The Filthy Writer: Self-Indulgence Manifested

Writing Activity Detected

2011-12-28T17:29:00.003-06:00

For both of you that care, I'm doing some posting over at Untitled Gaming regarding the games of 2011. I'd love it if you went over there and checked it out!

Enjoy, and don't forget to comment over there!

Blaine

Winter is Coming

2011-11-11T12:29:00.001-06:00

Yes, I haven't posted since August. Things got really, really busy on a professional level, and like a professional, I had to triage my personal life. One of the easiest things to discard, albeit temporarily, is this blog.

That being said, things have settled down a bit, for now, and I'm slowly coming to trust reality again. There were a couple weeks there where I was so worn down that I was literally having to devote energy into not poisoning my own thoughts. I know it sounds like crazy psycho-babble, but most people let a single event shape their perception of something, rather than letting the average experience from a large sample size inform their perspective. In this case, I was fighting against an extremely tough week that came after 6-8 hard weeks, and my mind wanted to blame 'the job.' My mind wanted to paint 'the job' in a very negative light, and hate it, and fear it, and just do whatever it took to get away from it.

That would've been stupid. My rational mind, though it was broken and bleeding, kept reminding me, 'you have a really great job.'

I'm a system administrator, in case you didn't know, and it's the best damn job in the world. It's hard, hard work, but it's always interesting, always changing, there's no college degree for it, and it makes you one of the elite that literally run the world.

Anyway, being a sysadmin is weird in that the job ramps up and down, seemingly at random. If shit is gonna break, it's gonna break one after another for a few weeks or months, and then things will be quiet for a few weeks or months. It's this way in the corporate world, at least. In the academic world, it's a little more predictable.

Getting back to the point, though, one of the hardest things to do is maintain a rational, detached perspective. It's like my dad always says, 'Quit being so fucking emotional.' Good advice.

But, if you're anything like me, you're a passionate person and you've made it this far due in part to the fact that you're a passionate person. Your emotions are what help propel you, but you have to know that they can work against you, too.

What I've found is that the higher you go, the more selective you have to be about when it's appropriate to let yourself really feel, and when it's not. It's okay to be a Klingon sometimes, but you have to be straight-up Vulcan at other times.

What's difficult is that we live in a time in which society insists that we cry, laugh, and express our true selves all the time, and even thinking about just shutting your damn mouth and shoving your feelings down is anathema, even nearly heretical, in this day and age.

See, I think that's stupid. I can't function in this world if I'm giving in to my feelings all the time, or even allowing myself to feel them. I have to be selective, or I can't be a productive, reasoned person.

A big part of the reason why I have a healthy marriage is I know when my feelings are wrong.

A big part of the reason that I've been able to salvage my professional life to the point where I'm working a 'real' job (I even have a cubicle) is I'm learning when to shut my mouth and turn my feelings off.

A big part of the reason that I have a few really great friends is because I'm getting better and better at not being that asshole that hijacks the conversation and makes it all about me when they need to talk something out.

I refuse to be one of the mewling, whimpering 'sensitive' guys. I'd rather be a man that has some goddam pride in himself.

Now, before one of you sensitive guys start crying and shrieking in the comments, let me frame all this in the context that I'm a strong believer in 'balance.' All things in this life must be balanced, including what I'm saying here. I've actually cried in front of my wife once or twice, and when I wasn't a drunk attention whore, it was for good reason. Passion and feelings are necessary to life, but I don't think people should be governed solely by them. Logic and reason MUST be able to override them if one is to truly enjoy life.

All things in balance.

I'd like to get back to writing more. I'm also thinking about posting over at Untitled Gaming again. Been doing a lot of gaming lately to help 'clear the mechanism'.

-Blaine

BTW - You should buy either a book or an ebook!

Should I Be Ashamed of My Reading?

2011-08-22T00:08:00.000-05:00

I read. A lot. I always have 3-4 books going at once, and always make a point of stealing back at least part of my badly-raped* and beaten personal time to gaze upon my NookColor or iPad and consume the written word.

* - as opposed to 'well-raped?' Methinks this will not be a phrase that catches on with society at large.

My reading also goes through phases. Before I doused my brain in the Fiction Writing program at Columbia College Chicago, much of my reading was made up of Stephen King and some WWII non-fiction. While at Columbia, I stretched my boundaries a bit to include some of the required reading there. To say that I overdosed on so-called 'blue collar fiction' would be an incredible understatement. While some of it ranks among the greatest literature on which I've ever laid eyes, much of it was little more than a ticket for an undergrad student to name-drop, much in the way that those in the punk community compete to name-drop bands that no one else has heard of. During that time, I fled back to science fiction in a hardcore way, and rediscovered my love for Asimov, my complicated relationship with Heinlein, my deep respect for Clarke, and my torrid love affair with Herbert. All that haughty dislike for genre fiction and nose-in-the-air New Yorker shit drove me back to what fiction means to me, which is a temporary escape in which one can find themselves.

I don't want to read about what I can go outside and do. I want to read about history, I want to read about speculative ideas, I want to be transported to a world other than this.
Don DeGrazia's book, to my right, takes place in real world Chicago, but it's a life few ever get to experience. Best book by a CCC grad ever. Read it now.

Phew. Anyway.

After college, I settled down and got back to a lot of the non-fiction that I'd so enjoyed before. I absolutely buried myself in WWII for a while, and really came to learn at the foot of a lot of great military and world leaders. General Patton, in particular, came to be a hero of mine.

I eventually began to meander and my narrowed tastes began to diffuse again a bit. Spec fiction, straight sci-fi, horror, and that urban fantasy fiction thing began to creep back in, and I even stretched my non-fiction to the Revolutionary and Civil Wars.

Now, though, I've been binging on licensed fiction, and I'm not sure how to feel about it.

I've been enjoying the books, namely the Star Wars and Warhammer 40k novels, but the Columbia College Fiction graduate in me is ashamed. I think that, maybe, a lot of these creative writing programs teach genre writers the same thing that bible camps teach homosexuals.

'We can help you. You're a sinner, and you should hate yourself, at least until you accept Christ / Tom Robbins as your savior. You don't really want to (write about space ships / have sex with butts), you want to fall in line and not upset the herd.'

I guess that's a little unfair, actually. It's not the genre I'm ashamed of, it's the fact that it's licensed fiction. Actually, no, it is fair, based on the looks I used to get when reading work aloud.

Maybe this is a rebellious phase. I spent a bunch of years reading some really serious shit, and it's been fun to just enjoy this stuff. And, the Star Wars label employs some damn good writers, too. These aren't bad books, they're just ... tainted.

Hey, but I'm having a great time, and that's what counts, right? It's not like I'll be walking down the street, only to be confronted by a bunch of ironic Mac-toting haughty jerkoffs, one of whom points at me and yells, 'That's him! He graduated from a creative writing program and read a prequel book to the Star Wars prequel films! FUCK HIM UP!' I sense that they'll beat me to death with Cormac McCarthy and Malcolm Gladwell. Fuck, that's depressing (actually, McCarthy's a great author, and I would feel honored to have my brains and blood spattered on a copy of 'The Road,' especially if it was autographed.)

Anyway, what say you? Should I be ashamed? Anyone out there read William Gibson? If so, where should I start with him? What else should I read?

Anyway, thanks for reading, and if you're looking for a good read yourself, check out my first novel (paperback & ebook direct from publisher), now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble!

-Blaine

On the Road Again

2011-08-20T21:34:00.000-05:00

I'm taking a break from exploring the endless expanse known to some as 'the Midwest' to bring you some exciting news.

The first novel in my 'Endless Wars' series is FINALLY available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble!

This has been a looong time coming, and I'm glad that we're finally here.

Also, it'll soon be up on the iBookstore. I'll blast something out when that happens.

To clarify, this is the same novel I released in 2009 with a different cover and a different font. If you wanna double-dip, my son's college fund thanks you.

Also, lulu.com still has the paperback and ebook available, and I actually make more money if you buy it that route.

Lastly, the ebook that is available through Lulu is fully compatible with Kindle and Nook. It's a DRM-free .epub file, so you'll have no trouble moving it from your computer to the ereader via USB.

If you haven't read it, it's the first book I wrote, way back in the 90s, and it may have accidentally triggered that whole 'urban gothic fiction' thing, though it actually has more in common with Star Wars than it does True Blood.

True Blood is a fine series, but it's not the kind of thing I'd ever write.

A Matter of Perspective

So, I'm fleshing out the story of my 'interactive novel' phone app, and I'm still going back and forth about the perspective in the writing. First, second, and third person are all on the table. I have a natural dislike for second person, because I'm not a pretentious fuckwad, and omniscient third person just doesn't seem right for a tale that's relying heavily on mystery. A lot of the game will be the reader controlling where the main character goes, what the main character says, and ultimately, what situation the main character ends up in. What do you think?

I've even given thought to breaking the fourth wall a bit, and forging a relationship between the main character and the reader, but we'll see. How do you feel when the author breaks the fourth wall.

I'm also still hashing out how to have a 'save game' that will a) save the reader's place AND choices, and b) port into the next volume and carry over the reader's choices. Anyone got any pro-tips?

Wedding Receptions

LOOK, if you're going to ask a guy to drive his family and three dogs across the midwest for your wedding, I would like it, NEIGH, I demand that you not serve ONLY diet vegan rabbit food at your reception. I get that you're into the whole 'fitness' thing, but GODDAM! I'm dieting, yes, but I'm doing so by eating normal portions of normal food, not by punishing my taste buds. The next time I walk up to a buffet table and see only carrots, cauliflower, strawberries, and other wild animal food, I may just flip the motherfucker over.

Sitting through a wedding is tough enough. Weddings are a whole lot of 'hurry up and wait.' To then symbolically knee someone in the groin by trying to ram bunny food down their throats is just uncalled for.

ON TOP OF THAT, if you're not gonna have soft drinks ... I don't know what to tell you. I'm an alcoholic meat eater. It's as if this reception was designed specifically to repel my presence. I don't drink and I eat good food. Bizarro Me would've been fine. The version of me that pounds the booze, wolfs down veggies, uses a Mac (oblivious to the irony of being a computer geek and using a Mac), pounds other man butts, and drives American cars would've been just fine at this reception.

Alas, this me has fucking standards, and was saved only by the courage and determination of a kind soul that must've seen the agony rippling through the crowd as the reality of the food selection eventually took hold.

In a single act of bravery, someone whipped up a white sauce chicken pasta, and delivered all of us from the evils of the Vegan Empire.

It was as if Bill Pullman burst into the kitchen and began yelling, 'WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT! WE WILL HAVE CHICKEN ON THIS DAY!'

I wanted to hug someone.

Understand, as well, that I was dealing with some things. There's a lot of drama at work right now, we are watching my parents' dogs, one of whom can make noise all night, we drove through horrid St. Louis traffic, right into two-hour Indianapolis construction traffic, followed by our dog keeping us up all night, and then I woke up with back spasms, so I took three Tylenol that were in the Tylenol bottle, except they were actually Tylenol PM, and it was a couple hours before the wedding, sooo ... yeah, the whole thing was kinda screwed up. I'm just glad that my relatives are super-cool and put up with my ass-ness.

That is all. If you haven't bought a book, please take a look at it.

Thanks, all! Leave a comment! I love to have discussions!

-Blaine

Sycophants and Ass-Clowns

2011-08-12T22:59:00.000-05:00

First of all, if you're hitting this blog via the front page, please allow me to apologize for that Star Wars music that just auto-played. I hate that shit, too, but I didn't realize, two posts ago, that video was an auto-play when I embedded it. My bad. Just take a moment, scroll down, and pause it.

I'll wait.

Okay, so before I begin this tirade, I want to point you to a really good blog.

If you like this blog, but find yourself longing for something that's written much more coherently, and caters much more specifically to those that are interested in the craft of writing, and has fewer run-on sentences, and is less of a shambolic shithole, please allow me to introduce you to Fists & Angels, Christs & Angels. It's written by one of my good buddies, Bucho. We used to be super-tight, but then he turned into a better writer than I am, so fuck him.

Also, fake beer can really hit the spot on a Friday night when buried in your creative mental space. Yes, I'm THAT guy, now.

The title of this post ... it came from a conversation that I was having with some friends at work ... I vent a considerable amount lately, and for good reason. I vent for good reasons that I'm not going to get into here, but if you know me, you know what the deal is. The short version is that I plopped down in the chair next to Captain Butthurt's cubicle and muttered, 'I am so sick of dealing with sycophants and ass-clowns.' Yeah, there's some shit going down that I'm part of, but I'll survive it one way or another.

ANYWAY, the Captain said I had to use 'Sycophants and Ass-Clowns' as this weekend's post title. Since I do what I'm told, I did.

Truth
I sometimes fantasize about the inevitable future. Right now, the world is controlled by money, but eventually, all of us SysAdmins are going to rise up and grab them by the surprisingly undersized balls and demand a change.

You see, we control the world.

You don't necessarily know it right now, but your computer was able to be manufactured because several sysadmins allowed it to happen via networking and server administration. Your internet connection is maintained by an army of sysadmins. Your power stays on because sysadmins allow it by making sure that the right servers can talk to the right systems, in addition to maintaining the networking that goes into that.

We control the lights. We control the TV. We control the internet. We control the phones. We control the traffic lights. We control the porn. We control Justin Bieber. We control the world.

One day, reality TV will go away, or I will rally the troops and bring this world to its fucking knees.

Just think about it.

Network Programming
I want to talk about Alphas and Falling Skies for a moment.

It's rare that a major network doesn't fall upon its own sword to avoid producing a good science fiction series. Somehow, Falling Skies managed to become quite good after 2-3 episodes.

What it did well was follow the Walking Dead roadmap. It treated the aliens as a device, rather than as a focus, and shifted the emphasis to the people, and how they re-learn to live their lives.

While it's not nearly as good as The Walking Dead, it definitely filled a niche this summer.

If it wants to reach The Walking Dead status, it needs to make the characters more interesting, and stop just relying on conflict to achieve that. Conflict can be a good way to engage the viewer, but it gets tiresome if that's all that's going on.

They did seem to catch onto this a bit as the eight-episode season went on, but the show hasn't truly blossomed yet.

As for Alphas, this is my new SyFy show. This one has been solid from the pilot on. The characters are engaging and sympathetic, and the plots have been fun. It really is Heroes + X-Files.

If I had to recommend one new show for the summer, it would be Alphas.

That Phone App
The Windows Phone app is proceeding apace. I've been looking at approaches to the game logic, as well as incubating the 'story' in my head. I use quotes because it's not one linear story. If a story is a thread, this is a tapestry.

The logic part is challenging because this can really be approached a number of different ways. I could have a left-to-right branching series that starts skinny on the left, gets fat in the middle, then gets skinny again on the right, then gets fat again going further right, then gets skinny again, etc. I could also use an Enum, as suggested by Captain Butthurt, to tick a set of events, that once fulfilled, opens the next section, then repeats a few times. Additionally, I could also plant a few key decisions in a branching series that then set the path to one of several middle points, which then each open up to their own sets of branches, wash, rinse, repeat.

So, I've got some planning to do, then some writing, then some coding, and then a cigarette.

That Science Fiction Novel
This coming along well, if in a somewhat halted fashion. This is the first novel I've ever written in which I get self-conscious. It's very unlike me, but I'm really pushing things in a VERY adult direction, a la Battlestar Galactica or The Walking Dead, but with a dash of Firefly. I think part of my discomfort comes from the fact that I'm working in the holiest of genres for the first time, so I'm having to relearn my approach somewhat.

Also, this is the first book I've ever written while not totally shitfaced most of the time, so I'm having to rebuild my process somewhat. A writer gives him or herself permission to do a lot more when they're 'altered' while writing, and that can be a very potent thing, and I've handcuffed myself somewhat in terms of the creative process.

So, I'm loving this book so far, even if it makes me a little nuts sometimes. I think I'm lingering too long on certain characters, but it's because I'm so interested in them, and that's what editing's for, dammit.

Where the hell is the next Endless Wars novel?
It'll come. Not soon, though. There are other projects I want to get out the door first, and that's a series that's complicated for me to approach now.

Book Recommendations
I need some good non-licensed works reading. What ya got?

-Blaine

Soundtrack
Red Fang - Prehistoric Dog
Pearl Jam - The Fixer
Eddie Vedder - Can't Keep
Rob Zombie - Werewolf Women of the SS
Tres Mts. - She's My New Song
Rob Zombie - The Man Who Laughs
Tres Mts. - God Told Me
Brad - Luxury Car
Rob Zombie - Sick Bubblegum
Eddie Vedder - Dream a Little Dream With Me
Limp Bizkit - Loser
Avenged Sevenfold - Welcome to the Family
Brad - Runnin' For Cover
Foo Fighters - Dear Rosemary
Slash - We're All Gonna Die
Chris Cornell - Long Gone
Deftones - Diamond Eyes
Them Crooked Vultures - Spinning in Daffodils
Alice in Chains - Your Decision
Korn - Pop a Pill

Commence the Interactive Story Phone App ... NOW!

2011-08-06T15:06:00.000-05:00

I talked before about making an interactive story app for Windows Phone. Well, now it's happening.

I finally dove headlong into educating myself more on C# yesterday, and emerged with a functional proof-of-concept. I built a very basic app that allowed me, in my Windows Phone Emulator, to tap a button that took me to another page, both of which had custom content on them.

From there, I did a few more hours of self-education and testing, just to see if I had the right feel for the actual building process, as well as to refine it, and then it was time to start thinking about the story itself, and how best to use the interactive process to tell it.

After that, I had to step outside for a smoke and think for a bit ... I've written novels, screenplays, short stories, poems, essays, love letters, lyrics, and I even dabbled a bit with interactive fiction back in college, in a class that combined .html with interactive fiction. Great class (tip o' the hat to Deb Lewis, who taught the course.)

One of the ideas I had in my head was my favorite part of any Bioware game, which is the dialogue and choices. Both branch, but only a little.

The thing about a branching story, though, is that the author has to reconcile each of those branches.

What I've usually seen done is a very cheesedick approach, in which the branches all reconcile to one or two main stories, or some just result in death (which, actually, if logically implemented, is valid), and ultimately, it's just unsatisfying.

However, the amount of writing it takes for a branching story is a staggering prospect. Just do the math.

And, I haven't even talked about the creative problems with it. Any good novelist can tell you that they have a 'feel' for the best possible thread through their story. Deviations from that thread feel wrong. Now, give the reader control, while remembering that Jersey Shore, Fox News, and Dancing With the Stars all pull down great ratings. There are a lot of stupid fucking people out there, and it's hard to even conceive of writing for them. Writing scripts for the previously mentioned programs has gotta be hell for the soul (and yes, they're scripted. Just look at how well things come together and how there's always a camera where there needs to be one.)

So, I think I'm going to have a 'right' main story that one can follow loosely, with groupings of events, in which that group of events can be completed in any order, with each one slightly varied by the order in which you approach them.

What I really want to do, though, is create a very twisted environment to which the reader will want to return and in which the reader will want to explore. I want to make a lot of dialogues and exploration optional, so that people can customize the experience for themselves. I want to create characters that readers will want to come back and get to know better, not just in this volume, but in future stories that take place in this small, weird, little Missouri town, known as Epitaph.

One of the last things that I did last night was use Visio to create a map of the town, so that I could start creating the lore of the town in my head, and it was the perfect idea, because I realize, as I was laying out the town, that there's a small area of the town in which the roads just stop, and in which no one lives. It used to be there, and now it's not. Also, there seems to be a trail of sorts, in which other roads are damaged, and it seems to lead to the woods just beyond the town ...

I've also got a story that's a combination of familiar folk tales and a friend's bitch of an ex-wife. It's going to be great.

The big thing I'm going for here, though, is environment and characters. Typically, plot and characters always come first for me, but I really wanted to use this as a chance to really build 'storytelling via the environment,' by which I can let the world and the look it looks, smells, and feels tell a lot of the story for me.

Also, as a means of keeping all the branches organized, I'll be using a Visio for that, as well, since it's one of the greatest applications ever for damn near everything.

Lastly, I wanted to gush a bit about how easy building a Windows Phone 7 App via Visual Studio 2010 is. I am, by no means, the world's most proficient programmer, by any stretch of the imagination, but the tools that Microsoft provides for developing WP7 apps are fantastic, as are the tutorials they provide. If you've never programmed before, this is a great entry point. I've got a year of C, a year of Java, and some Python and C# here and there, and I walked into this and just built an app after a few hours of tutorials and playing with it. I didn't even start at the baby levels of tutorials, either. Those really are built for folks that have NEVER programmed, so get on it! Get a Windows Phone and start making that app that you've always wished existed.

Ultimately, I'm trying to reshape the way stories are told in the modern world. No one's really doing it right anymore, and I'd like to take a shot at it.

What do you think? How would you like to see stories told now? Who does it really well? Who sucks at it the most?

-Blaine

Soundtrack
Chickenfoot - Future is the Past
Chris Shiflett & The Dead Peasants - Death March
Gregg Allman - Reconsider Baby
Serj Tankian - Beethoven's Cunt (live)
Eddie Vedder - Once in a While
Them Crooked Vultures - New Fang
Eddie Vedder - Sleeping By Myself
Them Crooked Vultures - Bandoliers

Test Drives & Deep Star Wars Thoughts

2011-07-25T00:05:00.002-05:00

First, I am testing out the Windows Live Writer blogging tool, to see if it’s something that is more than tolerable. The jury is still out, even after two sentences.

I’m becoming more and more of a ‘Windows guy’ as time goes on, and I’m disturbed at how undisturbed I am by this notion. In many contexts, generic humans cast Microsoft in a light that is more than familiar to Emperor Palpatine, the Borg Queen, and Dubya. I do not dispute this choice, but I will assert that many of the tools that they produce are now very familiar sights in my various creative toolboxes, whether we’re talking sysadmin or author.

Yes, I still use Linux at home for a lot of things, and I will always insist that everyone maintain at least a couple Linux boxes at home, because is just flat-out better for a lot of things.

That being said, I’ve found that Microsoft has really revamped a lot of their approach and have been very smart about making very smart tools, such as Windows Live Writer, which I’m liking more and more as this post goes on.

At work, I’ve fallen in love with using tools like Hyper-V and Service Center Virtual Machine Manager, and look forward to the new releases of each.

On the writing and publishing front, I’ve switched over to Office 2010, Skydrive, and Office 365 for being able to work on my various projects from anywhere, anytime. Hell, I’ve even switched to a Windows Phone, and will probably be developing an interactive story app for it some time this year or next.

Yup, in short, I’m a total sellout and Microsoft whore.

In other news …

My good friend (and mega Linux advocate) John had a very interesting comment recently, regarding the Star Wars: The Old Republic trailers that get trotted at each major gaming show. Before I share his wisdom, let me show you the latest one, for context’s sake …

Purrrty ,,,

While I’m always blown away by them, I’m always a little bothered by the fact that these aren’t really representative of the game. The game looks fantastic, and I try to view these trailers as short films that simply lay the foundation for the fiction of this particular slice of the Star Wars mythology.

John, though, had a very simple take on them. He asserted that LucasFilm should just start making movies like this. He wants new Star Wars films that are crafted using these same tools, and in the same style.

At first, I disputed this, and cited cost and time as obvious restraints. He swatted away my concerns like so many annoying gnats, and the more I think about it, the more I think I agree with him. I mean, if anyone could afford such a venture, wouldn’t it be G-Lu? And, if any CGI feature were going to rake in some mega-bucks, wouldn’t it be Star Wars?

I sarcastically thank him for planting such an unwatered seed in my brain.

What say you?

In closing …

Real work has been real work, so the writing has hit a wall, but I plan to get back on the horse this week. My space opera needs to be shared …

I’ve been absolutely sucking down one Star Wars novel after another lately. I don’t know why I’ve suddenly gone crazy over Star Wars fiction, but I have.

My Star Trek Online mission/mod took a turn for the campy about a month ago, and I stopped. I’m going to blow out my last map and redo it in a fashion more suited for the ‘modern’ era Star Trek.

My plans for a horror collection are still proceeding, but I’m having a hard time deciding on a book length, as well as who makes it in.

I’m going to do an ‘interactive novel’ app for Windows Phone after I’ve cleared my deck a bit. I may make it a prequel to my space opera.

I’m still waiting for the second edition of Endless Wars to hit the major retailers. You can buy it now, though, through Lulu in either paperback or ebook.

I always suck at prioritizing, so please, if you have something you’d like to see first, let me know.

-Blaine

coming to you live from my ipad

2011-07-02T15:41:00.000-05:00

I am sitting shotgun while my wife drives. The mobile wifi is deployed and I am thumb-typing on the iPad just to see how I like it. I don't think I do.

We'll see.

I've finished an incredibly hard work week. I clocked nearly sixty hours, and most of those were spent firefighting emergencie while still making sure planned server deployments still happened. I love being a sysadmin, but firefighting for a whole week sucks.

Because I was being shit on for extended hours this week, very little happened with the space opera novel.

Known ally and hetero lifemate John had a great suggestion last weekend.

He's always been very kind to me in regards to my horror shorts, and suggested I publish an ebook-only collection of them for a few bucks.

I think this is a fantastic idea, and am going to sift through some old shit to see what's really there and see if this really is a feasible idea.

Anyway, just wanted to check in and see if I really could post from the road!

-Blaine

Creativity Update

2011-06-24T21:02:00.000-05:00

For both of my fans out there ...

... the second Endless Wars novel has been shelved indefinitely.

Why?

Most of it goes back to the rampant alcohol consumption that was coinciding with that book's writing. Some of it is because I'm just not in that headspace right now. To write an Endless Wars book, I have to be in a very, very dark place, and I'm just not there right now.

If you haven't read the first book (now available in the iBookstore), do so, and you'll understand what I mean.

For those who don't know, I'm an alcoholic, now six months sober, and that darkness is something that has sloughed away, along with the need to make booze the focal point of my non-work hours.

If the first EW novel, written in 2000, was mildly supplemented by booze, the second novel, half-written last year, was rocket-powered by it.

There's some damn good material in there, but much of it reads like a sugar-high Michael Bay script. The parts that don't are filled with arguments between Taran and Nigel, which I found particularly revealing. What's interesting is that much of the book is devoted to Taran completely falling apart while becoming more powerful, which is an interesting choice.

I don't know. I'm still sifting through my feelings on the book, which is a moot point, because almost all of it was lost.

Yup. I was so fucking drunk so much of the time that I managed to format and write new operating systems onto each of the hard drives it was stored on.

Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, since I have all my PCs sync their 'My Documents' folders all the time, but I managed to have HDD failures in exactly the right order, so that the only left of the book is the first draft of the first couple chapters.

Like I said, I'm still sifting through my feelings about all this.

However, I have two tidbits for you that have me particularly pumped.

First, the second edition of the first book will be hitting Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and the iBookstore in the next month or so (the first edition is still available via iBookstore for a limited time now.) It's on Lulu now, and once we all sign off on it, it'll hit the larger retailers shortly thereafter.

Second, I'm working on a brand-new series, and I'm glad to say that I've FINALLY found a science-fiction idea that works for me.

SciFi has always been my favorite genre, but I've never had a workable idea of my own before. My stories usually straddle the horror/fantasy genre, but this is something that's slowly pieced itself together over the last few years, and after letting it germinate for the last few months, it all clicked into place during E3, and I started banging it out then.

I'm toying with several ideas in terms of novel structure and what makes a novel, and may do something new with this series.

I'm a big fan of HBO & Showtime original series, and when they tackle novels, they tend to treat each novel as a season.

I'm thinking about turning that on its ear, and after writing this novel, I'm thinking about either publishing lots of sequential short stories that would be 'episodes' of a 'season,' or writing sequels as short story collections that carry a common thread through them, like a TV season.

We'll see. Let me know what you think of the idea.

Anyway, I'm about to kick it with an old friend, so I'm gonna jet.

Just let me assure you that it feels great to be writing about robots and spaceships.

-Blaine

Going Forward

2010-10-03T02:15:00.000-05:00

You may have received an email from me recently. If you're on the mailing list, I've asked you for some opinions on the first book.

In short, I'm publishing a 'special edition' of the first novel. The Endless Wars is getting wide distribution, and I'm celebrating it by putting out a special edition. This will include deleted scenes, an essay from yours truly, the first chapter from the second book, and it MIGHT include the first-ever officially-approved artwork. That's being talked about right now, but we'll see.

One of the hot topics is the font. The first and second editions were put out with my favorite font, 'Courier New.' I'm so used to seeing it, and I may have been drinking quite a bit of rum out of celebration of the book's publishing, that it slipped by me that was the final font. I've heard your bitches, and unless someone else out there shares my love for the font, that I'll be putting it out in something more generic, like Helvetica. At the same time, I'm only going to use an open-source font, so bear with me.

Moving on, I'm still taking feedback for the special edition. I will be revising the text of the book, to bring it more in line with the modern take.

At the same time, I'm still debating whether or not to let fan reaction impact something like updating Taran's demeanor. Do I protect him, or give in to popular demand, and make him a bit more 'cheery?'

Regardless, he is not the same Taran in book two. He's even darker, and struggling with killing his friend, Raphael. On top of that, he's responsible for his people, which weighs on him.

I am not taking any literal story ideas, FYI. What do you think of Taran?

- Blaine

Blaine & Taran, getting reacquainted

2010-09-21T01:03:00.000-05:00

Posting here has been light, but for good reason. Book Two of the Endless Wars series is seriously underway.

My wife is a remarkable woman, and knows when I've been writing heavily. She knows that it's kind of like talking to your pitcher during a no-hitter, and she just goes on acting like everything's normal, but she'll wear a certain kind of grin after noticing that the OpenOffice/Word file has been open on a particular computer for a few days, and wait for me to approach her about it.

I'm truly blessed by the Maker to be married to another writer. She understands the soul-farming that goes on, and that while it's an exorcising process, it's also a very dark process for me. I don't write about the things that make me smile. Taran and I seize each other and plunge down a rabbit hole that is made more for Showtime than ABC Family.

She lets me stare him in the eye while he and I arm-wrestle for control of my soul. While we face each other down, I pour more and more of my accumulated poison into him. As he writhes in agony, I guide him and help him to deal with it.

This has been going on for over a decade now, and I'm starting to think that she secretly hates Taran. That's fine by me, because I'm his biggest fan, and I understood the dude better than anybody.

The most interesting about writing a sequel, though, is fan feedback. I've been shocked to find that readers generally found Nigel to be their favorite character. While that was really surprising, as I think the guy is sort of a lovable scumbag, it works since this book is very much his book, and his story.

Additionally, I was less surprised that some people found Taran to be a bit of a whiny fuck. Looking back, I agree, and now I'm torn between how much I let reader feedback impact his personal arc and what I've had planned for him for a while. I can tell you, without spoilers, that he's just not meant to be a terribly happy person in his present circumstances, and that things are gonna get even darker for him.

I had a funny moment with my wife tonight, as I mentioned off-handedly that Taran is MUCH darker in this book than the last, and she actually gasp-laughed. 'Are you kidding?' she asked, 'He was already uber-dark in the first novel!' I kinda shrugged. The reason that the other characters exist is to help Taran carry the load, but he's not programmed to share.

Anyway, I was banging keys on here to distract myself while I figured out what the hell to do in the next scene, and now I've got it. If you guys loved any of the characters from the first book, just wait 'til you get a load of the three new folks that are being unveiled in this book. Just like in the first book, they're all sharp personalities that integrate and show new sides of all characters.

That, and there just might be a Nicole appearance.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, please go here and buy a book (paperback/ebook) if you love big damn stories with big damn heroes.

-Blaine

Vacation is a great time to get reacquainted.

2010-07-28T01:35:00.000-05:00

I've been a negligent bloggist. I confess this much.

Much of this is due to the fact that I've been pretty satisfied with my life. I've been working full-time for a great company, and my IT duties there have commanded much of my attention. When I haven't been there, I've been doing the husband/dad thing, as well as working quite a bit with my old bandmates on a new musical project.

I'm thinking that this project is going to get its own blog soon, but not for another month or two, when we have a) the time thing figured out, and b) the rights thing figured out. Trust me when I say that you're gonna be blown away by what we've been working on. At some point soon, we'll be revealing the full lineup, along with a song preview. If you remember some of the cats I worked with back in the 90s, you'll see some familiar faces.

It's an hour and a half past midnight now, so I am officially on vacation. It's been a while, so I'm rather pleased.

I plan to chronicle as much of this vacation as I can. I'll be chronicling my never-ending quest to be totally portable with all my requisite technology. One big thing this time out is that I now have a mobile wifi device, which I plan to keep running non-stop during our trip, so I'll be reviewing that device day by day, and at some point, I'm going to try and play a game online while in the car. More on this as it develops.

Also, I'll be exploring cities in which I've never been, so you'll be getting my review of such cities as Pittsburgh & Baltimore. My understanding is that Baltimore has 4G fucking everywhere, in which case it gets an automatic A+.

Ultimately, my clan and I will end up in Virginia Beach, VA for about a week, and you will be saddled with my beach & alcohol-riddled thoughts, should you so choose to check back here. I will be exploring the area, as well as beating the shit out of some games, as well as kicking it with some relatives, so there will be plenty of entertainment here, and the Untitled Gaming blog.

After that, I'll try to get back into a rhythm here. LOL.

Stay posted. Thanks for reading. Lemme know if I should check anything out in Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Washington D.C., or Virginia Beach.

-Blaine

Summer in St. Louis

2010-06-04T14:20:00.000-05:00

St. Louis summers are brutal, apparently, to outsiders. Perhaps since my sister and I came here at such a young age, we're accustomed to it, but it's always interesting to see my wife cast off her outdoorswoman persona in favor of air conditioning. Yeah, the 90+ degree heat can be tough, and yeah, the humidity makes you feel like you're walking through a thick cloud of moist hotness all the time (that's not an exaggeration, either), but the intensity of the heat always makes me feel like home has come to me. Nothing reminds me more of being home than St. Louis in the summer time.

I keep expecting the sentimental part of me to fall off, wither, and die, and I kind of wish it would hurry up and happen. At first, it's hard thinking that your days of 'joy w/ no responsibility' are behind you, but then as you age and harden, and it becomes a certainty that you're never going to feel that way again, it gets downright traumatic. I know it's wrong and childish to feel that way, so I work at curbing it and making myself know it's wrong to feel that way, but ... it is there.

Feeling like you've returned home can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, yes, it's a relief to wrap myself in summer's oppressively hot and damp blanket, but on the other, it's hard to contemplate that your most joyful days are behind you.

I'm still trying to find that balance, though. Having a great family, great friends, and great job is helping, I think.

Dexter

Watching Dexter is the best therapy I've ever had. I feel normal when I watch it.

What's most interesting to me is how they deal with the fact that being a childhood trauma survivor isolates the shit out of you as an adult. While Dexter doesn't necessarily deal with it in the best way possible all the time, I relate to him more than I do any other protagonist I think I've ever seen or read. At first, that really bothered me, since ya know, he's a 'crazy serial killer' and all. He's not, though. Calling someone 'crazy' is just an excuse to not take the time to reason out why they are the way they are. If you watch the show, you're probably very comfortable with how he chooses his 'victims.'

In any case, it's a great show, and expertly written.

What About the Next Endless Wars Book?

There are 2-3 chapters in place, and the whole thing is on hold while I work on a record with a couple guys I used to play with back when I was at least semi-relevant in the local scene. It's amazingly refreshing to be working in music again, and I'm amazed that I still have so much to offer. It uses an entirely different part of the brain than writing does, which is very cool.

Depending on the potential permanence of the band, I may work on the two simultaneously, but we'll see. I've not been able to do that before, but I've also historically been an incompetment fuckwit, which is not true anymore.

Cool. Thanks for reading.

What are your summer plans?

-Blaine

Being an Adult Slacker With ADD

2010-04-06T14:03:00.000-05:00

First post in a while, I know. Being an adult with ADD can be a real bitch in a lot of ways. For me, the hardest part is prioritizing my time. This is one of the reasons that I'm an overweight, 31-year old slacker who has floated from one totally unrelated field to another.

El Calendario

I'm now using Google Calendar to try to change all that.

What I've done is actually budgeted most of my days to follow a rather rigorous schedule. From my sleeping time to my commute times to my 'at work' time, I've scheduled all the obvious things, but I've also gone a step further and budgeted time for blogging, set a stringent homework schedule, and also made damn sure to set aside time for writing.

As it stands right now, I've filled up nearly all my daytime hours during the week, left the evenings somewhat flexible, and tried not to schedule anything on the weekends.

I've also regulated my eating in this new approach, in an effort to drop 120 pounds as soon as is healthy, and in that effort, I've budgeted exercise time each weekday morning.

The main problems I'm trying to address are: a) I want to be a sharper student in my final (haha) year of study and not push things until the zero hour, b) I need to drop 120 pounds, for all the usual reasons, c) I hardly sleep, and I think a lot of my problems go back to that, or maybe it's circular; whatever, d) I need to write a lot more, and e) I want to do so much more in my life than I am, and that requires that I stop fucking around all the time.

I'll try and keep all two or three of you updated on my progress in this regard.

In Other News

- I'm pretty sure Endless Wars is going to end up on the iBook store pretty soon. The publisher sent me an email about it, but as stated before, I'm a slacker, and have not followed up on it yet. One thing I'll be looking at closely is the money. I'm annoyed that the major publishers are so greedy that they can justify charging even HALF what of what a hard cover book costs (and PLEASE stop buying hard cover books, my friend. You're only feeding a horribly broken system. Cheap ebooks = everyone is happy.)

- On that note, it occurs to me that I forgot to make sure my book ended up on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. I'm thinking that'll get remedied in June, if I'm reading my calendar correctly.

- I came across a stack of EW books that I still haven't sent out, because I forgot. I'll ship them next week. The recipients know who they are.

- EW2 is under way, though it's been halting steps, due to my utter lack of self control. That is being changed this afternoon.

- I am super-pumped for the return of EGM. Check out their really cool approach to the digital mag. I would be very interested in doing a comic this way, if any artists are interested in collaborating.

- I'm thinking more and more about being a writer in 'the digital age;' I think I may post more on the ideas I've been having.

- Speaking of which, aside from the pretty-good tutorials on the MSDN site, does anyone out there have any recommendations for good sources from to self-teach Visual C#?

- the one thing that makes me want an iPad is that it could eventually become a) the device that unifies my Kindle, Nook, Sony Reader, & .pdf libraries (via apps), and b) becomes the premier e-comic & e-mag device. I don't like the price point, I don't like the dearth of storage it offers, I don't like the lack of Flash support, and I don't like the lack of video codec support. I want a 1TB model that can (GASP) handle Flash and (GASP) play back .mkv & .avi. I know that's madness to think a computing device could do that, but one can always dream.

What about you? How stringently do you schedule yourself? What do you think of the transition to digital media that is happening in the book/mag/comic world? What do you think if the iPad?

-Blaine

...

2010-03-17T12:11:00.001-05:00

BOO!

Fuck off, 2009.

2009-12-31T14:17:00.000-06:00

I refuse to be the kind of person who allows themselves to have 'bad days.' I just don't believe in the concept. I think that when someone decides that they're having a bad day, they've made a decision to fail. They decided that things are too challenging, and their way of dealing with it is to give themselves a free pass to be a total piece of shit to everyone around them the rest of the day, and then scream aloud that it's justified, because they're having a 'bad day.'

That's bullshit. By refusing to have 'bad days,' I hold myself to a certain standard, and I don't let myself slip into negative thinking.

But that's bullshit, too. I've been eating more this year, drinking more this year, smoking more this year, and I haven't been a good friend to a lot of people. I allowed myself to make this year bad. I got too concerned with showing signs of weakness, and somehow fell into the belief that if I acted like nothing was wrong, nothing would be wrong.

Anyway, BLAH BLAH BLAH, I did my best to make myself crazy and thus make myself even fatter and sicker. Awesome. That all stops. Now.

I'm putting my goals for 2010 on here for all to see, in an effort to make it more embarrassing if I fail, as an extra motivator.

- I am going to stop night-snacking. I have a terrible urge to eat while I read or watch stuff at night. It's a terrible habit, and it pisses my wife off.
- I need to stop snacking altogether. It serves no good purpose, and is a big part of the problem.
- I need to make smaller portions available to myself, and thus eat less at each meal.
- I want to drop 50-100 pounds this year.
- I am going back to not drinking at all on nights that are before work or school days.
- I am going to quit smoking.
- I am going to give Fallout 3 one more shot, since so many smart people have such stupidly high opinions of it.
- I am going to find a way to enjoy exercise.
- I am going to force my family to be more active.
- I would like to finish my graduate degree in 2010.
- I would like to publish another book in 2010.

Making exercise fun is going to be hard. When you're as fat as I am, it seems like it just can't be fun. I used to be a mega-athlete, so I know where these exercise addicts are coming from, I do, but shut the fuck up.

One thing I was thinking about that might be kinda cool is exploring the area in which I live on foot, while using a GPS. I would turn the directions off, and only use the map to navigate. Then, at least, I'm using my brain as well. I'd say, 'hey, I wanna see if maybe my sprawling neighborhood has a road that connects to Street X,' then I'd navigate by the GPS on foot, and see if I can find a route. Sounds interesting to me, at least.

I'm also going to give 'gaming while on the treadmill' another shot. I also like shooting hoops.

So, anyway, while I'm really disappointed in how much I let myself down in 2009, I can pull my shit together and make 2010 the year in which you motherfuckers BOW to me.

What about you all? Any thoughts on 2009? Any plans for 2010?

-Blaine

PS - Don't forget to check out our gaming blog & podcast over at Untitled Gaming!

Random Things

2009-12-24T13:58:00.000-06:00

So now that I've had plenty of time to come down from the rush of this past semester, I've been slowly getting a move on things I'd been putting off.

I was WAY too happy when I migrated my music/iTunes directories on my main HDD into a single iTunes directory on my second HDD in my huge gaming laptop and pared it all down from 80GB to 50GB. I moved the .xml files and everything without having a single issue, which I was VERY happy with. I wanted to high-five myself, then hand myself a beer. If you had any interest in doing this yourself, I found a GREAT walkthrough here.

I'm also WAY too pumped for the Nook I'm getting tomorrow. Acquisition Day is always a reason for joy, but I'm a junkie for gadgets, and I think that ebooks are a great thing. Cutting down on paper consumption is a great way to reduce the number of trees that are cut down, which also has the benefit of angering pro-hate terrorist zealots.

Plus, being able to take my collection of books down from something that nearly fills a huge basement to the something that fits onto the Nook is very appealing.

I've been using the B&N ereader on my netbook for a while, and while I've really enjoyed that, I'm pumped to have a super-thin, super-light device that specializes in the ebook stuff.

Additionally, since I can import .pdf files into it, I've been prepping .pdf versions of a lot of the strategy guides I've purchased in the past so that I can load them on it for easy access. I've also been doing the same with a lot of the novels I've purchased in the past. Additionally, I've been buying ebooks from the B&N store for a while, so it'll be cool to load all those on there, as well, which will be easily accomplished via the persistent 3G connection.

I'll be getting some Blu-Rays, as well. I'm hoping and praying for the Battlestar Galactica Blu-Ray set, but we'll see.

I'm not expecting anything on the gaming front, since I never really ask for them, since any game worth owning is already in my position.

Anyway, I want everyone to have a great Acquisition Day, and while you're getting sick of your family, be sure to check out our new gaming, Untitled Gaming, and be sure to check out the new podcast when it goes out this weekend on the blog!

-Blaine

Alright, alright

2009-12-21T11:27:00.001-06:00

And, I'm back. The semester is wrapped up, I get to take a few weeks and focus on work & projects, I get to soak up college basketball, I get mock the BCS for a few more weeks, I get to work on the new book a bit, and I get to launch a new gaming blog with Tony!

Click on the link, read up, and please help us start building our base! Those of you who followed the podcast will know what to expect, and for everyone else, it's going to be a repository for our random opinions, reviews, commentaries, and all gaming-related crap we're known to squeeze out, but in handy literary form! The podcast is going on, and will be returning this weekend, when we start our 'Best of the Decade' and 'Best of 2009!' Go over to the new blog, read our entries, and help us pick our top ten of the decade!

Otherwise, I saw Avatar and Julie & Julia over the weekend, and really enjoyed both.

I took in the 3D Avatar experience, and MAN, was it an experience. Everything about that film just works, and my only complaint about it was about the medium itself, which is the limited scope of film (as opposed to a game or television series.) I had some minor gripes ('unobtanium?'), but it was the most I've enjoyed a theatrical experience in a long time.

What's great about the 3D is that it's subtle. It's immediately noticeable, no doubt, but instead of being distracting and a pure gimmick, it really brings the film to life in an amazing and seamless way. There are moments that I can't imagine quite work in 2D, plus the 3D really helps bring a sense of HUGENESS to the film.

Avatar is a truly great film, and one that easily tops anything else James Cameron has accomplished to this date, and that is saying a hell of a lot. Aliens, Terminator, Terminator 2, & the Abyss rank among my favorite films, and this film feels like the next step in that progression.

Julie & Julia is a really interesting film about author Julie Powell and the famous chef Julia Child, and intertwines their respective rises to fame. It's directed by Nora Ephron, and really flows much better than I'd expected two separate time lines would. To see how Powell draws from Child's evolution to inform her own evolution was very cool, especially from a writer's perspective. It was very interesting for me, personally, to get perspective on someone who'd tried to be a writer but had given up, and then let themselves get pulled back in. Plus, I'm a closet cook, so the film was nearly pornographic (for me, who LOVES food) in some parts.

At first glance, it's a chick flick, but it's a good film for anyone who's chosen the generic life in favor of the dream life.

Otherwise, it's nice to finally chill for a little bit. I got a little overwhelmed with a lot of things going on this past Saturday, and had to just let myself implode and pare things down a bit. I'm not normally like that, but I sometimes forget how much pressure I put on myself to not fuck up everything in my life. Granted, the pressure is there for a reason.

What's tough is that I cut myself off from much of my social life this semester to really focus on things, and now I feel like I've been a shit friend, but there's also this phenomenon in which my wife works whenever I'm not at work, so I never see her, so I want to see her when she is around, but that's also the only time I can go out, since I'm home alone with my son all the other times. Thus, I'm still a shitty friend.

So, yeah, enough bitching and moaning.

All I wanna do this break is work, write, and record. It makes me chuckle that I think of 'only work' as 'vacation.' I also wanna not be exhausted all the time.

I am also keenly anticipating the acquisition of my Nook on Friday.

Anyway...
- don't forget to comment on the 'Best of the Decade' posts over @ Untitled Gaming
- don't forget that we're podcasting this weekend!
- what do you got going on this week?
- what's tops on your Xmas wish list?

-Blaine

2009 is ending...as is the decade...

2009-12-18T15:10:00.007-06:00

...I've been a bad bloggist because it's difficult for me to devote time and energy to this blog when so many other things are going on. In my current day-to-day structure, if I'm attending class full-time, I do not have time to blog, ever. I have a wife, son, job, real writing, and I'm into games and sports, so this blog is easily cast aside, which sucks. I want to do this M-F, but it's just not working out w/ my school aspirations.

I'll try to find a way to change that. I'd toyed with the idea of writing several posts at a time over the weekend, but the fact is that there are other ways I'd like to spend my weekend. I may give that another shot, but we'll see.

Either way, since I have no classes for the next month, I'm back.

It's an exciting time to be me, though. I've got some things cooking, on a few different professional fronts, as well as some collaborative work that may happen, and I'm pretty pumped. I'm also pleased to report that sales of my book have increased with the holiday season, which shocked me quite a bit. I guess that some feel that Christmas is the best time to read about God betraying man. Who knows? Either way, thanks, and GO BUY ANOTHER NOW!!! It's available in both book form ($15) and ebook ($1.25).

I don't have a ton of time today, but I wanted to remind people that I wrote a reasonably decent novel, and Tony and I have a couple podcasts coming up. We're recording the first one next weekend, the day after Xmas. We'll do a little 'what's new?' followed by a ton of discussion about the best games of 2009, and close with the best games of the 00s (the 'aughts,' as we're supposed to call this clusterfuck of a decade.) We are soliciting nominations, so please, either leave 'em in the comments of this post or any next week, or hit me up with 'em on Twitter!

The day after New Year, we'll be recording a 2010 preview, and I'm asking for the same info, though not just yet.

Anyway, I'll be back with a lot more next week, but lemme know what were your best games of 2009 were, as well as what were your best of the 2000s!

-Blaine

I've been Dragon Aged

2009-11-25T01:15:00.002-06:00

I haven't posted in a great, long while. I know that this post should, therefore, be this big, long character-driven make-up blowjob, but it isn't going to be. I just like Dragon Age: Origins more than I like you, end of story.

I was shocked to find that I've spent 70-80 hours with it since its launch, because those hours just flew by. It's almost like a killer fantasy novel, but interactive.

It's a different beast than you may expect from Bioware's more console-driven science-fiction fare of recent years, in that combat hearkens back to Baldur's Gate in that combat can be paused at any point, but actions can't be stacked as in say, KotOR. In addition, your party formation is critical in ways a newcomer can't even fathom. This is a hard game for those that didn't cut their teeth on early Bioware RPGs. I didn't come into the Bioware fold until KotOR, so I was one of those who found themselves beyond exasperated after a while, and switched to 'easy' while I learned the ins and outs of combat. Ultimately, just stack your party with mages, and you're gold.

Beyond that, if you program your character AI properly, you should be okay, but boss fights demand a fair amount of micromanagement, something that I have madly fallen in love with. I love the FFXII-gambit-style AI system. This is something that should be in every western RPG. Being able to mold each character's combat style through simple preset AI if-then commands is awesome. I loved not only setting the smartest commands for each character, but actually shaping choices around their personalities. For example, Morrigan, my 'black mage,' for all intents and purposes, would never actually heal other characters, but if they got too beat up, she would cast blizzard on them, and freeze not only the enemies beating up on them, but the beat-up character, as well. She's kind of a wise-ass that way. This was also helped by the fact that I would never form a party without Wynne, the healer. Talk about the most apt naming scheme ever. Wynne = win.

Additionally, the story is just awesome, and is assisted beautifully by the accompanying novels. Loghain's behavior is that much more impactful if you've read the prequel novels. Duncan is an amazing character if you've read up on him. The Wardens and the Darkspawn are that much deeper if you've invested the time in getting to know them. Seriously. Read the fucking books, Dragon Age: the Stolen Throne and Dragon Age: the Calling. Having them read them before playing this game, I am super-invested in how things play out for certain characters, and am genuinely shocked and upset at others. It is no lie when I say that Dragon Age is the one universe I am invested in more than any other right now. Mass Effect is up there, sure, but it lacks the depth of Dragon Age in no uncertain terms. I already have designs on re-reading the Dragon Age novels, because I want to compare notes with what I now know.

That being said, I am super-pumped for Mass Effect 2. I am already outlining a 'perfect playthrough' for importing into it. This holiday will be spent finishing off Dragon Age and starting my final Mass Effect playthrough. Talk about a juxtaposition. While Mass Effect is all about hope, Dragon Age is all about compromising your ideals for the least bad outcome. Honestly, I love both, as they raise different aspects of personality. That's why Bioware is the most important developer of our time.

Anyway, yeah, the Dragon Age story is amazing. Not only is there the Origins 'thing,' where the first few hours of the game are different depending on your Origin, but that affects the way the rest of your game plays. I love love love it, and the overall story is extremely impacting. I recently had HUGE decision in which I had to allow a party member to behead another major character to keep things cool, AND a very important female party member left because I wouldn't impregnate her with a child. WOW. I was pissed, but that much more motivated. Dragon Age is full of moments that will make you feel and think.

In closing, it'd be nice if more games had both the mythological and emotional depth of Dragon Age. Rarely have I felt such weight when it came to a game, and damn, it is nice to have an emotional escape be as deep as Dragon Age.

Of course, I do have some criticisms, but I'll save those for a future post. I can summarize by saying that Dragon Age runs into some of the inevitable 'uncanny valley' problems in terms of it being a game.

That being said, I'm off to vacation in Chicago for an extended weekend. I'll be back, hopefully, next week, with more Dragon Age thoughts.

Also, Tony and I are prepping for our 'Best of 2009,' and '2010 Preview' podcasts, so be sure to bombard us with some games you wanna hear about.

-Blaine

Yo I Be Where I Be At

2009-10-19T08:51:00.007-05:00

Yes, I'm a neglectful bloggist, I know, but I'm good at what I do, and I'm rather charming, which means I can get away with whatever I want.

Lemme lay it out for ya like this:

- I take classes, and I'm one of those students who works incredibly hard at determining what I can do to get away with having to do the same amount of work as the generic, average students, but get at least a B. This takes a lot of dedication and devotion to fucking around. I take my slacker-ness seriously.

- I work, and I rather enjoy what I do. Working in IT on a college campus seems like a tough, bitchy job if you haven't actually had a tough, bitchy job. I have had some fairly bad jobs (ripping the guts out of chickens), and I've had some very, very hard jobs (being a restaurant GM), so going to work in an IT department on a college campus is something that I actually enjoy, and in order to keep enjoying it, I actually, ya know, work. And read sports news on the internet.

- Uncharted fucking 2: Among Thieves. Thank the Maker, this is the best game I've played in a long, long time. I know that Cody's mental vagina has developed a severe allergy to cut-scenes, but this game epitomizes my belief that, in certain games, the cut scenes provide a wonderful breather, and act as a 'take a sip of your beer, grab a smoke, and relax for a minute' kinda moment. Cody, my dearest friend and fellow bloggist, I urge you to inject your brain with some Vagisil, and happily slurp down a PS3, loaded with wonderful cutscenes. Anyway, this game is the best of the adventure/platforming genre, and has a beautiful blend of puzzles, storytelling, rich characters, platforming, combat, gorgeous art, and my wife was even wanting to give kudos to whoever 'dresses the sets,' so to speak, because the environments are so detailed (and I don't mean polygons and textures, though those look nice, too.)

- I also journeyed out to Kingston, IL and Chicago over the weekend for a wedding and to visit the in-laws, so there.

- I spent quite a bit of time fighting with Windows 7, since I got my retail keys for several copies a couple weeks ago, through work/school. I've been trying to upgrade my gaming Deathbook from Vista Home Premium x64 to Windows 7 Pro x64, and it is not, officially, possible. I don't accept that, and I'm halfway through the process now. Of course, if I have to do a full reinstall, so be it, but I have that machine, and each game install, super-customized, and don't even get me started about my fucking iTunes library. If I have to reinstall, I'm looking at a month or two of tweaking to get everything back to where I want it. No thanks.

- Lastly, I've been working on getting more gaming going w/ Linux. One of the things I'd really like to do in life is bring a greater gaming presence to Linux. It would make gaming platforms FREE, which is a huge win, but would also open game development up to a greater number of people. Gaming + open source could be a great thing. I've now got Guild Wars & the Neverwinter Nights (plus all the expansions) running on my Ubuntu netbook, and they both run PERFECTLY. NWN actually runs without any emulation. It is actually running ON Linux, which is awesome. Now, if we can just get Steam to act as a means to run anything and everything on Linux...

Oh, and I guess I need to publish that third chapter of my book on here, as I had promised. I'll get it up here tomorrow.

What have you been up to?

-Blaine

The Endless Wars: The Descent (section 2)

2009-10-07T16:39:00.004-05:00

Sorry about the late post. Been up to my eyeballs in Java code.

As I promised, I've been posting the first three sections of my book. Here's the second part, preceded by Laurance's sexy art.

Read section I here.

***begin section II***

II: The Knight and the Thug

Listening to his friend and roommate Milk Bone’s
pointless and sometimes idiotic babbling usually
cheered Taran up. This is why the two of them ended up
at a bar a couple of hours after Rosaline made her
exit. They looked very odd sitting together. Taran,
in all his plainness, with his short spiked hair, plain
white t-shirt and blue jeans, stood out in contrast to
Milk Bone, a short, wiry white guy wearing a backwards
blue road Cardinals hat, white wife-beater shirt,
sagging blue track pants, with broken teeth. He was
convinced he was a “gangsta,” as he put it.

They were sitting at one of the sidewalk tables
outside of their favorite bar, M.P. O’Reilly’s. It was
busy that night, and the two men were surrounded by
couples, either with their own table, or with other
couples. Taran tried his best not to notice this.

For November, it was pretty nice that night. A
little chilly, but tolerable. Taran was fine in his
Shell coat (from working there a few years prior,) and
Milk Bone slid on a Cardinals jersey, in addition to
all the fake jewelry in which he covered himself.

And, sure enough, Milk Bone was on a roll
tonight.

“So, I was like, ‘ight, bitch, you wanna do it
like that, that’s coo. I mean, shit, man, I ain’t
gonna have no bitch talk to me like that. Know what
I’m sayin’?”

As amusing as Milk Bone, or just “Bone”
sometimes, could be, when Taran was in as foul a mood
as he was now, he dreaded actual conversation.

“Sure, Bone, so what’d you do?”

“I was like, ‘Bitch! I am Milk Bone T! Ain’t no
woman gonna play Milk Bone! Fuck na!’ So, I grabbed
her by her nappy ass hair, flipped her around, started
fuckin’ the hell outta her, and she’s all like,” Bone
switched to his girly voice here, “‘Oh, Milk Bone!
Milk Bone! Fuck me, you big horny nigga!’ The bitch
was lovin’ it! But, that ain’t the fucked up part! Ya
ready for this shit?”

“Oh yeah, Bone. Hit me.” Taran snorted.

“So, I’m fuckin’ the hell outta her, right. And,
she starts panting like a dog. I’m like, ‘ight, that’s
kinda whacked out, but people do weird shit when
they’re fuckin’ sometimes, so I was like ‘okay.’ Then,
get this! The bitch starts fuckin’ barkin’, dude! The
bitch started fuckin’ barkin’!”

“No pun intended, right? ‘Bitch barking.’ Get
it?” Taran said, cracking a tiny smile, then realizing
that Milk Bone’s comprehension of this was nil.

Bone stared blankly before resuming his
narrative.

“I was like, ‘HELL NA!’ I saw that Snoop video
where he turns into a fuckin’ dog and shit! So, I’m
like ‘what if this bitch fuckin’ turns into a…bitch?!’
Fuck na, man! Fuck na! So, I fuckin’ kick her skank
ass outta my bed and I’m like ‘Bitch! Go back to your
damn dog house. See ya!’ Damn, nigga...”

“Ah, the epic tales of Milk Bone T. Did you ever
see her again?” Taran asked.

“No, man, but I did find some dog shit on the
front porch the next week, so-”

Taran held up a hand.

“I get it, I get it. Real quick, was wondering
if Rosaline had called the house phone recently? I
heard it ring a few times…just thought…” Taran trailed
off.

“Huh?”

“You heard me.”

Milk Bone sat there, hesitating.

“Nah.” he nearly whispered.

Taran couldn’t decide if he was surprised.

“What?” he asked anyway.

“Um, no.” Bone answered again, just as hoarsely

“Okay.” Taran didn’t know what else to say. He
didn’t even know why he bothered caring.
Milk Bone’s eyes suddenly widened as he leaned
forward and attempted to shift the conversation.

“Why? You still want her? Look, man, come with
me to Cherokee Street and we’ll get you a nice cheap
ho. I know this one chick that me and my brother used
to get. Her name was ‘Queeffie Lou’ or some shit, and
anyway, she fuck pretty good. She’s real cheap, man.
I remember this one time-”

“That’s alright, Bone. Don’t worry about it. I
just wanted to know if Rosaline had called.”

“Okay.” Bone stopped and thought. “So…what the
fuck is you gonna do about her?”

Now, it was Taran’s turn to stop and think.

“I don’t know, man. I do know I don’t wanna be
with her. I just want to hurt her. And hurt her. And
hurt her. Etcetera and so on.”

Milk Bone stared at the base of his beer glass
and admired the way the wrought-iron table as he tried
to be invisible and just let Taran do his thing.

Taran continued, “I know you don’t understand.

That’s fine. I don’t care. Revenge. That’s all it’s
about. As soon as I’m done, I can move on.”

“So, when do you think you’ll be done?” Bone
asked.

Taran paused and thought again. “I don’t know.
Whenever I’m fuckin’ done, man.”

“I’m just sayin’, dude. Don’t pass up a fine
little honey just ‘cause you’re trying to fuck up your
ex.”

“We’ll see, man.” Taran said.

“So, what have you done so far?”

“What do you mean?”

“You want revenge on the bitch, right? So what
have you done to get revenge so far?” Bone asked.

“I don’t know, man. Nothing yet.”

“Why?” Bone asked.

“I just haven’t had any good opportunities yet.
As soon as I do, though…”

“Taran, all you gotta do is get a ride out to
West County and-“

“Drop it, man. It’s my problem. Don’t worry
about it.”

“Whatever you say, dawg.” Milk Bone said, leaning
back and grabbing his Old English 800.

Taran sighed, grabbed his pack of American
Spirits, pulled one out, lit it, and looked around.

Almost as soon as he turned his head, he locked eyes
with a young woman in a black cloak. She smiled at
him. He just stared back at her.

She had small, delicate features, and was almost
painfully petite. Little locks of short brown hair
spilled out from under her hood.

“Ya know her, dawg?” Milk Bone asked, leaning
over and looking at her.

“No. I don’t know. She looks very familiar,
but…I don’t think so.”

She looked away. Taran and Milk Bone followed
her gaze. A man, close to Taran’s age, sat down with
her, but he was dressed in a rather outdated fashion.
He wore a white, loose fitting blouse that was covered
with a leather vest. His hair was pulled back into a
ponytail and a thick, light brown beard covered his
face. It was as if he had just walked off a Gettysburg
reenactment.

“That blanket she’s wearing is kinda hot. It’s
all like ‘Dark Crystal’ and shit,” Milk Bone chuckled.

“It’s called a ‘cloak.’”

“Whatever. It’d look better balled up on my
floor while I fucked her.”

Taran shook his head. He looked back at the
woman. She was engaged in conversation with the oldfashioned
man next to her.

“I wonder who that guy is and why he’s dressed
like that. Must be an actor.” Taran pondered, turning
to Milk Bone.

“What guy?” Bone asked, looking around the young
woman.

“The guy sittin’ next to her, man.” Taran said,
surprised, and subtly pointed with his thumb.

Bone continued to stare at the girl, then shook
his head.

Taran rolled his eyes and drank his Bud Light.
Milk Bone shrugged.

“He is sitting right fucking next to her.” Taran
pointed.

Milk Bone looked at Taran, then cracked a
confused smile.

“Are you, like, messin’ with me, dude? Do you
really seriously see some dude over there, ‘cause
there’s nobody with her. That little girl is a-lone,
dawg.” Milk Bone said, looking directly at Taran.

Taran looked at the old-fashioned man. Something
was definitely odd about him. Not just his style of
dress, but something else. His skin was too white, but
there was more.

The man looked up at Taran and nodded, halfway
smiling.

“Hey, Bone, let’s go over and introduce
ourselves.” Taran suggested, standing up.
Bone grabbed his beer, tucked a cigarette behind
his ear, and jumped up.

The two men approached the young woman’s table.

She and her male companion looked up.

“Good evening,” she said to Taran, smiling at
him, “I’m Sasha.” she offered her hand at this, which
Taran graciously took.

“I’m Taran Walker. This is Milk Bone.” Taran
turned to the old-fashioned man, “What’s your name?”

The man smiled, leaned forward, and spoke.

“Can your friend see me?”

Taran looked at Milk Bone.

“Can you see this guy?” he asked, pointing at the
man.

Milk Bone shook his head, stared at the ground,
and mumbled to Taran.

“You’s gonna freak her out, dude. Don’t fuck up
my game, dawg. Knock off this invisible friend shit.”

Taran turned back to the man and shook his head.
The man began to speak again.

“I didn’t think so. He doesn’t strike me as one
of…the type, though it is hard to tell. I’m just
relieved that you’ve returned.”

Taran screwed his face up and looked at Sasha,
then back at the man.

“’Returned?’” he asked.

“Yes. Look, this is going to take some time to
explain. You’ve been drinking, and I’d rather wait
until you were sober. Can you meet Sasha and myself at
Coffee Cartel tomorrow at around six?” the man asked.

“Hang on. What’s your name and why can’t Milk
Bone see you?” Taran demanded.

“I think the more pressing question is-“
Sasha cut him off.

“Ghost, enough with this stoic crap. His name is
Richard Barrywood and your friend can’t see him because
he’s a ghost. The reason that you and I can is…well…
we’re different from Milk Bone. Look, Ghost here will
explain everything tomorrow.”

Milk Bone sat there, staring at the empty chair,
his eyes wide.

Taran turned to Ghost, annoyed.
“Guess what? I’m having sort of a bad day. I
had a bad breakup earlier, and have ZERO fucking
patience for more lies. And YOU,” Taran pointed at
Milk Bone, “I should kick the shit out of you for
agreeing with these people to play some kind of stupid
joke on me. I’m going home, and the next person who
tries to fuck with my head better be ready to defend
themselves. I’m out.”

Milk Bone stammered.

“Dude, I…I…I dunno shit about no ghosts, dude.
I’m goin’ witchoo.”

Sasha stood up.

“Taran, she wasn’t lying to you earlier. She
really loves you. She wasn’t sure of it, but now that
she’s lost you, she knows. She-“

“Sasha, stop it.” Ghost cut in.

Taran exploded at her, pointing a finger at her
as if it was a dagger.

“Don’t talk to me about Rosaline like you know
her! I swear to God, I don’t hit women, but I will
knock your fucking head off if you don’t-“

Milk Bone grabbed Taran and started dragging him
away. Taran struggled, trying to wrench himself free.
People at other tables watched the scene, whispering
between themselves.

Suddenly, Sasha stood up and interlocked her
fingers, then flicked each one, one by one, from thumb
to pinky on each hand. She turned them palm up, her
fingers still locked together, then muttered, “Peace,”
and raised her hands up to her mouth. A little ball of
light formed. She pressed her lips together and blew.
The ball leaped out of her hands and slipped into
Taran’s chest.

Bodies flew away from the scene as people
confusedly began to panic. A roar began to pass
through the bar.

A feeling of severe intoxication hit him. Not
quite intoxication, he decided, but rather, peaceful
exhaustion.

“What…the…ugh…” Taran mumbled. Milk Bone looked
confusedly at Sasha, who was preparing a discreet exit
with Ghost, then hoisted Taran up by his arm, walking
him home.

***end section II***

There ya go. Again, check out the book here, and please please please help me buy my own ISBN. If you're not looking to drop $15.42 on a book, you can always snag the ebook for $1.25. I make the same amount on each version, so it really doesn't matter to me which one you buy.

I'd write more, but I got class all day today, and next to no time.

Either way, thanks for reading, and I'll have the third section up by Friday!

GO CARDS!

Thanks!

-Blaine

This is Monday

2009-10-05T15:56:00.006-05:00

First, we're deviating a bit from my appointed scheme to do something a little different this week. I'm slowly ramping up the pace at which I'm working on the second novel in the Endless Wars series, as I'm starting to really get a better feel for how rough and raw this book is going to be, and I'm getting a creative boner for it. Like massively. Hawt,

Anyway, I'm actually going to post the first three major sections of the original on here this week, so that you all can be bribed with a free taste into buying a book. I tried to write the story I'd always wanted to read, and I'd like to share it with as many people as possible, and try to see if I can do this for a living some day.

Untitled Podcast
Before we get to that, though, there is the matter of the podcast. Tony and I sat down together and yammered incessantly about games we don't own for nearly three hours. And some people like that. Fascinating.

We do appreciate that, so here is the podcast page. Please enjoy, and we'll be returning to the mics in a little less than three months.

Regular Programming
I'll be getting back to the regular posts in a week or two. I'm going to focus on Endless Wars for a week or two, not only to try and properly convey what it is to those who haven't grabbed it already, but to get myself in the right mindset while I work on the next book in the series.

Also, for anyone who's read it, lemme know if ya have any questions about it. I'd love to talk with existing readers and see what they thought, as well as answer any questions they might have.

Big Thanks
Just wanted to give a public 'thanks' to both Laurance and Cody, who are both great artists, allies, and friends. Cody did a lot of the art for the Untitled Podcast in the past. He also writes rather well about games, and has one of the last good gaming blogs out there.

Laurance, and his company, Physical City, did a gorgeous fucking banner for my book, and all the free prostitutes in the world wouldn't be a big enough 'thank you' to him. Whether it's a banner, a graphic for a page, a book cover, a billboard, a buttocks tattoo, a comic book, whatever, make goddam sure you chat w/ the dudes over at Physical City for any and all art needs. No shit. Do it. Now.

The Endless Wars: The Descent (section 1)
Here we go, and please note the nice-ass banner made up by the above-mentioned Physical City.

begin section one of the Endless Wars: the Descent

I: Curtain
November, 2001

Dark, ominous clouds. Lightning. A flood of
rain pouring down. Decaying, long dead buildings.
Streets that look like they haven’t been repaved since
the rule of Louis XVI. A cop substation in the
distance. More rain.

That was the landscape that was sucked into
Taran’s eyes. His view shifted around, as if he was
desperately trying to find something not dying, not
gray, at which to stare. He could feel the
lifelessness infecting him.

Taran Walker was twenty three years young, and
possessed the body of a man. His height and build were
just about average (roughly 5’8, with a fair amount of
muscle.) His dark brown hair and brown eyes added to
his almost average appearance. His face was adorned
with a beard that circled his mouth, and his eyes
contained a coldness that looked very heavy.

His room was covered in dirty laundry, various
magazines and books, boxes of CDs and other belongings,
empty beer bottles and cigarette packs everywhere. A
bare mattress was in the corner, with an ashtray and a
digital alarm clock next to it. The walls had probably
once been white, but those days were long since gone.

Of course he loved her. Of course he did. Not
“in love,” mind you. But he did love her. How could
he not? An inch shorter than him, red hair, green
eyes, tiny waist, perfect curvy body, and that weird
Jedi Mind control over guys. She was one of those
girls that was great at convincing you that you needed
her above all else, and by the time you realized that
you didn’t, you had already wrecked your life so badly
that your best strategy was to cower in her shadow
until you thought of some really clever escape plan.

Rosaline was really something.

But, Taran had learned. About four months prior,
she had cheated on him and dumped him for a military
school cadet three years his junior. After four years
of something that almost reminded him of perfection.

So, there she stood. Fighting and pleading to be
taken back.

“I’m done with you.” Taran said, surprisingly
calmly, though he let out several ragged breaths after-
wards

“I can’t fucking believe you. It’s really
interesting, really, really interesting, Taran, how
this ‘honor’ that you always talk about comes and goes
whenever it’s convenient for you! Isn’t ‘forgiveness’
included in your little ‘code of conduct?’” she paused,
inhaled a sniffle, “Taran, listen to me. Please. I’m
standing here telling you that I love you.”

Taran’s mind raced, trying to decipher her tactic.
He had known her for a long time, and knew
that every single word that left her beautiful, pale
lips was part of a larger strategy. She never did or
said anything unless she was going to gain something
from it. He had been brilliantly manipulated by her
over the last year, and was done with it. Just done
with it.

First, it had been the gaps in her schedule.

Hours of time that were missing in her life that she
would claim had been used for napping, which she never
did, or extra homework, which was also unusual. She
always plowed through her homework in a very short
time, a testament to her intelligence. Sometimes, she
would even manufacture reasons to explode at him, so as
to avoid him for the hours it took to be with her
lover.

Then, Taran had caught them.

Rosaline arched her back and touched her breasts
in a way she NEVER did with Taran...she bounced up and
down on him [GRINGO] in a way she never had with
Taran...her gasps and [FAKED] orgasms sounded much more
violent, more felt, more appreciated than they ever had
with Taran...Taran moved away from the doorway...wished
he had been noticed by them...

She had claimed that not only was Taran losing
“it,” but so was their relationship. She had said that
things hadn’t been the same since...

She saw Taran lying bloody on his couch, shards
of glass embedded in his face...white powder caked
under his nose...she knew he was supposed to be dead...

He figured that she, being only 19, had gotten
bored and curious. He had been warned that she had
been too young when they started dating, and here he
stood, the biggest goddam fool in the world.

He continued to stare out the window and absorb
the rather depressing landscape. He took another drag
off his cigarette, exhaled, and turned to face her. He
hated this moment. The moment after you’ve been facing
away from a lover or an ex you’ve been fighting with
and then, suddenly you turn, look at them, and remember
why you were facing away. They’re the most beautiful
individual in the world.

He very calmly approached her. He caressed her
cheek with his hand and smiled at her.

“I will always love you, I’m sure. I just don’t
ever want to see you again,” he whispered, his smile
trembling, “and please, just let me go. Please. I
can’t-“

“Taran, I left you for Johnny Gringo. Another
guy. You are not the first person this has happened
to. You’re acting like this is some horrible new
problem in the world. It happens all the fucking
time.”

He pulled away from her, his unstable smile
dissolving into a sigh. His eyes rolled as he threw
his hands up in the air.

“Ya know, Roz, there was a time when I thought
you might actually be capable of feeling guilty for
something, or actually really, truly loving someone. I
suspected you were incapable of having a shred of
humanity a year ago, and now, I’m sure of it.”

Rosaline looked away from him, her green eyes
flicking all over the place. She bit her lip and
nodded her head.

“Taran,” she began, her voice quieter and
sweeter, “Can we just...start over, or something.
Please? I-“

“NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!” Taran exploded,
slapping a beer bottle off of his window sill and into
a wall. Rosaline jumped away from the glass shards
that sprayed out.

“Calm down!” she yelled, pointing a long,
perfectly sculpted finger at him. The red nail shined
from the light of the street lamp outside.

“Then stop! It’s like you can’t decide if you
want me back so that you can torture me some more or
because you actually do love me. Just leave! Go!”

“Taran, stop it. Look, let’s calm down and just
talk, okay? No more yelling, okay? Let’s just relax
and talk this out.” Rosaline offered, almost speaking
in a whisper.

“No.” Taran grunted through gritted teeth. He
turned and stared at the dying night through his window
again.

Rosaline’s voice cracked as she spoke.

“Don’t you understand? I made a mistake. If I
wounded you, I-“

Taran whirled to face her, smashing his cigarette
into the ashtray as he turned.

“Some wounds heal and some wounds scar. Do you
know what it means to be wounded? Do you know what
it’s like when that wound comes from someone you love?
When that wound is accidentally inflicted, that is
easily forgivable. When that wound is intentional, it
is not. When it is intentional and repeatedly fucking
inflicted, it goes into a realm beyond hatred and
sadness. I believe the term ‘inhuman’ was fashioned
for just this kind of act. You have never loved me and
are incapable of doing so. Leave now.”

He turned back to the window. Tears dripped off
of his rough cheeks and into the ashtray, extinguishing
the burning remains of the cigarette.
Rosaline stared at him for a few moments, then
finally spoke in a choked voice.

“What happened to you? You used to be...”
Still staring out the window, never turning to
look at her, Taran responded.

“Never mind what I used to be. It’s no concern
of yours any longer. You will never have to worry
about it again. I’ve relieved you of that. Good bye.”

All Rosaline could do was stare. Or, at least
attempt to. The tears were flowing so heavily she had
to repeatedly blink. He was gone for good this time.
Forever. And, yet, there he was. Standing maybe a
foot away. He was right in front of her! She could
reach out to touch him. One last time. Her last
memory of him could be the feeling of their skin
touching.

However, she was convinced this would not be
their last shared memory.

She bent down, picked up her purse, walked out of
the room, and began to head down the stairs.

For whatever reason, he didn’t feel that great
sense of victory he had expected.

Taran stared out of his window, his hands clasped
behind his back, and watched her exit the building and
run to her car. Rosaline was gone.

The dying city lay before him, waiting.

end of the first section of the Endless Wars: the Descent

So, that's the first part of the book. I'll post more of it tomorrow, and the following day, and then we'll see what we do with the rest of the week. I'll also answer some of last week's 'Writing Wednesday' questions.

Now, when it comes to buying the actual book, there are two options:

Buy a real book for $15.42!

Buy an ebook for $1.25!

The choice is yours, and I make the same $1 off of it either way, so please just buy the version that makes it easier for you to read it!

The long-term goal is make enough to buy my own ISBN, so any help you can contribute is very, very appreciated.

See ya tomorrow.

-Blaine

Tech Tuesday (Fat Techie Week)

2009-09-29T11:18:00.004-05:00

I love technology, but I hate being fat. Those two statements go nearly hand in hand (except for you pretentious, skinny Mac apologists), which is unfortunate. We tech dudes have these brilliant minds, but our women become disgusted by us because we have become so fat that we are almost devolving into bloated masses that yap about how under-appreciated Linux is, or how humanity is utterly fucking itself by not being more aggressive with the space program, or how, deep in our overworked hearts, we know that Halo really isn't THAT great.

It's a tough balance, working in IT. While, generally, you are better than most people, it's hard to express that while they're staring at your hideous, jiggling, spherical form. I feel your pain, brother. You have so much to offer the world, but receive so little love. Your friends and parents 'help' by reminding you that you used to be a much better and more lovable person because you looked different than you look now, and your body shape was less embarrassing to them. Your wife suddenly develops a much greater interest in her nightly literature, and your penis, could you actually see it, now has cobwebs on it from disuse. You're not even entirely sure it's still there. Your children mock you and laugh at your immense girth.

It's time to make a change, bro. You're mad at all of them because the disdain and disappointment you see in their eyes is justified. You've failed. Every person's body is a marvel of organic technology, and you have been neglectful to your most important machine.

I feel your pain because I've failed in the exact same way. On my best days, I'm a fucking punchline to the worst fat joke you've ever heard.

Here's the good news: it's all in my control. I don't know if I just needed to get mad enough or what, but eating less has become much easier. The Bodybugg has been a tremendous help in tracking my progress, and giving me tangible goals, and a healthy dose of white-hot rage has definitely contributed, but I am the one who is making progress, I am the one who is limiting what I eat, I am the one getting on the treadmill when I need to, and I am the one who will reap the benefits of being athletic and sexy again.

What I'm really looking forward to is still being the super-smart, witty guy who's slightly technically inclined and very artistic, and then being a huge dick to people who treated me differently when I was 100 pounds overweight. I can't wait to be one of them, and then use it against them.

But, how to get there? How do we fat tech guys use our skillset to crush the skinny know-nothings under our Converse tennis shoes?

Well, here's what I've been doing.

First, you need a system. You should be good at this. Maybe use OpenOffice Calc or GoogleDocs to track your calorie intake. I've been using the aforementioned Bodybugg system, which is awesome since it attaches to my body and tracks my calorie burning while I enter my calorie intake, and also stores the values for any food I have to 'create' in the system (while it also already has a ton of existing foods).

Either way, design a system for yourself, but allow for some flexibility. Allow a system that is immediately challenging, but allows you some slack.

Let me put it this way. I initially started out by slashing my intake to 1000 calories and my activity to burning 3500. I knew that was an insane disparity, but it gave me a lot of room to ease into it. By honestly trying to limit how much I've been eating, and working toward that activity level, I've been able to hit an average of 3500 calories burnt per day, and have managed to come in it at less than 2000 per day, and the pounds have been coming off. Granted, this is for a very small sample size of two weeks, but I'm seeing more tangible results now than I've seen in any previous attempt at weight-loss. Every day, I am burning more calories than I'm consuming. Every day, I'm making progress.

The Bodybugg thing has been very helpful in getting it through my head that I can not only consume less than I burn, but that I can do so easily. I tend to shy away from things that take a lot of effort, and the initial pounds, because I'm so fat, have come off easily, which has fueled an even more fervent desire to shed even more pounds.

Additionally, I've worked hard to force myself to derive pleasure from things other than food. I think the main reason for my constant over-consumption is just that I enjoy delicious food waaay too much, and used it to self-medicate at times. By hammering at myself to stop counting on food as a pleasure source, it's decreased, and I do, honestly, enjoy it less. When I eat, I eat as fast as I can, to get it over with.

Back to the tech side, there's something about having to work with an interface several times a day that keeps me focused on attacking my fatness. My entering numbers and seeing graphs change, and moving sliders, I feel like I'm actively doing something helpful in regards to my weight.

Really, the Bodybugg has been fantastic and fun so far. What I'd do, though, if ya don't want to drop a bunch of money, is just aim for 1000 calories a day, but let yourself fail A LITTLE, if ya need. Just do that, and maintain your normal life otherwise.

The trade-off, though, has been my smoking. I was down to two smokes a day, but it's come back with a vengeance now. It's interesting to me that I never actually conquer anything. I always just shift the manifestation. Weird.

Also, to be a full geek, I love playing RPGs while I'm on the treadmill. It's perfect for turn-based RPGs like Lost Odyssey or any of the Final Fantasy games. I'm trying to get to a point where I only watch TV or play RPGs while I'm on the treadmill, but that's been hard on my knees.

Anyway, I'm six pounds lighter than I was two weeks ago, and plan on continuing the war. What about you? Are you a fat geek? What's your plan? Anyone out there actually recovered from their fatness?

Also, let me know if there's anything you want to hear about in regards to Writing Wednesday!

-Blaine

Manly Monday (round 2)

2009-09-28T13:42:00.004-05:00

Whew. Hell of a week last week, followed by an interesting weekend. As you can gather from my deadpanned previous (Friday) post, I got a little beat-up, but managed to put some alcohol on it Friday night & Saturday night, which helped tremendously.

Friday, I hooked up w/ my old drummer for the first time in about 10 years ('hooked up' as in we went our for beers, not me unlocking his anus w/ my dick-key). We caught up, slowly got over the shock of sitting at a table together, and talked about what it means to be in your thirties with no clear direction in your professional life. I was glad that someone else thinks about that, too.

Saturday, I went to an all-day Driver Improvement Program for my 52-in-a-30 speeding ticket, and found myself simultaneously fascinated and nauseated by the fact that I was literally twice the age of the average attendant. Good times. I then went and podcasted with Tony. It was rad. I would say that this is the best podcast we've done in months. It's also the best TGS podcast we've done in about a year.

We, will, of course, be doing our Holiday Preview this Saturday, and are still gathering up all the games that you wanna hear about. If you're on the fence about something, want to learn more about a holiday release, or just wanna hear that game that you can't live without talked up some more, drop your list here. We'll take the most popular and the most interesting and then drone on about our tedious lives for two and a half hours while casually mentioning something that is very important to you.

Also, don't forget that tomorrow marks the first new Alice in Chains release in fourteen years. I've been listening to my review disc, and I gotta say that several of the tracks are pretty memorable, in a good way, and die-hard fans are going to be rewarded. It's got enough familiarity to it that you instantly recognize the band, but enough has changed that it stays interesting from start to finish.

I also snagged the new Star Trek Blu-Ray sets, Star Trek Season 2 Remastered and the Star Trek: the Next Generation films. Star Trek s2 includes the DS9 tribble episode, so it'll be the first time I've gotten to see Deep Space Nine in HD. DS9 has long been my favorite of all the Star Trek series, so it'll be a real treat to gaze lovingly upon it as my eyes are masturbated by the 1080p-ness of it all. I also just love any and all Star Trek in HD.

Anyway...

Manly Monday
In keeping with today's reader question, I wanted to direct this one to the ladies a bit.

It's pretty simple. Really.

Whether you mean to or not, you train your man. You do. It may not be obvious, but your man behaves and treats you in the way that you've taught him is acceptable.

Look, we men are simple creatures. We like food, competition, sex, and power. Manipulate those basic concepts, and you can train your man. Don't believe me? Read up on B.F. Skinner. Seriously.

A good man doesn't want to waste your time with needless discussion, and he's too focused on the simple things he can control to pick up on your 'signals,' so your best bet is too just implement your own schedule of reinforcement for him.

Now, before I continue, this is all based on a few assumptions. One, that this, in fact, a loving relationship and that you two desire nothing less than both partners succeeding and being happy people, two, that your man is a good man but still a man and therefore a basic primate, and three, he is not a paranoid schizophrenic.

Additionally, none of this is meant for serious issues. This is for those annoying 'little things' that he does (or doesn't do).

So, let's cover some basic concepts. One, the behavior that you want to encourage and see more of is rewarded by you. Two, the behavior that you wish to get rid of is punished. I know that these seem kind of like 'duh' sort of things, but you'd be amazed how easily these things can get lost in a relationship. After just a couple years of marriage, great things about your partner will be taken for granted by you, and vice versa. Don't believe me? Go out with couples that you're friendly with, and you'll see just how fucking awful your marriage could be. It happens to us all the time.

Hopefully, the first thing that happens when you start thinking about existing behaviors that you want reinforced is that you start to realize that, in at least some ways, you have it good with your man. If not, it may be time to trade him in to the dealer.

Odds are, though, that there is some existing negative behavior that has led you to the point of considering training your mate like he was a dog.

Don't feel bad, though. Men need this. You know how you have that one female friend that lets her man get away with anything and everything? Do you want to be her? No, I didn't think so.

And that's the thing. Don't we unconsciously train our friends and lovers? We react with laughter and smiles and affection when they do something to earn that from us, and we do quite the opposite when they earn our ire, as well.

So, this is just like that, but on a more precise level.

Let's take something simple. Let's say he leaves his dirty socks all over the house.

First, give him a chance. Ask him once. If you're the one that does the laundry in the relationship, tell him it makes things much easier for you if all the dirty laundry is in one place.

He now knows that there is an expectation. From there, you now stringently live in the boundaries that you verbally outlined for him. If he lives his shit lying around, you don't need to be a bitch about it, but you can smile a little when he's out of clean socks. If he says something about it, tell him you'd be happy to help him remedy the issue if he could take a moment, go around the house, and then deposit them in the designated location, and do so in a kind manner. Mean it when you say it.

Now, let's say he starts to actually correct his behavior over the next few weeks. Let's say he starts being a little neater in general. When you see him doing something right in regards to his neatness, give him a little extra lovin'. Or, let's say he goes out of his way to try and impress you by starting to do the laundry himself or maybe he tries to have the place looking a little nicer for you. Make damn sure you reward him, in whatever way you see fit.

What'll probably happen, if he starts catching on, is that he'll unconsciously try to slack off a little, and get back to a comfortable, lazy place. Ease off on the 'rewarding' a bit, but then reinforce good behavior as soon as you can. Of course, communicating straight-up in these situations helps quite a bit, too, but he should make a point of knowing your expectation.

Also, be sure to tie the reward/punishment directly to whatever behavior you're targeting. Mete out the feedback as quickly as you can, even if it's doing a little playful teasing at that moment, with the potential to follow up later.

Speaking as a well-trained husband who's training is ever-continuing, I can assure that clear, literal communication, coupled with the above conditioning parameters can smooth your marriage considerably.

Lastly, speaking as a man, all of this works wonders in bed, as well. We love nothing more than knowing that we're rocking your world, or not. Exaggerate your breathing or noises a little when we're doing something that you want more of, and use subtle silence to get us to move on to something else if what we're doing is quite what ya need. Afterward, bring it up, and couch it in terms of 'THAT one thing was AWESOME, and maybe you could linger on THAT instead of doing THAT OTHER THING.' We want little more in life than knowing that we're the guy who does it for ya better than anyone else has ever even dreamed.

Reader Questions
This one comes from Tami in Maine. She asks,

Dear Blaine,
How do I ask my much-loved but oh-so-manly guy to do something around the house and make it sound like I'm not nagging? I don't want to nag, I just want to be able to vaccuum behind the fridge without an avalanche of stuff (not mine) falling on my head when I pull the damn thing away from the wall.

signed,
Sick of listening to the fridge run non-stop

I've been noticing lately that I know a lot of women who don't want to sound like they're nagging, but fear that they may be compelled to do so if their man doesn't get on something STAT.

What's sad is that my wife has been there before, with me, and still runs into this with me.

I suggest trying one of the following.

First, the simplest and best thing for everyone involved is saying, 'Can you take care of [X] for me? It'd mean a lot to me so that I can [do Y].' Now, if he's anything like me, he'll smile, assure that it's not a problem, advise you that he'll get to it later, and that never quite find that right moment in which to do it.

Second, you could try a simple barter. Make it into something interesting. Offer something he would value in exchange for his compliance with your directive. My wife has used everything from food to being willing to sit through an action/horror flicks with me to foot massages to more suggestive propositions, and that's worked nicely, though she does point out that I should just get off my ass and do it, in order to be an equal partner in our fortress of love.

Third, you do live in Maine, where it's always winter, and where Stephen King's monsters are running. You could just wait 'til he's in undies, then shove him outside, barricade the door, and tell him that the only way in is through the fridge, so if he'll just agree to do something about all of his shit there, you'd be glad to let him back in, before he dies of exposure or by being eaten by a terrible hell-demon.

Fourth, and this just occurred to me, wait 'til he's chilling, then start doing your vacuuming, and when you get to that moment, ask him to give you a hand with the fridge. Put him on the spot. Or tell him as soon as you start vacuuming, and say 'in 5 minutes, I'm gonna move that fridge, and you're going to help me.'

Hey, fellow men, any other thoughts on this? What have your wives/girlfriends/partners done to 'train you,' or get your motivated in some way?

Ladies, what tricks work for you?

I'll feature the best stuff in next week's Manly Monday!

Need some input on that once white-hot relationship turned festering marriage? Lemme know! I have a hot, happy wife, so I'm an expert!

-Blaine

Tomorrow: Tech Tuesday. We're talkin' games tomorrow, kids!