the dangling sentences

This Person

2012-12-28T21:46:00.000+07:00

All these nagging, fighting and arguments.. it's probably because you have too much emotions, you know, when feelings grow deeper but you try so hard to fight it, cause you can't risk getting your heart broken again.. so this time you try to break it first, like doing an open heart surgery on yourself, inflicting pain to yourself.

You try to make the most horrid memories when deep down you can't deny that person is already your best memory. You never gamble, but you are willing to gamble a future with this person.
You try to bring all the worst side of you, making it so hard for that person to understand you, trying hard to push this person away and leave you.. because you know you probably can never walk away from this person.
You say to people you hate this person and this person isn't good enough for you, when secretly you know this person allow you to feel again and made you trust yourself to stand up and walk once more from your past tragedy.
All you try to do is be a pessimist, so you won't need to step out of your comfort zone of happiness when sadness attacks, you live in denial cause you know all this person do is making you happy.
You try to be mean and irritating, but you can't run away from trying to care and giving out the best of you with this person.
You said all this person ever did is make you cry, but you know those tears represent the feelings that grow inside of you, that you try hard to resent.
You try your best to forget how to breathe, how to suffocate yourself.. because you know this person is the air your breathe.
You try to be brave and said to yourself this isn't real, but you know you are scared deep down facing on how real everything is..

-Deisha T
Los Angeles, Dec 28 2012

23

2012-11-29T08:39:00.001+07:00

‎"And every day dissolves and there's no hope of ever leaving this temporary life. But, oh, the rising sun brings little cheer to this city with the stolen name. And you're wondering whose bright idea it was to pack your things and leave your friends, and move down here."

(Death Cab for Cutie/This Temporary Life)

Everett, WA,

Nov 28, 2012

Bedtime Story

2012-11-06T15:50:00.002+07:00

You know what you are when you sleep at night The thoughts, the rage, the rage.. They say you can't be mad when you're about to sleep But wet dream is okay When you're cat is copying you And she starts talking like a human, Dressing like a human, Thinking like a human.. Then it's okay to store that rage when you're about to sleep You have sex before you sleep, it's okay! But not okay when you're heart is raging This person you've been talking to... Desperately on the computer screen.. Innocently calling him lover.. He secretly have a mistress waiting for him back home And you're just the 'while-in-America' girl, You flaunt your trust like Lil Wayne flaunts his golden teeth You flaunt your loneliness like virgin on a deathbed Even he knows how easy you actually are from miles away You hear that heavy sigh you made as you lie on your bed Literally having a pillow talk with your brain Nurturing the rage you tried to fight You starts to resent the cat whom you see as friend You resent the lover who will bw flying in next month "THIS IS SOME UNREASONABLE RAGE!" -- you scream so loud in silence This toss & turn game has become so old that you start to burn fire on your mattress Everett, WA, Nov 6 2012 -Deisha T

She

2012-08-29T14:11:00.001+07:00

She said she wants to capture the sky, like she captured your heart.

She was gentle like the water, fragile like ashes flown away by the wind

She throw rocks into your river, solemnly she collects your soul

Her smile is the world to you

The way she move, her hips, her thighs, her toes..

She said she wants to be mother earth, and be the universe for you

You starred her down wanting more,

She wasn’t born to be in the spotlight, she knew only to handle darkness

She needs cradle like a baby, swinging in your melancholic arms

She will hold you tightly, not letting go even for a second

She said she wants to go back in time, perhaps December 2012

She was a paragraph in your notebook, a glimpse of silver lining in your head

She is the dream you have forgotten, caressing your dream in your sleep

You was disfigured,

But she puts you back together, through the screen of your emptiness

On the other part of the world, she collapse with your future, past, and present..

She is every alphabet you wrote and read, every oxygen you inhale, every carbon you exhale

She writes poetry, she talks about you, she smiles and make funny faces

She will love beyond your understanding / she will fury

You will become part of her poetry, you can be beautiful as she knit you into her words

You will be you, thus people will know you

She said she wants to soar high in the sky, and grab your hand along

She wasn’t a parable nor a fiction

If you want her,

Then she wants you as well in return

-Deisha Tamar

Everett, Aug 29 2012

Summer skin

2012-08-26T14:11:00.001+07:00

I write poetry in my summer skin

Drenched in sweat, I dipped my toes into the cold water

Where blood and tears sounds pretty and intoxicating

So I have to cut everything deeper,

I had to die and reborn to learn love

Now I just have to cut my summer skin

Engraving words for you to hear

Though the summer here is bogus

They say they have the sun shining like the one I have back home

But I tucked away the sun beneath my layers of clothes,

And keep myself warm in the corner of my room,

Writing poetry in my summer skin

You said things that I captured on my summer skin

Oh boy, the words you uttered were beyond heaven

I was naked in your presence, aloof with your charm,

I was spellbind,

My words are prisoners in your knightly chamber

As we roll into the night, and the night into morning

You were there, lying on top of my summer skin

Now you’re breaking bones in nowhere land

Leaving scratch and bruises on my summer skin

It’s aching and far from magnificent,

The words I have written are washed away with the bitter tears

Let’s not fuck around

Your act as a gentleman can stop now, bite yourself, bite your tongue and die!

Now I have to face winter, skinless..

-Deisha T

Everett, August 26 2012

The path

2012-08-24T14:56:00.006+07:00

I’m starting to believe that everything else out here, except you, is rotten.

I regret letting go of those fingers I hold on to for so many years

And those eyes that speak of love

The smile that made me fall for you in the first place

I let you go once, twice..

I have to live with this, but all path is directing me back to you…

-Deisha T

Everett, August 24 2012

It's a terrible love

2012-07-18T19:39:00.002+07:00

I see

People are running

People are moving

I myself am watching

In the madness of the sound,

I am composing the soundtrack of my life,

In the silence of my head

And in the silence of my mind

You forever will be the noise that won't be still

You're movement act like broken lyrics

I need a panic button sometime soon

I am getting too attached to whatever spirit you possess

And your spirit isn't beautiful at all

They can only kill virgins like me

And virgins like us, eat rotten apples like you

I see

It was a terrible love to begin with

It was the most terrible ending of all the endings i had ever encountered

I was perhaps lost in a world where you, and, i, were perfect

When in reality we are perfectly wrong for each other

Like an eagle with butterfly wings,

We collapsed and tumbled down,

Brought to pieces and ashes,

And ashes blew by the wind,

Until now just a vague distant memory

As if we never met, ever, never, ever, never.

If we ever met in the past life or in the next life,

I would never say hello anymore,

Goodbye is what you owed me from the beginning

Jakarta, July 18 2012

-Deisha T

Dying

2012-07-12T01:17:00.002+07:00

I know you're here
The chirp of the birds said so
You can't hide in the dark
I can't hide in the dark.. that i am DYING for our physical bodies to meet
Call me a fool, i could care less
Enlighten me with your words
Perhaps a closure i've been DYING for
If only you remember me like i remember you
When our tongue twist together, you on top of me, doing our duet moaning
We exchanged saliva, sweat, and what could possibly be love
And now Gotye's Somebody I Used Know is the current soundtrack of my life
And you want nothing to do with me
I want nothing to do with you
But i know you're here in the city, and i am honestly DYING to at least drop a "hello" and "how are you?"
Exchanging glances and smiles..
Probably a tacit "i miss you" and "can we give 'us' a try one more time?"
Call me a fool, i could care less
I am DYING for you,
You heartless vagina hunstman

If anyone would enlighten me..

Jakarta, 12 July 2012
Deisha T

Drink

2012-07-09T23:52:00.002+07:00

You drink me every morning,

but you have wasted me everyday.

If only you were still here to see how i have blossomed.

Jakarta, 10 July 2012

Deisha T

This is an empty space

2012-07-08T02:42:00.005+07:00

This is an empty space..
But we could be together, sitting here in Jakarta's hidden gem over cups of coffee and shared sandwiches, and sweet chocolate lava.

We could gazed into each other's eyes so deeply, because we missed looking into the pupils that were seperated miles away.

We could talked about the 2-hours flight you took and how you just couldn't wait to see me picked you up at the airport, but when in reality i can't even drive and we actually met in your hotel and we grabbed a cab to this empty coffee shop.

We could, not let go of touching each other's hands, the palms and fingers that only met through our keyboard phones, now they finally share the same sandwiches and sweat, and dirt.

We could kissed until we can't breathe and our lips turned blue. It might not be so appealing, but there is a thing called desire, and that we no longer can contained after being apart for months.

We could speak of sweet words such as "i miss you" or "i love you" like broken record, and the weather, because it is our weather and no one can take that away from us, not even Zeus.

We could imagined what it would be like to be apart again for a year, continents away -- trying to figure out how we are going to make it work. Arranging Skype dates and cursing on the existence of GMT and time differences. And what if the desire come rushing in while we are so far apart, weighing in on the idea of "free love" due to circumstances or mastering the art of "self-pleasure".

We could discuss about our future once i returned the following year, over another cup of dark coffee for you, and hot chocolate for me. Remembering our age-gap, you could talked about wanting to spend the rest of your life with me in a bond called marriage. We could talked about which city we should build our lives together at, what kind of wedding we would have, who will we invite, how many kids we will have. But then again, we could start an argument about our beliefs, having to believe in different God(s), and how our family will bring their axes out to kill and hunt us down if we go on to marry each other.

We could be stucked in a dead end argument, but you could comfort me in your arm, telling me not to worry about all that today -- as we only have a few hours left together. You could kissed me in the forehead, and stroked my hair, making sure everything will be alright. Then i could cry, leaving wet trails on your checkered shirt, and you said you wouldn't wash my tears away.

We could stay for hours, until the waiter politely told us it's time to go, just like it's time for me to leave for a year the next day. Or until you impulsively said we are going to spend the night at our empty space, or i could just stayed in your hotel room.

We could do so much together, i could leave and still be clutching to a dear memory & intense feeling back home. We could be madly in love even from continents away, and still be crazy about each other after 12 months being apart.

We could be together, in our empty space, in this coffeeshop. We could... If only i didn't rush things, or asked that stupid questions, or you didn't turn out to be a jerk who ran away when reality striked you, right in your testicles..

We could, in this empty space. Perhaps with another person, in another story.

Jakarta, July 8 2012
Deisha T

Hanging

2012-07-02T15:34:00.002+07:00

I wish i was pretty like this when you left me hanging..

Instagram

2012-06-30T17:31:00.002+07:00

I am now on Instagram, since i switch to Sony Android phone. My BlackBerry is giving up on me. Oh btw, this is my first try of posting using Blogger app for Android.
Find me on instagram: deishatamar.

Just in case you missed me

2012-05-29T10:33:00.001+07:00

I hope that one day you will wake up and suffocate.

You will start bleeding and your head hurts like hell.

Your heart beats so fast, you think it almost explode.

You sweat so much, but your throat is so dry as you try to scream for help, but nothing comes out.

Every inch of your bones cracks and breaks, and you can't walk or run, or even move a finger.

Your eyes burn as you slowly go blind, and things around you go dark even when the sun is shining ever so bright.

Your anamnesis slowly giving up on you, and you forget all the memories you cherish..

I hope one day you will wake up, suffocate, break every bone in your body, forget everything else in your life – because you missed me too much, and your brain will bleed like you were on a brain tumor whenever you think of me, but you can't think of anything else besides me, no matter how hard you try.

I hope you can't eat or breathe, or functioned well, I hope you can't ejaculate because I'm the only one who can ever turn you on again. I hope you miss me so bad that it will hurt you so much, you wish you were dead instead.

By that time, I will be living my life and forget that you were once an almost-important part of my life.

Jakarta, May 28, 2012

-Deisha T

The Reason Why I Never Stop

2012-01-12T00:44:00.001+07:00

This is why I keep on going

This is why I always roam the earth

How can you give up on this?

This is my oxygen,

the reason why I breathe..

You don’t stop,

never,

ever,

stop.

Jakarta, Jan 12 2012

-Deisha T

(Photo taken at Danau/Lake Diatas & Danau Dibawah, Padang, West Sumatra, Indonesia)

P.S. Happy belated New Year

9 Days, 3 Countries: A contemplation (Part I)

2011-12-13T01:25:00.001+07:00

In the beginning…

I never realized how impulsive I actually am, until I was home on November 28^th, 2011 – I was finally back home in Jakarta, Indonesia, from a trip across 3 countries in 9 days *and it took me a month later to actually start this contemplation*. No, don’t get all “WOW, YOU’RE SO FUCKING RICH DEISHA!” just yet – it wasn’t money, nor all the material things the world can offer that took me all the way through South China Sea back and forth, it was merely guts (and 80% of that impulsiveness also contributed).

I mean I was 21 years old (now i'm 22, my bday was on Nov 26th if you still want to congratulate me, haha), freshly graduated from university, already got a job since I was still in Uni and swear to God I enjoyed it so much, recently single (uh-huh)… On October I was blessed with a quick fast-money-making gig, and I had been saving for some time, with all those money, I should do good to my saving before I allocated it to a more wicked impulsive act of shopping!

Plus all these thoughts of: What the hell should I do with my life??! Excuse me, but I’m not gonna waste my time sitting around trying to figure out what I’m gonna be in five years, nope sir (well I will figure it out, along the way). I want to live my life.. Living that wicked 20s.. And like all of a sudden, as if I just got a brain cancer, I figured it out, I want to travel! I simply what to understand other life, other culture, other parts of the world – if I don’t understand it, at least I have experienced it or try to accept it: “I’ve had enough of you Jakarta, for 21 years I’ve put up with yo’ shits, I’m leaving you!!! (at least for 9 days ;p)”

This is the first time I went on a solo backpacking trip – well, probably not that solo since I have my wonderful friends who catered and took me in like a lost little Indonesian puppy (or maybe cow would be nicer) into their inimitable life and families. I would probably reconsider my trip if I didn’t know anyone at my destined country, you see, I may be a cow but I’m a chickon at heart.

I wouldn’t call myself an expert backpacker, not even close to a beginner – as I don’t even own that huge backpack that is necessary and use by every true backpacker – yes, I sadly have to admit I borrowed the bag from my friend (thank you Ivan, hehe) – plus, I always have this thing with OVER PACKING, I’m a girl (yes, that sad gender-stereotyped excuse) and I keep on thinking more clothes are better that less, plus the fact that I wish I can bring my whole clothes with me! Well, the good thing about over packing tho, you won’t be able to shop that much since you know the little space left inside your bag, hehe.

Preparing for the most awesome adventure everrr…

Taaa-daa! Now, If you are wondering, I went to Kuala Lumpur the capital of Malaysia, Manila the capital of Philippines, and Singapore the capital of, oh well, Singapore of course. My dates were November 20-28, I left just one day after my official graduation – and no, I’m not inspired by Into the Wild, as I just watched the movie right after I booked tickets and a few days before I left, and I definitely refuse to die in some random truck in Alaska.

With 600-ish Malaysian ringgit (1,8 million IDR), 7000-ish Philippine peso (1,6 million IDR), and 100 Singapore dollar (600,000-ish IDR)… off I go to the foreign yet convivial world.

My route was: Jakarta-Kuala Lumpur (Lion Air) / Kuala Lumpur-Clark (Air Asia) / Manila-Singapore (Tiger Airways) / Singapore-Jakarta (Tiger Airways). I have to tell you that it wasn’t easy finding cheap flights directly from Manila-Jakarta, I missed the promo budget offered by Cebu Pacific Air, but it was actually a lot cheaper to go Manila-Singapore-Jakarta by Tiger Airways than straight Manila-Jakarta by Cebu (even the promo budget that I missed). All and all, I spent 200 USD for 4 flights (2 million IDR).

I spent 3 days in KL (I mis-booked dates, I should’ve spent 4 days in KL!) from Nov 20-23. Nov 23-28 I was in Manila, and Nov 28, I spent 8 hours in transit roaming the CLEAN and NEAT streets of Sing-a-Poh. If you’re wondering how much my budget for hotel was, well you can stop wondering. I have ze best and ze cheapest accommodation in KL & Manila: my friends’ houses, hehe. I’m staying with true Malaysian & Filipino families, and I’m very much humbled by that.

These people that accepted me for 3 days, and 5 days – and took me around, showed me around, accompanied during my stay, putting up with an-annoying-curly-haired-tourist for days in their countries – were practically strangers from foreign countries a year ago. We all stayed in a strange land for one month a year ago, and just like that, I’m happy to say that they are my family now, my brothas and sistahs from another parents :-D *aaawwwwwwwwwwwwww*

HOWEVER, if you don’t have free place to crash during you travel and you are on a budget, I suggest you to go visit www.hostelworld.com (that’s a recommended hostel search from my friend fellow traveler). Or may I suggest you CouchSurfing? (go ask uncle google for that one).

TO BE CONTINUE… (with day to day detailed adventure and awesome photos)

-Deisha Tamar

Bandung, Dec 13 2011

Faux Pas

2011-11-07T13:18:00.001+07:00

When you are still awake at this hour, lying in your bed, unable to move or look around. Feeling guilty and embarrassed to the core of your bones. What have you done last night?

You wish that the morning would stop creeping in from the window in the room. You wish that God somehow made a mistake and remove the sun from the sky, and put the moon back in place. So you can crawl quietly, trying to be invisible, walk away and never look back. What have you done last night?

You wish you never met this person. You wish to never be so infatuated with this person. You wish to have listened to all of your friends and the voice inside your head -- instead of listening to the lucious voice from your genitalia. You wish you didn't consume the booze that knocked you off so bad -- the only thing you remembered was the nightmare you had before you woke up. You wish last night never happened. What have you done last night?

Then the morning come, the afternoon come, you come but yet it felt like hell. The remorse, the regret, the disappointment, the shame -- you started to think that death is the only way. Either your death or the person sleeping next to you. You think you can fake death so easily from watching all those CSI movies. Yet all you are is uneasy, stumbling your own silent thougts, shouting in silence to make them quiet. You can keep your body still, but not the guilt that starts to eat away your soul. What have you done last night?

The person sleeping next to you is now awake. You close your eyes, pretending to sleep and never wakes up. That person is now standing, looking around, moving, touching your shoulder mildly trying to wake you up. This person is about to leave, but you don't know because you're pretending to sleep. Within minutes you're fast asleep, again -- waking up a few hours later, only to find an empty bed with a note: What we have done last night, we should do it again before you leave, or in the future ;-)

Maybe yesterday when you did it, you think you will finally found peace and repentance. But even now as your body decayed six feet under, your shapeless spirit wanders through the earth, still feeling uneasy and remorseful. What have you done last night?

-Deisha, Bandung/Nov 7, 2011

Chasing Sunset

2011-11-02T00:17:00.001+07:00

I’ve been MIA for quiet some time now, pardon me for my laziness.

Anyways, just want to share you about my backpack trip with three of my high school friends. Well on September, I went to Bali and Gili Trawangan (Lombok) . It was the best trip ever! I spent around 2,5 million rupiah (USD 250) for a week trip. I stayed two days in Bali at a CoucSurfer’s house for free, and travelled to Padang Bai harbor from Bali with bus for 2 hours before crossing with a ferry to Lembar harbor at Lombok. Then took a car ride for another 2 hours to Bangsal harbor that will take you to Gili Trawangan with a smaller boat. The Gili itself consists of three islands, Gili Trawangan, Gili Meno and Gili Air – but the life and heart is in Gili Trawangan.

I stayed at Pondok Wahyu (inn) for only 60,000 rupiah per night (USD 6). I shared the room with my three other friends, we had a very large and nice room with AC and even a larger bathroom with shower! BEST DEAL EVER! We spent four days in Gili, snorkeling and just relaxing at the beach. Oh wait, not too forget partying! I had the most wicked party ever at Gili, waking up with the worst hangover the next day Then we went back to Bali and stayed for one night stay before flying back to Jakarta.

Yes it was such an unforgettable and awesome trip! Would do it again someday.

FYI: If you (Indonesians) go to Gili don’t be surprised if you feel like you’re the foreigners – since there are more foreigners than Indonesians in the island. I don’t really recommend the island for a family vacay, I sort of see it as a party and laidback island – where you can bring your friends and get wild. Don’t forget to travel to Gili Meno and Gili Air, which you can do by boat, I didn’t have time to do it during my stay (well, basically my friends and I were too lazy to do it, haha). The food is quiet expensive, there are food stalls which costs from 10,000 rupiah until 30,000-ish rupiah – but it only opened at night. If you’re looking for cheap food, ask the locals for hidden “warung” or food stalls.

This November I will be having my very first solo backpack trip to Malaysia-Philippine-Singapore, visiting some of my friends in Malaysia and Philippine. CAN’T WAIT! Ttyl.

At Lombok, on the way back to Bali.

Best sunset ever at Gili Trawangan beach

Sunset behind the Rinjani Mountain (next destination: Rinjani Mountain!!)

Toodles

-Deisha T

Listen

2011-08-08T01:58:00.004+07:00

I will have my thesis defense on Thursday. So until then, maybe i'm gonna be a bit MIA in the blogsphere. Wish me luck so i can get my bachelor of art! Anyway in the mean time, i am currently loving these two music. Heard them at Zara, geez the store at Senayan City really do have good playlist!
Btw, Stradivarius is opening soon at Senayan City, so that's a yay! More yay is i finally found a jeans that FITS MY SIZE, all thanks to the wonderful European sizes by Dorothy Perkins (pictures coming soon).

Brian McKnight, FALLL 5.0:

Beyonce, 1+1:

I loved Beyonce previous album I Am Sasha Fierce, so it's a huge chance i'm gonna go get her newest album: 4. Her songs are wicked for a long day dreaming of that lost long love. But Alicia Keys is my all-time favorite, my idol.

Toodles!

The Wedding Vow

2011-07-30T02:50:00.001+07:00

Today I stand confessing my inability to live this life without you

Proclaiming my need to be with you and only you…

I wish to be your Cleopatra

I wish to be the Nile to your Egypt,

My heart is so fixated that it stops beating just for you

I randomly kill people just so I can be close to you

Vaguely saying I will not hesitate to even bleed myself for your love

I am like the nothing and I need your something

Believe me when I say I will never get tired of you

When we grow old I will still find your organ arousing

When you are penniless I will still find your humor enriching

It is the love that makes a home, you are my home

Without a comma I declare my perennial love for you

I want you to be a Cesar on my marriage bed

And Adam Levine inside my jeans, singing tunes to my lonesome vagina

If you divorce me someday I promise to stay forever widowed

I promise to make our children look up to you like I always have

You are my rock in this disturbed world

The only lifeboat within this mental ocean

The dock is clear whenever I am with you

Like a lighthouse standing ever so vigorous, you are the way out of this labyrinth heart

I will always love you, a thousand folds and more..

source

Jakarta, July 30 2011

-Deisha T

CK One

2011-07-18T04:10:00.003+07:00

Sorry i just keeps on vlogging, i'm still being a busy bee lately. Getting nearer to my thesis deadline ++ stacking lists of articles to be done!

This newest CK One (Fall 2011) video is rad!

The old video is also rad:

And a tremendous GIRL CRUSH with Cassie! She's been MIA from the music world for quiet some time now, and she turned into one of the model for CK One. That hairdo is just insane! My bf (or ex?) told me that he would leave me if i cut my hair like that, lol. But i actually want it so BAD, but really have zero courage to do it.

EARTH TO MAJOR HAWWTT!!! One of the model on the vid, his name is ROB, a boxer from London. That body match with that face, simply too hard to resist!

Toodles

Bonjour Cuteness!

2011-07-16T07:52:00.001+07:00

I just got this video from a friend on Facebook. Anyone knows or remember M2M from way back when? Well, this is Marit Larsen one of the member. This video is super cute, i love it.

And current lust:

Nicole by OPI for the Kardashians. Here are the uber cute names (from left above):

All Kendall-ed Up, Sealed with a Kris, Kim-pletely In Love, Khloé Had a Little Lam-Lam, Kourt is Red-y for a Pedi, Rainbow in the S-kylie.

(bottom row, left to right)

Disco Dolls, Listen to Your Momager!, Wear Something Spar-kylie, It’s All About the Glam, Follow Me on Glitter, Kendall on the Katwalk, My Empire… My Rules

Toodles!

Tips for Blogspot bloggers: Favicon

2011-07-15T02:00:00.003+07:00

I just want to share a tip for Blogspot bloggers, you might have already know or you might have not.

If you login to your Blogspot account, click on Design, you will notice there is a new addition in ways you can edit your blog. Now there is a Favicon, which allows you to add a small thumbnail of your photo or any picture you want to be the icon of your blog, to distinguish your blog with other blogs -- yes it's like the ones they have on Tumblr.

Voila, the result is like this (as circled in red):

p.s.
Is anyone using Google+ ? If you have, add me: deisha.tamar@gmail.com. Or if you don't have it yet, but have a gmail account,
i can help invite you, just send me your email through the comment below It would be nice to create a circle for fellow bloggers.

Toodles

Girl Crush Hey Mama

2011-07-14T15:37:00.002+07:00

Current music to cheer up my mood. Btw, i have a huge girl crush with Colbie, she looks absolutely beautiful in the video.

And this video, one word: I LOVE IT. Oh well, that's three.

Toodles

CouchSurfing: Pajamas Party highlight

2011-07-12T00:12:00.004+07:00

On Saturday, i went to a Pajamas Party held by the CouchSurfing community. CouchSurfing is a community for backpackers/travelers where they can find couches or places to stay among CouchSurf members for free. However, you can also just offer to go out for drinks or tour around town, if your house is not available - like me. I just joined this amazing community last May and been to two awesome gatherings so far.

Anyway, what i'm trying to say is that i met really interesting new people during the Pajamas Part and i just want to share it with you:

1. I met an American, Chicagoan to be exact, that is currently staying in Jakarta only for 3 days (i think he leaves today) before he fly to Bangkok. And the fact is not all Americans know that their president, President Obama, actually have spent a few years of his childhood here in Jakarta -- nor did he know that Obama even visited Jakarta last November (which i am proud to say that i was invited to attend and sat on the VIP box, just rows away from the stage)

2. I met a Hong Kong girl who is currently working in Indonesia for her office duty, and guess where she works? The UH-SOME H&M!! I am so excited to hear the news that she actually said that H&M will be opening very soon in Jakarta *cross fingers* Plus, she can give me discounts if I shop there! Anyway the real important highlight was to find out how different a Hong Kong working pace/ethic with Indonesians. She said that they couldn’t understand Indonesian needs to take a break every time for prayer (for the Muslim people they have to pray 5 times a day). She also said that Indonesian works very slow – I totally agree on that!

3. I am, again and again, mistaken for being a foreigner by foreigners – one is a German dude and the other is an American! Haha.. I get that a lot, every time they hear me not speaking Indonesian, they would asked, "where are you from?” or “are you from Indonesia or…?” My friend said that I should not be proud, but somehow I AM! A Forever21 shopkeeper even speaks to me in English when I got out of the changing room once a few months ago. I think I can fool my way around by speaking English to people and acted as a foreigner to get better treatment.

Toodles

If I Come Around (to your warrior heart)

2011-07-11T09:25:00.002+07:00

Maybe i'll come around..

And when i do, maybe i will love you again

Maybe i'll come around..

And when i do, maybe i will hold your hand again

Maybe i'll come around..

And when i do, maybe i will kiss you again

Maybe i'll come around..

And when i do, maybe i will be here forever and after

If i come around, maybe things will change in a better way

If i come around, maybe i will not break your heart so often

If i come around, maybe i will be more wiser with my words

If i come around, maybe i will be more sensible with my attitude

If i come around, maybe i will be more faithful towards our love

But that is if i come around..

The year we had is not the year we have

The path we walked is not the path we walk

The seed we planted is not the seed we plant

The love we made is not the love we make

I need to grow and be my own person

I need to be at war with myself first, before i started hurting someone else

I know i am murdering your warrior heart and your saintly charisma,

It's not your charm that captivates me anymore,

It's not your eyes that speaks to me no more,

But the demon within my soul that is tearing me apart..

The sweet taste of infidelity with the unknown strange souls!

The magical peak of a licious freedom

Maybe i will come around..

And see that enormous zeal you are offering,

And come to understand no man is like you,

And to shed that warm light in your eyes that bring peace to my being,

And to disappear in your virile arms feeling protected.

So i said if i come around,

Only i have not -- not yet.

As i sent a farewell to your warrior heart.

-Deisha T

Jakarta, July 11, 2011