What Would Mike Reno Do?

WWMRD Calls....Bulgaria Answers!

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 00:19:00 +0000

So, who had Bulgaria in the 100th country pool? If you did, congrats...but good luck collecting your winnings, because I hear your friends are deadbeats.

The Maloof's Bulgarian casino holdings are far less glamourous than the Palms. Rumour has it Ron Artest checks coats here, just for the employee discount on Tolumbichki at the cafe next door.

Speaking of crazy people....

Online divorcee kills virtual husband

Here's why Japan is facking insane...but also kind of awesome.

1. People have virtual "lives". OK - fair enough. I virtually create myself in Madden every year and have racked up a number of NFL MVP awards.

2. People get virtually "married" in Maple Story. 'Nuff said...weddings are big business anywhere and everywhere. Right now, there's an executive spending the fortune he made in virtual "save the date" cards on square watermelons and foreign whores.

3. The "dead" guy contacted the police. How does one go about reporting their own murder? Perhaps this was touched on in the Lindsay Lohan vehicle, "I Know Who Killed Me". There's no way to confirm though, as I am pretty sure this movie was never actually released.

4. The police actually proceeded with the complaint. This is the complete opposite of what I would have expected to happen, which would have been a lot of laughing, following by the officer charging the complainant with misuse of police resources. (Japanese cops are robots, right?)

5. The "killer" has been jailed and not yet formally charged. OK, now I am confused. Is this a real jail or a virtual jail? Are you allowed to be jailed without charges? I know that flies in Gitmo, but I didn't realize the Japanese were so ruthless. Knowing this, I'm actually quite surprised my old roommate Toshio didn't have me poisoned for all the times I tried to convince him that Hideki Irabu liked dudes.

I make the points above not to mock the Japanese, but to show how wonderful they are. With the exception of Hirohito and possibly those guys behind the sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway, has anyone ever met a Japanese person they didn't like??? Right....didn't think so.

And as an FYI, I had Sushi Marche for dinner tonight and it was delightful.

Oyasuminasai!

I'm awesome at giving advice....

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 01:01:00 +0000

Here's some advice....Burning Man is for losers.

A year ago today, I wrote about a wonderful restaurant called Mirazur that the wife and I visited on the honeymoon. To celebrate the one year anniversary of that post, I bring you some not so surprising news:

Argentinian-born Italian crowned top chef in France

Yeah, that's right. Mauro Colegreco has been named the top chef if France. And not just by me, some guy named "GaultMillau" totally agrees. He knows his stuff.....and there's a chance that GaultMillau is actually former NFL speedster Willie Gault's "classy" pen name, but I'm not totally sure.... (FYI - I do realize GaultMillau is not actually a person.)

So - who took my advice and made the trip? None? Well screw you guys.

At the time, I referred to the Menu Dégustation as "the best bargain since Matt Stairs". A year later, Matt Stairs is playing in the World Series (with the Phillies, natch) and Mirazur is raking in the accolades. Holy effing Nostradamus.

A recent check of the Mirazur website shows that the Menu Dégustation has skyrocketed in price, from 75€ to 80€ - so, don't say I didn't warn you. If you extrapolate the same 6.67% annual increase, you'll be paying as follows:

Oct 23, 2010 - 91.02€

Oct 23, 2020 - 173.55€

Oct 23, 2050 - 1,203.09€

Oct 23, 2100 - 30,320.23€

Oct 23, 3000 - 510,015,997,207,026,000,000,000,000,000.00€

My god. Why wait till the year 3000 when you can go now at a fraction of the price? You're a friggin idiot if you think half a nonillion dollars is a good deal for dinner. Go now because 80€ is a steal.

And while we are the topic of anniversaries, this is the 15th anniversary of the HR. The photo below says it all.

Whooaaaaaa....we're halfway there....

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 00:24:00 +0000

Yeah, that's right. The "a hit from every country" project of late 2007, while on life support, did not die. The main reason for this is because I finally realized I could export stats from Google Analytics to Excel....I really should have figured that out sooner.

Anyway, with my newly exported list of countries and a quick vlookup, it has been determined that WWMRD is now sitting at a total of 99 (of my wish list of 197) countries. The lucky land to get us over 50% - Croatia.

While research this piece, it was learned that both Bill Belichick and Nick Saban are of Croatian heritage. Above is a photo of Belichick and Saban together.

You're probably wondering who are the countries added to the WWMRD hall of fame since last updated. In no particular order, other than alphabetical, they are:

Algeria

Bahamas

China

Costa Rica

China

Dominican Republic

El Salvador

Iceland

Jamaica

Lithuania

Luxembourg

Macedonia

Malta

Pakistan

Russia

Serbia

Slovenia

Sri Lanka

Trinidad and Tobago

Tunisia

No real surprises there....except for China. WTF? 20% of the world's population and it takes you a year to get on board? For shame....though, perhaps we were banned there?

OK, I forgive. Glad to have you.

So - goals for the coming months. A few more countries from Africa and Polynesian penetration that would make Paul Gauguin proud.

Feel free to help WWMRD - forward the URL to anyone you may know in:

Afghanistan

Albania

Andorra

Angola

Antigua and Barbuda

Armenia

Azerbaijan

Bahrain

Bangladesh

Belarus

Belize

Benin

Bhutan

Botswana

Brunei Darussalam

Bulgaria

Burma

Burundi

Cambodia

Cameroon

Cape Verde

Chad

Comoros

Cuba

Cyprus

Democratic Republic of the Congo

Djibouti

Dominica

East Timor

Ecuador

Equatorial Guinea

Eritrea

Ethiopia

Fiji

Gabon

Gambia

Georgia

Greenland

Grenada

Guinea

Guinea-Bissau

Guyana

Haiti

Honduras

Jordan

Kazakhstan

Kiribati

Kyrgyzstan

Laos

Lebanon

Lesotho

Liberia

Libya

Madagascar

Malawi

Maldives

Mali

Marshall Islands

Mauritania

Micronesia

Moldova

Mongolia

Montenegro

Mozambique

Namibia

Nauru

Nepal

Nicaragua

Niger

Nigeria

North Korea

Oman

Palau

Panama

Papua New Guinea

Paraguay

Republic of the Congo

Rwanda

Saint Kitts and Nevis

Saint Lucia

Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Samoa

San Marino

São Tome and Príncipe

Seychelles

Sierra Leone

Somalia

Sudan

Suriname

Swaziland

Syria

Tajikistan

Tanzania

Togo

Tonga

Turkmenistan

Tuvalu

Uganda

Uruguay

Uzbekistan

Vanuatu

Yemen

Zambia

Zimbabwe

Especially East Timor....my god, are they even allowed to have the internets there?

As if the trip to work could get any worse.....

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 00:16:00 +0000

Sweet merciful crap. Where have the days gone?

Yes, I apologize for the lack of commitment. Me to blogging is as Tom Brady to fatherhood. (Ah, Brady jokes....that felt good.)

I assume you are wondering what initiated the return to the world of typing to an audience of zero? Well, it was this idiot right here:

It says here that Fen-Phen is most effective while being an uncivil slob. Why does my chest hurt?

Consider this a companion piece to the WorldWideNetWeb's "Get to Know your Fellow Commuters" series. Yes, the topic is unoriginal....but you can't expect my first post in months to be all thaaaaaat groundbreaking. I'm not looking to shatter that glass ceiling that Hillary cracked....I'm just home alone, somewhat bored and halfway through a bottle of wine.

Back to the photo....you'll notice a stout woman taking up two seats during this morning's commuter rush on the TTC. The display was way more obnoxious that the usual "my laptop is really heavy and needs it's own seat" crowd who we commuters usually have to deal with. This peach decided that even with people standing everywhere, (some of whom were senior citizens) she needed a seat for her oversized ass, and another seat for her ham-hock legs crammed into knock-off Ugg boots.

I know you're not supposed to hit a person with glasses, but how about an inconsiderate sow-bag? The reason I ask is because I really wanted to smack her, but I used better judgement and restrained myself. Instead, I found myself questioning her obviously checkered upbringing and choice in oversized purses. I'll let the purse thing slide, because how else are you going to get a 5lb frozen lasagna (aka lunch) to the office.....but what kind of person lacks the decency to realize that putting your dirty, wet boots where someone may want to sit is indefensible?

As she waddled out of the car and up the stairs (probably on her way to buy a large diet coke) at Yonge Station, the seats were quickly filled again by people who were none the wiser. Although I ran an 8% chance of being busted, and possibly charged, for taking this photo...I am glad I did it. This kind of behaviour can not be forgiven or forgotten. (It's somewhere between 9/11 and the Alamo, in my opinion.)

Personally, I'm content with the knowledge that upwards of eight people may see this photo and know the true tale of what happened earlier today. In a perfect world, the asshat above would read this post and realize that she should sit up straight....the subway isn't your own personal gurney at the overeaters anonymous VIP lounge. Even better, I call on Councillor Adam Giambrone to ban her from the TTC. At least it would make her get out and walk somewhere. The good Lord knows she could use it.

(Sorry if that was mean....she really was deserving of the insults.)

Toronto the bland.....

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 00:08:00 +0000

Yeah, I don't really have anything good to say....just wanted to tally up the countries before it gets out of hand.

As of today, we can add Denmark, Morocco, Indonesia and Estonia to the mix.

By the way, did anyone happen to travel past Museum Station today on the Yonge University Spadina line? The renovations are finally done, and I must say - I'm a fan.

A travel mug full of gin will make you see crazy things on the morning commute...

I don't know who ponied up the cash for this, and I really don't care. It's little touches like this that make a pretty bland city like Toronto a bit more interesting. While we're at it, you can also consider me a fan of the OCAD Building, the new Crystal at the ROM and Toronto's post-modern masterpiece, Wild Wings on the Danforth.

It's very rare that you see design in this city stray away from the standard issue office tower/condo design du jour. If it continues, the downtown core is going to look extrodinarily dated in about 30 years.

Don't forget, the building above was also considered modern about 30 or 35 years ago. Looking at it now makes we want to move to a tent city somewhere far away....

Morrissey - pro-seal, anti-rural economy.

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 01:03:00 +0000

This just in....Morrissey is apparently pro-seal, anti-rural economy.

Morrissey Hates Canada, Loves Seals

OK, first off....why do I care? Morrissey, while once relevant, lost the title of "Best Lyracist" to Joel Plaskett about 10-12 years ago. So, really...Morrissey's opinion on anything should hold about as much weight as Sebastian Bach's. (editors note: We here at WWMRD would value Sebastian Bach's opinion on the seal hunt far more than Morrissey's.....at least he's Canadian.)

Apparently you can chunk out on just vegetables...

Is the seal hunt the new cause-du-jour ? It seems every washed up celebrity looking to get their name in the press has something bad to say about the seal cull in Canada, (more on this later.)

At last check, Harp Seals are by no means endangered...not even close. Local hunters are not killing off seals to the point of extinction, they seem to be following the quotas set out by the Canadian government. Have to assume that someone has calculated a reasonable cull per year...I don't think the government is that unreasonable to try an purposely push a species to the proverbial brink.

Now, don't get me wrong...I have no problem with people standing up for something (seals) which really can't stand up for themselves. As an example, I am all for saving Pandas...but at last check, aren't there like 2,000 of them left? There are MILLIONS of seals. Just like there are MILLIONS of chinchillas and chickens out there. I fail to see the issue with a reasonable annual hunt.

Is it the method in which they are killed? At last check, I would not care to have my head smashed with a hakapik either, but it's a lot better than being torn to shreds by hounds, purely for the entertainment of the noble set in England. At last check, Morrissey is not boycotting the UK. Yeah, yeah...the fox hunt is illegal, but guess what....there are still a lot more fox hunters than seal hunters. What? Not boycotting the United States either? What about that whole Iraq thing? For my money, I'd much rather take a swift, crushing blow to the head than the good times that go along with waterboarding.

Now, I really shouldn't knock Morrissey. Dude is a vegetarian, and would probably stick up for any animal, (that said, he used to wear a lot of leather.) He's a better man than I am...because if I was pulling in Smiths royalty cheques, I'd be eating foie gras twice a day. I don't agree with his views, but at least he sticks to them....and that is somewhat noble. What gets me is that it seems the timing of his tirade against Canada seems to be coincidentally lined up with the recent release of his greatest hits album.

So, maybe it's all just a cozy cause to get behind. Speaking out against Canada is kind of like picking on the small kid in your class. Really, what are we going to do about it? As per Wiki, here's a list of the "celebrities" who are anti-seal hunt:

Richard Dean Anderson
Charles Aznavour
Kim Basinger
Juliette Binoche
Sir Paul McCartney
Heather Mills
Mick Jagger
George Harrison
Pamela Anderson
Martin Sheen
Mogwai
Pierce Brosnan
Paris Hilton
Sara Quin
Loretta Swit
Robert Kennedy, Jr.
Rutger Hauer
Brigitte Bardot
John Paul DeJoria
Ed Begley, Jr.
Dave Foreman
Farley Mowat
Linda Blair
Berkeley Breathed
Rolf Harris
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Jet
The Vines
Hawthorne Heights
Pink
The Darkness
Good Charlotte

Who cares about anyone on this list? Not me. The only decent one of the bunch is Mogwai, and they hate everything. Call me once George Clooney gets involved.

Now, don't overestimate what I've just said. I'm an idiot, and I have about as much knowledge of the seal hunt as anyone mentioned in this piece. If anyone has a link to some anti-seal hunt research, done by a scientist who is biased one way or the other, send it my way as I'd be more than glad to read it.

Morrissey, if you want to rally against something that is going to better the world, at least do your best to bring down big tobacco, pollution or even human rights in many parts or the world. At least there is some upside for your fellow man there.

Awesome

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 01:15:00 +0000

I've got nothing to say. At all. Just wanted to give all yous an update on the countries that have reveled in WWMRD for the first time this week.

Iraq
Monaco
Iceland
Bermuda
Slovenia
Nigeria

Isn't that awesome? Speaking of being awesome, if you google the term "awesome" this is the first image returned:

And you know what? It is awesome.

If you ask the glorious Jeeves the same question, here's what he provides:

Fack me. And with that, we now know why Larry Page and Sergey Brin are richer than astronauts, and the guy behind Ask Jeeves is best known for being an "accomplished pilot".

Happy Easter and all of that. Will try to post something more when I am not drunk and not to mention, a fantasy baseball draft in under an hour....I'm thinking Jeff Kent is due for a career year.

Islands love me....

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 01:29:00 +0000

Another day, another couple countries added to the tally...

The kid on the left was looking some anti-Belichick content. He found it here.

Today, it was New Zealand and the Solomon Islands. Good people down there.

Well, other that just writing about the quest for world domination, I figure I should ad some actual content. Problem is, I really have nothing to write about. Nothing inspires me. Last fall's inevitable return to the 9-5, well...call it 8-6...has numbed my brain to the point where I can't even string together 300 words on the Bills offseason acquisitions.

Let's see what else sucks:

-TV, except for my new favourite show Manhunter on OLN.
-Commuting. Everyone should tune into Steve Holt's series on Toronto's finest here.
-Moving. Yes, I have to move this weekend. Not cool.
-Chris Bosh's bum knee.
-Record snowfalls.

Help us Matt Walsh....you're are only hope!

Yahtzee!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 00:04:00 +0000

So, after spending some time reviewing the list of required countries, I bet you thought to yourself, "No hits from China? That's effed." And you know what, you're right. Vegas had a hit from China paying just over even money....not at all a long shot. Through sheer luck, it's only a matter of time until one of those billion plus just happen to end up here.

Now, knowing that China was paying just over even money.....I hope one of you played the Qatar/Liechtenstein parlay today....because them shitz paid!!

Watch these number spike once Prince Hans-Adam II acquires a taste for Michelob Ultra.

Qatar and Liechtenstein in one day.....this is better than....ummm....Grease 2?

Holy fack....you countries are lazy.

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 02:05:00 +0000

What's wrong 67% of the planet? Do you not find me attractive anymore?

WWMRD is known for the dry skin on his chins.

Below, please see the list of the required countries. We now know that Afghanis are a bunch of flakes...but I have hope for the good people of Eritrea.

Afghanistan
Albania
Algeria
Andorra
Angola
Antigua and Barbuda
Armenia
Azerbaijan
Bahamas
Bahrain
Bangladesh
Belarus
Belize
Benin
Bhutan
Botswana
Brunei Darussalam
Bulgaria
Burma
Burundi
Cambodia
Cameroon
Cape Verde
Cayman Islands
Chad
China
Comoros
Costa Rica
Croatia
Cuba
Cyprus
Democratic Republic of the Congo
Denmark
Djibouti
Dominica
Dominican Republic
East Timor
Ecuador
El Salvador
Equatorial Guinea
Eritrea
Estonia
Ethiopia
Fiji
Gabon
Gambia
Georgia
Germany
Greenland
Grenada
Guinea
Guinea-Bissau
Guyana
Haiti
Honduras
Iceland
Indonesia
Iraq
Jamaica
Jordan
Kazakhstan
Kiribati
Kyrgyzstan
Laos
Lebanon
Lesotho
Liberia
Libya
Liechtenstein
Lithuania
Luxembourg
Macedonia
Madagascar
Malawi
Maldives
Mali
Malta
Marshall Islands
Mauritania
Micronesia
Moldova
Mongolia
Montenegro
Morocco
Mozambique
Namibia
Nauru
Nepal
New Zealand
Nicaragua
Niger
Nigeria
North Korea
Oman
Pakistan
Palau
Panama
Papua New Guinea
Paraguay
Peru
Qatar
Republic of the Congo
Russia
Rwanda
Saint Kitts and Nevis
Saint Lucia
Saint Vincent and the Grenadines
Samoa
San Marino
São Tome and Príncipe
Serbia
Seychelles
Sierra Leone
Slovenia
Solomon Islands
Somalia
Sri Lanka
Sudan
Suriname
Swaziland
Syria
Tajikistan
Tanzania
Togo
Tonga
Trinidad and Tobago
Tunisia
Turkmenistan
Tuvalu
Uganda
Uruguay
Uzbekistan
Vanuatu
Yemen
Zambia
Zimbabwe

Thanks for Nothing Afghanistan.....Hellloooooooooooooo Barbados.

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 03:17:00 +0000

Well...the past couple days have left us feeling like a certain P. Phillips on prom night with our rejection from the good people of Afghanistan. With that said, who effing cares! We have the Barbados picking up their slack!

Now batting for your 1983 Seattle Mariners.....Prime Minister David Thompson!

March 3rd presented WWMRD with a visitor from the Barbados! This leaves us with just 136 countries to go before we are successful in our quest for world domination.

The WWMRD Geography Challenge (or: How I Conquered the World Without Leaving the House)

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 14:41:00 +0000

Yeah yeah...I know I promised more posts in 2008. Seems that I am liar..... or am I?

For the past couple months, I have been holed up at WWMRD HQ, like a post-Rattle & Hum, pre-Achtung Baby U2. I had to go away and dream it all up again, (a line I stole from Bono....pretty sure Coldplay stole it as well.)

Anyway, WWMRD is back.....with the WWMRD Geography Challenge!

Since it's inception in July 2007, WWMRD has had visitors from 62 different countries. That leaves approximately 135 more countries than remain untouched by WWMRD. This needs to be rectified!

As of March 1, 2008 the map below details WWMRD's global reach.

As you can see - we're doing well in North America, South America and Europe. The rest of the globe....not so much.

Over the coming weeks and months, the goal is to have at least one visitor from all of the remaining countries. The list of countries has been compiled from wikipedia's listing of United Nations members, throwing in few extras like Taiwan and Greenland for good measure. Ultimately, the goal is to have the map above be covered in green.

How will I do this? Not really sure. I figure if I write about some stuff of interest in each of these local countries, I'm bound to snag a visitor. Who really knows though....

So, starting at the top.....we've got Afghanistan!

Hello Afghanistan! How are things? Are you excited for the coming Nauroz celebrations on the 21st of March? I hope you have a good time stuffing yourselves with kulcha Naurozee and playing your national sport of Buzkashi, as seen below:

Well, I'd better run! I'm off to listen to my collection or Farhad Darya records!

Regards,
WWMRD

I've failed you...

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 00:32:00 +0000

Team, I apologize. A return to work, and recent holiday season has lead to a certain level of flakiness with regards to my posting up here on the WWMRD. Flaky is putting it lightly. Irresponsible, unloving and mean. These would all be better words to describe my behaviour.

OK, apologies behind us....what's new? Well....not much. In fact, I have nothing to write about...that's why I am rambling. I figure I'm just going to fire up this post with short, quick tidbits. With 60% of WWMRD readers suffering from ADD, I figure I am doing most of you a service by keeping the points short.

Well...where to begin?

**Did anyone else realize that Color Me Badd was from Oklahoma City? That really doesn't make sense. Does it? I figured their fashion-foward sensibilities and hot sound, they MUST be from Miami or New York City. How do four guys (there were four, right?) from OK City form an R&B outfit? Nonsense.

**There are at least four movies I've seen at the theatre more than once. They are Hot Shots, Terminator 2, Dumb and Dumber & Little Nicky. Of the 15 people that saw Little Nicky, two of them were me.

**You should go to the World Wide Net Web, and pester Steve Holt for the recipe for his Coffee and Chile crusted Tenderloin with Chimichurri. It's without question amongst the three best meals I had in 2007. The other two are Sweetbreads with Red Wine Grits and Thyme Mushrooms at the Auld Spot, and the valhalla which was Mirazur. Oh wait, Riverdale Iron Chef was good too. Fack, that makes four.

**A morning commute on the TTC is one of the most horrible things in the world. As a rule, people are miserable....as they should be, they're on the way to work. The early morning must also make people retarded, as there is never a shortage of people who will attempt to defy physics by cramming themselves onto a subway car which is already at capacity. I'm looking at you Broadview Station. And to the person on my car this morning who chose to "cut the mustard," go f*ck yourself. Seriously. There is not a more inconsiderate thing you could do. If there was a way to determine who committed this crime, (other than the "thee who smelt it, dealt it" theorum. (Wait a sec, does that make me guilty?)) I would happily and rightfully punch them in the mouth.

**I saw Juno. Unlike everyone else, I just liked it....didn't love it. Excellent use of the term "junk", and a solid rip on the recent works of Sonic Youth....but some of the dialouge seemed a little forced. People don't really talk like that. Well, not anyone I know anyway.

**Is anyone else glad that Jim Rice didn't get elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame? No offense to Jim, but I'm sick of all things Boston....except the mashed potatoes at the Boston Market. I figured the Boston love-in of 2007 would have gotten him into the hall. Is this the first sign of a Boston backlash? This is the worst thing to happen to Boston since Bill Simmons started his podcast and the world realized his voice sounded like that of a 17 year old "dude".

**Has there ever been another crime where the the "victim" got high fives from every person he knows?

**What the hell is up with all the hipsters wearing PLO scarves? This is the worst fashion statement since Von Dutch anything. When I see people wearing these things, I just want to yell "get back on your ten speed and bring me some urgent documents!"

**British Sea Power's, "Do You Like Rock Music?" is the best album of 2008.....so far. I know it is not out yet, but I stole it from the internets. I'm not going to buy this album either. That said, I WILL definitely see them when the come to town...and there's a good chance I'll get drunk and buy a t-shirt. That puts more cash in the band's collective hand....and it wouldn't have been possible if I didn't "steal" their record.

**Frank D'Angelo remains a douche. I might get sued for saying that.

**Poison was a better band than Mötley Crüe.

**PVRs rule.

And on that note, the wife has an episode of "Ace of Cakes" cued up. Gotta run. I'll try to post more in 2008. This is my only resolution.

St. Ann, Missouri....my kinda town.

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 03:03:00 +0000

Tom Brady is NOT welcome at the Jack Rehagen Municipal Pool.

Let's set things straight....I don't really know a whole lot about "web logging". Apparently, some people do this for a living....which would be awesome, but that would involve somehow getting traffic, and generating revenue from said traffic. I don't know how to do this....don't really care to find out. Google Ads is good enough for me. I have been making upwards of $1 a month at WWMRD, and that's plenty....if you live in the third world.

That said, one "web logging" tool that I do enjoy is Google Analytics. It allows me to see how many visitors arrive daily on WWMRD, and how they got here. As you know, it's always fun to know your big in Japan. Mostly, I'm big in Etobicoke, (thanks Lindsey!).

Well, today I was checking out the old stat tracker and I noticed that I had a visitor from a wonderful place called St. Ann, Missouri. It wasn't the location that intrigued me, it was the choice of Google search term that lead this visitor to WWMRD. St. Ann's favourite son arrived on WWMRD by going to Google and searching for the term:

tom brady getting shot pictures

Are you kidding me? How awesome (and bizarre) is that.

Now, I don't condone murder...not even against members of the Pats - so don't get all worked up. I'm just amazed that somehow WWMRD has become an online resource for people in search of Tom Brady snuff media. Should I take this as a compliment? I'm not really sure.....

By the way, if the visitor in search of "tom brady getting shot pictures" is out there, please come back! Post some comments below! Inquiring minds want to know....what exactly were you looking for?

Alright - time for bed. My apologies for the lack of volume here at WWMRD lately. Ideally, come Monday AM, this will be the webs top resource for "Troy Polamalu snapping Tom Brady's leg" pics. (I said I didn't condone murder, but I am all about career-ending injuries.)

New England Patriots move atop BCS standings

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 03:10:00 +0000

By MIKE RENO, AP College Football Writer

November 18, 2007

NEW YORK (AP) - With college football fans not interested in a LSU-Kansas title game, the committee in charge of the Bowl Championship Series today moved the New England Patriots to the top of the BCS standings.

"While LSU deserves a spot in the National Championship game, we did not realize the University of Kansas had a football program. They kind of snuck up on us." said BCS spokesman Randy Hands. "At this time, we do not feel they are deserving of a shot at the title."

Without a worthy opponent available in the college ranks, the BCS has decided to award the New England Patriots with a BCS average of 1.000. This perfect ranking puts them into the title match, without having played a game against a NCAA opponent.

"They're so dreamy," said Hands. "we feel we'd be doing a disservice to Christians everywhere by not giving our lord and saviour Bill Belichick, a shot at the title."

Pats linebacker Tedy Bruschi welcomed the opportunity to play in New Orleans.

"Assured of a first round bye, we will be available to play on January 8th," Bruschi said. "and New Orleans is a great place to cheat on your wife with a tranny".

Tedy Bruschi displaying the evidence of his most recent encounter with a tranny.

Quarterback Tom Brady was a little less enthusiastic about the opportunity.

"I had planned on spending some time with family that week," commented the quarterback and recently-named successor to Pope Benedict XVI. "Oh no, not my son Craig, I will be with Giselle. What? His name's not Craig?"

As the Patriots have not had an opportunity to scout NCAA opponents this year, LSU head coach Les Miles has agreed to hand over his team's playbook for the final game.

"They were going to get the plays one way or another," said Miles. "This keeps Matt Estrella off our sidelines the next couple weeks. Estrella is such a fantastic videographer, his handiwork and flawless technique with the camera would be just too distracting for our guys."

BCS officials have stated that even though they have already decided to award the Patriots with the National Championship, the January 8th title game will be played out, "for shits and giggles."

With the game just over seven weeks away, oddsmakers have made the Patriots infinity point favourites.

Buffalo - you've got a job to do! The pay is not so good, (but it will look great on a resume)

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 02:29:00 +0000

Gisele Bündchen once dated the keyboard player from Honeymoon Suite.

When a visiting team comes to B-Lo, does anyone know where they stay? Anyone?

The luxurious Mansion on Delaware is far too small to hold the team, although maybe pretty boy and his current German-Brazilian beard stay there. (Side note: Is it just me, or is Gisele Bündchen aging badly? Seriously! I used to think she was foxy back in the day, but every time I see her now, I think she kind of looks like Steffi Graf. That’s not a compliment.) If they are staying there, I hope the ghost that haunts the fourth floor terrorizes them.

Actually, wait a sec....I know this....the rest of the team is staying at the Hyatt. I know this because Steve Holt over at WorldWideNetWeb stayed there last year and had a run in with LaDanian Tomlinson, a J-Lo tracksuit wearing Phil Rivers, and a piano player who was kind of racist. But as Hammy Hamster says, that’s another story….

To the good kids of Buffalo: I encourage you this coming Saturday, after a night of revelry on Chippewa Street, to make the short walk over to the Hyatt and raise hell. It will be fun - and for a good cause!

To make it real easy, I have presented some easy to follow steps:

1. Leave you bar of choice between the hours of 1 and 4am. The drunker the better.

2. Head over to Jim’s Steak-Out and grab a hoagie.

3. Walk up to the Hyatt. If someone who sort of looks like a hooker asks you for a light, BE CAREFUL! She will try to grab your package. This is fact.

4. Run Wild. Make lots of noise. Make sure the Pats don’t sleep a wink. There’s no security at the Hyatt…..and even if there is, do you think they’re going to care if you f*ck with the douchebag Pats? Not bloody likely.

5. If you happen to see Tedy Bruschi, kick him in the nuts. Then make a joke about people who suffer from roid-induced strokes.

Is this course of action offside? Hardly. If you check Facebook, you'd see that one Bill Belichick started a group prior to Week 3 that encouraged local fratboys to take time off from fantasizing about showering with Terry Francona to disrupt the travelling Bills. He also started a group encouraging people to commit adultery with chicks from Jersey who aren't that hot.

Would you pay this woman $30,000 a month to be your girlfriend? Belichick would.

So, there it is kids….I suppose this qualifies as a “call to arms”. If you go to UB, ECC or even D’Youville College – pass this message on to your friends and classmates. Everyone knows this is a far more worthy cause than any disease…including rabies.

A tribute to my final day of vacation....

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 13:25:00 +0000

After four months of relative leisure, I am back to the world of work on Monday. This is both fortunate and unfortunate, depends how you look at it. Fortunate in the sense that my creditors will no longer be out for blood...my blood. Unfortunate in the sense that working significantly cuts into leisure time.

What will happen to WWMRD? That remains to be seen. Updates may be sporadic at first, until I am comfortable enough to write text on company time. In the meantime, please enjoy the piece below entitled, "My Summer - Photos from a Telephone". It's loosely considered photojournalism...

Here's a photo of me, along with Bret Michaels, the charismatic frontman of the awesome band Poison. This was taken in the concourse down at the Rogers Centre. As everyone already knows, Poison rulez.

Even though she will deny it for life, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" was the "first dance" song at the wife and I's wedding this past summer. It doesn't really make much sense as a wedding song, mainly due to the fact it was written by Bret Michaels while lamenting his failed love affair with a stripper. A nice song nonetheless....

You will notice that I've protected my identity using an photoshop tool so airtight that not even a German cop could crack it! This technique was taught to me by one of my co-stars in "Road Trip II : Let's Thai One On!"

Contrary to what this sign says, WWMRD will never sell out. Now, would you please excuse me while I fetch myself an ice cold Pepsi. I quite thirsty from listening to XM Satellite Radio in my Ford Focus all morning.

Here's a photo snapped at a pre-season Leafs vs Sens game. It features some dude wearing a headband, along with his "way too hot for him" girlfriend. If the photo was of a bit better quality, I would have submitted it to Hot Chicks with Douchebags, (which is a wonderful website by the way....).

There's a chance this guy is actually the brother of Senators captain Daniel Alfredsson. It would explain how he got the great seats and hot girlfriend.

Memo to Henrik Alfreddson (or whatever this guy's name may be): Only one guy is cool enough to rock the headband on a weeknight. His name is Mike Reno...see the pictures at the top of this page.

This was taken from our balcony in Monterosso, Italy. The little animal is a rabbit. I'm not sure if it had a name, but if given the naming rights, I would have called it Italian Evel Knievel. Reason being that this wee bunny seemed completely unfazed as it enjoyed some foliage on the edge of a balcony 20-some-odd feet up.

Since this was in Italy, I assume this rabbit was eventually killed and eaten. I'm sure he would have tasted wonderful braised with a nice gremolata.

This photo was taken while sitting on a patio in Nice, France. The sign that lists the available menu options "Cocktails, Glacier" becomes much more awesome when there is a speaker in the way. Instead of "Cocktails, Glacier", it now seems to read "Cock Glacier".

I really don't know why I find that funny.....but if I ever start a band, you better believe we are calling ourselves "Cock Glacier".

This one is good ole Craven Cottage, home to Fulham FC. Nothing really to add here, except if you notice those small openings. Those are actually the gates where you enter the stadium. Each is approximately 16" wide, and will be cited as the main reason thousands of people die if there is ever a stampede or a fire at the Cottage.

If you look closely at the photo above, you will notice that one dart has actually pierced the dart thrown ahead of it. This kind of accuracy has not been seen since Jeremy Roenick in NHL '94 on the Sega Genesis....

And finally, the last photo. This was taken last night (November 1st) at the Real Canadian Superstore at Eglinton and Don Mills. Oh my - this savings of 0.154% is far too good to pass up! How will the Westsons continue to fund cultural projects in Canada and the UK when they are making such reckless cuts in revenue?? They'll never be able to buy themselves a place in the House of Lords now!!!

Orville Frank Mader joke of the day...

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 21:14:00 +0000

Q: What do Christopher Paul Neil and Orville Mader have in common?
A: They're both dirty pervs!! Probably both Canucks fans too.

It's not really a joke, more of an observation...

Genarlow Wilson vs Gary Bettman. One of them needs to be locked up...the other is named Genarlow.

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 16:39:00 +0000

The pending return to work has left me unable to think clearly. For those who wanted me to pound out a quick 1000 words on world affairs….it ain’t gonna happen. In lieu of anything good, I present some quick blurbs, as it is all I can muster up right now. I think I may have developed an adult version of Attention Defici….

Genarlow Wilson – what up with that?

What kind of world do we live in where Genarlow Wilson gets locked up and balding Bruce Wayne goes free?

By now, I assume most people have heard about the case of Wilson v. State of Georgia. If not, here’s the short version: Poor Genarlow Wilson was sentenced, (as a 17 year old) to 10 years in the clink for getting a hummer from a 15 year old girl. Ah, puppy love gone wrong.

Thankfully, after being locked up for two years, Genarlow was released after the Georgia Supreme Court voted 4-3 that his internment amounted to cruel and unusual punishment. No sh*t.

Personally, I'm glad that the foward-thinking state of Georgia came to its senses and freed Genarlow. What amazes me most about the whole thing is that people aren’t making a bigger deal out of the fact Genarlow Wilson’s lawyer is named “B.J.” That’s funny, funny stuff….

Gary Bettman remains a douche.

For Halloween, Gary dressed up as an owl. Wait, that's not a mask?

The Detroit Red Wings are good - and have been so for a long time. For that reason, I am going to assume that their GM, Ken Holland, is a smart guy. If Gary Bettman was a smart guy, he would have heeded Ken Holland’s advice for an expanded 84-game NHL schedule, which would feature a home-and-away game against every out of conference team.

That makes a little too much sense…doesn’t it? It would mean we get to see Jarome Iginla, Joe Thornton and Joe Sakic each and every year at the ACC. I much prefer this to seeing Chris Neil's ugly mug 20 times per season.

Gary Bettman, hockey genius, decided this was a bad idea and kiboshed the proposal straight away, even though it had the backing of a number of other GMs, not to mention hockey fans everywhere!

OK, Gary. If you’ve got a valid reason for canning this proposal, then fair enough…but it doesn’t seem like you do. Here’s a quote from the article:

“Sources say Bettman was not pleased with the way the NHL schedule was so hotly and openly contested by league executives last season and intends to keep a lid on public debate this year.”

Wow. I didn’t realize we lived in Burma. Open debate is bad thing, I guess.

It sounds like old Gary doesn’t like it when someone questions or challenges his game plan. He squashed the new schedule, just like he squashed Jim Balsillie’s attempt to move a team from a southern market to an actual hockey town. As long as Gary B. is around, the NHL will continue with its stupid schedule and teams in ridiculous places. Thanks for nothing Gary.

Well…that’s all I got for now. It’s a big day….Halloween, Raptors season opener, not to mention Bob Pollard’s 50th birthday. I’m going to celebrate by eating a Heath bar and washing it down with an ice cold Bud….all while wearing my Jose Calderon jersey.

As for you – you can read this:

The KSK Guide To Being An Insufferable A--hole S--thead F--kface Fan Of Boston-Area Sports Teams

It’s absolutely spot on….

The Next Great Rivalry - WWMRD speaks!

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 13:27:00 +0000

Afghani Sea World does not seem like a fun place at all....

If you've been keeping up on your required reading, there is no doubt you've read Steve Holt's throwdown over at WorldWideNetWeb. Yes...this weekend is the first annual East Toronto Iron Chef Challenge. It's shaping up to be legendary.

Strange Mr. Holt would refer to the events of 10/27 as a 'rivalry'? Wouldn't a 'rivalry' somehow imply that each team has a chance of winning? This is more of a mercy killing and my team will be playing the role of Michael Schiavo.

Actually, let’s leave the Schiavos out of this. For ease of discussion, let us refer to Steve Holt's team as the “Dolphins”. I do this because:

1. One team member runs a web journal with a teal background and sort of looks like Larry Csonka.
2. Another team member once owned a Zubaz Miami Dolphins hat in 9th grade.
3. The final team member works for a pizza chain which actually serves dolphin on their pizzas. For shame.

So, yeah....this isn't 1972, (although, if you looked at the lapels on Steve Holt’s jackets, you could be convinced otherwise). In 2007, being called the Dolphins is not a compliment. It’s pretty much on par with being called an “enemy combantant” or “Christopher Paul Neil”.

Since Holt’s team is going with “Dolphins”, there’s only one logical name for our team. We are the "Awesome Tuna Fleet”.

Why will the Awesome Tuna Fleet prevail this Saturday?

1. Age is on our side. The Dolphins have an average age on the north side of 30. The average age of the Awesome Tuna Fleet comes in under 30. Everyone knows that at 30, you become useless and decrepit. Except for me - I remain awesome.

2. No Cookbooks. Wow, the Dolphins really shot themselves in the foot by insisting on this rule. I guess this means they won’t be able to go to their old standby – the works of Rachael Ray. Without her inspiration, the best we can hope for from the Fins is buttered bread.

3. Babies. Each of the Dolphins has a baby daughter. The Awesome Tuna Fleet are untethered by the constraints of these little poop machines. While we are enjoying a peaceful 12 hours of sleep on Friday night, the Dolphins will be up changing diapers and singing nonsensical lullabies. Let's just hope they wash their hands before entering kitchen stadium.

So, it’s settled. The Awesome Tuna Fleet will win handily. We’ll go along with this event because it will be fun to see Steve Holt trying to squeeze into the chefs jacket he borrowed from Mario Batali. Good thing there’ll be lots of butter around.

What do Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Elmer Fudd have in common?

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:37:00 +0000

Dude....that's pretty gay.

I have a conspiracy theory. Want to hear it?? Good…I thought so.

As everyone knows, the world is just a puppet show with the strings pulled by members of the Bilderberg Group. They call the shots on everything from “who’s going to win the Superbowl” to “which third world bus is going to crash into a ravine this week”. With TV culture and celebrity obsession reaching a fever pitch, I believe that the Bilderbergs now have ex-TV writers plotting the script which is world politics. More specifically, they’ve hired ex-cartoon writers!

Here’s a fact - there are not as many cartoons on TV as there used to be. I grew up in an era of Saturday mornings filled with five solid hours of cartoons on every network. Once cartoons were done, rasslin’ came on. It was a nice little Saturday. Nowadays, it seems that Saturday morning television is filled with infomercials and other nonsense.

So, what happened to all the people who used to write the scripts for The Smurfs, Snorks and Scoobie Doo?! They were all offered princely sums of money to go write scripts for the Bilderbergs. The shortage of cartoon writers has lead to the proliferation of shows like “Hannah Montana” and “That’s So Raven”. These shows did not require cartoon writers, and could be put together by all the out-of-work sitcom writers.

Still don’t believe me? Then explain to me why every world leader who is perceived as an enemy by the west kind of seems like a cartoon character? Come on….is anyone actually scared of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or Kim Jong-il? At best, they could be described as “dastardly”. The only threat they pose is as the holder of nuclear weapons, which are not unlike Gargamel’s magnet that only attracted things that were blue. At the end of the day, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong-il and Elmer Fudd are cute little buggers who make us love to hate them. Nothing less, nothing more.

What? You still don’t believe me? Well then you should consider this: Hanna-Barbera, arguably the greatest cartoon studio of all time, was purchased by Turner Broadcasting in 1991. Ted Turner is a long time Bilderberg attendee. If that's not a smoking gun, I don't know what is!

Case closed!

Mirazur - Great Restaurant or the Greatest Restaurant?

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 19:22:00 +0000

Well, here comes a new feature on WWMRD....restaurant review!

Myself and wife just got back from our honeymoon in the UK, France and Italy. Considering how much we ate, we're lucky to have not put on 20 to 30 pounds (each). I assume this has to do with the fact we were smoking at a Dice Clay-ian pace. Actually, we weren’t….but it would have been cool/sophisticated if we were.

Anyway, I like restaurants, but I am not really the type to write about them, (I leave that to people who know how to write properly…most of my adjectives are swear words). I prefer to rant about how much my stable of sports teams sucks….so this is a nice, little change of pace. The restaurant to be discussed today is called Mirazur, and is located in Menton, France. The short review is this: Best meal I’ve ever had! For the long review, see below.

First things first – If you are taking the train to Mirazur, get off at the Menton Garavan stop….not the main Menton train station. Mirazur is about a 10 minute walk from the Garavan stop, but closer to 45 minutes from the main stop. Less walking is better.

We hiked up the hill towards the restaurant, and I must say I was somewhat nervous about our pending arrival to the fancy, Michelin-rated establishment. Would they kick me out straight away for looking like a homeless guy? Thankfully, they did not. Upon arrival, we were warmly greeted by Guillaume Mantis…a guy who could be described as both ‘classy’ and ‘slick’. I was somewhat worried that my wife would want to leave me for him….and to be honest, I wouldn’t have really blamed her.

After admiring the stunning view for a while, we opted for the 9 course Menu Dégustation….which at 75€ may be the best bargain since Matt Stairs. Before the first course arrived, we ordered some champagne and were provided with some amuse bouche.

From right to left:

-Olive oil and honey, infused with CO2. Effectively, these are gourmet pop rocks.
-Ricotta with some flowers from the garden and little pieces of citrus. The texture of the citrus was almost like caviar, but it was not. Who knows…I could be wrong….but I think it was grapefruit.
-Duck breast with cream and oil.
-Cucumber and mint soup.

At this point, I was fairly certain we were in for quite a meal.

1st Course – Oeuf de poule cuit à basse temperature (Ogre perlé aux algues fraiches)

This was an egg, poached a low temperature for 35 minutes. It was served on top of barley along with seaweed and salt. The grain was cooked so it retained a lot of its texture, which was nice. I imagine this type of classy breakfast is what rich people eat every day.

2nd Course - Velouté de pomme de terre Vitelotte (Espuma au café de Columbie)

A creamy potato soup made with Vitelotte potatoes. (Vitelottes are purple, and somewhat sweet). This soup was topped with a foam flavoured with coffee. Of course, this tasted wonderful…but my favourite part of this dish was the different temperature of each layer. The cool foam on top seemed to somehow insulate the warm soup underneath. The temperature of the soup came as a surprise, not unlike finding a warm spot in a public swimming pool.

3rd Course - Jardin d'automne (Légumes cuits et crus dans un boullon au parmesan)

A bowl of seven different types of vegetables from their garden. On top of this a bouillon flavoured with parmigiano reggiano. A classy cheese and vegetable soup.

4th Course - Oursin de Méditerranée (Sauce pimenté et émulsion d'amandes)

Awesome….sea urchin. I was quite looking forward to this course, as I am a big fan of uni whenever I go for sushi. It’s strange that something so ugly and scary looking can turn out to be possibly the best tasting food in the world. They’re a bit like the Pittsburgh Pirates of the mid-70s…..great team, horrible uniforms. This was served in the shell, along with a slightly spicy sauce and an almond emulsion.

5th Course - Foie gras des Landes grillé (Mousseline de betterave et citron de notre jardin)

Grilled foie gras. ‘Nuff said. The side off lemon and beet is a seemingly simple sweet and sour combo that I wish I had thought of myself. I can’t believe some politicians have moved to ban the sale and production of foie gras. It makes about as much sense as banning stem cell research! (Oh wait…politicians aren’t cool with that either?!!?) I maintain that any animal rights activist would ram the funnel down the duck/goose’s throat themselves if they ever actually gave up their all grain diet and tried some foie gras. Did I say that sea urchin was the best food in the world? I might have meant foie gras.

6th Course - Poisson de la pèche locale (Oseille sauvage et sauce fumée)

Some kind of local white fish served with foamy sauce of smoked fish and clams. I’ve occasionally cooked fish and thought to myself, “wow…that turned out well”. I now know that I wasn’t even close. This fish was cooked PERFECTLY….I don’t know of any other way to describe it. It seemed to be poached, but I could be wrong.

7th Course - Souris d'agneau de Sisteron (Risotto à la menthe de marées)

Lamb, cooked for 30 hours and served with mint risotto. Again…it was pretty much perfect, (seems to be a running theme here).

8th Course - Pré-dessert

Any restaurant that serves a dessert appetizer is OK with me. For this course, we had a pineapple sorbet, along with a mousse flavoured with some kind of flower, and a nettle jelly. This is much fancier than most desserts I have…..because to be honest, I normally have Oreo ice cream.

9th Course – Dessert

Ice cream along with a chocolate truffle and hazelnut pralines…..served on a bed of shaved coco. Is there any point telling you how awesome this was, or is that just being redundant?

Bonus Course – Coffee and more dessert!

Along with our coffees, we were served a selection of home made sweets. From right to left:

-Lemon custard on shortbread
-Chocolate something. They looked like cookies, but had the taste and texture of marshmallows.
-Muffin with a dried cherry.
-White chocolate containing a dried apricot, a hazelnut and a pistachio. (My favourite)
-Some kind of chewy chocolate cookie with nuts

3+ hours later – we were finally done. I really could have stayed and started the whole process over again…but that would just be gluttonous, (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I had mixed feelings about finding out the chef, Mauro Colagreco, was actually younger than me. On one hand, it will be fun to say in 20 years that we ate at Mirazur way back when – at that time I would expect Colagreco to have multiple accolades and charging a small ransom for his food. On the other hand, it makes me feel old and useless.

Here are the details for Mirazur:

30, avenue Aristide Briand
Menton, France.
Phone: +33 (0)4-92-41-86-86.
Web Site: www.mirazur.fr

I would HIGHLY recommend this place to anyone who finds themselves in Southern France or Northern Italy. Definitely worth the trip. The fact that it’s on the main rail line along the Cote D’Azur makes it very easy to get to. You really don’t have any excuse not to go here….

Christopher Paul Neil - EXPOSED!

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 11:16:00 +0000

After a three week hiatus, WWMRD is back!!!

A lot of people have been asking me, “Hey – Where are you? We’ve come to rely on our daily fix of WWMRD and you have let us down. What gives?”

I have been forced to tell everyone that I was on my honeymoon in Europe, when in fact I was deep in the jungles of SE Asia, tracking down the notorious perv Christopher Paul Neil. Once Thai authorities were finally able to bag him, I’ve been allowed to return home.

As a service to WWMRD’s readers, I’m able to show you two very recent photos of Mr. Neil. The first shows him being lead into the courtroom with his face covered in a blue towel. The second shows him with said towel removed.

The second photo is very, very disturbing. Christopher Paul Neil displays all the tell-tale trademarks of a sexual predator:

1. Ginger hair.
2. Goofy smile.
3. Listens to a lot of Gary Glitter.

[note – almost all predators listen to Gary Glitter. Apparently, he’s a bit of a folk hero in the perv scene. The tradition of playing Glitter’s "Rock and Roll Part 2" at NHL games got it’s start at Maple Leaf Gardens in the 1970s….around the same time Gordon Stuckless was put in charge of working the PA at Leafs games.]

Some might think that finding someone matching this description would be simple - as you would think he’d stand out in a crowd anywhere in Thailand. This was not the case, as in fact there are boatloads of creepy looking predators in Thailand. Most of them looked like this guy:

We were able to track him down because he was the only one of these guys who was wearing a Larry Walker jersey. Hopefully this incident does not soil the good name of Maple Ridge, BC forever. The ghost of Greg Moore weeps.

So there you have it….we got our man. I’m glad to be back home, because after three weeks of heavy usage of the terms “Bangkok” and “Interpol” (which kind of sounds like “enter pole”), I’m all giggled out.

Good readers do not worry. WWMRD is back online. I will have an update on my “real” honeymoon later today…or maybe tomorrow…or Monday. God bless.

I need a new passtime...

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 15:11:00 +0000

I'm replacing sports with another variety of self-torture. More clean-up, but at least I'll save a few bucks on jerseys.

It's Tuesday....mid-morning...and I am too hungover to put thought into anything. My apologies to the good readers of WWMRD if none of this makes any sense.

I did end up watching some of the Bills game this past weekend. I didn't plan on it, but as soon as I saw that Trent Edwards was in the game, I felt obligated. I shouldn't have bothered. Shortly after I turned the TV on, Paul Posluszny broke his forearm. As Steve Holt noted, with this season shaping up to be the worst since 2001, there was still some entertainment in watching Poz and Marshawn Lynch develop into Pro-Bowlers. With Poz out, games are 50% less fun to watch. If, god-forbid, Marshawn were to get hurt, I might stop watching football entirely. I might as well just get one of those spiked leg belt things like the albino guy in The Da Vinci Code had...it is effectively what I do to myself every week anyways.

MuchMoreMusic is on the TV, and I can't find the remote. I have no idea if this video is new or not, but Satana has a new song featuring Chad Kroeger of Nickelback fame. This might be the worst song I have ever heard. The video doesn't help either. They're rocking out on top of a hotel in what appears to be Los Angeles. What the eff? Hasn't this video been made 200 times? The highlight of the video may be the fact that Chad's had his hair straightened and cut into a bob. I guess he's got the same stylist as Posh Spice.

If elected, Howard Hampton plans to ban the lastest video by Michaëlle Jean and her band.

I'm calling for a ban on all videos which feature a band playing on a roof. If the NDP can promise this, they've got my vote. Even with the Green Party promising 6 statutory holidays, and the PCs proposing beer and wine in corner stores, I think this is a more valuable cause....

Let’s get ready to rummblllllleeeeeee…..from the coommmfooorrrrrrrrrttttttt of our desk chaaaiiiirrrrsssss!

noreply@blogger.com (Marty) — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 17:52:00 +0000

Tough and handsome....a leathal combination.

With workplaces everywhere blocking all that is good on the internet, there has been a void in the net-based gaming industry. The world required a game that can be played interactively, yet remotely….without any trouble from those pesky firewalls.

A few months ago, some of the world’s great minds came together to create a game which can be played via email, from the comfort of your own home, or office, or home office (if you happen to be so blessed). It was sort of like the Manhattan Project, but with the goal of defeating workplace boredom, rather than the Axis powers of WWII.

The game does not have a name, but if it did it would probably be something like “My Birthday Can Beat Up Your Birthday”.

The rules are simple.

1. Think about what your birthday is…write it down if need be.
2. Look to the internet and find the three toughest people born on your birthday.
3. Let your team of three battle it out with other teams of three, toughest day wins.

This is not as easy as it sounds. Quite often you will find that Wikipedia will provide you with a couple tough people with whom you share a birthday, but you lack that third team member to really bring it together. For this, I would suggest scanning NHL and/or NFL rosters, as many players aren’t famous enough to get themselves listed in Wikipedia.

Remember – this fight does not occur in the present, therefore each of your team members can be thought of as at their physical peak. If you’re lucky enough to be born on the same day as Louis Cyr, by all means include him in your squad.

You must also remember that soccer and basketball players are not tough. They may be athletes, but they’re not going to win any fights. There are some exceptions in basketball, such as Charles Oakley, Anthony Mason or possibly Xavier McDaniel. There are no such exemptions is soccer.

To get you started, I will provide you with my team of three…we call ourselves “March 31st”

1. Jack Johnson aka “The Galveston Giant" – American boxing legend
2. Gordie Howe – scary tough…loves to throw elbows.
3. Naoya Ogawa – the internet claims he is the toughest man in Japan. Not sure what he’s all about, but he is 6’4”, 254 lb.

We really drop off after that, (Herb Alpert is 4th toughest), but not a big deal, as each team only requires three members. I haven’t done too much research, but I think that’s a team that could go toe-to-toe with any date on the calendar.

If you think you’ve got a team that can take on March 31st, feel free to post it the comments section. (Pat – refer to the guidelines above before you include Greg Oden on your team. Luckily, you do have Jason Peters to pick up the slack.)

Stay safe and have fun!