Close To My Heart

family pictures by katie

2014-06-22T21:55:00.002-07:00

one of the great things about blogging is it allows you to meet people you would have never met any other way. I met katie through blogging years ago and she has become a dear friend to me. i like to call her my minnesota sister. she has come to mean so much to me and my family. she was here the week after brett died and I feel like she helped carry me through. i admire her faith and loyalty, and her good attitude. i love chatting with her and i am so grateful to have met her. we have some good laughs together.

she is an amazing photographer, and offered to take our family pictures for the year and of course I jumped at the chance. I am just in love with them and how they turned out. I feel like they really captured our lives here on little pioneer street. my kids are always a bit crazy when we take pictures (okay, really any time) and I am always grateful for a patient photographer to work with. please check out her blog (here) and photography site (here). She is offering a 10% discount to people who live in the Phoenix area next time she comes for readers of my blog! (stay tuned for more details.) I would highly recommend her!

This last one is my very favorite. I love everything about it- thank you so much Katie! I will treasure this forever.

no shrinking violet

2014-06-03T06:30:00.000-07:00

violet elizabeth allen turned 4 on april 15th, tax day. i have never met a little lady like this one. she truly is her own self and so full of spunk and personality and sweetness. for her birthday this year, she got to pick one friend- her bestie coco, and go to the carousel at the mall. she was so excited and soaked up every bit of extra attention. I love this girl. I can't wait to see what she does in life.

a few things about violet at 4:
she loves to fix hair and paint nails, also anything to do with make-up.
she loves watching the kratt brothers more than any other show on netflix.
her favorite colors are pink and purple and blue and black. and sometimes others.
she loves adventure and animals and going on bike rides.
her favorite phrase as of late is, "oh, nuts!"
she loves to snuggle still and gives me about 20 hugs a day. i love it.
she is very excited to start preschool this fall and takes ballet very seriously. she loves big girl things.
every night and nap time (which she still needs desperately- it's exhausting being a violet) she asks for her special kisses, which are butterfly kisses, eskimo kisses, cheek kisses, chin kisses, and a smooch. it is kind of our special thing.

everyday is better with you, violet.

keep your face to the sunshine

2014-05-20T22:48:00.002-07:00

a few weeks, er, months, ago we took a trip up to sedona with our dear friends the hardisons. it was so much fun, and so beautiful. arizona is beautiful, guys. i always talk about how healing nature is to me, and it's so true. i felt my spirits lift as soon as we got out of the car and breathed the canyon air. the colors, of course, were captivating, even without the bright green foilage that is there in other parts of the year.

of course the company was perfect too. jared and i have decided that we are the luckiest. we have such amazing friends and family to support us, especially during the past few months that have been rough. clint and angela have always been such good friends to us and i loved being able to share this day with them. i also admire the way they parent little margo, who is smart and sweet and so adorable.

the last time we did this hike was before ames was born and violet was still a baby. i hope to come back at least a few more times as the kids grow. it will be fun to take their pictures in the same places and take note of the changes in them.

my greatest treasure- my family. sometimes i am really hard on myself and wish i were a better mother, wife, etc. but even if I'm not the best, how lucky am I that I get to raise these guys. they are amazing. i hope to go on a bazillion more hikes with them.

TEN.

2014-05-19T21:31:00.000-07:00

My baby girl turned 10 this year. TEN! I swear she was just born. I was just snuggling her in bed and wondering how in the world did my body make this tiny wonder. I really am so lucky to be this girl's mom. She is so sweet, so thoughtful, tries so hard to do good. She is the peacemaker in our home. The one to say sorry first, the one to be mature and avoid a fight. I just adore her.

For her birthday, she wanted to have a late night with her friends, so that is what we did. She wanted a pinata, and to do a sack race. There were a lot of giggles and high pitched squeals as the girls got to stay up with their friends until 9:30. (!!) She loves horses and so we decorated a cake with them, well, she decorated it. She was so excited for her birthday, she was counting down the days for at least a month, probably longer.

Ella loves to write stories, she is a very talented writer and honestly knocks my socks off with the way she uses words. She loves to skateboard and has been known to read and skateboard up and down the street. She loves to play with her friends, she is getting to the age where friends are very important to her, but not the most important thing which I am trying to appreciate because I know that may change here in a bit.

I hope this girl will always know she is enough just the way she is. I hope she knows that she can do anything, to never give up, never let fear get the better of her. I hope she knows that I love her and will no matter what. I am so very proud of her, of all of my kids. they are amazing. They teach me so much and all I hope to be able to teach them is how to be kind, hard working, and happy.

unstable fables and some other things

2014-05-08T10:40:00.002-07:00

one of my favorite things about being a mother is seeing how different each child is, how completely there own person they are right from the start. ella has, from a very young age, always loved to perform. she may be on the quiet side, but when she gets up on stage she seems to glow.

every spring, our elementary school puts on a play. it is a big time commitment, so i was a little wary of participating, but she wanted to do it so bad I couldn't say no. after two months of rehearsals three times a week, we got to see her hard work pay off. it was so cute to see her up on the stage, singing and dancing her heart out.

since brett died, it has been interesting (and heartbreaking) to see how each of my kids has dealt with losing their uncle. each one in such a personal way. ella didn't cry. she started drawing and writing. picture and poems. in one of them, she wrote, "i saw brett today. he looked white and scary. i miss him." rory cried and asked so many questions. she wanted to know every detail of what was going on. she also was the one that had a dream that brett died the night before he did. hudson cried and cried. he worried about whether he was going to die. we had long talks with him (and all of them) about death and what it meant. we talked about how when we saw brett at the viewing, that his spirit was gone and that is why he looked different. we talked about how we will see him again someday. i'm not sure that violet ever really wrapped her little mind around what happened. i just know she needed lots of extra snuggles the weeks after.

we are all born into the world with a very unique spirit, with our own strengths, weaknesses and personality. we all have something to contribute to this world, no matter how small we think that contribution may be. we all need each other desperately. no one should have to feel alone. i want to teach my children to reach out and help others, but also to reach out and let others help them. both are equally important.

and that was a pretty light post turned not so light.

Rory turns n-i-n-e!

2014-04-23T20:51:00.004-07:00

this year, our rory sparkles turned 9. she's pretty fantastic. I really believe she is one of the most fascinating people ever. for her birthday, she wanted to have a spa party at the new park. so that is what we did. but first, we always start the day off by opening family presents and having a pancake or waffle breakfast.

rory and all of her cute friends, well not all of them, it was a little crazy at the park and some of the girls were in the splash pad while I took this picture.

we put together little spa kits for each one of the guests, including toe separators, foam flip flops, sparkly lotion, and a few other goodies. it was a fun party, and a good distraction from a pretty hard time in our lives.

rory has grown so much this year, she is 4 foot 2 now! she is so smart, so unbelievably helpful, and so funny. i can't believe how beautiful she is, and how lovely of a person she has become. I really can't describe how much I love this girl. she knows what she wants and how she wants things, she doesn't settle, she always is looking to learn or to help. she's something special.

my mom always helps me so much with all the kids birthday parties. I don't know what I would do without her. and violet, well, she's always there to make me smile. :)

my valentines

2014-04-23T11:51:00.004-07:00

I know it is ridiculously past valentines day, but I wanted to go back and document a bit of the past few months at least. the kids each chose which valentines they wanted to make and designed/ created their own boxes. ella came up with the idea to use the paint sample cards from home depot to make her valentines. she typed a little message on each one with her typewriter, and glued on a piece of candy. i thought it was really thoughtful and creative. she also really wanted to make a penguin, so she did. :)

rory loooves bingo, so I suggested she might like to do a bingo valentine. she was pretty happy with them. she also wanted to make a cupid mailbox, so we printed out a bunch of vintage looking cupids and she decorated the box with them. we had fun working on them and I love seeing what they come up with.

hudson picked out the whoopee cushion valentines (of course) and they turned out really cute. his class made their own bags, so we didn't make a mailbox. he worked so hard writing his name just right on each card.

I got to go in and help in the kids classrooms, valentines day is the best holiday as far as being in grade school is concerned, i think. (even if they do pump them full of an insane amount of sugar.) violet also had her first ballet class which was pretty adorable.

my littlest valentine. squeezable.

doesn't it make you all nostalgic for school days, classroom parties, and valentines from friends?

vivacious

2014-04-04T22:25:00.001-07:00

jared has been calling violet "vivacious" for a while now....and its pretty accurate. Not many almost four year olds are as precocious (or squeaky) as this one.

back in january (or maybe february, i cant remember! I am way behind) I took little v to the new idea museum in downtown mesa to meet her favorite daniel tiger. just her and i. waiting in line she was so excited I thought she would burst. she got to hug him and laugh at his ginourmous head. we then explored around the museum and got to make some fun things together like 3-D glasses and sugar cookies.

I tell violet she gets her secret powers from lots of hugs and cuddles, and its true. This girl's love language is touch more than anyone I know. She just thrives on being held and loved.

She will be four in a few weeks if you can believe that! Who knew the baby that didn't cry after birth would end up being this loud, hilarious, always busy little lady. She says the craziest things. She won't give up. Ever.

I love her!

brett wade bowman

2014-03-26T12:01:00.003-07:00

my life has shifted, my perspective changed, our whole world turned upside down and inside out. things that seemed important just aren't. life is different now. what love is is different now.

my little brother, 25 years old, handsome as can be and strong as an lion, died 3 weeks ago today. the man with the kindest heart and the most genuine smile. the man who adored his wife and loved his family. the boy who grew up calling me "bubbles", who I took on bike rides and read "noah and the ark" to, and wrote stories about pirates with. the boy who would cry whenever i played a certain lullaby on the piano, who had a soft spot in his heart for animals, who loved my children and played with them and made them feel important. the man who struggled with self-worth and depression but seemed to always be able to have a sense of humor about it. the man who taught us all how to love unconditionally.

some of us struggle with pride. jealousy. wanting what we can't have. perfectionism. anger. those struggles are not always obvious. brett's struggle was. he was not a jealous person. he treated everyone kindly. he didn't worry if he was the coolest, or had the best of everything. he struggled with drugs. he struggled with feeling happy without them. he struggled with knowing his worth.

some things are only learned when someone you love very much dies. i think the Lord loosens the veil a little, just a little, so that you can survive. i think tender mercies are abundant, and the reason why we are here on earth made clearer.

I want to share brett's story, his life, because he deserves that, and because i think others out there need to know that they are not alone. i will try to do so in bits and pieces here on my blog. right now i am just trying to wrap my mind around the whole thing. i do know that this life is so much more than we think it is sometimes. we are here for a purpose and there are those fighting so hard against that purpose.

brett's favorite movie growing up was rocky. he just loved those movies. i think i watched them at least dozen times just because he was always watching them. he had a poster hanging up in his room that said,
"Going in one more round when you don't think you can - that's what makes all the difference in your life."

i believe brett went in that last round just when he thought he couldn't, he tried his best, he was fighting so hard. i love him and am so proud of him.

all of these sunshine days

2014-02-13T21:49:00.001-07:00

It is February in Arizona, which means you must be outside because it is perfect, and also because it won't last long. Everyday we are outside. At the park. In the backyard. At the zoo. Riding bikes down the street. The sun feels GOOD. I feel the vitamin d being soaked up into my skin. The kids run and run and run and climb and wear them selves out and sleep soundly. I want to freeze this weather. I want it to stay as long as possible.
It is good for me and good for them. We've been especially loving the amazing new park down at the new stadium at mesa Riverview. It makes me excited for what's in store for pioneer park.

February in Arizona is my favorite. Remind me of this in August. ;)

ames at 15 months

2014-02-07T06:09:00.002-07:00

ames austin is just the sweetest little thing. he is growing so fast. he loves to read books and will bring you book after book and sit himself down on your lap. he is very particular, though, and if he doesn't care for the book, will throw down and point to another. he loves watching his older brother and sisters and wants to do whatever they are doing. he loves to be chased, and play hide and seek and peek a boo. if ames could be outside all day he would. he doesn't say a whole lot of words, but some of them are hat, dad, and (ba)nana, plus an assortment of animal sounds. after seeing a little pig at the park (!) yesterday he kept snorting.

he will try any food willingly, but usually doesn't take more than a few bites of anything. he is very good at pulling everything out of drawers, cabinets, and off shelves. everytime we make for the door to go outside, he grabs his hat. (yes, i trained him well) his fluffy baby chick hair is white blonde, and folloing in the allen family tradition of growing into a mullet. don't worry, i'll trim it soon. he has the most pitiful pouty lip ever that is 100% successful at getting him anything he wants. he is still nursing, i'm sure he will be for at least a few more months. i'm not in any hurry to wean.

this little miniature man that walks around the house with my heart in his pocket was meant for our family. he can make us all laugh and all the kids dote on him and help take care of him. i think it is so good for my older kids to have a baby around, it teaches them so much. plus, he is just so stinking adorable.

these two

2014-02-04T20:10:00.001-07:00

we were grocery shopping at Fry's a week or two ago and they have those car carts, you know the big bulky ones that don't turn? the ones I try to avoid at all costs? well they have two seats for small children side by side, and little steering wheels, and violet saw a "pppiiiiiiiinnnk!" one, so that is the cart we used. i think i only almost knocked down two displays while trying to turn it, which is some kind of record.

the whole time we shopped, which for a family of 7 is a while, violet kept kissing and hugging and rubbing ames on the head. ames tolerates it pretty well, but after a while started hitting her. I told her he wants to be left alone, to which she said, " I just can't stop loving ames." and what do you say to that?

those two.

family dates

2014-01-28T11:55:00.001-07:00

Once or twice a month we like to go on family dates...usually on Saturday. These are so much fun. I love going out with our kids, even though we get some unusual looks, and spending time outside of the home. We got some gift cards for Christmas, so a couple of weeks ago we took the kids to our favorite restaurant and then to the candy store. Sometimes we go on hikes and then out to eat, sometimes picnic at the park. It is especially nice this time of year.

Sometimes it just hits me how lucky and blessed I am to be part of this family of mine. We are all so different, each person brings something so individual and unique to our table, we have different ideas and ways of thinking. Sometimes its hard to appreciate those differences, but if I let myself really see these people for who they are, it's pretty amazing.

Too big for "nurserly."

2014-01-28T10:34:00.001-07:00

About a month before the new year, violet decided she was not going to go to nursery anymore. It was for "babies" and this girl is no baby....

She has loved being in a real class and learning and singing, she especially loves her sunbeam teacher. Every week after class she is so excited to run to me and show me what she's made and tell me what she's learned. I love seeing her so excited.

Ames is almost in nursery, but since I am the leader he gets to come in with me each week.

Soon all my kids will be in primary....or young women's (!) Wow.

**nursery and primary are what children go to during the second and third hours of church...similar to Sunday school. ;)

on ellaandrory.blogspot.com

2014-01-16T12:49:00.001-07:00

I've been wondering if i should let this little blog of mine r.i.p. I really don't have time for it. It's nothing special, I don't earn money from it, it's pretty sloppy most of the time, I write about silly stuff and there are so many pretty, well written blogs out there! I feel like instagram has become a simpler place for me to post little snippets of my day. But, Ella and Rory, who I started this blog for, (which i tend to forget sometimes) happen to love looking at it. They laugh and ask questions and reminisce over the great expanse of their years.... it's such a great thing to see. They don't care that it's not perfect.

So I will keep it up. probably pretty sparsely, but seeing them love it has made up my mind.

They are pretty great, aren't they. Everyday they get more beautiful, witty, brave, fiesty, creative, questioning, and helpful. I love these two. They are something special.

nye

2014-01-08T22:09:00.002-07:00

every year we get to dress up and go to a grown-up party and laugh until we cry. it is little things like this that i look forward to. i am so grateful for my friends. i am grateful for the chance to start anew each year. my main goals are to live on a budget (being better at avoiding buying things just because it's a "good deal") and to cook only whole foods for my family. it has been good for me to not depend on jared for good cooking. i feel like i am coming into my own as far as cooking and meal planning goes....i've got a ways to go though.

good luck to me. :)

i'll fly away in the morning

2014-01-08T21:59:00.000-07:00

jared had to work the day after christmas, but as soon as he got home, we loaded up the car and headed up to the chilly mountain air. this was my favorite part of the whole christmas break. it was cozy, relaxing, and we got to be out in nature together. my favorite. the kids got to sled and play in the snow that was pretty deep up on the rim, we got to snuggle by the fire and I decided that I really want a stove fireplace someday. on the way home, we blew out a tire and ended up riding home on a donut, but it all worked out.

sometimes i think i was made to live in the mountains....

post sugarplum dreams

2014-01-08T21:34:00.002-07:00

christmas morning the kids always wake up at the crack of dawn, or actually before the cracking of it...as I am sure most young kids do. we have a tradition of opening one gift at a time, taking turns. that was christmas lasts a long time, and everyone can see what everyone else got. we were super spoiled, per usual, by santa. i guess these kids are good or something.

the favorite gifts were definitely a typewriter for ella, rollerskates and/or the molly doll for rory, a rifle that shoots darts and cowboy hat for hudson, tea set for violet, and candy canes for ames. in fact, that is all ames wanted to do is to eat everyone's candy all morning.

after presents, we all eat cinnamon rolls and drink hot chocolate, then the rest of the morning is spent relaxing and playing (them) and cleaning up (me).

we headed over to my mom and dad's for a delicious dinner and got to see our family. everyone got to talk to elder shaun, who looked so grown up and handsome. it was a beautiful christmas day all the way around. and a lot of work. no one tells you when you are little how much work goes into christmas. next year my goal is to simplify it even more.

i love having a baby around at christmas time. doesn't it seem to make it so much more special. and baby ames is just so smooshable.

christmas eve-ntful

2014-01-04T12:10:00.001-07:00

we had a very eventful christmas eve this year. i will let the photos tell most of the story, but a few highlights are:

- painted a fireplace on a wall that i am going to paint anyways- can almost feel its warmth, haha.
- made gingerbread cookies, another annual tradition. this one reminds me of my grandma maurine.
- car broke down/freaked out at the local circle k. (one of thousand local circle k's) the 5 kids and i got to spend a couple hours at this lovely establishment. thank goodness for my dad who came to the rescue.
- cooked the bethlehem dinner by myself. i'm not gonna lie, it was not jared quality. but i was proud of myself. especially after the car setback.
- had gram and papa and aunt cherie over for dinner, presents and our nativity play. it was really sweet and nice, my favorite tradition.
- felt super spoiled and grateful for my life and the ones i love.

and that's about it in a nutshell. give or take a few details.

make-shift

2014-01-01T21:29:00.001-07:00

we woke up christmas eve morning and decided to throw together a santa pancake breakfast. not pinterest worthy, but everyone loved it. the mornings have become our family time as jared's schedule has shifted a bit.

traditions are one of my favorite things about being a mother, the kids love them, i love them, i think they give such a sense of purpose to our family. that is probably also my favorite thing about christmas, it is prime tradition season. i think this might become a new one.

ps. if you can't tell, the kids were bouncing off the walls at this point.

a day in kindergarten

2013-12-30T07:02:00.001-07:00

Before Christmas vacation started, I got to go spend the afternoon with Hudson and his kindergarten class. First, I got to watch the performance (which of course was adorable- it was kindergartners.) It was a compilation of holiday songs from various cultures around the world. When I first got there, Hudson was on stage and I could see him scanning the crowd on tiptoe looking for me. When he saw me, his face lit up and it made my heart burst. (Especially after completely spacing his end of the year preschool performance last year.) He was so proud to do his speaking part, and did a great job. I could tell the part he really wanted was to play the little drums because he couldn't take his eyes off of them the whole time.

After the performance, I got to go back to his classroom and make a gingerbread house with him. It was so fun, I loved being able to see him with all his classmates and do something special with just him. That is so hard with 5 kids! I think the house we decorated ended up having about the same amount of candy as Hudson ingested while making it- ha.

Afterwards, I took Hudson and Rory out of school a little early (Ella had play practice) and we did some Christmas shopping and stopped to get a frozen yogurt at Mesa Froyo. Now that brought back a lot of memories. I told them about all the times I used to go there with my friends during Jr. high and high school and how I used to be able to buy a size 1 for one dollar even. We even found a picture up on the bulletin board of Ella and Rory when they were 3 and 2.

It was a good day. It is really hard to believe that the school year is halfway through!

soon it will be christmas day

2013-12-17T12:53:00.001-07:00

So far, thus Christmas season has been lovely. I've been trying really hard to not stress and not get caught up in the commercialism and general busy-ness of the season. (I am busy enough on a daily basis, thanks.)

Ames is fascinated by the lights, the kids are bouncing off the walls, we are listening to carols 24/7, and snacking on little gingerbread men. I am looking forward to Christmas eve, when we have my favorite tradition, our Bethlehem dinner.

The kids and I were talking about why Christmas has that special feeling (if you let it) and we decided it was that being in the giving mode resonates with our spirits, it's really the mode we should try and be in all year.

So that is what I am trying to focus on this year. And to me, giving can be gifts, but more importantly I think it is time, service, and sacrifice.

Merry Christmas, friends!

heart of gold

2013-12-10T22:51:00.001-07:00

This was Ella's first year doing soccer. She loved it, and she had so much fun. I was proud of how hard she worked, always running, going for the ball, trying her best. That is one thing about Ella you all must know. She doesn't give up easily. She keeps on trying, and usually with a good attitude. She quietly plugs along.

She surprised me today by cleaning up the whole house with Rory. It was probably the best gift I've had for a long time. They did an amazing job and told me I was not allowed to pay them any allowance for it. I know my home will always be filled with love notes as long as Ella is around.

a spark.

2013-12-10T22:45:00.003-07:00

Of course Rory is the one out in the cold helping her dad put up the lights. Always looking to help, always curious as to how things work or what is going on.

I told her the other day that she's always been like that. I remember Ella would be perfectly content watching sesame street and Rory would be following me around the house wanting to clean toilets with me. At age 1.

I also told her we got her nickname (little rory sparkles) from a Sesame Street character called "little murray sparkles." I showed her the clip and she thought it was pretty funny. I got to spend a lot of time with those two cooped up all winter in our little farmhouse in Kansas. I remember going a little stir-crazy, but I cherish those peaceful first few years of motherhood with Ella and Rory now.

Isn't life a funny thing? I'm glad Rory is in mine.

she's golden

2013-12-10T22:37:00.001-07:00

Lately, a certain little 3 year old blondie has been quite studious. She sets up her "work" with the piano bench and little rocking chair, and scribbles, cuts, and glues away for the better part of an hour. She really has been extra fun lately. I can tell the golden age of 4 is nearing.

I have been feeling really lucky lately that I get to stay home with these kids. Really, if I let myself enjoy it, it's pretty wonderful most of the time.