SINGLES AND MARRIED.COM

AVOIDING A BAD MARRIAGE.

2019-05-07T04:36:00.002-07:00

After salvation, the most important choice you will need to make is who to marry. This choice is so important that if you miss it, you will suffer for long, if you get it right then you will enjoy forever.
A bad marriage can affect every other area of your life.
This subject is so important, so many married people are hoping to be single again so as to make the right choice. If you are single please

don't just be in a hurry to get married, you have the best opportunity to prepare for it.
For two people to come together to live in peace and harmony, they must agree spiritually, mentally and physically. Just like an elephant cannot marry an ant so also a believer cannot marry an unbeliever. If an elephant marries an ant how would they live, if a goat marries a fish where would they meet? You must look for a Godly man
or a Godly woman to marry, nothing can beat this.
The devil's primary target is the family. He knows that everyone belongs to a family and if he can make two wrong people meet then he has succeeded affecting the community and nations negatively. Ignore your age and the pressure for a moment, the pressure in a wrong marriage is far worse. God has somebody for you but you must
set your priorities right. What do you need in a woman? What do you need in a man?
Marriage is not about what you want, it is about who you need, that will make you better while you make him better. It is about destiny. That is why you must know your purpose before you get married. Genesis 2:18.
You must pray before you choose. God knows the best person for you, it is only wise to seek His will.
It is very easy to know God's will when sex is not involved. The moment sex is involved and you
want to know His will then He will blank you out.
Why? Because you have broken His first Law of NO SEX before marriage.
If you have had sex in the past then you need to repent totally and stay away from each other for sometime then you can seek the face of God.
Your marriage will not be hell on earth. Your
marriage will be honorable in the name of Jesus Christ.
Don't marry for sex, don't marry because you are of age, don't marry because you are getting old, don't marry because you are lonely, don't marry because you need someone to support you financially, don't marry because you mistakenly got pregnant, don't marry because you don't want to lose the person, don't marry because of family
pressures, don't marry because you like the idea of marriage and admire every wedding gown you see, don't marry because all your friends are getting
married. But get married because you want to fulfill destiny.
Get married because you want to be a help mate.
As a man, get married because you want to fulfill your purpose. God will help you in choosing, please let His will be done. Amen!
Forward to the singles you love. God bless you!
By Pastor Chris.

TEN COMMANDMENT OF MARRIAGE TO MEN

2019-05-04T13:30:00.001-07:00

1. Don't have another woman apart from your wife

2. Thou should not speak evil about your wife to your family.

3. Remember the labour of your wife when you were poor. So when you are rich honour her.

4. Don't compare your wife to any woman. Even your Mother.

5. 6 days maximum shall thee work 1 day shall be a Sabbath day for your wife.

6. Honour your father and mother In-law so that their daughter will not return to them

7. Do not insult your wife in public so that people will not know your foolishness.

8. Forgive your wife 70x7 in 1 day.

9. Thou shall make your wife happy at all times. Always ask her: Are you happy ?

10. Thou shall not say to your wife; leave my house. No matter what. because you are the one that should leave. Yes, She owns the House.

Right Reasons for Marriage.

2019-05-01T00:34:00.000-07:00

FOR ALL THE GENERATIONS TO COME.
THE RIGHT REASONS FOR MARRIAGE.

1. Don't marry because of SEX.
2. Don't marry because you are getting OLD.
3. Don't marry because you are of AGE.
4. Don't marry because you’re LONELY.
5. Don't marry because you need someone to support you FINANCIALLY.
6. Don't marry because you mistakenly got PREGNANT for him.
7. Don't marry because you don't want to LOSE the PERSON.
8. Don't marry because of Family PRESSURES.
9. Don't marry because you like the IDEA Of Marriage.
10. Don't marry because of PITY or Out of PITY.
11. Don't marry because of TRIBE.
12. Don't marry because you admire all the WEDDING GOWNS you see.
13. Don't Marry because you Love KIDS.
14. Don't marry because all your Friends are getting married.
15. Don't Marry because of Physical/Academic Qualifications.
*16. Don't marry because you want to ESCAPE from your family.
*17. Don't marry because you want somebody to CARE FOR YOU.
*18. Don't marry because you want someone TO DO what you tell him/her TO DO or ACCOMPLISH.
*19. Don't marry because you HAVE TO PAY THE DEBT of the member of the family or someone very close to you.
*20. Don't marry because you don't have ANY CHOICE.

BUT,

*MARRY BECAUSE ITS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU
MARRY BECAUSE YOU ARE READY FOR IT
MARRY BECAUSE OF LOVE
MARRY BECAUSE YOU WANT TO FULFILL GOD'S PURPOSE
MARRY BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE A GOOD HELP- MEET.
*MARRY FOR THE GLORY OF THE LORD.

I PRAY TO GOD ALMIGHTY TO GIVE YOU ALL THE BEST LIFE PARTNERS WHO TRULY DESIRE TO MARRY YOU WITH THE RIGHT MOTIVES.

Credits:
Hagan Publications Group
Marriage Lesson 101 by Bishop Maxwell A. Hagan
star (*) signs means line added by Laica Landero
#NNNPH #NNNMarriage101
Culled from Science Nature Clinic Facebook Page.

This should be your daily DECLARATION over your RELATIONSHIP

2019-04-28T10:04:00.001-07:00

1.I have the mind of Christ, so my relationship has a sound mind.
2. Sin shall not have dominion over us but we shall honour the Lord with our relationship.
3. My relationship abides under the shadow of the Almighty. I say of the Lord, He is our refuge and our strength, our shield and buckler.
4. Even if a thousand relationships fail by our right side and ten thousand by our left, it shall not come near ours.
5. My partner shall not die. I shall not die. We are living a full and satisfied life.
6. Our love is growing stronger and our union is growing in depth.
7. No weapon formed against our union shall prosper and every tongue that rises against us in judgment God has condemned.
8. Our past is forgiven and we do not live in condemnation. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set us free from the law of sin and death.
9. We have grace to resolve all our differences without breaking out union.
10. We have grace to be faithful to our relationship and the union after the vows.
11. We have grace to communicate effectively and to build our friendship.
12. We have grace to be caring, thoughtful and romantic. Our love will only wax stronger and stronger always.
13. We have grace to be kind one to another in my relationship.
14. We have grace not to be haughty and self seeking in my union.
15. We have grace to go past issues and not keep records of wrongs.
16. We have grace to keep quiet when we are too angry to make sense.
17. We have grace to forgive, forget and pray for each other.
18. We have grace to be faithful and to be above board morally.
19. We have grace to say no to sin and to establish a pattern of righteousness.
20. We are blessed and favoured, our union will not be frustrated by funds or lack. We prosper in all things. All our needs are met, our bills are paid and we have more than enough for Evey good work.

#iConfess #iDeclare
#Dating #Courting #Married

Culled from Relationship and Marriage Facebook Page.

This should be your commutment to your yet unknown spouse.

2019-04-28T09:46:00.001-07:00

1. I commit to wait for you.
2. I commit to preserve my body for you!

3. I commit to improve myself in every way possible so as to present myself to you fit for our destiny.
4. I commit to pray for you so that God's will for you and us would not be lost in the pressures of life.
5. I commit to refuse and decline alternatives to you whilst I wait for you.
6. I commit to consciously and deliberately serve God now and when you come.
7. I commit to seek God's opinion concerning our future and begin to pray it through.
8. I commit to pray for you that you rise above your weaknesses and grow in strength. That you would not be swallowed up in the trials and temptations Satan will throw but you will emerge victorious on every occasion.
9. I commit to stop making excuses and start making adjustments, to improve and become the best possible version of me all the time.
10. I commit to be productive and to be useful to our union when we connect soon.
11. I commit to pray you into my life from whatever distance you currently are. What God has joined together let nothing put asunder. We are about to happen.
12. I commit to watch my weight and not let my appetite control my size while I wait for you.
13. I commit to pay attention to wise counsel by GOD'S word, read great books and add value to my mind.
14. I promise to pray for our unborn kids ahead of our having them and to pray for them until this world I leave
15. To you my yet to be partner, I commit to do all things within my understanding to prepare for the day our love we shall have!

To my:
#UnknownLover

#Love #Promises #Focus #Future #Purpose #Dating #Courtship #Marriage #Life

Culled from Relation & Marriage Facebook Page.

7 Things to Know before Getting Married.

2019-04-28T09:38:00.001-07:00

7 slides on basic things to think about before getting married.

Courtship is final stage of interview for marriage and if we don't pass certain questions, we shouldn't get the job.

See slides

Culled from Relationship & Marriage Facebook Page.

7 Slides to See Abuse Relationship.

2019-04-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

7 slides to help you see abuse and low self esteem patterns.

Most abuse you hear about in marriage started in relationship and were accepted, endorsed and stamped by the victim before they got in.

This is not to "blame" everyone suffering abuse in marriage but to come clear to you Singles that you can and your own abuse if you don't know what it looks like.

Meanwhile, THE FACT THAT STANDARDS ARE SO LOW ON EARTH NOW DOESN'T MEAN HOLDING UP THE TRUE STANDARD IS HOLDING UP A STANDARD TOO HIGH!
You get what you accept.

Be wise

#Singles #Abuse #Godly #Standards #Love #Courtship #Dating #Marriage

Culled from Relation & Marriage.

Love and Emotion.

2019-04-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

I have discovered that love doesn't guarantee the success of a relationship. Love cannot help you stick to one person all years round, and on the other hand, cheating isn't always a product of not loving your partner. In fact, loving someone doesn't guarantee not falling in love with someone else. Relationships work out mostly because of our head not our heart. It works out because of our emotional maturity, empathetic intelligence and self discipline because, time will come when you'll see more beautiful, handsome, romantic, intelligent, sexy, rich, curvy and God fearing people than the one you're in a relationship with. In those times, love will not help you; self control will help you, emotional intelligence will come to your rescue and commitment will keep you going. With those characteristics, no matter how you feel for someone else, the person you're committed to will rank first in your life. You think happily married people don't see better people than the ones they married? You think they don't feel funny sometimes? You think they don't catch feelings? They do! But understanding that commitment is greater than feelings is the great arsenal that do destroy that impulse. You can fall in love with anyone, but building a relationship takes absolutely more than what attracted you to them and takes more than love. We are too fond of loving when it's convenient and sweet. We are too fond of loving when love is there but that can only last for just the first 3-6 months of the relationship. After then, you'll realise that the feelings have dropped, it's now your responsibility to make it work, not love's responsibility. Relationships cannot be readymade. You have to build it and it's never always about love, it requires commitment and intelligence. On the long run in marriages, it's not just love that keeps them together forever, it's determination and commitment. Everyone falls in love; it takes little or no effort to do that. But staying in love? Building a relationship? Only the strong and committed ones do that. That's why we must find that one person and commit to that one, discipline yourself and bridle your emotions. Building a relationship is hard work, it's like building a career, It's like pursuing a dream. It's always tough, at some point it will be so bitter but you can make it work by putting your heads together, you can scale through the trying time by being focus and committed. The kind of love that attracts two people together is not the kind of love that will keep them together. Be emotionally strong and be self disciplined...

STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND.

2019-04-27T05:07:00.001-07:00

One basic truth you should know in marriage is that, there is no perfect man or woman or simply put,
there is no perfect marriage, every successful marriage that you see or cherish so much, much work,
sacrifices and efforts have been invested. If you assume the man out there is better off than your
husband, u may as well give it a trial. The man out there you assume is a perfect man has his
weaknesses only his wife can tell you that. You are the one to bring out the kind of person you want
from your husband. Is your husband a dirty man? Then help him by showing him how to be clean. But if

you think by abusing and shouting at him will cause him to be clean, my dear it won't work. Rather both
of you would end up living like cat and rat.
Does he flirt? He goes after our young ladies and married women? Don't flare up. You cannot use fuel to
put off fire. Your husband is already on fire, so shouting and calling him all such of names is like pouring
fuel on the fire. Most women in bid to using this approach to put their husbands under control end up
been battered or thrown out of the home. What should you do in this situation? It's a time to re-
examine yourself and him. It's a time to HUMBLY ask him questions. Try to find out what exactly he
cherishes from other women that perhaps you don't have. Or ask what exactly he sees in other women
that he did not see in you. The feedback you get will go a long way to solving the issue. While doing this,
don't forget the power of prayers. A praying woman is a wining woman. So much happens when you go
on your kneels to utter situations concerning your spouse. Never you give up on him. Most men behave
like children. So equally see them as your child and keep working on him.
Stop complaining about him. Your complain will not solve any problem rather it will worsen the
situation. He may see your complain as nagging and never a corrective measure. Stop parading your
husband as if he is the worse husband on earth. He's not! Mind you, making your marriage to work is
your responsibility. Every husband and wife should learn to build their home. Learn to sought things out
by yourself. Learn to lay hands on your husband while he's asleep and pray for him. Learn to pray
together. Study the bible together. Don't live your husband in the hands of third parties to be corrected.

Every third has their own third parties that are mediating into their own case too. They don't have
solution to your marriage crisis or challenges. When people come into your marriage, they are
weakening the foundation of your marriage. Some third parties have rendered most marriages useless.
Be careful and be warned. Marriage is all about working out your own salvation by yourself. If you can
handle the challenges yourself, marriage will become a bed of roses for you, otherwise it will be full of
thorns and bristles.
STOP COMPLAINING!!!

THIS IS WHAT KEEPS THE LOVE GLOWING IN MARRIAGE.

2019-04-27T05:01:00.000-07:00

...every husband must LOVE his wife as himself, and every wife must RESPECT her husband.
-Eph 5:33

Most women have erroneously believed a cliché that says "if you want to get to a man's heart, it must
be through his stomach i.e. by the food you prepare for him". Well if you still believe that at this your
age, then something must be wrong somewhere. Who told you or where it is in the bible that the
easiest way to man's heart is by the food you give him? Listen, what a man needs from a woman is not
SEX, he can get that outside, what he needs is not FOOD, he can get that from any good restaurant,
what your husband needs from you is RESPECT. And for the men, what your wife needs from you is not
SEX because she can get that outside, what she needs from you is not MONEY because there other men
that are ready to lavish her with such, what she needs from you is GENUINE LOVE that comes from the
heart. When a woman is genuinely loved, you will see it all over her. It will reflect in everything she
does. Her fellow women will see it all over her. She will be proud of you everywhere she goes. She can
sacrifice her life for you.
A man must love his wife in other to have a blissful home. And the easiest way to build that love for her
is to genuinely love God. God is love and his love has been shared in heart by the power of the Holy
Ghost. He that loves his wife loves himself. Remember God made woman out of a man, invariably, a
woman is an integral part of a man. So you cannot hate your wife and love yourself. Every reaction to
your wife is a reaction to yourself. So if you abuse her, you abuse yourself indirectly. If she looks bad
outside, means you as the husband is bad inside. Cherish and love your wife as God loves the church.
Always stand for her whether good or bad and she will stand for you always. Magnify and protect her
self-image and she will lavish herself on you. Live with her with the understanding as unto the weaker
vessel. What she wants from you is not to pamper her but to love her. When you love her, you've
equally pampered her. Respect her opinion and listen to her when she talks. Correct her in love and
never disgrace her publicly, extol her before your children and other women and she will sing your
praises all over the world. Always tell her that you love her whether in season or out of season.
And to the woman, your husband is your crown. What is the value of the crown without the head? It will
be worthless and useless. Respect the headship of the man. Treat him with utmost respect by being
completely submissive to him. Don't practice feminism with your husband. If you want to dishonor your
home and tear it apart, tell your husband that he has no right over you. The concept of feminism is
tearing the home apart; wives are dragging equal right with their husbands. My dear please desist from
such. If you must practice feminism, do that in the political sector.

The bible said, Sarah called Abraham LORD or my MASTER. See your husband as one. See him as a man
under God's authority. Calling your husband lord or master is like the pet names you call him-darling,
honey, sweety, my love, heart, etc. Call him those names, it cost you nothing but it goes a long way to
cement your bond with him. Be proud of him anywhere you go. Don't ever downgrade your husband
before your friends and families. Even if you have issues, try to manage the situation. Remember there
are people that may not want you to succeed in your marriage, proof to them that you got what it takes
to a have a blessed and blissful marriage. Don’t call your husband a foolish man or stupid man. If you call
him such names and he begins to act like one, the home will be very hot and unbearable for you.
Respect his opinions and listen while he talks. Even if he disagrees with your opinion or suggestion, don’t
flare up, don’t enforce it on him; humbly seek why he rejects it. The reason could be for your good or
good of the family. But where there is no reason for his objection, stay calm and watch. Delay is never
denial. Don’t turn your home to WrestleMania; you may end up getting more than what you bargain.
Above all put your kneels to work by constantly interceding for him. Asking God to bless, protect, keep
and favour him always. He faces 1000 + 1 dangers every time he goes out to make sure he puts food on
the table. Pray for him.
Marriage is sweet when both work it out together. Make your marriage heaven on earth. God bless our
union. Amen!

WHO IS A HUSBAND?

2019-04-27T04:56:00.000-07:00

Husband does not mean the male partner in a marriage, husband means master.The reason for most
problems in Christian marriages is the fact that women refute God’s definition of marriage and form
theirs. They believe they are equal partners.
If most women had their fathers bold enough to talk to them, they will be very successful in their
marriage and they will be very happy people. Most women have never been taught by their parents,
their fathers particularly and that’s their biggest problem because they don’t know who a man is, they
think he is another woman.
In marriage, you have the man who is the head of that union and because he’s the head of that union,
it’s important to understand him. You think he’s the one that needs to understand his wife and that is
where you are wrong. He will eventually but you have to know the type of man you are married to and
his needs.

When you say you are marrying a man, you are coming under his authority. The Bible says, the man is
the head of the woman (1 Corinthians 11:3) so when you marry him you come under his authority, you
are not authority sharers even though you are both heirs to the kingdom of God.
When you decide not to subject yourself to that authority, you are a rebel and God is not going to
accept what you are doing because you are not functioning correctly. Why did God make the woman?
Making woman was not God’s original plan because after God created Adam and before He made Eve,
He said in Genesis 1:31 “Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good”. God
made woman because of man so woman was not His original idea. This is reality.
Genesis 2:18a “And the Lord God said “for it is not good for a man to be alone..” The Bible didn’t say
“lonely” but “alone”. There is a big difference. Man wasn’t lonely but alone. Genesis 2:18b “…I will make
him an help meet”. He didn’t say a partner or a supervisor or a special advisor or someone to tell him
what to do.
I will make him someone to help him. God gave man a responsibility so woman was made to help man
achieve that responsibility.
If this is understood in every home then you won’t have problems.
I tell people that you don’t need a marriage seminar, you need the Word Seminar. Let me tell you, no
husband wants another mother, he has had one all his life. He doesn’t want an older sister, he probably
had one.
Your secret is in obedience, your secret is in listening to your husband, your secret is in doing the things
that please him. When you don’t do the things that please him, you take the role of a mother or of an
older sister.
A man loves the one he serves (God) and the one that serves him (a good wife). He fights the one that
wants to be at the same level with him (a rebellious wife).
To be happy in your family and home is the easiest thing in the world, just take your role. Take your
place. That place that God gave you is a beautiful place. It’s a place of peace. It’s a place of love. It’s a
place of excellence.
Every wise person listens to wise voices (advice) but he listens to a wise voice that is presented wisely.
Everyone rebels against the voice that is trying to make a fool out of him. When you want to correct
your husband, don’t lord it over him, present it as a wise suggestion. Humble yourself and be smart.
A wise woman will always be an influence to her husband, the foolish one will always annoy the
husband, make him mad, make him angry and when you make him angry, you will be the victim. Learn

to listen to your husband, practice it, and tell yourself that you are going to do it because that is where
your beauty is.
Once you stop listening, your beauty evaporates. You wonder why you are dressing and he can’t see it,
he doesn’t remember your last hair style. Beauty is in obedience. That’s where the Glory is.
God bless you!
Message by: Rev Dr Chris Oyakhilome Dsc DD

DON’T BE IN A HURRY TO MARRY

2019-04-27T04:49:00.001-07:00

Marriage is a covenant, it’s a commitment, it’s a responsibility and it’s a bond. Marriage is a life time
relationship and habitation until till death. Marriage is not for jokers. It’s not for “boys” or “babies”.
There is a place of preparation before marriage. You can’t just wake up one morning and decide to get
married. If you are not prepared for the challenges of marriage before you say “I do”, it will be a case of
garbage in, garbage out. Jesus said in Mathew 19, that marriage is not for everybody(paraphrased). And
Apostle admonished us in 1 Corith 7, that it’s advisable if one stays unmarried if he has self-
control(paraphrased). This does not mean that Jesus and Paul were against marriage; rather they were
letting us know what marriage is all about. They are making us understand that marriage is a life time
commitment. Once you are married you are married you cannot divorce. And if you must divorce, you
must not remarry until one party dies.

Marriage is a covenant that must not be broken by either party. It’s a covenant that God honours and
place premium on. And this was why he said that he that finds a wife finds good thing and obtains
favour from God. Marriage is so important to God that he joined and blessed the first ever marriage on
earth in the garden of Eden. And he vehemently warned that what he joins together that no man should
put asunder. You cannot go into marriage and later divorce your spouse. God hates divorce. Divorce for
any reason other than adultery is not recognized by God, and the divorced partner becomes guilty of
adultery if he or she remarries. The person he or she marries also becomes guilty of adultery. This is
serious business. God does not take it lightly.
In one of his messages in Mathew 19, his disciples were amazed when they heard his words that “no
man is permitted to put away his wife”. His disciples said, if the case of the man be so with his wife, then
it is not good to marry. But Jesus said unto them, all men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom
it is given. When the disciples heard this, and knowing how horrible it is to divorce, they concluded that
it was better never to marry, otherwise you will be trapped once you get in.
If a lot would be ready to pay the price for their marriage, there wouldn’t be divorce or better put, the
rate of divorce would reduce drastically. Why we have high rate of divorce in our society is because a
lot rush into marriage without an adequate preparation. Some have the mindset that the moment you
have some money, you can go ahead and marry. Money is not marriage and does not guarantee a happy
marriage even though it’s required to run a home. Money has a role it plays in marriage but does not
bring happiness in marriage. Happiness in marriage comes from a mutual understanding of both and
there preference to the things of the spirit. You can be happy in a marriage without extravagant wealth.
And you can have too much money and yet no happiness.
Before you rush into marriage, make out time to learn from those who have been there and are still
there. Ask questions from your parents. For those of you whose parents union have stood the test of
time, ask them to teach you what marriage is all about. Don’t assume you know more than them. They
got the experience and you got nothing. The worst that can happen to anyone seeking to get married is
to go to a divorcee to seek advice. A blind man can never lead a blind a man, both will fall inside a ditch.
Ladies ask your dad questions. Ask him to tell you what a man requires from a woman. When you don’t

have first class information of what a man requires from a woman, learning it most time in the marriage
may be challenging except you will be humble enough to learn and cope with it. Young men should also
ask there mum what a man can do to his wife to make her happy? As minor these questions are, they
can keep a marriage till ages if the answers could be applied. You can have a happy marriage only if you
are ready to make it work.
Make up your mind before you go into marriage. Make up your mind come rain come sun you will
remain in it. Make up your mind that you must make your marriage work. Make up your mind that you
will seek the face of God before you go into it. Make up your mind to read books on marriages from
renowned authors whose marriage has stood a test of time, as you are ready from one now. Make up
your mind that you will attend marriage seminars to learn more.

Don’t rush into marriage because some of your friends are married. Don’t rush into marriage because
someone mocks you. Don’t rush into marriage because you assume that age is no longer on your side.
Don’t rush into marriage because you want to proof to the world that there is no big deal getting
married. Marriage is a deliberate trap to those that are ready to take the challenge. Never you be in a
hurry to get married. God bless you.

The Singles' Life: Overcoming the Challenges.

2012-02-04T12:11:00.000-08:00

THE SINGLES LIFE: OVERCOMING THE CHALLENGES.
The life a “single” lives will to an extent influence him/her when he’s married. The Bible says “train up a child the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it”.
The way a single goes in life determine the way he will grow. As a single, the life you live will either make or break you. There is a saying that says “as you make your bed so you lie on it.” What kind of bed are you making for yourself? A bed of thorns or a bed or roses? Remember nobody will ever live your life for you. You are the architect of your destiny. God can not come down from heaven to make your life, your life as a single all the depends on you. How are you planning your future? Who is your best companion? What life to do you want to live? Ecclesiastes 12:1-2 says “so remember your creator while you are still young, before those dismal days and years come when you will say I don’t enjoy life. That is when the light of the sun, the moon, and the stars will grow dim for you, and the rain clouds will never pass away.” The only way to have a blissful single hood that will transcend into a blissful married life is when God become the pivot in your life. Single life with out God is zero. The challenges in single hood are inevitable and the principles that could be used in overcoming them will be discuss as we progress. Therefore in this article you will be avail with a lot of well tested and proven principles that will guide you in overcoming the basic challenges you WILL encounter as a single. These principles if properly applied will lead you into making a RIGHT and LIFE partner.

Who is a Single?
I remembered as a little child in primary school, I was taught singular and plural in English Language. When a word refer to one person or an object, I was meant to understand is singular, and anything more than one is plural. Single in this parlance means one. Therefore a single is that person that is unmarried. He could be a teenager or an adult. When somebody is an adult does not mean he is married. Rather it means he is above the youthful age. In USA you are considered to be an adult if you are from 18years and above which I think is applicable to other part of the countries. Falling within this age bracket does not qualify you as a married man; rather it means you are a fully developed and “mature” person. It is assume at this age you should be able to take a decision of your own. It is expected that you can start thinking of having your own family, provide for yourself and take responsibilities. At this age the law can take its full course on you. Though in some countries, adult hood has been abused and bastardized either by the economic situations (unemployment, cost of living and low standard of living) of that country or some cultural and ideological factors. In some countries a child of 25years is still within the ambit of his parents. He can not provide for himself nor take a decision of its own. We have adults that are above 40years and are unmarried. This is not the case of ladies but Guys. Most “guys” have relegated their responsibilities to the background, either they are afraid to take up the challenges as an adult or situations and circumstances have made them to be like that. Therefore a single is that teenager or adult that is unmarried but in the course of life will hope to get married except if he/she decides otherwise. Some might ask why teenagers should be included as a single. A teenager is that young girl or boy who is within the age of 10-18years that has prospects. Every teenager hopes to be an adult and every adult hopes to be a “man” Therefore a teenager if unmarried is a single. In the sentence above “if” is underlined. Why? In most culture if a girl starts observing the symptoms of maturity especially when she starts having her menstruation, such a girl is considered ripe for marriage. Some parents give out their daughters in marriage at the age of 15years. While some at that same age have unwanted pregnancy. In most situations, any of the cases above could put the girl at risk. Some of them during child birth loss their life.

The Singles Life Explained!
Single hood is a period a single maximizes his potentials. It’s a period he discovers some other hidden talents imbedded in him. The characteristics of the single life below will give us a clue of what the singles life ought to be.
• This is the period of doing great exploit in Gods kingdom. Daniel said those that know their God shall do great thing and make exploit.
• It’s a period of choosing your role model/mentor. Also choosing those friends that will positively influence you.1 Corinthians 15:33 says “Do not be fooled, bad companion ruin good character”.
• It’s a period of putting your ideas to work and develop your potentials. The best time to work on your talents is while you are single. This gives you an ample time to plan and achieve success. • It’s a period to build characters and values. I believe you’ve heard of “Juvenile Delinquency” This is the period that can adversely affect a child behaviors. Therefore your single hood should be a period you choose your life style. Remember a character formed over a period of time becomes a habit. Develop a character for yourself. • It’s a period you learn how to make right decisions. The decision you make either make or break you. Where you are today is as a result you make years back. Well this might sound strange, but that’s the truth. Your decision is your life. • The singles life is a period to learn how to take responsibilities and overcome challenges. Challenges are not real, they are just a mirage. Avoiding challenges is learning to live with it. The easiest way to solve problems is to confront it. What you can not resolve as a single will meet you when you are married. • It’s a period to study the opposite sex. How much knowledge you have about the opposite sex will guide you in your relationships. For those who are already in courtship, it’s a period you should not take for granted.

Basic Challenges of the Singles Life.
Life as a single is sweet but at times has its own challenges. From my study and research, I found out that the singles have 2 basic challenges in their life. These challenges are as follows:
• Career Problems.
• Choosing a Right and Life Partner.

Career Problems:
The thought of what to do and achieve success has become a very big challenge among the singles. Most singles found themselves asking questions on how to build a successful career. When to start? Where to start? What to start on? In bid not to find answer to those questions, some have mismatched their careers and found themselves in vicious cycle of poverty. Much will not be discuss on career, since an article will fully be dedicated to it. You can read up this article in my blog. I believe if properly applied will solve the problems of choosing a successful career among the singles.

Choosing a Right and Life Partner.
Choosing the words “right and life partner” is a deliberate act. For any person to have a life partner, that partner most be a right partner. A wrong partner cannot make a life partner. A life partner is somebody you will live with forever. The worst that can happen to a man or woman is to marry the wrong person. As a man, how do you feel marrying a nagging woman? Proverb 27:15-16 describes her like water going drip- drip- drip on a rainy day. How can you keep her mouth quiet? Have you ever tried to stop the wind or even tried to hold handful oil? This is exactly how a nagging woman behaves. Or as a woman how do you feel to marry a man who is a drunkard, smoker, a flirt? I think that would be the last thing you will advise your enemy to have. Therefore this is illustration tell us how important it is to choose a right partner as a life partner. Most singles are in a dilemma of choosing a life partner due to experiences they had in the past or their parents had in the past. Some of the singles are of a single parents whose mother or father has been divorced by either of the two parties. As a result of this bitter encounter some single have chosen not to marry while others are still looking for signs and miracles to know if they are in a safe hand. There is nothing wrong being a single, but if you can not control the urge of sexual satisfaction, it’s advisable and proper you marry.-1 corinth 7:8. Choosing a right and life partner is a critical decision a single makes in a life time. It’s a decision that can break a marriage or make a marriage. Therefore in taking such decision, it calls for a careful thought and analysis before saying “I do”. Choosing a life partner if not properly plan will lead to divorce in marriage. As a result of this, marriage experts advocate a reasonable period of courtship at least minimum of 2-3 years. This period will avail you the opportunities to see the flaws of your would-be husband or wife. This is the period you study and interview your partner. Courtship is not a period of flippancy or a period you allow your emotions to override your intention. This is the period you dig out information concerning your future spouse. This information could be on religious background, personality, family background, culture, education and career. These will guide you in making a proper decision. The extent you know your spouse will help you to overcome some marital challenges. Courtship is not a sin as others think. It becomes a sin or sinful when the purpose is defeated. Sex during courtship (premarital sex) destroys the foundation of courtship. Do not defile your body, for your body is the temple of the holy ghost-1 Corith 6:19-20. Avoid immorality, any other sin a man commits does not affect his body, but the man who is guilty of sexual immorality sins against his own body. Do not defile the bed of your marriage before its due date. You can read on courtship in my blog “courtship: A prerequisite for successful Marriage.” In this article you will get everything you want on courtship and marriage you will see hundred plus one reasons while you should court before marrying. And how you can have a successful courtship.

Overcoming the Singles Life Challenges.
Life challenges are inevitable in every human endeavor. The ability to overcomes it, it’s our responsibility. Any challenges that come to you is either less than you or you are greater than it. The fact still remains that most people have been overwhelmed by their challenges. Therefore in overcoming some of the challenges the singles encounter, these are some essential tips: • Every decision you make should be guided by Gods word. If you have not informed God about your decision, no body is good to hear it. His blessings added no sorrows or pains. • Always be in close contact with your pastor or man of God. A sincere minister of God will tell you the truth and the right thing to do. Remember they are their for you. • You and your partner should be groomed in the things of God. Create time to study the word of God, meditate on it and apply it in your daily living. Pray and fast together, this fine tone your spirit in receiving from God. Sow a seed of faith towards your intention and be expectant. • Develop and always keep a positive mind set. Remember you are a product of what you think. The Bible says “Guide your heart with all diligence from their comes the issues of life”-Proverb 4:23. As a single, speak positive-filled words about your future. Death and life lies in the power of the tongue. • If you are into courtship, avoid things that can break the courtship or lead you to sin, such as “kissing”, romancing, using of vulgar words, dressing “indecently”, keeping late night, excessive hugging, sitting or relaxing on his/her laps etc. The Bible says “If your left hand will lead you to sin, you cut it off. Its better you enter life with one hand than to enter hell with your two hands. The best gift you can give to your husband is your virginity on the wedding night. Though the world is perverse with all kinds of evil and wickedness, but whatever you desire to achieve is possible. What the mind conceive and believe it can achieve. With God all thins are possible. • Make sure you add value to your life everyday you live. Think of one thing you will do that will take you closer to your goal. A journey of a thousand mile start with a step. • See challenges as a spring board. Something that will catapult you to the next level. Every challenge that comes to you is to make you a better person. Be bold to confront it. Never you accept defeat. • Know the vision, goal of your spouse and match it will yours. Do not be tired to bring out the best from your relationship. Nothing good comes so easy. The road might be a little bit difficult at initial but persistency and consistency, you will surely make it. The Bible says “the step of the righteous are ordered by God” • Lay your hands on motivational/spiritual books and tapes. Let it be part of your life. Create time to study them. Great secrets are imbedded in them. • Believe in yourself. Believe you can do it. Do the impossible. The Bible says “I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me”-Philippians 4”13. • Finally be Mr. or Miss RIGHT. Stop searching for the right person. Likes attract likes. Work on yourself. Conclusion. Life is worth living only if you desire it. Have drive for self improvement. As I said previously any challenge that comes to you is less than you or you are more than it. See your single hood as period to work on self and bring out the best of it. You can do it. It is possible.

Your Vision, Your Success.

2012-02-02T13:21:00.000-08:00

According to John Graham, he defined Vision as a mental picture of the result you want to achieve. He further said that a vision is not a vague wish or dream or hope. It’s a picture of the real result of real efforts. It comes from the future and informs and energizes the present. Vision is the life-wire behind every successful accomplishment. No achievement (either great or small) could be achieved without a clear vision. A man without a clear vision is a man with vague, blurred and distorted vision. It’s a man without a purpose for living. Why a lot of people are frustrated is because they lack vision. The truth about life is that, if you are not aiming at something, something is aiming at you. And what aim at you in most cases are frustrations, depression and failures. Your vision is what inspires you, it keeps you awake when others are in deep sleep, and it gets you excited in the face of challenges. Every successful achiever is a visionary. Strategies are borne out of good and succinct vision. A clear vision always attracts the right strategies. If you don’t a clear vision, no strategies will save you A visionary leader is successful leader. A visionary entrepreneur is a successful entrepreneur. A visionary student is a successful student. Vision is an integral part of every success. Vision is so powerful that if properly used, it will deliver anything you so desire. Great nations are built on clear vision. Any nation that desire growth and development most have a vision statement. A nation’s vision is like a compass that guides and directs the country in the direction it should go. Any deviation from the vision means a total disaster. America and other great nations of the world are true test of what a clear vision is all about. We can see from their rate of development, they are in sync with their vision statement. The vital question every nation should ask is; are we really in sync with our vision statement? Vision statement to a nation is like an air plane on a tarmac. The safety of the plane depends on its dependency and adherence to the runway. A deviation from the tarmac will spell a doom both to the plane and those on board. Likewise a nation without a vision will definitely collapse. This does not mean that countries are not bound to have challenges. Challenges will surely come but your vision and adherence to it will see the country through. A man that is experiencing difficult times in his life should find out if he’s in sync with his vision. The vision of your life is what God has called you to do. Ask yourself if really you in are in line with what God has called you do. What are you living for? What are you passionate about? What keeps you awake all through? Whatever the answer is that’s your vision. The life you live should be purpose driven. Vision is what gives you that purpose driven life. Vision is the furnace in the wheel of progress. It’s what keeps you going irrespective of the challenges. It’s the “glory ahead”. The vision of Jesus Christ was to redeem the whole world from sin and reconcile them to God. That vision propels him to endure the pains on the cross. That vision was the “glory ahead” that he looked at and made the sacrifice. How would the world look like without the ultimate price Christ paid on our behalf? The answer to that question is what a life without a vision will look like. Most nations are in total quagmire because they are not in sync with their vision statement. It’s high time those nations go back to the drawing board and find out what is not working and why it’s not working. The fact is the “why” is in their vision. A nation with a clear vision will go round as long as she wishes to a nation with structures but without a vision. What this means is that, a nation with a clear vision will always be ahead of a nation without a vision. Vision inspires goal setting. Goals are subset of a vision. The vision you have for yourself or for the nation will propel you to set SMART goals in accomplishing them. Goals are what you are aiming at. You cannot hit a target that you cannot see. Goals are your targets. Achieving your goals means you are accomplishing your vision. Qualities of a Good Vision. For a vision to be magnetic enough to give you your desired future, it must posses some vital qualities. These qualities are what give the vision life and inspiring.

In other to do justice to this section permit me to share John Graham’s view on the importance of Vision. • A vision must inspire action: A powerful vision must pull in ideas, people and other resources. It must create the energy and will to make change happen. It must inspire individuals and organizations to commit, to persist, and to give their best. • It must be a practical guide in creating plans, setting goals and objectives, making decisions and coordinating and evaluating the work on any project, large or small. • It must keep an organizations and individuals focused and together especially with complex projects and stressful times. • Must Be Clear: so sharp and so detailed that you can see, smell and taste the smallest details. • Must be Positive: A vision based on fear may help fuel immediate action, but it also limits your result to damage control rather than getting t positive change. • Clear Vision must be enough: create a bigger picture of the effects of your work than just solving the problem at hand. A vision that’s to small may not provide enough inspiration, or generate enough energy to get you pass the tough spots. It might even close your mind to what you could achieve. • It must include changes in attitudes: the challenge you see in front of you is only the part of the problem you can see-the rest of the challenge is deeper and often involves personal attitudes that may be strongly held. • It must include a clear picture of your personal role, not just that of your organization, if you’re in one. This isn’t about ego. It’s about you taking full responsibility for helping achieve the result you want.. • It must come from the heart, not the head: don’t try to think your way to a vision. To create a vision that’s exciting and compelling, you’ve got to give yourself the freedom to dream-to use your imagination to see and feel what does not yet exist. A vision is not the same as goals or objectives; those come from the head. A vision comes from the heart. Scope of a Good Vision. A clear and good vision should have inspiring and motivating contents. These contents are the oil in the wheel of progress. A firm grip of these contents will give you whatever your desires are. Let’s take look at some of them: • It must have a Mission Statement. • Basic Philosophy or Core Values. • Achievable Goals. • Basic Strategies. • Performance Criteria. • Important Decision making rules. • Ethical standards etc. The extent of your success is dependent on your vision. Your vision is your success. Be inspired with your vision. Don’t look at the obstacles always look at the best side of your vision. To the end of every tunnel there is always a light. Be value driven, be performance driven. Be disciplined to stick to your vision. Always think of the glory that lies ahead. The best you can give to your world (spheres of contact) is the best that comes from within. Your vision is your best within.

The Power of thought in designing your future

2012-02-02T12:45:00.000-08:00

“Truly thoughts are things and powerful things at that, when they are mixed with definiteness of purpose, persistence and a burning desire for their translation into riches or other material objects”…….. “Some people foolishly believe that only money can make money
. This is not true! Desire, transmuted into its monetary equivalent, through the power of thought. Money of itself is nothing, but inert matter. It cannot move, think, or talk, but it can “hear” when a man who desires it calls it to come” - Napoleon Hill. Thoughts are mental picture or object of the mind that has the ability in itself to manifest into physical equivalent. Thoughts are things. A man becomes what he thinks most of the time. Thoughts are the raw materials that proceed out of imagination. It could be negative which is harmful or positive which is beneficial. Our thought forms our words, our words form our action and our actions determine our destiny. Where you are today was as result of your thoughts. A man’s thought forms his habit. It’s what you think you act. Thoughts are visitors to the mind but if it remains unchecked, it becomes a permanent resident. If you want to know what a man thinks or what are his thoughts like, look at what the man has become. Who the man is, will tell you what the man thinks. A man that is poor on the outside is already poor on the inside. The poverty you saw on the outside was just a physical manifestation of his long time thoughts on the inside. Thought are so powerful that it can deliver to you what you least expected. Every successful man on earth makes positive use of his thought. James Allen in his book “As a man thinketh” gave a clear exposition of a man and his thought. The height you want to achieve in life depends on your thought. The direction of your thought is the direction of your life. A man’s thought is like a two-edged sword. It operates on both sides. It all depends on you on which direction you want it to go. Every great accomplishment or success has its origin or source from a very good thought. Productive thought is clothed with sly opportunity. That’s opportunity that disguises itself in the form of failure, misfortune or temporary defeat. Perhaps this is why so many fail to recognize opportunity. The mindset you have as a result of your thought should be able to make you identify any opportunity. You can “thought” yourself into anything you want-partnership, fortune, productivity and perhaps greatness. In “Think and Grow Rich” of Napoleon Hill, Edwin C. Barnes literally thought himself into partnership with Thomas Edison. He thought himself into fortune. He had nothing to start with except the capacity to know what he wanted and the determination to stand by that desire until he realized it. Everyman is in control of his thought. This means, you are the one to determine what you think. But the irony of life is that, a lot of people are controlled by their thoughts. As a result we have more failures than successes. Naturally, no good thought is expected to come to a man. Every thought that comes to a man is a bad one. The environment and the man’s mind have made it so. The Bible made us to understand that, a man’s heart is desperately evil. Man naturally cannot think positive. Beside, the environment we live in is corrupt and it’s beclouded with all kinds of evil. In this situation, it will be extremely difficult for a man to naturally think positive. Base on this, it’s expected that man should have dominance over his thought. The question is; is it possible? Absolutely yes! One good character of a man is the ability to influence his environment. This great quality is one of our rights in Christ. After God’s creation in Genesis, God gave man complete charge and dominance over all he created both living and non living things. This means, man is in total control. The truth is, man is not exercising his authority concerning what he wants and what he don’t want. He has allowed the forces of nature to dictate the direction his life should go. Our thoughts are indispensable tool that can help us achieve whatever we want to achieve. It has been designed in such a way it’s a messenger to us, and we are lord over it. Our effective use of it, will determine the extent it can work for us. The greatest man on earth is a man that has complete control of his thought. To that man anything is possible. A man’s thought is the armory of his life. It can make or mar a man. We are living in a 21st century that is beclouded with a lot of technological innovations and advancement, an era where businesses are done on a speed of thought. A lot of businesses have gone virtual. The import of this is that, man should think faster than trend of technology. This is the only way we can effectively predict what the future will be. Every man’s thought should be how to outdo his past, improve on the present, maximize his tomorrow and achieve success. Thoughts are very powerful. Men where able to build the Tower of Babylon because of their thought. The Wright Brothers , Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Andrew Carniege, Bill Gate and others were able to invent all they could invent because of their thought. There is no limit you can achieve with your thought except you’ve not decided to put it to work. Always think on paper. All you desire to achieve in life, write them down on paper, think about them and imagine yourself accomplishing them. Be focus, don’t be distracted, and believe you can make it. Condition your thought to respond to positives stimuli. Make it your slave and it will forever follow you. Thought is what gives your ideas life. Remember, all achievement, all earned riches have their beginning in an idea. So the level of emotion you will attach to your thought will guarantee you what your ideas can accomplish for you. Whatever the mind can think and believe, it can achieve. Activate your subconscious mind through your thought. Your mind (conscious and subconscious) should not go to sleep. Put your mind to work. Stretch your mind. Your mind is very elastic waiting to be stretched. The extent it can stretch will amaze you. The mind is never tired of conceiving and delivery new ideas. Don’t make it look like one by your thinking. Stop limiting yourself, get out of your comfort zone, and don’t be complacent with what you’ve achieved. There are more grounds to cover. Put your mind to work you never can tell the extent you can achieve. Every great discovery has its origin from thought. What is that thing that you’ve desired to do? Just go ahead and do it. Don’t be discouraged with some temporary defeats or failures you may encounter, they are part of the story line. Your success stories will be incomplete without them. Just continue doing what you are doing, those defeats or misfortunes will definitely work out for your good. Success is your birth right, go out and win.

MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE A PYRAMID OF SUCCESS

2012-01-29T11:41:00.000-08:00

INTRODUCTION;
Is your marriage in shamble? Are you thinking of divorce? Are challenges in marriage pushing you to the wall? Is second wife the next option?
Do you feel your husband is not the right man? If you are a victim of any of these questions, this article is for you. Marriage from Biblical perspective is a union of celebration and happiness, a place of humor and not humiliation. Making your marriage a pyramid of success will unravel the mystery behind every successful marriage. The only way this article will be useful to you is to apply all the principles that will be discuss as we progress. Are you single and searching? This article will make you develop a positive mindset in taking up marriage resposiblities.Are you into courtship? This article will be a pathway to having a successful marriage. My advice is that you just keep to the instructions.

WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
Marriage is an INSTITUTION establish by GOD that brings a man and woman to have a LEGAL UNION before some witnesses and before the presence of God. In Gen 2:24, it says “Therefore shall a man live his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and both shall be one” We can see that marriage in not a child affair. To have a comprehensive understanding of what marriage is all about, some basic terms will be explain in details.

INSTITUTION. Institution as defined by Oxford dictionary is a place of learning. A place designed to impact positive values to individuals. For instance we have the Formal and Informal institutions. Institution from its definition has no “time limit or time frame”. It’s an unending process. It starts from birth and ends at death. It does not offer its curricular activities or programmes on a platter of Gold. I believe you paid a price to achieve what you are today. I remembered as a child, my parents used cane on me to go to school, then I saw them as being “wicked and uncaring” but thank God for such “wicked and uncaring” attitude. Because this molded me to be a better person. No institution was design to make some one a reproach to his society, but to develop some one into a responsible and reliable citizen. Institution in its natural sense is a place of development of the mind. Marriage as an institution is a place of learning, a place of exercise of the intellectual and God-Given abilities, a place of training of the mind, body, soul and spirit. In the institutional sector, the teachers impact knowledge, in marriage, life challenges or affairs bring out the best. No experience you acquire in marriage that is a waste, it only becomes a waste when you do not learn from it. That your wife called you an irresponsible man means you should be responsible not an insult. Marriage as an institution only requires knowledge, understanding, wisdom, fear of God and intelligence to solve problems. Marriage as an institution requires two experts-husband and wife with out external factor to solve problems, a third party might be harmful.

GOD
From the definition of marriage, we said it is a legal union before the presence of God and…….The Irony of this is that most couples have abandon God in their marriage. They believe they can do with out him. The truth is that you can never do anything with out God. He is the beginning and the end, the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the omniscience, omnipresence and omnipotent God. There is nothing hidden before his sight. God is the ultimate source of our success. Marriage with out God is like a ship with out a rudder or an aircraft with out a compass and pilot. The marriage vows you took before the presence of the church was sealed by God. God is the originator of marriage right from the creation of the world. He did this when he joined Adam and Eve together. Also the first miracle that Jesus Christ performed was where he turned water into wine was in a wedding feast in Galilee. This is a clear indication that God has hand in every marriage. Since God is the one that established marriage, how do we get him involved in having a blissful married life? Get God involved by recognizing and acknowledging him as your source, get him involved by your giving-sow seed of faith, then ask for miracle in your marriage. In crisis seek his face through prayer and praises not complain. Complaining can only worsen a situation. We knew what happened when Paul and Silas praised God. Great things happen when we take advantage of praise. You can never do it alone. God has a purpose of giving Adam a HELP-MEET (Gen 2:18, 21:22). Gods’ blessings do not add sorrow but giveth riches (Proverb10:22). A house that is not built by God will definitely collapse. Except the Lord builds the house, in vain the builders build (Psalm 127:1).

LEGAL UNION.
This means a lawful (legitimate and acceptable) union between husband and wife. Marriage is not living apart but a conjugal relationship. A lot is accomplished when two people pursue a course. The Bible says if two of you shall agree on a particular thing, it shall be done to you. The united will stand the divided will fall. The devil can easily destroy a home when he finds out there is no unity. As a husband please don’t shy away from your responsibilities likewise the wife. With God ALL things are possible, recognize your wife’s contributions and see her as the weaker vessel. Shifting your responsibilities on her might make her to act negatively. Take advantage of your oneness. The biblical synergy is 1 + 1= 1, this is the only mathematical law that no mathematician can proof using any mathematical theories. Though some might not see it as synergy but to me it is a synergy that negates the laws of other synergies. In the biblical context, when two different people come together there is an added value. Let nothing separate you from your wife or husband. The Bible says what God has joined together let no man put asunder (Matthew 19:6)

WHY MOST MARRIAGES FAIL?
In every ten marriages conducted, eight of the marriages ends in divorce.Our registry courts are receiving thousands of application filing for divorce. Several homes have been torn apart because of failed marriages. Children have been left to roam about the street seeking for shelter, food, clothing. Government in their own capacity could not do anything. Churches through the Gospel are proffering solution which solely depends on the couples to accept. The rates of single parents are at increase. One of the CNN reports said a couple married and seeks for divorce after 24 hours of their marriage. That’s very incredible. Gay marriages are at increase-marriage of the same sex. Husband and wife can no longer hold there peace and things have fallen apart. What is the cause(s) of this collapse in most marriages? The facts below throw more light on why majority of the marriages fail.
Bad Foundation. The Bible rightly put it “A house that is built on a sandy soil will collapse” Who is the foundation of your marriage? Where is your marriage built upon? Who do you look unto in your marriage? The foundation of your marriage matters a lot. Ask me what has been sustaining my marriage, I will tell you is God. God is the foundation of my marriage. I look unto him whether in need or with out need. I commit my marriage in his hands everyday. I trust everything I have on him. God does not fail those that trust him. One thing I have learnt and realized in this life is that, MAN can easily fail you. Most marriages depend on MAN to solve there problems. Man in its natural sense is a problem to himself. No wonder the Bible says the hearts of men are desperately wicked and evil. Man is a corruptible seed. MAN from the creation has failed himself and failed God. Thank God that he is faithful even when we are unfaithful. Let the foundation of your marriage be rooted in God. Trust him for everything. The only formula that has ever worked in marriage is trusting in God’s formula. God’s purpose of marriage is for a peaceful co existence and procreation. Empty your marriage to him and he will fill it. Lack of Wisdom and Understanding. Understanding in this parlance means ability to know one another lifestyles, his “dos and donts”. Understanding is a critical issue in marriage. Husband and wife should learn to study and understand one another. The period of your courtship should be a period of studying each other personality not a period of flippancy. I took advantage of my courtship and with God on my side, my marriage is a blessing. It does not take you to be educated to understand one another. If you are educated and your husband is an illiterate, don’t intimidate him or take advantage of his illiteracy, but talk and reason with him in the language he will understand and vice versa. Marriage needs wisdom and understanding, and it’s the responsibilities of both. If you have misunderstanding with your wife, simply apply wisdom and understanding to resolve it. The Bible says wisdom is the principal thing, get wisdom in all thy getting, get understanding. Couples that have understanding can easily triumph over any challenges or problems. Stop dreaming of your marriage being like mine or Mr B’s, work on your marriage. You can bring the best out of your marriage. All things are possible to him that believes. Lack of Trust. Marriage can easily end in divorce if both couples lack trust. Though man is not God that you can absolutely trust, but since your union is of God there should be a trust between the two of you. Don’t always see your wife or husband as a suspect. Look! Be free with each other, be open to each other. Secrecy in marriage can disrupt and destroy a marriage. One good thing about my wife and I is that we don’t have a secret. Although some couples might not find it funny especially when it comes to finance. My wife knows my financial position and this has really help our marriage. The Bible says and both of you shall be one(Gen 2:24). Being one is not in the area of procreation but in all aspect of life. When both of you begin to be secretive, it leads to lack of trust which then leads to suspicion and finally matrimonial conflict. Lack of Love. The perspective you see or define love will go along way affecting your marriage. Love as I know is sacrifice (John 3:16), it’s also giving the best you have irrespective of how valuable it is to you. Love is on the giving side than on the receiving side. Love does not dwell on the past but dwells on the present and think about the future. It does not count on wrong doing but covers multitude of sins. Love is not really on physical things but on the internal or inside. For details about love, you can read 1 Corinthians 13. The question is do you really love your husband or wife? Do you marry him because of his financial status? What attracts you to him or her-the physique, his dressing pattern, the way he talks, his eyes, his nose? What happen if those qualities are no longer present in him? Love reveals your inner worth. Why most marriages fail is, most couples pursue shadows to realities. Never you love a man because of his financial or material worth, but love him because of what he is and what he’s going to be and the fear of God in him. Wealth is good in marriage but should not be the primary thing to consider. But it’s quite unfortunate that our young ladies pursue wealth in place of happiness. Wealth can not give you happiness; it’s only a tool to happiness but not a source of happiness. If your husband is poor, but focused, God fearing and resourceful and you really love him, with out hesitation you can go ahead and marry him believing that your source is not from man but from God. My wife met me at my zero point but today we are happily married. God is love. David said ‘since he was young and now he is old, he has never seen the righteous forsaken or his seed beg bread”. Wife should genuinely love her husband likewise the husband and believe God for sustenance. That does not mean you should be lazy. Proverbs says little slumber, little folding of the hands, poverty creeps in. A man needs to be up and doing. A man should be able to provide for his family. Your wife is a help mate don’t live your responsibilities on her. Most men have become so impotent in taking up their responsibilities and thereby making the wife a bread winner. No woman feels happy being the bread winner of the family; it will only take the grace of God for any woman to respect her husband when the family responsibilities are on her. Husbands should learn to be HUSBANDS!!. Third Party Interference. This is a silent “killer” in most marriages. The extent you allow third party in your matrimonial home will determine the extent your marriage will go. Learn to settle any dispute you have within yourselves. Challenges come to strengthen your marriage not to invite a third party. Ninety Nine percent of third parties are home destroyers. If you want to ease off your self incase of any tension or dispute, your pastor/priest should be in a better position to handle it. Don’t expose your marriage to third party. How sure are you that the person you are inviting does not have problems in his home? Marriage is an institution of learning. It is an unending learning process. Who told you that you will not have challenges in your marriage? Remember marriage is the union of two different personalities from different backgrounds. This is the reason why you should tolerate each other. One basic fact you should know is that there are those outside that don’t want your marriage to succeed. These are the people the bible called “wolves in sheep clothing”. Outwardly these people smile and rejoice with you, inwardly they are deadly vampires. We know that problem shared is half solved, but be wise to know who you share problems with. If you have challenges in your marriage, seek the counsel of God. Remember the words of Joshua to the Israelites “this book of law shall not depart from thy mouth, meditate on it day and night and thy WAYS will be prosperous and successful” Most couples don’t have Bible in their home. What is your manual of life? If you have the word of God with you, third party will not be an option in the face of challenges. Avoid Past Life Experience. The Bible says if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature, old things have passed away and all things have become new. Look, the life you lived before you got married should not count in your matrimonial home. Most couples are fond of comparing their wife or husband to their former “lover”. There are things that suppose not to be mention in your home. If you think your former “lover” is better of than your wife, I think you have made a mistake by marrying her and vice versa. Your coming together as a husband and wife means a new life has began.Invariably “old things” have passed away. Don’t even keep it in your archives, but permanently delete it. How do you feel if your wife should tell you that her former “lover” is more romantic and caring than you? I believe you really feel bad. When you bring in past life experiences into your home, be sure your marriage is heading to the rock. Some other factors that can lead to problems in most marriages are as follows: • Unforgiving spirit by both couples. • Being material conscious. • Ungrateful attitude towards each other. • Not being contented with what you have (Greed). • Unfaithfulness/ Adultery. • Unfruitfulness. • Lack of respect etc. Some Basic Characteristics of a woman that will make a man to understand and appreciate his wife. • A woman is emotional. Little thing can trigger her emotions or feelings. She needs pampering. • A woman is relationship oriented. That is she values relationship more than any other thing. • She is physically weak. No wonder the Bible called her the weaker sex/vessel. Don’t compare your strength to hers. • She often feels depressed. Because she is too emotional she can easily be depressed. • She enjoys process, that’s everything is just getting on. When you see her demanding a lot, please don’t be too angry with her , just counsel her. • She focused on present not on past. Since she enjoys process, she always thinks of having a good day. The way you see problems might not be the way she sees it. • She knows things by intuition. She does not have time to analyse things before she gets it, rather she ask for it. Please always bear with her. • She expresses herself in words a lot. Don’t feel bad when you say one she has said ten. There strength lies in their mouth. Please don’t look at her mouth but look at her strength.etc Some Basic Characteristics that will make a woman to understand and appreciate her Husband. • A man is work oriented. Don’t be offended when he talks about his career more than his love life. • A man is always cool and logical. Don’t feel bad when he asks you to give him reasons why he should approve your request, you can jokily and lovely get what you want from him. • He is physically strong. Don’t get intimidated when you see his muscle or strength. They are there to defend you. • He does not talk much. He is action oriented. • He feels inadequate and insufficient when his needs are not met. • He is goal oriented and tries to meet up with his vision. Don’t feel bad when you see him talking about his dreams, just know that he is planning for the good of the family. Ways of Making your Marriage a Pyramid of Success. Achieving success in your marriage does not necessary required all your physical strength. It is not something that is too difficult to achieve. Though we make things difficult for us to achieve. Man naturally prefers doing things in his own way. Gods’ wish for every marriage is to have a blissful married home. Until we come to appreciate God in having hands in every marriage, our union will still be in darkness. Making your marriage a pyramid of success could be achieved through the following process: • Husband and Wife should be very prayerful: A family that prays together stays together. How is your prayer life like? How often do both of you pray and fast? At what priority level do you place prayer? The Bible says the effectual and fervent prayer of the righteous availeth much (James 5:16) If you are not prayerful in marriage, you can not have a short cut to a successful marriage. God has made it possible for both of you to come together as husband and wife, but it is your both responsibility to make the marriage work. After God created Adam and Eve, he kept them in the Garden of Eden-a beautiful garden. But God told them to keep and dress the garden. In other words the responsibility of bringing out the best in the Garden lies on them. Perhaps Adam and Eve were not prayerful that the devil tempted them and they fell to his antics. God has given you your marriage to dress and keep. And the best way to dress and keep it is through prayer. See God as the foundation of your marriage, then everything will fall in place. • Develop a Positive Mindset: What kind of mindset do you have towards your marriage? Do you have the conception that your marriage will not work out? Your “thought” is a driving force.. As rightly said “thoughts are thing”. Thoughts are very powerful thing that can go a long way affecting your life. What do you always say about your marriage? The Bible says guide your heart with all diligence from there comes the issues of life(Proverbs 4:23) As a man thinketh so he is. Likes attract likes and vice versa. What a man soweth he shall reap(Gal 6:7). If you speak negative about your marriage that’s exactly what you reap. The words you use in your marriage can either build or destroy your marriage. It’s all about mind disposition. If you believe you will have a successful marriage, no matter the challenges, your marriage will be successful. Keep saying good of your marriage, don’t stop talking it. Many marriages have been pulled down through the words of our mouth. Your mouth should be used for blessing not for curse. Don’t you know there is power in the tongue? Death and life lies in the power of the tongue. Women in particular should control the words they use on their husbands. A marriage of fifty years can be pull down within a second by word of mouth. Positively and politely correct your each other incase of any misunderstanding. • Be a Motivator to each other: Spice up your marriage. Don’t be too rigid to each other. Motivating each other could come in different ways; it could be in form of appreciation, encouragement, compliment and so on. Cultivate the habit of using the following words-thank you, you can do better than this, I’m sorry, I love you, you are wonderful, excellent performance, you are the best and so on, you are beautiful. If you have the resources (finance), you can take her out for a lunch or dinner. You can sleep outside your home for a day or week. These are the spices that keep a marriage going. Don’t be too crude and parochial in your thinking. All of these don’t really cost anything. Is about you developing it as a habit. Some will say it does not really matter, what must be must be. If I’m to repeat, it does matter!!! Don’t make your home to look like a graveyard-always dull and silent. Your home should be a place of humour; it should be conducive and habitable. • Learn to Forgive and Forget: “I can only forgive and not forget” This has been a common word in most families. Though it’s very painful and relatively difficult to forgive and forget. The truth is that, to have a successful marriage, you should be ready to forgive and forget. Don’t give the devil a chance in your marriage. If you forgive and do not forget, the devil will always work on the “not forgetting” to bring back the problem. Are you not surprise after forgiving your husband, you still feel bitter whenever you remember the issue? Is because you have not forgotten. You can learn it. Look, when Jesus Christ forgives you, he sees you as a brand new person. He never for once remembers your bad behaviours. Make peace at all cost. Forgiving is a necessary condition but forgetting is a sufficient condition for a successful marriage. • Avoid the Influence of Third Party: The issue of third party has been discussed previously. In your marriage try to resolve your challenges within. Most third party roams about seeking homes to destroy. Be careful. Your pastor can be your close associates in case of any problems. • Both should develop a deep love for each other. As the Bible says love covers a multitude of sins. Other former “love” relationships should be stopped. Except relationships on a neutral ground. • Have confidence on each other. • Apply wisdom and Understanding in dealing with each other. Ask for wisdom and you will have it. • Avoid differences in tribe, culture, complexion, race etc. God has proclaim both of you one. And you most remain one. • Be submissive to your husband. Though it might be difficult especially if you are a “no nonsense woman”, but the truth is that you have no option than to be submissive. The grace is already there for you to do it. If you can be submissive to your Boss in the office, I believe your husband deserve more of it. • Be contented with what you have. Learn to apply the principles of management in your resources allocation. • Always speak the truth. It might be bitter but you have no choice than to say it. Don’t lie to each other. Conclusion No marriage is perfect at the beginning, but along the line, it becomes perfect. Some said there is no perfect marriage. My question is, what yardstick or parameter can you use to determine perfection in marriage? Perfection in marriage is base on individuals’ perspectives. In all, work collectively in making your marriage a pyramid of success. This article can only be effective if you strictly adhere to the principles. I wish you a HAPPY AND JOYOUS MARRIED LIFE.