Jer's Blog

A Brand New Project!

2023-09-25T04:58:00.002-07:00

It's been a really long time since I've written on this blog. I blinked and suddenly it was 10 years later. Crazy.

I wanted to say to those of you that have read this blog - Thank you! This blog was (and is) a bit of a laboratory. I try ideas out and see if they stick. A few of them did and I put them into a book. It's a first effort - but it's a heart project.

The book is called "For What It's Worth". You can find it on amazon - and soon on Barnes and Noble. Kindle and Paperback.

Here's the link:

For What It's Worth

Go read it - it might challenge your perspective.

Now I'm working on a few other projects. We'll see how they go. Until then - have a most wonderful day!

J. Patrick Kerr

The Good Muslim

2015-12-21T09:45:00.001-08:00

On one occasion a religious minded lawyer stood up to test the Teacher. “Sir,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit a life that never ends - life to its fullest?”

“What is written in the Teachings?” he replied. “How do you read them?”

He answered, “Well - it says to ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“Correct,” the Teacher replied. “Do this and you will live.”

But he wanted to show that he was virtuous on his own merit, so he asked the Teacher, “Who is my neighbor?”

The Mentor replied: “A man was traveling from the northern part of the United States to the deep south. At a rest stop along the way - he was attacked by thugs. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.

A prestigious pastor of a large congregation happened to be going down the same road and stopped at the rest stop. When he saw the naked and destitute man, he drove away in a hurry.

So too, a rich elder from a different well-to-do church (that was a major donor to political campaigns), when he came to the place and saw him, he drove off as well.

But a dark skinned immigrant Muslim family, as they traveled, came where the man was - and when they saw him, they had compassion. They went to him and bandaged up his wounds. Then put the man in their car, and travelled to a near city that was known for their proud patriotism, and helped him into the hospital. The next day the father paid the man’s medical bill in full. Then he told the doctor - 'Look after him and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense that might accrue.’

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the thieves?”

The lawyer replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

The Teacher told him, “Go and do likewise.”

Luke 10:25-37

Am I right?

2015-09-03T12:12:00.000-07:00

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9

Sometimes we sacrifice relationship in order to be “right.”

I don’t necessarily think we do it on purpose. I think many times we just want to be heard. We especially want to be understood. But - being right is not the point of a relationship. The older I get - the more I’m slowly (and I mean slowly!!) learning that relationships are about hearing the other person (listening) - and not being heard (talking). It’s not about expression as much as it is about empathy.

I’m horrible at this!

Being right in a discussion or argument can often lead to hurt feelings and misunderstandings. I never feel good in a relationship after an argument - win or lose. It’s difficult to connect with someone after that kind of disagreement. Superiority (or inferiority) can be a cancer to true intimacy.

To make it even more difficult - it’s impossible to have any type of relationship without conflict. There are practical arguments (You said you’d do the dishes - and you didn’t) to arguments about ideology (glass half full) and theology (insert any statement about God here).

We are all so different.

The point of relationship is connection. It’s to reach intimacy with another person. I’m not necessarily describing romantic relationships (although they certainly apply) - but all relationships. We want to connect - we don’t want to divide.

And yet - how often do we make a stance which sacrifices our friendships - our relationships? I see many posts on social networks that are so divisive - and the person posting it has no clue. There are just so many argumentative statements and positions being made - it’s a bit crazy (especially now that it's a political season). There’s lot of superiority going around. Arrogance is not attractive.

There's that famous warning to not discuss politics and religion in social gatherings - especially during Thanksgiving. The reason being? - we tend to destroy relationships when arguments like these arise. Our will to be "right" can create horrible relational conflict - and none of us are immune to its lure. We want to be right no matter the cost. This leads to many broken relationships in which we would rather avoid the other person than connect with them. I know that I do this - and I do it more often than I'd like to admit.

With those we love, it can even be worse. Sometimes we’re so ignorantly stubborn - it’s embarrassing. Personally - I have an “insert foot in mouth” disease - and half the time - I don’t even know I have it. ugh.

A negative tendency of mine is to go on the defensive. There have been many times when I have felt judged when there might have been a genuine concern. I wasn’t listening - I was defending my stance or position. I was right - gosh darn it! And I totally lost...

This happens way too often.

God has concern for His kids - us. How often do I perceive that concern as judgment - or condemnation? He speaks the truth - yet - I want to plead my case - give excuses - I want to fight! So I avoid Him altogether.

When - all He wants to do is connect…

Have a good day…

Snapshots

2015-07-29T16:01:00.002-07:00

It’s been a while.

My last blog post was over a year ago and I feel like I’ve learned so much since then. It’s time to write again. So - I’m making a second go.

I recently re-read many of my posts. It’s a strange thing to do - reading the ghost of myself from years ago. Some posts were written in a place of pain and confusion. Some were discoveries in clarity. Some were just practicing the discipline of writing. I'm glad I wrote all of them. I liked that there was always a bit of light in shining through each one. A few blog posts were actually a bit inspiring. I needed to re-hear those words I'd written years ago. I had a few moments where I thought “man - I need to do that again” - or some such thought. Very strange...

I don’t even remember where I was when I wrote. I mean - I remembered many of the ideas - but not that places or emotions that I was going through at the time. There were some ideas that think differently now. “Truth” was one such entry. I don’t see “Truth” the same way as I did back then. I still enjoy reading my thoughts about it though - those thoughts led me to where I am today, but that was definitely “in the journey” type of blog post. Truth is much bigger and better than subjectivity vs. objectivity. (Nerd alert!)

My favorite surprise was when I told stories. Not that I’m a good storyteller or anything - but the story blogs were a bit more entertaining than the others (with a few exceptions). A lot of the blog posts were just moments in time - and were simply enjoyable for that. Total snapshots of my life.

So - that’s why I’ve come back. It’s time to start taking snapshots again.

So here's the first one...

Have a great day!

Holiness in Action!

2014-03-09T16:13:00.002-07:00

“Just then a man in their synagogue who was possessed by an impure spirit cried out, “What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!” Mark 1:23-24

Have you ever wondered what the Holiness of God looks like? Well - in this scripture - it appears that "impure spirits" do - and they point directly at Jesus.

Jesus is the Holy One of God - because, well, God is Holy and Jesus is Immanuel (God with us).

There's tons of stories in the scriptures that talk about how Jesus interacts with people - messed up people - and how He loves them. One of my favorites is almost right after the impure spirit calls Jesus out - it's a fascinating picture of God's Holiness in action. It's also an image that kind of bucks the traditional view of how many people see God's Holiness:

“A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.” Jesus was indignant. He reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cleansed.” Mark 1:40-42

The Holy One of God - touches (embraces) the unclean man - and the unclean man is made clean. But - listen carefully - The HOLY ONE TOUCHES THE UNCLEAN.

If you've grown up within a traditional church gathering, this may be a difficult a picture for you to wrap your head around. We're often taught the opposite about God from the pulpit. Often in churches - Holiness and “sin” can’t be in the same place. I’ve heard many preachers say, “Sin is separation from God.” They’ll often point to the “holiness” of God as a reason why God is separate - Holiness and sin can’t be in the same place at the same time.

But what do you do with Jesus? He doesn’t seem to fit into this model. God (the Holy One) becomes a man. Throughout His life - He consistently hangs out with sinners. He's even kissed by Judas at the moment of betrayed! You can’t really get closer than a kiss - and Judas' "sin" couldn't be any bigger.

Isn’t it like Jesus to break all the rules - and jump outside of the boxes we try to put Him in?

God came near: “Emmanuel - God with Us.”

Going further - the scriptures say:

“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Cor. 5:21

Think about that for a second. God made Jesus to BE SIN - for us. In other words - Jesus became SIN - our sin. Let's put that in other words. He became lust, anger, envy, malice, greed, etc. And not just our sin - but the sins of the whole world - throughout all of time!

Going even deeper - Jesus BECAME murder, thievery, molestation, rape, fighting, war, abandonment, depression, abuse, addiction, and on and on and on.

Jesus became sin - unclean.

Hear what I’m trying to say:

JESUS IS CLOSER THAN WE EVER IMAGINED! He is with us when we sin - He's not separate. He became our sin - our worst! He doesn't just see our sin - he became it!!!

The bible says - "the wages of sin is death..."

He had to die. Jesus HAD to die. He was sin, so He had to die.

But - (how beautiful): although He died - God couldn't stay dead. Christ is life! And when He came out from the other side side of the grave (alive and clean!) He invited us into that brand new life - His life - a resurrection life - eternal life.

“23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23

The leper pleaded, "if you are willing, You can make me clean."

Jesus replied with a resounding: "I AM WILLING - BE CLEAN!" - to the leper - and to us!

And - with that - we are clean. WE ARE CLEAN!

God embraces us at our worst - while we are unclean (just like the leper). God touched us - and becomes our worst - in order to ultimately set us free. He absorbed our uncleanliness and He took it with Him to the cross. ALL OF OUR SIN DIED AT THE CROSS!

I could go on and on - but - isn't that amazing - awesome? Our sin is dead. It is finished!

Soooo - what’s Holiness look like?

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

May God’s Holiness be evident in us as we embrace those in our lives that are living at their “worst.”

Because - that's what Love does.

Jer

____________________

Reflections...

1. Jesus isn't surprised by our "sin" or uncleanliness.
2. Jesus isn't afraid of our sin - or uncleanliness.
3. Jesus has complete and total power over sin
4. Jesus is closer to us than we realize - even when we hide in (or are in the midst of) our darkness.
5. Jesus embraces us at our worst
6. The consequence and power of sin died on the cross with Jesus
7. Holiness in action is "the Word became flesh and dwelt among us."

And lastly -"Jesus" (in these above statements) can be switched with: God. Father. Holy Spirit. (i.e. Jesus/God/Father/Holy Spirit isn't surprised by our "sin" or uncleanliness)

Embracing Suffering

2013-11-27T09:21:00.001-08:00

“Pay me now, or pay me later!”

This was a common expression heard on the practice field when I played football back in my High School days. I’d always hear it just about the time that I’d be ready to hurl whatever was left in my stomach from pure exhaustion. My legs and arms burned like they were on fire and I could hardly think straight as I struggled to get back in line for the next drill. The smell of newly cut grass was always so thick on those days as I deeply inhaled that sweet life giving oxygen just to stay conscious. My forehead pounded from the pressure of my helmet while the heat from the summer sun made conditioning almost unbearable. I was generally a mess. The thought of actually playing a game was far from our minds as we practiced in those hot August summer afternoons.

Then I’d hear that phrase again - ringing in my ears.

“Pay me now - or pay me later!”

And my coach meant it. If we tried to go easy, he’d know it. He had a sort of 6th sense about those kinds of things. If we didn’t give our all, we’d keep going - and going - and going. We either gave 100% now, or we’d repeat the same drills until we did. “Bear Crawls” were his favorite drill - hands in front, body up, legs moving forward - crawling across the field. It was hell.

In the beginning of the season, we’d always try to slack. And - we’d always pay for it later. The practice would stretch on and on until we pushed ourselves to the limit. Our coach always knew when we were slacking. It only took one of us to “take it easy” for the rest of us to feel the consequence of that player taking the drill off. This was infuriating as a player because many of us understood that we had to give everything we had on every drill in order to move closer to completion. So, if I gave 100%, and my buddy gave 80%, I’d have to repeat the drill because of HIS slacking.

We all felt the consequence from one player slacking because we were a team - we were learning a teamwork principle: the whole team feels the consequence of an opponent’s score if one player takes a play off in a game. Players that continually messed up were often harassed by their peers after practice, and this always seemed to change their attitude in the following practices.

We payed a price at every practice. And - to be honest - it was a price that some couldn’t pay. Some would just flat out quit. Others did as much as they could just to get by - but they wouldn't play on game-day because of their lack of effort throughout the week. Things never fully worked out for those that slacked. But some of us committed. Some of us believed, even though we couldn't see what was waiting for us in the end.

We payed a price - day in and day out - and for what seemed like forever. None of us really understood why we were paying such a high price. Our lives were filled with pain and exhaustion - day in and day out - and it became our new normal. It sucked. There were times when I wanted to quit. I hated practice…

until we started winning.

That year, we went 9-0-1. We were undefeated champions - we had no losses.

I think my coach’s statement was true. “Pay me now - or pay me later!” If we had slacked, or he had let us slack - our reward would not have been an undefeated season - let alone a championship. Our temporary reprieve from hell during practice would have been our reward, and our lack of a championship would be the cost.

We truly suffered in practice to win it all. We went through hell in order to experience the joy of becoming undefeated champions.

We chose to suffer in the present in order to achieve a future glory that far eclipsed any pain we had gone through in those hot August summer days. Looking back, the price we payed was well worth it.

_____________________

When I think of all the great things that I’ve accomplished in my past, there’s always an element of suffering coupled with an element of reward. When I learned to play guitar - I spent long hours of practice getting callouses on my fingers, building finger muscles that weren’t there, and listening over and over to music so that I might figure out how to imitate songs - all so I might be able to play that instrument with relative ease. Today, I can pick up the guitar and learn almost any song pretty easily because of those long hours of practice. The suffering of yesterday (practice) produced the reward of today (playing).

I could have chosen my “reward” years ago and not practiced - not endured the pain and frustration. I could have chosen my “reward” early. But - the suffering aspect would have come later by not being able to play whatever song I wanted to play today.

I’m wondering if I’m making any sense.

In almost any endeavor I want to pursue - I can choose my reward or my suffering first. If I want to get in shape - I can suffer through exercise. Eventually - through hard work, I’ll reap the reward of good health. Or, I can choose to be lazy now (present reward) and suffer later in a multitude of ways (future suffering).

“Pay me now, or pay me later”

This principle plays out in the scriptures too:

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who, for the joy set before him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)

Jesus paid a heavy price for a future glory (a glory that He shares with us!). Suffering coupled with reward. As someone once said, “The crown of thorns always proceeds the crown of glory.”

The scriptures also point towards us participating with God in His suffering:

“I want to know Christ--yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death…” Philipians 3:10

Participation in the suffering of Christ. What a mystery…

There are many other scriptures along those same lines too.

Christ entered into suffering and endured it for a greater good - a greater reward.

Now, don’t get me wrong here. This isn’t a discussion about random suffering - like from a disease, poverty, earthquake, flood, or famine. That’s a different topic and a whole other kind of suffering - I don’t have eyes to see all the “why”s behind that (although this principle might play out there as well…).

I think I’m more talking about discipline. Discipline has an element of suffering that proceeds a future reward.

Lack of discipline has an element of reward that is followed by a future suffering.

The reward that follows suffering is always better than the reward a person gets from “taking a play off.” Our championship was better than being lazy and losing games.

Having just coached a group of kids who hadn’t won a football game in 6 years, this principle was clearly displayed in front of me. Our team went 1-9 this year. You might think that is a bad year for a football team - but you’d be wrong. We won our last game - and for some of these students - it their first game they had EVER won. About halfway through the season, most of the players finally bought into the idea that hard work would pay off in the end. They never gave up and slowly got better.

When I joined the team at the beginning of the season, on my second day coaching, we took the kids to our first scrimmage. We got scored on 20 times! And - we didn’t score once. I literally thought, “what have I gotten myself into?”

I’ve been a part of 5 different championship teams as a coach (out of 9 years coaching), and two as a player. In all my years of playing and coaching - only three games stand out as exceptional. One - as a player - we came back and won a game with 12 seconds left in the game against our biggest rival to remain undefeated. Two, as an asst. coach in a championship game against an undefeated team that was ahead 32-6 at one point in the game where we won 39-38 from a field goal with 4 seconds left in a game. And - this prior season - winning our first game with a goal line stand in the last minute of the game - our opposing team having a first down and goal on the 5 yard line.

It’s funny, but the one win at the end of the season from a winless team was just as good as the championship wins in those prior seasons. It’s partly because the kids continued to trust us through our practices. They never gave up and worked as hard as any championship team before them. Their attitudes literally changed throughout the year. They paid a price - and it payed off.

"Pay me now, or pay me later!"

I think this principle plays out in a lot of areas in life (suffering that proceeds reward). Here’s a few areas in life that I can think of off the top of my head:

School - getting a degree

Healthy living

Learning a language

Playing a Sport

Developing good relationships (serving and valuing others above self)

Walking with Jesus

Learning and understanding the Bible

Developing a new skill

Building a new positive habit

Stopping a bad habit

Loving people and loving God.

There’s a ton more, I’m sure. But - I think ya get the idea.

“Pay me now, or pay me later.”

It took me 20 years to understand what my coach was trying to say. I think I'm only now starting to get it (even though I still have a hard time living it!)

May this principle sink in much more quickly for you!

Have a great day!

Jer

A New Kind of Mourning

2013-11-22T12:29:00.001-08:00

“Though seeing, they do not see;
though hearing, they do not hear or understand.” Matthew 13:13

____________________________

Horns blare. Cheers explode. Laughter erupts. Smiles are seen all around. Tears of joy fill the eyes of the crowd.

The leader of the processional yells at the top of his lungs: “Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!”

The bride waits in stunned amazement - awakened to a brand new life to come. She witnesses the scene - the feelings of fear, amazement, and excitement combine to create a burgeoning joy inside of her heart that she’d never experienced prior to this moment. And this wonderful moment seems to last an eternity. She takes a deep breath and feels the blood coursing through her veins - every part of her body holds an almost hyper-sensitivity that allows her to really feel everything around her. It’s as if she’d never lived until this very moment. She feels so alive. Tears of joy fill her eyes, and she isn’t even sure if she knows exactly why.

“I didn’t think it’d be like this.” she thinks. “This is beyond imagination.”

She reflects back to her prior life. It seems that what she remembers of her past is just a dream - as if she was living in a dark fog until moments ago. And there was a lot of darkness in those memories - and lots of confusion. Of course, those moments were interspersed with wonderful moments of clarity and light. But the darkness she remembers is so heavy in her memories because of the contrast to her surroundings in this very moment. She begins to fear that her past will be her ruin. She begins to fear that she’ll be rejected because of it. She knows she is far from perfect. And yet, this moment - it seems so perfect. Her fear of rejection is like a memory brought on by a familiar smell or a favorite song. She's fears rejection.

But as she looks around, she sees only light. As she stands and waits, wonder and awe fill her soul - in spite of her fear.

The Love of her life approaches. She catches her first glimpse as He moves into view. She sees Him! All fear disappears from her mind at His first glance. She knows He is good - her true love has arrived. From that strangely familiar look in his eyes - she knows she’s completely accepted. Perfect love casts out all fear - and she understands. All of life’s fulfillment is here in her presence.

He has come to take her home. It’s her time. Her day. The wedding party is about to begin…

_______________________

RIP Coach Fernandez. May you enjoy the wedding banquet that is far better than anything I could ever put into words!!

Jer

I Have a Dream!

2013-08-19T10:58:00.002-07:00

A good friend of mine had a crazy dream a few nights ago. She swears it was more real than a dream - but what she witnessed would be impossible if it wasn’t a dream. It was definitely of the spiritual nature: evil trying to get her - and remembering Jesus - crying out to Him - then peace. It made me think of dreams.

I’ve only had one or two dreams that seem to have a “message” behind them. Most dreams are just crazy visions. But, the one I remember vividly was one I had on a backpacking trip. It was my first five day backpacking trip, and I forgot a pillow. I sleep on my side, so this was a huge issue. I literally got no sleep for two days. I’d get 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there, but nothing longer. It was awful. Finally, on the third night I passed out.

Here’s the dream. I was on a long road in an African country. I was sitting in the Pope mobile. If you don’t know what that is - it’s a car that Pope’s rides in so he can wave to people as he drives by. The glass is bullet proof and it’s a well armored car - and, you can stand up in it. So, I’m sitting in the Pope mobile on a stool and there’s thousands of starving people reaching to get inside to where I’m sitting. I’m holding a huge metal bowl (like a popcorn bowl) and it’s full of spaghetti (which happens to be my favorite food). And I can’t stop eating in front of everyone. As hard as I try, I keep shoving food down my face as starving people are banging the windows of the Pope mobile. And tears are flooding down my cheeks because I can’t stop, even though I want to. I want to give it away - this food in my hands - but I keep chowing down instead. I look at dying people as we drive by - and I keep eating. Then I woke up - in the middle of the forest. haha. Crazy.

Dreams are dreams, but this one had an element of reality - and it’s stayed with me ever since.

I’ve been in this waiting period for a while now. I don’t usually pray for specific things because I kind of think that’s a "genie in a bottle" type of view of God - which isn’t like Jesus at all. But - I have been a bit restless. So, I prayed one of “those” prayers. I’m starting Young Life again, and have been back and forth on whether I want to coach football again. Well, I know that I don’t really want to coach - haha - but, I also know coaching is a great tool as a leader for Young Life. So, I prayed about it. I did one of those timing prayers. “If You want me to coach - give me a sign in the next week. A specific sign.” I never really believe these type of prayers work - but - God is active and listening. I do believe that. And - as I’ve said, I’m a bit restless. So, I asked.

It’s funny, I usually advise people not to pray in this manner. I think it’s kind of a manipulation of the type of relationship God really wants - which is spending time with Him - even just noticing Him. It’s not that I don’t think that God answers prayers like this, it’s that often these types of prayers come from a very selfish point of view. God is always pushing us to value others above ourselves. These types of prayers often put self above others. But, I guess, when you’re clueless about your future, there’s nobody better to turn towards.

Last night - randomly - I got this message from an old football player that I coached. He never went to Young Life, never went on any trips, nothing. But - I did spend a lot of time with him at practice. I literally hadn’t talked to him in years. The timing of this message is crazy. Here’s his note:

“I don't know if you remember me, I was the freshman in 2009 with a big blonde fro, often referred to as Big Bird, who became a starting right tackle his first year learning to play football. Either way, I just wanted to thank for you every day you were able to coach me my freshman year. I was going through a really tough time and without your humor, respect, and encouragement to aim high and see my potential, I might not have been able to finish the season. I didn't continue to play, but I never lost my dedication in whatever I did throughout high school, and now I'm going to UCLA (I applied for Neuroscience). After I finished the season I felt capable of anything high school had throw at me, and I couldn't have done it without you.”

Coincidence? I sure want it to be - haha!

I find that I want to keep chowing on my spaghetti. Sometimes I don’t want to follow God’s call because it’s uncomfortable, scary, new, and disruptive. But. I also admit that don’t know what’s best for me at all. I’m clueless - but I know the One who isn’t. So, I’m gonna step out. Reluctantly. haha. And with a twinge of excitement as well.

Do I trust that He is good - and do I trust Him with my life? I want to. haha. jeez.

Ok - let’s see where He’s leading...

Have a great day!

Jer

Writing in Protest

2013-08-13T15:23:00.002-07:00

When I was a kid, I read a lot of books. It wasn’t the cool thing to do, but I didn’t tell anyone about it. I hid this aspect of my personality in order to fit in, but secretly at home (especially on stormy nights) I’d curl up on the couch or on my bed and read stories that took me away from my real life. There were times when my imagination led me to impossible places with such amazing adventures, I'd literally not be able to put the book down until it was the next morning - on a school night. But I did it anyway - and loved it! Most stories made my real life pale in comparison. And sometimes, my memory of the stories became as vivid as my actual memories of life. It’s definitely weird how our minds work.

I got this reading trait from my mom. She would often read an entire book in one sitting - it was crazy. It was almost like she had a super power: fast reading. I never got close to as fast as her, but I did learn to read at a pretty good pace. I would read a book, or so, a week. I remember, by the end of my Senior year in High School, I had read nearly every single book in the Fantasy section of the bookstore. I later moved to mystery - and then faith - but never stopped reading. I’m so thankful for this trait!

When I was in Jr. High, my reading ability put me in the classes with the smart kids. As sad as it is when I look back on it now - I was ashamed to be put into that group. I don’t know where I got the idea that being smart is uncool, but at that fragile self-esteem building age, it totally was - well - at least for guys - it was. I developed some really negative habits at that age because of how I saw the world. One annoying trait was caring too much what others thought about me. That, in itself, could be a whole topic, but I want to focus on something else. There was another habit that formed that I still wrestle against today - and this fight - this continual battle - has always ended up hurting me in the long run.

I began to rebel against authority. I mean, the rebellion has always been there - don’t get me wrong. But, when it came to homework and being told what to do (I’m strictly talking about things that were actually beneficial to me) - I flat out rebelled.

College was easy. Yet - it took forever for me to graduate. I rebelled against the idea that society demanded a piece of paper (a certificate of completion - diploma) to get ahead in life. I had a hard time seeing the point. But "the point" didn't really matter - it just held me back when I should have excelled.

Now I wish I could slap my younger self upside the head.

Often, my attitude is the gun I use to shoot myself in the foot.

When I was in High School, teachers would assign books to read. Many of the books were a quarter of the length of the books that I read everyday. But, I wouldn’t read them. It’s one thing to not read when you don’t like to read - but I loved reading! Yet - when assigned a book - I wouldn’t read it. Tell me to do something - I’ll end up doing the opposite. Half the time, I don’t even know why. It’s like it’s my natural reaction to authority. This has caused confusion and frustration in many of my relationships - for sure.

Lately, I’ve been writing a lot - but only for school. Every day, there’s a wrestling match that goes on inside my head about completing my assignments. I’ve gotten perfect marks (grades) on almost every assignment I’ve done at this school. Perfect. My only exception? When I turn in my work late.

I’ve taken seven classes so far. Two A’s, four A-’s, and one B+. The ONLY reason I got the A-’s and the B+ was late work. I should be getting straight A's (A- are less than 4.0 at this college) I turn my work in late because I’m in the midst of a mental wrestling match: complete the assignment vs. I don’t want to/what’s the point? Here’s the kicker - even on my late work, I’ve gotten perfect scores. But - it gets docked because it’s late. haha. wow. I’m my own worst enemy.

This might not seem like a big deal. Those are good marks, for sure. BUT - this has always been my pattern. It was the same in High School and my undergraduate studies. It’s the same today. I fight authority.

I’ve been thinking about why I haven’t been writing lately - as far as this blog goes. It’s often because I’m in this mental wrestling match about doing my homework and don’t even want to think about writing. I only have 4 more classes - then I’m done. Yet - this class I’m taking right now - wow. My gun is pointed at my foot and the trigger is cocked. haha.

Rebelling against authority - it’s what got us into this mess in the first place. God constantly wants what’s best for us - what’s beneficial - but we eat the fruit instead. For me - many times it’s not the desire of X, Y, or Z that drives me away from God - it’s more that I want to be King. I want to make my own decisions. I want to be my own authority. It’s how I’m wired - and it hurts me every time. I even see the pattern, understand it - yet I still keep wrestling.

Jesus (King of kings and Lord of lords) was known as humble because He surrendered to the will of His Father - all the way to the cross. “He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death - even death on a cross!” (Phil 2:8) He was obedient in the little things as well as the big things. He submitted to authority - even the authority of the government and the faith community when they were wrong! - because - ultimately - He knew that God was in control in the midst of it all. He trusted God and because of His faith - we reap the benefit.

But - in spite of His goodness - His finished work - I still do my homework in protest. Haha. Seems trivial in comparison to God's work. But - the truth is - the little things really are the big things...

I do, however, find hope for people like me in this parable:

28 “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’ 29 “‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went. 30 “Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go. 31 “Which of the two did what his father wanted?” “The first,” they answered. (Matthew 21:28-31)

Alright - enough delay - off to do my homework - my late homework. grrrrr.

Have a great day!

Jer

A Great Confession

2013-07-19T14:54:00.001-07:00

“‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy...” Ezekiel 16:49

I’ve been going over the stories of the Old Testament recently, and once again, it’s been enlightening.

The story of Sodom and Gomorrah was really intriguing. I always look at the Old Testament (or Hebrew Scriptures) through the lens of Jesus. After all, there’s no God hiding behind Jesus - so, the God of the Hebrew Scriptures is, in fact, Jesus.

Outside of the mental gymnastics of reconciling an all loving - always forgiving - merciful God with burning sulfur, destruction, and death - there’s definitely some revealing about how we live and relate to God within this text.

There’s not a lot of details that are given about these cities prior to the destruction. There’s a few references to the leaders earlier in the scriptures, but there’s not much about the people.

The story goes (major paraphrase):

There’s a declaration of destruction by some angels to Abraham before they enter the city, an argument from Abraham to God about the injustice of destroying the righteous along with the unrighteous, the story of Lot saving the angels from some serious backside pain (hence the term: sodomy), the rescue of Lot from the cities, and the wife turned-to-salt episode. Super short summary - the whole story is here: Genesis 18-19

One observation: God had already determined to destroy these cities before the angels were harassed. That incident was just a reinforcement of what God already knew. In fact, it was the town’s total disregard of God in the first place that put the town in danger. To them, there was no God. They replaced the God of love with the god of themselves.

When a person becomes their own “God” - or “King” - everything becomes subjective (think - “eye of the beholder”). It’s funny, because our postmodern age is totally based on subjectivity. The phrase “everything is relative” is a perfect example of our current bent towards subjectivity.

Now - that’s a lot of big words that simply mean - in a rudimentary way: Your truth is fine with you, my truth is fine with me. But they’re not the same. And that’s ok. And even where our truth contradicts one another - that’s ok - because my “world” is different than your “world.” I choose to believe my own rules about life - irregardless of what you believe - and I won't bother you if you don't bother me.

Sound familiar?

But that’s humanity. That’s been going on for all ages. It should be no surprise to hear statements like that.

I believe we have more in common than we think we do. I believe we’re all in the same boat - and this bent towards subjectivity - in a roundabout way - proves it.

I guess, what I’m trying to say, is that left to our own devices - WE ARE the people of Sodom and Gomorrah. We may not act out in the sexually deviant way that the story with the angels portrays (raping strangers...ummm - no) - BUT - we are often arrogant (prideful), overfed, and unconcerned. And many of us don’t help the poor and the needy at all.

In other words - the “sin” of Sodom is my sin too. I can often have total disregard to God. I usurp His throne every day so that I may be the “God of my own world.” I have more food than I know what to do with - on most days. And I waste a lot of it. I’m often unconcerned with people other than myself. I cry out to God for things like “happiness” and “material possessions” that I don’t have without a thought to the person that really needs help. And - I tell myself that I am poor because I compare myself with others - when the really poor (those on the streets, or in other countries - those without the basic necessities of life, like food - etc.) aren’t even given a passing thought.

Jesus said, “Whatever you do unto the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you do unto me.” He mentions these things: feeding the hungry, giving a drink to the thirsty, clothing those that need clothes, visiting the sick and in prison. These are things the people of Sodom and Gomorrah didn’t do at all - and look at the result. If you read the story in Matthew - the result for those that don’t do anything is similar. Lake-of-fire kind of stuff.

What we do matters. Our actual actions - matter.

By the way - these are not theologically “correct” ideas. This isn't about doctrine. These are concrete things that people can actually do. There’s no believing the “right” things in His statement. You do these things - or you don’t. As one wonderful writer expressed: Love does!

But - I confess - I often don’t. My behaviors might not be on par with the people of Sodom and Gomorrah - but my “sin” is the same.

I’d be lying if I told you otherwise.

What if - how we loved the least of these - was, in reality - how much we really loved God?

Ouch.

By the way - this is not a surprise to God: who we are. I think His desire is that we’d start noticing Him and slowly surrender the throne back to Him. There are plenty of scriptures that point to this idea - Proverbs 3:5 and Hebrews 12:1-2 are two that come straight to my mind. And His march towards the cross (foreshadowed in the Garden of Eden story - the beginning) is further evidence.

I’m not trying to browbeat myself - or others - with a “sin” talk.

BUT

I do want to take a sober look at the truth about myself.

Adam and Even - in the garden story - covered themselves and blamed the person next to them about their own behavior. Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent. We’ve been blaming everyone - but ourselves - since the very beginning.

I’m more wanting to admit/hold up a sign saying “I am the problem”. I’m the problem as much as anyone else.

"...all our righteous acts are like filthy rags" Isaiah 64:6

I want to break the “Adam and Eve” cycle.

God provided a covering in that Adam and Eve story. An atonement - death to an animal - that was made into clothing. Death to life.

And He does the same for us - as the Lamb of God: "So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ." (Galatians 3:26-27)

We are accepted, loved, and valued by God due to His actions. It is finished.

But I’m still in the midst of this rebellion. I still fight God.

I do want to live in the good works that God created me for, but I have this annoying propensity to act as if I’m my own God.

It’s no wonder that the people of God were named Israel: he wrestles/struggles with God.

What a daily riddle and mystery that we live in! So fascinating. May we know the freedom of surrendering "our" throne to the One who truly knows us best...

Have a great day!

Jer

Generational Behavior

2013-07-17T14:25:00.003-07:00

“The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, 7 maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” (Exodus 34:6-7)

A few years back, I went to counseling with my now ex-wife. It was our last ditch effort to save a marriage that was already over by the time we went. I don’t think there’s any percentage breakdown of fault when it comes to divorce (or a successful marriage, for that matter). I believe it’s a shared 100%, so when people ask, I tell them we were both at fault, 100%. It’s truly one of the only things we did really well together: get divorced. (only teasing...kind of.)

One of the things that came up in counseling that has really intrigued me ever since was the fact that much of my disfunction in relationships comes from the way I was raised. I’m not faulting my behavior on my parents (my parents are awesome) but I did learn a lot about conflict resolution, communication, and how I see intimacy from them.

My parents are alcoholics. At night, they were embarrassing. I’d have full conversations with my mom that she didn’t remember the next day. My dad would sit in his chair and nod off to sleep. Sometimes he’d wake up from a slumber and mumble random things incoherently. This was my daily life. At around 6pm every night - it was like this. So, consequently, I never invited people over to my house. I was always the friend that went to other people’s homes. And I’d NEVER talk about this - not even to my brothers. But we all knew. We just hid it.

Every so often, the facade would crack. I remember the first time my mom and my ex met, and my mom gave her a glass of wine. My mom’s idea of a glass of wine was to keep it full at all times. My ex was drunk with one glass of wine! haha. But - that was life. I remember another incident that happened with a friend of mine who worked for my dad. My friend came over at night to drop something off for work and my dad was pretty much sloshed. I had to speak for my dad - in embarrassment - and find a way to get my friend on his way. Sadly, these moments happened all too often.

Thankfully, I did learn one positive thing from this experience. I don’t drink - barely at all. But - I definitely learned some bad habits: I keep people at a distance. I don’t share difficult problems, I brush things under the carpet. I retreat when in conflict. And a hundred other little things.

It’s not to say I didn’t learn some very good habits: I’m pretty darn loyal, even when things are bad. I can be a very good verbal cheerleader - coach. I can usually make people laugh. And a hundred other little things.

Our parents are very influential - good and bad.

Having worked in ministry for most of my life, I’ve noticed that kids pretty much resemble their parents. There are differences, and there’s rebellion - but for the most part, a successful parent will have successful kids - and - unsuccessful parents will bread disfunction. I’ve noticed this trend too, kids that got pregnant early in life (say - High School) end up having kids that get pregnant early too. It’s not a science, but it is almost weird. Yes yes - there are exceptions, but surprisingly, it’s more common that I would have ever thought when I was younger.

I had one student tell me that her parents were super strict and never had any fun when they were kids. Little did she know that I knew her parents in High School and they were completely wild! They were strict for a reason - they had lived through their experience and, now, had quite a few regrets. They were only trying to protect their kid. I almost laughed out loud when she told me that.

But, here’s the funny thing - the parents that I knew in High School had parents who were super strict too. A cycle of behavior passed down from one generation to the next.

Having come off an all bros trip in Tahoe with some old High School friends, one of the themes that kept coming up was how much our past - our parents - really influenced us. There were many conversations about trying to figure out how to not live the dysfunctional behaviors that we picked up along the way. Some of those behaviors are so subtle, it’s as if they’re not even there.

I have to admit, when I went to counseling - I didn’t even know why I behaved in certain manners. I knew things weren’t working in my relationship - and I knew I was at fault with a lot of it, but - I had no idea that it was so deeply ingrained.

One common theme in my blogs is the reality that God loves us - values us - accepts us - in spite of our behavior. Unconditional love. He loves the good, bad, and ugly. That’s pretty easy to grasp - and will probably come up again in a future blog.

But, today, I’m curious about the change. Or - the transformation.

One of my friends said, “If it wasn’t for God - Jesus - I’d be exactly like my dad.” Funny thing is - he’s a lot like his dad. I don’t doubt for a second that God hasn’t changed him in a positive way - but - it’s still there - the same dysfunction.

And it’s there in me too. I wonder if this is a bit of that “thorn in my side” kind of thing? I don’t know.

This is the subject that has been rolling around in my head lately. How do we break the cycle? How does one change something he/she can’t actually see? As much as Christ loves us, values us, and accepts us 100% - what role does our behavior actually play in following Jesus?

Those are my thoughts to ponder today...

Have a great one!

Jer

Summer time!

2013-06-09T11:24:00.006-07:00

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. That’s mostly because I restarted school. I’m busy writing papers each week, with deadlines and grades. It’s a new habit. Gotta love the fun of school. Ummm...no.

Oddly enough, writing on here everyday for a month and a half was great training for school. Writing essays is more formal, so that’s different - but the practice of writing everyday prepared me for success in the two classes I’ve already taken. Six more classes and student teaching and I’ll have my credential - and another five classes for my Masters. Chipping away.

All that to say, it’s summer. I have a lot more time now, so I’m going to begin writing again. Writing on here - that is. And writing in a lot less formal way. I will use words like ummm and grrrr with lots of dashes - cuz - that’s how I roll.

Alright - off to writing...See ya soon.

Jer

What Roles Are You Playing?

2013-05-05T08:30:00.003-07:00

“What’s up Mr. Kerr.”

I often hear this when I’m out and about in town. I was at Target recently, getting toilet paper (of course), and a group of kids yelled it out as I was passing by. Just - awkward.

“Hey” I mumbled back. Toilet paper...haha

This got me thinking about all the different roles we play in life.

I have a really good friend that’s a barista at Starbucks. She told me that when regulars see her out in public (outside of the context of Starbucks), they act surprised. It’s as if she’s not supposed to have a life of her own.

I recently experienced this with a girl I see everyday at my usual coffee spot - Am/Pm (don’t judge!) Almost every day I go walking at park, and a few weeks ago, I saw her walking too. We said that awkward “hi” - but my mind had a hard time seeing her outside of her working role. She wasn’t supposed to be walking in a park!

When we wear those identities (barista, teacher, etc.) we often don’t act the same way as we would in our regular everyday life. We play actual roles in life.

I talked to a friend that works at a Jack in the Box - he mentioned the same thing. “I say hello to the costumer as soon as he walks in the door. Always say thank you at the drive through window. Wear the outfit.” We are ourselves - but with that added role. It’s as if we’re almost acting when we become “that” person.

This gets really screwy when we begin to understand that our parents played the role of “parent” in our life. For whatever reason, we have the expectation that our parents are supposed to be perfect. We wake up to life with the idea that they have always existed. Of course, there’s exceptions to this - but many people have a hard time seeing their parents as actual people. Many times, moms and dads are just like we are - people trying to figure out life like everyone else. They just have the benefit of life experience on their side. They have some good wisdom as well as some destructive habits they pass onto us - but - for the most part, they are normal - even regular - people. They were kids too - with their own parents. They skinned their knee, were yelled at, cried, - etc. People.

Our perceptions of our parent’s (what they should be vs. who they truly are) can really mess us up.

Taking it a bit further...the scandalous gospel. Jesus was a person. We put Him in the role of God (which He is) and Lord - or King (which He is) - BUT - He was also a person.

There’s two stories in the scriptures where He seemed a bit impatient with His mom (when He was twelve and when He turned water into wine). Jesus had a mom - like us. Have you ever rolled your eyes at your mom? Jesus can relate.

Jesus looked at the night sky - with all the stars (as He created them) with human eyes like us - a canvas of black velvet with a million pinholes of light peeking through. Jesus sneezed. He probably skinned His knee. He most likely peed in the woods. He went through puberty. And on and on and on.

In one instance - He tells His disciples, “I no longer call you servants, but friends.” John 15:15 Jesus (God) had friends. Actual friends. Real people. (And He extends that friendship to us - which is a crazy thought).

There’s a bit of an impersonal-ness when we live in our “roles”. When I “play” the role of teacher, there’s a barrier to real friendship. There’s some really good boundaries for that - don’t get me wrong (especially when working with youth), but the same goes for a barista, or a waiter, or whomever. Roles keep others from our authentic selves. ***

To many, God is an impersonal force. He just plays a role - and a scary one at that (after-all, He does hold our fate in His hands - which can be a bit nerve racking). But keeping Him in His “role” also keeps Him at a distance. And our authentic self never seems to find that intimacy that we’re all really looking for.

The role of God as an impersonal force breaking into the human story...

“God - a person? He can’t do that!”

And yet - that’s exactly what He did. God came to challenge our assumptions in the person of Jesus Christ.

What are some negative perceptions that you hold about God? Do they match up with the Great Story - found in the scriptures? What role does God play in your life? What are ways you keep Him at arms length? What if this “relationship” is supposed to be different than we perceive? What does a relationship with God actually look like?

Good questions to consider...

Have a great day!

Jer

*** “roles keeps others from our authentic selves.” I’ve met many men and women (pastors, youth workers, missionaries, etc.) that play the role of a “spiritual leader.” This can create an inner tension that can eventually explode, if a person isn’t careful. I’ve known many “leaders” within the church that only learn how to be authentic to the “wrong” person - and that leads them to all sorts of craziness (affairs, leaving their faith, etc.). When the fit hits the shan / all hell breaks loose (when the facade finally crumbles) - everyone around asks, “How did this happen?” Well - this might be a bit simplistic, but - the person was in the “role” of spiritual leader and people keep reinforcing that “role” when they screwed up. The “role” they played became a prison - a bit of hell on earth. When a person steps outside of the bounds of their “role”, people’s expectations are bashed - and a real hurting person often gets condemned by those that are supposed to love them. Sadly - this happens more often than I’d like to admit.

And this doesn’t just go for spiritual leaders. Parents too. Parents are supposed to be good. But - many are not. It’s difficult to love someone when our expectation of them is constantly disappointed. BUT - that’s not THEIR fault - it’s ours. Our expectation of a perfect - or even good - parent is often unrealistic. They’re only human afterall. (This could be a topic for an entire different blog).

It's hard to love God when He's just "playing a role" in our life. He'll never be authentic if we keep putting Him in that box.

So - how does one change this kind of thinking?

It's Kinda How I'm Wired

2013-04-30T17:44:00.004-07:00

It takes a while for things to sink in for me. I'll hear something, and a month or so later it'll actually come to light. My mind seems to be always consciously and unconsciously working things out. It always takes a bit of time for me to "get it." It can be really annoying. It's kind of like a time bomb - I'll hear something insightful...tick, tick, tick, tick: Boom! Enlightenment.

It's kinda how I'm wired.

The story goes that Brennan Manning asked Shel Silverstein what God's love was like. His response was the short poem The Giving Tree.

I heard that story soon after Brennan Manning's passing, but didn't really think much of it. I'd read the poem forever ago, but hadn't looked at it since childhood.

Finally last week, I got around to reading it again. BOOM!

God's Costly Love - Grace - all in a children's poem that people all over the world have read.

Soooooo Good! This is as beautiful a picture of God's love as I've read. What's God's love like? Maybe this will help paint a better picture you.

May it be a BOOM in your life!

Jer

The Giving Tree

Once there was a tree....
and she loved a little boy.
And everyday the boy would come
and he would gather her leaves
and make them into crowns
and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk
and swing from her branches
and eat apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired,
he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree....
very much.
And the tree was happy.
But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often alone.
Then one day the boy came to the tree
and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and
climb up my trunk and swing from my
branches and eat apples and play in my
shade and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play" said
the boy.
"I want to buy things and have fun.
I want some money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I
have no money.
I have only leaves and apples.
Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in
the city. Then you will have money and
you will be happy."
And so the boy climbed up the
tree and gathered her apples
and carried them away.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time....
and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back
and the tree shook with joy
and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk
and swing from my branches and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy.
"I want a house to keep me warm," he said.
"I want a wife and I want children,
and so I need a house.
Can you give me a house ?"
" I have no house," said the tree.
"The forest is my house,
but you may cut off
my branches and build a
house. Then you will be happy."

And so the boy cut off her branches
and carried them away
to build his house.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time.
And when he came back,
the tree was so happy
she could hardly speak.
"Come, Boy," she whispered,
"come and play."
"I am too old and sad to play,"
said the boy.
"I want a boat that will
take me far away from here.
Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk
and make a boat," said the tree.
"Then you can sail away...
and be happy."
And so the boy cut down her trunk
and made a boat and sailed away.
And the tree was happy
... but not really.

And after a long time
the boy came back again.
"I am sorry, Boy,"
said the tree," but I have nothing
left to give you -
My apples are gone."
"My teeth are too weak
for apples," said the boy.
"My branches are gone,"
said the tree. " You
cannot swing on them - "
"I am too old to swing
on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone, " said the tree.
"You cannot climb - "
"I am too tired to climb" said the boy.
"I am sorry," sighed the tree.
"I wish that I could give you something....
but I have nothing left.
I am just an old stump.
I am sorry...."
"I don't need very much now," said the boy.
"just a quiet place to sit and rest.
I am very tired."
"Well," said the tree, straightening
herself up as much as she could,
"well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting
Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.
And the tree was happy.

By: Shel Silverstein

Where is the Light?

2013-04-16T06:19:00.003-07:00

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” Mr. Rogers

Not a lot of words for tragedies like yesterday. (sad sigh)

But.

It’s very easy to focus on darkness - and miss the Light.

Don’t be fooled - the Light is at work through ordinary people during tough times. He’s not trying to grab the spotlight or look good for the camera.

He is humble - and easy to miss.

But He is present - even in our questions.

Immanuel - God with us.

Don't wait to love those around you - love them now.

And when tragedy hits your life - be a helper (a little ray of light in dark times) so that others might witness the love of God through you.

And if you're a little (or a lot) pissed-off because of this tragedy - tell God. He's not afraid of your anger, or doubt - or frustrations. I'm sure He'd appreciate your honest prayers - even if your language is a bit colored. Go to Him and wrestle it out. It might be good to get some things off your chest. He's got some things to say about tragedies, for sure. Go to Him.

May you hear His sweet and gentle voice of love during these turbulent times.

Jer

All Is Grace - in memory of Brennan Manning...

2013-04-13T15:15:00.001-07:00

I never got to meet Brennan Manning, although I did listen to him speak once down in Roseville. He was so brutally honest - it was refreshing. He was as jacked up a guy as you can get (total alcoholic - at one point he was a homeless bum wandering the streets looking for food in the trash - he was THAT guy) - and he knew God’s grace all the more because of it. He is the male counterpart of Anne Lamott - for sure. I was so sad when I heard he had passed away. I look forward to reading his most recent book - All is Grace - a ragamuffin memoir.

With him in mind, I decided to share some books that have helped me see a clearer picture of our Savior. I believe that faith has a lot to say about death - and that's why I'm point in that direction today.

Outside of the actual scriptures - these guideposts have steered me to see Jesus as bigger and better than I ever would have imagined as a kid. Some of these books are really challenging to those that are in the "normal" faith community. My hope is that they would dare you to see Jesus in a new light - the light of uncompromising grace that is acted out in real life to everyone - including those in the margins of society. Don't be afraid to stretch - stretching is good before running a race.

So - yeah - I thought I’d pass them on. Good stuff - especially if you're looking for something good to read. Summer is coming!

I shared the title - gave a little commentary - then put a quote from each book. You don’t have to read my thoughts - but read the books. Good stuff! (No links - just go to Amazon)

1. “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” by Donald Miller. This book was surprising. I had read Blue Like Jazz, Through Painted Deserts, and Searching for God Knows What - and thought they were all good. But - Million Miles was different. It made me want to live a better life - actually get off my butt and do something. I’ve read (and heard - I have the audio version too) this book at least 10 times. For some reason, it doesn’t get old. I laugh - and some parts - get teary eyed. It’s definitely on the top five list of all time favorites.

“If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn’t cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers. You wouldn’t tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you’d seen. The truth is, you wouldn't remember that movie a week later, except you’d feel robbed and want your money back. Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo. But we spend years actually living those stories, and expect our lives to be meaningful. The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won't make a story meaningful, it won’t make a life meaningful either” Million Miles...

2. “Love Does” by Bob Goff. I heard about Bob Goff from “Million Miles” because some of the stories in Don’s book were about Bob. These stories were ridiculous. On the day it came out, I got the book (Don’s blog recommended it) and I really didn’t expect much, to be honest. But - again - I was surprised. Bob just thinks differently. He trusts Jesus differently. I can’t even put my finger on it. I got to hear him speak about a month ago - and - again - there’s just something different with him. He wasn’t the greatest speaker - no frills - or anything flashy. But I walked away thinking “I want what he has. Whatever it is - I want that.” When you read his book - you’ll think - impossible. But it’s not - I’ve seen slides. I love his push for us to get off our butts and do something (Love Does). One of my favorite quotes from the conference he was speaking at: “We need to stop agreeing with each other. We all sit in our churches and agree with each other. And when we don’t agree - we go to a different church where we do agree. We need to stop agreeing and start doing!” We are not known by what we think - or agree with - we are known by what we do. So convicting - and so good. Read this book - it’ll change the way you live. I know a book is good when I give it away to friends. I’ve given this book to about 30 people...

“Living a life fully engaged and full of whimsy and the kind of things that love does is something most people plan to do, but along the way they just kind of forget. Their dreams become one of those "we'll go there next time" deferrals. The sad thing is, for many there is no "next time" because passing on the chance to cross over is an overall attitude toward life rather than a single decision.” Love Does

3. “How God Became King” by N. T. Wright. Finally - the gospel! Jesus’ gospel. In our culture - the gospel is a marketing plan of salvation - unfortunately. This book will give you a better understanding of Jesus’ gospel. It’ll challenge the predominant viewpoint that’s often preached in American Christian Culture. I LOVED it - so good. N.T. Wright is a bit on the deep end of thinking - but this is foundational stuff. If I were teaching a class on the gospel - this would be one of my required texts.

“The “kingdom of heaven” is not about people going to heaven. It is about the rule of heaven coming to earth.” How God Became King

4. “Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis. This is the book that inspired me to read the Bible for the first time. I knew a whole bunch of prominent scriptures, but didn’t really know the whole story. I had even been a “Christian” for four or five years at that point. This book helped me realize how ignorant I really was. When a photographer takes a picture - he uses the negative to create the photo (at least, before digital photography). This is the “negative” of the gospel. It’s about demons - the devil - and temptation. But it gives a great picture of the light - through it's negative. Very clever. Before reading C.S. Lewis, I thought all Christians were stupid. Stupid, in the "not well-read - not academic - not deep thinking" kinda way. He completely destroyed that stereotype - which led me to discover many other very intelligent Christians I didn't know existed. haha Other amazing books of his to mention: The Great Divorce (about hell), Mere Christianity (Lectures), Narnia (gospel in a children’s book), and the Weight of Glory (heaven).

“It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out.” Screwtape Letters.

5. “The Jesus I Never Knew” by Philip Yancey. This book was instrumental in helping me look away from “religion” and onto Jesus. It’s the simple story of Jesus through the lens of biography writer. His insights into Jesus’ temptation were very eye opening for me. I remember reluctantly picking this one up (not wanting to read it) and I was hooked after the first couple chapters. This was one of those foundational books for my faith. Another great book by Philip Yancey is “What’s so Amazing about Grace” - simply awesome - so good. “Soul Survivor”, “Church, Why Bother?” and “The Bible Jesus Read” are also good reads.

“When Jesus came to earth, demons recognized him, the sick flocked to him, and sinners doused his feet and head with perfume. Meanwhile he offended pious Jews with their strict preconceptions of what God should be like. Their rejection makes me wonder, could religious types be doing just the reverse now? Could we be perpetuating an image of Jesus that fits our pious expectations but does not match the person portrayed so vividly in the Gospels?” - Jesus I Never Knew

6. “God Came Near” by Max Lucado. When I was a baby Christian (I didn’t even really know I was alive in Christ - ha!) my football coach pointed me to some books by Max Lucado. I devoured them. I read “God Came Near”, “And the Angels Were Silent”, “In the Eye of the Storm”, “Six Hours One Friday”, “When God Whispers Your Name,” “On the Anvil”, “Gentle Thunder”, and “He Still Moves Stones”. These were easy to read books that gently steered me towards a better picture of Jesus. It’s funny, I hadn’t read the bible for years and when I was convicted to do so from C.S. Lewis - I read it, I kept having these “Wait, I’ve read that story” moments - all over the scriptures. It’s because of Max Lucado - I had been reading scriptures through his simple commentaries without even knowing it. I’ll always appreciate these books because of that. (I love his early books - but haven’t really read his new stuff)

“Christ entered our world, and as a result, we can enter His.” God Came Near

7. “Love Wins” by Rob Bell. The first chapter of this book is brilliant. It made me laugh out loud multiple times. The rest of the book is good - but the first chapter - wow. Anyone that’s ever been a skeptic and then worked in Christian ministry can relate. He points out some of the greatest inconsistencies for the defense of the modern day gospel I’ve heard - it’s hilarious. It’s interesting that Christians slammed him for this effort - yet he points to Jesus of the scriptures over and over again. And the really fascinating thing is that many unbelievers saw what he had to say as good news. Isn't that a bit odd? I LOVE an author that has the balls to not shy away from controversy. It’s a stupid controversy - but - gosh - so glad he went for it. That conversation's still ongoing today. Rob Bell also has a sermon out that’s called “Everything is Spiritual” - soooo good. I highly recommend watching it. His “Poets, Prophets, and Preachers” series is also really good.

“Some communities don't permit open, honest inquiry about the things that matter most. Lots of people have voiced a concern, expressed a doubt, or raised a question, only to be told by their family, church, friends, or tribe: "We don't discuss those things here."I believe the discussion itself is divine. Abraham does his best to bargain with God, most of the book of Job consists of arguments by Job and his friends about the deepest questions of human suffering, God is practically on trial in the book of Lamentations, and Jesus responds to almost every question he's asked with...a question.” Love Wins

8. “The Shack” by William P. Young. I don’t know about you - but when certain Christians want to start banning things - that really peeks my interest. The Shack was one of those. I read it - and loved it. The author wanted his kids to have a better understanding of the heart of God the Father - so he wrote this book. In the Scriptures, Jesus would often tell parables (stories that reveal the heart of the Father) - and this book is along those same lines. Some people confuse this story with a manifesto or something - and they get all bent out of shape. It’d be funny, if it weren’t so sad. But, what can you do? Anyway - some themes from the book: How does God view a serial killer? What’s the trinity like? What’s God’s judgment like? Is God in complete control? What’s God like? Why do bad things happen - and how does God see it? And so much more. It’s a quick read - novel type story - until it takes a swift left turn at around page 80-ish. Keep plowing through - it’s well worth it.

“All I want from you is to trust me with what little you can, and grow in loving people around you with the same love I share with you. It's not your job to change them, or to convince them. You are free to love without an agenda.” The Shack

9. “Jesus Through Middle Eastern Eyes” by Kenneth Bailey. This book is amazing. It helped me see Jesus’ parables in a completely new light. I had always thought of the parables as just teachings on ethics - how to live as a Christian. I discovered that I was very short sighted - they’re more about the revelation (revealing) of God and His teaching on His very costly grace. I was way off. Jesus Himself lived out His parables in His actual life. This book helped me understand that grace is a costly love for God - even though it's free for me. This book also changed how I view the Christmas story - at least - the popular version of Christmas we hear every year. Bailey brings context to the story of Jesus. It’s a bit textbook-ish in parts - but is sooooo worth it. Paradigm shifting - no joke. There’s a bit of “National Treasure”-ish to this book as well. I began to see that there’s much more to the writings of the New Testament than I ever would have thought - hidden gems. This would also be a book on my required texts if I had a class. It’s not a casual read.

“FOR SIXTY YEARS, FROM 1935-1995, my home was in the Middle East. With a childhood in Egypt and forty years spent teaching New Testament in seminaries and institutes in Egypt, Lebanon, Jerusalem and Cyprus, my academic efforts have focused on trying to understand more adequately the stories of the Gospels in the light of Middle Eastern culture. This book is a part of that continuing endeavor.” Jesus Through Middle Eastern Eyes.

10. “My Upmost for His Highest” by Oswald Chambers. This daily devotional is very challenging - almost like a wrecking ball to my assumptions in some places. It’s amazing how deep Chambers can get in one page. I’ve not really encountered anything else like it. So short - so deep. In my experience, this is a book that should be read with a group of people. When I read it by myself - I often think - huh? But with others - it opens up in ways I wouldn’t have thought possible. It’s good to read it alone too - there are some really good entries, but - others have different lenses - and can bring stuff out that wouldn’t be seen alone.

“Do not look for God to come in any particular way, but look for Him. That is the way to make room for Him. Expect Him to come, but do not expect Him only in a certain way. However much we may know God, the great lesson to learn is that at any minute He may break in. We are apt to over look this element of surprise, yet God never works in any other way. All of a sudden God meets the life – "When it was the good pleasure of God." Highest...

11. “The Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennan Manning. There are two things about this book that I really loved. First - grace. Brennan Manning was a deep believer in the Grace of God. Unconditional Grace. This is the love we’re all searching for - and this is the grace he discovered in his life. This book will make legalistic christians uncomfortable. Maybe that’s why I love it so much. Second - Honesty. In the realm of Christian books - honesty is a rare commodity. It’s not that authors or speakers try to be dishonest (sadly - some do), it’s that they don’t always tell the whole story - the good, the bad, and the ugly. Most authors and speakers talk about the good - and reference the bad in context - and stay away from the ugly. Brennan lives in all three at the same time. It’s refreshing. It’s never finger pointing. It’s just grace pointing. No one is disqualified from God’s grace.

“The story goes that a public sinner was excommunicated and forbidden entry to the church. He took his woes to God. 'They won't let me in, Lord, because I am a sinner.' 'What are you complaining about?' said God. 'They won't let Me in either.” Ragamuffin Gospel

12. “Traveling Mercies” by Anne Lamott. This book is another honest look at faith. It’s about how God reached through the darkness of a person’s life to offer a love only He can give. It also shows at what length God will go to reach a person - even after an abortion - in the middle of a drug and alcohol binge:

“‘I began to cry and left before the benediction, and I raced home and felt the little cat running along at my heels, and I walked down the dock past dozens of potted flowers, under a sky as blue as one of God’s own dreams, and I opened the door to my houseboat, and I stood there a minute, and then I hung my head and said, “Fuck it: I quit.” I took a long deep breath and said out loud, “All right. You can come in.” So this was my beautiful moment of conversion. And here in dust and dirt, O here, The lilies of his love appear.” Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith

13. "Let Me Tell You a Story" - by Tony Campolo. I had a big mistrust from media presentations of the gospel until I watched the sermon “It’s Friday, But Sunday’s a comin’!” I would have to say that this sermon, and watching Charlie Brown Christmas around the same time, helped save my faith. Skip most of those other books - I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for that timely talk. Tony’s written quite a few books, but his story book is one of my favorites - mostly because of the story at the end of the book - the Agnes Story. I get teary eyed every time I read it. In a previous blog - I linked to Tony telling that story. I’ve been fortunate to meet Tony twice - both at Youth Specialty Conferences. One of my favorite quotes by him at a Christian Conference: “I have three things I’d like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don’t give a shit. What’s worse is that you’re more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.” haha. Pretty much... Love it. Here’s a quote from the book - Agnes Story:

“When I finished (praying), Harry leaned over the counter, and said, "Hey! You never told me you were a preacher. What kind of church do you belong to?"

In one of those moments when just the right words came, I answered, "I belong to a church that throws birthday parties for whores at three-thirty in the morning."

Harry waited a moment, then he answered, "No you don't. There's no church like that. If there was, I'd join it. I'd join a church like that!"

Wouldn't we all? Wouldn't we all love to join a church that throws birthday parties for whores at three-thirty in the morning?

Well, that's the kind of church Jesus came to create! I don't know where we got the other one that's so prim and proper. But anybody who reads the New Testament will discover a Jesus who loved to party with whores and with all kinds of left-out people. The publicans and "sinners" loved Him because He partied with them. The lepers of society found in Him someone who would eat and drink with them. And while the solemnly pious could not relate to what He was about, those lonely people who usually didn't get invited to parties took to Him with excitement.

Our Jesus was and is the Lord of the party. . .” Let Me Tell You a Story

Well - go to Amazon - get a book - and go get reading!

And have a great day...

Jer

Grace Butt!

2013-04-10T14:42:00.002-07:00

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to." Matthew 23:13

God's love is unconditional. But do we really believe this?

I often hear various types of "Grace, but" (Grace butt!) theologies spouted out from very influential Christians. It can look pretty on the outside, but it's rotten to the core. As I recall, Jesus had some pretty harsh words for people that share this type of theology. (Matthew 23) There's lots of wolves in sheep's clothing out there. So, how does one weed them out?

I remember a very long time ago that I'd do my best to err on the side of love. Unconditional love. Love with no conditions... Could God's love be that good? I decided I'd do my best to err in that direction (all inclusive) - sue me.

So, when I hear something opposite - I often cringe. Unfortunately, I go to a lot of church services where the speaker shovels crap. It looks pretty. The music is good. The smile is appealing. Charisma is there. But there's straight crap coming out of the mouth. If the wrapping looks pretty, but the inside smells like crap - I throw it out. I'm actually amazed at how often I'm a witness to this - but I see it all the time. I spend a lot of time throwing crap out...

Let's have a little fun.

Here's some various Grace butt! theologies I've heard over the years. Of course, these ideas come in various forms - but these are some of the basics (and, yes, I've heard versions of all of these - minus the parentheses - they're my own little commentary on each, just to be clear):

Grace, but you can't live in that lifestyle (Gays are out! Oh - and people who like Justin Bieber)

Grace, but you have to believe "X, Y, or Z" (Fire insurance? - Check! Jesus is my homie!)

Grace, but you have to say these particular words. (Thank you that I'm not THAT sinful person next to me!)

Grace, but you can't be in that political party or take that particular political stance (Those Greens - they're definitely out! - and those backwoods redneck types! - don't even think about it)

Grace, but you have to be baptized. (Sprinkled or Submerged? ugh - don't get me started!)

Grace, but you have to demonstrate a particular spiritual gift (I prophesy that you are reading this - gotcha! I'm in!)

Grace, but you have to believe what I believe about hell (deep fried Twinkie come to mind? No? Just me? Actually - that sounds like heaven, never mind...ha!)

Grace, but you have to live like a Christian (fish magnets, cheesy slogans, 4 spiritual laws, Focus on the Family! - yikes)

Grace, but you have to show the fruit of the Spirit (Look good for the camera, and always wear clean underwear! people are watching...)

Grace, but you can't be Catholic (just weird - no comments...)

Grace, but you have to understand these simple truths (simple - like - atomic theory? or the complexity of a black hole? Or women?)

I'm being a bit snarky again. But these ideas are spouted quite often. Usually they're a lot more subtle, but they're there. Conditional love trying to lasso Jesus. Ahhh - but Matthew 23 - love it!

So - are you in or out - in any of these? Wow. I think I'm out on at least three. Shoot.

Much more to say on this - as well as another favorite theology that I often hear from pulpits: PROSPERITY!!

But that's for another time...

Have a great day!

Jer

***Grace Butt defined: You are loved by God - only if you do such and such... "You are completely loved by God, but you have to...." Conditional vs. Unconditional love. Which is it?

Lent Reflections

2013-04-08T09:42:00.000-07:00

Lent. What a strange practice. This year I actually looked up the history. I had always thought Lent was a 40 day fast. But Lent is actually 46 days. The six extra days are called “Feast Days” and are the six Sundays before Easter. They are a sabbatical from the fast (feast!). Also - originally - people that practiced Lent gave up ALL food except bread and water - not just meat. Who knew? Now... THAT would be a difficult Lent. Maybe I’ll try it one day.

I’ve been practicing Lent for years, but had never really looked at the roots. Interesting stuff. Most years I give up coffee or soda. I was on track to do that again this year, but decided to change it up a bit instead at the last minute. I’m super glad I did.

This year I decided to do three things.

First.

I went a somewhat traditional route and gave up meat. Within the first week, I was astonished at how much meat I normally eat. Turns out, for me - every meal is meat - or has meat in it. Usually, when I give up coffee, soda, or caffeine, the cravings go away after the first week. Not so with meat. I craved meat every single day of Lent. I failed 3 times (which is actually pretty good). 43 days meatless! That's over 40 days. But - I wasn’t doing the Sabbatical Sundays - so Lent for me was 46 days this year. A fail is a fail, even if it was close and I could justify it. ;-)

And - failing an hour and a half before Easter??? Well, that’s pretty bad. I admit. hahaha.

Second.

I also decided to write in my blog every day of Lent. I almost did it. I did 43 days out of 46. So close! It was super difficult..

Here’s a few reflections from writing daily...

Ideas are out there. There’s never a lack of ideas to comment on or write about. Not every idea is a good one, but they’re out there. It’s the work - writing - that’s the challenge.

Writing isn’t easy. Sharing thoughts from time to time is easier, but every day? Quite demanding. There are many challenges. Coming up with ideas. The mechanics of writing. Capturing ideas with letters and words (easier said than done). And humor? Tone? wow. Let alone - editing. Just editing itself can be excruciating. Then letting it go - saying “I’m done.” The finality of “publish”. It’s all pretty difficult. And deadlines themselves are interesting too. There’s a bit of an added pressure when you’re writing with the clock ticking. So fascinating. I published quite a few blogs just minutes before midnight. ha!

Writing has a mind of its own. I know that probably has more to do with my mind - but sometimes writing takes you in places you weren’t expecting. It’s really interesting. I wrote about that a couple times in the blog.

I also learned that I still have so much to learn. Gotta love this journey!

Third.

I attempted to capture a photo on Instagram every day. I completely failed in this challenge - I maybe did it half the time. My ordinary day is pretty dang ordinary - I felt I’d be capturing the same picture over and over again with different lighting. There were definitely moments I missed, but still. I liked how doing this got me into the frame of mind of a photographer (at least more than ever before), but it was more of a chore than a joy. I guess that’s why I tried it: I wanted to experience something new. When I do look at the photos I published, I’m glad I attempted it. I actually wish I had been more strict on this one, but that’ll be for next time...

All three challenges made Lent pretty tough this year. In one discipline, I gave something up - I restrained myself. In the other two, I added something to my daily routine. Like I said, thought I’d change it up. I have to say - as hard as it was - it was really valuable this year. I learned a lot. It wasn’t a passive practice - and that was definitely good for me.

From a “Jesus sighting” perspective - I experienced:

The discipline of doing (as opposed to just thinking or dreaming) - Love Does... (the Word became flesh...)

The grace of screwing up - forgiving myself - and continuing on. God forgives us completely. His mercy is NEW every morning.

What it’s like to live under a self imposed “Law” and the lack of freedom I experienced from obeying it. God’s perfection (Sermon on the mount) - how incredibly strong He was to never sin.

That sometimes limiting freedom can be beneficial (I lost some weight along the way) - God’s miracle of restraint, God limited Himself in the person Jesus (incarnation). His restraint was super beneficial for humanity and was one way (of many) He revealed His deep love for us.

How I tick and how I see the world around me - in some new ways. Jesus gives sight to the blind.

Freedom on Easter (eating a Porterhouse Steak for Easter dinner! yumm) Freedom from the Law. We are ALL acceptable by God because of His work/action.

And the JOY of Easter - Freedom and Resurrection (usually I just focus on Resurrection) "In His great joy"..."be joyful always"..."for the joy set before Him" - Temple Curtain torn. Christ is Life! Rejoice!

The really cool thing is that I’m still learning and reflecting. Most Easters, it’s done when it’s done. This one’s still working itself out.

I feel like I can accomplish an actual task - or restrain myself from something - in a 40 day period (for the most part). Maybe that’s a new way of looking at a first step - for goals and dreams. I don't know...

One thing I do know - I’m still learning...one day at a time - and maybe now - in forty day increments. lol

Have a great day!

Jer

100th Entry!!! A Look Back...

2013-04-02T21:09:00.002-07:00

I’ve made it to 100 entries! Wow. Crazy. My first milestone.

This is not a pretty blog like many of my friend's work. But - it’s a blog. A journal of sorts. When I began writing it, I was married. I went through the painful process of divorce - and now am on the other side of it all. It’s really interesting (on a personal note) to look back into the past. I remember where I was and what I was doing when I wrote most of these. Of course, a few I don’t remember writing at all. Those are pretty cool too. But - wow - strange...

I compiled a list of my favorites. These were hard to choose, but I made an attempt. I started out with 10, but kept finding little nuggets - so I’d add a few here an there. I could have added more, but I held off. There are 15 total in the first batch - and 7 in the honorable mentions. I like more than that for sure, but these are a good batch for my first 100.

I was considering adding a few that were less than good (downright awful! - haha) - but didn’t want to waste your - or my - time. I tried to stay away from really recent ones too, but a few made the cut. If they weren’t so recent - I would have probably added a few more.

Anyway - if ya got time on your hands - maybe you’re bored - maybe you’re curious - click on the title of a blog - That’s a link to each individual entry. I also included some other blogs that I read at the very bottom.

Now off to write the next 100! (well - after a little break - of course - and re-imagining it all over again. ha!)

Hope all is well!

Jer

Good News to All - I originally wrote this for a Young Life Newsletter and got a pretty good response. In fact, someone said that I should write more often. That’s actually why I started this blog - from that encouragement. 100 entries later - I still think this is one of the best ones I’ve written. Short and to the point. Seize the Day - was my first actual “blog” entry. I was learning how to do navigate blogger - all that - and the topic was fitting. I was “seizing the day” by writing. Gosh - and such good memories of those days! This is more of a personal favorite because of all that. First blog - and great memories...

Fan Mail - One night, I randomly got a long message from someone I didn’t remember on Facebook. I was shocked. Completely shocked. This is that email and my response. Looking back - it’s HILARIOUS!! bahahaha.

Caught in the Act - Occasionally, I’ll read a story from the scriptures that I’ve read a million times - and something jumps out at me that I’d never seen before. Often, it’s a controversial idea that contradicts a popular view of God that I’ve heard from the pulpit - and it’s right there - within the scriptures. When I see it - I think, “how have I never seen this before???” I usually laugh. It happens quite often actually. Here’s one of those - I love this one...

Christian Values - I hate the term “Christian Values.” It has such awful connotations. Christian “ethics” often lead people in the wrong direction, it’s frustrating. So - I decided to write a play on words with this one - more about valuing others verses behavioral modification. I don’t really know why - but I really like this one too. God’s Judgment is another play on words that’s a pretty good... For What It’s Worth is another one that’s along those same lines...

Sucker Punch - I wrote this blog after I realized that my divorce was eminent. I wrote it as a reminder to me - that someone actually cares. I also wrote it as a reminder that life goes on. I didn’t directly talk about my divorce in the blog, but the last line is how I was feeling. And - yeah - this was that moment of knowing - the final nail in the coffin. Sucker Punch... The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly was another one of those difficult days - but it came out so hopeful. So good! I had edited it a super long time ago, but it didn’t publish - for whatever reason - so it’s my most recent blog. However, I wrote it over a year ago - two months before I signed for my divorce. ouch. I think I wrote this when I found out my I was going to sign the papers...

Sin Riddle - Someone inferred that I was going to hell because I thought the idea of “substitution” was a bit simplistic and misleading. I felt condemned and unaccepted. I’m going to hell? Gosh - and I’m even considered an “insider” - I’m in the faith community! Wow. How must “outsiders” feel? Helped me remember that feeling. Christian arrogance is ugly. I didn’t want to write this poem. I resisted - but it came out anyway. It’s my my response to those hurtful and condemning words. If you get all the references within it - it’s about the harshest critique I could give the state of our institutional church. It’s pretty harsh, but I’m goin‘ to hell anyway - so why not? haha. Not Knowing Any Different - is another poem I love that I wrote about ten years ago about a homeless shelter - it’s always convicting when I read it...

F’ing Earthquake - I’ve written quite a few memory blogs. This is one of the crazier ones. Well - gosh - that’s not totally true - I’ve definitely had some crazy stories on par with this one. But, still - it was far from normal. One sweet memory that I didn’t include was staying in San Luis Obispo after everything had settled, and calling my dad at his work - a radio station. Chuck, Bil, and I were interviewed live on the radio station back home about this crazy experience that we’d lived through. We didn’t include the story that I share in this blog - but the overall experience was quite memorable - on multiple levels. A Bad Moment of Profanity - is another fun memory that was pretty unbelievable.

Truth - I sat and listened to the sales pitch of an alter call at a Christian Conference and barely had the self control to not leave (let alone throw things). The talk was awful - and painted a picture of a very conditional love - and the speaker tied God to that idea. But worse. A young and innocent kid was sitting behind me and stood up wanting to receive an invitation to follow Jesus. A person in their group told the kid “Sit down! You shouldn’t stand up unless your actually serious about all this!” It was such an angry and mean voice - it caught me off guard. It was also a great picture of God’s love! haha. umm...no. I didn’t write about that incident, but I did write a little about that awful talk. Truth was the result.

What a Miss! - This one’s quite recent, but is intriguing to me. It’s so interesting when I say one thing, people conclude something completely different. Many people jump to conclusions. This is definitely a topic that’s been swimming around in my head a lot lately. On top of that - after a particular conclusion is made, then a person can get put into a category - a stereotype - of people. It’s really fascinating. I recently wrote about gay marriage - very tongue and cheek (no pun intended - haha) and suddenly everyone and their mom were making conclusions about what kind of christian I am - all of that. Some messaged me privately for fear of showing support. haha. Some had some serious questions or concerns. Soooooo interesting. I think people like to put other people into nice categories so they believe they can understand them - or can dismiss them if need be. I could go on with this idea - but - yeah - it’s where my mind been swimming lately. Very intriguing!

Perfection Problem - Sometimes I share my struggles about the writing process. When I began writing this blog - I was too critical about everything I wrote, and this led me to not finish anything. Or worse - I didn’t write at all. With this blog, I forced myself to write. I just put my thoughts out there - good, bad, or ugly. Even recently - I forced myself to write daily - for Lent. Talk about difficult! After you read this entry - you’ll see how truly difficult that would be for me. But, it’s gotten easier. And I’m slowly progressing. Slowly. But - there’s progress. Well - I hope, anyway.

Honorable Mentions

Take the Money or I’ll Blow Your F’ing Head Off - and Abandoning Father are a bit about the same thing. They’re about the frustration of Christian Dogma - the type that’s often sold from the pulpit or in “evangelism”. These only get honorable mentions because they’re both a bit too long (it’s difficult to condense these ideas) and they’re a bit argumentative. I know that Christianity isn’t an argument - but I hear such wacky crap from the pulpit that I want to throw chairs sometimes. These are also “inside the faith community” disagreements. I truly believe God is bigger and greater than our opinions - so there’s hope for all of us. Many people within the faith community would disagree with me about these ideas. Actually - most people would! haha. And many would think I was walking a road towards hell. But - I want truth, not dogma. God is greater than the marketing sales pitch He’s become in many Christian circles. I’m trying not to attack people - but ideas. Bad ideas. But people that hold onto bad ideas often get offended. Then - I get judged to eternal burning in hell. Amazing how loving Christians can be, don’t you think? haha.

I often write about death too. This is a tough subject. But - there’s hope in the midst of tragedy - at least in my experience. Here’s a few of my thoughts...

The Pointing Hand of the Grim Reaper

Grass

The Day that Death Died

Heaven

Thoughts from a Graveyard

Lastly - some shout outs:

Donald Miller - I wouldn’t have started blogging had it not been for Donald Miller. His ideas are not always perfect - but he has some gems for sure. The book - “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” is one of my all time favorites - and introduced me to Bob Goff who wrote “Love Does” - another favorite. I don’t know Donald Miller - but I have a picture with him from a conference, and act like we’re best friends. haha

Here’s some friends that have blogs too - always like to give a shout out:

Austin Thomas - The first time I met Austin was on my Christmas Tree Lot adventure - that I actually write about in one of my earlier memory blogs. I haven’t written that part of the story yet - but it’s coming...

Trevor Ganz - I should have met Trevor a long time ago - but the timing wasn’t right because I moved. We met years later working in Young Life together. Good thoughts from him - he just doesn't write enough... haha

Heidi Redmond - I met Heidi when I worked at Sizzler - and she was this tiny little girl in a high chair. And I’d tell her and her family riddles in between cleaning up tables. She rocks... Her brother is a really good friend of mine and is featured in Super Hero Names - as well as many other future blogs.

Dane Johnson - I met Dane forever ago too. He’s an awesome musician and is in a great band called The Music Room. You can find links on his page. His sister and I used to sing songs way back in the day - another lifetime ago. I envy his traveling adventures...

Kyle Bryant - Oh - wow - I have some of my biggest laughs with Kyle. And he truly exemplifies living life to the fullest - Seizing the Day. Watch his TED talk - it’ll get you off your butt and into living a better life! Some of my sweetest memories are with Kyle. I look forward to riding bikes with him soon!

****If you have a blog that I’m unaware of - link to it on the comment section. I love adding new peeps to my list of morning reads!

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

2013-04-02T19:23:00.001-07:00

***This was originally written in late August, 2011. I wrote this a month before I signed papers for my divorce. I had edited it, but it didn't publish - way back when. I thought it had. I've been going through my old blogs and realized this - so I published it. But - it published it for today. So - no earthquakes (or pain of rejection) - as this blog reports. ha! But - wow - I remember... Prophetic words...

_______________________________

One of my greatest fears in life is rejection. I don't know where this fear came from, but it's been there since I was a little kid. The rejection that I fear isn't necessarily that I won't be liked, or that I'll say the wrong thing - the rejection I'm talking about is that a person won't accept me for who I am - to the core - the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm not worried about surface rejection, I'm worried about deep rejection. I fear that people won't actually love me for me. And because I'm not loved, I'll be left all alone.

I sometimes wonder if only God can love all of me - the good, bad, and ugly.

I have a lot of good in me. God created me that way. He created me with a quick wit, a desire to know things, and lots of incredible abilities. When I was in first grade, I was voted "nicest person" in the class. I got the same honor in 6th grade. God made my personality nice. I see that quality in my brothers too - they're the nicest guys that I know. I wonder if that's kinda a family trait... God has made many parts of me good. But, I have to admit, it's actually hard for me to talk about the good, because I can always point out flaw after flaw. Truthfully though - when I look at how God created me, I am very grateful for the good He's put in me. I'm sure I'm selling myself short on the good, but that's all I'll write about for that.

I have a lot of bad in me. Many of my choices aren't good - that's for sure. I tend to choose ME over others a lot more than I'd like. I choose quick satisfaction over endurance. I choose the easy way, and many times that's the lazy way. I don't think of others before myself - and in those decisions I end up hurting the people I actually care about. I tend to think about others only when I might need something. I'm stubborn, and like to get my way. What it comes down to - I can be really selfish, especially when I'm not really paying attention. The bad in me is the same bad in all of us - but I can live in it, and many times not even realize it. Sometimes I'm even blind to the bad, but others notice and cringe. Sometimes I feel bad to the core.

I have a lot of ugly in me. Our nakedness leads to shame - which leads to hiding (Garden Story Gen 3). I can hide. I'm not a big fan of the mirror, both physical and metaphorically. I just choose not to look. I don't pay attention. And when I do look, I don't see the good, I only notice the ugly, so I look away. And there's a lot of ugly in me. When others notice, they tend to turn away too. I have felt the sting of that rejection many times. But, ugly is ugly - and it's in me. I turn away from myself sometimes...

So - I have it all in me - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

This is something that I know to my very core:

I'm not rejected by God, I'm accepted. He loves me because He is love, and He is good. And He proved that love by paying the invaluable price of His life on the cross. After paying the price, He conquered death and rose to new life - the same life He offers to all of us. And as we receive that incredible gift, we literally become part of His family - His very own kids. He knows us to the core - and in spite of us - He is still madly in love with us. He doesn't reject us - He accepts us.

He really does love us while knowing the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's incredible good news - and I write about it often...but...

It just breaks my heart when I'm rejected by people. It can really hurt.

Especially when that rejection is huge - earthquake huge...

I definitely felt an earthquake today...

Jer

i am (Poem for Good Friday)

2013-03-29T20:50:00.000-07:00

i am

small - Unimaginable

insignificant - Valued

limited - All Powerful

seen - Invisible

cursed - Perfect

broken - Creator

childless - Father

adopted - Son

man - Spirit

carpenter - Maker

fisher - Healer

teacher - Revealer

shepherd - Gate

bread - Vine

wine - Priceless

beaten - Humble

pierced - Crowned

cross - Throne

payment - Good

painful - Love

pauper - King

Sleeping - Way

death - Truth

resurrection - Life

Begotten of God

Light of the world

I am that I am

Jesus - Christ

Jeremy K.

It is what it is...

2013-03-28T22:40:00.000-07:00

I originally started writing this for the blog - but - for whatever reason - late last night I decided to post it on Facebook. Since then - it's kinda taken on a life of it's own. Definitely not what I expected. In fact - I didn't think anyone would read it because it's so long. Shows what I know...

I think the snarky intro suckers people in - haha. I thought it was funny...

I wrote an earlier blog called "What a Miss" that relates pretty well to this post. In some ways - I don't say as much as some conclude. And in other ways - I am saying something that many miss. It's actually kinda funny. And so fascinating!

But - whatever - I don't have any control of how people read things. As one of my friends FAVORITE sayings goes "It is what it is." Guess that applies here...

Jer

_____________________________________________________________

I don’t often state my opinion on here - but - what the heck? - I’m jumpin’ on the bandwagon...

I stand for traditional marriage - biblical style. Marriages should be between a man and a woman. And marriages should be arranged by parents - like in biblical days. We most definitely need to bring back arranged marriages. Forget about women’s rights too - women are property! You know - like they were in Jesus’ day? And - if you’re super rich - you can have multiple wives. Polygamy is where it’s at! Well - actually - amend that - only if you’re a ruler or something. And, if a man dies while married, the woman should be passed on to the brother - and they shall become married. Just like in the Bible. Yup - I am totally for traditional biblical marriage! haha

On a serious note. Anyone who knows me knows that I love Jesus. He is incarnation of God - one part of the trinity - our salvation - all that. I affirm the ancient creeds. Easter!

But what does my faith have to do with State and Federal laws? This is a secular country governed by a ton of laws that are not biblical. And - seriously - how does gay marriage threaten my faith? It doesn’t. Now - if the State were to force a Faith institution to perform what is against their beliefs - that would be a different matter. That would be a fight. But come on. A judge - a captain on a ship - almost anyone - can marry people. I’ve officiated weddings - and I got my certificate online for free by signing up. Really? Is this the ship some people are gonna sink on?

And - if you’re gonna quote the bible on this issue - please don’t embarrass yourself. First off - Jesus isn’t an “issue” - He’s a person. Don’t belittle Him by using Him as your celebrity endorsement. Context people. Second - within your particular faith tradition - you don’t have to support gay marriage. You may have some good reasons for not supporting it. But - this country is NOT your faith tradition. It is a country of christians, jews, muslims, atheists, agnostics, mormons, secularists, buddhists, hindus - and everything else you can imagine. I bet there are witch doctors living in america. Point is - they’re american. And they’re not in your faith tradition. It’s a melting pot.

You may make the mistake that I believe our State and Federal rights trump God. That would be the stupidest conclusion on the planet. haha. And that would be a lack of understanding my relationship with Jesus.

My point above. “biblical” is often taken out of context to support an argument. If you were misunderstanding my sarcasm - my attempt was to put a bit of context back into the “traditional” marriage argument. Biblical marriage. It’s not as black and white as people make it out to be. And that irks me sometimes...

I think of Donald Miller when he said, "Great characters engage conflict." haha. God and politics. wow. good times...

Boredom

2013-03-27T17:37:00.003-07:00

There are moments when I don’t really know what to do with myself. What I mean is, I have moments of free time and can’t think of anything creative to do. I could read, but I read a lot. I could watch TV, but that gets really boring. I could write, but I seem to write all the time. I could play guitar, sing - and write songs - but that can be frustrating if I’m not in the mood. There’s always the ps3 (the great time waster) but that gets old as well. I could exercise - but after that - what?

Sometimes I want to go on an adventure. But adventures can be too disrupting. I could hang out with friends - and I do all the time - but there’s coordination - all that.

I’m talking about when all those options are off the table. What then?

I think boredom can be a great motivator. It doesn’t happen often, but when I get super bored - I clean. I end up being productive when there’s no options. When my life is chaos (which is most days) I have no time for that kind of thing. Boredom also forces me to think outside of the box - grasping for anything to fill my time.

When I was a kid during the summer, my mom would send me outside outside to play. If I came home and said I was bored - she’d say, “I have some work you can do.” I’d always find something to do. But - this was actually really awesome. I learned how to take apart a bike and put it back together. I explored all over my neighborhood. I learned how to make a bow and arrow from the bushes - using blackberry stalks for arrows and a strange type wood from a bush as the bow. I guess I could have ended up doing really stupid stuff too - but I didn’t - for the most part.

And when I was super bored in the summer, I actually started to look forward to school. The very thing that I dreaded became the thing I began looking forward to. A strange type of motivation for sure. But no less real either.

Hmmm...interesting thoughts.

Alright - off to clean...lol

Have a great day!

Jer

Hijacked!

2013-03-26T15:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes ideas take a turn. I have a direction I might be writing, but then it goes a different way than I was intending. I can’t tell you how annoying that is because most of the time, it goes the wrong way. Once in a blue moon - it actually goes a better way. But most of the time - total left turn. And often, the original good idea is hijacked by some other random idea - and that becomes the main thrust of the writing.

I always thought that writing would be easier than it is. I thought it would be like traveling from point A to point B. But it’s not like that. Often I find myself in a strange town with people I don’t know. I have this internal compass, but it usually just tells me “you’re not in the right place.” I wonder if I’ll ever find the right place...

I find that poetry is the opposite. When I write poems, for some reason they tell exactly how I’m feeling. They’re usually short and to the point. And they often reveal directly what I’m trying to convey. There’s a couple problems with poetry though. First, most people don’t read poetry. haha. Second - poetry has hidden meanings. Some people just don’t get it.

I don’t know why I have this need to explain things - like in essays. But I don’t with poetry. I just let it be. There’s a freedom with that.

I’ve never really tried stories. I mean, when I was in 5th grade, I got selected to a writer’s conference for a short story I wrote. But other than that, I’ve focused on thoughtful pieces. Theology is often a topic I write about cuz it's what swims around in my head. I’ve written memories down too - and they’re story-like. But I haven’t even tried just a story story.

I just get nervous with story because of the time involved in creating one. But I am interested. I think I might try my hand at it.

K - see? I went from ideas veering in different directions - to writing stories. That is exactly what I’m talking about. Somehow this blog went from trying to control the writing process to the possibility of writing stories. hijack! Every time!

But I do want to try my hand at storytelling. haha.

Have a great day!

Jer

Sunday Music #6

2013-03-24T23:02:00.002-07:00

The first concert I ever went to was at the Fillmore in San Francisco - and the band I saw was The Fixx. It was awesome.

That trip was also the last time I got to see my Grandma before she passed away. She was the coolest Grandma anyone could ever have. She had a really thick Scottish accent and was one of the funniest people ever - she was super witty. Every time we went to visit her, she'd have chocolate chip cookies and (Lipton) Earl Gray-ish tea ready for us. Ohhh - and her Chocolate Cream Pie! Yumm. She was the best.

I always remember my Grandma when thinking about that concert.

This song by the Fixx is one of my favorite songs of all time. Don't ask me why - it just is.

I remember when I started writing lyrics, I found the freedom to write nonsense because of this song. The words didn't have to make sense. I realized that I could write anything I wanted - anything at all. It was incredibly liberating.

The first couple songs I wrote had a "first thought" random mentality to them. Nonsense songs. What I found out was that sometimes something deep inside came out onto the page. There's probably some deep psychological thing behind all that - but it's what I discovered. Often those "first thought" lyrics or poems ended up being the best ones. Weird.

This song may have some deep meaning to it. I don't know. But it's probably more to do with a drug induced hallucination. haha. Or maybe not - I really don't have a clue. But - I like it regardless. In this constant pursuit of meaning, it's nice to surrender to mystery sometimes. ha!

I love things that give freedom. This song did that lyrically and poetically. Plus - good memories are attached to it too. It's also got a cool sound. Enjoy!

Have a great day

Jer