Let Me Go On and On...

Cancer Sucks

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 07:21:00 PST

Rainy, dreary, foggy, unclear. It’s been like this for a bit... I haven’t been updating this site because my dad is sick right now and in the hospital. The family and I have been huddling around dad’s bed smiling so he can’t see the many tears held back for him. While we know the diagnosis and grim news, dad smiles, with hope, because some of the ‘truth’ has been hidden. But, I do believe in miracles and praying for one right now. I haven’t been able to write or think for the most part. My mind’s been so occupied. I guess if it was sunny outside, it would seem as though the weather was mocking us in some twisted way.

If you could say a prayer for my dad and ask for a miracle somehow, we’d appreciate it. I miss that crazy Italian telling us awful politically incorrect jokes and stories. It’s strange, after a year of being ‘out of it’ and not himself, while at the hospital this past week, his positive spirit came back somehow. I can’t explain it. We all said, “He’s back!” But while the doctor gave him a “sentence” for his life, it makes it that much harder to laugh with him, even though we’re trying.

I’ve posted this once before, but today, I just need to repost it to watch it again to remember how funny dad is. It was taken with my phone cam, so I'm sorry for the fuzziness. I don’t want my mom to lose her best friend. I don’t want dad to suffer anymore, but selfishly, I want him here for another thirty years...happily. In the footage below, he was 100 lbs more than he is now.

If you can't see the video above, click here.

I'll be back soon, when my head is back together...

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

False Allergic Reactions: Getting My Life Back

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 07:05:22 PST

All throughout my life I’ve always enjoyed seafood, especially shellfish. As I’ve written before on this blog, my father owned a fish market at the South Street Seaport in NYC and brought home every type of fish you could imagine. Wednesday was our seafood night. We had everything from calamari, clams and spaghetti, shrimp, lobster, crab legs - you name it, we had it. Every Christmas we heed to the old Italian tradition of The Feast of the Seven Fishes. We still do it, however I tend to steer clear from it these days. About ten years ago, my sister started developing severe allergic reactions to seafood - mostly shellfish. Symptoms varied from rashes to face swelling, which is an indicator of a possible anaphylactic shock, which could be deadly. Soon after, I began to notice every time I ate shrimp, lobster or crab, I would get hives inside my mouth -- nowhere else. I quit shellfish immediately, but was able to still eat clams and mussels. No one could figure it out. Some would assume it was the iodine in certain types of fish that I was allergic too, while others told me to just stay away from it. There on after, each Christmas eve, I would say “no thank you” to the lobster, or the shrimp cocktail that was calling my name. Instead, I ate the other stuff, chips, pigs in a blanket, cheese or whatever pasta dish they were serving. While having dinner with friends on the night Mad & I got married in Provincetown, I was eating oysters on the half shell. In the picture over on the left, you can see my lips blowing up like balloons while I tried so hard to drink my martini (which burned them even more). Days later, I realized that I had exfoliated my face and lips, exposing them to 'raw skin' basically, which made them even burn more because of the salt brine. My friend that's sitting next to me in the picture above was concerned. Her face is priceless in this photo. She kept saying, "Do you think you should finish that appetizer, Deb?"

During the time of my new findings of my “allergic reactions”, I was at work one day when the cleaning lady asked me to dial 911. She got stung by a bee while she was outside having a cigarette. She said she stuck herself with an EpiPen that was in the first aid kit and needed an ambulance. I quickly got an ambulance for her and while waiting, I started to see her face turn purple and her breathing getting worse and worse, like someone with bad asthma. Ever since that day, I feared bees so much that at times if I see a bee hanging around the patio area - that was it - hell if I was gonna sit out there and risk my life. After seeing what I did, I wanted no part of bees. If they can kill with one sting, then that was enough reason for me to fear them with everything I had. It made my life miserable for years, watching everyone enjoy the outdoors while I stayed inside wishing I was out there. I remember watching my sisters and friends outside by the pool while I sat inside in the air conditioning wishing I was with them instead. It was pure torture. I stopped going to parks, fairs, wineries and any event that was held outdoors. There was one day when my company made me run a booth at one of our local town fairs. I had to stand there all day in the heat giving away prizes and setting people up with new products. There was a trash can nearby that drew all the yellow jackets swarming near me. I told my boss my stomach was torn up and went home.

It didn’t stop there. It trickled into every aspect of my life from fruits, nuts, and animals. I feared them all. I would only eat vegetables, fresh fish (like sushi, salmon, tilapia, etc.--not shellfish) and meat. I would take supplements to make up for the lack of vitamins and chose the wrong foods, which led me to gain weight. My life became a theme of limitations and fear. I couldn’t go through this anymore. I hated reading ingredients in the back of stuff that said, “may contain tree nuts”. Instantly, I would put the product back on the shelf. When I went to parties, I’d eat beforehand so I wouldn’t have some weird reaction at their house and embarrass myself. I wouldn’t go into people’s homes who had pets because of my asthma-like symptoms that I developed. Last summer, we had a huge bee problem and I couldn’t enjoy our beautiful property or deck. I was a prisoner of my own mind. I was depressed and mostly angry at myself over the possibility that it was all in my head. Why did I do this to myself? Why can’t I live my life without fear and enjoy the things everybody else was?

I finally broke down.

One morning, (and this is kinda funny) I got so angry that I could not enjoy this delicious almond milk that Madelene puts in her coffee. (Doesn't that look good on the left?) It smelled so good, and I’m not one to put anything in my coffee. I have it black with no sugar. But this smell - this delicious (almost hazelnut scent) kept wafting through the air. It was driving me nuts. I went on the computer and looked up everything regarding allergies and how to know if you’re sure you’re allergic to something. I called an allergist nearby and he said to come in and he would give me a blood test and skin graphing for every. single. thing. that I “feared”. I was so scared to do this with the ‘possible’ chance of a severe reaction - but I was too pissed off from limiting myself from everything I love. I went in. I got the blood test and had to wait for one week to get the results and then do the skin graphing. As the nurse pricked and prodded my skin for fruits, nuts, shellfish, mold, pollen, dog and cat hair, I wondered if I would be needing my EpiPen soon. I waited for the results and noticed my upper arm was swollen like a bitch. It was welted up. But which allergen was it?

The results: I’m only allergic to dogs, strawberries and dust mites. Nothing else. All five breeds of bees in my backyard were “safe” for me, if I ever did get stung. All shellfish, lobster, shrimp, crab, etc., were fine for me to eat. Not a single reaction to it. I can also eat every type of fruit or nut available, even strawberries but in moderation. I may get a slight rash but that’s it. I asked the doctor why I was getting hives inside my mouth every time I ate bananas, mangos and avocados. He said that when people have anxiety, our bodies can mimic a reaction I also asked him why Madelene and I got a severe allergic reaction (face, mouth, tongue swelling) after eating a batch of sushi. He said that it must have been some type of dressing or sauce that they had put on something. He calmed all my fears from the past ten years in ONE week. As he went down the list of things I can eat or be around, I felt like I was getting my life back. The only unfortunate thing is that I am severely allergic to dogs, which was the one test that had given me welts all over my arm. At the time of the dog testing, he didn’t tell me what it was. I said to him, “I feel funny and it feels like I have hair in my throat” - which happens when I’m at someone’s home where they have dogs, but thought he was testing me for pollen. He checked my arm and said, “Wow, you are severely allergic to dogs.” And to think, Madelene and I were going to get a dog this week, which is kind of sad, however the benefits weigh out the negative. So if you're like me and avoiding certain things that you "think" you may be allergic to ----please go to an allergist and get it tested so you can know for sure. It doesn't hurt at all and when something does react, it's very minimal, perhaps the size of a quarter at the largest. They either mark up both your arms and test for each allergen or they do it on your back. Everything is completely sanitary. I literally missed a lot of my life because of all my fears. I have my life back. Tonight I am celebrating by eating things I couldn’t in the past years....of course not all in one sitting. (I hope!)

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."
-Michael Pritchard

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Anxiety & Depression: Why Are They Related?

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 08:10:42 PST

Yesterday I received a comment on an older post of mine entitled, “Trying to Eliminate Anxiety & Stress”. It read, “I'm a mum of two, under two & I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder and postnatal mood disorder. I'm so freekin frustrated by my stupid symptoms that come on completely out of the blue and leave me completely exhausted and unable to keep up with my kid. I'm only 26 so I feel like I should be able to keep up, but these disorders have claimed my sanity!! It took 5 months for a diagnosis after I eventually asked if it could be anxiety they agreed....so I am now convinced drs know very little!! Anyway sorry for the rant but I'm glad a came along your blog and now don't feel as alone.” I can totally feel her frustration about the lack of understanding from doctors and psychologists. It took me over twenty years to find the right psychologist to start making me feel better, but through coping skills. Doctors aren’t magicians. They’re supposed to teach you how to cope and handle your anxiety and stress through management skills. Some give suggestions (like mine) and others leave that up to you to decide, which kind of frustrates me. It’s so important to find the right doctor and one that you genuinely like as a person and trust their advice. If not, you’re going to be in this anxiety limbo for a long time.

Most doctors diagnose people with “generalized anxiety disorder” - a blanket diagnosis for “you’re stressed out”. Who isn’t? And especially with this commenter, has two kids under the age of two...? I’d be stressed too. So I’m going to address this post to the commenter that went under, “Caketopper”... Give yourself some credit. There aren’t many people who can carry the load of having kids, no less raising them. Being the mom is the hardest job in the world. I’ve seen my mom raise four children and my friends having litters of kids. They’re the strongest people I know. Your symptoms appear to “come out of the blue” because it’s underlining all the frustrations you have. What I have been taught to do is to acknowledge your anxiety - do not ignore it and try to ‘make it go away’. Tell yourself that this is just anxiety, it can’t kill me and it’s going to pass in a few minutes. I was told anxiety is like the riptide. If you fight it, you’ll get sucked in more. Have you heard the saying, “Whatever you resist, persists?” Same concept. The best technique that I was taught was very effective. While having the attack, sit down in a quiet place, or even if you’re at work. Just take a few seconds out to do this. Make two fists and squeeze them tightly, as tightly as you can (until it actually hurts) for about 30 seconds. Take a deep breath, hold it in for 5 seconds....and let it out slowly while opening your fists slowly. Do this about 4 times. You’ll feel like there’s a warming sensation coming over you. Not only is this technique letting you breathe properly, but it’s mimicking your tensed physical state as well as your “ahhh relaxed” state. (My descriptions are one of a kind, eh?)

Another thing I used to be confused over was when the doctors would tell me that I had anxiety and depression. I said, “I’m not depressed - I’m a walking nerve!” I didn’t realize that after the heightened state of anxiety my body went through, it had to shut down for a bit. For each person it can be different. For me, the entire next day I would be shot. It felt like a tractor trailer ran over me. I was absolutely useless and exasperated. I would always say that I was coming down with a cold or something. It was the “depression” phase. Depression isn’t always sadness and tears; it’s the state of which the body tends to shut down for a little while to rest from all the chaos your mind put it through. So, that’s why doctors correlate anxiety with depression. They go hand in hand, which is another reason many doctors prescribe antidepressants for people with generalized anxiety disorder. I’m absolutely against any form of antidepressants because I don’t feel comfortable with anything altering the chemicals in my brain, except maybe a bit of wine (not professional advice), but antidepressants has much more negative side effects than it does positive. I am only saying this because I had a very bad experience while on an antidepressant which left me convulsing and in the emergency room. Just take a look at the list of possible side effects. It may be a (CYA) type of thing, but through experience, I’d rather be strapped up in a straight jacket than taking those evil pills. Ativan (Lorazepam) was the only thing that ever helped me and has minimal to no side effects. Please do not take this as professional advice. I am not a doctor.
Another huge source of relief was delving into my relationship with God - praying and meditating more. I’m not sure what religion you are, but if you have faith in a particular religion or you’re just “spiritual” - I would definitely tap into it much more when you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety. By practicing it every single day, the symptoms lessen for me. Each person is different though. I find that cooking helps me to relieve stress. When I cook something complicated where you have to spend a couple of hours preparing, I find that I’m in a ‘zone’. I always knew whenever my mom was stressed out. She would cook a dinner for an army and I’d walk into her kitchen and say, “Wow, what happened?” Many people cook when they’re stressed and now, I can see why. You may not have heaps of time to delve into your favorite hobbies, but whatever it is you enjoy doing - make some time for it. Try to rustle up your routine and make it different. I just recently started exercising at 6am and found that it gave me incredible “positive” energy throughout the day. When we’re agitated and have so much angst, especially in the morning, it pretty much dictates the rest of the day and evening. (At least that’s what I found.) I hope this helps. Again, this is just what works for me and I sincerely hope you find the right doctor like I did to help me with coping skills, instead of just tossing me a script and saying, “See ya next month.” I wanted to take the time out to respond to your comment in a separate post. Anxiety, if not taken care of, can absolutely ruin your life. It can escalate into other types of anxiety, like agoraphobia, and fear of a variety of things that will eventually develop. I know because I had them all. I’m still working on a few ‘phobias’ of mine due to my anxiety disorder. Good luck and please let me know how you're doing. Keep in mind, anxiety and panic attacks are not a sign of weakness. They are signs of having tried to remain strong for way too long.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

No Regrets

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 12:50:41 PST

The other morning I was fumbling around on my iPad scrolling through my Twitter timeline and saw an interesting quote from an “author unknown”. It read, “If you carry bricks from your past relationships to the new one, you will build the same house.” I can’t tell you how many times I have done this in the past and should have looked back (hindsight 20/20 type of deal) and said, “Not again!” Instead, I ran around the same mountain over and over and over again. It’s like the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I do believe Einstein quoted that, but someone challenged me on that insisting that it was Benjamin Franklin. Anyway, all of these quotes and sayings are very inspiring and rings true on many levels, but how many people will listen and actually put them into reality? Sometimes I read a quote and nod in agreement while being in an opposite scenario. I’m human, but I’m a human who makes mistakes and ‘tries’ to learn from them. Most of the time, the one common denominator that everyone carries along with them to some degree is the feeling of guilt. They either have regrets or they feel guilty for what they did in the past. As my wife put it so brilliantly: “Take guilt, put it in a bag and shoot it.”

For me, guilt separates me from God. It makes me feel “too guilty” to pray or to delve into my spirituality. “I have no right,” I tell myself, as though God’s furious with me. But when you really think about it -- God knows that we’re all human and we’re bound to make mistakes. The guilt is something the devil wedges in between you and God. Guilt, fear, anxiety and depression are all emotions that separate us from our spirituality (God). It distracts us and makes us feel unworthy of God’s presence, but that’s the time when you want to be closest with God and admit to your shortcomings. I had a hard time trying to grasp this idea, but once I finally stepped out of the box and looked in - I can understand and accept that God loves me the way I am: messy, sinful, irritable, etc., etc., etc.... God loves his messy creations and doesn’t expect you to be perfect. Don’t get me wrong - having a decent conscience is a gift of God, because as we all know, there are many sociopaths running rampant and those who just don’t care about other people’s feelings. I’m talking about past wrongs you have done that are still haunting you today as well as mistakes made today. Guilt is like a cruel punishment we give to ourselves.

Have you ever had anyone ask you what your regrets were in life? I’m sure many people would have a list of things they would say, but realistically, wouldn’t all of those “regrets” build the type of person (or character) of who we are today? If we didn’t have “regrets”, we probably would have still been tossing around the same mistakes. We really shouldn’t have any regrets, because the mistakes of yesterday have made us into better people today. --“I wish I never met him/her”, “I wish I never told her that”, “I wish I could have been there more when my child was younger” “I wish I was a better parent back then” - I wish I wish I wish. Stop. Make it count now. There’s an old Japanese saying, “Failure teaches success” -- so if you think you failed at being a good parent, a good friend a good wife or husband, or even a good person in general -- whatever the guilt trip is coming from, just remember that success comes when we make enough mistakes. Now get outa' here & stop making feel guilty for writing such a mushy piece.

“I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work” ~Thomas Alva Edison

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Amanda Cummings: No Proof of Being Bullied

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 04:24:22 PST

If you can't view the video, click here.

Back in 2007, I had made a Youtube video called, “Suicide Prevention”. Although the video is more on the darker side, it does send a positive message. It got almost 100,000 hits, full of comments from kids all over the world trying to talk other kids out of suicide. Definitely read the comments on the Youtube page itself. It's disheartening. The video lets you travel into the mind of a deeply depressed person, so you’re going to see some disturbing images. Between the images and the lyrics to the song, you can actually feel the sadness that some kids go through and what some adults go through...as well as what I went through. When a person with depression goes into (what I choose to call it), their dark side - they drift into this deep hole of insecurities, self-loathing as well as resentment for everyone around them, including the one who broke their heart. As adults, we never think seriously enough when a teen (whether our own kid, relative or just in general) gets their heart broken. We think it’s just puppy love. Think back when you were around Amanda’s age. I will never forget the time my boyfriend was on his way over my house so that he could break up with me. I was 16 years old. I remember every single detail. I went into the kitchen to grab some water and while holding the glass, my hand was shaking so much because I knew what was going to happen. And when it did? ....... I. was. a. complete. wreck. I not only got emotionally sick, I got physically sick. My friend was so concerned about me that she brought along 15 other classmates/friends to console me for the rest of the day. I wanted to commit suicide. I didn’t want to live without him. My life wasn’t worth living. I’m worthless. I’m not good enough, and so on and so on... I’m freakin’ 16 for the love of God! If I could just slap that person who was once me in the face to snap out of it ---I would.

These days, you hear more and more about bullying. Kids are cruel as they always were, but with technology, their cruelty has a tool to enhance it to a whole new level. On the news this morning, they were saying that there was no proof of Amanda Cummings’ attacks; no proof of being bullied. It doesn’t make it any better, but it does bring some sort of awareness of what teens go through, which adults may not see, or may not want to see. Reports say that Amanda’s uncle made reports of Amanda being bullied, which seems to be the theme of many teen suicides these days, but now it’s come out of the woodwork that there is no proof of her bullying, and more proof of her deep seated depression. She was hospitalized for cutting, which is a common thing among kids who don’t want to feel the emotional pain, but choose a physical pain and cut their arms, shoulders or chest with a sharp object. I personally never understood this method of coping...or is it coping? Amanda's suicide note had no complaints about being bullied or harassed, but instead, had statements such as, “I’m sorry I got between you and Becca’s friendship” - to a boy she was interested in. “I don’t deserve to live,” was on the last page of her suicide note. They said she went through horrific episodes of depression with each heartbreak. She just didn’t handle them well. (But really, who does?) I just wish her family or friends would have said something if she made claims that she no longer wanted to live. If a kid has already been hospitalized for this already, why not keep tabs on her well-being? Or maybe they have. Some people as much as they love their child, sister and friend -- they just can’t do anything to save them. At that point, it’s all about prayer and faith.

As I remember so clearly as a teen wanting to take my own life, I made suicidal threats so that someone could help me or save me. It was a cry for help. I wanted to be heard and most of all, saved from my own mind. I even went to extremes, raiding my parents’ liquor cabinet drinking as much scotch iced-teas (oof) as I could just to poison myself. Thank God I made it out alive after waking up getting sick and having someone throw water on my face. I remember. I can tell you every. single. detail, because for me, as a teen, and what I was going through - it did matter. It wasn’t “puppy love” - it was my entire well being at stake just because my heart was broken.

If you know someone who is thinking about suicide or if YOU are thinking about suicide, you can call 1-800-273-8255. It’s the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They’re there to help you try to sort things out. It can be done anonymously and of course, it’s free.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Anxiety, Hypochondria & Apiphobia, Oh My!

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 06:52:43 PST

It’s amazing how people don’t take you seriously once they know that you have anxiety disorder of some sort, especially doctors. It then becomes a matter of ‘maybe it’s just in her head’ type of thing and while that very well may be the case, they dismiss a lot of things that shouldn’t be overlooked. Yesterday I had an appointment with the allergist. The past couple of years I have been experiencing many reactions from certain foods and products. I experience “physical” side effects, such as bleeding blisters inside my mouth if I eat shrimp, bananas, mangos, berries, apples and sometimes avocados. Sometimes I’m able to eat them, and other times I develop these awful reactions. In recent days, I developed lip and mouth swelling from eating fresh water fish. Nuts and seeds gives me an asthma-like symptom. So all of these foods, which are healthy are out of my diet, leaving me to eat other things that may be not so good for my waistline. I used to love eating cereal with berries or a banana and a nice piece salmon filet or tilapia with white wine sauce, but now, it’s either steak, burgers or if I need to go healthy, a salad. Even then, I have to be careful with tomatoes because they sometimes burn my mouth. A friend said to me the other day, “Well, as we get older, sometimes we can’t tolerate the foods we once used to eat.” My question is: do I have to eat the “bad” food in order to avoid the good ones? It doesn’t seem fair. Our Friday night sushi outing has been turned into Chinese takeout at home. I’m literally afraid to eat at new restaurants. So from fresh fish to greasy Chinese food - my scale hasn’t been the best of friends with me. And on top of that, I can't even enjoy the outdoors without having an over-the-top freak out session when a bee comes into my comfort zone. It doesn't even have to be on me or around me - I just run. It's not a normal or healthy reaction. I am deathly afraid of bees. The thought of a bee possibly killing you with one sting is enough for me to run like a bat outa' hell when I see one.

After much research online, I finally gave up and made an appointment with the allergist. As soon as he heard that I had anxiety disorder, he gave me one of those looks like, “Oh no, not one of these types of patients”, and proceeded to enter into his computer all of my symptoms. The nurse came in and performed a breathing test where I had to take a huge gigantic breath, and with all my power, blow it into the machine as hard as I can until I literally see stars, and then suck it right back up as hard as I can. Let me tell ya - if you ever run out of alcohol, it’s the best alternative. Then she shoved an inhaler full of Albuterol. She took ten tubes of blood from me, which included tests for allergens such as: peanuts, latex/shellfish, different types of fruit and bee venom. Usually they give all the allergy skin graphs to see what pops up on your arm, but they only gave me a few. The doctor told me that I was a ‘high risk patient’ and he didn’t want to see a major emergency in his office, so he wanted to look at the blood first and then proceed with the skin graphs next week. He’s literally going to puncture me with five different species of bee venom. “You’re in a controlled environment, don’t worry. I'm even going to make you eat a shrimp dinner in front of me. You’ll be walking out of here just fine. However, in rare cases we do have medical equipment and staff to help out with any emergencies. ...But it’s rare, trust me.” “Trust me” sounded like, “We’re preparing for your funeral.”

Here’s the most embarrassing part of my visit: Madelene was sneezing and hacking up a lung while she was with me. The doctor was more concerned about her deviated septum than my anxiety over allergies. Each sneeze, the doctor would stop what he was doing with me and ask her a series of questions regarding her usage of nasal sprays and whatnot. I should have left her in the waiting room, but but but, because of my heightened anxiety, I made her tag along with me like a big mother hen just in case I started having some over-the-top reaction from something. (As if she would be able to help.) Then as Madelene went on her tenth sneeze in a row, I heard a ton of laughter over near the receptionist area by the entire staff. One of the nurses swung by the office door and said, “Are you sure you shouldn’t be the patient?” So, needless to say, Mad took my air time and spotlight.

Then the doctor turned to her and asked, “Does your Deb snore at night?” And before she could answer, he interrupts with, “Tell me the truth, she can’t attack you in here.” She looks at me, then looks at him and says, “Well, a very very light purr.” He stared at her for a moment. “A purr, eh?” Then he asked, “Does she stop breathing at night.” Once again, she looks at me and then looks at him. “Well, she wakes up with anxiety attacks.” Then he looks at me and asked, “What happens when you wake up?” So I told him, “I gasp for air.” --- “Ah ha!” he said, as though that was the exact answer he was looking for. So his bet is that I’m not allergic to one goddamn thing, but I did come there for a very important reason: sleep apnea. My sex life is over if I have to start wearing one of those CPAP masks. After the testing proves I’m negative for all, he wants to give me a sleeping test. If the tests to prove negative for all, I can then finally live my life without fear. I can finally go outside and not fear bees. I can finally eat healthy foods again and possibly shed a few pounds. It’s been a rough couple of years with all of these stupid ‘thought-to-be’ allergies (or perhaps real ones), so I’m anticipating negative results with a life well lived.

Then I get this message from Facebook. It’s an application called, “Messages From God”. Sometimes they’re really inspiring, and other times, it’s like some bizarre fortune cookie. This morning it says, “We believe God wants you to know that your body speaks the truth. When in doubt, ignore the thoughts in your mind and pay attention to your body - it doesn’t lie.” ---But does it lie when you have anxiety disorder and hypochondria?

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Challenging

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 06:26:04 PST

Maybe it’s because the holidays are over, or maybe it’s because it’s getting bitterly cold out there (as January should be), or maybe people are suffocating from the lack of sun and not getting a sufficient amount vitamin D. Whatever the reason is, I’m noticing a lot of cranky little critters running amuck. I had to take a ride to the grocery store the other day to pick up a few things and the place was just swarming with people. I had to go into the aisle where they had the Progresso soups and wait on a line to just see what was available. There was an employee stocking more onto the shelves while some customers were grabbing what they wanted. One lady grabbed a can of soup, looked at it and then put it back down on a lower shelf. The employee looked at her with such intense rage and screamed, “What the hell are you doing lady? Can’t you see I’m stocking these and you’re placing them in the wrong sections!!!?? Now put that back in its right place! I’m sick and tired of customers not giving a shit!!!” His face went bright red and well, so did hers. He looked like he was actually going to hit her. She was so shocked by his anger that she stared straight at him the whole time she was slowly placing the can of soup in its proper home. She looked scared for her life. Usually I say something to people who are absolutely rude to others, but this guy looked dangerous. He was an employee though! Because I was so upset seeing this woman traumatized by his inexcusable behavior, I got a manager and told him the entire story. I was never one to tattletale, but this was just downright psychotic. He should have been walked out in a straight jacket.

Then I thought about it a bit more while checking out my groceries. It seemed as though all the cashiers and baggers were mentally challenged. The cashier took my credit card and started jumping up and down pointing at my card and then screaming, “Pasquella! Pasquella! Pasquella!” When I looked up and smiled to see why he was doing that, he quickly got distracted and pointed outside and started yelling to his coworker who was bagging my groceries. “Look! Look! The sun is coming out Joe! Look! Look!” Now you may disagree with me or not, but I’m not so sure hiring mentally challenged citizens is a good idea for a major food chain. While I think it’s terrific that they’re out there working (sometimes harder than most people who aren’t mentally challenged), I also think it poses a great non-threatening OR threatening awkwardness or moment that can result in a very ugly scene. For example, the guy in my first paragraph that went absolutely nutty on the woman who put the can of soup it the wrong place - I had no idea he was mentally challenged. He was a nice looking guy in his mid-twenties dressed in khakis and a nice dress shirt with a smock. He didn’t appear to be mentally challenged, but as it turns out, he was. There are no social cues. There are no lines that they can see that shouldn’t be crossed. I used to think it was wonderful for stores to hire them, because it gave them a sense of worth and that people need them. They interact socially and perhaps, gain a better understanding of society. But when does it come to the point where we’re risking other people’s comfort zones and overall safety? Am I way out of line with this?

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

RIP Amanda Cummings, Age 15

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 06:24:29 PST

The one thing that would throw me off the edge and possibly have my face on the front page of the news for murder is if my kid committed suicide over a bunch of reckless idiots bullying my child. Some would say that it would have been my kid’s choice. But what if the torment was so great that every single day of her existence was lived out of fear and the thought of a million malicious and vile words being thrown at her, where she had to just end it all to stop it? This beautiful girl, Amanda Cummings from Staten Island did just that. She was only 15 years old. She literally threw herself in front of a bus two days after Christmas. The awful part is - she was injured at first, but then died this past Monday. She suffered. I can’t even wrap my mind around the agony she went through with the verbal abuse, and then to had suffered so much physically. I can’t wrap my mind around the agony that her family is going through. Her mother wrote on her Facebook wall, “This is to all you evil son of a b*****s that picked on, talked about and threatened my baby, I HOPE YOU DIE and I HOPE YOU SUFFER!” Her sister then wrote, “AS A SISTER, A MOTHER, AND A HUMAN BEING WITH A BEATING HEART THAT IS BROKEN, I AM BEGGING YOU KIDS, ANYONE WITH ANY CONCRETE PROOF OF BULLYING TOWARD MY SISTER, PLEASE LET ME KNOW, PLEASE. I NEED WITNESSES WILLING TO STEP FORWARD TO MAKE LEGAL STATEMENTS. NOT JUST KIDS COMING OUT OF THE WOODWORK THAT WANT TO GOSSIP. THANK YOU!”

Amanda was dating a boy that her classmates were all jealous of. So they started bullying her relentlessly via Facebook and texting. This is what scares me about having kids of my own: technology. You hardly heard of this type of thing happening before the days of the internet and smart phones. I have nieces and nephews who are also getting into the gadget world and part of me just cringes to know that yes, a ten year old now has a Facebook account and a smart phone where she can send and receive texts to all of her friends. But what if it turns out to be a bullying type of situation? It’s a double edged sword though. You want your child to learn and adapt to our technological world, but in the same breath, is it worth it? See, kids these days are a bunch of cowards. Instead of going face-to-face and bullying them, they're sending anonymous texts and Facebook messages threatening and harassing them until they can't take it any longer. They don’t need to be brave any longer and say what’s on their mind out on the playground. They can simply go onto Facebook on their smart phones and send messages that may send the victim into a suicidal state of mind. My heart goes out to Amanda’s family. This is such a tragic thing that we should have all learned from. This is happening way too much and I’m afraid it’s going to touch close to home one day. Parents, please safeguard your children. Let them learn technology without Facebook accounts - without smart phones. I blame it on the anonymity that technology has to offer. I also blame Facebook for allowing kids under the age of 18 years old to create an account. Each person who has an account should enter a credit card number.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Hypochondriacal Madness

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 07:37:27 PST

The hypochondriac was a regular in the emergency room -- so much so that when he didn't show up for a week, the staff took notice of his absence. He finally did show up again, and one doctor said, "Long time, no see. Where have you been?" "Sorry I couldn't make it in," the hypochondriac said. "I was feeling sick."

There are some people in my life who think all my medical issues, ailments and whatnot are ‘all in the head’ - that I’m a hypochondriac, and although that may very well be true, I still plan on engraving, “I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK” on my tombstone. For instance, one night I had chest pains. It felt like what everyone described it as: an elephant sitting on your chest. Then, the pain radiated down from my jaw (a known symptom) and straight down into my left arm. Of course this all seems to happen at midnight and Madelene hops into her jeans and carts me off to the ER. Being in a constant state of hypochondriacal alertness, needless to say the emergency room staff knows me well. “Hey Deb!” Then they whisper and sometimes, you can hear them say, “Give her the usual”, as if I were a regular customer at some rundown diner. The nurses greet me, smile, gently walk over to me as though I was some lunatic and then, take my vitals, smack on about a dozen sticky things for the EKG machine and then roll in this huge chest x-ray machine. (The overuse of the x-ray machine leaves me thinking about too much radiation of course....another mania.) After the blood work to see if anything actually did happen, the doctor comes in about four hours later. And with each visit, he seems to be taking more time. I guess that’s a hint. They all give me the same blanket diagnosis, just like when you get an infection on your hand or foot - they all label you with a “spider bite”.

“You have costochondritis, which is an inflammation of the cartilage that connects a rib to the breastbone. It mimics symptoms of a heart attack. You’re fine. Your heart is in great shape. Take a couple of ibuprofens and rest up.” Although it’s a great relief to know it wasn’t my heart, it makes me wonder how many more times do I have to keep attending these ER functions. What if I ignore the symptoms of a heart attack, which for me is this “costochondritis” thing? Many of times, I come in with an allergic reaction. My tongue swells up where I can barely talk and they just wanna throw a buncha’ steroids into my system. I always refuse the steroids and end up popping two Benadryls, but the fact is - I hate taking Benadryl because get this - I “think” I’m allergic to it too. It gives me heart palpitations and it does NOT make me drowsy - it does the opposite. It gives me anxiety where I cannot sleep for almost two straight days. I even carry an EpiPen in my purse. This particular mania started when Madelene and I went out for sushi and both of our tongues swelled up to the point of us lisping every word. We had to get the EMTs to help us because we were experiencing such severe reactions. So it wasn’t “all in my head”, because Madelene had it too. (Yes, this strangely made me feel better.)

Today I have an appointment with the allergist. My biggest fear is the allergy testing. They poke you with whatever they think you’re allergic to, and your skin is supposed to rise up if you are allergic to it. It’s supposed to be a slight reaction, but my fear is, what if later on that “slight” reaction becomes a bigger problem with the slew of allergens that are injected in me? See how my noggin works? They say that for extremely allergic patients, they can actually get anaphylactic shock while being tested. So I’m opting out for the skin testing and doing blood work instead so that they can find out externally and let me live in peace. The doctor ensured me that everything is done in a controlled environment and I have nothing to worry about. Then there’s the internet. What an awful source for information when you’re freaking out about something regarding a medical crisis...or perhaps just having a hypochondriacal episode. In fact, the worst thing to do while you’re having chest pains, allergic reactions or any other medical condition is to Google it. There are a bunch of nimrods out there that’ll scare the living daylights out of you. I once had these sharps pains radiating from the lower right side of my abdomen. I went online and found a message board with a bunch of people complaining about the same thing. One person scared the crap out of me and said, “If you don’t get to the ER fast enough, the poison in your appendix will kill you!” So guess where I ended up fifteen minutes later? Yep. And the results were: a small cyst on my ovary that’ll eventually burst in a couple of weeks. No biggie. And mind you - it was nowhere near my reproductive area - it was exactly where ...umm... Google said it would be.

And to add onto to this, my own therapist gave me advice. She said, “Turn up the radio.” I was puzzled. She said, “Whenever you feel a ‘symptom’ coming on ---simply turn up the radio and ignore it. It’s your body’s way of trying to get attention. Once you stop paying attention to it - it’ll move on. Just like a baby will throw its bottle on the floor over and over again to get the mother’s attention. Once the mother stops picking it up, the baby will most likely refrain from doing it again.” Interestingly enough, I took her advice. I had chest pains one night, looked at Madelene and smiled. “Nope. Not going to the ER.” She looked concerned and yet, relieved. It got worse and worse and I held my chest saying to myself, “It’s just muscle inflammation or something weird...” And yes, it did go away. But what if, within those minutes it was actually a heart attack? (I guess I wouldn’t be typing right now.) The doctor in the ER always tells me, "When in doubt, check it out." Then my therapist tells me, "We have to stop entertaining our neuroses.” How can someone not respond to a potentially dangerous pain? I guess I’ll just leave it in fate’s hands.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Resolutions & Expectations

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 07:30:33 PST

Just like Valentine’s Day, I sometimes feel like New Year’s Eve is somewhat a forced holiday. It’s meant to rise up sales of restaurants and bars, and have people celebrate irresponsibly and kiss an unnecessary amount of people after the ball drops. I remember as a child my parents would hold these huge New Year’s Eve parties and when the ball dropped, every single adult wanted to give me these big wet & sloppy kisses. I ran like hell before the ball even made it down to “5”... But the one thing that gets me is all of those resolutions, and most of all, the expectations. They all lead to one thing: disappointments. My sister put it well while talking with her daughter. She said, “What’s your ‘goal’ for 2012?” Doesn’t that sound so much better? I think goals are so important - to dream about what you want, desire or to become. An unmet goal sounds so much better than a failed resolution. Many resolve to lose weight or exercise more. Why on the first day of January as you’re sitting home eating leftover munchies from the night before watching The Honeymooners? (Ok, so that’s what I did.) But what about say, April 4th? (I know, random.) Any day can be a new day. Just like Valentine’s Day, you can show love to your other half any day of the year. The florists are open all year round.

I’m going to have to admit that people were especially nicer on New Year’s Eve. Perhaps they were all looking forward to the festivities later on that evening, but when I walked into the stores, (especially the liquor store), I found that people were so incredibly friendly. One man saw me struggling to lift my box of wine (and no, not "box wine", but a box full of wines) and he immediately dropped all of his stuff and packed my goodies into the trunk of my car. He smiled and said, “Happy New Year to you!” And as he did, I debated whether or not to give him one of my twenty lotto tickets that I had stuffed in my pocket. Instead, I just said, “Thank you.” I’m getting cheap in my old age. But why can’t people be that nice on any given day of the week? Usually, they’re all muddling around grumbling about life and God forbid you bump into them - they sneer and snarl at you as if you were Satan himself. No, “Have a nice day” or “Pardon me” - and then again I think, maybe it’s because I live in New York...? If you bumped into someone in Savannah, GA, I’d reckon ya’ll would be seeing a different story. You bump into them and they’d help you dust yourself off. Not sure where I instantly gained a southern accent there. I’m coveting now.

The one thing I always notice is, whenever I have a “planned” party, it seems a bit subdued and quiet - not crazy, funny and silly like my usual spontaneous gigs. Every time I have an unexpected event, it’s usually the best ones ever. Again, I think it has to do with expectations and then being slightly disappointed in the results of it. But nonetheless, I had a nice quiet evening, although I was a bit under the weather. In fact, I didn’t even drink. I held a glass of wine around the entire evening and then at 12 midnight, shared a bottle of champagne with my wife watching the ball drop. Oddly enough, we stayed up till 3am and had such a great time together. Madelene never gets bored. She is happy ‘where she is’ - where I get bored at the drop of a hat. She is happy anywhere. I wish I had some of her qualities. It must make life a lot more easier, rather than to be grumpy and disgruntled over busted plans. I remember we went to The Hamptons and rented out this luxury condo. (The photo on the left is my mom, myself & my sister.) We brought my parents and my oldest sister with us. The first day it was sunny, 80 degrees and beautiful. We were so excited to spend time on our deck overlooking the beach and just relax for one entire week. But when nightfall began, it started to rain and ended when we left. While in the midst of these side-swiping torrential rains, Madelene was holding up her glass, turning up the music and dancing around. My sister and I were on the couch...disgruntled and bored to tears. My parents were doing their thing, cooking, eating and somewhat content. But my sis and I? We were gonna pull our hair out. My sister looks at me, while she’s watching Madelene dance around with a cocktail in her hand and says, “She’s gonna live past 100 - I can feel it.” Even when Mad expects “this” and gets “that” - she’s accepting it and making the best of it. We eventually joined Madelene in her solo festivities. It wasn't so bad after all.

Maybe that’s a resolution I should make: making the best of life. Doesn’t sound so shabby, but is it realistic enough for me? And if I make a resolution like “losing weight” or “exercising more” - I instantly gain weight and become increasingly inactive. It never ceases to amaze me. In any event, I hope your New Year’s resolutions, or “goals” reach your expectations, or perhaps, you can make the best of what comes out of it.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Our 2011 Journey, With Open Arms for 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 16:49:27 PST

Here we go! Although there is so much to be grateful for, I sometimes wonder about God's sense of humor. This year was definitely about change and transitioning in many ways. I received good news and I received bad news. But I have hope. I have hope that this year is all about faith, health, happiness and togetherness. Sometimes life gives us small to large tests depending on whatever you can handle, and that's the time to stop right in your tracks and see it for what it is...or what it isn't. So, I give you our moments of 2011. Some happy, some bizarre, some frustrating and of course, new friends we met on the way to 2012.

First, Mad gets her haircut by Ryan Nickulas from The A-List New York.

It all started right before last Christmas of 2010 while watching The A-List NY on LOGO. I had no clue what to get Madelene for a present, and then it hit me: her favorite cast member, Ryan Nickulas owns a salon in the West Village in NYC. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I was going to treat her to a day of beauty and of course, meet Ryan. I hopped on Twitter and got in contact with Ryan himself. He was available and awaiting our appointment after the new year. So, starting in January of 2011, Madelene got her hair did by her favorite boy, and on top of that, he also was interested in being part of our documentary, which I was thrilled about. He welcomed us in his home February 4th (on my birthday) and poured his heart out. We had a blast with him. I am very grateful for his hospitality as well as contributing to our project. Below is the clip he did for us. Thanks for starting off our 2011 on a good foot, Ryan!

If you cannot view this video, please click here.

Mad's birthday quickly approached us and we enjoyed time with our family and friends celebrating.
As the year went on, my father had begun radiation since he was diagnosed with cancer in 2010. He underwent a few surgeries and for the most part, feeling quite miserable. As a family, we did everything we could to let him know he was loved and taken care of, however the anxiety and panic of what he was going through tore my heart out. To see "Superman", aka Dad become scared (and for good reason) was heartbreaking. He was the most fearless and happy man I have ever known. Things really changed a lot and I finally saw that Dad was a very vulnerable man; a man full of fear and sadness. I saw Mom struggle along with him, staying up all night while he had insomnia or was in pain and trying to do anything she could to comfort him. That was very much a somber part of the year to see him go through so much. As he progresses these days, he has gotten better, but a few more procedures to go. 2012 is a year where he will get through this. I have faith.

On a lighter, (or on a much heavier note?) -- we endured and survived the end of the world, predicted by Harold Camping.

Then there was the moving process. We went from city folk to mountaintop hillbillies. It was quite a change for us, since all we heard were sirens, domestic fights and cars zipping through at every hour of the day and night. In the new location, we only heard crickets, frogs (which were loud mind you) and the occasional dog barking a few acres away. The views were gorgeous and better yet, I was closer to my parents so I could help out if they needed anything.

With beautiful views, comes dreadful renovations and touchups....

And not for nuttin', but Mad would handle contacting the 'right people' to do the job and then they would come over, do a half-ass job and have us do the rest. She really put me to work!

And beyond what anything we could have done, there were tons of contractors in and out, from maintenance men to bee exterminators, which had to come back ten million times. We had such a bad bee problem that even the exterminators were baffled.Then Madelene decided to brave it and attack these critters herself. It was so funny to watch that I had to get my camera out for this.

If you cannot view this video, please click here.

And then, we found the culprit on a branch that was way too high to even reach...
It was peaceful for a while, until we heard news that hurricane Irene was headed straight for New York. They advised all NYC residents to evacuate up north where we were. When the hurricane finally swept through our area, we were the ones that got hit the hardest, while NYC looked like any other rainy day. There were tons of power outages in the area, many roads that were literally cracked open, so needless to say, endless detours. It devastated homes and businesses. People were actually traveling around in boats in certain areas. It just gives you a grim reminder of our fierce Mother Nature can be. The pictures below are courtesy of my friend Laura Duggan.

And then...there was the earthquake that hit New York. I was sitting at my desk working from home when all of the sudden, my desk started shaking back and forth. The only damage is what happened in my kitchen in the photo below. Tragedy.

With the autumn weather moving in, we finally felt a bit more settled into our new place. There was a lot of adjusting, lots of tweaking and new things that had to still be installed. Other than that, September was a very quiet month. We were all still reeling from the hurricane. It was definitely a shock to our systems. But oddly enough, when October arrived, it seemed to come in so beautifully. Watch how these photos change drastically...

And then...the snowstorm of October of 2011 comes barreling in...
(All photos were taken from the deck of my house.)
Many people were out of power, branches and trees were down, but oddly enough and once again, we were lucky.

We got in touch with old friends, and made new ones on the way. One in particular came over and cooked her famous Puerto Rican food for us. We had a blast and it was good to finally get some quality friendships in before the New Year. Thank you, Zee! She and her partner were our first guests to come over and warm our home.

It's been a crazy year for us, a lot of stressful moments as well as wonderful ones too. Tonight, I'm celebrating all the hard times that have only made my family & my marriage only that much closer and stronger. I'm celebrating all the laughter that's been shared, all the wonderful moments with each special person in my life and overall, thanking God that everyone is healthy and okay and will continue to have better and better years ahead. So I wish you and your family a very healthy and prosperous New Year! Let's not even think about the Mayan Calendar...

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

The Fear of Crossing Over

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 17:39:06 PST

If you cannot view this video, please click here.

If you cannot see this video, please click here.

There’s something much larger than us. As I said in my previous post, it’s too much of a mystery for us to figure it out, but what if people like Ben Breedlove who has cheated death three times and then tells us that there is something out there? Ben’s fourth time resulted in death on Christmas night due to a heart condition. Will the atheists start believing? Will all spiritual and religious people stop fearing death? It’s life’s biggest kept secret - biggest mystery - biggest fear. It’ll never downgrade or be seen as something we never think about on a daily basis. I wonder how his mother feels - does she believe he’s okay? Does it make her own questioning about the mystery of death any lesser? Or, does she believe that what Ben was seeing was purely out of visions manifesting from his brain? No one is ever convinced, even when this happens to a loved one. At the end of this video, it appeared to me that Ben was hoping it would happen again, as he stated that he never wanted to leave that place he was at while he died for three minutes. There is a scripture from the Bible that I do believe which gives me comfort. If you’re not a Christian, you can apply it accordingly.

What Will Happen to Us When We Die?

“We know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down--when we die and leave these bodies---we will have a home in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long for the day when we will put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will not be spirits without bodies, but we will put on new heavenly bodies. Our dying bodies make is groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and have no bodies at all. We want to slip into our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by everlasting life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit. So we are always home with the Lord. That is why we live by believing and not by seeing. Yes, we are at home with the Lord. So our aim is to please him always, whether we are here in this body or away from this body. For we must all stand before Christ to be judged, We will each receive whatever we deserve for the god or evil we have done in our bodies.” --2 Corinthians 5:1-10

“That is why we live by believing and not by seeing.” -- That can be a hard pill to swallow for someone who has many doubts about the afterlife. It also states this in John 20:29. How can we as “ordinary people” believe something without proof? And even though I, personally, have had many spiritual experiences that led me to believe that there is a God, my mind (or the devil) asks, “Will you even get into heaven though?” --So many Christians or “religious” people fear the worst: hell. Okay - so there’s is an afterlife, but where will we go? What irritates me about organized religion, churches, etc., is that many of the people of the cloth will scare you into believing that if you are not perfect, that you will perish in hell. They instill this guilt inside your heart, so that your natural instincts as a human being should be altered. There are rules and regulations. There are “conditions”. Isn’t God unconditional love? What does unconditional love mean? I feel bad for “religious” people who constantly walk around with this aching guilt that never seems to subside. They’ve been brainwashed by----people, not God. They’ve been taught since birth that “this is right” and “this is wrong”. Christians who have been taught that the sins of yesterday (Old Testament) still applies today. Then why did Jesus die? “But what if we seek to be made right with God through faith in Christ and then find out that we are still sinners? Has Christ led us into sin? Of course not! Rather, I make myself guilty if I rebuild the old system I already tore down. For when I tried to keep the law, I realized I could never earn God’s approval. So I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ. I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not one for those who treats the grace of God as meaningless. **For if we could be saved by keeping the law, then there was no need for Christ to die.”**

That one sentence says it all: {“For if we could be saved by keeping the law, then there was no need for Christ to die.”}  Then you have this passage:

“You and I are Jews by birth, not ‘sinners’ like the Gentiles. And yet we Jewish Christians know that we become right with God, not by doing what the law commands, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be accepted by God because of our faith in Christ-and not because we have obeyed the law. ***For no one will ever be saved by obeying the law.***” ~Galatians 2:15-16

So in my own opinion, if you don’t believe that your sins are washed away completely, then you’re basically not believing that Jesus’ death actually did take away your sins - that His death was meaningless. But that’s “my” belief, as well as it is written in the Bible. I have had other Christians debate me on this topic because they still believe the old law applies to Christians. Basic rules, like love God and love your neighbor - the things that make someone a decent human being - but not things like eating crustaceans of the sea, or being gay or lesbian, as Leviticus states.

My point of this post is to ask the question: are we still scared? We avoid certain things so we can cheat death ourselves. We try to “be safe” and not live on the edge. Through my own spiritual experiences which are in my book, I know for a fact that our bodies are labored here on earth - our breathing is “work” - our limbs weight a TON, and the emotional pain (even if we’re somewhat happy) is excruciating. We feel too much. We think too much. We fear too much. We self-medicate so we can feel...numb. “Numb” - is how we feel on the other side, or what mimics it. Why do you think so many people are on painkillers without the pain, or the abuse of alcohol or drugs? It aids in the human condition which is pain. We are all in pain and if someone says they aren’t - they aren’t looking at it in a physical/emotional all-being aspect because they don’t know what the other option feels like. We’ve become so immune to this “pain” (that seems painless), that we tend to think this’ll how we’ll feel when we’re on the other side.

Jesus said this before He left us:

"Don't be troubled. You trust God, now trust in me. There are many rooms in my Father's home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this were not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know where I am going and how to get there." --John 14:1-4

“I am leaving you with a gift---peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn’t like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” --John 14:27

What do you believe happens to you when we cross over? Or do you even believe that we cross over at all?

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Do We All Secretly Live In Fear?

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 10:33:44 PST

It’s no wonder that the biggest of all debates, besides the political ones, are religious ones. It’s amazing to see people battle with something, or (someone) that they absolutely cannot prove. Some will scroll down to a scripture in their bible to prove its truth, but when a bible or any scroll has been written by man and translated a bazillion times, how can we go by this? Faith is the answer. No one can argue with what you believe in, unless of course you have scientific proof to back it up - and I don’t mean testimonials, (although I love hearing them). Some people believe that religion was “invented” so we as humans wouldn’t have to fear death. It was meant to be some sort of security blanket for all who were scared. I’m grateful that my belief is truth to me, and yet, there’s that small little seed of doubt about my afterlife. I accept it because it’s completely normal due to living in my physical being. But all of those unexplainable happenings, revelations, spiritual experiences - something has to be out there. Then you have mental illness claims to throw into the batch of people who believe they have seen or experienced something spiritual. In fact, for the people who had died momentarily in the hospital and made it back - they all have that similar ‘I went through a tunnel and saw a light’ experience, and some even say that they have seen relatives greet them. Then science slaps them in the face to say that when we do ‘check out’ - our brain manifests that image, like shutting down a computer.

“My” truth is - science will never coincide with spiritual faith. Why would God want us to figure it all out? We would have nothing to stand on - no hope - no mystery - no tests without saying, “Oh, I know what’s going on here...” When people are staring death in the face, it’s amazing all the things they come to realize. I love Steve Jobs' quote on death. It gives a dose of reality with a touch of grimness to it... “No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.” ---And while we all want to believe that there is a higher being, statements like these make you kind of wonder, even if you’re the most religious person.

What about Colton Burpo? This 11 year old boy claims he has seen Jesus while he was dead momentarily when his appendix bursted in 2003. Taken from this article, it reads, “During an automobile trip, when Sonja Burpo asked him about his memories of being in the hospital, little Colton replied: 'Yes, Mommy, I remember — that’s where the angels sang to me.' A sweet answer, to be sure — but then Colton made his parents’ jaws drop when he told them about sitting in Jesus’ lap, watching his parents while he lay seemingly near death, and meeting his great-grandfather. But most poignantly, Colton described meeting a sibling in heaven — even though he had no way of knowing that his mother had miscarried two years before he was born, since his parents had never told him. Todd Burpo began telling of his son’s heaven-sent visions from the pulpit of the Crossroads Wesleyan Church in Imperial, Neb., where he serves as pastor. Word of mouth spread, and the family landed a book deal. The book — “Heaven Is for Real,” written by Todd with co-writer Lynn Vincent — has become a best-seller, with some 1.5 million copies in print since its release in November. Little Colton nearly didn’t make it: He lay in a hospital bed for 17 days. When he finally rallied, the family rejoiced — but they were floored when, months later, the boy began matter-of-factly describing what he had experienced when he was in between life and death: seeing Jesus dressed in royal purple, meeting John the Baptist, having angels sing to him to ease his anxiety.”

Of course, many people speculated that the boy was pushed by his parents to write the book, but what if this is real? What if what Colton says is the absolute truth? There are so many stories like his and no scientific proof to back it all up. Even if Colton's brain produced these types of images while he was “in heaven” - it must give him a lot of peace about the afterlife, as we all scurry about in fear of the inevitable. Do you think if we knew what happens to us after this life that it would eliminate all of our anxieties? When I have an anxiety attack, I automatically think “heart attack”. Sometimes, it’s so strong that I actually believe it’s some weird allergic reaction that I can die from. Fear. It does strange things to normal everyday people. But the source of the fear stems from the fear of death itself. Or am I way off base on this?

This next video is not only for gay and lesbians, this is for everyone because at the end of this clip, Oprah makes such a profound statement:

"When you begin to realize that you are more than your body, that your purpose is greater than your profession or your career, that every life, because you were born, you have a right to be here. And there is a calling on your life. It means you live your life without fear and you know that no matter what happens - no matter what happens - you are going to be alright...you are going to be alright. That's what spirituality is to me." ~Oprah Winfrey

If you cannot view this video, please click here.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Is It Over Yet?

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 18:23:37 PST

Yes and no. The holidays seem to be passing us by very quickly as usual, perhaps a bit slower for those who have just recently had a breakup or divorce. We got through Christmas, but then there’s New Year’s Eve, the one night of the year where you actually stay up past 12 midnight and spend time with your closest friends and family, and of course, hopefully the love of your life. If you’re not with the one you love, the entire night (and I speak for most people having been through it) is that you constantly wonder what he or she is doing that very minute. When New Year’s Day and a nice ripe hangover arrives, you’ll be much better off watching marathon episodes of The Honeymooners and popping Advil. It’s done and over with...or is it? You get only one month to rest and BAM -- Valentine’s Day will be creeping up before you know it. I don’t care if you spend that evening with a bunch of single women -- you’re. going. to. think. about. him/her. What a bullshit holiday designed to boost florist and restaurant sales and of course, to break hearts already broken. If you’re coupled up or married and this is the one holiday you look forward to -- your relationship is in jeopardy. You should have “Valentine’s Day” every single day if you truly love the person you are with. I remember when Madelene and I would scout out restaurants to forcefully do the ‘couple’ thing on Valentine’s Day and wait hours just to get seated and receive horrible service due to the busyness. A homemade dinner is the best thing you can do in my opinion. (Chocolates are always a plus on any day!)

Let me rewind a little bit back to the New Year’s Eve gig. I hate it. I don’t ever go out during this time for a few reasons: 1. I don’t want to drive. Even if you’re not driving, it’s the other people you have to watch out for. 2. I hate “forced drinking nights”. I usually stay sober on New Year’s Eve oddly enough. 3. Apparently, my age is catching up with me. But regardless - it’s highly overrated in my opinion. And who the hell would want to spend their New Year’s Eve in Times Square? It’s usually colder than Alaska, millions of people are swarmed into one general area, and the worst case scenario ---you’ll need a bathroom. Ever since 9/11, Every year, I have watched Times Square partying, wondering if another tragedy would take place. I know, I’m a total 'Debbie Downer' today, but these are the things I think about. It makes sense though - the one time of year where millions of people are gathered would be a prime opportunity for some whack job to ignite his suitcase bomb. “Happy New Year!” No noise makers needed. My suggestion for a great New Year’s Eve is to invite your favorite people over, make some goodies, have some cocktails and make room for sleepovers.

"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves." ~Bill Vaughan

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Faking 'Happiness' on Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 07:20:42 PST

Years ago, I remember running around doing last minute Christmas shopping used to be fun. I actually did it on purpose. All the decorations were in full bloom, people seemed happier and the overall feel for the holiday was much more evident. Yesterday, as I was driving store to store, I realized it’s no longer that ‘quaint joyous feeling’ - it’s become absolute rage and chaos. Between traffic being backed up for miles and people trying to nudge their way into the mess, one kid almost slammed right into my passenger side of my car. I kept beeping and beeping, but he kept coming. I had to go on the other side of the lane in order to avoid him. Of course, I ‘silent screamed’ at him through my windows with a few choice words, but then, I saw his face. He had the face of a pitiful and stressed out young man. I read his lips: “I’m so sorry! I am so so sorry!” He had his hands up as if he was surrendering. Then it dawned on me: I’m the holiday bitch from hell. The kid really didn’t see me, even it I had the right of way. I had to reel it in and take a few deep breaths. It’s funny how we’re more polite face-to-face, but once we’re in the safety of our cars, we become deadly enemies full of road rage.

Lately, my mother has been hanging out in the emergency room because she is prone to getting cellulitis (infection of the skin), to where it becomes very dangerous. (And yes, that's my mom in that picture taken with my phone in the ER.) It’s always the same drill: antibiotic drip, and a long, long wait to get the prescription and check out. While we were waiting, I had her laughing so hard, she was in tears. The nurses were all coming into our section trying to join in on our little ER party - even went as far to invite us to their holiday party - and that’s when we knew we’ve been visiting this place a bit too much. I said to mom, “We know them on first name basis now, do you realize this?” Then she pointed out all of my hypochondriacal visits to the ER and blamed me for being ‘well-known’. As we left, the nurses said, “It’s nice to have people like you to lift us up during the holidays!” I remember last Christmas Eve, I came home and started having chest pains. Madelene rushed me into the ER and the staff hooked me up to EKGs, took blood from my arm, gave me chest x-rays and then said, “Are you stressed out?” I didn’t think I was, but after the clean bill of health, they had told me that many people come into the ER on Christmas Eve. Most people are sad, stressed out, or have been with their family for long periods of time (perhaps too long), and end up having chest pains or heart attack-like symptoms. Others come in with those symptoms due to indigestion or alcohol poisoning. Many patients take their frustrations out on the hospital staff and start threatening them or even assaulting them in some cases. Hats off to anyone who works in the ER on Christmas Eve.

If you really think about it, Christmas isn’t fun at all for most adults. Stressors from 'what to cook' to entertaining family and friends to even the tugging of whose family to visit, or worse off, no family to visit. It depends. Christmas can be so devastating for so many people. An old friend called me up yesterday who happened to be in town for the holidays visiting family. While having a quick ‘catch up’ conversation, she bursted into tears over the phone telling me how unhappy she is. I tried giving her the best advice I could give, but ended up crying to her instead. We both laughed through our tears and realized how lucky we were to have such a friendship. I think many people are bursting at the seams with tears. Holding them back only creates that tension that sometimes manifests into anger, ie: road rage, angry shoppers, etc., etc. We’re all trying to ‘keep it together’ and be ‘joyous’ and some of it is genuine, but if you look deep enough into the crowd, you’ll notice many watery eyes waiting to burst at any given moment. It’s not only that, but people get desperate due to loss of employment, which creates the most honest of all people robbing stores or doing things out of their character just to have Christmas the way it used to be. They don’t want to disappoint their family. What makes this holiday so heart wrenching? It starts with Thanksgiving, but there is something about Christmas that makes people feel obligated about being happy, or perhaps, faking it?

What if we could just look at this holiday as just another ordinary day - (an extraordinary birthday) - but an ordinary day nonetheless? What if we stop focusing on trying to please everyone and realize that this holiday is about Jesus’ birthday? It’s about doing what Jesus wants you to do: being kind to others, giving to others (in any form you can), spending time with your family (does not have to be blood-related, but chosen family), and creating an atmosphere of relief. “Happiness” may be a forced word, so I would say “relief” - a place where you can go to feel relieved of all the anxiety, stress and sadness. A place where you can just be yourself, give of yourself and forgive yourself for feeling so down on this holiday. And if you’re spending it alone, make it special. Treat yourself. Put candles all around your bathroom, and soak in a bubble bath while sipping your favorite wine listening to your favorite music. Do something for “you”. And for those people who are suicidal, remember - Christmas is over in 2 more days. You can party next week on New Year’s Eve that you’re still here with us.

And now, I will try to take my own advice and gather my composure when the next idiot pushes his way through the traffic and cuts me off. I will lower my ‘bitch-o-meter’ and try to smile and say, “It’s okay, go right ahead of me.” It may hurt and I may hold back a few choice words, but it may be the one person I come across who’s holding onto his last thread in life. So be nice! Tip more! Smile more! Love more! And...laugh more!

And to all my readers, family & friends, Merry Christmas & Happy Hanukkah!

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Rare Breeds

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 09:02:23 PST

Whenever I see my friends complain about other people, whether it be about their behavior, their lack of attending certain functions or they’re just not doing enough -- I tend to feel bad for them. I never think about a certain friend and say, “Well he or she doesn’t do enough for me” - it’s more of a question of “Am I doing enough”, which makes me wonder about other people’s motives. I have a hard time trusting people through my own personal experiences. Either one friend expected way too much from of me, whether it be money, more time or whatever - and if I don’t ‘pull through’ for them, I'm gossiped about in the henhouse as a ‘vedy vedy bad person’. (Yes, done with an accent & all.) I can only do my best, and sometimes, my best isn’t good enough for some. I have encountered people downgrading my relationship with my wife, telling me that I wasn’t in love with her because I had been with her for this many years. I have had so many friends judge my lifestyle, judge my entire being to where I had to assume their madness came out of their own insecurities. I have had friends who would shun me over a declined invite. Why would anyone care? Why would someone judge someone so critically, unless they were extremely unhappy about their own situations at home? I read a very powerful quote by Mother Teresa that explains it all: “People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

Even when it seems as though your best isn’t good enough, be content knowing God knows your heart. No one else’s opinions or judgments matter except for God’s. I’m too old to play games and ‘read between the lines’. If you don’t want my ‘free’ friendship - then walk away. But don’t expect the world from me because I can only give so much - which is my best. And if you’re my friend, you won’t constantly be begging for money or turn your back on me when I’m having hard times as a few of my friends have. Even when I give money to help, more is expected of me and the money I gave in the past is long forgotten. It’s ironic how people are right up your wazoo when you’re doing good, but once hard times come rushing in - they’re ready to criticize and judge you as well as leave you stranded. I can honestly say that I have five very close friends, the rest are acquaintances. I’m grateful for that because it leaves less room for disappointments. So for my New Year’s resolution, I’m forgiving of all the toxic, greedy, self-absorbed, insecure people in my life who judge me so harshly and wishing them the best. Life’s too short to be aggravated by small-minded people. The best thing a friend can ever give to me is their friendship, companionship and their loyalty. It’s very rare to find those types of expectations these days. I'd like to think that I’m one of those rare breeds.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

A "Sweet Pit Bull" is an Oxymoron

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 07:26:52 PST

CLICK HERE if you can't view the video above.

There are many things that I don’t understand, many opinions I just can’t wrap my mind around and sometimes there are people who baffle the hell out of me. Maybe I’m too opinionated. Maybe I’m too hard on certain issues, but I will say this: I know that I’m not that out of line when I say, “It’s the dog, not the owner.” Now while having said that, I know that there are many owners who are abusive to their pets and those who make them fight for money, but what about owners who have pets that are still dangerous - still vicious to the core without the ‘bad upbringing’? Our neighbors next door are very nice people. They’re friendly, hard working, decent and they treat their dogs like their own kids. They have two beautiful dogs. One’s a black lab and the other is a brown Pit Bull. I’ve never seen any of these dogs come across the property before. They have electric fencing, so they would always run within their confined area. As of late, the Pit Bull started roaming about - beyond his own limitations and onto our property. It was late one night and Madelene and I had just arrived home from going out to dinner. Luckily, we made it in the door to finally realize there was a barking dog outside. When I stepped out our deck (which is on the second level of our home), the dog was right on our lower patio barking. The neighbor’s lights were on and I can see that he had let the dogs out for a bit. We just made a call to them and asked them politely if they can keep their dog on their own property so that we can get into our house safely.

It wasn’t too long afterwards when I was walking downstairs to see outside the window, the Pit Bull was once again on our patio barking. When I opened the door and stood behind the screen door, the dog came closer, barking and foaming at the mouth. There was no way I could make it out to my car. I had to wait until he went back to his own property. His teeth were showing and his mouth was all foamy from all his rage. Then I had an idea (perhaps an idiotic idea), but I was pissed off and wanted something done about this. I went on Youtube and found “gun shot effects”, plugged my Macbook into a large guitar amplifier and “fired” away. It sounded exactly like a gun being shot. I heard, “Come here boy! Come here!” by the owner. The dog ran away, but the next morning he was back on my patio showing more teeth and more rage...and more foam. I posted my dilemma on Facebook, and some people were upset over the fact that I said it was a Pit Bull. They said I was “profiling”. But regardless if it was a German Shepard, a Great Dane or hell - even a Chihuahua - get off my property so I can walk over to my goddamn car! It’s not right. Someone suggested, “Make friends with him. Have you tried walking up to it, maybe petting it?” Umm, no. If I wanted to commit suicide, I’d be on a ledge somewhere. I don’t understand the mindsets of people when it comes to Pit Bulls.

I received a slew of comments ranging from “give it a poisonous meatball” to “stop profiling Pit Bulls!” One friend asked, “Are you profiling the dog because it’s a Pit Bull and think it’s vicious because it’s a Pit Bull?” --- No. I’m going by the aggressive nature to which the dog displayed. He went on to say that he had a Pit Bull for 14 years and it was the sweetest dog he ever had. They all say that until someone’s leg is amputated because of a Pit Bull attack. I even had someone point out to me that a local Allstate Insurance company will not insure households who own Pit Bulls. Then I went online and Googled a few other insurance companies and many of them do not insure this type of breed. I wonder why . . . Surprisingly, I had a friend come onto the thread defending Pit Bulls, when all the while having to put hers down due to an “attempted” attack on a child. My question is, if your dog didn’t attack anyone, then why did you have to put the dog down? Years ago, I remember this story being very different, and that he did actually have contact with the child. I’m sorry, but when will Pit Bull owners face up to the truth that these dogs are plain dangerous? And I know for a fact that it’s not “the owners” fault - it’s the breed itself which is aggressive. My neighbors treat their dog like their own child and has had the dog since it was a puppy - no abuse - no fighting pits - no nuttin’. It’s just plain vicious. When will people stop valuing the life of a vicious dog as opposed to a human life, a child's life, or their own loved one's life? If you read this story, you'll see how Pit Bulls even turn on their owners. "Preliminary autopsy results have revealed that a pregnant Bay Area woman killed by one of her pit bulls August 11 died from blood loss and shock.The victim, 32-year-old Darla Napora, was pronounced dead on Thursday afternoon, August 11, at the couple's home in the seaside village of Pacifica, south of San Francisco, Pacifica Police Capt. Dave Bertini said.The autopsy, along with an analysis conducted by dog bite experts, also determined that only one of the couple's two pit bulls, a 2-year-old male named Gunner, was involved in the attack.The woman's husband, Greg, told police he came home from work at around noon on Thursday to find Gunner standing, bloodied, over his wife's mauled body, Bertini said. First responders to the scene found the woman unresponsive in a front room of the home with massive trauma to her upper body, Bertini said. A second pit bull was found cowering in the corner. Bertini said Greg told authorities that Gunner had been confined in a back room. When the dog managed to escape and enter the front yard, officers shot it three times, Bertini said. Darla was an avid pit bull lover and supporter of Bay Area Dog lovers Responsible About Pit Bulls, or Bad Rap, a group that tries to change negative attitudes toward pit bulls. Impressions taken from both dogs show that all of Napora's injuries were consistent with bites from Gunner, and there was no evidence that the couple's other dog, a female, was involved in the attack. Authorities are still trying to determine what prompted the attack, Bertini said, adding that no evidence indicating that the dogs had been trained to attack. Darla was an avid pit bull lover and supporter of Bay Area Dog lovers Responsible About Pit Bulls, or Bad Rap, a group that tries to change negative attitudes toward pit bulls. Greg says he's forgiven the dog and plans to bury Darla with Gunner's ashes." -----So he forgave the dog and even buried his wife with the dog's ashes? How stupid people are. How careless and insensitive they are when it comes to a human life -yet they seem to value the life of a fricken dog over a loved one. I'm so sickened over this story that it makes me think about how screwed up society is. God forbid ANY animal attacked my wife like that - I would kill the dog S...L...O...W...L...Y.

Needless to say, I had to get the police out here the third time around when the Pit Bull was on my front lawn trying to run after us. I will not be a prisoner in my own home. The cop came over to my house first and when I showed him the photo of the dog, he instantly back up and said, “Ugh, it’s a Pit Bull. These dogs are a nightmare for us.” He went on to say that the only attacks that him and his crew have seen were all Pit Bull related. Since there is no set leash law except for keeping your dog on your own property in our city - the police cannot make a case file. I would have to go to court and file for case against my neighbors. That’s the last thing I want to do. The cop also said discreetly, “Remember, do what you gotta do to protect yourself. You have more rights protecting yourself against a dog than you would if there was a leash law.” Basically, he was telling me I wouldn’t get in trouble if I had to do something in a self-defense situation.

Take a look at this lovely video...

CLICK HERE if you can't view the video.
And this lady treated her dog like her own child. There were no signs of abuse except for the fact that she was a big wimp trying to act tough with a dog. Most Pit Bull owners are alike and in denial.

A few days later, my neighbors put up a fence...a chicken wire fence. I give them A for effort, but by the time that dog either runs through it or crawls under it and hops onto my patio again, I will do everything in my power to protect my family from an unruly Pit Bull. And all Pit Bull owners should face up to the truth that your dog is or can be (and they probably are) very dangerous - maybe not to you or your family, but overall this breed is questionable. And yes, I agree, any dog can be potentially dangerous, but Pit Bulls are outnumbered in the amount of attacks. I’ll even go a step further: in my own opinion and from what I have seen with people who own Pit Bulls - the owners are usually wimps under a ‘tough guy’ image. It’s like a guy with a tiny penis driving a brand new Ferrari. It’s all about image. There's a reason why Pit Bulls are banned in England. In some parts, you can own a Pit Bull, but it has to be neutered, insured, microchipped and....muzzled. I wish the states would follow their example.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Occupy Wall Street Greed

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 09:42:13 PST

Milk Street Cafe in New York City near Zuccotti Park has closed due to the Occupy Wall Street movement. The owner of the cafe said, “Hope you're happy, Occupy Wall Street. All your rabble rousing has driven a small business owner out of business.” Not only was this business severely affected by the 9/11 tragedy, but now our own people - New York protesters - people who want to ‘give it to the big corps’ are certainly giving it to the small mom & pop stores. Occupy Wall Street protesters are no different than the big greedy corporate world: they don’t think about anybody other than themselves, they act like pigs, they are defiant, rude and most of all, take away business from hard working people who are trying to make it out there. There is absolutely no difference whatsoever. A bunch of hypocritical unemployed asshats roaming the streets, smoking pot, banging on drums and pissing on patrol cars are sending one solid message: we’re bored. They’re quitting their jobs (to complain about no jobs) just to be out there ‘being apart of the movement’ so they can tell their grandkids that ‘they were there’. Most of them are all wearing designer clothes (from big corps), taking photos and videos with their iPhones (big corps) camping out in very expensive tents (big corps) while smoking cigarettes (big corps). Why don’t they boycott all their luxuries from these big corporations if they’re so serious? Why don’t they boycott so that these businesses will eventually be run down into the ground, as they did to these small mom & pop businesses?

Hyp-o-crite [hip-uh-krit] - “A person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions or statements belie his or her public statements.” I can’t think of a better word to describe this movement. People are saying that they have just begun. Eventually, NYC will be closing its doors because they’re driving people, businesses and all self-respect out of the Big Apple. The sad part is, on a personal note, is that I agree with their said reasonings of why they’re protesting. I disagree with the way they are protesting. The behavior, the drug use, the violence are all reasons why many potential clientele are turning onto a different street in order to go to other businesses, leaving these other poor souls who are too close to the protest to starve. OWS, aren’t you supposed to be on our side rooting and protesting for the small business owners and the people who are struggling to make ends meet? No. You are all too self-absorbed to see what’s happening right in front of your face. You’re too busy trying to film cops spraying unruly protesters, the same cops that are trying to protect our city from terrorists. You can’t see it, perhaps from all the marijuana smoke that plumes out from your crowd. Maybe you can’t hear our business owners trying to plea with you to move it along so that they can get at least two customers into their stores, but the drums you are all banging on are much too loud to even hear your own people beg. You’re too focused on the one thing that has gotten you to Occupy Wall Street: greed.

(Side note: Bear with me as I have disabled the comment section. I'm trying to install Facebook Connect, where people can sign in using their Facebook accounts, since Blogger is difficult to sign in without having a Blogger account. In the meantime, if you want to comment about this particular article, please click here & let me know what you think...Don't forget to "LIKE" the page if you'd like to be updated. Thanks!)

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Amplified Emotions & Wallets

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 09:42:27 PST

What is it about the holidays that puts a fine line between joy & sadness? Some say it’s circumstantial: loss of employment, economy, death of a loved one, divorce or a breakup, etc., etc., etc. But if you think about it, you’ll never see a kid depressed around this time of year. You’ll never see them mope around the house dreading the Christmas decorations being put up or grumbling profanities while putting up the tree. (Yes, I know I’m not being politically correct.) I finally figured out why some of us adults are so grumpy, blue and miserable this time of year: we grew up. For one, our fantasies have been crushed to smithereens. Santa Claus isn’t real. He was dad with a bunch of pillows stuffed inside his shirt. All of our letters to him weren’t “received”, but were granted by mere humans: our parents. (Which we should be grateful for.) But it wasn’t some magical fat man in a red suit riding a sleigh with reindeers. I remember calling the 976 number to see where Santa Clause was at that very moment on Christmas Eve. “Ho ho ho! I’m currently delivering presents in Boston! I should be there shortly! Merry Christmas!” Mom would then tell me to get some sleep or else Santa won’t come down the chimney with my presents. So I went to bed, but my peepers were open, hoping to hear the rustle of Santa shimmying down the chimney, straight into our....wood burning stove. What if the stove doors were locked? How would Santa get out? Boy were we all gullible back then, and so happy and excited!

Then we grow up. We develop relationships, get married, yada yada yada. I remember hanging out with a family friend who had broken up with her boyfriend right before Christmas. She was asked by one of the girls we were with, “How could you break up with him right before the holidays?” She looked over at the girl and said, “Tell me, when is a good time?” I understood both parts, but when a breakup or divorce happens right before the holidays, it can definitely set off a ton of emotions, especially if there are children involved. Add on a termination at your place of work and you have a recipe for a possible suicide. The most suicides happen around the holidays, especially if these unfortunate circumstances happen right beforehand. Many people don’t accept change very well, even if it’s minor. People are separating for the holidays going to their in laws, and some simply prefer to spend the holiday home - whatever the reasonings are. Too many people focus way too much on the emphasis on gifts. Some people don’t have the money to even buy one gift. In my opinion, this takes away from the joy in some way, unless you totally enjoy shopping and giving to people. But if you’re the type that stresses over what so & so wants and ‘what if he/she hates this gift’ --- try gift certificates and always remember, cold cash warms the heart to many kids these days.

The perfect Christmas for me is spending time with my wife, family and friends with good food and lots of good wine to make some of the chaos bearable. Oh, and get this - we actually celebrate Christ being born. I feel bad for parents who have chosen to give into the entire technological world; giving their kids the most lavish things like iPads, iPhones, laptops, etc. The other day while speaking to my friend who has two beautiful girls, she said that her oldest, who is 10 years old wants a Macbook and her youngest who is 8 years old would like a tablet of some sort, and of course nice name brand clothes to garnish it up with. I can’t even imagine being a kid asking for a $2,000 gift! (And believe me, I asked for a lot!) For that reason alone, I’m scared to even think about having kids. And you can say “I wouldn’t do that” all day long, but just think about when they’re in school and every single kid in that class has a $500.00 phone or a $2,000 laptop. You’ll be trying to keep up with the Joneses too.

But I digress. Back to the emotional aspect of the holidays: when will adults start to enjoy it more? When will they stop wishing they were kids again, just to enjoy another Christmas once more? When will breakups and divorces not become a larger issue created by the holidays? When will we stop missing our deceased loved ones on Christmas and realize that every single day they are missed? Why does Christmas seem to break more hearts than it does to warm it? I guess the answer lies somewhere between the most important time of the year and the most important person in our life who has chosen to leave it, or perhaps has been taken away forever without a choice. There’s definitely a fine line between joy & sadness this time of year.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

When the Churches Justify Their Hatred in the Name of God

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 09:42:45 PST

Exactly one month today, I had written a post entitled, “The Messy Christian”. In short, it basically summed up my dislike for the people in the church who were so quick to judge, yet failed to look at the speck in their own eye. We’re there to pray to God, not to play God. Like I said in that post, I had grew apart from the church for a very long time and developed a much stronger relationship with God, however I was finding that lately, I feel more of a pull to go back. Each time I prepared to go, something made me think, “I can’t go back there.” I can definitely sit and ‘try’ to focus on what the speaker is saying, but what if the speaker is tearing down those who are homosexual? The last time I went to church, they had a service dedicated to gays and lesbians. In my head, I thought this was going to be a positive thing. ...It wasn’t. They basically tore us down. As the female minister described a scenario of sorts, I began to question my own self-worth. She said, “Remember when you were a child and came home from school smelling mom cooking something in the kitchen? Someone was home to greet you and let you know that you were loved. Every evening was the same thing, you knew for sure something was going to smell really good when you walked inside, and that your mother or father would always greet you, warm you up and serve you dinner. Picture heaven... You’d expect to be greeted and loved the same way, but because you’re a homosexual, the moment you walk into ‘heaven’s house’, you immediately smell the delicious aromas of food only to find a huge pot of soup simmering on the stove. No one’s there. Everyone has left you behind. This is what happens when you choose to be gay or lesbian. You'll be left behind.” --I’ll never forget that story.

Here’s what really gets me now that I think about it: there were adolescents and young adults sitting in the church listening to her intently. It seemed inappropriate because all I conjure up in my mind was that this woman who was ministering other young Christians was spreading “hate”, although she was trying to “save” them. But think about where the intolerance of homosexuality comes from. Think about who is teaching the intolerance. The church. They still teach this kind of stuff to children and people wonder why kids are so mean to their classmates. Maybe bullying can also stem from other areas of their life - but to think that churches in our own neighborhood are teaching about intolerance of this “abomination” seems to be a bit hateful to me. You don’t know what that child is going to do once they walk out of church with the imbedded thought that all homosexuals are going to hell. So, if homosexuals are “hell bound”, then it’s a free for all to bully them, some would think. It makes perfect sense. If adults are condoning the intolerance of homosexuals, then it’s “okay” to be mean to them or “rebuke” them as they would the devil. Years ago, interracial couples were not allowed to marry, nor were black couples for that matter. I read this from an article online that says, “In June 1958, two residents of Virginia, Mildred Jeter, a Negro woman, and Richard Loving, a white man, were married in the District of Columbia pursuant to its laws. Shortly after their marriage, the Lovings returned to Virginia and established their marital abode in Caroline County. At the October Term, 1958, of the Circuit Court of Caroline County, a grand jury issued an indictment charging the Lovings with violating Virginia's ban on interracial marriages. On January 6, 1959, the Lovings pleaded guilty to the charge and were sentenced to one year in jail; however, the trial judge suspended the sentence for a period of 25 years on the condition that the Lovings leave the State and not return to Virginia together for 25 years. He stated in an opinion that: 'Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.'"

Right there you can see how people placed God into the equation of intolerance. When people use God in order to hate, it sends a really strong message - a message stating how ignorant people of religion can be. Their religion isn’t of love and mercy - it’s a self-fulfilling prejudice that’s tolerated all in the name of whatever God they pray to, because it’s certainly not the same God I know. Christians of different sectors believe in many various things and feel that ‘this is okay’ or ‘this is wrong’ - some agree, some don’t at all. If we blame our prejudices on God, then what does that say about ourselves? Where did Jesus ever state that homosexuality was a sin - homosexuality in terms of two loving couples wanting to lovingly spend their lives together? People mix up promiscuity scriptures that reference to sexual natures but never a relationship or marital form. Where in the bible does “God” state that marrying someone of another race is a sin? It amazes me that people assume this is God’s judgment simply by the different countries we live in? If one lives over in Egypt, then it is sinful to marry someone in the United States? And my last question to all of those unhappy judgmental Christians is: why are you so focused on everybody else’s relationship and marriages when the only focus should be loving God and treating people as you would yourself? FYI: it’s the biggest commandment in the Bible.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Walking Away

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 09:43:00 PST

If I can give any advice at all, it would be to learn from my mistakes, as I certainly have. In any form of relationship, be it platonic or romantic, arguments can get out of control. I can only take so much, until I pop my cork. I’m known to say it like it is - to the point where it’s so blunt, that it’s hurtful sometimes. Self-defense is no excuse when giving in to an intense argument where it comes to low blows and personal insults. I’ve learned a lot though. I learned that when someone blows up at you for whatever reason, or hurts you verbally, it’s best to just walk away and say nothing at all. Silence is the best communicator. The person who is trying to fight with you has nobody to fight with. When you ‘give it back to them’ -- that’s exactly what they want. For instance, if someone is hurting you with the most personal insults of your character, or perhaps bringing up things you’ve done in the past to torture you in some twisted way -- they want you to do the same to them. They’re fishing for things you don’t like about them. They want to hear it. It’s a 'bring it on' type of mindset. If you don’t respond to it at all, you’ve won the game while they’re still sitting there left with their vile insults lingering in the air because you haven’t absorbed it to the fullest extent. By “fullest extent”, I mean in retaliation-mode.

When in a romantic dispute or a really bad breakup, the best thing to do (as I’ve learned) is to not respond to it at all. Now that Facebook and Twitter has all the means to really get your ex’s goat - is it really a good idea? Think about it: the more the ex takes the time out to badmouth you in any online forum, the more they are hurting over the relationship. I remember this happening a long time ago, where I saw my ex write the most awful and hurtful things about me. Every sentence, every word she typed was "Deb, Deb, Deb". It went on for a couple of years as we had no contact whatsoever. So what does that say about the situation? Who’s over who, and who's “fishing” for retaliation in any shape or form? My point is, when you respond to any insult, accusation, or just in an argument plain and simple - you are giving them ammunition, satisfaction -realization of what you truly think of them. It’s a psychological mind game. But when you walk away or don’t respond, you’ve left them in their own dust as well as possibly saving the friendship or relationship by not saying what you truly think. I’ve made plenty of mistakes of retaliating and it usually ended up with the same results: the insults that were volleyed back and forth were way too much to ever mend the friendship or relationship back together. Whether trying to salvage the relationship or to end it, sometimes, it’s just best to walk away.

"Silence is a source of great strength." ~Lao Tzu

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

This is Not Your Average Lesbian Potluck

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 09:43:18 PST

As you probably know, I have many passions in life. Being Italian, one of them is food. I love to cook, prepare, barbecue, and of course, consume. I especially love entertaining when friends and family come over. Over the recent years, I have discovered new recipes, most of them are my own, and some are bits and pieces taken from either Mom & Dad, or simply learned from a cooking show. I always add my own spin to it, which to me, makes it my own. So, I decided to make another blog called, “Deb’s Cucina”, where you can get all my recipes and stories of where it originated from. All the photos and stories are all my own and now, shared with you. Most of my passions or hobbies in life usually involved something artistic, like either song writing, playing guitar, photography & filmography, but I figured the one hobby that may benefit more people besides myself would be sharing my recipes. Depending on your taste buds, you may enjoy this blog.

My mother and I have one thing in common: stress. And whenever we are stressed out, we cook. So, needless to say, thankfully for my anxiety disorder, Madelene is a lucky girl. Cooking gives me a tranquility that nothing else does. It also gives me a chance to show my family and friends how much I love them by either making them their favorite dish or simply just inviting them over for my little appetizers and cocktails. And yes, I also have recipes for my famous drinks. I’m also including cooking videos in there from time to time so you can see how silly I can be in the kitchen (wine included of course) and many photos. There’s always a story with each dish, so come on by and hang out in my cucina from time to time.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Bullying: It Goes Beyond the Schoolyard

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 09:44:17 PST

WARNING: This video is very hard to watch...
If you cannot view this video from any mirrored websites, please click here.

Like many other people, while watching Jonah Mowry’s video, I found myself in tears, sobbing for him. I also found my mother in tears as she watched the video. I kept remembering all the times as a young child being bullied in school and coming home not saying one word about it. I remember the kids taunting me, mocking everything from what I wore to whatever haircut I decided to get. It was obvious I was a tomboy. I dressed like a boy, I looked like a boy, and many times, was mistaken as a boy. I was always happy when someone would refer to me as a “he”. My mission was accomplished. But when I walked down the hallway of my school, I was called something much differently: “Lesbo!” “Dyke!” “Lezzie!” The descriptions worsened into sexual smut, but for the most part, I kept it to myself. Nobody knew how tortured I was. I hardly ever hung around with girls because they were the ones who made fun of me, maybe because they feared that they’d be mocked as well. Boys hung out with me. We would go out on our motorcycles through the trails and did innocent ‘boy stuff’. The few girlfriends I did have while in elementary school at the age of 11 or so, went against me and started in with the gang, calling me names and insinuating I was gay. ...And I was. I would lock myself in my bedroom, crying for hours and hours. I even tapped into my parents' liquor cabinet while alone one school night and was found passed out by my sister's boyfriend in the hallway. I had alcohol poisoning. I wanted to die. My first thought upon waking up: "I have to go back to school..." In fear of losing the one friend I loved so much, I asked her to help me to style my hair differently and pick out new clothing. After the summer between sixth grade to seventh, I walked into school with my hair feathered back and long (yes it was the 80’s) and a long beautiful skirt with little dress pumps on. I then had too many friends to count. I didn’t “look” gay. I didn’t look like a “lesbo”, a “dyke”, a “lezzie” - whatever other terms they had blasted me with. I became...someone else for the sake of not being bullied.

After a while, I began to truly like who I was becoming, and enjoyed the femininity that I never had. Although I changed my appearance greatly, I did in fact start to love doing my hair, dressing up and hanging out with the girls. I also liked the fact that I was hardly mocked any longer. I actually looked forward to going to school and didn’t dread the insults that inevitably came with each bell that rang in between classes. I wonder what would have happened if I didn’t become ‘feminine’ and still continued to wear boys’ clothing. I wonder if I would have became more of an outcast and still taunted by the idiots who hated anyone who remotely looked like a homosexual. However, I did get to see the inside of the bully circle. My friends would start making fun of the first kid that didn’t fit in, or maybe he or she looked gay and was called “faggot”. It instantly turned into a mob mentality and everyone was joining in. I either always left to go to the ladies’ room or I just sat there silently, not doing anything. I wish I had done something, but I was so scared of the way my friends attacked their own classmates.

The one thing I am very grateful for is the fact that there was no such thing as the internet. No one had a Formspring, a Facebook account or a blog for that matter. All we had was the phone, and sometimes, that was enough. I’ll never forget the day I had a falling out with one of my closest friends. She would gather the rest of our friends up, call me and threaten that she and her friend were going to “kick my ass” in school tomorrow. Late at night, my phone would ring, “You’re dead” was all that came out of the receiver, and then, *click*. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to look like a tattletale loser and get harassed even more, so I carried a switchblade knife I had gotten from another friend. Talk about getting ghetto in a country-bumpkin school. I was prepared because I feared for my life. I literally thought that I was going to die the next day. I didn’t sleep the nights I would get those calls. The strange part about this was, there was no such thing as “bullying” in school - or thought to be bullying - it was just playground fights and that was that. Today, with more acceptance of gays and lesbians, and the fact that we have all these means to become anonymous on the internet in order to bully someone - it gives kids more of a chance to spread their hatred on those who are different. In fact, I don’t think any website, like Formspring for example should have any available option to be “anonymous”. These cowards should be known. They should have a full ip address, name of the provider, including the name of the owner of the internet account. I bet you anything, if that were to happen, you’d see a lot less bullying, especially cyber bullying and less suicides from such careless acts.

I wish back in the day we had someone to look up to like Lady Gaga, someone who really makes a difference and cares about what happens to these kids. She even went to the White House to speak on behalf of young victims. I’m not sure what can be done about bullying, but maybe if there were higher punishments for these kids, they’d think twice about taunting someone until they eventually do the inevitable. Most parents don’t even believe that their own kids are the tormenters. “They weren’t raised that way” - yeah, but they weren’t spoken to thoroughly about how bullying can effect young kids at such an impressionable age, especially in a pack of wild kids. Something has to be done because it’s not only on the playground by someone they know, it’s now on the internet anonymously by someone they know. Gaga is starting an anti-bullying charity called, “Born This Way Foundation” that will be launched next year. In a statement, Lady Gaga said: "Together we hope to establish a standard of bravery and kindness, as well as a community worldwide that protects and nurtures others in the face of bullying and abandonment." Gaga spoke out when Jamey Rodemeyer posted a video about how he was being bullied online and how “it gets better”. Not too long after the making of that video, he committed suicide.

This is a real issue and it doesn’t stop there. It also happens to adults in the workplace. My sister who works for a well-known corporation in New Jersey said that they were giving their employees training on sensitivity of all gays, lesbians and transgender people. This is a huge step where we can finally establish some type of education for people who are careless, insensitive and above all, cowards. Enough is enough. I do hope Jonah Mowry stays with us for a very long time after his video. We need him. Having known how it feels to be bullied because kids thought I was gay, as an adult now, I can truly say that every single word that has been said to me out of hatred has been embedded in my head forever. It goes beyond the schoolyard...it goes beyond the computer.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

The Dangers Behind WiFi

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 09:44:29 PST

About four years ago when my wife and I moved into our condo which was located in a very populated area, we thought one thing: convenience. We loved the fact that we could grab something down the street, or in case of an emergency like a snowstorm, we were easily accessible. That really made me sleep better at night, but then again, Madelene and I both found that we had a lot of problems sleeping. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Our condo was really cozy and we had everything we needed. We weren’t in a bad section and we felt very safe. So why weren’t we both sleeping well? I went on the internet and Googled topics about insomnia. We all know stress is a contributor - who doesn’t have stress? This was different though. I could be at my most relaxed state of mind, yet my eyes wouldn’t seem to close. Then I came across a news article that explained how cell phones contribute to sleep disturbance, if left on your nightstand. So, I began to turn my cell phone off at night. It seemed to help a bit, but then the insomnia kicked in again.

Later on, when we moved into our new location which basically has a population of ten people in the neighborhood, I realized I slept better. I slept the whole night through without waking up. Madelene did too. We immediately thought it was because of the street noise that kept us up at night in the other place, but as I’m finding out, wifi connections have a lot to do with sleep disturbances among other health factors. Think about this... We lived in a building that had more than fifty people living there. The next building over and the one across the street had about the same amount too. There were many buildings surrounding us. All had one thing in common: wifi connections. When I glided my cursor over to the airport section of my desktop, it told me how many people were using wifi at that time. There was a slew of people - countless. When I moved into our new location, there was only me on the list. I realized that my lack of sleep was due to the amount of wifi connections. It really makes you think how much wifi can affect us. Now the news is reporting that if a laptop is on a man’s lap or even a smart phone, the radiation can damage their sperm count.

In an article in Extreme Tech, it states, “In a control test — with the sperm kept away from WiFi emissions, but at the same under-laptop temperature — 14% of the sperm died within four hours, and 3% showed DNA damage. When placed underneath a laptop for four hours, 25% of the sperm died and 9% showed DNA damage. The important finding here is that WiFi electromagnetic (EM) radiation damaged the sperm — almost every other study has focused on increased temperature (which also damages sperm, incidentally).”

With the low frequency radiation and the long hours of having a cell phone attached to your right or left hip, I feel even women should be concerned. In fact, Madelene had a hysterectomy due to large tumors that formed on her ovary as well as her uterus. She constantly carries her cell phone (and still does) on her right hip attached to her belt. It lies right above her ovary (or where it used to be). The tumor started growing at such a rapid pace that it enlarged her uterus to the size of a football. How can we live without our smart phones and internet connections though? I leave my wifi on all night. I close out my computer, but I don’t disconnect the wifi. Especially living or working in buildings that have over 100 connections -- what kind of studies are being done to prove that this is “okay” for us? Sad thing is, I can’t say that I’m going to change my habits or carry my phone less than I do, but I will try to consciously turn off my cell phone at night and make sure that I always use an earpiece while chatting on the phone. I must say, that I see a huge difference living in an area where I’m the only one with a wifi connection. I’m finally sleeping. It’s all making sense now.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com

Chewing the Fat

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 09:44:51 PST

A while ago I had written a post about a girl who bumped into an old friend in a cafe where I was having coffee. I overheard them trying to catch up while waiting on the long line for their lattes. The one girl looks down at the other woman’s belly and says, “So when are you due?” There was an immediate silence, and then, “I’m not.” Innocent mistake perhaps, but it makes you wonder how many times we have all made that little ‘oops’ before. Obviously, she wasn’t expecting. She had put on weight and embarrassed her friend pointing this out in a not so subtle manner, yet an innocent one. Women are sensitive, vain, insecure, emotional. When do we reel it in when it comes to noticing something on a physical basis? Even if you see your friend has lost a lot of weight, the worst thing in the world in my opinion is to yell out, “Wow, you lost so much weight!” In other words, “Wow, you were so damn fat before!” A similar thing happened over at the same cafe the other morning. Two friends were ordering lattes and you have your option to get the low-fat one without whipped cream. One girl ordered the low-fat and the other said, “Oh just a regular one with whipped cream please.” Her friend looked over at her and said, “You should get the low-fat, it’s really good and it’s healthier for you.” Why even suggest it if she ordered what she wanted? The girl brushed it off as it it was nothing, but I saw the deep stare in her eyes as she waiting for her latte with all the bells & whistles.

I’m also not a fan of people who try to push their new fad diets on everyone. “Oh you gotta try ‘this diet’ or ‘that diet’, it’s great” or vegetarians telling you how inhumane it is to eat meat and of course, the good ol’ gluten-free fanatics. If it’s not someone’s ‘bag’ - then stop pushing your spiel. As they say, misery loves company. I do realize with the gluten-free folks that there are some sensitive palates out there and the occasional allergy-ridden folks, but rare. We’ve been eating wheat products since the beginning of time. I have a hard time believing that people are allergic to wheat. Is it possible? Sure -but for almost 40% of people out there? Gluten-free products are making a bundle off doctors and televised physicians pushing the ‘celiac disease’. In my own personal opinion: it’s all a business. People are not allergic to wheat. We’re getting fed a bunch of bullshit ---that’s what we should be allergic to. What’s even more alarming are the people who go with this celiac disease and ruling out all possibilities of gall bladder problems, digestive issues or even worse, cancer. A woman I know kept pushing the gluten-free gig for years, until she went to a doctor and was diagnosed with stage four cancer of the liver. Some people rule out almost every single ‘known to be bad’ food out there to realize there’s a much larger issue going on.

The other day while I was home watching TV, there was a commercial advertising Dr. Oz’s show. He said, “If you’re a woman overweight, you are at risk of getting cancer.” He’ll even say things that’ll have the healthiest person fearing for their lives. He’s an alarmist and he uses scare tactics to make people watch his show. He has great home remedies that really work, but like the devil, he throws a bit of truth to tell you a bunch of lies. I can’t stand people like this. I can’t tolerate people who grab the vulnerabilities of many hypochondriacs and have them fleeing for the ER. (Yes, that includes myself.) But, this is how he grabs the attention of many of his viewers...and it works. It’s just the same as watching an upcoming news clip, “Man dies in a mysterious way....at ten.” So they keep you tuned in until they tell you that the guy was 95 years old and there was no foul play involved. We’re gullible and we all want to be in the know, when in actuality, there is no “know”.

What’s good for you may not be good for someone else. They say eggs are the perfect food, but it’s not so good for a person running a cholesterol level of 300. They say drink more milk for women over thirty-five, but not so good if she is lactose intolerant. We can’t suggest foods to people if we are not their doctor or allergists. We can make general suggestions: eat healthier, leaner, and what not - but there are other suggestions that have proven that fatty foods are also healthy for us too. Everything has an extreme “yes” and “no” and “good” and “bad” - so what should we believe? It’s like religion almost - people have their own opinions, advice, suggestions, etc., and once that’s pushed in our faces, we become confused and sometimes, even pick the wrong diet that makes us become sluggish or ill.

I have a friend who is an M.D. who gave me some advice about dieting. I find it very interesting as well as alluring...

“Fat is your friend, simple carbohydrates are not. (Don’t conflate this with an Atkins diet although there are similarities.) Do not worry too much about the booze either; just don’t mix fruit juices with it. High fructose, low fiber = very bad. What do I eat? I told you what I eat for breakfast. This includes 9-12 eggs/week. Bacon/sausage. Buy only the omega-3 eggs, they cost more but it's worth it. Lunch, cold cuts in lettuce wraps. I mix it up but it's usually ham, turkey, or liverwurst. Stay away from roast beef unless you cut it yourself from grass fed beef. Most of what you buy is grain fed. The only condiment is mustard. I throw in some coconut, dark (Lind 90% caco) chocolate. Finish with a (small) piece of fruit, usually an apple. Dinner is wild caught fish, pork, chicken (no skin) or beef. If my wife make pasta, I take a cheese grater and "rice" a head of cauliflower and eat the meat and sauce over that. Vegetables, I like brussel sprouts, green beans, (eat no other beans or peanuts) sweet potatoes, acorn squash. Salad, make your own dressing with olive oil and balsamic. Hannaford's sells blue cheese made with raw milk, Great Hill Farms. DO NOT use commercial dressings, they are all made with soybean oil. Soy is not a health food! Avoid it at all costs. This makes eating out difficult but the payoff is better health. If you do this correctly, you will sensitize your body to insulin, go 5-7 hours between meals without snacking. Good luck, if I can be of help, let me know. You WILL NOT get help from advertising, the media, your friends, your doctor, Dr. Oz, etc. I have an entire lecture on why this is the case.”

This really goes against what I was taught as “healthy”. They say having a drink or two is healthy, some people believe differently. I heard that soy was very healthy for you, as this M.D. believes it is not. I’ve been following some of his advice along with getting regular check ups from my physician and my numbers are going down slowly. My cholesterol went down a bit, my weight decreased a smidgen (ha) and of course, I get to eat my favorite foods without the guilt. He also mentions that sport drinks like Gatorade are very bad for someone who isn’t a marathon runner. For a regular workout, sports drinks should not be consumed. Then he says go 5-7 hours without snacking, which goes against most nutritionalists’ suggestions. I was always told the best thing to do is have small meals throughout the day. But as I go along my day eating high protein and less carbs, I’m finding I’m not even hungry or craving a ‘small meal’ every couple of hours. So far, this is what is currently helping me... So Thank you Doc! (You know who you are.) I’ve even debated with him for a few years over his suggestions telling him he’s crazy - this is too good to be true. My point is - never take advice without seeing your doctor and watching all your numbers of your body. Avoid people who are on these new ‘fad’ diets or who have a ‘thought to be’ allergy without checking with their doctor and just want company on the wagon their traveling on. Do what’s right for you.

‎"The first thing you lose on a diet is brain mass." —Margaret Cho

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com