A Dwelling Place for G-d in the Lower Worlds

The Baba's Promise

2012-01-27T10:25:00.000+02:00

This article originally appeared

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It’s not every day that a dentist from Boro Park becomes a close follower and confidant of a member of the distinguished Abuchatzeira dynasty, but that is what happened to Dr. Gedaliah Mordechai Stern. In a riveting conversation, Dr. Stern shares some of his memorable encounters with the mystic known to the world as “Baba Elazar”

By Meir Wolfson

He was an All-American Boy, or at least the Jewish version thereof. Born and raised in Brooklyn, Gedaliah Mordechai Stern fulfilled the dream of the average Jewish mother of his time by becoming, “Mein zin, der dokter — my son, the doctor,” a dental surgeon specializing in dental implants.

Fast-forward 30 years. The boy who grew up on sewer-to-sewer stickball, a diehard fan of the local professional sports teams, has grown into a world expert in dental implants. He is listed in The Legends of Implant Dentistry and, more importantly, merits through his practice to develop close relationships with many leading gedolim of our day.

The sea change, says Dr. Stern, can be traced back into the inner chamber of one of the most mysterious gedolim of our time, who considered Dr. Gedaliah Mordechai Stern one of his closest confidants: Rav Elazar Abuchatzeira ztz”l of Beer Sheva, whose recent tragic passing shocked the world.

Only One Recommendation

Middle age has nothing on Dr. Stern, who agreed to share the story of his life and his relationship with Rav Elazar Abuchatzeira after receiving a special dispensation from gedolim. Graced with a warm disposition and easy manner, he relates that he enjoys what he does so much that he jumps out of bed at around four each morning, thinking, “I get to spend another day helping people after being kovei’a itim laTorah!”

And that’s not because he gets to put his feet up. Weekdays are spent running from room to room to treat his many grateful patients. But when we are sitting in his beautiful office (“a gadol agreed with me that zeh Keili ve’anveihu applies to medicine and to the mitzvah of yishuv Eretz Yisrael, as it does to other mitzvos”), the first thing Dr. Stern jumps to point out is that his success is not his.

“The Hashgachah started from the very first minute of my life,” he says resolutely. “I was born in Maimonides Hospital. I know because each time we walked past it, my mother would point to an upper floor of what was then known as the Goldberg Building and say, ‘That’s where you were born.’

“When I finished dental school at NYU, I wasn’t at the top of my class. I couldn’t invest the time it would have taken to finish at the top because I wanted to be able to learn part of the day, and I had gotten married and already had two children — the only student out of a class of 120 to have any children.

“I wanted to get a residency in the department of surgery at Maimonides Hospital, but there were 1,400 applicants for three spots. I was the first of many to interview, and the secular Jew who was the head of the department said, ‘Sorry, we don’t take shomer Shabbos Jews.’ This was in Maimonides Hospital in 1980!

“Suddenly, an Italian doctor, Andy Ketainya, said, ‘Get off the guy’s back. He said he’ll work it out with the other residents.’ Which was true; I took the Motzaei Shabbos and Sunday night shifts and the secular holidays, and they took Friday night and the Jewish holidays. I never had to go in on Shabbos.”

But the department head had another objection. Applicants needed two recommendations and Dr. Stern had only one. Dr. Stern asked him to at least take a look at the one recommendation that he did have. The department head acquiesced, reading aloud, “I endorse this young man for whatever endeavor he undertakes in life.”

“When he finished, I said, ‘This is an endeavor.’

“‘That’s true,’ he conceded, ‘but this is only one recommendation.’

“‘Could you please read to the committee who signed the letter?’

“He looked down at the paper. It was his own signature! Several years earlier, there had been a strike at Maimonides, and they had no staff. I volunteered for a few days, and he was so grateful that he wrote me this letter. ‘I was born in this hospital,’ I said when he looked up, ‘and I want to train here.’ I was accepted on the spot.”

Although the siyata d’Shmaya was obvious to Dr. Stern, the next morning a top professor at NYU summoned Dr. Stern to his office, and asked, “Which senator do you know?” When Dr. Stern replied that he didn’t know any of them, the professor couldn’t believe that someone without earthly protektzia got one of the prized positions.

Boro Park to Beer Sheva

Dr. Stern could easily have breezed through life as a successful dentist in the States, but already from his formative years he felt a strong urge to be in Eretz Yisrael. He therefore got a part-time job delivering groceries and saved his money.

“When I had $200 I bought a charter ticket. As I walked the streets, it hit me that my grandfather had gone up in smoke in Auschwitz and here I was in Yerushalayim, something that my grandparents only dreamed of. I knew that one day I would move to Eretz Yisrael.”

Before that happened, Dr. Stern was earning an extremely respectable income as a New York dental surgeon. One day Rabbi Avrohom Wolf, his elementary school principal at Toras Emes Kaminetz, came into the emergency room. He told Dr. Stern that he had a nephew, Dr. Dahvid Wolf, who had a practice in Beer Sheva and needed another dentist.

Logically, it was a ludicrous move. The offer in Beer Sheva was for approximately one-tenth of what Dr. Stern was then earning. His father tried to persuade him not to go, but Dr. Stern knew that if he didn’t move to Eretz Yisrael then, he might never do so.

The Stern family made aliyah in 1982, right before Chanukah. During their first two years in Eretz Yisrael, Dr. Stern earned an extremely modest income. Then one day a man walked into his office and said that Rav Elazar Abuchatzeira had sent him. Dr. Stern had never heard of Rav Elazar before, but he welcomed the man into his office. This man had gone to the hospital the day before because his throat had swollen to a concerning size, but had been sent home because they couldn’t find a significant problem. Dr. Stern took one look at him and realized that he had a condition that turned out to be Ludwig’s angina, a disease so rare that Dr. Stern has seen only one case in over 30 years of practice. He sent the man back to the hospital, which literally saved the man’s life.

“How did the rabbi know to send him to me?” he wondered.

After that first introduction to Rav Elazar, Dr. Stern continued to receive patients every so often who said they were sent by the Rav. After noticing that each case Rav Elazar sent him left him with a specific insight, Dr. Stern decided it was time to go meet this unusual rav.

“Here was a man completely cut off from the world around him,” Dr. Stern explains, “yet he knew more about medicine, business, and every other topic we discussed than anyone else I knew.”

That meeting was the first of what would eventually become a regular session. Being a temimusdig American with a scientific mind, Dr. Stern would at first ask questions that no one else would dare ask, and Rav Elazar humored him. One day, for instance, Rav Elazar mentioned that Rav Moshe Feinstein’s family had called to say, “Baruch Hashem, today Reb Moshe has pneumonia.”

“Baruch Hashem?” Dr. Stern asked in surprise.

Rav Elazar explained that the family would call each day, and compared to what Reb Moshe was suffering from in his final weeks, “only” pneumonia was good news. “Only the Kol Yachol, yachol — only the Omnipotent can [help],” said Rav Elazar sadly.

“So why don’t you make a miracle?” asked Dr. Stern — a question he now considers both naive and somewhat presumptuous, but one that was indicative of their relationship at that point.

“Miracles are not our way,” replied Rav Elazar. “It wasn’t the way of my father and grandfather [Rav Meir Abuchatzeira and the Baba Sali]. The Gemara says that if a miracle is performed for someone, he loses some merits in Heaven. It’s not always in a person’s greatest interest to have a miracle performed for him.”

When Dr. Stern pressed him further on the subject of miracles, Rav Elazar told him a story of when it might be justified. Rav Elazar would spend time in Switzerland in the home of Nissim Gaon each year. He couldn’t vacation in Eretz Yisrael, because people would follow him wherever he went. In Switzerland he was able to rest, relax, and, most importantly, to learn.

But getting to Switzerland was no simple feat, since Rav Elazar was extremely conscientious about shmiras einayim. El Al respected his sensitivity and allowed him to be driven directly to the airplane after everyone else had boarded, and to be seated in the first seat behind the cockpit. On one flight, a woman approached Rav Elazar’s gabbai, Avraham, and asked to speak to the rabbi. The gabbai politely explained that the Rav doesn’t meet with women. He asked how she knew Rav Elazar was on the flight, and she explained that she was an off-duty stewardess and she had seen his name on the passenger list. While they were talking, the Rav, who wore a hood over his head to shield his eyes, realized what was going on, and said that she could speak to him through Avraham.

The woman explained that she had been diagnosed with a growth, and she was on her way to Switzerland to remove it, even though the doctors held out little hope for her. Rav Elazar instructed Avraham to ask whether she believed in G-d.

“Not really,” she replied.

“Then why are you coming to me?” asked Rav Elazar.

She explained that her illness had led to introspection, and she was rethinking her beliefs. Rav Elazar asked whether she was willing to accept the basic mitzvos — Shabbos, kashrus, and taharas hamishpachah — if she would recover. When she said that she would, he instructed her to go ahead with her plans in Switzerland.

Rav Elazar ended the story there, but Dr. Stern pressed him for the details of the outcome. “She actually called the Rabbanit last night,” said Rav Elazar. “She wanted to know how to keep those mitzvos.”

In the words of the Rav, when this woman reached Switzerland, she checked into the hospital for surgery. After rolling her into the operating room, they decided to do one more scan. To everyone’s shock, the scan was absolutely clean. There was no sign of a growth whatsoever. The doctors sent her home.

“To be mekarev levavos,” Rav Elazar explained with a sigh, “we sometimes need to see nissim. But in general, it’s not our approach.”

“Dibbuk Shmibbuk”

Rav Elazar didn’t only balk when it came to the subject of nissim. Though most news stories of his tragic petirah referred to him as either a Baba or a mekubal, as a close confidant, Dr. Stern deems those descriptions off the mark.

“Not only did he oppose the use of practical Kabbalah, he would object if I would use even the most basic Kabbalah terms in regard to something I learned. If someone would mention the sefiros, he would say that we have no knowledge of what these things mean. It was rare to hear him quote a Kabbalah sefer. He was more likely to quote from Chofetz Chaim, Michtav MeEliyahu — regular seforim that everyone can learn.”

Dr. Stern illustrates Rav Elazar’s disillusionment with “kabbalists” with a story. “Many years ago, I got a phone call from a man whose name I can’t divulge. He asked me whether I could take him to Rav Elazar. The Rav didn’t like it when people ‘piggybacked’ on my visits, but in this case I felt that I should say yes. Years earlier, when I was in eighth grade, I took the ferry to the Statue of Liberty with a friend. I was sitting on the outside deck, and a big wave came up and washed over me. It was the end of December and it was freezing cold. This man was there with a friend, and the two took off some of their outer clothing and gave it to me so I could warm up.

“Every one of my mentors — be it my rosh yeshivah in Emek Halachah, Rav Tuvya Goldstein ztz”l, my mashgiach in Kamenitz, Rav Simcha Zissel Levovitz ztz”l, or Rav Elazar himself — would stress the importance of hakaras hatov [gratitude]. Though 40 years had passed, I still appreciated warming up on the ferry with this man’s outerwear, so I told him that I would take him with me to Rav Elazar.

“He came with his son. It seems that he had moved into a small out-of-town community, and when he had gone house hunting there was one house that was particularly affordable because there were rumors that it was haunted. As a Jew, he knew that there is no such thing, so he bought the house.

“From the day he moved into the house, however, his son began to emit strange noises from his throat. Nothing they could do prevented this uncontrollable voice from coming out of him. They came to Eretz Yisrael and went from one mekubal to the next. They poured lead. The kid had kameiyos dangling from his neck in every direction. But the voice continued to ‘speak.’ People insisted that the boy had a dibbuk that needed to be exorcised, and this man wanted Rav Elazar to remove the spirit.

“They came with me to Beer Sheva, and I went into the Rav’s room to explain the situation. Suddenly the Rav heard the voice from the courtyard and asked what it was. ‘That’s the boy with the dibbuk,’ I said. The Rav instructed us to bring the boy into the room. He took one look at the boy and all the kameiyos and said, ‘Dibbuk, shmibbuk.’

“‘Take off all the kameiyos,’ he instructed. ‘Your son needs a psychologist.’ The man went back to America, and the boy was diagnosed with a rare neurological vocal disorder in which the vocal cords were stimulated, perhaps through subconscious suggestion because of what people said about the house. They called the Rav back to find out whether he should be placed on medication. The Rav answered that it wasn’t really necessary, but if it made them more comfortable, they could. Today this boy is the proud father of a happy Yiddishe family.”

Going to the Masters

Looking back on their three-decade relationship, Dr. Stern realizes that from the day he met Rav Elazar, the Rav was slowly moving him in a better direction.

Several years after making aliyah, and while still earning a modest salary, Dr. Stern asked one of his associates whether he was going to the dental convention in New York — a convention that now takes place at the Javits Center and draws some 60,000 dentists and their staff. His associate said that it would be unrealistic to go from Israel, but that if Dr. Stern wanted to go, he could.

Strolling through the convention center, Dr. Stern heard a voice call out, “Yingerman mit der kappel, kim du aher — Young man with the yarmulke, come here.”

An elderly man named Jack Wimmer was standing in a booth “decorated” with all kinds of instruments for doing dental implants. Although the field of dental implants was not new at the time, it had fallen into disuse when the world of dentistry turned to dentures and bridges for tooth replacements.

“I had asked my teacher in NYU whether there was any other way to go about giving people teeth,” recalls Dr. Stern, “and he insisted that there wasn’t. Well, there was this one method of implants that had been in use for a while, but it was just a relic of the past.

“Yet here was Jack Wimmer, a Yid who had made it out of the Krakow ghetto and established a dental laboratory in America in which he had some 75 dental technicians doing implants during the 1950s, offering to teach me his skills.”

It didn’t make much sense to go into a field that was dying, but Dr. Stern went to discuss it with gedolim. “Rav Elazar in particular encouraged me to go into the field, telling me that in ten years I would need a building just to handle all the dental implant patients.”

Dr. Stern grows very serious. “People make a mistake when it comes to emunas chachamim. If you know the gadol is a brilliant person, able to see ten chess moves ahead like Sharansky, and he tells you to do something and you listen because you think it makes sense, that’s not emunas chachamim. Emunas chachamim is when a gadol instructs you to do something that seems absurd, and you do it anyway.

“In my life,” he stresses, “I have seen over and over that when you listen to the gedolim, everything falls into place in a way that you cannot imagine.”

During the few years that followed that fateful meeting with Jack Wimmer, Rav Elazar continued to instruct Dr. Stern to go to various “masters” — the people who were most proficient in dental implants, insisting that he study the “outdated methods,” because they would one day return. Though the cost seemed wholly unjustified at the time, the tzaddik’s prescience eventually came to light.

“Today, implants are one of the most popular ways to replace teeth. We have gotten to a point where I can now do in the comfort of my office in ten minutes what I needed ten hours to do in the surgical theater in Maimonides, but no one could have foreseen that 30 years ago, when Rav Elazar insisted that I go into this field. I listened, and I now have the implant empire he foresaw.”

The Malachim Were Pushing

Rav Elazar didn’t suffice with general advice; he took an interest in the specific skills Dr. Stern was acquiring. Once, he asked Dr. Stern whether he had any case studies with him. Dr. Stern showed him an X-ray of a woman who would be visiting his office the next day. Rav Elazar studied it and then said, “Try to get three implants in there.”

Dr. Stern didn’t know what to make of it, because according to the X-ray there shouldn’t have been a problem getting implants into her mouth. But when he, along with his three associates, examined the woman the next day, they found that the X-ray was an illusion: there was no room for even a single implant. Remembering Rav Elazar’s words, Dr. Stern reminded his associates that they had recently learned a new method developed by Dr. Gerald Niznick, an expert from Encino, California. “Let’s try to do at least one implant using his method,” Dr. Stern insisted.

The other dentists weren’t sure, but they tried and succeeded in getting the first implant in place. When they took a new X-ray, they found that they had room for another — and then another.

“Many years later I was at a conference with one of those other doctors, and he asked me why I had insisted on trying to do the three implants. ‘I can’t go into details,’ I replied, ‘but one thing I can tell you is that the malachim were pushing so hard I could barely move my hand during the surgery.’”

All a Front

As Rav Elazar guided Dr. Stern into becoming one of the top dentists in his field, he also encouraged him to develop relationships with other gedolim who would come for implants — some of whom were referred by Rav Elazar. What is it like to have to do work on a gadol, especially for someone whose respect for gedolim is palpable?

“Certainly, it can be very frightening to do dental work on a gadol. I once treated a rebbe whose 90-year-old chassidim would nearly pass out when he walked by them on the street. And here I had to fix his teeth. You have to be able to put aside the fear somehow and do the work. And knowing that I have the opportunity to provide a gadol with teeth that will enable him to learn better, to daven better, and to live with more menuchas hanefesh in general is an unbelievable feeling.”

As the hour grows late on this Friday afternoon, a question continues to gnaw: Why would a tzaddik be so interested and involved in the life of a young dentist?

The answer, Dr. Stern says, is a message that he has learned not only from Rav Elazar himself, but from many of the gedolim he has treated over the years.

“Everything is a front,” he declares with an emphatic clap on the table. “Dentistry — and everything else we do — is a front. Rav Elazar would say that we’re in one business: avodas Hashem. Through my work, I am able to help 20 kollel families earn their way in Eretz Yisrael by paying the wives a fair wage so their husbands can learn. [An office worker later confirms that if not for Dr. Stern, she and her husband would have been forced to move back to the States years ago.]

“Furthermore, we are all able to do kiruv levavos through our work, whatever it is that we do — whether with staff, patients, suppliers, or even tax authorities. There are people I get to meet here whom I would never get a chance to influence in any other arena. I have people coming not only from leftist kibbutzim, but from all over the world. One woman who spent much time with us came as a skinhead from Tel Aviv some 25 years ago. She went on to marry a man who used to be one of the most successful accountants in Tel Aviv. From knowing nothing about Yiddishkeit, he eventually became a great masmid at Novardok yeshivah. Ten years later, he decided to look into Chassidus. She quips that her husband did teshuvah twice: the day he became frum and the day he discovered Chassidus. I could never have communicated with this woman in any other setting.”

The words mas hachnassah have the power to strike fear in the hearts of grown men in Israel. Indeed, the Israel Taxation Authority has been known to make the IRS seem downright friendly. Yet Rav Elazar’s teaching about dentistry being a front for kiruv levavos applied there as well. Less than a week after he opened his first office, Dr. Stern was alone there late one afternoon and two people from mas hachnassah walked in and asked to see his books.

“When I opened the office,” says Dr. Stern, “I put in a seforim shrank with a set of Chumashim and some other seforim. I pulled out a Chumash and said, ‘Here are my books.’

“‘Don’t be a wise guy,’ they said.

“‘Even if you held a gun to my head, I wouldn’t know where to start,’ I replied. ‘If you want to speak to the people who know about the accounting, you can come back tomorrow morning.’

“‘But since you’re here,’ I continued quickly, pulling out a Chumash before they could run off, ‘the parshah we will read this week is Vayeitzei. We read that Yaakov saw angels going up and down a sulam [ladder]. The Baal HaTurim says that sulam has the same gematria [numerical value] as both mammon [money] and oni [poverty], because one’s finances can easily go up or down. But the Baal HaTurim also points out that sulam contains the same letters as l’mas [for taxes]. You know why? Because you guys are here as messengers of Hashem. If you came to take some of my money, it means that I didn’t give enough of it to tzedakah, and I have to thank you for delivering this wake-up call.’

“They just sat there staring at me. They never heard such a response in their lives. This is what it’s all about, though. Talk to people — no matter who they are — with darchei no’am [in a pleasant manner], and you have a chance to influence them for the better.”

Dr. Stern’s second experience with mas hachnassah, which came 15 years later, shortly after he opened his second office, would have frozen most people in their tracks. This time mas hachnassah came in the guise of a tall brute of a man, who walked in with his face steeled in a stoic expression. Again came the command to be shown the books.

“I don’t know anything about the accounting,” replied Dr. Stern. “All I know is that this is a beit charoshet [factory] for chesed. You want to be a partner, welcome. If you don’t want to take part in it, at least don’t get in the way.’

“Glaring, the man barked, ‘How much do you charge for an implant?’

“‘Well,’ I said, ‘Mrs. Klein ate potato peels in Auschwitz. How much would you charge her for an implant?’

“‘Every doctor has a price list. How much do you take for a post?’

“‘Mrs. Weiss lost her husband and her son in separate terrorist attacks 30 days apart,’ I said evenly. ‘How much would you charge her?’

“He was growing increasingly agitated. ‘How much do you take for a crown on an implant?’ he pressed.

“‘Come with me to Mattersdorf,’ I offered. ‘We’ll visit the home of the woman with 17 children who needed a crown. You tell me how much to charge her. If I can help it, no one leaves this office without dental care.’

“The man was literally shaking with anger, and he got up and said, ‘I have to leave. I can’t listen to this anymore.’”

The man eventually returned, but Dr. Stern had time to prep his anxiety-filled staff before the next visit, advising them to treat the man like any other Yid who walked through the office’s doors. That’s what they did, and there were no problems.

“When I was in Beer Sheva later that week, I bumped into the second-in-command at mas hachnassah. ‘What in the world did you say to that guy?’ he blurted out as soon as he heard my name. ‘No one ever got so much as a smile out of that investigator. He came back that day devastated. You blew him out of the water!’”

“Go to All Three” As Dr. Stern built up his practice, eventually opening a luxurious office on Jerusalem’s Ussishkin St. while maintaining an office in Beer Sheva and traveling several times a year to New York to treat patients there, Rav Elazar continued to guide his every step, pushing him to actualize his potential. There were times when Rav Elazar would instruct Dr. Stern to do things that seemed either entirely impossible or foolhardy.

“Years ago, he was sending me to masters in the field who would say, ‘I want a thousand dollars per day of training. Don’t come if you don’t have it.’ I would ask Rav Elazar how I could go without the money. ‘Just go,’ he would answer. Then the person would hear that I was from Israel or something else like that and he would refuse to take money from me.

“Once, I asked him whether to attend a conference in Los Angeles, Boston, or Florida, and he told me to go to all three. I explained that no one goes to three conferences in a week — maybe one or two a year — and it would be impossible to get to all three without traveling on Shabbos, since they overlapped.

“Often, when I would say something like that, he would reply, ‘You say it’s impossible, I say it is possible. One of us is wrong.’ Invariably, he would be right.

“In the case of those conferences, I decided to skip Boston, spend Shabbos with my parents in New York, and then go to Florida for the next conference. Shortly after I arrived in New York, the organizers of the Boston conference called me to say they had to move their conference to New York. They asked, ‘Will you still be able to come as our guest?’ I ended up making it to all three.

“Sometimes I would pinch myself,” concludes Dr. Stern. “These stories are hard to believe when you hear them. Imagine living through them!” —

Dr. Stern would love to hear more stories regarding Rav Elazar Abuchatzeira ztz”l. He can be reached at gmsdental@gmail.com

Lessons in Life: Alice Sommer-Herz - at Nearly 108 Years

2012-01-22T08:35:00.000+02:00

These three video clips are a must watch for anyone wanting to learn something about life's real lessons. Watch them all!

Whose Boat are You Floating?

2012-01-20T11:03:00.000+02:00

This past week saw an event of immense disaster and tragedy. What could be called "the biggest claim in insurance ship history" - over 300 million pounds (money value), went down into the sea. The episode caused the death of over 20 people so far. While a granddaughter of a passenger of the Titanic who lost her life, was saved (as the theme song of Titanic "My Heart will Go On" ironically played beautifully!) others lost their lives.

The story goes that the captain was apparently doing a slight detour in order to salute people at another land point. Just 150m away from land the ship hit a huge rock cutting through its hull, and within no time at all the ship began to tilt and thereafter sink. As for things "on board" it seems the captain had chosen not to signal that anything was amiss... until some 40 minutes later! With thanks to the mobile phones of passengers, other help was already underway. The "Captain" meanwhile seems to have been preoccupied with "business" in seeing to the "safety" of those "in need" and was caught up in the tilt of the ship, sliding down himself - neatly, into a lifeboat that just happened to be underneath him. (It does bear a resemblance to Haman conveniently finding himself upon Esther on the couch, in the story of Purim!)

What with all the "hustle and bustle" the story continues that the "Captain" remained looking on as "his" 300 million pound boat went under - with whatever else was on board, including any passengers. Who knows the truth for sure?! After all, maybe Haman did really fall on Esther by accident!

But what is the message for us? We must learn a vital teaching, because if we see this story as just an accusation against some captain (rather than ourselves) we may well have missed the fundamental teaching of the Baal Shem Tov, to learn a lesson from everything we see or hear.

The story of the passenger who drills a hole underneath his seat on the boat as they are travelling upon the sea is well known! When another passenger asks him what he is doing, he explains that he is merely drilling underneath his own seat which he did indeed pay for! He cannot get away with his feeble excuse, because everyone is on the same boat. The hole he drills will indeed affect everyone!

But what can we say about the captain?! And who is he anyway?! And where is he anyway?! This weeks very Parsha (Va'Era) teaches us about another captain. His name was Moshe, and he well knew about steering ships. In fact, his ship, the Jewish people and seeing to it that they were freed, was his most important mission (at least until this part of the story.) He was willing to risk everything - even approach the most evil of men at the time (Pharaoh) in order to get what he wanted. He would do anything - and promptly!

Such leadership qualities should be envied by each of us. Envied - because it is vital to take into account the important role of leadership - something we think is the exclusive domain of "Moshes" only.

Take another look at our captain. Do you remember boarding his ship this week? A fine looking man, dressed smartly! He looked like a hero - didn't he - with his "stripes" on his shoulders. In command - no doubt! A learned man. Just how much respect would you have given to him... then?! Of course, underneath all that, we know the truth. We know what was really going on in his head. He was interested in something else. It had nothing to do with his humility for achieving the great learning he had done to acquire a role in life that in all probability brought him much wealth! Externally - a "Moshe" - but internally... Take off his shiny garments. Take him away from his helm - where the superb photo of our hero was taken to show just how in command he really was. Take him away from his steering wheel. Take away his clothes... and you'll see, he's really just an ordinary person - just like all of us.

It seems that honour got the better of him. With a smashing white clean shirt with stripes and maybe even a fancy hat, he was more than entitled to all the honour of everyone who would see him. Wouldn't the next best thing be to show it off, even if it meant taking a divergent course - just for a moment? But then there was a crash. The largest cruise ship in history went down killing real people, frightening thousands of others for life (when it comes to such trips again) - let alone being able to put one's trust in another "captain" again. All - for the sake of "honour" of course.

Without his captain garments, wearing ordinary clothes again - with hands cuffed, he looks like a "normal" person again. In fact, even his facial expression - once filled with ego, is whitened after the destruction this one man has caused for thousands...

What are we to learn from this? We must know one thing. We are all ordinary people - much the same as others. But every now and again, we are given extra "leader ship" roles. One person becomes head of a hospital. Another is given the role of State Attorney. Another sits in the role of administering a charity fund (with millions at his disposal!) let alone those who are independently wealthy with an obligation to help those less fortunate. Another becomes the rabbi of a community. Go ahead... pick your own role. See just how many people may be in need of you - each and every day. In need of your authority - that could determine the difference for you between life and death. Perhaps you think your role doesn't carry that weight?

Maybe our captain thought the same too. He was only driving a ship. He surely wasn't responsible for the people upon it?! But if he would look back now, he would see that not only was the ship a very expensive one, but it actually came with real life on it. Lives, that have been taken away from this world because of honour, negligence and a disinterest in the lives of others - over that "which takes precedence" - one's own life!

Many charity administrators will arm themselves with honour and authority as they turn down candidates literally in a state of life/death. Rabbis will turn away congregants because while congregants may lack money - they have spent years learning, are filled with "wisdom" (thus taking away any need for giving respect to others!) and are wearing honourable garments - a fancy new hat, and beautiful suit.

But underneath it all - is the same person just like the captain. An ordinary person. Granted, the learning has been done and the effort to acquire the post has been put in. But now the real test has begun. Will our new leader and authority choose to use his role for his self glorification, or will he abuse it for his own glorious honour?!

The social worker who feels her life is okay just because she is a social worker - may one day need the help from the very person who currently seeks her help today... Yet while in her position of authority - she is happy to exhibit her glory of being taken care of - while the other is the one suffering. She misuses her authority - and her boat will not float!

The rabbi "leading" his community with contempt at their own losses in life ("Get over it!" "You deserve it!" "G-d has no reason to pay you any reward! "G-d owes you nothing!") - may one day find that his "leader ship" could sink too, taking down with him an entire community, wealth, blessings, and life itself.

Moshe knew about the role of a real leader. He understood leadership. He taught it over. The real captain is the one who can steer his ship with humility. He can check up on every "passenger" when they are in need of it. He avoids the self honour others might want because of their own selfish desires. His only aim is to take his passengers (whoever they might be) to wherever they need it. His learning that he has done, and the role he has been given (ultimately by G-d Himself) is one that must be taken seriously with true humility. Each and every person who boards his ship must be treated with respect - just because he is another passenger - and also a part of this trip... called "Life."

And should it ever be that the captain sees the passengers who have been entrusted to his care (by G-d Himself) sinking... let him learn a lesson from Moshe himself. Let him learn to do whatever is necessary for them - not him. Let him indeed realise, that if anything - he should be the last person to disembark from his ship - even if there is no lifeboat waiting open and ready for him.

What boat have you been selected as captain to steer in life? Do you know your passengers and their needs? Do you really care? Are you more interested in saluting whoever - just so they should see just how important in life you are... or are you more interested in steering correctly, looking after those entrusted to you - who seek your help? Are you keeping your boat afloat... or - when you take a truthful look at your ship... do you see it tilting...? The consequences of this can be tragic... just take a look at Francesco Schettino - and you'll see what I mean.

Maharam Ash - Rabbi Meir Eisenstater - Yahrtzeit 24 Tevet

2012-01-19T08:20:00.000+02:00

Born: 1760

Died: 1852 (24 Tevet)

Today is the 160th Yahrtzeit of the Maharam Ash - Rabbi Meir Eisenstater. He was one of the great rabbis of Hungary. He was born in the city of Eisenstat (hence his surname) which is now Austria. He was one of the first students of the Chatam Sofer - Rabbi Moshe Sofer (Schreiber,) studying in Mattersdorf and afterwards Pressburg, and was accounted for as one of his greatest students.

He acted in the capacity of Av Beit Din in various cities, Ungvar being one of them - where he set up a large Yeshiva where hundreds of students studied - amongst them many of the greatest rabbis of Hungary. After the death of his teacher, the Chatam Sofer, people turned to him with questions in Halacha. From then onwards, he stood out the most as the spiritual force of the Jews of Hungary.

His responsa are published in his two volume work "Imrei Eish."

Rabbi Yaakov Abuchatzeira - The Abir Yaakov - Yahrtzeit 20 Tevet

2012-01-15T14:47:00.000+02:00

Baba Sali - The Abir Yaakov - Baba Meir

Rabbi Yaakov Abuchatzeira (1806 – 20 Tevet 1880) was the direct descendant of that great Tzaddik – Rabbi Shmuel Elbaz (a pupil of Rabbi Chaim Vital, the student of the great kabbalist, the holy Ari) who was given his surname Abuchatzeira (father of the mat) because of a famous story told about him.

Rabbi Shmuel was a great Torah scholar and great man who was chosen by his friends to collect charity funds for the Yeshiva by travelling overseas in search of wealthy donors. On approaching the captain of the ship and asking for the opportunity to board the ship (without the necessary funds,) he was denied. He offered to take the basest of places on the ship and work for his upkeep while aboard. The captain however, denied him yet again. With no other choice, he removed a mat from his bag, threw it upon the waters and "rode" the mat! When the captain saw that he was a holy man, he offered him a free ride. An offer that was no longer accepted!

From that day onwards, Rabbi Shmuel was known as Rabbi Shmuel Abuchatzeira or "Father of the Mat" in Arabic. Indeed, all his descendants after him followed in his path – holy men blessed with Divine Inspiration, great men filled with kindness. Just a few generations later, his descendant Rabbi Massud – the great Rabbi of Tafilalet would have an amazing story to tell…

A couple came to the Rabbi seeking a divorce. The Rabbi granted the divorce, but the woman had wanted to stay a little longer in order to talk to the Rabbanit. Night fell, and fearing for her life – the Rabbanit suggested she stay with them for the entire night. That evening, Rabbi Massud had a dream… He was told that the woman staying over was destined to give birth to a very great soul. However, it was to emanate from a holy union – one between the Rabbi and her. He was instructed to marry her three months later. Rabbi Massud had no idea how he would tell his wife about this mysterious dream!

It turned out however that the Rabbanit had the exact same dream – and was told of the importance of her husband marrying this woman. The Rabbanit (a holy woman herself) accepted this decree and convinced the woman to marry her husband.

Upon returning from shul that morning, before Rabbi Massud had time to tell over his own dream, the Rabbanit approached her husband informing him that the woman had already accepted! A short time later, a son was born to the couple – Rabbi Yaakov! He would become the great man – the Abir Yaakov, an outstanding Tzaddik, whose grandson the world today know well – the Baba Sali – Rabbi Yisrael Abuchatzeira!

Rabbi Yaakov's piety was outstanding. His Torah learning was on a level far beyond what even the greatest of our generation can fathom. He wrote twelve masterpiece books. These books are a must for anyone pursing the study of the mystical kabbalistic tradition – and also for those wishing to understand Halacha – the revealed part of Torah, appropriately.

Rabbi Yaakov's days were filled with Torah learning from day to night. He slept very little. He had a specific way of teaching Gemara. He would cover the commentaries of Rashi and Tosefot and learn only the words of the Amoraim – trying to understand the Gemara on it's own – without additional assistance. Only afterwards when his students had given their learning the best chance by themselves, would he go ahead and look at the commentaries. He would say, "First roshi, then Rashi" – "First my head, then the commentary Rashi". In the afternoon Seder he would teach Reishit Chochma, Peleh Yoetz and Shevet Mussar.

Each evening he would learn 18 chapters of Mishna – covering the entire Oral Law (Shas) each month! This he would do completely off by heart! Shortly before midnight, he would sleep, only to awaken to begin the prayer of Tikkun Chatzot – mourning for the Temple. He would then learn the Eitz Chaim, Mevo Shearim and Zohar. He would proceed to be one of the first ten in shul, and after davening, continue to learn. He would eat very little and spend much of the day involved in distributing charity to those in need. It was all of this that made him into the outstanding Tzaddik and true Mekubal (kabbalist) that he was.

Rabbi Yaakov performed many wonders and miracles for the Jews of Morocco. Childless couples were blessed with children, many sick were healed and many who were depressed left his presence filled with new life and happiness!

In the city of Paranda, there once lived a very depressed, bitter and disheartened woman who had a son of 16 years of age. He had been stricken with polio and was paralysed in both legs leaving him in a wheelchair for life. So depressed was the woman, that she prayed that the child should die!

One day, Rabbi Yaakov was visiting Paranda. When the ruler witnessed the commotion taking place with the Jews singing and dancing at the happy occasion of seeing the Rabbi, he wondered about it all. He ran to find out what the commotion was all about, and upon being told about the great Rabbi that had been accorded such honour he became intensely jealous! He decided to levy a heavy tax upon all the Jews for their "rebellious" behaviour!

Later – after a short rest, Rabbi Yaakov began to accept the public for blessings and offer advice. Among the people who came was this very woman. She entered and told Rabbi Yaakov's host that she wished for the Rabbi to pray that her son should die! He asked her to explain herself, and related the story to Rabbi Yaakov.

Rabbi Yaakov listened to the request and told the host that he would not pray for the son to die, but rather to be completely healed. He explained to the host that he should tell the woman to bathe her son, dress him in clean garments and bring him to see him.

The next day, the woman arrived with her son – having "prepared" him as the Rabbi had requested. The Rabbi instructed that the son should be brought through on his wheelchair to a place in the room directly underneath a skylight where the sun would shine upon him. Rabbi Yaakov asked the boy his name, and then instructed him to get out of his wheelchair and come over to him. He instructed him to return to his wheelchair and then to get out and approach him again – and then yet another time. Thereafter, he told the boy that he could return with his mother and that he would merit health and longevity.

The community was abuzz with excitement at the good news, for everyone had known of the revealed miracle that had taken place. The mother brought the story to the attention of the ruler of the city. She had sold jewellery to the people of the town and had been in touch with the ruler before. This time, however, she would be introducing a new person to her team and would have to introduce the young boy to the ruler. She would also have to explain why she had never introduced the boy before.

The ruler, who had known how sad this woman had always been, and now seeing her glowing face realised the great miracle that had taken place through the distinguished guest! He regretted his previous decision to tax the Jews, and after nullifying his decree, welcomed the rabbi into his home. He invited many guests to his home that day and told them the story of the miracle rabbi who had healed a young boy who had never been able to be cured through the best of the doctors of the town! Now, with just a few words, the rabbi had cured the boy completely!

Rabbi Yaakov arose at the meal and in humility told the guests how it was not he who had healed, but rather G-d, the Creator of the world, who had done the wonder! He explained that it was only because he himself fulfilled the words of G-d that G-d had allowed him to be the vessel through which the miracle would occur. Hashem answers the prayers of those who study His Torah and fulfil His Mitzvot – he explained.

Rabbi Yaakov performed a wonderful Kiddush Hashem!

There are many wonderful stories about this exceptional Tzaddik and of course his descendants who followed afterwards.

May the merit of this Tzaddik, and the Rambam (whose Yahrtzeit also falls on this same day!) protect us all and bring blessing to each of us where we need it most in our lives.

*Baba Meir - **Baba Hana - Baba Sali - Abir Yaakov - ***Baba Chaki

* Baba Meir - Rabbi Meir Abuchatzeira, eldest son of Baba Sali

** Baba Hana - Rabbi Avraham Abuchatzeira, son of Baba Chaki and direct grandson of Baba Du (Rabbi Dovid, Baba Sali's older brother who died Al Kiddush Hashem)

*** Baba Chaki - Rabbi Yitzchak Abuchatzeira, Baba Sali's younger brother

Respecting Another - Gaining their Respect - and Receiving Honour (+Video Clip)

2011-12-27T10:06:00.000+02:00

I found another wonderful video (below article) of some wonderful animals. It seems I keep coming back to them to learn some of the most crucial lessons in life. There are so many "people" around who think of man in the most derogatory of ways, yet they turn to animals in love. Many will donate thousands of dollars to "Save the Whale" foundations and the like, while leaving an orphaned bride to fend for herself.

Perhaps when I think of this, I myself find myself turning to seeing the wonders of animals in the hope of sharing their lessons to us, so that we can learn to include the beautiful qualities they have, within ourselves. Seeing their beauty should encourage us to behave with each other with at least as much love as many of us bestow upon them. Indeed, the words that G-d recited, "Let us create man" hint to the fact that G-d included all of creation in man. He called all of creation together and brought it all into the being He called "Man."

On our side, it is up to us to find those beautiful sparks of all creation and bring them out into the world. This may mean turning to a leaf and finding out it's beauty and sharing that part of beauty as a human - with others. It may mean turning to an ant - and finding out it's beauty - and making that a part of our inner being. It may even mean turning to a gorilla - to find out something beautiful about it - to make ourselves just a little more beautiful too! What ever could we learn from a gorilla?!

I wondered about the idea of learning great things from a young person too. How many elderly people would be prepared to humble themselves and learn from a youngster?! I found myself thinking of the gorilla - and a "youngster" by the name of Shimon ben Zoma. Most people don't know him by this name, but rather simply as "ben Zoma" - "son of Zoma." You can find one of his most beautiful teachings in Pirkei Avot chapter 4 Mishna 1. He asks, "Who is honoured?" and answers, "One who honours others!" Ben Zoma was not even called by his complete name, because he was so young, that - so-to-speak, he had not yet gained a status for himself. He was only some 18 years old at the time of saying this statement - and for this reason receives his own honour from his father - Zoma. And yet, he (the "youngster") has something to teach us. It has to do with nothing less than honour and respect! Who would imagine himself listening to such a youngster about advice regarding the subject of "respect"?! But those in the know, know very well that ben Zoma, though just a "youngster" was one of the four outstanding rabbis (together with Rabbi Akiva) who entered into the Pardes - learning and experiencing the deepest secrets of Torah - entering worlds filled - not with gorillas, but with angels!

Ben Zoma can teach us a thing or two about real respect - which as he indicates is about honouring the other. He well understands real respect - because he has seen angels. But what of us (most anyway!) who have never seen angels - but only gorillas?! We need but peak into one story (video below) to see what real respect is.

Imagine it for a moment, a troop of gorillas - lead by "Daddy" a massive beast with a "mean" temper who could probably kill a human with one slap of his arm! They're on their way walking down a path, and you're sitting filming... them! They're just a few feet away. Are you looking to live? If so, bowing your head and not looking directly at the family might be your ticket to "this world." Anything less, could cost you your life!

Just a little respect to one who is so much stronger can have wonderful consequences though. Suddenly the "baby" comes by and begins to "groom" you... and with love. "Dad" sits and watches just to make sure everything is safe... Later, "Mom" comes by too and she too has some love to give. It even all ends with a kiss... Then it's over, and "Dad" together with the troop leave. Spectacular! Can you imagine the feeling? I mean of being groomed by these powerful beasts of course... On the one hand feeling completely humbled in the presence of "beasts" who can kill with the swipe of their arms. And on the other hand, feeling loved, taken care of, and special. May we even say - feeling "honoured"?

That is truly what life is about. We forget too quickly how great many others truly are. We believe we are already the greatest, that nothing can stop us. We are powerful with large bank accounts to our names, big bodies, attractive and... everything. But every so often, just so easily - something can happen to turn it around. After all, all the money in the world, would not save the man below should he offer it to the gorilla in order that it not hurt him. And all the beauty in the world would not stop the gorilla from any perceived threat to it... Don't forget, "Daddy" is watching...

We are all human, and our most important attribute we could ever own - is to be able to give respect to the other - no matter who they are. To honour them for their greatness - no matter who they are. To respect them because they too might have their own family - or perhaps even just want one! But we forget quickly...

But what's amazing, what's so special, is not that we give this honour, nor that we show the respect that's actually due. What's really special is that when we do humble ourselves, sit quietly and show the respect where it is needed, we can look forward to good things in turn. We can look forward to the other - one day perhaps, or even right now - taking care of us, "grooming" us and showing us their love. We may even receive a kiss of love - because it was never their intention to hurt. It was only our perception of their being worth nothing...

So the story ends - and we come back to those wise words. Words said by a "youngster" of just 18 years of age. We are not even familiar with his first name. Ben Zoma - the son of Zoma teaches us, "Who is honoured", and he answers, "One who honours others."

For full article see: Wild Gorillas Groom Man During Park Visit

Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Chizkiyahu da Silva - the Pri Chadash

2011-12-25T12:31:00.000+02:00

Hezekiah da Silva (also Hezekiah Silva) (1659–1698) (Hebrew: חזקיה בן דוד די סילוא) was a Jewish author born at Livorno, Italy, son-in-law of the Dayan Mordecai Befael Malachi. About 1679 he left his native city for Jerusalem, Palestine, where he attended the Yeshivah of Moses Galante, and ten years later he was sent to Europe to collect funds for Jerusalem. In 1691 he was in Amsterdam and began the printing of his work Peri Hadash (פרי חדש), a commentary on the Yoreh De'ah. He remained in that city for a year. Five years later he was again at Jerusalem, his movements in the interim being unknown. He took a decided interest in the controversy of Moses Hagiz against Judah Vega, but his death in Jerusalem in 1698 cut short his activity in behalf of the former.

The freedom with which Silva discussed Halachic problems brought the ban of the rabbis of Cairo upon his Peri Ḥadash, but it was afterward removed by Abraham Levi, although the two men, spiritually akin, were personally unacquainted. This work of Silva's was supplemented by a second and a third part, both edited by his son David, and bearing the approbation of the chief authorities of the time (Amsterdam, 1706–1730). Silva was likewise the author of the Mayim Ḥayyim, containing a collection of notes on Talmudic treatises, together with responsa and a portion of the Yad of Maimonides.

Silva expressly states that he was a teacher at Jerusalem, not a rabbi, but despite this statement Luncz claims that he waschief rabbi of Jerusalem and that he died in 1740.

His Yahrtzeit is 29 Kisleiv.

This article incorporates text from a publication now in the public domain: Executive Committee of the Editorial Board and Lazarus Grünhut (1901–1906). "Silva, Hezekiah". Jewish Encyclopedia.

Help Bring Moshiach - Video Clip of the Rebbe

2011-12-21T15:21:00.000+02:00

Just a few days ago, we began the new cycle of learning the Tanya - Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liady's magnum opus of mystical teachings, discussing the nature of the soul and it's duty, purpose and challenge in the world. A glance at the first chapters lets us know about souls that operate on the level of "head" and souls that operate on the level of "feet." Souls who must lead others because of their complete knowledge and understanding of how things must be, and souls who must put into action whatever needs to be done.

A Rebbe has a soul of the former kind, with complete clarity of what must be done. Those who lack this particular soul (most everybody else,) have within them the strength necessary to achieve what needs to be done. Nevertheless, the Rebbe is by no means exempt. On the contrary, he is at the very forefront of every activity, leading by example. There are many things he is able to achieve as he leads the way, but even so, there is also a frustrating feeling of realising that there is much more that still needs to be done - by others. After all, feet are much more suited to running - than are heads!

Our generation seems lost in both material and spiritual pursuits, with everybody on a path of "every man doing right in his own eyes," while forgetting the goal. This goal is to bring Moshiach - the real Messiah of the world, who will bring both physical and spiritual redemption to every person on every level they need it. Many feel they are already there. They feel it "spiritually," apparently living the perfect and ideal spiritual life. They even feel it materially - with many being blessed with their deepest most personal material fantasies and whims being fulfilled on a daily basis. But it doesn't take much to actually pause, step back, and realise that we're far from redemption, both on a personal and a global level.

We enter the festival of Chanukah, a time of light. But it's only light because we make it so. There is always the Shamash - the "Master Candle" that lights the others. But then, the real Mitzvah is the candles that burn on their own throughout the eight days. The Shamash is really there only to get things started. When it comes to actual fulfillment, it's important that the individual candles themselves illuminate the world. Even though it may seem like nothing can be lit by itself and the Shamash is needed, we must keep focused on realising that what is most crucial is for the individual lights to bring illumination into the world. The Shamash may always be there, but the Mitzvah lights must take the torch for themselves - and share the light that they have!

Each one of us - this very day - finds himself/herself in trying times like nothing ever before. But it's time for us to take the light that we have inside and to light ourselves up - sharing this beauty with others. "A candle is a Mitzvah, and the Torah is light," teaches King Solomon - the wisest of men. The Rebbe - and all those outstanding Tzaddikim before him - have done everything they can to bring Moshiach, but it seems that he has not yet arrived. He has not yet redeemed us, and each of us, in our own way, feel the pains of the exile - one in which G-d too finds Himself. Now it is up to us, each in our own unique way to increase every day with something great, something new, something kind - never "blue."

Right now, it is time for each of us to take on another Mitzvah. One today - and another tomorrow. Time to increase in our Torah learning and our teaching to others. Time to give a little more. Time to focus on even greater honesty, more care and more sharing the pain and difficulties of others. Should you feel lost in wondering where next to bring a ray of light into the world, check in to Lovingkindness.co, and better yet, bring some light into the lives of those who are lacking redemption - to be blessed with some type of redemption they need - today! Enjoy the video and do take it to heart!

How to Light the Chanukah Candles (+Video Clip)

2011-12-20T16:36:00.001+02:00

Chanukah Somayach!!!

On the 25th of Kisleiv (the night of the 20th of December 2011) at just after the sun begins to set wherever you are, we light the first Chanukah candle. You can find out what time Shkiyah (sunset) is in your town by visiting Chabad's Halachic Times page. Choose your exact location, and click GO!

Lighting the Chanukah candles is really easy. Here are some short steps in how to do this Mitzvah. Below them an easy video tutorial:

TIME:

The ideal time is just after sunset (though the earliest time for lighting is Plag HaMincha - see chart). You'll need to know the Plag HaMincha time for Friday when candles must be lit before sunset. Be careful, don't get too carried away on Erev Shabbat. You may definitely not light before the Plag HaMincha time!

MATERIALS:

Prepare your Menorah with either pure olive oil (ideal!) or candles.

PREPARATION:

On the first night fill up just one glass container (prepare one candle) together with another container of oil or candle (the Shamash) on the outside, middle or slightly away from the main light.

On the second night, prepare two candles next to each other, adding the additional candle to the left of the previous one, with the Shamash in its usual place as on the first night. On the third night, you'll be preparing three candles (excluding the Shamash) etc. up until the eighth night when you'll have all eight candles illuminating the home and the world!

Though the lights must be prepared on the right hand side with each additional light placed on the left of the previous night's light, the lights must be lit from the left hand side going towards the right!

There must be enough oil in the container to last for at least 30 minutes after nightfall. You can consult the Chabad luach (as above) to see what time nightfall (Tzeit HaCochavim) is in your area too. Remember, on Friday afternoon, you'll need a lot more oil to last until after nightfall, because you'll be lighting much earlier than the rest of the week.

Hold a wax candle in your hand, lit and ready to light the candle(s)

BLESSINGS:

On the first night three blessings are recited. On the remainder nights, the third blessing of "Shehecheyanu" is not recited.

The blessings - Chabad version without brackets. Ashkenazi version in brackets:

"Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam asher kid'shanu b'mitz'votav v'tzivanu l'had'lik neir (shel) Chanukah."

(Blessed are you, Lord, our God, King of the universe Who has sanctified us with His commandments and commanded us to light the light of Chanukkah.)

"Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam she'asah nisim la'avoteinu bayamim haheim biz'man hazeh."

(Blessed are you, Lord, our God, King of the universe Who performed miracles for our ancestors in those days at this time.)

"Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam shehecheyanu v'kiyimanu v'higi'anu laz'man hazeh."

(Blessed are you, Lord, our God, King of the universe who has kept us alive, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this season )

In Hebrew:

"ברוך אתה יי אלהינו מלך העולם אשר קדשנו במצותיו וצונו להדליק נר (של) חנוכה"

"ברוך אתה יי אלהינו מלך העולם שעשה נסים לאבותינו בימים ההם בזמן הזה"

"ברוך אתה יי אלהינו מלך העולם שהחינו וקימנו והגיענו לזמן הזה"

Immediately after the blessings, light the candle(s) from left to right. Do not speak until all the candles are lit.

The Shamash (the wax candle used to light the other candles,) can then be used to light the outside candle of the Menorah which is set aside as the Shamash. This candle (the one used temporarily to light the candles) may then be put out and the "main" Shamash candle on the side of the Menorah will remain burning.

Sing the accompanying song of "Haneirot Hallalu" found in Siddurim - and Maoz Tzur Yeshuati if you wish to too! Enjoy the video!

Don't forget to bring light into your own life, into the lives of others,

and into the entire world,

each day - adding more and more as you continue in your own life!

The Compassion of a Cat - a Lesson for Moms, a Lesson for us All (+Video Clip)

2011-12-19T19:20:00.001+02:00

If you follow my blog, you'll notice whenever I see a video showing the wisdom of animals, I share it. What does this ever have to do with Torah? Our Sages teach us that we are to learn from everything in life. It tells us that were it not for Torah, we would need to learn from animals. We'd learn about industry from the ant which, though only lives six months, prepares food for much longer (for the generations to come.) We'd learn love from the dove - which has only one mate (and always seems to be with it - have you noticed?!) And we'd learn modesty from the cat.

Of course back in those days, we'd just have to take the Torah at face value as to it's truth. We might however wonder just how much else we could learn from animals. But today, with the plethora of amazing animal videos around, we can turn to these videos made by others, showing the wisdom of animals - things we need to learn ourselves.

The cat may teach modesty - just because of its way of attending to its needs in a modest manner. It's a great lesson to learn - modesty of course! But is there anything else we could learn from a cat?

The video below brings out some beautiful points. It's geared towards moms, and to us all. To those who have been blessed with children - do you treasure your blessing? Always?! When the baby cries, are you ready to soothe it - or do you just sometimes have enough of it all, wishing you could rather sleep longer or just get away from it all?! The real blessing is when we can turn around and see our children for the blessings they are - even when they're no longer babies. Even when they too have started their own families. That care should be impossible to give up.

Even a cat knows how to bring out its internal essential motherly feelings when it comes to the pain of a baby - a human baby - of having to listen to it's crying and wanting nothing less than to soothe the baby, make it feel calm, make it feel loved. That's what we need to be able to do - even when it's not our own. Even a cat can do that. Even a cat can show love - real love. Even when it has claws with which to scratch for protection, it can think of holding back and providing, instead, a soothing touch, and even a kiss to make sure everything is all okay. And later... even a cat can gently remove its calming touch as it considers the possibility that it may still be needed. And only when things are just right again - will it step away - completely. Though even with that, it's still there, watching the baby, hoping that all is well with it.

There's much we can learn from a cat. Indeed, there is much we can learn from all of Creation. It's all here to guide us, to teach us and make us aware that more than anything - we need to grow, every single day. We need to become better, more caring, and more sensitive - especially when it comes to others.

18 Kisleiv - Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Baruch of Mezhibuz

2011-12-14T09:44:00.001+02:00

Chai Kisleiv marks (today the 200th) Yahrzteit of the Tzaddik Rabbi Baruch (ben Yechiel Michel) of Mezhibuz (1753-1811) - the grandson of the Baal Shem Tov. He is the son of the Baal Shem Tov's daughter Aidel. Rabbi Baruch's sister is also well known as being the mother of Rabbi Nachman of Breslov. He also had a brother who was also a Tzaddik, Rabbi Moshe Chaim Ephraim (author of the Degel Machane Ephraim.) Many go to pray at the gravesite of Rabbi Baruch today.

In his youth, when his parents asked the Baal Shem Tov which tractate of Gemara would be best to begin teaching him, he answered, "Baba Kama," - בבא קמא - because these words contains the first letters of, "Baruch ben Aidel is holy from the womb of his mother" - "ברוך בן אדל קדוש מבטן אמו". His grandfather, the Baal Shem Tov, died when he was still a young child of just 7 years. He spent much time around the Maggid of Mezritch (whose Yarhtzeit falls on the 19 Kisleiv - tomorrow!), until many years later at the bequest of the Chassidim, he himself became an Admor (Rebbe.) In no time at all, thousands were knocking upon his door for blessings and advice. He had a fiery temper and temperament - though his brother R' Moshe Chaim Ephraim was quite the opposite!

When he became ill, he refused to ask the advice of doctors and to make use of medications.

Though he was a Rebbe in his own right, the main flow of leadership in Chassidism went from the Baal Shem Tov to the Maggid of Mezritch and then to Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liady (1745-1812) whose release from prison is celebrated tomorrow - the 19th Kisleiv. The Alter Rebbe (as he was known) was both an authority in the revealed Torah, having written the Shulchan Aruch HaRav as well as an authority on the hidden Torah, having written the Tanya (and Torah Ohr and Likutei Torah.).

For more on the stories of the start of the Chassidic movement and the leaders including wonderful stories about the Tzaddikim Nistarim - the hidden Tzaddikim of that time - make sure to read "Lubavitcher Rabbi's Memoirs" written by the previous Chabad Rebbe - Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneerson.

Meet Rabbi Fishel Jacobs: Halachic Authority, Karate Master, Prison Chaplain, Author and More!

2011-12-08T08:54:00.001+02:00

Reb Eliyahu and Shoshanah have received much support from Rabbi Fishel Jacobs in the past. He has endorsed our Bayit Chadash Project, other projects, and has certified us as Chatan and Kallah Teachers. His story is an incredible one and we have been privileged to connect with Rabbi Jacobs on so many levels.

This article originally appeared

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Jerusalem - Karate champion, Talmudic scholar, prolific author, and prison chaplain are just some of Rabbi Fishel Jacobs’ qualifications. Whether it’s breaking 15 inches of solid brick with his fist, or sitting on the bunk bed of a murderer talking about repentance, Rabbi Jacobs sticks to his motto: “When you run out of places to find strength, look deeper within yourself”

Karate experts are intriguing. Everyone wants to know how they can break 15 inches of solid brick with their bare fists, seeming to transcend natural physical limitations. Is it magic, or some sort of supernatural power they’ve accessed?

Karate master Rabbi Fishel Jacobs says the true martial artist does indeed possess extraordinary latent power. But it’s not magic. And it’s that very power that enabled him to transform himself from an advanced-level black-belt training for the Olympics to an ordained rabbi, prolific Torah author and halachic authority, and the first American chaplain in the Israeli prison system.

Even Hollywood caught up with this multifaceted karate champ-turned-prison rabbi; a screenplay of his life is currently being negotiated by producers in California.

That scrawny kid named Flip (Philip) Jacobs living in South Royalton, Vermont, certainly never imagined such a life when he was busy just trying to defend himself against the local anti-Semites over four decades ago. Today Rabbi Jacobs, 55 and father of seven, says he still sees himself as a Vermont kid. He looks back on the who-would-have-thought odyssey of 11-year-old Flip — learning karate for self-defense and then becoming a master, eventually finding Judaism at the University of Vermont, enrolling in yeshivah in Israel, getting smichah from the Chief Rabbinate, becoming the spiritual mentor of the entire Ramle prison complex dealing daily with thieves and murderers, and authoring popular books on taharas hamishpachah and hilchos Shabbos — and sums it up in three words: “It’s been intense.”

It’s All About Repetition Harold Jacobs — Jewish in his heart but not yet in practice — bought a poultry processing factory in Vermont and moved his family out to South Royalton (population 1,100) from Brooklyn when Flip/Philip/Fishel was ten. “Dad’s philosophy was, let the kids grow up in the country and they’ll be healthy. It would have been a good plan if I didn’t almost get myself killed in the process,” Rabbi Jacobs reminisces from his well-appointed study in Kfar Chabad, surrounded by an extensive library and piles of his own titles.

“It’s a classic hick town and we were the first Jews there. The parents didn’t mind that their children were beating up the new Jewish kid. It’s not a sophisticated Al Sharpton–like anti-Semitism over there, more like the Sunday preacher style. So I was getting beat up all the time — in the locker room, on the soccer field.”

One day during a visit from his New York relatives, Flip came home roughed up and bleeding. “Harold, Flippy’s gotta learn to take a bat to school,” said his uncle, offering a solution.

A few days later, a South Korean karate master named Tae Yun Kim advertised that she and her brother were opening up a karate school. Today she’s a tenth-degree karate grandmaster, a multimillionaire living in California, and CEO of numerous successful businesses. But then she was a destitute immigrant fresh out of the mystical South Korean mountains. And Flip Jacobs was her first student.

For the next 13 years, Flip trained for hours every day. Karate became his life.

“I was her first student. Hours every night of pure Korean karate. They ran it like in the Orient, where every move is broken down into tiny increments that need to be perfected. It’s all based on repetition — punch, punch, punch, punch — ten thousand times the same move, each time trying to create more power, to bring up more power from your stomach, until you become super-focused.”

The goal, says Rabbi Jacobs today, was the dissemination of the Far East’s generations-old wisdom through grueling training and total discipline. At the time he thought he was just perfecting his technique. Today he knows that the intense discipline of micro-repetition is what made him into the scholar he is today.

“The masters constantly preached to us that this isn’t about self-defense or physical fitness, but about overall personal development. ‘If you can translate the sincerity, humility, and discipline gained through this training into everything you do, our goal will have been achieved. The essence of karate is succeeding in everything you do in life,’ the masters would tell us. At the time, I didn’t have an inkling to what degree those very powers would be necessary in the innumerable, unexpected twists and turns the future held for me.”

By the time Philip/Flip was 15, he began to move up belt levels and win competitions. At 18 he was awarded his black belt (“at the time it was the greatest day of my life”), which he describes as “a bloody mess” that involved smashing eight to twelve inches of pine with his hands, feet, and head, executing perfected moves and defending himself against five armed “assailants” who came after him with boards and clubs. He emerged with a broken nose and bleeding skull, but knew he had the inner power to pass the test.

“They brought in masters from Korea who couldn’t even speak English. These guys used to train their students by sending them off to the mountains for six months and letting them back once they’d mastered the techniques. That’s their religion: becoming elevated, confident, focused, synchronizing all their internal systems — respiratory, muscular, nervous, and mental.

“There’s really no trick involved.” Rabbi Jacobs explains how even today, he can still break bricks and fight off assailants. “First, I free myself from all extraneous matters, creating an inner quiet. This requires anywhere from two minutes to a hundredth of a second. Then, and only then, I direct my total concentration to the act at hand. These two steps, creating an inner still and concentrated attention, are totally interdependent. Without the former, the latter is impossible. With total mental and spiritual focus, I allow my deepest inner powers to emerge, emanating simultaneously from the brain and around the diaphragm. It is evoking this energy, which they call chi, for which the martial artists of the Orient are most famous. As soon as I sense this intangible, primal awakening of power flow, I instinctively know I’ll succeed. In fact, most people have no idea what their capabilities really are.”

Imagine you’re 18, you’ve earned your black belt, you’ve perfected your moves. Everything is perfect. So where does an 18-year-old champion go from there?

Flip decided to take his endurance to the next level — a level that borders on the telepathic, a heightened sensory achievement most people wouldn’t even want to attempt.

“If you are sure you want advanced training, I will give it to you,” the master warned him. “But you must be sure, because it is very painful, and you’ll need to undergo things that until now you couldn’t have imagined.”

“Sounds good,” Flip answered. Six years of four-hour daily training had left him feeling as if he were on a kind of plateau. There was an excitement in knowing there were deeper dimensions. He was summoned to the gym late one night, and handed a blindfold.

“You see this bamboo training staff?” Flip was asked. “Put on this blindfold. Now you are going to learn to defend yourself without using your eyes. You will learn to develop senses you’ve never used before. We’ll start slowly,” the master continued. “You advance step by step toward me, and I’ll hit you with the staff in different parts of the body; once to the head, once to the legs, once to the ribs. Each time, you try to sense where to block.”

One foot forward, and then, Whap! A stinging pain shoots through his face. Another step, Whap! This time to the arm. Soon his whole body is bruised and bleeding.

But Kim was encouraging: “After you suffer enough, you’ll have no choice. You will either give up or force yourself to learn how to block.… You will only learn through pain. Only then will your body force itself to sense. Only then will you develop an extra perception.

Now listen carefully, not only with your ears. Listen with your entire being. Relax. If you listen for the staff, you won’t have time to respond. Now, relax; on my command take a step forward. Remember, just ‘feel.’ Don’t try to ‘hear.’ By the time you’ve ‘heard,’ the staff will already have hit you, before you can react. Just relax, free yourself from worry, and defend yourself. You know how to block, you’re a black belt! Just sense it coming.”

With the extrasensory training that went on nightly for three years, Flip had taken his skill to a whole new level. Still, why would anyone willingly subject himself to all that pain?

“There is the simple answer and the deeper answer,” says Rabbi Jacobs. “The simple answer is that at that point I was training four hours a day. When you’re that perfect, you look for a higher vein of energy, and the most subliminal part of the training is overcoming suffering. But on a deeper level, it’s really your neshamah calling out because it’s starving. At that point you think karate is your ultimate fulfillment; you don’t know that you’d quench that yearning by sitting and learning Mishnayos, or going out and connecting to other Yidden and lighting up the galus.”

Flip then volunteered for another torture that tested the breaking point of his endurance, a 36-hour marathon at Dartmouth College that started out with 70 participants and ended with 15. For the first two hours, the trainees stood, knees bent, while someone stood on their shoulders.

“You had to hold that position for two hours,” Rabbi Jacobs remembers. “At the beginning, your legs become like jelly, you start shaking, and they start yelling at you in their Japanese accents, ‘What, you baby? You can’t do it?’ and they start hitting you in the stomach. We worked through the night, slept two hours, and then they woke us and made us run outside for hours barefoot on the frozen December ice and snow. After another 12 hours of torture, one guy — a black belt — couldn’t take it anymore, and ran into the bathroom crying. The master ran after him, screaming and hitting him, ‘You baby! You baby! You can be man! Come back and fight!’ Your adrenaline is pumping for 36 hours, but it took me a week to be able to move after that.”

Coming Over? By the time he entered the University of Vermont, Flip was “perfect.” “My breathing was perfect, my moves were perfect. Where do you go from there? It’s not cognitive, but on a very subliminal level, you start questioning yourself.” And then from left field, he was “attacked” by a totally new force — Rabbi Shmuel Hecht z”l, the campus Chabad rabbi.

“Rabbi Hecht somehow caught up with me in the dorms, and boy, was he persistent. It was a one-sided relationship, but he didn’t give up. Friday he’d call my dorm and say, ‘Fishel, are you coming over? My wife made food for you.’ Rabbi Hecht was a deep man and a scholar, but I wasn’t into it. I would sit through the meal out of courtesy, but to me it was just taking time away from training and fighting. Occasionally he’d shlep me to shul on Shabbos morning. Then I’d go to Connecticut or Massachusetts to fight. Once in a while I’d put on tefillin, but then it was off to McDonald’s. Today I know he was cultivating my Jewish soul.”

Meanwhile, it was more training, more tournaments, more awards. One day Flip approached his instructors with his next dream — to represent the US in the Olympics. Kim was held in high esteem by the international organization based in Korea, so they said, “Okay, start training him.”

“They put me on an eight-year program,” says Rabbi Jacobs. “They are very absolute about these things. In the Orient, if you lose an international competition, they’ll never allow you to represent that country again internationally. They knew about me because the head of the organization had sent his son to test me for my black belt, so they decided to invest in me and start me out. They pick a few moves they want you to win with, and you perfect those for years. With me they chose a jumping side kick and some spinning back kicks. It was all about perfection.”

But Rabbi Hecht was always there on the sidelines, fanning the spark of the spirit, gently massaging the G-dly soul that was yet to be revealed. At the same time, Flip Jacobs was also feeling cracks in his veneer of perfection. There was a breaking point, a flash of light that left as fleetingly as it came, yet it illuminated a corner of his spiritual side.

It happened at a tournament where the entire team’s victory was at stake.

“It was an all-day exhibition, a competition between the Korean and Japanese schools,” Rabbi Jacobs says. “The individual competition in the morning was really rough. My nose got broken and I had lost a lot of blood all day. [“I broke my nose three times,” he adds parenthetically, although you can’t really tell. “They have this system of fixing it up, stuffing cotton into it and straightening it out.”] I was feeling horrible but I was team captain, and the night competition would be in a packed auditorium with our entire reputation at stake. I had to fight the other team captain. So they fixed up my nose, bandaged my face, put me on the grass and made me rest and eat kimchi and rice, and propped me up for the final fight. It went into overtime and they were yelling at me, ‘Don’t worry about your nose!’ At that moment I felt like a pawn. I could have been killed, but my life was worth as much as the honor of the team. We went into maximum overtime tied, so the judges huddled and then came over and raised my hand in victory — for fighting spirit. Suddenly I had a flash, lasting not more than a microsecond, but the flash had embedded itself in my soul: Rabbi Hecht sitting at his table learning Torah.”

Flip Jacobs was about halfway through the Olympic training program when he graduated college. “By then, I guess Rabbi Hecht had succeeded in massaging my soul enough that I approached him and said, ‘I really don’t know anything about my Judaism. Maybe I should go to yeshivah?’ I had a degree in history and political science, nothing very marketable anyway. But although I killed a lot of time in college, the good news was that those of us who were in sports bypassed all the garbage — the drinking and the drugs. It was the total opposite of our philosophy. At least we had a focus.”

Rabbi Hecht sent Fishel/Flip to the Lubavitcher Rebbe in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. The Rebbe, in turn, told him to go study in Israel.

What about the Olympics? Was he disappointed that his dream would never come true?

“To be honest, I wasn’t really thinking. I just wanted to do what I knew was right inside. Also, at that point the Olympics were just another competition. I’d won enough — I had a room full of trophies, so it wasn’t really a big deal.” He points to a shelf of awards from those years. “I have hundreds of these. Most I didn’t even bring to Israel.”

The masters had already invested four years in Flip’s Olympics training regimen. He was halfway there. But Kim’s reaction took him by surprise. “I told Kim I was thinking about going to yeshivah, that I met these Lubavitchers who took me to the Rebbe. She said, ‘Good, I want you to do that.’ I was shocked. She’d invested 12 years in me! ‘Why?’ I asked. She said, ‘I see you’ve been changing, and these are your people. When I was in Korea the nuns taught us the Bible, and I know these are the Hebrew people of the Bible that G-d loves and who have a special path in life. Go with them.’”

But Kim, who became a multimillionaire with several international companies, never forgot her prized student. Years later, after having no contact for 25 years, she eventually located him in Kfar Chabad and invited him and his wife, Miriam, to Los Angeles for a lavish 60th birthday bash. The glitz and opulence were overwhelming, the walls bearing testimony to Dr. Tae Yum Kim’s incredible success — Dr. Kim with President Bush, Dr. Kim with Hillary Clinton. Then she stood up and told her adoring audience how proud she was of him.

“Rabbi Fishel Jacobs was my first student when I came to America. He was my best student — he had lightning kicks.” She went on, “I am proud you became a rabbi. That is what you wanted. It is good for you. You have many students and are making a difference. I want you to remember to always be true to yourself and never let anyone tell you what to dream. Never let anyone limit your dreams. Go after them. And G-d bless you.”

At the ceremony, Rabbi Jacobs was promoted to eighth-degree master.

The Worst Year Rabbi Jacobs describes that first year in Kfar Chabad yeshivah as “the worst year of my life.” Thrust into an intellectual environment with baalei teshuvah from Ivy League universities, having to deal with two new languages (Hebrew and Aramaic) and entirely new thought patterns that just weren’t going in, Rabbi Jacobs was about ready to throw in the towel — but some inner determination kept him glued to the study bench.

“I was an athlete — I never bothered studying too much. And this wasn’t a Discovery seminar. It was the real thing; they plunge you in from day one. I sweated it out, but I wasn’t a vessel to absorb the material. I wanted to succeed, but I didn’t think there was a scholar hidden inside the athlete.

“I was miserable, but I didn’t want to give up. Then one day, one of the mashpiim saved me. ‘Have you started learning Tanya by heart?’ I didn’t know what he was talking about. I was breaking my head on alef-beis and trying to understand the Gemara at the same time. Plus, I had no gym, no physical outlet, and I was used to working out four hours a day. I was having withdrawal symptoms and was in physical pain, lying in bed at night tossing and turning with nowhere to burn off the energy. But he persisted. ‘Bochurim are supposed to learn Tanya by heart. The letters are holy and it’s a big mitzvah to put them into your head, even if you don’t understand.’

“In fighting, we have a rule: ‘Go with what you know.’ In other words, when you’re faced with danger, you don’t try new, fancy moves. Well, I knew how to repeat, so maybe this would work after all. But I only knew how to repeat in small steps. That was my training for years. So I took it letter by letter. I broke up every letter into its parts and engraved them onto my brain. I took the first letter, imagined it, drew it in my kishkes — that first letter took two days. It took me months to learn the first chapter. I didn’t see that the scholar within had yet emerged, but on an inner level it was transformative.”

Yet the Rebbe must have seen it.

Soon after, he was back in Crown Heights in a private audience with the Rebbe, together with his mother. (At the time she was not religious, yet eventually Rabbi Jacobs turned his entire family around. His father passed away several years ago, with a long beard and tztitzis hanging out. His sister, Dr. Elka Pinson, is a clinical psychologist in Crown Heights, active in international shidduch networking, and owner of the Center for Kosher Culinary Arts.)

“Have you started smichah yet?” the Rebbe asked.

“Smichah? I hadn’t even moved out of the beginners level at Kfar Chabad! But the Rebbe was insistent. He told me two things: where to find a wife, and to study for smichah and get ordained through the Rabbanut — a grueling program for even the best of scholars. So I went back, started the smichah program right away, and was introduced to my future wife a few weeks later.”

At the time Miriam Rosenfeld, a frum-from-birth Israeli and accomplished Tanach scholar, was teaching at Chabad’s Beis Chana high school in Jerusalem. And she agreed to marry him. “Women are like that. They can see the pnimiyus.”

Focused on the Goal The Rebbe kept Fishel Jacobs in kollel for eleven more years. Eleven years in which he shvitzed and shteiged — until the scholar within emerged.

“I don’t think I would have ever had the nerve to go for the Rabbanut smichah, but the Rebbe empowered me. So I used the same, safe system I knew. The karate keeps you goal-oriented, so I set my goal: I memorized the entire Shulchan Aruch. Then it was time for the exams. But I failed — twice. I had so much material in my head I wasn’t able to write it coherently. But they were nice — they agreed to test me orally. Over the next three years I did oral exams with Rav Dov Lior from Chevron. When the smichah notification finally came, I was shocked, Miriam was delighted, her family was amazed, and my teachers just smiled knowingly.

“I called home, back to Vermont. ‘Mom, Dad — we did it!’ ‘Great,’ said Dad. Then Mom said, ‘Mazel tov! Does that mean you’re going to stop studying, come home and get a position?’ Dad, knowing differently, quipped, ‘No, Rita. I don’t think he’s done.’”

And he wasn’t. Rabbi Jacobs continued his studies, earning the equivalent of a PhD in Talmudic theory through the Ministry of Education and becoming a certified rabbinic attorney, and began his publishing career. (To date he has published seven books, including the popular halachic works The Blech Book and Family Purity.)

But Israel is a small country, and it wasn’t long before word got out that there was a black belt learning in the yeshivah in Kfar Chabad. So over the years Rabbi Jacobs has continued to give demonstrations and teach combat techniques — for kids, for the army, for the security services.

What happened during his week of sheva brachos was a sign of things to come. It was 11 at night, and he and Miriam were sitting in the living room of their little house in Kfar Chabad when five big guys from Tel Aviv knocked on the door.

“We’re karate guys and we want to study with you,” they practically demanded.

“Hey, I just got married two days ago,” Rabbi Jacobs answered. But they had no intention of leaving.

“So I said to them, ‘Okay, I’ll teach you, but the way I learned it, no shortcuts.’ So I told them to take all the furniture out of the living room and take their shoes off. Meanwhile my new wife is looking on — I’m not sure if she was amused or horrified, but I think she realized it was a foreshadowing of what life would be like. They came by a few times a week for several years, and as part of our exercise meditation I had them learn the first twelve chapters of Tanya by heart. One of these guys was Moshe Rokach, who became head of the Israel Karate Association. Years later I officiated at his wedding.”

Go To Jail And then came the offer that was to change his life. A friend who was a medic at Ayalon Prison was looking for a volunteer to give some informal classes to the inmates. It wasn’t long after that Rabbi Jacobs was offered the chaplaincy for the entire Ramle prison complex, including Ayalon, Nitzan, Neve Tirzah women’s prison, and the IPS medical center.

“I’ll never forget the first time I entered the prison, and although I served for 13 years, I felt that chill every single day. It was those unnerving doors, the ice cold iron-against-iron smashing, the slam! And bolt. Now you’re locked on the inside. The inside of a prison is a different world.”

For 13 years, Rabbi Jacobs served as the spiritual link to hundreds of prisoners, some petty thieves, some incarcerated for heinous crimes, and some of them women.

“Neve Tirzah was one of the most horrifying places I’ve witnessed, lives desolated by drugs, crime, illiteracy, and often, by husbands who dragged them into a life of crime. Sometimes at night you could hear the women yelling back and forth from their own cells to their husbands incarcerated 50 yards away in the men’s prison.”

But prison kiruv is not a job that can last forever. The noise, the banging, the intensity, the loudspeakers, the Middle Eastern music, the yelling, the smoking, the jangling keys, the cooking — eventually it all takes its toll.

“I began working in prison in 1992 at age 36. I was vibrant and full of zest. Exactly 13 years later, I was 49, retired, and completely worn out,” Rabbi Jacob admits. “When I entered, it had been on the tail end of a 14-year period of exhilarating academic achievements. By the time I returned to the free world, I was so exhausted it took me a year to recover.”

Rabbi Jacobs, who now dedicates his time to writing, teaching, traveling, and speaking, chronicled his prison experiences in Israel Behind Bars, an inspiring window into the day-to-day challenges, victories, and setbacks of both his prisoners and himself.

“I was in charge of seven cell blocks, about 700 people. Each cell block has its own identity — one is hardened criminals, one is drug addicts, one is closed because they’re too dangerous, one is guys in rehab. It’s like an entire country.”

Rabbi Jacobs says that as much as he was able to give the prisoners, the greatest rewards were his own. “You’re serving the simplest Jews in the world and you’re their shepherd. You give them your neshamah. These people are broken; they need your humanity, so any conversation could be life-saving.

“I had five Jewish wards, and I wanted them to have Shabbos together, so Thursday nights the shuls were active. That’s when I’d bring in extra food for them — vegetables, tomatoes, onions, tuna fish. And they’d be waiting for me — one guy with a tattoo, one in shorts, one in slippers. Talk about simple, these are simple Jews, Baal Shem Tov neshamos. I’d walk in there, and they wouldn’t care if I was sweaty, smelly, or depressed. They have one demand: you’re the rabbi and we need you to connect to us.

“So I learned to look at the neshamah, otherwise there would be too many barriers of condemnation. It’s a brachah if you can get to that level of unconditional love for every Jew, just see his pure neshamah. This was my reward — it made me more simple.”

Rabbi Jacobs graciously calls them “simple”, but some of them are real lowlifes, and dangerous. “Right,” he says, “But you have to be blind to the crime. You have to get past the actions and look at the nefesh. Because if you don’t have empathy, you might as well pack up.”

Rabbi Jacobs says one of the most difficult scenarios he faced was when Jewish prisoners, faced with heartrending, pitiful life situations, committed horrifying crimes but still wanted to know if they were worthy of G-d’s forgiveness. He recounts the story of Joel, an unfortunate, broken soul who was abandoned by his mother at birth and had to survive as a child by rummaging through garbage cans after his father was bedridden. Joel eventually got steady work, got married and had a child. But then his wife was in a car accident and became paralyzed. Because of their poor financial state, the social welfare department put the daughter in a foster home.

“The only thing I have in life are my disabled wife and daughter, who the social worker decided to take away from us,” Joel told Rabbi Jacobs.

“Okay, so what did you do? I mean, why are you here?” Rabbi Jacobs prodded.

“Well, when I saw that I was being sent aimlessly from one government office to the next because of that social worker — I killed her.” “What? What did you gain? I mean, doing something like that wasn’t going to get your daughter back.”

“I don’t know. I heard from other people that the old buzzard took a lot of kids from their parents. Everyone told me it was a good thing I got rid of her. All I have in the world is my wife and daughter … but if I get a life sentence, my wife says she’ll divorce me. Now, rabbi, you’ve heard my story ... so tell me, what can I do to get G-d to forgive me?”

Two of the blocks were Arab, so Rabbi Jacobs was clergyman to about 200 political prisoners (terrorists) as well. But Rabbi Jacobs was more than a clergy chaplain. He was also a prison staff instructor in Krav Maga, an Israeli version of hand-to-hand combat that uses martial arts and other lethal techniques. And they knew it.

“These prisoners are actually the most disciplined of all the groups,” says Rabbi Jacobs. “In prison they don’t behave like criminals because they don’t see themselves as criminals. They see themselves as martyrs. They don’t yell or scream, but are an organized solidarity group, a united front. They have a representative who meets with the warden and presents their requests. They want lentils for their meals; they want more TV rights. The warden decides what to give and what to refuse. And he makes sure they stay separate from the rest of the prisoners. Because Israeli prisoners, no matter what they’ve done, are proud Israelis and proud Jews, so these terrorists would be dead if they were in an open ward.”

Every morning when Rabbi Jacobs heard those banging, clanging doors shut behind him, he knew it would be another day of classes, of making prisoners feel good in shul, of numerous one-on-one conversations, of connecting humanity to humanity. Did he think it was possible for these inmates to redefine themselves as Jews, instead of just as criminals?

“Some of my people actually found their higher selves in prison,” says Rabbi Jacobs. “One fellow, a rich man in for tax evasion, would spend the whole day in the prison shul. One day we were sitting on his bed talking, and I asked him what he thought about his sentencing. He said, ‘You know, in the end I’m really happy I’m here. On the outside I was so busy with my business dealings, I never had a chance to refocus. Now I spend my days learning Chumash and Mishnayos and I’ve found my Yiddishkeit.’”

In Israeli prisons, religious rehabilitation is recognized by parole boards and judges, but critics say that prisoners take on religious practices for the perks: better food, Shabbos programs, time out for prayers and study. Is having a “religious awakening” in prison a good way to get a sentence reduced or evoke compassion from the judges? A few years back, a teenager accused of killing attorney Anat Pliner entered court wearing a yarmulke.

“All of a sudden he puts on a yarmulke!” the murdered woman’s mother started screaming in the courtroom. “All of a sudden he’s religious? Murderer! Take off the yarmulke! Don’t disgrace the religion!”

Rabbi Jacobs admits that religious observance is a factor considered by sentencing judges and parole boards, and that inmates are often attracted to the shuls and learning programs for the advantages they offer. But often, he says, interest in religion becomes genuine, and the prisoner really does become the person he’s projecting to be. And that, studies show, is the best form of rehabilitation. According to one study, 70 percent of Israeli prisoners return to prison within five years, while among prisoners in religious wards the return rate is only 10 percent.

Finding the Nefesh One of the most famous criminal episodes in Israeli history revolved around Ramle prison, when arch-criminal and triple murderer Herzl Avitan took revenge on prison warden Roni Nitzan — the visionary who dedicated his life to rehabilitating prisoners. Avitan, who had been in and out of prison and was then serving a 15-year sentence, was awarded a compassion visit — shackled and guarded — to his critically ill father, when he escaped through a bathroom window, shimmied down a rope that had been prepared by his cronies, and made a getaway. Soon after, he ambushed his nemesis Roni Nitzan, riddling him with bullets. The connection between Avitan — who was serving multiple life sentences when he died in prison in 2001 — and his chaplain, karate rabbi Fishel Jacobs, was not lost on a group of Hollywood movie producers who wanted the rights to his biography.

After tens of thousands of e-mails, thousands of hours of phone conversations and several trips to New York and California, a screenplay and script have been developed weaving together the parallel lives of Herzl Avitan and Fishel Jacobs and their eventual intersection.

It could be dangerous to leave a script in the hands of Hollywood producers, who have their own agenda of what sells, but Rabbi Jacobs is happy with the deal being chiseled out. “The way the deal is being worked out, I’m a writer and consultant,” he says, qualifying that the script will be kept clean, except for cursing and violence — after all, it’s prison.

Rabbi Jacobs’ contact with Herzl Avitan in prison was pretty much limited to an occasional hello, and he would get sufganiyot on Chanukah like everyone else.

“Now, he was a mass murderer. People ask me if I could find compassion in my heart for him,” says Rabbi Jacobs, “and that’s a good question. When it comes down to it, what was the difference between him and other criminals? Many of my people did horrible things. Does that make them unworthy of my compassion? For 13 years, I spent every day getting past the actions and trying to find the nefesh.”

To listen to a Yechidus (private audience) between the Lubavitcher Rebbe and Rabbi Jacobs (aged 25 the time) see: A Beautiful Yechidus with the Rebbe

This article appeard in the Mishpacha Magazine (www.mishpacha.com) English edition. Reprinted with permission.

The Greatness of Leah: How Far Would You Go to Care for Another?

2011-12-02T13:02:00.001+02:00

This weeks Parsha - VaYetzei, tells us about the stories concerning the births of the 12 children of Jacob - to become the tribes of Israel. It seems like the entire episode regarding the births is somewhat strange; maybe even twisted somewhat.

Jacob loves Rachel - and works for Lavan for seven years for her. Then he's swindled - and it is in fact Rachel that gives up her husband so as not to embarrass her sister Leah. One would expect Rachel to be well rewarded. But instead, it is Leah who is rewarded with four beautiful children - all because - it seems, that Jacob does not show enough love to his "first" wife. Meanwhile, Rachel pines for her own children. The story continues and tells us that Bilah and Zilpah are blessed with two children each, and once again - thereafter, Leah is blessed with another two children. But Rachel still waits for blessing...

Leah falls pregnant again - and a glance at Rashi tells us something strange. Leah knows that the child inside her is a boy. She also knows that there are to be 12 children - 12 tribes. She has already given birth to 6 of them - and the two "maidservants" Bilhah and Zilpah have already given birth to another 4 of them. That being the case, there are only two children left to completing the entire "House of Israel." Leah begins to think fast, and realises that if her sister Rachel is not blessed with the remainder of the two children, she will be considered even more inferior to even the maidservants!

Leah may well have married Jacob first. She may even have taken away the opportunity of Rachel to spend her "Onah" night with Jacob - when Rachel was prepared to trade in the night in exchange for the Dudaim that Leah's son Reuven had found that day. But when it came to as serious an issue as a child being born - and rightly so - to her sister, she began to pray to G-d. And this is what she said:

"G-d, I care for my sister. I see her distress - even with everything we have been through in terms of our marriage to the same man. I remember how much I wanted what I did. And I thank You for Your wondrous blessings of not just 4, but 6 of the tribes of Israel. But I fear, the child inside me is another of the tribes - a tribe that should be destined for my sister - for she has NO children of her own. She has prayed, but You have not answered. She too is deserving of blessing in her life. I could not bear to contemplate the embarrassment she would suffer, were she to have even only one of the tribes of Israel - when even the maidservants have two each! In fact, she saved me from embarrassment on the night of my own marriage - should that not count for something?! I give up my right for this child and ask you to place it inside the womb of my sister Rachel."

Her sincere prayer was answered - and Leah was blessed with a girl - Dinah (who upon close examination displays many more manly behavioral traits in her life) - and Rachel was blessed with a boy - Josef (who displays many more feminine qualities in his life...)

It was this powerful prayer of Leah that sealed Rachel's fate of being blessed with Josef. And indeed, through it - ultimately - her (Leah's) own children were saved the pains of starvation in the years to come...

We turn to our own lives now, and we begin to contemplate... Are you? So many Jewish women are blessed (Bli Ayin HaRa) with children. After a child is born, immediate pregnancy comes about again and many Irish twins are born! Many are blessed with wealth too. No matter what they do - they are the offspring of Midas himself.

And yet many lack. Many cry. Many have no children. They try everything and anything. Just as those without wealth - will try everything and anything. Yet, for some reason nothing happens. Costly fertility treatments result in nothing. Fights in the home can be a common thing. Sleep is lost. The emotional feelings are impossible to describe to anyone who has taken "having children" for granted - for believing that the ability to have and prevent children lie in their hands. For such a couple - finding themselves with such tragedy day in and day out for years, divorce may even result. And why? Because they have no children there...

But Leah - with all her "faults" shines through. She teaches us a value that outweighs anything we can ever conceive (sic). When it comes to real life - life is not about battles, about jealousy, about laughing at the other, insulting them and hurting them wherever we can (after all G-d doesn't own you anything - even if I do have 15 children!) Life is about a caring that goes beyond any limit we can think of.

Leah could give it up. She could give up the blessing of a child that was to be hers - all so that her sister could have so much blessing in her own life.

And now we turn to ourselves and ask... Could we be as willing to pray to G-d and ask Him that though we may now be blessed with millions of dollars more in wealth - that we ask Him to exchange it - to give it to another in need?! Could we be as willing to pray to G-d to ask Him - that if we are to be destined with another child - that we give it up - all in the hope that another who cries every day - and every night - finally be blessed - too, with something they desire so much.

How far would you really go in praying for another? How much love do you really have - for another? Who knows, it may well be that very love, that in the future will be the very thing that comes back to bring blessing to all of your descendants in years to come...

It's no wonder that Moshiach will be a direct descendant from Judah - the fourth son of Leah - who Leah thanked G-d for. When a woman (and man) is prepared to appreciate what they have and to add to this the yearning and desire that another be blessed equally - and even with what is rightfully theirs - it is this very thing that awakens Moshiach and brings redemption to the world - and to each and every one of us.

Rabbi Shmuel Eliezer Eidels (MaHarSHA) - Yahrtzeit 5 Kisleiv

2011-12-01T08:19:00.001+02:00

Rabbi Shmuel Eidels - the Maharsha

(Singer, Isidore, and Cyrus Adler. The Jewish Encyclopedia: A Descriptive Record of the History, Religion, Literature, and Customs of the Jewish People from the Earliest Times to the Present Day. New York and London: Funk & Wagnalls, 1901. Print.)

The Yahrtzeit of the Maharsha (1555-1631) - Morainu HaRav Rav Shmuel Eliezer (ben Yehuda) HaLevi Eidels (Eidelosh) falls out today on the 5 Kisleiv.

He was born in Krakow, Poland, in the year 1555 and is considered one of the greatest Acharonim (later codifiers) of Jewish law. In addition to his mastery of Halachah, he was also an expert in Aggadah - the homiletic parts of the Torah. In fact any serious student of Talmud wanting to penetrate the deeper meanings of the beautiful stories contained in it, must study in-depth - the Aggadot Maharsha.

His father Rabbi Yehuda HaLevi was a direct descendant of Rabbi Yehuda HaChasid, the author of the well known work "Sefer Chassidim" - from the branches of the greatest sages of Kabbalah. On his mother's side, he was a direct descendant of Rabbi Loewe (the elder) from Prague from the branches of the Geonim and Ne'si'im. His mother was a first cousin of the famous Rabbi Yehuda Loewe - the Maharal of Prague.

At the tender age of 20 he was already running the great Yeshiva in Posen and was known as an outstanding Tzaddik. He was in great demand by numerous communities - but hated the Rabbanut - and pushed them away. When his mother-in-law, who had financed the Yeshiva for some 20 years, died, he closed the Yeshiva and was forced to begin working in the Rabbanut as Av Beis Din in Chelma (Chelm) In appreciation, due to her support the Maharsha later adopted her surname - Eidels. Later he worked as Av Beis Din and Rosh Yeshiva in Lublin. Thereafter he presided as authority in Tektin and thereafter in Ostrog - where he once again administered a large Yeshiva. He then published his book "Chiddushei Halachot Maharsha" on the majority of Shas (the entire Oral Law.) It is through these teachings that those wanting to pursue Halacha must pass through before being able to give Psak.

Later he authored another commentary on the Talmud - "Sefer Aggadot Maharsha" (Chiddushei Aggadot). Through these teachings, later authorities and commentators developed their own thoughts about the homiletic parts to the Oral Law.

Even though the Maharsha wrote the two works separately, he commanded that both be published together as one work - because they make up one Torah. If one finds something closed in one place - it will be open in another - and if open in one, it may be closed elsewhere. All in all, the two were needed together so that all of Torah could be studied. Indeed Halacha - Jewish law - and Aggada - the homiletic stories - are all part of one whole.

His son-in-law (Rav Moshe, who was Av Beit Din and Rosh Yeshiva in Lublin) said about him that all who argue against him, it is as if they argue against the Shechina Herself (i.e. against G-d.) The holy Baal Shem Tov said that all writings that were written up until (and including) the writings of the Maharsha were written with Ruach HaKodesh (Divine Spirit) and are to be considered as true as the Torah itself. (The great authorities Shach (1621-1662) and Taz (1586-1667) are also included in this statement.)

They said about him that if only the world would know of his righteousness, people would lick the dust off of his grave!

He fulfilled the three main pillars upon which the world stands upon i.e. Torah, Avodah and Gemillut Chassadim: He was a Prince of Torah - pure and holy. His home was always open to guests - and upon the lintel of his home was engraved the words, "May no stranger lodge outside. I open my doors to guests."

On the eve of Motzai Shabbos 5 Kisleiv 5392 (1631), he died with a "kiss of death" and many outstanding works have been published bringing out the light of the depths of his holy words.

~ Based upon Mavo HaShearim (an oustanding work on the biographies of the leading Rishonim and Acahronim.)

Hebron - The Cave of Machpela - a Video Clip

2011-11-13T08:53:00.001+02:00

This week's Parsha - Chayei Sarah - teaches us about the burial plot that Abraham purchased from Ephron for 400 coins of silver - the Cave of Machpela. The Cave is to serve as the burial place for not only Sarah - for whom it is purchased, but also for Abraham, Isaac & Rebecca, Jacob & Leah - and even for the first man and woman - Adam and Eve (Chava.) It is said to be the entrance way to the Garden of Eden (Gan Eden.)

Hebron is one of the four holy cities of the Land of Israel. It's a special time of year to connect with this holy place, learn something about our Forefathers and Foremothers. Enjoy this wonderful video clip featured on chabad.org. If you feel connected with this beautiful holy city and looking for a unique gift for yourself or for family and friends, purchase a set of four beautiful Torah/Land of Israel fridge magnets with verses of Torah on them, to remind you of these beautiful stories and this beautiful land always. You can find out even more about the Cave itself, with pictures, and stories, by visiting Machpela.com.

Visit Jewish.TV for more Jewish videos.

Rabbi Yehuda Yehoshua Tzadka – Yahrtzeit 12 Cheshvan

2011-11-09T09:35:00.000+02:00

Rabbi Yehuda Yehoshua Tzadka was born in Yerushalayim on 3 Shevat 5670 (1910) (5668 - 1908?) and was named after his grandfather – Rabbi Yehoshua Somech of Baghdad. The name Yehuda was added in accordance with a dream his mother had. His mother was the niece of Rabbi Yosef Chaim (the Ben Ish Chai) of Baghdad (i.e. his mother's mother was the Ben Ish Chai's sister). Or to put it another way, his great-grandfather was the Ben Ish Chai's father. He also had the name "Chaim" added to him when he was ill.

In 5697 (1936) at the tender age of 26 – Rav Tzadka was appointed by Rav Ezra Attia – the then Rosh Yeshiva of Porat Yosef – to give over Shiurim in the Yeshiva (a remarkable honour!) In 5730 (1970) he was appointed as the Rosh Yeshiva! He cleaved all his life to the Torah of his great-uncle (the Ben Ish Chai) and conducted himself in all matters of Halacha according to his rulings. Ten years before he died, he suffered a heart-attack and in 5752 (1991) – 12 Cheshvan, he died and was buried in the Sanhedria cemetery in Jerusalem. Many come through to visit his grave.

He was the first teacher (at the tender age of 21!) of Rabbi Ben-Tzion Abba Shaul (later to become the next Rosh Yeshiva of Porat Yosef) – outstanding world-leader of Sefardi Jewry of the previous generation, and a teacher of Rishon LeTzion, Rabbi Ovadia Yosef – leader of Sefardi Jewry today and an outstanding Posek of our generation.

See Me (Poem)

2011-09-27T16:36:00.001+03:00

At this time of year, it's a great time to think about ourselves - and about others. The poem below gives us some insight into the life of "an ordinary lady," who finds herself in hospital being taken care of by the nurses. We have no other info about her - she's not the woman in the picture above... The poem was found among her possessions that she had left behind...

I guess the nurses could be substituted for family, friends or anybody really. Are we any different? Beautiful thoughts to consider throughout the next few days and weeks as we pass through our own days of Judgement (sic). "Someone" will be Judging (sic) us through these next days. How well will we "size-up", as we consider how we have judged others?

See Me

What do you see, nurses, what do you see?

Are you thinking, when you look at me --

A crabby old woman, not very wise,

Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes,

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply,

When you say in a loud voice -- "I do wish you'd try."

Who seems not to notice the things that you do,

And forever is losing a stocking or shoe,

Who unresisting or not, lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.

Is that what you're thinking, is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse, you're looking at ME...

I'll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still;

As I rise at your bidding, as I eat at your will.

I'm a small child of ten with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters, who love one another,

A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet.

Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet;

A bride soon at twenty -- my heart gives a leap,

Remembering the vows that I promised to keep;

At twenty-five now I have young of my own,

Who need me to build a secure, happy home;

A woman of thirty, my young now grow fast,

Bound to each other with ties that should last;

At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,

But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn;

At fifty once more babies play 'round my knee,

Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,

I look at the future, I shudder with dread,

For my young are all rearing young of their own,

And I think of the years and the love that I've known;

I'm an old woman now and nature is cruel --

'Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.

The body is crumbled, grace and vigor depart,

There is now a stone where once I had a heart,

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,

And now and again my battered heart swells.

I remember the joys, I remember the pain,

And I'm loving and living life over again,

I think of the years, all too few -- gone too fast,

And accept the stark fact that nothing can last --

So I open your eyes, nurses, open and see,

Not a crabby old woman, look closer, nurses -- see ME

The Lubavitcher Rebbe on How to Give Rebuke (Video)

2011-09-11T11:51:00.001+03:00

Just in time for Rosh Hashanah. Beautiful words to consider. For those who appreciate understanding what true rebuke is really all about.

Visit Jewish.TV for more Jewish videos.

Purpose of Technology (Video of the Rebbe of Lubavitch)

2011-08-31T18:31:00.000+03:00

The Importance for Jewish Men to Learn all the Laws of Family Purity (Part 2)

2011-08-25T10:45:00.002+03:00

If you're joining us for this series, please read Part 1 before continuing.

Today out topic is:

Family Purity - and The Anticipated Menstruation

Remember, we're focusing on why it's so important that all Jewish men familiarise themselves thoroughly with the laws of Family Purity. Many feel it's just not for them to know laws that seem to be for women only. This is not true. Jewish men must become completely familiar with these laws - as much as women. The marriage should be seen as being as important to the man as it is to the woman. If he's not showing his readiness to understand these laws, something will be lacking from the marriage. Knowing these laws means that he'll be able to add something to the marriage - something that might well make the difference between a home filled with peace and a home (unnecessarily) lacking it.

Let's take a look at the importance of understanding the laws of the anticipated menstruation – not from the women's point of view – but from the husband's!

Once a woman has a cycle she must immediately take note of the day and time this occurs. This information is needed in order to prepare her for the possibility of her next cycle. There are different ways of calculating these times (for another article), but let's take it as the norm that the woman must already document that after her cycle and purity (Mikvah immersion) she may already have to prepare for another cycle, should she not fall pregnant.

What does a husband stand to gain by knowing the laws for these calculations?

The most basic reason for learning these laws is that he can support his wife in working through the calculations together – should she need this. At the start of a marriage (in particular!) a woman – even after a series of Kallah lessons, may feel so overwhelmed with the laws, that she forgets what to do! She can always ask her Kallah teacher to help her go over the material again (or she can read it through in a good book.) But when the stress of the cycle happens, she may panic. Imagine the frustration a woman feels when she turns to her husband (embarrassed!) explaining to him that she has no idea how to calculate her next anticipated cycle! She needs his time… She need him to turn to her and be able to say that he cares about her following these laws – for both of them.

At this point, however, many husbands will attack their wives, complaining that they did not study well enough. Thereafter there will be further disharmony in the relationship (already – at such an early stage in the marriage!) She may feel alienated from her husband and may even (intentionally or unintentionally) make an error – calculating the wrong day. Having a separation day when it is not required can be just as problematic as not having the day when it is required! After all, why the need to lose out on a day of intimacy just because of a miscalculation?! On the other hand, the possible problem of being intimate on a day that is forbidden can make for a disaster!

A man should be comfortable enough with his knowledge of the calculations to be able to guide his wife if she is in need of assistance. He may feel like it's a drag for him to have to learn some laws which he feels are only relevant to his wife (apparently a time waster for him.) In the long run however, his knowledge of these laws, may well make the difference of a strong caring marriage, rather than a marriage (of strife) where the husband lacks the time to assist his wife in fulfilling what may be perhaps the most important laws in the Jewish home.

For those men that feel purity in their Jewish home is important, consider this: Not being proficient in these laws, may well set the stage for a wife who feels so left out and unwanted, that she could choose to simply make things up in order to show externally that she is trying. It won't help much if she's off though – and ultimately may lead to a lackadaisical attitude towards these laws - altogether. In such an instance, both husband and wife then stand the chance of being involved in a variety of Aveirahs. While the husband may well think he is doing the right thing – his wife may one day turn around bitterly explaining how she never understood the laws properly and never actually fulfilled them. One may wonder then (once that moment is realised) – if the husband will be as enthusiastic with his response that it was all up to his wife!

No man can do without learning about the laws of the anticipated menstruation. To feel that Chatan classes without these laws is good enough to start one's marriage is an irresponsible approach for the Chatan towards his wife and family. Ultimately one's wife may well one day lose out. In turn the husband will lose out too. And in turn, a marriage may even fall apart.

If you're serious about maintaining the laws of Family Purity in your home, make sure – if you are a man – to become fluent in these laws. A husband should be familiar with these laws well enough to be able to teach them over to someone else if need be. It may well show your spouse just how much you appreciate her efforts in maintaining a truly pure Jewish home and encourage her to stay strong in observing these laws.

ADVANTAGES OF THE HUSBAND KNOWING THE LAWS OF ANITICPATED MENSTRUATION:

Shows an attitude of care
Will bring Shalom Bayit at a time of extreme frustration
Makes the husband aware that his wife is taking this Mitzvah seriously
Makes the husband aware of just how important these laws are
Makes the husband aware that his wife cares about his spiritual well-being as much as she cares about her own
Reduces the chances of mistakes being made (especially at the start of the marriage)

LEARNING THESE LAWS WILL HELP THE HUSBAND KEEP THESE THINGS IN MIND:

It takes time to calculate the dates. Give your wife the alone time she may need to sit down and make sure she's doing them correctly
Dinner may have to wait an extra five-ten minutes…
Don't be irritated if your wife has lost her way in doing the calculations
Be there for your wife – if she needs you (and even if "she doesn't"!
Never put the entire focus of this Mitzvah on your wife. It's your Mitzvah too

DISADVANTAGES TO LEARNING THESE LAWS

None! You'll be learning Torah. You'll be able to help your wife if she needs it. You'll be paving the way for true Shalom Bayit!

** If you are getting married soon or looking to refresh your knowledge of these laws, contact Rav Eliyahu for Chatan Lessons or Shoshanah for Kallah Lessons, or email Rav Eliyahu or Shoshanah directly.

The Importance for Jewish Men to Learn all the Laws of Family Purity (Part 1)

2011-08-24T10:35:00.000+03:00

The laws of Family Purity – Taharat HaMishpacha – are complex. But Family Purity is really the most basic foundation of a Jewish home. Without it, the entire purity of the Jewish home is lacking. With it – the possibility for a home filled with all things Jewish i.e. Kashrut, Shabbat and all the other Torah laws.

It seems however that many men are under the impression that these laws don't apply to them! I suppose it's something like thinking that the laws of Tefillin don't apply to women (so why should they bother learning them?!) Would any woman involve herself in learning the laws of Tzitzit or Mezuzah – for example?! And even if for some reason they felt the need to, would they go into the depth that men should go into in order to know exactly how to fulfil these Halachot properly?!

Sadly – one can even find men sitting in Yeshiva complaining that the laws of Niddah (Family Purity) are just not their thing. Personally, I keep wondering what happened to Tractate Niddah – one of the Gemaras of the Talmud – dealing with these laws in their entirety. Sadly – again – many men shy away from learning this tractate – thinking that perhaps it is better for women to learn it.

Yet, in a strange twist of events, after marrying, men find that they are actually a half of the marriage – a half of the main family (at least at the time of the wedding!) What goes through their minds when it comes to considering the important laws of Taharat HaMishpaha then?! Could it be that they feel that their wives will surely have taken a Kallah course – a series of Shiurim (lessons) to help them know what the laws are? Of course (they think,) when it comes to putting them all into practice, the full responsibility of following these laws will rest strictly upon them!

Anyone who truly values what these laws are about will understand that this is just not the right approach to take. Every Chatan (groom) should be prepared to take a course in learning about these laws – and thoroughly! Every Chatan should be as acquainted with these laws as his Kallah is.

Some may wonder why. Why should a Chatan ever learn these laws altogether?! And even if he should learn some of them (just in case!) why learn the laws of Chatzitzot (intervening substances that cause a problem when a woman immerses in a Mikvah)? Why learn the laws of Chafifah (the laws regarding the washing and preparation for immersion in the Mikvah)? Why the need to know the laws concerning the time for the anticipated menstruation? Surely these laws relate exclusively to the woman?! It's up to her to know how to fulfil these laws. He surely won't be present when his wife is preparing to immerse. He also won't be present moments before the immersion to check if his wife has any intervening substances. And quite frankly – why should he care when her next anticipated menstruation will be?! Let her keep her own tabs on things, and just let him know when it's important to know (whatever it is he's supposed to know!)

Though it's true that some Mitzvot are "man based" and others "woman based" it should be clear that every husband take an active part in supporting his wife to be able to her fulfil her Mitzvot properly too. It's one of those things that might actually aid in creating real Shalom Bayit (peace in the home!) But there's more to it.

In the coming posts, we're going to examine the importance of these laws – especially from the husband's point of view. We'll see just what a difference it can make in knowing the laws which are seemingly unrelated to the husband.

If you are getting married soon or looking to refresh your knowledge of these laws, contact Rav Eliyahu for Chatan Lessons or Shoshanah for Kallah Lessons, or email Rav Eliyahu or Shoshanah directly.

Holy Books for a Bayit Chadash (a New Home)

2011-08-12T10:12:00.000+03:00

If you've been following this blog and know about Chessed Ve'Emet, you'll know that one of our projects - Bayit Chadash - "A New Home" is all about helping those who lack the financial means to begin their own homes and able to have the necessities let alone those special items in their homes that so many of us take for granted.

We've got a special request to make and we're offering you the opportunity to take part in this Mitzvah of kindness. You're welcome to give as much as you are able to - knowing that whatever you give will make a huge difference in being able to obtain the special item we're asking for today.

The Chatan is a Torah scholar and would like to own a set of Tur - the most basic set of books necessary for learning the roots of all Halacha - as codified ultimately in the Shulchan Aruch. He is working on the path of Semicha (rabbincal ordination) and is in need of these books.

You're welcome to take part in our Mitzvah - and we certainly encourage you to. We're aiming to raise ₪2500 to make this a reality. Should we reach the goal, the donate button below will be removed. So, if you chance by this post and see the button still there, it means the goal has not yet been reached.

Make your difference in the life of a couple set on building their home with the most beautiful Jewish values - holy books, holy items and the preparation for bringing holy children into the world.

Be a part of it - Today!

Thank you for your kindness!

Couple Certified as Chatan-Kallah Teachers Featured on Chabad.info

2011-08-11T12:23:00.002+03:00

It's really wonderful to see that Chabad.info featured us yesterday on their site. Both my wife and I received certification and are qualified as Chatan and Kallah teachers. We are giving Shiurim both in person to those who live in Israel (Jerusalem and surrounding areas) as well as over the Internet using Skype. This give you the opportunity to learn in the comfort of your own home and allow you to feel relaxed and able to discuss any of the pertinent issues in complete privacy. Email us directly at chessedveemet@gmail.com to be in touch!

Rabbi Jacobs (Family Purity Institute) has been an unbelievable role model for us to learn from and has supported us throughout all the projects we are involved in. His books certainly don't need my approval for anyone wanting to learn about the laws of Family Purity (it goes without saying that they are written beautifully and clearly!) - and for those wanting an inside look at just what goes on in Israel prisons (Rabbi Jacobs has worked for many years in an Israeli prison.) Aside from his support to us, one of his greatest assets is his total commitment to the important laws of Family Purity - probably the most basic foundation of any Jewish home seriously committed to Torah values and marital peace. It's really a privilege to be connected with him and have him take such an active role in our projects.

You can read the wonderful article about our having qualified and more at Chabad.info - Couple Certified as Chatan Teachers. And while you are checking this out there, take a look back at another article about us covered on the same site: Organization Helps Cover Mikvah Expenses. In another article, our Bayit Chadash project was featured: Helping Others with Purity.

Our Mikvah Project - Purity with Dignity was also featured some time ago in another Chabad publication - Living Jewish. You can check out the benefits of this project and what we are doing to help those struggling financially: See Purity with Dignity.

We're committed to Shalom Bayit - to helping those who value a Jewish marriage to make beautiful and peaceful homes - right from the beginning. Whether it's helping orphans to start their lives together, aiding those struggling with finances to cover Mikvah costs, or teaching couples (those married for many years wanting to refresh, as well as those coming to Chuppah) all about the laws of Family Purity, or whether it's simply about learning what more can be done to bring peace in the home from a Torah perspective - we're there for you - even if we live thousands of miles apart. With webcam conferencing on Skype, Gmail chat etc. we will always practically be in the same room! And if you're still single and looking for a caring, professional couple - to help you find your Beshert - do consider joining our international Shidduch database.

So become a part of what we have to offer or alternatively consider supporting one of these activities.

With blessings

Eliyahu

Why Does a Tzaddik have to Die? (Video Shiur: Rabbi Y.Y. Jacobson)

2011-07-26T18:08:00.000+03:00

A Poem: Neighbourly Love! (Includes some Pics)

2011-07-25T20:08:00.001+03:00

It's so much fun when the neighbours build
And think they're in charge of the whole wide world.
The mess they make, the noise they make
Please have respect for Heaven's sake!

We learnt a new law
No building and noise
Beyond seven at night and more

Who would expect at 9pm
A request to stop building
Is met with "Forgive them,"

It doesn't seem to matter
The time of night or day
Whether the neighbours
Need to work or pray

The motive in mind
Is expanding my house
No matter what trouble
Is caused to man or spouse

Don't worry about our balcony
Which once was clean and pretty
The damage – the mess
The headaches and stress

Don't think your landlord
Will be of help
It's up to you to clean and repair
Indeed it's true – we all need to share!

In short a tenant has no rights
The lowest of society
They'll need to pay the bills
Though it was they that suffered all the drills.

Where are our rabbis
From years gone by
Who have compassion on the needy
For the Beit HaMikdash they do cry!

Where is the honesty, kindness and truth
Have compassion on your neighbour
Don't be so aloof

They – who don't have money
Or so they say…
Are building again!
Does anyone pay?

So you be the judge. Who can say if the tenants whose balcony is destroyed was in the right?! Torah allows it and the tenant must pay for full damage done to the landlords balcony - though the damage was done by workers from the apartment above.

We need Mashiach - and soon!

Here's what it's all about in pictures:

Below: Apartment on floor 4 has begun building an upper loft. New rooms to be added instead of balcony too. Everything looks clean. Making those two tiny openings creates enough noise from the drilling as to necessitate leaving the apartment on floor 3 for at least a week!

Below: A side view. Building of upper floor on both sides.

Below: New room being added. Old rooms being renovated. Everything - clean, at least for the owners of apartment on floor 4!

Below: But take a look at what's really going on to the innocent bystander! Floor 3 must deal with the constant flying of rocks and stones.... and the wet cement (now dry of course!) Noise levels are impossible to recreate in this post!

Below: A sample and close up of the rocks, dirt and grime... and the wet cement (now dry!)

Below: Another close up of the mess. It's for the tenants to clean up - not the owners of the apartment who are actually building! However because of the wet cement - they're now required to repair the balcony for their landlords.

Below: On the other side, rocks have fallen even through the security bars onto the ledge of the main bedroom. Another mess for the tenants to clean up. It's not the responsibility of the owners above... yes, even according to Torah law!

I guess it's all just a reminder. The Beit HaMikdash is in ruins...