Today's the day!

When Life Gives You Lemons

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Sat, 27 Jan 2018 19:48:00 +0000

I have worked in my current career for the past 23 years. In those 23 years I have moved across the country because of it, worked for 3 different companies, survived mergers, buyouts, renaming, rebranding and pretty much every other hurdle that the business world has to offer.

Until now.

For the first time in my career I was let go due to downsizing and restructuring. Suddenly one Tuesday afternoon I found myself unemployed. I have been working since I was 14 (other than that unfortunate period in my early 20’s, but we don’t talk about the ‘90s anymore), so this is very unfamiliar territory.

Once I got over the initial shock, I was able to sit back and assess the situation. Taking stock things didn’t look so bad. I have great marketable skills. I’m very good at what I do. I have a wonderful family and we are all healthy and happy. We have a house, a car and some savings. We could manage this unexpected curve ball.

I took a week to let myself feel all the emotions and think all the thoughts. I looked at what jobs were currently available in the city. I started networking with friends, putting out feelers to everyone I could. And then I started exploring other ideas.

What if I changed careers?

At 47, with my family dependent on me, this was a pretty far-out there idea. But the idea started to grow. What else could I do? Did I want to keep doing what I’ve been doing for the next 20 some odd years? Could we even entertain the idea of starting over in something new?

Having a loving and supportive partner makes all the difference in the world. I would not have gotten through this past week without Hilary. She’s my rock, my sounding board, my shoulder to cry on, my support in all things. We talked through all the possibilities and ideas, coming back to some frequently, dismissing some immediately, shelving some for future consideration. We talked about every aspect that we could think off; financial risks, what the time away from family various ideas would mean, what our day to day life would look like, and any impact to Liam.

And together we have come up with a plan.

I am going back to school and embarking on a new career path.

The new career path is not so far off from what I’ve done in the past that I can’t take all of my skills and experience with me. 23 years of experience is not something you just toss away. But it is new and different. I will be doing things I’ve never done before, alongside things that are familiar to me.

The course I will be taking is 14 months long. I haven’t been in school since 1989. That was a very long time ago. It is a very scary prospect to walk into a classroom at this stage of my life, but it is the means to an end, and I will give it my all.

This was never something that I would have dreamt of doing on my own. But when life gives you lemons, make the best, sweetest lemonade that you can!

The adoptee and her DNA

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Sun, 31 Dec 2017 17:28:00 +0000

This past summer Liam expressed interest in finding out more about his ancestral background, so we ordered 2 DNA testing kits - one for him and one for myself. As the adoptees of the family, we felt this would be fun to do together; Hilary can trace her ancestry back pretty far, and when you see pictures of her with various relatives, there is little doubt that they are all genetically related.

Genetic connections have always fascinated me, probably because I grew up without any. Seeing siblings that look alike, babies sporting great-aunt so and so's nose, and all the other observable traits in families have always been bittersweet for me. I was taller, tanned more, had genetically impossible eye colour and different hair from my parents. I did have one cousin who everyone said I looked like, especially if you compared baby pictures of us. That led to many adoption fueled fantasies about how we really were related but that there was a big family secret that no one wanted to tell us about. (Spoiler alert: there wasn't)

I finally got a picture of my birth mother Iris and my half sister when I was in my 30's. I poured over every pixel looking for a resemblance. I was very disappointed to not find much. Even Iris said that she didn't see any resemblance in us, but did offer up the nugget of information that she though I looked like I took after my father's side. Unfortunately that was about as much information as she was willing to tell my about my birth father.

With the easy availability of DNA testing kits today, it seemed like a great idea as an adoptee to possibly fill in some missing information. I knew the information would be quite generalized, a list of potential percentages from different areas of the world, but it was still more information than I had before. What I didn't anticipate was some of the emotions that doing this would unearth. When the kits first arrived in the mail it took me over a month just to be able to open it and read the instructions. From there it took another couple of weeks to work my way up to actually registering the kit online, spitting into the little tube and mailing it in for analysis. Once it was mailed off I was able to bury the thoughts of it in an "out of sight, out of mind" kind of way.

Until the email came telling me that it was ready.

I had chosen to do our tests through Ancestry.com Part of the decision was price, part was based on the other main stream test being geared more towards testing your DNA for potential medical issues and partly because Ancestry.com includes family tree software. I knew going into this that one of the possible outcomes of having your DNA tested was being connected to someone who you were genetically related to that had also been tested. The media has been full of stories of best friends finding out they are actually siblings and other adoption-reunion situations. Of course in the deepest recess of my mind I held out a smidge of hope that I might become one of those stories. I already knew that I have 5 half-siblings, and potentially any number of cousins, aunts or uncles.

I opened the email and started with my ethnicity estimates

No big surprises there. Iris had given me some indication of where her family was from, so I fully expected Western European and British.

I very quickly moved on to the next section.

Here were real people, with pictures(!) that I was potentially related to. My closest match was a 1st cousin. The Ancestry.com website has a message option that you can reach out to people that you have potential matches with so that you can connect and discover exactly how you may be related. By this point I was all in, so I quickly put together an email about who I was and how we may be related and sent it off to 7 possible 1st cousins.

Within hours I had heard back from someone. I had enough identifying information about my birth family to confirm our connection. Overall I have had contact with 3 of my cousins, one from my birth mother's side, and two from my birth father's.

Since then I have had many emails back and forth, one phone call, been sent dozens of pictures (including a picture of my half-siblings on my father's side) and heard stories about my birth father and his family. I was also able to find out that my birth and adoption was not the well kept secret that Iris had thought it was. Rumours and stories of my existence have made the rounds of all the family functions.

It has definitely been an emotional roller coaster, but I've learned over the years that most things associated with adoption are. I'm so glad for the information and connections that I have from doing the DNA test, and it may open many other doors yet.

Balance

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Wed, 13 Dec 2017 19:17:00 +0000

My word for 2018 is BALANCE. I see BALANCE being important in many aspects of my life.

Balance work and home life

I have the advantage of being able to work from home for the most part, so this really helps to balance my work and home life. I still need to ensure that I don’t let myself get caught up in working too late just to finish something. I also need to make sure that I am disciplined enough to be focused and working during work hours. There are also changes coming in January to our lives that will make BALANCING work and home life even more significant. Thinking outside the box and redefining how home life looks and runs will be key.

Balance food – the good and the bad

Being healthy continues to be important to me. I am a strong believer though that getting healthy is not going to happen with a quick fix or a diet, it is a lifestyle change that I need to embrace. That makes balancing good and bad food important. I am not willing to completely cut out any one food from my life, but am willing to BALANCE the good with the bad.

Balance training time with down time

I will be training for 2 half-marathons in 2018. One in June and one in September. My training plan is about 16 weeks, so training will officially start in February. Once my mileage starts to ramp up my long runs start taking over 3 hours on a Sunday morning. Much like balancing work and home life, I do not want my training time to take over all of my free time, so finding a BALANCE in my training schedule to still have non-training down time is essential.

I will find and create BALANCE in all aspects of my life for 2018.

I am Strong

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Sun, 10 Dec 2017 14:29:00 +0000

When I selected STRONG as my word of the year for 2017, I wasn't 100% sure what STRONG would look like for me.

I want to be strong in my resolve. I want to be strong in my convictions. I want to be strong in my relationships. I want to be strong for my family and friends. I want to be mentally strong. And yes… I want to be physically strong too.

Now that the year is coming to a close, I can say with confidence that I am STRONGER than I was when the year began.

My relationship with my Mom is STRONG. Mom and I spent a week long vacation just the two of us in the spring that culminated in our doing a half-marathon together. Crossing the finish line hand in hand was a great moment for both of us.

My relationship with Liam is STRONG. Having a great open relationship with him at 15 is so important to me. I'm glad that we can talk about anything, even if there are times that he isn't so pleased about the topic choices!

Hilary and I continue to have a STRONG relationship. We celebrated 24 years together yesterday. We have managed big moves, buying houses, having a kid, illnesses, career changes and pretty much everything else that life has to offer. All of it just makes us STRONGER together.

I am mentally STRONG. I try to challenge myself both at work and at home, to keep my mind active. Don't get me wrong, there is a good amount of time spent on mindless pursuits as well, but I think that recharging is just as important.

I am physically STRONGER too. I completed two half-marathons this year and many other races as part of my training. I joined a gym to work on strength training to help keep me injury free. I can lift heavier weights now than I could a year ago. One day soon I might even be able to do a push-up.

2017 was a great year overall. Thank you to all my friends and family who helped me be STRONG.

Friends

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Wed, 11 Oct 2017 23:26:00 +0000

I always thought of running as a solitary sport, not something that you did with others. Boy was I wrong.

When I first started running, I did a learn to run program and made my first running friend. Sheila could have run faster then me, but stuck with me every week. We then ran our first 5k together.

When I decided to train for my first 10k, my friend Donzella offered to train with me and ran the 10k race in a torrential downpour, getting me over the finish line long after I was ready to give up.

Since then I have made so many more running friends.

Friends who run in the rain with me; friends who wake up before the sun so that we can drive to races together; friends who join me at the track on a Sunday morning while I run 50+ laps. Friends who finish their race and double back to help me cross the finish line. Friends who are always at the finish line to cheer me on.

Friends who give me a gift to remind me every day that I should believe in myself.

Friends who believe in me.

Flint the Donkey

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Tue, 29 Aug 2017 20:58:00 +0000

As part of his birthday gift this year, my Mom sponsored a donkey in Liam's name at a farm near her that rescues donkey's and cares for them. The Donkey Sanctuary has over 60 donkeys, and opens their doors twice a week for the public to go and visit them, so we got to visit Flint in person.

Flint was born on the sanctuary on July 20th, 2014. They don't breed the donkeys in their care but Flint's Mom Diamond was pregnant when she was rescued. He's a fiesty little guy that likes to eat the other donkey's harnesses when he's out in the field with them.

Liam is an avid animal lover, so adding a donkey to his list of creatures was a great birthday gift and he can't wait to go back to visit Flint again next summer.

STRONG

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Fri, 30 Dec 2016 18:18:00 +0000

In 2017 I will be STRONG.

When I think of the word strong, my first thought always goes to “physically strong”. And I don’t think of myself as being physically strong. I need Hilary to open most jars, Liam to carry heavy things down the stairs and I couldn’t do a push up or a pull up to save my life.

But strong can mean so much more. I want to be strong in my resolve. I want to be strong in my convictions. I want to be strong in my relationships. I want to be strong for my family and friends. I want to be mentally strong. And yes… I want to be physically strong too.

In 2017 I am going to focus on being strong. I don’t know how that will look, or what the end result will be. But I do know that I will be a stronger person in the end.

Check out my previous words of the year:

2013 Do
2014 Believe
2015 Determined
2016 Healthy

I tried to be Healthy

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Fri, 16 Dec 2016 19:09:00 +0000

My word of the year for 2016 was HEALTHY. I wanted to:

eat healthy
improve my physical health
have healthy relationships
be emotionally healthy
improve my overall mental health

2016 has been an interesting year for health in our family. Liam and I started the year off by each having surgery on the same day, at different hospitals, down the road from each other. Hilary’s Mum was going to come stay with us to help during that time, but she came down with a very bad flu bug hours before her flight and couldn’t make it. Thanks to some great friends, Hilary was able to be with Liam till he was home, come back and pick me up when I was ready, get everyone’s prescriptions and settle us in for recovery.

Liam bounced back from his toe surgery within hours, and I was back on my feet in a few days. We had hoped that this surgery would mean the end of Liam’s toe issues, but alas, that was not to be. The same toe became ingrown and infected again in September. This time we were able to get him in to see a podiatrist the same week and got it cleared up lickity-split. We are now working on preventing more ingrown nails and infections so that he doesn’t have to spend another winter in flipflops.

Hilary’s health continued to improve all year, and she just recently had her one year post-treatment check-up. Still no cancer! Every checkup is another victory.

So with everyone on the mend I started back running again in the spring as a way to improve my physical health. I ran thirteen 5k races this year, including some fun ones like Not Since Moses and the Zombie Run. I met some new people running this year and have formed some great friendships. Having running buddies makes it so much more fun and gives me the incentive to get out the door even when I may not want to. I was having such a great time running that I decided to sign up for my second half marathon next spring. I had a great training plan, lots of time to get ready and them WHAM…. injury.

I’ve been dealing with a bum knee for almost 3 months now. It kept me from running at all for the first 5 weeks of my training plan, and has me back to only being able to run a couple minutes at a time. I’m not letting that stop me though – my long runs are currently up to 8k, and if I have to run the whole half-marathon in 2 minute running chunks, then so be it. I’m also dealing with a frozen shoulder. While it doesn’t bother me to run, I have lost nearly 50% of my range of motion and am dealing with a constant ache and sudden acute pain if I move my arm the wrong way. I’m currently in physio for it and have an ultrasound scheduled to see if there is a tear in my rotator cuff.

So overall my physical health has had a few ups and downs in 2016. I am eating healthier (mostly) and I feel that my mental and emotional health is at the best that it’s been in years. That is thanks mainly to having great, healthy relationships with friends and family.

I’m glad that HEALTHY was my word for 2016. It is an area that is important to me and one that I will continue to focus on.

Edited to add: after I finished writing this, but before I got it posted, I managed to hurt myself - again. I did a SPECTACULAR swan dive in the living room after tripping on a cat toy. I landed on my bad left side. Other than a lovely purple bruise on my hip and a very bruised ego, I am okay. A bit sore, but okay.

Rainbow of Colour

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Tue, 19 Jul 2016 15:13:00 +0000

One of the downsides of having short hair is that the style is the style... there isn't much you can do with it. At best if I let it grow a bit long I can spike it up, but that only lasts for a week or so before I get it cut again.

The one thing I can do, and have been doing a lot, is change the colour. It started out with just dying the bangs different colours, but lately I've been doing the whole thing! People often worry that I am ruining my hair with all the chemicals, but then I remind them that I shave it off every 6-8 weeks anyway, so it's really always new, untreated hair that I'm dealing with.

The whole head colouring started on a whim to dye my hair blue for the BlueNose! Then I switched it up to purple to match the Sole Sisters race. Now that I don't have any races on the books until September, I'm just having fun, changing it up every couple of weeks. My favorite so far was a complete accident that ended up with a yellow and red "fire" look.

I've stuck mainly on the pink-purple-blue colour wheel. Yellow is pretty shocking, but very spring-like. Currently I'm playing around with green. I have a work trip planned in a couple of weeks, so I'll have to figure out what is the best work appropriate colour!

Catio

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 00:01:00 +0000

Today we made a "catio" so that the feline members of the household can safely enjoy the great outdoors.

Drouin Family Reunion

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Wed, 22 Jun 2016 21:19:00 +0000

The Drouin side of my family is fairly large. My father was 1 of 10 siblings, most of whom had several children, who have had children and so on. We are all spread out across not just Canada, but some have moved to the US as well. Add in ancient family drama, and the opportunities for us to all get together are few and far between.

My cousin Carol, the oldest of all the cousins, decided that enough was enough and organized a family reunion for this past weekend in Niagara Falls, which made it central to the majority. Carol travelled all the way from South Carolina, Liam and I flew in from Halifax and several people drove down from Québec.

Carol sharing the Drouin family history after dinner.

All together, there were 60 people in attendance, ranging in age from 2 to 96. It was fun to see cousins that I haven't seen in almost 40 years and to even meet some Aunts for the first time. Of the 10 siblings, both brothers - my father and my uncle, have died, and 3 of the sisters were ill to travel.

5 of the sisters, plus my Mom, representing the original family.

The best part of the reunion was that it gave us a chance to dress up and take some family photos. The Drouin family crest is royal blue, so we were all asked to dress in blue and white, which made for some nice shots.

I don't know if there is a plan for another reunion, passing the planning and organizing on to the next generation, but if there is one, I'll be sure to go.

Happy New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Fri, 08 Jan 2016 17:10:00 +0000

Yes the new year started a week ago, but for our family we are starting it today. Today everyone is healthy - and what better way to start a new year off!

2015 was not a good year for us health wise.

Hilary was diagnosed with stage 2 cervical cancer in June. She underwent both chemo and radiation treatments from September to November. It was a long and rough road but a road that has led to recovery. Her oncologist declared that there was no longer any visible cancer so she is now being seen on a regular basis to make sure that it doesn't come back.

Liam managed to drop a canoe on his toe in July that caused a cut near the toenail. It became infected and overgrew the nail. He underwent surgery this week to clean it all up, remove part of the nail and to sew a flap of skin over it. While he is still bandaged and won't have the stitches out till next Friday, he is well on the road to recovery. At least he is no longer leaving bloody/pusy toe prints all over the house.

And me? For the past couple of years I have been having gallbladder attacks. I saw a surgeon in September who finally realized that the frequency and intensity of the attacks warranted surgery sooner rather then late.

So what does a family who has multiple medical issues do? Schedule 2 surgeries on the same day.

Hilary did an amazing job of keeping everything together. She and Liam got me registered at the adult hospital before they headed down the street to the kids hospital. His surgery was over first, so he got settled at home before Hilary headed back to pick me up.

The original plan had been for Hilary's Mum to fly in and help out for the week. But the best laid plans are always the ones that don't work out. Hours before leaving for the airport, Rosemary came down with the flu. She couldn't leave the bathroom, let alone fly across the country. Hilary and I have some amazing friends who came to our rescue, offering drives, sitting with Liam and taxiing Hilary to the pharmacy late at night.
So now we are all on the mend and ready to start 2016. Hopefully this year is free of all things medical for our family!

Healthy

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:00:00 +0000

I've been thinking of my 2016 word of the year choice for a couple of weeks now. I was pretty sure that it was going to be HEALTHY, so it's very ironic that as I type this I can barely stand up due to a sore back. I really need to be HEALTHY right now. I also really need my family to be healthy, though thankfully, Hilary is on her way there!

To me being healthy encompasses many areas of my life. I want to:

eat healthy
improve my physical health*
have healthy relationships
be emotionally healthy
improve my overall mental health

These are all areas that I don't give enough attention to. It's easy to get caught up in the day to day requirements of life and to let things start to slip. So for 2016 I'm going to keep being HEALTHY at the forefront of my thoughts.

*Caveat - this one starts on January 7th after my GallBladder surgery.

What did you say?

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Wed, 23 Dec 2015 18:35:00 +0000

For years now my family has joked about my hearing loss. It’s not a profound loss by any means, but it does lead to a lot of frustration on everyone’s part. Too many times someone will ask me to get them a drink and I’ll respond with “Why would we build a rink?”

I’ve had my hearing tested a few times in the past, so I had a baseline when I went in a few weeks ago for another test. I was missing out on a lot more conversations lately, having to get people to repeat themselves more and just generally noticing the loss more.

Hearing loss is measured in decibels from 0-130. Normal hearing is considered anywhere in the 0-20 range and complete deafness starts around 90. It’s also measured across several different frequencies. You can have more of a loss with high pitch frequencies or low, deep frequencies.

My hearing test looks something like this:

I have a mild hearing loss in the higher frequencies. Compared to my last test from 2 years ago, I’ve lost about 10 decibels over all. My hearing also tested worse if there is any sort of back ground noise.

It was time to discuss solutions. I’m already using as many “tricks” as possible. I keep people on my right when we are walking and talking; I make sure that I can see a person’s face when we are in conversation; the phone is turned up as loud as it will go and we’ve used the close captioning on our TV for years. I’ve even used the closed captioning devices at the movie theater. After some discussion with the audiologist, I decided to try hearing aids. Since my hearing loss is fairly even in both ears, I would need 2 to keep things balance. Luckily they offer a 30 day, no money down, trial period.

They are so small!

I didn’t expect to find a lot of difference with the hearing aids in. After all, my hearing loss is minimal. But what a difference they have made! The first thing that Hilary noticed was that I wasn’t talking as loud as I usually do. When you can’t hear yourself, you naturally increase your volume. Conversations have been easier and clearer. I’m not missing key information from dialogue on TV. At work I was able to participate in a group conversation, where I would normally have just sat back, smiled, nodded occasionally and laughed when everyone else did because I couldn’t follow what was being said by everyone.

It’s been less than a week but I can already say that the trial is a success. I will see the audiologist again next week to check in on how it is going. And then I will have to make the big decision on whether or not I keep them. They are a significant financial investment, and while they are wonderful and do make a difference to how I hear, I’m not sure I’m ready to fork over that much cash right now.

I was DETERMINED

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Sun, 20 Dec 2015 15:34:00 +0000

My word of the year for 2015 was DETERMINED. I had many categories that I was determined to do well in, or improve upon.

Laugh more

Love more

Eat healthier

Run more

Do well at TKD

Enjoy life to its fullest

Have a great year

Well. 2015 turned out to be a very interesting year overall.

I certainly RAN more. I trained for and ran my first half marathon in September. That took a lot of determination. Of course, I haven't really run much since then.....

I did not do as well at TKD as I had hoped, mainly because I stopped going in February. Training for a half marathon takes up a LOT of time, and I just didn't have an extra 3 hours a week to attend classes. Or so I told myself.

I didn't really eat healthier this year.... I sorta did in the first half of the year, but have fallen so far off the wagon that I can't even see it's tire tracks any more.

BUT

I've laughed and loved and enjoyed life. And to me, those are the 3 most important points.

2015 brought so many things with it. A great family vacation, wonderful visits from relatives, the kid growing into a teenage and of course, the dreaded cancer and the awfulness of it's treatment. But for all it's horrors, the treatments worked and we are no longer living with cancer amongst us. That alone is letting 2015 finish out as a great year.

I think that being DETERMINED has served me well for 2015.

Much Ado About Nothing

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Fri, 18 Dec 2015 12:33:00 +0000

Every year the grade 7s at Liam's school study a Shakespeare comedy and then put on a stage production a a local theatre. This year was Liam's turn to star as Conrade in Much Ado About Nothing.

The kids all worked on making the sets, but they had proper theatre costumes. Liam was not impressed that he had to wear tights, but he managed. Unfortunately because of his injured toe, he couldn't wear his boots.

All the kids did an amazing job, delivering their lines on time and with a lot of humour.

Liam isn't planning a career in acting, but he had a wonderful time last night!

Fifteen Dollars and Thirteen Cents

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 20:21:00 +0000

I never wanted to be a landlord. I grew up with my parents dealing with tenants and all the shenanigans that go with them. My mother can tell you stories that would make your stomach turn and have you weeping for humanity.

Alas, I am a landlord. When we bought our house 10 years ago, one of the deciding factors was that it had a basement apartment that we could rent out that would pretty much pay the mortgage. Having one tenant couldn't be that bad, right? Mom and Dad had up to 36 at time.

For the most part our tenants haven't been too bad. Sure one of the best ones we had required 2 months of cleaning and Hazmat suites when they moved out, but at least they had paid the rent on time and were friendly. Others left too soon, and some not soon enough. But only once have we had a tenant move out without paying their rent.

I might have let it go.

We knew they were moving, they just skipped out a month early, and to be honest, we were happy to see them go. They didn't understand the concept that no smoking meant not smoking anything, not just cigarettes. They were often late with their rent; they didn't shovel the driveway like they were supposed to, so the ice formed a damn and flooded into the apartment. One of the original people moved out and other friends moved in; in the end I think there were actually 4 people living there instead of 2. It was hard to tell because there were always people coming and going. We lined up another tenant for when they had given notice and we were ready to move on.

Till I checked out the apartment.

They left behind bags of garbage. They left behind furniture that I had to pay to dispose of. They broke most of the blinds. They tried to wallpaper one wall, but didn't bother to measure and when it wouldn't stick properly they used thumb tacks to hold it up. They painted another wall, but only as high as they could reach from the ground. They moved out and left the doors unlocked and never returned the keys.

After all of that and the general grief they had caused us over the past year, I decided to not let it go. I would take them to small claims court, even though I thought I would never see a dime. I knew that I would win; I had a signed lease that said I was in the right. The problem is that if they don't offer to pay up right then and there in court, I would have to go through the hassle of hiring the sheriff and having their wages garnished.

Even then I might have let it go.

We served her with papers and went to court. She showed up, all full of self-righteous indignation that we dared to think we were right and that she would have to pay us. The court took one look at the lease and told her she was wrong. An agreement was made for her to repay us over the next several months. She was to contact us within a week to let us know her repayment plan.

She never contacted us. I decided to not let it go.

We went to the sheriff, filed the paperwork and waited.

And today, we finally got our first check! $15.13 It's worth every penny!

Happy Birthday Grandma

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Wed, 18 Nov 2015 14:15:00 +0000

My Grandma was born Winifred Thelma Westall on November 18, 1922. Everyone calls her Winnie.

In October of 1941 she married my Grandpa, Abraham Joseph Roussy. They had 4 children, 3 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren.

Today she is celebrating her 93rd birthday.

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Liam and birthdays

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Wed, 19 Aug 2015 20:35:00 +0000

Hilary's 40th birthday was spent sitting in an ER room with Liam while he went through his first migraine. We were supposed to be sitting poolside at the hotel we had booked, but kids have the darnedest way of changing your plans.

My 45th birthday doesn't have the same pizazz as an ER trip. I just got to sit in the waiting room of our doctor's office so that this could be dealt with.

Last week while we were on vacation, Liam casually mentioned that his toe had mould on it. Intrigued, I got up to check it out. Yeah... that's not mould buddy.

After having already spent 3 hours of our vacation sitting in a walk-in clinic for his ear infection, I decided to attack the mould with peroxide and Polysporin till we got home. He now has a 10 day course of antibiotics and ointment to try and clear it up.

Another birthday to remember.

Goodbye Elementary

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Thu, 04 Jun 2015 23:24:00 +0000

We had a very busy and exciting day. Fair, school picnic, a concert and Grade 6 graduation!

This was Liam's last school fair. Twice a year, for the past 9 years, we have attended a school fair where we got to see what Liam has been studying. This semester they studied biomes. Liam's areas of study was mountains, with focus on Mount Everest and Snow Leopards. He wrote a story about the two and Fair culminated in a book signing!

This year at the end of school picnic they had the grades 6-9 bands play for the crowds. I had missed Liam's concert in February, so this was he first time I got to see him in action with the band.

After the concert, they gathered the graduating grade 6s all together and handed out their certificate. Each kid then when through the line of their teachers and got a hug from each of them.

And with that, Liam has finished elementary school. The adventures of Middle School will start in September.

Burgers

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Sun, 26 Apr 2015 20:42:00 +0000

Even though there is STILL snow in our backyard, we decided to have burgers this weekend. Not just any burgers, but homemade sliders, with homemade buns! Hilary's Mum told us about a great potato burger bun recipe from Cook's Illustrated that she uses for burgers, so we gave it a go!

It's been a long time since we've made bread, but I think we are bitten with the baking bug again.

We had 3 different styles of sliders.

Bacon, cheddar and dill pickle.

Avocado and spicy Thai pickle

Blue cheese and caramelized onions.

My favourite of the 3 was the Blue cheese and caramelized onions. Hilary also made plain burgers for Liam. When we were in the Dominican he was eating 4-6 sliders a day from the burger bar. We didn't have a lot of hope that he would like them at home, but we thought we would give it a shot. He scarfed both of his down in minutes and asked if next time we would make him 4! You got it buddy!

Ancestors

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Tue, 21 Apr 2015 13:29:00 +0000

I have long struggled with the definition of "ancestor"

Webster's defines the word as "a person who was in someone's family in past times : one of the people from whom a person is descended".

As an adoptee this becomes a bit of a head scratcher. Are my adoptive parent's "people" my ancestors? They are my family. But so are my birth parents, and their people. Does ancestry imply a DNA connection? Or is it a weird bit of both?

There is a new show out (at least new to us) put on in part by Ancestry.com They help famous people research their ancestors and you get to follow along on their journey to find out if Great-times-8 Grandma was an axe murder or the local librarian. (Hint, in the episode we watched, she was an axe murderer!)

There seem to be 2 types of people doing the research. Group 1 finds out some trait about one of their ancestors and immediately decides that this is why they have that same trait. "I'm musical because I share 1/100th of my DNA with someone who sang in the church choir 300 years ago" or "I'm a strong believer in human rights because my great-great-great grandfather helped out with the Underground Railroad." Group 2 doesn't attribute their own successes/failures, likes or dislikes to their long dead kin, they just think it's cool to find out the history of people.

I find these shows uncomfortable to watch, mainly because of group 1. Knowing that my adoptive Great-Great-Great Grandparent did XY or Z really has no bearing on my ability to do the same thing. But I doubt it matters if my biological Great-Great-Great Grandparent could do it either. Do I get my sense of humour from genetics or being surrounded by funny people as I grew up? What makes me like animals, music, reading or anything else? Am I the product of my ancestors, or am I just only me?

When I was 11, I became very interested in tracing my adoptive family tree and spent a lot of time working on a big chart, filling it out from found obits and family stories. Since my adoption was during the closed-era, I had very limited information regarding my birth family and I figured I would never be able to find out anything about them. My interest with my adoptive family's history was very much an attempt to be able to connect with the past, any past. It felt important to me at the time to be able to say that these were my people and this is where I came from.

When I was 13 my mother, grandmother and I travelled to England to meet my grandmother's cousin. The trip was steeped in history, visiting gravesites and castle grounds where "our" ancestors had worked (we didn’t stumble across any long lost royalty, just a couple of gardeners). About halfway through the trip, I had a complete breakdown one night before bed. "I" had no ancestors. I didn't have any people that I came from. These stories and this history wasn't mine.

One of the few things that my birth mother sent me after we were reunited was 20+ pages of her family tree. She and her daughter that she raised had worked on it together for a school project long ago. She thought that I would like to see where I came from. It was a bitter sweet gift. Finally after 30+ years of not knowing where I came from, I was holding it all in my hands. But it didn’t mean anything to me. They were just names and dates on a piece of paper, with my name and birthdate penciled in like an afterthought. I realized that I had no connection to any of these people, even if we did share our genetic makeup.

It’s very difficult sometimes to feel like I belong and have a connection to the past. Other times it feels like my history starts with me, that there isn’t anything that came before me. I think I will follow the advice of Ralph Nader “We must strive to become good ancestors.”

Checkers

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Wed, 08 Apr 2015 18:35:00 +0000

Whether you are 6 or 12 years old, checkers with Grandpa on Easter weekend is always fun!

Out loud

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 15:51:00 +0000

Today is World Read Aloud Day.

One of my favorite times of day is the last hour or so before bed. For the past many years this has been the time that we read out loud. Hilary started the tradition by reading the entire Harry Potter series out loud to Liam. Actually, to both of us, because I would listen in too. It took just over 3 years to get through the whole series. Then I took over reading and we have made it through a variety of books. One of our favorite author’s is Kenneth Oppel who hooked us in with his Sunwing series. Last night we finished one of his newest book’s, Boundless, a wonderful tale about a train full of adventure. Liam especially loved all the Canadian references (the Boundless starts out from Halifax and works its way across Canada) and it allowed us to have some great discussions on the building of the Canadian rail system, the involvement and treatment of the Chinese workers (one dead Chinese for every mile of track), racism against Métis people and the story of the last spike.

The books we read out loud are sometimes books that Liam could easily read to himself, and some may even be slightly below his reading level. We are starting on the 3rd series of books from the 39 Clues set, which Scholastic lists as being a grade 3-5 reading level. While this series is an “easy” read, they include a lot of history, geography and facts about world treasures. It opens up discussions about Russian Monarchs, the Sedlec Ossuary, Egyptian mummies, famous paintings and so much more. We often stop reading to turn to the internet to do more research on the topic in question.

I never thought that we would still be reading out loud once Liam was a tween, but it is something that we all enjoy and he is disappointed on nights that our schedule doesn’t allow us the time. I always equated reading out loud to kids with “bedtime stories”, something that you did when your child was young, and that they (and you) would eventually outgrow it. This article lists 7 reasons why reading aloud to older kids is still very important. One of my favorite reasons is “life lessons”. So many times something has come up in a book that has allowed us to stop and have a great conversation about a topic we might not otherwise talk about.

The other out loud option that we love as a family is audio books. We listen to them in the car and at home. Liam has even been known to take his ipod and speakers into the bathroom while he has a bath so that he could keep listening to a story. We have the entire HP series on audio books and Liam (and I) will listen to them over and over, to the point that it feels like the reader Jim Dale, is member of our family.

We are getting ready for a weekly long trip for March break. We are going to be completely tech-free for 7 days, including no audio books. The dilemma is how many and which books to take with us? I’m envisioning us needing to dedicated an entire suitcase to our reading supply. This is not, however, a bad problem to be faced with, just a heavy one.

Do you read out loud to your kids?
If you don’t anymore, what age were they when you stopped?
If you do read out loud, what kind of books do you read?

The Evolution of Coming Out

noreply@blogger.com (Andy) — Fri, 13 Feb 2015 19:45:00 +0000

Because society assumes that everyone is straight, those of us who are not end up having to “come out” and let people know that we are gay. I first started doing this when I was 19 and how I have come out has evolved fairly drastically over the years.

The first time I came out was a horrible experience. It was in the middle of the AIDS epidemic and around the time that the Ryan White story was first airing. Being out and gay was not considered a good thing and we were feared by many. The first person I told, in a letter because I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud, was my best friend. That was the last time I would speak to her for more than 20 years.*

Back then, coming out could also mean losing your job, which happened to me. You learned very quickly to read people, to sit back and wait before sharing personal details of your life.

Coming out got easier as society became more accepting. Luckily I live in one of the most accepting countries, as many LGBTQ people are not yet at a point where their coming out is easier. Many are still persecuted, or worse, if they do come out.

Coming out also got easier as I got older. I learned to fight for my rights, leading one company I worked for to include same-sex families in their new benefits packages that they were rolling out to employees. Before I spoke up it had never crossed their mind that they should.

Yet there were still difficult times. Canada may have passed anti-discrimination laws, made gay marriage legal and as a whole seems like a very inclusive country. That doesn’t make every individual suddenly open minded and ready to embrace us.

I’ve had problems booking a motel room for our family of 3, with the owner insisting that since there was only one bed (Liam was going to sleep on the couch) that Hilary and I would need 2 rooms. I’ve had people physically step away from me, not wanting to shake my hand and I’ve had people who were previously friendly, chatting around the water cooler, suddenly avoid casual chit-chat before work.

Having worked at my last job for more than 10 years, and with Liam now in his 9th year at the same school, my opportunities for meeting new people and having to come out to them were fairly limited. When they would come up, a new kid joined Liam’s class or a new hire at work, I was surrounded by friends to whom I was already out and who were supportive. It made for a very safe and comfortable environment and I rarely gave much thought to “coming out” and would more likely simply refer to Hilary as if the new person already knew that our family was made up of two women.

Then 5 weeks ago I started a new job. Suddenly the prospect of having to “come out” to a whole group of people, people that I didn’t know anything about, was before me. That was when I realized not only how much I have changed in the past 25 years, but how much society has changed too. Not a single person batted an eye when I mentioned Hilary. No one stepped back or even made it seem like it was worth mentioning. I was telling them about my family the same way they were telling me about theirs. Every single one of them, regardless of their age, background, strong religious belief or nationality simply took it in stride that I was gay. They were more interested in the fact that my hair was blue.

I’m glad that as a society we have come so far. There are still many problems in our world to overcome, but for me at least, it seems that the evolution has taken me to a place that I no longer need to "come out" and I can just be me.

*We reconnected briefly on Facebook a few years ago. She, now the mother of 4, apologized for how she handled things and realized that being around someone who was gay was not what she had once feared. She hoped that she had grown enough as a person to not pass that negativity on to her children and that should any of them come out to her, that she could be there for them.