Let Me Go On and On...

Fast Forward One Year Later

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 21 May 2013 06:38:34 PDT

Have you ever had a day (or for me), a week, where you are just unable to function at all? You can't think straight, sleep a full night or respond appropriately to 'surprise' disappointments? The slightest curveball will send me into tears lately. It's an unexpected response, especially for me. I'm just a wreck. And as you can see, I haven't written in quite some time. I couldn't. My mind was blank. I woke up Saturday morning with my leg blown up like a balloon. It was really strange - something that has never happened to me before. I drove myself up to the hospital to get it checked out for a DVT/blood clot, just to make sure I wasn't in danger. Odd ailment. But I guess eating Chinese food the night before didn't help. I was so stressed out, had an anxiety attack in the emergency room. They had to calm me down - not sure why I had a panic attack. It just happened. I made an appointment with this new therapist who happened to be in the same town I was, which conveniently soothed my agoraphobia, until she informed me that she was moving three towns over. On top of that, she was totally affordable, where I could go to her twice a week if need be. She did say something really significant though. She asked, "Why are you surprised that you're going through so much emotional turmoil lately?" I didn't know what she meant since she really didn't know what was happening 'at this time' in my life, but she said, "You're approaching the anniversary of your father's passing." BAM. ...It hit me. During this time, we were shuffling back and forth to the hospital trying to take care of Dad. I even looked back through my blog and Facebook accounts to see what was brewing during this time last year. I read a post from last year during this time. Maybe it can explain what I'm going through right now.

It reads, "The other day we noticed that dad's left leg swelled up like a balloon. (Odd that this happened to me a year later.) The nurse from hospice came over to take a look at it and said it may be from the tumors growing on his kidneys and bladder that's blocking the fluid from flowing properly, a sign of the progression. It was almost as if I had forgotten that Dad was sick. 'The progression' kept repeating itself in my head. Then of course, we all were concerned about it being a clot in his leg since he is lying down a lot. The nurse checked his lungs which were clear, felt if the swelling was hot to the touch and it wasn't and said to just have him take a water pill to relieve the swelling. But later on, it was decided that we had to call an ambulance to get checked out at the ER, which he hates because they treated him so poorly there. I know because I literally had to go out of his room and yell at the doctors and nurses for not supplying him with the needed medication as promised while he was lying in the bed screaming in pain. I experienced a lack of professionalism, compassion and overall care from the staff while I was there myself. Dad pleaded with me, 'Please Deb, don't let them take me. You know how they are.' And I do. He can't go to any other hospital because the hospice care he's receiving is part of that division as well as all of his doctors. Every time he goes back into that hospital, his spirit dies. Part of me was against sending him back there because the nurse checked him and said it was only water retention, possible 'progression', and the other part of me wanted him to go so I don't lose him in case there was a blood clot with no evident signs of it. He started to manipulate all of us, saying, 'If I go and die in there, have it be on all of your consciences!' Then he'd put his head down regretting what he had just said, hoping we'd tell the EMS crew to leave."

Could my ailment that sent me to the ER be psychosomatic? It was the same thing my father went through on the same day I had written this post last year. It's just so strange how the body reacts and creates physical manifestations of memories, emotional pain and grief. Subconsciously remembering what my Dad went through last year this time sent me into the same phase again - sent me into exactly what he had experienced. That just blows my mind. During this time as well, my Mom's hand kept blowing up like a balloon from what they thought was gout. It was actually pseudogout. (Instead of uric acid building up, it's calcium deposits.) Anyway, right now, her hand is blown up again. I asked what she thought about the links between my ailment and hers - and it hit her too. It's like repeating the most stressful event of our entire lives again. We're reliving the pain, the stress, the memory and fear of watching Dad suffer so greatly. So in return, we're suffering on a whole different level - a subconscious but very real physical ailments. I feel bad because I had to cancel a few events I had planned and on top of that, I haven't worked all week. I didn't want to be 'out of it' while I had company over, and I certainly didn't want to just plop "anything" onto my blog just to keep it moving. So please bear with me lately. I have a lot of crap to plow through. Feel free to send some prayers our way.

Want to add your opinion or thoughts on Facebook instead? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Such Complete Unnecessary Drama - Pass the Popcorn!

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 09 May 2013 18:23:42 PDT

This morning I was laughing thinking how similar I was to some guy who shooed away his girlfriend from kissing him at a baseball game while the kiss cam was on them. He was on his cell phone and kiss blocked her. She raised her arms up, pointed at the kiss cam and he still didn't do anything. She then got up and poured a big gulp size soda over his head. I quickly looked in Mad's direction and said, "Would you do that to me?" And immediately, she knew who would be who in that scenario. "You'd be soaked if you rejected a kiss from me!" she said as she sipped her piping hot coffee. I didn't want to mess with her at that point. It's not that I'm not affectionate, it's just that I hate public displays of affection -- for straight or gay people. It's so unwanted by the public - it really is. I mean, granted, the kiss cam is cute, so I would totally make an exception. But would the kiss cam even swing our way? Would they even point it in our direction? Who would even guess that we're a couple? So, the odds are against that happening to us...thank God. From time to time I see the "possessiveness" in certain couples while we're out and about. Perhaps a guy has his huge arm wrapped around his tiny little girlfriend, giving off that, "SHE'S MINE" signal. And don't get me wrong, sometimes you just feel all 'lovey dovey', but in most cases, it's to ward off unwanted stares directed toward your other half. That's just my opinion and I'm sticking with it. Especially in front of friends -- why? Think about it - if there is someone that you may think is a potential threat or perhaps, just interested in your other half, I'll bet you anything you're gonna try holding your partner's hand or at least, sitting closer to them. Eh, it's human nature I guess. And sometimes it's like, "Here, take em' - they're all yours." (Not for me of course. I mean, yeh.)

Which brings me to my next topic: FDA (Facebook Display of Affection). I mean, it should be "FDA" regulated so no one gets sick, but people do it all the time. People do it for the same reason: "THIS PERSON IS MINE!" And you can totally tell when someone is possessive over their partner or spouse by the way they post on their wall and...the way they post on their other half's wall, or on behalf of them. A good friend of mine found a girlfriend who he really fell in love with. She seemed nice, very attractive, but something was a bit 'off', but I couldn't put my finger on it. All of the sudden, his Facebook account was swamped with, "Oh baby I love you so much you're my soul mate," yada yada yada, and so it goes. I'm sorry, but when couples do this, most people think, "Why?" And although I'm guilty of posting a few lovey-dovey notes to my wife, usually during an anniversary or birthday --- beyond that, it's just 'knowingly' annoying to our friends. I totally realize that. As the red flags kept waving in the breeze, I noticed something else: she would comment on every single comment his friends would post, especially if it was an 'unknown' past female friend. Say he put a photo up of himself, and some old female friend from the past said, "Looking good, John!" -- The girlfriend would be right on her ass and reply with, "Yes he does and he's all mine ladies!" Clearly, this other female commenter had no interest in John - she was just complimenting an old friend, as her profile picture shows her along with her husband and three kids. I mean, really? But it didn't stop there. That's when I stopped commenting on anything at all, in fear of the jealous girlfriend watching his account like a hawk. She probably has his password to boot. I wonder if he's even on Facebook.

If you ask me, I think Facebook is the devil when it comes to relationships. I have seen old flames get back together, show their Facebook Display of Affection, and then, when they break up, and you're still friends with the both of them. You also see ALL. And what I mean is -- each one is publicly posting stupid quote photos to indirectly jab at their former lover. It's like Myspace all over again. Grow up. I also see them posting way too many photos of their "new loves" and posting up statuses that imply they are SO much happier now. If you really loved someone and you two broke it off, have some respect and keep it on the down low. But, in some cases where it was a vicious breakup and one of those 'battles till the end' --- this is the type of stuff that happens. And remember, we're all here to grab the popcorn and view it, because that's what good friends do....right? The worst part about this is, most of the people doing this have kids who are on their Facebook accounts! This is what really gets me. Your own kids are watching you post idiotic shit up for your ex to see. You're on the SAME level as your 13 year old. They have no clue. I once heard a kid who was 16 years old telling his friends, "Dude, you gotta see what my mom posts up. She acts like a heartbroken teenager on Facebook, it's so fucking embarrassing." This isn't the first I've heard of kids being completely humiliated by their parents' behavior on social networking sites. Now stop airing out your dirty laundry and be an adult, like me, who only posts a million photos of her Chihuahua and martinis. Yeah, I got my shit together. (I need help.)

Want to add your opinion or thoughts on Facebook instead? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Fuggedaboutit'!

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 08 May 2013 07:51:25 PDT

Have you ever had an argument with your other half and it just carries on and on, into a path of that dreaded awkward silence? After having a little spat with the wife, I sat at my desk with my coffee, staring out at the rain and began to think about my past and how unstable it used to be. I used to have that with my ex-girlfriends. The arguments seemed to have lasted forever. Between stubbornness, pride, ego - whatever the reason - it just wouldn't let up. And it's especially challenging when both people have huge egos to boot. But the one thing I most admire about my wife is that she has a short memory. I don't mean that in a bad way either. (She's probably plotting my murder after that sentence.) I mean, when we have a heated argument and things are just crazy, an hour later, she'll be like, "Honey, wanna go to the store with me?" --As if nothing took place. It's not that she "forgot" about it -- it's more about forgiveness. I admit, sometimes I get all grumpy and make it last just a teeny bit longer, but the fact remains, the argument shifts. We do finish the argument in a more constructive way after the fiasco, but the most important thing is: our battle has ended. Time to move on and eventually, everything is forgotten about. I truly believe that's how our relationship lasted this long. Meanwhile, we just have to remember to pull our poor shaking Chihuahua out from underneath my office desk. How she trembles even if there's the slightest tension in the air. She totally knows. And it's not like we have these huge blasts of arguments where things are flying or we're throwing elbows around -- just a good ol' 'hash it out' type of spat. I'd be concerned if people in relationships didn't have any arguments at all. It's an outlet - a way to get things out in the open and with love, patience, understanding (and a whole lotta' luck), it'll end up a constructive conversation afterward.

Forgiveness. Such an easy word to toss around. The question is: can you do it? I learned a lot from my Mom. She always tells me to "turn the other cheek" - and of course, at the time, I'm like, "No! How can I?" But when I do, life is so much easier. No more grudges and resentments. It's not only forgiven, it's also forgotten (in most cases). I have issues with forgetting sometimes, and I think that's pretty normal. When I was younger and Mom and Dad would sometimes have these heated arguments during dinner. I remember hearing loud voices, maybe Dad's fist hitting the table and then silence for about a couple of hours, or at least until they went to bed. The next day it was back to normal. They never held grudges or kept that argument blazing. And like myself, my Mom forgives quickly, goes on about her life. I think it's the only way to survive in a relationship or marriage. They were both each other's best friend, the way I view my marriage. The foundation of friendship always keeps the relationship strong and steady, no matter what kind of storm rolls in. When I was in past relationships with my exes, they were never based on the foundation of friendship. It was headfirst into a love affair type of relationship, where it was fiery and unstable. There was never a calmness to it - always either fighting or making up, or fighting just to make up. It was extremely unhealthy. I'm just happy that I have come to the point in my life where the occasional heated argument doesn't mean divorce papers. It just means you need to talk. Communicate. Forgive. And fuggedaboutit'!

Want to add your opinion or thoughts on Facebook instead? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Do Opposites Attract?

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 07 May 2013 17:53:23 PDT

Life is strange. Relationships are strange. We're strange in our own little ways. Bundled together and shared together, it becomes a 'thought to be' predictable venture, sometimes ending up to find out you were strangers all along, whether together for a year or for twenty. Change is good. Evolving from "one person" to "this person" is okay. When it involves someone else who is changing in a different direction, it might sever the ties that bind that particular relationship. Some people never leave a relationship that has taken two different paths because well, "they've invested so much into it" or "they have a history together". When it involves kids, it becomes more about being selfless or selfish. Whose happiness are you sacrificing besides your own? But, we all want to be happy. We all want that "perfect relationship" and I'm here to say there is no such animal. You either have to accept the imperfections to make it "perfect" or you have to decide whether or not to stay or leave. Ending a relationship or marriage that went beyond ten years, a house, some pets and maybe a kid or five means adapting to a whole new lifestyle - a whole new "life" in itself. It means moving out of your home, or having the people you love move out of your home --- whichever the case, the life is completely thrown up into the air with a bunch of uncertainties...and that scares us. So we stay. We try. We tolerate what we cannot stand. We grumble. We bitch and moan. We...are miserable.

The younger generation seems to think that you need the spark even after 5 or 10 years. In my opinion, this is why there are so many divorces. People give up so quickly once that fiery passion fades. I do believe that "passion" turns into a more loving experience in terms of intimacy, a "connection". And I dare the next person who says they still have butterflies in their tummy with their longtime spouse by taking a polygraph test. Sure, I believe there's love, but it's not like when they first met, or even the first year of dating. It's just different. Also, it's not a bad thing. There are stages of love.

The courting stage (with the passion and butterflies we all want to keep forever)
The planning stage (nesting and setting up for the future)
The contentment stage (where you are comfortable, relaxed and have a newfound love - a "family" type of love for your partner)

What happens when you're at stage 2 or 3 and your partner wants to trek it back to stage 1 again? Or, your partner or spouse goes through some midlife crisis, where he or she wants to live in a bar or go clubbing - a more "unsettled" life, as it was in stage 1, but for you, it's not so exciting anymore. Maybe an argument over that new convertible Porsche sitting in the garage or perhaps a night out with the boys becomes more of a daily happy hour venture that runs into all hours of the night. And of course, what if someone slips and has an affair because they found a "stage 1" type of feeling? The "stand by your man" statement was made in what --- the 1930's? Well, Hillary Clinton did it, but then again, maybe it was just to save her political career. I'm sure many women would have backed up her decision to divorce the feisty hubby in the oval office, but I think "traditional values" are more sought after when you're in such a high position. But what about for us little guys? We'd be shunned by our friends and family if we stayed with someone who cheated on us --- even once. I do believe in forgiveness and slip ups, but let's face it, a tiger never changes their stripes.

Commonality. It's rare to find. I am not a believer in "opposites attract" -- and I mean that in the sense of polar opposites. I also think you can't date your clone either. (At least for me, for good reason.) Now what I'm about to say needs to be taken with a grain of salt and an opened mind. A little more than 50 years ago, interracial couples weren't allowed to get married legally. It was also seen as a "sin" within society - or looked down upon for reasons of either 'not knowing their roots to the fullest extent' or just not adapting the culture whatsoever. People have overcome that and progressed so much throughout time. We've come together more, shared more, accepted more. But what happens when you date someone after a period of time and start to realize that you are still not adapting to their culture, to the ways that their family celebrates certain holidays or even, how they still feel tense around you due to your lack of knowledge of their race? You can't use the same terminology around them or perhaps you feel awkward talking at all, feeling judged and ridiculed over every word that goes against their accent or slang and lack thereof. On the up side, you have to be one helluva' confident person to keep plugging along in that relationship with all the challenges of the opposing cultures. It takes strength and determination to learn and share with people who maybe have no clue about your own heritage. They don't have to make an effort if they don't want to - it's all up to you to put your best foot forward, and sometimes that just isn't enough. If you're not "in" with their family, then half your partner's heart is elsewhere. If you don't combine your union with the extended family, it will be an eternal conflict, well at least until the relationship or marriage is over.

What's the glue that keeps your relationship or marriage together? Or, why do you think your relationship or marriage fell apart too soon?

Want to add your opinion or thoughts on Facebook instead? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Silence

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Fri, 03 May 2013 08:58:22 PDT

So I thought to myself, "Wow, I'm not even hungry," and it was nearing 8pm. I poured my second martini on a somewhat empty stomach and nothing was temping my palate at the moment. With my corny background music blaring Amy Winehouse's "The Girl From Ipanema", I was feeling a bit fuzzy - a bit "silent" in my mind. I had no thoughts, no words rushing through my head or the many questions I pose to the poor man up above who has to hear every single complaint that I toss into his box. I trekked onto my Facebook account and saw a "message from God" -- one of those little apps that make you feel like, "Oh wow! God sent me an email!" Well, not really. Of course it gives you an option to become an instant pastor and that you can always donate to them, if you're generous enough. It said that my life was full of my own "chatter" and to be still and listen to my spirit and the spirit that speaks to me. It told me to shut up basically. Surely you can't mean my blog, I mean, that's what I do, I write, I talk, I, I, I, say too much...maybe? And since writing is what I do for a living, I'm noticing that I'm not writing for "me" -- I mean, in the passionate sense when one becomes a real writer - someone who has heart and soul into their unpaid work. But now, it's a job. And I was afraid that this would happen. Sometimes, I'll just plop a post onto my blog so that it's mirrored onto websites that pay me for my thoughts and frivolous ramblings. Thankfully, there's a second gig that fulfills the gap in my bank account (not so much). So I write. I talk. I speak. I've even gained a unique following mostly from Vietnam. Don't ask. I'm grateful, but a bit puzzled. Emails from suicidal teens sometimes appear in my inbox or the occasional closeted housewife who has ten kids wants to know if "becoming a lesbian" would be a bad thing. Strange stuff.

But I digress.

Silence.

In every sense of the word, "silence" - that's been resonating within me ever since I found out Dad was given a six months to live. My wife and I are believers, so we would say, "Well that's what the doctor says, but God has different plans. Only He knows." Sadly, the doctors were spot on - exactly six months Dad went to heaven. I used to think, "What would our world be like without Dad?" And now I know -- it's very silent. Not only was he loud (and sometimes obnoxious in a funny way), but his presence - his enthusiasm for life - even if it meant just sitting outside BBQing - he was excited about everything. At huge functions, his voice would stand out from the rest. You definitely would know Dad was around. Wherever he was, you felt safe. Even when he was sick and intoxicated beyond belief from all the oxycontin they kept him on, he still managed to mutter out, "Ya need help? Want me to do dat' for ya?" He couldn't even if he tried, but his spirit was willing. This is what made me think he'd last longer than six months, at least a few more years. But the silence keeps growing. No more wheezy laughter howling from the other room or his heavy equipment outside rumbling the earth with their loud engines. It's strange. With that being said, I'm finding my passion for life has taken somewhat of a break. I know it's normal to grieve and take some time off to 'get it together', but my passion for the things I used to do has somewhat fizzled out. You can call it depression or the blues, but I call it the missing link syndrome. I guess it's pretty much normal and things are getting better, but there are times when it's too silent around here.

There are a lot of "big character people" in my family - those you would totally notice if they were out of your life. That's what makes it even more terrifying. So, I pour another drink to calm my racing thoughts, perhaps to even completely silence them. It works for the meantime. And although I keep the "moderation" tightly secure, I do notice that it's been on a daily basis ever since the big guy booked it into heaven. The one thing I never dabble into is my summer evening smokes. Yes, I am a reformed smoker - quit over 15 yrs ago, however once in a blue moon, I'll have a smoke on a nice summer night by the fire pit or just hanging out having a few cocktails. Once I saw what smoking did to my father, I haven't lit one up in over two years. I tried therapy and grief counseling and all of them made me feel worse for some reason. (That's just me.) I even tried antidepressants and that made me feel not only loopy, but absolutely out of my mind psychotic. The pharmaceutical companies love it when your mind tells you, "Hey, it's working, be happy" when all it's doing is making you tolerate horrible side effects for a mere buck or two, and for us, an arm and a leg. "Oh wait two weeks and you'll feel better." Bullshit.

The best thing I ever did (as you know by now) was get a dog. She's a great sentinel, can hear a moth from miles away (which can also be annoying at 3am), but the love this dog gives is just amazing. She fills the silence most of the time. Sadly, even when I pray, there is way too much silence. I used to hear God all the time, or was that my mind...or was that just a hint for me to be silent and listen to Him? Another little reminder to "shut up" again. My outlets range from writing music, playing guitar, photography and of course, writing. But I need more - something different that'll at least hold my attention for more than five minutes at a time. Even cooking has been a task for me. My cooking blog has suffered long enough, but the other day I managed to make a huge "Thanksgiving-like" dinner for Madelene. I don't know what got into me but I was cooking up a storm. It used to be another passion of mine that is slowly fading with time. Now it's like, "What about Chinese takeout or maybe just throw a few hamburgers on the grill" type of thing. Things are becoming simpler, quieter, more introspective. I used to love holding big parties at my place, but after having the last few, I found out it was much harder than expected - it terms of I just didn't feel up to catering to people - although I did it anyway. It mentally exhausted me. I didn't even get to sit and chat with the people who came. I just served and ran around like a chicken without a head. It's not that I don't love catering for people, it's just that I need a much needed break. My break comes this June. I'll be leaving for over a week to the Hamptons to unwind, relax, and watch the ocean as I sip on my self-medicated potions. So please bear with me if my posts are minimal, more low-key and a bit raw. I'll be back to myself in no time. For now, I just have to fill the silence.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse? ~Coldplay

Want to add your opinion or thoughts on Facebook instead? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

"I'm Fine"

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 07:59:55 PDT

A friend of mine tweeted something really significant - something that stood out and made me think about my own situation. She wrote, "I wonder if self-help authors are as happy as they tell us we should be." If you think about it, self-help authors are the ones who have either been through or perhaps even still going through trouble in order to help those who are struggling. For instance, (and I bring this analogy up a lot), it's like someone who has never touched a drink in their life directing an AA meeting. They have no clue what the hell they're doing other than give "happy-go-lucky-you-can-do-it" advice without the pain, the willpower, the intense craving of wanting just one drink...and then another. For me, when I write about anxiety attacks and depression, I tell people what I do in order to feel better for that time being, or what I do to just keep me alive for just another hour, another night, another week. When it works, I give advice. So, 'this' worked for me, let me share it with you. "I've been there" sounds much better than, "Oh, that must suck", when trying to help someone who may be suicidal. I have a very young reader of mine who came to me recently. This handsome 15 year old who has his whole world in front of him cries all. the. time. Nobody understands him. Nobody wants to help him. There is something comforting about speaking to someone who's been there before - someone who 'gets it'. The pain, the agony, the tears - every second seems like an hour when you're in a dark depression after the intense anxiety shit storm. I have fired many therapists for 'not getting it' -- they were too textbook, blaming everything and my mother for the problems that only I'm accountable for. No one is responsible for my happiness. This therapist believes otherwise. When you feel like you're the only one going through such a "crazy phase" as we think it is --- we somehow put in our minds that we're outcasts; we're "crazy", and that right there is enough to set us over the edge. We worry about judgment, fitting in, acceptance, being loved, being safe, feeling comfortable, and when those things shatter into little pieces all over the floor, our stability within ourselves seems to just fall apart with it. "Why live?"

Yesterday afternoon, while dealing with my own panic and fear, I decided to just relax, put on a movie and call it a day. Oddly enough, I found The Snake Pit, a film made in 1948. It was about a woman who found herself in an insane asylum and cannot remember how she got there. Although the film was kind of predictable, it showed all the fears she went through and what the other inmates feared too, advising her not to tell people that "she thought she was fine". To indicate "I'm much better now" meant that she was absolutely out of her mind to the staff. It was better left unsaid rather than any progression revealed. Isn't that what we do now? Isn't it better to convince people that we're "okay" and meanwhile, inside, we're dying. Last week while chatting with my friend who bartends at our local bar & grill, we started talking about depression and how one of the waitress's mother was in another country, calling her up at the restaurant saying, "I'm gonna kill myself," for the umpteenth time. And while every suicidal blurb should be taken very seriously, there is some truth to watching out for the silent ones - the ones who don't say one thing before offing themselves. You usually hear, "I never knew he/she was even depressed!" And sadly, that happens more often than not. Nothing was revealed. They simply stated, "I'm fine." A smile to hide the tears. A joker to hide the pain. A carefree spirit living a life full of fear and depression. Look deeper into someone when they tell you, "I'm fine." Don't know who quoted this but I love it: "Even the most beautiful rainbows can be colored with broken crayons." If you or someone else is depressed, never feel like you're "crazy" for talking it out or coming to someone in fear of judgment. In most cases, they can relate. You're not alone. I suffer through it, and I know many others who do. I do not believe those who haven't been there can help - that's just my opinion and experience. But in some way or another, haven't we all felt the pain of life? Haven't we all at some point in our lives just felt like giving up or found ourselves crying for hours when no one was around? If you are just at the end of the rope, please call 1-800-273-8255. If you don't feel comfortable talking over the phone, you can chat with someone live if you click here. People DO want to help. Just talk it out. --P.S. Stay.

Please take a moment, listen to the lyrics of this beautiful song, written by The Beatles and sung beautifully by Sarah McLachlan. Click here if you can't view this video. It's a beautiful song.

This post is dedicated to two special people who have been coming to me for advice. You know who you are. Stay.

Want to add your opinion or thoughts on Facebook instead? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

The Penned Up Ax Murderer

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 18:40:12 PDT

The one thing I've learned over time is that you never know if your date or lover is a "penned up ax murderer" until she becomes one. In Travis Alexander's blog, he states, "Desperately trying to find out if my date has an axe murderer penned up inside of her and knowing she is wondering the same thing about me. That’s usually when I think myself into a panic and start acting weird in consequence to trying so hard to act normal." Have you ever been in a position where someone you knew, loved and cared for just finally flipped their lid and revealed their true colors? It can be very scary and unsettling to say the least. But what if you never knew the potential killer underneath the sweet, smiling beautiful girl you once loved, and now...you had to end the relationship. But it doesn't end there. I have been diligently following the Jodi Arias trial, even falling asleep to it (which isn't such a good idea). But then they have the news afterwards dedicated to the trial. I have it on while I'm working just to stay on top of things. What's there to figure out? She already lied a zillion times and then admitted to the murder. But, cases like we've seen with the Casey Anthony trial, I'm almost positive that Jodi is going to get out of this scott free somehow and write a book that makes her millions of dollars. Maybe she'll have to do 10 years max and then get out by the time she's 40 years young. And how fucking sad is that? This incredible, smart, talented and funny man, Travis Alexander (you can see his charm here) is now dead because of her. She took this beautiful life away - just like that - and all because she wasn't willing to wait out the heartbreak. I've been there. I didn't want things to end and begged and pleaded for forgiveness. It hurts. But what goes through a person's mind that makes them believe that they have some authority over their ex-lover's life? "Well if I can't have you, no one else will." They develop this sense of 'ownership' over the person to where the ex-lover in some cases has no clue about any of it. They simply go through the "normal" process of a breakup, whether it be moping around for a bit or completely over it.

My mother watches these awful shows, like "Snapped" and stuff on this channel that I believe is called, "I.D.". She watches this before bedtime and tells me the next day, "My God, I had such horrific dreams about a man stabbing his wife." I'm just like, "I wonder why..." I remember watching this show (forgive me, I forgot which one), but they were demonstrating the functions of two sets of brains. One was from a sociopath and the other from a normal everyday person. Of course, the sociopath has no remorse or fear of consequences when committing a crime. But when they put two brains of your everyday average Joe together, they found something interesting. In the front part of the brain (right underneath the forehead area), they discovered a unique trait that is almost comparable to a "shield" -- a shield that prevents them from ever committing a murder. Although the two brains were alike, the one without the shield was from your average everyday person who happened to have killed someone - either by manslaughter or other. The difference was, that piece of "shield" discovered much about the person's crime. Of course, you can't use this in a court, just as you can't use a polygraph test, but it does say something about how our brain is somehow responsible for our actions, or lack thereof. They also indicated that even people who were "seemingly crazy" (bad temper, popping their cork, etc.) had this shield, while usually, the calmest person in the batch did not. So it's kind of true when they say, "It's the silent ones you have to worry about." In my personal opinion, the person who holds in all of their feelings and never truly has an outlet for all of their sadness, anger and rage are the ones who usually "snap". For the nuts out there (like myself) who go off the edge from time to time ranting and raving -- we've already said our peace and poured out our frustrations. Our inner emotional box is empty. For those who keep it all in, that box is bursting at the seams. What do you think?

Want to add your opinion or thoughts on Facebook instead? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

If Only...

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 07:07:08 PDT

Sometimes I look over at my dog and wonder what she's thinking. Does she even think at all? Does she have a thought process? Is she plotting against the squirrel out on the lawn? When it rains, she looks melancholy - as if she's wishing her sunny days back, lying in some random sunbeam. Occasionally, she'll run up and jump on me, indicating she wants something. I have to walk and follow her in order to know what she needs. If she heads to the kitchen, she wants a treat. If she heads near the door, she needs to go out. Sometimes, it could be that she just wants to cuddle on the couch, so she'll pull my pant leg and steer me over to the sofa. Our communication isn't the best, we mess up and well, I have to clean up the occasional 'mess', but overall, it's pretty damn good. But this isn't about my dog, oddly enough. Have you ever wondered what someone in your life was thinking? It amazes me we have this precise language that we can tell others exactly what we want or need, and yet we never use it to its fullest potential. We make the other person guess or try to figure it all out on their own - like my communication with my dog. We speak in roundabout ways or give someone the cold shoulder to let them know you're not pleased with them for whatever reason. And while indifference can speak volumes, some people aren't the brightest bulbs in the pack. They just don't get it. We need it in black and white sometimes. There are times when I can only dream that the person I'm trying to communicate would pull my pant leg and guide me to where they need to be. Wishful thinking.

There are two things that can keep someone from communicating effectively: pain and fear. The pain can be from someone hurting you, either physically or emotionally. My dog cowers if you try to pet her head. You have to leave your hand out, let her sniff you and she'll let you pet her. Her fear from the pain she had in the past as a rescue dog which makes her behave this way. Ok ok ok, enough with my doggy analogies. But it's working, isn't it? Pain from someone hurting you can make you fear getting close with them again. The trust is broken. And even though you have all the forgiveness you can possibly dish out for anyone who has hurt you in the past, it is extremely hard to forget for some people. I do believe time can build up trust again - you have to earn it, as I'm trying to do with my dog, but sometimes, it's just too much, the memories, the thought of getting treated poorly once again...too much. I can only do my best and be patient, understanding and try to be a safe place for my best friend...or for the person I once hurt. They say the truth emerges when you're in a fit of anger, and yet when people are apologizing for their reckless behavior, they always seem to say, "I didn't mean what I said." It can be very confusing when some truth is mixed in with a sprinkle of exaggeration...or is it exaggeration? Maybe they thought like this all along and now, the truth comes out. I've done both in a fit of anger: I've said things I truly didn't mean, and I have also spilled the beans about what I truly thought. There's this proverb that says, "It's harder to make amends with an offended friend than to capture a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with iron bars." And while that may ring true, I do believe that love and communication can break those bars and set those two people free from anger or any resentment held in their hearts. If only...

Want to add your opinion or thoughts on Facebook instead? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Is It Better Now?

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 07:52:48 PDT

That was me bored out of my mind.

There was a time when I once thought that getting older would be somehow easier, perhaps a bit carefree and more spontaneous, because well, grown ups were allowed to do everything and anything they wanted. As a kid, looking up at people who were adults, I envied the "freedom" I thought they had. I envied the millions of things that they could have done, but most around me didn't do most of what I thought I would do myself, say if God came down and said, "Voila Deb! You're an adult! Go do whatever it is that makes you happy!" So then one day, I became an adult. I became that person who had the freedom to live her life the way I wanted. Then I learned about fear, not only learned it, absorbed it. I saw people getting into trouble, getting hurt, getting killed over the things I thought were once "fun". I saw people being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I saw young adults having heart attacks, dying of cancer, dying of AIDS. I saw things I never knew existed in this awesome world I viewed as a child. And now, I sit here as a middle aged adult, who has lost her Dad from cancer, lost a few friends from this awful disease, lost relatives at a young age of heart attacks and all sorts of tragic instances. I realized life is a treasure if you can maintain it. Life can be a blessing and life can also be a dreadful curse. My fear turned into anxiety. My anxiety turned into phobias. My phobias turned into dark depressions, which kept me from living that "free life" - that life full of spontaneity. I now think about the past, about how free I was as a child under my parents' care. How wonderful life used to be - how carefree and loved I was, no matter what I did wrong. I remember the safety and comfort of being young, to which as an adult, I have none. Don't get me wrong, life isn't bad at all, I know it could be worse, but I wonder why I thought this adult life would be so "cool". I remember the instant forgiveness - the way my parents put me before themselves as they did with all my sisters. It's also strange how I never used to have problems sleeping. Insomnia? What's that? Nothing kept me up. I had no worries other than a possibly pop quiz the next day in math.

After a second dry martini, I can think clearly and relax. As a kid, all I needed to do was kick some ass on Atari and call it a night. Even as a young adult, a night out partying was a way to relieve my stress. These days, a night past 10pm is one that'll have me mimicking a flu for the next 3 days. I remember Dad telling me, "Whaddya' got to worry about? You got it made, kid!" And I thought, "I got it made? Are you kidding me? My crush has a boyfriend, they want me to wear a bathing suit in front of the boys in gym, some bully on the bus wants to kick my ass and I have lab tomorrow morning at 6am!" (I know some of you remember those early morning lab classes.) Those were the stressors. It sounds so 'perfect' - and it probably was if you compare it to those who had it rough as children. But does it get any better when you grow up even if you had a rough childhood? I know so many adults who have PTSD due to their past childhood. They just never let it go and so, it lingers throughout the rest of their years with and without intensive therapy. I think about how it is today for kids, for my two nieces and one nephew - how hard it must be for them to grow up in this world. I remember how I was bullied by this one girl all. the. time. in school and keeping that as my "big secret". I didn't want to be a snitch or a "tattletale". I wanted to be one of those kids who never ran to the teacher or their mommy to rat someone out. It was "uncool" and you were called a wuss if you did something like that. Today? Kids have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram - all these forums to either share as friends or attack as enemies. And the worst part is the anonymity. They can hide behind their iPhones and computers in order to let someone know how "ugly" or "fat" they are or how they're "hated" just to rip someone apart. The only technology I had was *69 - even before caller id. Back then, you had to face your pranker head on: "Who is this?"

So realistically, being young and being an adult are both challenging in their own ways. If you really think back to when you were a kid, think about how you felt and all of the pressures of being a kid, getting in trouble for doing things that aren't 'seemingly' bad. And while we all have this sense of freedom being an adult, it also comes with other challenges that may seem like you wanna jump back into time and go back on that bus to face that bully, who now hates her life and turned out to be all the names that she once called you. Karma works in mysterious ways. I guess in retrospect, I'm glad I was "me" back then and somehow, I appreciate the "now".

Want to add your opinion or thoughts on Facebook instead? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Definition of Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 14:19:47 PDT

Last night, I went into the kitchen and made myself a drink while waiting for my wife to come home. I started to prepare dinner for her since it was her late night to work. I made sure her chicken was cooked to perfection, and that she had a nice cocktail waiting once she walked in the door so she could relax and put her feet up. We sat, talked for a while and discussed our excitement for our vacation this upcoming June. We've been through a rough couple of years, having my Dad pass on from his long struggle with cancer. Dad loved her. One evening, Mom had called us in the middle of the night crying that Dad had taken a bad fall on the living room floor while grabbing an orange from the kitchen. He couldn't get up. We rushed down to try and help, but he was in such pain that I didn't want to break anything. Last time, he broke a rib from us trying to lift him back up. This time, his hip was broken. Once back up on the bed, he said, "Can you get me that orange?" One evening, Madelene was with my Dad, holding his hand while he was lying on the bed that hospice provided. She said he was scared. He had such anxiety about dying. Who wouldn't? They sat in silence watching TV, holding hands with tears in their eyes. She loved him like her own father and of course, vise/versa. He told Madelene, "I never seen a couple who helped each other out so much and did things together like you two." Often, my Dad would tell me, "You just don't come across people like Madelene. She's the best you can get. She's good people." For an old school Italian guy, his blessing meant the world to me. Mad's been there for most of my big life events. My wife has seen me cry, she witnessed me wailing on the kitchen floor when I got the most dreaded phone call of my life. ".....he's gone." My wife has stayed up late at night, trying to comfort me while I suffered with terrible panic attacks. She has driven me up to the ER numerous times in the middle of the night just to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack. She never grudgingly did it -- she did it because she loved me. I've done the same for her when she was in the hospital. I took care of her while convalescing and stood by her side every second of every hour.

There have been good times too. Our days off are priceless to me. Sometimes on a Sunday morning, we'll sleep in with the dog nestled right in between us. We always have breakfast together. I make sure her coffee and breakfast is ready right when she gets out of the shower. When we go on vacation, we do everything, from art galleries, to dining out and to just sit on our deck and barbecue by the ocean. We still have long talks. We still communicate effectively. No, we're not perfect, but we're "family", regardless if we had kids or not. We've gone to family weddings together, funerals together, we've held each other's hands when we lost someone we loved. When we said our vows on the beaches of Provincetown, it was blessed by God and by a Christian pastor. For someone to say that our marriage is 'wrong' and that we can't love one another because we're both women --- that just baffles my mind. There are people out there who compare us to pedophiles, rapists and murderers. They have even gone so far to say, "What next? They gonna wanna marry their pets now?" The ignorance we have seen from people we don't know, to sadly, those we do know. It's so strange how certain straight people are so incredibly passionate about taking away our rights as humans to love one another and to have the same title, "marriage" to state our union. Most only make sexual references to our relationship - to our marriage. They call us "perverts" because we love one another. Not one person who is against marriage equality has stated anything of a "relationship" nature - all of it was purely sexual. When I think of a heterosexual couple getting married, I think "love", I think, "family", I think, "growing old together" --- I never think of the sexual part of it because that is none of my business what goes on behind closed doors. That's sacred between the two people who love one another. Doesn't the same apply to gay and lesbian couples? Don't we deserve the same respect? Not in the eyes of many.

You shall not make any gashes in your flesh for the dead or tattoo any marks upon you: I am the Lord. (NRSV, Leviticus 19:28)

For those opposed to gay marriage, let me ask you this... Are we supposed to repress our love for our partners or for anyone we fall in love with and live a lie and marry someone of the opposite sex just to go through the motions? Isn't lying one of the ten commandments? --“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator,” (Colossians 3:9,10). In Leviticus which is the Old Law which was abolished for all Christians when Christ died on the cross, it does state that man shall not lie with another man. While this is clearly stated, it also says that marking yourself (tattooing) is also a sin. This tattooed man in the photo has done the most hypocritical thing due to his bigotry. Ironic, huh? Religious people who are against homosexuality cherry pick scriptures and never reference anything toward themselves. They never fully read the bible and only take out what they want and bash us or deny our rights in the name of "their god" -- because it's not the same Christian God I know. I guess these days people are starting to realize that it's not such a big deal. There are groups of people, heterosexual and homosexual who are in fact, "perverted", but don't lump all of us into a category that we are certainly not about. Marriage doesn't mean "cruising for sex". Marriage doesn't mean "having multiple partners". Marriage does not define pedophilia or rape - why are people so ignorant? And if you're going to use the argument that marriage was meant for procreation, then what happens when one straight couple who are married can't have kids? Do they divorce because now, they're unable to procreate? What then? They do it the way most gays and lesbians have to -- either artificial insemination, fertility drugs or ask a close friend to be a surrogate mother. Adoption is a wonderful option for many straight and gay people. Many kids out there need a loving home. And if you think "we're" not "loving" --- then please feel free to step inside our home and really see what our marriage is all about.

Take a look at our progressive world. This video is not only done with tact, logic and sense, but it's done with humor. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did. Please click here if you cannot view the video below.

Definition of Marriage

Want to add your opinion or thoughts? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

What Does It Matter Anymore?

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 06:31:44 PDT

No one knows the truth, or better yet, perhaps everyone thinks they know the truth. I found myself amazed last night over the the amount of 'death chatter' regarding young people dying of strokes and heart attacks. "Well she worked out, she was young and healthy." What is "healthy"? Dr. Oz even had these cardiologists come onto his show and say that if you have high cholesterol, then you will live longer. They said, "Eat more saturated fat" while other doctors cringed and said, "Take more statins!" Our uncle died of a heart attack in his 30's -- so did my mother's cousin. All ate well, jogged, had a "healthy lifestyle" as the average person would see it. I have a doctor friend who inspired me to take the Paleo challenge. "Eat all the bacon you want!" Of course that comes with, "Stay away from all sugar and pastas." The pasta part was the hardest for me. But think about all of the contradictions out there. They are still trying to figure the human body out. "Eat eggs, it's the perfect food." "Don't eat eggs, it raises your cholesterol!" All of these mixed signals sends us spinning with confusion. Someone says, "Eat less, portion is everything." Another says, "Eat as much protein as you want." Even coffee is thrown into the mix. People were trying to give up coffee because some doctor out there somewhere said it was "bad" -- while other doctors are claiming that it reduces your risk of heart disease and cancer greatly -- and that's if you drink over 2 cups a day. Hey, I'll take it. You know what my guess is? Nobody knows. Nobody knows the perfect "diet" or solution to our health ailments. I remember my personal trainer would tell me, "Get your heart rate up to 190 for over 1 hour every day." Another person told me that 30 minutes of moderate exercise was all I needed. Then I hear that you need to at least go above 45 minutes in order to start losing "real calories" --- the ones that are attached to your thighs, not what you just ate. Made sense. But what if... they're wrong?

The fact is, we can all walk out of our houses today and have an anvil fall on us. We can die just as easily as making a simple mistake. What does it matter? But, while we're here, we want to live a healthy life without pain or health complications - so that's something I'm striving for, but who's the best person or doctor to listen to? Everyone has their own health mantra and I seriously believe, what works for one person may not work for the other. Our bodies are so different, genetically, chemically, etc. The Atkins or Paleo Diet may help one person lose weight, but for me, it gives me heartburn and 'brain fogginess'. The ketones wreak havoc on me. I'm always looking for good advice regarding health, but diets have become much like religion: certain people are totally swept up by their "beliefs" that this works, or that works, and they have this, "I'm right and everyone else is wrong" type of attitude. It's actually quite a turn off, whereas you want to do exactly the opposite - just like a Jehovah Witness trying to convince you of their beliefs. It's like, "Get off my welcome mat!" Some believe that if you have to be thin in order to be healthy. There are many beliefs that are tossed into a pile of 'know it all' opinions. And while some of these "opinions" may be from professionals, like doctors, personal trainers and dietitians, half the time these people are on the news reported as "wrong". So then, what's "right"? For now, I will live my life enjoying the people I love, good food in moderation with a bigger goblet of wine. Besides, they say wine is good for your heart, right?

Want to add your opinion or thoughts? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Most Lethal Weapon Used: Fear

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 07:45:55 PDT

This weekend was just incredible. I got to spend time with my family (on my wife's side) and celebrated a couple of birthdays. It was nice to see everyone, and many times, it was like, "How come we haven't gotten together more?" It was said more than enough times. We're too busy, we're doing 'this' and 'that' and then, something happens that brings it to a different level - a different perspective. I realized I've been missing out on a lot. With recent events that had taken place in my life, especially with Dad passing, I just sort of went into my shell and only let a select few people in if need be. I should have done the exact opposite - would have been healthier, but shoulda' woulda' coulda'. It's strange how things happen. Last night I was lying in bed wide awake with my mind racing. I had so many questions for God - like how did He let the bombing happen in Boston? Why did "He" have to take away a couple of very young souls that day? Why are people in such excruciating pain due to someone's reckless behavior? My heart hasn't been this heavy in a while, probably since 9/11. And although it was on a lesser scale, it wasn't. It really wasn't. The fear, the loss of life, the pain, injuries -- this was catastrophic however you look at it. My mind kept racing - so fast - that sleep never came to me. I thought about all the school shootings, terrorism, potential nuclear wars, my loved ones, 'what if', 'what if' type of obsessive thinking. I was filled with anxiety. And, that's how the terrorists win. Like North Korea, they instill that relentless fear inside of you. They make you believe they are more powerful than you can ever imagine, hiding, lurking behind corners waiting for you at the least expected time.

Nobody knows this fact about me. So, today I am putting it all out there. I'm sure a lot of my personal friends and family will be nodding their head saying, "I never thought about that..." I guess I'm the big "loser" when it comes to the game of terrorism. They won. They ruined my life. (I sound like a jaded ex-girlfriend now.) But seriously, ever since 9/11, I have never been the same. I remember it was a Tuesday morning and I showed up to the office to learn a new program we were working on. It was a large call center with over 500 people inside, I'm guessing. It was 8am. I remember I had a couple of cups of coffee - in the best mood ever and I was ready to take on the day. I was working along with one of my managers trying to get acquainted with the new technology that they were pushing us on...because you know, I hate change and all. So, while I was sitting in a tiny boxed up cubical with my manager, we noticed we weren't getting anymore incoming calls - it was totally silent. My manager looked up at me and said, "Wow, for a Tuesday it's really quiet." Soon enough, we heard someone from beyond scream out, "Oh my God! A plane hit the World Trade Center!" After we realized it was a terrorist attack and we were not able to use the phones, leave the building or even our offices until all planes were found and accounted for. All of our telephone lines were located under the World Trade Center, which is the reason for the silent lines. Days, weeks, months after that event, it was never the same. We had bomb scares and drills that left us standing in the middle of the street scared to death. I found myself praying in the bathroom once while they told us to go back into the building even though there was still smoke. There was a small electrical fire that started on the roof somehow. But to us, in our minds, it was a terrorist attack. The fear, the constant thought and planned out escape routes in our heads were haunting us. One morning, I had to be taken out by the ambulance because I had such a severe panic attack that left me passed out on my desk. I took off work a couple of years. I swore to myself I would never work in an office building that held more than 500 people ever again. Although I love my new work (not so new anymore), the terrorists won. I work from home, but this is so not like me. I'm used to getting up at the crack of dawn and rushing off into a designated office at a certain time. And the only fear I had was being late.

While I realize anything can happen anywhere, I just want to eliminate my fear. It's not working so well. I fear for people now, I fear for my wife, I fear for all my friends and family who have to go into huge buildings with a ton of people gathered together at the same time. Every New Year's Eve when I watch the ball drop, I also expect the bomb to drop. This morning after having zero sleep, I grabbed some coffee, sat outside and prayed. You know something --- it's strange how people are so surprised at this horrific event. I expected much worse in a larger capacity --- I expected a 'bigger 9/11', because my brain says, "The next time, it's going to be even larger." My mind is racing so fast - so please bear with me. I also think about the year I went through with Dad passing, friends getting sick, friends dying and horrific tragedies taking place and a nuclear war threat to boot --- something's gotta give. I almost lost my faith in God, or perhaps I just questioned it a lot more, as you've probably read recently. The devil wants to steal your joy. Isn't that his job? And he also wants to steal your faith. "How can God let this happen?" The question is: "Why isn't our faith growing?" And that's how it's happening, how it was written in the Bible --- your faith will be tested when the times comes. We're over here like, "Why???" We forget. I forgot. But let me just tell you, I'm sort of glad I had zero sleep last night. I prayed to God, prayed for everyone involved in that tragedy and I had some pretty wild confirmations that God's on our side. So in reality --- the terrorists didn't win. Put on your suit of armor because it's gonna get worse before it gets better. I apologize for the randomness of my post today. Again, my mind is just running way too fast, so I just jotted this down the way it was in my head. I'm upset, I'm unsettled, but my faith is still there. And now, I need to wean off the java.

Want to add your opinion or thoughts? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Skin Deep

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 06:39:08 PDT

There are evenings when my wife will spend a little extra time in the bathroom putting on these anti-aging creams and 'dewrinklers' as if she was a piece of linen. She comes back smelling like fragrant mud. I admire her persistence of always keeping herself nice and looking young. I started dating her when she was 29 years old. And may lightening strike me, I still see her as 29. I ask her why does she even bother with these rituals if her skin is naturally beautiful and young, just like her mom's. She says, "Well I have dark circles under my eyes ---see? And I have wrinkles in places I never saw before." I stare at her face --- I see the 29 year old I fell in love with. I honestly never see any flaws on her. There was even a time when Mad 'thought' she had put on weight. I never noticed. To me, she was the same beautiful and curvy woman I fell in love with. Since then, she has lost all the weight she put on, but the fact is, I never even realized it until she told me when she reached her goal of getting back to 'herself' again. I always saw her as fit. Maybe that only proves that true love is literally blind to all 'thought to be' flaws and imperfections. Even when I started putting on weight, nothing other than "beautiful" was her word to describe me, as I cringed each morning stepping out of the shower into the full length mirror. There are times when I look at an old photo of myself and notice the drastic changes in my face and think, "How can she love me now?" She met me when I was 19 yrs old. At 39, I look much different. I still receive "I love yous" at least 5-10 times a day either through text messages or while having breakfast or dinner together, and especially before we go to sleep, even when I'm feeling ugly.

Mom at 19 years old...and still just as beautiful.

Sometimes we change with age, sometimes we change with stress and other times (luckily), we seem to not change at all. I admit, I'm sitting here right now procrastinating dying my gray roots. I still want to catch my wife's eyes, and yet, I know that I'm fully accepted even with my hair up in a tie wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a tee. What about the bigger picture though? To those out there who berate one another for not looking "good enough" for them or pointing out their so called flaws. My Dad used to always say, "Doesn't ya mutha' look beautiful?" I remember him saying this all the time, even as a kid, until the day he could no longer speak. He also reminded his children that they were beautiful all the time too. We can grab onto all of those comforting phrases like, "beauty is only skin deep" and "she's beautiful on the inside". Even with plus size women, they tend to have these sayings, "embrace your curves" or "weight doesn't matter" - and to some degree, in a healthy point of view, weight actually does matter in that aspect. But in terms of the beauty - the "love" that can exude from that one person to another, that's the beauty that cannot be touched or tampered with. It's the spirit of the person - the soul that thrives outward into the world that says, "My outer appearance does not define who I am." How sad is it to see a woman with a beautifully 'symmetrical' face, a perfect and slim body with beautiful hair think of herself as "ugly" and "fat"? In fact, I knew a few of these women who seem to think they're not pretty enough or not thin enough, when the truth is --- other people see them as "perfect". That's the type of torture I would never want to have: the constant battle of keeping perfect. I know I'm saying "she" a lot, but there are a lot of young men and older men who are very self-conscious of their appearances.

You know how much of a grammar nazi I am, but I love it!

Instagram now has an online beauty pageant where young girls can go online, take a self portrait of themselves and see how many "likes" they get. There is no prize for winning other than being the prettiest of the bunch, but the one who loses may also lose their self-esteem and self-worth in the process, and perhaps their own life if thought to be the "ugly duckling". This contest is so incredibly destructive to kids who are trying to get validation that they're "pretty" enough or "hot" enough. A few weeks ago, I noticed a friend of mine (who is probably in her late thirties like me) who was posting semi-racy photos of herself. She's such a cute woman, dresses trendy and she has a great sense of humor, but her photos screamed, "Please, someone tell me I'm pretty!" One photo was a bit too much for me, granted she did look beautiful, but I was afraid that if I did "like" it, that it would seem inappropriate. So I left it alone. Many other of her friends left it alone too. She then put a status message up that said, "WTH?? Why didn't anybody like my last pic?" She felt really bad about herself that nobody attempted to "like" it. I called her out on it and said, "You don't need to do that. You're such a beautiful girl and you don't need validation from anyone to let you know you're pretty." She then admitted to me that her ex-husband used to call her "ugly" and made fun of her weight problem, so she lost like 50 lbs and began to feel better about herself. But she still needed validation from others. How can someone who claims they truly love you, tell you that you're "ugly" or make fun of a weight problem in a destructive way? The "ugly" part I don't get. Why did you pursue them to begin with? If your partner is having a weight problem, exercise with them or cook healthy meals -- constructive solutions --if that person wants it. If someone feels the need to criticize someone else's appearance - even through frivolous chatter amongst friends, it only tells me that the person speaking has a lot of self-esteem issues. Sometimes, you have to read deeper into it.

Want to add your opinion or thoughts? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Shady Customer Service

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 16:03:31 PDT

Rant 1: You'll have to excuse me for I'm ~~PMSing~~ a bit edgy today. I have had it up to my nostrils with customer service these days. And granted, I was a customer service rep for quite a few years -- I just don't know how people do business anymore. I also blame companies for hiring these ~~ghetto monkeys~~ people who deliver or come over to repair anything in your home. It's disturbing. There's a few groups of people I am referring to, so I'm not racist, I just hate everyone right now. The first group of men (because there wasn't a single woman on the job sadly), came over to put in my internet, phone and cable service. They denied me service because the pole behind my house was behind bushes. They guy said, "Oh shieeet, we ain't climbing dat!" I reminded them that they were phone technicians. This is the job they signed up for. "But there can be snakes in those bushes." They left. I called Optimum Online / Cablevision to let them know they sent a couple of cowards to my house. They apologized profusely and then sent over these kids who were straight out of a rundown alley. Observations: #1. Their asses were hanging out of their pants. #2. They were blasting rap music out of their van. #3. They reeked of pot. "Ma'am, you're gonna hafta' call the electric company to remove the brush near the pole." Again, service denied. Finally, they sent over a big brawny looking Hercules type of guy who instantly hopped onto the pole and voila --- service was on. I was so incredibly happy (being that I was without internet/cable or phone for over 3 weeks at the new place) that I invited him to stay for our BBQ & had a few beers with him. It was his last call for the evening. We enjoyed his company...and service.

Rant 2: Back to the same company, and by this point, maybe I should have switched already. I called because I received an email with my cable/internet/phone bill. I normally pay $165.00 a month for service. It read, $330 something or other instead. And no, I didn't order any porn, besides, you can get that free on the internet, but I'm Christian, so...(crosses eyes). I literally had to sit down, take a deep breath before calling the poor customer service rep who I was planning to ~~rip her a new asshole~~ tell my story to so I could at least clear this up. Like they say, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, right? As soon as the rep answered, I immediately said, "I don't wanna pay my phone bill" --- she laughed and said, "I don't blame you - what happened here?" --- Rapport was established. For some reason, my automatic online payments had dropped and it collected from the last month. It was no one's fault other than an electronical "glitch" in the system. I opted for manual payments now since it keeps doing this more frequently than not, but my point is --- sometimes you do get that awesome representative that makes you think, "Hmm, this company isn't that bad." Customer service is the face of all companies. And I have to say that the customer is not always right. That's just a 'motivational lie' to make you service the companies' customers to the best of your ability --- until one day you lose it and find yourself somewhere rocking in a corner of a padded room with a straight jacket on.

Rant 3: This one is kind of funny and cute. One day I was waiting for furniture. This was about 2 months ago. There was still snow on the ground and I was hoping the big truck was going to make it up our driveway. Nobody goes by 'timeframes' anymore --- they tell you from 1pm till 6pm and then end up being at your house at 8am. This is how it started. So while I'm walking my dog in the morning, I hear a bunch of guys speaking in Spanish guiding a huge truck down the hill of our driveway to make sure they wouldn't hit anything. There were 3 guys in the front of the truck waving him on, and two inside. There was canny Mexican music blaring out from the truck -- the type with horns and the whole deal. I watched them as they made their way into the driveway in front of my house. They were opening the back of the truck, but they had to do one thing before delivering my couch. They climbed on top of this old oak tree in front of my house - two sitting on one branch and one guy swinging from another. I seriously thought it would break off and I'd be sued. They were taking pictures because the view behind them was beautiful. But this scene was so hysterical, I quickly went to find my iPhone, but by the time I grabbed it off the counter to take an Instagram pic of them --- they were done. They were very helpful, put together everything, brought a huge couch upstairs, put together a bed in another room downstairs and basically worked their asses off. One problem: why is it any time service people are over, they need to use the bathroom? I get it - nature calls - but a longggg time ago my mother let this furniture guy use her bathroom and all of her medications in the cabinet were wiped out. I always get this feeling like they're planning or plotting something. Not only did they reek of booze, but one man asked if I was married while we were waiting for the last guy to finish up. I told him my husband was a cop and should be home any minute. No comment after that. A few times, they were on their cell phones talking about going to the bar after work. I mean, I'm no stranger to the bar scene, but come on.

"Umm, ma'am, are you black?"

Rant 4: Why are people hiring shady characters? I don't get it. If you want your business to succeed - why are you grabbing these unprofessional dimwits to deliver furniture to your customers? And this has absolutely nothing to do with nationality, race, religion or whatever --- it has everything to do with their behavior and sadly sometimes, incompetence. And I kid you not --- there was a time when I called customer service for a cell phone company and after a heated debate about charges that were on my bill, she had the audacity to ask if I was black just because I had a New York accent. I don't care what type of context it was in - you. do. not. ask. that. So, I asked for her manager, told her I was black and said that was discriminatory and she should listen to the recording of the phone call itself. One thing to keep in mind about phone companies who "claim" they record phone calls --- the company I used to work at "randomly" did when observing their employees only. Other than that - it's a free for all. I was able to switch companies without the consequences of breaking the contract. I was off scott free. So now when my phone service goes out, I just search it on Twitter to see if others are experiencing a problem before my last resort: customer service hell. /end rant

Want to add your opinion or thoughts? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Faith

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 08:13:15 PDT

In my previous post, I spoke about faith and about the dream I had that could have been taken as an outer body experience. Dreams are dreams, right? I also spoke about whether or not a spiritual experience was just a burst of euphoric events in our brain, giving us a "god-like" presence. I did forget one thing that let me know that there was indeed a god, or at least, a place where my Dad was being taken to. It was last year, on a Saturday, July 21rst. Dad was in hospice and not expected to live much longer. I was there all week, and needed just to breathe in the morning, have a peaceful breakfast outside with Madelene and then head up to say my final goodbyes. As I said before, most of my relatives die on the 21rst of whatever month. I wanted to wait after 12:21, because it's a number I see all. the. time. when I look at the clock. It happens too often. After 12:21, I would head up to where Dad was. At 12:21 pm, this moth came flying down and onto the picnic table that I had my coffee on. I stared at it because the color was so unique and the texture almost looked like it was made out of wood, but as I looked a bit longer, I saw that it was a descending angel - it looked as though she was raising her hands about to lift off into the sky. Again, like I said in my previous post, it's like seeing Jesus in a groove in some oak tree or a piece of toast that has the Virgin Mary on it. But take a look at the image. And, on 12:21pm. Then, moments later, my sister called me and said, "Deb?...............He's gone."

It says in Matthew 17:20, "'You didn't have enough faith,' Jesus told them. 'I assure you, even if you had faith as small as a mustard seed you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.'" The problem I see with this is that it is impossible to move a mountain. Literally, yes...I guess you can say 'you have to read more into it', but what about having faith as little as a mustard seed? Does it mean we can kinda-sorta believe in God? What if our faith is flawed or doubted in any way? In Christianity, if you don't believe, you don't go to heaven. There are so many flaws to "religion" -- or should I say "unbelievable" stuff, and perhaps many contradictions to the rules. See, I want to believe Dad went to heaven and that he's in a much better place -- as the ol' grieving cliched advice goes, but I guess it's normal to want more proof. Don't get me wrong, I still believe and I still pray, it's just that small percentage in my brain that says, "What if?" I received a few emails from my readers asking if I was okay. I'm writing what I've been tossing around in my head for some time, maybe to get feedback, maybe to just vent, or maybe...to have God hear me, or better yet, read me. Have you ever wondered what keeps your faith strong --- in anything --- what keeps you still believing in whatever it is that you believe?

Want to add your opinion or thoughts? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

To Believe or Not to Believe

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 17:25:44 PDT

Stepping outside of my faith in God, I have to say religion is a funny and strange concept. Here you have so many people living on earth believing in numerous "gods" without an ounce of concrete proof. Our faith is supposed to gather all the "spiritual experiences" it can, if we're willing enough. And on the scientific end of it, our brain can manifest such euphoria - a "god-like" feeling which can be confused with "God's presence". Many Catholics have seen "evidence" --- a statue of religious figures crying, a wood groove on an oak tree that resembled a man with a beard (Jesus) or seeing the Virgin Mary on a piece of toast up for bids on eBay. We're completely awed by it, until someone tells us it was rigged or tampered with -- or, that it was just a coincidence that their mind "saw" Jesus and not a groove that somehow can be looked at as a man with a beard. For me, I have had confirmations of messages of God -- like seeing the same scripture three times in one day. "Hmm, must mean something!" -- And while it does for me, it can totally mean coincidence for somebody else who doesn't have faith in religion. I sometimes wondered (still do kind of) if religion was a made up theory or myth so that people here on earth wouldn't have a fear of dying. Let's face it, the thought of death is our worst fear. Even if you're the most religious person, dying and going somewhere into the "unknown" -- even if that "unknown" is heaven -- it's still a scary transition. Will I be in pain? Will it hurt? Will I be lost for a while? Will someone greet me? Will I make it into heaven? All these questions have people absolutely scared out of their minds. So we ease them with religion -- a concept of not fearing what's on the other side. Or, has God already done that? Has he already eased the minds of all who are faithful?

In John 20:29 it states, "Then Jesus told him, 'Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.'" Do we get more rewards when we don't ask for proof? There is a section of the Bible that states it's bad to ask for proof -- it basically means that you lack faith. It's like sitting in an underground bunker, and some man walks inside and says it's raining. We can either believe him or we can go out and check for ourselves. But we can't with religion. In a strange dream I had a couple of weeks ago, I was swept up from out of my body, straight into a huge hospital-like building with tons of doctors in white coats (I know what you're thinking, no not a psyche ward), they were more like scientists and doctors experimenting and doing studies of some sort. I don't remember much of the middle of the dream, however, when I finally got out of the room to make it into the corridor of the building, I remember falling and sitting on the floor. I was almost to the elevator - but it wasn't an elevator - it was a way to get "home" - here on earth. It was like this time traveling shaft that would speed you into your designated dimension. I had to be escorted by some guy in a yellow suit who knew how to travel this shaft properly, so that I would get off at my "stop" -- like a bus. But before I made it into the "elevator" --- some doctor or scientist started running towards us screaming, "Don't let her go yet! Wait!" He then explained that I must not tell a soul about my experience when I get back home. I can't let any one of my friends, family or even strangers know about this place. He explained that each person or group on earth has their "Jesus" or "Allah" or "Buddah" -- and by explaining experience, it may take away their faith in their "little gods". See, he was trying to say that this "hospital" or "facility" was the creator of us. So by seeing "his people" form religious groups and seeing the many challenges we have here in political ways, it was determined who was the "brightest monkey" so to speak. They then placed me in the elevator, which I thought would be a smooth ride, but instead, it fell, letting us go faster and faster as the gravity took us down at such an incredibly high speed. I tried screaming out to the expert who was with me, "We're gonna fall and die! Stop this thing!" And he smiled and said, "And off you go!!!" I then floated out of what looked like a building in its first skeletons - still under construction. I then drifted off into the night, going through familiar roads that led to my house and then back into my body. When I woke up, my heart was racing so fast, and I kept hearing the words of the scientist guy telling me, "Do not tell anyone about this place!" --- Almost threatening me if I did.

I sat up in bed the rest of the night - not sleeping for one second more. Madelene asked, "You okay? Did you have a nightmare?" I just nodded my head and said, "Yeah, don't worry I'm fine." But I wasn't. This dream shook me up so much that I was afraid to tell anyone about it. The next day I was talking to my mother and she asked, "How'd you sleep last night?" I told her I was up all night with nightmares, and she asked, "Oh what did you dream about?" -- Which she never asks... "I forgot." I didn't though. I remembered all too well and it stuck with me. As days went on, I sort of relieved myself from the constant thought of that dream. I finally told Madelene about the dream and as much faith as she has, she believes that some religious faiths were meant to do just that. Later that evening as I was falling asleep when Madelene was watching some apocalyptic type of documentary -- they started to speak about different faiths and how religion keeps them from fearing the worst. It was then I muttered out, "People have their 'Jesus'', their 'Allahs' and their 'Buddahs' and that's what keeps them living with hope and less fear." I then realized what I said, as though I had absolutely zero faith in God and started to wonder about my dream again....about my faith again...about the dream again. All these thoughts now rush through my mind: Where did Dad go? What did he see when he opened his eyes really wide for the last time before he took his last breath? Is he okay? Is he in some sort of experimental facility or is he in "heaven"? Or, is he now just apart of this earth we call home? This is when I start feeling betrayed by God - like how can you leave our minds, our hearts up in limbo not knowing for sure? But, they say, that's where faith comes in. Faith. Some had faith in Greek mythology. Hell, I had faith in Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny till someone told me the truth. And Easter is derived from a pagan - a goddess named, "Ēostre", pronounced, "Easter". She was the goddess of fertility. They painted elaborate and decorative eggs and the bunnies were a symbol of fertility. It was a Pagan holiday - so how did Jesus' resurrection take over the entire meaning of its name?

Where are you, Dad?

But I digress. I guess I'm having a hard time lately "believing" or not believing. I'm not quite sure which it is. It makes it especially hard when you have a loved one who recently passes and you have no clue as to where they went. That part bothers me a lot. My dad used to sit outside with me out on the patio and say, "When I'm gone, (which was heard more than enough times), I'm sending a hawk as a sign!" As if that was such a rare thing up here. There are hawks everywhere! But now, my mother points up to the sky and says, "There's Daddy!" And it makes her feel somewhat comforted. I have to admit, when I see one swooping down, I kind of giggle to myself and say, "Hi Dad" under my breath, hoping he can hear me wherever he is. So even though my faith has dwindled just a tad, I can see how it keeps us all together, all somewhat sane and comforted as we travel through life wondering about the unknown places we're about to embark on. I still pray. I still have faith that God hears me. I guess it's still there, until the day I stop praying, perhaps thinking it's just random chitchats to myself. And while I know the Bible inside out, can quote scriptures and verses like it's nobody's business, I also know that it's a man-made book inspired... inspired by God, or maybe a euphoric generated inspired thought from the most powerful organ we have: our brain. I still believe. I still believe. I still believe. Say it.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Technology Doing the Legwork

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 08:18:53 PDT

As a blogger, I read quite a lot of other people's blogs. As an author, I read lot of other people's books. As a musician and guitarist, of course, the same applies. Isn't that how we learn and how we get new ideas or perhaps even opposing ones? When you're half awake, maybe sipping on your first cup of joe and reading someone else's blog, the first thing that needs to be embedded into your noggin is that blogs are simply opinions or facts taken from other sources. I have seen so many people get riled up over activists' posts and articles that are written to do just that --- stir the pot. While taking everything with a grain of salt, we sometimes fall under a 'thought-to-be' personal attack that we think is either uncalled for or unnecessary. Simple "X" out and move on. Read it like a bad article in the newspaper. No nasty comments can be thrown at the author. But people want their voice to be heard. And why not? They want their opposing opinions to whiplash the offending writer. And sometimes, yes, your opinion on their website can make a difference or persuade someone else's opinion, but most of the time, it's only validating your point of view to be...right. Everybody wants to be seen as "right", and that's perfectly normal. These days, nobody wants to read more than 140 characters and dare I even say, finish reading someone's blog post unless they are sincerely and truly interested in that person's opinion. We're all microblogging because we can't concentrate on one thing for more than five seconds at a time. We can click a "like" button to let a friend know that we love their new profile pic. We can write a short comment letting others know our opinion or how we thought a particular post was sort of funny. We made a shortcut to reading, and sadly...writing. We hardly even talk to one another anymore. We text - and isn't that ironic? But, truth be told, texting is much simpler - a short and sweet response to something you don't wish to elaborate on. Who wants to have an entire conversation especially with the awkward moment of trying to get off the phone with someone? Nobody. And let's face it, some people just don't know how to end a phone call. One rule about phone calls? Once you hear somebody sing, "Okayyyy", time to let them go. NOW. But we don't. We have just one more thing to say.

Remember when photography was one of the great commodities in this world? A professional photo taken by a 35 mm camera which used the good ol' obsolete film with no photoshop available was one of the hardest hobbies and careers to master. I remember when I was working for a nearby art gallery. We were having an exhibit one evening for local photographers who were showing their work. It was a transitioning time when the digital cameras were emerging, and the world of film lovers were outraged by the simplicities of their methods used. It was no longer a "hard career" or a "crafted hobby". Anybody can do it now. The film people were stubborn, never letting go of their strips of film or developing their own masterpieces. It took the fun out of photography for them. "Photoshopping" back in the day meant distorting your images in water with a piece of paper - real work involved. Now, anyone can snap a picture on their iPhone, use one of their filters to distort or enhance their images, and voila --- instant professional photographer. But to 'real photographers', they know good photography - real photography - and if you have an eye for good photography -- you'll definitely know the difference. Sure, the Instagram age is kinda cool and it suffices when you want to share that delicious cup of coffee or that amazing sunrise when you don't have a 35 mm film camera around, but once you compare a professional photo against an Instagram photo, there's no comparison. Just like a tweet vs. a blog post. Simple vs. elaborate. I admit, I've come to limit my professional photos to Instagram due to convenience and I also use Youtube as a platform to become a so called "filmmaker". It makes it easier. I can even edit a short film on my iPhone. How much simpler can it get? Granted, it's not as good, but when do we start calling ourselves professionals if we have technology to do all the legwork for us? What do you think?

Want to add your opinion or thoughts? Click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Nuclear Attack On the U.S.?

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 08:33:23 PDT

As you know, I need to lessen the amount of news I watch, but when I see the tiniest briefing about a nuclear war declared on the United States, I'm going to look into it. It was as if they reported ground beef having a recall. "North Korea has their final approval for a nuclear attack on the U.S. Back to you, Bob." And voila - it gets shuffled under the rug with the rest of the underground news that they don't want to scare us with. I will say this again and again, your biggest source of news is always on Twitter. It's not just civilians reporting on what they see - but the major networks are posting news links so that you can know what's really going on in the world. I don't know why more people aren't on Twitter yet. This is a gold mind worth of information. Not only that, the worst part of this "threat" or what they call North Korea's rhetoric is that China "may" be on their side and not so much our ally due to an economical standpoint. China's army is the largest in the world. That is one country you do not want to go to war with. Their manpower is extremely massive, dare I say even more than the U.S. North Korea alone -- eh -- but once China gets involved, that's when I get a little nervous and break my diet because well, I figure I won't be here that much longer to live my dream of being a super model. They already have loaded 2 nuclear missiles into their launchers on their east coast directed towards the U.S.

Many people on Twitter (civilians) are mocking Kim Jong Un, hacking into his Twitter account and photoshopping his pic into a pig and others just really making him into a huge joke. And while it may be funny, as I've posted a few comical photos myself, we have to remember the countries who may side with North Korea and back them up only due to monetary reasons. Most people believe it's just a bully making idle threats to the kid in the playground. I've also heard that they base their "attacks" on pure terrorism more so than actions. So does money really matter when it comes to "doing the right thing" - in terms of a possible nuclear war? Will countries back up this good for nothing evil country (I just speak for the dictator here) only because of the $$? I wonder how far it'll go. Our leaders and politicians all over the world have one thing in common: lies, greed and bunkers. The civilians have no say. We're just the victim of the madness that goes on around the world. So for now, I will have my bacon, I will drink my wine and I will surely have dessert...until further notice. Enjoy your Friday, if you can.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Deleterious Effects

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 15:05:52 PDT

Many people think progress was made. Many people haven't heard the slew of comments and derogatory statements made toward the LGBT community for their request for equal rights. I have sought through threads on Facebook, debates on Twitter and even sadly, some very well known people who seem to be in line with siding with those who do not agree with the homosexual lifestyle. One republican named, Dave Agema. He listed some "statistics" about homosexuality. Some of it reads, "Part of the homosexual agenda is to turn people from Christianity: The teaching that only male-female sexual activity within the bounds and constraints of marriage is the only acceptable form should be reason enough for any homosexual to denounce the Christian religion." Well, I'm Christian and never tried to turn anyone away from their religion just because I wanted the same rights with my wife. I'm not sure where he gets his statistics. Another statement reads, "Homosexuals live unhealthy lifestyles, and have historically accounted for the bulk of syphilis, gonorrhea, Hepatitis B, the 'gay bowel syndrome' (which attacks the intestinal tract), tuberculosis and cytomegalovirus." I think it's fair to say that both heterosexual and homosexual promiscuous are unsafe and yes, unclean - but you cannot bulk every single person of the LGBT lifestyle together into one medical mess. Why not put the statistics up about promiscuous straight people? I'm sure your numbers will be a surprising statistic. "Homosexuals account for a disproportionate number of hepatitis cases: 70-80% in San Francisco, 29% in Denver, 66% in New York City, 56% in Toronto, 42% in Montreal, and 26% in Melbourne." They would never give you the statistics from sharing a used needle from a heroin addict. What are those statistics I wonder? Here's another doozy, "Homosexuals are 100 times more likely to be murdered (usually by another homosexual) than the average person, 25 times more likely to commit suicide, and 19 times more likely to die in a traffic accident." At this point, you really have to laugh at the nonsense homophobes have due to their hatred to those who are gays. Most gays are hurt and killed by those who are homosexual, or closeted gays who seek revenge for their lack of security with their own sexuality.

Please watch this video before reading on.

In an article in the Huffington Post, it reads, "Jack Montgomery, who has adopted three children from Washington D.C.'s foster care system with his husband Kelly Vielmo, asks the Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia to "consider the lens and point of view of one individual family" the eventual rulings on the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and Prop 8 will affect. 'Being an inter-racial, same-sex family we are used to being conspicuous and sometimes the center of attention on a local level depending on where we happen to be,' Montgomery notes in the letter and accompanying video. 'With the cases being heard in the Supreme Court this week our family is now on debate at the national level.' Of 6-year-old Cardel, 4-year-old Raine and Ravyn, 3, he adds: 'When our children arrived we welcomed a five-year-old who was not potty trained, a two-year-old who was withdrawn, and an almost two-year-old who never learned to walk. Please understand that there were no biological impediments to the development of these children. Their situation was entirely brought on by deleterious parenting. Since their arrival our children quickly graduated from the need of any additional services to include physical, speech, and play therapy.' He then notes: 'I am not naive enough to think that any verdict of your court will change the opinions or hearts of the individuals we encounter on a daily basis. I accept that the stares our family receives walking down the street on a daily basis elicits both judgment and inspiration. What I do not accept is that the United States of America is willing to devalue my childrens’ family more than others and have a separate grouping of laws and benefits.'"

It makes me sad to think that there was a comment from the Supreme Court using the word "deleterious", which means injurious to health. It's amazing how many straight families are out there, using drugs, coming home drunk and beating their kids or putting them in harm's way due to their "reckless lifestyles". I think people are people - bad or good or unfit - it doesn't go by being straight or by being gay. It has everything to do with the individual's character and upbringing. Some say we aren't "fit parents" and I ask, who is? Show me who can do it better than two loving women or two loving men in a healthy monogamous relationship or dare I say -- marriage? I understand there are Christians out there that disagree with the gay lifestyle. That's fine. But show us PROOF of your God. Show us proof of the text which is literal and accurate and not translated into "another version" or interpreted and best yet -- cherry picked. There are more sins about adultery more than anything else, and that my friend is in the straight community more than anything. That's on the top ten list of the commandments. Not homosexuality.

I'll go even further. Our "filthy lifestyle" --- when you group us up into one deleterious group -- you always fall back on anal sex and transmitted diseases. Do you think anal sex is all for homosexual men? Are you that naive to think that straight people only have vaginal missionary sex still and that's it? Going back to these ridiculous statistics, listen to these claims. "41% of homosexuals say they have had sex with strangers in public restrooms, 60% say they have had sex with strangers in bathhouses, and 64% of these encounters have involved the use of illegal drugs." --How about this lovely one, they even added this statistic because it was stated in some movie, "Of homosexuals questioned in one study reports that 43% admit to 500 or more partners in a lifetime, 28% admit to 1000 or more in a lifetime, and of these people, 79% say that half of those partners are total strangers, and 70% of those sexual contacts are one night stands (or, as one homosexual admits in the film "The Castro", one minute stands). Also, it is a favorite past-time of many homosexuals to go to "cruisy areas" and have anonymous sex."

It truly makes you want to fly right back into the closet and lock the door. There are such bigoted and racist people out there today - more than I have ever even imagined that I feel a bit more closed up and pensive about being open about my lifestyle in public. And when I say public, I don't mean, public display of affection --- I mean, being a couple like any other heterosexual man and woman and to be accepted just 'as is' without any judgment. But that's only in a perfect world. So I'll just be me and you just be you.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Do Us All a Favor & Read the Rest of Your Bible

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 12:42:27 PDT

Slavery was okay in the Bible, ma'am. 50 years ago it was illegal for you to get married, ma'am.

It's kind of interesting what's been happening lately since social media has been exploding with the messages of those who are for and against marriage equality. Now I'm seeing the religious antigay people coming out of the woodwork spreading all of their cherry picked scriptures from the Bible to tear down those who want equality. If you've been reading me for some time now, you know where I'm heading with this one. I'll try to put a twist to it for you so you don't feel like you're reading the same thing again and again. But today, it's important I put this message out there. So bear with me, loyal readers. For new readers, especially the antigay religious folk -- I challenge you to answer a few questions.

Do you include salt, in offering to your God? If not, you're sinning.
Do you eat fat in your diets? If so, that's supposed to be saved for the offering to God.
For my God fearing 'right to bear arms' type of hunters -- have you touched an unclean animal? (Meaning touching the carcass of a dead animal, draining the blood, etc.)
Do you eat animals that doesn't both chew cud and has a divided hoof? (ie: camel, rabbit, pig)
Do you eat shrimp scampi, lobster, clams, oysters, mussels, crab meat - any shellfish whatsoever?
Do you wear clothing made of more than 1 fabric?
Have you gone to church within 33 days after giving birth to a boy? It's an "unclean week" for her, which is seen as another sin in the Old Testament. Same applies to a girl, but that's within 66 days.
Have you sat next to a woman during her period or worse yet, had sex with her during this time?
Did you shave your beard?
Have you cut the hair on the side of your face? (Side burns or the curls of an orthodox Jew.)
Do you have a tattoo?
Have you ever gone to a psychic?
Did you know that it's a sin for a woman to get raped. Yep, you can read that again. Unless you pay the father a certain amount of money, then it's "okay" in "God's eyes".
Do you still believe slavery is okay?
Did you know that there was a death penalty for saying the Lord's name in vain, all from Leviticus?

Really?

All scriptures that reference to homosexuality seen in Romans and in Corinthians are meant to be taken as reckless sex - as any heterosexual or homosexual person may engage in. Premarital sex is also a sin. It's the promiscuous nature they are speaking of - not a loving relationship between two people. My problem with people trying to instill their religion on gays and lesbians is that, they are not following their own "good book" of rules. They're only taking out what they don't like and using it against people who just want the same rights as anybody else. The most hateful speech with religion backing them up are from those who don't even take the time to read the Bible itself. They cannot quote one scripture, nor even understand what was said in Leviticus or interpret their meaning. They have a problem with gays and lesbians marrying one another. How is this affecting their lives? It's destroying the sanctity of marriage? Maybe if so many people weren't on their 4th or 5th marital spouse, I could probably see that. But the truth is --- they don't care about other "sins". They only care about the homosexuals ruining the reputation of marriage. I heard one gentleman say, "Oh my neighbors are lesbians who have been together for years. They're very nice people. I like them, but I don't agree that they should be allowed to get married, and that's my opinion." What if that same person who said that was to witness one spouse dying and their relatives coming over to take over all of their possessions, as well as her will to her lifetime partner, who she couldn't marry? Would you think that was fair? People are funny once a loved one passes away. Things change. The "life partner" is no longer "family" -- they are considered "a friend". "A friend" who has loved them every single day of their togetherness. "A friend" who has fed them, seen them through thick and thin and took care of them. "A friend" who has made a lifelong commitment through sickness and in health. Hmm, sounds like marriage to me. The worst part about an antigay religious person's thinking is that they only bring up the sexual nature of our relationships. For instance, the same gentleman said, "Ugh, I can't see a man putting up his thing in another man's bum." (I reworded that by the way.) It's psychologically known that if a person only makes sexual references towards the homosexual lifestyle, it may be possible that they're a closet homosexual themselves.

So before you start cherry picking your scriptures, it might be in your best interest to actually pick up the Bible and read the rest of it.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

"Soon They'll Want to Marry Their Pets" --Antigay Christian

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 08:02:40 PDT

It truly amazes me how some people view gays and lesbians. Since yesterday, I have been reading threads upon threads on mostly those who agree that the LGBT community should be able to marry the person they love. I have also read comments from those opposing marriage equality. For instance, one man stated, "Well, if you let this sort of thing happen, then 'other groups' will want to marry. It will happen." What other groups? As I read further into other angry posts, another person said that some people will want to marry their relatives, underage minors (pedophiles) and even went as far to say pets. The more I read these outrageous responses from your typical 'everyday normal citizens' --- I actually wondered what the people around me really thought of it. You know, years ago if you said something positive about the gay community, or dare I say - you were gay in a company that was a bit more conservative, you could have been fired for it. Now, it's more of a crime to be antigay or say something negative about the LGBT community. It's due to the zero tolerance that many companies and businesses are engaging in thankfully. With that being said, the ol' bigoted mindset is still very much here. Look what happened not too long ago with Chick-fil-A. Once it was known that the owners of the chain were antigay -- tons of people came out of the woodwork to show their support for their antigay statements. I felt so incredibly sad to see the honesty come up to the surface.

You know, it's not like we're saying to the world, "OK, now you have to deal with us, accept us, love us, hug us and support us." What we're saying is --- we just want the same rights as everybody else. We are not pedophiles. We are not into incest. We do not support bestiality --- we are human beings of the same sex who want equality. We are consenting adults - not "rapists", "murderers" and "pedophiles" as many Christians claim that's what we are equal to in God's eyes. We get blasted with "Children need a mother and a father." What about single parents -- fathers or mothers who beat their children? What about children who grow up only knowing one parent? I know many of my friends who grew up in a one parent household and grew up to be wonderful and successful people. That's not the point. The point is, other people's fear of gays and lesbians (claiming it's just morally correct due to their religion) is making it hard for others to live their lives. Get your religion out of our marriages and unions and focus on God more. Focus on the fact that God will deal with us if that's what you believe. You're not the one marrying a gay person - so why are you so concerned about us? If your religion is so "full of love", then why are you spewing out so much hatred? Live and let live.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Get Your Interpretation of Religion Out of My Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 19:31:22 PDT

So your religion says that "gay marriage" will ruin the sanctity of marriage. Your religion says that two men together or two women together is an abomination to God. Your religion tells you a whole lot of things. Your religion also tells you to steer clear from shellfish. Your religion tells you that you shouldn't shave your beard. Your religion forbids you to have tattoos. Your religion tells you that premarital sex is a sin and yet you don't follow your religion's rules, but you're okay with judging other people's lives, and you're also okay with ruining other people's lives by instilling your religion and 'thought to be' morals upon other people's relationships. You want to stop gays and lesbians from marrying, while the sanctity of marriage has already been ruined by many straight people, including celebrities and those who take marriage for granted. You seem to be okay with the fact that so many people get a divorce over the slightest problems. Infidelity is okay too, but two people of the same sex in a loving relationship who want to have the same rights as anybody else is just completely wrong. Fifty years ago, you tried doing the same thing to interracial couples. It was illegal for them to marry due to your religious rules. You wanted to impose your "morals" on them and deny them their rights. Remember that? It's funny because I'm of Christian faith. Please tell me where in the Bible Jesus says that being with someone of the same sex in a loving relationship is a sin. Every single scripture that refers to homosexuality is either in the Old Testament (as eating shellfish was too) as in Leviticus or in the New Testament where the only references made were in terms of promiscuity for both heterosexuals and homosexuals. Get your facts straight, read your "good book" and maybe focus on bigger issues other than people who just want to love one another in a legal marriage like anybody else.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

The "Abundant" Universe

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 07:31:03 PDT

Have you ever felt like all your efforts were unseen and just invisible to everyone but yourself? Ever try to make people in your life happy but it just feels like you're hitting a brick wall over and over again? Then you start asking yourself, "Am I even happy?" A friend of mine wrote a really great post called, "Play Nice" which really spoke volumes on the laws of attraction. She writes, "The law of cause and effect where every action produces an equal and opposite reaction essentially states that there are consequences to our actions. We are the crafters of our own destiny and happiness and what we put out creates a kind of energy that will travel through the Universe and in a different form will come back to us." It sounds like this "law" should be foolproof, working on all levels of everything that's positive. My question is, are these theories and "laws" similar to ones in the Bible - "to control the masses" - so that we are all positive and 'do good' type of people? The laws of attraction tells us that whatever you put into the universe, you should get back. And while that seems like a lovely idea, it also reeks of bullshit. (The law itself, not my writer friend!) Maybe I expect too much. Maybe in my eyes, I feel like I'm doing more than my share while others feel like I'm doing nothing at all to improve situations. Have you ever sat there thinking, wow, I have done all I could possibly do to improve 'this' and 'that', and nothing good ever came of it? I do believe that when you expect too much (or at all) you'll always be disappointed in life. But why can't we expect? Why can't we hope for something good to come out of the things we do in good faith?

There's a huge difference in being grateful and knowing what you're worth. Maybe you're not fulfilled at your job or getting paid enough. (No one's getting paid enough, right?) Maybe you feel you should be treated better, respected more or just living a better life in general. The fact remains there is always something we're going to gripe about - always something 'lacking' in some small way. Another writer friend of mine asked me how were my book sales going the other day. To tell you the truth, I published my book to get my message out to the world --- not for the money. This blog has been going strong for over 8 years now, most of those years being voluntary posts and articles to share my life and possibly help others. I will admit, sometimes I wish I was at a different point in my writing career, but the fact remains that I am still "here" - I'm still writing and sharing my life. At one time, I thought I'd be at a much different place today, but I am grateful that I still maintain this blog and now get paid by people who mirror my content onto their own websites. It works for me, but I still have this strong feeling that there's gotta be something much larger out there for me. Is it wishful thinking? Probably so. But overall, out of all the things I have given 'in secret', like charities, volunteering my time and work to others who needed help and trying to promote others for more exposure - whatever the 'need' was - I sometimes wish the universe would boomerang those blessings back to me, maybe just a tiny percentage. I truly don't ask for much, I don't need much, I just want what I'm worth before I totally lose hope. How about you? Did the universe recognize your good deeds? Did it send all those blessings back into your life? Do you believe the laws of attraction or do you think it's mostly all hogwash?

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

What Would You Do If You Found Someone Sneaking Into Your Home at 2am?

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 06:58:57 PDT

What would you do if you caught someone sneaking into your house through a window at 2am? What would you do if you were a gun owner? Unfortunately, sixteen year old Caleb Gordley from Virginia snuck out of his house to hang out with his friends. His parents had grounded him for not cleaning his room, so he took it upon himself to make a clean getaway for the evening. When he returned home after a night of heavy drinking, he had snuck into a window of his neighbor's house thinking it was his own. The neighbor unfortunately shot and killed Caleb thinking it was an intruder...but technically, it was an intruder in their eyes. The Gordley's have forgiven the neighbor for the death of their son, which is a huge and commendable thing on their part. I cannot even imagine being in their shoes. There's also that tiny thought in my head that asks, "What if it wasn't a mistake and Caleb had intentions on robbing his neighbors?" Maybe he saw something he wanted during a visit. Years ago, a very close friend of mine rode his motorcycle up my private road and stole one of my ATVs. Thing was, he left his motorcycle behind the garage. He couldn't have possibly driven both. Years later, he admitted to the robbery to a cousin of mine. I could go on about him being young and in the wrong crowd, but this was a childhood friend who I trusted with all my heart. I did forgive him, but that tinge of doubt still lurks in my mind. "What if?" You just never know.

In a world where guns are being debated about and now has come to be more of a political issue, I can see many people faulting the neighbor who shot Celab Gordley, saying it was a senseless murder due to not using their firearms correctly, or at least identifying the intruder first. I have to admit, if it was 2am and somebody snuck into my home with those I love with all my heart still sleeping --- there would be no time to investigate why they were there. If you're in my home uninvited coming through a window, you will surely meet your maker or at least, be up in traction for quite some time in the hospital. About two months ago, I woke up to my dog barking and growling viciously (the best she could) at a car that was parked outside my driveway with their lights off. She was up on the couch leaning against the window going absolutely crazy. People always laugh at my little vicious Chiweenie, saying that it's not much of an 'attack dog' due to her size -- but she's a good sentinel - she's our little alarm. And not for nuttin' -- her bark is sounding more and more like a big dog's bark. This is why I think it's also important, (if you're not allergic to dogs) to maybe invest in a small dog (or big one if you can handle it). Small dogs are wonderful intruder alarms. They'll let you know before you even wake up that someone is approaching your home. They can hear the tiniest of noises that the human ear can't pick up. They can also prevent accidents from happening, like identifying who is at your home instead of shooting someone who really wasn't there to rob you. Of course, then you have my dog who sometimes cries wolf and barks relentlessly at the deer grazing on our lawn. But, you just never know. Be safe. My heart goes out to the Gordley family and so much respect for their forgiveness and understanding of the entire situation. My prayers and thoughts are with them.

Meet Lola, my adorable sentinel...

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!

Catholic Priests are Never Accountable for Sexually Abusing Young Children or Practicing Homosexuality Behind Closed Doors

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 07:23:35 PDT

In some ways, there seems to be this right of passage for Catholics (mostly clergy) to bully those who are of different beliefs and lifestyles. I'm not talking your typical push you 'round the playground' type of bullying, but the type where if you don't believe what I believe, then you're just disgusting...period. They've made their point very clear, while trying to clean up their messy files of pedophilia and homosexual activities that have been going on in their churches for centuries. They never even step up to the alter and apologize, only to make excuses, cover up scandals and pretend like it never happened. Before I get into my distaste for the new Pope, I have a story of my own. Back in the eighties when I was going to CCD - night school for religion, they had sent us away to a religious retreat in upstate New York. It didn't seem like a "retreat" as much as it looked like a prison with cement walls and a door for each room. The only fun room they had was about the size of my bedroom with a pool table in it. They had old cots with thin bedding and one floppy pillow. The grounds were just as bland as the inside of the building - some dried out yellow grass and a swing set. I remember we were waiting to be called into a room to confess our sins to a priest named, Father Pipala. We were still learning the proper way to confess as well, prayer included. When it was my turn, the nun came up to me and whispered, "Now go and walk into that room over there and confess to Father Pipala." It was a thick metal painted door. I opened it to see Father Pipala sitting on a cot in an empty bedroom patting the bed saying, "Come here, child. Talk to me..." I stared at him, expecting to see a booth with black meshing to hide myself from confessing. But it was all out in the open: a priest on a bed giving me a "come hither" look. At that age, I never knew anything about pedophilia or grown ups wanting anything other than to teach us and to take care of us. But at the age of 8 yrs old, I felt a creepiness that I'll never forget. I sensed something was wrong. I stepped closer and stared at him. When he tried to grab me with force, he managed to pull off some of my sweater. I ran out of the room as fast as I could and screamed down the dark hallway that was lit with cheap florescent lights that flickered on and off. One of the nuns tried to grab my arm but I made my way outside by the bus we drove up in and cried hysterically. The entire day, those nuns were "extra kind" to me, letting me sit aside from the activities that were given to the other kids telling everyone, "She doesn't feel very well."

Not too long after, it was exposed that Father Pipala was charged for molesting children, mostly boys. In an article written in The New York Times, it states, "In Monroe, Father Pipala settled into his job, coordinating the youth ministry and working in drug and alcohol programs. His license plate read, 'Fred 66,' a play on his nickname, Father Ed, and the year of his ordination. He also assumed a darker role: founder and leader of a club called the Hole, based in the church basement. It had several dozen members -- all teenage boys, some with strained relations with parents, others from broken homes. The priest said in his deposition that he based the Hole on the 'philosophy of having someone who would be there all the time, a place that one could go to share their thoughts and feeling and not ending up in some bar talking to some strange bartender.' Yet, he said he gave the boys beer and liquor and showed them pornographic videos. Father Pipala created an initiation ceremony in which the teenagers, sworn to secrecy, joined him in masturbating into a red cloth, an act he would later compare to an ancient 'tribal' ritual. Each boy was given a small square of the cloth, and a T-shirt with his number on the back. By the time of his arrest in 1993, prosecutors said his abuse had extended to oral and anal sex. They said dozens of minors were initiated into his club and that he molested boys in rectories, at a Jersey Shore condominium and during a vacation in Massachusetts." ---read more here.

Aside from my own priest being a creepy pedophile, and in the same church, other priests telling me in confession booths that being a lesbian was a dead end road, I wonder what kind of road they were planning to travel on themselves. The church tried to sweep this mess under the carpet, just as the Vatican does with their own. No one ever seems accountable for their actions. Not one of the members of the church seems to lighten up on everyone who is a "seemingly sinful person" just by their sexual orientation. I understand Catholics believe homosexuality is a sin, but maybe they should pipe down a bit more since most of their clergy members are all repressed homosexuals and pedophiles. When it came to my attention that Pope Francis was chosen, many people were a bit upset with this, including myself. Many of the LGBT community were a bit taken aback by his statements. As you can see from the photo posted, he states that homosexuality is a destructive pretension against the plan of God. Well isn't ruining the lives of children by sexually molesting them also a destructive plan? If you practice homosexuality in the Vatican, in your churches --- shouldn't you be more lenient with the LGBT community? We're at least accountable and out - we at least admit we're gay or lesbian. We don't sweep our truth under the rug and show you a different face under a "red cloth". Pope Francis also stated that gays having children was considered child abuse. Child abuse? Really? He doesn't have the balls to admit what's brewing behind those closed doors and has the audacity to rant off that two loving people of the same sex are "abusing children" by having them. Now that's really gay.

To make matters even worse (and not to make you cringe), but the bishops told Catholics to celebrate holy week by attending an anti-gay march. You can read the article here. How about we rally in front of every church for an ant-pedophile march? In fact, we should spread it around the world, for all people, gay, lesbian, bi, straight, transgendered to picket outside of every single Catholic church and protest against children being sexually molested by priests who have no self-control whatsoever. John Becker writes, "This year, however, the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops is encouraging Catholics all across the country to add one more activity to that list. In addition to fasting, praying, and preparing for Easter, the bishops are asking their flock to take time out of their Holy Week observances, travel to Washington, D.C., and participate in a march and rally to protest the possibility that loving and committed same-sex couples might be granted the freedom to marry. The events are scheduled for Tuesday, March 26, the day the Supreme Court will consider Hollingsworth vs. Perry, the challenge to Proposition 8. (The Court will hear United States v. Windsor, the challenge to the so-called "Defense of Marriage Act," the following day.) It's being organized by the National Organization for Marriage, a blatantly partisan special interest group which infamously plotted to fragment the Democratic Party coalition by "[driving] a wedge between gays and blacks. Using Christianity's most sacred time of the year to promote homophobic bigotry and malicious discrimination? That's utterly contemptible. Every time I think the U.S. Catholic bishops can't possibly sink any lower into the cesspool of anti-gay bigotry, they find a new way to do exactly that. ...Jesus wept." You're right. I'm highly disgusted. You would shun Catholicism too, if you found out that one of your own kids were molested by a Catholic priest.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!