tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-105312208567765957Thu, 28 Feb 2008 08:17:36 +0000http://lovegevity.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Cho)Blogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-105312208567765957.post-2843956898786939256Thu, 28 Feb 2008 07:28:00 +00002008-02-28T00:05:40.864-08:00Over the years I have shared stories with other women who have gone through a "marriage learning curve".  This learning curve is made up of experiences that mold us and help us to grow in our relationships.  Many of these stories have a recurring theme of "control", who has it, and who thinks they have it.  For example, the thermostat. Who controls THAT?  <div>When you went to pre-marriage classes and set expectations about kids, finances and family holidays, did it include who controls the thermostat?  Its funny that we remember to discuss and agree on the big stuff ...but it is the little stuff that can kill a relationship.  </div><div><br /></div><div>My story is about 3 degrees of hot or cold.  It was a constant struggle of where to set the temperature.  We could not agree, as I was always cold and he was always hot.  We constantly would move the thermostat dial whenever the other would leave the house. On return, the battle would begin and tempers would be tested.</div><div><br /></div><div>Another example from a friend of mine named Monica, was where to put the sponge.  On top of the kitchen sink or under the kitchen sink?  She wanted it on top for easy access, he wanted it under the sink so he didn't have to look at a dirty sponge.  Fights over this sponge became heated arguments that led to days of "The Silent Treatment".</div><div><br /></div><div>Another girlfriend Liza, explained that her husband felt she could improve her vacuuming technique and he proceeded to demonstrate the proper way to vacuum a home she had been vacuuming for years.  </div><div><br /></div><div>These stories seem silly now; but at the time they were the center of a power struggle and resulted in deep-heated arguments, hurt feelings, and frustration.  Thankfully, we have all learned a little bit more about our spouses and don't sweat the small stuff anymore.  As for new couples, its a learning curve you need to go through to find that happy place in your marriage.  </div><div><br /></div><div>I believe the newlywed phase is a minimum of 5 years.  It takes at least that long to REALLY get to know the one you love and who loves you back.</div><div><br /></div>http://lovegevity.blogspot.com/2008/02/learning-your-spouse.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Cho)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-105312208567765957.post-380450136651056578Fri, 18 Jan 2008 08:36:00 +00002008-01-18T00:46:14.519-08:00I love weddings. I love the idea of giving yourself completely to the one you love and who loves you back. A wedding represents such a special union between two people and it should be celebrated. It should even include all the beautiful details we dream about from childhood and the pages of the latest bridal fashion magazines. With that I have to admit, as much as I love weddings and the details that go into planning a perfect day, I am more in love with marriage itself and the whole process a couple needs to go through to "learn" each other. (Notice I didn't say teach.)<br /><br />It is true that marriage isn't easy, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy. We always have to work for the things we appreciate most.<br /><br />Take my advice: When planning a wedding, first things first, register for couples education.<br />This will be your most important task when planning a wedding. The choices you make now before you wed will determine the success of your marriage and relationship. "Love Is Blind" and the divorce rate is a statistic that proves this saying all too well.<br /><br />You and your mate need to take responsibility for the future of your marriage. Unless you have been well trained and educated in relationship 101 or marriage boot camp, you can only be realistic that you need some guidance before the big day arrives.<br /><br />Think of it this way...Marriage is like flying a plane. You would never take the controls and fly a plane without education and training...it doesn't just take care of itself. Also, it is inevitable, that as a pilot, you will encounter turbulence, rainy days and stormy weather...(similar to marriage) this does not make you a bad pilot (spouse)...how you handle yourself in these situations will determine what you're made of. It only makes sense to be prepared with skills and education, so that when you experience turbulence in your relationship you are prepared as a couple to weather the storm.<br /><br />Click Here:http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html<br />for a listing of national pre-marriage coaches. Workshops and weekend getaways are available nationally from several resources. It may very well save your future marriage.http://lovegevity.blogspot.com/2008/01/plan-for-wedding-day-prepare-for.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Cho)