Dear Diary....

a pile of leaves on our window sill

2012-08-15T20:55:00.000-04:00

today, dude was playing in our room for a while, no big deal since this a regular occurrence. he comes out and tells me that he made a pile of leaves and made a fire. no, i didnt freak out. we dont leave fire-starting tools where dude can reach them. and i didnt smell smoke, so i said "oh yeah? thats cool buddy." and left it at that and went back to whatever it was that i was doing at the time.

later, as the whole family was in our bedroom for whatever reason....i look over to our window, which i leave cracked open during the day (theres no screen on it, so i only leave it cracked so the cats dont get out) and i see a small pile of ripped up leaves on our inside window sill. apparently, dude can reach the bush thats outside our window. i smile, show S. and call dude over.

"hey bud, whats this all about? is this the pile of leaves that you were telling me about today?
(S. is laughing)
"yeah."
"you can reach the leaves outside our window?"
"yeah. its leaves for my dinosaur."
"oh. ok bud."
(as he proceeds to show me how he can reach out the window and tears up some more leaves to add to his pile)

i love him <3

holy SHIT!! athletes have sex at the Olympics?!?!

2012-07-13T09:19:00.000-04:00

big surprise.

but thank you so much Good Morning America for reporting about this. i for one, do not care about how many condoms were stocked for the athletes. actually, all in all, i dont care that they have sex, and i dont think that its necessary to report about this. i didnt realize that we had reverted back to the 50's and finding out that someone was having sex was such a huge news story.

tell you what, you go ahead and get a ridiculously bangin hot body....go to another country....have the opportunity to have sex with someone else who ALSO has a ridiculously bangin hot body...and tell me what you would do? ESPECially if youre celebrating the fact that you just kicked ass in front of millions of people......OR if you just lost the biggest game of your life, and you need to get screwed 10 ways from sunday to feel a LITTLE bit better about yourself.

regardless.....yes, adults do have sex. if its consentual (sp?), does it really need to be reported about on the morning news?

to all of you Olympic athletes that are going to get laid while in london? good for you! have fun, use those condoms that were stocked up for you (although some of your babies would be gorgeous), and maybe at some point, you could try to also protest the fact that your uniforms were made in China.......

you think you know so much?

2012-06-24T20:00:00.000-04:00

ahhhh its funny! you claim you know so much about me and my relationship? well heres your chance sweetheart :) go ahead and send me a message or email or whatever telling me everything YOU know about ME :) i did it for you..i sent you all those things your "friend" told me about you....so stop the hinting bullshit :) and you might as well, because i aready know you read my blog...god you make it so obvious!

sadly, the ridiculousness continues....dosnt everyone love drama coming from pathetic exes?

2012-05-22T22:04:00.000-04:00

there has been so much happening with S.s ex wife, that there is no way i could possibly keep up with it all on here....but this past sunday we had the most marvelous conversation with her through text message and that conversation definitely deserves a blog!

a little background for the past few months? its probably necessary....

you would really have to read my past blogs to get the real sense of this ridiculously pathetic girl...how sad and how desperate she is...how much she is not helping S. and his daughter K. maintain any sort of relationship. lets sum up: S. and the x. seperated in march of 2008, S. and i started dating online since he was serving his first tour in iraq at the time (yes, she told him she wanted a divorce while he was in iraq, how awesome.) when he came home, i moved to north carolina to be with S. we have now been together for 4 years and have two amazing children together, and moved to maine in 2010 S. has not seen his daughter since then. the x. has asked S. to come back to her. she has repeatedly blocked our phone number so that S. cannot call his daughter, and instead of fostering a relationship between S. and K, the x. has made things worse. instead of encouraging her daughter to talk to S. she has insisted that S. come to north carolina to visit K (and stay in their house) or that K. comes to maine....as long as the x. comes also, even once offering to stay in our house so that we wouldnt have to pay for a hotel room for her.... ??? i find it unnecessary to say much more, i think its obvious that the x. is not only crazy, but she is also a total bitch.

the latest string of events? ohhhh where do i start? i guess it started a month or so ago, when the x. spent her friday night emailing me trying to convince me that she is a good mother and that she has never kept anything from S. about K. and her health. even though we had recently found out that this poor little girl had to be tested for STDs because she had an infection in her uterous. she also valiantly tried to get under my skin by talking (again) about how i must feel pretty crappy because S. hasnt married me after 4 years...so what if were engaged? apparently she thinks that shes pretty special because she got knocked up at 15 and S. married her....?

if i was her, i wouldnt brag.

the x. is refusing to let S. call K. our phone number has now been blocked from their house for the past 2 or 3 months....how mature. the x. is saying that if he wants to talk to K. it can be over skype. S. has never had a problem with the idea of skyping with K...he just didnt want to see the x. during the conversation he was supposed to be having with K. because the x. didnt like that, and probably because she wanted to gaze upon the face of the love of her life... skype has never happened.....when S. and the x. were finally able to agree on the situation and a time, it came down to S. would skype with K. on her 6th birthday......the x. then tried the next day to change the time because she had so conveniently forgotten that K. was supposed to be in a gymnastics class at the original agreed upon time. S. wasnt impressed, and long story short, the skype conversation didnt happen.

S. also didnt find it necessary to send a birthday present to K. after the bullshit that he went through at christmas time with her presents, and the x. threatening to not give the presents to K....S. is pretty sure that K. would never receive his presents, or they would be passed off as from the x.

it has been 3 weeks since K.s birthday....and there have been no phone calls....no communication. this past sunday, S. sent a text to the x....this is the conversation:

S: I would like to talk to K. today. What are the chances of that happening?

bitch: Why? You couldnt be bothered to call her on her birthday. Or even the day after. You crushed her. Its been 3 weeks and she is just now ok from the realization that you didnt call.

S: Forget i fucking asked.
(this is when she went crazy)

bitch: Im not going to ask her just because for thirty seconds youre feeling guilty. Its not fair to her. Especially after her birthday and with Fathers Day coming up. Its not an easy time for a little girl who dosnt have a father willing to give her the world and doing everything he can to be there for her. Do you understand that? How it affects her? Its awful for her.

bitch: Theyre making Fathers Day gifts at school. And her teacher and I gave K. the option to give it to someone else. And she decided all on her own that she was going to have an Uncles Day instead and send her gift to Uncle F____ whom she misses very much.

bitch: And when she realized you didnt call for her birthday, she got ridiculously mad. So mad that when she was put to bed, she refused to go to sleep. Instead, she took a marker to all of her furniture and drew black x's all over everything. And she has never done something like that out of anger. And you can not blame her for being angry.

my response since S was driving?

Lol ok well at least shes straight edge. Tell F____ we say happy uncles day :)

needless to say, there were no more text messages from her!

some more background information? F. is one of the many men that the x. has had living at her house since she told S. she wanted a divorce.

lets analyze. if that phone call had been so important to K. she would have realized that S. hadnt called that day...instead, she didnt realize it until a few days later. the x. claims that she asks K. all the time if she wants to talk to daddy, but K. always refuses. so, either the x. isnt really asking, or K. really dosnt want to talk to S...in which case, she shouldnt have been so mad about missing the phone call on her birthday. it has been over 2 years since S. and K. have seen each other....does S. want to see K.? of course he does....yes he has serious doubts as to whether or not K. is actually his, but he has still thought of K. as his daughter for the past 6 years. another point.....since it has been so long since K. has seen her daddy...or even talked to him for that matter...how can it be considered S.s fault that K. drew black x's all over everything? really? he has had no influence over K. in a long time... its not like they talked and S. was mean to her or something....reasonably, it should have been just another day for K. that she didnt talk to her daddy. how can a child be so miserable when she just had a birthday party? maybe the x, if she really wants some sort of healing time for K, should take down the pics of S. in Ks room, and more importantly, maybe the x should take down the wedding pictures of her and S. that she has in her bedroom! what a novel idea!! how sad and pathetic is it that this girl cannot move on from the man that she decided to divorce and still has their wedding picture beside her bed? one of the saddest examples of the x not moving on? she has "tagged" a picture, on her facebook page, of S. and K.together, and the caption reads "the loves of my life" HAHAHAHA really??? all she ever did was talk about how crappy of a husband S. was....it is SAD that she still says that S. is the love of her life....i feel so sorry for her!! S. even at one point removed this picture from his page, and she REtagged it!! why? who knows? im assuming its because shes crazy. maybe if K. sees her mom finally moving on, so will she, and she wont hurt anymore.....or you know, maybe the x. could stop having a revolving door at her house and stop being a slut and stop introducing a new man into K.s life every other month. i think its time that the x starts looking inside her own house to find out why K. is so miserable.

other things to analyze: WHY are there markers in K.s bedroom when its already known that she has a tendency to draw on her things? why are the markers not in an area of the house, where she cant get them by herself? but thats just me. also.....was every child from a divorced home at that school given the option to give their gifts to someone else? way to go singling K. out. aslo, like i said earlier, S. feels extraordinarily detached from K. because the x. has done nothing to foster a relationship (i think i just emphasized that point) does the x really think shes going to hurt S.s feelings by telling him this? once we found out that the x had actually started sleeping with other guys before S. left for iraq, S. is wondering even more seriously if K is his daughter. when S. left for bootcamp in 2005, the x (at that time his girlfriend) started spending an awful lot of time with some other guy...and when we pulled up pictures of him, wow.....K. looks more like that guy than she looks like S.....miraculously, as soon as S. left for bootcamp, the x was knocked up.....way to go trapping a man.

guess what? i never had to "trap" S. never. we decided to.geth.er. to get pregnant. have S. and i been through a lot of shit, yup. ive never denied that. but we are at a point now, where we can communicate effectively and hardly ever argue anymore. the last argument we had? it was a few weeks ago and for some reason one day we both had a hair across our asses and we couldnt agree on what pair of shoes to buy for princess. seriously. we laughed about it later. we dont get mad at each other and then one of us goes and spends the night in the walmart parking lot in our truck because we need to think things over. yes, this is what the x did one night with her second husband....she got annoyed at him, then left him at the house with K. and spent the night in her car, the next day telling her husband she wanted a divorce (number 2) after being married for....3 months? way to go trying to work through your problems.

some other interesting information? to tell you all, just so were all clear on the subject....its not S. that refuses to marry me...he asked me to marry him after we had been talking on the phone for a month...he and i both knew from the moment we met that we were meant to be together. S. would marry me tomorrow....we have not married yet because of ME...I have been the one saying "not yet", because i want a real huge blow out beautiful wedding...not a justice of the peace wedding, which by the way, the x has had 2 of. is there anything wrong with a JOP wedding? no of course not, but its not what i want. i find it hilarious that the x thinks she can get under my skin and make me feel bad about the fact that S and i havent married yet while he married her while she was pregnant. um, nope. try again sweetheart. it must really suck for her, to know, deep down, that he married her only because she was pregnant. he felt bad for her, and knew that there was no way she would ever make it on her own...because she was, and still is, so immature.

in short....S. and i have come to realize, that there is no forward progress when youre arguing with a pathetic little girl who can not see that she is also to blame. she is continuously blaming S.talking about how abusive he was (where are the police reports), saying that it was the best for her daughter to get a divorce (yes, shes so happy isnt she?), saying that S. should be spending all his money on K. and coming down to see her (because, you know, S. dosnt have another family that actually loves him or anything and he needs to think of them first). this sad little girl will never be able to move on, and she will never be able to accept any blame.

its really sad, and really hysterical all at the same time! S. and i feel nothing but pity for this sad excuse of a mother....and look forward to the day when we can explain to K. ourselves what really happened.

i almost threw up while writing this one

2012-05-21T22:35:00.000-04:00

*WARNING*

this blog is about the death of a 2.5 month old baby and will be somewhat explicit. if you feel you will have any problems while reading this, you should stop now.

seriously.

yes, it is the end of may, obviously i have had problems with keeping up my resolve to write more often, sue me. and honestly, it has taken me some time to write this blog because it literally makes me sick to my stomach just thinking of this man and what he did.

at the beginning of may, as i was sitting down to supper with S. and dude eating sandwiches and watching the news, a horrible, horrible story came on....and while listening, i literally put my sandwich down and almost had to run to the bathroom before i threw up all over the rug. it was close. no, i didnt throw up, but then i almost burst into tears..... i couldnt finish my supper to say the least. and i hugged my kids extra that night, and every day and night since i heard about this.

there was a man, whos girlfriend had recently given birth to their twin babies. this man was having problems adjusting to parenthood, and one day, he became frustrated because one of the twins wouldnt stop crying. so, in anger, the man picked this 2.5 month old baby up by his head, squeezed his head, then threw him into a nearby chair, hearing the babys neck snap as he landed.

if i saw this man in person, i wouldnt even ask him what the fuck was going through his head. i would just fucking tear him apart and spit on him. literally.

this poor, defenseless, small angel, had severe brain damage, and died in the hospital a few days later.

if you would like more information, here is a link:

http://bangordailynews.com/2012/05/11/news/portland/arundel-man-makes-first-court-appearance-in-death-of-2%C2%BD-month-old-son/

my heart is breaking as im writing this, and i want to bawl, and throw up.

how. the. fuck. can any person do something so fucking heinous??
(yes, i do apoligize for my stronger than usual language, but i feel this situation warants a lot of swearing.)

i understand that some people have a hard time adjusting to parenthood. i know how trying it can be. i know that somedays i want to go crazy from hearing "right ma?" a million times from my son. yes S. and i are ridiculously tired somedays, yes we are frustrated somedays and we may yell at dude, or spank him when he is being completely out of line. but, we also go to great lengths to protect our children and make sure that they are happy and tickled often and as happy as we can possibly make them. there are times (just about every night actually) that i stare at my babies just to make sure that they are still breathing because it is my worst fear that something will ever happen to them.

how can any person resort to something so disgusting as to kill their own child??

its not only women who can suffer from post partum depression, yes men can have it too. having a baby is a huge change. but if there is any one out there who is feeling so frustrated that they are thinking about hurting someone so small, they need to seek immediate help. there are so many places that will give you help, thats what theyre there for. ladies, you need to be attentive to the man in your life, whether he is the father of your child(ren) or not, and see how he handles these situations....and the same goes for men. they need to pay attention to how women are handling new parenthood because sadly, women sometimes go to these lengths also. at this point, even though my heart breaks for the mother of this baby, i also blame her. this man had also at one point fractured the same babys arm while changing his diaper because he was frustrated that the baby wasnt "cooperating." um. really? how did the mother not see at this point that drastic measures had to be taken?

parents need to remember something....when you look at your child, one of the first things that should always go through your mind is...."he/she is so small, so fragile."

we may feel our kids are rough and tumble when they reach a certain age, but they are still smaller than us.

there is something that my parents and grandparents always say....and even though sometimes when im tired and frustrated its annoying to hear it again, i know deep down that they are right......"a baby crying is a good thing, because it means its alive and healthy." they are right. your child is the most amazing gift you could ever receive. i was hugging my son before bed tonight and as i was smelling him all sunshine and sunscreen and peanut butter, all i coud think was, "you are the most amazing thing in the world." as i play with my daughter, who just cut her first tooth and smiles back at me with my smile and smells like the nasty formula smell all i can think is "you are the most amazing thing in the world."

how can any parent not feel the same way?

i think i may have to stop writing, before i go on for hours and hours about children and how they should be treated with love and respect and handled like the precious cargo they are.

this man, however, this man who killed his own son? he is a piece of shit. i honestly hope he dies in prison, and rots for eternity in hell. there are very few things i will make such a strong statement about, so i hope that you who know me personally, will see how strongly i feel about this subject.

go hug your babies extra tonight, and every day from now on and thank whatever god you want that you were able to receive such an amazing gift. and remember this when they cry, or theyre annoying, or youre tired....they are smaller than you and they are all of the best parts of you.

feeding your kids like a bird?

2012-04-16T21:03:00.000-04:00

so. this story was in the news...a few...weeks ago? yeahhhhh i mentioned my writers block in my last blog right? well, sometimes when i see funny stuff, or something funny happens, i write notes and get back to it later. in this case A LOT later. whatever.

alicia silverstone was shown on the news feeding her son like a bird. yes. as in the food was in her mouth, then she spit the food INTO HER SONS MOUTH.

what. the. fuck?

look, i am in no way saying that i am the worlds greatest mom by any means. i yell sometimes. i get very frustrated sometimes. sometimes, i even SPOON food into my 2 year old sons mouth because hes being incredibly wicked stubborn and wont finish his peas but i know that if i PUT the peas into his mouth with his spoon...he will eat them. with gusto. but what i witnessed this woman doing was just...gross.

have i wiped snot from my sons nose? yes. have i stuck my face near his butt to figure out whether or not hes shit his pants? yes. have i wiped pee from his leg with my hand because it was the closest thing available while hes peeing into the toilet, and he ended up peeing on his leg instead, then washed my hands after? yes. have i gotten shit on my hand while trying to change his dirty underwear while we were potty training him? yes. are all of these things pretty friggen gross? yup, ill admit. with gusto. they are ALL things that i honestly never thought that i would be doing while i was in that blissfully ignorant state of my first pregnancy.....but these things happen.

but as much as i love my children with all my heart, i will never. feed. them. from. my. own. mouth.

well, maybe if it was the end of the world-apocalypse-type shit going on and i needed a way to feed princess or something. i guess someone can never really say "never."

so i will say that i would never do this on any regular, run-of -the-mill day.

a comment that one doctor had to say about this? the human mouth is one of the dirtiest things in the world.

another comment? what are you really doing for your kid? oh yeah, youre not helping him learn how to feed himself. you know, thats a pretty important skill to have nowadays.

i dont care if your son likes the soup you were eating. get him a fucking spoon and teach him to use it. who cares if the area surrounding you and your son gets covered in soup in the process? trust me, he'll figure it out eventually.

the only other thing i have to say on this subject? that if this is the new trend, well hell.....im way ahead of the friggen trend because to be completely honest with you, i was doing this shit when my son was about 11 months old. this was the result.

nailed that shit. dead. on.

obviously im joking. get a sense of humor. S. and I actually teach our kids to feed themselves regardless of the ridiculously horrible end result. was a bath necessary? oh yeah. there was no way that a washcloth was going to make a dent in that mess.

but hey, thats parenting.

a disappointing start to the lawn/garage sale season

2012-04-15T21:56:00.000-04:00

ive been suffering from major writers block lately....maybe not writers block...maybe...laziness? maybe at the end of the night when the kids are sleeping id rather have a beer? yeah, maybe. maybe ill just completely blame pinterest. yup. that would make more sense. if there is anyone out there that has not at least looked at this sight...well, im impressed by your will power. it is obviously a lot better than my own. this sight can suck the living soul out of you..or at least it seems that way when you look up from your computer and realize that youve been looking at recipes and crafts that in all likelihood you will never do. i justify my pinterest obsession by saying..."yes, i did make that one brussel sprouts dish, and it was amazing." i should do more of these things that i pin. so i will keep pinning on the off chance ill ever have the time to get around to it in between bottles and changing diapers and washing laundry and picking up the crayons that my son has yet again thrown all over the living room.

i will try harder to write more often.....

anyways.

last week as i was perusing the local online newspaper (in between pinning recipes for cheesecake) i came across the first major garage sale of the "season". it was actually considered a "moving" sale...but oh holy god they had one item advertised that made my heart sing out for S. because he has been wanting this for so long...a chainsaw!!! i almost woke him up...but refrained. i knew he would be wicked excited, not only because he might be able to pick up yet another tool cheaply, but also because i know that he actually loves lawn sales as much as i do and its a major indication that summer is truly around the corner. so i told him when he woke up. his eyes lit up like it was christmas. i swear to god. soooooooo we planned all week to go to this lawn sale on saturday (thank goodness he had the day off!) even though the sale was officially starting at 8am (*gasp*). on saturday morning, we all got up early (well, princess slept like her normal dead-log self, so we put her into her carseat and packed a bottle) and hit the road, picking up dunkin donuts on the way. the dude was ecstatic to say the least. hes as much a sucker for donuts as his dad is. we got to that friggen lawn sale 10 minutes early...and everything was already GONE. including the much coveted chainsaw. *tear* not only was everything gone (except for some records, a bread machine, and some tupperware) but there were so many people there that we checked our car clock to make sure we werent late! it was crazy! im pretty sure that we werent the only family in the area eagerly anticipating the start of lawn sale season. S. even went up to the couple who were selling everything and asked about the chainsaw. this mans response? "oh, people have been coming by all week. it was one of the first things to go." um. seriously? how is it that you advertise something like this, then sell things during the week before the actual sale. look, i understand that youre trying to make money and get rid of your shit because youre moving. but, come on. jeez. he probably could have made more money if he set up some sort of auction for that freaking chainsaw. we were so disappointed in this garage sale, that we drove around town for the next half hour or so hoping with all our hearts that someone else maybe, possibly, was having a garage sale too. no such luck. one of the good things about this major disappointment of a garage sale? we were up so early that we got a ridiculous amount of random things done around the house that day.

im pretty sure S. would have preferred the chainsaw.

ridiculous potty training story involving poop and me laughing so hard that i cry

2012-03-10T22:03:00.000-05:00

*WARNING*

*if you have any sort of issues with poop, or problems with, or aversions to poop stories, or a strong gag reflex, stop reading. :P *

although S. and i have been talking about potty training dude for some time now, we randomly decided last night to gird our loins and throw ourselves into the business at hand head first (could i have mentioned any more body parts in that sentence? probably. ).

now, we didnt EXactly decide to potty train this weekend "randomly"...it has been talked about and planned for quite some time now. we had WANTED to train dude by the time he turned 2 (last november), obviously that didnt happen. was it because we were scared of the situation? was it because we knew we would be moving out of that apartment soon and didnt want him to regress with the move? was it because we knew that princess would be born soon and we didnt want him to regress out of jealousy? sure. to all of those possibilites. was it more likely that we were just unsure of ourselves and had no freaking idea what we were doing despite all of the friendly advice that has been given to us since dude was born? um, yes.

so we talked, and talked, and talked to dude about potty training (not a good idea by the way, to say "potty train" because the only thing the dude would hear was "train" and think we were going to watch a train movie. i suggest saying ""pee on the toilet" ). we always asked the dude if he wanted to pee on the toilet, we bought some "big boy" underwear and showed them to dude, but the time never seemed right.

so we finally said "were doing this. starting first thing tomorrow morning. thats it." (the dude just turned 28 months, i think what we were mentally saying was: "its time." ) we asked the dude if he wanted to pee on the toilet like a big boy, he said "yeah" and it was a done deal (but honestly it would have happened even if he had said "no" HA.)

the beginning of the morning was rough. the dude didnt like sitting on his brand new super ultra f*cking cool bought just for him "Cars" potty seat first thing in the morning, when he had just woken up, and hadnt even had the chance to cuddle with me on the couch for a few minutes. i dont blame him, im pretty cranky in the morning too and im also awesome to cuddle with first thing in the morning...i mean, all the time.

after that, things progressed nicely, with some peeing in his pants problems (we got rid of diapers cold turkey, no pull ups) , and sitting on the toilet every 20 minutes or so, etc etc, honestly, things were going pretty good all things considered. we thought it was going to be A LOT worse.

then, i realized he had pooped while playing.

i automatically lay him down on the floor, this is what ive done for the past almost 2 years (like i mentioned before, we dont have the space for a changing table) got his pants off, then started to pull his brand new super ultra f*cking cool bought just for him monster truck underwear. now, i thought this was going to be his run of the mill pretty hard poop. but it apparently wasnt hard enough. because as i was pulling his underwear down (remember, hes on his back) the underwear turned inside out and as they were at about his knees, and his legs are raised up in the air, the poop falls out of his underwear.

and lands on his shin with a juicy, loud SPPPPLATTTT.

awesome.

in the 2 seconds this happened, my jaw dropped and i froze. shocked that there was now a huge pile of poop on my sons shin.

during this situation, S. is sitting on the couch...he automatically starts laughing, i dont blame him. i was already laughing at this point and dude is looking at me like, "what is so funny?" im crying from laughing so hard at this point. between my tears i see S. come over to help. we both have wipes in our hands, dude now has poop on his opposite foot from being a squirm monster, i admit that i got poop on one of my fingers from trying to hold him still....the laughter and tears continued to flow freely.

we all got cleaned up, got dude onto the toilet again, and continued with the potty training.

S.s suggestion? that if dude poops his pants again, that we stand him UP to get his underwear off.

and weve laughed about it all day. i guess when youre cleaning up pee and poop and doing laundry all day, and your day is set to a timer as to when you have to sit your kid on the pot again....you have to find something ridiculous to laugh about. :)

When Do I Get to Throw a Tantrum?

2012-02-16T23:11:00.000-05:00

our son, "the dude" is 28 months old....such a big boy, an awesome big brother, sweet, handsome.

hes also 2. thats the crappy part.

the temper tantrums are starting to make me go insane, as im sure they are making S. go insane...at a slightly slower pace since he goes to work during the day. the fact that he is going insane slower than i am will be good in the long run. he will be able to stay with the kids while i crawl into a hole somewhere and curl into the fetal position and hum softly to myself. no, no humming actually. because probably any noise whatsoever at that point will send me down a spiral of tears and shaking.

im slightly exaggerating. slightly.

like i have acknowledged before. i GET it, i really do....i think maybe "god" or whatever higher power there is up there, sends 2 year olds into our lives so that we will be able to deal with teenage girls at some point...either as the parent of one, or sibling, or whatever. (i apologize to princess in advance, since i know shell probably read this when shes a teenager or something and will think "thanks a fucking lot mom".) or maybe god put me through an emotional crappy point of life (being a teenage girl) so that i would be able to deal with my 2 year olds when they came around eventually. whatever the case, i GET dudes emotions. i know it sucks to feel like youre not getting any attention, i.e, theres a new baby in the house. or when your show gets turned off, even though youre not watching it anymore....but you know, of course it makes sense to flip shit when your favorite movie gets turned off because youre in your bedroom playing with your cars instead of in the living room watching the movie and your mother would rather watch "days of our lives" instead of "cars" for the freaking 1000th time.....but i digress. i understand that dude feels like he dosnt get enough attention from daddy when he gets home from work....it used to be daddy and dude time, but now sometimes daddy has to take princess so i dont shoot myself in the foot for an excuse to leave the house for a few hours.

i feel bad for dude sometimes, seriously. im sure its incredibly confusing to him to have so many changes in his life. some days he is so incredibly sweet, waking up with a smile and a "hey mama" and he comes and sits with me on the couch, and dosnt make a ridiculous mess while eating breakfast. then it all goes completely downhill. downhill roller coaster fast. ridiculously fast. so that im standing there with my head spinning wondering where the hell my awesome son went and where the hell this demon child came from. his head dosnt spin, but sometimes he spins in circles. in the kitchen. then chases the cat. jumps on her. pulls her tail. i yell. he cries. rinse and repeat. until about 5pm when daddy comes home. then daddy takes my place while i sit outside chain smoking and contemplating curling up into the fetal position and humming to myself and dreading the fact that i have to go back inside to cook supper.

the most notable of these famous tantrums? yesterday. definitely yesterday. i have to be honest, i have completely forgotten why dude flipped out, but he did. it was bad. so, we very calmly told dude that we werent mad at him or anything, but that he had to go into his room and sit on his bed until he calmed down and then we would have supper. he didnt calm down. the crying and screaming continued for a good ten minutes before i finally went in there because it was at the point that i was afraid he was going to make himself sick. i know i have said before that we dont "coddle" dude during his breakdowns, but this was bad. so i sat with him, was calm, tried to talk to him over the screaming, then finally gave up and just sat with him. a few minutes later even S. came in. we talked to him some more, tried to tell him again that we werent mad at him that he just had to calm down. what finally got him out of this breakdown? when i started telling him what we were going to eat for supper and i got the point of "biscuits." honestly. he heard the word "biscuits" and it was like the freaking faucet turned off and he did a complete 180 and got down off his bed calmly and walked into the kitchen. what the FUCK? my reaction? "okaayyyyyy. lets eat."

my mom likes to tell stories of how, at dudes age, i, being the sweet, gentle, loving little girl i was (hahaha im exaggerating of course), would break into waterworks if my dad looked at me and said "______ eat your supper" in the nicest, most loving way. i would just break down, lose my mind at the dinner table. is this payback? im pretty sure that if my mom is reading this, she is nodding her head while very emphatically saying "YES" and laughing. payback is a bitch, in case any of you out there didnt already know that.

back to my original question, when do i get to throw a temper tantrum?
maybe if i ever get pregnant again?
now im sure that S. is laughing at this point if hes reading this.

last night princess went to sleep pretty hard, i was rocking her in her cradle until 11pm or so, then she was up at 3am (im pretty sure one of the cats woke her up and if i figure out which one i might kick it...no, i would never do that, jeez. im just trying to make a point). as im walking around the room trying to put on pajama pants in a blurry not quite awake fuzz, i can see S. sit up in bed, but its obvious he is no where near awake, im pretty sure he was sitting up with his eyes still shut. so i get the princess and bring her into the living room to change her diaper and make a bottle. we use her pack and play as a changing table (lets be honest, there is no room for a changing table at this new place) and as ive got her all unwrapped i realize there are no diapers readily available in the pack and play....and that there is also an old diaper, all wrapped up, that S. didnt take care of when he changed her before bed. i just about lost my damn mind. i grab another diaper, throw the other one away, the whole time screaming at S. in my head because i didnt want to scare princess or wake up dude by screaming at S. out loud. i get the bottle made, after i WASH one out, almost fall asleep while giving it to princess on the couch, then we do fall asleep on the couch, because it was almost 4am at this point and i didnt want to go back to bed and listen to S.s alarm go off at 4:30. at about 5am S. gives me a kiss to say "see ya" because hes headed out the door, and apparently the look on my face was pretty bitchy because he says those magic words that usually will make any woman even MORE mad, "are you mad at me" of course i say "yes" at this point i have to give him credit, because even though he should be leaving for work, he sits down on the coffee table and asks me why. i tell him. im not nice about it. he says, "ok. have a good day ______" and he leaves. im pissed. angry. livid. but for a split second im sad that i wasnt a little bit nicer about it because thats really not a good way to start the day, you know, listening to someone bitch at you as youre about to leave for work, or to be bitching at someone at 5am. like i said, sad for a split second, then i fell back asleep. when i woke up, i was mad again. but after working out my frustrations by keeping myself really busy all day, and having numerous conversations with S. in my head in which i yell at him about everysinglefuckingthing he has ever done wrong....i calmed down. and S. came home. and weve had a good night, and talked about the situation a little bit, and cleared some things up. and i even apologized for being a bitch. but i didnt apologize for feeling the way i did, that would be silly.

i kind of wish i had thrown a tantrum. just a little. it seems like i have come to a point in my life, where even when its a little necessary that i lose my shit, i dont, because of the kids. thats not fair in. the. least.

i think i might have to pick up kickboxing or something.
and pretend im throwing a tantrum while throwing punches.

Cat Shit

2012-02-13T13:25:00.000-05:00

a brief glimpse into the craziness that sometimes happens even when the kids are asleep...

sooooo...S. and i have the two cats along with the kiddos. S. gave galore to me on our 2 year anniversary, and S. was basically followed home by tulah last summer. galore is gray and white and because of the pattern on her head, it looks like shes wearing a helmet. tulah is calico and long haired...to the point that its a little annoying because ive never had a long haired cat before. neither of our cats are "fixed". why? you may ask....well, because we dont let either of the cats go outside, and because we dont really have the money for it, but BEcause we dont let them outside, we figured this was ok. when galore started going into heat, it was pretty annoying, but weve gotten to the point where we can deal with the yowling for a few days a month....and were pretty sure that tulah is starting to go into heat now too.

since were pretty sure that tulah is starting to go into heat, when she started up with the yowling last tuesday, i didnt think anything of it. then i kept noticing her licking her ass....not like its anything out of the ordinary....i figured she was either trying to clean up, or trying to get rid of her, ahem, "itch". but she kept doing it, so i pointed it out to S. that night.....whatever. we put the dude to bed, we stay up a while, then we put princess to bed, and as im, um, changing into my pajamas (?) for bed, S. starts getting all mad because tulah is dragging her ass on the carpet a la any sort of dog....it was actually pretty funny! but because S. is mad, i say, "well, lets check her butt, maybe she has worms" (i said this because i know we have some fleas in the house, because we just moved into a new appartment where the previous renters had lots of dogs, so worms would be the next step..) so, S. picks up tulah, and i lean over to lift up that nice fluffy long haired tail to find.....

cat shit stuck in the long fur around her butt.

*heavy sigh*

im actually laughing hysterically at this point. why? well, im not really sure. maybe it was because it was 10:30 at night, maybe it was because ive never had to clean cat shit out of my cats butt hair before, maybe it was because S. was pretty annoyed by this point...whatever the reason...i was laughing a lot!!

so, S. held tulah as i tried to grab at the culprit with some paper towels....it didnt work. i tell S. im going to have to cut it out.

S. puts on his winter jacket and gloves, grabs at tulah...she runs. we get her into the bathroom...but as S. is trying to get her into a position where he can hold her and i can take the scissors to the troubled area, galore is freaking out because tulah is crying and galore keeps trying to jump up on me and S.

we kick galore out of the bathroom.

some more craziness ensues as S. wrestles tulah to the floor.

the end result of this scene is....me (in my "pajamas") on my knees on the bathroom floor holding the door shut with my foot to keep galore out and tulah in, S. holding tulah down on the floor on her side, tulahs yowling/hissing, S. is complaining about how she bit him through his gloves, and im lifting up her tail and trying to cut out the piece of crap stuck in her butt hair while also trying to do it Quickly so she dosnt move and i end up stabbing her somewhere.....i finish...we let tulah go. we go to bed, laughing.

tulah didnt sleep with us all night.

yes, this is our life.

im a jerk? no YOU"RE a jerk.

2012-02-05T17:10:00.000-05:00

i swear to god. when S. and i are playing around with dude, he tells us were "jerks"

this is, actually, hilarious to us.

you all might be wanting some explanation about this behavior....read on.

are S. and i "traditional" parents? um, maybe. kinda. sorta? whatever it is that we ARE classified as parenting wise, i wouldnt say that we are........"up to the times" ? "current" ? whatever you might call it. yes, we yell at dude (and im VERY sure we will yell at princess too), dude has been spanked, he has been put in time out, we dont discuss his feelings for long periods of time when he throws a temper tantrum....he is told to go chill out by himself somewhere and he can come back to the group when hes sufficiently chilled out. he is made to eat all of his meal, whatever it may be, he is in no way coddled....well, you know, unless hes actually hurt. but if hes told a hundred times to say, not run in the kitchen, but he does and he slips on the rug and he falls and busts his butt, our reaction is something along the lines of, "are you ok? you are? well, we TOLD you not to run in the kitchen...how did that work out for you?" all said while we continue to do what we were initially doing. are we heartless? not in any way whatsoever, we love dude like crazy and are continuously talking about how awesome he is. but he IS 2, and he needs to figure some of this shit out himself.

other examples....we have told him hes a brat, a booger, that hes a poopy head and that he stinks when he has a shitty diaper (and he laughs. just so you know). S. and dude play really rough, pretend slapping each other, rolling around and wrestling, and one of S.s favorite things to say to dude? "youre a jerk." quite a few months ago, dudes response started to be, "no, youre a jerk." with a huge smile on his face. needless to say, S. laughed hysterically and its become their "thing".

dude is a total sweetheart, cuddles with both of us all the time, says "sweet dreams, love you" on his way to bed, when he accidentally hits me he says "sorry mama" as he kisses whatever part he hit, he kisses and hugs all of his toys, and his sister, the cats, and gives his "baby dinosaur a "pacifier" and carries it around like a baby.

but there are other times that he is a total......guy. one night, he was laying on the floor next to me, he rubbed my head and pushed the hair away from my eyes and said, "i love you mama" and i got a little choked up.....i told him, "awwwee buddy, i love you so much, youre so sweet" and he immediately said to me, "shut up. stop it." my jaw dropped. S. laughed. a lot. i (gently) pushed my son, and told him he was a booger. while i was smiling of course.

are we possibly raising a boy that will give off major mixed signals to his lady friends? im a little concerned about it. but at this point, hes so charming that he gets away with it. dont worry ladies, ill make sure that he can do all the manly things around the house, and know how to clean the house, and he will in no way be an actual jerk to whoever is living with him.

but for now, hes a jerk :)

ghost baby?

2012-02-01T21:59:00.000-05:00

before you all freak out and get weird, finish reading the post.

something has happened a few times and its made me think..... continue reading before you really freak out.

so, sometimes, randomly, i can feel a twinge in my belly that completely reminds me of when i was still pregnant and princess was kicking. the most recent time it happened, i was laying on my stomach (which is silly, because when did i EVER lay on my belly while i was pregnat with either princess or dude?) and i KNEW that what i was feeling was my pulse because it was so steady, and, well, you just know its your pulse. but it felt exactly like being kicked by your baby while pregnant. i dont remember the other time quite as well, but i remember the feeling it evoked. for a few seconds it was like i was pregnant again and i felt that same elation that is felt when you feel your baby moving inside of you.

what is UP with this?

the feeling is so strong, that i kind of have to remind myself that princess is sleeping in her cradle, not in my belly. i dont remember having any of these feelings after giving birth to dude.....but maybe i was so sleep deprived that i didnt notice anything. im pretty sure that by this point, im used to the whole "no sleep" thing.

is this a weird form of post partum depression? is this something akin to "ghost limbs"? you know, when a person loses a limb, but can still feel it itch sometimes. is my body somehow mourning the baby that could have been? of course dont get me wrong, i LOVE princess with all of my heart, just like i LOVE dude with all of my heart, but isnt it true that the mother always vaguely mourns the baby that she could have had? as in, my dude COULD have been a girl, whose hair i could put in bows....and princess COULD have been another boy that i could have dressed in ridiculous amounts of camo....

when i say "post partum depression" dont get me wrong....i have had no feelings of depression whatsoever, im so happy with my family and my babies, but.....i dont know, these weird kicking feelings in my belly are making me think hardcore. is it my body telling me to have another baby? am i crazy to be thinking this already at this point? um. yes. yes i am. and i know it. S. would say the same thing and he is very firm on the idea of having no more kids.....but i definately get baby fever with these twinge/kick feelings in my stomach at random times of the day.

my pregnancy with princess wasnt exactly "hard" or "complicated" but i know for a fact that many people, including S. and my parents are glad that its over...i was known to be a hardcore bitch this time around....personally, i think they thought this because 1) S. wasnt around while i was preggo with dude (he was serving a second tour in iraq) and 2) i think my parents choose to NOT remember what it was like while i was living with them while preggo with dude. but regardless, i was known to be a bitch, and emotional, you know, those normal pregnancy things. i had WICKed acid reflux, and my back was sore all the time, and i was ridiculously tired because of the 2 year old in my life. so when i think of all of those things, i also wonder if i DO want any more children (ive been known to say that i want 3 or 4). approximately one day after princess was born i thought to myself..."wait. shit. i forgot about going through the "teething" thing again." and i got REALLY scared and nervous and thought for a split second of sending her back.

but then i looked at her face and wanted a hundred more just like her...and dude too.

am i doomed to always be thinking of "ghost baby"?

do i want more children? do i want to deal with the tiredness? the freaking craziness that is my house already plus MORE? the diapers? the baby poop? burp cloths? spending money on little girl tights, and bows, and little boy baseball hats, and formula, and plastic cups in bright rainbow colors?

um. yes. because that first time that that baby smiles at you breaks your heart. thats why.

sooooo, ghost baby....will we ever meet?

the days when you want to strangle someone

2012-02-01T06:43:00.000-05:00

those days are irritating. to say the least.

S. and i, and of course the babies, just moved to a new apartment. my mom watched dude and princess for us, and dad helped us because we literally had 2 days in which to move a shitload of stuff.... and we moved into a slightly smaller space....so now there are boxes everywhere, i have no idea where ANYthing is...so that is incredibly frustrating when i have 2 people who are constantly asking me where such and such is...and by 2 people i mean S. and dude...obviously princess dosnt talk yet.

the move itself went fairly well, S. and i were very anxious to get out of a bad situation with our neighbors and landlord, and the weekend was nice, so like i said, easy enough. but by sunday night, after we had the babies back, and i had broken 6 fingernails (yeah its a little thing, but its painful sometimes you know?) a very sore back and butt muscles from going up and down the stairs hundreds of times....i was pretty much exhausted and done.

then monday, dude was out of control and whiney and freaking out all day. look, i get it. hes 2. this move is stressful for him too. i seriously understand. even though his room is set up and his favorite toys are out, obviously he dosnt really understand whats going on. then when S. got home from work, we went over to our old nieghbors house (the neighbors that we had liked) because they had offered to cook us supper so we wouldnt have to also deal with making supper during the move.....so of course dude was going crazy because he got to hang out with his 2 "girlfriends" and wouldnt really eat, sooooo.....he climbed into my lap to eat his soup....and proceeded to dump an entire mug of milk all over himself and me.
literally.

it was all i could do to not scream.

it was my breaking point.

i gently set him down on the floor. took the towel that was offered to me. wiped up the milk. very quickly downed the rum and coke i had been given when we arrived. and finished my soup.

i think i deserve some credit for not strangling anyone.

why was this the breaking point for me? because of the incredibly fast move, i cant find any pants of mine that are clean, and do not have holes in them (meaning the crotch or butt) so that i can wear them in public. the last pair that i had that was decent? yeah, those are the pants that got drenched in milk. so now they smell disgusting. and even though the washer is hooked up, the dryer needs some sort of adapter because the plug-in isnt what we need......all small problems? yeah. can they be fixed easily? yes. but between S. working and me trying to unpack and make the apartment livable while entertaining a 2 year old and feeding princess....these things might not happen until this weekend.

i guess im done bitching about something ridiculously small and insignifigant....but trust me, it didnt seem small and insignifigant at the time. i dont really have to go anywhere for the next couple of days anyway....so i guess dude and princess and S. will have to be ok with seeing some holes in the ass of my jeans.

one of the funny things about this move? S.s ex wife. yes you read that right.

we texted her on sunday afternoon to ask if S. could call his daughter k. later that night because he was busy moving.

her response? "i will ask her if she wants to talk to you. and as per our agreement you need to update me on your current address, and employers name and address."

our response? "as per our agreement you are supposed to be keeping me informed of ______'s health and you still havent told me what happened last tuesday" (k. had to go to the doctor because she is LOSING weight, she is almost 6 and only 32 pounds, {{meanwhile, dude is 2 and 29 pounds}}, oh and there is blood in her urine, and apparently has been there for quite some time. awesome. S. texted her about 3 times every night last week to find out what happened....did he get any sort of response? obviously not.)

the part about keeping k's mom updated on S.s employer? thats funny because as soon as k's mom got the child support agency involved in the situation...yeah, we DONT have to keep HER informed on S.s info...we have to keep the CHILD SUPPORT agency informed. silly girl.

oh, and S. never got to talk to k. because apparently 5 year olds cant be told to talk to their fathers.

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

2012-01-19T21:02:00.000-05:00

is it possible, in any way whatsoever, to get carpal tunnel from patting your babies back and/or butt all. the. time??

because im pretty sure thats what happening to me.

our daughter, "princess," is now almost 8 weeks old, and sometimes i swear she has a look on her face that conveys...."whatever slave. just keep patting my butt/back/whatever body part you want to pat so im distracted enough that i wont cry." honestly.

another interesting conclusion that S. and i have come to in the past 2 months?

we. will. never. buy. huggies. diapers.

princess has had numerous NASTY blow out shitty diapers....as in, shit running down her leg and making it necessary to do ANOTHer load of laundry. i want to puke when this happens. S. has seen only one of these miraculous happenings because of his work schedule..i have been subjected to many. apparently princess likes to poop (if thats what you can call it) mid morning. at least the laundry is done in a timely fashion instead of having to do it at night. you may be asking, how this relates to huggies diapers? because we received them as a gift, so we use them, but these were what she was wearing EVERY SINGLE TIME this has happened...if YOURE the person who gave them to us, im sorry im complaining, i know it was a gift, but we cant deal. we have been using them up BEcause they were a gift, and theres no sense in getting rid of them.....thank god theyre almost gone...now i just mentally cross my fingers whenever i put one on her that she wont shit in the next hour or so....or i make sure to put a pampers on her if its midmorning...why is it necessary to schedule the time of day that i put certain diapers on my daughter??

long one

2011-12-22T13:29:00.000-05:00

im starting this blog off, with a blanket ALREADY on me and covering my feet LOL

i definately need more coffee though and should have thought to refill my cup before getting comfortable..and letting princess fall asleep on my chest LOL shes such a cuddle bunny :D S. and i love it <3

it may not be a huge thing to some people, to some it may be a common occurance, but you know, S. and i dont go out to breakfast very often, its one of our ways of saving money, annnnd i have no problem whipping up pancakes or cinnamon rolls or eggs, etc on the weekends, i actually really enjoy it.....so when he looked at me on saturday morning, and said..."lets go out to breakfast..." that was awesome :D and we had a great breakfast too :) we went to a local restaurant, and its funny because our old building managers wife works there, and she is absolutely in love with dude ( i mean really, who isnt? except for k. and her mom LOL that will be explained laterrrr) so we spent a very pleasant morning laughing at dude flirting with her, and she cuddled princess for a while, then as we were leaving dude decided to tell everyone in the resteraunt "merry christmas"... one at a time....as we were walking past their tables on our way out lol <3 its nice to hear "what a nice looking family" from everyone <3

{{i started this blog monday morning, and i am just now finishing it, thats how crazy this week has been, so no, im not covered in a blanket anymore, but yes princess is cuddling on my chest because she just had lunch, and dude is watching "nightmare before christmas" :) }}

then S. and dude ran a bunch of errands including getting new tires put on the truck :) i hung out with princess...it was a chill day .... then S. and i spent a while looking at pictures that night :) we were laughing hysterically <3 we were up for a long time that night, for many reasons ;P

sunday princess was 3 weeks old!!! ohhh how time flies :D i did some grocery shopping, then cleaned the house like a whirlwind because . told me when i got home that "santa" would be making an appearance around 4 or so...yeah, you didnt know santa made appointments did you... LOL and although dude isnt that fond of real santas...he apparently loves real santas that give him chocolate LOL offff couuuurse he does LOL but he also got a very cool puzzle book and princess got a cute dress :)

ive been spending the week wrapping presents....theres a lot to wrap, and im thinking that the rest is going to be wrapped on christmas eve after dude goes to bed since he hasnt been taking naps..... *sigh*

other things going on?

dude totally blew up my spot the other day....at supper time, dude and i recount our days activites for daddy, ex: dude tells him what he had for meals, if anyone came to visit, what we watched on tv, why mama put him in time out (LOL) {ive been doing this to work on dudes memory...) now, i totally let dude watch things he wants to during the day...super why, sesame street, how the grinch stole christmas, etc, but there comes a point when i cant deal anymore, and i tell dude "its mamas turn to watch what she wants" and yes, sometimes we watch soap operas....so sue me.... well, the other night, S. asked dude what he watched that day....dude said, very clearly, "waaatch...genral hospal" *sigh* S. looked at me...i burst out laughing...then explained the situation....whatever....dude and S. will both have to deal with the fact that i watch soaps LOL

im tired of everyone having snow except for us....we got stupid ass freezing rain yesterday. it sucked. yes, i find snow annoying when its march or april and we get another foot, but i dont think its too much to ask for, to have a few inches of white stuff on christmas......i know i know, were just never satisfied, either we dont have enough snow, or we just want it gone.

did i make a turkey dinner yesterday? uh yeah. why the hell not? LOL it was goooooood :D and i made mashed potatoes with parsnips, oh man, that was a great decision on my part! S. and dude loved them too!!

missing children make me really sad. and now that the craziness has made its way here....i think its time to move further into the woods....

we lost power again the other day, i have NO idea why. but i will tell you that im getting incredibly annoyed with the electric company. i do not like having to try and start the generator at 8 am, when its friggen freezing cold outside...i mean, it was one of the coldest days that weve had so far this winter, and our power goes out? apparently it was out all over the place. then the other night S. and i woke up in the middle of the night to find the power had gone out again!! the stove had turned off and the house was freezing!! WTF!! thank god the power had already come back on and we were able to start the stove up quickly. all of those conversations that S. and i have had about owning our own house and getting a federal grant to install solar panels is looking more and more like an awesome idea.

i have an appointment to get my hair done tomorrow!! soooo excited :D

although i love that dude loves his show "super why" and that its obvious that hes learning a lot from it (he loves singing the ABC's and knows at least half of his letters) i DO NOT like having the theme song to "super why" stuck in my head for hours on end. thats all i have to say about that.

whats up with the recent moustache craze? i dont understand it at all.

i saw the other day, that my blog has had lots of views from RUSSIA of all places....wtf? really? whatever. thats cool LOL but if youre in russia, and reading my blog, send me a message, id be interested to find out what the deal with this is LOL

updates with k. and her mom?

remember how k. got her tonsils out last month? her mom tells S. a couple of weeks ago, that there was a tumor in her tonsils, and they tested it, and everything is ok, but the doctor told k.s mom that it was most likely caused by chemicals that S. brought home on his clothes from when he was working with bombs in the Marine Corps. wow way to go trying to blame S. when he hasnt even seen k. in how long?? didnt your second husband, who was also in the Marine Corps, work with planes? and most likely other chemicals? wasnt your next boyfriend in the Marine Corps also? what was his job? when did her tonsils start getting enlarged and needing to be removed? recently right? yeah..... then she tells S. that shes telling him about this because she wants him to be careful because she dosnt know what kind of stuff he works with now, and he should be careful because of dude and princess....yeah ok. how about my children are none of your concern? :)

she also says..."what are you getting k. for christmas?" S. tells her hes all set with ideas from her, because we already got her some things....she says..."oh ok because i had a really good idea for something for you to get her...but i forgot..." way to go making yourself look stupid and wasting our time on an absolutely pointless part of a conversation.

she asks what we got for k., because k. is in her custody and she, as the mom, has the last say on what k. gets to have...we tell her "dont worry about it" she tells S. that shes going to open up the presents before k. sees them so that if theres anything in there that she, the mom, dosnt like, k. wont get it. how awesome is that? does she think we sent k. some deer meat or something? what a bitch.

k. is now acting like a snot to dude as well as her father. this past sunday she said to dude "why do you always want to talk to me?" niiiice. great manners. be a snot to your little brother who is totally blameless in this situation, and who gets totally excited about talking to you. im thinking ill stop asking dude if he wants to talk to k., theres no reason for it anyway, not until theyre older at least.

we got a package the other day from k. full of presents for S. and dude and princess.....my thoughts? my kids wont be getting those presents, theyll be donated somewhere....theres no reason for them to have things that im sure k. didnt even pick out herself...they can exchange presents when they get older, if they want to, when they know the whole situation.....

thats it for now....maybe i should eat some lunch? ehhhhh i guess so....hopefully S. actually gets to leave work early today!! yeah for christmas vacation!! :D were so excited to see everyone, and have our tree with our kids!! :D

Cold Feet

2011-12-17T06:32:00.000-05:00

cold feet suck.

i got up with princess a little while ago, put S.s sweatpants on and came downstairs to give her a bottle and a diaper change.....and in my still-asleep-blur, i completely forgot that usually the hardwood floors downstairs are pretty cold at 4:45 am, whether or not the stove has been roaring all night long......soooooo.....princess is passed out on my chest (yes i CAN write a blog while a baby sleeps on me LOL) and i mean majorly passed out, so i dont want to move to get a blanket.....now the top half of me is like being in a furnace, and i have my feet tucked up under me trying to warm them and im even eyeballing the burp cloth wondering if it will give off any sort of warmth......maybe this laptop sitting on my lap will spread some warmth downwards towards my feet...i can only hope.   now i know what S. is complaining about every night when i put my feet on him when we get into bed LOL :D

f**k it im getting a blanket......

ahhhhhhh....

now on to the important stuff :)

S. and i are so friggen excted for christmas its unbelievable!!!!   seriously, we strolled around, debating for at least 2 hours yesterday (and of course weve been debating for at least a month now) trying to find the perfect "santa" present for dude....it was intense   lol not really... but we finally agreed on something, i distracted dude by taking him to another part of the store, and when he was asking for daddy, well, i told him that daddy had to go have a conversation with santa lol :) and S. went and bought this HUGE ASS firetruck with all of the bells and whistles - i dont even know how im going to wrap it - its big enough for him to ride on - and we cant wait to see dudes eyes light up <3 i was organizing presents last night, and these kids are going to make out like bandits LOL

S. and i got even MORE good news on thursday!!!!!  talk about karma!!! :D

i think im going to avoid walmart like the plague for the next week......talk about "shoot myself in the foot" ridiculously packed with friggen annoying and rude people.....ugh....

may i have been one of those people at one point? yeah, i would like to think "no"   but i do know that there were times that the four of us were blocking the aisle for some reason or another, or i was standing, looking at toys and baby clothes, and my eyes were so glazed over from all of the overstimulation of the christmas on steroids decorations and music that i didnt notice for a few seconds that someone was trying to get past me/us.... so if i was one of those "friggen annoying and rude people" to any of you, im sorry and im also sorry for being a little bit of a hypocrite LOL tis the season LOL

im going to try and get my hair done before christmas! :)

the kids are doing great...im pretty sure dude is getting bigger every day :) and princess has been sleeping through the night for the past couple of weeks now :)  S. and i are always telling each other we have beautiful, awesome kids <3 <3 <3

the other day S. laughed at me when i told him... "listen, you think i dont have enough to do around here? you think i have time to turn your socks right side out when im folding clothes AND match them too? so, from now on, if you dont turn your socks right side out when you take them off, theyre going to get washed and then im throwing them back into your sock drawer, just like that, im not even going to match them. seriously." he was laughing so hard by the time i was done with this spiel, i mean, i was saying it with a smile on my face, and laughing, not freaking out on him at all LOL.....well have to see if he takes me seriously...
because im very serious LOL :D i love him <3

i just somehow managed to feed the cats while still holding princess, and shes still sleeping.....im kind of impressed with myself...why did i suddenly have to feed the cats? because i hadnt realized that there was no food is their dish until i took away the package of cat treats that tulah/tuna was dragging across the floor and trying to open up *sigh*

i think im done for now....

i also think im going to have to go so i can deal with tulah, who is now trying to rip the gold garland off of our tree....WTF cat?? just because im up, dosnt mean you have to go crazy ape shit all over the house....both cats are running back and forth from the tree to the stairs, at top speed, so that its incredibly loud and if this wakes dude up im going to be annoyed.

but, this is slightly (not a lot) better than when dude is running at top speed from the tree, to the dining room, to the bathroom, while screaming at the top of his lungs, because, you know, thats the thing to do right before bedtime.  S. loves this, seriously, loves when dude does this.....i dont understand it, but i love that S. loves it <3 and you know, when dude stops, and smiles at me, i cant help but smile back at him and love it too :) <3

pancakes for breakfast?

helllllll yeahhhh.....

<3 <3 <3

Lazy Day....

2011-12-13T10:00:00.000-05:00

is there such a thing when you have a 2 year old and a newborn?

um...yeah, yeah there is LOL

especially when your newborn sleeps all the time, and your 2 year old will sit in the dining room and amuse himself for the 20 minutes that youre in the shower :D gotta love it!! soooo....there was a nice long hot shower for me....dude and i got dressed for the day (princess is still sleeping, so shell get changed later) and now dude is watching "super why" he friggen LOVES this show!! like, L.O.V.E.S it with a passion LOL but hes so awesome at his letters and sometimes he points out letters to us and says "super why" like "T!! SUPER WHY!!" so its obvious that hes learning about letters on the show.....soooo yeahhhh i put up with it....the show i DONT put up with?? "sid the science kid" god that show annoys the hell out of me!!

things have been chill around here :)

sunday S. and i left the kids with my parents, then took the 4wheeler down to my parents camp and found a christmas tree! :) it was fun being out with just S., even though it was COLD!! then we ran to walmart for a few things, including some more christmas presents...but it was reallllly quick, cause i wasnt feeling that good...but im all better now :) got home, S. called k., {{surprise surprise they had gone to spend the weekend in raleigh to go christmas shopping...i wonder if she (k.s mom) brought her current boyfriend along...like she brought her boyfriend of the month last christmas season too LOL its kinda sad that her grandmother is such an enabler that she will pay for hotel rooms for her and whatever guys she happens to be dating that month.....}} then S. did some work outside, and then he and dude put the tree up, and we all decorated it (well, princess "supervised") :D S. was really cute wearing reindeer horns and hanging lights <3 :D

something that is seriously concerning S. and i though? whenever S. asks k. about her moms new boyfriend....she gets reallllly quiet, sounds sad, refuses to talk about him, has to be coached to talk (we can hear people telling her things in the background) and it causes an all around uneasy feeling in mine and S.s guts.....thats not good. especially after she just spent a long weekend (over thanksgiving) with her mom and her moms new boyfriend, and k. has nothing good to say about it or him.....at one point k. told S. she dosnt like the new boyfriend, so S. asked her "why?" then we could hear people talking to her in the background, then k. proceeds to tell S. that shes just joking, but shes not laughing at all....hmmmm. *uneasy feelings in our guts grows*

(and k.s mom claims that i try to get involved in k.s and S. conversations? yeah, ok. )

there has been lots and lots of celebrating at our house lately :D

im totally craving some chicken alfredo.....

and i think im going to make gingerbread men later today :D

ohhhh goooooood.....dinosaur train is on.......but you see, this is what dude and i do....we compromise (he recently learned this word).....he gets to watch a few shows that he wants, then its mamas turn :) yes, my son has watched law and order SVU LOL and now he loves nightmare before christmas too :) just like daddy <3

our new favorite game to play with dude? we "take" his nose and put it in our pocket LOL he laughs hysterically, but then gets kind of distressed .... is this a little mean because were laughing the whole time? yeah maybe, but its seriously funny LOL hes started "taking" our noses and putting them in his pocket :) this is the game for the supper table every night <3 annnnd my son will occasionally look at me, out of the blue, and tell me im a booger LOL <3

princess is doing great!! shes so sweet :D and almost back to her birth weight, only a couple more ounces to gain, but its obvious that shes putting on weight, and her face is rounding out <3 shes more alert now when shes awake, and dosnt fall asleep as soon as shes done eating :) we had to start her on formula, because like when i was breastfeeding dude....my body just dosnt like it, and stopped producing enough milk...oh well, a couple of weeks breastfeeding is better than not at all :) the drawback? formula scented burps...gross LOL

something i love? sleepy milk drunk face LOL im sure you all know what im talking about :D

and even though i know its just gas, it still makes me smile when she smiles in her sleep <3

i found some t shirts on etsy of a lumberjack punching a bear, and im thinking about getting one for S. for christmas LOl and i want to message the guy and see if i can get a shirt of a princess punching a unicorn LOL i think that would be funnnnny LOL :D

alrrriiiiightt time to go :) i think dinosaur train is almost over LOL and i want to start a load of laundry before princess wakes up :)

<3 <3 <3

an all around update

2011-12-10T23:09:00.000-05:00

first and foremost...im laying on my stomach to write this LOL

what fun!!

life is awesome!!

of course princess was born, dude is doing awesome with the whole "little sister" thing :) sometimes he calls her a lazy bum like i do, sometimes he calls her princess like daddy does <3 he asks to hold her all the time, gives her kisses, and cuddles next to her on the couch...

the other day i looked over and he was holding her hand while he was watching "how the grinch stole christmas"

after she was born, and we saw dude after he spent the night with my parents, he looked so big!!

i swear it was hilarious!! were pretty sure he grew a lot in those 24 hours! and changing his diaper is hilarious because his little butt looks so huge compared to princess' LOL :D

the whole sleep deprivation thing?

well, obviously im used to it, because even though dude sleeps through the night, now if i have to get up with princess, im ok the next day...that works out very well!

S. got a new job!! hes so excited about it and he starts right after christmas!!

were talking about moving into a different apartment soon too!!

were talking a lot about buying a piece of land and building a yurt!

yes im serious!

we were talking to our neighbors about it, they used to live in one, and they showed us some pictures, and were seriously talking about it :)

the house looks really funny with so much pink spread all around it now :D

S. and i moved dudes toy box into the dining room today because it was in the corner where we want to put our christmas tree tomorrow.....wow was that a chore!!

we were both laughing the whole time because i guess we didnt really realize how many toys he has!

so yes, getting our christmas tree tomorrow....im very excited about it!

and although it will be nice to not have to tromp through a couple of feet of snow, in the woods, up to my parents house...its also kind of annoying in a way....i mean, i keep looking out the window and thinking that i still have lots of time to prepare for christmas, because it dosnt feel like christmas with no snow on the ground....then i look at the calendar, and hyperventilate just a little LOL

its not like we have a lot to do, but still....

you know?

it was funny when i realized the other day that this year well actually have to keep all the presents hidden until christmas eve...because dude would open up everything as soon as it was put under the tree LOL annnnd there will most likely be lots of paper and other soft type ornaments on the tree this year, not just because of dude...but also because im pretty sure that at some point tulah will be climbing the tree....

and actually, no, i dont like christmas music.

S. and i have both been working really hard on our business, hes been turning wood mallets on his lathe to sell on ebay, and ive been knitting like crazy for my shop on etsy, and its coming along really well :)

annnnnd i guess thats mostly it for now.....

life is really good :D

<3 <3 <3

"Princess" 11.27.11

2011-12-10T21:45:00.000-05:00

welcome to the world little girl!!

born on sunday 11.27.11 at 4:41 am

(yes i just said A.M., im still trying to catch up on my sleep from THAT one lol!!)

wow, S. and i had been saying for MONTHS that our daughter was most likely going to be born thanksgiving weekend....did we ACTually think it would happen?? i dont think soooo...

but it was pretty cool that it did :D

we had a check up on friday the 25th and the doctor told me i was a couple centimeters dialated, i had been having contractions off and on for a few days at that point...so.....S. and i decided that it WAS going to happen that weekend LOL

saturday there was lots of standing...you know, gravity and all LOL, then S. put LOTS of jalapenos on the sandwich that he made for me for lunch (which i love jalapenos and asked for them!) thennnnnn.....we put dude down for a nap ;P i was having contractions but they werent regular in any way, i took a nap on the couch, then we went to bed arouuuuundddd....10? by 11 i was up again and had gone downstairs because my contractions were about 20 minutes apart and WICKed strong!! i woke S. up around midnight, called the maternity ward, called my parents, texted S.s parents....then waited for mom and dad to show up so dad could watch dude (mom was coming with us)....

S. was so awesome....i was pacing back and forth, trying to not punch things during my contractions, he kept talking to me to distract me, packed our bag for the hospital (yeah, we waited until last minute :P) , held my hand, told me how beautiful i was, and the best thing i heard..."i would do this part for you if i could..." <3

we all finally got to the hospital around...1:30 or so, and S. and my mom and the ER attendant ran behind me as i waddled/ran/ breathed heavily towards the elevator (the attendant with the ever helpful, there if i need it wheelchair LOL) as soon as we got to the maternity ward, they got me into a room (they knew we were coming) and we found out that apparently, that night, was verrry popular with the prego ladies, the maternity ward was packed! sooo, S. helped me get undressed (oh, haha....) we found out i was already about 6 centimeters, i got some drrruuuuuggggsss!!! :D just some nubane (sp?) in my hand until they could get the anesthesiologist there (of course he was busy with all the other women lol) but it helped, but what helped the most was S. and my mom :) we were talking about random stuff (yurts mostly LOL) and S. very bravely let me hold his hand through all of my contractions! <3 i actually ended up wrinkling his shirt A LOT because i kept grapping the neck of his shirt too LOL when i was 8 centimeters, the anesthesiologist showed up, and gave me an intrathecal (sp?) its a lighter dosage basically of an epidural, i had the same thing with dude and really liked it. and although ive forgotten his name, i admit, i told him i loved him...a lot....S. laughed :D so did the anesthesiologist hehe :D i dont remember a whole lot of stuff that was talked about at this point..i remember laughing hysterically and telling everyone that it was really funny that my butt was numb lol S. and mom were laughing at me a lot because i kept talking about how my butt was numb...then i got the shakes, which was very annoying, but its what happens....at 9 centimeters, the doctor broke my water, i started pushing around 4:15, 4:20 or so, and the really annoying thing? anybody remember how much ive complained about acid reflux during my pregnancy? yeah well, it got a million times WORSE while i was pushing...i mean...What The F**k????? it was miserable....im pretty sure thats why i was able to get princess out in about 20 minutes LOL because i was just...Done. (and although she was born with a full head of hair, im pretty sure that she should have had a freaking ponytail with all of the acid reflux i had LOL!!) S. counted for me, gave me sips of water in between pushes, mom was yelling at me the whole time LOL in a good way of course LOL :D and S. continued to tell me how beautiful i was, and what a good job i was doing, and how proud he was of me..... and like i said, princess was out of there LOL

i would tell you all about the emotions running rampant in the delivery room at that moment,

but S. says i cant LOL

they put her on my chest, and S. cut the cord, and then there was LOTS of cuddling and picture taking <3

my mom called dad, S. went with princess to the nursery, there were more pictures, it was all a blur...

the three of us got put into a room (they needed the delivery room i was in for ANOTHer woman who was coming in, seriously it was a busy night for the maternity nurses!!) mom had left earlier to get dad and dude, and the three of them came so dude could meet his sister :D <3 although he handled it VERY well, he was much more concerned and focused on the fact that i had an I.V. in and mom told me that this was all he talked about all day and night and even the next day... :( but he gave her kisses, there were more pictures, then the three of them left (mom and dad took dude for the night since we were going to be in the hospital) thennnn...S. and i slept.. LOL

that night S. let me sleep some more, and when we werent snuggled up in the incredibly small hospital bed, he was pushing princess around the maternity ward in her cradle, and taking her to get her hearing test, and taking pictures, and more pictures, and yes...more pictures LOL i told him, ive NEVER seen him so camera happy LOL <3

S. took the day off monday, and we decided to come home since the doctor cleared princess, and my doctor cleared me (i had no complications whatsoever, meaning NO problems...do you get what im hinting at?a LOL) and honestly, i wanted to be home, under my own roof, with my family :) so after some visits from family, and S. getting me flowers and balloons from the gift shop, and a couple more hospital meals, a shower, and lots and lots of paperwork, we went home <3

since then.....well, princess is now almost 2 weeks old, and even though she of course lost some weight, being a breastfed baby and all, she is gaining it back, she sleeps allllllll the time...to the point where ive asked people if its normal....because even though i remember lots of stuff about dude being a Baby, after running around after his energetic ass for the last year....both S. and i kinda forgot that princess wouldnt be running around also LOL :D and S., the big tough Marine? well, lets just say that i finally understand the phrase "wrapped around her finger" because he is a big mush ball with our daughter LOL hes the sweetest, most wonderful man, has been so helpful, and honestly, sometimes, ive had to say to him... "can i hold her now?" he worried like crazy about her umbilical cord and he calls her "princess" so much, THATS where her nickname came from LOL weve been taking turns with bottles, and diaper changes, cuddling (both) our babies, playing hardcore with dude, and the cats LOL....

S., at this moment is playing a video game while princess is sleeping on his chest, he just fed her a bottle after putting dude to bed <3 annnnddd she just spit up all over his chest....and he laughed about it <3

and my heart swells up with love for him and our children <3

family life may not always be easy,

but its still perfect

<3 <3 <3

16 days

2011-11-22T21:34:00.000-05:00

im sure that lots of people are thinking right about now....."what am i thankful for?"

well, id say for me, theres a really long list.....

first and foremost...because its what made me think of writing this blog...im especially thankful when ive had a really hard day with dude (because this belly is getting in the way of a lot of things...) and S. comes home from work, and even though i know hes had a long day too, he completely takes over for me, and plays with dude and lets me relax...yup, thats awesome <3 <3 <3

obviously im thankful for my family, i dont know what i, or we, would do without them....they have been there for me and S. and dude every step of the way, and not just my immediate family, when i say "family", i include my in laws too <3

im thankful for my children <3

i never knew i would be so incredibly happy just looking at dude, and ultrasound pictures of baby girl....its amazing having them in my life, i would do anything for them <3

my heart beats for them, and i cant wait until i can finally lay eyes on baby girl <3

and yes...im thankful for S. <3 :D

even though he annoys the hell out of me sometimes, and i know i annoy the hell out of him sometimes, we love each other so much, and were able to sit like adults and figure out our issues...

hes an amazing father and fiance...and im so glad that we met :D

i love him <3 <3 <3

what else am i thankful for??

my friends <3 , pain medication, chiropractors, the fact that S. dosnt give me a hard time about stealing his socks and wearing them LOL, real internet, dude being such an awesome, smart kid, even though it hurts...baby girl stretching out in my belly, tums, being happy, healthy, and with my family <3

theres so many more things that im thankful for, but you know, wed be here forever if i wrote it all down LOL what an amazing life

i love my family <3

other updates in our family life?

saturday i got to spend the day with mom and dad and dude :) then that night S., dude, and i went to chinese with mom and dad :) good food, good conversation, and lots of laughs while dude was hitting on the waitress with all the cleavage LOL seriously, he was working his game it was hysterical!! :D and our waitress was really sweet and made sure to find me a double fortune cookie because of baby girl LOL <3

sunday we hung out all day, did a little bit of shopping :) rented some movies :)

sunday S. called for k...and of course no answer, even though he called right on time. big surpise....k.s mom calls back to say theyre just getting out of lunch because church got out late....seriously?....k.s 5...and shes got school on monday...and she just got done eating her shrimp plate for lunch at 2 in the afternoon?? what time is supper for her? what is her bedtime? and i dont know if k. and her mom are going to church with the moms new boyfriend and his kids...but they sure went to lunch with them because k. kept talking about the daughter....and its really funny when we can continuously hear k.s mom in the background, trying to discipline her boyfriends daughter, and telling her not to talk about certain things that she dosnt want S. to hear about :D S. and i were laughing a lot :D looks like that free babysitting thing is still going on... whats not funny? when a little 5 year old girl has the nastiest attitude towards her father and is continuously telling him "its nothing you have to worry about" when he asks her any sort of question. her mother seriously needs to watch what kind of attitude shes teaching her daughter, because k. is turning into a snot...its unfortunate.

monday, dude and i went to playgroup...we had a really good time :) there was a lot of riding bikes outside and at one point i was pedaling a little kids trike, with dude in the seat in front of me, hauling 2 kids in the wagon behind me, and carrying another little girl on my hip...yes, it was hysterical!! all the moms were laughing so hard :D and also giving me a hard time about putting myself in labor...my repsonse? well, lets hope it works LOL it didnt... *sigh* oh well then dude passed out and i worked on my projects all afternoon :)

were really excited to go to grammies for thanksgiving dinner on thursday, and i hope my brother and his family can make it too, because i really miss them, but im thinking it might be better for them to not travel tomorrow considering the snow were supposed to get slammed with!! and S. was supposed to work tomorrow, but now hes not :) so hes excited to get some real hunting in before the season ends, and hes excited to take dude out in the snow tomorrow <3 me? even though i want this baby girl to get here, im kind of hoping she dosnt decide to come tomrorrow LOL

the other day S. said to me "im so glad i got out of the marine corps, its awesome being able to spend so much time with dude, and i wouldnt have been able to do that if i was still in..." i gotta say, i feel the same way <3

speaking of dude, his obsession with "jungle book" has moved into an obsession with "despereaux" its pretty funny actually! he will sit for the entire movie, silent, with his feet crossed, and his hands clasped <3 but then, within the last few days, his obsession has grown to include "300" (i recently bought it for S. :) and he asks for both movies alllll day long!! :D weve had to start putting our metaphorical foot down and telling him no...just so we dont go crazy hearing "despereaux" dialogue all day every day LOL annnd now we even have to say no to watching "300" just because its starting to get boring...in my opinion at least LOL :)

im thinking in a few weeks, im going to be doing a lot of double takes whenever i walk past a mirror LOL even S. has said its going to be funny seeing me with a flat belly again :) but i do think its funny that i can no longer wash dishes without getting my belly wet at the same time...and the whole clumsiness, running my belly into things is getting kind of old LOL :D

annnnnnnd i only have 16 days until my due date!! :D

<3 <3 <3

peace

2011-11-17T06:51:00.000-05:00

sooooo, you know that Pampers commercial that is usually played around the holidays? where the lady is singing "sleep in heavenly peace..." and they show a bunch of ridiculously adorable babies sleeping? yeahhhhh, i just saw it for the first time this season....and it still kills me! oh wow am i ready for baby girl to get here so i can see her!!! :D

and a question thats been on my mind for a while now...does a parent EVER stop watching their child sleep? because i feel like i could watch dud sleep for hours.....and its NOT because im so happy that hes being quiet LOL!!!! :D

i L.O.V.E LOOOOVE having "real" internet again!! :D talk about extraordinarily convenient AND helpful with my recent venture!! :D

however, it sucks when you get home from work (and its already dark because of the awesome time change) and the power is out......all over the ENTIRE town!! yeahhhhhh.....this is the FOURTH time that S. and i have lost power while living here.....twice it was because the entire town was out (and it was incredibly WEIRD to the point that you think zombies are going to jump out at any second or something...) once because of the awesome downed tree during "irene" and the other time was in the winter, so thats to be expected. needless to say, S. and i have both enthusiastically agreed that one of our first purchases when we move into a house...is going to be aaaaaaa.......GENERATOR!!!

i had such a great time christmas shopping with mom and nana and dude on sunday!! :) i got so much stuff, that really all i have to do now is get the "big" presents for dude and baby girl :) oh yeahhhhh and the other half of my present for S. :P annnnnnnnd i fell in love with a.c moore...and i had forgotten how much i love target......i definately have to go to that area for shopping way more often.

saturday....dude went hunting with S.......and proved that he is definately not the ideal hunting partner!! :D he was sitting on S.s shoulders when they walked up on some deer, and before S. went to get dude down so he could take a shot....he said "_____, shhh...look...deer..." dudes response? to yell at the top of his lungs "HEY! HEY DEER!" LMAO!!! how funny is that???  S. KNEW he probably wouldnt actually get anything while out with dude, but its still hilarious :D  S. just loves to take dude out, no matter what...they also had a "picnic" while laying in the grass together looking at the clouds, and dude goes out with S. so much he can now recognize different tracks, and names off trees, its awesome :D

thennnn later that day....dude was being realllly super quiet while he was playing upstairs...i know i probably should have gone up to see him and what he was doing, but when i called up to him...he came right to the stairs and smiled at me, and came back down and continued playing, so i didnt think anything of it until S. and i went to bed that night....i walked into our room and my instant reaction? "ohhhhhhh *GASP*"  S. runs in....and we both start LAUGHING hysterically at the same time!! dude, the most helpful little guy ever, had taken ALLLLLL of his baby sisters clothes out of the dresser i have set up for her in our room, next to the cradle, and piled them all onto our bed!!! :D   im talking about 5 drawers full of baby clothes.... all we could do was laugh <3 at least it wasnt lavendar scented baby oil :D

speaking of baby girl...shes not moving so much lately...gathering energy? ohhhh yeah!! theres lots of rolling...and trying to push her way out of the side of my belly with her knees and toes though! my 37 week check up is tomorrow :) and i have....21? days left :D

imagine that....k.s mom is apparently already over being NICE...because when S. finally got through on her cell phone sunday night (he couldnt call the house because of connection problems) she was a COMPLETE bitch "its not between 2 and 3:30....and youre not supposed to be calling her on my phone anyway, and im at choir practice..." surprise surprise....shes changed her attitude AGAIN   seriously, she NEEDS medication. and can we talk about how much of a hypocrite she is?? choir practice? really? how drunk did you get saturday night? im not a fan of sunday religious people..... and can we also talk about the fact that your daughter just had a tosilectomy on THURSDAY?? why arent you still home with her? i dont care if shes already feeling "better"....oh thats right, because you have k.s GREAT GRANDMOTHER to watch your daughter for you.....wow. thats fair for everyone....

so lets recap....k.s mom hates S. and me....then lets S. talk to k. wednesday night before her surgery, then she texts me on thursday, then she lets S. talk to k. thursday night even though she had said she wasnt going to let S. talk to her, then shes mad again on sunday.....wow, thats a full 180 degrees of emotion in one week. yup, i called it.

besides all that.....

my knitting bag is constantly at my side LOL

i love it when dude wants to wake up at 5:30 am.....but goes back to sleep for another hour and half :D

my belly is SOOO round its hysterical!!! it honestly looks like ive got a basketball under my shirt at all times....but no stretch marks!!!!

and i guess its time to get going for the day :D

<3 <3 <3

More Background Info, Including the Roller Coaster Actions of a Childish Mom

2011-11-12T07:33:00.000-05:00

before i get started, i would like to say this.....

k.s mom thinks that she is now "LETTING" me care about k., and "LETTING" me be involved in k.s life??

seriously??

when S. and i first started talking in april 2008, i knew that he had a daughter and that he and the mom would be getting a divorce as soon as he got home from iraq. was i a little nervous about getting involved with someone who had such a young child (K.turned 2 a few days after S. and i started talking)? yeah, but thats to be expected. S. and i actually discussed what our plan of action should be for how long we should wait before i actually MET k., because S. didnt want to introduce someone to k. who wasnt going to be a permanent part of her life (*ahem* at this point i would like to remind you all that k.s mom has introduced so many guys to k., that S. and i have STOPPED counting...) and when i moved down to NC, i was still nervous, but S. knew that k. would love me, and k. and i got along AWEsome :) what was the problem? ill give you one guess....

since i first moved in with S. and became a permanent part of k.s life, k.s mom has CONTINUOUSLY changed her mind about how she feels about it. when i first moved down there, S. and i were invited to supper at her house, she had no problem whatsoever with me coming into the house with S. to pick up and drop off k....what changed?? im not really sure, but im thinking that k.s moms bipolar tendencies kicked in.

she would like me, she would be ok with me being around...then a few weeks later she would change her mind and i was not allowed to have anything to do with k., she would tell S. that i wasnt even allowed in her driveway.... and this is the way that its been since. for a while i wasnt allowed to come in the house. then she wanted me to make k.s birthday cake for her 3rd birthday party.....then she wanted me to babysit k. while she went to class.....and she sent me emails telling me that she actually feels safer dropping k. off with S. because she knows that im there, and she sees that i care about k. and take care of her......then she taught k. to call me a "bitch" and literally threatened to not finalize hers and S.s divorce if i didnt take the picture i had of k. down from my myspace!! can anyone say "childish" ?? (she would claim that she didnt want me to have pictures of k. up because she didnt know what kind of friends i had....yeah....i found pictures on the internet of k. being given a bath by the moms current boyfriend...and this picture showed all of k. if you know what i mean....i have always had my pictures private (except for ones that i dont care if the world sees them) i found this picture of k. on the internet...so dont say anything to me about "privacy"........ ) k.s mom would continuously tell me that IM not k.s mom (no shit) and that i had no say whatsoever in how k. was raised or what her mom did with her.....k.s mom would continuously tell me that i shouldnt have gotten involved with a man who already had a child if i wasnt ready to deal with the mom also.....it got really silly, really fast.

when i moved back up to maine during S.s second deployment.....k.s mom wanted to bring k. to maine (with her current husband) to meet dude after he was born!!! i said no, because there was no way that S.s ex wife and her new husband were going to meet dude before he could!! i said we could set up a skype date for k. to see dude...did it happen? no because the mom thought it would be too confusing for k....way to go underestimating your daughters intelligence.

since S. has come back from iraq, since he and i and dude have moved back to maine, things have gotten worse.

there were times that k.s mom wouldnt let me OR dude talk to k. on the phone, she threatened to hang up the phone if S. even ASKED k. if she wanted to talk to me. k.s mom is ok with the fact that k. blames DUDE for S. moving way. she has threatened to put a restraining order on me so that i cant go near "her" house if we ever come down to visit because dude and i have no reason to be around "her" house......and there have been so many other silly situations that i cant even think about them all right now......

annnnnnnnnd suddenly......k.s mom is the sweetest thing imaginable and decides to keep ME "updated" on k.s progress during her tonsilectomy surgery this past thursday......seriously?? yup, she sent a text saying that k. was giggling hysterically because of the drugs as she was going into surgery.....i told her that S. was at work and to not send me text messages and that she could talk to S. when he got home....she went off about how shes "LETTING" me CARE about k. and her life, about how if i dont want to care about k. with her, then that was my problem......seriously??

ready for my take on the situation??

has this whole situation between me, S., k., and k.s mom been difficult on me since day one? yeah, it has

i spent A LOT of time with k. while i was living in NC, and im extraordinarily attached to the girl, S. would have visitation with her for a few hours every thursday night, and every other saturday....i saw that little girl grow up...hung out with her, saw her silly side, k. even got to the point where she wanted to call my mom to talk to her, k. would even listen to me when i disciplined her, i was the one making sure that S. didnt give her any more candy or sweet stuff because it was almost supper time, i picked out presents for her, buckled her into her car seat, she would tell me that she loved me.....do i consider k. my daughter? no, but she WILL be my step-daughter one day. have i done all the things with k. that a mom does with their child? no, i admit that, i NEVER claimed that i wanted to be k.s MOM or that i was trying to take the place of her mom.

so when i have some stupid, bipolar bitch, continuously accusing me of trying to take her place, and telling me to get my own family, well, thats when im just done.

i dont need k.s mom to LET me CARE about k., I DO CARE about k., but that dosnt mean that i need to talk to YOU about her. i can get information from S. thanks so much. i dont need you to LET me INTO k.s life....i AM a part of her life, whether you care to admit it or not..... dont sit there, thinking youre an awesome mom, when youre not. dont sit there and accuse ME of being the one causing problems in this situation, because im NOT. i dont sit in the background during conversations that S. is having with k. and run my mouth (yes, occasionally i tell S. he should ask k. about school, or whatever holiday, and suggest things to talk about, and yes i have shouted out that k.s mom is a bitch (when we were on the phone with k.s mom, not while talking to k.).......but k.s mom is ALWAYS on the phone, talking to S. more than k. does, because she is still underestimating her 5 year old daughters intelligence and thinks that S. and k. will have nothing to talk about). when was the last time i actually talked to k.? hmmm, a few weeks ago, before that? maybe a month.....before that? who knows....i have stopped being upset by this....because im a hard hearted bitch? nope, because i know that k.s mom is feeding her complete bullshit, and that some day, thank god, k. will realize what truly happened between her mom and dad and me. S. knows how i feel about his daughter, he knows that i care about her and love her and want the best for her, that i worry about her and the situation shes in by living with her mom and the revolving front door, S. knows these things, and soon k. will too, and thats whats important right now.

i refuse to walk around on eggshells, wondering what kind of mood k.s mom will be in that particular week. i refuse to continuously adjust my mood and ways of thinking to k.s mom and how she feels about me that particular week. i was over her fucking roller coaster attitude a looooong time ago....just like im sure a lot of people around her get tired of it....i was tired of her stupid games a loooong time ago.....i stopped playing a looooong time ago. S. gets it. he sees how the psycho bitch reacts to me, how she treats me, and has no problem whatsoever with my actions.

so do i have to be nice to her? no

am i going to be nice to her? no

do i block out everything she says? yes :)

do i still love and care about my future step daughter? with all my heart.

36 Weeks and Counting!

2011-11-12T06:08:00.000-05:00

yup....

yes.....

YOU GOT IT!!!!! :D LOL

S. and i are still hoping for thanksgiving weekend though LOL because we are so anxious to meet this baby girl, that 2 weeks early sounds like its ok!! LOL

watch, ill probably be 2 weeks late..... :P

this girl has her fingers in a lot of pots today, actually i will for a few weeks... hehehe

besides allll of the things that S. and i need to get done around the house....ive been helping the neighbors do some stuff with their business because theyre so incredibly busy (ESPECially with christmas and all), annnnnnnd the little "project" ive been working on has taken a big leap forward!! :) does that mean i might be wicked crazy busy for the next few weeks (like im not already wicked crazy busy all the time?? :P ) yes it does, but i dont care because its an awesome start for me!!!! :D

seriously...SO. FREAKIN. EXCITED!!!! :D

wow, its saturday morning....its 5:45, and S. didnt jump out of bed to go hunting??

well, he IS reallllly tired ;) LOL

we had an awesome day yesterday!

although dude has a little bit of a stuffy/runny nose, he was the most amazing kid at his 2 year well check!! S. is so proud of him its so funny and cute :) its funny when the nurse asks questions like "does ____ put 2 or 3 words together?" honestly S. and i sat there and laughed then told the nurse, "um, he speaks in full sentences......." then laughed some more :D even the doctor and the nurses remarked on it :D dude sat in daddys lap and didnt make a fuss whatsoever about the doctor looking in his eyes, ears, and mouth, and when the nurse came back to give him a shot, he didnt cry, and when another nurse had to take lots of blood from a finger prick to do the state test for lead, dude sat on daddys lap patiently the whole time talking to her!! :) it was actually really funny....and then when we went next door for my OB check-up (i love how conveniently placed those two doctors offices are LOL) dude told alllllll of the nurses and my doctor about the lady that took his blood :D funny!! everything was awesome with my doctors appointment also :) dude sat on daddys lap again while we talked with the doctor, things are what theyre supposed to be, i now start going every week, and baby girls heartbeat is like music to me <3 dude fell asleep on the way home, S. went out hunting, i did some work for the neighbors, and then after dude went to bed, S. and i had a "date night" witth a movie we had rented :D <3

soooooo today.....we just need to do some winterizing around the house, we both need to work on specific projects, i need to get my christmas shopping list ready for tomorrow!! (im so excited about hanging out with mom and nana all day!! :D), and i think im going to make those chocolate cookies with peanut butter chunks because i know S. would love them :)

but for a while, im just going to sit here, enjoy the silence, and drink some more coffee, and rub my belly..... :P

ps. i LOVE the fact that i can still make my brother laugh hysterically :D it was awesome talking to you the other day, love you!!

HAPPY!!

2011-11-10T06:44:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Marine Corps!

Happy Birthday Mom-in-Law!!

Happy Anniversary to my brother and SIL!!!

whew....i think thats all the "happys" for today LOL

what a chill day we had yesterday for dudess birthday :D went shopping.....had peanut butter and fluff for lunch....played outside....took a nap (him, not me LOL).....and had more cake after supper with S. and i singing to him :) dude had the funniest smile while we sang to him though, it was so cute, it almost looked like an embarassed smile hehehehe :) outside again with daddy for a little while, then off to bed with no problem :) it must be hard being 2....

allllllmost 36 weeks.....doctors appointment tomorrow!!! :D

how is it that im getting used to feeling knees and toes in my ribs??

cant wait to eat the yummy pot roast tonight that im going to put in the crock pot later :)

im thinking of putting together a daddy shower gift for S....

i feel kinda bad that i got so much cool stuff at my baby shower...

im not really sure what to get him though...

besides some ear plugs LOL.....

WOW!! baby girl is going to have A LOT of clothes!!!! :D

so, when i run around all morning, putting together information that i need to have for an important appointment, then i get to that appointment....and they dont even LOOK AT or ASK for that imformation....yeah, i find that INcredibly annoying!!

dudess birthday party on sunday was so much fun!!! lots of craziness....over 70 balloons all over the floor will do that LOL .....there was wrapping paper flying..... everyone loved the cake that S. and i decorated :) ....... the poor guy was so exhausted that he was fast asleep on the couch by 5 LOL then on monday dude got his present from pumpkin and granddad (S.s parents :) its this really cool kitchen!! S. put it together that night when he got home....well, it took a little bit longer than it should have because dude was so intent on "helping" !!! talk about cute though!!! dude loves the kitchen set, and yesterday i looked over and he had put soup cans on the stove burners LOL cute

time to get going....time for breakfast for me and my man <3 :D

35/5

<3 <3 <3

To Our Son, With Love

2011-11-09T06:42:00.000-05:00

i woke up at 5am today.....and my first thought? what was i doing at this time 2 years ago?

oh right,

i was crying, mumbling that i couldnt push anymore, and mom was telling me that i could,

that i was almost done!

then, 45 minutes later,

dude was born <3

do all moms feel nostalgic on their childrens birthdays? it seeeeeems.....yes.

i remember yelling at the doctor to not drop him (hehehehe :) already the protective mama bear!) and calling S. 2 seconds later (he was in iraq on his second tour) and all i could do was stare at our perfect son who looked exactly like S. <3

i remember talking to S. every day on skype so he could see dude. S. would stare at him for the entire time we were on the computer, already feeling so much pride for his son :) he could NOT wait to get home to meet him! and actually, now that i think about it....i got a nice long hug and kiss...then S. ran to dudes bed to pick him up! and even though it was super late at night, dude was awake and waiting for S, and stared right back at him as S held him for the first time :) he never doubted for one second S, was his daddy, and S. never doubted for one second that dude was his son.....

now, our son is 2 years old today....and S. and i still cant stop staring at our son LOL he is so awesome, and handsome, and perfect.......have there been days when weve been frustrated as all hell? um, well, yeah, its called "parenthood" LOL but, our son has the impeccable timing of doing something really rotten, or crazy, or daring....then smiling and hugging us so that we forget everything bad LOL (i actually think he learned this fabulous trait from BOTH of us LOL) were constantly seeing dude do things, that are perfect imitations of us, he leans against walls and crosses his feet like me when hes telling a story, he lowers his head and smiles like S. he has his fathers body type, wicked dark brown eyes, and mouth (with my smile :) its an awesome combination!), and my nose, and hair...........hes crazy and playful, and loves being outside like S., loves books and reading like i do. dude is so stinkin smart....obviously he gets that from both of us LOL hes already reading, and talks and tells stories in full sentences, knows all his colors, different types of trees and trucks, and so many other things that we could go on and on about it......acually both S. and i could talk nonstop about dude....and sometimes we do LOL

so, actually, since we could go on forever, and write so much more about dude,

well wrap this up.....

duder,

we love you,

and were so incredibly blessed to have you in our lives. dont ever stop doing all the crazy things you do, because all those things, are what makes you ....... YOU!! LOL

and whatever your father and i might say.... we LIKE being kept on our toes...and thats what you do LOL

<3 <3 <3