Healthy Lifestyle

2016-01-08T00:13:00.000-08:00

The idea of this article is to get you to know yourself and have the courage to live life as exactly who you were meant to be, being true to your core values, and coming to peace with it all. It is to understand what makes you different, and as you do that, you get to know yourself better.

Knowing yourself is your first priority. It's important to be a self-aware person. Engaging in self-reflection isn’t a luxury, it is a necessity. Not knowing yourself will lead to confusion and wasting much time in hit and miss situations.

The most beautiful thing you will ever witness in your life is when you begin to unfold into the person you were meant to be from your very beginning. To be authentic or to be an authentic self is to have consistency in one’s beliefs, values, and actions. It is to act without pretense and false airs.

Knowing yourself is beyond figuring out your favorite color or your favorite subject in school or your favorite music album. It is the process of understanding you – the human being – on deeper levels than the surface. It is an unpredictable road that you must be willing to explore. It brings you face-to-face with your deep self-doubts and insecurities. It makes you take a serious look at the way you are living your life and put it to question.

Knowing yourself means respecting your values in life, your beliefs, your personality, your priorities, your moods, your habits, your magnificent body, and your relationships. It means understanding your strengths and weaknesses, your passions and fears, your desires and dreams, your likes and dislikes, and your tolerances and limitations. It is your purpose in life.

Knowing yourself is a conscious effort; you do it with intention and purpose. You do not get to know yourself simply by growing up and growing old.

When we know ourselves better, we’re able to make smarter decisions about what’s best for us. We’re able to create more satisfying lives – lives that are based on our core values and personal priorities

Here are some thoughts to consider to help you in this journey and hopefully might be helpful.

How to Get to Know Yourself in 6 proven Steps:

1. Get to Know Your Personality

Understanding your own personality is really important. You have the collective opinion of others which is one aspect. You also have your own database of information about what your personality is really like, and who you are in your private moments as well as in your public ones.

The idea is to get to know your personality inside out, to know what you are and what you are not like. Understand what makes you react a certain way in life’s myriad of situations. Ask yourself “Why did I do that?” and answer it. Who are you behind your name? What are your characteristic traits? Who are you among friends? What about strangers? What persona do you portray to the outside world?

What are you really like on a good day as well as a bad day, in face of a challenge or a great reward? How do you react to the world around you?

2. Realize that you do not have to justify your worth.

The truth is that everyone is worthy of love, respect, and kindness.

Get to Know Your Core Values

Your core values are the morale codes and the principles you hold near and dear to your heart. When I work with my clients, one of the first things I ask prior to our coaching sessions is a list of their top eight core values.

You probably have more than eight values, but the top eight play the big roles in decision-making, influencing, persuading, conflict-resolution, communication, and living your day-to-day life.

In your work, in your home, in all aspects of your life, which values can you never compromise? Those are your core values.

Is it honesty, integrity, security or flexibility? Is it dedication to others, wisdom and learning, financial comfort or fun? Do you value loyalty above excellence, responsibility above ambition, or innovation above improvement?

2. Take time to try different things to figure out what you enjoy.

Try new things out. This will provide you with a greater insight into what the real you actually enjoys, and you’ll have lots of fun along the way.

Get to Know Your Body

How well do you know your body, your breathing, your abilities, your limits of balance and flexibility? Try out physical challenges and take the time to become truly intimate with the loveliest temple on earth, your own body.

Get to Know your Dreams

Your dreams and hopes create the pathway into your future. They help you build the life you can be proud of living. And start getting to know your dreams well. Get to know the details and the specifics. Make your dreams part of your daily pursuits. Take them seriously. Work at them. Glorify them instead of hiding them and being ashamed of them.

Get to Know your Likes and Dislikes

What do you like and just as important, what do you dislike? This will give you a lot of confidence into who you are. Take the time to define your likes and dislikes, Defining your own likes and especially dislikes takes guts. If you keep doing frustrates you and neglect what brings you joy, you give up part of who you are. It’s the least likely path to any happiness whatsoever.

3. Let go of expectations.

This was probably one of the most important things I did. It was hard to let go of the idealized image of what university and my life were going to be like, which had been instilled in my head for years. But once I was able to, it was easier to accept things for what they were, without feeling like my whole world was crumbling before me.

4. Look after yourself.

When you’re finding things tough and questioning who you are and where you’re going, it’s important to take some time out to practice a bit of self-care. For me, this usually means getting lost in a great novel, having a warm shower, and getting at least eight hours of sleep.

After this, my thoughts become less erratic and I feel a lot calmer and more ready to face any challenges ahead.

5. Know that fitting in is overrated.

I have learned that you are very lucky if you have a few close friends.

At school particularly, it can sometimes seem that belonging to a group is the most important thing, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that true friends won’t leave you on a whim. And they should love you for your amazing unique qualities rather than your “role” to the group.

Be yourself and you’ll attract authentic friendships into your life.

6. Remember that your life is not set in stone.

Life is full of opportunities. Any time spent regretting missed ones allows less time to enjoy the opportunities that are presenting themselves right now!

It isn’t worth living a lie and being untrue to who you are, no matter how crazy, how eccentric, how uncommon, how different you may be. You are who you are. The earlier in life you accept this and get on with it, the easier and sweeter you shall live out your days.

Let’s start embracing it instead of hiding it under the covers. You won’t miss the lie you are living, because living true to yourself is the real paradise.

The Power Of A Smile- Great Things Your Smile Can Do For You

2015-12-03T23:56:00.000-08:00

The Power of A Smile
Many people do not realize the power of a smile. It can work magic, it can heal emotional pain, and it can remove physical pain. When you smile at another person you not only let them feel they are wanted, accepted and appreciated, but you also give encouragement as well.

One simple smile has the power to calm far, insecurity, hurt and anxiety. It has the power within it to change the world because smiles can be shared. Smile is contagious. When you smile at another person you pass all the wonderful benefits of smiling onto that person. You have the power within you to create a smile and there is a lot of power in that expression.

Whenever you smile at someone else they are very likely to start smiling too because smile is infectious. Try it. Tilt up the corner of your lip at someone on the street, and the odds are that you will make that person grin back at you and they will smile back, then they too will feel a wave of happiness flood throughout their being. For a little while all their physical and emotional aches and pains will miraculously go away.

You have the power within you to change lives, yet all you have to do is smile. You smile at someone, and they at another person, and that person at someone else, and the change begins. You have the power to make the world a much nicer place to live in and all you have to do is smile.

How To Use The Power Of Your Smile To Your Advantage
• Be sensitive in flashing your smiles. It would be an insult when a person is hurting and we flash him our biggest smile. A timid smile is proper when we express out positive things during our conversations.

• A sweet smile coming from any face is sweet, but a smile is sweeter when we take care of our mouth through proper hygiene. Be sure to keep your teeth clean! It’s hard to accept a beautiful smile with spinach stuck in your teeth and a bad breath.

How To Smile
Smiling seems to come naturally to some people than others, but like any habit, it gets much easier with practice. Smiling raises your spirit and makes other people happy- It’s a very powerful expression.
• Practice what you feel to be your most attractive smile. Which smiles and poses make your face light up the most? Which smile displays your other features to the best possible advantage? Figure out which smile you like best the practice in front of a mirror until you get it just right. Pay attention to how that great smile feels, so that you'll be able to replicate it without looking at the mirror. Soon your confidence in your smile will increase and you'll start flashing it without thinking.

• Smile with your eyes. A whole hearted smile will naturally draw in the eyes. It’s not something you can fake. To get a feel of how to make your eyes smile, stand in front of a mirror and practice smiling, but only concentrate only on your eyes. You may find it helpful to cover the lower part of your face with a piece of paper. Play around with it a bit, and you will find that you can make your mouth smile when your eyes aren’t smiling, and you can also smile with your eyes. When your eyes do smile, remember how it feels, which muscles are working and how. With practice, you may discover how to smile with your eyes at will by relying on your feelings and muscle memory.

• Maintain good oral hygiene. One thing that can cause you to fear using the power of your smile is the worry that there is something stuck between your teeth, or that you have bad breath. Eliminate these sources of worry by taking active steps to keep your mouth fresh and clean. When you smile, people will inevitably look at your mouth. Also, keep your lips in great shape and moisturised to prevent it from chapping.

Letting go of your past relationships

2015-11-23T03:17:00.001-08:00

Wish you could change your past? Learn to let go and create a life you love.......the amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.

Things you should know about letting go of your past

Letting go can be difficult, letting go of people, ideas, expectations, desires, letting go of bad habits, false beliefs and unhealthy relationships.....every day, every moment presents an opportunity to create ourselves up to the possibility of the moment and take action to create an incredible future.
If you've been holding unto an old relationship, now is the perfect time to let go.

The following are what you need to do: Identify with what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure; write everything you want to express down; Remember both the good and the bad; Visualize an empowered single you; Create a space that reflects your present reality; Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance; Know that loving yourself means letting go; Replace your emotional thoughts with facts; Practice releasing regrets; Work on forgiving yourself; don’t think about any time as lost or a waste; Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship; Create separation; Let yourself free; Remember the benefits of moving on.. letting go opens you up to new possibilities; Recognize and replace fearful thoughts; embrace impermanence.....

Nothing in life lasts forever, every experience and relationship eventually runs its course; be grateful and be true to yourself.

Searching for Love

2015-11-16T05:35:00.000-08:00

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Looking for love is hell. It’s a mindset you identify with when you forget who you are and what love is. It’s what you do when you experience the fall from grace and you fear that love has abandoned you.
You search for love outside of yourself. The searching leads you to believe that you exist outside love. You act as if you and love are two separate things. You think the purpose of the world is to find love, and then, once you find it not to lose it again. Until you change your mind about yourself, your only hope is to find someone who will overturn the judgment. So you try to create a pleasing image that hides the pain of feeling unlovable. This image knows how to be seductive, to attract attention and to win admiration, but because it’s not the real you, it does not attract real love. Therefore you keep on looking, but because you won’t change your mind about yourself, all you find is your own lovelessness.

It’s difficult to believe in love when you are looking for love. The more you keep looking, the more unlovable you feel. Because you don’t believe you are loveable, you can't believe it’s possible for someone to love you. Eventually, you begin to doubt if love even exists. This is the worst pain of all. To believe that and to keep on living is impossible. Now you're just a shadow of your-self. You have even reached a dead end. Looking for love hasn’t worked. So now its time to try something else. And that’s a good thing.

The way out is not to seek love but to see how you are blocking love. You begin by examining what is causing you to seek for love in the first place. First, you must cast off all the loveless images of yourself that you have made. Looking for love, in its truest sense, isn’t about finding someone else; it’s about finding yourself again. You also have to be willing to drop your theories about love, to empty your mind of learned idea, to let go of old stories and to clean the door of perception so as to let love appear as it really is. Love is an inner journey home. The way to get there is to start here, right where you are now. The goal of this journey is not to find love; it is to know love. This knowledge exists in you already.

To Love and be Loved

2015-11-13T15:27:00.001-08:00

Love fuels passion, hope and desire. It generates creativity giving us purpose and making us feel alive. When we think of love, we primarily thinking of romantic love yet love comes in different shades, all unique, all part of fulfilling us with whole enriched lives.
However, like the even exchange of breath, the love we give is the love we receive.
Here are tips on loving and being loved
• Love begins with you: Your inner voice is where your story of love begins. It is hard to feel worthy of love if someone is criticizing you all the time and especially if that someone is talking in your head. Stop self loathing; it’s a waste of time. Stop comparing yourself to others and feeling like a victim. Dare to be proud of yourself, look for your strengths, watch for the negative talk and stop it.
• Gratitude reflection: Gratitude reflection is a great exercise for opening the heart. Take two minutes each morning when you open your eyes and two minutes at night right before you close them to give thanks.
• Declare love: Give passion to everything in your life. Love your walks, your gardening, your age, the family you have, the weather patterns where you live. Grab onto it all as if you might lose it. Be thrilled and excited about life. Find miracles everywhere. Use the word love more often when describing aspects of your life.
• Little is big: A big heart is full of endless possibilities to show love in little ways. Engage in small acts of kindness that cost little money, if any, and take little time. It is amazing how effective small acts of kindness are and how long they are remembered. Open doors, smile, call a friend that is hurting, put a card in the mail, pick up an extra coffee. Don’t think it, do it! And yes, we all have more time for this than we know.
• Love like the ocean: You have the ability to love like the seven seas reaching around the world and back. And like the ocean putting passion into each and every wave, all your love matters and makes a difference. We are all capable of grand love.
• Understand the Mother Nature: Nature bestowed us with romantic love so we can reproduce, maternal/ paternal love so we can care for the next generation and friendship so we can connect and protect one another. In addition to the bonding gift of emotional love, Mother Nature intended love to serve us in many ways. One way is by easing anxiety. The next time you find yourself in a situation with a coworker, stuck in traffic or angry at a stranger, stay in the love. Witness how calmly your body reacts and how much more you can handle in your life.
• Cut others a break: Most people are coming from a place of exhaustion and/or feeling unappreciated. People are overwhelmed and lonely, and emotions 101 is not taught in any school. Regardless of how easy someone's life may appear, they have their personal hardships. Simply cut them a break.
• Remove the debris: Think of a river heading home to the sea. As she voyages forward her journey is hampered if debris gets in her way and clogs her up. Anger, resentment, fear, judgments and blame are debris hampering the flow of love in your life. Self reflect, take responsibility and open up your heart to love. You can find tools to release the debris by reading books, watching lectures, praying, and forgiving others.

• Let go: many people rarely if ever hear the words, 'I love you'. It can be scary and awkward, but the more you say it the easier it gets. Just say: 'I love you' to your mother, father, sister, brother, friend, and anyone you love. End conversations with I love you. Just see how good it feels and how well it is accepted. Witness the love being returned to you and remember to say 'I love you'.

5 Self Limiting Behaviours you have to Avoid

2015-11-12T05:24:00.000-08:00

1. 'Below the line thinking’: Below the line thinking refers to a particular mindset that shapes how you view the world in a limiting way. It leads to your believing that what's happening to you is outside your control and everyone else's fault.
Below the line thinking says, "It’s not fair what’s happening, and I don’t have what it takes to overcome these challenges. I didn’t expect this and I can’t handle It." above the line thinking, on the other hand, says, "I clearly can see the obstacles ahead, and I’m addressing them with open eyes. I’m accountable for my life and my career, and I have what it takes to navigate through this successfully. If I fail, ill still wake up tomorrow exactly who I am, and will have learned something critical."

2. Mistaking wishful thinking for action: successful individuals pursue outcomes that flow organically from their current actions. Unsuccessful individuals attach to fantasies that may relieve them momentarily of their situational pain but have no basis of reality. It’s critical to take bold action toward your visions, in order to create success.

3. Remaining powerless and speechless: stay in touch with your abilities and don’t be afraid to use and express yourself. Advocate and negotiate strongly for yourself and for others, and for what you care about, and don’t shy away from articulating just how they stand apart from the competition.

4. Putting off investing in themselves: you'll get to see this behaviour over and over in those who feel thwarted and unsuccessful- they are incredibly reluctant to invest time, money and energy in themselves and their own growth. They feel guilt, shame and anxiety over claiming "I’m worth this." successful people don’t wait - they spend money, time and effort on their own growth because they know without doubt it will pay off- for themselves and everyone around them.

5. Resisting change: don’t break yourself against what is or drown in the changing tides. Go with the flow. Follow the trends, and embrace them. Be flexible, fluid and nimble. React to what is in front of you and improvise deftly. Don’t stay stuck in the past or in what you 'expected', stop complaining about how life is not what it should be and why what is, feels so wrong instead of adapting.

5 THINGS WOMEN WISH MEN KNEW ABOUT THEM

2015-11-10T02:21:00.000-08:00

One of things that cross the mind of every man is to know what’s going on in the deep recesses of a woman’s mind. Here’s your chance... these are some of the things women wish men knew.

• Just hear her out: sometimes, all a woman need is to talk things out and feel like they are being heard. When they do, they try to drift off into space or mentally draw things on their faces the way we usually do when we get lectures from our mothers. Just listen, respond and get through it.
• Notice her: women don’t expect men to fawn over their new haircut the way their girlfriends would, but noticing small things and complimenting them goes a long way. There are couples who still laugh and admire each other after over fifty years together. Think about it.
• Pay attention: if she asks you to do something other than a grunt and a nod. When you constantly ignore what she says or pay more attention to your computer than you do to her, she'll feel like she doesn’t matter.
• Put her first: women want to know that they are priority, not your work or your friends. They are not saying you have to abandon other important people or things, but being in the 'second place' gets old really quickly.
• A helpful man is a hot man: please help her around the house (with errands). Don’t leave everything around for her to clean. You have the same number of hands and feet as they do.

Communicating in Relationships

2015-11-10T02:13:00.000-08:00

A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good relationships improve all aspects of your life, strengthening your health, your mind and your connections with others.

Communication is important in relationships with partner, children and other family members and friends. It allows us to share interests, aspirations and concerns, to support each other, to organize our lives and make decisions. Talk to each other no matter how well you know and love each other, you cannot read your partner's mind. We need to communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings that may cause hurt, anger or confusion.

Honest direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both parties feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires. Trust and bonds are strengthened.

Non-verbal communication such as body language e.g. eye contact, leaning forward or away or touching someone's arm are critical to communication. When we communicate, we can say a lot without speaking. Our body posture, tone of voice and expressions on our face all convey a message. if our feelings don’t fit with our words, it is often the non-verbal communication that gets 'heard' and believed.

Listening is a very important part of effective communication. A good listener can encourage their partner to talk openly and honestly.

Things you should know now that you are still young

2015-11-10T02:05:00.000-08:00

1. Trust your gut: if you think he likes you, you're probably right. If you think he’s cheating, you're probably right. If you think she’s going to be your new BFF, you’re probably right.

2. It really doesn’t matter what you major in: what does matter is the internship you get, your work ethic, your interpersonal skills, who you know.
3. Create an active lifestyle: if your make it a habit to get some daily activity, you won’t have nearly as many moments off
4. Learn to enjoy your own company: there will be times in your life when you really want to see that movie, check out that new boutique, go on a trip and no one wants to go with you, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t go by yourself and have a good time. Take little steps and work up to doing the big stuff on your own.
5. Don’t give away your power to others: it’s important to have faith in your abilities, regardless of how they compare to others.
6. When in doubt, make the effort: you'll never regret wearing that nice outfit, buying the thoughtful gift for the friend you haven’t heard from in a while or over-tipping. If it doesn’t work out, at least you'll know you did your best.
7. Cook at home: you will save so much and you will maintain a healthy weight.
8. There are seven billion people in the world: I promise you, you'll love someone else. You’ll make new friends, you’ll find coworkers and neighbours that are awesome. If it’s too hard or someone is making you feel bad, then walk away. There are a million people out there who won’t make you feel bad! Learning to let go of relationships is one of the most liberating experiences you'll ever have.
9. You can find common ground with just about anyone, anywhere: Regardless of a person's gender, age, race or religion, there are common denominators of the human experience. You can get far with most people just by smiling and asking them questions.
10. Excuses are embarrassing: most excuses are embarrassing for everyone involved, the person giving then and the person listening to them. Most excuses really translate to, I'm not making it a priority.
11. Learn how to live well within your means: make a budget and stick to it.
12. If you don’t know what you say, silence is always an option: if someone says something that you don’t like and you don’t know how to respond to it, just stare at them and don’t say anything. Totally terrifying and totally effective
13. Act like you know what you're doing: you can pretty much conquer the world with a confident walk and a well-thought-out outfit. We can teach people how to treat us and when you show people that you're a force to be reckoned with, others will treat you as such.

Trust Issues (Signs and Control)

2015-11-03T06:19:00.000-08:00

Trust issues

Trust is the act of placing confidence in someone or something else, it is a fundamental human experience, necessary for society to function and for any person to be relatively happy.

To trust someone means to have the belief that the person is good, sincere, and honest and will not try to harm or deceive you. It is to have confidence in a person.

How easy is it for you to trust other people? Do you trust easily? Or are often suspicious of others, motives? What do you do when your trust has been violated? Having trust issues is a delibilitating component of relationships. Trust problems can destroy relationships. How does one overcome trust traumas from the past?

Signs that you have trust issues

Certain experiences in life have the ability to shape your personality, for better or worse. a former friend may change the way you make friends, a cheating ex may change the way you enter into a relationship, and the way you behave in it. Unfortunately, trust issues can contaminate every area of your life. You’re never quite sure of who to believe and you doubt everyone’s motives.

If these signs sound familiar, then you have trust issues. they include: you doubt medical professionals, you know not to trust strangers, your partner doesn’t go out unaccompanied, you are a pro at stalking, you are the only person you rely on, you are suspicious of everyone around, you struggle to be kind, you have major privacy concerns, you keep friends and family separate, lack of intimacy or friendship due to mistrust, several intensely dramatic and stormy relationships in a row or at once, terror during physical intimacy, belief that others are deceptive and malevolent, without real evidence.

How to overcome trust issues

· trust and love yourself

· realize that people care about you

· direct all accusations inward

· know that everyone is an equal

· don’t fall for words or verbal promises

· ask for clarity

· trust life itself

Staying Positive Always

2015-11-03T06:12:00.002-08:00

How to Stay Positive: 12 Smart Habits.

As an individual, conquering challenge and failure is essential to the success of your daily life. You can learn to cultivate that resilience by training your brain to stay positive when times are tough and always.

Our brains are more likely to seek out negative information and store it more quickly to memory which is not always bad, Acknowledging problems and facing failures can lead us to better solutions.

But don’t go overboard, and beat yourself up for your failures or let yourself dwell in the negative.

By consciously increasing our focus on the positive, we start to even the balance. We find a happy medium where we can address failures and challenges without letting them get us down, leaving us more motivated, productive, and likely to succeed.

Also read: Why you need to be in a Relationship

How to make friends and Influence

Conflict Resolution Skills

In this article, the best, smartest and most effective habits for staying positive are given for you to try.

I hope you will find something helpful here.

1. Express gratitude.

To store positive events, reflect on what you're grateful for and why at least once a week. Write down your blessings, such as the opportunity to pursue a career you love or a family that supports you. If you prefer a daily habit, then keep a log of good things that happened that day, keep it very short.

2. Find the optimistic viewpoint in a negative situation.

When in a negative situation, always seek for what is good about the situation and find an opportunity within the situation. When you're faced with challenges, it's important to take stock of what's going well. Doing so is a whole lot better than subbing about the situation. You need a bit of time to process the thoughts and feelings that arise in situation because trying to force optimistic thinking when you are still in an emotional turmoil or a bit shocked usually don’t work that well.

3. Repeat positive affirmations.

The more often you hear a message, the more likely you are to believe it. By repeating positive affirmations with conviction several times each day, you are training your brain to believe them. Over time, you'll start to internalize them. Repeat your affirmations silently if you feel self-conscious. Tell yourself who you are and what you are capable of doing. Choose two to three affirmations that represent your values and goals, this will influence the way you interpret negative events, making you more resilient.

4. Cultivate and live in a positive environment.

Who you choose to spend your time with and the input you get from further sources will have a huge effect on your outlook. You need influences in your life that supports and lift you up instead of dragging you down to stay positive. So carefully consider what you let into your mind. Let go of the negative influences and spend more time with the positives sources or people in your life.

5. Start your day in a positive way.

How you start your day usually sets the tone for the rest of your day. So start your day by moving slowly, have an uplifting conversation with your family or friend or you spend some time with reading or listening to inspiring and helpful articles or podcasts over breakfast or during your bus ride to work then that can make a big difference for how your whole day will go.

6. Mindfully move through your day.

When you spend your time in the present moment then it becomes so much easier to access positive emotions and to stay practical about what you can actually do about something in your life. By moving slowly through your morning and hopefully through much of the rest of your day it becomes easier to mindfully stay in the moment you are in, this simplifying reconnection with the moment can have a very positive effect on the rest of your day.

7. Go slowly.

Slow down even for a few minutes – even if you have to force it by walking, talking and eating slower – then your mind and body calms down too. It becomes easier to think things through clearly again and easier to find the optimistic and constructive perspective.

8. Challenge negative thoughts.

You choose how to respond, each time a negative thought arises. You can choose to dwell on the thoughts or combat it by imagining the thought as separate from yourself, as something you can observe and deconstruct. Get in the habit of distancing yourself instead of dwelling. Challenge negative thoughts that are unfairly self-depreciating. Practice interpreting negative event differently. Over time, it'll become automatic and negative thoughts will be less likely to come up. No one does this naturally; you have to learn and practice.

9. Don’t give in to Fear

A common trap when you want to do something new is to get lost in vague fears about what could happen if you actually took action. And so the mind runs wild fueled by fear and it creates nightmare scenarios. Finding clarity by weighing the worst that could happen which doesn’t take much time or effort and it can help you to avoid much mind made suffering. And help you to get going, step outside of your comfort zone and take that chance.

10. Add value and positivity to someone else’s life.

What you send out there matters a whole lot, because you tend to get it back from the world and the people in it. So give value and spread the positivity by Helping out, Just listening, boosting the mood or encourage when someone has had a bad day or are going through a tough time.

11. Exercise regularly and eat and sleep well.

There is a big impact a good night’s sleep or good workout can have when your thoughts are pessimistic and you have a lot of tensions on the inside. It is much simpler to think clearly and optimistically when your belly is full. So you should be careful about these basic habits because they do have a huge effect either way depending on how you manage them.

12. Learn to take criticism in a healthy way.

The key to criticism is learning to handle it in a healthier way. By doing so your fear of it will lessen and it will hurt less if you do get criticized.

There are steps to handling criticism and they are:

¼ Don’t reply right away When you are angry or upset, calm down a bit before you reply. Take at least a couple of deep breaths or a little time to process the message before you respond.

¼ Really listen to the criticism, Try to remain open and level-headed and figure out how this message can help you

¼ Remember that the criticism isn’t always about you. Some criticism is helpful. Some is simply attacks or someone lashing out because they are having bad day, year or job.

¼ Reply or let go; No matter the content of the criticism, try to keep your reply level-headed and kind.

Also read: Why you need to be in a Relationship

How to make friends and Influence

Conflict Resolution Skills

Why you need a Relationship

2015-10-31T14:45:00.005-07:00

Do I really need any relationship? (Why do I need a relationship)
Relationship is a way two individuals behave towards each other or deal with one another. It can be a loving or sexual relationship between two people. It’s also the way two things are connected. It’s an emotional connection between two people.

Why do I need a relationship?
From birth to death, relationships are at the core of human experience. Humans are social animals with a powerful need to relate to other people. Belonging to a group enables people to survive physically and psychologically because no one is an island. It is not enough just to be near other people; we want to have close ties to people who care about us.
Here are the reasons to be in a relationship
Firstly, I’ll talk about the unhealthy reasons which are: wanting someone to love you because you think you're love starved; you feel the need to be happy and to feel worthy and complete. These reasons will always get you disappointed because if you do not love yourself, your partner’s love cannot fill that space within that comes from self-abandonment.
The healthy reasons you need a relationship include:
• To share love and care...love and value yourself so you become filled up with love to share. It is fulfilling to share your love.
• To learn and grow... relationships offer a wonderful arena to heal old fears and insecurities that we have acquired in the past.
• To be there to support each other...being social beings, we need others to love and care about us and to help us see what is true for us and what is best for us.
• To share companionship and fun...we are not meant to live alone. It is generally more fun to do things with a partner than to be always doing them alone.
• To create a safe and loving sexual relationship...people who love each other and are in a committed relationship (marriage) have the opportunity to be creative and sexually free with a loving partner.

How to make friends and influence

2015-10-27T14:28:00.000-07:00

How to Make Close Friends

Tips on Meeting People and Building Strong Friendships
Friends have a huge impact on your happiness and quality of life; they relieve stress, provide comfort and joy, prevent loneliness and isolation, and even strengthen your health.

Despite their importance, close friendships don’t just happen. Many of us struggle to meet new friends and develop quality connections. Even when we’re willing to put in the time and effort, we don’t always know how to go about it. But whatever your age or circumstances, it's never too late to make new friends or reconnect with old ones. These tips can help.
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Why friends are important
Friends are more important to psychological well-being than even our love and family relationships. Friends bring more happiness into our lives than virtually anything else. Not only that, our friendship have a powerful impact on our physical health. Lack of social connection can be as damaging as smoking, drinking too much, or leading a sedentary lifestyle. The quality of our friendships is even tied to longevity. online friends aren’t enough, because they can't hug you when a crisis hits, visit you when you're sick, or celebrate a happy occasion with you after work. Our most important and powerful connections happen when we’re face-to-face.

The benefits of friendship
Good friends add special meaning to life. They help you share the good times and overcome the difficult ones. Among other things, good friends can: Improve your mood with their infectious happiness; Help you to reach your goals through their encouragement; Reduce your stress and depression; Support you through tough times; Support you as you age; Boost your sense of self-worth.

What to look for in a friend
Ideally, a friend should be someone you trust, who shares a deep level of understanding and communication with you. A good friend will show a genuine interest in what's going on in your life, what you have to say, and how you think and feel about things. He or she will accept you for who you are and listen to you attentively without judging you.
As friendship works both ways, a friend is also someone you feel comfortable supporting and accepting, someone with whom you share a bond of trust and loyalty. A good friend will feel comfortable sharing things about themselves with you. Focus on the way a friendship feels, not what it looks like. Try not to get too caught up in external qualifications and criteria When looking for new friends.

How to be more friendly and social
Maybe the first trick to finding friends is to befriend ourselves, and to become comfortable with silence, because no one has the power to make us feel okay with ourselves but us. you don't have to be naturally outgoing to make new friends. You can make the extra effort to be more friendly and open to others, while still maintaining your own personality.
i. Focus on others, not yourself. The key to connecting to other people is showing interest in them. You’ll make far more friends by showing your interest rather than trying to get people interested in you.

ii. Be genuine. No one likes to be manipulated or placated. If you’re not genuinely interested in the other person, than stop trying to connect.

iii. Pay attention. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to others, you’ll quickly get to know them.

iv. Self-disclosure: the key to turning acquaintances into friends
Tips for meeting new people
Try to be open to new ideas and experiences when looking for places to meet new people. Volunteering can be a great way to help others while also meeting new people. it also gives you the opportunity to regularly practice and develop your social skills.
Take a class or join a club to meet people with common interests, such as a book group, dinner club, or sports team. Websites such as Meetup.com can help you find local groups or start your own and connect with others who share similar interests.

Fear of rejection
Making new friends means putting you out there, and that can be scary. It could be intimidating if you’re someone with trust issues. When you’re unable to trust others, your friendships will be dominated by fear—fear of betrayal, fear of being let down, fear of feeling vulnerable. But it is possible to learn to trust others. By working with the right therapist, you can identify the source of your mistrust and explore ways to build trust in existing and future friendships. Nobody likes to be rejected, but there are healthier ways to look at it that can make it less upsetting. If someone does reject you, that doesn’t mean that you’re worthless or unlovable, a rejection is not necessarily a reflection on you. You’re not going to like everyone you meet, and vice versa. Try to focus on the long-term goal of making quality connections, rather than getting caught up in the friendships that didn’t pan out.
Improve your friendships by being a better friend
Remember that making a friend is just the beginning of the journey into friendship. Friendships take time to form and even more time to deepen. In order to move from acquaintance to close friend, you need to nurture and invest in that new connection. It's a process that requires time, effort, and a genuine interest in the other person.
i. Be the friend that you would like to have. Treat your friend just as you want them to treat you. Be reliable, thoughtful, trustworthy, and willing to share yourself and your time.

ii. Be a good listener. To develop a solid friendship with someone, be prepared to listen and support them just as you want them to listen and support you.

iii. Give your friend space. Don't be too clingy or needy, and be sure not to abuse your friend's generosity. Everyone needs space to be alone or spend time with other people as well.

iv. Don't set too many rules and expectations. Instead, allow your friendship to evolve naturally. You're both unique individuals so your friendship probably won't develop exactly as you expect.

v. Be forgiving. No one is perfect and every friend will make mistakes. No friendship develops smoothly so when there's a bump in the road, try to find a way to overcome the problem and move on. It will often deepen the bond of friendship between you.

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Conflict resolution methods

2015-10-18T15:23:00.001-07:00

Conflict Resolution Skills

Building the Skills That Can
Conflict Resolution Skills (Turn Conflicts into Opportunities).
Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship because two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. Learning how to deal with conflict rather than avoiding it is crucial.
When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people.
By learning these skills for conflict resolution, you can keep your personal and professional relationships strong and growing.
• Understanding conflict in relationships
Conflict arises whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Conflicts arise from differing needs, everyone needs to feel understood, nurtured, and supported, but the ways in which these needs are met vary widely. Differing needs for feeling comfortable and safe create some of the most severe challenges in our personal and professional relationships.
The needs of both parties play important roles in the long-term success of most relationships, and each deserves respect and consideration. In personal relationships, a lack of understanding about differing needs can result in distance, arguments, and break-ups. In workplace conflicts, differing needs are often at the heart of bitter disputes, sometimes resulting in broken deals, fewer profits and lost jobs. When you can recognize the legitimacy of conflicting needs and become willing to examine them in an environment of compassionate understanding, it opens pathways to creative problem solving, team building, and improved relationships.

• Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving conflict
Unhealthy responses
- Inability to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person
- Explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions
- The withdrawal of love, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear of abandonment
- An inability to compromise or see the other person’s side
- The fear and avoidance of conflict; the expectation of bad outcomes
Healthy responses
- The capacity to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person
- Calm, non-defensive, and respectful reactions
- A belief that facing conflict head on is the best thing for both sides
- The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing
- A readiness to forgive and forget, and to move past the conflict without holding resentments or anger

Conflict resolution, stress, and emotions
Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurt feelings, disappointment, and discomfort. When handled in an unhealthy manner, it can cause irreparable rifts, resentments, and break-ups. But when conflict is resolved in a healthy way, it increases our understanding of one another, builds trust, and strengthens our relationship bonds.

• Nonverbal communication and conflict resolution
The most important information exchanged during conflicts and arguments is often communicated nonverbally. Nonverbal communication is conveyed by emotionally driven facial expressions, posture, gesture, pace, tone and intensity of voice. The most important communication is wordless, when people are upset, the words they use rarely convey the issues and needs at the heart of the problem. When we listen for what is felt—as well as what is said—we connect more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening in this way also strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear us.

• Using humor in conflict resolution
Joy is a deceptively powerful resource. Studies show that you can surmount adversity, as long as you continue to have moments of joy. Humor plays a similar role when facing conflict. You can avoid many confrontations and resolve arguments and disagreements by communicating in a humorous way. Humor can help you say things that might otherwise be difficult to express without offending someone. However, it’s important that you laugh with the other person, not at them. When humor is used to reduce tension and anger, reframe problems, and put the situation into perspective, the conflict can actually become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy.
Managing and Resolving Conflict

1: Make Sure Good Relationships Are a Priority
Your priority in any conflict situation should be to take control early and maintain good relationships people. Make sure that everyone understands how the conflict could be a mutual problem, and that it's important to resolve it through respectful discussion and negotiation, rather than aggression. Make it clear that it's essential for people to be able to work together happily, effectively and without resentment, so that the relationship functions effectively.

2: Separate People from Problems
At this point, it's important to let people know that conflict is rarely one-sided, and that it's best to resolve it collaboratively, by addressing the problem rather than the personalities involved. The problem is caused by neither person, but they do need to work together to resolve it.

3: Listen Carefully to Different Interests
It's important that everyone understands each party's underlying interests, needs and concerns. So, take a positive stance, keep the conversation courteous, and avoid blaming anyone. Ask for each person's viewpoint, and confirm that you need his or her cooperation to solve the problem.

4: Listen First, Talk Second
Encourage each other to listen to other people's points of view, without defending their own position. Make sure that each person has finished talking before someone else speaks, emphasize that you want to resolve the situation through discussion and negotiation, and ensure that listeners understand the problem fully by asking questions for further clarification.
Be sure to focus on work issues, and leave personalities out of the discussion. You should also encourage everyone to:
Listen with empathy, and to see the conflict from each participant's point of view.
Explain issues clearly and concisely.
Encourage people to use "I" rather than "you" statements, so that no one feels attacked.
Be clear about their feelings.
Remain flexible and adaptable.
Once you've listened to everyone's needs and concerns, outline the behaviors and actions that you will or won't tolerate, and gain the opposing parties' agreement to change.

Dealing with Anger

2015-10-11T04:48:00.000-07:00

Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure, hostility or antagonism towards someone or something, usually combined with an urge to harm. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion, but when prolonged, it spirals out of control which has serious consequences for your relationships, your health, and your state of mind.

Understanding anger

The feeling of anger isn't the problem; it's what you do with it that makes a difference. Anger becomes a problem when it harms you or others. You can learn to express your emotions without hurting others, and when you do, you’ll not only feel better, you’ll also be more likely to get your needs met. Learning to control your anger and express it appropriately can help you build better relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a healthier, more satisfying life.

1: Explore what’s really behind your anger

Anger problems often stem from what you’ve learned as a child e.g. If you watched others in your family scream, hit each other, or throw things, you might think this is how anger is supposed to be expressed. Traumatic events and high levels of stress can make you more susceptible to anger as well. Your anger can mask other feelings such as embarrassment, insecurity, hurt, shame, or vulnerability? It is very likely that your temper is covering up your true feelings and needs. This is especially likely if you grew up in a family where expressing feelings was strongly discouraged.

There are clues that show there’s something more to your anger which may include: You have a hard time compromising; you have trouble expressing emotions other than anger; you view different opinions and viewpoints as a personal challenge to you.

Emotional awareness is the key to self-understanding and success in life. Without the ability to recognize, manage, and deal with the full range of human emotions, you’ll inevitably spin into confusion, isolation, and self-doubt.

2: Be aware of your anger warning signs and triggers

there are physical warning signs in your body. Anger is a normal physical response that fuels the “fight or flight” system of the body, and the angrier you get, the more your body goes into overdrive. Becoming aware of your own personal signs that your temper is starting to boil allows you to take steps to manage your anger before it gets out of control. Pay attention to the way anger feels in your body e.g. Knots in your stomach, Clenching your hands or jaw, Breathing faster, Pacing or needing to walk around, Having trouble concentrating, Pounding heart etc.

Identify the negative thought patterns that trigger your temper which may include: Overgeneralizing, Having a rigid view of the way things should or must be, Mind reading and jumping to conclusions, Looking for things to get upset about, Blaming. Always avoid people, places, and situations that bring out your worst. Look at your regular routine and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that trigger irritable or angry feelings. Then think about ways to avoid these triggers or view the situation differently so it doesn’t make your blood boil.

3: Learn ways to cool down

Once you know how to recognize the warning signs that your temper is rising and anticipate your triggers, you can act quickly to deal with your anger before it spins out of control.

Here are quick tips for cooling down

-Focus on the physical sensations of anger. While it may seem illogical, tuning into the way your body feels when you’re angry often reduce the emotional intensity of your anger.

- take some deep breaths, it helps counteract rising tension.

-Exercise, It releases pent-up energy so you can approach the situation with a cooler head.

-Take advantage of the relaxing power of your sense of sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste like listening to music or picturing yourself in a favorite place.

-Stretch or massage areas of tension.

-Slowly count to ten. Focus on the counting to let your rational mind catch up with your feelings. If you still feel out of control by the time you reach ten, start counting again.

-Give yourself a reality check. When you start getting upset about something, take a moment to think about the situation.

4: Find healthier ways to express your anger

If you’ve decided that the situation is worth getting angry about and there’s something you can do to make it better, the key is to express your feelings in a healthy way. When communicated respectfully and channeled effectively, anger can be a tremendous source of energy and inspiration for change.

Pinpoint what you’re really angry about, Identifying the real source of frustration will help you communicate your anger better, take constructive action, and work towards a resolution.

If your anger seems to be spiraling out of control, remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes or for as long as it takes you to cool down. It might be a brisk walk, a trip to the gym, or a few minutes listening to some music. this should allow you to calm down; release pent up emotion, and then approach the situation with a cooler head.

Always fight fair: It’s okay to be upset at someone, but if you don’t fight fair, the relationship will quickly break down. Fighting fair allows you to express your own needs while still respecting others.

Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint.

Focus on the present. Once you are in the heat of arguing, it’s easy to start throwing past grievances into the mix. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem.

Choose your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. If you pick your battles rather than fighting over every little thing, others will take you more seriously when you are upset.

Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish.

Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.

When to seek help for anger management and control

If your anger is still spiraling out of control, despite practicing this management techniques, or if you’re getting into trouble with the law or hurting others—you need more help. There are many therapists, classes, and programs for people with anger management problems. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. You’ll often find others in the same shoes, and getting direct feedback on techniques for controlling anger can be tremendously helpful.

Tips for dealing with a loved one’s anger management problem

While you can’t control another person’s anger, you can control how you respond to it:

Set clear boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate; Wait for a time when you are both calm to talk to your loved one about the anger problem; Remove yourself from the situation if your loved one does not calm down; Consider counseling or therapy for yourself if you are having a hard time standing up for yourself; Put your safety first.

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper

Keeping your temper in check can be challenging. Use simple anger management tips — from taking a timeout to using "I" statements — to stay in control.

By Mayo Clinic Staff

Do you fume when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure rocket when your child refuses to cooperate? Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion — but it's important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships.

Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.

1. Think before you speak

In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

2. Once you're calm, express your anger

As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

3. Get some exercise

Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.

4. Take a timeout

Timeouts aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.

5. Identify possible solutions

Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.

6. Stick with 'I' statements

To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes," instead of, "You never do any housework."

7. Don't hold a grudge

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.

8. x

9. Practice relaxation skills

When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

10. Know when to seek help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.

Turn Your Weaknesses into Strengths

2015-10-08T04:53:00.001-07:00

Everyone has weaknesses. It is important for you to be aware of your weaknesses. This acute sense of awareness, has uniquely allowed them to turn their weaknesses into strengths.

Identify Your Weaknesses

Defining your weaknesses is a difficult process, but very important if you want to have a successful career.

It’s hard to admit our own weak points, but you can use these few tips to get started:

Ask Someone You Trust About Your Weaknesses –Ask someone you trust such as, a friend, a family member, a manager, or even a trusted coworker. Tell them the reason you want to understand your weaknesses so that they are more candid with you.

What do You Find Hard to do? – Sometimes a weakness can be disguised as something you find unappealing. Try to search for things that you might not like to do, and ask yourself if it is because you truly dislike it or because you find it hard to do.

Analyze your strength and weaknesses –this makes you uncover some things about yourself that you would not have spotted otherwise.

Here is how the Analysis works:
– Write down a list of your personal strengths including things you can do better than others and the advantages you have over others.

– List all of your weaknesses, i mean things that you find difficult, then your personal traits that might hamper personal relationships.

– Think of the Opportunities you can exploit to your advantage, things that you may be an expert in that others are not. Take a look at your strengths as these could very well end up being an opportunity.

–Take a moment to think about any threats that could pose a hazard to your career.

Turning Your Weakness into a Strength

Once you’ve identified your weaknesses, it’s time to turn them into strengths by doing these few things:

1. Actively work to improve your lagging areas by taking courses, seminars, or tutorials. Improving your skill set is a lifelong process that you should reevaluate once a year. What skills do you need? What skills do you need to improve?

2. Assess your weaknesses, and see if it’s opposite can be identified as strength. Sometimes a perceived weakness hides some of your greatest strengths. Here are a few examples:

Disorganized — Creative

Inflexible — Organized

Inconsistent — Flexible

Obnoxious — Enthusiastic

Shy — Reflective

Irresponsible — Adventurous

Intimidating — Assertive

Weak — Humble

Arrogant — Self-Confident

3. Overcompensate – become so absurdly awesome at your strengths that your weakness can be ignored or delegated to someone else.

While it’s true that you can uncover some of your greatest strengths by taking an in depth look at your weaknesses, you also may want to assess how to use your weakness to your advantage.

Stress Management( Reduce, Prevent, and Cope with Stress)

2015-10-04T12:42:00.005-07:00

You have more control over stress than you might think. Stress management is all about taking charge of your lifestyle, thoughts, emotions, and the way you deal with problems. Some stress is good for you but too much can result in you being unable to think straight, inaction and poor performance.

No matter how stressful your life seems, there are steps you can take to relieve the pressure and regain control.

Stress management involves changing the stressful situation when you can, changing your reaction when you can’t, taking care of yourself, and making time for rest and relaxation. The first step is to recognize the true sources of stress in your life.

Identify the sources of stress

It’s easy to identify sources of stress following a major life event such as changing jobs, moving home, or losing a loved one, but pinpointing the sources of everyday stress can be more complicated. To identify your true sources of stress, look closely at your habits, attitude, and excuses: Do you explain away stress as temporary even though you can’t remember the last time you took a rest? Do you define stress as an integral part of your work or home life or as a part of your personality? Do you blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely normal and unexceptional?

Until you accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining it, your stress level will remain outside your control. Always take note of the following: What caused your stress, How you felt, both physically and emotionally, How you acted in response, what you did to make yourself feel better.

How do you currently cope with stress?

Think about the ways you currently manage and cope with stress in your life. Your coping strategies should be healthy and helpful.

Unhealthy ways of coping with stress

Smoking; Drinking too much; eating junk; withdrawing from friends, family, and activities; Using pills or drugs to relax; Sleeping too much; procrastinating; Taking out your stress on others

Healthy ways to manage stress

Experiment with different techniques and strategies and Focus on what makes you feel calm and in control.

1: Get moving

Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress, it helps to relieve stress and burn away anger, tension, and frustration. Exercise releases endorphins that boost your mood and make you feel good, and it can also serve as a valuable distraction to your daily worries which give you more energy and optimism.

2: Engage socially

Social engagement is the quickest, most efficient way to rein in stress and avoid overreacting to internal or external events that you perceive as threatening. There is nothing more calming to your nervous system than communicating with another human being who makes you feel safe and understood. This can quickly calm you down and can also release hormones that reduce stress, even if you’re unable to alter the stressful situation itself. the more lonely and isolated you are, the greater your vulnerability to stress.

3: Avoid unnecessary stress

It’s not healthy to avoid a stressful situation that needs to be addressed, but you may be surprised by the number of stressors in your life that you can eliminate. Learn how to say NO, Know your limits and stick to them. Don’t take more than you can handle in your personal or professional life and Avoid people who stress you out

4: Alter the situation

If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. This involves changing the way you communicate and operate in your daily life.

Express your feelings instead of bottling them up, communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you don’t voice your feelings, resentment will build and the stress will increase; Be willing to compromise; Manage your time better, if you plan ahead and make sure you don’t overextend yourself, you’ll find it easier to stay calm and focused.

Adapt to the stressor

Regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude to stressful situations. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run. Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.”

6: Accept the things you can’t change

Many sources of stress are unavoidable. The best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are, don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Rather than stressing out over the uncontrollable, focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on.

7: Make time for fun and relaxation

You can reduce stress in your life by nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s stressors. Come up with a list of healthy ways to relax and recharge. You can do one or more of the following: Go for a walk; Spend time in nature; Call a good friend; Play a competitive game; Write in your journal; Take a long bath; Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea; Play with a pet; Work in your garden; Get a massage; Read a good book; Listen to music; Watch a comedy. Don’t get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries. Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.

8: Adopt a healthy lifestyle

There are healthy lifestyle choices that can increase your resistance to stress.

Eat a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful of what you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day; Reduce caffeine and sugar; Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Don’t avoid or mask the issue at hand; deal with problems head on and with a clear mind.

Get enough sleep. Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will increase your stress because it may cause you to think irrationally.

We hope that the above ideas and tips will help you to handle stressful situations better in the future.

How to Keep a Conversation Going

2015-10-04T12:35:00.002-07:00

Awkward silence is the death of any social situation. Learning to keep a conversation going organically is an important skill to learn and can really help you improve your social skills and social life in general.

Conversations doesn’t just come out of nowhere, both parties need to take responsibility to keep conversation going.

If one person is trying to keep the conversation going alone it’s going to seem very forced. You don’t have to ‘trick’ people into thinking that you’re having a conversation when you’re really running through a script in your head. It’s important not to force yourself into situations which you know will go badly. You need to take things slowly and retrain the lower levels of your brain, so take things one step at a time.

Keeping a Conversation Going Organically

Be Interested

If you’re frequently talking to people you’re comfortable talking to or you’re panicking when talking to strangers then you might be in the habit of not really paying attention to what they’re saying and keeping your attention inside your own head. Forget about everything else. Stop worrying people are watching everything you say or do. Get out of your head and pay real, genuine attention to what they’re saying. Listen to what they’re saying and respond to it. All of the “oh! that’s interesting…”, “Hmm, I’ve never heard of that”, “Hmm, cool!”expressions are reactionary bits of conversation that prove to the other person that you’re really listening, and that’s very flattering to them.

Questions to Keep a Conversation Going

The best way to keep a conversation going is to exchange information and questions. Rather than trying to bring up new topics constantly just keep asking questions. Ask open ended questions and then follow that with follow up questions it will flow a lot better. This is the easiest way to avoid an awkward silence. Ask questions relevant to the topic and you can follow up with your own experiences, if they’re relevant to the topic.

Topics to Keep a Conversation Going

Focus on things which are going on around you or common interests you both might have. It’s better to stick to the bigger or better known events, and avoid the controversial subjects unless you know how they feel about it before hand.

Just Say It

So get out of your head and just say it. Some people have a problem having ‘no filter’ and saying whatever comes to their mind which doesn’t work out so well. So let yourself go a bit and blurt it out, you’ll still have the sense to avoid the subjects the people with ‘no filter’ would probably bring up.

Keep Eye Contact

Keeping eye contact might come easily to some people but if you don’t find it natural then you need to practice it. If two people are talking about something which they’re both interested then it’s normal for them to make eye contact for roughly 30-60% of the conversation. It’s an important part of conversation and the more you do it the more you’ll get used to it. If you’re having a problem with meeting people directly in the eye then focus on the top of their nose between their eyes. It might feel more comfortable for you and they won’t be able to tell the difference.

Conversation Threading

A good way to think of keeping a conversation going is a technique called conversation threading. Each part of a sentence can be dissected into parts and you can follow that part of the thread to keep a conversation going. If they’re engaging in the conversation as well they’ll ask questions and you should answer them without just rushing to another question. It’s a conversation, not an interview.

Practice

The more you have people to talk to the easier you’ll learn. Learning how to keep a conversation going is possible from home so practice a bit and slowly ease yourself into tougher situations. Family is also a good fall back and once you’re feeling more comfortable with your conversation skills it’s easier to move from there. Talk to people around you, talk to people online, talk to people standing next to you in line. Just talk to anyone you can, the more you talk to people the more natural it will become.

When to End a Conversation

The problem then is going to be learning how to end a conversation. Every conversation must end at some point. If a conversation is becoming one sided and the other person is obviously not making an effort with you then it might not be worth keeping a conversation going. Look for the signs of the other person wanting to end it. Looking for the time or slowly taking a step or two away are the obvious ones.

Ending a Conversation

Strive to end every conversation positively. Politely let them go, you’ll leave the opportunity for another conversation in the future – keep them and they might want to avoid a repetition. If a conversation is going well then try to get into the habit of ending it with a follow up. Asking to exchange contact details or continue the conversation and meet up another day might seem pretty intimidating at first. But as your confidence grows it’s something which can certainly improve your social life pretty quickly.

The key thing to remember in learning how to keep a conversation going is practice. Nothing will help you improve your conversation skills other than talking to people.

How to deal with people you don’t like

2015-10-02T03:56:00.000-07:00

Usually, every person should be nice, kind, considerate, mindful, generous, and more. We should all thrive in a friendly atmosphere where no one was ever cross, upset, or evil.

However, we don’t live in a perfect world. Some people drive us crazy, and we drive a few mad as well.

You might wonder whether it is possible to be fair to someone who mess you up all the time, or someone you’d rather avoid being with. You might wonder if you should learn to like every person you meet.

Smart people make the most out of people they don’t like and here’s how they do it.

1. They admit that they are not going to like everyone.

We think that we are going to like everyone we interact with because we feel were nice people. It’s inevitable; you will encounter difficult people who oppose what you think. Recognize that conflicts or disagreements are a result of differences in values. The realization can take the emotion out of the situation. That may even result in getting along better by agreeing to disagree.

2. They bear with (not ignore or dismiss) those they don’t like.

Feeling less affectionate to someone might not be the worst thing. You need people who have different points of view and aren’t afraid to argue, \it may not be easy, but bear with them. It is often those who challenge or provoke us that prompt us to new insights and help propel the group to success. Remember, you are not perfect either, yet people still tolerate you.

3. They treat those they don’t like with politeness.

A person will quickly blend to your attitude and behavior, and will likely reflect it back to you. If you are rude to them, they will likely be rude to you too. So, remain fair, impartial, and composed.

4. They check their own expectations.

Usually, people have unrealistic expectations about others. Don’t expect others to act exactly as you would, or say the things that we might say in a certain situation. “Expecting others to do as you would do is setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration.” Adjust your expectations appropriately, this will prepare you psychologically and their behavior will not catch you by surprise.

5. They turn inwards and focus on themselves.

Instead of thinking about how irritating that person is, focus on why you are reacting the way you are. Sometimes what we don’t like in others is frequently what we don’t like in ourselves. Pinpoint the triggers that might be complicating your feelings. You may then be able to anticipate, soften, or even alter your reaction. Remember: it’s easier to change your perceptions, attitude, and behavior than to ask someone to be a different kind of person.

6. They pause and take a deep breath.

Take a look at what sets you off and who’s pushing your buttons. That way, you can prepare for when it happens again. Pause and get a grip on your adrenaline pump and go to the intellectual part of your brain, you’ll be better able to have a conversation and to skip over the judgment. A deep breath can also help to calm you down and protect you from overreaction, thereby allowing you to proceed with a slightly more open mind and heart.

7. They voice their own needs.

If certain people constantly tick you off, calmly let them know that their manner of behavior or communication style is a problem for you. Avoid accusatory language and instead try the “When you . . . I feel . . .” formula.

8. They allow space between them.

If all else fails, smart people allow space between themselves and those they don’t like. Excuse yourself and go on your way. Keep a bit of distance, perspective, and show some empathy.

NEVER GIVE UP ON LOVE.

2015-09-25T06:25:00.001-07:00

Love
Love is a feeling, state or attitude that ranges from interpersonal affection to pleasure. It can refer to an emotion of strong attraction and personal attachment...
it represents human kindness, compassion, determination, tolerance, endurance, support, faith and much more. Love is expressed as an action but experienced as a feeling.

How to love yourself and others: Decide what you want from the loving relationship; have something to offer others, Meet lots of people, let yourself be vulnerable with others, give it time.
Make your relationship last by being committed, Learn lessons and apply them to your relationships, Work constantly to make yourself and those you love better, don’t be jealous, try to see issues from all sides, be partners in life, never manipulate someone, don’t expect perfection, font bring outside problems into your relationships, don’t let things stagnate, focus on important things, remember that everyone is equal.

Loving your Friends and family: Be a good friend, respect everyone and earn the respect from others, love people for who they are, find the true beauty in others, focus on the positives and embrace the negatives, communicate clearly and often, talk through your problems.

Love yourself: love yourself, count your blessings, be selfish sometimes, and make your own happily ever after.

WARNINGS!
* Never seek to force love *loving isn’t always easy

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Uncover Hidden Emotions

2015-09-22T08:56:00.003-07:00

Your emotions subconsciously control your attitude and behaviour; it controls both your muscles and your thoughts. Prevent yourself from being manipulated by your baser instincts!

Understand the mechanisms and pitfalls triggered by your habitual emotions. Recognize their onset and firmly still them. Restore a common sense attitude to your life! It does take a little effort to learn how this can be done. But, your increased peace of mind and sense of control will surely be worth that effort!
Emotional healing involves becoming aware of hidden emotion, feeling our emotional truth, releasing energy, and moving on with life. Your body has emotional responses to most everything. Your body tells you how its feeling about life and what's going on through waves of emotional energy.

Hidden emotion
It is wrong to believe that if we disconnect from our emotions, then emotions will not affect us, Emotions that are pushed down, denied and repressed do not go away! They get stored in your energy system, it is just temporarily hidden.

Hidden Emotions Create All Kinds of Problems: It is a tremendous burden to go through life carrying the heavy weight of emotional baggage. It can lead to addictions, health issues, weight problems, depression and unhealthy relationship patterns. Potentially anything in the universe can be mis-used in order to avoid feeling our truth.

Hidden Emotions and Unhealthy Relationship Patterns:
In order to deny certain emotions, you literally have to disconnect from parts of yourself which makes you make choices that are not healthy for you. As you try to form relationships in your present life, hidden emotions can rise up to create constant roadblocks. Looking out through emotions stored in your own system, you see others through the lens of old fears, old anger, and old sadness. Then you try to play out old emotions on someone new--who is not actually the root cause of your emotional issues.

Developing your sense of Humour

2015-09-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

One supreme pleasure that spans all people is laughter. Little can compare to the feeling of a deep, complete, heartfelt laughing spell. No matter your age, wealth, race, or living situation, life is good when laughter is frequent.

Life is also healthier. Humour can help you cope better with pain, enhance your immune systems, reduce stress, even help you live longer, and you'll get along more with colleagues.

Here are few tips to help develop your sense of humour.

Observe life: Life offers many humorous moments, you need to be watching out for them and taking note of them. While it can be difficult at times to find the funny side in unfortunate events when you're having a bad day, try to think about how the situation might look like to other people, and endeavor not to get angry. Laughing over minor incidents will help you in preventing a loss of temper that you will regret later.

Watch comedies and read funny articles: Try to watch comedies and go on websites to read some funny articles. Pay attention to the jokes. Eventually, you will understand why people think some things are so funny.

Be ready to try out jokes on people: They won’t always work but you'll soon get the hang of it and learn what makes people laugh. It’s worth trying to learn a few jokes that you can pull out when you need to.

Lighten up: if you're taking things too seriously, it’s too hard to be funny. Stop viewing everything as an intelligence test and start seeing the lighter mood of life.

Open up: Smile more often, and laugh even when something may not be funny. When you open up yourself, you will begin to see things you haven’t seen before.

Learn from friends: look at friends that you think have a great sense of humour. How do they deal with situations, and what kind of jokes do they make? Is there anything you can take away from their actions? Also learn from kids, spend time with children and see where they find humour in strange situations.

Knowing where to draw the line

Avoid being offensive: Always think carefully about the kind of jokes you tell, and how they might cause offense. What might seem funny to you may actually end up offending someone close to you, even if you don’t realize it at the time.

Don’t go overboard with your humour: Forced and awkward humour isn't going to be much fun for everyone, so try to relax and let humour come naturally over time. The best jokes are spontaneous and unplanned.

Overcoming jealousy

2015-09-19T13:59:00.000-07:00

Overcoming jealousy begins with awareness.Jealousy and anger are emotional reactions to believing scenarios in your mind which allows you to see that the projected stories in your mind are not true.
Then you have this clarity, you no longer react to the scenarios that your mind imagines. By changing what you believe, you change what your imagination is projecting and you can eliminate these destructive emotional reactions. Even when there is justification for the reaction, jealousy is not the beneficial ways to deal with the situation and get what you want. The beliefs that trigger jealousy should be addressed instead of attempting to control your emotions.
The steps to permanently end jealous reactions are:

Understand the emotion of jealousy which is a combination of fear and anger. It’s a destructive and ignoble emotion and nothing good can come out of it, so recognition of its occurrence is your number one self-defense.

Deconstruct why you feel jealous in the first place. From a place of self-compassion, try to figure out why you're feeling jealous. Other motivators of feeling jealous include; a high level of insecurity, anger towards yourself and fear of abandonment or vulnerability. If you're honest with yourself, you will realize feeling jealous often occur at the same time you feel threatened, afraid or when you feel you cannot trust the other person, no matter how little basis your lack of trust has. Being compassionate about your self-assessment is an essential part of overcoming jealousy.

Take a good look at the effect your jealous behaviour has on other people. It can be easy to justify your suspicious mind by viewing the defensive responses of others as confirmation of your suspicions. People feeling squeezed by a jealous line of questioning and assumptions will also feel undermined, badgered and frustrated. Reactions that display impatience, frustration, and anger are not confirmation of guilt, they are signs that the person has reached the end of it and is defending his or her genuine, non suspicious actions.

Tackle your feelings now. Learn to question your jealousy every time that it emerges. When you begin to question what makes you jealous in the moment, you can begin to take positive steps to manage the feeling constructively, without the cloud of negative emotion that typically accompanies jealousy.
Change any false beliefs that might be fueling your jealousy.

There are often baseless beliefs that underlie reactions of jealousy. If you examine the belief, you can often eliminate the jealousy. Beliefs are changeable by choice. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel. Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you'll feel better.
Apologize. Before doing anything else, make the other person feel better if you've gone far enough to expose your jealous emotions around him or her. Realize that by not apologizing, you are in actual effect seeking to punish the other person for your feelings. The fact that you do apologize will help to begin to break the cycle.

Communicate your feelings. Dialog about your jealousy problem together. Sharing your true feelings with the affected person and taking it through can be a very constructive way to start mending the damage done.
Bear in mind at all times that feelings of jealousy are about you, not about the other person. Any sense that things are out of control means that you need to transfer the intensity of what you're feeling into something constructive rather than continuing to over-analyze the relationship or situation. Do something that takes you out of yourself and causes you to focus beyond the relationship or situation.

Learn from your jealousy.
Trust yourself. If you learn to trust yourself, you can radiate this trust onto others. Practicing healthy thinking must be a daily recurring action. In time, the healthier thinking process will take over the destructive ones and help you to become a whole person, resilient, capable and not prone to jealous thoughts.

Managing anger

2015-09-18T09:43:00.001-07:00

We all know what anger is, and we’ve all felt it: whether as a brief annoyance or as full-fledged rage. Anger is completely normal, usually healthy human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life.

You shouldn’t be at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes.

The nature of anger

Anger is an emotional state that that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage, like other emotions, it is accompanied by psychological and biological changes. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person or event or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems.

Expressing anger

The spontaneous natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive feelings and behaviour which allow us to fight or defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger therefore is necessary to our survival. People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing and calming. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behaviour i.e. getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them or a personality that seems perpetually distrustful and hostile. You should calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behaviour, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside. Simple relaxation tools such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery can help calm down angry feelings. Remind yourself that getting angry won’t fix anything and it won’t make you feel better and may actually make you feel worse. It’s best to find out what triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those
triggers from tipping you over the edge.

Better communication

Angry people tend to jump to- and act on- conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering it.

Using humour

Humour can help defuse rage in a number of ways. It can help you to get a more balanced perspective.

Managing your Emotions

2015-09-18T01:16:00.000-07:00

Emotions are valuable, and offer a bounty of benefits. Once we’re able to process and cope with them effectively, we can learn a lot about ourselves and our needs. Emotions send us important messages and help us connect with others and accomplish great things.
For many people, emotions are a scary thing. Part of the problem is that we just don’t know what to do with them. Controlling your emotions doesn't mean ignoring them. It means you recognize them and act on them when appropriate. Take control of your life by taking control of your emotions.
The strategies that work best will vary with each person, depending on your personality, physiology and other individual factors.
 Get to know yourself. Learn to observe your own attitudes and emotional ebbs and flows. Know when you are actually being emotional and also why. Controlling your emotions isn't about pretending they are not there. If you feel jealous, angry, sad, bitter, or greedy, label exactly how you are feeling in your own mind.
 Know your emotions. There are a million different ways you can feel, human emotions have been classified into a few basics that everyone can recognize: Anxiety, joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation. Know what kinds of situations cause which emotion.
 Change your perspective. If you want to experience fewer negative emotions to begin with, change the way you see the world. If you learn how to be optimistic and laid back, you'll find that negative emotions make fewer appearances to be reckoned with. Being optimistic is important. Instead of letting emotions take over because you pessimistically expect them to, try believing in the notion that the world is essentially good and that people get what they deserve, and that you are a good person. You may start finding that outlook changes your emotions.
 Eliminate many of the selfish core beliefs which give rise to your disturbing thoughts and negative emotions. There are many irrational ideas that repeatedly upset us. They are all false, but many of us are inclined to believe at least some of them part of the time. Eliminate many negative core beliefs about the self. Learn to avoid the cognitive distortions which make things look worse than they really are.
 Avoid negative ideas that come from feeling inadequate. Inadequacy comes from low self-esteem, the idea that you aren't good enough to do something or deserve someone. Banish inadequacy from your emotions as much as possible, and you may find that it has been keeping you from accomplishing things.
 Avoid negative ideas that come from fear. Humans can be afraid of a lot of things; we let fear take over our rational brains because we're convinced something bad is going to happen, even when we don't have evidence that it will. A single negative event turns into a never-ending pattern of defeat. You generalize not because of a pattern, but because you fear the pattern.
 Observe how others deal effectively with their emotions. We can learn so much from other people. How do other 'emotionally skilled' people deal with their frustrations and difficulties? Their answers could actually change your life if you start to apply what you learn.

To be emotionally healthy, a person needs to: Feel safe and secure; feel they have safe territory; Regularly give and receive quality attention; Feel a sense of influence and control over their life; Feel part of a wider community; Enjoy friendship, fun, love, and intimacy with significant people; Feel a sense of status; Feel they have a recognizable role in life; Feel stretched but not stressed to avoid stagnation, boredom, and to enhance self-esteem and a sense of status in life.
When these are met adequately, we then feel our life has meaning and purpose.