Living Proof

Put Yourself Back On the Pedestal

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 6 Aug 2024 15:59:00 -0400

For the longest time, I never realized the importance of self-love and putting yourself first, before trying to make anyone in your life happy. The truth is, you can't "make" anyone happy. You can't control how other people feel. You can only control your emotions and reactions to people, things and situations. It's taken me quite a few decades to realize this. Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to stay true to their word. They'll say one thing, and then do another. Observe the actions of people---not what they say. Also, it's important to forgive. It's human nature to be flawed and imperfect. Most people intend on making good on what they "say," but their actions may lack a bit. Forgive it all. You can't do anything about it. I know this sounds like a weak approach, but it's actually the harder approach. I cannot tell you how many videos and TedTalks I've seen where there are mentors and spiritual gurus are trying to convince you to play games with people in order to get what you want. "If they go silent, you go silent longer." "If someone hurts you, retaliate in 'this way.'" No. This is all bad advice.

Whether or not you decide to forgive someone completely, does not require them to stay in your life.

"But I don't trust them!"

Trusted them to do what? You've gained the knowledge of who they truly are. You may have seen their mask fall off. Now you have clarity of either deciding whether or not you can be around certain types of people, especially ones who broke your trust. Nobody owes us anything. It's up to you if you still love and appreciate them for who they are "as is," ...or not.

"Forgive them, for they know not what they do." --Jesus

Life is hard enough as it is. The past few weeks, I've been helping a friend get through a rough breakup. They're in a "no contact" situation, which sometimes is a planned and strategic way of either getting them back, or making the other person realize what they've lost. I do understand that in some cases, absence makes the heart grow fonder...sometimes. But it's sometimes a good idea to step out of the situation long enough so you can view it from the outside. Things start making more sense, and you'll gain more clarity overall.

But I disagree with this approach. If you are going "no contact," the only way to make this work effectively for you, is to go off the radar for whatever amount of time is sufficient. Some have suggested to go radio silent for 30 days (meaning no contact/no social media updates) and put YOURSELF back on the pedestal. This means work all of the 8 elements of wellness. Emotional, physical, occupational, social, spiritual, intellectual, environmental, and financial.

Part of the process is going off the radar. This doesn't mean that you are intentionally not contacting your ex or anyone you were involved with as a means to get back at them. This is a wellness month for you---to completely transform your life in every area possible. Many monks and Buddhists do these types of retreats. You don't have to cut off everyone, because let's face it---that's not possible. But do it so you can regroup. You will feel ten times better having gone through the pain and anguish. And the key in doing something so determined is to pour all of your pent up anger, frustrations and raw emotions into it. It's the same when God turns your ashes in for beauty.

Do not---and I mean DO NOT subscribe to the manipulating ways of the world. In fact, there is a book out on the market that's a best seller now. It's called, "48 Laws of Power," by Robert Greene. It tells you things like using absence to increase respect, pose as a friend while working as a spy, how to crush your enemy, how to play a sucker to catch a sucker---(seem dumber than your mark), how to create a cult-like following---all of these things are TOXIC. Not only that, but most, if not all of the chapters are already listed in the book of Satan. These are all satanic and will only harm you, not help you. I will explain it like this: I have a friend who is a witch. I guess you can call her a "good witch," nonetheless, a witch. She had explained to me that if you use these manipulating tactics (spells, to which they are) -- this comes back to you tenfold. This book will work against you, not for you. So if you're doing these things and finding yourself going around the same mountain again and again and again, it may be a karmic pattern you're going through.

The best thing to do is to be your authentic self. Whatever you feel is the right thing to do---do it. Don't play games, don't go silent just to get back at someone (unless you truly don't want them in your life.) Don't use any of these tactics to manipulate or "manifest" people. It's essentially witchcraft. This is what spell work is all about. I know many of you heard the word "manifest" or "manifestation." These are lighthearted words so they don't have to say "spell work."

Be humble. Do whatever it is that is straight from your heart. Don't play with people. Tell them you love them. Apologize, and also forgive. And if your sentiments are rejected, just remember, rejection isn't a bad thing. It's a person's free will. You have to give people free will, just as God has. Rejection is just redirection. Some people aren't meant to be in our lives, and that's okay. We only can do the best we can do. Offer your love, time, loyalty and friendship, and if it is not welcomed, then turn around and wish them well. Respect their space, if that's what they want.

Now take all that love you have been pouring into other people, and pour in back into YOU. For me, I tend to place people on pedestals, and I don't even realize it. I have a "people pleasing" habit that I'm trying to break. It's hard though. But what are the underlining reasons for it? We need to make ourselves happy first, before we can ever make anyone else happy. We need to love ourselves first, before loving anyone else. That person you want to spend time with--is you. Focus on God, your prayer life, your health, your dreams, your goals, your hobbies and focus on elevating your vibration. These positive efforts you put into yourself automatically raise your vibrational frequency, and this also means that some people in your life may probably fall off the radar. These people may have too low of a frequency to be around you. You will no longer have anything in common with them. And/or, you may experience a reunion with those who already had a high frequency that you somehow couldn't match up with. It works out for the best---either way.

Energy is real. Once you start loving yourself and taking care of you---and everything in your environment, you are automatically lovable by nature. Many people fear that they are not lovable. The root cause for this is because they don't love themselves enough. So why would anyone else love them? Loving yourself (from a humble place) sets off a positive energetic frequency to other people. And remember this: self-care is NOT selfish. It's your survival guide to life.

Stop focusing on other people and go within.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes and check out her Instagram full of food videos!

7 Ways to Escape Your Own Mental Prison

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 3 Oct 2023 12:36:00 -0400

Have you ever lost your zeal for life---you lost interest in the things you used to love to do? Your passions, hobbies and whatever it was that made you feel alive was no longer a priority---just a stagnant feeling of loss of one's self. Things like grief and depression of any sort can tear away our will to keep doing our best. It happened to me when I lost my parents. I lost my laugh, I lost my desire to write music, play guitar, and I even lost some friends along the way due to my disinterest in life. They had nothing in common with me anymore. I remember a friend wanted to take me to this beautiful resort in Mexico to go parasailing and relax in our own private pool. My heart said yes, but my spirit was too numb to even catch on how emotionally and spiritually healing this would've been for me. I stopped having parties, I stopped visiting my friends...I stopped socializing as I once used to.

So here's my list of how I became free from my own mental prison:

Put Down The Self-Medication

I lost myself. I drank to get away from myself, but I couldn't get away from myself the next morning. Numbing my emotions only led to pent up tears and anguish that eventually exploded mostly at inopportune moments. It took four long years to realize I needed to sober up and better my health---not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I made some huge changes that led me to the life I live today. It may not be parasailing in the deep blue oceans or going white water rafting, but I did surprise myself nonetheless. The more days into my sobriety, I found that my ideas of "outdoorsy" wasn't just sitting on the patio with a glass of wine anymore. I started walking outside more to get exercise. I would mark my one mile, eventually led to two miles...(baby steps!) I purchased a treadmill so that I could feel better, move better, and feel stronger.

Years ago, I used to go fishing with my dad. I had the urge for a long time, and I finally did it over in a lagoon in a kayak. Mind you---kayaking alone was a big fear of mine. I also went crabbing on the bay and cooked my own catch. I know this may not be "huge" events for some---but for me, it was a feat.

Stop Caring What People Think of You

What other people think of you is none of your business. Think about it, we cannot control how others perceive us, or what other people say about us. I have a rule that I will never listen to someone's slander about another person, until I meet that person and can judge for myself. If I am a weak person, I will listen to them and take it as truth. Not to say that their experiences aren't real, but that isn't my story. I eliminated controlling and emotionally abusive friends in my life. With complete forgiveness and with good intentions, I had to let these toxic people go. At the time of the friendship, I felt like they were controlling me---controlling who I talk to, and making me do their dirty work for them. It wasn't a friendship so much as it was an access to get something from me. If they're not friends, do not let them onto your private social media. I call these people "monitors"---not friends. Don't feel guilty for this. If you aren't being treated as you treat them, then maybe it's time to sever ties. But one thing to ultimately free yourself from these chains is to always forgive people---even if they're too scared to apologize. You do not need an apology in order to forgive. I do believe that our higher selves connect on the spiritual realm, and forgiveness is received there. That's why prayer is so powerful. When you pray for someone---believe in its power.

Free Yourself From Mind Numbing Self-Medicating

That's a really hard one if you're used to coming home after a long day and you just wanna swig a few sips or take a few tokes to take the edge off. Depending on moderation and dependency---you might be one of the rare ones who can actually do this on a daily basis. For me? I wasn't a functional when I self-medicated. It stifled my true emotions, which would ultimately come out one day. Through my sobriety, I managed my demons by facing them head-on, feeling every pain of every painful memory and tackling them in a more manageable way. I prayed, I meditated, I relied on extra support to get me through. And now, almost three years into my sobriety, I still feel the pain of the loss, but it's different. It's manageable, it's now a feeling of gratitude that I had 43 years that I spent with my parents.

Find Your Niche

Everyone has a unique ability or talent to do something they absolutely love. For me, cooking was one of my biggest passions. I learned how to cook when I was just 13 years old working in a Chinese restaurant. Then, my mom would let me watch her cook her recipes, and when my dad retired, he was glued to the Food Network and started throwing down like a chef! He was always a great cook, but he stepped it up and made these gourmet dishes that were out of this world. I started cooking more, and with my knowledge of editing film, I then began to share my food videos and recipes with the world. But my first and foremost reason for cooking is to bring family and friends together. As you know, another passion of mine is reading and writing. I love literature and reading new books. I also like to share all that I have learned. I love my rescue dog, and plan to rescue another. I have so many things I want to do, but sometimes it's difficult to find people to do these things with.

When I stopped all of these passions, I had nothing in common with anyone. I couldn't ask a friend to go walking with me, or have dinner parties at each other's homes, or even talk to them about anything because my mind was so numb from the self-medicating. Now looking back, I'm finding that if the commonality is lacking with friendships, it's like pulling teeth just to maintain a decent conversation with them. It's not that I don't love them dearly, but it's all on a surface level. If you don't have a niche in life, I get bored real fast. And it doesn't have to be "my" niche---just something that motivates you to get out of bed each morning.

Exposure Therapy

Through my awesome recovery program, I've learned how important it is to drive in my car and meet them, instead of just relying on Zoom meetings. After the pandemic/lockdowns, many people found that their worlds had become much smaller, to no fault of their own. I have a wonderful therapist who makes me drive to her office that's almost 40 minutes away. I started getting a fear of driving far distances, because my eyesight had some challenging issues (important reason of course)--but now that it has gotten better, I am branching out and trying to move out of my comfort zone. Being uncomfortable in life will actually increase your comfortability doing scary stuff. My sister always says, "If you're not scared to do it, then it's not worth it." Fear can be a healthy motivator to do something you've always wanted to do. Although I do love the "comfort" of working from home, I also want to venture out into the world more. Puerto Rico is on our next to-do list. If you have a fear of anything---face it head-on, even if you bring a crutch (like a safe person or whatever items make you feel safer.) I don't want to be 70 years old regretting the fact I didn't do something that was on my bucket list...and yes, I have a bucket list.

Being Open-Minded, Yet Mindful and Prayerful

I guess you can say that the Christian faith can be a little rigid here and there. With that being said, I was starting to listen to other Christian friends warn me about things like yoga, and people of other religions--(more so Wiccans)---and I started to realize a few things. Jesus didn't just associate with His followers, He was among all walks of life. I guarded myself against people who practiced these faiths. If my faith was so strong, why would I need to feel intimidated by anyone of another practice? I will say this: my friends who are Wiccan have treated me much better than some of my Christian friends. I'm not saying I'm going to brew my next soup recipe in a caldron anytime soon, but who am I to judge? I do have boundaries when it comes to psychic mediums though. When I do pray, I sometimes can hear my mom's voice come through. I've always had an intuitive talent to see and hear things beyond. In the Bible, when this sort of thing happens, it does say to "test the spirits." So it's nothing at all like necromancy. Last week, my mom told me to tell my spouse that Joan said hello. I said, "Who's Joan?" When I asked later on that night, they broke down and cried, asking me how I knew. So, I am being more open-minded, yet mindful and prayerful, if that makes any sense.

You Don't Always Have to be Left or Right

Why do some people who are conservative only believe "this and that" while those who are liberal only believe "this and that?" For instance, why can't democrat believe in the 2nd amendment? And now, as you look around, there are more LGBTQ+ that are "coming out" as conservative. As a former conservative, my views are still very much my own, but I believe that the left wing and the right wing are all on the same plane. Ever since I quit filling my head with political news, I now see people quite differently. The news (whether left or right) is meant to divide us. Try cutting off the political news for at least one month, and let me know what that does for your life. I have never felt so free as I do today. I'm not angry anymore, yelling at the news anchor, or having social media debates with strangers online. It's not worth it. So now, I don't ~identify~ as a conservative or a liberal. I'm just me. What you choose is none of my business.

I hope this helped in some way. I think most of us are plagued by our own ego and we don't even realize it. At least, I didn't. Becoming self-aware and brutally honest about your authentic self, puts you in a position to see opposing views as non-threatening. I find myself questioning more than lecturing. And how can you learn anything if you don't question anything and everything? That in itself creates a very small world, and a very small-minded outlook of the world.

Let go of the irrational fear, but hang onto the healthy kind of fear so you can bump yourself up to the next level.

4 Ways to Ease the Stressors in Life

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 31 Aug 2023 17:50:00 -0400

Most of us are afraid of letting go of the things we love, whether it's a person, place, past experience, grief and even the illusion of having some type of control. There's a twisted psychological truth in that some of us actually accept or even "enjoy" the feeling of negative emotions. This is why when some people are sad or crying, they'd most likely listen to sad songs. It amplifies the emotion, making them feel validated. "Wow, someone else relates!" People want to be understood and have others empathize with them, even if it's through literature or music. They refuse to get it through real in person encounters. It can make them feel "weak," when actually, vulnerability is the strongest element in a person. Not many are able to become vulnerable. But then again, why trust other people with your business? I occasionally blast it out publicly, to let you know that you're not alone.

Personally speaking, I've suffered with anxiety, which can manifest itself into agoraphobia. My type of agoraphobia isn't a fear of "many people in one spot" (it used to be) ---my type of phobia is tolerating society. I also have 'a salt line' between certain places that I am willing to drive to. For instance, I tend to only drive within my town and surrounding areas if need be. Otherwise, my work is home, and I do a lot of dinner parties at my place---so my socialization is localized as well. Most of my friends have cats, which I'm severely allergic to, so that limits my visits to my friends, unless it's outside. I also suffer from physical symptoms (digestive issues) that are related to anxiety, which can make it literally impossible to leave the house at times. Then, the fear of my physical symptom happening creates the fear of fear itself.

I've come a long way since three years ago. After losing my dad, mom, and losing our childhood home, it was so hard letting go. This huge transition felt like I dropped into a whole other dimension. My panic attacks were so fierce, I would be up all night with a racing heart, crying and shaking until the sun came up. I drank my feelings away, until my drinking slapped me in the face hours later letting me know who was in charge. After I quit drinking, my world started to change for the better, but I still had more work to do. When the pandemic and lockdowns hit, it took my anxiety to a whole new level. If you try and call a therapist today, most likely 80% of them aren't taking anymore clients. It ramped up their business, after tearing many local businesses apart.

Whatever it was that you were scared of, whether it was getting sick, or confrontation over something political with other people who held different views---society was the enemy. That gave us the "OK" to isolate and to push people away. Some people lived their lives as if nothing ever happened. I admire that ability. But I saw the ugliness in people---people verbally tearing one another to pieces. I wanted no part of it.

Don't Be Afraid to Tell Your Story

Don't ever be afraid to tell your story to a good friend, or give your testimony in front many people. You might just be helping them. This is why I write. This is why I share what many people would be afraid to. It's not "humiliating" for me to say, "Yes, I suffered with anxiety and agoraphobia and I see a therapist!" Who cares! When someone tells me they're seeing a therapist, it tells me, "I'm doing the work to get myself some help." There is nothing wrong with you. It's called being HUMAN. So many people hide their true feelings and what they go through, in order to not be seen as "crazy." Screw it---BE crazy! All the "normal" ones wish they had the strength to tell their story. Fear muffles their steam---and what happens when the steam builds up too much? Think about a pressure cooker. Eventually it'll pop and blow its lid, possibly causing casualties if anyone is near. When you vent to a trusted friend or therapist, you're letting out your steam. This will keep you level-headed and will enable you to release that pressure you feel.

Let Go of Your False Identity

Everyone has an image they want to maintain, even if it's true and genuine. Some people put up facades and let people think they're "OK" and that nothing is wrong, when deep down inside, they're crying for help. I remember past therapists used to look at me and say, "Well, you don't look like you suffer from anxiety." It's something that never should've been said to a client. Whether your struggle is with anxiety, anger, depression, resentment, the need to control situations and/or people, will ultimately result in giving people the wrong impression of you. Your identity will be misconstrued as "mean" and "abrasive" from time to time (or way too often), because you. are. not. letting. go.

Once you let go of the control---let go of the anxiety and let it just happen or find an outlet---once you let go of unforgiveness, anger, bitterness---you'll start to let people see the beautiful person you truly are. They'll see the genuine you---whether they like or dislike you, they will like or dislike your genuine and authentic self. When someone dislikes you because they see a "false identity"---they either haven't gotten to know you well enough, or they're scared of you because your pent up emotions seem to 'pop off' from time to time. It's like walking on a minefield. You're unpredictable, angry, controlling, so people may get this impression that you're downright ruthless. I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. I believe Kurt Corbain quoted that.

Remember, Whatever You Resist, Persists

If you tend to try and control everything and everyone. Think of it like sand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto it, but most will be spilled. You will ultimately lose control over who and what you are holding onto too tightly.

The same holds true with resisting not so pleasant situations in life. Part of my pain management routine is to accept the pain as is. Don't try to make it go away. Feel everything. For instance, when my back is torturing me, I thank God for the pain, because without the pain, I won't fully appreciate the pain-free days. I'll take it for granted and complain about something else instead. When you complain, you remain. And oddly enough, it actually works. It works the same with panic attacks. Whenever I feel my heart race, I try a paradoxical approach and tell it to bring it on! "Go 'head---beat faster! I can take it!" Afterwards, I start engaging with whatever it was that I was doing. After a few minutes or so, I can feel my body calming down. Now if I stopped everything I was doing because my heart was racing, my mind will hyper-focus on the symptom, and make my heart beat faster. That's why it's not a good idea to constantly check your heart rate if you suffer with anxiety. It'll just raise your BPMs and you'll just drive yourself nuts trying to get it to go down. The resistance (stemmed from fear) will make it rise higher.

What You Give to the Universe Will Eventually Be Given Back to You

I usually never say "universe"---because my belief is that God made the universe. I'm speaking energetically, through God's grace of course. Please don't confuse this with "being a good person just to get something back." This is not what I mean. But it is a law that whatever you put out into the world, the universe or to God, you will reap what you sow. You will always be OK if you live by those principles of the golden rule, as I spoke about in my previous article.

If you are mean to people, you're going to have a hard time making and/or keeping friends.

If you are abrasive and unapproachable, you are going to have people afraid to go near you.

If you are unforgiving and bitter, you're going to get the same from people, and most of all, God will not forgive you when you finally make it to the pearly gates of heaven. That's in the Bible. If you don't forgive, God will not forgive you. So if you claim to be someone who has faith in God, take this seriously.

If you give generously, you will find you will never have problems financially. No one has ever gone poor by giving. That's a fact.

When you help a friend or stranger, in your time of need, you'll find someone right at your doorstep to assist you.

The Takeaway

All of us have issues and problems in life. If you are not willing to do the work in creating a better environment for yourself, emotionally and spiritually (yes can apply to physically too) --- then your life will only be much more difficult. The only way I finally woke up to these methods of living was to first and foremost, stop drinking my problems away. I numbed everything out and put it off for the next day, which was never dealt with. Secondly, I found a closer relationship with God. Without my relationship with God, I'd be dead right now. Even though I have put in the work, I'm still not perfect and never will be. I make mistakes, I say the wrong things and I make idiotic choices from time to time, but the one thing I will always do, is forgive people and mostly, forgive MYSELF. Because once I can love and forgive myself, I can love and forgive anyone who has hurt or betrayed me. Life shouldn't be so serious. When our lives are over, we're going to look at one another in heaven and say, "I can't believe we let idiotic things like that bother us!" Look at the bigger picture. We only see a small scope of what's going on, and we sometimes think it'll last forever. But once you zoom out, you'll see that "this problem" won't last long and it wasn't worth the effort getting so riled up over.

Affirmation:

Say, "I love myself on purpose."

And remember WHO loved your first---God.

I hope this helped someone out there. Be blessed!

Pray for Your "Enemies"

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 23 Aug 2023 16:46:00 -0400

The way you treat others says a lot about what kind of person you are. The way you talk about others says a lot about you as well. It also shows that part of you that lacks love and needs healing. When someone is speaking badly about someone else's appearance, I look at that person (even if they are beautiful on the outside) and see nothing but the ugliness on the inside. It's a huge indication their own self-image isn't the best. Even when I'm having a bad day with my own self-image---because let's face it, we all get insecure from time to time---how is downing another person's outward appearance going to make you feel or look any better? No matter who you're talking to, that person is already judging your character. Watch your opinions, especially around people you respect.

Hurt People Hurt People

Treating people poorly also can show how hurt you've been in the past. Hurt people hurt people. If you have a reputation of being mean, unfair, extremely controlling or abrasive (yes I'm talking about adult bullies)---your line of destruction speaks volumes any time you open your mouth. You're like a tornado visiting every house on the block. Everyone has been affected by your wrath. You have zero credibility if you're known to be an adult bully. There are ways to handle a negative situation, where you don't need to verbally or (sometimes physically) attack people. If your "attack mode" is your go-to method, trust me that your name has been forever tarnished, especially if you are never accountable for the damage you've created. As they say, everything comes out in the wash.

Dealing with people like this---don't even bother matching their energy. Disengage. Do not respond.

Bully or Narcissist?

Many "bullies" try to create a false persona of themselves, and parade around as a "good person." But eventually, their true colors come out with just a little time. They like to play victim to gain your sympathy, and to ultimately make another person look bad, especially around mutual acquaintances. They need to make others look bad in order not to be outed as a bully. But what they really end up doing is making themselves look like fools. They compulsively lie and embellish stories---and they're good at it! But what they don't realize is, their reputation speaks louder than their own words. When you screw people long enough, it's time to get out of Dodge and find a new supply of people who will actually believe your crazy drivel. Playing victim long enough gives people the idea that you may be weak-minded and incapable of handling life, especially when it's mostly fabricated.

A Good Reputation Always Wins

On the flip side, you have people who are genuinely good folks. For instance, just recently, our community in our neighborhood just lost a wonderful and highly respected woman. Even when someone would speak negatively about someone else or a situation regarding the community, she opted for solutions and didn't get into the senseless drama. She had integrity and class. Many people had the upmost respect for her. Her funeral was so crowded---it was shoulder-to-shoulder standing room. I didn't expect anything less. This was a woman who was loved beyond loved. This was a woman whose reputation spoke volumes. What a tragic loss.

That's what a reputation will do---it will have people talking about you well after you have left this earth. When you think about your own funeral, do you see many people? You should if you treat people well.

In Proverbs 22:1-16 it states, "Choose a good reputation over great riches; being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold."

I'm not saying you have to be Mother Theresa or try to gain perfection---because we're all human and we make mistakes. But even if you're the type to make numerous mistakes, as I do from time to time, own up to your mess. Accountability goes a long way when your reputation is at stake. Genuinely owning up to something you did shows you have a heart and a conscience. We are all a work in progress.

I know many will call this type of behavior narcissistic, but sometimes it's not even about narcissistic personality disorder---it's about people just being downright crappy. I think the term "narcissist" gets tossed around way too much. Call a spade a spade---a bad egg a bad egg. Sometimes there's hope for these kinds of people. If they gain a better insight on how they're treating others and what that feels like--maybe they'll try harder to acknowledge it. Maybe they'll try harder to achieve "the golden rule."

So here's my point: be a good person, or just try your best. You don't have to be perfect, but you also don't have to treat people so poorly in order to gain the illusion that you're better than everyone else.

And be thankful for all the rude and obnoxious people you meet in life. They serve as an important reminder of how NOT to be. For myself personally, I pray for those people who hurt me. I sincerely sit and take the time out to pray. Prayer and good intentions are so very powerful.

"But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." --Matthew 5:44

4 Ways to Cope With a Breakup or Separation In a Healthy Way

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Mon, 3 Jul 2023 10:56:00 -0400

Many people underestimate the grief associated with a divorce or a breakup. This can even be with severed ties with a good friend. Everyone's different, and everyone grieves differently. But the power of a separation can truly destroy a person. Also, a separation can either make or break the relationship. So when your mind is set on, "He/she will never call me," ---don't bank on that. The void of your absence will either show one or two things: how much they missed and loved you, or how okay they are without you. That doesn't mean they don't love you---they probably still do. Sometimes a circumstantial situation can create a lack in contact. For instance, personally speaking, I've always told my spouse 30 years ago, I would never marry a cop or soldier. I respect them and thank them for their service, but I don't want to see two officers come walking up to my door and tell me the worst news imaginable, nor do I want to bite my nails off every time I see them walk out the door to patrol the highways. I know anything can happen to anyone at any given time---but these were my "rules for dating." Period. Well, my spouse enlisted in the military back in 2000. That's when the separation happened. I couldn't handle it. But what happened was, even though we were separated for a couple of years, the absence let both our hearts grow fonder. The separation made us. We started to become best friends while they served in the military. That led to the foundation of our life together. I had a new outlook on the military and law enforcement. I had time to figure out my life and vise/versa. More acceptance, love, and appreciation for living our lives the way we desired---without fear.

So here are my ways to cope with a breakup or separation in a healthy way.

No Contact

I know, you want to pick up the phone and text them. Every sound of your phone might be them! I know you want to send that long-winded email, or write an old fashioned letter to them so they really know how you feel. (Do you really think that they don't know?) Your mind can play tricks on you. You will literally feel like if you don't throw that text, that email, that voice mail----that they will forget you like nothing ever happened. You're wrong! Especially if you both have invested years in the situation. Do not call. Do not text. Do not email. Do not ANSWER. Make yourself unavailable.

What happens when a person goes missing? ----They're looked for. Or they're thought of....obsessively. Now I want to warn you---"no contact" does not mean playing games. This is your chance to find yourself, to see where things went wrong, and to even better yourself for YOU, not for them. Do all the things you ever wanted to do or try. Go out with the girls or guys---have a night out. Have a few nights out. But be careful not to numb yourself too much with alcohol or substances, because it'll only prolong the grieving. I'm talking about drinking every single day and night---not just tying on a few with your friends. Entirely different. When you're sitting out on your patio drinking alone, it's time to reel that bad boy in.

Last part on "no contact." After three months, (yes I'm putting you on a three month hiatus)---when they're texts come in, make sure it's a legit text---a text that says, "Are you ok?" Anything to check on you. Do NOT respond to a generalized text asking where they're favorite ZZ Top cassette tape is. (Ok, I'm showing my age here.) If you cannot resist responding to the text, please wait it out 5+ hours, with a short, concise answer. Again, this isn't about playing games. This is showing that your time is precious and valuable. You are not at their beck and call. This is a good opportunity for them to go searching for you---or even better, going soul searching. And where's then first place they search? Of course---your social media. Show off those annoying gym selfies in the mirror, and try to take photos of yourself with a group of people. They'll automatically think that one of those people are with you. It sounds like a psyops, but this truly works. NO "alone" selfies, unless you're at the gym showing off your guns. You'll annoy your friends, but they can scroll on by.

Self-Care Is Not Selfish

This is your time to really shine. (Every day should be the day to shine) ---but sometimes we slack off when we're in a long-term relationship or marriage. It happens. For my girls: get your hair and nails done. Some women actually go from long hair to a drastic crew cut or even shave their head! This is a common statement due to their grief from the breakup and it's such a beautiful transformation, whether you think so or not. DO IT! Or, do it your own way, color your hair differently, get new glasses, wear your makeup differently and get a whole new wardrobe, if affordable. Breakups and divorces are like mid-life crisis' without the mid-life necessarily. Use this to your advantage.

Non-monetary ways, in case you're watching your pennies, is to start working out at home or going for long walks outside. Physical exercise produces those "happy hormones"---and if you're strong enough to go running---DO IT. You'll get that runner's high and you'll be pounding the pavement instead of their head. If you ever see me running, be sure there's a bear chasing me. But you do you. Do something off your bucket list. You do have a bucket list, right? Go kayaking! Go fishing! Join a golf country club. (Ok, that was monetary.) Any club that involves a new social life + a new skill = a win/win situation.

Dive Into Scripture

"He heals then brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."---Psalm 147:3

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give it to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." ---John 14:27

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." ---Isaiah 43:18

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand." ---Isaiah 41"10

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." ---Psalm 34:18

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." ---Psalm 55:22

"Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief. The backslider in heart will be filled with the fruit of His ways, and a good man will be filled with the fruit of his ways." ---Proverbs 14:13-14

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." ---1 Corinthians 13:7

When you have no one to turn to, God is there to listen to every word. Sometimes people tell me they can't hear God for some reason. The reason for that may be for a few things. His answer can be found in the Bible if you cannot "hear" Him in your mind and heart. And if you are bitter or unforgiving, that's a barrier for God to get through to you. Your unforgiveness and anger is on a much lower frequency. Even "spiritualists" will tell you that in order to talk to the spirits or in the Bible "test the spirits" is to be on a very high frequency. That just means, your heart is in the right place---a genuine place. You're not angry, and you have completely forgiven the situation. Look for Him and He will find you.

Laughter

You heard the saying, "Laughter is the best medicine," right? It's true. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Laughter also improves your immune system. Positive thoughts can actually realize neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially more serious illnesses. It's also a great pain reliever, by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers. It essentially improves your mood. Doctors and scientists also believe that laughter gives us longevity. Have you ever spent time with someone laughing, and 5 hours later, you're like, "Where did the time go?" You escape your reality for a little while, giving yourself a proven natural remedy that's better than any antidepressant. When my mom passed away, I literally lost my laugh. I remember one night I put on Netflix to watch a standup comic, and I couldn't believe how hard I laughed. I slept so good that night. Laughter is much better with friends, but if you have no option and you're digging into the Ben & Jerry's watching TV---watch a good comedy.

I hope this helped someone in some way. Remember that you're too important to be hyper-focused on someone who isn't giving you the time of day. Give yourself all the time, and all the respect, and ALL the love you possibly can. Grow and learn from this no matter what the outcome is. Start loving you "as is." Everybody has insecurities, so if you don't like your thighs---love them anyway! For guys, if you're self-conscious about your hairline, love it anyway! If you don't love something about yourself, learn to fall in love with every "imperfection" ---because eventually, when we love ourselves "as is"---they will love us "as is." The power of the mind is so overlooked. And remember, you can't love anyone if you don't love yourself first. So go out there and start loving yourself enough to give yourself a fulfilling life---even without them.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite scriptures:

"But we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." ---Romans5:4-6

Say these affirmations:

I am enough.

I am worthy of love.

I love myself on purpose.

I love the life I created for myself.

I love all the beautiful things that are coming my way.

He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world! And that's the truth!

P.S. I love you.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes and check out her Instagram full of food videos!

4 Ways To Forgive the "Unforgivable"

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 29 Jun 2023 11:38:00 -0400

Sometimes, people can really disappoint us. Maybe you found yourself in an argument that burned out of control like a wildfire, where there seemed to be no hope for forgiveness nor reconciliation. Words are powerful and usually unforgettable. You start reading or watching videos about "toxic people" or "narcissism"---but be careful how you diagnose someone, because it may have been a knee-jerk reaction toward a previous action. Too many people use these terms to justify what these people have done to them. Many of us like to play victim and use these terms to make the other person look or feel bad. But technically, not everyone who hurts you is in fact, a narcissist.

Here are my 4 ways to truly forgive. You may not agree with my methods, but they work for me, even if there is zero reconciliation whatsoever.

Apologize Anyway

This method works well, because you're acknowledging and apologizing for your reaction. That's OKAY---it's not like you're saying, "It was all my fault." It takes two to tango. By saying "I'm sorry" first, lets the person feel validated, and they start to analyze their own previous actions, and hopefully, will apologize back. Whenever my mom and I would have a spat, she would apologize first, (I was usually in the wrong of course) -- and then I would give her a big ol' bear hug and say, "I'm sorry too, Ma!" We'd both say at it the same time, "I don't like when we fight." She was the most forgiving person I knew. This is why I do this. It just works, and when it doesn't, you have the conscience knowing that you did the right thing on your part. It's a win-win situation. You cleared your side of the static. You will be able to sleep at night.

Pray For Them

"Why would you pray for someone who hurt you so badly?" Because they're human---they were part of my life and they deserve prayer and forgiveness. People who claim they follow Jesus forget about this scripture:

"Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'" ---Matthew 18:21-22

This is basically telling us to forgive for all eternity---keep forgiving, even if the person wrongs you again. Many will disagree, but we are all flawed. A good way to look at this is: keep in mind that this person may do something similar again in the future. Realize that this may or may not be a personality trait---a pattern that they've developed since childhood. If you truly love whoever this person is, forgive them and pardon that aspect of their character 'flaw' and point out all the good that they've brought in your life.

I am not saying to put up with emotional or physical abuse, I am only speaking in terms of a petty argument between friends, family or spouse. You can forgive abusive behavior, but you can decide not to be reconciled with this person for safety reasons. I wanted to make that clear.

Keep Silent

Do not talk badly about them, do not slander them or tell lies about what happened. If you do have to talk about what happened, do it in a "matter of fact" kind of way. If the person is talking poorly of you, keep in mind that if they have a rap sheet of this continued behavior, most people will listen with a grain of salt. They already know what this person's about. If they believe this person, then they weren't your friends to begin with. I have a motto that I always use---whatever someone thinks of me is none of my business. If someone lied about me or treated me unfairly, I immediately forgive, and if they don't accept it---I quickly move on, because I have no time for bitter people in my life. None. I also have no tolerance for those who are never accountable for their bad behavior. Let their track record speak volumes for those who are listening to their side of the story.

Compassion

Forgiveness begins when you're able to look at people with compassion. No matter how much they hurt you---you stop being the victim. You stop thinking, "Poor me," and you start saying, "Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for teaching me the lesson that I needed to learn, even if that lesson was 'I never want to experience that ever again,' ---thank YOU. Because that lesson I will carry with me forever. Thank you for empowering me to find myself in the midst of darkness. I will no longer be a victim. I will no longer hold a grudge. I will no longer be angry. And I now let you go in love. I wish you nothing but the best, and yet I thank you for everything you've taught me." Some people are just not "lifers"---they're only here for a reason or season. Accept that and wish them well. Letting go is a beautiful process in many ways.

When you refuse to forgive someone, many people find it difficult to hear from God when they're praying. Unforgiveness blocks the ability to hear God. He's giving you a clear message. If you don't forgive them, then God won't forgive you---that's straight out of the Bible. But it's not to forgive just because the Bible said so---do so with a genuine heart. Without a genuine heart, you're just following a book of rules like the Pharisees did. Jesus didn't like "religious people"---He loved those who had a genuine relationship with Him.

Let your heart be clear. Apologize, take accountability, forgive often, tell your loved ones how much you care about them, and never miss a day on enjoying the people who appreciate you and surround you with unconditional love. When you put love into the universe for God to handle, you are also getting love back in return. It's the laws of attraction. You'll become a beacon of light, and no one will understand why people are flying toward you like a bunch of moths to a light. Your light will either attract or...offend the demons in certain people.

I hoped this helped in some way. I was drawn to write this is up today for some reason. Maybe it was a message just for you.

With love always.

5 Ways To Tell If Your Friend Has Your Best Interest at Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 20 Jun 2023 12:26:00 -0400

Over the years I learned a lot about people. I'm pretty intuitive when it comes to people's energy. I'm not talking ~witchcrafty~ intuitive---I'm talking about true discernment. Don't get it twisted. You can tell a lot about how someone treats you, as well as if they prioritize you in a certain way. Keep in mind---people have busy lives and sometimes can't prioritize you for whatever reason. It doesn't mean they don't care for you or have your best interest at heart. I'm talking about those who make you a last resort sort of option. The kind of person I'm talking about will most likely avoid calling you, meeting up with you, however, they will send you a million videos from Instagram and Tiktok---(or as my gen-x lingo would have it, a "chain letter" of sorts---junk mail if you will.) They'll never just ask, "Hey, how are you?" You may see them at events, or bump into them and they'll spare a few minutes, but that's it. Basically, they're considered "acquaintances," not friends.

The Takers

Please do not confuse this with being generous with a loved one, or offering something a friend may need. The people I'm talking about are way different. They take take take. As the great Maya Angelou once quoted, "I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back." Mind you, never expect anything in return when you give something to someone, but notice the patterns of someone's energy and presence. Are they draining? Are they tapping out all of your energy in order to cater to their negative mindset? Once again, do not confuse this with consoling a friend in need. I'm talking about the complainers---the people who have nothing positive to say whatsoever. How do you feel when they leave your home? Are you exhausted? Or do you feel energized? Be observant. Some people choose to take advantage of opportunities you may present to them without an ounce of appreciation.

Notice Who They Associate With

For instance, if they associate with someone who betrayed you, most likely they're also having conversations about you. In fact, one 'funny' experience of mine was finding out a good friend was talking poorly about me to someone else who had betrayed me. And guess who told me? The person who betrayed me. If they're talking to people who did you wrong, most likely they're not a lifer---they're not even worth half a season. Say nothing and move on. It's not worth rehashing and experiencing an upheaval of lies and slander. I remember being on the outs with someone a few years back, and her closest friend called me up out of the blue to complain about her---telling me how much of a horrible person she was. This just shows you NO ONE is to be trusted. Just treat people the best you can, and keep to yourself, until you find a lifer or two. I keep my circle tight for those reasons alone. And remember, friends can argue and have their issues, but it's when they forgive one another and come back together. Forgiveness in a friendship means they're a lifer. You may have an inkling that another issue may arise, but you know you'll get through it, because you learned so much from the last incident. Friendships are work when they're worth it and I'm glad my lifer is my rock. We aren't perfect, but we love our imperfections and accept one another as is, with unconditional love. (You know who you are...thank you.)

Are You a Priority?

Or are you just a convenience? Make sure you know the difference. Some people may use you because you have a big heart and you'll listen to them, cater to them, invite them over, feed them, or just give them your undivided attention---something they probably don't receive in their life very much. But are you their priority? And like I said in the first paragraph---yes people are busy, but there's a big difference when someone makes plans with you, and at the last minute, they find something better and leave you hanging. That's a red flag right there.

Honesty

I have a huge pet peeve when I find out someone either lied to me or embellished a story to the point where it never even happened. I listen attentively to people when they talk. I remember every single detail. So when someone tells me a story, and then weeks later, the story is a little different, that's a huge red flag for me. My trust is gone, especially when this story could ruin a person's livelihood. The truth is, there's three sides to a story: person #1, person #2, and the truth. Sometimes it's like a game of telephone, and when the last person hears the story, it went from stealing a piece of gum to robbing a bank. Once you lie to me, I treat every single word out of your mouth a lie as well.

Good or Bad News

How do they react when you have good news? If your friend doesn't celebrate your achievements or whatever good thing came bouncing into your life---they're either jealous of you or they don't think you deserve anything good in life. How do they react when something bad happens? Do they want more info with details, (more to gossip about) --and are they more in tune to you when something bad is happening? Be careful, because not everyone has your best interest at heart. Some even like to see bad things happen to you. Others may also love this because it gives them a good story to tell to their other friends, (possible mutual friends.)

I hope these helped in some way. Through my own experiences, I've learned that people are human. It's okay to make mistakes or fumble once in a while, but when does it come to the point where your lifer really doesn't even like you at all? This post is intended to hopefully have you gain more discernment about people's intentions. If you're like myself, you can sense someone's energy even before they walk into the room. The best thing you can do for someone who is either toxic or wishing ill will upon you is to pray for them. Remember, blessings are much stronger than curses. When someone tries to put the bad juju on you---remember you serve a mighty God. Your hedge of protection is not only real, but it's like a bubble of armor that cannot be penetrated.

"It is never wise to seek or wish for another's misfortune. If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang." --Charley Reese

3 Ways To Combat Anxiety & Agoraphobia

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Fri, 19 May 2023 14:21:00 -0400

Anxiety can grip our lives so tightly, that we feel like we're in a prison with no parol. We think that we'll never get out and that our lives are always going to be this way. To preface this next statement, please know I am not a therapist or medical professional, however, I'm a firm believer in treating the mind---not loading someone up with medication. I'd like to think that I have more 'qualifications' since I'm on the other side of the psychiatrist's sofa, having experienced anxiety, as opposed to someone just reading about it. I have suffered long enough with this. Ever since I was sixteen years old, I always thought I was having a heart attack. Do you know how much time and money went into visiting the ER just because I 'thought' I was having a heart attack? And yes, it is always best to get a full work up by your doctor or cardiologist, but once they give you a clean bill of health, know that it's anxiety playing its cruel tricks on you once again.

It took me over 30 years to finally understand the "mechanics" of anxiety. Never deny the feelings or symptoms. It's your primitive innate "fight or flight" mechanism that kicks in for no reason---a false alarm---the boy who called wolf---whatever you wanna call it. You get my drift. "But, but, but---what if?"

So what?

You wake up with your heart pounding out of your chest and feel a sense of doom. You try to immediately get rid of it by either splashing cold water on your face, or drinking some ice cold water. Ever wonder why those tips and tricks don't seem to alleviate it?

Because whatever you resist, persists. It's the fear of fear itself. It's the fear of dying in your bathroom alone. It's your fear of passing out in a public place or fainting from not getting enough air into your lungs. Remember, you can't faint from a panic attack, because your blood pressure is most likely elevated due to the panic.

Face It Head On

Our bodies are so fascinating! Our brain is linked to our nerves. Sometimes when we have tummy issues, like IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) from stress and anxiety, it can trigger a vasovagal response. The vagus nerve is responsible for the regulation of internal organ functions, such as digestion, heart rate, and respiratory rate, as well as vasomotor activity, and certain reflex actions, such as coughing, sneezing, swallowing, and vomiting. IBS can trigger your heart to race to the point where you think you need medical attention. This is actually one of the reasons why many laxative treatments will indicate "rapid heart rate" on their list of side effects. It has nothing to do with their product per se---but everything to do with how your vagus nerve responds to the drastic "clean out."

Sounds crappy, huh? But it gets better. When you you feel a myriad of symptoms like, palpitations rapid heart rate or shortness of breath, feel all of these "feels." Embrace what is happening. It's like the riptide. The more you resist the riptide, the more it will pull you under. It sounds super difficult, but the effort you put into this method works. Tell yourself that you're excited about this feeling. Think back to when you were excited to go on a scary carnival ride. Your heart was pounding, but you were with your friends to experience this exciting new adventure. That's your adrenaline pumping---which you don't even question. You expect this to happen. But what happens when this suddenly takes place while you're alone trying to relax? You think the worst. You think something's definitely not right.

One of my favorite authors on anxiety named, Barry McDonagh told a story about this man who was driving in his car. He was stuck in traffic and all of the sudden, he felt like his legs felt cold and numb. He immediately thought he was having a stroke or something sinister. So he pulled over and realized that the air conditioner vent was only opened near his legs, and nowhere else. He started laughing because he felt silly---yet relieved it wasn't anything serious.

I know this sounds silly, but do me a favor and scratch your head right now. Do you hear that sound? It sounds like someone rustling in a haystack, right? (Unless you're bald.) Now what if this sound happened when you *weren't* scratching your head? Wouldn't you think something is seriously wrong?

So when you feel these sensations (and that's ALL they are) --- face it head on. Let it happen. Even tell it that you want more of that feeling. Do this for about ten minutes. Give it a countdown that if the anxiety doesn't do its best to bring me down in 21 seconds, then it needs to leave. This paradoxical approach will literally diminish it. Then follow it up by tensing your entire body up for 10 seconds, this means tensing up your hands, feet, arms, legs, stomach, etc., and then after 10 seconds, as you release the tension and breathe out, you'll find yourself feeling much better and relaxed. This resets the vagus nerve to diminish the adrenaline flowing in your body. It lets your body know that there is no immediate threat or danger. It eliminates the "fight or flight" response.

Prayer and Meditation

Did you know that the Bible tells us not to fear 365 times? Isn't that pretty cool? So you can read a scripture about conquering fear every single day of the year. God tells us not to fear, because fear is the opposite of love. Fear and anxiety is the breeding ground---the simmering cauldron so to speak---of all the resentments, bitterness, anger, and destructive behaviors that constitute and give rise to hate. Fear can make us react in a self-defense mode, which is the cause of many fights and arguments. For instance, when someone has too much fear and anxiety, they can sometimes lash out and regret it later, having said something they truly regret. This is why forgiveness is so important. Most of us walk around with so much heartache and pain from the past. Once someone "triggers" that feeling in you, it can come out as if they did something so catastrophic---when you are simply reliving a tragic time in the past without consciously knowing it. This is also called a "trauma response." Another example of a "trauma response" is saying, "I'm sorry" way too much---even when it's not needed. I'm guilty of doing that, and diligently working on eliminating that from my vocabulary, unless it's appropriately needed. Eckhart Tolle explains this as the "pain-body. The painbody takes many forms and manifestations: hurt, hate, depression, self-hate, anxiety, fear, alienation, despair, emotional drama (making mountains out of molehills), blame, even physical illness. The painbody can be active or dormant. In this way and many more, the painbody is like a virus.

Prayer is so powerful! In fact, I dare you (even if you don't have faith) to sit down while your heart is pounding through your chest, and just talk to God. Pray about it. Sit for a moment. Sit with God. Be still (let it go) and know He is right there with you. What's the worst that can happen? He picks you up when you fall? If you have faith, you know that He will be the first one you see ~if~ your worst fear came true. So why fear it anymore? Let it go. Meditate on His word. I'm not talking about sitting on the floor with your legs pretzeled up chanting---I'm talking about reading passages from the Bible and letting it sink in. You don't have to read chapters at a time---sometimes you can even open up to a page and the right words will present themselves to you.

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." ---Isaiah 41:10

God's presences calms out panic. God's care is the antidote to our despair. God's power resolves our problems. This also works when you pray for someone else. If you know someone going through a hard time---pray for them. Pray to cover them with perfect health, spiritually, emotionally and physically from head to toe in Jesus' name---and watch what happens. God even reminds us to pray for our enemies. If you had a falling out with someone close, pray for them. Even if you never speak to them again, this will create a sense of peace between that person and yourself. It'll also take away the bitterness and resentment that comes with a severed tie.

Do It Afraid

Have you ever had a panic attack or felt a lot of anxiety where you just decided you were gonna stay home and 'coddle' it all day? If your safe place is in your bed or on your sofa---I challenge you to get into your car or just walk around your neighborhood. Do something you don't feel like doing, because of the fear. This initiates the courage to keep doing it more. Think about this: say you had a panic attack in the grocery store. You're most likely going to avoid the grocery store. The same applies to any place you experienced anxiety, whether it be the doctor's office, sitting in the salon getting your hair done (the feeling of being trapped), or driving in traffic. This is also what CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is based on. Visualize yourself getting in the car and going back to the "scene of the crime" with a smile on your face. You see yourself doing well, getting things you need and waiting on that long checkout line where your heart usually flutters the most. Ground yourself. Look at the impulse shopping items, like the tabloids---read the headlines, and read every brand of bubble gum in front of you on the shelf. Notice the cashier sliding each item of the person checking out. Listen to the "bleeps" as you also notice the sounds of person behind you rustling inside their purse for their wallet. Pay full attention to your surroundings as if it were entertainment. Eavesdrop on a conversation---I know it sounds bad---but do it! It'll get your mind off the "I gotta get outta here!!!"

If you have agoraphobia, keep this in mind: if you walk out of your house right now, remember you can go right back inside. Now take it a step further... Try going to the mailbox. You've accomplished getting the mail. The next day, try walking down the block, and always keep in mind, "I can always turn around." Film yourself for progress if need be. But keep at it. Some days will keep you on the front steps or at the mailbox, but remember, you can try again at a later date. The more you conquer each block, the less the fear will grip you. Now get in the car. Drive to the gas station if you can, and remember, you can always turn around. But if you were able to get gas---huge accomplishment! Don't belittle the progress or the "seemingly small task" that someone else may think it is. This is a huge feat for you. Little by little, you will want to visit a store, or a friend, or even drive past your comfort zone. Visualize yourself driving with your favorite music on, windows or sunroof open, feeling the air against your skin. Have fun with it and then when you achieve this task, reward yourself with a little something when you get back home.

Keep in mind that our worst fears usually never come to pass. Don't do what I did for the past 30 years and waste your life away on fear and panic. It's an expensive hospital bill. And again, when in doubt, check it out, but never second guess yourself if you have a clean bill of health. Know that the anxiety can manifest itself into physiological responses---even psychosomatic symptoms that'll have you dialing 911.

Don't forget, you have angels watching over you. Keep praying and never give up! I have faith in you.

5 Ways to Attract Positive Things In Your Life

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 26 Apr 2023 13:44:00 -0400

In all the years I have tortured myself with thoughts of the past, and longings of 'what was,' as well as the anxiety of what was to come---I wish I knew what I knew now, and how powerful the mind is. I read so many articles and books on the laws of attraction and how your mind has the ability to magnetize positive things in your life. I should have known to utilize all that I've learned---but better late than never. It's especially difficult when you go through traumatic events in your life, like a loss of a loved one, divorce, moving to a new home or losing a job. These are all huge life events that can take your positive mindset and bury it into a deep grave. At that point, there's no hope. Sometimes, we even play victim and tell ourselves that only bad things happen to us. The more we think bad things happen to us, the more bad things actually happen. But what if you can turn those thoughts around in the midst of your negative mindset?

I will share what has helped me transition my thoughts from negative to positive, which has transitioned my external circumstances from negative to positive.

Gratitude List

When you first wake up in the morning, thank God for the much needed rest you got. Thank Him for waking up with air in your lungs. Some people didn't even wake up at all. Write down at least five things you are grateful for. Be thankful for the hot coffee, for the sun shining into your bedroom, for the ability to take a hot shower and for the clean towels in your linen closet. Be thankful for the warm bed you got up from. These little "thank yous" go a long way. It attracts more positivity into your life---it also attracts more beautiful mornings. Sometimes it can be hard to be thankful especially if you are experiencing pain, like a back ache or in my case, an injured knee, that I could barely walk on. So I thanked God for the pain. Be thankful for pain! Because think about it---without pain, you would not be so thankful for the good days of not feeling pain. The more you resist, the more the pain persists. It's a law.

Help Your Future Self

When you think about your future self---(I'm talking about you in 5 or more hours) help yourself get set up for the day. In the morning, make your bed when you wake up. You'll be so glad you did. It psychologically sets up your day. When you see the dirty coffee cups and plates in the sink, wash them immediately. Your future self will thank you. Get the tasks done early, so that you can be free to do the things you want at the end of the day. Procrastination used to be a huge problem of mine, but now that I get it out of the way, my future self has a chance to unwind and enjoy the late afternoon after a day's work.

Racing Thoughts At Bedtime

Have you ever just laid in bed and your mind is just racing with a bunch of nonsense? And it's super hard to slow it down---it won't stop. I sometimes have to go into my office and write down every single thought or "to do list" on a piece of paper. Sometimes I find myself writing down the frustrations of the day. Then, when I go to lay down, my mind feels a little more calmer. Focus on your breath. Four seconds in...hold for 4...and then 8 seconds out. Keep exhaling out even longer. First for the 8 seconds, then try for the 10 seconds, 12 seconds, 14 seconds. This is called breathwork. Feel the rise and fall of your diaphragm---be present and watch those negative thoughts dissipate.

Let More People Into Your Life

I remember when I was in a little bit of a funk, I was unknowingly isolating myself, because some people mistreated me. My trust factor was pretty low. But I came across a scripture that resonated with me---it spoke to the circumstance I was currently in. In Romans 12:12-18 --- within this passage it said, "And get into the habit of inviting guests home for dinner, or if they need lodging for the night." It also stated, "Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible." I finally said yes to my friends who wanted to come by and visit me or go out to dinner. I said yes to the lunch dates and dinner invites. I finally had the neighbors over for dinner and drinks, and now we do this on a regular basis. I see my family much more than I used to and it makes my heart complete. I didn't realize how important socialization is to our psychological health.

Do What You Love

With all of these positive steps I had taken, I found myself doing what I love again. I love to cook and edit videos. So now, I give my recipes in a video format that's narrated. It's a beautiful thing when someone messages me with a photo and says, "I tried your recipe and it was delicious!" That's my reward. I also found myself playing guitar again and writing music like I used to. These things are my passions in life. Now, I sometimes add my own music into my food videos so I don't get a copyright infringement notice. I literally create everything, from the food, the music and the recipe itself. Find your happy place, whether it be knitting, walking, learning a new language or just entertaining guests. Take a hot bath at the end of the day with candles and soft music. Do something you've been longing to do. No excuses.

Remember, self-care is not selfish. How can you take care of anybody else if you can't take care of you? Once you start treating yourself better---better things will come to you. If you constantly have a negative dialogue with yourself or look in the mirror and say negative things, then people will actually sense that when they see you. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you ARE enough. You ARE a good person. You ARE beautiful. You ARE worth fighting for. You ARE.

I love you.

Top 12 Things Unhealed People Will NOT Do

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 23 Mar 2023 09:26:00 -0400

What's your reaction when someone hurts you or offends you? What is your initial thought process when your brain (your ego) is triggered? I used to rattle off my mouth with knee-jerk reactions---without even thinking for a second what the repercussions would be. Before I make an initial response, I talk it out calmly. If talking it out calmly doesn't work, it can go one or two ways with me. I either let my emotions get the best of me, or I become distant and indifferent. Sometimes both. But as I go through life, I have become much more non-responsive, or at least, have thrown an attempt to talk it out. I'm not perfect---believe you me, but I'm at that point where I don't have time to deal with petty arguments, unnecessary drama or conflict. I won't allow it near me or around my home. I believe in forgiveness as well as forgetting---where I will never bring up the topic again, however, I also believe you do not need to reconcile with an unhealed person if that means destroying your peace again. And what I mean by an "unhealed person" --- it's describing a person who is called a "toxic" --- a person who is extremely negative, who constantly gossips about other people or complains 24/7, especially those who love to drum up drama. The term is used loosely, that's why I'd rather call it an "unhealed person." Pray for them, but at a distance. God doesn't mention one word about continuing a friendship or relationship with someone who is emotionally abusive or manipulative. He says, "Do not be unequally yoked together with them." He also states do not let your light be next to darkness, if that person causes you to stumble in your faith (or act out or tempt your knee-jerk reactions.) It is not healthy, spiritually. emotionally or mentally.

Spiritual and emotional maturity is realizing that half of what you need to say does not need to be said. There is strength in your presence alone. You wouldn't have to say a word and people will sense your strength. The wind that you create when you walk by shows them your strength. You have silent strength--you don't have to be the loudest one in the room, you don't have to be the one getting attention---they see it, they know it. If you have been through emotional, spiritual or even physical turmoil, you possess the strength that exceeds beyond the norm---and that kind of strength intimidates people. You've been through it all---you've seen it all before. No one can affect you anymore. And this doesn't mean that you become insensitive to others---it simply means you can see right through the horse crap. You have God's discernment. And God's discernment never lies. Trust your gut instinct which is from the conscience of God.

Being able to see the difference between ego reactions and helpful points that can uplift harmony, or reaffirm your values makes a real difference. 'Speak your truth' does not mean 'speak your ego.' Be mindful and extremely selective, as well as very intentional about the people you allow in your life. Not enough people talk about how life altering this is. When someone does you wrong, don't get angry---get distant, because their defense is going to be just as draining as the original action that violated you in the first place. You're better off walking away rather than being manipulated by an apology that doesn't come with changed behavior. Confidence comes from the ability to self regulate. Self-regulation is the ability to process life around you and responding to it rather than reacting to your emotions. Reacting to your own emotions is exhausting and feels like a never-ending cycle of stress.

Top 11 Things Unhealed People Will Not Do

They will not absorb wisdom or advice from anyone.
They will not admit their wrongdoings or their participation to problems.
They will not acknowledge they caused another person's stress or emotional pain.
They will not allow themselves to be truly accountable.
They will not accept someone else's individuality or varying perspective.
They will not affirm others without a manipulative intent.
They will not adapt to meet the demands of a relationship/friendship or circumstance.
They will not applaud other people's successes because they burn with envy and hate when others experience something they believe they are entitled to.
They will not appreciate others efforts.
They will not articulate their true inner feelings so can't trust what they're saying is truth.
They will not attune to others and their needs without it being for the purpose of objectifying or exploiting people.
They will never, ever apologize.

Remember, weak people revenge, strong people forgive and intelligent people ignore. I believe that's a quote by Albert Einstein.

What gives you the strength to forgive?

What gives you the strength to walk away?

What gives you the strength to say nothing, when all has been said?

"Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise; and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding." ---Proverbs 17:28

Why Would Yoga Be Dangerous?

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 9 Mar 2023 12:14:00 -0500

Years ago at the gym, they would hold all sorts of classes, including yoga. All of my friends used to go and said it was so peaceful. It was also said to be helpful with stretching exercises before and after a workout. Many told me it would help with my anxiety. It also teaches about helpful ways to breathe properly. Anyone I knew who did yoga seemed to be the most peaceful and chill people I've ever come across. Some "yogis" are very knowledgeable about spirituality, being their authentic selves, and self-awareness overall. I hear a lot of "self" in these descriptions. Self-awareness, self-consciousness, even the "S" capitalized in "Self." Self, self self.

2 Timothy 3:2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy.

Yoga literally refers to “yoking” the mind to the source of divinity, and is the process of “intentional stopping of the spontaneous activity of the mind-stuff.” The word "yoga" is derived from a Sanskrit word meaning “to yoke” or “to unite,” to yoke and link, to unite your being to the Infinite, to Brahman. Brahma is the Hindu god of creation. By practicing yoga, you are yoking with another god. This is a dangerous practice just for that alone.

But wait, there's more.

Every single pose and meditation exercise you do while practicing yoga is bringing up the Kundalini serpent (spirit.) The Sanskrit term "Kundali Shakti" translates as "Serpent Power". Kundalini is thought to be an energy released within an individual using specific meditation techniques. It is represented symbolically as a serpent coiled at the base of the spine. Not only is it a "serpent" which in Christianity, represents the devil, but it is entering your spine. The only spirit you want in you if you are a Christian is the Holy Spirit.

Look at this photo below. It shows the chakras that the Kundalini spirit (serpent) travels while you are practicing yoga. On another side note, notice the similarities to the medical symbol found on ambulances and doctor's offices. I won't go into that rabbit hole just yet. But it's easily found if you just do a little digging.

Kundalini Serpent

Medical Symbol

Don't be fooled...

There is no such thing as "Christian Yoga." I've heard this so many times, and each time I try to tell them about the origins of yoga, they'll quickly twist it around out of denial. So I always ask them, "Are you ok with being 'yoked' with another god?" The response is usually something like, "Well, I can choose what god I'm being yoked with." It's like practicing satanism and calling it, "Christian Satanism," or "Christian Islam." It doesn't work that way. You are being deceived.

What does God say about having other gods before him? Part of this means to “have no other gods before [Him]” (Exodus 20:3). The Lord did not want His people to give their hearts, souls, and minds to anything ahead of Him. He warned them that wealth, friends, and those they married could distract them from focusing on Him (see Deuteronomy 7:3-6; 8:11-14; 13:6). It's in the Ten Commandments. This is a very clearcut message, and it's sadly being ignored.

For those of you who are on the same page as me, and know about the medical symbol being identical to the Kundalini symbol, congrats on being awake---not to be confused with the term, "woke." The awakening happens when the scales fall off our eyes and we see everything for what it actually is. They're so incredibly obvious, but not while we were still on the milk, especially if we were non-believers. And why in the world would a medical symbol be associated with something demonic? Aren't they supposed to be helpful? You would think. But after these past few years, think about the turmoil and struggle to get a medication pumped up into us---forcing us to either choose the world (jobs, family, school, being outcasted from society, not allowed in public spaces without a certain card, etc.,) or to choose a harder life. A harder life, meaning being outcasted as a "conspiracy theorist" and also being called a "bible thumper."

I will just leave it at this scripture.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in then heavenly realms." --Ephesians 6:12

Many people would rather ignore the truth than to accept the reality that everything seemingly "normal" is against them. And this is why I find it hard to connect with people 'of this world.' I love everyone, but I cannot relate, or share anything in common with those who have already chose the world. This doesn't mean that people can't change their minds---and I am certainly not the one to try and change someone else's mind. I can only pray that you see what I see. It's right in our faces. I'm just one of the whistleblowers.

This article isn't just about yoga. It's about how deceptive the world is. It's also disheartening to see many of my fellow Christians fall into the world's grip, when they used to preach this same message. But now it's here, and they still cannot see. They still cannot hear. Maybe they're just ignoring it to make their lives easier? Because let me tell you---it's not easy knowing the truth. It's not easy being a Christian. It's not easy watching the people you love falling for things like medical tyranny/genocide, and even things as seemingly simple as yoga.

I pray that this message was received the way it was intended. This message is about a wake up call---to help you see what many of us see. I can't emphasize how important it is right now to read your Bibles. Read a chapter a day---or even a scripture a day. Try memorizing a passage or two. The Bible also has 365 scriptures on fear. God tells us each day of the year to not fear any of this. Just keep close to God and to be sober and alert.

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings."---1 Peter 5:8-13

The Bigger Picture Isn't Always Seen

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 7 Mar 2023 12:49:00 -0500

Have you ever had a dream that was so incredibly realistic, that you wonder if you were 'somewhere else,' especially if you were interacting with a deceased loved one? I've been having quite a few lucid dreams lately. If you don't know what a lucid dream is---it's when you are in a dream, but you know that you are in a dream, or perhaps, in a different realm, able to control what you say and what you do. For example, most dreams demonstrate that they're mostly involuntary and uncontrollable. "I dreamt I was running down the street with no clothes on,"---and you know for a fact you would never do that...(or maybe some of you wouldn't.)

When my dad passed away, in the dream itself, we made sure that it was a real, authentic interaction.

"Dad, is that really you? Is this real?"

"Yes! C'mere, quick because I only have a little time!"

We would hug it out, and then he would always tell me some words of wisdom. Sometimes he'd tell me to stop remembering how he looked on his deathbed, and to remember all the good times, laughter, holidays, and all the family togetherness we had. He would also keep telling me, "Stop with dat' fear! It's gonna kill ya! You gotta stop fearing everything!" He knew I had awful anxiety, and this was his way of letting me know there's really nothing to fear. And within the 30 second mark, he had to pull back and leave the dream. I don't understand the reasoning for their short time in our dreams, but others who have experienced this said the same thing.

My mother and her sister (my aunt) came to me in a dream recently. It's been two years since I touched a drop of alcohol. They were sitting at a table, laughing hysterically. Immediately, I thought they were making fun of me (as they sometimes did when they were alive.)

When the laughter stopped, my Aunt Madeline said, "We can't believe it! Out of all people---you!"

Right away I felt like they were going to rip into me about something. So I asked, "What are you talking about?"

"You broke the generational curse our family had! By quitting drinking, you're able to reverse the curse our entire family and ancestors had on them! You! Out of all people!"

And even though they were laughing (a little too much)---the happiness and relief on their faces said it all.

I didn't take offense, because I always caught sneaking drinks since I was 12 years old. I was always a heavy drinker, especially in my teens up until my 30's. Then in my 40's, I simmered down, but I drank every single day to relax. Once I stopped, something strange happened---in a wonderful way. I started to heal without numbing myself. The numbing process only delayed the healing process. Another wonderful thing happened---I began to hear God more. I began to get more of these vivid dreams, even prophetic and intuitive dreams that go beyond my understanding.

Forgiveness

The absence of alcohol brought me much closer to God. But there was still something that wasn't right. I still felt like there could be more of a connection. Then God kept pointing out through various sources about forgiveness. I also learned, that if you feel disconnected from God, that most times, it has to do with not being able to forgive. So I sat down, prayed, read my Bible and I also sat there to listen. I released any and all resentment or unforgiveness I had for anyone. I did this with a genuine heart---not just forgiving because it's the "right thing to do"---but even prayed for the people who hurt me. It clearly says in the Bible to pray for your enemies. It's easy to pray for people you love. But how easy is it to pray for the people who intentionally hurt you? Sometimes we hold these resentments in for years. I bet you can remember someone saying the most hurtful words to you---verbatim---the type of words that still echo in your mind till this very day. This type of forgiveness lets you also forget it. Of course when you forgive, the forgetting part is pretty tough to do. For this, we have to keep in mind that the "forgetting" part is about never bringing the topic up ever again. Once you never bring that topic up again, to the person or to another person unrelated, then you start forgetting. Have you ever said, "I don't even know why we were fighting in the first place?" That's forgiving and forgetting.

As my dad would say, "Fuggedaboudit!!!"

I will say this---the world we live in is so very temporary. When you're 40 years old, and you blink, you're instantly 70 years old. (Don't blink!) --Don't waste it with an unforgiving heart. Look at the bigger picture. Think about heaven for a second. Do you really think that all of our petty arguments and disagreements will even matter at all when we are on the other side? We're going to look at one another and say, "Can you believe we stopped talking because of "this" or "that?" Holding onto worldly resentments and grudges is like intentionally staying at the scene of the crime. At some point, you have to leave and go home to gain some peace. It shows how disconnected we really are from God. Once you can see the bigger picture and how we are all 'little actors' on this tiny floating rock in the universe---you're entire outlook would be different.

And remember, forgiveness doesn't have to be complicated. If you don't particularly like somebody or don't care for their character, (maybe they're just incredibly evil and toxic) -- you can still forgive them without reconciling. There's nothing wrong with that. But don't carry a heart of resentment. Like that old saying goes, bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Most of the time, the person you are holding a grudge for isn't even thinking about you or the situation. All in all, forgiveness is the key to getting closer to God.

In Matthew 6:14-15 it states, "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins."

One of my favorite scriptures is found in Matthew 18:21-22 "Peter came to Him and asked, 'Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?' 'No!' Jesus replied, 'seventy times seven!'" (Meaning eternity---must keep forgiving as Jesus did.)

Just as God forgives us without limit, we should forgive others without keeping score.

In Colossians 3:13 it states, "You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."

I pray this helps someone struggling with forgiveness. If you take anything out of this article, remember this: everyone is bound to disappoint you at some point---everyone---but God will never disappoint you. We're human and we make mistakes.

Go back to God's greatest commandments in the Bible:

Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” ---Matthew 22:38-40

4 Steps to Bring You Closer to God

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 15 Feb 2023 13:31:00 -0500

Have you noticed a change in the atmosphere? Have you noticed the level of impatience in many people, either in your life or those who you come across in the store or at your place of work? You can be the one to deescalate that---but how? Put yourself in their shoes. Try and understand that they may be going through some heavy situations in their own personal life, and pause before reacting. The big "pause" can save you so many headaches along the way.

1. Action/Reaction

It's a law. But it doesn't have to be negative. For instance, if someone does something to upset you, pause. Before you react in a negative way, pause and try to figure out "what" and "why" this person offended or hurt you. I still have to practice this method, because believe me---it's not put into practice all the time. And after the reaction, I'm always like, "I forgot the PAUSE!" When you feel insulted or disrespected, and there is no explanation of "why"---PAUSE. If you can't figure it out, time will always be telling. But if you're like myself in most cases, the patience can run low. I'm learning that I need to pause, for however long before responding negatively. Some people are just hurtful, whether they are angry with you over something in particular, or just hurt over something else. Unfortunately, you may be the punching bag for the time being. As that old saying goes, "Hurt people hurt people." Hurt people can bring out the hurt in ourselves.

2. Our Ego & How Worldly Problems Here Are So Minuscule in Heaven

Think about it: our humanness is flawed. We make mistakes, we get into conflicts or we got disappointed by a lost job, an argument with a friend or spouse, and even just everyday random life issues. A friend recently reminded me: will this matter five years from now? Three years from now? Six months from now? Your ego's main goal is to feel important. It forces your ego to needing desperately to fight and defend itself. It relies on its reputation. Even when you are content and happy, your ego will be looking for an issue to cling to, or some kind of drama to create if you let it. The ego doesn't live in the present. It relies on the past and future---it wants you to be thinking about "what will happen" and how that'll affect everything in your life and around you. If you focus too much on the past, you're more likely to suffer from depression. If you focus too much on the future, you'll most likely suffer with anxiety.

Think back to when someone insulted you. Your ego will 'puff out its chest,' giving you a sense of superiority as a result. And while there is nothing wrong with having an ego---cause everyone has one---it's how its regulated. The problem is when it destroys your decision making and mood, turning you into a victim. Sometimes it does the opposite, giving you the illusion of being superior. It makes you worried about what people think of you, which can turn into major insecurity issues, social anxiety and/or put you into a state of isolation due to the ego's fear of losing the battle. It also can keep you trying to control situations and/or certain people (influencing their choices and outlook on things.)

3. Forgiveness Is Impossible For the Ego

The bigger your ego, the less chance there is for that person to be forgiving, patient or understanding. It's their way or the highway. Remember one thing: you don't have to be in the wrong to say "I'm sorry." It's about being the peacemaker, and showing humility above all, oppose to what the ego would like. Apologizing when you clearly did nothing wrong, but feel the other person is in a dire conflict regardless, shows a willingness to ease the tension of a bad situation.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9, NIV)

When you are in a conflict with someone, there is always three sides to the story: yours, theirs and the truth. Regardless of who is right or wrong, depends on the level of ego for both parties. It's important to remember what Jesus told Peter in the book of Matthew 18:21-22: Peter asked Jesus, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus told him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Meaning ALL the time---for eternity.)

This demonstrates that as Christians we need to forgive people as many times as they offend us.If we don't forgive people, then God won't be so willing to forgive us. I'm not saying it's easy to forgive, because it can be difficult to do once somebody hurts or betrays us. With that being said, depending on the person(s) involved, forgiveness does not mean complete reconciliation. Sometimes, the person is just too toxic to be around, and Jesus even warns us not to be yoked with unbelievers. And unbelievers, are also defined as either "lukewarm" in their faith, or not "walking the walk"---just talking the talk. It's one thing to be imperfect, but it's another thing to be pretending you're a Christian and not demonstrating acts of love. It doesn't matter if you're in church every Sunday sitting in the front pew---if you don't have a relationship with God, then what good is that? Then it's just "religion"---which Jesus was against.

4. Time Is Running Out, Repent!

I'm not one to be out on the streets with a picket sign that says, "Repent or go to hell!" A bit extreme for me. But what I will say is this... There is nothing so important than to get to know God right now. No one knows the time or day the Lord will come, but let me ask you this: would you be ready if they told you that a nuclear missile was heading our way? Are you completely ready to find out where you belong in the afterlife? Whether it happens today or in a hundred years---always be prepared and ready to say YES---I am ready! That's why you'll see many Christians 'seemingly' happy about tragic events taking place. They're not happy that people are suffering---they're happy that it's a sign that the Lord is returning. I used to get so incredibly confused over this and say, "That's not very "Christian-like" of you to be so happy." But once I got closer to God and realized that this earth is just a temporary home for us---we need to look at the big picture. Where are YOU going? Where do YOU want to be after this physical existence?

So many people are chasing after the world. Remember Job and all that he lost? God tested his trust, and that man turned it out. He lost his livelihood, his family, and even his health, and still remained faithful. Who are you putting first in your life? Job appeared to have been putting his livelihood and family first, and when he lost all of that---he proved to God that wasn't true. Idolization can happen when we focus more on money, family, jobs, and worldly possessions. They forget about God while caring for their children or trying to keep their spouses happy. They idolize their jobs---"God forbid I lose my job!" Nothing is more important than our relationship with God. It's not about religion. It's about an intimate relationship with Jesus. It's about forgiving one another and showing love and patience with each other. After the pandemic, we've all seen a lack of love and patience. We've seen more agitation, chosen isolation, anxiety, depression and extreme anger. We've seen division, as it's getting worse and worse every single day. But what if you were the peacemaker through all of this? What if the person behind you at the checkout line started to curse at you about how long you were taking? Ever think about surprising them and paying for their items in advance---just to give them a little more faith in humanity? Let the Jesus inside of you shine. Or you can tell them something nice, in hopes to deescalate. It'll be hard, but watch how quickly that situation turns around. And if it doesn't, PAUSE, and keep moving. Pray for that person.

As time is running out, either for our physical bodies or for the day He comes back---a life with God is far more better than a life to only impress people.

The Euphrates River is on the brink of completely drying out, which is one of the signs of the coming of Man. Look at all of the earthquakes, the plagues, the civil unrest, political corruption, famine. What moral conditions will be characteristic of society in the last days? It's in the Bible, II Timothy 3:1-5, NIV. “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.”

If you want a new life with God, and a closer relationship with Jesus, just say this prayer aloud and please comment or message me if you did.

"Heavenly and Almighty God, I come before you humbled and sorrowful, aware of my sin, and ready to repent. Lord, forgive me for I have sinned before you. Wash away my sin, purify me, and help me to turn from this sin. Lead me to walk in your way instead, leaving behind my old life and starting a new life in you. I pray this in Jesus' name."

Please remember, it's not about "trying" not to sin. This is a prayer to invite the Holy Spirit to live inside of you. That doesn't mean that your life is going to be sinless and perfect. What this means is, each time we mess up, the Holy Spirit is there inside of us to convict us. This is NOT then same as "guilt." The devil makes us feel guilty for everything. One you have the Holy Spirit living inside of you---you are going to notice you are dropping a lot of toxic things that you may have relied on. It didn't seem toxic at first, but it may've gotten in the way of your relationship with God. For me, it was dropping alcohol (alcohol is only a sinful when you let it hurt you---Jesus turned water into wine, and the Bible clearly says it's fine in moderation.) But if it hurts you more than helps you, then yes, it is a sin for some, like myself. I dropped many addictions, and found that it was so much better on this side! Not only is it better, but it gave me a new outlook, and less fear about dying. You will be reassured of your place in heaven. God loves you so much! He is calling you back because He wants you to reserve your place in His home. Nothing else will make Him happier.

I pray that this message was received the way God intended it to be. He put it in my heart to write this today. Let me know if you if you prayed this prayer, and remember, God uses the most unsuspected and imperfect people to bring you His message. That's why I need Him every single day of my life!

I hope this truly helps someone who may be confused or still on the fence. I love you!

4 Seeds of Hope & Happiness

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 9 Feb 2023 11:35:00 -0500

Lately, I've been seeing a lot of people losing passion for life---they've lost all hope. The last few years didn't help either. We've all felt that oppressiveness one way or another. But how long did you stay there? Or did it teeter back and forth like it did in my situation? I seem to get into that pit, but God always pulls me back out. It reminds me of when Jesus' disciples were on a boat in the middle of the night, when a storm came up. As the waves battered them, they saw something they couldn't believe: Jesus, walking toward them on the water.

Peter said, "Lord, if it's really you, tell me to come to you."

Jesus said, "Come!"

So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus! But when he saw the wind, he was afraid. And when he began to sink and cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Jesus immediately reached out His hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "Oh you of little faith. Why did you doubt?"

When you picture that scene, do you see yourself on the boat? On the water? Or watching from the side? Consider whether Jesus is inviting you to come out on the water too.

Remember, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. Someone will always point out, that it's the 'deeds' that are the most important part, but God tells us, without faith, it's all meaningless.

Prayer Is the Most Powerful Tool You Have

Prayer can move mountains, but if you are lacking faith, you will probably see unanswered prayers, or lose faith because a prayer goes unanswered. Everything is done with God's will and purpose for you. But in the case of praying for more faith---you will see a change in your heart---a change in your attitude as well as actions. Prayer definitely moves mountains, but it's the faith that drives it there. Prayer, faith and action go hand in hand. Pray for your enemies. That's something a lot of people can't do. Once you do this, you will see a shift in the atmosphere. We are all connected in a cosmic-like way---when you pray for someone who is against you, God blesses the situation. Petty situations and worldly matters are so minuscule in the afterlife. Even if someone is throwing curses, hexes and spells on you, remember: blessings are much more powerful than curses.

See God In the Simplest of Things

Many people overlook God's blessings or they'll call it a coincidence. Everyone's life is so incredibly different. I live my life based on simplicity. I work from home, which I love to do---but I am a complete homebody. I love my neighborhood and what it has to offer. For instance, I busted my knee a few months ago and it's starting to heal. In the healing process, the pain radiates into my sciatica and lower back, making it almost impossible to sleep. The only medication I can take is Tylenol, which only helps a tiny bit. Anyway, as I was walking my dog yesterday, I pushed myself to walk further. When you don't move, especially when you have an injured knee, your muscles get weaker, making the pain in whatever injured part of your body even worse. So my little 14 lb dog literally pulled me up this large hill to walk around the complex we live in. We took a leisurely walk and I immediately felt so much better. The sun felt so good on my face, and the air was so crisp and clean. This is my happiness---to be outside---to go walking---to just be in God's presence and thank Him for all He has done for me. (So if you see me talking to myself when I'm walking by, yes I am praying.) After our walk, we came back inside and I made a delicious steak dinner. Between the low carb diet I'm on and the exercise---I slept like a bear for the first time in a while. But this is my "miracle!" Some would say, "So what! Who cares! God didn't do that!" God gave me the nature to heal in, the ability to walk two miles, and the willpower to stay away from not only alcohol, but from sugar and carbs. I prayed for this! So yes, for me, God has helped me through every challenge I ever had. And with His help, I have reversed my pre-diabetes and lowered my cholesterol. God is good!

Losing a Loved One

There's nothing worse. There really isn't. It feels so incredibly heartbreaking. In fact, you can even get "broken heart syndrome" -- which mimics a heart attack. Many survive, but it's an awful physical pain that's felt in the heart.In Psalm 147:3 it tells us, "He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds." I remember when my therapist once asked me, "So what happens when your mom dies from her cancer?" (Yes, he said it that bluntly.) With a lump stuck in my throat, I simply told him, "I'll die." He looked at me and said, "No, you won't. So what are you going to do when your mom passes?" For me, I couldn't think beyond mom's passing. She was here--she was always here. How can she not be here one day? But that day came and it was a tragically, beautiful day. I know that sounds super weird, but let me explain. God reassured me she was with Him. She died in the early hours of June 30th, 2017. My mom and I were both obsessed with thunderstorms. All day, it was 80 degrees with thunderstorms, but it was so beautiful. You could hear so many doves nearby---which was odd, because it wasn't just two or three---there were dozens out there! Then there were around ten of them perched on top of her bedroom area on the roof of the house, as well as a dozen more in the trees. Afterwards, this amazingly vivid rainbow appeared after the storm and the doves were all singing---it was as if she was saying, "Debbie, I'm ok." Of course it didn't heal my broken heart, but overall, my faith got even stronger, knowing that God was now taking care of her. That alone eased most of that excruciating pain. Little signs that most would take for granted are mostly overlooked. God gives you signs, like a dove, or a reminder of what you and your loved one shared together. It's all there. All you have to do is have faith and be more 'aware'---tune in to not only what's in the world, but what's coming into the world by God, by your loved ones. They're always with you. God is always with you regardless. Rest assured, the reunion we will have with our loved ones is going to be the biggest party of all.

When You Love What You Already Have--You Are Already Rich!

People tend to think if they acquire more things in life, that they'll be rich and more notable. But in fact, it's the total opposite. It's good to acquire wealth from hard work---no doubt! But what happens is, we tend to want more and more, trying to catch up with the rest of the world. It's like traffic. If the speed limit is 65 mph, and most traffic is going 75 mph, you're going to be driving about 75 mph to keep up so that you're not ruining the 'flow.' Or, you can peacefully drive on the slow lane, not caring about everyone passing you by. You will eventually get to your destination, without the stress of people cutting you off, almost causing a ten car accident on the freeway. The peaceful lane is much more better than the fast and stressful one. But again, that's all subjective.

In Ecclesiastes it states, "And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life--this is indeed a gift from God. God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past."

It doesn't matter what other people have. Remember, it's not how big the house is, it's how happy the home is. It's not what you have in life that matters, but it's who you have in your life that matters the most.

I pray that this article somehow helped you today. Now go outside, barefoot if you can, hug a tree, take in the sun (if it's not cloudy) and remember all that God has blessed you with and thank Him! Just think, you woke up to see another day.

4 Important Life Lessons That Can Change Your Life

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 19 Jan 2023 13:03:00 -0500

Life has this weird way of showing you what you are capable of, and of course what you still need to work on. I always say, "God's testing me today!" But in reality, we also need the good, bad and the ugly, along with the happy and the sad. We should be able to find a piece of joy in the midst of life's chaos. But I admit, sometimes it's so difficult to find a crumb of joy when you are in that miserable state of depression. I used to stay way too comfortable there, until it was agonizing to find my way back out of that pit. And of course---it's OK not to be OK. Feel the feels, but please don't stay there too long.

Happiness Is Not The Absence of Problems - It's the Ability to Deal With Them

Easier said than done, right? Even if you are unable to "deal with them" --- doing nothing at all is still a decision, (I think that was quoted in a Rush song.) When in doubt---do nothing. Then there are times when you need to let yourself go with the flow. I remember when my dad passed away and I was welcoming people into the funeral parlor where his ashes and photos were displayed. I kept it together, because I had to for my mom. People hugged me, told me they were sorry for my loss, and then moved toward the center of the room. No one appointed me to be the greeter, it just happened I was at the wrong place at the wrong time, so to speak. One lady we knew came up to me for a hug, and also tossed around some funny memories of my dad. He was such a comic! And we started laughing. There are so many people who find it incredibly inappropriate to laugh at a funeral. Then I noticed more people walking up to us, wanting to absorb the positive energy that was being exchanged. Of course we had one person who came said, "I don't think this is the right time to be laughing." He didn't even know my father or had ever met him. So I said, "If if offends you---you're more than welcome to leave. We are talking about my dad's funniest moments."

You NEED a relief when you are grieving, or in a depression. You NEED something that'll soothe you, while you're going through the rough times, whether it be a good comedy, a bowl of ice-cream, or just another friend to laugh with. Laughter has proven longevity! It's not "disrespectful" to find joy in a very sad time of your life. This is your "harm reduction" tool----and it's the best one. I used to find my "harm reduction" tool by drowning my sorrows with alcohol, but now I find it in my prayer time and being around good people, cooking delicious food and exercise. I found new ways to cope with my 'not-so-pleasant' times in my life. Don't ever feel guilty about finding happiness in a sad season of your life. Remember how beautiful it is when the sun shines through the rain. We gasp and try to take pictures of it---that's how beautiful it is. And then, the rainbow appears. The same for you smiling through your difficult seasons.

Feeling Sad After Making a Decision Doesn't Mean It Was the Wrong Decision

I truly believe some decisions are all about fate and God's will. It may seem like a "bad" decision, when in fact, it may have saved your life. I have a friend whose husband was driving to work over at the World Trade Center on 9/11. He was running late because he hadn't eaten anything, and decided to stop to grab a bagel and cup of coffee. On top of that, he ran into traffic. He missed the tragedy that killed so many people. I truly believe that God saves some of us because we have a purpose that goes beyond the scope of what we can see. Our decisions can be blocked due to God's will.

Do you ever feel guilty when you decide to keep certain people at a comfortable distance? Maybe decline invites, press "go to voice mail," or just decide that this person isn't good for your overall wellbeing? Whenever I do this, it's usually because I found out either my friend had been lying about something important, or just being two-faced and not genuine overall. Whatever the case---it is your decision to choose that distance, or separation. Forgiveness doesn't require reconciliation. If it does, then that's a wonderful thing, but you have to choose *YOU* when forgiveness means opening the door to another chaotic event or any type of verbal or physical abuse. What's that famous line? People come into our lives for a season, a reason and for a lifetime---I truly believe that.

You're Not Stressed Because You're Doing Too Much, You're stressed Because You're Doing Too Little of What Makes You Feel Most Alive

I hear people say they don't have the time to do the things they love, or they feel hesitant or guilty about doing something that makes them happiest. Especially after the last couple of years, many people haven't even seen some of their family and friends yet, or if they did, it is not often enough like it used to be. These life changes can affect our mood and mental health. It can also lead into negative thought patterns, assuming your family and friends don't want to be around you, or that you're not good enough to play whichever sport made you feel alive. Anything you used to love to do, is still there and able to be enjoyed again. Honestly, I haven't really picked up my guitar in a couple of years, and when I did, it was short-lived. The other day, I spent about 2 hours playing my guitar and it was so therapeutic---I had forgotten how much pleasure I get from playing guitar and writing music. Even the work that I do is something I enjoy. Every job I have right now used to be a hobby at one time. So I am grateful that when I do step into my office, it's not like the dreaded days of doing accounting in IBM. That was a snore fest. Make sure you love what you do and if you don't, find ways to get back to what made you feel alive.

The Lesson You Struggle With Will Repeat Itself Until You Learn From It

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." --Albert Einstein

Stop being a people pleaser. I keep running around this mountain too, because I want to be of help or if someone needs anything, I'd like to be there for them. But that's not humanly possible every second of the day. I try my best to give, help or be the person to go to if they need an ear. But sometimes, people will not appreciate what you have to offer, whether it's due to an underlining resentment or jealousy issue, or maybe they're just unappreciative of anything in life. I had to learn that my time and whatever I have to offer is valuable, and some people don't deserve it. So what I'm saying to you is: who are you overextending yourself for, and why? Some folks have an incredible talent to be an adult bully if someone disagrees with them or says that dreaded word: "NO." Most narcissists hate rejection or the word "no" when asked to do something. They make the other person feel guilty and manipulate them into thinking that they're a bad person. Boundaries are so important during this time, and so is the word, "no."

Self-medicating. This was a huge lesson for me. If I was stressed or having anxiety, I went straight to the freezer to grab the vodka and poor me a straight up martini. Life was good for about 3-4 hours, until I went to bed and found myself with my heart racing out of my chest at 200 bpm for never 24 hours afterward. Many hospital stays later, I learned that the alcohol was bad for my heart. I get a reaction that most people don't get---tachycardia. When the alcohol starts leaving the body, my heart starts racing like a bandit. When the hospital's cardiologist sat at my bedside and said, "If you keep doing this to yourself, one day your heart's gonna get tired." That was February 6th, 2021. I'm almost two years sober today and I have definitely learned my lesson. My days are more productive, my work has excelled and I'm feeling so much better than I once did. Sometimes, you have to just go through the muck in order to learn that life lesson. I'm glad I did. I'll never forget it.

What's a life lesson you learned the hard way?

10 Signs That You Have a Toxic Person In Your Life

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 14 Jan 2023 12:57:00 -0500

Don't you find this world to be a little more abrasive, maybe even more aggressive? Some people have become so self-absorbed in their own little circle of 'self' that they fail to see the bigger picture. It's the pandemic of the 'me, me, me' syndrome. People have become lovers of self and haters of humanity. Too deep? Probably. I guess it's not that bad if you don't surround yourself with negative Nellies, however when you do, it makes you think---who else is like this? "My problems trump your problems" type of mindsets are so incredibly toxic---to even minimize someone else's pain is admitting that their suffering doesn't matter at all. In other words: that "friend" isn't a friend at all.

Even biblically, it says you can detect a 'bad egg' by their character and what kind of fruit they produce (or don't produce.)

Remember, these are all parables and symbolic examples.

"Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep, but are really wolves that will tear you apart. You can detect them by the way they act, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit. You don't pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles. A healthy tree produces good fruit, and an unhealthy tree produces bad fruit. A good tree can't produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can't produce good fruit. So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. Yes, thee way to identify a tree or a person is by the kind of fruit that is produced."----Matthew 7:15-20

It gets so complicated when you're faced with people who don't have your best interest at heart. Not that everyone has to make you happy---you can always keep folks at an arm's length---but we 'should' become vulnerable for closer and (hopefully) healthier relationships and friendships. It's sad when that person produces "bad fruit," especially after a long time of thinking that their fruit was okay.

When people hide their true character or even an agenda from you, remember that the truth comes out regardless.

"For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to the light and made known to all." ---Luke 8:17

Discernment is a great tool to have, especially when it comes to toxic people disguising themselves as otherwise.

10 Signs That You Have a Toxic Person In Your Life

They try to control who you are friends with, and even, who you vote for politically. For example, questioning your friendships with other people or trying to prevent you to be friends with anyone they dislike.
They don't care about your feelings, or ever mutter the phrase, "how are you," in a conversation, because it's all about them.
They are never happy for you when you have great news. Any good thing that happens in your life will never be acknowledged---ever. Keep the friends who cheer you on.
Passive-aggressive manipulation. You can't put your finger on it, but you always feel like something is definitely wrong.
They never apologize---ever. They always need to be right.
People who are easily triggered. Most are threatened because they have weak belief systems, or they are unsure of what their faith resides in and also, they lack faith in themselves, (insecure.)
Complaining all the time. When you complain, you remain. It never gets better. It's one thing to vent out your issues, which is healthy in moderate doses, but it's another whole can-o-beans to be their personal therapist. I've watched someone talk **2** hours (not even exaggerating) about who they hate, why they hate, and list a ton of medical issues, without asking once, "Hey, how are you?"
They blame everyone except themselves for any issue that comes up. It's never their fault. They have zero accountability for the damage they leave behind.
Talking poorly behind people's backs and then being nice to them to their faces. I've listened to people talk so badly about one particular person, and then witness them chitchatting in their comments about how wonderful they are on social media. Steer clear.
They don't offer solutions or compromises---it's their way or the highway.

If you're always feeling like you're walking on eggshells, it's time to move forward and wish them well. When someone tries to control another person, please trust your intuitions. The signs are clear. Set boundaries, or just wish them well and move on. Sometimes, you even have to look at their past track record. Has other people left their lives---and why? Especially if the person has a reputation of this, it's best to give the benefit of the doubt, but once you see it for yourself, dust yourself off and pray for them. Miserable people need prayers. Misery can be from a state of anxiety, depression or other mental health issues. It can be from past trauma that they haven't worked on---or it can just be about control and nothing more.

With that being said, nobody's perfect, but once someone shows you their true colors, never try to repaint them.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes.

For the Brokenhearted

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 8 Sep 2022 11:44:00 -0400

Have you ever felt like giving up? Maybe you lost hope for a dream you once had, or perhaps someone broke your heart and you feel like you'll never meet another person like them again. The pain is especially significant when we lose a loved one who was really close to us. We can never talk to that person ever again. The panic sets in, the sadness seeps through our veins and most of us become hopeless. We narrow in on that one issue--that one BIG issue of course, but we can't see the full scope of God's plans right in front of us. Did you ever ask God, "Why did you let this happen?" Me too.

In that very moment, the pain is so deep, that it radiates throughout both of your arms, throughout your entire being. Sometimes, people will even get chest pains, and confuse it with something of a larger concern. But there is something called, "broken heart syndrome."

Broken Heart Syndrome

Broken heart syndrome, also called stress-induced cardiomyopathy or takotsubo cardiomyopathy, can strike even if you’re healthy. Women are more likely than men to experience the sudden, intense chest pain — the reaction to a surge of stress hormones—that can be caused by an emotionally stressful event. It could be the death of a loved one or even a divorce, breakup or physical separation, betrayal or romantic rejection. It could even happen after a good shock (like winning the lottery.) Broken heart syndrome may be misdiagnosed as a heart attack because the symptoms and test results are similar. In fact, tests show dramatic changes in rhythm and blood substances that are typical of a heart attack. But unlike a heart attack, there’s no evidence of blocked heart arteries in broken heart syndrome. In broken heart syndrome, a part of your heart temporarily enlarges and doesn’t pump well, while the rest of your heart functions normally or with even more forceful contractions. Researchers are just starting to learn the causes, and how to diagnose and treat it. The bad news: Broken heart syndrome can lead to severe, short-term heart muscle failure. The good news: Broken heart syndrome is usually treatable. Most people who experience it make a full recovery within weeks, and they’re at low risk for it happening again (although in rare cases in can be fatal.)

God Will Give You Strength

"Dear bothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." ---James 1:2-4

Remember, that weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning, as it says in Psalm 30:5. I don't mean that you're going to be joyful the day after a funeral or divorce, but what that means is, God's timing is different than ours. We may have to go through a healing phase---a time of resting our hearts and trusting in God's healing. It won't be overnight, but if you allow all the emotions to come in, and let it back out, you have done what's called "shadow work"---a season of darkness, in order to strengthen and uphold you. When you put all your trust in God, in the midst of your grief or whatever heartbreaking thing you're going through, you're going to encounter miracles---big or small---but God will show you a way out.

Pray Without Ceasing!

"But I don't know how to pray or what to pray for."

I had someone tell me this a few days ago. In Romans 8:26-27, it states, "The Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will."

In other words, all you have to do is go to a quiet spot in your home or wherever you are and say, "God, please just pray for me!" It's as simple as that. Sometimes we are so sad, so emotionally distraught that we can't even muster up a word or two. "Pray for me!" That's all. Or, "God help me!" Even though these "prayers" sound simple and child-like---they work. Don't ever underestimate the power of God's willingness to help those who are in need. He can hear your heart. Never doubt that.

So whatever you're going through today, whether big or small, give it to God. Talk to Him. You may feel something or you may feel nothing, but trust that He is there listening, and feeling every single emotion that's stirring your broken heart.

"He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds." ---Psalm 147:3

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes

Filling the Love Cup

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Tue, 30 Aug 2022 12:04:00 -0400

The perfect imperfection is simply by being human. Sometimes people place standards on us that exceeds what we can ever achieve---and that's okay. When you expect perfection from anyone, you're going to end up disappointed, which is why I believe forgiveness is so important----forgiveness not only for someone who has hurt you, but forgiveness for yourself. If God can meet us where we're at---then don't you think He'll accept us, while we're dusting ourselves off, doing the best we can? He wants us to do the same for others though. He wants us to be Christ-like, even if we are imperfect, yet perfect in His eyes.

There are going to be times when your cup is full and when your cup is empty. When your cup is full, you're able to give more freely, love more freely, accept more freely. But when your cup is empty from giving so much of yourself, it's time to turn around and go rest. Even Jesus became overwhelmed and had to leave his disciples so He could rest. They took every ounce in His cup until it was empty, and Jesus had to rest and recharge. If this happened to Jesus---don't you think the same would happen to us, even on a larger scale?

Boundaries

This is why boundaries are so important. If you have a special friendship with someone, both sides needs to be nurtured. When one takes more than the other can handle, that friend may walk away like Jesus did to refill their cup. It doesn't mean the friendship has ended, but there was nothing else left to give. A friendship should be a two-way street. If you find yourself overwhelmed by the plethora of issues and life problems your friend is pummeled with, you might be left with your energy sucked right out of you. If your friend never says, "Hey, how are you?" That's a sign that you may need to take a better look at that relationship. You're not a therapist or a pastor. You always want to help when help is needed---but you have to also look out for your own energy. How much are you providing? How much is your friend providing? Is it a give and take? Or is it just a 'me me me' fest with a whole lotta taking?

Energy Vampires

Guard your energy the best you can. I truly believe there is a psychological phenomenon where people actually enjoy being miserable. It gives them a false sense of purpose to God knows what. I can't imagine staying in a state of negativity---whether it be anger, jealousy, depressiveness or fear. When I get down, or whenever I'm full of anxiety, I don't just stay there. I pray until God lifts me out of that pit. If I do get help from a friend, I take what is needed---I don't bring them down with me. This is important. Because once you start bringing down your friends, you're going to see them find escape routes. It doesn't mean they don't love you or feel bad for your situation, but life is full of ups and downs and we all need to find balance, especially with our relationships in life. If your conversations are all about their life and not yours---turn the other way, because they have no interest other than to get free therapy. A friendship is like a plant, it needs water. When you don't supply enough water to it---the plant will die. Are you watering your plants? Or, are you harvesting anything you can get without feeding them?

Walking Away

Even if you've been friends with someone for a long time, people can grow apart or no longer put equal effort and care into the relationship. If you can't count on them, or feel like you're doing all the work to maintain the friendship, it's okay to go with your gut and cut it off. It's okay to let go of what no longer serves you, if that's the final decision you have to make. Otherwise, I'd like to find solutions and communicate the issue, instead of throwing it all away. When all else fails, then yes, time to walk away.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes

Get Uncomfortable

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 09:17:00 -0400

Sometimes I have friends or acquaintances ask me how I recovered from substance abuse and alcohol (although alcohol was more of an adverse reaction, it was also an addiction.) My answer usually makes them pretty uncomfortable. But I have nothing else to tell them. If I don't tell them the truth, then why even bother?

It started with Jesus. That answer alone had eyes rolling. But it's true. The chains of addiction were broken once I finally got uncomfortable. I remember praying one morning, asking God to make my wine taste like sour vinegar, to where I could no longer ingest it. I didn't get my prayer answered---(at least the way I wanted.) God answered me in the form of a life-threatening reaction. He needed to wake me up.

"'Lord, help!' they cried in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He led them from darkness and deepest gloom; He snapped their chains."---Psalm 106:13-14

It was when I opened my Bible, that my answers started coming at me, in different context---my own personal answers straight from the book.

I opened up to verse, 1 Peter 5:8. "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."

I kept seeing this scripture over and over. I wasn't ready to hear the message yet. I even thought, "Well, Jesus made water into wine, so...."

I even used the Scripture from Timothy:

"Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach's sake and thine often infirmities." (1 Tim 5:23)

How could drinking wine be a sin? ---It isn't a sin. It's only a sin if it is affecting your life and what you need to do. It's like the scripture, "...if your hand causes you to sin, then cut it off." It's not meant in the literal sense, but metaphorically telling you that if something is causing you to {sin}---to fall back in life or wreak havoc in your life and those around you, then yes---cut. it. off.

God didn't worsen the taste of wine for me, instead, my heart was affected by it. It put my heart into afib, leaving me with a heart rate that skyrocketed to 200 beats per minute sometimes. I wasn't willing to mess with that. But my addiction played mind games with me. "Just reduce then amount---you'll be fine." But even one or two drinks did this as well.

In an article written by, By Elizabeth Fernandez----

"A single glass of wine can quickly – significantly – raise the drinker’s risk for atrial fibrillation, according to new research by UC San Francisco. The study provides the first evidence that alcohol consumption substantially increases the chance of the heart rhythm condition occurring within a few hours. The findings might run counter to a prevailing perception that alcohol can be 'cardioprotective,' say the authors, suggesting that reducing or avoiding alcohol might help mitigate harmful effects.

'Contrary to a common belief that atrial fibrillation is associated with heavy alcohol consumption, it appears that even one alcohol drink may be enough to increase the risk,' said Gregory Marcus, MD, MAS, professor of medicine in the Division of Cardiology at UCSF. 'Our results show that the occurrence of atrial fibrillation might be neither random nor unpredictable,' he said. 'Instead, there may be identifiable and modifiable ways of preventing an acute heart arrhythmia episode.' Atrial fibrillation (AF) is the most common heart arrhythmia seen clinically, but until now research has largely focused on risk factors for developing the disease and therapies to treat it, rather than factors that determine when and where an episode might occur. AF can lead to loss of quality of life, significant health care costs, stroke and death."

What happened to the studies that had shown that alcohol was good for the heart? I relied on that to be my "daily aspirin."

A year and a half later, I was going through a very depressive state. I was angry, because I didn't have the comforts of a nice cold vodka on the rocks to soothe my rage. I was sad, because I didn't have my crutch any longer. But maybe just one glass of wine? I even went downstairs into the basement to grab a bottle I usually kept for guests. I stared at it as it sat on my counter. I ran the tape of how my night would play out, usually ending up in the ER getting an EKG. Instead, I sat down and prayed.

I prayed to God to allow me to drink my wine again---even after being sober for a year and a half!

He answered me.

"Truly, I tell you, I will not drink again from the fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new in the Kingdom of God." ---Mark 14:25

-----But I read it as this-----

"Truly, I tell you, you will not drink again from the fruit of the vine until that day when you drink it new in the Kingdom of God."

And that, is going to be the best wine ever!

I had to get uncomfortable with my new lifestyle choice. I had to remind myself, that sitting at a bar eating dinner may temp me to flag down the bartender for a glass of wine.

I had to get uncomfortable with the fact that other drinkers around me will also feel uncomfortable.

I had to get uncomfortable with the fact that although my partner doesn't have a problem drinking, it is possible for her to still dabble in a drink or two when she gets home from work. It's a matter of 'functional' vs 'dysfunctional.'

I had to get uncomfortable and sit with my emotions and soul wounds....alone....without alcohol. (This is where the healing takes place.)

I'm not a believer in getting rid of "people, places and things." Never was. This is my problem, and mine alone. If I'm not strong enough to help myself, then the battle is lost.

So my point is, whenever you ask me how I did it---and how I got clean---don't get all agitated once I give all the glory to God---because it was Jesus who saw me through these difficult times and pulled me out of the pit of darkness. Without Him, I probably wouldn't have made it out alive.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes!

Bandaid On a Bullet Hole

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 20 Jul 2022 16:23:00 -0400

Removing the Bandaid

For the longest time, I've covered a bullet hole with a bandaid. Any quick fix would do. I was never taught to ride out the storm, but to only shelter from it. If I cried, I was begged not to cry. I was only encouraged to laugh, and to also make other people laugh. As I got older, it was encouraged to numb the emotional pain or trauma by self-medicating. Of course, no one threw a cold one at me and screamed out, "Here---this'll help get the 'feel bads' outta ya!" Everyone around me drank to ease the pain. I thought that this was the norm---this was what you were supposed to do. Trust me, I didn't mind the liquid courage, but after some time, it affected my health, mentally and physically. The closer I drew to God, the less I needed the 'fruit of the vine' or the 'potato juice.' But once I put the drink down, that's when the soul wounds needed tending to.

For years, the only way to mask the anxiety was either to drink through it or take a pill for it. I wasn't told to try and go through it. It wasn't until recently when I truly learned the message of, 'if God brought you to it---He'll get you through it.' God isn't going to just remove a difficult season in your life. He will teach you how to fish and how to walk on water like He did with Peter. He isn't going to make life too easy on us...but for good reason.

The Story of Peter Walking On Water

Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water.

When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!” But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!”

Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”

“Yes, come,” Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink.

“Save me, Lord!” he shouted.

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”

When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. Then the disciples worshiped him. “You really are the Son of God!” they exclaimed. ---Matthew 14:24-33

Faith Without Works Is Dead

I used to be confused about what that meant. When you truly want to recover from past trauma, anxiety or depression, you have to be willing to do the work, not just say that you have faith. If there is no action taken to back up your claim of faith, then it was all meaningless. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, going around the same mountain again and again. I needed to approach this differently.

Healing Is Possible, Left With a Few Scars

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us---they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation." ---Romans 5:3-4

If we never lost loved ones or went through trials of sickness in our lives, then we wouldn't be able to appreciate the people in our lives as well as our health. Many would just take it for granted. The hole in my heart that still mourns over the loss of my mom and dad are scars that prove that I loved someone so much. I sometimes get asked by my atheist friends, "If God was real, then why would he have taken both your parents away?" I always respond with, "Are we all supposed to live forever?" I also let them know how grateful I am that my parents didn't outlive me. To lose a child is much worse. Losing parents is to be expected, and I'm grateful to have had them till they were almost 80 years old! I could've lost them at a young age. But thankfully, God had different plans.

Some people call it "shadow work" --- but I call it "self-discovery." Every single emotion amplified when I got sober. I had to jump right into those frightening memories that I tried drowning out. I had to work out why I was grieving so hard and why I couldn't let go. Self-medicating kept me in a state of "complicated grief." It wouldn't allow me to mourn properly and thoroughly. This goes for any mind-altering substance. It takes you away from your grief momentarily, and sometimes completely if you do it 24/7, to only find out that you never actually healed. You were just putting a bandaid on a bullet hole. Like that saying goes, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. I chose not to suffer anymore, but trust me, I still feel the pain of the loss I had to experience.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes!

No Weapon Formed Against You Shall Prosper

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 14 Jul 2022 11:02:00 -0400

Do you find yourself easily triggered and angered by what someone said? Usually, the word "triggered" is used in a derogatory way for conservatives to insult liberals--yet I find many conservatives are also triggered. But I'm not talking about politics right now. I'm speaking on a human level---a level where we all can relate in some way. When someone triggers you, they've succeeded to anger you. And this "someone" probably didn't even mean to make you angry. It was their point of view that stirred up the fear that was already inside of you. Fear is what eggs on trigger-like responses. It's a defensive response to a vulnerability someone may have. I'm guilty of it. But I know that if I dig deep enough, it's from my own anxiety-driven mind, to which I'm desperately trying heal. Some people will take advantage of your fear, using triggering words to stir the pot. They know what they're doing, and they just want to grab the popcorn and watch the show. Stay away from toxic people like that.

The Spirit of Offense

It's a slippery slope when it comes to being offended or being hurt by someone. Usually, one is intentional, while the other is unintentional. The key red flag to look for is if your emotions get 'triggered' by what someone said. For instance, the other night I had friend tell me that I should "pray" to the Buck Moon and meditate, and started going on about astrology and energy healing. She also explained how this will heal me in some way and that it would give me a euphoric state of mind. So, I thanked her for the advice, and told her that I simply pray to Jesus (not the moon) and 'meditate' on the Word, (the Bible.) She asked if I ever did Reiki, and also told me how putting out crystals in the moonlight can absorb positive and healing energy. The more she kept insisting, I was compelled to tell her my past experience with this before I truly because Evangelical Christian. And when I told her my experience, she got offended and discontinued the conversation. Haven't really spoken to her since.

Witchcraft Radar

I dabbled with psychic mediums, crystals and stones that were supposed to aid in the healing of specific ailments, and I also let someone do energy healing (Reiki-like) treatments on me. All of these things took place in a small village in upstate New York called, Sugar Loaf. I used to work there part time in art galleries as well as helped out in other shops. I was a huge part of their community, and still visit from time to time with an entire different outlook. It's an artisan's wonderland---but you have to just be careful and look for the signs and protect yourself. When you walk into some of these places, you can clearly see the signs. I remember one day, I walked into a shop that had a sign on the door. There was a photo of the pentagram with some literature on the bottom. It said something on the lines of, "The five pointed star is misunderstood by many people. It is not the sign of the devil. It's a symbol for Mother Earth with her elements: earth, water, wood, fire and metal." My spirit knew it was half the truth. Many satanists wear the pentagram and also pray inside a huge pentagram, making sacrifices and all sorts of demonic practices.

"A trained practitioner of Reiki healing has the ability to channel pure life force–what is known as ki, chi, or prana–and gently allow the recipient to absorb this life force. As a practicing witch, I use healing magick in my life all the time."

Christopher Penczak, 2005

There were spell books, Wiccan totems and many things that said "magick." So why the "K" in "magic?"

The word 'Magick' was first created by controversial occultist Aleister Crowley - the founder of the religion of Thelema (from the Greek word meaning “Will”) and leader of the British occult movement and spiritual practice that became known as Wicca. He added the ‘K’ to the end of the word for several reasons--one being to separate his craft from that of magicians and illusionists, who performed stage tricks for entertainment. People who practice witchcraft often use this spelling.

During my time there, I was befriended by quite a few people who were Wiccan. I never judged anyone else's faith, because I'm strong in my own. But years ago, I was still 'on the milk' and my vulnerability allowed myself to become influenced by certain individuals who gifted me healing stones, or made special oils for me to burn, as well as offered me reasonably priced artistic jewelry. Nothing good ever came out of this. In fact, my string of bad luck was devastating. It was like one bad thing after another started happening to me. I felt pain from head to toe one day while working. I didn't do anything that would've caused pain. I went to the doctor to find out that nothing seemed to be wrong with me. It debilitated me for a good three months. I was trapped in this dark cloud of negative occurrences. Things that followed afterwards: major conflict, relationship issues, health issues, and (I believe) even cancer. A woman who worked in one of the shops ran across the street to personally give me a gray smooth stone and said in exact words, "Give this to your father. It'll heal his kidney." Months later, he found out he had bladder cancer, but on top of that, he also had cancer in his kidneys. We didn't know until later.

Listen, this can all be a huge coincidence, or it could very well be some sort of spell casting. I remember that year so vividly: 2009 --- one of the worst years of my life. I drank myself into oblivion every single night, to where I needed to detox and go to AA. I was being stalked by a woman who was threatening my life, and then I got news about my dad having cancer. We gave up our condo to move back into our parents' house so we could be there for them. I didn't want to leave our condo---I loved it there! But I also loved my parents much more. It was a hard blow to my dreams and everything I wanted to do.

I have videos on my Youtube (they are private now) where I was a psychic magnet. Even when I went to the grocery store, a woman came up to me and said I had a demon attached to me. And of course, for $40 bucks she could remove it. But it wasn't just her. Many other people, even Christians who had prophetic gifts told me I had demons attached.

As we settled into my parents' house (my childhood home)---it was renovated to have the upstairs as an apartment with a kitchen and living room, etc. It was beautiful, and I loved being home, but it was a little disheartening of why I was there. After the renovations, and removing then carpet to expose the hardwood floors in order to sand and polish them, both my partner and myself heard a woman talking. (Usually spirits hate any sort of renovations made to their home.) The woman giggled in Madelene's ear. And at one point, as I was resting after painting one of the rooms, she said, "Please don't leave again." Then late at night, we both heard someone rustling the pots and pans around in the kitchen, walking from the kitchen over into the living room. It didn't seem like an aggressive spirit or ghost, but they don't have to wreak havoc or cause harm in order to stay there and "coincidently" have bad things happen all around you.

Then one evening, the both of us were sitting out on the hammock, and a translucent lady appeared before us, looking through the screen door from the inside of the house. I didn't say ONE word. I looked over at Madelene, and she yelled out, "Who was that?" My father then said he's been seeing her a lot lately. She would fly behind the couch, hiding as if someone was after her. She was an older woman, white shoulder length hair wearing a long flowing grayish gown. Her image was so fast, but so vivid if you caught it.

Long story short, a Christian friend did some heavy warfare prayers over my family and our home. She also anointed every door, window and threshold of our house. We demanded the spirit leave NOW! And as it lessened, we had to continue doing that for quite some time. You can't just say one prayer and, voila---it's gone. It's a continued process. For whatever reason, and whoever you associated with that didn't have the best intentions for you---this can last up to years sometimes. People like to discredit anything like this because it can't be "seen" or they just don't have the ability to see it. Just because you don't see something or someone, doesn't mean it isn't there.

Gifts and Objects

Also, be careful of who you let into your home. Be mindful of who you accept gifts from, or what items you buy, especially at a garage sale or online, (anything that was pre-owned.) Objects hold energy. Whatever intention someone has put on that object can affect your life in a very negative way. When I was working for the Sorrento Cheese Company, my manager was a very outspoken Satanist. His name was Steve. He had demonic angel sculptures on the corners of his desk, along with other dark looking artifacts I was not familiar with. His eyes were all black---hardly any whites could be seen. I had a history teacher back in school who was an outspoken satanist, and he had a similar look---beady black eyes with hardly any whites. He also had the devil's thing beard where it comes to a point on his chin. So while working for this company, I experienced a lot of weird stuff. One evening while working late, I was on the phone letting Madelene know I was going to be late, because I was helping my manager with his $10,000 mistake. He as a controller (not in the sense you think) but we were in accounting. If the numbers did not correlate at the end of the month (on one day)---you could be there till midnight. So as I was on the phone with Madelene, he was staring at me so intensely, that I passed out. When I woke up, I was in the locker room that the plant workers used to get changed, lying on a bench being smacked in the face with the secretary pouring water on me. I was so incredibly weak, that Madelene had to come to pick me up.

A couple of months later, right before Christmas, Steve gave me a gift. When I opened it up, it was this huge candle inside a wrought iron contraption (holder)---and on the ends of each piece of iron came to a sharp edge---the same edges you would see on a pitched fork. It was so heavy, and had a historical look to it---but it also gave me such negative vibes. As soon as I left my office, I grabbed the thing, still in it's packaging, and as I was driving onto a highway ramp, I flung it out of my window. That thing will not see the inside of my home. No, nope, no way.

The Takeaway

If you're a Christian, be mindful of people, places and things. We all carry energy, whether good or evil. If you think that you are being spiritually attacked or that someone has placed some sort of evil spell on you, then pray this aloud in your home, and anoint every door, every window and threshold with blessed olive oil.

A Prayer for Protection Against Evil

Lord Jesus, evil is such a harsh word, and yet Your Word uses it frequently to describe the opposite of good. While we are all capable of sin, I ask for Your protection against those who call good evil and evil good. Guard us against those who scheme against righteousness and from those who twist the truth into lies to accomplish their evil intents. May Your angels hover ever near to eradicate fear and fight against the dark spiritual forces we cannot see. Help us cast down every imagination and thought that our enemy tries to use to exalt itself against You. You dealt our spiritual enemy a fateful blow on Calvary when you died on the cross for us and were resurrected on the third day. While evil still roams, the power of Your name and Your blood rises up to defeat and bring us victory against every evil planned against us. While malicious actions may disturb us, we use the armor of God You have given us to stand firm. You will bring justice in due time for all the harm and needless violence aimed at Your children. Until then, we remain in Your presence, aligned with Your purposes, and we look to You as our Supreme Commander and Protector. Help us to avoid temptation, and deliver us from evil, Lord. You are the Mighty One, the One Who will ultimately bring all evil to light. With You, Jesus, we are safe. Amen.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes!

Have Faith--Nothing To Be ConCERNed About

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Fri, 1 Jul 2022 14:05:00 -0400

Have you been feeling on edge, more so than usual lately? Have you been tempted to just tell someone off, or argue with someone just for the sake of arguing? You may even believe that what you are experiencing is completely just "you"---or that it's a normal process of anxiety and anger. But what you may not know is that something else is behind the scenes. This is the part where I tell you, 'believe it or not,' and if you don't believe it, then witness all that's happening around you, especially when it comes closer to July 5th.

What's July 5th?

Here's a fun conspiracy theory: CERN located on the Franco-Swiss border near Geneva. At CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, physicists and engineers are probing the fundamental structure of the universe. They use the world's largest and most complex scientific instruments to study the basic constituents of matter – the fundamental particles. They use the Haydron Collider. The LHC is a particle collider. The name accurately depicts what LHC does: it smashes particles---usually protons, but it can also collide larger particles that physicists call “heavy ions.” Typically, that means ions of lead, the heaviest non-radioactive element. To do this, the LHC first shoots two beams of particles into its ring, traveling in opposite directions. They spiral round and round, accelerated and guided by high-powered electromagnets, until they reach very near the speed of light. Then, after they’ve come up to speed, they collide head-on. The logo itself has the number of the beast: 666.

Some believe this will create more Mandela effects and open up portals to let dark matter in, as well as send us into parallel universes. It sounds like a sci-fi movie to me. But people all over TikTok and Youtube have been warning the public about its devastating effects on our inner "good" and "bad" sides. It's going to show which one we feed off the most.

(Check in----this is a conspiracy theory that many believe to be true.) Let's also keep in mind that many conspiracy theorists have been proven to be right. So there's that.

Stand On the Word!

With all that being said, let's just remind ourselves that God has already overcome the world. Whether this is true or not, you have to lean on God more than ever before. I say this because, after what our world has been through---isn't this enough to question the ability of mankind and darker entities to wreak havoc....again?

Let me ask you something else... If you are a Christian, have you been noticing other things enticing you, like the need to collect crystals, reading Tarot cards, going to psychic mediums, practice something so seemingly innocent, like yoga, or dabbling into new age spirituality because it seems so 'calming?' I noticed a lot of my friends have been doing this. I'm not one to judge because I've also been in states where I didn't know if something was good or bad for me. Every single time I dabbled into these things, something bad always happened to me. With the people in my life practicing these things, I'm seeing them suffer with emotional turmoil and unfortunate circumstances. But they're not seeing it for themselves. They think it's all a coincidence. So did I...

Leviticus 26 “If a person turns to mediums and necromancers, whoring after them, I will set my face against that person and will cut him off from among his people."

Necromancers are those who want to connect with their deceased loved ones. Listen---I get it. I wish I could speak to my mom or dad and friends who have crossed over. But the truth is: you are not speaking to them. You are speaking to what they call, "familiar spirits." These are demons who know everything that you and the deceased have in common. So they will point out that special locket hidden in a place only you two would know about. They'll bring up something personal that only you two have shared. Don't be fooled. And if you are a believer, you know that this is a sin, and the only thing that can come out of this is a connection with the evil one.

Deuteronomy 18-10:13 -- "There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. And because of these abominations the Lord your God is driving them out before you. You shall be blameless before the Lord your God."

Remember, there is NO SUCH THING as a "Christian psychic" or a "Christian medium." It's an abomination. Without the risk of sounding judgmental, I am going out on a limb writing this because I love the people in my life, and many of them are Christian, but still tampering with this dangerous "entertainment." in need to contact their loved ones. Their grief is just so overwhelming. Trust God to handle your grief. He gives beauty for ashes---believe that.

Why am I relating this to CERN and the tense energy we are experiencing today?

Throw in politics, and the overturn of Roe v Wade, and the 2nd amendment ruling after horrific school shootings, as well as the violent riots going on that have people so emotionally outraged over every single decision. We are emotionally charged up and angry. They are pitting us against one another. Don't you see that? Your opinion will make you their enemy. That's the plan.

As the hadron collider reaches its maximum speed, this affects every living being on this planet. This will especially wreak havoc on our psyches. I'm not sure if this is gonna open portals or send us into an upside down world, but with everything that's going on, just the thought of tweaking our emotional state to the maximum will send us into a chaotic scene, come this weekend.

Stay Away From Alcohol This Weekend!

Are you crazy, Deb? It's the 4th of July weekend---are you serious? YES. Not only do the "spirits" (wine and spirits) open up portals to your own inner self, but it ramps up the emotional charge we all are experiencing, adding CERN's restart to an unprecedented level of collision energy. Yes, that includes YOU and ME. I can't tell you what to do, but for me, I am not going into crowds, touching alcohol or being around emotionally charged and angry individuals. I am relying on God, with prayer and meditation. There is a spiritual war happening as we speak, and people are still walking around like nothing is going on except for higher gas prices and the inflation of food. Yes, that's important---but dig deeper into this. That's only the start of what's to come.

I've been sober for almost a year and a half, and I'm feeling the charged atmosphere in a huge way. I know for a fact that if I was still drinking and using---I would be in a very dark place that I couldn't get out of very easily. The devil has easy access when your body and mind is intoxicated. Don't let him have access to you. Be in control. And if you do dabble, be mindful as much as possible. Be aware of your surroundings and people who are around you.

But again, like I said, this is all a conspiracy theory that some believe in. If the Mandela effect didn't convince you of parallel universes, then let me ask you this....

Remember Ed McMahon? Wasn't he a part of The Publishers Clearing House? Now they're saying it never happened. Things like these are popping up everywhere. The Mandela Effect is a phenomenon that makes us question even the most mundane memories from the past. For instance, Tom Cruise never wore sunglasses when he danced in his living room on Risky Business. His shirt was pink. Look it up. It's not a huge deal, but research it all for yourself. Just type in "Mandela Effect" on Google or TikTok.

As for now, keep focused on God and stay out of trouble this weekend kids!

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes!

8 Elements of Wellness -- Protect Your Environment

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Wed, 8 Jun 2022 14:19:00 -0400

We all try to be healthy as we possibly can, whether it be physically, emotionally, spiritually or mentally. For the past three years, I've been learning about the eight elements of wellness. The eight elements include: Emotional/mental, environmental, financial, intellectual, occupational, physical, social, and spiritual.

In some elements, I thrive, while other areas I am still working on. In our meetings, we touch upon all of these topics, and which ones we are currently working on, if one is lesser than the other. For myself, the first area I cling onto the most is the spiritual one. For me, once I seek God, everything else seems to fall into place---but I also have to put in the effort. My occupational part is very important to me, because it involves helping others go through the struggles I have also been through. When we go through a painful season in our lives, I truly believe that is God's way of strengthening our spiritual and emotional muscles to help those who are weak with grief, anxiety, depression and trauma. Whatever we have been through, someone else is currently experiencing.

If you look at the eight elements on the grid, the emotional states that it's about coping effectively with life and creating satisfying relationships....which happens to float right into the social element. They all relate in some shape or form. The social is developing a sense of connection, belonging, and a well developed support system. So if you are not emotionally stable enough, you may find yourself struggling with the relationships in your life. I remember when my mom died, my emotional state was declining. I thought that all of my friends had disappeared from my life. But it wasn't so. I was the one that disappeared. If I am not emotionally stable enough to be a good friend, that'll inevitably push away those who want to be there for me. I had to work on myself spiritually first. When that aspect of my life strengthened, my emotional state got much stronger and confident. I then I started to let people in---I found a new world with support. I became vulnerable enough to be okay if someone wanted to leave my life. It wasn't about me, it's about the season---or even just the reason for being there at that particular time. I trust in that. I even met new friends who I work with, which have been a huge support system for myself. I realized my social wellness was important.

Nonetheless, I still had to be careful of who I let into my world (my environment)---my "environmental wellness"---which is very important. If someone you are close to becomes toxic for whatever reason, and you notice this is taking away your peace in your own environment, there has to be not only forgiveness, but sadly, strong boundaries to protect your environmental wellness. I also want to state that if you are friends or in a relationship with someone who doesn't put in the effort to work on any of these elements---this relationship will most likely fail. When one is trying to better themselves, and the other doesn't care, statistics have shown that the relationship of whatever kind will surely fall apart, and if they do remain, it won't be very pleasant relationship, because you'll find yourself butting heads all the time.

For instance, I find it difficult to talk to someone who is chemically altering their minds with drugs or alcohol. I'm not talking about the every once in a while cocktail, but people who use drugs where they can't even remember their own names at the end of the day. I'm not judging, but I can't relate. I also have a difficult time with people who don't hold any interests or hobbies other than watching TV. Again, it's not a judgment, more than a compatibility issue. I look for people I can do things with---whether it be walking around the park, cooking together, having the same faith/being spiritual-minded, maybe even musically inclined or just have some sort of interest that they have a passion for.

For me, if I find someone who isn't working on their intellectual, emotional, environmental and spiritual wellness---it can be a very surfaced (and/or) non-existent friendship. I don't care about your financial, physical, occupational or even your social aspects. I need someone who is forthright, honest, caring, and also someone who believes in something higher than themselves and, definitely someone who has integrity. The one thing I will not tolerate is lying. Once you lie to me, everything out of your mouth are nothing more than lies---even if you do start telling the truth---my brain will process it as a lie. Liars usually don't change if they've been doing for a long enough time. They actually start believing their own lies. Lying is also a product of some sort of trauma---whether to hide what they're scared of, or hiding the truth of their own vulnerabilities. Pathological lying is a symptom of various personality disorders, including antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorders. Other conditions, such as borderline personality disorder, may also lead to frequent lies, but the lies themselves are not considered pathological.

The one problem with those who are pathological liars, is that they can do what's called a "smear campaign" on someone, telling them fabricated stories of something that never even happened. If it's to a mutual friend, and that friend believes the liar, then they were never friends to begin with. Sometimes, they'll even try to attack your character by lying to your own family. Most families will already know you and sniff out the lies. Usually it doesn't even come down to that. Most intelligent people can spot out the liar in a second. Once someone is gossiping (and lying) about another person to you---be sure they are also gossiping and lying about you as well. I have experienced this on both sides. I was told stories about a mutual friend that I was shocked about, until I realized whose mouth it was coming out of. And then, right there, I knew the truth. Be selective of who you let enter your environmental wellness. Also know, if this is their usual behavior and track history, then common sense will always tell you the truth. The truth always comes out eventually. A lie never stays under a rock forever.

My significant other and I both gave our lives to Christ. We constantly work on our spiritual, so that we can emotionally be there for those who need us. God comes first, and after that, our friends and family who need us will always have us. I had to give up a lot of things to come to this point---which means I had to work on my physical element. I gave up drinking. It led me down paths that trickled into ALL elements of my life. It wreaked havoc on my spiritual, emotional, financial, occupational, intellectual and environmental. Oddly enough, it didn't affect my social element, but they weren't healthy friendships. They were friendships that relied on one thing: which bar we would meet at. It never went beyond the bar. Once I put the booze down, and died to my flesh---gave myself to God---my entire world changed. With that being said, my elements changed as well, and for the better.

After traumatic events we had experienced, we moved to a place to find our peace again. We refuse to let anyone destroy that, as much as they try to. Hurt people hurt people, and those who are miserable in their own skin will try every method to make you feel the same exact way. Those aren't nice people. And truth be told---those are also people who are suffering from some sort of trauma, or maybe a lack of attention they had as a child growing up. Know the people who surround you, some will be loyal while others turn out to be a Judas.

When your eight elements of wellness is being fervently worked on, (because it won't all be perfect)---you'll find that the petty things don't ever bother you. You also start to care less about what people think of you, or even what they say about you, and...even if they flat-out lie about you. It doesn't matter, because you know the truth, and so does God.

Proverbs 12:22: Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.

Ephesians 4:25: Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes!

Growth Spurts

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Thu, 26 May 2022 12:08:00 -0400

Yesterday, someone shared a quote with me that resonated with me so much. She said, "Just remember, trying to hurt me by bringing up my past is like trying to rob my old house. I don't live there anymore. That ain't my stuff."

When you make a positive change in your life, the people who think they know you well, will automatically think you are still the same person--five years ago--ten years ago, and so on. They say that familiarity breeds contempt. It's basically thinking that you know someone so well, which simultaneously starts the loss of respect for that same person, as well as their values. You no longer think they'll ever change, and if they do change, you won't see it or acknowledge it. You'll keep seeing the person you used to know, without acknowledgment for the growth or change they've done in their lives. A funny example is that I still get accused of being the prankster I used to be when I was only 13 years old! (I really was!) It's great to have old friends, but sometimes they never take you out of a certain category they have placed you in their minds. It's not good or bad---it's just how it is sometimes. Think about when you were in your teens. Are you the same person with the same beliefs and thoughts? Of course not, but then again, I don't want to assume. Some people actually never do change.

Nevertheless, it made me realize, literally and figuratively about my own life, and my actual old house--the old me and my old habits and also, how far I've come. And trust me, I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be. During my prayer and meditation time in the mornings, even while living at my old house, I kept getting confirmations and messages quite a few times a day that said, "Transitioning." I would get it in the form of a song's name on my meditative music channel, or I would get it in the form of a butterfly or even a quote I saw online---in so many various forms. It wouldn't stop. I thought the transitioning process meant it would be a good thing---but bad things have to happen---the birthing pains need to set in before something new and beautiful would come out of it.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." -- (Romans 8:28 ESV).

We were also given the task to “declare the praises of him who called [us] out of darkness into his wonderful light." We are witnesses who should testify about what God has done in our lives. You may be going through the worst time of your life right now, but the act of thanking God during the storm is what's important. At the risk of sounding cliché, when the storms pass, that's when you see the most beautiful rainbows. Good and bad have to work together. If you just lived life with no bad experiences or hardships whatsoever, you wouldn't appreciate the true happiness---the true gratitude of where you are right at this moment.

When you grow spiritually and as a person, people, places and things seem to fall out of your life. At first, it may feel like a bad thing. "Why is God doing this to me?" But it's for the greater good. You subconsciously relinquish things that no longer serve you. I was so frustrated when I found out my daily glass of wine or two (and sometimes three or four) was putting my heart into afib, and would make my liver enzymes skyrocket---whereas someone else could do the same routine as myself, but never have that side effect. As much as people would like to think that I quit drinking out of willpower---that is so untrue. My body literally repelled the stuff I used to love. I'll never forget sitting in my hospital room, hooked up to monitors. The second day, the cardiologist came in my room to talk to me. I'll never forget his words.

"Your heart went into afib. Alcohol is a major contributor to this. We see this all the time. One day, your heart's gonna get tired," and his eyes stared right into mine, giving me that look like, "You'll die if you don't quit."

Alcohol fell out of my life.

My point is, many things, including people have fell out of my life. Some stayed, some left, and some are just neutral.

When you reevaluate your life---what is it that no longer serves you? Can you discern for yourself who and what is needed in your life? And not to say that we aren't here to help those who aren't able to give back---but if the nature of the relationship is more toxic than helpful or positive, then that's a clue to keep moving forward. When alcohol wasn't producing anything positive in my life, I decided to take a 90 day break, I saw how much happier I was and how much sleep I was getting. I was motivated, exercising more and focused on things that truly mattered. I wasn't washing down my emotions. I was dealing with them head on---sober. Then those 90 days became 15 months.

Do the same with with places, relationships or habits. Does your work bring you more grief than a feeling of accomplishment? Do any of your relationships make you feel bad about yourself? Do any of your habits make you feel sick, sad or gives a sense of guilt? (My ice cream can be added into this slot!) All it takes is to be aware of it---to simply acknowledge it. Then you can decide what to add or subtract.

Too many of us want to stay in our comfort zone. I never wanted to leave my comfort zone. But everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear.

Although I still have a lot of work to do, I'm a work in progress and I refuse to give up at this point. I've made steps to better my life, my health as well as my environment. Is it perfect? NOTHING is. But it has given me a sense of peace where I no longer care for the petty things I used to care for. I don't entertain the small stuff in life that used to rattled my cage. And because I care more about myself these days, I no longer need validation from other people. I don't care what people think of me, because I know 'me' and most definitely, God knows my heart. I had someone ask me the other day, "I don't like sitting out on my front porch because people can see me." I said, "Let them see you!" When I'm out on my porch relaxing---let them see me---and if they do see me, come and say hi! Have a seat! I don't bite...(on most days.)

Unapologetically---be your authentic self always.

And don't be alarmed when you see some people breaking off from your life when you're having a growth spurt. It means that you're doing something right for yourself. If they want to catch up with you, they will. Maybe you can be an example they're looking for. Or maybe, they're just on a different path than you are...and that's okay.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes!

Feeling the Pull of This World and Why

noreply@blogger.com (Deb) — Sat, 14 May 2022 11:30:00 -0400

We are in the great transitioning of our species---an awakening of our DNA into our galactic nature. The matrix is throwing all kinds of distractions and fear tactics, trying to pull us down.

Don't you feel the pressure lately--the overall pressure? Some people in your life kinda went left field into 'cray-cray' land, while others stood consistent and reliable. And while you may be thinking, "This sounds a little 'cray-cray'"---keep reading... Society is freaking out---being distracted by mainstream media, glued to the news like zombies, fighting over politics, while other people are seemingly calm, delving deeper into their spirituality and relationship with God, their creator. Nothing in this world can bother them. All of the trauma and ancestral wounding, are coming up because of this massive amount of energy coming in. We're in a pressing, just like how they make olive oil---refining our true nature---our true DNA---while some will keep focused on the world, the news, and all of the things that drag them down. They will remain in the third dimensional world, while we rise up to the fifth demential spiritual side.

If you find yourself only associating with very little people and keeping your circle tight---who did you choose to be in your inner circle? I bet it's those with similar faith, similar energy, and similar like-mindedness. God is separating the wheat from the chaff.

“His winnowing fork is in His hand, and He will clear His threshing floor, gathering His wheat into the barn and burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire.” --Matthew 3:12

Though the full meaning of this verse has eschatological significance, it could be argued that this verse is applicable at all times and places. God is always, in varying degrees, separating, the wheat from the chaff in His Church and separating the wheat from the chaff in the individual lives of his people, as well. I trust that God removes people in our lives for an important reason(s)---and we have to trust the process. They are not meant to be on this journey. Now, more than ever before, the lines of separation are being drawn. God is purifying His church here in this country. He is revealing people’s hearts. As he does this, a separating similar to what is seen in Matthew 3:12 is occurring right before our eyes.

It's so important that we should all realize that fear is an illusion. Fear is a liar. It is a program of the matrix designed to take you out of abundance and into a lack of energy. With everything that has taken place within the past couple of years, think about how much brain fog and fear you've been feeling lately. Think about how much you've tuned into the news, and tuned out of God. I keep hearing a lot of, "Well, God doesn't answer my prayers anymore." Blocked energy can prevent you from receiving His blessings. "Blocked"---meaning you are too deep into the world---trusting the world more than its creator---more than your creator!

Now, more than ever, it's time to develop your likeminded, faith-based circle of friends. Yes, love thy neighbor and love your enemies---pray for them---but protect your energy.

If you've been feeling a lot of anxiety, depression and anger/rage, here are some scriptures that may help.

Scripture to Combat Fear

2 Timothy 1:7 “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind.” Deuteronomy 31:8 “He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Isaiah 43:1 “Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.”

Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand”

Scripture to Combat Depression

Psalm 34:17 “The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.”

Psalm 42:11 “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”

2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Psalm 40: 1-3 1 “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.”

Scripture to Combat Anxiety

Philippians 4:6-7 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

John 14:27 “Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.”

Scripture to Combat Perfectionism

Galatians 1:10 “Am I trying to win the approval of men, or God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ”

Psalm 18:32 “It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect” 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes!