry. I like you, a lot, but that's what I think. But people sing this song and they think it's romantic! We breathe this song in on the radio and sing it out loud at karaoke and start to think it sounds so lovely! The man would catch a Grenade for you, he'd jump in front of plane for you but you won't do the same! And thank Goodness, because we don't need to two crazy dead people.

Loving someone who doesn't love you isn't romantic. It's silly. A right of passage? Yes and certainly something we can all relate to, but, really? We are we chasing after someone we'd take a bullet for but who in turn doesn't only not like you - it seems like she'd like to let you take that bullet, Bruno.

Not a sermon- just a thought.

ONE DIRECTION - YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL

Ah yes, Girl I love the fact that you have no idea how hot you are. That's the single thing I find the hottest about you - so please, be insecure, question your self confidence, have no idea that you're pretty. Don't you dare be empowered by that fact because the thing I like about you the most girl --- is you don't know you're beautiful.

I know I know, what are we teaching people anyway? Do we want girls to be self absorbed, conceded assholes? No, of course not, but to celebrate how attractive it is that you have no idea you're even a little attractive and triumph your insecurities... Well, that just seems a little chauvinistic doesn't it?

NEYO- LET ME LOVE YOU (UNTIL YOU LOVE YOURSELF)

You know how Whitney Houston told you that the greatest love of all was to love yourself? Forget all that. Lets take a short cut baby, and let me love you until you love yourself. Don't work on yourself, don't go through all that - nah, just be with me and I'll love you enough for the both of us. I got this don't your worry you're pretty little head.

Really? Again, I know we're trying to be romantic here but the message is a little...well, wussy.

But I guess that's what love songs are right? We feel like wusses when we're in love! Maybe I shouldn't be so tough. The truth is, from what I remember, Love, makes you feel crazy and love loss, even worse. I think I've been feeling numb for so long, its been easy to be cynical. But, yeah I do remember that! At one point in time, I would have caught a grenade for some douche bag that wanted nothing to do with. I did play on my insecurity and want guys to like me when I thought was ugly and started to feel that way too! And yes, I did want someone to love me enough for the two of us. We tend to loose ourselves in that state right? Yeah, I vaguely remember that feeling.

Fortunately, though unfortunately while we are in that state, it doesn't work that way. You know what's romantic? Being in love with someone who loves you. Falling in love, slowly with someone and being petrified of every step, that is romantic. Kissing someone in the morning who doesn't wish they were in bed with someone else. That's romantic. Being able to live without someone but truly enjoying their company, that's romantic. Having the confidence to know that you'll be okay if it doesn't work out -- that's romantic.

But we don't respond to those songs. They would be too upbeat and when you're down, you need someone to commiserate and thank God! Because otherwise you might really start to think you're alone. Instead we all sing along to the same songs at the top of our lungs hoping and willing ourselves to know that this is the last time we ever feel that way.

Maybe it is?

I dont' know. As you know if you read my blog - I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm an expert at dismantling relationships and finding all the reasons it's not gonna work out, but trying positive for a change - I'll leave you with some romance. Besides, that baby I now know might benefit from being surrounded by romance. He lives in a University town - there are enough cynics around him anyway.

Bright Eyes- First Day of My Life

And for that matter - I like "GET LOW" too - regardless of the message - Forget the message. Everyone, put on your dancing shoes and go the Window - to the Wall....

Relationship PTSD

2012-08-21T17:32:00.000-07:00

If you've been watching "Episodes" and you've ever broken up with someone only to try and rekindle the flame after a bad break-up, you saw Sean and Beverly's attempt at make up make out and instantly knew, he couldn't go through with it. Not because he was a bad guy and couldn't get over his wife's cheating, albeit sort-of-kind-of-getback-at-you-sex. He kept seeing Matt LeBlanc's rumored an anaconda sized manhood shagging his wife. He was traumatized and still suffering from severe relationship PTSD or R-PTSD.

Sean is not alone. Many of us bring lots of baggage with us into new relationships. Divorced people and monogamous people in long-term committed relationships are the worst. We may as well has bags that say:

*CHEATING ISSUES
*DADDY ISSUES
*PRIVACY ISSUES
*TRUST ISSUES
*FINANCIAL DISTRUST ISSUES
*YOUR MOMMY ISSUES ISSUES
*CLEANLINESS ISSUES
*FRIENDS ISSUES

and so on and so fourth. We are a wreck!

I asked on Facebook what kinds of R-PTSD people bring with them into new relationships and the responses were hilarious and sad all at the same time.

My friend "Lindsay" sent me an email saying that her ex-husband's mother was incredibly controlling. She's been dating her new boyfriend for a month and everything was going well. His mother called her to invite her to lunch and Lindsay promptly broke up with her boyfriend. "It was too much pressure," she confided in me. "He was great but I just had visions of her ruining my life and wearing white to my wedding and demanding to sing at my baby shower".

Lindsay may have over-reacted, but after 10 years with the same husband thinking that this was it for her, the thought of an overbearing mother in law who found her phone number by looking through her sons phone without any warning was one sign too many.

"Meg" wrote to me about a similar PTSD experience regarding Facebook. Her ex was having an affair with a woman on Facebook and as a result she tends to be incredibly overbearing with her new boyfriend about it. "I don't care, I don't have anything to hide so I just give her my password," her boyfriend Allan told me. Meg appreciated his patience, but admitted to me, "I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be mistrusting, but I was with my husband for 8 years and that happened. How can I keep my guard down after just 9 months?" she asked.

I have no idea Meg. I will say that if you're new boyfriend is going to cheat on you, he's going to do it regardless of whether you have his Facebook password. This paranoia mostly affects you, the traumatized one, but also has an affect on your kids, your co-workers and your new relationship. Luckily for Meg, she's in a relationship with someone who lets her, as she herself said, "be crazy".

And thank God for those patient people out there who date those of us afflicted with Relationship PTSD, because we are a handful!

"Alana" confided in me that once a month she asks her boyfriend if he wants to break up with her. They've been dating for 5 years. "I just like to know where I stand" she told me. And its not only women who suffer from Relationship PTSD. "Jacob" sent me an email the length of a novel explaining to me that his ex always use to come into the bathroom while he was pooping. True story. He said it bugged it him out so much that it lead to their lack of sex and eventually the demise of their relationship. He now has a locked door policy in the bathroom and says weekend getaway trips with girls he's dating have been pushed to the three month mark and beyond.

My friend "Erin" constantly asks her fiancé if he wants her engagement ring back.

On my end, I can tell you that as a fellow R-PTSDer, I too have my many moments of crazy. I am the most confident person in the world, except when it comes to relationships. I still wonder when I can call or when I can text or if its okay to post a photo or if he's going to realize I'm crazy at any given moment and tell me where my daddy issues and I can go.

But there is hope for us! Relationship veterans have to be in relationships with very patient people. If you're not a patient person and can't' take a little bit of crazy, then you probably should date someone whose never been married or in a committed long-term relationship that went awry. They might be a little saner or at least do a better job of hiding it. Because isn't that really what differentiates us anyways? Us veterans of relationship war to the table with all of our bags - labeled not willing to commit anymore time than we need to if you're not up for it from the get go.

But we're not all bad! There are many benefits to dating a Relationship Veteran.

*We generally cook better.

*We generally communicate more...much more than you may be accustomed to (It's something we learned in couples counseling).

*We are planners because we have been, but we're not making long term plans for while.

*We generally will be nicer to your parents (because anything is better than the in-laws we had that now hate us).

*We love your "alone" time because we miss ours.

*We love your kids, because they aren't ours.

*We tend to want to have more sex with you...because we've been married or in a long term committed relationship that went south and probably spent a lot of time...not having sex.

*We are generally more independent, because we've had to be.

So if you can take a little crazy, try dating a Relationship Veteran PTSDer. We keep it interesting...for sure.

Learning to Walk

2012-08-20T14:10:00.002-07:00

Life is made up of a series of "firsts"whose outcomes inevitably determine the relationship issues you'll have forever.

If you were successful at taking the ever exciting first steps right away and walking was something you picked up quite easily and naturally, you're automatically programmed for earlier success. You are more of a risk taker. You haven't been soured by failure and disappointment. If in turn, you were a late walker, you either tried harder, which put you on a hard working track, or you gave up and found new ways to signal you needed things, forcing your parents to do your bidding, until you had no choice but to walk. Either way, all of those firsts set off a chain reaction that has inevitably sent you on a certain relationship educational track.

My first kiss happened at the beach. I was 12, he was 11 1/2 and we were all playing a game of truth or dare. It was only suppose to be a peck kiss, but I went for it. I made the first move. He was horrified, but curious enough to go with it for a moment. Our short romance lasted a mere 3 days but it thrust me into the "take charge" educational track eventually thwarted by divorce (more on that later).

By contasts, my good friend Anne, was first kissed at age 15 also on a dare, but the boy seemed not too excited. She didn't feel like he wanted to pick her. It left her feeling like she wanted to be picked. She wanted someone to want to be dared to kiss her. Admittedly, she dismissed perfectly nice, handsome, shyer men in college because she was still holding on to this notion of being picked.

So all of these "firsts" happen and you finally meet "the one" and you think, "thank god that's over, so now I can relax and not worry about it." But you find out, as any married person will tell you, that once you get married, that's where the real fun begins. The theory of raising children and whats acceptable to you or what you discussed six years prior when you were dating and in your twenties is probably different from what you're thinking now in your thirties. All of those firsts that lead you to this person are things that haven't escaped your system, that will affect the relationship you have with your children, your in laws and all of the new relationships that come with being married. So fine, some people can make it work and stay together, adapting to each others beliefs of marriage and child rearing and others decide that the gap is too wide and that Johnny BeDaring who picked you at the sorority formal in college is not who you pick to have a life with.

Well let me tell you, there are a whole new set of firsts that come with being divorced. First new apartment, first new bar outing, first new emergency contact, first time you let someone hold your hand...in public, first time you introduce someone to your friends. Sure, I still remember the dashing 12 year old boy that made me think a boy like that could like a girl like me, but I remember the first boy that kissed me post separation, that made me think that perhaps I too could be happy one day, even more. His name is Gabe by the way. Which seemed a little prophetic. My male counterpart showing me that I too could want all of the normal things that people wanted, that I had wanted once upon a time, but was too scared to explore and ruin, since everything I touched seemed to turn to shit.

Once you pass the really sad and icky someone-should-really-instituionalize-me part, the dirty little secret of divorce is that you get a blank slate of do overs. It's actually the only gift that comes with it, so embrace it my newly divorced friends. That, and the occasional weekend to yourself away from your kids if you have any. You get to have all of those firsts again, as an adult with just as much motion sickness and butterflies as before except this time you feel like you shouldn't let yourself for some reason. You've been here before, you should know how to handle it, right? But you don't. Post divorce you, is a whole other set of rules and its okay to be really nervous about it. I would even tell you, to embrace those nerves because there is a whole new dating world for you to explore!

I think I heard a few of your hurl all the way over here, but its true! I know, no one likes dating when you have been accustomed to the simplicity of marriage. He always picked up the phone, you never had to guess what he wanted, it was comfortable and even if it was miserable, it was the devil you knew right?

Well, the devil you don't know, might be better. I am in my first relationship post divorce. My first one. First relationship Facebook status change, first person I've called my boyfriend in four years. First person I have suggested my parents meet. First person whose parents I've met and let me tell you, it has not been without the occasional run to the bathroom and cry because you have no idea what you're doing movie moment.

I don't know what I'm doing. I have no clue. The last time I was in a real relationship, people didn't text. I don't know what the rules are. I have no idea when I'm suppose to be cool and when I'm suppose to be vulnerable. I'm making this up as I go along, people. I have no idea if it's going to work out or not, but I'll tell you that for the first time in many years, I really hope that it does.

And that's exciting! There is a whole new world of firsts out there. My first post divorce dates for better or for worse are impacting my relationship now. My first post divorce job is evening affecting my career choices now. You are a different person, now. A stronger, faster, funnier (trust me) version of yourself. You're learning to walk again and this time without the aid of your parents but probably cuter shoes.

But just incase you're still not ready to move on -- here's a list of movies to get you through it...one baby step at a time.

Movies for Stages of Grief

Hunters

2012-07-28T19:28:00.001-07:00

You meet a cute guy at a bar, you start chatting. He has a low raspy voice, he smells amazing, and his breath has just a tiny hint of your favorite scotch. You strike up a conversation and find out he's a producer, he's got a dog, and its taking everything in you not to start planning the processional to your fake -never-happening wedding to this guy. You tell your friends you may have met "the one" and you start planning your weekend getaway trips to San Diego. You fantasize about your adorable 2 kids and how you and your better half will create dynamic power plays in your field.

After a couple weeks he smells like gross cheap booze, his dog has shit everywhere, he has roommates that annoy you and you realize that producer means unemployed with the occasional PA job. Suddenly you're planning the breakup. How are you going to get out of this with the least amount of scarring?

You start planning what you're going to say about what went wrong. You'll blame it on the dog, you'll blame it on the roommates. You'll blame it on your schedule, but there is one dirty prejudice you don't always want to admit to. When it boils down to it you're embarrassed about his job.

How much does some one's occupation influence their overall appeal? I had a girlfriend who dated a waiter once. I'm sorry, he was a part time waiter, part time party boy, part time dreamer who didn't have a then discernible talent. Our friends were sure that they would never work out. She left the country a few times with little more than informing him of her travels.

Another good friend, a smart woman as well, also found herself a boy toy. Never taking the unemployed writer/actor seriously, she cheated on him constantly.

I won't bore you with the details, but I will tell you that both of these women are now happily married to those men.

They are the exception.

In general, I find that women, whether we admit it or not, are very judgmental about our chosen mate's chosen profession. It doesn't help that our mothers first questions tend to be, "What's his name? What does he do? What does he look like?"It instantly invites judgement. We start second guessing our crushes upon the judgment of others and what starts as inquisitive fodder from our loved ones turns into a introspective inquisition about what we want out of our lives and if this person can provide it.

Because there in lies the detail. Women plan ten steps ahead. We see a man and instantly evaluate him not only on physical characteristics of height, weight and the size of his..shoulders, but also on his ability to "hunt" and provide. We want him to show him off and have everyone be jealous of our chosen specimen who can take care of everything and is gorgeous.

But is that a mistake? I asked several ladies and the overwhelming response was "YES, but I would never admit it in public."

I don't know what the answer is to the question of should your spouses career matter, but I guess the answer is "maybe". I venture to guess that I would probably not like dating a cop or that it wouldn't work out between me and a republican congressman, but should you nix potential matches because your mate's chosen profession is a "dream" profession or because they work at Starbucks?

Newness in the Everglades

2012-07-13T08:18:00.002-07:00

Hello my amazing friends and blog readers! It’s been a very long time since I’ve written, but it’s only because I’ve had such a hard time keeping up with my Lady of Leisure lifestyle lately juggling multiple producing, casting and writing projects while still keeping up with DLOL, Doglady of Leisure, Sabrina.

I won’t bore you with all of the details of the past few months and instead drop you right into the present. Right now, as I write this, I’m in a swamp on my Ipad. God bless technology. All around me are reeds, water, alligators, snakes, and mosquitos. My hair looks like the lion king and I’m pretty sure that to the outside world I would appear to have smallpox because of the lesions left on me by giant Jurassic era looking mosquitos.

Yet somehow, I’ve found myself rampantly hit on since I left LA and landed in Everglade City. Isn’t that always what happens though? Newness is a powerful aphrodisiac. You always like the new kid in school even if he’s not as attractive as the guys you usually like, you always get extra attention when you change your hair, you always feel a little more confident with that new car. The offer of a new job entices you to consider changing your entire life, even if it’s not what you necessarily want to do, because newness is exciting.

It’s kind of like starting a new relationship right? You want to shout it from the rooftops, you want to show it off, and you want to take it for a drive. You want to post every picture from every second and can’t wait to document the next moment because you’re sure that this time it’ll be different. You feel like the newness won’t ever wear off.

But eventually, it isn’t new anymore. You’re not the new kid in school, your hair grows back, your car isn’t as shiny and might even smell a little bit. The new job feels like you’ve been doing it forever and allure begins to wear off. Everything starts to be normal and you start craving something new, again and again, thus starting the cycle over and over.

That is what happens to normal people. I have a bit of the opposite problem. I don’t crave new. I hate changing my hair, which I unfortunately just did to traumatic results. I didn’t move for the job offer. Part of this I know is a byproduct of having been divorced, which I know I bring up in every post (I can audibly hear you saying GOD GET OVER IT!), but it’s true! In my 20s I starved for new. I couldn’t wait for more new. I wanted a new car, new clothes, I moved apartments every year, I changed jobs as often as possible and devoured new. I only listened to new music, I only watched new movies, and I only accepted new friends. I renounced old and anything that connected me it.

How things change. Today, I drive an old car. My favorite films are old Audrey Hepburn movies. I live in my friend’s old apartment and my best friends are people I’ve known for years. The nature of my job is to move from project to project but even in that arena, I’ve found a way to keep some semblance of stability. It’s not that I don’t welcome new experiences and opportunities, it’s that I’m still a little bruised and afraid of all that comes with “New”. I’ve been very hurt by “New” and I’m still trying and willing myself to learn that all new things don’t have to bite.

So I’ve been trying to get reacquainted with “New” in all aspects of my life. I fed alligators today. I went in with a safety guy and held a stick to protect myself of course, but where I would have ordinarily stood back and watched or like a true Gemini, jumped into the alligator pool, I cautiously took a calculated risk. I feel really good about that.

I also pet and played with a wolf; not a dog, a wolf. Again, all calculated, relatively protected environment that still could have gone terribly wrong, but didn’t.

I try to remind myself that it’s the same with relationships. "Newness" doesn’t necessarily have to bite, though it has bitten me in the ass over and over again (and not in a good way). I’m trying to let myself be excited about “New” because let’s face it, I want to jump in the alligator pool. I want to do things all the way because I’m a hopeless romantic and I hope against all odds that someone wants to jump with me, someone who knows how to swim and isn’t afraid of alligators, but also carries a weapon to ward them off just incase. What usually happens, to me at least, is that I say all of these things to people too quickly and show my cards too fast which tends to scare people off. And as you know, every bad habit I’ve learned about dating, I learned from movies so I have a lots to make up for!

My friend Jake insists that when we meet the right people, they’ll want to hear those things. He insists that they want to hear the “I miss you’s” and they want to get the texts and phone calls. He thinks it’s important to show people how you feel. I want to believe him, I really do, but I’m just not sure. My friend Matt insists the opposite. He says that you can’t make yourself too available not just physically, but emotionally too at the beginning because “newness” is often mistaken for like or worse, for love.

I leave you with no words of wisdom, because I honestly don’t have a clue. I do know that there are things I’ll never be really good at while there are things I excel at better than other people. I’m good at business matters, because I can separate. It’s not personal, it’s business, but when it comes to matters of the heart, how do people keep things to themselves? Keeping my feelings to myself is not my forte. When I’m in the “new” (see what I did there?) I try to maintain a level head and I’m getting better, but I’ll never be the girl whose bible is Why Men Marry Bitches. I’m just not and I have to hope that my charming, old soul personality has a counterpart in the world that not only accepts it, but thinks it’s pretty great.

Old Romance

2012-04-24T22:53:00.000-07:00

Old people may be looking haggard these days, but they know something that has been missed on our generation and may be non existent by the time my brothers (in their teens) start really dating. I'm talking about Real Romance. Not flowers to get laid romance, but real, honest to goodness "just because" romance.

Old people know it and are laughing at us! They are cute to each other, they hold hands, they find everyday ways to be romantic. Just look at these folks ....

I don't know if its because everything is just easier these days and we are more accessible, but we all seem to have a scheduled attitude about relationships, romance, and life in general. I attribute Romance's ventilator status on a number of factors outlined below.

1- Daily Technology

How can you be romantic in 140 characters or less without sounding cheesy? How can you FB something cute without being obnoxious? What are you suppose to e-mail your sweetie, a SomeE-card that someone else emailed to someone else?

2-Internet Stalking

This is also related to technology, obviously, but I felt it deserved its own subcategory. There's no mystery anymore! You can find out everything about a person by just typing in their name. Since a person's Facebook profile, which you've probably already looked at before you've gone on a date with someone, reveals all their likes, their sense of adventure, their hobbies is so accessible, it's become the norm to look. This gives the sense that you know someone better than you actually do. We've replaced sharing common experiences with knowing a lot about someone really quickly, very early on. As a result, we think we know someone before we really do and we take people for granted from the get go.

3- Dreamers

Now a days we are told that we can be anything we want to be and that we can do anything we want to do. This causes us to be incredibly selfish. I don't say that like its a bad thing, a little bit of selfishnesses is necessary and important to self discovery and happiness, but this incessant search for "our dreams" sometimes puts us out of touch with our reality. Dreaming is great, and important, and necessary, but its been part of the demise of romance.

4-Modern Women

We want it all and feel that we deserve it, but then get upset when men can't read us and our confusing mixed messages. We want to be wooed, but some of us want (need) to pick up the check while he rest of us can't fathom romance and reaching for our wallet co-existing. We want you to wait for us, but not wait too much because then we think you don't like us and that precise amount of time that you should want to wait is different for every woman. We want you to plan elaborate dates but not so elaborate that it means more than it should.

5- Modern Men

You just give up too easily. You don't know what things are worth fighting for anymore. You want the new, next, better thing because you've been told you can have it. And you can, so you don't work as hard for that girl whose an 8 1/2, especially when the 10 is gonna choose you anyday now. You work so hard for your career you want everything else to come easily. You think effort equals high maintenance and women are demanding less of you now than ever. Maybe you should let her know that she's worth the effort.

6-Dating sites

We think that everyone is just out there and if we sift through enough people, the right one will pop up on our screen. If there isn't an instant connection we think, "no matter, bachelor number 23453 here has the right look".

7- Divorce

With Divorce rates higher than ever, people in new relationships wait longer to tell each other how they feel and divorcee's are the worst offenders. We don't want to have our heart's ripped out of our chests, we don't want to admit how we feel to ourselves, let alone to you! We are more cautious with romance, we are more cautious with feelings, yours and ours.

8-Starbucks

Now when people ask you out for "coffee" to be romantic odds are you're gonna end up at a starbucks. And odds are, you've had this romantic encounter with someone else, at a similar starbucks. Since there are no mom and pop shop coffee shops unless you live in New York or LA, and all starbucks look the same, even if you didn't go to that SAME starbucks, you probably can' help but think of that other person. Thus ruining your romantic gesture. I know. Starbucks. go figure.

9-The "Green" Movement

We don't want to send flowers anymore. They die. It's not green. Its not helping the planet. Anything that doesn't serve a purpose has gone by the wayside as wasteful and unnecessary. We don't want to waste our precious time on things that are not essential. I'm not saying they're wrong...I'm not a huge flower person either, but honestly, get a candle.

10-Quick Sex
I gotta say, I think my grandma is right about this one. There is something to be said for waiting. Our waiting timelines may not coincide (mine and my grandma's) but waiting a little bit gives you some time to let romance actually brew. To figure out if you want to be romantic with someone in the first place or if you were just getting to know someone.

So what is one suppose to do about this? How do you remedy this rut that Romance is in while still sticking our green, dreamer, coffee loving, scared-shitless-of-romance selves out there?? How do we triage it back to life?

My ex husband and I may have been ill matched, but he taught me the most romantic thing that I'll always take with me. He knew no matter how angry I was about work or what a bad day I had touching my stomach always calms me down. I know...its weird right? How is that romantic? Well, because its something so random, so mundane that it told me he was really paying attention to the little quirks I have. I want to pay attention. I hope to pay attention.

And men I'll let you in on a little secret. At the end of the day, that's really all that women want, just for you to pay a little attention. And women, we don't' get to get off that easily either. Romance is not a man's duty, its the way we keep the fire alive. So embrace it! Go buy lacy lingerie, surprise your sweetie with a sext, get a stripper pole in your bedroom, write someone a note (old-fashioned!) and leave it in their pocket, dance with your lover, get drunk and play quarters, hold hands, splurge on a sitter every once in a while. It's important.

For some Ideas on Romance - Get inspired here:

Dog People vs. Non Dog People

2012-04-23T12:45:00.005-07:00

We are a strange breed, us Dog People. It is it true. We wake up earlier than you, we go to bed later. We spend countless hours actually talking to a little furry body that cannot articulate their thoughts back to us. We buy them toys when they haven't asked for them and we are always trying to make sure they are safe, happy and cared for. Yes, its kind of like having children, without the "I hate you mom" talk back.

It's not that we don't like children. Many of us dog people just really like our dogs. None of them are perfect mind you. But dog people understand each other. We know that someone's dog has personality problems, or throw up problems, or peeing anxiety or food aggression. We don't judge them for the way their life revolves around their dog and helping them with their behavior problems, but instead embrace them and try to help out as best we can.

This causes a separation between dog people and non dog people. Non dog people do not understand why you can't just leave your dog alone all day. It's just one day! Why are you feeling guilty crazy dog person?! Yes, they all say this. They want to know why you're spending the day with your dog park friends on a Saturday afternoon when you could be drinking with your very single, very fun friends, non dog friends.

But my dog people provide an outlet for me that my non dog friends don't. I suppose its why people with children seek out other breeders to sympathize with. We share our dog pictures, our obedience class woes and our little behavioral victories.

I think it also makes a difference when dating. Dog Owner daters understand if you want to run home and let your dog out for a little bit before the movie, they get spending saturday afternoon hiking so that your dog will be worn out and you can go out saturday night guilt free. They get that you might want to spend a thursday night cuddled up with your dog watching a movie. They get that your dog's adorable snoring is endearing.

Non dog owner dating is different. No one is worried about sleepover arrangements and if the dog can come by. Non dog owner dating means spontaneous weekends in wine country and laguna. Dog owner dating means, you have to plan for a sitter or boarding. It's clearly not as sexy, but having someone who understands your dog owner lifestyle is key to dating in the dog owner circles.

I have known several relationships that have not worked out because of "dog owner" vs "non dog owner" dilemmas. "Elle" always wanted her dog to sleep over with her at her guy's place, but "Jake" was not a fan. Because she lived in Burbank and he lived in Weho, it was not convenient for either of their work schedules . When I interviewed Jake about this dilemma he confessed that he really liked Elle, but ultimately it was him or the dog and he had to let her go.

Scheduling is important even within the non dog owner world. My friend "Chris" confessed to me that he couldn't make it work out with a girl because their schedules were so different. She was a 7am Yogi and he wanted to have a more unstructured morning since his life is so structured elsewhere. Throw a dog in that mix and it would be even more complicated.

So I think that either the person you start dating should have a dog, or they must be very dog-friendly if you're a dog owner. Otherwise, the dog will become a huge point of contention. Women sometimes alter our lives when we start dating someone new. We leave the dog a few nights at home when we REALLY don't want to, we say that its not a big deal to leave her in a kennel multiple weekends just so you can enjoy your new beau's company, but once the newness wears off, your partner will be stunned to learn your routine is completely different than he has been experiencing.

It's important to "train" your new beau and emphasize the importance of your dog in your lifestyle. Yes, you wake up really early and take your dog to the park everyday if this is a deal breaker, then better you know now than later. But be careful of altering your life style for a new relationship when ultimately, you'll want to go back to your ways and your partner will be left with the uncomfortable task of getting use to you and your dog, all over again.

Need help finding a dog person? If you're an online dater (which I am not...please see: My Adventures in Online Dating )

Try these sites:
Dog Friendly Dating Sites

Re-inventing yourself

2012-04-23T12:04:00.001-07:00

I don't know about you, but I got to move pretty often as a kid. While some kids dreaded the new school, new friends, and new situation stresses of moving, I always embraced it. It was a time to start over, to be whoever I wanted to be and change in ways that I had not allowed myself to in my short little life.

As an adult, the prospect of moving has become much harder for me. I enjoy making movies and visiting new places, taking new and different casting and talent booking jobs and throwing myself into new challenges, but altering my surroundings is a much tougher sell to my adult self. So how does one go about re-inventing and re-invigorating yourself when you also want to start laying down roots?

Sure, a new haircut helps and new work out routines or hobbies can also be invigorating, but what are you really changing? I have been actively trying to embrace this new reinvention challenge by forcing myself out of my comfort zone. My friend Victoria always reminds me that its not good to get too comfortable in one area of your life and that embracing that which scares us is actually a great way of healing.

So I'm starting small. I hate the sound of my own voice, even on the cell phone message. Perhaps the new, re-invented me, doesn't want to have those insecurities! But what to do to correct it? Do I all of the sudden take up acting or singing and jump into it 100% ? Not exactly. I've been writing for a radio show called, THE PEITR (pink elephant in the room) REPORT for my good friend Chad Steers. My two last reports were about health and fitness and then a political satire on the morning show wars. Chad brought in a few actors to help us out if we needed and read our segments on air, or we could opt to do them ourselves. I decided to put my big girl skirt on get ready for my microphone close up.

Terrifying is the word that comes to mind. I'm pretty sure I broke out in hives and made every stupid inappropriate joke you can make to a group of strangers, as I do when I'm nervous. But in the end, I got some great help from my fellow writers and the show, to my great surprise, was not ruined by my voice. People actually laughed where they were suppose to laugh and it came out alright! Who knew!

The re-invention process doesn't need to involve me dying my hair purple...it can happen in many little ways, little baby elephant steps at a time. Plus, as you're looking to change the things you don't like, you'll probably learn that there are a few things that you really do like about yourself and your surroundings. So find something you're afraid of and kick its ass. You'll feel radballs.

The Status-quo

2012-04-09T09:32:00.000-07:00

Friday morning at 5AM outside of a Georgia Waffle House, a gun fight broke out over someones relationship status update change. Luckily no one was hurt, except hopefully pride and ego.

See Facebook, I think this is a perfect time to do away with the "relationship status" on FB. It creates several problems for the single folk so I suggest that you change it to either MARRIED or SINGLE and that's it. Everything else is just asking for a trouble.

Should you change your relationship status?... These two have quite a bit to say on whats appropriate.

Let's start with the beginning. Yes, in the beginning everything is great and nice and easy; private and yours. Then someone changes the relationship status and all of the sudden, there has to be a conversation. You are no longer hanging out and seeing what happens...no, you are now IN A RELATIONSHIP...in public. Your family, your friends, everyone know KNOWS that you are "in a relationship" which sounds way more serious than it needs to be when you're starting out. It's setting you up for failure and disappointment and resentment over who updated their relationship status first, and what took you so long to accept or change it. It's exhausting just thinking about it and that's just getting into it.

So then what happens? You date a few months, now you're IN A RELATIONSHIP status change, somethings start going awry and you need a break. So what do you do? Do you say "It's complicated?" Doesn't that essentially blow the lid off of your relationship woes? Why is that even an option? Everything is complicated! Even good marriages are complicated. It's a terrible option.

But lets say you change it. You are honest and change your status to now "it's complicated", so everyone feels the need to comment on it. In public. On your wall...about why it didn't work out and giving you advice on different bedroom activities to try to spark up your relationship again..which is weird, when its your grandma giving you advice.

At this rate, what you could have worked out privately has now become a public forum, with everyone opining and taking sides. So you break up which literally becomes the single biggest news on your timeline. There is even a little heartbreak icon. But when do you do it? Do you change it when you decide to break up or do you wait a few weeks for the dust to settle? What is the etiquette on this? Then they have options to guide you through your break up...so you can publicly wear your Scarlett letter of break up every step of the way. You can choose separated and eventually through the trauma again of writing divorce.

And this is why I am never changing my relationship status on FB. It's traumatic! These ladies at the Waffle House I'm sure have many other problems as they are touting around guns at their local 5AM eatery, but at the end of the day, even they were bruised by the dreaded FB relationship status change.

Why do I care? Ugh, because then comes the dreaded pressure of what you're saying if you DON'T change your status. Are you saying that you have something to hide, that you're not as committed or not proud? These are the questions that come up when you choose to not update your status.

Unfortunately I think I'm a lone wolf pack in that regard. Most of my girlfriends would be incredibly suspicious of someone who doesn't change their Facebook status. They take it as a message, a clear signal of intent. I can see that...really I can, I just think that every divorced person can agree with me when I say, that maybe us divorce folk deserve a pass. Maybe you can't second guess our intentions all the time and just let us work through the Facebook relationship status change in our own time. Remember, anyone whose post 30 didn't grow up with Facebook, so this whole concept of having two break ups- an online one and a private one, is just a little new to us, so please bare with us as we adapt to the new social norms.

Take a moment to review some of the other suitable options for status change:

The Break-up Agreement

2012-04-06T13:27:00.002-07:00

A guy broke up with me once, via pamphlet. Yes, via pamphlet. It was a pamphlet for AA and he insisted that until I went, we couldn't be together anymore. I took the pamphlet to my nearest bar and got drunk with my girl friends while amazed that someone would write a message, on a pamphlet and leave cease and desist type e-mail until I got sober.

Surely that's not the best way to break up with someone, but what IS? Yes, Carrie Bradshaw got broken up with via post-it and the wedding singer got stood up at his wedding which sounds dreadful, but got the message across, didn't it? Sometimes we don't give enough credit to the breaker-upper (dumper). It's difficult to smash someone's hopes an dreams! It's difficult to find the words that say, "you're great, I'm just not feeling it"especially when they expect you to say it to your face. And when did breaking up with someone to their face become the only respectful method?! If I want to break up with you, shouldn't you have the right to hate me in private..say via text? Cowardly? Yes...but also effective! If a guy is going to tell me he's just not that into me anymore after a few dates, I think I would much rather just know the bottom line. No lengthy explanations, no pity, no self-righteousness, no speech about how I'll eventually move on. Just clean and to the point.

I said this to my friend, Sheri, at dance class this morning and she said that I obviously haven't been broken up with in a while, because that is the worst advice ever. She said that not only does someone owe you an explanation for breaking your heart, but that they owe you face time to tell you that they are no longer interested. She says that if you've put in the time and have shared your life with someone the least they owe you is a conversation to let you down as easy as possible.

I'm not advocating an "It's over, don't hate me text", but there has to be some happy medium because no mater how long its been since I had a boyfriend, I still remember what it feels like to be the dumper or the dumpee and it seems to me that if someone wants out, they get to get out...immediately, to prevent further heart ache to you or themselves. Can't a phone call suffice?

As long as its not done in public, in the middle of your date, at your parents house, or as your moving in together or on your wedding day, it's all pretty much a crap shoot anyway right? Whatever you say is going to be twisted so that the other person can move on. They get to have that. Its one of the rights of the dumpee. As the the dumper, you unfortunately just have to deal with that.

As the dumpee you also have the right to cry, binge eat, sing every sad song on the radio and bed hop your way out of the slump...judgement free (for a few months).

As the dumper you have the right to call (not voicemail) and break up, unless you live together or are engaged. You have the right to your feelings. You have the right to keep explanations short. You have the right to break up!

There is never a right way to tell someone that you don't love them. There is never a right way to tell someone that you've been lying to yourself and to them in order to try something on for size in the hopes (and with the best of intentions) that it would work out. There is no right way to tell someone that you're in love with someone else, or worse yet, that you tried your best but just aren't attracted to them, no matter how abstractly beautiful they may be.

The whole break up situation makes me break out in hives. This is the reason I ruin every relationship I'm in. Anticipating the break up is enough of a reason to up the anti and prematurely break up to avoid the intense fall-out. Maybe people should have a "BREAK UP AGREEMENT" where you lay out how you'd like to be broken up with before you get too emotionally involved. That way, both parties are clear with what will be expected in the end. And if there is no end, then great! You don't have to deal with it, but if you do, then you both have a game plan. This is why I'm all about the pre-nup. Maybe its the post divorce brain speaking here, but it would have been incredibly helpful to know the game plan and take that out of the emotional equation. Breaking up is hard enough, but then we have to deal with the method and process too? It's just too much. It's not fair...to anyone! I think I'm gonna build in some form of the BUA in my next relationship.

And nothing to me is more terrifying than the dreaded Facebook status update. Damn you Zuckerberg for adding that little tid bit in there! Now, not only do I eventually have to go public with my new terrifying relationship, but then everyone gets to know when I break up too? Urgh and then wether you were the dumper or the dumpee who changes the relationship status on Facebook and when? What are the rules? I'll never forget when I changed my relationship status from "married" to single. It was like...deciding to get divorced all over again. So public, so embarrassing, so humiliating for everyone involved. I think I'm gonna build into my BUA that no relationship status be changed on FB until there is at least a fetus between us. I think that is going to be part of my new rules.

But then my friend Sheri brought up that she would never trust someone who didn't change their FB status to "in a relationship with Sheri" once they started getting serious. And I guess I can see that too! Facebook is ruining my BUA!

Does that make me a pessimist? I don't think so. I just think that clarity is important. I'm gonna dip my toes in the pool, I want to know where all of the exits are, just incase I fall in.

Waxing Woes vs Laserin' Hoes

2012-04-05T15:29:00.000-07:00

Our rebellious, free loving 70s counterparts may disagree, but hair removal is basically the best thing that's been happening in the western world since the advent of the bathing suit in the 1940s. You crazy hippies were all hopped up on LSD anyway, but now a days, waxing has become the norm...everywhere. That is of course, unless you are lucky enough to get a Groupon or Lifebooker deal to Lasering.

Yes, Lasering. While it may seem a little dangerous to have a red laser aimed at your lady bits, any lady who has been waxed by a crazy butch Soviet refugee looking Olga will tell you, Lasering is the way to go! Setting you back a cool $1500 for a half bikini, if you can afford it, it will completely change your life.

Now, yes they both hurt, yes, they are both unpleasant but even the Egyptians have been sugaring since before the times of Christ so I feel like they were onto something there. Its only the western world that has taken some time to catch on, but why? Yes, its a pain ...literally a pain (sometimes in the butt) but most women feel most confident when hairless.

I was having this very conversation with some ladies at the grocery store (I know, how domesticated am I?) this morning when the topic of "intention" came up behind these practices. One lady, Alma, insisted that you are making a strong statement by waxing all of your lady hair, that you are easy, freaky and sexual. She didn't seem to think that the method mattered, but that the end result certainly sent a message. Now, Alma is a 55 year old housekeeper with grey hair on her head, so I knew I had to ask her about her haircut of choice down there, but I waited until we had other group opinions on the subject.

Next up to bat on the opinion wagon was a lady named Dana. Dana, is a 35 year old mother of 3 with the two year old from hell. Poor Dana probably has a 70s fro happening and looks like she hasn't showered in ten days. Her blond hair is now turning a scary shade of green. She too suggested that you are making a statement with not only the length but the mode of removal. Dana was adamant that the method was also a strongly worded statement to her partner. She suggested that when she met her husband she made sure to wax a thin landing strip. She said this indicated to her husband when they were dating that she was a lady...that no woman looking for a husband should be bald, because this sends the wrong message. Its says "hoe" not "home". She also said that getting regular waxes indicated to her husband that not only did she need time to herself to take care of regular maintenance for him, but that it was built in time in her schedule for personal pampering (wax, nails, eyebrows,etc). If she was full bald or lasered forever, she would have no hopes of solace. She started getting louder and louder saying that if she lasered, after a few times she'd be out of excuses to be out of her home! And then what would she do, huh?! Then what?! I see her point.

I needed a man's opinion.

I called a few of my guy friends who have pleaded to remain anonymous...as they will for now. One of them, we'll call him "mike" emphasized to me that guys aren't reading into anything other than they are about to get laid before they see your haircut of choice. "Edward" added that he didn't even know lasering existed and he was of the opinion that mixing it up was the way to go. "Rodrigo" just asked me about my hair cut and I hung up.

This got me thinking about relationships. Why is it that as women we feel the need to over analyze everything we do and how it will be perceived. Well, on some level, you probably are making a statement depending on the occasion and the relationship you are in. Maybe you're trying to say, "sometimes I'm a lady" and maybe, if you're Alma, you're trying to say "sometimes, I'm freaky, even if I'm older..maybe I can school ya".

Maybe everything doesn't have to mean something and everything doesn't have to be a statement about how you feel about someone or yourself. Maybe you're just trying on a new hair cut or wanting to feel a little sexier. Maybe you just want to simplify your life and not have to worry about doing something every 4-6 weeks. Either way, if we aren't already, maybe we need to take guys out of the equation for everything we do. Somethings really are just about you! And they should be! Because you know what...god bless em...they probably don't really notice and or care and that's great. Mohawks are cool, bald is beautiful....whatever floats your boat.

I'm kinda glad I got that Groupon deal.

A case for vanity

2012-03-18T14:04:00.004-07:00

I went to a catholic school with very scary nuns. The kind that inspire movies like the Exoricst. Maybe they weren't that bad, but I can't be sure as I've spent the past twenty years trying to forget.

But one thing that sticks out particularly well was the lesson that vanity was a sin. A deadly sin, one of the seven, in fact that quickly spiraled you to hell.

Well no offense to mother Teresa, who was a wonderful hip lady, but I have to make a case for examining and de vilifying vanity.

First of all, let's define vanity. I work in casting and talent so, I completely understand how obnoxious it can be. I see hundreds of girls and guys on a regular basis who tell me how wonderful they are. Not just confidence, mind you, but out right shameless vanity. As a matter of fact, my favorite all time answer the question "Why are you right for this job" always ends with some variation of "because I'm beautiful". Gets me every time.

That ugly obsession with beauty and building your own self worth on it is not only disgusting, its harmful. I've had girls tell me in the same breath that they are confident and beautiful and then break down and tell me how this one gig is going to change their lives and this is their shot and their moment and break apart at the seems when really, the reasons for casting someone versus someone else, has nothing to do with whose better looking. Sometimes its an energy someone got, or a million other reasons I can't get into but 9 times out of 10 it has nothing to do with whose "hotter".

So, why was I defending it again?

Well, I just got out of the hair dresser and I was reminded about the power of feeling beautiful. A woman in the chair across from me came in and didn't say a word. Nothing. She walked in in sweats, was slightly over weight and had no make up on. While we the rest of us all were all chatty Kathy's this woman just sat there reading her email and playing on her phone. She didn't chime in, she didn't participate, she just kept to herself slouched into her chair.

When she was done, she looked in the mirror, apparently thinking it was just another of the same and she started crying. The rest of us in the small salon all began to shower her with compliments thinking she hated it, trying desperately to make sure she stopped feeling sorry for herself. We passed tissues, we hugged her, we tried to console her. She finally gathered herself together drank some water and spoke.

"I feel so pretty" she said sobbing. She continued. She said she felt like she needed to go to the gym, that she should start treating her husband better, that she wanted to be out in the sun, that she wanted to plan a trip, that she felt good about herself.

It reminded me of my trip to Africa, specifically Zambia a few years ago. There was this orphanage, well, it was really a room where little kids with no families went to be with other kids. They slept God knows where all together, trying their best to just survive. I couldn't believe it. I didn't know how anyone was suppose to be hopeful there. What was there to be hopeful about! Desolate, horrible conditions with no signs of getting out. What is the point? I felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.

That is until I started talking to some of the moms in the area who looked after these kids. One of them was a fan of my hair. I had clip in extensions at the time (i know how vain of me) and they matched her hair color perfectly so I gave them to her. We put on some make up and looked in the cracked mirror she had propped up against her cardboard home. She smiled, she was excited. She felt pretty and confident.

Now, is a new hair do going to magically change her life? No. But you know what, it made her feel great, and why doesn't she deserve that just because she doesn't have any money? Does poverty mean she has to always pretend to not be a woman and not want to feel pretty and sexy? No. F that. Obviously this woman needs food and a house that won't collapse with the rain, but she gets to feel pretty too. Why shouldn't she?

I know it might seem shallow, but feeling good about yourself can sometimes start with a new hair cut, with a little lipstick, with a new pair of jeans. And who has the right to begrudge you that? I'll tell you what, when you've been miserable and in a hole feeling like you're already in the depths of hell (if you're divorced you understand!), and a little vanity gives you just the rope you need to start climbing out, good for you. Of course like any rope, gives you a little room to hang yourself too if you let it.

Like anything else, moderation is the key, but vanity is certainly not the enemy, excess is. Feeling pretty and confident are cornerstones for great relationships with yourself, with others, with business. I know, it's like the dirty thing we're suppose to feel but not say out loud.

Well, I'm saying it. If there is anything that being a Lady of Leisure has taught me , its that I deserve the things I work for. If I want to buy a new pair of jeans that helps me feel better about myself, I'm going to. If a new hair cut gives me that little boost to go in a pitch something, I'm going to. And maybe I should start looking at other volunteering opportunities that inspire men and women to feel good about themselves.

Having grown up never feeling pretty and always looking outwardly for validation, this is a radical new concept for me, but one I believe is universal.

There is a case to be made for a small dose of vanity. If a little outward primp can make you feel like a million bucks and help give you that extra push to inspire success, I say go for it.

Shampoo is better, No Conditioner ...

2012-03-16T09:20:00.003-07:00

It's amazing how impacted we are by our surroundings.

I lived in New York for six years and without knowing it became a New Yorker. My friend Nicole says that my New York persona is me, but colder, tougher, stronger, ruder, slightly more outgoing and no nonsense. I thought it was a bit of an exaggeration, until I woke up this morning after my first 24 hours in the city, post our split.

Now, it could be because I'm casting, because I'm sick or because I'm operating on virtually no sleep, but New York fits me like a glove and I embody all of the descriptors above. I am annoyed with tourists, I push little old ladies out of the way who just stand in the middle of times square taking pictures (oh, don't look at me like that, they deserve it), I walk, incredibly fast, everywhere, I gave the finger to the guy cutting in line at the bagel stand.

It's not all bad thought right? I mean, I saw all of my hosting hopefuls yesterday every 15 minutes on the dot with a quick efficient pace, my meal was served quickly and my gyno this morning was quick and impersonal, just like I like her to be. Here no one has multiple careers. If you're a banker, you're a banker. If you're an actor, you're an actor. You may be starving, but you are working as an actor. Sure, you may also be a barista, but everyone knows, you're an actor.

And it's not all vapid and superficial. I use to work in the times square area and my coffee guy still remembers me and more importantly, remembers my order. I'm pretty sure my ex husband and I wouldn't still have that kind of intimacy, and we lived together for five years.

And as anyone whose lived here can attest, as much as we bitch about it, there is something magical about New York. It has what we call in casting, the "it" factor. That indescribable, intangible, uniquely special quality about it that just makes you think...wow.

But it would certainly be an adjustment to be back for any extended amount of time. Life is lonelier here. People like their own space and are very set in their own, individualistic ways.

We aren't like that in California. We are friendlier, we are more courteous, we are more laid back. Yes, our food takes a little longer, our auditioners aren't exactly ten minutes early, we don't use public transportation. Our cab drivers aren't as colorful and my coffee girl is a different beautiful model who barely remembers he's seen me, much less my coffee order, everyday.

LAers are also the kings/queens of several hats.

People are producer/ director/actor/writer/barista/banker/surfer/blogger/gardenenthusiast.

And no one bats an eye. Everyone has ten different jobs, at the same time. We are dreamers; dream enthusiasts if you will. No one is putting anyone in a box. I took a conference call on a surf board the other day.

So how is anyone suppose to decide what they like best? I'm a Gemini, so by nature, I'm a dualist. I live comfortably in both spaces. A true bi-coastal. I like being lonely sometimes and then other times I want to be surrounded by all of my girlfriends in the open air. And have you driven up PCH with no traffic? It's amazing. Of course the New Yorker in me likes to remind me that there is ALWAYS traffic on the PCH.

I thought being a lady of leisure was about defining some boundaries, discovering some truths, and finding out where I was the best fit. As it turns out, much like my mother who lives in some village in Africa...I too am pretty adaptable. Who knew.

It's like my favorite line in Billy Madison.

"Shampoo is better, I go on first and clean the hair. No Conditioner is better, I leave the hair silky and smooth. Stop looking at me swan."

Up in the Air

2012-03-13T11:28:00.002-07:00

I spend a lot of time on planes. I love travel, my family lives abroad, my friends are all over the place and as a Lady of Leisure, my work always takes me somewhere. I've been dreaming about planes recently and have actually made a few friends on planes. A friend recently commented that all of my scripts or manuscripts have some sort of "plane" element in them, whether it's someone beginning a journey of sorts or it's a way for the character to separate themselves from whatever has just happened. I just really enjoy and relate to the concept of the plane as a means of starting something fresh, I guess. At least, that's probably what my therapist would say.

When asked why the plane tool, without thinking I thought, well of course, I've met many amazing people on planes. To which, my friend asked that I tell him who are these amazing people he's never heard of. I kicked off my shoes and began to tell the stories of my plane encounters and quickly realized that I am the queen or rose colored hindsight and revisionist history as none of these stories are remotely amazing in any positive way.

THE WRITER

Fresh off of my divorce I struck up a friendship with a man who lived in LA. After a few weeks of emails we decided we had to see each other and I put myself on a flight to LA giddy and excited to meet up with a guy I'd literally only ever shared a cup of coffee with. I got to the airport early, settled into my seat and was about to put my head phones in when an incredibly handsome, surfer looking, scruffy but sexy guy sat next to me. He was a writer, he was a professor, he was unlike anyone I'd ever met before. Nevermind that I was on my way to see someone else. Not my proudest moment, but by the end of the flight, we were making plans to see each other and had almost convinced me to ditch my plans and nice boy that was waiting to see me in LA. I didn't have the heart to however and got into the car with my planned suitor. I was so confused! How was it that in five hours the past several weeks had been wiped away. Surely it was the cabin pressure and I would return to normal once I settled. Plus my LA boy was cute and smart and funny...and confessed to me on the car ride, after he let me fly across the country...that he had an incurable STD. I immediately asked to be let out of the car and called my disease free new friend. we spent a week in San Diego and basically decided we were somehow destined to figure it out. After i got back to New York the realities of a long distance relationship set in and he quickly met a nice girl who lived in his time zone and forgot about me. I felt so...stupid.

And I was! I mean, seriously, after the age of 15 if you somehow think that these things work out that way, you're asking for trouble. It was nice, and romantic and sweet but to think that any real relationship would be built on a five hour conversation thousands of miles above the ground, was just silly. But post divorce does that to you for a little bit. (I can hear the AMEN's from all of my divorcee's). Immediately after it happens you panic and hold on to any intense feeling of romance, scared that you'll never experience it again. It's careless and dangerous, but I'm incredibly grateful for that experience, for no other reason than it makes for good writing material...and I'm much more careful about jumping on a plane across the country for a rendezvous with a stranger.

well, you would think. It took me one more plane romance to learn my lesson but really learned it when I met:

THE STOCKBROKER

We were headed to Vegas. Sin city promised not only sin, but romance when I met a handsome stranger. Tall, tan and blue eyes with a bunch of his friends on a bachelor party extravaganza. I should have known this would have gone south when he professed himself a Red Sox fan, but I was blinded by those shiny baby blues.

I won't bore you with all the details, but he basically dumped his friends to hang out with me for a few days. I was on cloud nine and couldn't believe he was spending so much time with me. Who knew the Vegas fairy granted boyfriends?

Well, she doesn't. The next morning at breakfast with his friends, everyone was giving me the third degree. What the EF!! I mean I know I stole your buddy away from all of the bachelor party activities, which is kind of shitty, but really, not my fault. So i tried to break the ice. I said, "god, you all must hate me for stealing XXXX away from the bachelor party...who is the bachelor anyway?"

There was a moment of silence that seemed like five minutes while I processed the look of surprise and concern on everyone's face. No. It couldn't be right? There was no way that a guy ditches his friends who have flown across the country to celebrate his impending nuptials to hang out with some random girl he just met who he wasn't even sleeping with...right?

My internal monologue was interrupted with his voice saying "Don't freak out."

But freak out I did and ran away in tears like an asshole.

He called, he texted, he seemed very sorry. I almost had a moment of sympathy. That is of course until he sent mass address book links to his wedding pictures. I blocked his number.

So now, as a rule, I remind myself that no matter how great a five hour conversation is up in the air, there is probably something wrong with them, unless proven otherwise.

Why Prince Harry Wins

2012-03-07T10:34:00.001-08:00

Every little girl who was around Prince William's age always dreamed of becoming a princess. We all imagined that he would see us and convince his family that being with a commoner was not only a great idea, but something he couldn't help. I mean, how could he, look at you!

As a result, I believe a whole generation of women grew up translating that to certain characteristics they wanted in men. Someone who was strong, proper, regal even. Someone who had a good relationship with his mom. The immature 'little brother' type was too much for you. You wanted the guy who was going to be the King, for Christ's sake!

Prince Harry on the other hand was thought of as a royal disaster. He was also known as the party boy, the irresponsible one, and the least compassionate one. While William was excelling in matters of State, Harry was out, making mistakes and getting randy with Co-eds.

Well, Prince Harry and types like him, certainly pulled the wool over our eyes. Sure, he made many mistakes on his road to premier prince (We've all been trying to forget the SS costume) and the aforementioned indiscretions but in the end, there is a case to be made for supremacy of Prince Harry and types like him.

This "PH" type, the party boy, the one who did everything he wasn't suppose to seems to be approaching this time in his life with no regrets. We've seen his mistakes, we know what he's like. It's very disarming. As a result, it's a little easier to buy that he would now be more settled; more comfortable in his own skin. Unlike the "PW" types who have always done what they are told and have always been the exceptional sons or boyfriends. They have way too good of a relationship with their mothers. This level of perfection is not only annoying, but unsustainable. There has to be a certain level of growth or change right?

My therapist would say I'm projecting. I think its not that deep and I've just developed a crush on Prince Harry. Ginger is the new black. That was a style comment, not a racial one.

Check out Prince Harry doing Reggae -

When I grow up

2012-03-01T13:38:00.001-08:00

I don't understand it when people say that they always knew what they wanted to be when they grow up at the ripe old age of 5. I'm pretty sure that depending on the moment you asked, I would have either wanted to be a fire fighter or a veterinarian or a princess or a singer/spy. Who knows that stuff? I mean, really knows it?

When I was born in third world Nicaragua, my country was going through some of its darkest days with people standing in line for food and my mom working several jobs just to get us by. I don't remember most of the time, except coloring in my little notebook about horses and princesses and not focusing on the soldiers with guns around. Kids are resilient that way.

But I recently met a girl on one of my casting jobs that told me that she ALWAYS knew she wanted to be on camera. Not an actor or a host or a singer, but just ON CAMERA. I prodded her more, I wanted to know what that meant exactly. She finally caved after a few margaritas and told me that she always knew she wanted to be not just on camera, but famous. She said it was one of those dirty little secrets that no one said out loud, but that secretly they all wanted and she wasn't afraid to say it.

I was incredibly curious about when she KNEW she wanted to be famous and what kind of circumstances she grew up in that kept pushing this "dream". She confessed, that it was because she was so pretty and she felt that it was a tool she should use to her advantage. I was shocked. I had NEVER heard a woman say that before. Not out loud. She repeated herself, "It's because I'm beautiful".

Now, I have several thoughts about this. One, we could all use a little dose of her self confidence and two, you should probably, never, ever, ever say that out loud. To anyone. I couldn't help myself and leaned in thought provokingly. I asked her to elaborate on what it was like to grow up being so pretty. She insisted that it was very difficult. Much more so than one would think. She said that for instance, girls always hated her because she was prettier than them, guys just wanted to be with because she was the prettiest not because they actually liked her. She said it only got worse as she got older when she was given jobs she couldn't do over people who were more capable and when all of her bosses just wanted to sleep with her. She found little camaraderie among her colleagues and finally decided to go back of pursing her childhood dream of being famous, which according to her, she never wavered on, never gave up on. She then asked me if I knew anyone who would want to make a sex tape. I think she was kidding about the last part, or at least I hope.

Equally annoying is a man I was recently set up with who told me that he ALWAYS knew he wanted to be a lawyer. He said that real vocation comes from a young age and that he had always known that this is what he would be. His whole life he never wavered, he never hesitated he always knew. He said he didn't trust people who didn't know what their calling was in life. When I confessed that I was still figuring it all out he replied that I was a woman, so surely things would work out my way anyway and I'd just find a nice guy to take care of me. He didn't mean it in a dirt bag way, but that's how it came out.

REALLY? Not one of these people who always KNOW had a moment of hesitation? That's the kind of thinking that got me into my first marriage. This kind of certainty exits? I don't buy it. I think you can be attracted to certain things as a child, but what do you know? Even picking your major when you're an 18 year old child is mostly a struck of luck right? You think you like certain things based on the TV shows you watch, your parents, the music you listen to, etc. But are you ever really certain about anything? I don't think so.

The fun part is playing dress up and trying on all the different hats. I am certain, that I will always write and produce. I am certain that I love LA and that I miss my family and that I like a good Flor de Caña rum, but that's about it. I still don't know what I'll be when I grow up and I kind of like it that way. It keeps things exciting and fresh. You don't have to be the same as everyone else. It's all about luck, experience and opportunity right? It's gotta be or I'm gonna call up my new friend and ask her how well she can operate a camera. (I'm kidding, mom. Just so you know. )

Maybe a Little off

2012-03-01T13:10:00.000-08:00

So I can see how dating me would be slightly scary and intimidating and not just because I'm a dating disaster divorcee with a blog. Let's face it, dating anyone who writes is scary not just because they might write about you, but because of the content that they write.

In the not so distant past I dated someone briefly who was curious about all of my unpublished novels and murder mysteries and my screenplays. After I sold the first one he became increasingly curious and asked if he could read one. I wasn't ready to be naked, I mean, emotionally with this guy so I wasn't sure. I waited it out. Finally I let him read one of my murder mysteries.

He read it in a day and then asked me out to dinner. He was a writer too, for a very sweet television show which could not have been further from my genre of writing. At dinner he seemed very concerned that I had some classic unresolved daddy issues and abandonment issues and spent the entire night trying to convince me that he would never hurt me, that I would never be alone and that I should perhaps not write this thriller-dramedy type "thing" that would clearly portray me as a psychopath. He insisted that I needed to settle down, that we should make it official, that I needed someone to protect me and he was that guy. He insisted that once I was more well adjusted, those characters would become more adjusted. He insisted that my female villain characters wouldn't be so complicated, because people don't like complicated. They like simple, he said. That's why he was attracted to me. He thought I was simply and uncomplicated.

I never called him again. I don't know what part of my "creation" at that time screamed "please save me", but that was certainly not my intention. Why is it that whatever I wrote was somehow indicative of my current mental state? Sure your characters have some inevitable traits that are yours and some of people you know, but to think that everything is autobiographical or about the person you're dating makes, as Carly Simon would say, "You so Vain". And ps, I am complicated, by definition, thanks to my gender.

You know, I get it though, it's not everyone's bag. I know that my chick lit stuff was probably more popular and my old agent in New York thinks I've thrown my life away by not pursuing that, and maybe sometime I will, but for now the fun, thriller stuff suits me. I mean, its not like I'm writing Eli Roth movies and by the way, I think he's great even if I don't watch them. The torture porn stuff isn't my genre but if it were, is that somehow a glimpse into my feelings about men? I'm gonna go with no on this one. I'm sure I can't escape the obvious issues that sneak in there, but I'm getting it all out in my writing, so where was the damsel in distress bit coming from. I don't ever want to be the damsel in distress.

Besides, TV writer guy, I would be much more afraid of the blogging thing. You never know what one might say or reveal. Though only a couple thousand people read my blog on a good day so you're probably safe. Ohh...I feel the next novel creeping up. Creeping, being the operative word.

Just the tip...

2012-02-27T10:19:00.000-08:00

It use to be simple. Someone would hook up with someone else, there was contact, saliva and possibly other fluids were exchanged and it was cheating. Done. Boom. Cue the tears and freak out. Your friends would all rush to your aid, ben and jerry's would be bought and there would be lots of liquor involved to get you through the heart ache. This is what use to happen the last time I had a boyfriend a little over six years ago, but now a days things aren't so clear.

I'll give you an example of this that has recently happened to a woman incredibly close to me. She is 24 years old. She has two children, she has a live in boyfriend and is someone who has worked herself ragged to be able to take care of her family. One day, she opened up her Facebook page to find messages from a woman she'd never met. They all included screen shots of conversations of my friend's boyfriend and his FB mistress. It was clear that there had been no physical contact, but the conversations were very intimate and sexual. In addition, there were some not so nice things said about my friend and her issues loosing some of the baby weight. I was outraged! I was ready to help her move all of her things out and surely find some distant cousin who may be in a gang. How could he do this to her? She agreed and felt that it was worse than cheating.

However, I was surprised to learn that not everyone agrees. A guy friend of mine explained to me that with technology now a days its a safe way of exploring some of your unexpressed feelings in a perceived safe environment. He claimed that this was actually a way to prevent physical cheating and that this sort of cyber cheating is a term made up by insecure women who don't see that their guys are actually, proactively preventing extra curricular sex.

I'm gonna call bullshit on this one. If there is one thing I've learned in last very painful years its that cheating is not the reason that people break up. Cheating is a symptom of something else wrong in the relationship. No one slips and falls in a sex trap. You make fifty decisions that lead you to that moment and these little extra curricular intimate conversations are one of them. It's almost worse right because you don't have the excuse of being wasted and having it be a one time thing. No, you actively made a decision every time to engage in conversations that you aren't having with your person. You're sharing an intimacy with them that you aren't with your partner. Of course, I guess that depends on the depths that your conversation is plunging into. And who draws that line? Who decides how far a conversation went?

My friend K and I talk about this all the time because we are firm believers that the person you're with doesn't need to be your everything. There are things I discuss with her that I would never discuss with a lover, that I don't NEED to discuss with a lover. There are insecurities that I would only discuss with my friend Nicole that no future boyfriend of mine really needs to hear or will every understand. So if people serve different purposes in your life why do we begrudge someone a conversation? What is the harm in a conversation? Is it intent that marks the betrayal or is it actual words that you wrote to someone else that you love them or that you think about them when you're with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Is it the "gateway" concept that scares us? Is it the possibility that this will lead to something else? Or is it the fact that the "act" in it self is something you're not willing to forgive? In this new cyber world of emoticons that create tonality and punctuation less instant long distance correspondence, what constitutes the cheating line? And more importantly, how the hell do you know when you've crossed it? Who polices the content and would you have preferred someone told you about this or that if it was a short lived "cyber relationship" that you never knew?

This is where technology has tripped me up because the last time I had a boyfriend, these things were still new. People still used the phone. That thought brought me back to the litmus test for me of acceptable. Yes, the phone. The fact that things are in writing now somehow gives us the illusion that they are more separate, that somehow they don't count as much because there is a barrier there, but if someone wrote things down that I would find inappropriate and disrespectful to me if they were saying it over the phone, then for ME it's not acceptable. Other people's threshold for acceptable is probably much different. I'm a sensitive person in relationships (believe it or not...) and my tolerance for pain is probably slightly less than someone else's and can't be measured against my lizard tough skin in business.

I guess this answer here is really that you don't know and why trust and communication are still the barter and trade. So how does someone who has a need to control everything to avoid getting hurt survive in this new tech savvy relationship world? My therapist would probably throw out the words, "mutually agreed upon" and "conversation" while the only word I can think of to describe the situation my friend was recently put in is "screwed". or "Not Screwed" :-) I guess it's all a matter of perspective.

For those of you curious as to how the story ends, he's moving out.

Lady of Leisure- Does the Red Carpet

2012-02-26T22:58:00.002-08:00

So, I know this is gonna sound weird, but even three years ago, I would have NEVER volunteered to do the red carpet as a blogger in the fan section of the Oscars. People who are in the business will probably understand that the idea of sitting with a bunch of screaming people, while people I do business with are on the carpet actually working, just is not my idea of an ideal Sunday. But when JC PENNY so graciously asked me to Blog at the Academy Awards, the Lady of Leisure inside me smacked me upside the head and said, "Is you crazy?! Say yes!" And I did.

Unlike in the past when I've been there to cover the event as "media", being there to cover it as a blogger and sitting with people who LOVE movies and are excited to be there was mind boggling fun! I was dreading it like a jaded, obnoxious person. Shame on me. Yes, there were some cray cray people there, just like anywhere else, but mostly there were lovely people, who love movies and are the reason that any of us in this business are employed.

Some of my favorite people were a group of grannies called the Bleacher Creatures. They have been attending the Academy Awards for the past Forty years. FORTY YEARS! There are forty years of these ladies coming together with the same group of people no matter where they live in the country and celebrating movies. They camped out forty years ago and have now been grandfathered into the bleacher audience. They saw every movie nominated this year with their families and girlfriends and probably single handedly contributed to the gross box office. So we're welcome.

I will say that one of my favorite parts of the night was seeing all of the beautiful dresses. I know. What a girl...but its true! You can't help but admire how pretty everyone looks and how excited everyone is in the stands. Unlike when you're covering an event with the media, everyone isn't gossiping about what horrible show someone auditioned for or how they didn't get the part in whatever film. I feel like those of us in the business who see how the sausage actually gets made, like to only talk about those things. No one in the bleachers was talking about what agent is an asshole or what publicist they got into a fight with that week. No one is already predicting how awful the awards show is gonna be or how they can't wait for this to be over so they can get to whatever exclusive party only a select group of people know about. To them, everything was glamorous and fun and I couldn't help but be infected with that excited energy! I forgot about all the fact that the Artist would probably take home every single award of the night and just focused on the excitement, the glamour, the dresses and the movies.

Of course, even when you aren't looking to be snarky, some people just make it slightly impossible. I mean, lets admit, this is a lot of purple taffeta. But God bless this lady, you cannot believe how much she worked it on the carpet. I have no idea who she is, but she talked to every celebrity, got her picture taken, and must have met everyone at the show. There was no one who could resist her charm or her dress.

And speaking of dresses, all of these dresses, brought out the SEXY. The boys were looking crazy FINE tonight and I mean 'crazy twilight mom' crazy. Jonah Hill has lost like a gazillion pounds and was looking dapper in his black on black suit. My favorite hottie boys on the carpet included Mario Lopez who was wearing much less make up than Extra usually puts on him, Demian Bichir, who forgot to tell us he was sexy in person, my good friend Mr. Matthew Lillard who indulged the crowd in half a strip tease by taking off his suit jacket in a teasy dance, Jason Segel, who paid special attention to his fans, Tom Cruise who had been looking a little botoxy..and now seems to have let his face settle, and George Clooney who should give lessons on how to be charming to every guy in - the world. Seriously, he should just tape some lessons and it should be required watching for every human with a penis.

My favorite ladies that seriously made me question my preferences included the adorable Emma Stone, the who knew she was so gorgeous, Kristin Wiig, Maria Menonous, Michelle Williams (whose style I usually don't get), Octavia Spencer and Angelina Jolie. Honorable mentions also go to Viola Davis whose boobs may have poked me as she walked by and Sandra Bullock who honestly has no right to look to beautiful anymore. You've won an Oscar, everyone loves you, let someone else have a moment lady. You're perfect.

Everyone has probably already reported on everything that was to say about the red carpet. You can catch a recap of my Live Blog of the Academy Awards for MTV tr3s on Blogamole. You'll read all about Sasha Baron Cohen, Melissa McCarthy, Antonio Banderas, Clooney, Demian Bichir, etc. I also put up several pics on my FB page. Enjoy! Hasta tomorrow!

Awards update

2012-02-26T13:35:00.001-08:00

The carpet is so crowded and there aren't even any actors here yet ! The dresses that are here are already either stunning or train wrecks - but either way, people are going for it.

I'm starving and JC penny and the academy were nice enough to provide us with food and water. No one is eating, but I'm going for it! The sun is starting to come on strong and the ladies are reaching for touchups . The madness will prob start in an hour.

Good morning Academy

2012-02-26T11:40:00.001-08:00

Good morning Academy Awards! It's a lovely day in Hollywood and its already madness on Hollywood Blvd. I'm sitting at the JC Penny area blogging from the red carpet. I had to get through a bunch of security and haven't had such a thorough cavity search since college.

All of the news crews are set up and one can't help but be genuinely excited about the night. This is what thousands of people move here for every year- for the promise of maybe. Maybe one day I'll work on something amazing.

I'm sitting with a bunch of fans who have traveled here from all over the country for a little piece of contagious energy from the awards. They are a little upset that my laptop is out and that I'm blogging and not "experiencing ". I'll try my best to find a balance. After all it's hard to not e excited surrounded by all of these happy, normal people who are out here to have a once in a lifetime experience.