~Ask Aunt B~

Temporaily Closed

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 22:23:00 +0000

Sorry Guys but right now my life is on fast forward. To do you any justice in answering your questions, I always want to give you my full attention. Right now that's just not possible.

In the meantime, enjoy your summer and remember...

Don't sweat the small shit and it's ALL small shit!!!

Keeping It Real,
Aunt B

Every now and again, I like to post this just to make you think. Even though I wrote it, it still makes me remember, think and pray...

My Granddaughter…Aries

I wrote this, not long after my release from Prison. I had laid there, alone, one night, unable to sleep. I began to think about all I had seen and heard, some of the stories. As part of a therapeutic community, a rehab within the prison, we had delved into a lot of issues, most brought on by addiction. Some were honest and frank, matter of fact. Some showed no remorse but often times, the women did not understand how they could do the things they had done. They had killed, starved, sold, cut, maimed, abused, neglected, molested and raped their children. I’d spoke with women, outside of a treatment setting and many of these women knew not, why they did what they did.

But who suffered the most, when the Mother was taken to prison? The children and they paid the price for it all. They had already been neglected and hurt and now they would be passed around like a garage sale rag doll. Pray for the children, will you?

“Bless This Child”

Bless this child who’s beaten daily, much more than he can take.
Bless this child who cries at night, his hunger still awake.
Bless this child who’s born of drugs, no habit of his own,
Bless this child who screams in silence he bears his pain alone.
Bless this child not wanted still, a lonely path to lead,
Bless this child so young, too young, molested, made to bleed.
Bless this child born of pain, whose mother barely cares,
Bless this child afraid of dark, it only brings nightmares.
Bless this child too frail to eat, afraid to die just yet,
Bless this child disease will claim, his dreams are never met.
Bless this child who wants to die, his life seems only lies,
Bless this child through suicide can’t say his last good-byes.
Bless this child who’s father’s gone, his love poured out in vain,
Bless this child through poverty who’ll only know hate and pain.
Bless this child who’s shook in anger, now knocks at heaven’s gate,
Bless this child you’ll never know, her story told too late.
Bless this child who’s sent to you, a present from above,
Bless this child you call your own, make sure you show them love.

Always Keeping It Real,
Aunt B

"Even the most brilliant minds can have troubled souls."

Aunt B

True Self

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 17:34:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

Greetings,
I have nowhere to turn with this issue, so here I go putting my question to a complete stranger....
Perhaps I am just looking for validation.
In any case, here goes...
My girlfriend of 30 years is going through a divorce. When she first brought her future husband around, we all thought he was gay, but hey, it was the 80's, and many lines were blurred. She married him, had 2 children lickety-split, and then the sex stopped. Now, 22 years later, she's having her moment of clarity, hooked up with an old boyfriend, feels pretty again, and wants a divorce. Her children are very troubled, particularly her son, who flew off the handle one night after they had collected him from the police station and called his father a faggot, and told him that he knew all about his internet escapades.
Her husband is a powerful man, with good lawyers. He is, in fact, the superintendent of a large school district. She felt that in order to leverage herself for the fight (husband suspects infidelity on her part), she had better bring some ammunition of her own to the table.
She put a SpyBot on his computer. It turns out that this man has regular anonymous sex with many male partners, but, here's the kicker, his Craigslist ad states that he must be the "father" and his partner for the evening his "son". My friend is sick over this and wonders if he has ever touched their son.
This man works with children for almost 10 months out of the year. Do you think the district should be notified? I'm sure he uses his work computer for the same purpose.
I cannot speak to anyone about this, I'll be shunned. Everyone is just hoping she gets out with half. I don't think that's good enough. If my kids were in his district, I'd be the first to notify them, no question about it. But I'm far away, and I don't want to ruin anyone's life, and is it really even my business?
Any advice on what to do, internet stranger?
Many thanks,
Karen F.

Dear Karen F,

Wow, that's pretty creepy, isn't it? I would also imagine, rather frustrating to say the least.

Yes, it's a damn shame your G-Friend wasted so many good years of her life...and yet, I do believe we all go through things in our life for good reason. She just must simply find that reason.

The first thing I'd like to reiterate is that you make sure your friend understands that this happened through no fault of her own. This man was born gay, that's it and that's all.

What happened is that he tried to live by Societal rules or rather live by the status quo, you know what we all consider normality. but has since succumbed to his True Self. That "true self" sounds rather deviant though, doesn't it? I am completely grossed out by it just as you are.

Yes Karen, it's one thing to be Gay, be true to oneself and desire the same sex, find someone to love, in what can be considered a wholesome gay relationship. It's quite another story when you're gay and are having sex with anything that walks down the pike, night after night. It's also flirting with death as well as disaster.

Again, I do firmly believe that you are born gay. And I see nothing wrong with people who search for love in a gay relationship, possibly even using Craigslist or something similar. Of course love being the primary and paramount word/piece in this issue.

However, I do also believe that God does not care much for deviance. And yes, there is a big difference between the two ways of conducting ones self in relation to being Gay.

There are a few important issues to consider here though. For one; Although it's abhorrent in my book to play this game that this fella is alluding, concerning where, "he must be the "father" and his partner for the evening his "son" as you wrote, it does not mean he's a Pedophile. (I realize that you did not say that he was)

Breaking that down, his behavior may indicate, what appears as pedophilia or rather a desire for young boys but it is clearly not the audience he is entertaining.

What I am trying to say is that he may not be acting upon any desire for a prepubescent child, which is the guideline as to the definition of pedophilia. Well, let's pray to God he's not as his position in the School District would surely allow an array of opportunity.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that you must be certain that you understand that the fact that he enjoys young men and playing this game does not mean he is a pedophile. Stranger than fiction, he may very well have a taste for toying with the "Twinks."

In example, trying to put it all into perspective, you have a huge populace of men who have a taste for that "School Girl." They may even go as far as to ask their significant to dress up in that fashion. Now, this does not in any way, shape or form imply that they are pedophiles nor does it mean that they'll act out or upon those desires with, per say, a child in a school girl uniform. The mind set itself are, in actuality, two totally and completely different. I do hope you agree?

Personally, this mans behavior, well, I find it rather offensive as well as disgusting but his Craigslist post is, I believe, designed to attract the aforementioned Twink.

As well, there's no legal wrong being committed, at least on the surface as the posts are designated for young men that are 18 or older. Craigslist has the site designed for 18 & up with the following disclaimer;

craigslist > men seeking men > warning & disclaimer

Unless all of the following points are true, use your "back" button to exit this part of craigslist:
I am at least 18 years old.
I understand "men seeking men" may include adult content.
I agree to flag as "prohibited" anything illegal or in violation of the craigslist terms of use.
I agree to report suspected exploitation of minors and/or human trafficking to the appropriate authorities.
By clicking on the links below, I release craigslist from any liability that may arise from my use of this site.

men seeking men

Choosing safer sex for you and your partner greatly reduces the risk of contracting STDs including HIV -- you can get answers to your safer sex questions, courtesy of staff members at the SF city clinic

craigslist has implemented the PICS content labeling system to assist parents and others who may be interested in content filtering. The PICS system is compatible with most commercially available as well as open source content control software packages.

I'm a bit perplexed as to how to advise you simply because this is such a delicate situation. What comes to mind though, is for your G-Friend to take all of her evidence and present it to her soon to be ex-husband. She can then write the end to this tumultuous chapter, I believe.

What I'm saying is that if she let's him know what evidence she has, he's going to accommodate her in every way possible so that she does not bring it all to the surface and make it all public.

I mean, if you think about it, he has really gone out of his way, all these years to keep all this under his hat. I'd be willing to bet that he does not want the public, especially the school district to know all this. After all, in light of public opinion, it will not sit well with anyone that their leader is behaving in a less than favorable fashion and still dealing with children on the daily.

I suppose what I'm implying is that she most certainly has an Ace up her sleeve and it's just about time to play that hand. She should win the game.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

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The Package

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 17:19:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

my friend and I went to her cousins house to hang out one night and have a few beers. Her cousin has been around the block a few times. I had seen her cousin maybe 2 times before and he was really hot. We Hung out and had a few laughs. Later on that night, my best friend left to go to her boyfriends house and left me there with her cousin. Her cousin and I talked for a while and one thing led to another. We slept together and then fell asleep. I woke up the next mornin and left. 2 weeks later my best friend and I went back to her cousins house to hang out. Over the past 2 weeks that I hadn't seen or talked to her cousin I kind of fell for him. I just don't know if he feels the same? What should I do?

Dear Friend,

Well, you kinda rushed right in and gave him "The Package" pretty quick. This could cause him to not take you seriously. However, it can also mean that he likes you as well.

What I mean is this; Some guys don't have issue w/a chick that jumps right into bed with them. Some do and will actually think less of you, believe it or not. That's just the way the ball bounces.

Per chance he's one of those guys and feels he got what he wanted and that's it, well, you wouldn't want some double standard piece of work anyway, now would you? My suggestion is to find a way to spend some more time with him and feel it out. Again, if this guy pushes you away, it's because he got what he wanted from you and it's a done deal. So, think about it; If that's what goes down, he just wanted a piece of ass and nothing more. And I'll remind you again that you will probably find someone without the screwed up thinking right around the corner...HINT HINT!!! Keeping It Real, Aunt B

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Be Patient

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 16:56:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

I (a college student) met a very friendly guy at a party and we talked to each other three times. But we didn't contact until a couple of weeks ago I asked for his advice on the project I had been engaged in. (He's kind of expert at it.) About five days later, he replied that the project seemed interesting to him and he would like to discuss it with me in person. Unfortunately because of our tight schedule at the time, we couldn't managed to meet. On the other hand, he helped me by telling me his opinions online.

Now he's leaving. I would like to meet him again and express my gratitude. He is quite a nice guy to me. But the problem is: I don't know if he is intersted in me and I don't want to "bother" him if he is really not. So I left a message asking whether he likes the idea of taking him out for afternoon tea as a thank you. He replied something like "Yeah! That would be cool!" But he also stated that he plans to do some traveling in the next few weeks and that he would, however, try to find a good time. Is this his euphemist rejection? Or this is not? What should I do next?

I hope I gace sufficient information. Please tell me what is your take on this and million thanks for your suggestions! I really appeciate your help.
Thanks.

Maggie

Dear M:

Well, I don’t think he is trying to brush you off. I think this is a thing about circumstance, and the right place at the right time. He is leaving, and likely has a lot to do to prepare. I would think that if he was trying to let you down easy, that he would just tell you he was really busy and didn’t have the time right now to hook up. But he didn’t. He wanted to make sure that you were aware that he had limited time, but that he wanted to meet with you regardless of the scheduling.

To me, that sounds like he cares enough to tell you if he’s not interested.

What you do from here? Well that is a little more precarious, only due to his time restraint. Unfortunately this is totally his to decide. He needs to come up with a plan, and that’s all there is to it.

So, you need to Be Patient. And if it was meant to work out, it will. But I’m fairly confident that he will get in touch with you, sounds as though he wants to.

Wishing you patients and luck :)

~Xmichra.

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You're Not Promised Tomorrow

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 20:14:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

First Email

Hello,

I love my parents, they mean everything to me, it's been 3 weeks since

they last said a word to each other and I want them to speak again.

I've heard both sides of the story, my dad says that my mom speaks to

him as if he was inferior to her and that it seems she's lost all

respect for him. Then my mom says that my dad never helps out at home

and doesn't consider all the hard work she does. I want them to sit

down and talk to each other and stop complaining to me! How do I get

my stubborn parents to speak again or at least sit them down to talk

and resolve their issues?? I know if I ask them to sit down and talk,

they won't do it? What should I do? Please help me and thanks sooo

much! - Sincerely "Torn in 2" :(

Second Email...

Hello, and first of all I want to thank your for taking the time to read my email. I'm a 15 year old girl, that loves her parents deeply, but lately they have been having issues, that need to be resolved. My parents have not been speaking for 3 weeks. I know they had an argument, and I have heard both sides of their stories. My dad claims that my mom has lost all respect for him, and that it seems she no longer cares, while my mom says that my dad is inconsiderate when it comes to all the hard work she does at home. I know my parents love each other, but how do I get my two stubborn parents to speak again? I have told them a lot of times to talk things out, but they refuse to. What should I do to get my parents to speak again? Do you know of any plan or something to make them come together? I'm tired of this, and frankly I want them to talk things out like the civilized people they are! It hurts me to see them like this :(. I don't know what to do, please help me. I really need this, especially since father's day is coming up. Thanks soo much for taking the time to read my email.

Thank you ! ---

Sincerely "Torn In Two" :)

Dear Torn In Two,

I can see, reading between the lines that you are mature, way beyond your years. I can also see that you are a very "deep" thinker. This is a double edged sword, one you'll carry all the days of your life. It's a good and bad thing, you will see but don't ever change that about yourself.

You know, people fall in and out of love so easily, especially in this day and age. We take each other for granted as if we are each replaceable like robots or some kind of assembly line gadget we toss out with the trash.

On top of all this, we tend to treat each other horridly because God forbid we might let our guard down, let our real emotions show or even appear to be vulnerable. And no one ever wants to wrong, half wrong in any given situation where compromise is called for. It's true too that we always tend to hurt the ones we love the most.

Unfortunately, it also seems the Art of the Fight, well, it's no holds barred these days. We think nothing of hitting below the belt in our proverbial assault upon each other. Sad but true.

Words do cut like a knife. When I was with my last husband Sonny, oh my, we fought hardcore. I can remember almost wishing he'd just hit me instead of the barrage of insulting things he'd so easily fling at me. Yes, the black eye would've healed and disappeared but those words are/were forever stuck in the filing cabinet in my brain.

More often than not, we tend to "LOSE" respect for each other. We so easily forget how much the person means/meant to us. We say things, we do things that can have everlasting effect, a lifetime of damage. It can become a handicap, crippling our relationships when they could be healthy had we kept our big mouths shut. Day to day living masks the profound effect our words may have had on each other, the good, the bad and the ugly.

"Tomorrow is not promised."

My first husband is gone. He died in 1989, complications of Hepatitis C. He was my very best friend until I began to take him for granted. I grew tired of him. I felt I'd grown past him and simply tossed him out, just like that assembly line gadget I mentioned before.

Husband #2 was not my best friend. It was an extremely stormy relationship, to put it mildly. He was very abusive and I was too sick, mentally and physically to do anything about it for 19 plus years.

How sick was this marriage, you ask? Well, I shot him the first year we were together. He'd beat me beyond recognition and went to jail. Two weeks later he was released and showed up at my door angrier than before because I'd had the gall to have him thrown in jail for what he'd done to me. It got real ugly, real quick, in a hurry.

Long story short, I shot him point blank in the stomach with a .22 Long Rifle. He would've died had it not been for the fact that we were 4 minutes away from one of the best Trauma Centers in the Nation.

You can only imagine how messed up he was but he checked himself out of the ICU, staples, from sternum to groin, hitched a ride and showed up at my door. Now, if that's not the sickest, most twisted relationship there never/ever was, well, I don't know what is. But even worse, I stayed in that marriage for 19 long years. And yet...I loved him.

Yes, husband #2 OD'd and died April 28, 2010. I've yet to cry. Don't get me wrong, it hurts me. It's a pain, a deep wailing inside, insidious and cruel. I don't know what to feel.

The point is that in both instances, with both men there are so many things I wish I'd said and done. But it's far too late and I can never get that back.

Concerning your parents, it's high time they sit down and hash this out just as you would any business deal or contract. After all, that's basically where they're at; it's all business and no pleasure.

I suggest that you take them both aside separately and get them to agree to a sit down. Tell them to do their homework and write down their issues. Bring it to the table and get it all out.

You'll have to establish some ground rules such as fighting fair and the reminder that nothing is accomplished as it stands. I mean, after all, anger is a ruthless killer. It is selfish, destructive and it only serves to eat ones self alive.

A gentle nudge in the direction of respect on both parties behalf is the most important rule for this business meeting. You might also remind them that they'll be NO shouting, cursing or pointing of the finger, much less flipping it.

Then, you sit them down and explain to them that you are over their game. Life's too short for the dumb sh*t and although they each feel they have valid issues, the way they are going about it all is getting them no where fast.

As well, I suggest that you read this letter to them as the opening act. I think they need to re-evaluate their individual parts played in this marriage. Please ask them if they forgot that a marriage is always a give and take situation but one that must be worked on all the time, every day, every second.

The chief issue here, no matter what they really think it is, you know when it comes to their grievances in a list form is the fact that they do not respect each other. And until such time as they realize this with a mind set that they will make a conscience effort to uphold the respect factor, nothing and I do mean nothing will ever work.

They've got to hash this out, then wipe the slate clean. They've got to agree to disagree but in a a fair manner. They also need to be reminded that a house divided will most assuredly fall.

A marriage is work, not doubt about it. Did they just get lazy? Did they just decide one morning that they'd no longer be willing to be friends? Did they each look in the mirror one fine morn and say to themselves, "Well, I'm over this?"

Yes, Torn In Two, sit them down and have them get it all out, say what needs to be said, exactly how they feel, hopefully in a fair manner. Then, let's pray that they'll consider it a "Do Over," and get on with their marriage.

I'm hoping they'll remember the fact that their days are numbered, not in a morbid, death is upon us sense but in the pleasance to realize what life would, could, may be without the other in it.

And again, let's pray that they'll come to an understanding that they need each other as they are a well oiled machine that has been neglected and allowed to sit and rust.

Most importantly, you need to remind them that time isn’t marching on—it’s running out!

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

Further Reading

Grieving on The Installment Plan

Lyrics | Why Do We Always Hurt The Ones We Love lyrics

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Need for Speed

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 19:50:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

I'll be 18 in August. I am a member of the drumline at my high school. There's this guy who is the Percussion Director. He's 23 but he'll be 24 in August. I suppose he is still considered some sort of teacher but he does not actually work at the school. Anyway, I completely, undoubtedly, pathetically love him. I am always thinking about him. Always. I can't NOT think about him. Sometimes I wish I never met him because it would be so much easier but I really love him and I'm glad he's in my life. I know him pretty well. He's a friend more than a director or instructor. I trust him and I don't think he'd be that upset if I said something to him and sometimes I think that, if it wasn't sort of "taboo", he might even have the same feelings for me. I was going to wait until I graduate (a year from now) to tell him/ask him but I don't know if I can take it anymore. Delayed gratification or just tell him exactly how I feel? Just how inappropriate would a relationship be right now? How inappropriate would it be after I am no longer a student? Actually, never mind that, I just want him to know how much I care about him. But I'm guessing that would make things very weird. By the way, I don't creep on him or hit on him or do anything weird that he would notice. I'm not like that and this isn't a silly little weird crush. I freaking love the man. I know it's not right but I don't care.

Thanks,

DG

Dear DG,

First I wanted to apologize for the delay in answering your letter. I do value all of the letters I get and am quite behind. I am the primary care giver for my 11 month old grandbaby and it's far more time consuming than I can ever remember. I get nothing done and don't know how I manged to raise my three sons and daughter while working, often times two jobs, as a single parent.

Anyway DG, my concern about all this are, to start, the legal ramifications involved. Because you are a minor and he is not, if anybody found out, (possibly your parents?)assuming you both act upon this love, okay, well, this guy can go straight to jail. I know this is strong language and words you do not want to hear.

Now, don't think I don't understand and validate your feelings. I was married at the age of 16, had my first child at 17(I was pregnant when I walked down the aisle)so I certainly can relate to your emotions. I believe them to be real just as mine were, way back when. And far be it from me to tell you to put your feelings aside...but they may need to wait.

So here's the real deal; Let's say you act on these feelings, first by telling this guy how you feel, right? Well, you may be in for a let down, from the start because of the age difference. What I mean is that he may push you away, even if he does have feelings because he knows it could be an all expense paid vacation... straight to jail.

Right now, across America, there's a huge spotlight on teen sexual exploitation. Shows like Dateline NBC's "To Catch A Predator" starring Chris Hansen, focus on men who try to date teen girls, some as young as 12 years old.

Basically, this show, in case you're not familiar with it, places the emphasis on the online aspect of predatory behavior of men who do not care how old a girl might be, they just want to have fun/sex at any cost.
I do believe this to be a good show and it is gravely important for parents to understand all facets of Online Safety. Parents, in turn, need to discuss online safety with their children especially their teen daughters.

But what does all this have to do with you? As I said, the limelight is on older men dating young girls. You may very well be a mature young lady, one who is hopelessly in love. The problem is that the Laws are in place, moral standards are set, all for a reason; to keep you from being or becoming a victim.

"But I'm not a victim, Aunt B, I love him and I am the one who's starting this whole thing, not him."

I can just about hear you saying this as you read my words. But that is exactly what and how they are going to refer to you, "a victim" if they were to find out that you've gone out with, had relations with, etc. etc., this nice guy. They'll say that you are not capable, at your age of making the decision to give yourself to this man, no matter how hard you protest. And he'll be charged and for the rest of his life he'll have to register as a Sex Offender.

So, these are the cold hard facts of this situation. While I surely sympathize and understand your Need for Speed, I'd suggest putting on the brakes for a minute.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

More Reading

MSN.NBC; After the show, talk to your kids about Online Safety

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‘My Way Or The Highway’

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 19:25:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

I have a great 10 year relationship with my fiance'. When we met I was 23 and
he was a divorced father of 3. I grew up with both my parents so I have always
respected and never tried to interfere with the relationship that he has with
his children. The problem arises 10 years later when his youngest child is
19 and his oldest is 23. I do not have any children..and I hoped and planned to
prepare to begin "our life" now that his children are young adults. Well.. it
seems that "this life" will never really materialize because of his constant and
consistent "obsession" with the children that are NOW adults. To this day..they
seem to come before me.. and us.. We stayed in their hometown to help raise
them..and made plans to move to Florida this year. Just today I heard him tell
his oldest daughter that when we leave he is going to send for them!! I don't think
that it is a problem that he loves and wants to stay close with his children.. but
the point is is that they are NOT my children!! and it seems as if my life will
never materialize into the dreams that I dream..because we are still living in his
past..not OUR FUTURE together!! Please help me.. Do I reconsider this
relationship??

Dear Please Help:

You are not going to like what I have to say, and I know it. But… honestly, you need to get a grip.

Being a parent doesn’t end once the kids are into early adulthood. Hell, it never ends. And the way that you are focused on having a life with no kids to interfere, well you shouldn’t have had kids. And by extension, YOU DO.

When you decided to be part of that family, this was a choice that you made, not them. And you need to realize that if you are reconsidering the relationship *now*… well, I’m thinking it was never going to work out like you had planned and hoped. You are counting on him dropping his kids, and that is clearly not going to happen. Basing your life with your future dreams… you are forgetting all about him when you say “OUR”. His life has three children, and yours does not. Both of you have to realize that and compromise, instead of making a strong-headed decision of ‘my way or the highway’.

Yes, they are legally adults. But there are a lot of young adults who are just not mature enough, or ready to be far away from their parents. Better still, there are plenty of mature, independent people who want to remain close to their parents. So trying to weed out that natural bond, quite frankly, is futile. You will drive yourself crazy trying to do that (nor should You).

I feel I have failed you, because I don’t have advice for you. I wish you good luck with trying to find your dreams in life, but in all honesty do not think you will find it if you choose to take a stand with this situation. It might clear you up to other endeavors, but as for this question… I have no advice due to the complicity in a simple question. I have an opinion, but those are a dime a dozen.

I do hope that whatever you choose, you do find some happiness.

~Xmichra

Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!

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Digeus Registry Cleaner 5.4.11591

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 13:36:00 +0000

Re: Computer Advice

Hey Readers,

Aunt B is basically commercial free but now and then I come across something that I must share. The Tech Writers for Digeus, Inc asked me to try the programs they offer. First allow me to mention...

Digeus Registry Cleaner 5.4.11591

Now, I don't pretend to be genius or even real tech savvy but I've been around the block when it comes to maintaining your computer. Of course I'd learned everything the hard way as I crashed my computer twice when I first started to dabble back in 2003.

Long story short, I have learned that if you do not maintain your computer, yourself, (there are no fairy's that come in and make it right)it will begin to run slower and slower until it won't do a diddly darn thing for you. You end up throwing it out the window.

What happens, is your registry becomes full of errors and unless you repair it with a good program it most certainly will run noticeably slower...painfully slow.

Before I tried the Digeus Registry Cleaner, I had tried some notable programs. On all the computers in our home we have installed, again, an expensive program which I will not mention. I was surly fooled (and feel duped actually) by that program as it never did what Digeus Registry Cleaner has done...

Check it out: I ran this program and it found (drum roll please)

941 registry errors

I'm simply mesmerized and astounded. My sons are all "I.T.'s" and they agree these programs are, and I quote, "Bangin'!"

I highly recommend Digeus Registry Cleaner along with the other useful programs they offer...

SnapIt

"Capture anything you see on your PC screen. Take a "snapshot" of anything with just a click."

System Optimizer

"Eliminate system crashes, freezes and slowdowns. Identify and repair common Windows problems."

Duplicate Files Finder

"Remove duplicate mp3, photos, pictures etc. and regain plenty of disk space."

Junk Files Cleaner

"Free up valuable space on your hard drive. Speed up your system performance."

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

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Urge For Revenge

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 17:46:00 +0000

To: askauntb@gmail.com

Subject: My only thoughts are REVENGE.

Hey whats up??? thank you for taking your time to read my question, I really appreciate the help.
Well here goes.

Me and my girlfriend have been in a very on-off, rockey relationship for nearly 3years. No doubt we love eachother, but we're so different in personalities that the friction was always there. Well from the day I met her I told her that I had slept with 8 women.... You know how every guy lies about the number of women he's slept with so I did the same...

On the 26th of Feb she found out that I had actually not slept with the above mentioned women, and that she was my first. She got really angry and said that I had betrayed her, for lying for the past 3yrs. She cannot or doesn't want to understand that its normal amongst guys to lie about that sort of thing.

Well after two days she tells me that "she wants to be single" but without the intention of hooking up with someone else and that we should remain as friends.... and that she expects full cooperation from me........ I was like, what the hell is wrong with you?! Just because you're crazy and that your feeling changed for me doesn't mean that mine did too..... I told her that.... I said that I wont be friends, I'm not guilty of anything, I didn't do anything wrong, and that I dont have anything to be ashamed off.....

Then she, coldly cut of all communication with me.... like she didn't even know me... I told her that we need to talk, that I was nice and supportive to her for the past 3 years and that she couldn't betray me like this..... but she hasn't replied since.... I'm angry, I'm bitter and have a lot of unanswered questions....... Did she really love me?

Imagin that you love someone with all your heart for 3yrs, and all of a sudden they break-up and offer absolutely no explanation.

I'm feeling a very strong urge to get revenge, I know that wont solve anything, but do you think that will make me happy??? And what can I do to move on?

Dear Reader,

There is something more to this story for sure, because the reason for ending the relationship is just silly. Not all guys lie about their sexual past, but this to me is a ridiculous reason to break up after 3 years... this my friend, is a farce of what is really going down.

But regardless of that fact, she did break up with you. And she must have had her reasons, whatever they were. Now it’s time to figure out your end.

I can understand the urge for revenge, it seems that it is a pretty basic instinct. To hurt what has hurt you. But in the end, you will feel even worse for doing something vengeful to someone you still care for. Imagine loving someone with all your heart for three years, and they get hurt really badly. You are watching them twist and turn, and it makes them so hurt they can hardly breathe without crying. And they turn to you, because you have been there for three long years... and the hate and the scorn, and the blame all comes flooding up and is glaring right at you... the one who has caused the hurt. The look of unmistakable hatred and distain, forever in your mind. Is that what you want? You really want to do that to her and to you?

I doubt that.

Most people believe that if they hurt the other person that they will feel better themselves. And it’s just not true. Revenge can only cause more harm than good, and there are centuries of love stories and tales that portray that very truth.

Do yourself a favour, and walk away from that feeling, and concentrate your efforts on yourself and healing. You will be so much better off.

~Xmichra

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The Respect Factor

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 16:10:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

A couple of years ago I wrote to you when my husband asked me not to wear my ring and watch in front of his ex-wife at a wedding we attended. You summed up the situation so well and gave me some great advice. I shared your response with him, and he agreed with everything you said. You have the ability to read between the lines, and I highly value your input so here goes…

My husband is a physician who retired from the military last year and we opened a private solo-practice. I am the receptionist, assistant, office cleaner, personal secretary, etc…I do it all. Next door to our office is a café and we are friendly with the owners. This morning I picked up a cappuccino for my husband. It was not good at all. He was going keep it because of our friendship with the café owners. I took it upon myself to return it, as I knew they would want to make it right. When I returned to the office my husband was on the phone. I set the cup on his desk and it tipped over spilling coffee on his keyboard and papers. He calmly finished his call while I dried off the keyboard with a paper towel. When he finished the call he took the keyboard out of my hands and was going to throw it away. He was angry and said to cancel all of his appointments for the day and to get out of his life. I urged him not to throw the keyboard away unless it was ruined. I would deal with his remarks when he cooled off. While I was standing by the sink he threw the full cup of coffee in it making another mess for me to clean up. Being the peacemaker and people pleaser that I am, I apologized for spilling the coffee and told him that I felt he over-reacted and wondered if there was something else going on in his life. He paused and said the he feels that I have been cool to him lately.

I admit that there is some truth to that because I am afraid to open my mouth around him lately because he criticizes much of what I say. The other day we had a dinner party. While I stayed home and cleaned and prepared for the dinner he spent the day at the office and went into town. The house looked great, and the first thing he said when he walked in was “there is dog hair on the floor.” This morning he found my glove in the driveway and that irritated him. I admit that I am not perfect and I do make mistakes, but I feel that he over-reacts when I mess up.

He recently insisted that I take over his iphone when he bought the newest version for himself. I should have declined because last year he gave me an iphone and I immediately gave it back because while I was checking my email he took it out of my hands and threw it on the floor. So here we go again…now I use it to check my email, look at the weather, and check FaceBook. He feels that I look at FaceBook too much and asked me not to look at it in front of him. In the meantime, he is on his iphone daily checking his email and looking things up. When we go out to eat he looks at it. One night after we went to bed he turned on the lights to check his phone. Once in a while he will ask me to see what his son and daughter-in-law have posted on FaceBook, or he will ask me to post a picture of our dog on it.

On Christmas morning I was returning a text message to my son to say I would call him later. That irritated him so much that he left the house and went to his office for a couple of hours without eating the special breakfast that I had planned. He refused to open his Christmas presents too. We had accepted a Christmas dinner invitation with friends and he told me to cancel. I urged him to go and he reluctantly agreed. I was an emotional wreck, but pulled it together. He was silent in the car on the way to and from our friend’s house. While we were there my husband was the life of the party and you would not have known that he was upset with his wife.

So you can see I am dealing with a challenging and controlling man. I don’t know what to do. It seems his philosophy is do as I say, not as I do. Any thoughts?

Your friend

Dear Old Friend,

It's certainly nice to hear from you again. And I especially enjoy such complimentary words from you, I duly appreciate them. I'm sorry to hear you're having problems though.

Yes, it sounds like all would be well if the good Doctor could just be reasonable, huh? I mean he's been behaving like a tyrant and actually quite unappreciative. The situation is one of those things where you don't miss the water till the well runs dry. And I foresee big problems on the horizon.

I identify with your behaviors, i.e. doing all you can do to further "The Practice", being the peacemaker, basically putting your feelings aside in order to make things work. But for real, when it's all said and done, when you're sitting in retirement or whatever, who the hell'd want to have been a Martyr all their life? Now, do not take this commentary to heart and try to laugh with me on this.

In my marriage, I did everything I could possibly do to make my partner shine. He's a drummer, like myself and shine he did especially when he played concerts, etc. His hair was cut/styled, his clothing was clean and pressed, hell, even his toe nails were pedicured perfectly because of me. All the while, I bitched and moaned to myself because he did not appreciate it.

In Psychology, they have a term, you may be familiar with called "Passive-Aggressive" behavior. But in Psychology it means a completely different thing than what I use it for. A colloquial "Babzism", I use passive-aggressive to describe my very own behavior.

The best scenario I can think of, off the top of my head is I allowed my husband to do or get away with something, over and over again such as tickling me. Now, I simply hate to be tickled, LOATH it with a capital "L." Of course, when you are being tickled you tend to laugh, right? One particular day, he tickled me to the point of tears. He then seemed angry at me because I had the nerve to cry about it like a "whiny baby."

At that point in our marriage, probably 5 to 6 years into it, he'd tickled me countless times and I hated every frigin minute of it. Well, I never told him to stop entirely, I really never said anything in the form of stating that I didn't like it either. On this day though, I'd had enough and when he started mocking my tears, I jumped up, in his face and growled, through my teeth, (something I'm famous for) that if he ever tickled me again, "I'll cut your balls off and shove them down your fucking throat." And he knew I meant every word!!

For real though, who's fault is it that I endured being tickled all those years when I so genuinely despised it? That's just a rough illustration and the point is that I'd put up with something again and again until I exploded. When it's all said and done, it's hardly fair to anyone if you allow a behavior to continue unchecked and an incident causes you to detonate.

I tend to be long winded but the point is fairly simple; It's time for you to begin to call your husband on his less than gracious behavior. Now I know that you are not confrontational and you'd rather bite your tongue than start an argument. The problem brewing here is that these things tend to build up until we can't see what started it, what kept it going or how we arrived at the Lawyers office asking them to draw up Divorce papers.

The other thing to consider is the very true fact that "We all deserve to be happy. Not at others expense nor theirs at yours." It's detrimental that you begin to assert what you will or will not tolerate. I am rather fond of my own quote, "While it's very important for people to know what we stand for, it's imperative for them to know what we will not stand for." G-Friend, you must begin to work on ridding yourself of the martyr mentality, gracefully.

Again, I realize you are not argumentative. Knowing this, we'll approach this strategically. My advice would be to assert your feelings into the mix at every juncture. You might let him know how you feel in a note left tactically, let's say, maybe in the bathroom. When the coffee incident happened, you might wait a bit for things to calm and write...

"When you go off on me because of a certain and simple mishap, accident or otherwise, I feel it is unfair, uncaring and hurtful."

This is just an example in the vein I'd hope you'd use. It all comes down to tactfully, stating your needs, wants, dislikes, feelings and emotion. Your approach should be respectful as well as direct. If you continue to allow this behavior, I guaran damn tee ya, he'll keep it up. He's also not a mind reader either so you need to make him aware of how this all makes you feel.

The most important aspect of all this is to begin to put things into perspective for him. He really needs to try on your high heels for a change. It's the good old and proverbial, "Put the shoe on the other foot," approach. And I would begin, as I said by writing these little notes shortly after each and every incident.

The Respect Factor

You said something quite profound, in the latter part of your question that made me really think. In your letter to me, you were speaking about the two of you had accepted a Christmas dinner invite. You did not converse on the way there but he was the life of the party. Now, I wish I knew how he behaved towards you afterward. You know, did he loosen up, was he in a better mood, yada yada yada?

Anywho, the thing I want you to notice is how your husband is able to turn it on and turn it off. I'm speaking of The Respect Factor. He turns it off in his dealings with you. He turns it on , I'm assuming (and betting on), with his friends, patients, colleagues. Now, ask yourself, why is this?

Your husband does not respect you as he should. This is plain and simple. Did he ever? I do not know. Did he lose his respect for you? I can't answer that either. One thing is crystal clear though and allow me to make my point here;

He knows how to turn it on and off. He knows that if he does not show respect in his profession, he'll lose patients. He knows that if he does not show respect to his colleagues, he will lose their respect. He knows that if he does not show respect to his friends, he will not keep those friends for very long. On & Off, like a light switch.

Let me say that I do believe that a good woman is good to her husband. And without sounding redundant, a good man takes note of a good woman. He does not take her for granted, he does not treat her less than or with a lack of due respect and that's basically what's going on here.

Our Darling Doctor simply needs a refresher course in the importance of treating his wife as his equal/partner, not his minion. And it's paramount that he might realize the importance of a loyal and loving wife, never taking it for granted, never forgetting her feelings are as valuable as any others.

I'm praying for your marriage as I do value the sanctity of your union. You may not have the same understanding of Spiritual matters as I do? I'm hoping that you do. Having said this, I am a firm believer, first in the power of prayer and I suggest that you pray for your marriage and for your husbands ears to be opened and his heart, warmed with comprehension.

Secondly, well, hubby may not have received the "Memo." Husbandry has come a long way but at the same time, many inherited beliefs as well as behaviors have been passed down, mother to son, father to son which inherently dictate what our men believe.

I am not one of those women, "I am woman, hear me roar,"and in fact may be guilty of some old thinking, age old. At the same time, what I've learned in my years on this earth is part observance, part learned behavior and part biblical fact.

What I'm actually getting at is that God made woman not in subservience but to enhance our husband. The differences, both physical as well as mental are assigned in accordance with what is best suited in a partnership. One example of this is that women are given the gift/art of intuition where as most men do not have this. What may be obvious to us is buried for many men. Thus, they need us to whisper in their ear what we may see that they do not.

I could go on and on as to the importance of this union, this partnership but suffice it to say it is your divine destiny to be married to this man (God given). My suggestion is to continue to work on it, do whatever it takes to make it work but do not allow it to go on as it has.

I think it's a wonderful thing that you care enough to have written, that you love your husband enough to pull out all the stops and hopefully you'll use all the tools you can find to make it work...smoothly.

My prescription for hubby...

Rx: Check yourself q.i.d. for Spousal Respect Factor Awareness

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

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Jens' Love Lessons

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 15:58:00 +0000

My name is Jennifer Gill Rosier. I'm a doctoral student at Purdue University and the author of www.JensLoveLessons.com. For my doctoral dissertation, I will be testing the effectiveness of a research-based sexual communication training program that I've developed over the last three years. I'm currently looking for participants. Below is a brief explanation of the study. If YOU or ANYONE YOU KNOW would be interested in participating in this FREE trial sexual communication training program, please visit the study's website. Once there, you can read all about the training program, ask questions, and/or sign up to participate.

If possible, I would really appreciate it if you could forward this email to your colleagues, friends, and family members. If you're interested, you could also copy and paste the article below (or an edited version of the article below) on your blog if you have one.

Thanks!

Jennie

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Is it difficult for you to talk to your partner about sex?

Well, you're not alone. In fact, research has shown that many Americans have a difficult time talking to their partners about their sex life (Marble, 1997). Some people fear being embarrassed or embarrassing their partners, while others are scared of being rejected or ruining their relationships. Still others just don't know how to start the conversation, so they never try. Let's be real, talking about sex is a very sensitive topic for most individuals. All of these fears are completely natural and expected.

These fears can partly be caused by the minimal focus our society places on communication about sex with your partner. The discussion of sexual desires is not prevalent in our everyday conversations, which leads to us having fewer examples of competent and incompetent messages to model or avoid. If you have minimal practice discussing your sexual likes and dislikes to a partner, you may feel less confident in your abilities.

Contrary to popular belief, understanding how to communicate about sex is not intuitive knowledge. Instead, being able to discuss sexual desires and issues with a partner is a skill that couples can cultivate through communication skill training.

Research-based communication skill training programs, like the one being offered here for FREE, have been shown to significantly enhance the communication skills of individuals and couples alike. The program being offered here was carefully developed by relationship researchers so that your chances of experiencing improved sexual communication skills at the close of the program are greatly increased.

You now have the opportunity to participate in a FREE trial sexual communication training program with your partner. The entire training program will be done online, so you can participate in the comfort and privacy of your own home! This trial training program is part of a study being conducted at Purdue University about sexual coaching skills. The purpose of this research is to evaluate a communication training program that aims to improve your sexual coaching skills. The study will also examine whether improvements in these skills increase both your and your partner’s sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction. The communication training activities that you will participate in during this study focus on enhancing your ability to talk about sex with your partner but do not ask you to engage in any specific sexual activities.

For more information about this amazing opportunity, including information about how to participate for FREE, go to www.SexComTraining.weebly.com and read all about the program.

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Letter To Mom

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 22:01:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

I have been having problems with my mother for over 14 years. Growing up my mother always favored my sister only a year older. She could go out, I couldnt. The reason was, she felt my sister was more mature. Meanwhile my sister treated me like a second class citizen and never wanted me around. My senior year in highschool she wouldnt let me go anywhere because I became depressed about school, which made it worse. Not to mention I went on antidepressants which my choice for social anxiety and she forced me to take antidepressants when I would talk to her about problems in school which were making me feel invalidated for how I felt. I didnt talk to anyone that year due to feeling very shut out. I went off to college to hope things would get better. When I came home from college breaks she had me have curfews, the whole time. Everytime I came home on break it became worse. We fought over everything. She wanted to control who I saw and I felt I was an adult. I went back on medication and then when we fought she would hand the bottle at me for me to feel like the crazy one. It was awful because now this medication was her weapon. I started to ignore her control and then she threw my things on the lawn. When I came home from college I feel into a depression. No one was around I grew up with anymore. My family treated me poorly. She continued to try and control. Anytime I was upset with her treatment she pulled the medication deal at me. I then suggested therapy with her. She went three times and felt that the counselor was against her because she asked her why she invalidates everything I say. I finally moved out of the house and tried to speak to her over the phone why she treated me this way and she would hang up on me. She would hardly talk about anything. Then she said it was in the past. I felt broken, torn, self esteem damaged. I felt no belonging in the world. I dont know whats going on. After years of therapy to get past the trauma, and damaged selfesteem, I felt it was not really going anywhere. I felt most of my issues was from how she treated me and I wanted answers. I am 31 now. If we talk about anything she says that she does not want to talk about the past. I told her it would help me but she makes me feel guilty for talking about anything, talks for two minutes and then hangs up the phone. I really feel that she is the one that has the problem not me, she has broken me down over the years. I truly felt she never wanted me to grow up. I moved to Florida to start a new life, but I feel she ruined the life I was supposed to have. When I was depressed she told me I was born this way and gave me magazine articles every week just to prove it. I felt she wanted to have so much power over me so I would be so broken down that I would never leave. I am still having issues with her. She puts me down for wanting to discuss issues that has still affected me and my mental health into the adult years, which I am still struggling with. She tells me I am obsessing because I try and discuss it all the time. I am trying to get past the issues by resolving them which she has always made so difficult. We could have gotten it over and done with in counseling but she refused to go. Now she just stings me along talking two minutes at a time when there is alot of things to resolve. I dont know if its head games, control or what. Most people I have discussed this with tell me that I should not have anything to do with her. When I discuss these things with my mother she tells me that I make her feel like a monster..when all I am doing is discussing the truth. I feel I need to discuss these things because they bother me. She acted this way and does not want to be held accountable for anything. Whats confusing is, there was so much damage emotionally done to me that I feel like it is continuing and never ending. I cant understand why we cant just talk about the issues all at one time and get them over with. She has all my life told me that me and my sister are so "different" and due to the favoritism it made me feel inferior. I need your advice please help on this situation. -DD

Dear DD,

I can sooooooooooo relate to your letter and I sure as hell feel your pain. I can and will also validate you wanting to resolve it in one way or another. Yes, until you grab that Bull by the horns, "It'll always own you!"

So what can you do, g-friend, you know, to get to a place of owning your own emotions again? I mean for real the only one that is truly suffering here is you. It is your trauma, most of which, I'm betting your Mom doesn't even remember. Yea, you are barking up the wrong tree trying to get too far with her.

Briefly, I realized the last statement, where I said, "It is your trauma, most of which, I'm betting your Mom doesn't even remember,"when my own sons would mention something heinous I may have done to them. In fact, not long ago, my youngest son, Waylon, mentioned just such an occasion where I was rather brutal with him. Apparently he was about to call me an "f'n bitch." He was all of 15 years old, a strapping young lad at that. But humorously, I might add, only got the first word and the beginning of the second word out when I busted him in his mouth with a closed fist.

Now see, I hardly remember that or the countless other injustices that have been brought to my attention. My boys have been very forgiving of the many mean and down right nasty ass things I've done to them. I am so extremely fortunate that they have such forgiving souls. At the same time, when they have brought up a few savory tidbits, some things I do not beg for forgiveness and the incident depicted, well suffice it to say, hell will freeze over before I'll apologize for that one.

The point is very clear; you harbor these feelings, while she's unaware and it doesn't even affect her, unfortunately, in the very least. Now I don't say this in an off handed manner. No, it's just simple fact as well as human nature. Hopefully you can see this or try to understand it.

As of this point in time, your Mom just does not want to deal. She doesn't see or even feel the importance of hashing it all out nor does she comprehend your need to "get it all out." In her mind it's best left in the past, neat and tidy, swept under the rug. It's just a waste of time to her. So, what can you do?

The best advice I can give you is to write her a lengthy letter. In this letter you tell it all, get it all out. After all, what do you have to lose? I mean, you're an adult now and I think as long as you keep it respectful, this may be the only way of making an impact as to the real nature of your feelings.

Don't expect much from this whole affair, I hate to say. Mom's just not in the frame of mind you'd wish she was in. But that's not the important aspect of this whole scenario, you know trying to get her to understand, comprehend or even to apologize for her transgressions.

In other words, don't hold your breath ever if this is what you might anticipate from anything, any interaction with her. She's just not capable of it. Yes, she's narrow and does not function in the same capacity as you do.

My greatest concern is solely with YOUR outcome and what you may garner from this. I happen to feel it may be cathartic for you to write it all down, every detail, all that you feel. I think it's equally important for you to address the past and then leave it there.

In this letter, you tell your Mother exactly how you feel, how you felt through the years and hold nothing back. Tell her the exact things that you've mentioned to me. Again, be respectful, as you should always be to your Mother.

Hold nothing back in this all important letter to Mom. And it's got to contain all the hurt, all the pain, all the shame, all the emotion that you've felt through out these years. It may take you a minute to construct this letter so don't be hasty.

This is an exercise in owning yourself again. By writing this letter, saying every thing that needs to be said, you'll get it out and hopefully she'll read it and read it again. Maybe once it's in black & white, she see, possibly visualize the damage she has done. But...don't hold your breath!

Again, I can only reiterate that I would like to see you become you without the past holding you back. Until such time as you begin to leave it all in the past, it will slow you down and hinder any progress.

After you've mailed out this letter, you know the very minute that you put it in the mailbox, I'd like you to ask yourself this pertinent question;

How much longer will I allow this whole thing to own me, who I am, who I will and can be???

See, in this quest that you've been on, you've allowed your Mother to still own who you are. You've become obsessed in a stagnant situation, a scenario with no design for your own healthy state of mind.

The greatest thing you could ever do for yourself, the greatest revenge, for lack of a better word would be to get it all out, step on it and begin to heal and move on.

I know that sounds a bit flip or easier said than done. At the same time I do believe you've got to come to a realization that you will never change your Mother you can only change yourself.

Having said all that, ask yourself this next question;

Does your Mother really deserve to own your pain one more minute?

I think the answer is clear; Your Mom has played mind games, been hurtful, spiteful and mean for far too long. While you might always love your Mother, that does not mean you have to like her at all times. You've vied for her attention all these years and basically she had her favorite in your sister. Well, let her have it, leave her be and rise above it.

I'll pray for your healing which starts with you forgiving her.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

Further Reading;

Why Write A Letter???

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Well Folks...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:14:00 +0000

If you written, waited and wondered where your response is, I do apologize. It's been extremely difficult as of late to get to any of your letters.

With the birth of this new baby, I personally am rather challenged and have to wonder how I did it with 3 sons of my own. Now it's my grandson I am tending to and it's exhausting. But he sooooo makes me smile and brightens my world!

I do value your time and want to give you that attention. I can only tell you that we will all get to letters as soon as humanly possible. Please be patient!

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It's Not The End Of The World

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 17:28:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

Hello,

My name is Ashley and I am graduating next year. I dont know what career choice to make...I wanted to be a Phlebotomy techiciain and go to this program 30mins. away from my home. I talked to my mom about it and she laughed and said that she dosent see me doing that, and said I dont have the guts to draw somebodys blood. Everytime I get interested in something she says I am unable to do it..I really want to do this and prove to her that I can do it ( I mean I am going to do it because I beileve in myself and I believe that I can do it) How do I get my mom more interested and How do I know If I am making the right desicion if she kepts doubting me?

Dear Friend,

I Say This With Respect To All Those Involved (Mom). You're Becoming An Adult.YOU Have To Do What Makes YOU Happy ! It's Nice If Other People Like What You're Doing , But It's Not The End Of The World If They Don't.They Will STILL LOVE YOU, In The End. Listen , No One Is Ever Going To Hand You Over Anything That You Can't Give Yourself In One Way Or Another. Believe In Yourself ALWAYS! Follow Your Gut Instincts, Be Responsible, & Things WILL Fall Into Place For You.

Blessings & Bliss ,
Lee

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It Is Common

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:57:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

Hola!
So, I'm 19, in college, still a virgin, and I had my first pelvic exam the other day. Everyone I talked to and everything I looked up online beforehand said it wouldn't be painful in the least bit, but it hurt like a bitch. I even bled a bit for two days afterwards. After the exam was done, I fainted. I don't know why, but I just passed out.
It wasn't the doctor's fault. She was as gentle and caring as could be. She explained everything she was doing, asked me if I was uncomfortable, asked if I wanted her to stop the exam, etc.
I needed to get this exam as I have an abnormal menstrual cycle and a family history of ovarian cancer, so I told her to continue on.

However, two things bother me now.
One, I feel... gross after the exam. Not because she saw me naked, because she's a doctor and nudity doesn't really bug me. I dunno. Just the feeling of something being inside me and hurting like that. It was such an unnatural, uncomfy feeling. I also feel infinitely lame for being so upset over a standard medical procedure. We're girls. We have to get checked out. But for someone who doesn't even like using tampons because its much too creepy, it was just... unsettling. Which is completely dumb.

Second thing that bothers me: why did it hurt so much? She used the smallest scope possible, and it STILL hurt. Sex is going to kill me. What if I can't do it when the time comes because I'll be so freaked out about the feeling of pain and that really disturbing feeling of having something go up that way?
I just don't understand why I have such issues with my own parts. It's just a vagina. I'm being ridiculous. But thinking about it all makes me frustrated and actually makes me wanna cry.

I'm sorry if that was way too detailed and graphic. I'm just super frustrated with this whole thing and with myself for blowing it WAY out of proportion.
Thanks again for listening to my rant.

Dear Reader,

I am not sure what you have been able to read has been the best material, because it is common for women who have never had a pelvic exam to experience discomfort. It is common for women who are virgins to feel minor amounts of pain during and after a pelvic exam because of the breaking of your hymen. It is normal for women who have had exams before to experience minor amounts of pain from the possibility of a pinch in the vaginal wall. And more than often, women experience bleeding after a pap test.

That being said, it should be minor pain not major pain. If you have major pain, itching, swelling or tenderness I would suggest going to see a doctor as soon as possible (preferably not the one you just saw) to rule out a staph infection. I’m not saying that is what you have, and you would know already if the pain was super intense that there was a major issue.

It’s been a long time since i had my ‘first’ pap test, but the first one I had after having my child was really quite painful. And that can happen too after having children. But the point I am trying to make, is that it can be painful/uncomfortable and be normal. I really wouldn’t panic about that. Yes, a Pap should be unpainful and rather uneventful, but we are not all the same (and neither are our cervixes!).

As for the strangeness you are feeling about having something foreign in your body, I think that is normal too. I am sexually active, and find getting a pap makes me feel pretty icky too. It’s just the idea of what it is, and it’s cold metal, and it’s all science-no-love type vibe that makes it feel peculiar. But, it saves lives and is so important. So make sure you are getting your pap test done annually, and don’t feel to badly about the ick factor. Some people feel fine about it, and others don’t. But what is important to know, is it’s normal to feel the way you do.

Hope the tests come back clear, and for a better more relaxing test next time :)

~Xmichra

Dear Reader,

Hi, first I just wanted to say that your not alone in this. A lot of people that have their first exam are uncomfortable. I can remember when I had mine done. I was 15 years old because there was a cyst. They were gentle with me but it hurt and I felt embarrassed also.

In all I got over it after a couple of days and the pain and felling gross was over. I was scared to have sex when I got older too. But the guy you met and believe is the one, well, you just tell him to be gentle. It's okay to tell him this. A little (or a lot,tehe) foreplay will help big time to keep your mind off the pain you might remember.

Let me tell you though, its not the same pain and uncomfortable feeling as a pelvic exam. Your body's hormones will kick in when you've decided to make the big move. And your body will naturally open up. It's quite magical.

It may hurt a little I'm not going to lie but its only for a few seconds,but then, hopefully you will enjoy it . All women have different experiences. We're hoping that yours will be a pleasant, rewarding as well as memorable moment in time.

When it comes to our yearly exams, every one deals with it differently. Your not blowing it out of proportion your just concerned and worried like everyone else that goes though it for the first time. Don't sweat it, relax and hopefully you'll enjoy yourself.

Be Safe, Use Caution,

Halena

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Instant Gratification

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 18:13:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

hi, my name is Travis and i have an issue with my girlfriend's parents. first, i should explain how things are. she will be 16 in april. and i just turned 19 in december. her parents already are uneasy about us dating. we've been dating now for almost 8 months. at first we could see eachother 3 times a week, and i was happy with that. lately its been 2 days a week. her parents say its because things have gotten busy, but her mom, her, and i all know its just her step dad feeling threatened that he is gonna lose her. it happened with another one of my girlfriend's friends from up north. anyway, they feel we talk way too much. we txt eachother every day, and call for maybe an hour at night before she goes to bed. we dont txt a lot during the day because she has school and i have work. but we do when we're both out. to be honest, shes about the only one i txt. i see everyone else i talk to more often. either at work or around town. but her parents have cracked down on us and made us break up once because they felt we were "getting too close" but after that settled down we got back together and things were good. then her parents had this thing where they felt she was txting too much during school. which i might have gotten 5 txts from her all day while she there. and she doesnt txt but one other person during school besides me. so now she just doesnt txt during school. that solved that. after that, they complained about how we call eachother at 3 in the morning "all the time". i always told her if she couldnt sleep and needed someone to talk to for whatever reason, she could call me, no matter what time it was. she called me once when her parents werent home because she was scared about something and i talked her through it. that was the only time. but to make them happy. she shuts her phone off at night, and it sets out on the kitchen counter. and now, its just that we talk too much in general. that we're always txting and always on the phone with each other. and when her phone gets shut off at 9 that she gets online and talks with me til midnight. true, she does get online after her phone gets turned off. but she is usually offline by 10 and in bed. its only been the past 2 nights that she has been up later than that. and its because she is having a hard time sleeping because of cramps and what not. so she takes something to help her fall asleep and she says the computer screen in the dark makes her sleepy. so i talk to her online until she feels like she can. but her parents dont care what the reason is. they just feel we talk too much and are saying that unless we fix it, theyre gonna make us break up and not allow her to see or talk to me at all. we've already decided on a plan to make them happy, but this whole thing is beginning to really stress the both of us out. it shows in her school work and in my performance at work. what do you think we should do?

Dear Reader:

I want to level with you. I am a parent of two girls that have not reached the teenaged years yet, but I am dreading all the complexities because it is so hard as a parent to see beyond what *we* think is ultimately good for our children, and to give them the leeway to figure some things out for themselves. So, in this area, I try to be very open minded so that I don’t always get caught up in what *I* think all the time.

With that in mind, I can’t explain this to you other than bluntly: you need to respect her parents’ wishes. She will make the choice on what she is willing to do or not do, and you in turn need to figure out if dealing with the situation at hand is worth the relationship. Personally, I’d think that at your age you have a good idea as to the give and take a relationship requires. But that is based on my own experiences, and may not be applicable to you..

The basic idea here is that her parents want her to concentrate on school, family, and then social life. Which isn’t right or wrong, it’s just the way it is. By your own account, she is respecting their wishes (turning over the cell phone at night, not texting through the day) and it would seem to me that indicates that she is a pretty good kid, and wants to do right by her parents. So it would be pretty unfair for you to ask her to go against her parents request, because in following the rules as they are set out, she is actively making a choice.

The relationship between a parent and a child does change when the child reaches the teen years, and even more so when becoming a young adult.. And typically, parents do get more over protective and more preach-y. But I don’t think that they are wrong here.... and I’ve somewhat outlined why already, but I will say it in a sentence or two here. Your girlfriend has already made the choice to abide by her parents wishes, her parents want her to focus on more than just her social life, and you and she do need to map things out a bit better so that the relationship works for everyone.

We didn’t have cell phones when I was a teenager (and it wasn’t all that long ago!), but I can fully understand the want of the parents to halt communication. Not because you two are doing anything wrong. But because constant real-time communication doesn’t let a person unwind and relax into their own space. Just think about it, when was the last time you turned off your phone and just relaxed? Sure, you can relax sitting on the couch watching TV, reading a book, whatever it is you like. But in say... an hour... how many times did you check for a message, or IM a friend??? I would be willing to bet money you did. And why? Because that is the world we live in now. Constant and instant gratification through communication. And knowing what we know as parents (or people over 30 in general), we know that you can’t become yourself without time to be yourself. And it is a parents worst nightmare to think we have failed, by not giving our kids what they need. Even if it looks like we are the bad guys.

Okay, I got a little off track of the point here, but I am sure you get what I am saying. She is 16, a student, and still has rules to live by. Regardless of what you can or cannot do, you need to realise that she is not in the same stage of life as you are, and need to let her be 16. That includes having parental guidance, and respecting the way their family dynamic is. Plain and simple.

I hope you two can figure out something to make it all work, for everyone involved.

~Xmichra.

Dear Reader,

Personally I feel the majority of the problem is in the contact ( in whatever form) (probably in the Step Dads mind). Let's face it. Most people are freaked out by some one over 18 dating someone that isn't (16).

Yes, its probably just being over protective . I don't know the laws of whatever state you live in, but it could get ugly if there's a statutory rape law of some sort in your state. I know it's bullshit. I believe age is just a number , but people are going to be leery of the whole relationship, simply due to her age .

I'm Most Definitely NOT Judging . I'm saying do what you think the True , Responsible , Realistic thing is. I wish you much luck man , & Hope everything falls into place for you.

Blessings & Bliss ,

Lee

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Your Prerogative

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 20:49:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

my husband and I are celebrating our 1st anniversary in June. We have been having problems b/c I have been having issues that are sensitive to discuss with him. I have a stepdaughter I have never met before and I want to be a good stepmom. The problem is that I have been having issues about children ever since I was in a relationship where a man cheated and had a child with someone else. Before that happened I loved kids. But now whenever my husband and in-laws talk about his child I become withdrawn and upset. I don't just act this way toward his child but kids in general neices nephews the whole lot. My husband and I once dicussed if we wanted children (he is fixed). I don't know if I hate children b/c I don't have one or what. and I don't know how to discuss this with my husband without upsetting him or making him defensive. I want to do the right thing but don't know the first step! Help!

Dear Help!,

I don't know but the natural thing to feel here may very well be a clear cut resentment towards children. Every time a child or thought of one is presented, is it possible that it brings you back to what was done to you by your ex's indiscretion? If this is the case, you must begin to calm yourself and rationalize each and every scenario.

First allow me to point out to you that it is your prerogative to not like children. There are many people who run the gambit concerning their feelings towards child. Some have pure loathing, some a less figurative terminology when speaking of those lil' rug-rats. So, you're in good company.

The point may be however, that you desire not to feel this way as you want to be a good Stepmother, right? Well. in order for you to do this you'll have to make an effort to put all things into perspective for yourself.

I always say that life is all about perspective and how we view things. In the first place, you've yet to meet your new husbands daughter. All humor aside, let's hope she's more like her father, the man you love, than more like her mother...the woman he fell out of love with for obvious reasons. Get the picture? So, if she's a lot like her Daddy, you're sure to like her.

I think the important thing for you to here is to really look at WHY you have these feelings? Then, I'd ask you if they are reasonable and fair? If for any given reason, it comes from a place of resentment, I suggest again, that you begin to put it all in order, all into perspective.

It's like this; once you meet his daughter, you must tell yourself that this young lady can not help coming from his past but she's clearly a part of his past as well as his present. Once you've looked at that, maybe you can cut her a break and give her a chance. Again, after all is said and done, she can not help being a product of a past relationship.

Furthermore, do yourself a favor and remember that it is your prerogative to have an over all tainted view of children. I say this only to validate your feelings and emotion. Once you've really looked at the emotions behind these feelings, I'll hope you'll work at taking each and every scenario to heart in an effort to make it work and you'll put your best foot forward.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

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The Gift

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 19:58:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

Hi,

I have a situation that I am not so sure how to approach.

I have met a women on a dating site after talking for several months

about 4 years ago.

She lives in another state 4 hours away. She is divorced, has 2 children

from her marriage that are in their early twenties.

She also has a 8 year old from a past relationship after her marriage

was in the divorce stages.

All of her children I have came to know. Her littlest the 8 year old

boy has become attached to me and we seem to hit

it off very well. Our friendship has developed into more of a

girlfriend/boyfriend type of situation. She has had plans to move in

with me with her

8 year son. She has even enrolled her son into the school system in my

city. The little boys father never was involved with this child and my

girlfriend said that she has given him every opportunity to build a

relationship with him, even as going as far to have a lawyer go to court

to give him

legal rights to see this child. The father has many reasons in the past

to not be consistent with this little boy. As far as I can see what she

says seems to

be true. Now that my girlfriend made the arrangements for her and her

son to be with me the child's father has decided to exercise his rights.

From what I understand from her this can happen any time - Even if

something isn't true he can go to court for whatever reason and the

court has to act upon

whatever he says then make a decision. So for the time being my

girlfriends 2 little dogs and some furniture, most of her & sons

clothing, games, tv's etc are at my house

because she was to be living with me. For the time being she is living

at her mother's while her 8 year old has to go to school until some of

the matters are

straightened out in the courts. This has been going on since last summer

of 2009. My girlfriends oldest son (She has a girl & boy) from her

marriage has come to stay with me until

he goes back to school in February of 2010. because he doesn't get along

with his father for whatever the reasons.

Well in the meantime I have done a google search of my girlfriends email

address.

I don't know why but I just did - something made me do it.We are always

on the phone because I miss her and she says she misses me.

The Google search turned up to my surprise on a dating site. My girl

always tells me that she misses and loves me that it hurts when we are

not together.

So I logged onto the website and put my girlfriends email address into

the user name and a nickname that I called her popped up. So I just

tried her

password (I would have to guess it - Wouldn't you know) and in popped

her information. So come to find out she has viewed several members and also

has a direct IM with 1 of the members on the web site. This member

happens to have a erotic user name.

So what do I do now - keep my mouth shut! Let things be whatever they

are or do I approach her ask her why she is on a singles site if she

wants to be with me.

Recently she has told me she would be interested in getting married so I

am a little bit confused and not sure of how to handle addressing this.

I recently lost my mother and have been taking care of her for almost 7

years so I have had my bit of stress nothing in my life has been easy.

Now this is in front of me without my mom's problems I am SHAKEN.

Loosing my mom now this!

Thank You!

Dear J.,
I am a firm believer in the art of "Intuitiveness," something I consider a gift given to me long ago. In fact, any time I've ever been in any sort of trouble, I was told by that "small still voice" not to do it, whatever it may be. You know, that something I was warned about to not do but I did anyway. And many times I paid for my stubbornness and for not listening.

You also have The Gift but you keep yelling at it to shut up. Do you not?

On a personal note, before I even got to this part of your letter...

"Well in the meantime I have done a google search of my girlfriends email

address.

I don't know why but I just did - something made me do it.We are always

on the phone because I miss her and she says she misses me.

The Google search turned up to my surprise on a dating site. My girl

always tells me that she misses and loves me that it hurts when we are

not together..."

...I felt something was amiss, just not right. And now...I'm counting on you beginning to listen to that small still voice that resonates within, deep in the marrow of your very being. It has been warning you for quite some time but you've been telling yourself, "Oh no, this can't be true because she tells me she misses and loves me that it hurts when we are not together."

Allow me to point out to you the obvious; If you'd not had that gut feeling you've been having that there's been some shenanigans going on you'd have not been doing the Google search. You'd not have delved as far as you did if you felt things were on the up and up. Don't you agree?

My suggestion to you, my friend is to call her on as much as you can without revealing all your sources. It basically comes down to addressing the issues of trust. And more importantly to express in conversation, somehow, someway that we do to others only what we want done to ourselves. In other words; she needs to shit or get off the pot, stop using her ex, the father of her children as a put off. More imperative to your well being, she needs to define, in the NOW just what your relationship is, where it's going and what it will be.

Again, tell her to shit or get off the pot.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

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Remember When???

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:49:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

Subject: Query!! I hope you can help!!

I come from a rather traditional semi-religious family; where one listens to ones elder. I've always offered and provided guidance to my younger cousins. Over the past 3 years, they have gone against all morals I hold dear and have disrespected me on several occasions due to my rather traditional beliefs; I feel hatred and utter disappointment. The anger is mostly due to the disrespect I've receive from them. However the disappointment is not that they chose a different path to the advice I offered them, it's that I told them in explicit terms where I went wrong in life, what my regrets were and that such endeavors only cascade into such disastrous results; so I offered them advice on how to avoid those types of incidents. I was never guided by my older cousins, much because there was a larger age gap between us and a loss of communication. So had someone offered me that advice, I would have at least considered it before doing said activity. When they went above and beyond what I did, to achieve a more disastrous failure, I found it very disappointing. I understand that its their decision, but it was just very frustrating to see someone have a chance to do better than you, and they instead chose to do a lot worse.

But the disappointment is not half as bad as my hate for their behavior towards me. I cannot bear speaking with them, let alone be in the same vicinity as them. Their parents offer no solace, rather they find it becoming (which is odd, since they're both hypocrites; e.g. one used to tell me when I was a pre-teen "My daughter will never speak like a gangsta!" when in fact, her daughter, now a teenager, engages in far more "gangsta" like termnology, (whatever that's suppose to mean) than I did when I was her age; e.g. the other would tell me "Why are you dressed like that? It's inappropriate!!!" when I used to wear tight t-shirts, whereas his daughter wears far less "decent" clothes and that seems to be okay).

My question is, how can I stop myself from caring? They are about 10 years younger than I am, so I've watched them grow up and I'm finding it a bit difficult. But I have never surrounded myself around others that have a blatant disregard for my beliefs and I have no intention of starting to. How can I keep them away from me, without causing an upheaval/rippling effect across the family? Apparently, their parents and they themselves don't care, so I really don't know why I'm letting it bother me so much. I just, can't keep associating with them.

Any thoughts or comments are most appreciated.

Sincerely,

S

Dear S,

I am in a similar funk myself so I can really relate. My dilemma/frustration is with my grandkids. I try to counsel, I try to coach, I basically try to save them from harms way. I also have to wonder why they do not listen when I tell them, the proverbial, "Hey, if you touch that stove when it's on, you are going to get burned." But they touch it.

This, our same situation, has been going on for a long long time. What I mean is that you and I are not the first to come across the young and cocky know it all brats and we won't be the last. And yes, it is quite disparaging not to mention beyond frustrating.

Unfortunately, our Nations moral compass has gone wacky. What I mean is that today's children/teens and even the adults have little common courtesy much less civility. We are going to hell in a hand basket, are we not?

It's my personal opinion/commentary that the blame lies squarely upon the shoulders of the Mothers across this United States. Now, that's a broad statement and it would be lengthy to explain my inner feelings, the very mechanics of the statement but suffice it to say that in our fight for equality, especially in the workplace, we surely bit off more than we can chew. And and and our children suffer for it.

I don't give a diddly damn what any one says in retort; "You can not be and do everything, wear all the many hats a woman must don and be successful in all areas, i.e., work, mothering, being a good wife, etc." No siree Bob something is gonna suffer...and it's usually our children. There's just not enough time in the day to teach, preach, mentor, to instruct, to show and live by example if you must work, keep the house clean, drive little Bobby to soccer, yada yada yada.

That dilemma, "Women & Working" is almost a whole other subject in and of itself and I could sure get on the soap box and go on and on but I shall spare you. But there in lies the answer to what, where and why things have become so backasswards in regards to our children's behavior in today's world.

Remember When???

The only answer, from where I stand might be for you to begin to put things into perspective for yourself. You'll have to remember back in the day, when you, yourself were told not to do something and did it anyway. You'll have to reach back into the recesses of your mind and remember why you chose not to follow the rules.

Try to remember why you made those decisions that you, yourself admitted, "where I went wrong in life."

The target here is for you to gain a foothold on and a sense of understanding as to why some of us tend be stubborn and stupid with tendencies to learning all things the hard way. I happen to be one of the dumb asses that did it all even though I was told not to. Yes, read THIS, it explains a bit.

I think if you are able to remember some of the things that you did yourself, even though you were warned not to, if nothing else it will give you some semblance of an answer. If nothing else you might be able to relax your way of thinking and hopefully "Let go and let God."

I'm right there with ya Sister; I have no time for the dumb shit these days. I am a control freak and I tend to want everybody to do things my way. Hell, my way of doing it has been tried and they're true. But it sure as shit doesn't go down that way.

Just as well, I also want to protect my brood and their offspring from self-destruction. But the biggest lesson for me was to, "teach not preach" and there's a huge difference. Make note of your own inflection and intonation when dealing with these kids.

What I mean is to not have an attitude, "it's my way or the highway," but rather have an awareness of how you are presenting the message. Start over with this awareness, if that's possible and come at them from a place of "Yes, I've been there, done that and I know how you feel" as well as "Yes, I see your point but be careful how you proceed because"...

and as I said before, "Let go and let God."

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

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Crisis of Personality

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 16:05:00 +0000

Dear Aunt Babz--

I am a thirty year-old single male

who has recently returned to the US after working and studying abroad for the past two plus years. When I was forced to move back to the United States because of a lack of work, I was hoping to find a job with the government or an NGO in the field of international development. Now, nine months later, I am living with my parents, very single and still unemployed. The whole situation is having increasingly negative effects on my attitude and self confidence. I have spent the last 10 - 12 years preparing myself to accomplish the many goals that I have set for myself (this includes putting myself through school, obtaining 4 degrees, living in three different countries and being completely fluent in a foreign language). I've always felt that of the many things I would like to achieve in my life, there are a few things that are or would be central to my happiness: being a husband and father, and being gainfully employed in a job where I felt like I was helping others, making things better. These goals are now seemingly stifled by the current economic situation that plagues so many of us. I find myself frustrated and often depressed with my apparent lack of control over my unemployment and by the realization that the chances of an unemployed 30 year old living with his parents attracting a desirable woman are fairly slim. I am also becoming aware of the negative effects that my souring attitude is having on those around me. I often find myself curt and ornery with my parents and other family members and apathetic towards the very few social opportunities that may be available in my very small hometown. What can I do?

Rotting in the Rockies

Dear Rocky,

Seems to me that you are having a crisis of personality. When a person can’t “do” what it is they have as a passion, that depression seeps in and takes over. But you can at least see this, so you might be able to change it.

First, your mood has to change. I know it sounds so easy, but it really is hard to have a positive outlook when things are just not going your way. Still, if you are down, so will the chances of getting better.

Second, take up employment wherever you can find it. This is not the time to be sitting and waiting for the perfect job to come at you. You need to prove your worth, and you can’t do that sitting down. Get a job to earn a pay check, and volunteer at a more international development type place (like the Red Cross, hospital, local shelter or youth organization). Especially in a small town, you aren’t likely to get into that field unless you have connections. This is how you make them.

Having dreams and goals is not a bad thing; it gives us the drive to succeed. But it is only in the act of waking up and living on that a dream can be realized. Be the person in control of your own destiny, and get up! Don’t let the things that are situational (like living quarters, relationship standing and employment) destroy what is non-conditional (like attitude, drive and the joy of life). Once you start writing your own ticket, you’ll see the changes.

Good luck with the job hunt, and with your future.

~Xmichra

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No More Nagging!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:34:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

My ex cheated on me & fell out of love with me & didnt tell me till 4 months after. Its effected my relationship now. We've been on & off for nearly 2 years & its all because im so insecure when hes not around me. Hes moved from one place to another because he just cant seem to settle, but now hes settled in scotland (12 hours away from me) hes getting into the police force up there & my daughter & i are wanting to go with him when the training starts as we know then we'll be stable but i just cant seem to stop myself being insecure. Its causing arguments & its ruining our relationship. I do love him & i know he loves me but i cant get rid of the insecurities. I know he talks to girls & i know they're all just friends but its purely cause he gets on better with girls. I sometimes feel like im just a burden on him but the problems go away when im around him & i want to be able to be calm & happy without worrying if he'll cheat when hes not around me! What can i do to help myself get rid of this thing thats killing my mind?

Emma x

Dear Emma x,

My first thought is to tell you to "Let Go and Let God."Just a reminder, okay?

An insecure woman can choke the very life out of a man that, for all intent and purpose is not cheating. And we've got to get you over all this baggage, which of course you are carrying from your prior relationship.

Now look, I've been in your high heels before. I've been burned, fooled around on and know exactly how it feels. It actually made me insane, well, more insane than usual, lol! Those of us who love with such great abandon, fervor and passion, I do believe hurt more deeply when a partner strays.

It is most assuredly the ultimate betrayal, at least in my opinion, when you've invested your heart only to have it stomped on. It makes it extremely hard to focus on anything but the indiscretion not to mention all the mixed emotions and questions you ask of yourself, in example;

What did I do to deserve this?
What did I do wrong?
What could I have done to stop it?
Is it because I don't turn him on?
Am I ugly/fat/gross/undeserving/undesirable/not sexy?

Oddly enough, in most situations, all of those questions are absurdly not warranted and basically have nothing to do with the actual crux of the matter. They sure as hell have nothing to do with you and are a personal issue that the man is dealing with. But it's usually a given, if we're willing to admit it, that we have asked ourselves those very questions.

It's been documented that (don't quote me on this) the average man thinks about sex in one form or another every 90 seconds. They're hardwired differently than we are, obviously. (I asked my three sons if they felt this was a valid statement and they agreed that it was) So, the moral of the story is that the faithful man is one that does not act on his urges and is not impulsive.

The Crux

When we get right down to it though, the men that do fool around on a woman they say they love and adore, it's most often because they have self-esteem issues themselves. And what happens is that trollop/whore/slut/good for nothin'/low down dirty dog filled a void, your ex man had. Yes, believe it or not it really has nothing to do with you (and I'm betting on this as I happen to know that are very attractive)

In any relationship, up to and including yours, TRUST is the main gazane . It's a must and if you don't have it, well G-Friend, it creates havoc and chaos in an otherwise good and possibly healthy relationship. I imagine that you already know this...so what to do?

Your trust factor is burned out and you must explain this. At the same time, you'll also have to become aware of your torturous tactics, those which you are punishing your man with, currently. It's not fair to portray your insecurities upon him unless he has done something to make you feel this way. I think you are well aware of this and want to fix it, evidently or you'd have not written me in the first place, eh?

Perspective

Life is, truly, all about perspective. It's all about how we view ourselves as well as others. It's all about our Nouns; persons, places and things, is it not? Yes, you'll have to begin to put things in order, put them back into a healthy perspective. And it begins with trust.

As I said at the start, sometimes you have to let go and let God. It never ever hurts to pray for/about things we have no control over. No, you can't be with your man 24/7 and you can't watch his every move. And if the truth were known, you'll make yourself crazy if you do not stop this way of thinking.

You'll have to begin to show trust and this will only come from a mind state, a realization that even the *Bible tells of the woe and sorrow brought on by a nagging wife. Hush before speaking, think before saying, shut up before accusing.

Furthermore, begin your day, begin this new you, a new regimen;

Sit up, on the edge of your bed and say the word, "STOPS!!!"

Start
To
Overcome
Pain
Sanely

From: The Silent Scream
You were hurt deeply by your ex, NOT your current partner! Cut him a break. Begin anew and start out fresh. No More Nagging!!!

Let me state something before I end this letter; **"What's good for the goose is good for the gander." What I'm implying or referring to is your statement that he gets along better with females. No Ma'am, I don't like it and it's a recipe for disaster. It's is and always will be a really really bad idea. And you can tell him I said so!

It's all fine and dandy to be cordial with the lady friends but anything more than that when he's in a relationship is playing with fire.

If he doesn't agree, then I want to know one thing; **Is it okay for you to have male friends??? I'm betting my ass that he'll say that he doesn't mind but the very minute one of your so called friends were to text you or call on the telly, he's going to go ballistic.

Start over fresh when you go to be with your Policeman. Have a new mind set which is something you'll have to work on. Have your wonderful man read this. I don't know you and you don't know me. This means no harm, no foul as it's not like airing your dirty laundry in public for all to see. What it does mean is that you care enough to seek counsel, you care enough to work on your own emotional baggage. Oh and leave that bag at the Train Station on your way Scotland!!!

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

*Proverbs 21:9
<<> | Proverbs 21 | Proverbs 22 >>

9 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop
than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!

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Update: Hour Glass Figure??? Is She Slap Happy?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:01:00 +0000

Editor's Note; When we answer your letters, most times we'll send you the link to your answer in an email. At that time we'll offer you the opportunity to give us feedback. This is that feedback with an additional question. It is from the letter

Hour Glass Figure???

Dear Aunt Babz,

You are truly a class act! Thanks so much for your very thorough and thoughtful reply. You have much wisdom to offer. I hope you are over the flu.

Yes, you were right about the slap. Though in all honesty, it was more embarrassing than painful. And I dunno, it was kinda sexy in a retro sorta way....or maybe I'm just a sicko, lol

I guess still feel conflicted about the whole incident. She really seemed like a sweet, classy woman so I do feel badly that I upset her. Her parents emigrated here from the Philippines and she seemed to have very traditional values and was passionate about teaching.

I do have her email address. Think I should send her an apology note? Maybe even try for a coffee date?

Kevin

Dear Kevin,

We really appreciated hearing from you, especially the complimentals. I'm also grateful for your kind concern over this Flu. I am slow but steady now as before I was slow and slurpy, can you say eeeew?

Well, let's get down to business...

A lot is explained in the fact that your lady friend is Filipino.I know a thing or two when it comes to the stringent values and beliefs shared by the Filipino's as our family Nanny, Clara Del Mar, was from the Philippine's. She helped raise my brothers and lil' sister as well as minded after my own when they were little. Clara was more than a Nanny though, she was family.

Yes, that statement alone explicates the scenario, especially the slap happy part. Your gal pal comes from, as you stated, "very traditional values," a world still set apart. There's a lot of history, you may enjoy learning, if you've not already about the Philippine's and the Americanization thereof.

I find it intriguing that you'd still want to play out another scene from an old movie. I don't know is a Casablanca Complex(another fine Babzizm)? Is it the thrill of the kill, so to speak, you know to conquer and tame the unbridled fury of a fine Filipino woman?

Back to your question...I have a tad bit of mixed emotions on this, to be honest. It may be a loyalty, my protective nature. At the same time, I'll tell you what I'd tell all my own boys;

"Live on the edge just like Mama. Hell, I'm such a Rebel, I refuse to rewind any of my DVD's before I take them back to Blockbuster."

So my Darling Kevin, I give my blessings and advise you to possibly write her an email. I would first point out that you realize how impersonal it is to send an email but you just can't continue having this "unsettling issue" on your mind or something along those lines. Tell her that you never intended to offend her and in your mind it was the highest compliment you could have ever imparted!

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

Interesting Reading:

Do Women Still Slap Men?

Why is it OK to show women slapping men as "comedy?"

Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!

Click Here to Ask Aunt B

Only For A Season

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:30:00 +0000

Aunt B apologizes emphatically for the long delay in answering your questions. I've had the Flu and have been quite consumed by it.

Hey Aunt B!

I have alot going on right now and its a bit hard to describe (and maybe a bit confusing) so ill start from the very beginning. I met a guy when i was a freashmen in high school and we have been best friends ever since. i couldnt live without him. Sometimes i think that Deejay knows more about me then i do myself lol. at that time i was in an phisical and emotional abusive relationship. this guy i was with constantly put me down and pushed me to the point where my self-confidence was 0. This realtionship went on for only 9 months...but yet did more damage then i could ever imagene. so when i broke it off with him, i went downhill. i started smoking and cutting and on the edge of suiside. Deejay had no idea about any of this of he wouldve killed me lol. anyway...im getting off track. me and Deejay were best friends for about 2 years and we both relised we wanted to be more. i relised i loved him twards the end of my sophmore year...and so did he. i was 16 and he was19. Everything was great at first. my parents wernt overly excited or anything but they were ok. they said hi when he came over just as usual and when they found out we were dating they didnt seem to care. i stopped cutting and was off the edge for suside. deejay worked with me to get through it and i did. everything seemed perfect. then my parents found out i was smoking. they put everything on him saying that he was a bad influence. and he is the reason i smoked. so we wernt allowed to see each other anymore. this is when everything started happening.

yes. so i went behind my mom and dads back. i lied to them and told them i was going to the store and go see him and i went through a really rebellious stage. there was so much going on between me and my parents i swore they hated me and they were so ignorant and i never took the time to think why they were saying these things. me and my mom never really had a good relationship before this but the situations didnt help. we wouldnt just fight over deejay, it was everything. some fights even got physical. i just couldnt take it anymore. i was so unhappy. so i started to plan to move out. the legal age in MO is 17. so i was planning on my 17th B-day to move out and live with him and his family. his family agreed. my parents went through my phone and found out i was planning this. so we sat down and had a talk. they told me i was no longer there child and i was just a person renting from there house. so basicly i could do whatever i want. but there was still fighting. eventually i got kicked out then called the cops on them to give me my things. i left and lived with deejay.i ended up going to school on and off and got pregnant. now im 18 now and he is 20. i now relise that all the lies i told to my parents and everything was wrong. and the fight me and my mom had couldve been avoided...she relises this too. i moved back in with my parents when i was 16 weeks due to a threatened miscarrige. i would have no way to the hospital otherwise. me and my mom have been best friends like mother and daughter should be. but anywho. i grew up alot, basicly because of me getting pregnant i had to grow up. anyway, im still pregnant im actually 40 weeks and my baby is 3 days past due. hopfully he comes soon! it sux. deejay found out his family had to move. my mom and deejay seemed like they were working out and deejay was really happy about this. so my mom actually asked deejay if he wanted to live with us. i was the one that said no. you see, his dad and me had a talk (this is where i lose complete respect for his father) he found out about the offer. so what he did is he made up this HUGE lie on how deejay had a job waiting in california that was able to get him a transfer back to MO. since deejaty was working only as a temp at his job at that time that sounded good. he also said how they finally had a car to give him and to use (his brothers old car cause he was apparently getting a new one) to go get his license finally and that he can just drive back out to MO and then he has a car to get around and to use to get the license registerd for MO. So, that sounded pretty good. Deejay would go to California and earn some money his pay would apparenty be very good so when he tarnsferred to MO in october that he would have enough money and a constant job to suport me and the baby and get an apartment. So i told my mom no. big mistake. now he is out in california with no job, no car, in the middle of the freakin dessert with 2 stores in walking distance and is sleeping on the living room floor in a 2 bedroom apartment. he was lucky enough to convince his uncle to fly back. he comesd back on the 19th of october.

NOW TO WHAT I NEED ADVICE ON:

when deejay left, me and my mom got closer. she never really said anything about him but occasionally she would bash him and say how he is nothing but a peice of white trast and he will never be anything and all that stuff she would say before.i ignored it. in my last 2or 3 months of pregnancy she pulls all this stuff out of her ass and starts saying how im not allowed to let deejay see the baby and he isnt a father hes a sperm donar. and how im not alloowed to take the baby outside and i cant do this with baby and he isnt allowed to come near the house. she even got a restraining rder against him for the house to make sure he doesnt see the baby. she says that he has no right to see him. she just sits there and crys how can i be so stupid and put my baby in danger. and how im going to mess him up if i let him see deejay. i dont get it. i dont know what to do. the reason deejay is coming out so late is because i convinced him to. i purposly did it so he would miss the birth. what kind of a person does that to the father of there child. deejay would do anything for this baby and i wont even let him se the birth. i did this to make my mom happy because she didnt want him there. i dont know what to do. i try to make deejay happy but then it hurts my mom and i dissapoint her more. i try to maKE my mom happy and i treat deejay like crap and that makes me feel like crap. i honestly am lost. am i supposed to pick sides? or am i supposd to choose who i want to hurt more? what do i do with the baby? i dont know is all i can say when i talk about this. i just dont know what to do. she tells me im not going to be a good mom and it makes me feel like i dont deserve to have this baby and i dhould give him up to be with a mother who actuallly knows what she is doing. im just feel so sick and tierd of feeling sick and tierd. its like i cant even make simple disisions anymore. and the thing with me and deejay? he asked me to marry him when he comes back. a girl is supposed to be happy. but im not. im not having a wedding until this gets straightend out. and you know what? he repects my dicidion even though it hurts him. he is a good guy. i just love them both just 2 different loves.what should i do with my bf and my mom??

plz respond back soon

~SARAH~

Dear Sarah,

Remember these words, "It is only for a season." These words came to me, to give to you. It means your situation is not forever and things are going to change.

I realize you are between a rock and a hard place, an especially bad scenario when you are pregnant. By now because of the delay in me answering you, I imagine you've had this baby. And things are going to change, I can already see it.

This lil' one will change you, change your Mom as well as Deejay...all for the better. In fact, I believe this so very much that I am going to answer this as if I already know those changes have come into place.

As I said, I'm envisioning you as having had your baby and the variables have changed. My suggestion to you is to realize that you are no longer a girl but a woman. You must always have respect for your Mother, always.

At the same time, she has got to come to the conclusion now, that you are no longer a little girl but the mother of a newborn, a woman and she should, should being the consummate word, treat you with the same respect she would expect. It's always a two-way street once you've become an adult anyway when it comes to the respect factor.

Ah yes, young love. Mom's been there, done that. So, you'd think she'd remember what it was like. She should also remember what it's like to be a new mother. Just as well, young women, these new mothers, across the world are doing this every day, at any given moment in time. In other words, it's not a novel approach or situation and the children do and can grow up to be model citizens.

At the same time, strife within the family structure and especially dissension between you two is the worst thing you can expose your child to. Sooooooo, what I'm getting at is the subject should be broached in a rational manner that you want to please your mother, keep yourselves on a positive path as well as making it clear that having her support is paramount to this situation. It's time for maturity to be part of the master plan here.

My suggestion to you is to print out this letter/answer and give it to Mom. Along with a letter of truce, stating that you want her in your life, need her especially for her grand-baby's sake and you pray that all will be well between the two of you. After all, we don't all live forever and a girl needs her Mama, not to mention that it's so very important for family to surround a baby.

In this letter of truce, you tell her that her blessings are important to you or you'd not have even written to me. This is self-evident but should simply be pointed out, in my humble opinion. The blessings I am speaking about are for her to try to understand that you love Deejay, not to mention that every child needs their Daddy. Ask for her blessings and understanding that sometimes we must let go and let God, let go of our children and pray for their safe passage in this life.

Another thing that is self -evident to me is the fact that you do tend to learn your lessons the hard way (just like your good ol' Aunt B) but you garner wisdom from those trials and tribulations and your err in judgment. This causes them to no longer be mistakes but "learning experiences."

The reasoning behind pointing this out to you is there's a healthy realization that you have where your Mother and your relationship with her is concerned. You are able to appreciate her and you should tell her so. In addition to this, simply spelling out your feelings is so extremely important for you.

At this juncture, I happen to know you could probably get State aid of some sort to help you as well as your baby, where housing is concerned. Then you could pursue things on your own accord. Think about that. In the interim, listen to these words;

You are a woman now. Speak to your Mother respectfully; woman to woman. And again, if it is easier for you to say all that needs to be said to plead your case and to make your point do it by writing that letter of truce.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

Further Reading;

Meet Mrs.Know Itall; How To Screw Up Your Life

Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!

Click Here to Ask Aunt B

Hour Glass Figure???

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:13:00 +0000

Aunt B apologizes emphatically for the long delay in answering your questions. I've had the Flu and have been quite consumed by it.

Dear Aunt B,

I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high school teacher in her early thirties. We had been talking for a good half hour and really seemed to be hitting it off. We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime.

Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a “nice, full, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She snapped, “Oh really….well perhaps I should do some plus size modeling!” I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only exacerbated things when I used the term “healthy”. With a look of complete disgust, she slapped my face and departed.

I will never forget those agonizing moments in the immediate aftermath, as I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek, drawing some judgemental stares from onlookers. Needless to say, it was not my proudest moment, LOL.

She had the classic figure of a 50’s pinup - large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.

When I told a female friend about this she shook her head and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman’s figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What do you think about this?

Kevin

Dear Kevin,

Lol.. i feel for you, I really do.. but I’d listen to your friends advice for sure.

Women are very self conscious about their bodies (men are too, but I am only talking about women for now) and any comment could make a woman who was normally very calm and strong into a basket case if they perceive things incorrectly.

I can’t tell you *why* that is, but it is. I was reading your question, and I was thinking in the back of my head “oh dude, NO!” when you wrote your comment on the hour glass shape. And yes, the remark of “healthy” likely set her into rage...lol... and all I can say is we have all heard the PC way to comment on a person’s shape, and those two are used a lot to describe larger women..lol... so your perception and her perception were very very different.

Typically sticking to comments like “you look beautiful” or complimenting something non-threatening like a smile or an outfit (that dress looks amazing on you, not your shape looks good in that dress!) is better than commenting on factual specification of shape.

There really wasn’t anything *wrong* with what you said, but I’d stick to the regular form of compliments.... at least until you have known a woman for more than an evening .

Good luck, I hope there are less red cheeks in your future ;)

~Xmichra

Dear Kevin,

Personally, I see nothing wrong with your compliment. In fact, I even looked it up in an effort to possibly understand why your gal pal might have taken offense. And from everything that I have read, it (your statement of her having an hour glass figure) can be considered the epitome of beauty to some women who were even asking how to get it. I don't quite understand where she may have taken offense.

It occurs to me that there in lies the answer; She "CHOSE" to take offense. But in giving the benefit of the doubt, it's possible too that maybe she does not know the meaning or the true context of the compliment.

So, I take your side on this one. However, I would hope that you'd steer clear from making any sort of comments in the future. It's just not necessary. I mean, let's say you want to convey that she's pleasing to the eye. And let's just say, you know, just for shitz-n-gigglez that you tell her that she is "Robust." Well, the word robust is defined;

adj.
Full of health and strength; vigorous.
Powerfully built; sturdy. See synonyms at healthy.
Requiring or suited to physical strength or endurance: robust labor.
Rough or crude; boisterous: a robust tale.
Marked by richness and fullness; full-bodied: a robust wine.

While someone such as myself would not take offense by being called this, another woman may feel that you are implying that she's built like a brick shit house, for better terms. And it all boils down to the fact that we as women have real hang-ups about our weight. Obviously your friend has these hang-ups and nothing you could say would be interpreted as anything but an attack.

It's almost humorous, isn't it? I mean, you told her she looks healthy, right? And she may have processed that as healthy like an ox, huh? Her comment to the effect of, “Oh really….well perhaps I should do some plus size modeling!” says I'm right about that. So, I'd say there would have been no recovering from that no matter what you'd said to try to appease her and the situation.

Live, Learn & Laugh Like Hell About It Later..

The thing that spoke to me and really really got under my skin was her Scarlett O'Hara moment when she slapped you. WTF is that???

In this day and age, women have fought tooth and nail for equality in every aspect of our lives. In our quest for this elusive equalness we often times send out mixed emotions, mixed signals as well. In example, the chivalrous act of opening a door for your date can, for some be a patronizing affair. Some women love it, expect it and want nothing less. Others however, may not be so "old school" and may take offense.

In other words, I do feel for the modern man today as he doesn't know whether to shit or go blind. He doesn't know what's acceptable and what's not when it comes to those moments when chivalry might be due.

Long story short; I've stated to all my boys that they are to never ever lay their hands on a woman and if they did/do, they've known for years that I'm coming for them.

But But But...I've also stated to them, my sons (and I may get some real heat from this commentary) that if a women steps up to bat, steps up to them and strikes them like a man would, they have every right in the world to put her on her lil' ass!

Now, I do not encourage my boys to hurt women, allow me to make that perfectly clear. But in the event that a women wants to punch you in the face as did in fact happen with my youngest son and his wife at the time, I have no problem with him, as I said, putting her on her ass.

I also told my sons that if a woman wants to treat you like a punk, wants to step up and slap you, you have my permission to slap her back. And she'll think twice before she smacks you again. Am I right or wrong in thinking this?

Having said this, I do not condone violence between couples but it is got to be made clear that if you hit a man, you'd better expect that you just might be put in your place.

The days are long gone when a woman can act offended and strike the man. They left at the same time as we made it clear we wanted to be treated as equals. Maybe your gal pal didn't get the memo?

So, when it's all said and done, I commend you for keeping your cool. Allow me to point out that this woman is not worth the time of day and certainly not worth your worrying about her feelings.

Yes, as far as I'm concerned, she did you a big favor by setting the standards from the get go. You didn't waste any time playing games or dealing with some chick with super hang-ups, screwed up rules and regulations and mixed emotions, to say the very least.

As I said, "live, learn & laugh like hell about it later!"

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

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Both Parents

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 22:48:00 +0000

Dear Aunt B,

I need help to write a letter to my sons dad. he only visits 3 to 5 hours a month. This year he has seen tommy only 35 hours. and he only lives 5 miles away.. He told me he still loves me and it hurtes him to him i wont take him back so i think this is why he avoids tommy. I told him we can get a person to deliver tommy to him. I tried to explain tommy is the important and that he needs to out those feeling aside , because its all about raising a health child.I never keep him from a visit. i call him and have pleaded for him to see tommy. Because every time the phone rings tommys thinks it dad,

He is always with his other kids that are ages 15 to 21. I tried to tell him tommy needs him a little more than . at least 2 hours a week.I know if i would sleep with him he would be around . but i hate him. hes parenting skill make me hate him. he does pay $500 a month when he is not playing games.i just give up. i want to write a letter that gets him to wake up and see hes hurting our son. and life is so precious it can be taken away in a instance. Or do you think i should just let it go its Barrys problem.

I just feel like i failed my son. by leaving his dad.
after i became clean and sober i saw i wanted better for us and dont want to be around anyone who had a drug past or relapses alot.

Dear Mary,

There are a whole lot of cliché's that I could get into here. First of all, I commend you for your taking care of yourself and getting clean and sober. For doing all the right things, including getting away from the father of your son. You have done so many right things and that's good.

You are only responsible for yourself, and you have done very well with that responsibility. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink – any man can father a child but it takes a really special person to be a daddy. Those are two big things that come to mind here.

Right now, you will need to be both parents for your son. One day, his father will be sorry that he missed this very important time in his son's life. But you cannot make him into something that he should be, not if he's not willing to do it on his own. You don't need the stress!

Don't try to force your ex to be a better dad; it's obviously not something he's ready to be right now. Until he can put his own selfish feelings aside, and grow up, you don't need to try to raise two children. (Tommy and your ex.)

You have failed no one! You should be proud of yourself. It takes a very strong person to come as far as you have and I commend you for that. Spend time with your son and when he wonders why his dad isn't around for him, just be sure not to bad mouth your ex to your son. He will form his own opinions fairly quickly.

Stay clean and stay away from anyone who isn't. If your ex isn't clean, I'm not so sure that it's a good idea for you or your son to be around him. Father or no father!

Best Wishes!

Lorielle

Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!

Click Here to Ask Aunt B

~Ask Aunt B~

Temporaily Closed

True Self

craigslist > men seeking men > warning & disclaimer

The Package

Be Patient

You're Not Promised Tomorrow

Grieving on The Installment Plan

Need for Speed

‘My Way Or The Highway’

Digeus Registry Cleaner 5.4.11591

Urge For Revenge

The Respect Factor

Jens' Love Lessons

Letter To Mom

Well Folks...

It's Not The End Of The World

It Is Common

Instant Gratification

Your Prerogative

The Gift

Remember When???

Crisis of Personality

No More Nagging!!!

*Proverbs 21:9 <<> | Proverbs 21 | Proverbs 22 >>

Update: Hour Glass Figure??? Is She Slap Happy?

Why is it OK to show women slapping men as "comedy?"

Only For A Season

Meet Mrs.Know Itall; How To Screw Up Your Life

Hour Glass Figure???

Both Parents

*Proverbs 21:9
<<> | Proverbs 21 | Proverbs 22 >>