In-Lawism

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

2013-07-30T09:00:00.000-04:00

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Aristotle, Philosopher #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

2013-07-29T09:18:00.000-04:00

Getting a dog is like getting married. It teaches you to be less self-centered, to accept sudden, surprising outbursts of affection, and not to be upset by a few scratches on your car. Will Stanton, Humorist #inlawismdd

3 Simple Romantic Gestures: Relationship Advice

2013-07-27T11:14:00.000-04:00

Have fun jump starting your romantic relationship by dedicating some alone time with your partner or spouse. At the risk of being repetitive I believe the idea of “dating” your spouse deserves props! After all it’s not a blind date, you know you’ll be attracted and there’s no waiting for your date to show up. The best part? If done right, it’s free and no in-laws necessary!

Share a cup of coffee – Remember that rocker I told you we have? We still enjoy sharing a cup of Joe while going over our day, our relationship goals and rocking away. Don’t have a rocker or a porch? If you have a backyard or a park nearby, pull out that picnic blanket! We like to make a small meal together made up of our favorite appetizers. It’s like one big sampler. Raining? Even better! Sleep in and snuggle. Make breakfast together then sneak back into bed.

Go old school, use a pen or say Thank You – Write a love note. None of that roses are red, violets are blue stuff either. Keep it simple sweetie. List the top three things that attracted you to your loved one. Thank him or her for that wonderful dinner the night before. Show your appreciation by pointing out something big or small and its impact on your day.

On the way home the other day I did what most of us females do. I ran through a mental list of all my to-do’s. Living out in the country typically trash is handled by burning, recycling (fertilizer/compost) or trekking to the dumpsters. Imagine my surprise when I arrived home and realized my husband hand already taken care of it. I made one of his favorite dishes, had a nice hot pot of coffee waiting, a hug, a kiss and a great big “Thank You” when he got home. After dinner we snuggled with the T.V. and the dogs to chat the night away. I can hear all females groaning at this point. I know I didn’t have to thank him for doing his part in the home but here is the bonus. Woke up this morning and found a magical elf mowing the lawn. Yep, you guessed it. He was inspired by what he saw as a romantic gesture and this lead to him doing something else I’d appreciate. So, I wrote him a little love poem and stuck it to the back door so it will be the first thing he sees on his way in. That darned ripple effect – gotta love it!

Dance – I like to grab my husband at a random moment indoors or outdoors and dance to the music in my heart. He always pretends it bothers him or I’m interrupting his flow. Slowly the smile spreads on his face; he’ll hold me tighter and tell me he loves me. Sometimes he’ll start singing in my ear. The dance can last a while or just a minute. The touch and the sentiment is the important thing. Okay, so there was that one time he picked me up and threatened to toss me. What can say men can be goofy. I threatened to give him a wet-willy faster than he could toss me and he saw the light. That’s the kind of light-heartedness that I love about us as a couple.

Got Jokes? : Relationship Humor

2013-07-27T10:02:00.000-04:00

A short collection of family relationship jokes:

HOW many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb? One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her. – I Am Staggered

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke. – 3D Cad Steelwork

"I never forget a face!"
"Me too... but in my mother-in-law's case I'm willing to make an exception." - Lukaroski

The two most important words in a marriage are 'Yes Dear'. – Wedding Book Shop

The doorbell rang this morning. When I opened the door, there was my mother-in-law on the front step. She said, 'Can I stay here for a few days?' I said, 'Sure you can.' And shut the door in her face. – Guy Sports

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!” And that’s how the fight started….. - Comedy Of Life

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late." - Divorcemag

My Relationship, Our Marriage: How I Knew He Was The One

2013-07-26T17:59:00.000-04:00

     My life would no longer be my own. No more freedom. No more fun.   No more global vacations. This was the end of my life as I knew it and no one was in line to help save me. This was a journey from which there was no return. I was getting married!
     How could I be sure I was making the right decision? What magic ball was going to show me the future? Wasn’t there some way I could know there would be no regrets? There had to be someone somewhere that knew the surefire way to know with one-hundred percent certainty. There had to be somewhere I could turn for the answers.

     I watched my future husband from inside his brother’s home. Observing the two men from my position by the window - chatting about, well, nothing and everything the way brother’s do. They were debating on whether or not the elusive peacock would show itself today.
It was a beautiful sight I hoped to see as well. I looked past the two men and tried to see if I could catch a glimpse of this bird. It had made itself known several days ago and we had been fascinated by it ever since. Even the dog seemed to be holding its breath in anticipation. After all, it’s not every day you see a peacock in your backyard.

     I looked at my fiancé again and found myself mesmerized by his smile. It was the same smile that burned into my soul and captured my heart not that long ago. How to be sure? Like a child reaching out for the security of its parents arms in a thunderstorm I needed to grab hold of the answer.

     Suddenly, there it was – the peacock. It walked gingerly from behind the trees and approached the house. The dog sat up and cocked its head as it took in the sight. The peacock continued to walk towards the house its chest puffing out as it grew in confidence with each step. I was awestruck. I’d only seen peacocks the way most people have – in a zoo. I was excited and a little scared at the same time.

     I glanced to my left and saw my fiancés smile grow bigger as he witnessed this beauty. The sun shone on him and gradually I felt a warmth come over me. At that moment, that glorious moment I knew that I didn’t care there were no guarantees. I didn’t care that I had no mystical way of divining if our relationship would last. That every single moment would be filled with happiness. I touched the glass of the window with my hand and I just knew.

     What I knew without a doubt was that I had to wake up to that beautiful smile every day of my life. I knew that blonde hair was made for my fingers to run through. Those hazel eyes that changed color with his mood. The tell that only I could see when he tried so hard to get away with something. The bounce in his walk when he got cocky or the tilt of his head when he told a funny joke. The sun seemed to drape him in its golden glow like a spotlight on the stage of my life saying “This is right!”

     That was the moment all doubt left my mind, heart and soul. That was the moment I heard a voice from somewhere deep inside answer “I do” – so I did. I married this man. We live every day, we love every day. We fight, we cry and we hurt each other. Then we live and we love again. Never a regret. Never a doubt. Always in love.

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

2013-07-26T09:00:00.000-04:00

There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps. 40^th U.S. President #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

2013-07-25T09:00:00.000-04:00

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Poet #inlawismdd

How To Stop This Economy From Hurting Your Marriage

2013-07-24T11:19:00.000-04:00

Understand your money style. Money styles can clash and create conflicts in your marriage. Take some time to figure out how each of you view money. Dr. Ken Doyle, Psychologist and Financial Planner (University of Minnesota) wrote a study I found interesting. Here’s what I took away from it:

There are four basic types of money styles - the analytic, driver, expressive and amiable.

Analytic – This style sees money as control. They are usually good money planners because they take into account long-term goals.

Driver – This style sees money as success. They are typically seen as materialistic as they tend to show off their acquisitions (new car, expensive clothes).

Expressive – This style sees money as acceptance or self-esteem.

Amiable – This style sees money as affection.

Dr. Doyle has some easy tests on his website to help get your started -

The Meaning of Money Website (couples and individuals tests) and Psychology of Money (helps you figure out what money means to you).

Work together. Once you understand how the other sees money, it will become easier to make mutually beneficial financial decisions. Try sitting down and creating a budget. Be honest with yourself and your spouse when disclosing how and where you spend the money. Come up with a system of tracking expenditures that you can both agree on. Write a little note to yourself on the back of the receipt to remind you later of the exact expense (i.e. gas, cigarettes, work-related journal).

Before the economy took a nose-dive, my husband and I played on our individual strengths differently. He is not a very good money manager. His motto is “You can’t take it with you”. My motto is “I like to eat” – it’s interesting how money helps you do that, hmm? As the economy changed and I had to tighten our financial belts resentment began to take hold. We found ourselves getting angry with each other often. He thought I was being unreasonable and cheap. I thought he was being inconsiderate and selfish.

Finally, we sat down and had a real conversation. I explained how the downturn in the economy was affecting us financially. I took the time to show him our electronic budget so that he would have a more tangible understanding of our situation. Remember, some people are more visually oriented. To my amazement his eyes widened as he saw how much money he was spending on cigarettes, coffee and his hobbies. I explained that these were areas he could control unlike fixed expenditures (like a mortgage). By allowing him the opportunity to have access to the same information I did, I gave my husband more control. As for me, I gained a partner instead of an enemy. This is a work in progress – we are constantly figuring out ways to save money, change and adapt. I suggest a monthly review of y our finances. A couple that budgets together, stays together!

How has the economy changed your communication style with your spouse? Share your tips on what you think works.

2 Easy Ways To Improve Your Marriage Relationship

2013-07-24T09:36:00.002-04:00

Be sensitive to your spouses’ needs. Don’t fall into the trap of hearing what you think he or she is saying. Take the time to really listen. Have an open heart and you will understand what your spouse needs from you.
For example, if your wife asks you to take out the trash she is asking for your help. She is not punishing you or trying to ruin your day. Remove yourself from the situation for a moment and realize that in a marriage there is no starring role – each person is a supporting cast member. You are supporting each other.

Ladies, if your husband says he can’t clean the garage this weekend, don’t let yourself become upset. Instead take a deep breath and ask him calmly why that is. Don’t assume he is simply trying to get out of doing his part in the relationship. There might be a good reason – he may not be physically up to handling this project right now. Most men don't want their spouse to know they are hurting. Most men see it as a sign of weakness and they want to at least have the appearance of strength for their wives. Suggest he start off by going through items he may want to discard. Leave the heavy lifting for another day. Another suggestion is to Huck Finn the scenario – “I think you’d be better at organizing the garage”. Then there’s the teamwork option: offer to help him so you can get done faster and have the rest of the weekend to relax.

Improve communication. Don’t be scared it’s really easy - just use more than one word responses. If this concept seems daunting, start off small. Make it a goal to respond to questions with three sentence answers. Soon you’ll find yourself chatting with your spouse like you used to before you were married. Remember when you looked forward to talking with your spouse? Remember when saying “I was thinking of you today”, “What did you do today” or “You look upset, what I can do to help” were part of your wooing process. You know, before you put a ring on it!

If you were your friends, you would find anything and everything to talk about. Your conversations will last for hours. Your spouse doesn’t want or need hours. A few good minutes of honest communication goes a long way. Start off by talking about your day. Slowly work your way into conversations about the children, budgeting, long-term and short-term goals. Soon you’ll find yourselves rushing home from work just so you can share in that closeness.

How do you initiate conversations with your spouse? What kinds of things do you talk about? What do you find keeps the conversation flowing? How has this improved your relationship? How do you show sensitivity to your spouses' needs? I invite you to post your comments and share your advice.

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

2013-07-24T09:14:00.001-04:00

We all have a childhood dream that when there is love, everything goes like silk, but the reality is that marriage requires a lot of compromise. Raquel Welch, Actress #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

2013-07-22T09:00:00.000-04:00

“There is no neediness in desire … there is no caretaking in desire. Caretaking is mightily loving, [but] it's a powerful anti-aphrodisiac.” Esther Perel, Psychotherapist #inlawismdd

Don't Be A Louse - Miss Your Spouse!

2013-07-20T15:30:00.001-04:00

Ever wonder what your husband is doing while you are away? Find yourself missing his loud snore on the other side of the bed? Can’t understand why you miss the big lug? According to Esther Perel and her discussion on Ted “couples are most drawn to their partners when they are apart or reunite.”

     If you’ve been following me long, you’ve probably read my article Is More Time Apart Good For Your Relationship and know that I believe there are certain factors that need to be explored when deciding how, whether or when to spend time apart. Now I want to share my observations on our reactions or feelings to time spent apart and the reunion.

     It’s normal for couples to miss each other when separated. It’s normal to feel happy when you’re reunited. Your spouse is the half that makes you whole after all. That being said it’s not normal to remotely stalk your spouse. You know who you are! The call-every-minute spouse. The ten-text-a-minute spouse. The why-aren’t-you-in-your-room spouse.   The why-haven’t-you-returned-any-of-my-calls spouse. Quit it!

     My husband and I only spend time apart when forced by circumstances beyond our control: work or military. Because these take up a significant portion of our time we value any opportunity to be together. This is not to say we don’t have hobbies or alone time. We simply choose – at times – to share even our hobbies. If my husband knows he’ll be gone on a business trip for the week, we’ll spend the weekend prior together. We’ll go hunting, fishing, shopping, run errands or just spend time at home with a good cup of coffee enjoying each other’s company.

My maternal grandparents spent over seventy years together before each passed away. I could probably count on one hand the amount of times they were separated in my lifetime. My grandfather enjoyed long walks by himself. My grandmother enjoyed reading. Other than they were together: cooking, cleaning, working, etc. They owned and operated several businesses together. They raised what is concerned by today’s standards a large amount of children together. It’s by their example that I measure my marriage. If they could have a healthy and close marriage through the Great Depression, Recession and the passing of their children what gives me the right to be lazy in my relationship.

Give yourself permission to miss your spouse but don’t make them feel guilty over the time apart. So if you find yourself suddenly smelling the empty pillow next to you or calling your wife just to hear her voice on the voice mail – you are not alone! What do you do to pass the time? How do you express your love to your spouse before or after a period of separation? What’s your advice?

My MIL Translated - What MIL's Really Mean

2013-07-20T11:41:00.002-04:00

MIL Says: I just love that color on you!

MIL Means: You look like a banana.

MIL Says: It sure is lively in this house.

MIL Means: These kids are out-of-control little animals.

MIL Says: Isn’t that outfit just adorable.

MIL Means: Why are you dressing my grand-daughter like a boy?

MIL Says: I never would’ve thought of cleaning that way.

MIL Means: I do it better.

MIL Says: Why don’t you wear make-up more often?

MIL Means: You look like a clown.

MIL Says: Are those new earrings?

MIL Means: Can’t quit spending my son’s money can you?

MIL Says: I can’t wait to see what you’ve made us for dinner.

MIL Means: Where’s the Pepto?

MIL Says: Are you not feeling well today, dear?

MIL Means: You look awful.

MIL Says: Oh, is that how you load the dishwasher?

MIL Means: You’re doing it wrong.

MIL Says: I’d be interested in seeing the recipe.

MIL Means: I have to figure out where you went wrong.

MIL Says: Nice picture of your folks.

MIL Means: I don’t see any of us.

MIL Says: Wow, it’s late. You’ll be staying for dinner, right?

MIL Means: What are you still doing here?

MIL Says: I didn’t know you hired a cleaning person.

MIL Means: Explains why you haven’t bothered to clean.

MIL Says: Isn’t that original?

MIL Means: Wrong, wrong and wrong.

MIL Says: I like the slim look on my son.

MIL Means: Even he can’t tolerate your cooking.

MIL Says: Did you get a new vacuum cleaner?

MIL Means: You need to – this carpet is filthy.

MIL Says: That’s an interesting show you’re watching.

MIL Means: That explains why the kids get bad grades.

MIL Says: Does that come in other colors?

MIL Means: The one you picked is awful.

MIL Says: You’re parents are visiting? How nice.

MIL Means: Crap, now I have to be nice.

MIL Says: That’s a lovely new hairstyle. I wish I were young enough to wear it.

MIL Means: You aren’t either, find a new do.

MIL Says: I’ll do those dishes for you – you’ve done enough tonight.

MIL Means: At least the dishes can be cleaned right – that meal sucked.

MIL Says: My son looks handsome with his hair longer.

MIL Means: He can’t afford to get it cut because you spent his money on those new shoes.

MIL Says: My son fills those pants out well.

MIL Means: Stop feeding him take-out. Learn to cook.

MIL Says: My grandchildren sure look taller.

MIL Means: It’s your fault I don’t see them enough.

MIL Says: I don’t mean no harm by it but…

MIL Means: Anything after this will always be an insult – no need to translate.

MIL Says: Such beautiful smiles.

MIL Means: Take my grandchildren to a dentist.

MIL Says: I’m so glad my son married you.

MIL Means: I’ll be even happier when he leaves you.

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

2013-07-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day. Barbara De Angelis, Ph D #inlawismdd

Goodbye Blackie Bantam

2013-07-19T16:13:00.001-04:00

Not long ago I shared that my in-laws are the greatest at giving the worst gifts imaginable. Oversized sweaters, grill (the cheapest in quality they could find), jerseys with sexually explicit cartoons and live animals. Yes, live animals. If you’ve been following me, you know that before my husband and I were married they attempted to gift us a dog. No worries – I stood my ground and thankfully so did my husband. No pets until after we have a house and are married. Most importantly, we would pick the pet ourselves. Normal in-laws would have probably taken the hint, right? Lucky me, I got the ones that ride the short bus for in-laws.

We should’ve known better than to let our guard down. We should’ve known the wheels on their bus were always going ‘round and ‘round. We should’ve have – but alas, we did not. My wonderful husband mentioned that we’ve recently seen “We Bought A Zoo”. For those unfamiliar with this movie it is a dramatic memoir of a widower and father of two as he tries to figure out how to help his children with their loss. He ends up buying a home to start over. The kicker is that the property comes with a zoo.

Who wouldn’t watch this movie and wonder what it would be like? My husband certainly did. The mistake? He mentioned the movie to his parents and said he’d he could see himself doing that one day. There it is. The moment the little light bulb hovering over the head of my in-laws lit up. The moment our lives changed.

Next thing I know I’m looking at chickens in a box, in my guest bathroom. My lovely in-laws decided it would be cool gift for their son. Let me help you out and translate: what a cool way to piss off our daughter-in-law. I could picture the smile creeping across their faces as my MIL and FIL drove down the road to purchase these little creatures. I could hear the giggles as they imagined me chasing them around.

This brings us to the present. I named the roosters – Red (duh, he’s red) and Blackie (duh, again – he’s black). Red seemed easy going. Blackie found his crowing voice early on and seemed to rule the coop. A few months later Red followed suit and began to crow. Blackie was sweet in nature. He seemed to want to come inside my home and be one of the dogs. He would coo when he wanted to be stroked. He’d cluck like a maniac when he was scared or bad weather was coming. He’d crow when someone was coming up the drive way. I called him my feathered watch-dog. Both roosters seemed to respond to certain verbal cues like “Treat”, “More Water?” and “Hungry?”

My husband often wonders out loud over “the hold” I have over animals that come into contact with me. Even our rescue dog begs to be picked up, cradled and kissed on a daily basis. This is a dog that would try to bite out of fear when my husband first found him. A dog that would hide in small corners in failed attempts at invisibility. He also cries and wimpers if I stop kissing him too soon. My husband says I “break” the animals. He likes to be tough and manly around them. My theory is he feels the need to counteract the wuss factor he thinks I’ve instilled in the animals.

My husband is also routinely guilty of not heeding advice from his lovely wife when it comes to country life. What could she possibly know, right? Well, there’s one thing this city girl knows how to do and that’s research. I used the internet to find out as much as I could about chickens and roosters. I learned that the males need space from each other or it can get really ugly, really quickly. I told my husband many times (many, many times) that they needed a bigger coop.

After a month of rooster fights my husband finally listened to me. Until we could build a larger coop the solution was to rotate the roosters. One inside the nesting area, one outside. It worked well until the day I arrived home to find blood splattered everywhere. We had forgotten to separate them before we left. Red beat the stuffing out of Blackie and tore part of his comb off. Ouch! I treated his boo-boo and separated the boys again. When my husband returned home he decided to expand the rotation to keeping one locked inside every night. This worked until Red decided to challenge Blackie during every switch. Poor Blackie kept getting the short end of the stick.

Red would coo as I scolded him. Blackie would cry and coo as I tried to comfort him. Poor Blackie just wanted peace and quiet. He seemed to appreciate the mellow way of life. Red seemed to want to fight and crow non-stop. So, imagine our surprise and joy when it seemed Red had finally calmed down and was nice again. As my husband and I settled into blissful ignorance poor Blackie was flattened on the ground with a proud Red sitting on top of him. We separated them and placed Blackie inside to rest and be safe. The next day I found Blackie dead. Apparently, Red had done more damage than we had realized.

Red now spends his time crying and pacing almost non-stop as he looks for Blackie. My husband and I have agreed to find a new home for Red. We are done with chickens for now. If and when we decide to try this or anything remotely similar again, we will be sure to do the research first.

The right thing to do would have been to thank my MIL and FIL, applaud their imagination at selecting such a gift but tell them we are not equipped in any way, shape or form to care for chickens. If we had taken this route, perhaps Blackie would have lived a better life with a family that was better prepared for his arrival. Red wouldn’t have been in a situation where he felt his manhood was challenged on a daily basis. Lessoned learned: Don’t let yourself get pulled into a situation you are not prepared for in order to prove something to your in-laws.

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

2013-07-19T09:00:00.000-04:00

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. Ingrid Bergman, Actress #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

2013-07-18T09:00:00.000-04:00

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. Lyndon B. Johnson, 36^th U.S. President #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

2013-07-17T09:00:00.000-04:00

Enjoy the little things in life - for one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things. Kurt Vonnegut, Writer #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

2013-07-16T13:30:00.000-04:00

Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain. Helen Keller, Author #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

2013-07-15T09:00:00.000-04:00

Where there is love, there is life. Mahatma Ghadhi, Father of Indian Independence Movement #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

2013-07-14T09:00:00.000-04:00

When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one and you reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible. Author Unknown #inlawismdd

Daily Ding

2013-07-13T13:21:00.000-04:00

Life engenders life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich. Sarah Bernhardt, Actress #inlawismdd

Are You A Country Wife - Checklist

2013-07-13T09:19:00.001-04:00

You know you’re a country wife:

when your to-do list includes making chicken muddle.
you’re awake before the rooster crows.
your in-laws call at 6AM and it’s okay - you’ve up for hours.
you think in-laws are to fun what coyotes are to chicken.
you feel country living is like a Kristen Kreuk's bad acting – unbelievable.
when wearing your Sunday best means the jeans without the holes.
you hear “agent” and check to see if your doors are locked (memo to self - pay the tax man!)
you shop at the dollar store and think you’ve paid too much.
your husband calls you heifer (a.k.a. cow) and it makes you smile.
you have your own hunting license.
dinner means meat and meat and more meat.
your library includes the gardeners guide or the farmers almanac.
you know dragonflies are beneficial not just beautiful.
you want your own hunting license.

Negotiating With Your In-laws

2013-07-12T13:53:00.000-04:00

Recently a friend talked to me about her issues with her MIL. My friend explained that her mother-in-law insisted on seeing her grandkids every weekend. Her mother-in-law was not interested in what my friend or her husband had planned with the children. Her mother-in-law would not even look at her – preferring instead to direct the comments and questions to her son. Wow, was this familiar. Having just experienced something similar I offered my advice.

I suggested she speak with her husband and come to an agreement on how family or “quality” time would be spent. Obviously, this includes their children. Talk about how to handle confrontations like the one she described in the future. In the meantime, I suggested she ask her husband to speak with his mother about the way his wife was treated at that last visit. Not with anger but with soft, gentle reasoning. “He really only has two choices – either he addresses it directly with Mom or deals with the consequences when you address it”, I said. Needless to say he chose to take the lead and speak with his mom.

After his talk with Mama-Bear they all sat down to have a grown-up conversation. My friend acknowledged her in-laws concerns regarding time with the grandchildren. She and her husband promised to make more of an effort to visit and agreed to sleepovers during summer breaks, when convenient to both parents and grandparents. The grandparents agreed to follow certain rules (junk food, bedtimes, and types of movies). In today’s society most American families are of the two-income variety. So, given the work schedules of both parents weekly visits are just not feasible. Both sides agreed to try to visit two weekend per month. My friend commented that she felt as if she were negotiating a business transaction. I told her she was doing just that. She was negotiating for a better relationship with her in-laws. Her in-laws were negotiating too. For more time with their grandchildren – for a chance to make memories. Her husband was negotiating for peace between his “growing-up” family and his “grown-up” family.

At this point my friends’ husband went on to do something I thought was really awesome. He asked his parents to understand that the world has changed since they were parents. This influences the parenting skills required in raising children in this new world. He reminded them of the stories they would tell him as a child – of the added pressures they faced as a young couple from their own in-laws. He asked them to recall how they sometimes felt as if it was “us against them”. His parents nodded. He then asked them both to take a good look at his wife, the mother of his children. Then in silence he took his wife by the hand, squeezed firmly and looked at both his parents. They got the message.

Daily Ding

2013-07-11T09:36:00.000-04:00

Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day. Barbara De Angelis, Ph D - #inlawismdd