Thatcher's Penthouse

"MyPartyShirt.com Review"

2009-12-09T16:11:00.000-08:00

I was sitting on Facebook talking to my little bro Nathan when he informed me that he has to buy me a Christmas gift. He didn't want to get me the same old gifts that he gets me year after year. He decided that this year he wants to get me something classy. Something for the world to see. That's when he told me of mypartyshirt.com.
I was browsing through their selection of T-Shirts and random paraphernalia and I found the coolest shirts from my favorite movies/TV shows when I was a kid! I told my bro of the shirts that I thought were super legit, and he said that with the low prices, that he will buy me two shirts for Christmas!
It's time to kick it into awesome gear and strut around in my "Perkis Power" and "Gerry Bertier" T-shirts.

Thank You MyPartyShirt.com!!!

"Thatcher's Penthouse: On Hold"

2009-12-08T21:18:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,
Here at the Penthouse we apologize for the lack of stories and articles that haven't been posted on our blog. You see, we started this blog to make money and in a way we sold out. However, we have received such a response from our fans that we decided to keep going strong. This decision was made for YOU!

Nick Lewis says "What's The DEAL?"

2009-11-18T10:40:00.000-08:00

What's the deal with tools? I'm not talking about your classic monkey wrench or ratchet set. I am talking about that specific male type in social situations.

Urban Dictionary defines a "tool" in this fashion: A person, typically male, who says or does things that cause you to give them a 'what-are-you-even-doing-here' look. The 'what-are-you-even-doing-here' look is classified by a glare in the tool's direction and is usually accompanied by muttering of how big of a tool they are. The tool is usually someone who is unwelcome but no one has the balls to tell them to get lost. The tool is always making comments that are out-of-place, out-of-line or just plain stupid. The tool is always trying too hard to fit in, and because of this, never will. However, the tool is useful because you can use them for things; money, rides, etc.

Now I am sure you are thinking to yourself, "Hey, I know a guy like that, he is such a tool!" What I want to know is where does this behavior come from? Do we blame it on a lack of attention from parents and friends? Or maybe it has to do with a lack of self confidence? Or maybe a lack of something else? ;)

Here at the Penthouse we are amazed at the amount of tools that are in this world today. It seems that the tool population is growing, and that is due to the fact that a lot of girls seem to go for the tools when looking for a relationship. This needs to END! This is a call to women to open their eyes, and to avoid the Tim-the-Tool-Man-Taylor's out there. Many nice guys out there are being hung out to dry while the undeserving get the attention they work so hard to get. Don't be fooled women... trust in your own ability to weed out the Men from the Boys.

This isn't just a story for the women, but the dudes too. Don't let your best men become tools, and if you do know a tool... have to balls to tell him what's up and to snap out of it. It's not cool to be a tool!

Here at the Penthouse you can trust that "There is no tool in this pool."

Business Degrees Online * Online Doctorate Degrees * Online Accounting Degree

Seth McRae: Introduction to the Blogging World

2009-11-17T18:06:00.000-08:00

Hello blogging world. It has been a few weeks now and it has been brought up that as a writer for Thatcher's Penthouse I have not had the privilege, nay the pleasure, to write something for our blog. So I have decided to introduce myself, seeing as you don't really know who I am. Well, I just gotta say that I think life is about just being chill. It is my strong belief that as people go through life that they should not be stressed, and if put in stressful situations, they should just chill out...nuff said. Anyways, I am a 16 year old junior at Thatcher High School. I live with my mom and 2 little brothers. I play tennis and soccer. I watch a lot of TV and movies and i am consistently quoting any line that will make people crack a smile. :) I also like to party and also like to chill, hence my strong beliefs. So blogging world...get ready for The Seth McRae Blogging Experience.

Mesothelioma Attorneys * Mesothelioma * Mesothelioma Symptoms

Wife Beaters...No No No, The Clothing

2009-11-15T18:06:00.000-08:00

For the longest time my friend Nathan and I have wanted to purchase a pair of super stylish black wife-beaters. And the other day we finally decided to get them (thank you Target). I'm not quite sure if anyone really knows why these tank-top undershirts are more frequently called wife-beaters...maybe it's because most guys that beat their wives happen to wear wife beaters? That's definitely a messed up stereotype, but has anyone ever seen the t.v. show Cops?? I swear every time some guy is arrested for domestic violence he is wearing a wife-beater. Coincidence? Maybe. I just hope wearing a wife beater doesn't lead me and Nathan to be stars in any of the upcoming shows of Cops. Shoot!, the last thing anyone wants is to get tazed...Possible negatives aside, I've found what loads of small wimpy guys have always wanted...Here's me and Nathan before we picked up our wife-beats...And right below that picture is me and Nathan after we got our wife-beats...See before putting these super studly black wife beaters on we were merely two scrawny little kids. I mean look at us! Nathan was some bed-wetter that enjoyed reading too much and i was some pansy that literally played with pansies!! But after putting on these wife-beaters we look 100% fierce!..."Sorry bullies, you ain't takin' our lunch money this time around!!"

Who is Ken: Reserved Lover, Feminist Retort, or Gay Friend?

2009-11-15T11:38:00.000-08:00

In her essay, “Our Barbies, Ourselves,” Emily Prager delves into the subject of the Barbie doll, and what can be inferred from this American icon’s inherent design. Prager describes how Barbie was created and designed by a man, which in turn explains the ridiculous size of Barbie’s bust in comparison to her waist. Prager’s essay leads the reader to surmise that Barbie exudes sexuality because she was designed by a man—a logical assumption given that Barbie has physical attributes that are greatly desired, shall we say, by men. Prager goes on to mention Ken’s seeming lack of sexuality in comparison. It is true: while Barbie reeks of the Playboy Mansion, Ken is more reticent—he appears more like he belongs in some office than at a party. And just where are Ken’s genitals?

Could it be that the answer to that question lies in the converse of Prager’s statement: Ken lacks sexuality because he was designed by a woman (or with female consumers in mind)?

In popular culture, it is assumed that all men have some kind of inexhaustible sex-drive—that is, all men are ready for sex at any moment’s notice—and women who have not been labeled as whores are much more reserved. In the words of one of my former teachers, “Men use power to get sex, while women use sex to get power.” This being so, perhaps a woman would design or want to buy a more sexually standoffish companion for Barbie.

Ken does have all the traits supposedly craved by women, though. His torso reminds one of the letter “V”, and his basic musculature is reminiscent of Adonis. He possesses a perfectly squared jaw, and his short crop of hair is timeless. Ken is a liberated Barbie’s ultimate accessory—he follows her to each imaginary social function with perfect looks and manners, but cannot ever drag her to bed afterward.

Or perhaps Ken was intended to be sexless so that he could serve as a polar opposite of Barbie. Where Barbie is a man’s idea of a female sex goddess, Ken is cruelly androgynous. Might Ken just be a sadistic feminist reply to a perceived attempt by man to subvert womankind’s struggle to be more than just a sex object?

Or maybe Ken was created to emaciate the male sex drive in its developmental stages. Little boys playing house with their female counterparts would see Ken’s rippling abs and massive pectorals, and ignore the inconsequential lump between his legs. Obviously, these games of house could never inspire curious children to add any sexual activity to their games of house, nor even instigate underage, sexual ponderings.

Or possibly Ken was created as an ideal some homosexual man had set for his own body. Perhaps such a man would wish to become more like a woman, while retaining all the trappings of manliness minus the actual determining organs. This origin of Ken would denote that Ken was meant to be Barbie’s friend, and not her partner—more a shopping buddy than a lover.

No matter which of these possible reasons is true, it is obvious that Ken is a symbol of truncated masculinity. Unless he was trying to make money by appealing to women or gay men, no heterosexual man spawned Ken, for Ken is definitely not the ideal of any straight man.

Casa Mañana

2009-11-15T10:57:00.000-08:00

Restaurant Review

Last night, I had the opportunity to dine at Casa Mañana, which means "house of tomorrow." I'm not sure why it is called that, because the whole time I was eating there, I was thinking of the present and the food I was eating right then. I had a carne machaca chimichanga, enchilada-style, and wow!--it was amazing.

Besides the excellent food, the people there are always friendly. As Seth McRae once put it, "Casa is where you go when you want to eat a good meal and see good people." Last night I knew every waiter/waitress, several of the cooks, and many of the people who ate there. Of course, I was there on a date, so the company was already pleasant, to say the least, but even if I had been alone it would have been a good time.

Casa Mañana is a member of the Salsa Trail. According to the Salsa Trail information page:

This landmark restaurant has been a family tradition of fine Mexican food since 1951. Gabby and Emma Gabaldon began cooking their delicious recipes in the humble kitchen of this home where Casa Mañana has been for nearly 55 years.
Casa Mañana has several very old Mexican food recipes that result in authentic unique dishes that you just can't get anywhere else. One of these dishes is the Sonoran Enchilada, a masa patty with enchilada sauce, cheese, scallions, and chopped green olives.
The Hoopes family now continues the tradition of legendary food delivered with a sense of warmth and hospitality you can find at home. Sit back, relax and enjoy yourselves while we prepare your meal. As always, "Mi casa es su casa".

Casa Mañana's full menu is available here. You can find Casa online here.

Someone Stole Our Balls

2009-11-13T14:33:00.001-08:00

For anyone who hasn't been to the Penthouse lately, you may not know what we are talking about when we mention our "Balls." Let me just explain what we are referring to. We had a certain expedition to my hometown of Chandler, AZ and while we were there we obtained bull testicles that are made completely of rubber and are to be hung from the back of your car signifying that you car has "power."
Yesterday, we had an unfortunate mishap with our balls. Someone stole our balls. At first we were somewhat confused, looking back at our day trying to remember who saw that balls last. We then came to realization that Steve had seen the shadow of a certain Caitie Crandall reaching up to not only tap the balls, but to steal them away to her own apartment. Here at the Penthouse, we do not tolerate the crime of theft, and therefore had to get our balls back.
We started things off by dressing in our prank suits. As we arrived at Howard's Apartments, we came into a quick huddle to devise a strategy. We decided that the most appropriate strat would be to move in quickly and search for balls. As we opened the door and forced our way into the girls' apartment we quickly made our way to their rooms in search for our balls. As me, Dallin, and Steve found our way into a room, we quickly locked the door behind us. We rummaged through their clothes and panties ;) (we're not pervs) but came up with no balls. We then exited the room pretending like we had something (which we didn't) and continued to run for the Olds. We drove around the block and came back to the apartments noticing that one of the girls' cars was missing and that their apartment had lights off and doors locked. The funny thing is that they left their window open. So Dallin was able to push out the screen and open the door. We were in! We quickly grabbed their car keys and contemplated taking their laptops, but they were back before we knew it. They had gone to the Penthouse to take back Kristi Smith's soccer ball, while we were looting their whole frickin' house! As they sped back to their house and realized we were inside, they freaked. We ran off to our car and quickly drove back to the Penthouse to survey the damage. As we combed the room, we found that the only thing taken was the soccer ball, just as we suspected. We had the upper hand. We drove back to Howard's and calmly got out of our car. We walked to their door and knocked, and they hesitated with opening the door. They then appeared in the doorway with balls in hand (Caitie was holding the balls) the quickly demanded their keys, but we weren't going to make it that easy. We withheld their keys as to build suspense. I then called another huddle and brought Steve and Dallin in, and we convinced Dallin to run for the balls... to just go for it. He did, and very quickly the seven of us were quickly engaged in a smack down. For some reason I ran to the rooms in the apartment (not knowing that the balls were in the kitchen)Dallin was holding Kristi back so that me and Steve could get in, and Steve got caught up in a 1 on 4 vendetta. As I realized what was going on, I quickly ran to the kitchen and pried the balls from Caitie's hands and pitched em to Dallin who ran for the door, which was closed in front of him by Kristi. Caitie also got in on the action and made herself a doorstop. Being unmerciful and ruthless in obtaining my prized balls back, I went for the throat (literally) and moved Caite and Kristi away from the door so that Dallin could make a great escape. He did, but was being pursued by a small (but tough) Leisel Innes. Me and Steve quickly ran out the door and to the reliable Olds, and now needed to find Dallin who was running from little Leisel. To make a long story short we drove around for a bit and found Dallin. With our glorious balls back in hand we triumphantly drove home and slept soundly. :)

Pictured Right: The Girls that stole our balls: Leisel Innes, Briana Harrison, Kristi Smith, and Caitie Crandall

Demetri Martin: Comedic Genius

2009-11-12T17:16:00.000-08:00

We here at Thatcher's Penthouse have a fairly good sense of humor.

Ok, ok... All kidding aside, we have pretty much the best darn sense of humor in the world. This post is the start of a line of many posts that will discuss some of our favorite comedians. Today's comedian is one of my very favorites; his witty one-liners make me laugh so hard that I printed a bunch out and hung them on the wall. His name?

Demetri Martin.

According to Demetri's biography at ComedyCentral.com:

Demetri Martin dropped out of NYU School of Law to pursue comedy. Since then, he has performed in most of the English-speaking countries in the world (not in South Africa or New Zealand, though) and won trophies for comedy in America, Scotland and Australia. Martin was a staff writer for "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" and has appeared on a lot of late-night television shows, both onstage and in the audience. He made a stand-up CD/DVD, "These Are Jokes," which was released via Comedy Central Records in 2006, and his "Trendspotting with Demetri Martin" was a featured segment on the Emmy and Peabody Award-winning "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart." Martin was featured in his own one-hour stand-up special for Comedy Central, "Demetri Martin. Person." (which was also released on DVD by Comedy Central Home Entertainment and Paramount Home Entertainment). His show, Important Things with Demetri Martin -- a fusion of original sketch and stand-up -- debuted on Comedy Central in February 2009.

Martin currently stars in the Ang Lee film, "Taking Woodstock," for Focus Features. He is writing the feature script, "Will," for Paramount Pictures. He is also co-writing, with James Bobin, the feature script, "The Moon People," for Sony Pictures with Mosaic Media Producing. Martin is also planning to clean up his apartment some time in 2009.

Demetri's Perrier Award-winning show, If I, is an example of his comedic genius. The whole show revolves around the short palindrome (a word, phrase, sentence, etc. that says the same thing whether you read it forward or backwards), and is mind-bogglingly, ingeniously funny.

Here is a list of some of our favorite Demetri Martin quotes (warning, there are a bunch of quotes here, and I didn't have time to go and edit them, so read at your own risk):

“I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word ‘dude.’ ‘Dude, these are isotopes.’ ‘Dude, we removed your kidney. You’re gonna be fine.’ ‘Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.’”
“I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you’re really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flip flops, you’re saying: ‘Hope I don’t get chased today.’ ‘Be nice to people in sneakers.’”
“I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought, ‘That is cool.’ But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, ‘That is not cool’. Then I figured it out: ‘Cool’ is all about leather sleeves.”
“‘Sort of’ is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It’s just a filler. Sort of – it doesn’t really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after ‘I love you’ or ‘You’re going to live’ or ‘It’s a boy.’”"I was in a store and I saw a pocket dictionary and that made me laugh because it’s such…a specific item. I don’t know that many words and I’m going out…and I have pants. Perfect!”
“When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults.”
“I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you’d be like ‘Huh? What the hell is this?’, but if it’s in a fruit basket you’re like ‘This is nice!.’”
“I feel stupid when I write the word banana. Its like, how many na’s are on this thing? ‘Cause I’m like ‘Bana … keep going. Bananana … damn.’
“I like clothes, you know. I dig fabrics. One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you’re in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you’re not it does just the opposite. It’s like, ‘Hey, there’s an a**hole.’ But when you’re in the woods you’re like, ‘Is there an a**hole out here?’ They look like trees.”
“I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’”
“I like parties, but I don’t like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there’s a donkey with some pizzazz. Let’s kick its ass. What I’m trying to say is, don’t make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did.”
“People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they’re very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they’re kind of hard to tell apart… Especially if the human is kind of hairy.”
“Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I’m swimming, sometimes I’m not sure which one it is. I gotta go by the outfit. Pants – uh oh. Bathing suit – okay. Naked – we’ll see. Should I be swimming faster, or am I getting laid?”
“Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize.’ Except at a funeral.”
“They say that you can tell man apart from other animals by his ability to reason. I think you could also go by last names. What’s his name? Patches? Patches what? That’s a dog. Don’t waste my time.”
“The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.”
“Some jokes are short and elegant, like a mathematical proof or a midget in a ballgown.”
“One of my friends has a stutter and a lot of people think that’s a bad thing, but to me that’s just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That’s not an impediment, that’s suspense! What’s he going to say? Car?? …or Carnival?? …Carburetor!?!? Man…
“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.”
“About a month ago I got a cactus. A week later, it died. I was really depressed because I was like ‘Damn! I am less nurturing than a desert.’ (Ladies, that’s not true)”
“I like when good things happen to me, but I wait two weeks to tell anyone because I like to use the word ‘fortnight.’”
“I like video games, but they’re really violent. I’d like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It’d be called ‘Really Busy Hospital.’”
“I think vests are all about protection. You know what I mean? Like a lifevest protects you from drowning and bulletproof vests protect you from getting shot and the sweatervest protects you from pretty girls. ‘Leave me alone. Can’t you see I’m cold just right here?’”
“I went into a deli and got an egg sandwich and a hot chocolate. And then I went outside and I had to get a cab, so I had to put up one of my hands. But I already started eating my sandwich; I took it out of the bag, I was impatient. So my choice was hold up an egg sandwich or hold up a hot chocolate to get a car. So I chose the hot chocolate. And I put it up there and no cab stopped and I realized it was because I looked like I was toasting traffic. Standing on the street, ‘Here’s to you guys, to everybody heading west, I just wanna say I like what you do… but one of you needs to stop, pick me up.’”
“I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that’s to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn’t know if someone was stuttering. ‘Yes, hello I’d like some b-batteries.’ ‘What kind?’ ‘B-batteries.’ ‘What kind?!?’ ‘B-batteries!!!’ and D-batteries that’s hard for foreigners. ‘Yes, I would like de batteries.’”
“A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he’s persuasive. ‘Dude make a left.’ ‘Those are trees…’ ‘Trust me.’
“I like the beach. I like to get there really early before everyone else shows up and take like thirty bottles with notes in them and throw them into the water. Then I wait for everyone to come to the beach and when someone goes to pick up one of the bottles, I go up behind them because when they open it there’s a note saying ‘I’m standing right behind you.’”
“I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.”
“I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.”
“I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.”
“I like sports; I like professional football. I like to get to the stadium and see the games live, you know. And I paint my chest before I leave the house. But I don’t have many friends, you know, so I usually just do punctuation and tack on a group already in progress. But sometimes it works out kind of weird because we ended up on TV one time and it said ‘JETS?’”
“An easy way to sound like a creep is to add the word ‘ladies’ to the end of things you say. It can be harmless too, but it just makes you a creep. ‘Yeah after college I spent two years in the peace corps, ladies?’ The more harmless it is, the more of a creep you become. ‘I broke my arm. I need help, ladies?’”
“My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. ‘Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you’re stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem – just move on to the next. ‘Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.’”
“I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said “if you need anything, I’m Jill”. I’ve never met anyone with a conditional identity before.”
“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
My friend Steve likes cats. People are always saying “Oh, Steve’s really a cat person”. No he’s not. If Steve were a cat person it’d be, like, “Hey, Steve never goes in the pool”.
On same Daily Show episode, when asked about dangers of MySpace: “On the downside, it’s loaded with sexual predators. On the plus side, it’s also loaded with sexual prey.”
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.
It was my friend’s birthday and I was mad at him, so I sent him a card. It said happy birthday, but I put quotes around the word “Happy”… sarcastic birthday, douchebag.
“I love women, but I feel like you can’t trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog’s name. Then Í said, “Does he bite?”. She said “No.” And I said, “Oh yeah? Then how does he eat? … Liar.”"
“I think it would be cool, if you were writing a ransom note in Microsoft Word, and it popped up, the paperclip and said, “It looks like you’re writing a ransom note… need some help? You should curse more.” The paperclip would be all messed up, you know? I never saw a paperclip with tattoos before.”
Graffiti… I don’t like graffiti, unless it teaches me something, you know? Like “Oh, that’s how Alex feels about Maria. I wouldn’t have known if I had not walked by there, thank you.” Graffiti’s the most passionate literature there is, you know? It’s always like “Bush sucks!”, “U2 Rocks!”. I want to make indifferent graffiti. “Toy Story 2 was okay!” “I like Sheryl as a friend, but I’m not sure about taking things further”, “This is a bridge!”, “That guy’s right!”
If you have a pear shaped body, you should not wear pear colored clothes, or act juicy.
I wonder what the word for dots looks like in braille.
I don’t like when I go in a store and they call me “Boss.” “Hey boss, can I help you, boss?” When they call me boss, I go, “I got some bad news… I’m gonna have to let you go, but first bring me the earnings from the register for today. I’ll give you severance, and give me the rest.”
I was in a shoe store and the guys call me boss, and I said, “Ya, can i just get those sneakers in a 10?” And uh, he said, “Okay” and then he went down stairs. He came back and he said, “I don’t have a 10, I have a 9.” “Oh great, because while you were downstairs, my toes were severed off. So that works out. Normally it would be stupid for you to tell me a number different than the one I said, ’cause it goes with my body part. But given my very recent accident, you’re right on. I’ll take the 9’s and a pile of band-aids, thank you. You’re re-hired ’cause you’re a genius.
A quick way to start a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color?” A quick way to end a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color…person?”
My friend had a burrito. The next day he said, “That burrito did not agree with me.” I was like, “Was the disagreement over whether or not you’d have diarrhea? Let me guess who won.” “I tried to reason with it, I insisted, you know. I was like, ‘I wanna go outside, I like these pants, but the burrito had his way.’”
I’m excited to be here. I almost didn’t do this show, because I have certain requests in order to do a benefit show. And I said, “I’ll do the show, but I need giant gay icicles behind me or I can’t do it. I work with giant gay icicles or you can forget it.” It worked out, it’s cool, so they make me look cool and a little less gay than the icicles themselves. – melbourne comedy festival
I heard this lady say “I love kids.” That’s nice, a little weird though. It’s like saying “I like people, for a little while.” “How old are you? 14? F*** off!” You can say “I love kids” as a general statement, that’s fine. It’s when you get specific that you get in to trouble. “I love twelve-year-olds.”
I was on the street. This guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, “I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.” And I said, “I am.”
What do you call someone who can’t tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle? Fat.

Well, that's all I have for now on Demetri Martin. More comedian reviews to come!

Relationship Advice - Age Difference: Love Barrier?

2009-11-12T15:30:00.000-08:00

If you haven't heard the buzz around town please let me catch you up to speed. I have a brother, he is a 21-year old RM (Returned Missionary). He is an alright guy I guess, he gets annoying sometimes but then again everyone does. He has taken a like to a certain girl. Now this girl is of a fairly different age (the difference being 5 years younger) and her and Steve seem to be quite in "like" with each other.

Now I don't feel like I should take a position on this subject, but I would love to hear some feedback from the readers. Please leave a comment. Let me know what you think, and in a later article i will give the results of this writer/reader interaction.

The Onion

2009-11-11T21:59:00.000-08:00

Website Review

When I first discovered The Onion, I was flabbergasted--and not just because of the disclaimer at the bottom that reads, "The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age."

"What brilliance! What audacity! What the heck is this?!" were all thoughts that went through my mind.

With article headlines like "Monument Designer To See If Some Other Country Wants To Buy Rejected War Memorial" and "House Haunted By Tortured Souls Of Current Residents", The Onion is obviously not your average news source. By that I mean that most of what is covered in every article is blatantly false. However, The Onion is definitely a site to visit if you want a laugh.

Even better than the articles are the videos. The video below is one example of the wide variety of content covered. To see more videos, visit The Onion's video page.

How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son

I would highly recommend The Onion to anyone wanting to read and view the news as it ought to be presented, especially if this anyone doesn't mind disregarding facts.

Pranksters: This One is for YOU!

2009-11-10T23:49:00.000-08:00

Oh how I love the occasional challenge. It's not often that you get a REAL chance to show what you're made of. But this situation came quite close tonight. You see... I was hanging out at Stephanie Daley's house innocently flirting with a certain girl. As the night continued on and girls grew tired I knew it was my time to leave. As I vacated the Daley home, I found my car written upon. "Eggs","Omlettes Anyone?", "<3 KJAMN" and a horrible portrait of eggs covered my windows. Now it wasn't hard for me to figure this out, and I quickly confirmed my suspicions as I talked to the source.
The point of this article isn't about this prank of theirs or to gain further information on these so called "pranksters." This article is simply a warning. A word of caution to all those "pranksters" out there that think they are something. I will say this right away, you are nothing compared to what I have seen and done. and if you think you can come around my car/house and mess with it, then you are completely mistaken. Period.

Thank You to "KJAMN" for inspiring this article :)

("N" remains unknown at this time)

And yes, we are STILL BFF's ;)

Thatcher Eagles Volleyball: The Few, The Proud, The Injured?

2009-11-08T10:18:00.001-08:00

Dedicated to Heather Lucero and Rebeka Barney

As the Lady Eagles rolled through the first 2 opponents in the 2A State Tournament all seemed well and secure. The Eagles rested their bodies and were ready to go again for the second half of their attempt at a State Championship repeat. The undefeated team warmed up for their game against Northwest Christian (last year's State Runner's Up coming up short against last year's Championship Eagles) looking relaxed and calm.
As the first serve came about, things just didn't seem right. As the game went on, spectators witnessed Setter Rebeka Barney go down on a rolled ankle. Tension continued to rise as the Eagles continued on a sketchy road of shanked passes and abnormal hitting errors. The first game seemed to be lost, but what happened next was very unexpected. As game point showed up for the Crusaders, the Eagles still fought hard as Selena Scroggins saved a rogue volleyball heading towards the Thatcher bench, as this saved volleyball sailed through the air it found it's way towards Outside Hitter Heather Lucero. However, as Thatcher Middle Chelcy Motes followed this same saved volleyball, her effort to get the ball back to the Northwestern side of the court was brought short. Chelcy and Heather collided, and as Heather went down you could tell something wasn't right. The uneasy feeling continued as Heather immediately grasped her head, and stayed on the ground. "It was like Lady Gaga's performance at the 2009 MTV VMA Awards. Blood was everywhere" stated Nick Lewis.
What was most impressive was Heather and Rebeka's triumphant return to the court. Rebeka Barney entered back into the match for the second game while Heather's head took some healing (and stitches) before returning towards the end of the fourth game of the match. Thatcher was able to pull out the win in the 5th game after Rebeka and Heather returned.
All the writers here at Thatcher's Penthouse would like to express how very impressed we all are to see Heather and Rebeka's focus on the game, letting nothng get in their way on the road to a State Champ repeat even injury. You are all State Champions in our book.

Friday Night--Complete With Cops, Weed (Maybe), and Everything

2009-11-06T23:57:00.000-08:00

So tonight Nick and I are in Chandler visiting his family and watching tomorrow's volleyball tournament. Seth is down, too, and Nick's friend CJ came over. We went to this dude's house, and then we went to this sweet little taco place--Los Favoritos. I had this amazing Carne Asada burrito and a large soda--Dr. Pepper, of course.

Right after we ordered, I was filling up my cup at the soda fountain, and ice started falling off the top. I guess they had just overfilled the soda fountain.

Then, as I was putting the lid on the cup, Seth pointed at the counter next to my leg, and told me to look. It was about a two-inch long cockroach. I guess that's what you get for eating at a little Taco shop.

The Burro sure was good, though.

Anyway, on to the interesting stuff.

We were sitting there chatting, eating our burros and sipping soda, when in walked this group of college-aged chicks and dudes. They were mostly white, looked to be fairly well-dressed, and completely, no-holds-barred stoned. And they smelled funny.

We talked about it a little, and went back to eating our burros. The group of sketchy looking co-eds didn't seem to order anything, and quickly left the building. They gathered in a group around a white Kia sub-compact car, loitering, and just generally chatting. But then a dude started to smoke.

It didn't look like a normal cigarette--it was shorter, fatter, and maybe not quite as tightly wrapped--and we instantly thought "Weed!" (Not in an excited to get high kind of way, but more in an excited that something unusual was happening kind of way.) As we watched, they seemed to pass it around, still chilling nonchalantly outside the Mexican boutique.

We talked about it some more, and finally, it was decided that I should call 911. Because they were still pretty close by, I went into the bathroom. Seth, all ears and interested, followed me in. Right in the middle of attempting to explain to the operator where exactly I was, one of the stoned dudes walked into the bathroom. I was still on the phone, so Seth and I left the bathroom quickly to avoid being overheard.

We finally got the message relayed to the 911 operator, and we ended the call. Quickly grabbing all of our stuff, we left the restaurant. Unfortunately, Nick threw away my burro in the rush.

After leaving the small establishment, we went to a nearby service station, from where we had a decent view of Los Favoritos' front. Within minutes, cops arrived on the scene. They pulled one of the stoners aside and appeared to question him and maybe even give him a test.

Then, they shook his hand, and as quickly as they arrived, the cops left.

Come on! I was so close to seeing someone get tasered... I just know it!

Oh well. Maybe I should be happy for those guys because they really weren't doing something illegal. But all I feel is angry because they cheated me out of my show. And I didn't get to finish my burrito.

Moral of the story: Pot ruins lives. And burritos. And otherwise exciting Friday nights.

Shaving Seth

2009-11-06T18:06:00.000-08:00

One of the first things I did when I moved into the penthouse was shave my legs. Why did I do it? I'm not really sure. But I sure do like my legs now.

Anyway, we were all sitting in Nick and Steve's room--we being Nick, Steve, Ma (pronounced May, short for Macey, Steve's sixteen-year-old girlfriend; more on that to come), Seth, and Me--and somehow we got onto the subject of shaving legs. Nick told Seth, "If you shave yours, I'll shave mine," but Seth turned him down.

Of course, we couldn't let Seth get away with that.

Steve and Nick held Seth down, while I ran into the bathroom to grab my electric razor (an amazing tool, by the way; it is so much better than a normal razor). As Seth writhed and kicked and otherwise tried to escape, I shaved a long line down the back of his calf. Once the damage was done, Seth had no choice but to relent.

Over the course of the next 30-45 minutes, Seth's legs took on a whole new look. Metaphorically, a forest was logged. Actually, that could be literal in Seth's case.

Here is a video of this epic experience:

It's a little grainy, but what do you expect with a cell phone camera?

This is Nick

2009-11-06T13:26:00.001-08:00

Dallin introduced himself... So I figured I would too. Where are my manners?

I'm 19 years old. Making me the middle child of the Top-Most floor. My hometown is Chandler, AZ. I'm a city boy so being in Thatcher is quite the change for me. The college life is great (except for the EA girl's dislike for boys that haven't been on their mission) I guess it's just hard when girl's instantly dismiss me due to age. Oh well, I can deal, and they can miss out.

I enjoy the finer things in life: Dr. Pepper, Women, Facebook, Volleyball, and Driving. Some call me a smooth talker, and someday that will work to my advantage.

I miss my boys back in Chandler. This is my shout out to CJ, and Na. 305.

This is a Blog of Class.

Blondes Aren't Like, Dumb, Are They?

2009-11-06T13:26:00.000-08:00

Blonde. The word invites the image of bikini-clad beach babes on some Californian beach sunbathing their skin off. Blonde. The word recalls the song by Julie Brown—“’Cause I’m A Blonde”:

I just want to say that being chosen this month's Miss August
Is, like, a compliment that I'll remember for as long as I can.
Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA,
But, my goal is to become a veterinarian 'cause I love children!
‘Cause I’m a blonde! Yeah, yeah, yeah…

But are all blondes the platitudinous beautiful morons who use the word like in like, every sentence envisioned by the American people? I submit that they are not.

For one, not all blondes are female. In fact, it makes sense to me that approximately one-half of all blondes are male. This nullifies the first cliché of bikini-clad beach babes (unfortunately, this doesn’t rule out all bikini-clad blondes).

As for the second point about the seeming lack of intelligence in the blonde community, I know of several well-noted scientists with blonde hair. Madame Marie Curie, for instance, had… oh. She was a brunette. Bad example. But Albert Einstein was a definite… um… he had brown hair as well. Thomas Edison had dark brown hair, so he doesn’t fit the smart blonde description, either. Oh, here is one: Paris Hilton is blonde.

I know what you are thinking: Paris Hilton isn’t smart! She’s a quintessential dumb-blonde! But how does she manage to live the life of a celebrity without any noticeable talents? That must have something to do with her intelligence.

Oh, well. I tried. Maybe that stereotype really is true.

On a related point, I just read an article that confirms the fact that blondes are notoriously dumb. The study mentioned in the article seems to conclude that the mental performance of men actually drops when they begin a conversation with a blonde woman. According to the Times Online article, “Further analysis convinced the team that, rather than simply being distracted by the flaxen hair, those who performed poorly had been unconsciously driven by social stereotypes to ‘think blonde’.”Has the “dumb-blonde” really been around long enough to creep into common social behavior?

Maybe this essay will have to end without conclusive evidence against the discrimination of blondes. I couldn’t really find any support for my case. It seems blondes really are, like, dumb.

Meet Dallin

2009-11-06T13:22:00.001-08:00

So basically we've got a blog.

You better believe it: Nick and Dallin, roommates on the top floor of Thatcher's Penthouse--as well as some of their very cool, extremely good-looking, friends--are unleashing their thoughts on the world. Prepare yourselves.

I guess I'd better introduce myself. Hello, I'm Dallin Bryce. I'm the youngest member of the Penthouse residents--I'm only seventeen--and the only resident still enrolled in high school. The whole deal with my family wasn't working out, and because of a story too sticky and tangled to reveal even on this site, I am no longer living with mi familia. I'd like to think of myself as a sort of moral compass at the penthouse, a guiding light so to speak. Hehehe...

Right now I'm in Chandler, hanging out with Nick at his parent's house, starving my buns off. It's two in the afternoon, and I still haven't eaten. Of course, I didn't wake up 'till after noon. I've been dreaming of In 'N Out, but we will see.

Cloudy in Chandler? What is this?! I thought this was supposed to be the Valley of the Freaking Sun.

I want to be a writer someday, so most of my posts will probably be essays worthy of publishing or reviews of different websites, books, restaurants, movies, etc...

Ciao.

Let's Do This

2009-11-06T12:55:00.000-08:00

As me (Nick) and my good friend and roommate Dallin Bryce were sitting in my home living room in Chandler,AZ we realized that our lives were exciting enough to create a popular and comedic blog. So here we are; Blog created. Get ready for the sticky situations sticky's a bad word, but not good). This is the Penthouse. It's all about Class.