my projects

Summer, Fall, and Winter 2016

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Tue, 06 Dec 2016 00:50:00 +0000

These blog updates are starting to become annual posts. : )

Now that Harrison is bigger, traveling to farther destinations has become a lot easier. This summer we took a few trips with our families.

In May, we took a short weekend trip to New Jersey where the band Trashcan Sinatras was putting on a show. Chris had spent almost a year designing everything for this band that he's followed since he was a teenager. It was really great to take the boys on this trip and took a detour check out the Sterling Mining Museum. We also got to enjoy a nice dinner with the band and watch the show at our VIP table. We swam in the hotel pool which had a indoor outdoor "car wash" access, there was a water slide, and an underwater fish tank. The boys had a sitter to put them to bed and they had no problem with us leaving. Overall it was a very successful and fun trip.

In July, Grandad and Joan rented a house in Ogunquit, Maine. We decided we'd spend our 4th of July in this small lobster town. It took us about 6 hours to get there in our Zip Car with all the other holiday travelers. Luckily we have gone on a few of these road trips, and now we are totally prepared with snacks and iPad/headphones. No more carsickness and the kids were very patient and cooperative in the car.

Dad and Joan were excited for some hide and seek, and Joan was prepared with lots of art projects. We went to the beach 3 times and got to experience the beauty of the beaches there. We even had a playdate with Oliver's school friends Violet, Caitlin, and Ashley, who moved away with their family to Maine during their Kindergarten year. We went on a lobster boat tour, watched the fireworks on the beach (which we had to move closer to shore as the tide rose very very quickly), we went on a hike along the coast, and ate lots of lobster. The location of our rental house was just a short walk from a draw bridge, and the town had a trolley that took you to the beach. We will definitely plan for a future trip to Ogunquit.

After a week returning home. Aunt Carol came to spend time with the boys. As always she has a suitcase full of things for the kids. We stayed close to home this time, we went to see a movie together, and waited until Ama arrived a few days later. Then we packed into a zipcar again and headed for Hershey, Pennsylvania. There we stayed at the Hershey Lodge, we went to the park, the garden with the butterfly exhibit, zoo, water park, another trolley ride, Hershey world, went to an underground cavern, and ate lots of chocolate. The resort had a wonderful mini-water park where we spent many of our afternoons there. Just before we left, I had quite a scare not able to find my phone. Luckily it was found just in time for us to hit the road.

We also took a trip to a nearby farm called Stone Barn Center for Agriculture and met our friends Jamine and Jacob and Zak there. The same trip we visited the Philipsburg Manor, and old flour mill from back in the days in Sleepy Hollow. And checked out the Storm King sculpture garden. All in one short weekend trip.

We had a good summer with our families and it was nice to get back to school and back to a routine. Oliver is in 3rd grade and rides his bike to school. He’s got a really cool teacher this year so I’m very excited for him. He still takes drum lessons on the weekend (Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars) and we’re looking at maybe getting him a real drum set to keep in his room. Not that he’s gotten so good at it, but it’s just more satisfying to play on a real drum set. And maybe that will encourage him to play even more. He also went to his first sleep over party at a friend’s “summer house” about 2 hours away. They even went to watch a demolition derby. And he finally got a nerf gun.

Harrison is doing great! He’s been in speech therapy since February and now he is talking in short sentences! He’s such a hard worker. He never gets upset when I correct him. In fact, he will self correct when he knows he’s not saying it right. One of the therapist figured out that he lacked control of his jaw which affected his control of the tongue. So once they started working on that, his articulation improved. It’s so amazing that I can see how with each new sound he learns his vocabulary expands. Now that he’s in school a few days a week for a couple hours, he is starting to talk more from being with his peers. Luckily he is not a shy kid and he is very smart. He has crazy good memory so most of the time it takes one week for him to learn a new sound. I am not really worried about his speech anymore and I am guessing he will not need to be in therapy next year. I’m just glad that all the hours we’ve put into it really helped. And this year, he was able to say "Trick or treat" on Halloween!

I’ve been enjoying having 2.5/3 hours to myself 4 times a week when both kids are in school. It’s not a lot of time since I have to walk home, eat lunch, and that’s probably an hour gone. Better than nothing! So far I’ve kept busy reorganizing our home. This time, following that Japanese lady’s book about Tidying Up, I followed it step by step. I even made every closet personalized with art hanging on the walls inside the closet, put books and little items that I love. I even started a new trash system and starting freezing my food scraps to take to the compost collection at the farmer’s market. I was so thorough this time, I really haven’t had to clean the house since I finished. I just put things back to their “home”. It’s really amazing. I used to feel like I work for my house, and now my home is working for me and making me feel happy!

I was supposed to be working on starting the parenting consultation business a while back. Then when Harrison got diagnosed with speech I put my own stuff on hold. Now that I have more time, I’ve been thinking about what I should do to pave the road for next year when both kids are in school full time. I was all set to work on the parenting stuff, but now I’m getting sidetracked by the idea of being professional organizer. Marie Kondo, the Tidying up author has a certificate program. It’s not available yet, but I am definitely interested in doing that. I guess I’ve always enjoyed organizing and considered that a career option. In the past I just thought I don’t want to end up being a house cleaner or go through other people’s stuff. This method is more like being a coach, and the philosophy behind it to surround yourself with things that bring you joy is way beyond cleaning. I am going to start a blog for the organizing, and maybe another one for the parenting just so it wasn't a total waste. I can keep busy with that and help friends and family tidy up until I get certified.

Oh and I got a bread machine! I was getting concerned about all the products having Soy Lecithin which I read is really bad for you. I first was buying frozen bread made from a bakery. Then the bread machine changed my life. I make it 3-4x a week! And I have become more adventurous with adding more fiber into the recipe.

This year has been hard for Chris. Many of the projects didn't come through for reasons out of his control. I think 2016 just has been a tough year business wise, but it's harder for creatives to feel motivated when jobs don't go through. Hopefully in the new year things will pick up again. He has gotten a lot of recognition for his work for Gilette, and they have returned for more because the clients loves his work so much. This project took him to South Africa for 3 weeks to shoot, and next week he'll be going to Spain for another Gilette spot. So at least there's the perks for being able to travel and see the world a little bit.

We also got the great news that Len and Elaine want to convert our building to a condo. This means we will be able to buy a little piece of Brooklyn history! It's a long process, but it's one that we are all very happy about. We are so lucky to be able to have this opportunity. It pays to be nice people, and our relationship with the Gelsteins has definitely made our lives better in so many ways.

Until next year!

Winter 2015/Spring 2016

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Fri, 01 Jan 2016 19:33:00 +0000

Happy 2016! As usual Chris and I had a quiet new year's eve celebration by ordering in and watching movies. This update is a little late so unfortunately I can't remember what we ate or watched.

So the cruise turned out to be better than expected. Maybe because I went in thinking to myself to not stress over food or cleaning up. With the all day buffet, places for Harrison and Oliver to run around and play in the pool, twice a day room clean up, going out after the kids goes to bed…it was the first time I felt like I was really on vacation. Nothing bothered me at all. The little bit of rocking on the boat felt very soothing.

We went on one excursion in Florida where we took an airboat out to the wetlands. We saw a gator, held a baby gator and Harrison kissed it, and even held a big python. Harrison also tried to get me to kiss it by grabbing it’s head and shoving it in my face. That kid is fearless. On the ship we tried a rope course that was 30 feet in the air, then in the Bahamas we went to the beach. On the ship we played in the pool, waterslides, ping pong, arcade, miniature golf, watched comedy shows, ball room dancing, and a circus performance and kids talent show. After 2 days the ship didn't feel as big, but it was nice to know our way around.

Just before the trip I talked to my mom on the phone, she was having a fight with her boyfriend. When she sounds mad I always just assume she’s mad at me! hahaha! So he proposed to her, she said yes, but they had a fight and she called it off. Old people! I really don’t care if she gets married again or not. I think as long as she’s happy and someone to keep her company, it’s all good. The funny thing was that she’s just not a good girlfriend! Just like she used to do to me, when she gets mad she just threatens to leave or she wants to kick him out. In the end, my semi-professional opinion is that she has trust issues, and that she needs to trust that he never did any of the things she gets mad about to piss her off on purpose. After a 3 hour call, I gave her some advice and told her to buy some self help book since her “case” isn’t that unique. Every woman has the same complains about their boyfriend/husband, she just didn’t know it. Anyway, then I realized that I sounded just like her, and I should follow my own advice. Since then, a lot of the resentment I had went away. ALSO, just as I purged things that didn’t bring me joy, I realized I needed to let those feelings go as well.

After 13 years of marriage and now in counseling, I know it will take time to get our relationship to a place where we feel close again. Nothing bad happened, but we just got caught up with our own world. Chris with his work and me and the kids. So something to be mindful of now is that you have to put your marriage high on the priority list. It’s worth every penny to get a sitter and go out on date nights. It’s good for everyone.

In 2 weeks Harrison will be going to a class twice a week for 90 minutes without me. I haven’t had a chance to work on my teaching material yet for my new mommy workshop, but I think once I have that very focused time I’ll be able to. It will be very strange to be without him, but he’ll be just 2 blocks down the street. : ) Harrison is still not talking much or clearly. Tomorrow morning a speech therapist will come and evaluate him and see if he’s just a late talker or if there’s other stuff going on. He’s such a happy kid and very physical, so maybe it’ll just take time for the speech to catch up. Then there’s potty training and switching to a toddler bed…oh, they grow up so fast.

More to come...

Fall 2015

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Wed, 30 Sep 2015 18:28:00 +0000

It's getting cooler again. We had a great summer with my mom and sister visiting, but it was also nice to have more space in our apartment and get back on a schedule. Oliver started 2nd grade and is really enjoying school. He's in Mr. Levy and Ms. Dewan's class with a few kids he knew from first grade. He is still taking drum lessons and is obsessed with Minecraft. He is still very helpful around the house and with taking care of little Harrison. Sometimes I bring Harrison with me to pick up Oliver from school. The 2 of them will run around the playground…mostly Harrison will follow Oliver everywhere and do everything his big brother does.

Harrison is 28 months old and attends a mommy and me class at Just Wee Twol for 2 days a week, 90 minutes each time. He is still the most cheerful kid in the class who says “yah!” after just about anything. Recently he climbed out of his crib onto Oliver’s bunk bed and will also jump off the top bunk (about 40 inches high) He is a fearless kid and continues to put himself in danger with a smile on his face. This week he finally started showing some interest in talking. It’s been interesting seeing how differently the 2 boys develop. Oliver was having conversation by the age Harrison is at now, but he was definitely not as physically coordinated as Harrison.

I have been going to the gym twice a week for the last few months. I see my mom, my in laws, my landlords all having aches and pains and other health issues. I hope in 20 years I’ll be in a better place if I make the effort to take better care of myself. Both of my boys love to run and we live next to the best running path with Manhattan view in the background. Maybe next spring I can start going jogging with the boys.

I’ve also been thinking about what to do when Harrison starts going to school without me. I know I can do some freelance design work, but I was also thinking of starting a new mom support play group. Basically combining my experience from the MOMS Club, teaching chinese classes to little kids, my book that I never bothered to sell, and using my status as a certified parenting instructor all rolled into one. I think by mid January I’ll be able to take Harrison to a class where I drop him off. The class is just 2 blocks away. I think I can teach a 45 min class while he is in a 90 minute class. I can do a 6-week session and have it at our apartment for a group of 5 or 6 moms, twice a week. It’s been so long since I worked but I know I can do this. I’ll get a chance to make some money, socialize, and use what I’ve learned to help other moms. I just ordered some of my books that I can sell them in class. : )

Chris is doing well. He’s been working a lot and directing a lot for Brand New School. It’s such a good change for us. The projects are so much better with better budgets and exposure. He’s very well taken care of because people respect his talent and skills. I’m very proud of where he is now in his career. Here are some of his work.

http://brandnewschool.com/directors/chris-dooley

Looking ahead, we'll be going to a cruise with grandma to the Florida and the Bahamas during Christmas time. It will be our first cruise. I'm looking forward to trying out new things and getting a break from having to cook or clean. We have on the agenda to go ride on an airboat and see alligators. I think the boys really benefit from having new experiences, especially in nature. Life experience is the best gift we can give them. Merry Cruise-mas!

Mid Year Update 2015

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Wed, 10 Jun 2015 18:01:00 +0000

It's hard to believe I'm now a 40-year-old stay at home mom with a soon to be 7-year old who is about as tall as I am, and 2-year old who's ready to conquer the world. I spend most of my days with the same routine to keep the kids and husband alive and happy, the house in order, and myself fed and somewhat rested. Now that the weather is warm, I am making a little extra effort to put on a cute, brighter color outfit and some lipstick before heading out the door. The goal is to break up the routine and start having more life experiences so the first year of me being 40 doesn't go by quietly.

It wasn't quiet indeed. I spent the first few seconds shortly after midnight vomiting into a trash can at a movie theater. Let me back up a little bit. The weekend before my birthday was spent in upstate New York for a wedding in Lake George. The drive to the resort was traffic free and smooth except for the moment when both of my boys threw up in the backseat. I was glad that they felt better and got some color back on their faces.

The resort itself was nice, and the lake and surroundings was beautiful. The rooms were fine except the decor was a bit dark for my taste. Harrison agrees and showed it by throwing himself on the ground every time we entered the room. We got a sitter for the night of the wedding, who was very sweet but sadly obese and that worried me a little about her taking care of two high energy kids who likes to run in different directions. I had to trust that Oliver will step up and run after Harrison if necessary. Then just before the wedding we discovered that I've packed the wrong suit for Chris and it looked terrible. I felt terrible. We went to a beautiful wedding were I only knew my husband and the groom and actor Andrew Shue who is a friend of the bride's family. My allergies was killing me, my shoes were killing me, and as I found out at the end of the night the food served at the wedding was killing me. I threw up 8 times that night. I was glad to be going home the next day and luckily the ride back was vomit free.

Fast forward a week later and I had plans to have a good birthday/mother's day celebration. First Chris and I met with my old boss at Disney for a drink before dinner. Then we had a nice meal at Lincoln Ristoranté. I made the mistake of drinking too early and eating too much. By the time we made it to our 11pm showing of the Avengers 3D, I was already not feeling great. 20 minutes into the action packed movie in an IMAX theater with seats too close to the giant screen, we had to leave. As I fumbled my way out the theater looking, passing the 3D glasses return bin, looking for a non-recycling trashcan to throw up into. I was happy to get home and just go to sleep.

That was the end of the "cleansing", out with the old and ready for a new decade. The latest project was throwing a Spy 007 birthday party for Oliver, complete with secret agent badges and finger print scanner and password for entering, TNT detonator that says "Do Nut Push" which covers stacks of donuts as birthday cake, laser obstacle course, a balloon popping game called the Bomb Squat, dress up photoshoot for the best master of disguise. It was really fun and I had a blast making all the props and games.

The next big thing is Harrison's surgery tomorrow. I know he'll be just fine. I just hope I will be too.

This summer Oliver will be in summer camp for 2 weeks, continue with drum lessons, and probably go back to taking swim lessons as well. My mom and sister will be visiting and we plan on going to Boston for a few days for whale watching and visit the aquarium and science museum. I'm also looking forward to the boy's reaction when we take the Duck Tour where the bus goes from land then turned into a boat and goes along the river.

Before wrapping this up I just want to include something that I wrote about our boys for something too complicated to explain:

Oliver

Oliver is kind, caring, sensitive. His gentle, easy going personality allows him to make friends easily and is loved by his friends ranging in age from 2, to our 72-year old neighbor Len. He’s very loving, patient and thoughtful. He can get very emotional and cry when he hears or sees something sad. I describe his as a raw nerve or the way your gums feel after having a tooth pulled. At the same time, he has a great sense of humor has an absolutely contagious laugh. Recently, he’s discovered what all of us adults already know….that fart jokes and butts are hilarious.

Oliver is very bright and a quick learner. This year he’s learning to play drums and has really taken to it. Not quite at Stephen level, yet but call us in a few years and he’d be happy to step in. He’s extremely creative with his Lego building, as each piece is carefully chosen with a purpose. He has the mind of an engineer, a wonderful imagination and the gift of storytelling.

As a big brother, he is very considerate of his baby brother’s needs. His face lights up when he sees Harrison. Recently we found out that Harrison will need to have surgery. Oliver’s response was that he felt sad that Harrison will feel pain, and that he wishes he can feel the pain for his brother.
As a son, he’s a helpful and contributing member of the family. He loves his family and enjoys spending time with us. Every night before bed we cuddle and share with each other our favorite things of the day.

Harrison

This is the happiest child I’ve ever met. There’s not a person, dog, or truck that passes by that he doesn’t wave to. There’s not a song or book or game that ends without him dancing or throwing his arms up and cheer. When he enters the room, everyone smiles. When he is playing, he becomes very quiet and focused in his world. He likes to lay on the floor and push his toy train and trucks and watch the wheels turn. Once in a while he’ll just laugh, which makes me wonder if there’s a story going on inside his head. When Harrison was a baby, we noticed some veins on his cheek that seemed to spell the word “LOVE” (see attached photo) which came as a surprise until we got to know him a bit better. Now it makes total sense.

He naturally likes to share his food and toys with others. When he sees you upset, he’ll come over and give you a hug. When he does something that makes you laugh, he’ll keep doing it and enjoy the moment with you.

While not quite 2 years old, he seem more confident and sure of himself than most people. He walks around without fear. In his baby class, he feels comfortable sitting in the middle of the circle instead of in his mom’s lap. When he sees a big dog, he will go right up to it and let the dog lick his face. When he is with Oliver, he doesn’t hesitate to try what Oliver is doing.
Their personalities are almost polar opposites, yet they can’t be any closer as brothers. In the 2 years they’ve known each other they have never had a fight. There’s a mutual love and concern for one another. They are very lucky to have each other and we are blessed to have them both.

Spring 2015

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Wed, 01 Apr 2015 18:08:00 +0000

This was written as an update to our friends and family that I forgot to post here. It's April 2015 and 46 degree in New York. I really would like to go out one day without a jacket and a hat. It’s been about 8 months of cold weather. Enough already!

Other than the weather, we are all doing well. I was busy for a couple weeks when out of the blue an old colleague called me. She didn’t even know I moved away. She started a new boudoir photography business and needed a logo and website. I took it on, but I realize my nights are my only free time so I really rather just watch some tv and go to sleep than being in front of the computer. Also, the revisions just kills me. I rather work on little projects that goes away after a few days and never have to think about it again. It was, however, nice to do something creative again and know that I can still do it.

I also kind of forced my way into re-organizing my mother in law’s apartment. She really doesn’t have the physical and mental strength to unpack the boxes that’s been stacked in her 500 sq. ft apartment for 7 months. It was driving me crazy. So finally on a day when she had to go out, I orchestrated having people watch Harrison while I went back and forth between her apartment and ours, running back to bring Harrison to another friend to watch him, running home to put him down for a nap. I was like a mad woman moving at top speed to give her place a make over. It was like one of those HGTV reality shows, except I did it all on my own.

The good news she was very happy with the result. I’m really hoping that with the new environment it will help her feel more open to having people over an make some friends. I’ve read enough self help books to know what’s crippling her ability to live with more joy. Sometimes I get so frustrated that we’ve handed her the perfect life for a grandparent, paying off her debt, bought this amazing place in a great neighborhood down the street from her only family, yet she is trapped in own head and an unhealthy lifestyle. Now that I can actually bring the boys over there to play, maybe it will start a change and she can find some motivation to enjoy life.

On a more uplifting note. Chris has gone back to work on staff at Brand New School, NYC. The company has grown so much since he worked there over 10 years ago. He’s really enjoying working there and has a great support team. He’s won a few jobs already since he started in January and is currently shooting an international campaign for Gillett in Cape Town, South Africa!! When he had a little downtime, he and the crew went to check out African Penguins at the beach, and cage diving with sharks!!

Harrison is 20 months old now. He’s one cute fellow and very social and independent. He’s a lot of fun to be around and has the greatest giggle. He’s still not saying much still yet he understands Chinese and English equally. So whenever he’s ready...

And Oliver, the best big brother. The most wonderful son. He’s so sweet and helpful. He’s doing very well in school and recently started taking drum lessons. For spring break I signed him up for a music camp (that part of the day they go to an indoor rock wall climbing place across the street!) Him and his band of 6-9 year olds played a song together, Break Free by Ariana Grande. It was very cute but made me cringe a bit too. At the end of the show Oliver just started playing this beat on his own, and the teacher joined in on the piano. So cool to see this side of him not shy to perform in front of people. I feel so proud.

The Past 2 Years

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 02:36:00 +0000

Ok. So 2 years have gone by and I haven't written a thing. I can't remember much, but I know why I haven't written an update. I had a baby! The sweetest cutest boy who is now 1.5 years old and loves to say "yeh!!" The two beautiful boys are keeping me busy and I love being their mom.

Harrison is so different from Oliver. From the start his sleeping habits was just the opposite. We had a tough time getting him to sleep. I ended up using a sleep consulting service which helped so much. Harrison eats everything. He loves fish and shrimp. He's very active and outgoing. He loves to greet people and cheer after every song. He isn't really talking yet but understands everything in English and Chinese. He points and signs and nods or shakes his head. It seems he communicates so well there's no need to speak. He goes to a gym class and a mommy and me class. He really enjoys being in the classes and participates in everything with so much enthusiasm. He has the greatest smile and laughs. He is so lucky to have such a caring and loving big brother who has to put up with a lot changes since he came along. I'm so happy they have each other.

A couple highlights. We sold our house in LA and bought a studio co-op down the street for my mother in law to live. With her being so close, I'm able to go pick up Oliver while she comes over to stay with Harrison. That was a big project getting approved by the co-op and probably some of the most stressful days of my life, but it was all worth it.

The biggest change happened not to myself but to my mom. She reunited with an old friend who turned out had been secretly in love with her for the last 34 years. Dad passed away 4 years ago and it's been lonely for my mom being by herself in California. Since then she's moved back to Taiwan and has been enjoying time with her companion. I'm really happy for her for having this chance to enjoy life and be taken care of. I don't think any of us ever thought this would happen, but everything happens for a reason and when there's an opportunity to be happy, you just have to take a chance.

So basically other than taking care of the baby, I was moving one mom closer and one mom to the other side of the world. What's weird is that I don't really have a big project like that lined up anymore. I have also learned that I need to take better care of myself and not only focus on getting things done.

A few other things that happened recently are my childhood best friend separated from her husband of 12 years. Another friend, same thing happened after 17 years. News like that really shook me and made me want to focus more on my marriage. We all get caught up in the day to day stress with work and taking care of the children. It is easy to neglect our most important relationship when we get used to the routine. I took those news as a sign that I should work hard to maintaining good communication and relationships, not just in my marriage but in friendships as well. I like that the universe sends signs like that.

Another big news, my old boss at Disney was let go after 17 years. It was so shocking and painful to know that he was so devoted to the company. He is one of the most creative artist I've ever met. I have so much respect for him. He built my career and has been a mentor for me since I interned for him. Knowing that he was no longer at Disney felt like I lost my only "home" in LA after my mom moved away. The good news is his daughter lives in New York, so there's a good chance I'll actually see him more. Who knows maybe someday I'll work for him again.

I think the most important change in the last 2 years has been my awareness of my feelings, positive and negative. I've always been big on self help books and finding ways to strengthen my inner self. I feel more confident in my ability and strength to be responsible for my actions, to correct mistakes, to learn from them, to become clearer about who I am and who I want to be, or what I want to be. I've made some good friends since moving to New York, and those I kept in touch with in LA are close to my heart too. Maybe it's because I lost a dear friend since I moved here and the reason according to her was that I didn't value her time as much as I valued my own. That, was another wake up call. Although I have my own opinion on what was really the reason we broke up, either way it's a reminder for me to be there for my friends. Maybe it's because I turn 40 this year. I think I have to take everything I have learned this far and apply them. I want to be a good example for my children. I want to build a lasting marriage with my husband and for my children to have that support. I want to feel at peace with my decisions in life and find joy everyday.

Hopefully I'll have another update in less than 2 years. Until then, a reminder to myself of my favorite quote. "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."

Catching up

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Mon, 15 Jul 2013 16:04:00 +0000

I'm 3 days away from meeting our new baby boy. I am feeling great most of the time except at night trying to sleep and dealing with the heat and humidity. This pregnancy started out rough but really has been great after the first trimester. I think all the walking in NY has helped keep my body in better condition. I didn't put on as much weight, and is much more mobile than when I has pregnant with Oliver. Even being so close to the delivery I'm still very active and keeping a pretty regular schedule.

The last few months as part of my planning and nesting I've been busy taking care of our finances and any updates to our apartment. I had a long list, but was very disciplined in getting things done. I'm glad that I was able to take care of all the major projects including selling of our house in LA and getting a financial advisor to help us with the money.

Each week since Oliver's been out of school I have been planning weekly outings and emailing his friends so he can meet up with his friends. I've become good friends with Marisa whose 2 boys John and Jude play very well with Oliver. Marisa used to work for Martha Steward Wedding so we have a lot to talk about other than our kids. A few months back another friend Stephanie, Sacha, Elaine, and Marisa took me out to brunch as a baby shower. I felt so loved and special knowing that in Brooklyn I have many new friends who care so much about me. And they are all really wonderful genuine people. One thing I said during brunch was that I never imagined my life like this 2 years ago. When Chris and I talked about moving to NY, I felt comfortable with the idea because of one of my closest friend Heejo was living here. Hard to believe that we had a falling out and she's no longer in my life. However the new direction my life has taken is a path I feel confident and strongly about.

I feel for the first time I have more control over my own life and know where to set my boundaries. I know I'll be very busy taking care of the baby, Oliver, and our home. And I'm looking forward to starting my career as a parenting instructor when the time comes. It's taken me 38 years to get here, and I'm grateful for every good and bad experience that guided me to where I am today.

Spring 2013

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 18:29:00 +0000

After all the craziness of the beginning of the year, things took a turn after our re-do new year's party. And I must say that it's been all very good transitions.

The big news is that Chris and I are expecting our second child. It was a big decision that I had a lot of trouble making. Things were just starting to get easier with Oliver and I was at a place where I need to figure out if I get a job or figure out a way to have some "Ann" life. I spent many months with this heavy decision on my shoulder, talking to my mom friends about their experience and their decision whether to have 1 or 2 or 3 children. In the end, there was a part of me that knew that I would definitely feel regret someday for Not having another. Especially seeing how well Oliver is turning out and my dedication to raising a good human being, I was finally able to commit to the decision to start trying. Luckily it didn't take long. And as of today I'm 27 weeks along with another boy. The first trimester was really tough. I was tired and nauseous all the time, but since then it's been wonderful.

Another big news came from Chris's company. We moved to New York so he can head up the office here. Because of some accounting issues and business slowing down the last few years, they came to the conclusion that they need to close their business. It was something we sort of saw coming and I think it was just the right time to move on. Although it wasn't what we had planned by moving here, but we felt more positive about this big change than fear of what we'll do to make a living. In the past year I really learned to be in the present and just go with the flow. I believe in Chris's talent and that whatever comes next will be just as good or better. We carried that attitude all the way through the process of selling all the equipments and moving out of the office, to figuring out what options we have. At this point we know our family is growing and it was important to cut back and take control over our finances. I was also looking into what I can do to help out and the universe provided some answers for us.

After trying out being a children's photographer, running errands for the neighbor, arts and crafts teacher, mandarin teacher, and looking to starting a recycling crafts business and starting my own professional organizer business...I found a place that has a stud-at-home certificate program to become a parenting instructor. I had thought about that many times before but never found anything that worked for my schedule. When I came across the Breakthrough Parenting program, it was on a not very attractive website. I had the idea of trading graphic design services for getting the program. And to my surprise they agreed to it. Then came months of me studying and working on the workbook and verbal test. I took some time off during my first trimester feeling too sick to study, but shortly after that in March 2013, I received my certificate and was thrilled to have completed something I set out to do, and something I truly feel passionate about.

I was eager to start a class, but because of schedule conflicts and parents not being available when I am able to teach. I was not able to start teaching. There was a part of me that felt insecure too, and decided that there's a reason why it's not working out now. So I continue to study the material, going to Starbucks once a week to read and take notes. Meanwhile practicing what I have learned with Oliver who is now 4.5 and more defiant than ever. Also I would have "sessions" with Oliver's school friend Joseph's mom and coach her for practice. I feel that was the right move since I now feel more confident about teaching. And when the time comes after I take some time off with the baby, I plan to start teaching on a more regular basis.

During Oliver's spring break, we took a trip to LA (March 16-26, 2013) This was a chance for us to see our good friends and family before the baby comes. It also gives Len and Elaine the time to start remodeling our bathroom! I had seen the work they did in the other apartments and sort of sweet talked my way into having ours done before the baby comes. It was nice to know that they like us enough to spare no expense and gave us the best most luxurious bathroom in the whole building. Every time we shower it's like being at the spa. It really makes our home life here even better.

Our visit to LA was just perfect. We're down to a handful of friends who we truly enjoy their company. I even was able to squeeze in a facial. We had lovely dinners and fun outings with the family. And we even went on a short vacation at a camp site called El Capitan near Santa Barbara. We stayed at a cabin with a king size bed, mini kitchen and bathroom. We had our own picnic table and fire pit. We look out the window and see trees and mountains. It was such a different scene but exactly what we needed at the end of a social week. We built a fire and had a bbq. walked to the beach and had fun enjoying the fresh air.

When we returned to Brooklyn, the bathroom was still not in good shape for us to be back in our apartment. So Len and Elaine had us stay with them for a few nights. It was wonderful to be taken care of like we are at a bed and breakfast. Oliver got to spend a lot of time playing with them and it was actually a good way to ease back into our routine. After a few days we were able to return home and finally sleep in our own beds. There were a few hiccups along the way with the remodel, but it's all coming together nicely.

A few weeks before going to LA we had decided it was best for us to sell our house. Now that we are expecting another child we no longer can fit in that house. Also it was just another expense that wasn't really helping us out financially. So with the changes in Chris's job, our families's needs, and us wanting to stay in NY, we moved forward with the sale. We introduced the broker to our tenants and everything took off quickly from there. A week later we had a photoshoot and website for the house. Then they had an open house which we got 19 offers mostly above asking price. With one round of counter offers, we ended up choosing a great buyer and had a 14 day escrow. Everything wrapped up in about a month and we are very happy to have sold it at a good time. It was a great house and we got to really enjoy it while we were there. Now we are happy renting without the stress of taking care of a property, especially to be in a beautiful neighborhood with lovely landlords who loves us and treats us so well.

It really feels like we took control over our life and simplified everything to the bare essential. Less stress worrying about material things and more time to focus on the family and our healthy and our future. I often feel so lucky how stress free my life is now, and looking forward to just enjoying our little family and whatever adventures to come.

2013 Craziness

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 03:01:00 +0000

The end of 2012 to the start of 2013 has to be the craziest days of our lives. It all started when our Honeybaked ham delivery went missing. Someone from UPS probably ate it. Then, Dad and Joan came to visit us for a week. It was fun spending time with them, especially for Oliver, but it was also very tiring to be out all the time in the cold weather. To add to the holiday stress, we went to Macy's to see Santa and waited 3 hours. Oliver was so patient the whole time. Dad almost passed out while waiting in line. And Oliver ended up saying after we got home "That's the last time we'll be doing that." Then Joan had some allergic reaction to something and they ended up spending almost a whole day at the ER on Christmas eve!

Christmas day luckily had no major drama. We had a nice brunch at our place, with our substitute ham with a homemade glaze. Chris's mom came from New Jersey for the day and we all enjoyed a nice meal and opened "a zillion" presents. Oliver has been a very good boy all year and his presents proved it. However, the next day we woke up to the news that our good friend/landlord who is 71, fell and broke his hip. I also received an email from our tenants at Crescent Heights with a long list of repairs. Not the way I'd like to start the day.

Just when we thought we're out of the woods of bad news, we were woken up on New Year's morning at 7am by the pounding on our front door from our landlady Elaine. She had an intruder in her home standing in her bedroom! This is while her husband is still at the hospital recovering from hip surgery. We spent New Year's day talking to the the police and trying to figure out what happened. Luckily no one was hurt and nothing was taken. We all took it as a wake up call (literally) to be more cautious and up the security of the building.

And then...2 days later Elaine broke her toe.

Even though these things didn't really happen to us. We've had to jump in and help take care of things. Len and Elaine are like family to us and they were so grateful we were here to help them out through a tough time. We ended up having a New-er Year dinner after Len was out of the hospital to start the year over. We each held a ball and dropped it after a count down. Oliver loved it, and I feel like that will become a new tradition for us.

The drama continues with some major changes with Chris's work that became a big stress for us. Although we've been very optimistic about changes and welcome the transition.

Just to add a cherry on top of all the madness, my dear friend for 16 years has decided that she no longer wants to be friends with me. It makes me very sad that we've been through so much together and have grown very close, but maybe our lives are going in different directions and we have drifted apart. A very wise 4 year old said this to me. "I still want to be her friend. Maybe she is tired from playing with you. So play with some other friends for a while and maybe she will play with you again later." (Thank you Oliver, you are amazing and I really appreciate your advice.)

The good news is the Dooley 3 are resilient and feeling stronger than ever. Did I say 3? I mean the Dooley 4! Yes, I am now carrying baby #2. It's a much different pregnancy than with Oliver. Much more nausea and exhausted all the time. I'm at 14 weeks now and finally is feeling a little better. We haven't told Oliver yet. Waiting till we know the gender before we make him officially big brother. I'm already so proud of him for being super caring and understanding when I've been too "sick" to play with him. This baby is very lucky to have a big brother like him.

Meanwhile, I'm continuing to teach Mandarine at Imagine, working on a some freelance design projects, and working on getting my certificate for becoming a parenting instructor. I'm excited about 2013 and feeling more calm and at ease with where I'm at in this stage of my life. I'm working towards a more simpler life filled with happiness and peace. Whatever craziness that comes our way, I feel grounded enough to handle anything.

Fall and Winter 2012

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Thu, 22 Nov 2012 01:25:00 +0000

Some interesting big stories in the last few months. President Obama got re-elected. The most interesting part of that was realizing many of my closest friends are republicans. I am not sure why that is, but I still love them.

Another big story is Hurricane Sandy. Just a few days before Halloween, Hurricane Sandy hit the tristate area really hard. It was the worst natural disaster to hit New York in maybe 100 years. We are very lucky that we only lost our internet connection for a few hours. We stayed home with the news on. Schools were closed for 4 days. No subway for about a week since most were flooded and damaged. Chris worked from home and we got some extra family time together, but we didn't realize how bad it was until we walked to the neighborhood we usually hang out on the weekends. The flood had destroyed many businesses and left many people homeless.

Weeks after the hurricane the city is still recovering. Elaine, my landlady and friend, invited me to go volunteer with her. I am so glad I was able to help out. It was heartwarming to see so many people there too, giving their time and energy. It's hard to really understand the devastation unless you see it. And we only saw what's on the surface...I am also glad we got to do a few different things. Elaine and I drove 3 nurses, Tracy, Jasmin, and Shannon, along with some supplies to Staten Island. We were assigned to an Occupy Sandy relief center to help sort and distribute food and supplies. Hot meals were prepared and a Christmas tree was decorated for families to have a place to celebrate the holidays. Elaine and I took a detour to visit 2 residents in the neighborhood. Onna and Anna's home really left a strong impression. When asked "how are you doing?" The answer was just a shrug and little nod. they are just hanging in there and taking it one day at a time. On the positive side you see how strong people are and they seem to have accepted what Mother Nature has given them and can only move forward. The negative side is I feel helpless in their situation. Hopefully they have friends and family who can help them get back on their feet.

After getting home I think being tired made me feel sad about everthing I saw. I cried just to release it. Oliver comforted me. I also wanted him to appreciate what we have. And maybe part of the sadness comes from the fear of the future of our planet. However I am hopeful little geniuses like Oliver will come up with brilliant ideas.

Oliver's school friend's mom organized a bake sale to help raise funds to restore a carousel. Here's an eerie yet beautiful image of it partly underwater. (Jane's Carousel is right next to the east river with a view of lower Manhattan in the back and set between the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridge)

The bake sale was something for the children so they can offer some help. Amazingly we raised over $800 just from some cookies and lemon bars. And a friend of the Jane's who owns the carousel stopped by with her grand kids for a visit, and I got to have my photo taken with her. Yup! That's Martha Stewart, my idol. Here adorable french bull dogs and chow chows were there too!

On to other news...

****************

About a month ago I volunteered at Oliver's school to help make some crafts cutting and gluing felt to make an advent calendar to sell at the school fair. It was a lot of work and I end up injuring my shoulder and arms to the point where I couldn't even hold a spoon. I made an appointment at a chiropractor, but she was in lower manhattan and her building closed from the flooding and power outage. Finally this week I had it treated and I'm feeling so much better.

****************

For Thanksgiving, we are going to the Bouchon Bakery at Time Warner Center in Columbus Circle for brunch. The restaurant is on the 3rd floor facing glass windows that you can see the Thanksgiving Parade. It'll be a real treat for the eyes and tummy. Len's daughter Megan and her family, Dimitry, Natalie, and Amelia, will join us as well as Oliver's Grandma.

****************

We are flying Chris's dad and his wife to Brooklyn for Christmas. It will be nice for Oliver to spend some time with them and hopefully some night off for Chris and I to go out while they babysit. I haven't been out of the house at night in months! We had to postpone our 10 year anniversary dinner because Chris got really sick. And sadly the restaurant we wanted to go to, the River Cafe, was completely flooded and no longer in business. : (

****************

Oliver, now 4 year 3 months old, is doing great in school. He's doing more writing and can read 20+ words, even some simple math. He's got mad LEGO skills, building his own car/robot that can transform. And drawing very well. He often writes his name in alternating colors, a sign of a future logo designer.

Has it really been that long?

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 01:19:00 +0000

Has it really been almost 6 months since my last entry? Time flies. In one week it will be our one year anniversary for moving to New York. And talk about time flies...a few weeks ago Chris and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary!

Well, it's been good these last few months. Oliver started school after a big decision to pull him out of Brooklyn Friends and go to Plymouth Church School. We are so happy with our decision and Oliver really loves his new school too. Oliver turned 4, and mom and Carol came to visit for 2 weeks. Len and Elaine went to South Africa so they let mom and Carol stay at their place. It was a nice drama-free visit, and I was both relieved and sad to see them go.

Before school started, early September we took a trip to Montauk for a few days. The weather wasn't great but the 3 of us got to spend some quality time together in the pool and ate good seafood and sushi. When we returned I had a really bad cold and even got pink eye.

October I went back to teaching Mandarin at Imagine, Oliver's old preschool in Brooklyn Heights. It was nice to start making a little bit of steady income again. After trying out being a children's photographer, arts and crafts teacher. I started and stopped 2 business ideas (1. Open a place for kids doing arts and crafts using only recyclable material. 2. Becoming a professional organizer), and finally settled on becoming a certified parenting educator.

I found a place that I can do my studies from home to get certified, and came up with a proposal to redesign that company's website. I ended up talking to the cofounder of Breakthrough Parenting and they took my proposal. I haven't done any design work for them yet, but that should be happening in the next few months.

The funny thing is as soon as I decided what I wanted to do, the calls came in to do some freelance design work. The universe just works that way.

I've also been trying to take better care of myself. I started going for morning walks with Elaine. Maybe it's stress or the extra walking, but my alignment is totally off and the last few days I've been experiencing a pinched nerve numbing my right arm. And just when I scheduled an appointment to take care of that. Hurricane Sandy hit on October 29th. Where we live was ok, but all the subway systems got flooded so no one can get in or out of the city. We are very lucky that we didn't lose our power and had no damages.

In the last few months I've also been focused on getting our finances in order. I scheduled appointments to get our financial/retirement planning worked out. And I also looked into what to do with our house in LA. My whole view on whether to own or rent has changed a bit since we moved to New York. The prices are just too high to own and after having owned a house in LA it feels like it's a lot of added stress to maintain it. Where we live now we are getting to enjoy so many wonderful benefits of a good lifestyle. We love Len and Elaine and they treat us so well. Plus Oliver can go to a public school and we'll be able to save that money for his college. I can see many benefits of staying here and renting and manage our money well.

So many changes, but all good.

Until next time...

misc...

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Wed, 16 May 2012 03:48:00 +0000

It's been about 6 months since we moved to New York. It's been really interesting how the move has already done some good for me internally. A year before this move I had gone to see a therapist who helped me understand some of the challenges I've experienced with my upbringing. Nothing out of the ordinary, probably most people from my generation have parents who did their best to raise us, but unintentionally hurt us in the process. No need to get into it now, but the important thing is I now can recognize why I react to certain situations in such a dramatic way. And becoming a mom has made all of that more apparent and gave me more urgency to heal any old wounds.

After losing my father almost 2 years ago. I found myself in a different role in the family. I have been taking care of my parents, but when dad died I really had to step up. And when the time came to move away, I felt guilty for leaving my mom alone in California. However, because everything does happen for a reason, the timing of everything felt like dad was giving us a chance to start healing. Mom became active with a group of Buddhist volunteers that occupied her time. She developed new friendships. She found a new independence. Me on the other side of the country found a new freedom to be myself. I made new friends and made sure they were the type of people I need to build a support system. I am learning to say no to things I didn't have the courage to turn down. I'm allowing myself to rest and enjoy taking better care of myself.

I am learning to just be. I even took a nap today before teaching instead of cleaning up. My body clearly needed it and I think because of it I was in a clearer mental state for the rest of the day. I think Oliver felt it too and for the first time in weeks, he didn't ask me to stay in his room at bedtime.

The next few months will be interesting when Oliver starts going to school everyday from 9-3. I know I'll miss him so much. He's so grown up now and beautiful as ever. What a sweet boy. Even though lately we've had a few dramatic moments, I am determined to keep our connection so we can both pass this test of each other's patience.

I'm tired now. I should get some rest.

Ann, the teacher

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 02:45:00 +0000

I just stumbled into this one, Ann, the Chinese teacher. 4 Months ago I thought I'd move to New York and either become a children's photographer (have done 1 successful shoot) or continue with graphic design. And maybe subconsciously I didn't try as hard with the design work, but nothing really came out of my few attempts to get work. What started out as just another idea now has become my new career. I approached Oliver's preschool about working as a substitute teacher thinking it would help Oliver knowing I work there. The conversation led to me teaching their 2s and 3s classes Chinese. So began the process of me cutting up felt to make little animals and types of food, hand puppets and cardboard cut outs.

Simultaneously the Chinese mom friend I made here on our 4th day in Brooklyn wanted to start a Chinese school. I was excited about it at first, but realized that I was going to be putting in a lot more time and effort into the curriculum plus teaching. It didn't feel right knowing I didn't want to have a business partner who I barely know and I didn't want to commit to anything long term. She did introduce me to another woman who also wanted to start a school. So they had me teach a trial class at one of their playgroups last week. I did a lot of preparation for the class but didn't know what to expect. It was 4 kids under 2, they can understand a little bit of Chinese but most couldn't say much. The biggest challenge was trying to keep them focused in a room packed with toys. I think I did well and had a unique take on breaking down the song lyrics to teach them the vocabulary. It was a 45 minute class and I was sweating after finishing the first out of 5 songs I prepared for in the first 5 minutes. At one point I was just making things up, but it worked out. I would interact with each child using a stuffed animal and that really got their attention. And next week I'll be meeting with the 2 ladies to talk about what my plans are for teaching.

I really didn't expect to be going down this road. I do think I am good with the kids and I am hoping to do more smaller scale tutoring. Maybe once I have some more experience and see what works then I can continue with that. I also have other ideas to turn my curriculum into a digital text book or application to sell on iTunes. I think there are a lot of opportunities and skills that I have that can take teaching Chinese to another level.

I also had another idea for a children's book...I think I better go over my list and narrow it down.

In 2 weeks I start teaching at the preschool and maybe this other class. It will be good to have a paid job. : )

Oliver at 3.5 years old

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 01:31:00 +0000

"I did it by myself!" is a phrase often heard around the house these days. Oliver continues to amaze me everyday with how much he has learned. In the last few months since we moved to Brooklyn, Oliver has found a new independence riding his scooter around town. He's gotten very adventurous with his moves. Often balancing on one foot and zig zags around the pedestrians. He continues to be respectful of the rules and will stop where I ask him to, and always wait at the inside corner of an intersection.

He now can change his own pants, put on his shoes, use a fork when he eats. He can also write his name. Today he wrote my name too! When we read now, if he comes across he doesn't know, he always asks what it means. His vocabulary has grown in both English and Chinese. He's even learned a tong twister in Mandarin about eating grapes. He also has a good sense in math. He can do simple addition when he wants 3 of something and he has 2, he will say "one more". He can also count in both languages up to 50.

After a tough month of getting adjusted to his school schedule, he finally has gotten comfortable with going. Can't say that he loves school yet, but he seems to be very proud of the drawings he's made from school. And he always sings new songs he learned. The teachers adore him and tells us that Oliver always offers to help the other children.

His favorite show has been Blues Clues which he watches in the mornings and afternoon. About 2 hours of tv a day. He's learned quite a bit from the show actually. And it's really cute when he laughs while he's watching. Recently he got a taste of Star Wars. He loves the Snow Speeders. And being very resourceful and imaginative, he used a 2 liter ginger ale bottle as a lightsaber.

A few months ago I wrote an article about how to feed a picky eater. Oliver had himself on a strict diet of mostly carbs and dairy and fruits. He did get a pretty balanced meal when I learned the best way to feed him was to separate all the food groups. Lately though he's started to become more open to other foods. He now enjoys pizza and today he had corn on the cob.

Every Monday Oliver goes to a sports class over at New York Kids Club just a short walk from the apartment. The first time he didn't want to go inside even though I wait there for him and he can see me the entire time. Then after a few classes, now he has no trouble going in, and really enjoys running around. As always he is great with following directions and the teachers love him.

On Monday mornings before sports class we have a regular playdate with a little girl named Charlotte. Her mom and baby brother Hudson comes over and play for about 2 hours. Oliver and Charlotte play very well together and he also enjoys having Hudson around. Oliver will always look for the soft toys for the baby and is very gentle around him. We recently visited the Brooklyn Children's Museum with them and had a great time.

Around Christmas was when I noticed a change in the types of things Oliver plays with. After a full year of daily Lego playing, he moved onto more pretend play. The couch with some boxes and my guitar stand has been turned into a police boat or fire truck. A step ladder has become his "high chair" for every meal and it's also been some type of air craft. He loves pretend play and often he plays the teacher, the coach, or the daddy. He loves to run laps in our apartment like we are race cars, build obstacle courses with the furniture, hide things around the house for us to find them. Catching and running away from monsters is also a favorite. When he did slow down to play with Lego, incredibly he can build a never before seen rescue vehicle. And he will never turn down a dance party. His favorite songs are "#2" and "E eats everything" by They Might Be Giants, "Witch Doctor", "Yellow Submarine", and "All Together Now".

On Wednesday afternoons we go to a Chinese playgroup so Oliver can be around other children and grown ups who speaks Chinese. It is because of this exposure that Oliver started to speak more Chinese on his own. He has great pronunciation and enjoys surprising me when he speaks it. And with my latest career path in teaching Mandarin, Oliver has been very supportive and helps me test out my material.

One thing I've been trying to do more is to have normal conversations with Oliver. We talk about what projects to work on. What we need to do to take care of the house. I share with him my childhood stories, which he enjoys and asks a lot of questions. We talk about our feelings, when we are sad or mad. It's really wonderful to feel a close connection to him and we share openly. That is something very important to me that I hope will continue no matter how old he gets.

Today we re-organized his room a little and I moved a small lamp next to his bed. He's able to turn the light on and off himself. So he suggested we try something new, that he turns the light off before I close the door. "Lights off!" I said, and he turned it off. And he went to sleep.

Although, this week he's testing the limit a bit. When I say no to something, he'll say "I'll do it myself!" Sometimes he succeeds, but he knows he shouldn't have. We're big on keeping our word so he understands that there are limits he needs to respect. He also understands how to make deals. I guess he is learning the art of negotiation.

So, he's still wonderful and loving and beautiful inside and out. Can't believe he'll be 4 in just a few months. He'll be excited to eat some Fruit Loops cereal because one time at the market he wanted them and I said "I'll get those for you on your birthday!" What a patient little boy.

Where do I start?

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 03:19:00 +0000

I've now been living in Brooklyn for 3 months. That unsettling feeling is starting to go away. I've learned how to dress for the weather, how to shop, and how to spend the 2 8-hour days while Oliver is in school. The first month was really hard. I felt impatient and scared. I'm not used to not having a project to work on, but it was difficult to start when I don't know my way around. I constantly remind myself that it's ok to take it slow.

I went out with one of my closest friend who lives in New York. She's always been a great source of support for me. During our get together, I realized that I was holding on to the past too tight. I was starting to get annoyed with myself for repeating the same "problems" and I didn't like being that person. I realized that it was ok to take a step in a new direction. So I did.

Although still frustrated with not knowing what I can do to help out financially. I decided to stop listening to other people's suggestions. After all, if I don't know the answer, how would anybody else know. I had so many ideas in all different directions. Writing, designing kids wall posters, sell crafty things on etsy.com, become a children's photographer, a professional organizer, starting a blog with tips for moms, starting a website for respectful parenting. There wasn't one thing that stood out. And I did contact my old boss about working freelance again. Maybe the timing isn't right, but it didn't feel promising. So I just have to keep moving forward.

Instead of picking one, I simultaneously starting working on half of that list. And then added a new one, to be a substitute teacher at Oliver's school, also another idea from a Chinese mom here to teach Mandarin to babies and toddlers. That last idea grew and now I'm working on a curriculum to teach Chinese at Oliver's school and maybe other playgroups.

I realize that it does help me to work on so many things at the same time. No one can tell me that I will end up getting nothing accomplished. Maybe I'm not an expert at one of them, but I am really good at most of them. And maybe this is the path to find my true self. I can somehow roll every natural talent I have into one big project.

I guess this is what happens when you move to the other side of the country. I can finally, at 36, feel like I don't need anyone's approval. And in a place where I have no roots, I can roam freely. I'm looking for a new passion. I'm looking to help someone be happier or feel comforted, or learn something new.

So I've been writing for a website called A Mom Knows. I share tips, opinions, recipes whenever I can. I literally make a penny per click, but I am happy and proud of my articles. I took photos of the baby upstairs and sold them some prints. Not much money, but it was a good start for not really knowing the camera well. I just trust I have a good eye and can capture a moment worth photographing. I designed one poster for kids wall, and plan to design more so I can start selling them. I've contacted a few blogs to review my book (actually one place contacted me but it didn't make it into the issue because of deadline reasons). I'm moving forward with teaching Chinese. And I can still design if a project comes along.

I feel content. I don't feel stressed by the long list of projects to complete. And I am hopeful that something will feel right and stand out more than the others. In the meantime, I'll just keep moving forward.

In New York

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 01:01:00 +0000

"Is this really happening?" We have officially moved to New York. About 10 years ago, Chris and I came out here to interview. At the time I had no idea what it would be like to move across the country. I also didn't own any furniture or have a 3.5 year old to worry about. I'm not sure how we got here. The last few months has been a whirlwind, but I know it hasn't been difficult transition. Everything seemed to line up at the right time. I was done volunteering for the MOMS Club. I was learning things about myself and wanted to focus on my self-work. Chris and I were already looking for a larger home in LA so moving was already on our mind. We were ready for a change. A big change.

I packed my schedule in the last month in LA with get togethers with friends. I was happy to see everyone and didn't want to get sad about leaving. Mom went back to visit family in Taiwan and it was a tear-free goodbye. I'm not sure if I really didn't feel like I was moving that far away, or maybe I've turned off that part of my brain so I wouldn't just break down. Just stay busy and keep pack and unpacking. Get the house cleared, then fill up the new one back up. This time, everything has it's place.

I am finding where I need to go in the new city, but inside I'm feeling a bit lost. I am searching for a new school for Oliver, but scared of what that means for me. Time alone in a big city and time to get back into the job world. Re-decorating the house, but too tense to enjoy the beauty that surrounds me. I feel like I'm just floating. I guess that's normal for being in a new city, having not properly grieved for what's left behind. I am unsettled.

The other day I noticed that one of the windows in our bedroom had a view of a tree with yellow leaves, and the other window was a tree with red leaves. It was romantic and beautiful. And tonight, it was an orange sunset across the sky next to the lit up Manhattan skyline. This new place I call home is magical. I'm taking a deep breath now, reminding myself to just be in the moment.

Moms offering moms support

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 03:11:00 +0000

The MOMS in MOMS Club Club is an acronym that stands for "moms offering moms support." When I joined the club, I was very hesitant. I lived most of my life doing things on my own. I didn't believe in receiving help from others, especially from strangers. Asking for help would show my weakness, and I just can't have that.

I joined anyway because I was desperate. Being a first time mom and faced with the emotional ups and mostly downs was very tough. I was lost within myself. I felt stripped of my title as the career woman, and wasn't sure what I needed to do as a mother to get back to that same level of comfort I had at a 9 to 5 job. I am not great in social situations. I now have to be in play groups? talk to others about being a mom? what do I know? They'll see through it that I don't know what I am doing. I would be a failure. I would feel dumb. Why am I putting myself in a place to be judged?

It took a few months, but I did hit a turning point. I realized that I could offer my support and skills by redesigning the club's website. I found a place for myself and a role that the club needed, and it also fulfilled my own needs to be creative and productive. Once I got involved, I was hooked. I volunteered for so many committees that when the time came, the executive board asked if I wanted to be the next club president. I guess the career woman side of me took over and decided to go for it. I knew I could do the job and it would be a great opportunity to practice my public speaking skills. And little did I know how much more I would learn from taking on this position.

When I was a little girl I loved being a performer. I told stories and acted them out. I loved to put on school plays and wrote, directed, acted, and designed the sets and props. I spoke up to my parents that I wanted to audition for some kids show and going to acting schools. I had no fear being in front of an audience. And honestly, I don't know what made that go away. Maybe it was over one conversation when my sister wanted to go back to Taiwan by herself to pursue music and didn't want me to tag along. I do remember her saying that I won't make it as a teen pop star...she's probably right. It was at a time when Chinese teenagers from the US would go back to Asia and become big stars. I didn't see myself doing that, but being put down for it probably made me lose whatever confidence I had. Whatever the reason is, I labeled myself the shy girl, the socially awkward girl.

It took a few MOMS Club meetings before I felt more comfortable. I was forced to speak up with all the children throwing toys or crying in the background. I had to find a way to hold a meeting and get everyone's attention. What a great way to practice this skill with a group of women looking to me for support. And I had my well behaved son to show that I've done my job as a mom that he never fussed about waiting me at the meetings.

Then another big change happened in my life. Dad past away just a month after I became the club president. It was so sudden and I had to drop everything I was doing to take care of mom and the funeral arrangements. Somehow being the president for a short month has given me the confidence to be in charge. I took care of things the best I could. And the moms in the club that I became friends with all reached out to me. Some came to visit, others brought over food, and the club even made a donation to the temple in Dad's name. It was amazing and wonderful to feel the love and care for by people I've only met for a short time. And this unexpected support from the club, along with the passing of Dad, has opened a door for me. I was starting to trust others, and willing to receive help and show my vulnerable side.

The monthly newsletter for the club has an opening message from the president. From early on I decided to write about my experiences and share honestly about myself. My hopes was that maybe someone else who experiences the same thing can find comfort in knowing that she is not alone. And each month after the newsletter goes out, I'd get a few email responses about how much they enjoyed reading my writing. Writing always came naturally for me, but I never thought of myself as a writer. Even though I've written and published a tips book for first time moms, that was not written with much emotions but more practical advice. I really don't see myself as having a unique voice, but I guess I'm basically doing the same thing with this blog. And I have found that I do enjoy the process of writing. And somehow in the process of allowing the words to flow, the ideas and answers appears.

I am just not convinced. After years of suppressing my true emotions and hiding behind what I think people want to see, I have to start telling myself that I do have something important to say and deserves to be heard. I've developed the bad habit of a lot of bad self talk. The grown up me was very capable and confident, but the inner child me was terrified and angry over some unmet needs.

I do love to help people. And I genuinely care and want others to gain something from my actions. I tackled a big project with the MOMS Club by moving our entire group to a new website system. It was so much work and I was faced with some resistance, but I really believed in it and just went for it. The same thing happened when I decided to "split" the club. The club was getting too large in my opinion to offer one on one support. There was already a division due to geography, so I was able to convince everyone that starting a new Hollywood chapter would benefit everyone. Both of these big projects happened within a few months of each other. I was working day and night to make sure I can complete my vision. I was really burnt out by the end. However the positive feedback I received made it all worth it. I know the club would benefit from this change for years to come. And I was proud of myself for sticking to what I believed in and trusted that I can get it done.

Still, some part of what I do for others is to try to gain their approval. I do challenge myself and I love taking on a big task. And there's nothing bigger than picking up to move your family across the country to a place you've never been to. This time, I didn't really do it for anyone's approval. I did ask mom how she felt about it, but I was already one foot out the door. The birth of Oliver took my life in a whole new direction. If it weren't for him I'd still be designing movie posters in an office with the same people I've worked with for almost 10 years. I loved that job and everyone I worked with, but 10 years is a good run and I was time to move forward. Oliver's arrival shook me up. I was confused, exhausted, sad, terrified of all the unknown. I was motivated by giving him the best I can offer so I had to leave my comfort zone. I joined the MOMS Club that led me to so many more opportunities for myself.

At the going away party, so many of the moms came up to me and said "If it weren't for you…" I don't think I've heard that before but it felt great to know that I have made a difference. And all I had to do was to be myself and do what I believed was right. Another mom said what I'm doing is very brave, to move across the country. I didn't see myself that way either since I always feel so scared about so many things. I am slowly realizing that I am my biggest obstacle. I listened to my own negative talk for so long that I am not hearing the positive. Meanwhile, I've had a clothing business based on positive affirmation, a book on offering tips to help others. It's so strange that I behave like the person I "want to be", but not make the connection that I am that person already.

The MOMS Club has offered me so many opportunities to explore within the safety and care of other great moms. My inner child was loved and nurtured. I now have stronger wings and more stamina now to let myself fly freely.

I've always believed in everything happens for a reason and they happen at the time you need them to happen. Too bad I only realize this after the event, but at least I do recognize it. And I'm grateful to have been apart of a club that offered me the support I needed when I needed it the most.

Bye RubyLove!

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 04:45:00 +0000

It's been 5 years since I started RubyLove, and it's finally time to say goodbye. From being scared of not knowing what to do, to learning what I can do if I believed in myself, it was such a big learning experience.

The motivation for designing the Reflection-Tees was to help someone wearing the tee feel good on the inside while looking cute on the outside. I believe I have brought a few smiles to people who have bought the shirts. And the best part of it all is that Oliver loves seeing me wearing my "heart" shirts. He knows that means love, and he always asks me to wear them. On some nights when he feels like he needs me around, I will leave one of the RubyLove shirts with him in bed. So after everything, I know I'm making at least one very special someone smile.

Since our latest adventure of moving across the country requires us to pack lightly, I've decided to sell the RubyLove inventory. Even though I didn't have the time to work on the business in the last 3 years since Oliver was born, I thought about it often and saved many ideas of what I can do to revive the collection. I truly believe it's job is still not done and it's worth revisiting. However, I have accepted that I am not the person who can do the job. So I posted an ad on craigslist and began the interviewing process to find a new home for RubyLove. And after a few responses, one came across that made my heart sing. A lady who is in the business of helping women who have been abused was interested in buying the business. After a few exchanges, I decided she was the one who can breath a new life into RubyLove.

It's bittersweet saying goodbye to my first "baby", but I know she'll be well taken care of.

Final Message from the President, June 2011

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 06:11:00 +0000

Crawling, walking, talking, potty training...what's next? As my child becomes less dependent on me, I am starting to think about what's next for me? What new parenting skills do I need to learn to keep up with his never-ending curiosity? I've already become a construction truck expert, do I need to start playing soccer or baseball?

Those things are much more fun and easy compared to the most important thing I need to learn: letting go. It's a skill that I do not possess and desperately need to learn. I have held on to wonderful memories as well as painful experiences. I've held on to the praises I have received, but they are overshadowed by the criticisms that are held even closer. I've tried to control, even when I know it's really not my call.

With all these weighing on my shoulders, life has brought me a soon-to-be-three-year-old "life coach." As a proud parent of a bright and sweet child whom I love dearly, I must admit I often feel beaten by the end of the day. My son Oliver treats Lego-playing like it's a full-time job. It is fun to watch how focused and creatively his mind works. However, after 5 months of this daily exercise, it's just not that much fun for me anymore. There's not a story told at bedtime without an interruption of how he thinks the story should go. (Cute, but a real test for my patience.) Meal times are always a struggle, even though I know it's only a phase.

I hear it loud and clear: Let it go! When you take a step back, none of this matters. It's just in the moment and the repetition that can build a lot of toxic energy. And what it comes down to, is that in this relationship, my own needs aren't being met. I've gotten so used to putting his needs first, I am not sure I know what I need. And honestly, I've been "wrong" so many times, I am not even sure if I know what he needs.

As I finish my term as club President at the end of this month, I am once again faced with letting go. In the past year, I trusted my instincts to do what I felt the club needed. From switching to bigtent.com as our members-only website, to helping to start the Hollywood sister chapter, it wasn't all a smooth ride. I did my best, and can only hope that everyone has, in one way or another, benefit from the changes. This position has allowed me to connect with so many amazing women. And I appreciate what this experience has done for me in preparation for whatever comes next.

It's been a pleasure offering support to all of you.

Ann Dooley

P.S. It looks like moving to New York is becoming a reality. This will be the biggest challenge of letting go I have to face, but I am excited about the possibilities.

Between 35 and 36

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Wed, 18 May 2011 06:17:00 +0000

(This entry was started in early May but was never completed till after we have moved out of our house in October 2011)

Lets see, what have I been up to...still running the moms club till end of june, I'm so burnt out because I've done so much for our chapter. I even started a new hollywood sister chapter with someone from our group...so it was twice the work. I had a freelance paid job that just won't go away, still not done. I volunteered for the school yearbook once they found out I am a designer. There's more moms club outings, brunches, playgroups blah blah blah. Then there's Oliver...We did have some time away in San Diego, then Palm Springs when there was a MOMS Club luncheon. And in 2 weeks we'll be accompanying Chris to NY so while he works, Oliver and I will go out sight seeing.

(update: Well, I've been finished with the MOMS Club duties for a few months now. I felt good stepping down and the club now has a great new president who is very driven and ambitious. I know she'll do great things with the chapter.) The new Hollywood chapter is up and running and growing. The school yearbook was finished on time and everyone seems to be happy with the finished product. Oliver is more amazing than ever and I love him more each second of the day. Palm Springs was fun spending time with Chris and Oliver at the pool. Oliver now loves playing in the water....Then there's the trip to New York, what a trip! we came back and decided it's time for us to move there.)

My mom has been in Asia and won't be back till July 3rd. So with the extra time I have not visiting her, I somehow have filled it with Chris's parents visits so Oliver gets some grandparents time.

(Update: While mom was away I had our gardeners go and clear out her yard. She often takes these 3 months trips to Asia and it's just too much work to maintain the yard. So the best solution, although it doesn't look great, is to not have anything grow in the front so when she's away it doesn't look like a mess.) She's also used the gardener to add a pergola in the back yard. I don't think she's spent any time in the shade, but it's at least cleaned up.)

For mother's day, the Dooley 3 went to a really great restaurant just around the corner for brunch. then ordered in that night. And then for my birthday Chris took me out to dinner. I also got a manicure and pedicure while Oliver was in school. That was a nice treat for myself.

(Update: I'm probably due for another pedicure. I did get a wonderful gift from the MOMS Club when I completed my term. A gift certificate to my esthetician. I used it for a chemical peel which I had a very strong reaction to. So for about a week I looked like a burnt victim with very dark leathery skin that peeled off over a week. The good news is the new skin underneath looks amazing! I'm not sure if I'd do it again, but I plan to take better care of my skin from now on.)

Oh yah, I have been working on the house, making changes, cleaning up, having yard sales and selling stuff on Craig's list. De-clutter, organize, and as Oliver would like to say "making our house beautiful!"

(Update: So I was trying to make the house look nice so we can enjoy it for a few more years. I was also motivated by Oliver's 3rd birthday party to get everything in top shape. Turns out that was only the beginning of my de-cluttering. I even got myself a new gmail account to be used for my Craigslist ads. As soon as we decided to move to New York, I begin to sell everything we're not brining with us. It's amazing when you know you don't have room for something, the value of it drops to zero. I set a goal and began my part time job as a sales person. I sold our furniture, car, stuff we've collected over the last 8 years, and things we've carried around from way before Chris and I ever met. I went through 10 large photo albums and selected over 700 photos to be scanned and tossed the rest. It was emotionally cleansing to get rid of things that had no meaning to us. We are using the money towards getting nice furniture that we'll keep and things we will appreciate when we are in our new home.)

We are planning to take Oliver to Legoland next month. I'm really looking forward to it.

(Update: Legoland was a blast! We spent 2 days there and had such a great time in the water park. Oliver even drove a little car by himself. We were so proud of him when he did it, and it seemed that he was proud of himself as well.)

Once I'm done with any moms club duties, I plan to do more quality Ann time. More exercise, eat better, sleep more, and spend time with my friends.

(Well, that was the plan. It all changed when it became packing up the house, selling whatever we don't need, and move across the country. I am getting to have some down time. Our move in date at our new home is in November and we rented out our house starting October. So with the month in between we are staying with my father in law. This is a nice transition where we can take care of a few more things in LA. Chris can keep working and Oliver can keep going to school. I get some time to catch up on writing in my blog and meeting up with friends.)

The last thing to mention is that for 6 weeks in May, I hosted a parenting class at our house every Wednesday evening. It's a class I heard about from someone in the MOMS Club. The class was based on non-violent communication and respectful parenting. It was a wonderful class that gave us great insights to how the brain develops and how we need to connect with our children to satisfy their needs. This is done with setting limits and using empathy to try to come up with a solution that will satisfy your own needs as well. The class really helped Chris and I to be on the same page when it comes to discipline. It's a hard practice, but I can see how important it is to have that connection with our children. Since the class I have purchased a few audio books and downloaded blogs related to the subject.

So there's been some major changes in the last 6 months. There a lot of adjustments but I feel optimistic that this change will bring a lot of good to our lives. It's a risk we never would have taken if we didn't have the support of our family and friends. We are very lucky to have this opportunity to start over in such a great city. I know Oliver will be changed forever, and I am excited for him as well.

May Message from the President

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Wed, 18 May 2011 06:14:00 +0000

For 34 years of my life, the month of May was all about how to celebrate my birthday. I was born on May 10th, which often falls either on, just before, or after Mother's Day. Every year my mom reminds me about the hours of labor she went through, and I stress out over what gift to buy her to show my gratitude. Then Oliver came along, and we started to combine my birthday, Mother's Day, and grandma appreciation into one big celebration. I enjoy party planning, so my focus has always been on the decoration and what food to serve. In recent years though, I needed to understand what I am really celebrating. At 36, I'm still putting the pieces together that make up who I am as a person, a wife, a mother, and a daughter.

Part 1

I have heard of a show called ―Expressing Motherhood,‖ a play about real moms sharing real stories about motherhood. Last week I got an email about it because a mom I know is in the show. So I clicked on the link and saw a preview of it. While watching it my heart started pounding. You see, a long, long time ago, I had an interest in performing. I wrote my own stories, directed my classmates, and loved acting. I thought for sure that I would become a performer especially since my mom was a professional singer. Then I moved to the US. Without knowing the language, and no parents to support my interest; I not only stopped performing, I hid the fact that I enjoyed it. Since then I have only watched others perform with both excitement and envy...kind of the same heart-pounding feeling I got when I saw the preview of that show.

Part 2

A few weeks ago when the weather started to get warmer, I decided it was time to do some reorganizing of our backyard. I was motivated: my husband was away on business for the week, and would come home to a newly decorated space. On a sunny morning, I slapped on some sunscreen and went to work. I used all of my strength to move the furniture, scrubbed them down and bought some new cushions, planted new flowers hoping they'd survive. For Oliver, I made a sand and water table using storage container with lid, placed on a low table, filled it up with play sand, and water. When everything was done, Oliver and I spent the next few days playing outside, reading on the chaise, and had breakfast, lunch, and dinner outdoors. I was almost in tears when Oliver said "I love this house!" and I couldn't wait to show it to my husband.

Part 3

While Oliver was on spring break, we met Grandma in Irvine to check out Pretend City Children's Museum. It's a giant indoor playground with little police station, grocery store, construction site, doctor's office, and even a beach and a farm. The GPS says it would take an hour to get there. We left home around naptime so Oliver would wake up feeling energized for some serious playing. However, this resulted in being stuck in traffic for the drive home. Just 10 minutes into the drive I hear, "I want to get out now!" I tried to keep my cool for the next hour, doing whatever I could to keep Oliver entertained. By 5pm I was stressed out and exhausted. We continued on until I couldn't take his protest anymore. I broke down in tears and told Oliver I was trying my best to get us home as soon as possible. To my surprise he was very sweet and said, "It's ok mommy, it's ok."

Part 4

I love my mother, but I am also in therapy because of my upbringing. She can be quite unpredictable. Sometimes when I unknowingly upset her, she'd sit with it for a few days then explodes on me. Needless to say I get very nervous when she calls or visits. When my father suddenly passed away 9 months ago, chauffeuring mom and running her errands became my responsibility. Maybe during the process of letting go, she has also let go of some of the expectations she had from me. I too had to set aside my own issues with her and only concentrate on her wellbeing. Luckily she found strength and a new focus. My mother became very active in volunteering and even started to drive herself and made some new friends. She's now on vacation visiting her family in Asia for 3 months, which means I too am getting a little vacation from her.

Conclusion:

If I didn't look carefully, I would have missed all the clues in my everyday life. The things that make my heart pound with excitement, that makes me use all of my energy to create, to hit a breaking point, and to recognize my fears, these are the things that make me who I am. Which seems funny, because before becoming a mother, I would have said to you I am a graphic designer. And this realization has opened me up to all the possibilities of who I can continue to grow into. While along the way collecting all the pieces that make up "me".

April Message from the President

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Wed, 18 May 2011 06:13:00 +0000

How many times have we changed our minds about what we wanted? Or gotten annoyed when someone asked us to do something that we weren't ready to do? For grown ups, we have many options and the ability to adapt to new situations. For our children, this is a much different experience, not knowing what to expect, or how to handle the unknown. It's no wonder that they kick and scream to let us know how much they don't like it.

I am sure I did my share of saying no when I was a toddler, but at some point in my childhood I learned to just be agreeable. I learned to have a lot of self control and suppress my own needs to keep my parents from worrying or getting upset. My inner child would have the temper tantrums, but my adult self would convince her to let it go. To this day, I am not good at saying no. As a result, I often create unnecessary stress for myself. So, in some ways, I am actually jealous of Oliver having no fear of speaking his mind and expressing his needs.

The tough part is setting the boundaries. With every no from him, I need to decide if this is a battle worth fighting for. When he says no to going to bed, is it because he is scared of the dark? Or does he simply want to play more? When he throws his food on the floor, is he just testing to see how mad I would get? Or is he just not hungry? Because whatever the reason is, I'd like to know. I need to know because long ago I decided that I want to raise a child who can think for himself. I don't need him to obey every rule just to please me because that can backfire someday when he no longer needs my approval. I need to know because I want us to have an open communication, so he can talk freely and trust that he will be heard.

My very first taste of the terrible twos was when Oliver was 18 months old. I was not prepared to handle this change in my sweet little boy. He could go from being very content, to a total melt down in just seconds. I felt helpless next to my boy who is crying hysterically and kicking his feet while lying on the floor. My attempts to control the situation only made things worse. My stress level was high, and it felt like it was never going to end.

That night I was on Amazon.com ordering The Happiest Toddler on the Block with next day shipping. The DVD had confirmed what I learned from other books about respecting another person, no matter what age they are. Everything made sense in theory, but it's very hard to put it into action when you are feeling flustered and scared yourself. Too often we are focused on our own agendas and we can't see or hear someone else's point. It took a lot of practice, but when I finally put myself aside and let Oliver know that I heard him loud and clear, we came to a new understanding. Even if I knew he wasn't going to get what he wanted, it was more important that I got his message. Then it's all about showing empathy and to let him down easily. Often I just have to sit and rub his back while he cries until he is ready to move on.

Now Oliver is close to being 3 years old. I must say we have a pretty good understanding of one another. He knows when I mean business, and he knows it's a give and take relationship. I use every opportunity I have to let him know what the boundaries are before something happens. I give him advance notices and include him in the decision making for the next activity. Although once in a while he still has a tantrum, often I'm the cause of it for over scheduling his day.

There are certain situations that come up on a regular basis that still make me nervous, especially if we have to be some place by a certain time, or if I know he can't have my full attention. I'm usually nervous before our monthly All- Member meetings. And I've used everything from keeping him busy with his favorite snacks to handing over my phone so he can look at pictures or play games. What ended up working the best is prepping Oliver that we'll be going to the meeting first, then to the park. I ask him to be my little helper to set up the toys and clean up. Then I make sure that we have some quality time together after the meeting. And I always tell him how much I appreciate his patience and assistance. Since being open and honest about what I need from him, he's impressed me so much with how well behaved he can be even when he really would rather be at the park.

March Message from the President

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Wed, 18 May 2011 06:08:00 +0000

"Madagascar!" "Yugoslavia!" Only Oprah can make you feel empowered on one show, then completely inadequate on another. I'm referring to an episode showcasing a two-year- old who knows more geography than most of the population.

In the past decade, many new products, books, and classes have come out on the topic of brain development and ways to get our children ahead of the game. The moment I found out I was pregnant, I was already behind in what I can do for my child. I gave up on my favorite foods and took my prenatal vitamins religiously. My first step in parenting was, embarrassingly, the purchase of this fanny pack sound machine thing that was supposed to help the baby to self sooth. I don't even think I knew what self-sooth meant, but I just needed to do something other than watch my stomach get bigger.

When Oliver was 9 weeks old, I was still struggling with the idea of putting my career on hold. I was feeling isolated but scared to go out with my baby. And honestly, more scared to step into my new life as a mom and doing "mom stuff". I couldn't picture myself doing things like pushing the stroller through the mall on a weekday morning, or having play dates or baby classes. Somehow that felt more intimidating to me than going to work at a new job in an office.

For the future of my child, I finally ventured out (4 miles to be exact) in pursuit of higher education for him. I had learned about the Outside the Box classes from my doula Octavia who started the company. The classes focus on sensory stimulation which helps with brain development. I arrived to class in a room with 10 other moms and their babies, some moms nursing, some changing diapers. This was unfamiliar territory, but everyone was very nice and wanted to know more about Oliver. I followed along during circle time the best I could, and watched Oliver intently to see how he was handling this new environment. Then the instructor, aka the facilitator, took out a great big drum for the babies to sit on while she played it. The vibration and sound was definitely a new experience for us. And to my surprise, all the babies loved it. Then she gave all of us large colorful feathers to wave over our babies. I think Oliver and I both had a moment where we thought "Hey! This is different, and I like it!" I saw that spark in his eyes that every mother hopes to see again and again. So for the next 6 months, we went to class every week.

The one thing that stuck out to me most in the class was how the babies responded to new stimulations over time. Those who have been going to class regularly gradually had higher tolerance for new stimulations. They all seem to be more happy and curious when something different is revealed to them. The new babies attending the class, in comparison, would either falls asleep, or cry, or needs to be nursed when the same stimulation is presented to them. And it was consistent even if the child coming in was older.

So as Oliver becomes more comfortable with new sensory experiences, I also became more at ease with being a mom. I did take him to the mall in the middle of the day, and nursed him wearing my blue polka-dotted nursing cover. Oliver has been in many music and gym classes, and countless play dates. I've definitely gotten over the fear and trouble of leaving the house, and the need to hold on to my career. So I guess we both have gone "outside the box".

February Message from the President

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Wed, 18 May 2011 06:05:00 +0000

In some ways, we all have our partners to thank for us becoming members of this club. The father of our children, who did their part in order for us to experience the most intense and amazing love when we became mothers.

About 14 years ago, I met my husband in college. We soon became friends and found out that we had much more than design in common. We both have had "chaotic" relationships in the past, so it was quite refreshing to be with someone with such ease. The second week we were together we both felt that we could get married the next day, and we'd always be that comfortable around one another. With that thought in mind, and a common drive to succeed in the design field, we felt like a winning team. And talk about synchronicity, even combining our initials made the acronym of our school. In my mind, we were meant to be.

Everyone saw my happiness except for my parents...mainly because they didn't know about this love of my life. It was too risky considering they gave me an ultimatum to not pay for my college and I'd be disowned if I stayed with my ex- boyfriend. I think that would make anyone think twice before bringing someone home until you are sure you can handle the consequences. Everyone else in my life knew about this including my now in-laws. Their understanding and respect confirmed my believe that this is the family I want to be a part of. However, this enabled me to live a double life for over four years.

During that time I traveled all over Europe with my boyfriend, looked for jobs together in New York. After graduating from college we moved in together. I was happy living my dream, and very much in denial that I could keep living that way. Through it all, my boyfriend waited patiently and trusted how I was handling the situation with my parents. And I guess whatever "plan" I had worked out, Chris and I got married in 2002 with my parents' blessings.

In the years that followed, we bought our first home, and all seemed to be going well. However, while working hard to build our own careers, we seemed to have forgotten about working on our relationship as well. We went through times when we felt like roommates, we had little to talk about. I don't even think we knew what went wrong to know how to fix it. We were at a limbo. And I was at the age when even my doctor was telling me not to wait too long to have a baby.

I've always just assumed that someday I'll become a mom, but when the time came I was terrified. I felt like I would be losing my career, my whole definition of who I am, and knowing our marriage needed work didn't help either. And maybe in some strange way the universe had a plan for us. We got pregnant right away, but after 10 weeks we lost the baby. It was one of the most devastating events that has ever happened to us, and one that would bring two people who forgot how to love one another together as a team again.

We were as happy as any new parents can be when our baby boy arrived. However, sleep deprivation and stress added a new pressure to a somewhat fragile relationship. Becoming a stay at home mom also took a toll on my emotional health. I felt lost and lonely. And I took being a full-time mom to the extreme and forgot to how to be a wife, or even just be myself.

We have heard that in order to love someone else, you must first learn to love yourself. I can see now how 14 years ago when my priority was to be independent and building a career, that was me loving myself. That in return made me lovable to someone else. And as much as I give my son all of my time and affection, it is time for my focus has shifted back to myself, my relationship with my husband, and having a healthy loving family life. I need to honor who I am. And each day I am kinder and more loving to myself.

January Message from the President

noreply@blogger.com (by Ann D.) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 04:08:00 +0000

The new year for many of us represents new opportunities to make this
year better than the last. It is a chance to reflect on memories we'd
never forget, what we had learned, and what we'd like to leave behind.
One particular topic that's been on my mind is what made me the mom
that I am today. What motivates me to give up my needs for my child?
What kind of childhood memories do I want to help create for him?

I never thought that raising Oliver would give me a second chance to
experience childhood. Although there has been countless moments where
I have fully immersed myself in the presence of this beautiful and
pure being, I couldn't ignore how this has triggered my unresolved
issues with my own upbringing.

I came from a simple family of four. My parents were hard working
people, working late nights, doing their best to provide for me and my
older sister. We were just an ordinary family that had our share of
ups and downs, but mostly we all love each other very much. There was,
however, an important piece missing. It was the lack of understanding
and respect for autonomy. I was, and my parents were, raised in a
culture based on respecting the elderly members of your family. Of
course we should, but often this also meant that the close knit family
was bound together by fear and shame. If there was ever a
disagreement, the threat of being rejected was not an uncommon
solution. This meant suppressing your own needs and wants to keep the
peace. And to a child, this becomes her tool for survival. If I do
what was in "my best interest", I will be loved.

When I was 10, my sister and I were relocated to California to live
the American dream. We lived with our grandparents while our parents
stayed in Taiwan to work and supported us financially. This was the
turning point of my life. Part of me understood it was a painful
decision they had to make for my future, but some part of me still
felt the pain of abandonment, and the pressure that I must succeed so
the price they paid (literally and figuratively) wouldn't go to waste.
What I didn't expect was being exposed to the openness of the western
culture, and the concept of unconditional love, would began my journey
for the search of my true self.

I spent the years that followed, doing everything I could be be the perfect daughter for my parents, while behind their backs did what was necessary to achieve my own dreams. And the more I hid from my parents the life I wanted to live, the more terrified and shameful I felt about this double life.

Although this happened because my parents decided to moved me here to have a better life, similar pain is felt by my older sister who moved back to Taiwan and lived on her own. So something tells me that we both learned to self-sooth and cope with not having our parents around while growing up has shaped us to the adult women that we are today. And when my energy to hide ran out, I tried to win them over by my achievements, only to find that no matter what I did they still had different expectations from me.

After becoming a mom, my childhood strongly affected how I parent my
child. Every time he cried when I left the room reminded me of when I
cried as a child when my parents weren't there for me. Every time he
expressed his needs, I struggled with finding how to meet them without
taking over. My fears of not being able to separate my own history
from the present resulted in me finally seeking professional help. I
have learned that even though my parents had good intentions, they
just didn't have the tools and resources to support me the way I
needed. The grown up me has become an organized (to find order in my
chaotic life), perfectionist busy body (to try to please), while deep
down inside I am still a child looking to feel safe and loved.

These days, I am learning that there is a difference between being
good, and doing good. When I see Oliver, all I see is how pure and
good he is. I love him unconditionally and remind him daily. I find
the easiest days are the ones that I focus on being in the moment. I
have learned to be playful and not always so aware of the rules I've
made for myself as a child. No matter what has happened in the past,
each day is a new beginning. And everyday I try to be conscious of who
I am and trusting in myself to be a good parent.