The Daily Billy

We is smart....

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 09:59:00 +0000

'MURRRICA - fuck yeah. Shocking news folks, but our lovely country continues to have some pretty terrible graduation and higher education rates compared to the rest of the world, and our wonderful American icon WALMART is here to help us prove it. And gosh darnit - to keep it that way. Maybe a bit of both? Thanks for helpin' the stupid stay stoopid!

White Trash Hot

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Wed, 09 May 2012 07:14:00 +0000

It's a real thing people. It's a little like the "Homeless or Hot" game we play in LA... and the entire hipster movement that we've seen happen in the past decade. I'd love to say the grunge movement in my formative years led me to love the occasional trashy-looking gent, but we can look back on some of the most idolized musicians, actors, authors & painters of the world and see a trend. White Trash can be hot and though it's not a look many of are proud to openly run to, let's discuss a few of my faves. 1. PAM ANDERSON. Now that's white trash, and that's hot. I'm a straight woman by the way. And would never negate a man's desire for these plastic boobies, bleached hair, plumped fake lips and chicken legs.

2. DAVE GROHL. Funny white trash takes hillbilly to a whole new level. 3. KID ROCK. Detroit white trash really takes it up a notch. OK - I have to stop now because I just realized what a "thing" this is - maybe I need a monthly update to my White Trash Hot list. The Daily Billy loves hillbilly men - shocker. Who is YOUR favorite White Trash Hottie?

Shit White Trash Girls Say....

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 05:49:00 +0000

Shocked that in this over-saturated moment of every schmo with a Flip cam making their own version of the "Shit Girls Say" video (just FYI -I'd be pissed if I came up with that original concept - which was actually FUNNY - and now have to watch all these fucktards rip it off).... I'm shocked that no one has yet to do a "Shit Hillbilly Girls Say" or the like. Which had me thinking, what DO my ladies w. the classy WT genes say?

"Hold on Bobby Sue, Momma's gotta beer up."
"Where in the hayyyaalll is my jean vest!?"
"I'm so pissed ya'll - my unemployment check isn't here yet. But - check out these new Nikes I got today."
"Get some more box wine! The pink shit!"
"Ya'll want rabbit tonight?"
"My perm's all grown out. Shit."
"I can't wait for summer - we gonna blow up the pool and buy some of them plastic palm trees from Big Lots for the back yard. Gonna look like Floreeeda up in here."
"We're done outta Hamburger Helper. I'll just make some of that there Mac'n cheese and crumble some pig in there."
"Git them dogs off the water bed! You know that shit'll pop!"
"I really love these sparkle earring thangs they put on my nails today."
"Get the quads started - we're goin' muddin!"
"Pack up the Buds and git in the truck, we're going to Walmart!"
"That thang got a Hemi???"
"4 red headed sluts and a sixer of Bud Light."
"God dammit - did you kids steal my Reds?"
"Who deflated the intertube again!? Where in the hell am I supposed to put my cooler?!"
"Daddy wants family day - git your guns and git in the truck."
"Did ya'll see Jessie's new Trans Am? Got flames on the side, shit's NIIIIIIIICCCCCCEEEE."
"Me and Sally got all signed up at Curves today. You know, the one next to the Piggly Wiggly. I'm gonna look like them movie stars."
"I saw the funniest shit today - Debbie got truck nuts! You seen them things?!"
"Mmm I love deer chili."

What am I missing!?!? Send to dailybilly@gmail.com!!

Happy 2012 from the Daily Billy! A little word about my "resolution"....

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 07:59:00 +0000

A long time believer of making year-round resolutions (not just one over-hyped day a year), I rarely put much effort into the whole resolution thing... but this year it's time to start paying attention to the things that make me happy. And the Daily Billy simply makes me happy. As I've always said - this blog truly comes from a place of love, reuniting with my roots if you will, and giving the billy ways of home a nod. Embracing that down-home, very different but just as beautiful place that I'm from. I always believe if you are "in on the joke", it's not offensive, it's simply being honest. There are flaws to any place in the world, and though I have gripes about many things I believe should be changed/updated where I come from, I am also incredibly proud to be from a part of America that puts family first, is patriotic, takes pleasure in the "small things" and loves the slower pace of life. I am who I am because of growing up there, and the Daily Billy reminds me to laugh at both the good and the bad.

I just spent an epic couple of weeks traveling to Lake Tahoe for the holidays, back to Southern California, then back to Palm Springs for New Years festivities. As I drove through Central California (which I remind you all, is as Billy as you can get - I promise you) and even made it into Nevada from Tahoe, you realize how diverse this country really is. Gun shops galore as soon as we crossed into Nevada, pickup trucks and dive bars as far as the eye can see, and Walmart of course. I still have to refrain from stopping when I see a Walmart - to "just see if I need anything." That vein will never stop pulsing in my body. I love Walmart. And maybe I went to Olive Garden. Twice.

But we Amuurricans sometimes forget Billy's are world wide. I came across this "Happy Holidays" banner online for a gun shop in the UK today. As I laughed at it, I realized I've let the DB go over the past months, and that's just nonsense. Even if I have 13 followers and I know 90% of that are my lovely friends who just miss their hillbilly "homes" as well, it still makes me laugh to find gems to post on the Billy. So I'm back in 2012 - and will make a big effort to look for billies all over the world, not just us Budweiser drinkers that have transplanted elsewhere in the States. Let's keep this going!!

MYOMH (Make Your Own Motor Home)

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 20:14:00 +0000

So THIS guy really took it to a new level and just created his own motor home out of a truck. Or I can only assume he lives in there, since he went to such measures to meld such a fancy door to such a beautiful ride!

Dirt bikes, four-wheelers and gators!

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 18:37:00 +0000

Washington state knows how it's done - found this gem cruising along the highway in rural Washington en route to Seattle. I had no idea the Northwest had so many wonderful billies. Complete with camouflaged paint jobs, coolers bungee'd to them, and covered in dirt. Made me proud!

Hide Ya Kids, Hide Ya Wife, Hide Ya.... Pool Raft?

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 05:01:00 +0000

I mean, summers in the Midwest can get very boring, and I'm aware the extreme heat & humidity can affect anyone... but there are no words for this.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20101088-504083.html

Who says that Rednecks aren't crafty?

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 22:08:00 +0000

I mean - check out the wide array of ingenious ways they make the ordinary simply extraordinary. In Billy terms at least!

http://www.yourdailyhumor.com/index.php/featured/top-ten-reasons-to-love-rednecks/

The "flat screen" TV may be my favorite - and I have to agree w. this guy's comment, after seeing more Rent-A-Center's in billyland over the last 2 weeks. I'm convinced that place stays in business BECAUSE of hillbilly's that get excited about their brand new flat screen televisions and leather couches for "Only! 29.99 a month!" - as they leave off the fact that this is at a 39% interest rate and paid over nineteen years. Congratulations billy - you now have a $12,000 leather couch and $10,000 flat screen.

Bubba's are plentiful in Nevada apparently....

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 18:13:00 +0000

They were all out of BUBBA name keychains near Indian Springs, Nevada - clearly.

Hillbillies need briefcases too!

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 18:09:00 +0000

Great find by my friend Doug in Old Town San Diego.... Classic.

California....we got hillbillies too!

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 08:10:00 +0000

As I left my billy homeland 8 years ago expecting it to be a far cry from my new life in California, I have since come to realize one important thing... even California has hillbillies. And lots of 'em, you just have to know where to look. You can't run from redneck, people - if you got it, it's not going away just because you've left the home state. Aside from watching the Clampett's on tv, the misplaced family bumbling through their lives as hillbillies in Beverly Hills (thank you Nick at Nite), most people seem to assume the West Coast is a billy free zone. And they are absolutely wrong.

In LA it is common knowledge that the Inland Empire, aka "The 909" is our motherland of all things redneck in SoCal. There are pockets of seriously impressive levels of white trash through the San Fernando and San Bernadino valleys as well, but The 909 takes the cake. I witnessed 909'ers in full glory at an outdoor festival about 2 years ago. Our local classic rock station, 93.1 Jack FM, has a huge summer concert blowout each summer called "JackFest", with names like Billy Idol, Def Leppard, and Heart performing, and many more ridiculous artists that make you go "no WAY" when they make the announcement. There were more 40 year olds in faded, fringed Def Leppard belly shirts (men too) than I ever seen in one place in my life. And I'm pretty sure they have owned them SINCE that first concert and await patiently their annual chance to rock the shirt once again. At one point during the final encore with Def Leppard, as "Photograph" came on to screams from the crowd - I watched as one billy complete in jean shorts and 80's tee & his equally lovely wife lost their shit dancing on a retainer wall above the crowd. As they flailed around dancing, the wife reached for hubby's sleeve to get a Marlboro Red from his tucked in pack (yep rolled up in his sleeve - swear), she lost her balance and fell OFF the retainer wall and into the crowd about 20 feet below. Her husband was so entranced by his favorite jam from 1983 that he didn't even flinch, he just yelled down for her to toss his cigarettes back up. And she did. Later I saw her in a line (for more beer obviously) and asked her if she was ok, and she was thankfully, and then told me she was a 2nd grade teacher. Awesome.

Tomorrow I'm heading on a road trip up through California and into Oregon and Washington, spanning about 2 weeks total. It is my mission to find as much California redneck action as possible and document this for all the Daily Billy world to see. Days trekking through NorCal farmland and nothingness, into the odd vastness of Oregon (where I hear billies are at a whole new level) and then into Washington, I'm confident I'll find some doozies for ya'll to see. Stay tuned!

Billies love babies

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 21:36:00 +0000

Now c'mon people, if we know one universal rule to being a true redneck, it's that you must pop out at least a couple of kiddos before the age of 25. Doesn't matter if you're dating, married, your man is off to jail, you live with your parents in a 2 room trailer, you're in high school - billies LOOOOOVE having them some babies. Well, the best news is there is now a website for redneck names for children. Thank GOD.

http://www.redneckbabynames.com/browse-baby-names/100-25/

You've got your Jed's and your Bubba's and your Jim Bob's on here, but there are some real doozies that even I haven't heard of. How about a pretty lady named Faylene, or Jazznellie? I mean...

Don't forget those OPB's ya'll!

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 21:51:00 +0000

I know if you're enough of a Billy to be reading this or following The Daily Billy blog - you've got your own Billy stories to tell!

Other People's Billies is up and running and The Daily Billy wants to hear YOUR billy experiences, stories, finds... Share away folks, or I'll send Auntie Bertha after you!

Email us at dailybilly@gmail.com. And don't forget -let me know if you want to stay anonymous, have your name used, plug your own twitter/blog/FB page on your OPB, etc. We're down with OPB, ya'll!!

Billy gals and their hair!

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 21:11:00 +0000

I remember the first time I cut my hair shorter than any girl in my family dared go... to my SHOULDERS! The horror! I know.

I was about 12 years old and feeling adventurous by Midwest standards - and by the way my grandmother, aunts and cousins reacted, you would have thought I channeled Sinead O'Connor and went bald. Long hair equals pretty where I'm from, and short hair - well, it's just not pretty! And they certainly didn't let me forget it. I think my grandma's first reaction went something like "Well... it's different. So do you like it?", with a look of complete confusion on her face. Considering my earliest memories at my grandparents house is of grandma watching Dolly Parton and Crystal Gale music videos on TNN literally ALL DAY, I now get it.

PS - if you remember that TNN was the country music channel before CMT ever took off, then you know what I'm talking about folks.

Hillbilly Handfishin' definitely deserves its own show...

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 18:36:00 +0000

Set those Tivo's ya'll - Hillbilly Handfishin' premieres August 7th @ 10 p.m. on Animal Planet. Based on this promo, this show might be the best thing to happen to billies, ever. I'll certainly be tuning in!

Cut and Shoot!

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 23:17:00 +0000

From my billy'riffic, wonderful friend Christina in Texas - although she likes to claim she lives "adjacent" to the town of Cut and Shoot, TX, I'm going to give her a billy shout out regardless. I bet it's safe to assume that at least 1152 of the 1158 residents of Cut and Shoot wear Carhartt's daily, own rifles, and consider "floatin' down the river" a sport.

Cut and Shoot - welcome to the Daily Billy!

Now THIS is a wedding!

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 18:03:00 +0000

Let's gather round for yet another lovely redneck wedding. This one is an amazingly authentic hillbilly event, and it's worth waiting through every minute of the camouflaged wedding procession (to Billy Currington's "Pretty Good at Drinkin' Beer" nonetheless. Obviously.) The REAL billy goodness comes after that.... Hint - shotgun beers may top off the ceremony.

Enjoy hillbillies!

Little Billies!!

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 20:10:00 +0000

Gotta say folks, there aren't many things in the world cuter than a little Southern billy boy with manners- I melted watching watching the video of Tanner Edwards (from Texas) on the show "America's Got Talent." And the mini gent with an accent giving a shout out to his lady.... "Abby, I love you." It was all sweet & innocent until the pelvic thrusts started - but keep up the good work Lil 'Billy man Tanner!

(Tanner starts at approx 0:50 in the video)

And today in Billy news...

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 04:06:00 +0000

Any time a robber's getaway vehicle of choice is a lawnmower, and his weapon of choice is a tree limb - you know you're in Billy country.

Lawn mower getaway robber gets 18 years
By ANNA DOLIANITIS - Staff writer - email:adolianitis@aikenstandard.com

An Aiken man was sentenced to 18 years in prison Wednesday for robbing an Aiken convenience store, assaulting a store employee with a tree limb and fleeing the scene using an altered riding lawn mower as a getaway vehicle.

Ricky New, 46, of Edgefield Highway, was found guilty by a jury after about an hour of deliberation, and Judge Michael Nettles sentenced New to 18 years for armed robbery and 10 years for assault and battery, to run concurrently.

New, according to court testimony over the two-day trial, robbed the Kent's Korner convenience store on Edgefield Highway at about 5:30 a.m. on Nov. 18, demanded the money - which totaled about $300 - from the cash register, ran into a wooded area past the store and was arrested about a mile away from Kent's Korner, with his getaway lawn mower parked outside another convenience store.

The lawn mower was painted in camouflage and altered to be a more functional vehicle, with large tires, a doorbell and a fishing rod on the back.

"This story is made for Hollywood," said assistant solicitor Kip McAlister. "Unfortunately, this is real life, this happened right here (in Aiken)."

Surveillance video from the convenience store showed New entering the store with a white towel covering his face, but the two employees present at the time testified in court that they knew immediately it was him, and 911 audio recordings played for the jury indicated they knew him by name because he was a regular at the store.

The two women testified that they initially believed New was joking when he demanded the money, but he attempted to strike the store manager in the face with the limb. She lifted her arms to protect herself, and he hit her in the arm.

Defense attorney Michael Routzong said perhaps the reason that the man with a white towel on his head was not acting like Ricky New was because it may not have been him, but the manager was quick to say that his stature is unique, and she was certain it was him.

"I think the video that you watched is a pretty clear indication that he may not have been thinking clearly ... but he had a plan. It was not a good plan, it was not a plan that was likely to lead to success ... but he had a plan," Miller said.

Evidence presented by the prosecution also included the white towel, which was found on the lawn mower when New was arrested, as well as a glove that was found in the wooded area where he was last seen running from Kent's Korner.

DNA on the glove matched New's DNA, and another glove found on the lawn mower was the second in the same pair, said assistant solicitor David Miller.

The clothes that New was wearing when arrested matched those seen on the surveillance video, including a bleach stain on the right pant leg of the blue jeans.

The lawn mower was submitted as the State's exhibit No. 8 and parked in a parking space below the courthouse, where the jury was taken to view it during the trial.

Among the items found on New when he was arrested was just more than $100 - 45 singles, 10 $5 bills, and two $10 bills, according to sheriff's office investigator Chuck Cain.

In recent years, Miller said, the Aiken County Sheriff's Office has had 56 documented encounters with New, including calls made that evening about a man driving his lawn mower in the roadway without his headlights on and New standing outside Kent's Korner "harassing customers."

New's prior record includes charges such as criminal domestic violence, forgery, receiving stolen goods and burglary in South Carolina, Georgia, California and Louisiana, according to Miller.

New did not testify on his own behalf, and the defense did not call any witnesses.

New's father addressed the judge, saying that he loved his son, and that he is not a violent person, but has substance abuse issues and needs help.

In addition to his prison sentence, Judge Nettles ordered New to participate in an addiction treatment program.

Aiken County Solicitor J. Strom Thurmond Jr. said, while the getaway vehicle and parts of the trial may be comical, the crime is a serious one.

"I know that the facts of this case may give Jeff Foxworthy some new material, but I hope the verdict and substantial sentence reassures the public that this office will aggressively prosecute armed robbers, regardless of the type of weapon involved," Thurmond said.

Contact Anna Dolianitis at adolianitis@aikenstandard.com.

You know you're a Billy when...

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 04:21:00 +0000

...You own more beer koozies than wine glasses.

**Sent by a very classy lady I know, direct from her kitchen. Nice work, Lady Billy!

Down with OPB!!

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 19:29:00 +0000

As in - Other People's Billies!

Exciting news....Daily Billy is going to start an open Billy forum, Other People's Billies, asking readers for their own billy stories and finds. Whether it's a gem of a video, stories from "home", Facebook posts, voicemails, emails or blogs from billy friends/fam... All funny, fantastic Billy finds are welcome. They can be emailed to dailybilly@gmail.com.

C'mon peeps, I know I'm not the only one with stellar Billy stories to tell. Share them with the world! Down with OPB!

xox - Billy Love

Redneck Weddings!

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 18:52:00 +0000

If you haven't watched MY BIG REDNECK WEDDING on CMT, do yourself a favor - watch this show. ASAP.

A few years ago, someone in my family chose camouflage as their wedding color (seriously), and as horrified as I was by that - I do hope that only a select handful of very, very special Billies have seen wedding celebrations to the level of the CMT weddings. One of my favorites covered a white-trash-carnival-themed wedding (their own words), complete with a dunk tank full of... BEER. A self-proclaimed "Redneck Elvis" officiated the wedding. I will share many more of my favorite videos from the show down the line, but for now enjoy this lovely teenage married couple from Tennessee, getting a little bonus to their 15-minutes of fame with the local news station covering their story. Only a real Billy man would buy the wifey her own PINK RIFLE with their show earnings. Classy move.

Getting your sport on, Billy style!

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 00:35:00 +0000

We don't need no boat to go waterskiin'!!!
Or an actual lake...

Makes me proud...

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 20:38:00 +0000

A friend sent my way today - Redneck Games. Wow.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-25-best-photos-from-the-2011-redneck-games

Pretty sure I'm related to the arm pit kid too.

Billy gals heart fake tans!

noreply@blogger.com (Billy Love) — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 00:42:00 +0000

There aren't many things in life a hillbilly gal loves more than a fake tan. Tanning booths are on every corner in my hometown. There is something really wrong with the fact that when I go back to visit from California in the dead of winter, complete with snow on the ground, that I'm the whitest girl in town when I arrive. Clearly all that talk about some silly thing called "skin cancer" can't keep a trashy girl from going orange. "Cause we look guuuuuuud." Yeah ya do, honey. And those shorts you're wearing in December as it snows look nice too.