All and Sundry

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Tue, 21 Sep 2021 06:54:00 +0000

THE LAST POST-EVER

A glimmer of solar stuff, not a breath of atmospheric movement and a dearth of skywater at the castle on this momentus day.

First up thank you for the birthday wishes, that's the good bit out of the way.

This will be the last post ever on this piss poor blog, many moons ago it seems that the old BIG C managed to get hold, and has continued to expand its foothold to the point where it is all over and all in.

The old smokes have done me in, but the really annoying thing is that has spread to the base of my spine inside my pelvis.

I have named that one-Boris because it truly is a pain in the arse.

Not after sympathy, I am buggered and have a few months at most, had twenty rounds of radiation and one round of chemo six weeks ago from which I still haven't recovered.

A bit of advice to others who are not going to make it:

1.The NHS is broken.

2.If you are terminal DO NOT accept their kind offer of Chemo, it is bloody brurutal and will set you back 6 or 7 weeks to gain a few days (I still have no sense of taste)

3. Take all the painkillers you can get your hands on.

4. Ignore all their advice on blood suger levels-apparently high bs makes you ill.

The point of this post is to let you know why I haven't been around and to thank you all for your visits and comments and all the other stuff.

That's about it really, have a long and happy life and be kind.

And today's thought (and a message to my GP)

I told you I was ill (Spike Milligan)

Ta-ta

Angus

Power to the people: Eco tents: Racoon dahn the drain: Otopussy twat: and a Bloody big spider.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sat, 10 Aug 2019 07:00:00 +0000

Much atmospheric movement, remnants of skywater, total lack of solar light and dawns crack appears to have healed up at the castle this weekend morn.

The toxic plum is much improved, after five days of painkiller/antibiotic coma (disturbed only by his Maj sitting on my chest smacking me on the face to get up and feed him) the throbbing plum has decreased to a dull ache, and it has come out of hiding.

People power

Apparently it isn’t only a light dusting of snow that can bring Brexit Blighty to a standstill.

It seems that two dodgy generators managed to plunge more than a few Blighyites into the dark ages, people were stuck on trains planes and automobiles.

That wonderful organisation Ofgem has raised its hackles and is threatening to “take action”.

Ooooooh scary.

Still in battered Blighty

Go eco, if you are daft enough to spend several days in a muddy field and have a dump in a bucket then this is for you.

Cardboard tents, you don’t have to put them up. Take them dahn or carry them home.

Perfect....

In the place where all the teeth are

A raccoon got his head stuck in a storm grate in Massachusetts — and it took a team of 10 first responders more than two hours to free him from the situation, according to reports.

Bless....

Left to the land named after George

A Washington state woman participating in a fishing derby stuck an octopus on her boat race for a “photo op” and surprise surprise said Cephalopod bit her.

Gormless Bisceglia said "I thought, this is pretty cool. It was a gorgeous, exotic creature, and I put it on my face and said take my picture. Then all of a sudden, they notice and I notice, my eyes just widened, and it had put its beak into my chin, not once but twice. It was like a barbed hook going into my skin,"

She said she continued fishing in the derby for two days before deciding to go to the emergency room for the pain she was continuing to feel from the bites. The octopus, believed to be a Pacific red octopus or a juvenile giant Pacific octopus, had injected Bisceglia with venom.

Busceglia said she has learned her lesson about handling potentially dangerous animals.

So; not only a twat but a Numpty as well.

Still in the land of the free and the home of the brave

A Texas woman captured photos and videos of a huge spider eating a bat trapped in its web.

Annette Alaniz Guajardo said she was getting ready to leave for work Wednesday when she spotted the bat trapped in the web of a large black and gold garden spider at her Poteet home.

Guajardo said the bat was dead and the spider appeared to be eating it when she returned home from work.

Matt Bertone, an entomologist with the North Carolina State University Plant Disease and Insect Clinic, said the spiders, known scientifically as Argiope aurantia, generally eat insects, but they have been documented feasting on larger creatures.

No bloody thank you....

That’s it: I’m orf to check the moat for sunken temples.

And today’s thought:

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.

Angus

My day in the NHS

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Tue, 06 Aug 2019 08:40:00 +0000

Just a whimsy of atmospheric movement, nary a spot of skywater, and much lack of cold and dawns crack has gone away at the castle this morn.

I spent yesterday in the warm embrace of the NHS, I was woken at 4am by excruciating pain in the right plum, had to wait till 8am to phone the GP surgery, spent another ten minutes waiting to speak to the receptionist, explained (between screams) about said plum and was given an appointment at 10.40 am.

Then discovered that the road to the Aldershot Elf Centre (hospital Hill) was closed so set orf on a three mile diversion along the Farnborough road and dahn Queens Avenue which didn’t do the painful plum much good.

Arrived at 10.30 and used the Tablet thingy to book in which informed me that the doctor was running 19 minutes late. By 11.10 realised that the Tablet thingy tells lies and the right plum was now throbbing decided to stand up and walk around a bit, my seat was immediately taken by a “teenager” who seemed to be surgically attached to her phone, by 11.20 with painful legs and throbbing plum my name came up on the screen.

Waited outside the doctor’s room for five minutes before being called in by to my surprise a very attractive young female doctor, explained to said attractive young female doctor about plum which by now had run away and hidden itself.

Young attractive female doctor asked if she could examine said plum (and as it would be discourteous to say no) I dropped ‘em and laid dahn on the ~~slab~~ table.

Examination over (shame) young attractive female doctor started looking up Torsion and Testicle on the interweb and seemed quite concerned, and then mentioned the dreaded words-Grimly Dark ‘Orspital.

I was sent back out to wait while the young attractive female doctor finished her surgery and then went back in to be given a letter to take to A and E, it was now 12.20pm.

Set orf and arrived at Grimly Dark at 12.45pm, got my parking ticket from the robot with the barrier and spent ten minutes driving round and round, and round in the pitch black till I finally found a space (right at the back) as far away from the ‘Orspital as possible, staggered to A and E, waited for another ten minutes in the queue and handed my letter to the non smiling receptionist.

Waited another ten minutes while she read said letter then handed it to a non smiling nurse who made a phone call to the Surgical Assessment Unit and told me to take a seat (still non smiling).

A while later (the pain had deprived me of sense of time) said non smiling nurse called me over and told me to report to SAU which I did.

Arrived at SAU and was greeted by yet another non smiling receptionist who scrutinised my plum letter and told me to take a seat.

Twenty minutes later (there was a clock opposite where I was sitting) a young not so attractive but smiling male doctor came in and took me to a room, where he proceeded to examine now disappeared plum, asked many many questions about urination and sex and then proceeded to shove his finger up my rear exit in a vain search for my prostate.

He decided it was not testicle torsion but an infection (pleased about that) but there would have to be blood tests done, it was now about 2.30 pm.

He told me to go and have something to eat and come back in an hour for the blood test results.

Staggered to the main entrance and purchase a turkey salad roll and a diet (no sugar no calories) coke £4.50 and retreated to the motor, the pain was now so bad that I had to stand to eat it.

Went back to SAU an hour and ten minutes later told non smiling receptionist I was there and took a seat.

Half an hour later not so attractive but smiling young male doctor appeared, checked the blood test results and said that it was an infection and that I could go home after I went to the pharmacy to get my antibiotics.

Limped about half a bloody mile to the pharmacy handed in the prescription to the non smiling receptionist who then asked me, did I pay for my prescriptions? My date of birth my name and what other drugs do I take.

I don’t know if anyone out there has had a raging plum infection but it is not conducive to a clear mind mine by the way was blank.

Given a number (71) and was told to sit, thirty minutes later my number appeared on the screen saying “collect at counter” under a sign which said “when your prescription is ready at the counter remain seated until called”?

Ten minutes later I was “called” to the counter and spent another ten minutes listening to a smiling young man explain many things about my antibiotics which went straight in one ear and out the other.

Finally left the pharmacy and limped another couple of hundred yards to the exit, another hundred to the Pay Machine thingy and queued for another ten minutes to pay for the parking.

Limped another hundred yards to the motor, spent ten minutes queuing to leave the car park and finally escaped from Grimly Dark £5.50 lighter.

Got home at about 5.pm took an antibiotic, a couple of painkillers and went to bed which is where I still am and will remain until the festering plum has stopped throbbing.

The butler can earn his keep...for once.

Conclusion:

Pleased with the very attractive young female GP, pleased with the not so attractive young male doctor, not so pleased with the non smiling receptionists and nurses, bloody disgusted with the car parking charges.

The SAU could do with a lick of paint but the Grimly Dark non medical staff could do with a jump start to their demeanour, a bit of humanity, a smidgen of humour and I know that they have a stressful job and are overwhelmed but how would they like to treated when they are in pain and not feeling their best?

Surprisingly satisfied with my day in the NHS.

Angus

Welsh smack-down: Kidney killer: Ballsy Horse: Human Monkey hybrid and Trump’s follies.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 06:19:00 +0000

Much lack of cold, negative atmospheric movement, no chance of skywater and dawns crack is magnificent at the castle this morn.

MOT day for the motor, I think I would rather go to for a colonoscopy.

Over in Welsh Wales

The Welsh assembly has backed a bill to remove “reasonable punishment” as a defence to give the same legal protection from physical punishment as adults.

The legislation would mean a parent or guardian could not use the defence if accused of assault or battery against a child.

Battered child; isn’t that Scotland?

Good job they didn’t grow up in the 1950s.

East many- many units of length

A pair of teenage girls were rushed to hospital with kidney damage after a three hour squatting match got out of hand.

Xiao Tang, 19, did over 1000 squats to be crowned champion despite admitting she was ‘not used to exercise’.

She had challenged a friend to the exercise match over video chat and both refused to back down. The duo squatted for two to three hours to see who had the best stamina, before mutually giving in.

But their bid to out-squat each other backfired when they woke up the next day with aching legs and brown urine.

They were diagnosed with rhabdomyolysis, a serious condition caused by skeletal muscle injury.

Dr Bruce Cohen, a medical officer for the FBI, told Live Science getting this condition through extreme exercise is rare. He said squatting isn’t usually dangerous but it was likely the girls exerted themselves well above their physical limits.

No shit, I always knew exercise was dangerous.

Left a lot to the land of the brave and the home of the free

A tourist learned the hard way why it’s important not to ignore local warnings.

A beachgoer in a skimpy swimsuit tried to pet a wild horse at a beach, only to find out why locals advise against it.

As the man touched the animal, it kicked him in the plums.

The incident occurred on Assateague Island, located off the coast of Maryland, The Sun reported. It has not been reported if the man was injured in the incident, although the footage showed him falling to the ground in pain.

The horses on Assateague Island are famous among locals and travellers. It’s unclear how exactly they ended up on the island, but according to local folklore, they landed on Assateague after surviving a shipwreck over 300 years ago.

Makes your eyes water.....

Right to the land of many people

Scientists claim to have created the world's first human-monkey hybrid using groundbreaking scientific techniques.

The human-monkey embryos, in which human cells are added to the monkey embryos, were created by researchers in China.

They hope the breakthrough will eventually create an endless supply of human organs for transplants.

But critics have warned that the scientific development will create "disturbing" dilemmas over the ethics of human-animal hybrids.

WTF is wrong with some of us?

And finally:

Back to the land of tweets

Donald Trump has shown his magnificent grasp of words yet again.

Old ferret hair has caused a splash on Twitter after he tweeted to say he had met the "Prince of Whales".

Mr Trump subsequently deleted his tweet and corrected his error.

Referring to his recent UK state visit, the president initially wrote on Twitter: "I meet and talk to 'foreign governments' every day.

"I just met with the Queen of England (U.K.), the Prince of Whales, the P.M. of the United Kingdom, the P.M. of Ireland, the President of France and the President of Poland.

Other gems from Donald include:

'Extremely stable genius': Trump responds to Pelosi criticism

"Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart,"

“So great looking and smart, a true Stable Genius!”

Yeah right.... He looks like he is taking a dump, good job the nappy is porous...

That’s it: I’m orf to watch a warped galaxy

And today’s thought: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”– Abraham Lincoln (a real US president)

Angus

“M”: BoJoPro: Deep Fried Ice Cream: Failed Test: Kiss a Croc and No Boys or Girls.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Wed, 31 Jul 2019 10:30:00 +0000

Minimal lack of cold, moderate atmospheric movement, medium skywater and dawns crack seems to have healed up at the castle this morn.

It is 14 years to the day that a surgeon managed to kill my dear “M”, time doesn’t heal but it does distance you from the pain, the NHS covered up, lied, misinformed and protected themselves, the surgeon, CEO and the medical director have all retired, I hope that they have a long life to consider their self serving decisions.

If you want to read the whole sorry story click here

Allegedly our new Prime Monster has time travelled

And has shown a proclivity for a fan, you decide.

Up Norf and then some

Fish and chip shop McMonagle's Boat has introduced "frice-cream" - a roll stuffed with vanilla ice-cream then battered and fried.

Diners are enjoying the wacky £1 treat from the famous chip shop boat, which is moored on the Forth and Clyde canal, at Clydebank, West Dunbartonshire.

As well as deep fried heart attack you can also get "frickles" - battered pickles.

No surprise there then.

Right a lot to where plumbers come from

A driving examiner was run over and killed by a 68-year-old woman taking her test, police have confirmed.

The 35-year-old was struck down and killed by the candidate at a test centre during the part of the exam that focuses on manoeuvres.

The incident happened in the southern Polish city of Rybnik on Monday.

It's not yet known how the woman came to run over the man.

At the time of the accident, the examiner was likely testing another candidate, the police said.

I’m saying nothing...

Left a lot to somewhere else

A man kisses a crocodile for a boat trip of tourists in Costa Rica.

Juan Cerdas said it is one of his “hobbies” to feed and kiss the creatures for tourists on the ‘crocodile river tour’ that sails the Tarcoles River.

The river, in the province of Puntarenas, has one of the highest crocodile populations in the world.

Many of them are American crocodiles, who are typically found in Florida and are one of the only species that can walk on four legs.

They can grow up to 17 feet long and weigh hundreds of pounds.

And they can stay where they bloody are...

And finally:

Back in barmy Blighty

A primary school has sparked controversy after reportedly banning teachers from calling their pupils boys or girls.

Instead, teachers are the school are being told to use gender-neural terms for the benefit of kids who are confused about their gender.

Director of children and learning at Southend Council, Brin Martin, says the move from Leigh North primary in Essex is a positive one.

However Sidonie Bertrand-Shelton, of LGBT group Stonewall, argued: “It’s vital to create school environments where all children can reach their full potential.”

Absolute bollocks, boys are boys and girls are girls, let them decide when they are older, see my post 2 back.

That’s it: I’m orf to tickle me ears...just in case

And today’s thought:

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'"
~ Tommy Cooper ~ just like that....

Angus

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sun, 28 Jul 2019 11:20:00 +0000

Design flaws: More Brexit Bollocks: Lewis Hamilton: Lucky Bugger: and Ugly Dogs.

Much lack of bloody hot, promise of sky water a fair bit of atmospheric movement and Dawns crack is covered with wispy white stuff (think her upstairs needs to get the Caneston out) at the castle this morn.

I recently purchased an SDK card for my laptop, it arrived very quickly and then it took me about half an hour to open the bloody thing, eventually with the help of a Stanley knife and a pair of scissors I managed to extract the much needed memory card, which led me to think of other things that really piss me orf.

Those supposedly “childproof” pill bottles, toilet duck things, bleach bottles, milk container seals that either take a knife to get open or are so loose that you lay them on their side in the fridge and the next time you open the door there is a pint of milk all over the contents and then on the kitchen floor. And virtually anything wrapped in that see through plastic.

Is this the result of design flaws? Or is it us?

Auntie BEEB has produced a nice flow chart for Brexit

My guess is dahn the centre and then a left.

Over to the right a bit in German Germany

Lewis Hamilton is apparently not well.

At one point on Saturday morning, Lewis Hamilton was not even sure he would be able to race in the German Grand Prix, so bad did he feel with an illness that has been bothering him this weekend at Hockenheim and which took a turn for the worse overnight.

Oh dear, poor little sod.

How much is Hamilton's deal with Mercedes worth? Hamilton's contract pays him £40million a year, a significant rise from his previous deal, which was worth £33million per season - on an equal footing with Sebastian Vettel. The new deal only runs for two years as the driver is unsure of his place in F1 once Liberty media make sweeping rule changes in 2021.

If they paid me that much I would happily drive round and round for two hours every couple of weeks even with Man Flu....

From many places across this plastic world

Dylan McWilliams, a 20-year-old from Colorado has apparently managed to survive a snake, bear and shark attack.

On the island of Kauai in Hawaii he was enjoying the Pacific waves on Thursday morning when he felt something hit his leg. He explained: "I saw the shark underneath me. I started kicking at it - I know I hit it at least once - and swam to shore as quickly as I could."

Back in the home of the free and the land of the brave in Colorado while sleeping outdoors, he was woken up to find his head being clamped in the jaws of a bear.

"This black bear grabbed me by the back of the head, and I was fighting back, poking it in the eye until it let me go," Dylan describes vividly.

His friends awoke to the commotion, but after the 300 pound (136 kg) male bear stomped on Dylan, it walked away.

Still in Trump land, "I was walking down a trail and I thought I kicked a cactus but couldn't see one, and then saw a rattlesnake all coiled up."

The then 17-year-old made the call not to go to the hospital because he figured he had only suffered a dry bite. "There was a little venom so I did get a bit sick for a couple of days,"

He is now impatient for his wounds to heal so he can get back on to the surf. Despite his run of bad luck, he encourages everyone to experience the outdoors. "I still go hiking, I still catch rattle snakes, and I will still swim in the ocean."

Some people never learn....

And finally.

Over again to the left a lot

The Worlds Ugliest Dog

Say no more....

That’s it: I’m orf to Buy some green car parts

And today’s thought: "Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you."

~ Winston Churchill ~

Angus.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Wed, 24 Jul 2019 07:59:00 +0000

Bo-Jo Bollocks, LGBT-WTF Bollocks, Brexit Bollocks, Flying arsehole, and Russian sex.

Dawns crack is massive, not a whimsy of atmospheric movement, much lack of cold and massive residue of sky water at the castle this sweaty morn.

It has been more than many moons since the last post on this piss poor blog but, what is happening in what is left of Blighty has forced me to enter into the Web thingy again.

Bo-Jo bollocks

And yet again we have a Tory with no majority, no statesmanship and less than no chance of taking on the super state of the EU in a vain attempt to lead us from Germany’s domain.

So, we have yet another unelected Prime Monster, as Terry leather-legs May-be sidles orf back to the forest in Harry Potter, Bo-Jo slithers under the front door of 10 Downing Street.

What we will have is a repeat of the last three years, where moronic self serving MPs will bend Boris over the Commons mace and butt fuck him until he agrees to a second referendum.

Because no matter who is in charge and what is infesting the House of Commons “they” do not want to obey the people who put them in power and pay their not inconsiderable salaries and expenses.

Oh dear....

Is it me or are minorities taking over the asylum?

There appears to be a revolution, the LGBT portion of what used to be our free country have suddenly become the ruling class, there are massive gatherings, “Gay Pride” thingies and even the BEEB and the Co-op has joined the throng.

Don’t get me wrong I have no problem with chaps who want to shove their “man sausage” up another man's rear exit or Lady lovers who want to pummel another Lady lovers’ pussy, if that is their want then go at it, but PLEASE, PLEASE do not inflict your lifestyle on me.

I used to watch Holby City on Auntie but have stopped because the plot line has changed from the patients and the NHS to gay nurses, gay doctors and gay consultant/consultant, gay nurse/doctor, gay doctor/doctor and gay patient/doctor themes.

Good for them they should rename it Gaybe, I only pay the license fee which it seems I will be doing till I pop orf this mortal coil now.

And the co-op has released adverts extolling the virtue of celebrating LGBT people who “need to be loved” with a strawberry.

WTF!

How about a heterosexual pride gathering in the smoke letting all and sundry know that we black, white, brown yellow and any other colour who like the opposite sex still exist and are the majority in Bighty and across the globe.

Or am I just getting old?

Above our green and bloody hot land

A passenger who allegedly caused two RAF jets to be scrambled to escort a plane back to Stansted Airport has been sent an £85,000 bill by the airline.

Chloe Haines, 25, is accused by Jet2 of a ‘catalogue of aggressive, abusive and dangerous behaviour’ on a flight bound for Dalaman in Turkey, including trying to open the aircraft doors during the flight.

The flight had to be escorted back to Stansted Airport by two Typhoon fighter jets while she was restrained by cabin crew and customers. A former bouncer who tackled her to the ground said she kicked, punched and screamed at the stewards.

Makes you proud...doesn’t it?

And finally.

Right a lot to what used to be part of the USSR

A woman died after being crushed under her partner when they fell nine storeys while having sex over a balcony. It is believed he survived after she cushioned his fall at the tower block in St Petersburg, Russia.

According to witnesses the man staggered back into the building and went upstairs to join his friends. When they turned up, police initially thought they were dealing with a murder and sex attack after finding the woman with no clothing on the lower half of her body at the base of the building.

They also found a TV at the scene and believed it may have been the murder weapon.

However, witnesses told them about the couple having sex in the flat before falling.

The man, who only sustained minor injuries, has been tracked down and is currently under investigation, according to reports.

Surprised he didn’t take the TV back up.

That’s it I’m orf to check under the cars bonnet. Just in case...

And today's thought.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

~ Albert Einstein ~

Take note parliament...

Angus

Here we are again? Manopause part 3, what a World, Saturday apocalypse, Buggered up Blighty Brexit and an anal Chinese worker.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sat, 23 Sep 2017 08:40:00 +0000

Not much of a lack of warm, nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less solar activity and more than enough skywater at the castle this last morn.

It has been many moons since the last post, this is dahn to the lack of testosterone and energy for poor old Angus, but after eleven long months of eight weekly injections in both arse cheeks and a “trough” level of 8.4 rising to 8.5 the “Consultant” finally increased the bum pricks to every six weeks and the result has been amazing, after just one round of jabs I have decorated the entire castle in lovely magnolia sorted out the garden, and replaced the piss poor Peugeot with a nice reliable Nissan, I did consider an Alfa but I didn’t want to spend most of my time waiting on the side of the road waiting for a breakdahn truck.

Over the big wet thing on the left

In the land of the brave and the home of the free America is being ruled by a childish septuagenarian war mongering psychotic fuckwit who it seems is intent on starting world war three with a childish Tricenarian war mongering psychotic fuckwit who seems intent on starting world war three.

Oh dear we are stuffed.

But it doesn’t matter because

Apparently according to Revelations 12:1 a huge hidden planet is about to hit this planet or what’s left of it that we call home.

It is due to hit today and will spark a series of events that is likely to kill us all,

Or not.......

Back in Brexit free Blighty

Prime Monster Terry “leather legs” Maybe our beloved prevaricating leader who reminds me of the bastard child of a Dementor and one of the giant spiders in Harry Potter is still arsing about over Brexit, her latest crap “speech” which she had to travel to Florence to vomit out includes sound bites such as:

Transition period could be around two years, during which time access to the single market will continue on current terms

· a "bold new security agreement" between the UK and EU

· On trade, both sides could do "so much better" than adopting existing models

· The UK would honour commitments made while it remains a member

· There was "no need to impose tariffs where there are none now"

· EU chief Brexit negotiator Michel Barnier described the speech as "constructive"

Bollocks...

And finally:

East a lot to the land of many, many things

Construction worker Yang Ming underwent a seven-hour operation to remove the reinforced steel after it shot up through his anus and stopped just under his right shoulder, narrowly avoiding contact with his vital organs.

He accidentally electrocuted himself with live wires and fell backwards, landing on a bar on the ground in the building site.

Mr Ming’s intestines, bladder, pancreas, liver and lungs suffered minor tears but none of the injuries were critical.

He lost just a point of blood in the industrial accident and he is now recovering in hospital.

The bar was removed intact.

I know how he feels I’ve had a prostate exam......

That’s it: I’m orf to get my old ears tested

And today’s thought:

Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.

Angus

And so-is this Christmas? Manopause part 2: Brexit-again: Russian river rat burgers: Knob of a robber: Frozen pussy and Spot the sheep.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sat, 24 Dec 2016 11:59:00 +0000

Just a glimpse of dawns crack, total absence of atmospheric movement, quite a lot of lack of warm and molecules of skywater at the castle this Crimbo eve morn.

Went to Tesco yestermorn on the stale bread, gruel and His Maj’s food run, as it is apparently yet another Crimbo I thought I would get dahn there early-6.30 of the AM, what a bloody mistake that was, the place was heaving, had to park the Peugeot miles from the entrance there were hardly any trolleys left and it was even worse inside.

What is it that prompts “us” to totally lose control of our minds at this time of the year? There were umpteen pairs of “shoppers” staggering around with a trolley each piled to the gunnels with stuff that will not be consumed, screaming snot nosed brats demanding this, that and anything within reach of their podgy little arms, and the checkouts- all ten out of thirty were backed up to the dairy section with the flash of credit cards blinding those in the queues..

Could “we” not be a little more sensible?

The Manopause is still in motion, had two “treatments” so far, the first was a massive jab in the right buttock which managed to sting for two weeks and wore orf after a week, the second was half a massive jab in each arse cheek (because apparently the dose is too high for one jab) four weeks later which hasn’t even kicked in yet but has managed to raise my blood sugar levels to stratospheric numerals.

The next treatment is on the 16^th January, really looking forward to that.....

Terry leather legs Maybe

Meanwhile the new Prime Monster Terry leather legs Maybe has issued her first Crimbo speech, and has urged Britain to "unite and move forward" after the Brexit vote.

Methinks Maybe is holding orf until the EU Elections are sorted because it “maybe” that many more countries are just as pissed orf at the EU as we are.

Time will tell......

East to the land of Trump’s mates

I know that times are hard in Russia but Moscow's latest food craze appears to have scurried straight from the river bed onto diners' plates. It's a burger made of rodent meat.

A chef at a Russian bistro said the burger is simple, tasty and full of nutrients.

It is made from the meat of a "nutria", or river rat.

Burgers made from its meat look like most hamburgers.

They have become the latest must-have dish in the Russian capital.

The chef said the rodent's meat has nutritional benefits that have recently been discovered.

He insists the river rodent is not actually a rat.

The U.S. Agriculture Department describes the nutria as a two-foot long, invasive rodent.

The nutria burger sells at the Moscow restaurant for the equivalent of about $8.50 in U.S. dollars.

Rather them than me......

West a lot to California

An armed robber walked into the Lotions & Lace store in San Bernadino with a covered face and what appeared to be a gun, shortly before closing time on Wednesday.

Store manager Amy said she wasn’t scared, and was convinced the gun was a fake – and she was having none of it.

CCTV captured the moment the armed robber was hit with a hail of dildos:

‘I just thought he was trying to be funny, to scare us,’ Amy told ABC.

‘But then I saw the gun and it was like, really? I don’t have time for this.’

She and another equally feisty employee began yelling and pelting dildos at the man, who fled the store empty-handed in a state of shock.

What a dick....

East again

A cat in Russia will be counting her lucky stars after being rescued from a freezing puddle.

The fluffy feline somehow managed to trap her paws in an icy puddle and panicked when she could not escape.

Luckily for her, a passing couple came to her aid – although her frozen fur suggests she had been stuck in the puddle for quite some time.

A bucket of warm water soon freed the shivering cat who remained calm throughout.

The lucky moggy was probably grateful she was rescued in time and didn’t have to give up one of her precious nine lives.

Why are cats so daft?

And finally:

Nowhere in particular

As its Crimbo here is a festive puzzle.

The answer is in the link.

That’s it: I’m orf to plug the Crimbo lights into the Solent

And today’s thought: Happy thingamy to all and sundryJ and a much better 2017....

Angus

Another one more year: Don’t pick it in the Philippines: Make the bad man go away: Bloody big bull: Wanna buy a nuke power plant and Washington rubbish.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sun, 18 Sep 2016 11:28:00 +0000

Not a glimpse of Dawns crack even less atmospheric movement, quite a lack of warm, nary a whimsy of solar stuff and bugger all skywater at the castle this morn.

Poor old Angus staggered into the 65^th year of what’s left of his life yesterday to become an official old fart and looking forward to the “state” pension which apparently is enough to live on if you don’t want to eat, keep warm or travel about.

So after 48 years of paying 10% of my earnings it seems that I am “entitled” to 155 squids and a bit per week until I pop my clogs.

But who’s moaning.......

East many miles to the land of ....stuff

Apparently those in power have warned the Philippine police not to do anything that might create a negative impression among members of the public such as picking their noses, taking selfies, play online games, smoke or chew gum during their shifts.

The list also specifies that any bodily itches must remain unscratched, and officers should avoid "unseemly posture" such as standing on one leg,

Wonder if smashing up someone’s car with a baton is included.....

West to the land of the rug and the home of the wall

Nine-year-old Amariyanna ‘Mari’ Copeny has become an online sensation when her smile turned to a fearful expression upon meeting Donald Trump.

No surprise there then.....

Still in the land of thingy and whatnot

A giant, 1-ton Holstein steer who loves to eat bread and romps like a puppy at a Northern California zoo is vying for the title of world’s tallest bovine.

His name is Danniel and he measures 6 feet, 4 inches from the hoof to the withers, a smidge taller than the current record-holder, the Eureka Times Standard reported Wednesday.

A veterinarian and his keepers at the Sequoia Park Zoo in the city of Eureka measured Danniel on Tuesday to confirm his height, but Guinness World Records has yet to verify it.

Rather them than me......

Dahn a bit to Alabama

After spending more than 40 years and $5 billion on an unfinished nuclear power plant in north-eastern Alabama, the nation's largest federal utility is preparing to sell the property at a fraction of its cost.

The Tennessee Valley Authority has set a minimum bid of $36.4 million for its Bellefonte Nuclear Plant and the 1,600 surrounding acres of waterfront property on the Tennessee River. The buyer gets two unfinished nuclear reactors, transmission lines, office and warehouse buildings, eight miles of roads, a 1,000-space parking lot and more.

Initial bids are due Monday, and at least one company has publicly expressed interest in the site with plans to use it for alternative energy production. But TVA says it isn't particular about what the purchaser does — using the site for power production, industrial manufacturing, recreation or even residences would all be fine with the agency, said spokesman Scott Fiedler.

Cheap at half the price-are you listening Theresa Might?

And finally:

Up to DC

Harper Westover, age 2 received a “Notice of Violation” in the mail reporting she was being fined $75 for allegedly littering at the end of the alley by her home, on 9th Street NE.

Officials included evidence of a discarded envelope a city worker had found with a bag of trash in the alley. Exhibit A against Harpie the Violator was a photograph of that unopened envelope addressed to her from Bucky’s Buddies, a kids club for fans of the University of Wisconsin at Madison, the alma mater of her mother, Theresa.

Westover, an attorney for the National Labour Relations Board, called the solid waste inspector who issued the ticket and told the inspector, her daughter is 2. Could the Department of Public Works kindly rescind the fine?

“The inspector’s response was there was a piece of trash in the alley with Harper’s name on it. I said, ‘I understand that, but she’s only 2 years old. Are you willing to rescind the ticket?’ She said ‘No,’ ” Westover recalled. “They list Harper as a ‘violator.’ As a mom, it bothered me.”

Early Friday evening, a public works official swung by the Westover rowhouse and saw Harper and her mother in the alley, getting ready for an interview with a local news station. The official looked at Harper, jokingly calling her “the 2-year-old violator,” according to Theresa Westover. Then he said he would waive both Harper’s and her mother’s violations.

In a telephone interview with The Washington Post, Harper, fresh from an afternoon nap, insisted she was innocent.

But when pressed for more details about her whereabouts at the time of the alleged offense on Aug. 24 at 11:06 am, the wrongly accused litterbug laughed.

“Hide and seek,” was all she said.

Nice one.....

That’s it: I’m orf to count a few stars

And today’s thought:

Angus

O MY plics: May’s new sideboard: Bagpipe lung: Norwegian Numpty: Not so Safeway: M6 McClelland: and Have you seen her Pussy?

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sun, 28 Aug 2016 10:59:00 +0000

Much lack of cold, many molecules of moisture, not a jot of skywater and nary a puff of atmospheric movement at the Castle this Sunday morn.

The “lawn” looks like a giant weetabix-again and stuff is growing faster than I can vandalise it.

Apparently there was quite a big “sport” thing going on in the south of the south of the Americas, it was allegedly on BBC 1, 2, and 4 which sadly was not the best of coverage, poor old Angus watched a bit of it which consisted of 5 minutes of “sport--golf is a past time not a sport” and twenty minutes of old has-beens spouting on and criticising. Not impressed by Auntie at all, but I did manage to catch half an hour or so in total of the “ladies” beach volleyball by channel switching.

Back in Blighty our new Prime Monster Theresa Might

Has purchased herself a new sideboard, which consists mostly of “people” I haven’t heard of-apart from Boris, which is no surprise because as soon as she took over the country she buggered orf on holiday leaving us to stew.

May still hasn’t got orf her arse to start sorting out the Brexit thingy and the nuclear balls up dahn in Somerset where apparently the French have said that the Chinese won’t be a security risk as the controls to the glowing generator will be “isolated” and not connected to the interweb do-dah.

Yeah right, just tell them to sod orf May and build some windmills instead.

According to that unbiased corporation the BEEB

Trumpeters, saxophonists and pipers could be in mortal danger- playing a wind instrument could damage your lungs, UK doctors warn in the journal Thorax.

They describe a rare but fatal case of what they are now calling "bagpipe lung" in a 61-year-old patient.

The deceased man is thought to have developed a bad reaction to mould and fungi lurking inside the moist interior of his bagpipes.

Doctors are urging other musicians to be extra hygienic.

They say instruments should be cleaned regularly to prevent the build-up of yeast and other harmful pathogens.

And any player who gets breathless and develops a cough should consider whether their symptoms might be caused by their music practice.

The lung damage the doctors describe happens when the body's immune system goes into overdrive.

The inhaled pathogens trigger inflammation and left unchecked, this causes progressive and irreversible scarring.

Andrew Bova works at the National Piping Centre in Glasgow and is an accomplished bagpiper.

He advised: "Certainly, when it comes to cleaning a woodwind instrument I would say give it a swab after every time you play.

"The moisture can sit in the nooks and crannies and you don't want that. Moisture can damage the wood so we swab to protect the instrument as much as anything."

He uses brushes to clean his and says he gives the blowpipe a thorough rinse out with hot water every six months to get rid of any problems.

"If you have a sheepskin bag, I was told that I should wash it out with hot water and bleach every year. That should get all the germs killed and prolong the life of your instrument.

Or they could just stop playing the bloody noisy things-any Scottish complaints should be sent to Nicola what’s her name Norf of the border, pissing with rain, postcode-who cares....

Right a bit to the land of fjords and stuff

A man in Norway has had to be rescued after getting stuck inside a toilet.

Cato Berntsen Larsen had eagerly climbed feet-first into the public loo in Drammen, near Oslo, after volunteering to retrieve a friend’s phone.

However, the 20-year-old couldn’t get back out again.

The toilet tank isn’t connected to the sewer system, but is an old-fashioned outhouse-style loo that is only emptied once a season.

‘It was damn disgusting,’ he told Norwegian paper VG. ‘The worst I have experienced. There were animals down there too.’

And to make things even worse, Cato added to the pool of waste by vomiting almost immediately after getting into the tank.

He ended up having to spend around an hour standing thigh-deep in urine, faeces, and his own sick.

It all started when his friend dropped his phone down the toilet while urinating, and shouted for Cato’s help getting it back.

Cato, an amateur diver, said he ‘did not think twice’ about going in to get it.

Bet he does now....twat......isn’t Cato something to do with the Pink panther?

Left a lot to the land of the free and the home of the brave

Employees of an Oregon grocery store are cleaning up after a police say a woman drove her SUV into the store and down the aisles.

Springfield police say a 43-year-old Glenwood woman tried to purchase $2,200 of gift cards and became upset when her cheque bounced and Safeway employees would not complete the transaction.

The Register-Guard reports that she angrily left the store Tuesday afternoon and returned just after midnight Wednesday morning. Police say she parked in front of the store and was yelling about wanting her gift cards.

Police say the woman then drove the SUV through the store entrance, up and down an aisle, and out the other side of the Safeway.

Police arrested her at her home.

Didn’t have a quarter for the trolley then........

And talking of roads

A woman has admitted a "catastrophic driving error" which saw her drive the wrong way along the M6 in Cumbria in the dark.

Stunned oncoming drivers took desperate steps to avoid Samantha McClelland as she drove south near Kendal in October 2012, Carlisle Crown Court was told.

Several panicked 999 calls were made before the 43-year-old was found parked up on the hard shoulder.

She was given a suspended jail term and banned from driving for 18 months.

McClelland, of Londonderry, Northern Ireland, had earlier admitted a charge of dangerous driving.

The court heart that when she was spoken to by police she had "no idea where she was and seemed surprised to be told she was on a motorway".

Recorder Michael Murray handed her a one-month prison sentence, suspended for a year, and banned her from the road for 18 months.

That'll teach her....

Back in the land of thingy

Highway experts say a cat chase on a busy Houston-area toll way should serve as a warning about what not to do when animals get loose in traffic.

Tuesday's surveillance video from the Harris County Tollway Authority shows an unidentified woman trying to trap a cat on a road full of cars and trucks. She appears unaware of the danger around her and the darting cat.

A toll road crew eventually arrived and helped the woman capture the kitty after traffic was stopped or slowed for about 10 minutes.

Looking at her headlights I’m not surprised her pussy is on the freeway...

That’s it: I’m orf to chase some surface water

And today’s thought: "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia."
~ Charles Schulz ~

Angus.`

Manopause: Dead Fleas anyone? SnapChat Twatt-ess: Parking Pratt and Elevating Public Transport.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sat, 06 Aug 2016 07:46:00 +0000

Nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less skywater, oodles of solar stuff and Dawns crack is the widest I have seen at the castle this morn.

The garden has been gardened, the “racing green” French motor is being very European and his Maj is in fine fettle.

Poor old Angus has been to see his general medic (again) and after much taking of blood and insertion of digits into orifices it has been confirmed that he has used up most of his manly ‘ormones and is suffering from the “Manopause” which may explain the last year or more, or it may be that ageing is responsible and the “manopause” is just bollocks or bollocks related.

If you are interested symptoms are:

decreased sex drive (libido)
erection problems, especially loss of morning erections
tiredness and a general loss of energy
depression and/or mood swings
weight gain, especially around the belly
poor concentration
short-term memory loss and 'brain fog'
irritability
increased sweating, including night sweats
hot flushes

Manopausal Angus has nine of the ten symptoms (you can guess which ones yourself) and is orf to see a bloke at Grimly Dark about his endocrinology.

More exciting news to come-or not....

Meanwhile over on EBay

An Innisfil man will make several thousand dollars this weekend selling dead fleas on eBay.

The 10-day auction ends at midnight on Saturday. Current bid: $4,000.

The items up for sale are known as “Pulgas Vestidas,” or “Dressed Fleas,” a lost Mexican folk art known to have been produced between 1880 and 1926.

About time he got some new ones then.....

Left to the land of the brave and the home of the free

A 22-year-old woman has shot and injured herself while posing with a gun while using the messaging app Snapchat.

The woman in Deltona, Florida, had been posing with her uncle’s .40-calibre pistol on Sunday evening when she accidentally pulled the trigger, according to the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office.

The woman told officers she had been “foolishly playing” with the gun when she accidentally shot her mobile phone, causing it to shatter and suffering lacerations to her thumb and index fingers,

The shot was heard by the woman’s aunt, who rushed to the scene and drove her niece to the Florida Hospital Fish Memorial.

Officers said the aunt threw the gun from her car while driving her niece to the hospital. The weapon has not yet been retrieved by police.

The good news is-she shot her phone....

Back in Brexit Blighty

This image shows a black Range Rover sticking half out of the space as it blocks other frustrated drivers attempting to shop at the Galleria in Hatfield.

A bemused fellow shopper Hayley Langton posted the image on Facebook alongside the caption "best parking ever!"

Speaking to Express.co.uk, she said: “I couldn’t believe it when I saw it. How could somebody leave their car like that?

Easy- selfish, arrogant and unBritish....

And finally:

East to the land of two Olympics ago

A Transit Elevated Bus (TEB) hit the roads in Qinhaungdao earlier this week.

Once fully operational the vehicle is expected to hit speeds of up to 60km/h.

It will run on rails instead of the road itself but link together with up to another four TEBs, the equivalent of 40 conventional buses.

Engineer Bai Zhiming told CCTV: ‘The TEB has the same functions as the subway, while the cost of construction is less than one fifth of the subway.’

No shit Sherlock maybe that’s because it isn’t a subway....

That’s it: I’m orf to search the moat for purple globes.

And today’s thought:

"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself."

~ Ethel Barrymore ~

Manopausal Angus

Article 50: Salad days in Toronto: A load of bull: Pokemon Pratt: Monkey see-monkey vote and even more Bull.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 08:34:00 +0000

Much lack of warm, a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less skywater and Dawns crack is quite wide at the Castle this morn.

The temperature has finally dropped below 30c (or 86 in C of E) which means that poor old Angus can finally operate within “normal” parameters and his Maj can move about without collapsing in a panting heap.

Oh to be in Blighty now that summers has come-and gorn-probably

The Brexit bollocks is still dragging its feet

But apparently if the new Prime Monster gets orf her arse we could get out much faster-

Theoretically, there is nothing to stop a British Government unilaterally withdrawing from the EU by simply repealing the 1972 European Communities Act. Article 50 compels only the EU to seek a negotiation, not the withdrawing member state.

So come on May get us out and “negotiate” later, after all Blighty managed to survive for many-many years before the EU and it will survive after.

Meanwhile lots of miles to the left and up quite a lot

Police have charged a 52-year-old Brampton, Ont., man with careless driving after a transport truck carrying large vats of salad dressing rolled over on a busy Toronto highway while making a turn.

The single-vehicle crash caused a flood of thick neon green and white sludge to spill over the road as the truck lay on its side.

Ontario Provincial Police Sgt. Kerry Schmidt says the incident took place at about 11 a.m. on Tuesday and left the driver of the vehicle with just a few cuts and scrapes.

He says the truck was "fully loaded" with bulk loads of salad dressing, mayonnaise and other food products.

Crews spent the whole afternoon at the scene of the crash (at the Don Valley Parkway northbound ramp to Highway 401 West) cleaning up the mess.

And having lunch-probably.

Right oodles of KMs and dahn a bit

A Spanish bullfighter is seriously ill in hospital after being gored three times in a horrific onslaught which saw a bull’s horn pierce his lung.

The incident comes a fortnight after Victor Barrio was killed in the ring.

Pablo Belando, 26, was “very serious” after being gored in his chest, leg and buttocks in Madrid’s famous Las Ventas bullring.

Twatt....

Right even more units of length and dahn a lot

JAKARTA, Indonesia -- Indonesian police say they detained a Frenchman who trespassed on a military base while playing the augmented reality game Pokemon Go.

A spokesman for West Java police said that Romain Pierre, 27, was caught at a checkpoint on Monday evening after initially running away when challenged by security guards at the military complex in Cirebon.

Pierre was released a few hours later because it became apparent "he unintentionally entered the complex as he was hunting Pokemon while jogging," the police spokesman, Col. Yusri Yunus, said Tuesday.

Le Pratt....

Still in the same area-ish

BANGKOK -- Election officials in northern Thailand think they can buy off a gang of monkey vandals with fresh fruit and vegetables, after about 100 macaques tore up voter lists publicly posted ahead of next month's referendum on a proposed constitution.

District official Surachai Maneeprakorn said a large population of the monkeys lives behind the Buddhist temple where the polling station they raided Sunday is set up in an open hall.

"For some reason they were being very naughty and started tearing up the lists," he said.

Local officials brought the animals food Monday, and hope that if that does not deter them, then newly installed sliding glass doors protecting the reposted lists might, said Phichit district election official Prayoon Jakkraphatcharakul.

I do love an optimist......

And finally:

Back over to what’s left of the EU

Six foreigners, including three Americans, were among seven people gored in a second running of thebulls at Pamplona’s San Fermin festival, according to the Navarra regional government.

A 58-year-old Spaniard identified only by the initials FLR, a 73-year-old South African man

identified as MHO, and a 48-year-old Canadian with the initials PCO were in serious condition, a statement said.

The regional government said one American, 55 and identified by the initials PGO, and another, aged 23 with the initials WRO, were gored but their injuries were reported to be less serious. A third American, a 46-year-old with the initials JGO, and a 26-year-old Indian, with the initials NSO, were also said to have sustained less serious injuries.

The regional government said nine others were taken to city hospitals for injuries from the run. Several of the six bulls used in the event became separated from the pack moments into the 8am run and began charging people in their way.

A mass of Twatts identified by the initials F------ I-----

That’s it: I’m orf to get my hips replaced

And today’s thought:

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."
~ Dennis Wholey ~

Angus

Stop your bloody moaning: Brown Bum: slimy German: and Oh Sssssshit....

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Thu, 30 Jun 2016 09:24:00 +0000

Vast amounts of residual skywater, not a glimpse of dawns crack, a touch of atmospheric movement and a mixture of lack of cold and hot at the castle this morn.

Since just over half of Brits decided to give the EU the soldiers farewell “they” have not stopped moaning, “they” being the 27 remaining countries who are pissed orf because a) Germany and France will have to take up the slack and pay more into the bottomless well known as the European coffers or b) the other 25 countries will have to take less money than they think they deserve.

“They” are also that very annoying Scottish “bird” Nicola Sturgeon who seems to have got her panties in such a twist that her voice has raised half an octave over the fact that Scotland apparently voted to remain and has been whingeing and brown nosing around Europe in an effort to get special dispensation for said Norf country.

Unfortunately both France and Spain have said they oppose Scotland negotiating separately from the rest of the UK to stay in the EU.

So unless she can persuade Parliament to let them have a second “freedom” referendum, win that and then apply to the EU to join she is to use the vernacular-stuffed.

Meanwhile across the Irish Sea

“They” includes that annoying Northern Irish “bloke” Martin McGuinness who is moaning on about "I believe that the mandate that we got during the course of the referendum to remain puts us in a very special place,"

See above Martin.

“They” also include the Bremain MPs who cannot seem to fathom that they asked the electorate a question and got an answer.

So come on you lot, accept the truth, we are going, stop your bloody moaning and get over it, we won you lost. Nah nah nah nah nah.....

East to the land that used to be a pain in the arse (and still is)

People in a Novosibirsk, Russia, neighbourhood say police have done nothing about a woman who sunbathes by hanging her legs and exposed bum out of a second-story window every day, for hours at a time.

Locals say they are concerned the skin show is visible to children, but police have yet to stop her from her near daily routine.

Anal neighbours?

Left a bit to the land of Merkel

German police say a driver lost control of his car after slipping on a slimy trail left by a procession of snails that were making their way across the highway.

The car -- an old East German Trabant -- flipped over and was wrecked, but the driver was unhurt.

Police said the incident happened early Wednesday near Paderborn, about 350 kilometres (220 miles) west of Berlin.

Surprised it got that far......

And finally:

Right a lot to the land that Gary Glitter isn’t allowed in anymore

A man in Thailand suffered huge blood loss after a python sank its fangs into his penis while he was sitting on the toilet.

Atthaporn Boonmakchuay tried desperately to break free after the huge snake attacked in the bathroom of his home in Chachoengsao, east of the capital Bangkok.

The 38-year-old reportedly reached down with his hand after feeling a sharp bite - only to discover the serpent's jaws clamped around the tip of his penis.

Atthaporn screamed out for his wife as he thrashed around trying to dislodge the 11ft python.

Moments before collapsing, he managed to tie rope around the snake's head and tie it to the bathroom door.

Note to self: place large amount of rope in the bathroom.

That’s it: I’m orf to mine some helium

And today’s thought:

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~ Albert Einstein ~

Angus

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Fri, 24 Jun 2016 10:10:00 +0000

Dawns crack is about as wide as a wide thing can be, much solar stuff, remnants of skywater and not a lot of atmospheric movement at the castle this independent morn.

It seems that Blighty is on the road to freedom, the great British (just over half anyway) public has expressed its hatred of the EUnuchs in Brussels and decided to go our own way.

Damn Cam has decided to throw his toys out of his Rolls Royce pram and bugger orf in October reinforcing the idea that he is a gutless Twat who hasn’t got the gonads to take it on the chin and soldier on.

Meanwhile alien reptile in disguise and chancer at the exchequer George I fucked up completely Osborn has it seems jumped into his space ship and gorn home to planet screw you I’m alright.

It may take years to sort out but it will be worth it, ignore the financial markets, the knobs that “run” them are only in it for the money not to help the people.

Now that most of us have told the Tories that we do not trust them and the Prime Monster is deserting I think it may well be time for a general election, and if as many people vote in that who voted in the referendum we may well get the government we deserve not the one we got for 30% of the electorate.

Just to kick things orf I am going to start a collection to pay for bricks to close orf the Chunnel.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Transformer Monkey: Wash this: What a Wanker and Free the Nipple.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sat, 11 Jun 2016 08:55:00 +0000

Not a glimpse of Dawn’s crack, nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less lack of warm and a promise of skywater at the castle this morn.

Poor old Angus is doing OK, the garden is up to scratch the French racing green motor passed the mot after having a new cat fitted (I did offer his Maj as a replacement but they declined), the cat cost £46 and they charged me £100 to fit it, and then £46 for the mot, and then £40 VAT for the privilege-life in Blighty....

Tomorrow is the annual old farts Canadian Grand Prix gathering at my rich git of a mate's place up in Chobham, where we will do the usual, a trip to the Thames, up and dahn a bit, lunch at the pub then back to his house to watch said race on his 60 inch 4k TV.

When we started this there were five or sometimes six of us, this year we are dahn to three-the others having popped orf this mortal coil will not be attending (maybe in spirit) so we are going to have a sweepstake to see who is left for next year.

East a long way and dahn quite a lot more

Apparently a monkey caused a three-hour nationwide blackout, according to Kenyan officials.

The Kenya Electricity Generation Company said in a statement late Tuesday that a monkey climbed onto the roof of the Gitaru Power Station and fell onto a transformer, tripping it.

The company said this resulted in the loss of 180MW from the plant, triggering a national blackout. The statement did not say whether the monkey survived.

The blackout lasted more than three hours Tuesday before power was restored.

The company said that its facility is secured with an electric fence.

"We regret this isolated incident and the company is looking at ways of further enhancing security at all our power plants," the firm added.

Kenyan businesses regularly complain that power cuts — due to its aging grid — and unreliable supplies make them uncompetitive and hurt growth.

Shocking....... (What?)

Up quite a lot and right just as much

Fire-fighters in southeast China's Fujian province responded to an unusual kind of emergency Sunday -- a man had gotten his head stuck inside a washing machine.

Luckily, he was pulled out by a team of fire-fighters after less than an hour, according to the official Weibo social media account of Fuzhou City's Fire Department.

The fire-fighters separated the drum from the washing machine to free the man.

This unidentified man accidentally got his head stuck inside the machine while trying to fix the drum, the Fire Department's statement said.

Twat.....

Left an enormous amount to the land of the brave and the home of the free

A Bronx hospital worker found dead by a colleague may have died of a heart attack while masturbating, police sources said Wednesday.

The 48-year-old man was found about 10 a.m. Tuesday in a remote area of North Central Bronx Hospital.

A source said no foul play was suspected and that it appeared the man had partly disrobed and was watching pornography on a computer when he died.

And I thought it made you blind.....

And finally:

Back in Brexit-Bremain Blighty

Two hundred women and men gathered around Brighton Beach to highlight controversial social media policies about banning female nipples.

The afternoon march started from Brighton Pier, and then headed along the East Sussex city seafront before stopping on the beach – where everybody sunbathed topless.

One member who attended the event said: ‘It was lovely, I felt proud and fantastic.

The event was organized by comedian Samantha Pressdee, who came to Brighton with her one-woman comedy show about nudity and sexuality.

Samantha said: ‘I’ve been a member of the Free The Nipple campaign over the past year.

‘I joined the campaign to challenge the way women’s breasts were perceived.

‘Breasts have been sexualized and the point of this campaign is that they don’t have to sexual.’

Whatever; does anyone care apart from the campaigners?

That’s it: I’m orf to stone my CO2.

And today’s thought: "Why is it when we talk to God we're praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"
~ Lily Tomlin ~

Angus

In-out-in-out and what’s this religion thing all about?

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sat, 28 May 2016 10:32:00 +0000

Much solar stuff, nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, quite a lot of lack of cold and not a sign of skywater at the Castle this morn.

The moss has been mown, the weedy bits have been weeded, the hedgy bits have been looked at and stuff is growing faster than a fast thing can grow.

Is it just me or is this EU thingy really, really annoying, according to the Bremain lot we will suffer world war, pestilence, boils, frogs, a crippled economy, a decade of austerity and £4000-ish will be lost to every household if we leave.

And if we stay all will be well, immigration will reduce to a couple of people a year, the sun will always shine, it will only rain at night, every person in Blighty will be better orf, we will not have to accept any more EU laws, trade will be stonking, we will be left alone to govern ourselves and the second coming will ensue.

On the other side, if we leave we will be able to make our own laws, immigration will fall to a couple of people a year, the sun will always shine, it will only rain at night, every person in Blighty will be better orf, we will not have to accept any more EU laws, trade will be stonking, we will be left alone to govern ourselves and the second coming will ensue.

I suppose it all comes dahn to personal choices, we all know that politicians lie, cheat and try their hardest to fool us into believing them so that they can keep their jobs but more importantly (to them) their power.

If we stay “they” will still get their jaunts to exotic places like Berlin, Brussels, India, China and America, if we leave they will still get their jaunts to exotic places like Berlin, Brussels, India, China and America.

So what is the difference-buggered if I know, to be honest at my age-64 ¾ it doesn’t make much difference, personally I will vote to leave, I want to be able to go dahn the town and understand what everybody is saying, I want to know that housing is available for the young people, I want to know that there are jobs available for those that want them, I want to know that I can go where I want when I want and not be blown up by some bleeding religious lunatic with a bomb strapped to his plums.

I don’t want the people of Blighty to be absorbed into the mish mash of Europe to become some clone and lose our Blightyness we have a proud history (some of it anyway) we are known for our tolerance and good sense (some of it anyway) we are not “European” we live on an island which is quite full of people. We are innovators and inventors and are unique in the world, let’s keep it that way.

I suppose I just want my country back...

And talking of other religions

What the hell is that all about?

Apparently if there is a God there isn’t just one, so we have Gods who tell their followers different things, and everyone is at odds with everyone else and grudges are not easily forgiven.

Some followers are convinced that if we sin we will go to purgatory unless we admit our sins, some think that the crusades some 900 to 1100 years ago is a good reason to explode innocent people into small pieces (including their own followers), some think that they have been hard done by for millennia and have the right to revenge by annexing other peoples land.

Some think that all life is sacred and won’t even step on an ant (I like that one except for spiders).

And some believe in other things.

What we believe is of course up to us but what really pisses me orf is those that want to impose their religion on others, that seem to think if they are not followers of their God they should die or be invaded or absorbed into their beliefs.

If you live in Blighty say and believe in some prophet who says that their religion is the only one and can’t accept the British way of life then bugger orf to a land that supports your religion, so that you can stone people or behead them or cut their hands orf or whatever else is allowed in your religion.

I make this point: all “holy” writings are written by man for man in order for the “upper lot” to control the lower lot, religion as in all things is about power and control, if God or a God had actually written a text to follow then there would only be one religion and we would all believe and follow the rules but God didn’t and human nature is to suspect those that have other ideals and think that they are right and everyone else is to be conquered.

Well that’s what I think anyway...

And today’s thought: What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” Buddha

Angus

No Surprises There Then:

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sat, 16 Apr 2016 09:14:00 +0000

Much lack of warm, oodles of sky water, more than a bit of atmospheric movement and not a glimpse of Dawns crack at the castle this morn.

It has been many moons since I put finger to keyboard, bits have dropped orf and been replaced, other bits have broken and been fixed, but poor old Angus is now up and “running” on seven out of eight cylinders.

His Maj is just as batty as ever, but has grown into a big, friendly, playful boy.

The butler is still refusing to “do” outside and the garden is waking up from its winter sleep.

Finally upgraded to Windows 10, with the help of “classic shell” I have managed to make it look like windows 7-win, win.

Many, many things have happened just lately, apparently “They” (otherwise known as the rich) have been hiding their stash abroad without telling the taxman, Prime Monster Damn “Dave” blames his dad, and is trying to scare us out of leaving the EU.

Not working is it Dave....

Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise chancer at the exchequer George (where is Panama?) Osbourne has jumped on the Bremain band wagon and is threatening interest rate rises if we dump Europe.

Or maybe not......

Meanwhile old fart Jezza Corbyn who is also in the Bremain camp (this time anyway) was fined for sending in his tax return late.

Left across the big salty thing

A “Tiger whisperer has been mauled to death Malayan tiger inside its habitat, Stacey Konwiser, 38, suffered a "severe bite" wound while inside the big cat's habitat on Friday afternoon, say zoo officials.

She was performing basic tasks with the male Malayan tiger at the time, said zoo spokeswoman Naki Carter.

Dahn Unda and right a bit

Apparently those attached to the Victorian mode of transport have finally emerged into the nineteenth century-electric bikes.

With 2327 imported last year, they were 1 per cent of all bike imports, but this marked a near four-fold increase since 2012. Retailers report sales growth of 35 per cent a year.

Importer and retailer Neil Pollett, owner of Flux, in Ponsonby, says the "grey-power" age group were first to embrace e-bikes, but the trend had caught on with people in their 30s to 50s, and even younger.

New Zealand Post has 280 e-bikes and 25 more on order, a spokeswoman said. "The New Lynn, Rotorua, Kapiti and Timaru branches are all using e-bikes, plus we have a sprinkling of others around the country. The e-bikes are good on hills and on the flat.

And finally:

Apparently the “new” Papa is a catholic

Better than being a Nazi I suppose.

That’s it: I’m orf to cancel my trip to India

And today’s thought:

It is terrible to speak well and be wrong. -Sophocles

Angus

Still here: Homophobic explosion: Dickey gummy bear: Devil’s todger: Manhattan parking: Grassing on a thief: and something to do with Scotland.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sun, 14 Sep 2014 09:06:00 +0000

Oodles of mist and mellow fruitfulness, just a whimsy of atmospheric movement, not a jot of skywater and bugger all solar stuff at the Castle this morn.

It’s been a bit of a “funny” last couple of months, two close members of the family have shuffled orf this mortal coil, my sister (expected) and “M”’s brother who decided to give up the ghost one day after the ninth anniversary of her exit (not expected).

On the way back from my sister’s thingy (400 mile round trip) the timing belt on the Honda also decided to expire and the engine blew up on the M4.

So I decided to go “European” and am now the owner of a Peugeot 206 in French “racing” green, not a bad motor, only done a handful of miles, it even has automatic lights and wipers (which behave like the French-they only seem to work in the mornings) and an “adaptive automatic gearbox” which is not bilingual.

Time will tell...

Poor old Angus has a touch of Ginger’s brother Arthur in his left knee and whilst visiting my general medic he decided to take an inordinate amount of interest in my prostate and rear exit suggesting that he should insert his finger into said orifice to check it out. The second word uttered by poor old Angus was orf, so we settled on a blood test instead.

More to come....

East to the land of stuff and water

Apparently the annual floods have arrived in Pakistan causing many problems and lack of life, the solution was to blow up a couple of dykes.

How homophobic can you get.....?

Dahn Unda and right a bit

Inappropriately shaped lollies on sale exclusively in the South Island have been branded offensive and recalled from shops.

Barrie Aburn, of Dunedin, said his daughters Cadence (8), Rhianna (6) and Payton (5) bought a bag of Dragon Sweets from Moyles SuperValue in Green Island and gave it to him for his birthday.

Mr Aburn's partner, Jacqui Hawkins, said she randomly took a sweet from the bag and found it was shaped in the form of male genitals.

Another lolly in the bag was a gummy baby with a penis, she said.

''I don't find anything amusing about it at all. I find it disgusting,'' she said.

Dutch Rusk managing director Willem Van de Geest, of Nelson, said the Stoke confectionery company imported 7200 bags of mixed gummy lollies, called Dragon Sweets, from a Chinese manufacturer about six weeks ago.

The lollies were originally designed for sale in England and were not considered offensive in Asia.

In Asia, the shape was considered a sign of fertility and health, he said.

Too much whacky baccy Mr Geest?

West a lot and up a fair amount

The statue of a devil with an erect penis could be back up in Vancouver if the city caves to residents who started a petition after it was removed.

Municipal crews in Vancouver took the statue away Tuesday after it mysteriously appeared near a highway, atop a pedestal that used to have a commemorative statue of Christopher Columbus.

The life-size red devil has black horns, a forked tail and an anatomically faithful -- and naked -- physique.

Officials told Global News it wasn't commissioned by the city.

But plenty of people want the "Beelzebub-With-a-Boner" statue re-erected, according to a Change.org petition which had more than 1,500 signatures as of Thursday evening.

"(It) should be reinstalled as a piece of public art and serve as a reminder that art is in the eye of the beholder and nothing more," Darryl Greer, who started the petition, wrote.

Greer points out the statue cost the city nothing, unlike a "cartoonish" porcelain dog on Main Street that cost nearly $100,000.

The devils in the detail.....

Dahn a bit

A new development, 42 Crosby Street, is pushing the limits of New York City real estate to new heights with 10 underground parking spots that will cost more per square foot than the apartments being sold upstairs.

The million-dollar parking spots will be offered on a first-come-first-served basis to buyers at the 10-unit luxury apartment building being developed by Atlas Capital Group at Broome and Crosby Streets, itself the former site of a parking lot. At $250,000 a tire, the parking spaces in the underground garage cost more than four times the national median sales price for a home, which is $217,800, according to Zillow.

So instead of a 5,000-square-foot house with a wine cellar in Dallas or a 3,500-square-foot home with a sauna in Seattle, one could choose 150 square feet in the basement of 42 Crosby, a condominium designed by the architect Annabelle Selldorf.

Bloody hell! I hope Grimly dark doesn’t hear about this....

Up Norf

Maureen McKenna, 58, was caught on CCTV cameras for 40 minutes nicking a lawn.

With an accomplice, she removed the front lawn at 5am and both were seen walking away with pieces of it.

They even stopped for a cigarette break in Skelmersdale, Lancs.

McKenna was arrested and charged with theft after the footage circulated in July.

Appearing at Ormskirk Magistrates Court, she was sentenced to three months prison.

Grassed up?

And finally:

Even further up Norf

Apparently there is going to be a vote in the land of noisy squashy bags and deep fried mars bars about whether the Scots want to remain part of the UK or not.

Good luck to them, if they vote yes then Hadrian’s Wall will have to be heightened and extended, many-many people will have to apply for a new passport, oodles of Scottish MPs will have to be deported and the blue will disappear from the Union flag thingy.

If they vote no then we will continue to be governed by plonkers with names like Cameron and Alexander, until next year anyway and all will calm dahn and Salmond will crawl back into his sporran and desist his ranting.

Or not.....

That’s it: I’m orf to get a Boris

And today’s thought:

There’s a shock.

Angus

If: Boeing-Boeing splash: and Fappy wanker.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sun, 06 Jul 2014 08:51:00 +0000

Medium amounts of lack of cold, maximum amounts of sod all solar stuff, nary a sniff of atmospheric movement and imminent skywater at the Castle this morn.

Almost a lunar cycle has passed since the last post (where does time go?) and poor old Angus has been doing oodles of stuff-gardening, sorting out, travelling, shopping and much walking.

The "news" around Blighty is a bit iffy, it seems that our sports people have not done their best, and dirty old men and the kiddie fiddlers have been having a field day.

Minty Andy

Managed to fuck up Wimbledon.

Nice one Murray...

The England football "team"

Managed to fuck up the World Cup.

No real surprise there, but although I hate Footballers with a vengeance isn't it about time that

"foreign" players were banned from the leagues, then we might have a chance of gathering a

decent squad.....

The Piss Poor Millionaires Club Coalition

Is about to fuck up a large piece of what used to be the railways by giving £90 million of fare

payers money to all and sundry (I wish) in order to give commuters faster Wi-Fi on chuff-

chuffs in about four years.

Shouldn't "they" use the dosh to make the trains better now?

Boris Johnson

Is just a fuck up, and has decided that cash can no longer be used on any of London's buses in a move that Transport for London (TfL) says will save £24m a year.

Passengers will need a prepaid or concessionary ticket, Oyster card or a contactless payment card to travel.

TfL said only 0.7% of all bus journeys were paid for with cash and that tourists were unlikely to be affected.

Yeah right.....

Allegedly "Lord" Brittan

Has been accused over a historical allegation of rape.

The Independent on Sunday says Lord Brittan, as he is now known, is understood to have been questioned last month about the claim, which relates to an incident in London in 1967.

The Tory peer reportedly strongly denies the allegations.

Lord Brittan, 74, was not an MP at the time of the alleged rape.

Oh well that's all fucking right then....

Arsehole Aussie

Is about to fucked up after being jailed for nearly six years for 12 indecent assaults against four girls - including one aged just seven or eight.

Harris, who was found guilty of offences that took place between 1968 and 1986, was told by the judge he had "no-one to blame but himself".

He displayed no emotion and stared straight ahead as he was jailed.

Still can't tell what it is then....

"Sir" Paul McCartney

Has apparently been fucked up for a couple of months by a "virus" which forced him to take a break from his "tour".

The 72-year-old played an arena in Albany, New York, on Saturday night as part of his Out There tour.

The former Beatle called off the Japan leg of the tour and a South Korea show after falling ill on 16 May and later postponed a number of US dates.

He spent six days in a Tokyo hospital being treated for the viral infection.

Before his illness, Sir Paul had last performed on May 1 in Costa Rica.

Shame it wasn't a bit more virulent.

Left a lot to Montana

Three Boeing 737 fuselages were fucked up when they tumbled down a steep bank and into the Clark Fork River in western Montana after a train derailed.

Montana Rail Link spokeswoman Lynda Frost said Saturday that it's unclear the type of challenge involved because it's the first time the company has faced such a task.

No one was injured when 19 cars from a westbound train derailed Thursday about 10 miles west of Alberton. The cause of the derailment is under investigation.

The train carried six fuselages. Three others also fell off but stayed on land. Frost says Boeing has had workers at the scene assessing the damage.

The fuselages were headed to Renton, Washington, to be assembled into completed airliners.

Or not......

And finally:

Still in the land of the brave and the home of the free

A mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The organization recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 35-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested on Sunday at Metta Yoga in Phoenix after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows.

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of adults and children learn to live a masturbation-free lifestyle

Paul Horner is a great man. He’s passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy, he loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him, they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some trumped-up charges by the Phoenix five-oh, such a shame. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this incident is resolved. Praise Fappy!”

Ironic Wanker....

That's it: I'm orf to be ironic.

And today's thought:

Must stay away from up Norf for a day or two.

Angus

Well...: Crotch-less Dahn Unda: Portland Posers: Taking the piss in Miami: Canadian Dildo: and Missing money in OZ.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sun, 08 Jun 2014 09:17:00 +0000

Not a hint of skywater, even less atmospheric movement, more than enough lack of cold and Dawn's crack stretches from East to West at the Castle this morn.

Well, another 21 light and dark things have passed since the last post, not a lot has been going on in bollixed Blighty, Niggle Garage did his thing and scooped up a few more seats in the Eurowaste Parliament, and didn't do his thing in the by election Norf of Watford, no surprises there then.

It's not that I don't like old Niggle (but I don't) it's that apart from getting out of the EU his "party" doesn't seem to have any other policies which worries me more than a tad.

Next year will sort it out.....

The garden is doing loads of things; there's blue stuff, red stuff, mauve stuff, white stuff and loads of other stuff bursting out, the moss is mown and the deck/recliner/rocker is out ready for a bit of vitamin D absorption and I have even got the shorts out.

After yet another holiday the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has returned to the Palace of Westminster for a while and the bickering continues.

Dahn Unda

Allegedly A shop manager was pelted with sex toys by an intruder wearing a wig and crotch-less pants in an Australian erotica store stick-up, police said.

The man forced his way into the Brisbane adult shop through the roof just before 5:30 am on Saturday, setting off the alarm.

"Upon being disturbed the man threw a number of items he was attempting to steal out of his hands and proceeded to climb back through the roof," police said in a statement.

"Police located the man climbing down from the roof of the business."

According to local media reports, the intruder was wearing a wig, crotch-less pants and a dress.

He was charged with breaking and entering and drug possession offences.

Seems he didn't know if he was coming or going........

Right quite a lot and up just as much

Thousands of bicyclists, many of them stark naked, poured into the streets of Portland, Oregon last night for the 11th annual World Naked Bike Ride, a protest that promotes bike riding as an alternative to driving cars.

Nude cyclists with lights flashing in their tyre spokes rang bells as they barrelled down avenues lined with cheering spectators, while a naked, apparently pregnant woman rode in a bike trailer.

“This is a party, but it’s also a protest,” said Carl Larson, a ride spokesman.

“It is about oil dependence, cycling vulnerability and body” image.

Jennifer Young, 40, who was at the ride with her 16-year-old son and was painted blue head to toe with fairy wings on her back, saw the goal as showing cyclists’ vulnerability, saying “I think it’s a little more evident when we’re naked.

Well if they worked a bit harder they could buy a motor........

Dahn a bit to the sunny state of the land of the brave and the home of the free

A Miami man who, police say, shot a man while they were arguing faced a judge Friday.

Gilberto Martinez, 28, was arrested on Thursday, June 5th after police said he pulled a gun on two people, shooting one, after they commented over Martinez peeing in front of a home.

According to his arrest report, Jose Martinez and Genaro Merlos had just returned home from the store when they saw Gilberto Martinez urinating in front of their home.

The two men told the Gilberto he should not be doing that because there were small children at the house, according to the report.

Gilberto allegedly took offense to the comment and pulled out a black hand gun, stated the report.

Jose Martinez attempted to run away but was shot three times in the torso area.

Gilberto, then allegedly turned the gun on Merlos and said, “You too,” and pulled the trigger.

According to the report, Merlos, “heard the click of the gun but nothing happened.”

Gilberto then ran away but was later arrested.

Police said Gilberto Martinez later admitted to shooting the Jose Martinez and then leaving the area.

Gilberto Martinez is charged with one count of attempted second degree murder.

A judge on Friday ordered him to be held on $50,000 bound plus house arrest.

Let's hope he has an indoor lav....

Up quite a lot to the Norf country

An hour west of Newfoundland’s provincial capital, Dildo is a quiet, meandering harbor town with a population of 1,200. At one time, it flourished on the back of a burgeoning whaling and fishing industry; today, its name is that only thing that keeps people coming.

Though there may not be a whole lot to do there (the top three “Dildo attractions” on Tripadvisor are all hotels), the town’s residents are a proud, boisterous bunch, and partake in a number of annual festivities. Each summer, “Captain Dildo” -- an old wooden statue of a boat skipper -- leads the Annual Dildo Parade through the streets. (If you’re lucky enough to attend, be sure to snag an “I Survived Dildo Day” souvenir T-shirt -- they’re a hot commodity!)

Must add that to the bucket list....

And finally

Back Dahn Unda

Allegedly Australians lose more than $100 million worth of coins down the back of sofas and car seats each year, the Royal Australian Mint said.

Mint chief executive Ross MacDiarmid told a government hearing that 255 million coins disappear annually and are replaced.

"Most of the coins that we provide are against coins that disappear down the back of chairs, down the back of car seats, into rubbish dumps and, in some cases, are taken overseas," he told a Senate committee Tuesday night.

"We are talking about AUD$110 million ($112.2 million) worth of coins."

Which is about £4.50 in proper money.....

That's it: I'm orf to try out a smart loo

And today's thought:

Dawn of the dead

Angus

So: Knob head 'Dave' gets it over Europe: Wait a week to see your general medic: Cover your manhole: Serial crapper: Weird Eurovision winner: and the Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Sun, 11 May 2014 10:44:00 +0000

Much skywater, even more atmospheric movement, quite a lot of lack of cold and Dawn's crack seems to have healed over.

It seems like it's been three weeks since the last post, mainly because I went dahn to Tesco on the gruel, stale bread substitute and his Maj's food run a while ago and picked up an infection of the nasal passages, I think they had a catch one get one free deal on at the time because the old bowels have been less than satisfactory since.

But I waited a week to see my general medic who diagnosed a sinus infection and a stay close to the toilet thingy.

After a few days of industrial antibiotics poor old Angus is on the mend.

And talking of stuff that comes out of the rear exit

Dave Cam our delightful Prime Monster is telling us that he understands as he appeals directly to those disenchanted with the EU ahead of the local and euro elections.

Writing in The Telegraph, he proclaims his “passionate” and “optimistic” belief in Britain’s potential, arguing that “real” patriots should vote Tory rather than be tempted to support the UK Independence Party.

“If you’re thinking 'I’ve heard all this before’ – I get it,” he says, before going on to offer his personal guarantee that he will resign as prime minister if he cannot deliver an in-out referendum on Britain’s membership of the EU after the election next year.

Fat fucking chance, and who the hell is going to vote for Niggle Garage and his load of racist Numptys....

It seems that poor old angus isn't the only one in the NHS queue

Allegedly Patients waited more than a week to see their GP on almost 50 million occasions last year, new figures show.

An analysis by the Royal College of GPs found that 47 million GP appointments in 2013 – one in six of all consultations – involved a wait of at least seven days to see a doctor or nurse.

In 2012, the figure was 40 million – suggesting a rise of 17 per cent, year on year. If the trend continues, projections suggest that next year 57 million GP appointments will involve a wait of a week or more.

Senior doctors last night warned GPs were buckling under the demands of an ageing population, and that too often only those who “shouted the loudest” were able to secure help quickly. Experts said some patients were forced to wait even longer than a week, with delays of up to a month for appointments at some surgeries.

So it's us old farts that are causing it; still waiting times should plummet when they bring in the ten pound charge to see your general medic....

Right a lot to Taiwan

A scooter rider has been caught on camera falling off his vehicle - and then sliding straight into an open manhole.

He loses balance after clipping the right wing mirror of the car, goes into a skid, comes off his scooter and falls down the hole.

The accident was filmed in Taiwan and has been viewed more than 30,000 times since it was uploaded to YouTube.

The rider luckily escaped with just a few minor injuries.

Luckily my manhole has never has a scooter rider up it.....

Left even more to the home of the free and the land of the brave

Deputies are looking for a man who is accused of defecating in multiple yards in a Houston neighborhood.

The man has allegedly struck one home on Byrne Street so many times it forced the homeowners to install security cameras to catch the man in the act.

Police are looking for the man seen in the surveillance photos, saying he has defecated in the front yard of that home six times -- and has spread his waste to other homes in the area.

"This is our neighborhood. Whatever people think should go on around here -- pooping is not OK," neighbor Aimee Parsons told KPRC-TV in Houston.

Oh shit......

Last eve I turned over to BBC1 to watch the news and was confronted with

This:

The "winner" of the Eurowasting Song doodah turns out to be a bloke with a beard wearing a dress and singing a song that should have been consigned to the editing room floor.

Apparently Austrian drag act Conchita Wurst has been crowned the winner of the 59th annual Eurovision Song Contest held in Denmark's capital, Copenhagen.

The singer, whose real name is Tom Neuwirth, won with the song Rise Like a Phoenix, collecting 290 points.

The Netherlands finished second with 238 points, with Sweden in third place with 218 points.

The UK's Molly Smitten-Downes came 17th, with 40 points for her song Children of the Universe.

Another reason to get out.....

And finally

Dahn a bit to the place where the great British Mini comes from

It seems that the Germans have a thing that can crack soft boiled eggs and is called the Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher.

Wonderful: I've had one for years...it's called a spoon.....

That's it: I'm orf to get a transfusion...if I can get an appointment...

And today's thought:

The paradox of growing old

Angus

Spring has sprung: Expiration dates: Killing us less than softly: Giant rats: Carnivorous sponges: and how to grow a new Toof.

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Thu, 17 Apr 2014 10:28:00 +0000

Not even a whimsy of atmospheric movement, nary a droplet of skywater for days, oodles of lack of cold and Dawn's crack is getting wider every day at the Castle this morn.

I have been doing lots of stuff-putting dahn laminate flooring, laying carpets, clearing out cupboards, sorting out the spare room, mowing the moss and spending quite a lot of time getting some vitamin D from the free solar heater.

Bought a nice lounger/recliner/rocking chair for poor old Angus and it is so comfortable I keep falling asleep whist enjoying the "fresh air".

I persuaded the butler to put some coal in the laptop's boiler and have had a look at the interweb thingy for the first time in more than a couple of weeks, not much seems to have changed, the hoo-ha in the bit up from the Crimea is still dragging on, the search for the elusive flight over the Indian ocean is still under way, and Dave (knob head) Cameron has it seems completely lost it and has found some sort of holy spirit thingy which he wants to impose on all of us.

And on the subject of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Apparently the latest thing to be vomited up from the sideboard is that Pensions Minister Steve Webb warned people often underestimate how long they might live and can be left without enough savings.

Estimates of life expectancy would be based on factors such as gender, where they live, and whether they smoke.

The information would help them plan their finances more efficiently, according to the minister.

The minister told the BBC people would be given an idea of their life expectancy as part of plans outlined in the Budget for pensioners to get face-to-face consultations with an adviser.

He said the consultations would be paid for by the pension schemes themselves and any discussion of life expectancy would be handled sensitively.

Fuck orf.....

And all across Blighty's NHS

In a bid to stop hospitals murdering patients The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence has issued "quality standards" on measures including hand-washing and catheter insertion.

Allegedly about 300,000 patients develop an infection in England each year while being treated by the NHS.

Prof Gillian Leng, of NICE, said it was unacceptable that rates were still so high.

Rates of MRSA and Clostridium difficile - the most well-known hospital-acquired infections - have fallen significantly in recent years, but one in 16 people treated in the NHS picks up an infection.

According to Prof Leng: "Infections are a costly and avoidable burden. They hinder a patient's recovery, can make underlying conditions worse, and reduce quality of life."

The NICE standards say people should be prescribed antibiotics in accordance with guidelines and healthcare workers should follow procedures - including hand-washing - to cut the risk of infection when devices such as catheters are inserted.

Prof Leng added: "Although there have been major improvements within the NHS in infection control, particularly in relation to Clostridium difficile and MRSA bloodstream infections in the last few years, healthcare-associated infections are still a very real threat to patients, their families and carers and staff.

Things haven't changed much since Grimly Dark Orspital killed my "M" then....

Right a bit to the dead centre of Essex

It seems that Blighty is being invaded by giant rodents, A rather large rodent was snapped in Gravesend, just days after the oversized rats were reported in Liverpool.

The image of a dead rat on a spade was tweeted by Radio 2 following a discussion of the rodent problem on the Jeremy Vine show.

Giant rats ‘the size of cats’ were also spotted in Birmingham, while a Swedish family claimed another large rodent tried to eat their pet cat.

It’s believed rats have managed to grow so big due to an increase in food left on the streets.

None dahn ere in 'Ampshire, the giant spiders have eaten them all........

Left a fair way to the home of the free and the land of the brave

Four new species of carnivorous sponges that prey on shrimplike amphipods and other small animals were discovered in deep waters off the Pacific coast of North America, scientists announced.

These nasty little buggers lack the specialized cells called choanocytes, which have tiny, beating tails that help pull in bacteria and single-celled organisms from the surrounding waters. Instead, they've developed a different strategy to snare food they trap larger, more nutrient-dense organisms, like crustaceans, using beautiful and intricate microscopic hooks."

Within a few hours, a carnivorous sponge will start digesting the prey in its clutches. Eventually, all that's left is an empty shell.

Lundsten and colleagues discovered four meat-eating sponges with the help of underwater remote-operated vehicles (ROVs) that video-recorded the sponges and plucked samples from the seafloor with a robotic arm.

And there was me thinking it was safe to go back in the water.....

And finally:

Right a bit from the peaceful ocean

According to a study published in the latest Journal of Dental Research, a new tissue regeneration technique may allow people to simply re-grow a new set of pearly whites.

Dr. Jeremy Mao, the Edward V. Zegarelli Professor of Dental Medicine at Columbia University Medical Center, has unveiled a growth factor-infused, three-dimensional scaffold with the potential to regenerate an anatomically correct tooth in just nine weeks from implantation. By using a procedure developed in the university’s Tissue Engineering and Regenerative Medicine Laboratory, Dr. Mao can direct the body’s own stem cells toward the scaffold, which is made of natural materials. Once the stem cells have colonized the scaffold, a tooth can grow in the socket and then merge with the surrounding tissue.

Dr. Mao’s technique not only eliminates the need to grow teeth in a Petri dish, but it is the first to achieve regeneration of anatomically correct teeth by using the body’s own resources. Factor in the faster recovery time and the comparatively natural process of regrowth (as opposed to implantation), and you have a massively appealing dental treatment.

Columbia University has already filed patent applications in regard to the technology and is seeking associates to aid in its commercialization. In the meantime, Dr. Mao is considering the best approach for applying his technique to cost-effective clinical therapies.

Sign me up for that....

That's it: I'm orf to get a pair of Cyborg glasses

And today's thought:

Must cancel the trip Dahn Unda

Angus

Flotsam and some jet?: Budget bollocks: NHS complaints process bollocks: ATOS lies-again: Old fart pilot and the parachute: Crash test Roos: and Crash test failure:

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Fri, 21 Mar 2014 09:34:00 +0000

Much lack of lack of cold, more than a whimsy of atmospheric movement, quite a lot of ex skywater and just a glimpse of dawn's crack at the Castle this morn.

Poor old Angus is doing OK, the diabetes thing is now back under control despite a toof ache-toof out-infection and antibiotics, and I spent most of the last more than seven days fettling the garden; extra bamboo screens, moved the stepping stones to accommodate the new extendable washing line, put up a new fence in the quiet corner, painted the fences (hint-DO NOT buy Homebase's own "light oak" fence stuff-it is orange when applied-even more orange with a second coat, I finally used B&Q's own stuff which is artistically called "brown"-covered in one coat), and did the first cut on the moss. I even washed the Honda...

East a lot dahn a fair bit

The hunt for MH370 goes on, and on, and on, it seems that the latest "clue" is a blurry photo of something that looks like a giant upside dahn motor, but the mystery deepens as it turns out that A US technology company which had 20 senior staff on board Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370 had just launched a new electronic warfare gadget for military radar systems in the days before the Boeing 777 went missing.

So a few hints as to where it may be:

Norf Korea's rear exit.

eBay.

The Castle's moat.

How is it that "they" can listen to all our phone calls, see all our emails but can't find a bleedin great jet with an orange black box that is emitting beeps every few moments?

Back in Budget Blighty

Apparently son of a B........aronet and alien reptile in disguise chancer of the exchequer George (I love pensioners) Osborne has done yet another Budget, which will allow the elder part of the population to snatch and squander their pension pots.

This will of course allow we old farts to buy "luxuries" such as gas and electricity, food and even some go juice for the motor as well as being able to buy more than one pint of beer and play bingo to excess.

And will of course "stimulate" the economy adding many squillions in tax to the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalitions' coffers.

Cheers George......

All across the National Elf Service

After many years and many deaths allegedly the Healthwatch England watchdog thingy has come to the conclusion that the complaints system for the NHS in England is "hopelessly complicated" and needs an overhaul.

Apparently Healthwatch England says more than 70 organisations are involved in dealing with complaints about the NHS and social care.

It wants the process to be simplified to ensure patients get more support.

Healthwatch England chairwoman, Anna Bradley, said: "It's no wonder the public are left confused and frustrated. With so many organisations involved it's difficult to know where to start, let alone having the strength and persistence to navigate the system on your own.

No shit...remember the photo, we will be watching....

Staying with Elf problems

Allegedly ATOS that wonderful French supplier of the infamous Fit to work assessments which went so well that they want to end the contract early has now managed to secure the contract for the PIP (personal independence payments) has been telling porkies to grab even more of our loot.

In its tender document, submitted to the Department of Work and Pensions, Atos suggested that more than 700 healthcare providers, including 56 NHS hospitals, had contractually agreed to provide accommodation where assessments for new Personal Independence Payments could take place. It claimed the “hyper-local” network would mean that no disabled claimant would have to travel more than 60 minutes to attend an assessment, with “over 90 per cent of claimants able to reach the centres in 30 minutes”.

But the Public Accounts Committee heard that, since the scheme was launched, over 40 per cent of all claimants have had to travel for more than an hour to reach an assessment centre, with only 40 per cent being able to reach a suitable location in less than 45 minutes.

Atos had in fact contracted fewer than 100 healthcare providers to provide accommodation – and a miscalculation by the DWP over how long each session would take meant that some severely disabled people were waiting longer than six months to be seen.

MPs accused Atos of “playing fast and loose with the truth” in the bid document – resulting in ministers misleading Parliament about how the scheme would work.

Personal Independence Payments began to replace Disability Living Allowance in April last year. Most people applying for PIP have a face-to-face assessment to determine eligibility, which is carried out by Atos Healthcare and Capita Business Services.

But a report from the National Audit Office found claimants were waiting an average of 107 days, and terminally ill patients 28 days, for a decision on their cases – much longer than had been predicted.

MPs told Lisa Coleman, senior vice-president of Atos, that they believed the firm had been misleading in its bid document.

“You only managed to work with a quarter of the trusts you named in the document,” the committee’s chair, Margaret Hodge, told her. “If there had been one or two falling out then I could have accepted your argument – but only a quarter?”

She then asked: “Is it usual to lie in the tender document, Ms Coleman?”

Ms Coleman told the committee that because the DWP had pushed back its plans for mandatory re-assessment of all DLA claimants until 2015 fewer sites were needed than had been suggested in the bid document. “We have had sufficient coverage,” she said. “If we had used all 750 sites they would [each] be doing about three assessments a week.”

Ms Coleman added: “What we talked about in the tender document was what we thought we could achieve. When you write a tender document you say this is the specification that I can deliver. This is what I am responsible for.”

She added: “We are not there yet. I am not going to sit here and say we are.”

An Atos spokeswoman subsequently said the company categorically denied making misleading claims in the tender document.

Yeah right......

Left quite a lot and dahn not quite as much

87-year-old pilot Shannon Trembley was practicing take orfs and landings at South Lakeland airport in Mulberry, Florida when he managed to crash into a parachutist who wasn't practicing landings but took orf again.

His Cessna got caught in Mr Frost’s strings and spun through 180 degrees before crashing into a landing field.

Onlookers pulled Mr Trembley out of the plane in case it caught fire.

Emergency services arrived soon afterwards and took the two men to hospital.

Mr Frost was later allowed home but doctors kept Mr Trembley in for observation.

The National Transportation Safety Board and Federal Aviation Administration are investigating.

Should have gorn to Specsavers...

Dahn Unda

Volvo has been testing its automatic braking system with crash test Kangaroos, apparently there are more than 20,000 kangaroo strikes on Australia’s roads every year? In response to the rogue roo problem, Volvo is in the process of training it’s City Safe autonomous braking system to recognize kangaroos that enter into the path of the vehicle. The system are responsible for -and automatically slam on the brakes if the driver does not.

The system was originally developed to detect pedestrians; later this year the same setup will enable selected Volvo cars to also detect cyclists.

A radar sensor in the grille scans the road 100 metres ahead and a camera in the windscreen works with the radar to detect which way the object is moving to help the computer decide what action to take, if any.

The system processes 15 images every second and can react to an emergency in half the time a human driver can, Volvo claims. With some kangaroos taller than six feet, the system may prevent considerable vehicle damage.

Didn't go too well on the last try..

Volvo claims it is working on a system that can recognize dogs and cats.

How can a motor know that his Maj is called His Maj?

And finally:

Staying with crash tests

Right more than a lot of imperial yards Independent car safety body, Global NCAP, has found that a number of small cars on sale in India pose a very serious risk to their occupants in the event of a crash.

In the first-ever independent crash tests of some of India's most popular small cars, Global NCAP awarded entry-level models of the Volkswagen Polo, Ford Figo and previous-generation Hyundai i10 zero stars for adult protection. This is in stark contrast to the current European equivalents – the Ford Fiesta and Polo achieved a five-star rating in their Euro NCAP tests, while the old Hyundai i10 managed a respectable four.

India's best-selling car, the Suzuki-Maruti Alto 800, was also assessed, as was the Tata Nano. The five cars were afflicted by two major problems – namely a lack of structural integrity and an absence of airbags, meaning that too much energy is absorbed directly by the people in the cars in the event of a crash.

In the 40mph NCAP crash test, the Indian version of the i10 achieved a zero-star rating for adult protection, a one-star rating for child protection and was unable to meet the UN's minimum safety requirements in the 35mph crash test. Along with the Alto 800 and Nano, the i10 was also found to be structurally inadequate, collapsing onto occupants in a crash too easily.

The Ford Figo, which is based on the previous-generation Ford Fiesta platform, achieved zero stars for adult protection and a two-star rating for child protection. What's more, it only met the UN's minimum safety requirements in the 35mph crash test because the dummy's head in the driver seat narrowly avoided direct contact with the steering wheel.

Glad they are not sold in Blighty...

That's it: I'm orf to get a new app for the smart phone

And today's thought:

They seek it here, they seek it there

Angus

Global crisis caused by Crimea incident

noreply@blogger.com (Angus Dei) — Tue, 04 Mar 2014 08:03:00 +0000

Many, many units of lack of warm, just a whimsy of skywater, a butterfly's' cough of atmospheric movement and the merest glimpse of Dawn's crack at the Castle this pancake flipping morn.

All is well with poor old Angus, bits that should work are and bits that shouldn't don't, his Maj is full of the joys of something and the smart cat flap is performing within expected parameters.

Well it's finally happened, landlady Mrs Floppybits dahn at the Crimea pub dropped her breakfast tray causing a global crisis.

Much coffee was lost causing a surge in the price of the beans throughout the globe, her toast was lost to the hot liquid meaning that the cost of wheat soared, the spoilt milk caused Tesco to reduce the retail price of 4 pints, the boiled egg exploded which brought about a steep increase in the retail price of chucky ovals, which in turn made the price of fowl meat burst through the 5 squid barrier and spawned a frenzy of buying in the feather pillows and duvet market.

The broken cereal bowl made a huge dent in the floor tile industry causing the shares of B&Q to soar, which made the city panic over prices of wood, corn, cement, sheds, copper, brass, lead, plastic, furniture, garden tools, fencing and turfs.

This lead to a rest break being cancelled and caused the price of tea to rocket and the result was a slump in the Rupee, the marmalade was ruined leading to a torrent of bidding on the orange markets and the backlash was that Florida is now bankrupt and the American economy is on the verge of collapse.

Back in Blighty the city has stalled, with no commodities left to make a profit on our economy has dived back into the sewer and we are all stuffed, in fact the world is going to end tomorrow because some knob head has revived a thirty thousand year old virus found beneath the permafrost up Norf (and a bit more).

So there we are:-fucked, all because of a lost brekkie in the Crimea and the scaremongering of the media and twats that can't mind their own business and take a delight in winding up the world.

That's it: I'm orf to plumb the depths of the moat

And today's thought:

Angus