Panic and Anxiety

Our Thoughts Can Heal Us

2016-02-22T12:57:00.002-05:00

The topic of our thoughts can heal us is huge. This site focuses on anxiety and panic but this post will include thoughts on all mental illness, depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and more.

Dr. Caroline Leaf has been put in front of me today and her videos cover so much information that it would be a very very long post if I tried to relay it all here. But I believe I have been led to bring you her videos as a means of getting more information to use as tools and reinforce what I believe. That our thoughts control our health and our disease. They are healthy or they are toxic. They are love or they are fear.

Start by going to the first video I am sharing here and go from there. She has much information and all of us who are coming from all different places and beliefs will surely find something in her teaching that can help you individually.

See Dr Caroline's video here. This is the one I watched first. The more we reinforce that we have control of our healing the stronger we will get and the sooner we will be free.

Here's to Hope!!

Anice

The Chemistry of Panic Attacks and Anxiety

2016-02-20T11:31:00.000-05:00

As you know I am reading Mind Over Medicine.
Read part one of this story in my post Happiness is the Key to Getting Well.

In this post I discuss the biology of panic attacks.

Lissa Rankin's research reveals more than just the fight or flight response happening in our bodies. She reveals the why and then the how to make it stop by training ourselves to be happy and like biofeedback therapy, to think differently so the attacks don't even come or come less.

The feelings that overwhelm us are real. They are not imagined or always triggered by an event. Some are and more work will be needed to help those subside. However, we are going to focus on the panic attack itself and then the why and then the how to receive deliverance.

What happens during a panic/anxiety attack is physiological and is explained by science as happening in true time. The body is affected and it is causing damage to our organs and our health.

Yes it somes from the mind but more specifically from the brain and is caused by chemical reacting when they shouldn't but they are really reacting. The brain is sending out hormones and other chemicals in the body reeking havoc on a relatively healthy person.

Our immune system automatically sends out little soldiers to fight any foreign body or disease that enters our bodies. It recognizes any thing that isn't supposed to be there as an intruder and attacks and ultimately heals us.
Our body is hardwired to heal itself. But it needs the time to do that and it needs for the body to be relaxed to ensure the ultimate healing. That is why when the body is greatly damaged in a car accident or any other kind of terrible accident we are laid up in the hospital and made to stay still. Doctors know the body heals itself after they put the bones back together or sew up the cut. It is the body that works to put us back together again. The doctors just gave it the chance to do that.

Emotionally the doctors can't just sew us up or cut the thing out that is causing our attacks. But some doctors are understanding there are things that they can say and do that can set us up so that our body can heal itself. We especially need to heal the damage that months or years of panic and anxiety have wrought on our physical body. Our bones, our organs, our brain, our heart, our lungs.

If our body is in a state of fight or flight for too long the body can't keep up with it's normal healing process and we see more problems with sickness and disease. We are known for being in the doctors office more with sinus infections, sore backs and muscles, osteoporosis, aches and pains that come out of nowhere. Our immune systems are compromised and we must face that and do what we must to boost it. You can look at it one way. Doing this, what it takes to make us happy, will be time consuming and take focus...the things that usually work to distract us from our own heads and thoughts.

Most of us have seen this before or heard it mentioned by people with anxiety. But to give it some medical credence Lissa writes that a "Harvard professor Dr Walter Cannon states that the body is equipped with what Cannon named the stress response, also known as the fight or flight response, a survival mechanism that gets flipped on when your brain perceives a threat. When this hormonal cascade is triggered by a thought or emotion in the mind, such as fear, the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenocortical (HPA) axis activates, thereby stimulating the sympathetic nervous system to race into overdrive, pumpingup the body's cortisol and adrenaline levels. Over time, filling the body with these stress hormones can manifest as physical symptoms, predisposing the body to disease over time."*

The good news is, ""just as the stress response exists as a survival mechanism designed to help us stay alive in emergency situations, the body also has a counterbalancing relaxation response. When the relaxation response is elicited, stress hormones drop, health inducing relaxation hormones that counter the stress hormones are released, the parasympathetic nervous system takes over, and the body returns to homeostastis. Only in this rested, relaxed state can the body repair itself.*

This is partially why health professionals tell us to breathe deeply do meditation, do something that makes us happy. It is to get our bodies back to relaxed state so it can stop the hormones from raging and causing destruction. For some of us there have been lengths of time when our body did not get a rest from attack for too long. We are exhausted and finally succumb to rest because our bodies get so worn out from fighting and tensing. But then it just happens over and over.

We become depressed and a viscous cycle takes over our lives.

We are in perpetual stress mode have small quantities of relaxation. This is so bad for us. Getting older has revealed this to me. I have more sickness when I've never been sick. I am always fighting some kind of infection or body ache or pain. I knew this was not normal just yet so I continued searching and now I know why I am sick more often and finally what I can do about it.

Lissa goes on to tell us how to help ourselves to become happier more relaxed people thus enabling our bodies to heal. As we do this so our bodies can heal we find we are having less and less anxiety and panic, simply as a byproduct of focusing on changing our outlook on life, making changes in our lives that will make us happier. It is not enough to do yoga or exercise, or eat right, or sustain from unhealthy habits. We have to dig deep to find out what is not right in our lives. Are we in a job we hate, a relationship that is toxic to us, a situation where someone is belittling us, not supporting us. Are we just going through the motions of surviving knowing we are unhappy, unloved. Or are we angry, holding onto grudges and unforgiveness. We all have heard some of this as well. But we have to take a step of faith and make that change and more often than not we find we are feeling better and with time we stop having attacks.

I moved to Colorado and was in a terribly abusive relationship but not working, being a stay at home mom, doing what I liked most, taking care of kids, helping someone who really needed to be protected. I didn't have to worry about who was paying the bills. I was strong enough to manage the abusive man (verbally) but the fear of not knowing where my next paycheck was coming from was not there anymore.

My panic went away for a year and a half. I was shocked but understood. But then my marriage got to a point where I had to leave, move back to my home, find work, start over, the kids were grown and on their own, I didn't feel a purpose, I wasn't being creative, I was in a job I didn't like but needed. My panic reared its ugly head and came full force as never before. It was horrifying to me that it came back. We all feel we have no choice but we do and we have to figure out how to make it and be happy.

This is the work I was talking about. This is not going to be easy. It's a change and change scares us. But it is necessary if we want to be free. Join me on this journey. The first step is figuring out what change we have to make to begin to find happiness. The second part is implementing it. I'll let you know what I did and how I did it. I want to have you hear a success story.

But in the meantime you can read Lissa's book and see some of those success stories to encourage you to believe, have faith and know there is hope!

See you soon.

Anice

*Direct quotes from Mind Over Medicine by Lissa Rankinn

Happiness is the Key to Getting Well!

2016-02-11T23:29:00.002-05:00

Many of us wander aimlessly yet are fiercely determined looking for reasons why we have anxiety and panic.
Aimlessly because we look in all the wrong places but get oh so close.
Fiercely determined by never giving up the search for answers to the why and for solutions we desperately need so we can feel normal again. Some of us go years with small intervals of time feeling normal. Some of us very rarely feel anxiety and some of us never feel normal. Fight or flight is our normal. And it is exhausting.

But we continue to live with it because we have no choice.
We want to be free and happy. We want to know there is an end in sight.
We want our friends and families to stop telling us it's all in our head and that we can stop it like we really want to be this way and are doing it for attention.
And for them to see it as a real medical condition that is debilitating a lot of the time.

It dictates how we live our lives, how safe we make our lives, how much we can work, where we can work, if we get sick a lot, if we can sleep, if we can make it to the very important meeting for work, if we can get through the grocery store line or the line at the bank without stopping and turning to run. Some of us create a world within a 5 mile radius of where we live and we don't go to the movies and we don't sit in the middle of a room full of people because we feel we can't get out. Most of our family and friends just shake their heads not understanding the pain we feel is very very real.

But the world is a place of love if we let it be.

I had a very interesting experience the other night that made me feel like I have been divinely led to some very powerful tools that just might be the answer to our prayers and I couldn't wait to share it with you.
My God, my angels, my intuition, my spirit and soul have all been working to lead me to someone who has been in the business of healing and did a lot of research for us.
I have worked very hard to be able to listen and to be led to the tools that can make me whole again. What seemed like out of the blue (knowing now it was destined for me to hear it) I found myself listening to a wellness guy I follow on Facebook who does radio shows on all kinds of health issues.

You know how we all think we have the disease we just read about or might have a brain tumor because we have a headache that just won't go away or is the worst ever. I am always looking for ways to be healthy without medicine.

This day he was interviewing a woman called Lissa Rankin and the more I listened the straighter I sat up. To say the least I was very intrigued by what she was saying and was most intrigued by the science behind her findings.

I became so excited that I decided to read her book. I think I may have stumbled onto some insightful information we should consider and take seriously. It offers hope for an end to our never ending battle with panic and anxiety. And it offers scientifically based evidence of medical and physiological explanations for it.

Lissa Rankin is a medical doctor who grew weary of conventional medicine not healing people. And panic and anxiety is one of the conditions she was discussing.

I feel like I am about to embark on the journey to freedom from a woman who found her calling to heal the sick without drugs and without a desire to get rich from her discoveries. She does write a book but her intention is pure. She is a true healer and wants to heal the sick. I feel it in my bones and hope and pray you will too. We deserve deliverance and I believe she offers it. We will have to do our part. Get ready to have your mind blown.

I will emphasize we have heard some of this before but not in the way that we could truly believe it and implement it. It made sense but we couldn't quite get to the how.

There is science behind everything that is wrong and has plagued us for so long.

I am a science person and needed to hear this in this way to get it, to have the light bulb go off and really see how it is possible. The science validates everything we feel and can also help our loved ones understand what it is and they may still say, well it's still your weakness, but who cares what they think.

We are the strongest people and will always persevere. We will understand and have each other to feel association with. We are a tribe and will support each other and love each other through this process. And we will be happy again if we do the work and have the faith needed to do it. Our happiness will help to heal us physically and emotionally, ultimately minimizing if not delivering us from the bondage of anxiety and the damage it does to our bodies.

The credit belongs solely to Miss Lissa Rankin. Her willingness to research tirelessly to find out how to use her medical background and access to medical journals backing up her findings is nothing short of selfless.

I think she would want me to spread the word. She doesn't want us to be sick and I hope this helps you and me.

I will go over what I think is very important to us in particular but I want to first tell you the name of the book that revealed this to me and then tell you to go to her webpage and see everything for yourself. She is the healer. I am someone who believes her and thanks her for her sincere desire to heal. The book is Mind Over Medicine. Google her name and go to her website. A wealth of information is there for you to peruse and use what will help you individually.

I praise God for Lissa Rankin MD.

Moments In Time......: A Season of my Soul

2015-10-29T21:00:00.001-04:00

Moments In Time......: A Season of my Soul

A link to my other blog that is related to my panic and anxiety.

The Nature of Panic Disorder

2015-09-30T23:59:00.002-04:00

Wow! It's been a year since I posted here. I really can't believe it but yes I guess I can. I have been so busy tending to surviving the daily battle of panic attacks. I feel like I've been running a marathon for a solid year. I have journaled on my IPad during the tough nights and sporadically during the day. I wasn't able to focus on an actual blog post.

I know I am not alone in this. I know that when I tried to join a stress and anxiety support group that we sufferers had to attend at a given date and time, inevitably attendance was 1 to 5 people depending if that person could make it from their house to the meeting that day. Traffic may have been unbearable, the time slipped our mind, depression took over. You understand, I know you do!

So here we are a year later. I survived and am here to tell the tale that we are survivors. We fight and we push and we are constantly exhausted from the fight but never giving up we make it to the time when things finally break through the dark cloud into the blue sky where we can actually see the leaves on the trees, see past the tunnel that is our vision, see to the right and to the left of the thing we are able to strenuously focus on. We can breathe better and we can write to encourage those in the middle storm that it does stop for awhile.

We are strong. My son says I am the strongest person he knows, fighting while working, raising him, caring for my elderly mother...all things most people do but those things plus my struggle makes me the strongest person he knows. I am blessed to have his words of wisdom and encouragement in my head daily. I remember what he said and I keep going!

My year post will be long and maybe boring but hearing and reading will help you know you are not alone and maybe give you ideas of how to deal with the things I went through because they may be your things now or later and you will relate.

No Rhyme, No Reason

2014-08-23T09:56:00.002-04:00

Thursday morning I finally made it to the support group for anxiety and stress that meets at 10 am and is free to attend. I have been trying to make it there for almost 2 years now. I went and I was really good that day. I probably seemed to the others that I didn't need to be there since all quoted an anxiety level of 6 or higher while there. I was at a zero.

Some days I feel so good. I live for those days, those hours, those moments when all seems normal and right in my body and brain. I can think, speak, sit, stand, wait, engage, laugh. It's a feeling most people take for granted every day. I revel in it. Take it in. Am in awe of it. Am so grateful for it. I enjoy it while I can because at any moment everything can change in an instant. It's the strangest thing ever. Only people like me could understand what it feels like to live like this.

The very next day I was out for the entire day. It hit me like a bolt of lighting, very fast, unusually fast in the am just after I got up. It was so powerful, I had to take extra meds to calm down. Nothing worked except the meds. My day was engulfed with trying to work and sleep and work and sleep. Escape into a place where my panic usually lets me be....in sleep.

I've had times where it has woken me, choking me, sending me flying out of bed. But that hasn't happened in a long time.

I just don't understand how I can be so good one day and so bad the next. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to any of it.

I can write to you now while I am at a level 6, struggling but still able to communicate. I wanted to get this down because I know some of you struggle with panic that comes and goes for what seems to be no reason at all. I've kept a calender this month of each day and how and when my panic is striking and leaving. I am doing this because it seems to be a daily thing, out of my control and I am trying to get to the root or just catalog how it lives in me at different times and seasons of life.

I have been struggling with allergies, sinus infections, stress of finally getting my own home, learning my father is declining into alzheimers. Most things that happen to other people I can handle. It seems that when I am personally sick, unhealthy, either from the allergies or from emotional stress I am worse. It's the feelings inside me that set me off. The changes in my own body that I can't deal with in a sane way.

Why are we so sensitive to feelings? Why do they scare us so much? It seems so silly to the average person and to me. I self talk and say how silly I am being but my body is "just reacting" and I don't seem to have control over it. Like my mind can''t stop my body from feeling like it has been injected with 1000 shots of adrenaline.

But I will live today in thanks and prayer and make it through. I will push through and live for the next "normal" time.

I wish you all a panic and anxiety free day today! I wish you peace and calm today!

Anice

Hopelessness is so Real. Robin Williams showed us that this week.

2014-08-15T21:30:00.000-04:00

I can't have a sight about anxiety and panic and not touch on depression and how overwhelming the hopelessness really is. When I heard about Robin Williams and his struggle over the years with addiction, anxiety, depression and "abnormal mental health" I cried. I cried for him. I cried for myself and I cried for all of us out there who suffered and still suffer in silence.

Mental Illness is not understood and can't be seen by the average person. Those of us with it have learned how to hide it very well. It's a survival thing with us. We have to learn or we are treated as outcasts. We are considered "not normal". Some people are afraid of us. The reason for that could very well be that they see a little of themselves and do not want to be considered weak and messed up so they turn away from us.

If it wasn't such a stigma in our society more people would reach out for help and get it. Insurance doesn't pay for therapy which is a monumental need for many of us. If we can't get help because we can't afford it we end up in some pretty dark and dangerous places.

Lots of us self medicate which turns into addiction. Lots of us end up homeless because we couldn't afford medication or didn't want to admit we needed it or were too prideful to seek help. Lots of us learn coping mechanisms. Usually this kind of person isn't having debilitating issues. At least not to the point of being home bound or disabled. The more I learn about OCD the more I see a little of how functioning depressed or anxiety affected people actually function successfully. There are things we do to get through the day, the meeting, the drive, the waiting.

Over the past few years I have seen more and more attention and awareness brought to the mental health issue. Mass shootings and suicides have brought attention to it. More people are "coming out of the closet" so to speak because they want to help others who are struggling. I am very happy about that but it is still very "cloudy" do the majority of people and I still see a lot of my friends and family still putting there heads in the sand. I call them ostriches. They just can't deal with it and don't want to. It hurts to see that.

Robin Williams has single-handedly brought mental health to the forefront.

I feel every ounce of pain he must have been feeling.

I feel like I wish I knew him and could have spoken to him and told him about God and how knowing God has helped me.

I wish I could have helped him live a longer, happier life.

I wish I could have said, "if you think you are a burden or will be a burden, you are wrong"

I wish I could have said you are so loved.

I wish I could have said, I am here. I will talk. I will listen. I understand. I know. It really sucks but we have to try to stay for the ones we love.

I feel the torture he must have felt to get to the point of no return.

People all over are going to be talking about him and what happened and why it happened.

This is one of those times when God uses something sad and tragic and opens doors for millions of others.
Because it takes time and miracles to help someone believe they really are loved and there really is hope.
We know how they feel but most people don't know how to talk to them or how to just be there. And how to make sure that person has no guilt about what they think they seem like to others. There is a huge amount of education for the "normal" person and I pray they will want it and seek it out to help someone they may know who is suffering.

I pray now for his family who will go through so much, not only because their loved one was a public figure and famous, but because it is so hard to wrap your head around how that person must have been feeling.

- the agony and pain in his last day, hour, moment in time.

And all the what if questions they will ask themselves.

And the anger, when they realize there are no more chances, no more time, no more possibilities.

Yes I have been there when a loved one chose to leave before I could talk to them. All things I thought of after they were gone and there was no going back. It may not have helped but I will always wonder and I cannot ever forget. But I can go on and try to help someone else.

A Season of the Soul

2014-07-16T23:11:00.004-04:00

The weather is unseasonably cool and refreshing for mid July in Georgia. My mind feels clear and focused. I can breathe with ease, turn my head without feeling dizzy. I wonder what caused this sudden blessing of clarity and freedom from the bondage of constant inner turmoil and pain. I think the weather is different. I am different today. Can this be the end of a time of struggle?

With hope in my heart I listen to the night sounds of Katydids, crickets and tree frogs singing their nightly songs on a cool breeze through the open window and feel contentment cover me like a soft blanket and I thank God.

Overcome with gratitude I get on my knees and pray a prayer of thanks and praise to the one who showed me what it was to need him and I promised I will always need him.

On this day that felt so different I was given a gift. God speaks to me through books that I stumble upon at a garage sale or thrift store. He speaks to me through His word and through others I happen to bump into. Today He spoke to me through a poem in a book I found at the thrift store.

Helen Steiner Rice is one of Gods greatest poets. I've been collecting her books. Last night I got an email advertising a sale going on at a website for used books that I like. I popped over and found one of her books, "Blessings". I ended up not buying it and while pursuing the book section at the thrift store today found it. I always know it's God when something like that happens. So I had to get it to find out what God wanted to tell me.

The very first poem I turned to was "The Seasons of the Soul". It is about the soul having seasons just like the year. I read it over and over focusing the most on the last two lines.

We too must pass through the seasons God sends.
Content in the knowledge that everything ends.

I suffer from panic disorder and recently when I had a panic attack that was one of the worst I had in years my son was with me. He said the words that I needed to hear at that moment. It will end.

He also said something that touched my heart and I felt the presence of God in him. I was crying that I must be so weak to not be able to beat this thing that tortures me. He said he thought I was one of the strongest people he knows.

He said to live with what I live with and still live life, work, take care of my elderly mother and aunt, take care of him all his life as a single mother with panic disorder; to bare all the stress of daily life while battling panic daily and not fall completely to pieces makes me the strongest person he knows.

He knows I run to God every day but He also knows in the heat of the moment of a severe panic attack I can't think to even remember to call out God's name until I come down a little. So he knows what it takes to live in my skin and in my head. I looked at him with awe and relief and gratitude that someone understood. God gave him that understanding and those words to say to me at that moment.

Then God gave me a confirmation. It will end. It is a season. A very long season but still a season. 20 years long. But maybe it it finally coming to an end. Or maybe the season of sadness that dealing with panic disorder brings is going to end. I may still have the panic but it may be that I will have less panic and sadness and have more joy and happiness. I don't know for sure yet since I have felt like this for only one day. Actually 2 days with a short bout of panic this morning. The rest of the time I felt a lightness. A clarity. A balance.

I feel blessed and loved. Content.

Ultimately I turn my thoughts to what my God did for me, how he suffered and died on the cross for me, how he rose again and sent the Holy Spirit to comfort me and help me.
How he said he will never forsake me.

And I feel blessed and loved. Content.

WHY I Didn't Write For Almost 6 Months!

2014-05-29T11:46:00.002-04:00

I wrote part of this post during the year (2013) where I descended into a pit of darkness after a very long time of living mostly panic free. I have spent the last year building my life back up. I got physically weak and needed time to exercise and address changes I needed to make for my life to be happy and fulfilling and realize some dreams I had. I can now find the time and energy to write again. I posted a few posts here and there but couldn't keep up with being consistent.

As is typical with severe panic disorder we are well and then we are not. Our worst fear has come true. It's back. We are faced with the fact that our assumption that we've made a breakthrough and are never going to go through THAT again was wishful thinking. Then suddenly like a slap in the face, there is no room for extra curricular activity or writing (that is helpful to anyone or makes any sense) or reading a book. Every minute of every day we are in battle. At war. We are exhausted by the end of the day and yet it lingers into the night keeping us from the healing sleep our body needs so desperately. It is so sadly ironic because during this time of weakness we just get worse when we get the slightest inkling of a symptom of a sickness from all the "what ifs".

For a long time my life had become manageable and fun. After years of healing from a marriage full of strife and a divorce I was starting to live again. I was going out with friends and found my way back to writing and selling antiques on the side. I needed creative outlets to counter the rigid work I do for a living but hadn't had the energy or desire until now. Then my world got turned upside down with a major life change when my 95 year old Aunt Connie had to move in with us because she was physically unable to care for herself on a daily basis. We had high hopes for this arrangement. Our beloved aunt would be with us and bring joy into our home. She was a great storyteller and had lived an interesting life. Those hopes shattered when we saw how she had changed into a bitter, cruel and negative person. She drained our joy and our energy. She abused her sister (my mother who was not well herself and who I was already caring for) and demanded much more attention than we had anticipated.

The stress of the responsibility of caring for someone who needed constant attention and filled the air with negative energy took its toll on everyone. Work got more demanding while the company I worked for took on a new endeavor starting a new location from scratch. I was being run ragged and my emotions were all over the place. It all became too much for me.

I saw and felt it coming but was quite helpless to stop it. What had to be done had to be done. Suck it up and do it, I kept telling myself. My body and my mind told me a different story. It stopped me in my tracks, cold and hard, mean and nasty. I couldn't help but fall hard and struggle as hard as I could to get out of the slimy tar-like pit that had hold of me and was slowly smothering me. Choking me.

Not only did the frequency of attacks increase, the intensity of them grew - like I had gone back in time before all my tools and behavioral therapy and God centered help. I knew why it was happening but I didn't know how to stop it again and go back to a time when I had control, not the panic. I felt trapped with no way out.

We did try hiring a nurse to come in 3 days a week but my aunt made her life and ours miserable. After a year and a half of watching my mother's health decline and knowing how sick I was getting again we were able to convince my aunt to go to live with another family member who then convinced her that she needed more care than any of us could give her so she would have to move into a nursing home. No one wants to do this to a loved one but when there isn't any other choice it has to be done. My mother wasn't able to be firm with her and help her understand we weren't doing this to hurt her. Her 82 year old, sick sister could not care for her as she had promised her many years ago. I worked full time. The guilt was eating at my mother and my aunt was using that guilt and emotionally beating us up.

It has taken all this time, a lot of work and a lot of time spent with God to find my way back to the manageable and more peaceful life I had been living.

So here I am to share and give hope to those in the throws right now who don't see the end. I am feeling better. We do fight. We are fighters and survivors. Our condition has trained us how to do that. We are smart and creative people. We are sensitive and have a desire to solve problems. So finally the sweet taste of victory comes because we were able to create and implement solutions to the thing or things that threw us back onto the roller coaster ride of flying down into the pit and swirling all around, up and down until finally we turn the corner and begin to slow down and gratefully come to the end. For now. I still believe I can be delivered from this condition but I am happy to feel some semblance of freedom from the bondage I was in.
The crippling fear has been beaten back into submission. Into the pit it came from.

RESEARCHING PANIC

2014-05-26T09:33:00.001-04:00

I tend to do this a lot. Research. Look for new cutting edge discoveries. Looking for a way to fix what I have. Looking for a cure. Looking to be normal again.
Here is an excerpt from an article I came across. Link is at the bottom of the post.

Occasionally, there can be debilitating problems associated with hyperactivity of the amygdala. Being the storehouse for the memory of fear, it can misinterpret signals from the body and cause inappropriate actions. This can lead to panic. Panic is a heightened stage of anxiety and fear feeding itself in a positive feedback loop and jumping to faulty conclusions, which focus on impending danger, madness, harm, or death. Physically, the body undergoes many changes that ready it for extreme action. There is a marked secretion of glucocorticoids and catecholamines which increases the blood glucose levels. Also, increase production of epinephrine and norepinephrine, which has the effect of vasodilation of blood vessels in skeletal muscles. Other symptoms of the sympatho-adrenergic stimulation involve modifications of breathing, increased temperature, localized sweating, decreased motility of the stomach, bowels, and intestines, constrictions of sphincters in the stomach and intestines, as well as piloerection (20). But the question of what generates panic attacks still remains essentially unanswered at the moment. There are many theories accorded to panic, the most prominent are:

Clark's theory on catastrophic interpretations (1988) sees panic attacks as a result of maladaptive and faulty interpretation of body signals. Beck's theory proposes a similar model, but based on predisposing and precipitating factors. Elhers' theory explains panic attacks as a result of panicogenic interoception. Barlow's theory proposes that panic attacks are modified "fight or flight" mechanisms in the absence of danger (20).

The limbic system, especially the amygdala, has long been considered to be directly implicated in anxiety and fear stages. The amygdala and its central nucleus thus communicate with many brain regions, including those that control breathing, motor function, autonomic response, release of hormones, as well as processing of interoceptive and external information (20). Therefore, the claim that the limbic system, with the amygdala and its central nucleus are implicated in panic attacks makes a biologically plausible hypothesis.

I wonder if there is a way to fix the AMYGDALA?

Go here to read more.

Talking To Myself During A Panic Attack

2014-05-25T08:34:00.002-04:00

No one can tell that something is wrong.
No one can imagine that you are in absolute agony while you sit quietly next to them.
It is creeping. You can feel it doing something to your arms and legs and its getting harder to breathe. You gasp for air hoping no one will notice.
You want people to understand but you don't want them to be afraid of you or leave you.
Why does it come out of the blue?
Do I need water?
Do I need protein?
Do I need exercise?
Did I look at my computer too long?
Am I going to faint right here and now?
Am I going to die right here and now and no one will know because I am alone?
Should I get dressed in case I have to go the the hospital or call an ambulance?
Am I hot or am I cold?
Should I open the window or close it?
Why is there pain? Panic doesn't cause a pain.
Please just make it stop morphing into something that has never happened in 20 years during a panic attack.
How am I supposed to know if it morphs into something unfamiliar?
I hate this
I am fine for weeks and then something happens. Why? Why can't it last?
What did my mind do to cause this?
What am I afraid of?
Remember....it can't hurt you.
Then why does it hurt?
I can't focus.
I can barely fill my glass with water.....all the steps it takes to do that. I can only manage a couple of them.....push through. I can't. Push through. My head.
December 9, 2013 12:30am

Depression & Panic

2014-01-16T11:42:00.003-05:00

I didn't cry once today. Jan 15, 2014

The depression has lifted almost unnoticed.
What a strange thing it is. The way it comes almost like a virus caught from an invisible source. Impossible to stop from running its course through the body, where it goes is impossible to predict and all we can do is endure it, treat the symptoms while waiting for the end to come.

I haven't seen the end of this depression for many months, years. I thought it was here to stay, forever. I thought it was something I would live with like a disease that never goes away but kills slowly. Very slowly.

I feel the difference. A lightness. Lighter. Not completely gone but lifted. Hovering. I don't feel doomed that it will come back. I am just glad for the clarity in my head. I completed suduko with ease twice. Freaked me out a bit. Then solitaire was a breeze. Boring but nice. Interesting because I felt I could see and that before it was like walking through sludge.

I knew I could think clearly but that something was hindering me, that it wasn't really me. Frustration was constant. Every time I made a stupid mistake at work it would cause me to break out in a sweat because I knew that wasn't me. I'm better than this, I would tell myself. What is going on. Why don't I get this? Why can't I put the pieces together? How could I forget that? How could I miss that? I thought I checked that, twice. I thought I was going crazy. Poor Cindy. I know she thinks I'm just dumb. Some part of the old me is fighting so hard to be seen. I have gotten so frustrated I've cried.

Effortless is the word that comes to mind. Even this typing is easier, smoother, fluid. This is how I think everyone else lives every day. This is how much easier every day is for most people. I always looked at people as they passed by, in the car next to me, in line at the bank or grocery. I wondered what it must be like to be them. To feel normal. To feel at all. Everything was exhausting for me. Everything, even taking a shower.

I remember when it wasn't like that but those memories seem so far away and are small. It isn't just the panic. It's the depression that came from the panic and other things but mostly the panic.

I still am battling these bloody miserable hot flashes. They come and stop me in my tracks. I cannot function until I strip to almost nothing, get some ice water, turn the air or fan on. How they must take their toll on my body, wearing me out. I hear the furnace turn on so it must be cold. All I want to do is turn it off. If I fall asleep after I turned it off and it gets really cold and my body temperatures goes back to normal then I wake up sick and full of mucus, like I have a cold. They reek havoc. Almost unbearable. If I couldn't strip or cool off I feel I could die. And I'm not being dramatic. It would be painful, like torture.

But I didn't cry today.

Thankful for my Thorns

2013-12-09T10:35:00.001-05:00

Photo Credit

I am reminded once again to be thankful for my thorns. I practice gratitude and thank God every day for all of His blessings and comfort but seem to always forget to thank Him for the pain I feel when I am in the throws of panic or after when I am feeling whole again. I tend to thank Him for healing me and the times in between panic attacks. But one day I was thinking about Paul's thorn he speaks of in the Bible and decided I must have what Paul had but my thorn was panic and that His grace is sufficient. This understanding gave me comfort. But I forget and neglect to thank Him for this thorn.

I would like to share a post I just read that helped me remember to take the time to be thankful and acknowledge my thorn as a gift that may some day help others and to remember Gods comfort is such a blessing!

Read post here from Marty's Musings.

Amen Clinic Update

2013-10-21T12:31:00.000-04:00

Time just flew! I can't believe it is nearing the end of October. I always am surprised when it's time to close out the month at work when I feel like I just did that! Ugh! That's when I say "Wow, Another month, Done"!

I wanted to give an update to my experience at the Amen Clinic here in Atlanta. The last post was a general description of my 2nd visit. I am going to tell you about my first visit and then add to my second and then follow up with the After story.

I believe that any time we take action to help ourselves and especially go to a medical doctor or a therapist or a psychiatrist we tend to start to feel better because we have been proactive and talked to someone who actually wants to help and doesn't look at us like we are a circus freak.

I made the appointment with the hopes that Amen Clinics were studying the brain and mental illness exclusively and they might have some new cutting edge treatment in the works. I wanted to be a part of it (not a study but just find out the newest treatment that was working).

My first visit

-was rather scary and kind of fuzzy. I was in full blown panic almost every day.
It was time to go to my appointment and I don't like to be late. I found the complex but could not seem to find the building and office.  For someone with panic disorder in the throws of constant onset panic, this can be a real problem. It can be stressful enough to make a person in this state turn around and head for home! But I persevered, walked all over the complex, asked some questions and finally found it tucked away in a different building than where I thought it was.

I was very proud of myself! Pat on the back!

Upon entering I was told I had to take a test that would last 20 minutes or so. I said I already spent 4 hrs on the computer at home taking tests. Did they lose my file? I started to get irritated. But I took the test (just a bunch of questions on a form). Easy but still very similar to what I had done before. I did it anyway. I wanted to get to the next part.

I was then called into an office by a sweet young girl who asked me a lot of more direct questions related to how I had answered the questions on the computer. It is hard to talk about those times and things that cracked my stress barrier. The one that if you take on too much stress you crack and start having panic attacks. Some people are lucky enough to have them go away forever. Mine have been on for most of 25 years and off for 1 1/2 years.

But I answered. She said at the end that she thought they could help me but didn't tell me how. She said the next time I come and see the doctor he will go over everything with me. I waited with great anticipation for that appointment a week later.

Second visit

- here we go - I am finally going to get cured. The doctor ushered me into his office, just like any other doctor I have been to except he had a bookshelf loaded with books on the study of the brain. I have been reading those books and all I could get my hands on for years trying to figure out what was wrong with my brain. I thought - "Awesome! Here is someone who understands and is an expert in this field. I can't wait to hear this."

He had a very long report in his hands and gave me a copy. We went over it together. It was basically all I had said in my answers, what level of panic the doctor thought I was, and what his recommendations are for my treatment. It was more about management, not cure. I said ok. Let's see what he adds to what I already know.

He got out some scans of someone elses brain and said "This is a scan of someone with 3 overactive areas in their brain.  I think yours looks like but add the other 2 areas......and this is what you need to do". The report mentioned all 5 areas of the brain affected by panic. I didn't just have one overactive area but 5. It gave me a sense of validation that it is a chemical imbalance that is agited and prolonged. It can be managed. There wasn't any "Here's the cure you've been looking for" but I felt like there was some science behind all this and where there is science there can be breakthroughs. They just hadn't found it yet. There was hope!

I wanted more than hope. I wanted to be fixed. He did not tell me much more than I already knew. Everything he recommended I was already doing except the GABA I mentioned before. I also cannot take anti-depressents. My body reacts as if I am on a stimulant and I cannot handle it at all. That is why I take the Lamictal (which he also recommended). This is what I got for $1100.00 but if I leave with hope and a will to keep going and working toward managing my attacks and know that there is someone on our side out there trying to find a cure was worth every penny to me.

I do want to update you on the GABA. I did some research and saw most people saying that the kind of GABA you get from the health food store and the Amen Clinic (yes, they sell the products and DVDS - hate that is seems they are in the supplements industry and possibly playing on the fierce fear of people with ADD, ADHD, anxiety and panic disorders and the fear of their parents does want to make me throw up), could not pass through the Brain Blood Barrier so could not possiblly help.

Science always tugs at me, "find out more".  So I called the doctor and he said it has been helping people. That's all he could say. I will say, whatever works. Sometimes belief and faith can and does play a huge role in our recovery. So if you think it is helping then take it. It's a good supplement. Our brain makes it. It does help the area affected in panic and anxiety when created naturally in the brain. It can't hurt. I chose to stop taking it until I can find one that is touted as making it through the Blood Brain Barrier. I also rely on God and my faith and the power of prayer and positive thinking.  They are all valuable, priceless tools in our toolbox.

GABA and my Progress

2013-08-17T16:26:00.002-04:00

Today was a good day! I wanted to update you on the supplement GABA I mentioned in my last post here. As I mentioned I've been taking 200 mg chewable tablets mid morning that I got from my favorite health food store near me called Life Grocery. I was very skeptical at first but since I have been taking it I am not experiencing panic when I feel a change in my body or when I feel panicky about something that is going on. (See update Post. This was not actually the case)

I can feel panicky without any "panic aura" starting like "normal" people when they are in a stressful or scary situations. It is how I have wanted to feel for 25 years. The joy I felt when I realized this was worth every penny I spent to find out about GABA. (Or so I thought)

Granted, I could've eventually come across it in someone elses blog or a website but I hadn't and it couldn't have come soon enough. It has been a bad and very long year and a half. I was at my wits end having panic as badly as in the beginning before I knew anything or had any tools. Nothing was working. I was so stressed out from living in a home with my elderly aunt and elderly mother.

I found out about GABA from the doctors at The Amen Clinic that opened here in Atlanta not long ago. I had been following Dr. Amen on PBS for years. He had clinics in states that I did not want to go to. Finally a clinic opened here. I found out about 5HTP from his show, of which I take 50 mg each night before bed. I prefer natural products and chemicals that the brain and body make and need to perform properly.

The doctor at Amen Clinics told me that he thinks I have overactive areas in my brain including the GABA receptors. Of course he couldn't be certain because I didn't have the brain scan to the tune of another $1100.00. That would have to wait. Their initial testing and consultations cost $1100.00

He said I needed more Gaba because my brain was using up what my body makes and I didn't know. It is a calming chemical that we produce naturally. So is 5HTP! I do better with very low doses since I am 5'1" and 98lbs. Too much sends me into a panic because I can actually feel it if it is too much. This also could be my fears and not actually the amount of GABA. We never really know what is going on but try to just listen to our bodies. Whatever works!

For me it is true that I have to take smaller doses of medicine. I just don't know about the GABA.

Times in Between Panic and Calm

2013-08-11T13:47:00.001-04:00

It has been a long time since I last wrote a post here on my blog. Time can get away from those of us who have panic disorder. During stressful times a year can pass by without us doing anything except "deal" with our stress.
We use all our tools.
We go to our therapist.
We get up every morning.
We go to bed every night.
We do everything we can in between to just get through the day.

Then one day we look around and realize an entire year has gone by. This is what has happened to me this past year. Because it was a year of almost non stop panic I wanted to share how I got through it in hopes of helping someone else going through something similar! I am feeling better after a very long and difficult journey. Never give up hope. We live for the times when things feel normal, when we can see through the fog and past the tunnel vision, when we can think clearly and enjoy the simple things most people take for granted.

I am tempted to call what this past year has been like "hypersensitivity" to the nth degree. It felt as though I was plugged into a an electrical socket. Everything triggered my panic in different degrees. I was not panic free for months at a time. Everyone wanted to know what I thought brought back such severe levels of panic. In my case I have a stress threshold that when passed, triggers chronic panic in me, hence true panic disorder as my specific diagnosis.

This past year my mother's sister moved in with us after falling and breaking her pelvis. This was her 6th fall in 6 years. She couldn't be alone anymore and had to bring her into our home. She fell again soon after she moved it which helped us discover that she had diabetes. We got her physically healthy again. However, her sedentary lifestyle over the years and being laid up after so many falls caused her muscles to atrophy and she could walk without a walker. She became fearful and basically did not leave a living room chair and bed except to use the bathroom and come to the dinner table. She became angry, bitter and depressed. We became consumed with her needs and endured her wrath daily. It all simply became too much for me. She was with us for a year and a half. The last few months I was getting worse and worse. It felt like being exposed to her negative, sad, angry emotions was like exposing me to a toxic chemical.

I was convinced it was because of her living with us that I was not able to keep the panic at bay. After much begging and pleading my family helped me get her to go for a month long visit to a cousin who adores her. Almost instantly after she left I began to feel better. I could breathe easier.
I didn't feel as if my body was on high alert. It felt like I had been set free from a prison.

Being healthy mentally means being stress free as much as much as is possible in this world and these times. It is so important to keep the boundries up that keep me feeling safe. I continue to exercise, eat and sleep well, keep busy and let my body heal from the onslaught of emotional toxins that made me sick.

You have to fight for yourself. You have to be selfish. If you are not well you can't help others. Learning how to cope is your first priority. Implementing the things you need to do to be able to cope is the next step. Keeping things as stress free as possible is the next. Living a joyful life is your ultimate goal. It may take some time to get to it but never give up.

There is always a light and always a way. Reach out to people like me for help or just plain understanding so you don't feel alone. Have faith that things will get better and don't think there is something wrong with you if you can't handle big time stress triggers. Noone can. We just feel it more. There isn't anything wrong with you except you have overactive areas in the brain that cause panic attacks when stress gets to be too much.

I have started taking 200 mg of GABA from the health food store. I'll let you know how it helps. 50 mg of 5HTP is also great and comes from the health food store. Try them. I am also trying a calcium and magnesium powder called"Calm plus Calcium". Mixed with water it is a very good way to calm the nerves. All these things calm different areas of the brain and they do help and they are all natural things that our bodies need to function properly.

Good luck and may you find peace today!

With Love,
Anice

Worry Not

2012-02-24T00:51:00.000-05:00

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you. Matthew 6:25

Sensitive to Energy Around Us

2011-12-23T21:34:00.000-05:00

It has been a week since I wrote my last post. I said I would continue writing as a series to "That's My Panic Talking Again". My intention was to endure the turn my panic was taking me and hope to understand it and then tell you what I found out. As it happens I did find out something I already knew but forgot and have not mentioned here before.

Some of us with panic or anxiety have noticed that we are more in touch with and sensitive to our surroundings. By that I mean the people we come in contact with or have a soulful connection with affects us. I can pass someone and feel a flutter of something that sets off my panic. It is the energy of the person I just passed or am even speaking with. They may have something they are anxious about or their emotions are running high and I can "feel" them.

What I have experienced is that when someone I love is in trouble or feeling pain or sorrow I can actually feel it. I don't know it at the time. I experience heightened anxiety that will go into full blown panic for no reason at all. I'm just going about my day or night and boom....I'm hit with a tidal wave. I use my tools, call someone and can usually come down from it but I'm always sitting there wondering what just hit me like a ton of bricks or why do I feel sick? Why am I scared?

I will tell you a story of something that happened to me that will show you what I mean. I had the opportunity to go for a visit that took me over seas. I was to be gone one week. Filled with excitement at the thought of being able to "get away from it all" I boarded my plane and a few hours later was in one of my favorite places where I always feel peaceful and calm. After a short time I started feeling sick. I had some pains in my stomache and chest. I thought it might be something I ate. I tried different things to "physically" feel better. Nothing was working. At dinner one night I was overwhelmed with a feeling of dread and panic set in. I couldn't breathe and in front of everyone I had to get up and get some air. It immediately turned into tears and fear. Everyone wondered what was wrong and I had no idea.

That night I had a nagging urge to call home. Noone answered the phone. I tried 3 different family members and nothing. I began to understand and worry set in. Finally I got a call back and was told my mother was in the hospital. Her lungs were filled with fluid. She would be there the entire time I was away. The interesting thing was that when I found out what was going on my symptoms stopped. I began to feel better and to feel the peace and calmness I always was able to feel when I visited. It was like my spirit was feeling and my body was reacting but my head had no idea what was going on. It manifested in panic.

It happened again this week. And again I came to find out my mother fell and broke a rib. I have many more stories like that but I think you get my meaning. I believe that we are very sensitive to the energy around us. We can let it pound us with symptoms or we can ask the question, Is someone I know in trouble. It helps to know. It just helps us. We can process it. Move it to the part of the brain that doesn't focus on "panic" - "the human brain responds like this goes back to our prehistoric past where humans needed their bodies to respond quickly to a perceived physical threat. What this new research is telling us, is that people’s mental activity during a panic attack is suddenly moving to the mid brain, resulting in the heightened state of fear and panic. In short, a separate part of your brain becomes more active during a panic attack."

The website I get this information from is here. I want to tell you that I DO NOT agree with what this site says about breathing not being effective. I find it to be very effective. Take what works for you from the site. We are all different.

Now that I know what's been increasing my general, almost constant state of anxiety I can move on to something else. I wish I could have focused sooner on something else but as I said in my last post I am in new territory here and have learned what to do next time this happens!

That's My Panic Talking Again

2011-12-16T13:33:00.007-05:00

I am wondering if any of you out there with panic disorder feel like I do about "normal" aches and pains turning into thoughts of "what terrible disease could be causing these new physical things I am feeling?" I have found myself talking to someone and telling them that I am feeling nervous about the fact that I am hurting in my back lately and then saying "That's my panic making me crazy again". I'm noticing that my panic dictates how I am feeling every day. It's become so "normal" for me to question every little thing I feel and wonder if it's a symptom I should not ignore that I am actually saying - "That's my panic talking". It really upset me when I realized what I was doing. It's like I am burying the panic deep down so I can function on a fairly normal level but now it's so deep that my subconscious seems to be using the panic to create a new me. This new me is more "generally" anxious instead of "on occasion dealing with an attack" anxious. I don't like this at all.

I've come to accept that I have panic disorder, use my tools, function fairly well but lately something's changed and I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm sharing this new development on my journey with panic disorder in hopes that when I find out and conquer this new "symptom" I will be able to help someone else this may be happening to. The problem can never be solved until we acknowledge that there is a problem. I am just now becoming aware of this one.

What I think triggered me wanting to write a post about the dynamic of sickness or imagined sickness and my panic together is that yesterday I had my first prolia shot for Osteoporosis. It's fairly new to the market and a must do treatment for me since 4 years of other treatments have not helped. My numbers have continued to decline. The doctors said I am in the 1% that don't respond to the other drugs and that the new prolia shot taken once every six months is my only option. Of course I use food and supplements to increase calcium and magnesium absorption and exercise. I am always on edge when I have to take a new medication. I don't know how my body will react to it and I am very sensitive to medications anyway. I let my fear of this take over me yesterday and every little thing that was different has had me questioning my health. The side effects don't manifest until days and weeks later and we don't really know how it will affect each person. So my mind is all over the place on this one. I can only trust that it is ok. When I talk to people about it they say I am being ridiculous. I say it's my panic talking and so on.

The other thing is that I seem to be more anxious and sad during this holiday season. Maybe the general feeling of anxiety will go away after the holidays but I'll have to wait and see. I never used to feel this way during the holidays and not much has changed. However, I am under more stress than usual. Work has become a bit overwhelming with a change in companies which has added duties I am not familiar with. I am working my way through this. My aunt is coming to live with us since she is 94, fell and can't be alone anymore. I am already living with my mother and helping my son with college. I am alone so there isn't anyone to share things with (but that's not new). I did get really sick from a flu and head cold which seems to have physically drained me. All the things I am mentioning are things that we with panic disorder have to try and avoid. In my case I feel trapped in my circumstances and can't change anything at the moment.

It probably sounds like I'm rambling but this is how I work through a new development in my life.

I will continue posting about this as a series. Hoping for a good outcome!

Holidays Can be a Time of Heightened Anxiety

2011-11-24T10:45:00.007-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you out there who suffer from anxiety and panic disorder! I want to write today to express my understanding of how much the holidays affect so many people in a bad way. It is a time that reminds us of when we were happy a time BP (before panic). It is a time when we are required to be among people whether it is family or friends. We are expected to act like everyone else when we are not like everyone else. It is a time of our biggest challenge. We will become anxious just thinking about whether we will have anxiety or a panic attack in front of everyone and thus ruining their and our special holiday. We are fearful of the unknown. Some of us will will safer at this time being surrounded by the people who love us the most but most of us have family and friends who do not understand what we are going through and don't want to deal with our issues. Some may even say we are just trying to get attention. It can be a hard time. But I know you can do it!! Reach out and believe you are strong! Fight the fight! It is our life and we become stronger for it. It is OK to feel sad and scared. But only for a minute. Then "take captive your thoughts". Turn them around to thoughts that edify you and lift you up. It will take all you have in you but don't let time go by without trying.

We also begin a descent into mild depression and melancholy. We begin to look back on our lives and focus more on our pain than on the joy. I want to ask you as you are reading this if you would like to do whatever it takes to not go into that place of darkness that we know so well. Pull out your tools and remember IT WILL NOT HURT YOU. Say it over and over. The more we practice being "normal". The more "normal" we will become. Our episodes will become less and less. I promise!!

I have to go somewhere today that I don't want to go. But I must. I must try. I will succeed. Even if I have to cut the time short I will go and try my very best to see the good in where I am and the joy that family can bring. I can feel happy for the people I am with that they don't suffer. Focus on them. I find focusing on others instead of myself helps me a lot.

Good luck today and during the holiday. I will be back here to write more to encourage you. Tell me your stories. I can help. I can be an ear. We can all benefit from sharing!!!

I want to share a site with you called In The Quiet. The woman who does it is incredible. She has helped me tremendously through her selflessness of sharing her thoughts and providing a "Quiet Place" for me to go.

TOOLS FROM THE TOOLBOX

2011-11-06T17:29:00.011-05:00

Basic Tools I have learned over the years that help me find Peace in the Storm.

When my "aura" begins I do the following:

1. Breathe into the abdomen for a count of 4. Hold. Breathe out for a count of 4. Do this 4 -6 times. (I practice breathing throughout my day.)

2. Immediately change my thoughts by putting on music, getting up and going for a walk, get on a treadmill, go to my saved sites that can talk me down just by reading what others have found helps them. It is our thoughts that spiral out of control. If you can't do it yourself (been there) try to find someone you can call who will talk you down, read to you, read scriptures to you and invest in some soothing cd's. Sometimes more lively music does the trick.

3. Daily small doses of medication can help keep panic at bay while you are learning how to use the tools in the toolbox.

4. Sit down and direct your thoughts to what you are doing to overload your stress level. If possible step back from one or two or three things that are over-stressing you. (For some it is not possible to change jobs but change something). One of the interesting notes I came across on the "overcomepanic" website is that we are often over-achievers, perfectionists, people-pleasers and don't take care of ourselves the way we take care of others. We have to know when to stop and slow down and take a break.

This is my screensaver. I look closely at the incredible design of each flower praising our creator for such beauty. This helps me re-focus on something other than myself.

5. Others have found that coughing helps and a good cry. The adrenaline released from the fight or flight response (that is the panic attack) has to be released. Sometimes nothing works and you have to cry it out. Other times when nothing else works, medicine or a "shock" will snap you out of it. Once I had an attack for 6 solid hours (the longest ever for me). Nothing was working. I used all my tools. I decided it must be something physically wrong that needed the attention of a doctor. My son moved a car out of the drive to take me to the hospital and he hit a car. He was so upset that all I could focus on was him and the accident. Noone was hurt and I was immediately transported out of my panic and into peace. I do not suggest going out and hitting a car. Instead focus on something that you are passionate about that helps someone or something that has it worse than you. (such as animals that have been abused and need our help, people who have unfortunately lost their jobs and homes, our brave soldiers coming home with injuries). These things can take our minds off of US.

6. Eat something. I always have food with me. Usually it's picking types of food that eating them takes some focus which takes my mind off siting waiting for the light to change or for traffic to get better. These types of foods are pumpkin or sunflower seeds that have to be opened, raisins, seed and fruit mixes, banana chips (for the sugar), protein bars, whatever it is you like to pick on. Make sure you always have water. Dehydration can make changes in our body that sets off the "something's wrong" trigger.

7. See a therapist who specializes in behavioral therapy. This works for us as well as it's other uses. We do have a say so in changing our behaviors. A good therapist can show you how to do this. (This is more for prevention and learning new tools)

8. Exercise regularly and try yoga or other relaxation and stretching exercises. (Also for prevention and lowering stress but can be done at the time an aura begins)

9. Practice Gratitude and Forgiveness. Striving for joy and happiness in life can free us of so much that we try to control that we cannot change. The serenity prayer is right on when we don't know what to pray:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference!!

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."

-–Melody Beattie

10. Put on the Armor of God. (See under my uplifting section in the right column).

11. Meditation is very important for stress relief. For those of you who choose a different kind of meditation Here is a site for you!! A very old friend of mine created this site to help heal the broken spirit. This is her way and it is a good way.

I choose prayer myself but there is nothing wrong with peaceful meditation with God's creation.

12. Play Solitaire or Jewels or some kind of game on the computer or the old fashioned way. Remember, we are taking our focus from our negative thoughts and putting it on something else. If we can't think we have to change what we are doing to be able to think and then start thinking positive thoughts.

Remember you cannot help others unless you are healthy.

Get healthy. Eat better. Back off on the caffeine. Walk or Run. Use your tools and feel free to share any great ways you get healthy not mentioned here. We are all different and we should always find what works for us. We are wonderfully and perfectly made and we have a way out!

Peace and Blessings!!!

You Are Not Alone!!

2011-11-06T15:03:00.004-05:00

If you are like me you have been told by everyone from your doctors to your friends to people with panic who have posted or blogged or have their own panic websites that one of the biggest factors that keep us struggling with our panic is STRESS. The common solution is "there isn't anything else to do after we have mastered using our tools except "CHANGE OUR CIRCUMSTANCES/ENVIRONMENT".

If we can remove ourselves from whatever may be causing our stress to be on overload we would have more peace. This is actually true and a proven fact for those of us with panic disorder. It has been stated over and over again. All of the websites I have shared with you have this as a piece of the puzzle to victory.

For more affirmation here is another website that has a been a big help to me. The woman who created it has put a lot of work into it and sincerely wishes to help us. She titles the site "No More Panic". It is based out of the UK. When I first found it I couldn't believe how many people all over the world suffer as I do. I felt vindicated, affirmed and finally, Not Alone.

I am one of those people who cannot change my circumstances in a significant way. I can only tweek them here and there so I do continue to struggle. However, I handle it better and better if I stay focused on others, God and not me, exercise, meditate and use all of the tools in my toolbox. It is a constant battle that is exhausting but at least I am not running out of the grocery store or bank or feeling like leaving my car at the stop light or in the traffic. I still don't like sitting in a traffic jam on the highway so will get off as soon as possible and take a different route. I always allow more time in case I need to do this.

I will also usually offer to drive somewhere with the person I am with unaware that I am doing this to avoid a panic attack.

Our lives are disrupted by this kind of behavior but it's become more of an annoyance than a debilitating experience. I have my bad days when I fall apart wondering "why me". Why can I not be completely free of this? I will never have a normal life, etc. Then I see a homeless person, or a person without a limb or someone who is disfigured......you get the point. I realize how lucky I am to still have time to try to achieve victory. There is still a chance I will be free. Hope is what we live on. Sometimes what we have feels like a disability (one that no one can see so is not taken seriously). In fact, at times it almost feels worse because no one can see it.

I went to a doctor once to discuss the fact that my physical feelings when I get sick sometimes throw me into a panic attack so I don't know if there is something wrong with me or if I should see a doctor. I told him I wanted to find a doctor that would understand I need to see him more often than usual because I don't know sometimes where my symptoms are coming from. (Symptoms mimic other medical conditions). He immediately started screaming at me (I'm not kidding) that he would not discuss "anxiety" with me or anyone. He did this in front of a medical student who was shadowing him that day. I was mortified. He treated me like I wasn't worthy of his medical care. In this day and age still many medical doctors do not even want to go there. He said to go see a psychiatrist.

What I was trying to do was find a medical doctor that was sympathetic and knowledgeable about panic and how it affects us physically. Sometimes all we need to know is that no, we are not having a heart attack or we don't have a deadly disease. And we feel that only a medical doctor can correctly diagnose this. I still have not found that "doctor" that can treat me with an understanding of the condition that I have and just be there. (I pay to see him so why should he care that I may not be sick physically at the time or my physical condition could be aggravated by my panic). In turn, stress not only affects our panic disorder it also affects us physically and CAN cause disease to come into our bodies. The two are related. When I find that doctor I will let you know.

When you can't change your circumstances all you can do is hold on, seek anything that can give you some peace, try to find out if you boss would be understanding and maybe let you work from home, believe that you will get better, work really hard to get out of the house and do things (the more you work on this the more you will see improvement).

And last but not least there is medication. Many people are afraid of medication but it really can make the biggest difference. Talk to your doctor.

I do want to say one thing in case one of you has tried every single anti-depressant out there and cannot take them because the way you react to them is feeling like you want to jump out of your skin which in turn brings on more panic. All doctors will tell you to try one. They do help many people but for those of us that they don't help this is what I found:

I was speaking with a psychiatrist friend one day and telling him my troubles with anti-depressants. He explained that my body chemistry reacts opposite of other people's body chemistry to anti-depressants and that I needed to try (and I did not like hearing this) bi-polar medication in very small doses. So I went to my doctor. We discussed this and his recommendation was to try Lamictal. He wanted me to work up to 100mg. I never got there. I was fine on 25. I now break my 25mg in half. (I can tell when I haven't taken my Lamictal). It's all about what you need and you are the only one who knows how your body feels when taking any kind of drug. It seems to help take the edge off and it's such a small dose most doctors snicker when they hear it. I am very petite. No two bodies are alike.

My motto is less is better but you do have to experiment. Do it gradually and under a doctor's care. I also take 5HTP (50mg). I can also tell when I haven't been taking it. It is not harmful. You can buy it over the counter at any drug store or health food store. I like a particular brand. Studies of the brain have shown that depleted 5HTP can be an underlying factor in some of us who have panic attacks. (It's described as a natural anti-depressant). The first time I heard about 5HTP was on PBS. I was watching Dr Amen. You should do your own investigation on Dr Amen and his study of the brain. Look him up. Some people don't like him. I said to myself, what can it hurt? I've tried everything.

Disclaimer****Please note that these are the medicines and treatments that have helped me. I am not telling you what to do with your particular situation. Whenever I hear about a new drug or treatment I do my due diligence and research and speak with medical professionals and take them only with my doctors knowledge. Some medicines react with other medicines. So just be SMART!!!

THE WAVES

2011-11-06T14:42:00.007-05:00

Fierce drives the storm, but wind and waves
Within His hand are held,
And trusting His omnipotence
My fears are sweetly quelled. —Brown

Have you ever had one of those attacks that isn't just ONE Attack but a series of waves one after the other? I have. And it's the worst kind of attack. Just when you think it's passing or subsiding here comes another wave of intensity. I remember just asking why, why won't it stop? And what is driving this? What is the chemistry behind this? It can't be my fears mounting up into a big explosion. This is something else. Much scarier than other times. This is when I really want to call an ambulance or go to the hospital. I hate having to knock myself out with medication just to make it stop but sometimes that is what I have done. The worst experience with this type of attack I had was when the medicine didn't work. Then I had a problem too big for me to bare.

This is when I want to blow my brains out or "cut off my head" because that is where it's coming from. I know that's gross and graphic but that is how I felt. I am so lucky that I have a very strong sense of survival and disgust of suicide. That scares me more. I truly believe suicide is a universal no-no. No matter what religion, you will read in it's book something about never going to "the other side" if you do. (I know you're thinking of the suicide bombers and the terrorists that think they are serving their God. But if you read their "Book" it actually instructs them against this).

Specific instructions tell you NOT to take your own life. I believe that. I know my belief is why I am alive. My panic is so bad that I have contemplated making it stop by jumping off a cliff so many times. I am so glad I did not do that! Please know that there is hope and that you will survive this. The good times will eventually out-weigh the bad. As a fellow panic disorder survivor/sufferer says: "Don't Forget to Look Up"!! You just might see a rainbow.

Panic Attack vs Anxiety Attack

2011-11-06T14:37:00.004-05:00

PANIC ATTACKS - Can they hurt us? What are they? How can I stop them?

On my journey of searching for help with my panic disorder I came across a book written by Ray Comfort called Overcoming Panic Attacks. It was the beginning of validation that I was not alone. It also gave an in-depth description of a panic attack that could help my family and friends somewhat understand what I went through on a daily basis, many times a day.

"Unlike anxiety attacks or generalized anxiety panic attacks come on suddenly, unexpectedly, and appear to be unprovoked - begin out of the blue with no obvious trigger and 90% of the time are completely disabling." - Description found on a blog that had the closest description to a PANIC ATTACK that I have seen in 22 years.

The biggest mystery for me and my panic disorder is that after an hour of telling myself that "it's just a panic attack. It will pass.", when do I decide there could actually be something physically wrong and that if I don't get to the hospital for treatment I could really be in trouble? How do I know the difference? How do I tell?

Usually an attack will pass after anywhere from 2 minutes to 15 minutes. If you start feeling better after you have initiated "tools" from your toolbox then you know it was more like what I call an anxiety attack.

If nothing changes after a few minutes of implementing some learned behavioral and breathing tools and if you cannot even think of what to do to help yourself you are having a PANIC ATTACK. If a feeling of fear grips you to the point that you would rather jump off a bridge than feel what you are feeling you are having a PANIC ATTACK. Anyone watching this happen to you, including the doctors and nurses at the emergency room look at you like you are acting like a two year old and need to get a grip.

This is the most helpless feeling. No one understands. No one knows what to do and Everyone is telling you "It can't hurt you. It will pass. Breathe, etc." All you can do is look at them with fear in your eyes and pain they cannot see.

It's like a friend of mine just said to me today....If you never lost your mother you do not know what it feels like. Another analogy is... If you have never had children you do not understand the love of a mother for her child. (Dad's can feel this way too.). Anyone who has never had a PANIC ATTACK does NOT know what you are going through.

There are things you can do to minimize and get your attack under control. There are ways to ask friends and loved ones to help you. There are ways to live with this disorder and break free of the bondage and experience life in a way you used to live (before panic disorder took hold of your life).

For a lot of us we find our source of strength and comfort knowing God is there for us during our time of struggle and can ultimately deliver us from bondage. In the meantime he also gives us tools through therapists, meditation on Him - His Word, exercise, medications; all so we can help ourselves understand what is happening to us and to focus on looking up.

A fabulous Christian woman, Angela Brittain started a website that helps ME when I am struggling. It is called overcomepanic.com.

We are definitely NOT ALONE:)

Below is a poem I wrote before I found any help from any thing or any one. I was alone and felt helpless (even in my marriage and even with a loving family). Maybe you can relate. But I am here to tell you that you will one day look back as I am on this poem and say Thank You to all the people who were brave enough to write down how they became free of Panic Disorder.

May 1993 (One year into ten attacks a day) Death dream

Someone to hold me when I sleep

Someone to tell my dreams to in the middle of the night

Someone to tell me everything is going to be alright when:

The throbbing in my head begins

The sudden heat and constriction of my lungs

The fear of losing control

The pulling on my soul

The feeling of suffocation and dying

The blackness

Someone to stop the pain