Life through My Eyes

2026 — what is coming, I guess I am ready.

2026-01-16T11:20:00.005+08:00

2025 feels so fast. But then again, I say this every year.

Still, when I pause and really think about it, 2025 was full in ways I didn’t expect. I crossed a new boundary last year, one that I honestly never thought I was capable of. Being in Perth pushed me, especially socially. I showed up to events, some by instruction, some by choice. I learned that growth often begins with discomfort and confidence is something you build by doing, not waiting.

Work in 2025 gave me space to contribute beyond my comfort zone. Collaborations, engagements and relationships slowly took shape. November stood out — helping to introduce the first Malaysia festival in Perth, Journey to Malaysia, felt surreal. At the same time, being involved with Malaysia Fest in Sydney and Colours of Malaysia in Melbourne reminded me how meaningful it is to see ideas turn into something real, shared and celebrated.

I travelled a lot. So much that, at one point, dates and time zones no longer mattered. What mattered was being present, arriving on time and delivering what was expected. Movement became normal. Stillness became something I learned to appreciate only when it appeared.

And now, 2026 is here.

This year somehow feels the same as any other day. Quiet. Normal. Less about proving and more about understanding. I feel like I’m entering 2026 with better awareness of my limits, my strengths and the pace that truly works for me. I’ve learned that not everything needs to be rushed and not every opportunity needs to be taken at once.

I hope time will allow me to work with more clarity, manage my energy better and build relationships that are not just wide, but deep.

I may not know everything that’s coming.

But I’m ready to walk into it.

P.S. Finally, I visited Paris and it really was magical.

Muafakat Games 2025 — A Quiet Reflection Before Leaving Brisbane

2025-08-03T17:20:00.003+08:00

Here I am again, sitting at the airport. The same familiar pause before boarding: tired legs, full heart and a mind that’s still playing catch-up with everything that just happened.

Muafakat Games 2025 has just wrapped up in Brisbane. This was my first time joining and facilitating the event and truthfully, I didn’t know exactly what to expect. I have attended many student programmes before but this one had a different kind of energy; one that felt a lot more personal.

From the moment I arrived, it was clear that this wasn’t just another sports carnival. It was a full-blown student-led movement with structure, heart and momentum. Malaysian students from all over Australia came together with a shared purpose: to play, to lead, to support and to connect. And they did all that and more.

I had the privilege of witnessing it all up close, the preparation, the stress, the early mornings and late nights and that feeling of “eh kita boleh buat ni sebenarnya” that quietly spread among the team.

I have to say, credit goes where credit’s due.

Dr Fahmi, Director of Education Malaysia Australia, gave space for this event to breathe. His trust in the students and his understanding of how important leadership opportunities are for their growth, really shaped how the whole thing unfolded. That kind of trust isn’t always easy to give but it makes a difference when it’s there.

To Hawa, thank you for being the quiet engine behind so much of what got done. You were dependable, thoughtful and always ready to pick up the slack without ever needing the spotlight. People like you keep things moving forward, even when it’s tough. And to Kak Dayang, your warmth and presence made a real difference. You brought heart into every interaction and your care didn’t go unnoticed. Sometimes just knowing someone like you is in the room makes everything feel a bit more grounded.

To Mr Razin, the student advisor. Calm, efficient and quietly in control. I think a lot of people don’t realise how important that kind of steady presence is — but I saw it and I appreciated it. He did the job and he did it well.

As for me, I helped where I could. But honestly, I learnt more than I gave. I was reminded again that sometimes our role isn’t to lead every moment, but to listen, to support and to make sure others have the room to shine. I saw students stepping up in ways they probably didn’t expect from themselves. I saw mistakes turn into lessons. I saw growth in real time.

It reminded me of my early teaching days when my Year 6 students were about to sit for UPSR and I couldn’t bring myself to tell them I was leaving for the UK. I just wanted them to focus, to finish well. Sometimes, the best support is quiet. The best leadership is invisible.

To all the students who made Muafakat Games 2025 happen:

I hope you remember this week not just for the games or the medals, but for how it made you feel. The pride. The exhaustion. The small wins and the hard decisions. That’s where the growth is. That’s what stays.

I leave Brisbane with tired shoulders, a bit of a sore throat and a heart that’s quietly full.

I’m heading back to Perth soon. Meetings are already waiting, emails piling up as usual. But I’ll carry this one with me for a while.

p/s: Brisbane is amazing city!

Reflections in Transit

2025-07-02T21:08:00.002+08:00

Here I am again, sitting at the airport. It feels like a familiar scene by now. Whether I believe it or not, I was posted here at the end of September 2024, and now it is already the end of June 2025 which means I have been in Perth for about nine months.

In that period, I have travelled back and forth to Sydney more times than I ever expected. I genuinely thought I would not need to move around this much, that I could simply settle into one place and build my rhythm there. However, the nature of this role continues to demand that I am present in more places than I initially planned for and in ways I did not quite anticipate.

The past few weeks have been intense. There has been a constant stream of events to manage, people to lead and countless responsibilities to navigate whether in the diplomatic sense or from an educational perspective. It has tested me on many levels. Sometimes pushing me far beyond my comfort zone.

What I am realising, while juggling all these pieces, is how much I am learning about myself. I have discovered new layers of my own capability, resilience and adaptability. There have been moments when I genuinely doubted whether I could manage everything, yet somehow I did and that matters. It makes me wonder what else I might be able to take on in the future and what opportunities might lie ahead.

Dr. Kit came to stay with me in Perth for a quick seven weeks and during that time we managed to explore many places across Western Australia and even made a trip to Sydney together. While in Sydney, we met Dr. Sarah and her family, who was one of Dr. Kit’s former students. Dr. Kit also contributed meaningfully to several education events along the way and had the chance to meet some of my colleagues and friends, which made the experience even more memorable.

For now, I am reminding myself to appreciate what is here in front of me, to stay present while still allowing my mind to explore what could come next. Airports have a way of making me pause and reflect, of reminding me how far I have come, how far I still wish to go an

d how life will continue moving forward whether I feel ready or not.

P.S. Missing home but also missing the people along the way.

Resetting the Mind, One Step at a Time

2025-05-04T21:14:00.008+08:00

This week, I have just been trying to ease myself back into routine, mentally and physically after spending a short week at home in Malaysia. Funny how I did not realise how much I actually missed home until I was already back here in Perth. It was not a long trip but it was important. It reminded me of the kind of comfort that no other place can quite offer.

Since coming back, I have been picking up my walking habit again, early mornings and later in the evening. Nothing ambitious, just some quiet time to collect myself.

Then something unexpected happened over the weekend.

I was walking near Ascot Waters, same route I have passed so many times. But this time, out of nowhere, I spotted a dolphin. A dolphin! Just swimming around near the boats, close to the flats. It looked like it had lost its way, maybe strayed from the ocean, but there it was. Playfully circling in this strange, quiet part of the river.

It was surreal. So close, so real. I just stood there and watched. For a moment, the world paused. It felt like magic.

Maybe that is what I needed, a quiet reminder that even in all this adjusting and readjusting, there is still wonder around me. I just have to keep looking.

And yes, there is quite a bit to plan for the coming month. Things are picking up again and I really hope everything will fall into place smoothly.

P.S. I really need to focus on writing a bit more. That is on me.

Balik Kampung: Perth to Malaysia and Back

2025-04-27T22:36:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you don’t realize how far you’ve gone until you come home.

On the flight back to Perth now. I feel sad. I don’t know how to explain it properly. It’s a different kind of sadness this time.

I’ve traveled before. But working and living in Perth, it hits differently. Maybe it’s because I feel… older. Maybe it’s seeing my parents getting older. Maybe it’s just life moving forward.

The life I have in Perth, somehow, makes me feel like I’ve been leaving them for too long. When I meet everyone again, things are not the same. Maybe I’m not the same either.

But being home is always good. I had some time to catch up with my family which are my mom, my brothers and sisters. Mom looks sad. Maybe she feels the time too.

Managed to meet my teenage best friend, Rohaizat. And my closest friends Saiful, Hazman and a few more familiar faces. Felt like old times… but at the same time, not really.

One thing I really needed to do was to visit our old house. I went through some of my old stuff.nBoxes from so many chapters of my life: PTD training days, Kampung Kenang, studying in the UK, IPG years and a lot more.

It felt weird. Like, all those memories were just… sitting there, waiting. I kept so much. Too much maybe.

And maybe… it’s about time to let some of it go.bNot because I want to forget but because I need to make space for what’s coming next.

Balik kampung always reminds me of where I come from will always be part of me. But life, somehow, keeps asking us to keep moving.

And I guess… that’s okay.

P.S: Thank you Mak, Abah, Nasier and Hamidah, Anas and little baby El for sending me off at the airport today. Small moments like these mean more to me than I can ever say.

Six Months in Perth: Time, Challenges and Small Victories

2025-04-05T22:35:00.001+08:00

Believe it or not, it has been six months since I was posted to Perth, Australia. Time really moves fast, sometimes too fast and it still feels surreal. There are moments when I just stop and wonder if any of this is actually happening. But I guess that’s just how I process things sometimes.

What’s crazy this time around is how fast I’ve been learning. I mean, I’ve always said that I pick things up quickly but this time it feels like I’ve been on some kind of accelerated mode. It’s not just about learning new systems or routines, it’s about absorbing the culture, the rhythm of life here, the expectations and everything in between.

The real challenge though isn’t just the learning part. It’s about staying motivated to keep planning, to keep discovering, to manage time wisely, to think ahead and honestly to manage my own emotions and feelings. That’s a whole job on its own.

And now that it’s Ramadan, I realise that managing Ramadan in Perth is actually one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced so far. When I first arrived, I heard about the ongoing struggles with organising 30 days of iftar at Malaysia Hall. It sounded exhausting just thinking about it. So early on, I decided to take a different approach, one that would hopefully change the landscape a little.

I suggested the idea of forming a new kind of community, one that could unite both the Muslim community in Perth and the student community here. Alhamdulillah, it worked. They managed to establish a new group called MUSSWA: Malaysian Ummah and Student Society of Western Australia and together they’ve done an incredible job managing Ramadan at Malaysia Hall. From iftar to tarawih, everything has been handled with care, sincerity and teamwork.

One of the best things that came out of it was the opportunity to bring in religious officers from Malaysia not just to Perth, but also to our Malaysia Halls in Melbourne and Sydney. They’ve helped lead tarawih prayers and supported other Islamic activities around Malaysia Hall, creating a meaningful environment for both students and the local community. And honestly, it was beautiful to see.

Over the past six months, I’ve faced quite a few uphill battles, especially when it comes to managing Malaysia Hall. There’s still so much to be done. And I’m not going to lie, sometimes it gets overwhelming just thinking about it.

On top of that, there’s the responsibility of handling student bodies in Perth and across Western Australia. And then there’s the unspoken part: managing people’s expectations. That’s a big one. Because no matter how much you do, there will always be this quiet pressure that you should do more, be more, deliver more. And yeah, sometimes I want to. But I can’t make things happen like magic. That’s just not how the world works.

I believe in giving things time. I know I’ve done my part the best I can within these six months. But I also reflect a lot. And in typical me fashion, I tend to dwell more on the things I haven’t done, instead of celebrating the things I have achieved. Maybe that’s just how I keep pushing myself. Or maybe that’s something I need to work on too.

PS: But yeah. That’s where I’m at right now. Still moving, still figuring things out. And still learning, always.

Beginning of 2025

2025-01-03T22:30:00.002+08:00

Wow, it’s already 2025. Out of nowhere, I think. I came to Perth in September, and since then, everything has been moving very, very fast. I’ve learned so much—new things, in a different country, and in the diplomatic world, especially focusing on education. The pace felt so fast before, but towards the end of the year, and now, early this year, I finally have a bit of time to reflect and think about what I’ve learned.

Here are three main things that I’ve realized from this experience, especially in 2024, as I move into the new year:

• Planning is crucial.

Planning is such an important tool. It sounds simple—everyone says, “Plan,” but do you actually do it? Do you write down what will happen for the event you want to organize, or for your life, daily routines, or bigger goals? Do you take a step back and see things from a helicopter view? Being here made me realize how essential planning is and how much better things flow when you really commit to it.

• Time moves so fast.

I mean, we all know this, but sometimes it feels like 24 hours is just never enough. Every blink of an eye, things keep moving. That’s why it’s so important to stay aware of what you’re doing. At the same time, it’s also a reminder not to waste time focusing on failures or negativity. Dwelling on those things doesn’t help. Instead, the best use of time is finding solutions and moving forward.

• Building relationships and trust takes effort.

Whether it’s with family, friends, colleagues, or even people you’ve just met, trust is the most important thing. But trust isn’t something you build once and then forget about. It’s a constant process, even with people you’ve known for many, many years. Relationships need nurturing, care, and effort, no matter how strong they already seem.

That’s all. I’m very glad that 2025 has already arrived. I feel excited to see what this year will bring, especially experiencing more in Perth. Hopefully, I’ll be able to achieve my plans, manage my time well, and build the right relationships along the way.

P.S. Perth is cool and simple.

More than 2 months in Perth

2024-12-20T22:28:00.005+08:00

It has been more than two months now since I arrived in Perth, Australia. Time really flies. Working with Education Malaysia Australia (EMA) has really made me see myself in a different light. Honestly, I did not expect this experience to be just about learning the culture here in Perth, but I also got the chance to travel to other places. I have been to Sydney, Brisbane, and Melbourne, and every place had its own story and lessons.

What is really surprising is how much I have been able to push myself. I have stepped out of my comfort zone in so many ways. Socially, I have been able to connect with people naturally, deliver messages confidently, and just be present. These are things I was not so sure I could do before, but now they feel almost second nature.

One of the best parts of this journey has been working with students directly. In Perth, I have had the chance to guide and support Malaysian students here. But what is even more exciting is when I travelled to Sydney, Brisbane, and Melbourne—I got to meet student leaders and students from other states as well. It is interesting to see how they grow in their own unique environments. The great thing is, no matter where they are, they carry that strong sense of being Malaysian. They thrive in multicultural and multireligious settings, and it is inspiring to witness.

Another incredible experience was visiting universities—not just in Western Australia but in other states too. These visits opened my eyes to how the higher education system works here. It is important because when you want to support and connect with students, you also need to understand the system they are navigating. By learning more about these institutions, I feel more equipped to help and guide the students better.

What is even more exciting is the vision of my director—to create programs that bring students together across states and even across the country. Whether it is playing sports, having leadership workshops, or just connecting through shared experiences, I believe it can really open their minds. It helps them step out of rigid perspectives and embrace new ideas.

It has been a journey of growth—not just for the students but for me too. And I am excited to see what is next because this is just the beginning.

PS: Detect; Protect = Perfect

Malaysia Tanah Air Tercinta

2024-09-22T21:40:00.002+08:00

Another journey to Wales

2024-08-15T18:30:00.002+08:00

Isn’t it amazing to learn and understand a culture other than the one that we are used to? I am so glad that this time around I a wonderful sweet time with Dr Kit and family to spend more time learning about the Welsh culture.

I travelled to the UK this time to say goodbye before starting my new adventure in Australia. To be honest I am very nervous thinking what is coming next in the chapter of my professional life. As much as you think you have experienced a lot, still inside of me, I am still that Hafiz - the same one that I know.

I managed to get 10 days off from work and travelled to the UK from 27 July 2024 to 5 August 2024. Dr Kit is such an important role model for me. I am sometimes jealous of how he manages to keep motivating himself to do so many new things. He’s been teaching, consulting, marking, social care and now he is about to be a magistrate! Isn’t it amazing? Me? The only thing I am good at is to doubting myself the whole time! (haha)

We spent time in South Wales this time, from venturing in the beauty of the beach in Monk Nash Point up to reminiscing about the time we had in Cardiff Bay. I even had some time in Caerphilly this time - interesting town with the largest castle ever!

The best was the visit to Breacon Agricultural Show 2024 where I had the chance to see and experience agricultural life in South Wales. Looking at the farm animals, watching local competitions for baking, decorating sandwiches and many more. The moment they started the motorbike show and the parachute- that just stole all the attention! Amazing to spend a summer in Wales.

Ooo not to forget that I also went to the National Eisteddfod in Pontypridd. Amazing event organisation from the car park up to the simultaneous events that happened. I was amazed by the level of commitment given by the community to make it successful. Some people come for the experience of enjoying the event, some come for the competition and some come to support their family and friends.

With so many world issues that are arising lately, I am happy and thankful to be surrounded by so many loving and caring people.

Ps: enjoying watching the Olympics this time around as well!

Bon Voyage Sektor Penilaian Kompetensi (SPK)

2024-08-08T21:53:00.009+08:00

I was very nervous to go back to my office in JPA. I could feel my heart beating fast and I had goosebumps. After about a month and a half, I was invited for a bon voyage event. I think a part of me still cannot process that I have already moved out to a different ministry and left JPA behind. When I arrived, I hesitated to knock the door. I remember breathing in and out hard to put myself together to have the bravery to face the reality.

Once I started to see everyone in the room, seeing the smiles and familiar faces, the nervousness and panic were gone. I was so happy to be there. I felt relieved and relaxed. I felt appreciated and supported.

The event was organised well. There was so much delicious food and drink; there were decorations and music, and everyone was there! I was touched and speechless with everyone’s effort to make the event happened. The event started with a prayer, then a speech from En. Matori and then speech from me. En. Matori gave a significant speech that brought tears to my eyes. During my speech,I think I was not able to truly deliver the speech in my right mind. I was too sad. My heart was filled with a wave of emotions that swept through my mind. I said what I said. I appreciated the time we worked together. We actually bonded closely and it felt so hard to accept the fact that I will need to move on with a different team, in a different environment.

To make a surprise, I brought presents for everyone. Instead of giving them similar presents, I decided to get 16 different presents as parting souvenirs and wrapped them individually. I numbered the presents and got my colleagues to draw the number. We had so much fun. I did this before when we had a workshop in Kuala Selangor. So, I prepared this activity just to recollect the moment and happiness we had before.

I truly treasure the time we had together. So I would like to say thak you again to everyone: En. Matori, Pn Marhaini, En. Fikrie, Pn. Siti, Norain, Haniff, Akmal, Haslindawati, Rosmiati, Suriati Haryati, Syafiq Aidil, Nik Rafiq, Amirah Najwa, Shareena, Azmatun and Noriyah. I would like to say thank you to everyone that I worked with who comes and goes in this particular sector.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

How do you cure your disappointment?

2024-07-09T20:55:00.000+08:00

I have been trying to write about this for quite a while. I found it is a bit hard to write as I try not to offend anyone, especially when you know that you sometimes write based on the immediate event that happens around you. Some people, if they care to read my blog, might think it is personal and it is about them. Somehow the point of reflecting in this blog is more about me expressing thoughts that I have, rather than talking about people.

Anyway, I, as a normal human being have had the experience of feeling disappointed or being let down by people. No matter how many times I told myself to separate the feeling from professionalism, I still somehow get to feel it. I tend to blame myself and guilt trip myself to feel it was because of me and my own fault. I think disappointment relates closely to our expectations. We expect positively and think that things will go our way but then the opposite happens.

I try as much as possible to do things without too much expectation but with positivity. But I always fail when it is involves other people. You always want to believe that what you give you will get back. But it will never be that simple. What you give, you might not get back straight away but you might get it back later on after feeling down and depressed. Going through the moment of feeling down and depressed is the hardest part and somehow you need to pull yourself together and keep moving forward.

I guess the best way is just to keep going. Face the difficulties, face the problems even when you think you can’t. Even when things seem so dark and overwhelming. Keep pushing yourself and have a tiny understanding that time will heal and problems will be solved!

PS: easy peasy to say but difficult to do 🤭

home for a short holiday

2024-06-27T17:08:00.000+08:00

I went back to Kedah for a holiday and also to celebrate Eid (Aidil Adha).

I had a long weekend this time and my parents have moved to a new house located nearby Simpang Empat Kangkung, Kedah. This house is literally in the middle of paddy fields.

Being here definitely is something that I look forward to every time. Interestingly, even though I am not born to be a farmer, I love these surroundings. The view, the air, the birds, the wind and the scenery of Gunung Jerai were really breathtaking. My dad and my mom both are very happy with their decision to move there. We are also really happy with it.

It feels like there are more things to do: to plant, to fish and also to farm chickens. I enjoyed walking down the road every evening as well as riding the motorcycle around the village - what an amazing thing to do.

The Eid celebration was quite simple and easy this year. All of my siblings were home except for one of my brothers. You know what, sometime you just want to be there and to be around your family after a hectic time in the busyness of work and life in the city.

ps: have you tried talking to chicken or fish?

Anyhow, I am still here!

2024-06-15T21:58:00.007+08:00

I can never stop reflecting I guess. I have not been writing for a while here in this blog but I am back now.

Have you ever wondered why sometimes our intuition gives us some sign? And even though we know it we still try to ignore it? I have experienced this many times. Simple example - you go to a restaurant and you look around and feel uncomfortable about something that you see but you still go ahead with ordering food - then, guess what? It's a disaster!

However, no matter how things happen to you - life is still needs to go on. You still need to make sure you wake up every morning and get ready for a new daily adventure.

I am now moving on to a new journey in my professional life. It’s very exciting to see where this adventure will lead me. At the same time, I am also very nervous about it as well! As per usual, deep inside of me, I am always not confident and feeling scared. The next journey will definitely bring me to a new learning experience.

ps: have you ever wondered why sometimes life feels like a magic?

How do you decide i am your enemy?

2023-11-20T14:52:00.003+08:00

How do you decide i am your enemy?

Is it my mind that bothers you?

Is it my laugh that annoys you?

Is it my heart that disappoint you?

How do you decide i am your enemy?

Is it the way I talk

Is it the way i walk

Is it the way i thought

How do you decide i am your enemy?

Is my laugh disturbs you

Is my smile disturbs you

Is my gigle disturbs you

How do you decide i am your enemy

Is the way i move make you uncomfortable

Is the way I breathe make you suffocate

Is the way i glare make you blink

How do you decide I am your enemy

I learn that I can never make you or anyone satisfied

I learn that I can always find peace for myself

I learn that I can always improve myself without impressing yourself

Hate is not a solution

Hate is not to celebrate

Hate is not the way to move forward

I will never understand

2023-10-27T22:51:00.003+08:00

I will never understand

how you are still strong

how you are standing tall

how you are rising up

even

torture after torture

bully after bully

killing after killing

I will never understand

how you wipe your tears everyday

how you persuade your heart to wake up every morning

how you convince yourself that tomorrow will be the day

Oh Palestinian

I will never understand the suffering

I will never understand the heart break

I will never understand the sorrow

No matter how much sadness I endured; never can be compared to yours

No matter how much pain I resisted; never ever be compared to yours

No matter how much loneliness I felt; never ever be compared to yours

I will never truly understand the pain; the darkness; the pressure; the grief

I will never truly understand the cries; the screams; the nightmare; the stab

I will never truly understand the anger; the frustration; the discomfort; the hurt

I will never understand

but I will never stop praying

I will never understand

but I will never stop believing

I will never understand

but I will never stop caring

#freePalestine

The time in Japan last year (September 2022)

2023-08-20T21:33:00.009+08:00

It's almost a year since I am back from Japan. To be honest, I have so many memories of Japan but it is only now that I feel like I should put something here in my blog. As per usual, my only reason for not updating the blog is because of feeling lack of motivation in sharing the reflections. Reflections were still occurring, but for a while they were not here in this blog.

I went to Japan under the Management Training Programme for Junior Officers from 13 September 2023 to 1 October 2023. I went there with a group of officers selected to participate in the programme. It’s almost a year now since I am back. This writing is just a taste of what I want to write and I will definitely keep writing about it in the future.

Time is precious

I think we all know this and it’s definitely not something new anymore. The Japanese still take this maxim really deep and hard. Time management is everything and turning up early is so important. If you should be there at 8:30 in the morning, 8:15 is already considered late! They will call you, text you and try to find where you are.

Vending machines are everywhere

The idea of vending machines in every corner might be new to us in Malaysia. But in Japan, I think they are everywhere. In parking lots, in the lobby, outside of a mall. I think they are almost in every corner. They are so well prepared and well equipped so that wherever you are, you can find drinks or food to eat. Knowing Japan's natural disasters, I can never blame them for being over prepared!

So humble!

I cried a little experiencing how humble Japanese people are. I never felt so touched before compared to this visit. It was so genuine and the culture of humility is evident in every Japanese person.

PS: I hope I will be back in Japan in the future. Too much to explore!

Happy New Year 2023!

2023-02-12T14:44:00.009+08:00

January 2023 has ended, February comes and I have only wished a Happy New Year today. I guess better late than never.

2022 happened pretty fast. Even though things started to get much better after the pandemic. I think 2022 somehow taught me many valuable things that I treasure for life. I'm growing older now and hopefully wiser too. Some lists of things that I learnt:

1. Appreciate people and be kind always.

Sounds very familiar and clichéd I think but somehow I think to appreciate people and to be kind are just the things that you need to keep telling people to do. To kids, to adults or to family members. I struggle to remind myself sometimes so I hope by writing this down will make me remember to always being appreciative in whatever conditions and to be kind in whatever situation. Especially being a bit sensitive and thinking a lot about small things that happen around me; I just need to be reminded again and again.

2. Time is precious! Just do it!

Sometimes when you think you are not ready to do something or start something different, I think you just need to do it. If you keep waiting, then you never start. Start small is alright but just start-lah! Another year comes around faster than you can ever realise. I still feel stuck in the mind of a 25 year old but in the body of a 37 year old man! haha

3. Be brave and believe in yourself.

I think as human beings somehow we always face the challenge of feeling nervous and scared when we want to do something different or something new. I always have this problem thinking that people will judge me and that my idea is not good enough. I have learnt to fight the feelings and to be bold sometimes.

I guess this list of things I learnt in 2022 sounds very familiar and usual things people write down. But sometimes usual is what we need. Okay, that's all for now and happy new year 2023! May this year fill us with many more interesting journeys that will lead us to many more learning experiences.

PS: Waiting is a part of a process!

Visiting UK for the 10th time!

2022-06-24T06:54:00.002+08:00

I am on the plane right now flying back to Kuala Lumpur after about 10 days spending time in some interesting places in the UK. I arrived on the 4th June 2022 and flew back on the 13th June 2022.

My main motive for this visit was to see Dr Kit as he just moved back to the UK after 2 and a 1/2 years in Mauritius and also to attend an event for a family friend. In addition, I also had some time to discuss and work on the longitudinal study with the University of Hertfordshire.

It was an absolutely amazing and memorable visit this time. I have been to a number of really interesting places in the UK, north of London this time. Here are some places that I can list:

1. Cambridge, Ely and meeting Dr. Claire

This is an amazing place to be! I just can’t stop thinking about how Cambridge just blew my mind. We stayed with Dr Rose Drury for 3 nights. We went around King's College, had an amazing tour in King College Chapel, wondering around the Cambridge City Centre and punting on the river. It was a brilliant moment for me to experience punting for the first time. Dr. Kit did all the punting while I mainly focussed on the rowing. I was a bit nervous to try the punting as there were too many eyes around the river.

One of the days, we also went to Ely. However Ely Cathedral was closed for a wedding ceremony. Not that we expected it but it was Pixie Lott's wedding! Not that we planned it but, we were suddenly in the middle of the crowd waiting for Pixie Lott and his husband in front of the Ely cathedral entrance. It was a magical moment for me.

A very special part of staying in Cambridge was meeting up with Dr. Claire. After several years of participating in a longitudinal study with her and other researchers that were mainly conducted online and by phone calls, I found it quite satisfying to be able to meet her in person and discuss a the research in a more detail fave to face.

2. Derbyshire, Matlock

After a few days in Cambridge, we then travelled to Derbyshire and stayed for two nights with Ali (former UH lecturer) and Simon in Matlock. They own such a huge house and beautiful garden. It was really well kept and beautiful scenery from the garden and the hills surrounded. I had such an interesting time learning about them as well as learning about a part of UK that I had not explored before.

One of the days, we went to the Heights of Abraham to spend our day there. The weather was not as sunny with a bit of drizzle every now and then. We went up to the hills via cable car and it was an amazing view - to see Derbyshire from the cable car. There were many activities available to do on the hills - we went to explore the lead mine - where we experienced the darkness and the hardship of mining lead a long time ago; we went to the Masson Pavilion Exhibition Hall - where we were able to learn and experience how clothes have changed over the centuries and we went for coffee at the café as well. Right after that we went for a walk around Matlock and witnessed this interesting part of Derbyshire.

3. Yorkshire, Bedale and Thirsk

Dr. Kit and I continued driving to the north up in Yorkshire to see and stay with Sue Higgins and Ian Condron. I had never met them before but they were Dr. Kit's best friends from the past. They were hosting an event to celebrate their anniversary together. The main purpose was to be in that event and get to know them closely. I was so honoured to be invited and to be a part of that event. It was a lovely time and I really enjoyed the night!

4. Newcastle and Durham

During the stay in Yorkshire, we had a day to ourselves to drive up to Newcastle. I took the opportunity to reminisce about my time in Newcastle during my Masters degree. I met Dr. Farrah Khan for a bit of chat and then wandered around the Newcastle University area for photos and videos. I can't believe it that it has been 10 years since 2012 when I was there. What an incredible moment to remember and to be back there again!

We then stayed in a rural area in a barn house of Durham. It was located in the middle of the farming area and near the wind turbine. It was quiet and calm. The next day we woke up, we explored the car garages in Durham to find the best car for Dr. Kit as he now back in UK for good for now. We even had some time to stop by the sea at Seaham. I found some glass pebbles on the beach and really had a wonderful time there.

This 10th time visiting UK was so magnificent. The experience was memorable, definitely rich and I met a lot of interesting people. The best thing was that I am more calm and at ease especially when making conversation with people there. I was not sure why. I have never had so much confidence inside but hopefully it shone differently on the outside.

PS: I never tire of exploring UK

An update on my birthday

2022-03-29T21:07:00.001+08:00

Alhamdulilah for another year of life. So much to be grateful for. So much to learn from mistakes and from the past. But I think I am eager to see what comes ahead.

Sometimes I still doubt myself even though with the number of age I am now, I am supposed to ‘Feel’ adult. A long time ago I thought life would be figured out when you are an adult, it turns out it is not that simple.

Everyday you step into a new day, then a new decision needs to be made. A new choice needs to be made. A new solution needs to be figured.

Today I feel happy and settled with the day. I feel content and alive. I feel happy and easy with a quiet time on my own.

PS: Travel to Malacca for a night and two days in a workshop with Ministry of Rural Development.

Strange feeling

2022-03-03T09:27:00.007+08:00

I woke up at night - in the middle of the night

I had a strange feeling

Feeling that tickled my heart

My tears ran down

I was not sure why

Was it just a nightmare? or was it real?

The coldness of air started to chill my body

I guess it was the rain and the storm

I sometimes can see the shadow of the lightning through the window

But the feeling

The strange feeling

Feeling that disturbed my sleep

Feeling that took away my peace

Feeling that raced my heart

My eyes were wide open

My mind started to calculate what to do

Oh strage feeling; possibly you just are here

To remind me that I am just human

Strange feeling; I appreciate!

What I thought of leading when I was young

2022-02-03T17:13:00.000+08:00

When I was young, I always believed that I was not good enough to lead and give my ideas. I always believed that I was more of a follower than a leader. Growing up, I felt differently even though there would always be doubts and insecurities the entire time.

When I was young, I felt that people around me judged the way I looked, the way I talked, the way I walked. The stereotype of a leader is more of a strong masculine man rather than a soft spoken person. Growing up, I realised that just being manly is not enough for you to be a leader. Being a leader is not just simply being a man. It is more about the planning, the thinking, the good manners, being respectful and reflective.

When I was young, I was scared to voice out my opinion. I was scared to give my ideas and also nervous to take charge of a situation. I tried to hide and only gave my opinion when necessary or when I felt safe and easy. Growing up, I tried so much to grow from that feeling. I would voice out my opinion when necessary, I would take actions, I would take charge and responsibility. I pushed myself to be brave and forget what ever scary things that I felt when I was young. I knew deep inside me, the insecurities are there, but the older me is braver than I ever expected.

When I was young, words really hurt me much. When people made fun of the way walked, the way I moved, the way I talked, I hid away. I ran. I shied away. But now, even though words are still knives, I care less. I have my shield. I am strong enough to ignore and separate between harsh words and reality. The reality is, I am good and people are just jealous of my uniqueness.

When I was young, I thought my idea was not good enough. My idea would only be good if I met certain requirements of a male leader. When I was young I always believed that I was weird and did not fit in. I think that because of my weirdness I didn't deserve respect and I should just stay quiet. Now that I am grown up, I know that life is bigger than that. What ever situation you were forced to believe, not everything is right about yourself. I know that my potential is bigger than what I used to believe. I know that what I have inside of me is much bigger than what I used to show.

But I am glad to have had all that experience. It enabled me to be who I am today and built me with humility and gratitude. Thank you to everything, everyone and every single moment of the ups and down of my life.

PS: feel the feelings

Second visit to Mauritius: Awesome

2022-01-04T16:27:00.001+08:00

I have just returned from my second trip to Mauritius and am now on my final day of 7 days of quarantine in my apartment in Malaysia. This second trip to Mauritius was amazing and I am so glad that I have achieved certain goals for this trip. The main goal is to visit Dr. Kit after about 2 years since he left Malaysia. I am so glad to see him healthy and enjoying his job in University of Technology Mauritius (UTM).

Secondly, we managed to do an important discussion on work based on ARM and I am looking forward for the next meeting. I also had a chance to do an online discussion with Prof. Joy and Dr. Claire after so many years of communicating through emails. They seem fine and we are all definitely awaiting for the project to continue! Let's do it.

While I was in Mauritius, I have done some incredible things as follow:

Flying and controlling the seaplane at La Prairie Beach - it was an incredible feeling ever!
Quad biking in the cane fields - the rush and excitement that you feel inside your body while driving the bike.
Viewing the incredible 7 coloured earth - peaceful in a lot of ways.
Playing and having fun in Curious Corner - I had so much fun laughing and goofing around.
Gazing The Martello Tower Museum - time for the history.
Staying a night at La Case du Pecheur/Fisherman's House - beautiful, stunning photographic view and adventurous in some ways.
Enjoying the view by the Pointe aux Caves Lighthouse in Albion.
Celebrating Christmas with Dr Kit, Maureen, Aimee, Karina and Pieter.
Swimming jovially at the beach.
Visiting UTM and meeting some lovely people who work with Dr Kit.

I am so honoured to be able to do this visit even though we are still in the middle of the pandemic. I am glad that there are SOPs developed to help us all to be able to connect with one another. Most importantly, be nice, be generous and follow the procedure to make travel easy for you and easy for everyone else.

PS: Happy New Year 2022!

24 hours is not enough!

2021-10-19T11:43:00.001+08:00

I found that this week was very hectic and 24 hours a day was not enough for me. There was always something to do and to think that made me feel my day is full. Whether it’s full with office work or just daily life matters.

Interestingly, it makes me feel alive and good. Busy doing or thinking make me feel functional and distracting me from thinking negatively about life. These last few months, I have also started to care about my diet and exercise - and I think somehow this just added to the busy day.

I’m waiting patiently for a new adventure to start. I can’t wait to start new journey, new adventure, meet new people and learn new skills. Even though I'm waiting patiently, the joy and excitement of a new journey and beginning is always what I look for. It’s always great to feel the rush inside of me - the mixed feelings of nervous, scared, happy, excited, sad, joy and many more ecstasy.

By the way, now that government has lifted the states' borders, everyone stay safe and follow the SOP. I am on my way to visit my parents just for a few days. Let’s take some time to relax and chill out at home!

PS: flying to KL with my mom and dad - their birthday present!

What have I learnt since working from home?

2021-07-15T10:05:00.002+08:00

It has been more than a year since the first lockdown was announced in Malaysia. We were forced to work from home. It was a new concept for many people at that time, but by now it has started to feel normal. I initially found it a bit difficult to adapt, but now I feel more relaxed and easy to work from home. Here are some reflections on what I have learnt so far:

1. Things can get done

First and foremost, I think that working from home makes me feel anxious about whether or not work can be done. Can I accomplish and focus on finishing paper work? Can I hold a meeting or a discussion? Can I calculate and tabulate data? I think it can be done once you get used to it. The environment was different, as I was living on my own before (until my sister joined me), and the home work place environment is now different. However, if you focus and prioritise, you can get your work done! I guess it must be different for people who live with family and children. The challenges are greater, I guess.

2. Set your own work place in your home

Now that you know working from home might be here for quite some time, I think it is better to set up your own work place in your house. The work place can get you to be more disciplined and ready to start doing the work. Go to it to write a report, join an online meeting or manage files. It is better to know where is the right place for you to do the work and get it done. It's like getting to the office but your office is at home!

3. Managing Expectations

This is so important for you to put in your mind. Getting things done from home rather than being at the office like before is definitely different. Whereas before you could easily gather a team physically during office hours, but now it might be harder to gather people online as you need to check the availability of others. I think the mindset need to be clear and ready for any interruptions by things that are out of your control, for example, internet connection, device issues and so on.

4. Being flexible and less bureaucracy

It is definitely the right time to check again on things that we can be more flexible with and with less bureaucracy in the work place. If we were working as usual, there are forms that need to be filled. Maybe this time around certain things can be approved via email. Maybe certain things do not need to be as strict as before when things were unnecessarily difficult.

5. Checking on others

Last but not least, I think as much as we need to work from home and stay at home, do not forget to check on one another. Ask your colleagues about their well being physically, mentally and about their situation at home. You never know what people might need even though they appear to be fine in the video conferences. Be kind and help people in need as well. Reach out if you are the one who needs help!

PS: A year passed by and we all learnt so much.