Enigma

My Wishlist for Pune

2012-01-24T14:39:00.001+05:30

Have you read Sidin's wishlist for the next government here yet? If not, Please do.

Here is my wishlist for the next candidate in Office for a city I have come to love very dearly. Pune will be my kids home town and it better be a good one.

Improved Infrastructure.

1. Roads - The last 3-4 years the one story any local paper could carry and thrash the
government was about the condition of our roads. Lack of any new news, pressed for
time, any journalist could click a few shots on their way to work and an article can be
ready just like that. Come monsoon and every well laid road (so to speak)
start to wither away like leaves in fall. So the one thing I expect to see in the next term of
the Pune corporation is WIDE ROADS. Build the infrastructure for better connectivity
between places. And I am sure there is a quicker way to build a 1 km stretch of an over
bridge without the construction spanning over your term in office and inconveniencing us
poor commuters everyday of our lives. In the last couple of years the work done on the
bombay-pune stretch in the PCMC area is commendable. That was neat. What once took an hour takes just about 20-25 mins now. How cool is that? The Pune muncipal corporation needs to pull up its socks and get going. A lot of internal roads are in a pathetic condition as well.

2. Pedestrian path - Roads should not just end where the mortar stops flowing. Build
concrete pathways on either side of the roads for people to walk. We don't want vehicles to spill
over on to the sideways and nor do we like the idea of walking on the roads praying nothing hits us. Give it a little structure, paint it yellow/black - white/balck whatever is the colour code. So that we know for sure who needs to stay where.

3. Bicycle lane - Add a bicycle lane EVERYWHERE. We have way too many people
riding bicycles on our roads and they are so not safe what with lack of any safety
measures. When you decide to build bicycle lanes, make sure you give them continuity
because the city does have bicycle lanes on some roads and then it simply dissappears on
the next road. Not sure what that was suppose to mean - hop , skip and cycle, is that what
you meant?

4. Public transport - We live in a rental but we have 2 cars. The only reason people like
us have 2 cars before we buy a house is because that is the only convinient and
economical way to commute in the city. Cannot afford to trust the "once in a while"
buses on the route or the rickshaw wallas who will ask for a full return/double return
without blinking an eyelid. You have talked about the metro for 8+ years now. I first read
about it when I was single and very new to Pune. It gave me a lot to dream about this
city. I moved from single to married to 2 kids and that metro is still a very very distant
dream. It gets dusted and restyled with a new fancy photo everytime anybody uttered the
word mordernization. I really don't care if its the metro or the extension of the railways or
a few hundred new buses on the road. Anything that can ensure safety and are quick and
economical way to reach my destination. I have read that your teams are done visiting
Ahmedabad(BRT) and Delhi(metro) and are now visiting foreign locations to study a
good transport system for the city. I say stop wasting my money. Tour the city to give it a
good transport system.

5. Parks and Gardens. I am not sure if there is a rule regarding the proportion of gardens/
parks to the population in x km radius. If there is, it is a very skewed one in Pune. The
real-estate business is booming and builders are busy selling tall towers with really no
space for kids to run around. The little space that they sell as the garden is quite
insufficient and is pretty only in print. The PMC & PCMC should ensure a healthy ratio
of general Garden/Parks to Population in a given area. We need something of a garden
city movement in Pune before its too late. I really feel very strongly about this. A Park
should be available at 10-15mins walk from anywhere in the city. Is that too much to
ask? Our kids need to play and where else can they kick a ball high enough so that it isn't
hitting someone's car or bike or not breaking into people's house and also not subjecting
older folks to a lot of yelling and shouting every evening or every holiday.

6. Rivers - The mula-mutha rivers flow through out the city. Many bridges in the city are

Mula-Mutha river

built over it. Clean them up. Stop using them as dumping grounds even for the ganesh
festivals. It would be such a wonderful sight to see them all cleaned up with walls built
tall to demarcate the banks. How beautiful would that make this city. A riverview address
wouldn't then necessarily mean foul smell and mosquitoes but indeed the view of the
serenely flowing mula-mutha river. Another tourist attraction maybe. A girl can dream right.
Have seen half-hearted efforts in many pockets in the city but that isn't enough.

7. Protect our hills and trees of Pune - Pune is very well located admist the ghats. It is

Purple Sunbird

surrounded by hills and there are many roads that are well shaded by trees that are atleast
a 60-100 years old. We need to preserve our greens and our hills. Do not let the crazy real
estate guys, greedy to make a quick buck, raze down trees and the hills without a good
reason. Pune is home to a variety of birds and also has seen quite a number of migratory
birds fly in and out. Morning on our balcony is quite a treat where we can sip on tea/
coffee and watch birds in all sizes and colours come dance around on the tree in front of
us. I regret not having a decent SLR camera to capture them. We need to keep the
synergy of of the green and concrete alive.

Efficient Systems

8. Waste management - There is filth running over many roads of Pune. We need a whole
lot more fixed dustbins on the roads and a system and process where they are collected
every single day. Even in prominent areas of the city garabage is found overflowing from
dustbins right at the gate of many huge societies. The term 'Waste management' also
involves the process of whatever happens to the waste that is collected and dumped.
Again I wonder if privatization is an option here. The way it works now, it isn't in the
least bit sufficient or efficient.

9. Need a grieveance addressal number - A number that I can call to report overcharging
rickshaw-wallas. A number I can call to report a pot hole in the middle of a road. A
number I can call to remind officials to switch off the street lights in the morning and to
report street lights that aren't working. A fallen tree should not take a week to be
dismantled and cleaned up. A system that can track a problem/issue to closure.

10. Stray animals - The one thing that gets me mad is foreigners asking me about
elephants and camels walking the streets of India making it sound like a scene right out of
Indiana Jones. A lot of this we take for granted when we live in India but ideally these
animals are not supposed to be on the roads. Why the hell is an elephant or a camel
walking city roads?? Is there no law against that? Don't we need one? Why are herds
crossing city roads and shitting all over as they parade? I think the corporation needs to
start addressing them and I hope the solution will not require herds of cows and sheeps
and goats cross city roads at all and specially during peak hours.

Mula mutha picture courtesy - http://rummuser.com/?p=6182
Purple Sunbird picture courtesy - http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/category/birds/

Of Colour and Foliage

2012-01-19T08:41:00.000+05:30

Right after the kids if I love anything as dearly, its got to be my darling garden. Every morning I have to check on it and sometimes when I do not have the time Ijust go take a peek for a couple of seconds. Its like inhaling the colour and beauty of it or like having some revitalizing drink you know. While I am no expert on gardening but I am learning as I go and still have a list of things I want to try out. Birdbath is one the items on my list. We get a lot of birds near where we live. Its quite a nice to just sit on our balcony and watch them on the tree close to our apartment. My only problem with building a birdbath is I am not sure to handle the droppings. Once I figure it all out, I am so building a birdbath. Anyway, here are a few pics without much ado.

My Love

My rose bush

Coelus and the Fern

Early days - 2 years back

To be a child

2012-01-16T08:42:00.001+05:30

What it must be to be a child who wakes up from her sleep, smiling and then to be lost in thought while she goes about her morning business to forget to call Mumma to wash her. On being checked, she smiles again shyly and her eyes are sparkling with endless possibilities. I can tell, the girl is dreaming. I love that look. And then she tells me she wants to go to "Dholakpur", still smiling shyly. I did not first get it, since it was not on the list of 50 places I want to visit before I die. What?? You don't think I have a list like that. Oh sure I do. It has been categorized too ..with the family, just the two of us, with friends/cousins and the last category is where I would like to go alone. Does it matter, if its just in my head. Its only a matter of putting it down in black and white. someday. Anyway, back to Dholakpur. I asked her why Dholakpur...I have never heard of a place like that. She smiled shyly and said its a secret....and she whispered "Bheem called me to Dholakpur". Aah!! ok, now that explains. And then we talked some more about if Dholakpur is real and if she can join the Bheem clan. I did not have the heart to tell her its not real. I am sure she knows its not real at some level. But she is just spinning it in her head and seeing it with her eyes closed and the spark in her eyes tells me...its still there, spinning in her head. The fun of living in a dream and believing in endless possibilities is what makes a child.

She is getting a lot more verbose these days and her vocab is improving too. It also includes lines like 'kya re' and 'you mad or what'. Y/d evening when P whacked chattambi, she yelled back saying "if you have to hit him then why did you make him". Ahem. Chattambi, generally is reprimanded very often these days for kicking the ball so high that the TV screen, the frames on the wall, the mirror are all in danger of surviving the hour before he goes to sleep. His idea of playing with water is to add a couple of more bowls and utensils and then throw it over his head, messing his clothes, the bedsheets, the carpet and spilling water at unexpected places in the house. I have slipped on these quite a few times and hit my leg and bums at unflattering angles. Throws stuff to such lengths that will latter require something close to an excavation routine to pull things back from under/behind the little furniture we have. He runs off with something from the kitchen to create a mess else where. So these days he is on the receiving end of both our wraths. The peapod more often than not hates to see him cry and she yells at us when we are busying whacking him. Even if we give him a timeout on the bed, she rescues him from there or will play with him there for a few quite mins. They do play togather quite a bit actually but they usually end up at loggerheads. I have to continually remind the peapod to teach the chattambi to play with her as in include him in, tell him what to do and give him a chore. Yeah everything I can not do, I ask her to do. Wise ah :). Right now he is at a stage that he would oblige because he doesn't get the concept of turns and playing togather and he is more than willing to try new things and make her happy. But if she sounds irritated or complains then the toys will be tossed around and the make-do roof will fold up and the floor will suddenly look like a tornado just passed.

At Pune University

Add caption

She began skating about 6 months back. She was pretty slow and that balance thing wasn't easy to her and she hated being last in the class when they skated around and she hated she just couldn't lift her leg and push ahead. We kept at it and she is getting better. Infact 3 months after she joined skates, she had her first fall and the instructor said as much. She is too careful and too defensive. She wouldn't pick up pace because she feared she would fall. She didn't like the idea of being laughed at. I have had to tell her a number of times, it does not matter if she falls and other kids laugh, the important thing is to learn to skate. Every time a kid fell and everyone laughed including her, I had to point out that 'see its ok ..everybody laughed and then moved on'. There is no need to sulk. She is better now. She laughs along when she falls now. She can see the humour in it. Dust your bums and get moving. She doesn't seem to have inherited her father's sport gene but her mom's non-sporty gene. She can't kick a ball half as well as Chattambi and such. But she wanted to skate and she has stuck around for 6 months and I can see the benefits. Its not just about learning to skate, which she is enjoying but also letting go your fears and listening to and watching others to improve. Its a huge thing. Its slow but a steady progress. Last summer I had enrolled her for swimming and while she enjoyed the pool and floating in it and could swim with her tube on she was terrified of the prospect of jumping into the pool and going under water. Towards the end of the class her instructors were forcing her to jump and she came to hate it. This summer I do plan to take her swimming again but she is already telling me she doesn't want to. I want her to get over her fear and learn swimming. Its in my mind an essential skill and I think she will more than just learn swimming when she does. Need to get her to dream about swimming now so that we can get going during summer.

A couple of weeks back I had done a piece(ahem!) for womens web. Pls check it out here. Puneites can go and add more in the comments sections. There are other bloggers as well who have talked about their own city.

To 7 years of Love and companionship and for 7 more

2012-01-03T08:40:00.000+05:30

Last week we completed 7 years of married life and this is the first anniversary post. Reasons are plenty, I am generally on leave during christmas week and I hardly use the laptop at home. After 7 years and after umpteen ups and downs, I think I can comfortably say we have found our equilibrium. Yeah we both have matured enough not to take a random remark and run away with it into the past alleys. We are not the romantic couple and we don't do romance the material way. As in the gifts and surprises and the works MBs are made of but let me just say we have our ways. The flowers come sometimes on an unsuspecting day for no reason at all though they have never come on a birthday or anniv. He charges my cellphone. Somedays he even puts it in my bag. He even carries my bag if I am having a bad day. He ensures I don't leave the house in my slippers. He reminds me of stuff I have asked him to remind me days ago. He even gives my head a good massage when it aches and so on. Small stuff here and there and it matters.

We have moved from the "trying to talk to the other and see the other's POV" to talking to self and understanding our own POV, since the "other" doesn't listen anyway. He is the ambitious, focused and a totally idealistic goat and I am the Gemini whose focus is on way too many things/subjects and certainly not an idealist by a long shot. Maybe a very very long shot. Maybe not even then. We often joke, marriages got be made in heaven because how on earth can anybody put two of us togather and scribble "May no man seperate what God put togather" on our invitation cards - yeah right. We have pulled off this gig this far quite ok and I hope we'll be better off in the years to come. 7 years of marriage, 2 wonderful kids, handful of travels and umpteen experiences, as a couple we have come a long long way.

I love to travel, he prefers TLC to actually sweating it out. I love fiction and he loves encyclopedia. He is a foodie and loves his food nicely and rightly spiced. I have become a better cook trying to conjure up stuff to challenge his taste buds. While he says pretty much nothing, but the kind of silence tells me, how it was. And if he even as much as whimpers something unpleasant about something I toiled an hour for, he would get a earful. I am a sore looser. But everytime I am in the kitchen, I am upto the challenge :). He is punctual and does not like last minute hurry and furry and I kind of pretty much manage "on time" at the last minute. So if we were to go out some place at 10 in the morning, he would be ready dot 9:30 with car keys in one hand and the lock in the other, with the door wide open. And I would still be in my nightie and the breakfast would still be on the stove and there will be atleast a dozen items minimum I need to accomplish before I can make my way out of that door he is holding. More often than not, I rush out of that door in my slippers and then go back for the change in footwear, my cell and that lip gloss and that purse and that spare tiffin. We have had, I am not sure how many arguments about time and timming. These arguments have now moved from heated arguments to routine arguments like one would say "Good morning" or "Thank you". He is an introvert who does leisure very well and likes his space and I am an extrovert and love people and chatter.

He is the new age father. He is as involved with the kids as I am. He teaches the peapod on some days and I do the rest. He teaches her to colour, paint and count odd/even numbers. He plays football with the kids, while I ferry the peapod around for classes, parties, practise and the kinds. He reads to the chattambi, he bathes them, entertains them, disciplines them. He is the one to fuss over a little cold or cough. He feeds them as well based on how easy it is and if they are in the mood. He overestimates the kids and I underestimate them. As soon as the peapod learnt her numbers he was the one trying to teach her addition and subtraction. And I didn't realize she knew the numbers 50-100 untill she started spelling them out for me. Atleast 15mins is dedicated to the debate of the day every single day. We both love a good argument and a good debate. Since nothing noteworthy is left to be debated on the home front these days, we debate on national issues and debate about people who are debating. The chalk and cheese couple we are, you can bet we always end up against each other and are never on the same side except for cricket and that too when India is playing any other country. Any other game, it needs to be said - we are always cheering opposite teams. And also I am the one shouting and clapping at the fall of a wicket or a boundary, he just has a smile for about half a sec. If he switches off the TV while the match is on, yes that means Tendulkar is out and there is no hope. So he is more of a silent and calm person unlike me who is loud and pompous.

One of the test of a relationship, I have read, is to know if you look forward to getting back home after a day at work or are you just dilly-dallying at work or outside and try to get in as late as possible. If that is any indicator then we are going pretty strong because even if we are sulking we are back home at the earliest possible. And conversation is plenty. There is no dearth of topics... politics, cricket, religion, church, school, kids, books, places, people and so on. I wouldn't say we contribute 50-50 to this partnership, its mostly 60-40, some days I am the 40 and the other days he is. We just pick off where the other left off and get on. Not always but lets say mostly.

He hates me putting up his snaps on my blog. So guess what, I am going to showcase some of his paintings today in the order in which he started painting them over the last 2-3 years. I wish he would do more. I have framed a couple of them to adore our walls.

Happy New Year and Resolutions for 2012

2011-12-31T19:44:00.001+05:30

So the time has come to bid 2011 a grand farewell. It was an ok year over all. But I wish for a much better year 2012. So my resolutions for 2012 are

1. Loose 5 kgs and maintan it by Dec 2012. While I did manage to loose weight early last year I couldn't maintain it. Wish this was one of those items you could just check off your list and leave it there.

2. Grill more and extend the home menu. Include a few more stuff that can be made more often and not remain the one time tried and loved recipe.

3. Want to be more socially active and that does not mean meeting more parents of kids who are as boring or even more boring than me.

4. Kick some a$$ at work. While the first half of last year was fun, the second half just sucked. Find something challenging.

5. If we manage to extend the current rental, then I am making a wall full of frames. Whatever arguments the hubby comes up with, I am so going ahead with hammering atleast half a dozen nails on that hallway wall.

6. Travel North. Pls lord, make this happen this year.

Anyway,

Source: Pinterest

Happy Birthday Chattambi

2011-12-26T23:14:00.000+05:30

My christmas boy turned 2 yesterday. We started the day with the presents under the tree. He ofcourse had no interest in any of those presents but the peapod went all gung-ho and claimed she saw santa come in her dream, drop presents and she woke up and thought it was just a dream after all. Last year we started this tradition of putting gifts under the tree. While we tried selling the santa story to a 4yr old then, it was evident in her surprise early morning that she hadn't bought the story from us like a innocent 4yr old should. But she was pleasantly surprised. I pulled out one of my new winter socks early last week to find some paper in one which read - peapod is a good girl, chattambi is a bad boy. I realized that was her note to santa to influence his lists of naughty and nice. She was totally edgy waiting for the dawn of christmas day. We bought a few gifts and I left it in the car. We woke up at 1 or was it 2, to go to the car and carry the gifts up to the tree. I actually feared she might just get up in the middle of the night and catch us in the act because that is exactly what she was plotting the whole week. She even wanted to sleep on the sofa to keep a watch. But that didn't happen since santa kept her busy in her dreams :). We went for Christmas mass early morning and my little boy slept through most of it. And then we had an elaborate christmas breakfast and Lunch. While we didn't plan for a party for chattambi this time, my cousins and the kids had come down and we pretty much had a blast :).

Dearest Chattambi,

You were a surprise package that arrived one nice Christmas morning. And you have brought such love and warmth into this pack with that glint of mischief in your eyes, your sunshine smile, your amazing naughtiness, your laughter, the way you imitate your father and call me chunni and sometimes even your need to cling to me. While I have always thought having a daughter would have been easier since your mom is one, 2 sisters to her credit and we already had your sister, we could have had dolls and doll houses and mini kitchen going parallel to ours and ofcourse both could go to the same school and stuff you know. Boys, ofcourse I didnt know much about. Girls I knew I had to raise them to be strong, good education, loving, generous, be really good friends, watch out for the bad boys, teach them about strangers, develop their antennas about bad touch, to learn to stay safe, fight unnecessary customs, follow their heart, be a feminist, Claim your rights and generally just do well and be happy. Boys were who I was supposed to mentally classify as good and bad and influence my girls to stay away from the bad ones.

In 2 years I have kind of figured out not much is different there. I want the same things for you that I want for your sister. I want to raise you to be the good guy, mothers like me dont mind seeing their daughter with. So I leave you with a few rules in no specific order.

1. Build bonds slowly and may that then last a lifetime.

2. Study. Education is everything. Knowledge is the only thing nobody can take away and you gain new insights everytime you share.

3. Read. Read. Read. They take you places, you meet different people, different aspects of different societies, sometimes you savour the writing, sometimes the story, sometimes the notes in italics, sometimes a few scenes keep playing back, sometimes the funnies make you laugh long after and sometimes your imagination runs off with a few lines.

4. Pray. We come from a family that strongly believes in it and celebrates it. I hope to give both of you that gift of believing in the Bible.

5. Respect Women, be kind to the old and keep an eye on the little tots(doesn't matter who they belong to). A very close friend once told me, a sign of a gentleman is one who lets old men, women and kids pass/cross even when he is in a hurry. And its never too early to be one.

6. Keep your promises. Make few and promise only what you plan to keep.

7. Hug and kiss your grandparents everytime you meet them. Get them flowers, chocolates and a bottle of horlicks(when you get older) even if they say -"oh what will we do with them".

8. Never ever do drugs or even smoke. I will kick your a$$ if I ever get to know and your father will kick some more.

9. Play. cricket, football, basketball, hockey whatever it is that takes your fancy. But get yourself dirty on the ground. That is where you should learn your lessons about winning, loosing and teamwork.

10. Learn to dance. Its a nice way to loosen up and if you learn the moves you can do it looking good.

Here is wishing you a long, loved, healthy and happy life.

Love
Your smitten Mumma

I leave you with a few pics of the year that went by

Twigs and leaves - his favourite picks

sneaking up on us

Loving his cousin brother

Negotiating with baby sis spoils from Ammachy's kitchen

Pick and read about anywhere

At home for Christmas

2011-12-22T08:03:00.002+05:30

I took off from work around mid last week to be home untill end of the year ........ to be just at home. Its nice wintry cold and mornings are super relaxed with tea and books and music and kids in the little sun that makes it to our balcony. I could live like this ....forever. Schools are closed and no one's in a rush. Have a nice filling breakfast at your pace with hot coffee. Just before the holidays started, I ordered in a few books, so I can read to my heart's content. Christmas time wants me to watch sweet romantic movies. I watched the American President and I love it. And I am doing reruns. Do you have any favourite romantic Christmas movie that you have the craving to watch. Atleast a decade back I had watched You've got mail a dozen times over the christmas holidays when I was in the US. It was there on some channel or the other all the time and every time I saw it ...I just sat through it. And now I wonder should I get a CD/DVD or will I be bored out of my skull to see that movie one more time. Every morning for an hour or two we are blasting christmas songs on our boom box and the peapod who learnt a few of them at her school is just happy to sing & dance along. The little chattambi totally loves grooving to music so its a happy happy place & time. I have been trying to clean in pockets over the days and the feeling of satisfaction when the back breaks and the space looks sparkling clean is just too merry merry kinds. We pulled up our little christmas tree from last year and added a few more ornaments to the tree and decorated a little around the house. So here is love from my home to yours

The first thing we hung was the star lanterns

And then the bells

Hark the herald angels sing...

The Christmas Star

And the peapod after it was all done

Wish You all a very Merry Merry Christmas.

Competition and our kids

2011-12-10T12:19:00.001+05:30

Two weeks back the peapod participated in a few competitions in our church, story telling, singing and colouring. While I was waiting for her to be done with hers, I was in the audience to about ten 10-12yr olds singing, mono acting and doing some other stuff as well. There were 2 of them who clearly outshone the others. The same evening, back home, we were discussing that with a few smart kids, its probably going to be very difficult for the other kids in the class to win a single competition. And this is a class of 8-10. The 2 of them had hijacked every competition. It got into a lot of back and forth accusations between kids who won and who lost. Quite a ego booster to the parents of the kids who won but the rest of the parents got quite angry and it got into a lot of side-alley talks and discussions and tears. At that point I was actually thinking maybe the kids who deserve it should win. Their parents have invested time and effort coaching the kids so yeah if they win every competition, fair enough. Others need to suck it up and work towards the new benchmark.

I have spent some time the last month preparing peapod for her story telling session. She picked up really well and then slowly we put in little actions and worked on her diction and pronunciation. It didn't happen over night. Its difficult to get her interest for more than 10-15 mins spread over a week. Now, she gets a 2nd and I am pretty happy about it. But here is the deal, one of her best friends got the first and another didn't make it. Its confusing to the peapod to understand the implications of first, second or not being there. There is a zonal competition this weekend. It sounds like fun but this is getting serious, parents and the older kids are getting annoyingly arrogant about winning and others are becoming sore losers. In all its not the kind of spirits that should be around christmas time.

I am not going to wash myself of the competitive parent spirit. I am as guilty as the next parent since we all get pushed around to feel and do by what is going on around us. I will cut myself some slack by just saying that this is early days for me and hence I am caught fumbling in the dark when the peopod wants to understand the science behind the numbers. As I answer the peapod's questions about the firsts and seconds and why some of her friends didn't win, I am wondering if this explanation is even right. The deal is, now that my child is second, I want her to improve and the obvious target is that coveted first prize so I have to tell her that she needs to do better than her best friend and the other kids to get the first position. This can't be healthy. Infact I am actually pitting her against her friend which cannot be right. When she asks me about why did her other friend not make it I have to explain there are only 2 spots and the best of the lot wins. Again that is not right as well. The one who did not make it isn't any less, she is as smart and sparky as any other. Why am I telling my child that her friend didn't do well. A year or two of this pitting against each other in school and church and I am not sure if they will remain friends.

Coming to think of it, what good does competitions serve. If you win, you have the pressure of maintaining that. If you loose, you work hard to beat the best. Can a competition remain healthy however noble our intensions? Its necessary to teach new skills and hone them but do we really need competitions to do that? The superiority feeling some kids/adults get by winning becomes obstacles in building friendships and keep a level head about things. Also, many real life problem worth solving cannot be solved alone. It requires people with different skill sets to come togather, work togather and create something. A lot many people today are stars in their own right but you put them into a group to work out a solution and they hardly fit. I have heard many people boast of their accolades but when it comes to work, nobody wants to work with them. Worse is having two people who are trying to outdo each other in a project. Some adults carry their competitive spirit too far by comparing everything with another, the job, the money, the hubby, the kids, the help, the dog, the rat and stay frustrated. I mean its easy to loose your grip with this competitive thing.

One of the articles by author Alfie Kohn that I was reading said

Think for a moment about the goals you have for your children. Chances are you want them to develop healthy self-esteem, to accept themselves as basically good people. You want them to become successful, to achieve the excellence of which they're capable. You want them to have loving and supportive relationships. And you want them to enjoy themselves. These are fine goals. But competition not only isn't necessary for reaching them -- it actually undermines them.

Competition is to self-esteem as sugar is to teeth. Most people lose in most competitive encounters, and it's obvious why that causes self-doubt. But even winning doesn't build character; it just lets a child gloat temporarily. Studies have shown that feelings of self-worth become dependent on external sources of evaluation as a result of competition: Your value is defined by what you've done. Worse -- you're a good person in proportion to the number of people you've beaten.
...
Competition leads children to envy winners, to dismiss losers (there's no nastier epithet in our language than "Loser!"), and to be suspicious of just about everyone. Competition makes it difficult to regard others as potential friends or collaborators; even if you're not my rival today, you could be tomorrow. This is not to say that competitors will always detest each other. But trying to outdo someone is not conducive to trust -- indeed, it would be irrational to trust someone who gains from your failure. At best, competition leads one to look at others through narrowed eyes; at worst, it invites outright aggression. Existing relationships are strained to the breaking point, while new friendships are often nipped in the bud.

I think his article is dot on. The whole philosophy of school or our sunday school in this case was to teach kids about many things. The logical way to end a year is to ask them what they learnt the whole year and showcase it to the parents. In case of the sunday school, I believed, since each class was made of 8-10 kids, the kids get a voice, get noticed, get a chance to get on stage, get a chance to showcase better than their school. It doesn't matter if my kid is 1st or 2nd or if she didn't make it to the list but the fact that she could face an audience and ramble away her story with confidence is good enough. Most of the winning and losing is about the parent in us who wants to boast about how smart our child is. I think cconscious effort needs to be made to teach and hone various skills and to keep away from competing in a way that is almost serving no good purpose. We need to teach kids to to be humble winners and gracious loosers and for that we as parents need to loosen up a bit and give the competitive spirit a break.

Say NO to Emotional abuse

2011-10-05T17:24:00.001+05:30

During this month as a group of bloggers are helping spread awareness about violence against women I want to share a story of a friend's friend.

She and her husband both work in my organization. He is a very senior manager and very charming and outgoing. They have 2 boys. She is an intelligent lady and I think works in the middle management rungs.

When my friend told me about her I couldn't believe her. She has been assaulted my her husband and her father-in-law. Her parents did not support her then since her sister was yet to be married and hence they had the typical you-have-to-adjust attitude and still has. Inspite of earning a handsome sum every month, she lives on allowances and has her debit card and internet banking account confiscated. She has no maids and she works to please her ILs at home in return for them looking after her kids. She is screamed at when she gets back any later than 7. Even if she reaches home at 9pm, she has to prepare the dinner for the family which includes separate diet requirements for hubby, kids(as in what the ILs think the kids should eat today) and the diabetic ILs. None of the properties bought by the husband using her income as well has her name on it. While the physical abuse is a one-off, belittling her, shaming her and trying to control her is just a way of life.

The more I hear about it, I think, in all probability her husband has been bought up in an environment where his father's word was the final word. His mom probably never argued. He has seen his dad assault his mom and his mom taking it all in quietly. So in his own mind he is justified in doing it to his wife. He probably is telling himself his wife is lucky that she isn't getting the doses that his mom got which could have been worse. Those days of helplessness and pain brought the mother and son closer. The son now wants to give his mom all the peace and "aaram". And such goes the cycle.

Shocking isn't it? It is a myth(if there is one at all) that only SAHMs are victims of domestic violence because of financial dependence. This seems more to do with women who after marriage want the good wife, good bahu certificate and go against their grain to accommodate the whole jing-bang. And as soon as the honeymoon phase is over the miss-goody-two-shoes image that we want to live up to gives us no breathing space and begins to kill us. Most new brides is new to a whole big family and she wants all of them to approve of her and think well of her and give her that certificate of the best wife and DIL. Sadly it very rarely happens. Just like how children need to be reprimanded and shown their limits so do adults. If women let others cross limits with them, women are to blame because they never set the limits in the first place.

The few times I have had lunch with this lady, she has cribbed about her husband and her ILs. She seemed to age considerably every time I met her. But what strikes me most was that she had totally accepted her situation with no hope of change. When asked why does she not just walk out, very predictably, her answer was the kids. She fears she might never see her kids again if she tried something like that. She was scared her family might not be there for her and she will loose her kids too. In comparison the current situation seems better to her. Scary situation to be in, truly. My friend keeps talking to her but she justifies all that has been done to her. for e.g she says she does spend too much and its good in a way that her husband controls the expenditure and such.

An article on Helpguide.org says

"Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. No one should have to endure this kind of pain—and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need."

We had a young families fellowship a couple of months back in our church. The speaker asked every couple to state a quality you love in your spouse. A middle aged man, should be about 40-45, father of 2, said he likes that his wife knows to shut up and she said he is a loving man. I wonder what message they are sending to their teenaged son and daughter.

While women put up with emotional abuse and violence for the sake of the kids, it doesn't do any good to the kids either to witness an abusive marriage. They risk the chance of ingraining that same abusive behaviour or develop serious psychological problems. Kids do not need a battered, emotionally abused mom or dad for that matter. They need emotionally strong and happy parents. They too need to learn as they grow to say no to abuse in any form. Women do not do them any favour by exhibiting endurance as a virtue. Women should seek help and put an end to abuse for their kids rather than accept it as a way of life or their fate. Every solution is not ending your marriage but every solution should definitely move towards no abuse in any form and if it doesn't then yes end it and move on with your life.

Peapod and Chattambi antics

2011-09-26T08:29:00.000+05:30

Peapod-ism
On 9/11, TLC was airing a program about ground zero in the evening. They were running footage of smoke emanating from the twin towers. We had a question/answer round of what, how and why with the peapod. She went back to her regular stuff and then just when we were getting ready for bed, peapod asks me - Why did the plane hit the building, could the pilot not see?
I know. How do you explain that? I just left it at - it was an accident. How do you explain to an innocent 5 year old that mean twisted men killed themselves and thousands of people on purpose.
The other day in one of her usual meltdowns the peapod calls me useless. Yes, to be precise she tells me "you are useless". I was taken back. I asked her where she heard such language. Pat comes the answer, "I heard you say that". You can imagine me cringing. zabaan sambhal ke lady.
A friend's wedding is just around the corner and I was telling the hubby about it. The hubby casually mentioned he might not be able to make it on that date. I don't even think if peapod was in the room. The said friend met us on our way home and said she will come back for a formal invite but told us to block our calendars in advance. The peapod replied that We ALL might not come but I will come. How cheeky is that?
Yesterday, the peapod went down to play with her friend. While her friend did not go down immediately but there was an another 3yr old girl who wanted to play with her. She wasn't interested. I watched the little girl pursue the peapod to play with her and the peapod kept running away. When the peapod was back I asked her why she wouldn't play with the little girl. She tells me "She might catch my cough, so". Such a saint!!
Also my little girl lost her first tooth this weekend. It feels like sand slipping through my fingures. Reminds me of that song from Mamma Mia.... Yeah I know its not time yet but I love drama :)

Chattambi
ta itu is tazhe Ittu (threw down) in his baby language. It is his favourite phrase and activity for the last 2-3 months. He usually throws his toys down and then comes and gets me by pulling my hands towards the balcony. Ask him who threw and he will name the peapod. If its in the morning he will name Dada. Once we start picking stuff up, he thinks its a game and throws stuff right back - down that is. Its normal these days to find stuff that we didn't go down for back on the balcony. People are so used to stuff lying just below our balcony that they throw it right back.
We moved to this rental place when the peapod was 2 I guess and she hasn't drawn a line on the wall but the chattambi is another story. He has strewn lines on many walls and he does it while checking if we are looking. Sometimes he is painting in the other room and he would latter ask me 'who did this'. Cheeky aint it? And if we ask him he will very conviniently name the peapod. And if that wasn't enough he will also remind us to whack her. His naughtiness is just amazing.
He loves to dance and he will entertain anybody with a jig everytime anybody asks for it. He loves the latest Airtel add and comes running from wherever he is in the house to do a step or two.
He is quite theatrical. As in he makes very cute comical faces. He is very naughty but gets away because of his cute baby acts. He can pretend cry, pretend hide and pretend to be sad. Such skills so young.
He loves books. He loves them all around. He keeps looking at them at length. Infact I have never seen the peapod sit with books the way he does but then she doesn't tear and destroy either. But he keeps looking at pages with pics of dogs and gorillas thoughtfully and then try to stand on four like them and lie over them and then finally in an attempt to get them as close to him, he tears the pages right off. Something in me tells me he would love a dog for company. But that is just a thought and hope it stays right there and does not get me to bring one on a whim. I have never had a dog and I dont think I have it me to tend to one. It was just a random thought.

For the love of Home Decor

2011-09-14T15:19:00.012+05:30

A couple of years ago, I stumbled across home decor blogs accidently and what a learning experience it has been and still is. I am hooked to say the least. Decor I realized is a matter of having confidence in your choices and having the courage to experiment with various stuff like fabrics, flowers, prints, cushions, rugs, frames, pictures, artefacts and lights.

One of the first home decor blogs that had me hooked was Young House Love. Its the blog of a very creative and enthusiastic couple from Richmond, USA. They do such awesome DIY projects that they make you itch to attempt at something, anything. They are a huge inspiration. It is one of the first blogs I read everyday. After they had pretty much perfected their last house with absolutely no scope for improvements, they bought a new house and are at it right now. Its great to watch the new house evolve from bare walls to a house with a personality. They post very regularly since they blog for a living. One of my favourites on that site was the moodboards they would whip up for people. They sadly do not do it anymore but the ones done are all available on their website.

The second blog that offers so much gyaan in terms of colours and what works and what does not, is the blog of the Professional Color expert Mariam Killam - Color me happy. Haven't seen much of her house yet but the pics she puts up are true to the title of her blog - happy pics. I love the little of what I have seen of her house, especially the art pieces she picks. Very vibrant, colorful, huge and happy. Its hard to NOT just stare at them.

Inspite of having followed a number of other home decor blogs from the west, I fell head over heels in love when I discovered some of our Indian home decor bloggers. The first I came across was Colours Dekor. I have starred almost half of her posts in reader. Her home is so beautiful, so very ethnic, you will want to keep going back to the pics long after you have seen them. The blog is regularly updated and we also get to see some great house tours due to the many link parties Patricia hosts. The peacock wall she painted in her previous house is mind blowing. So bold and vibrant.

Saffron and Silk is an another blog I am totally infatuated with. Kamini is an inspiring lady. I love her style, love the colors and like the way she has styled her home. Many of the pictures of her home on flickr does strange things to my heart. There is the fluttering, feeling fuzzy and you know the 'Oh my, I love it' feeling. Its difficult to continue to see the pics in the sequence since you get distracted if you happen to see the pic in the next row and you click there and some more and then you jump back and forth. When I think about Saffron and Silk - Its all about orange, lamps & art in my mind.

In all probability you guys know them all because they are not somebody you can ignore in the decor blog world. If you discovered even one new blog here, I tell you, you wont be disappointed. And these are just my top 4 picks because they are pretty regular and give me amazing eye-candies every morning with my cup of hot tea.

And here is a pic of a small picture gallery we created at Mom's place. That is Mom with chattambi and my sis's son. They are just a year apart and their names rhyme as well. They are going to have so much fun as they grow up togather as long as we stock up on regular dozes of paracetamols I guess.

All pics displayed here are from the respective blogs.

Fighting Shyness

2011-09-12T15:55:00.003+05:30

We went for the PTM this week. The only thing the teacher had to say about the peapod was that she is a shy child. She does not befriend very easily.

A couple of weeks back, as we, me and the kids, lay in bed with the lights switched off we got talking generally. She talked about her teacher and her friends and then she started talking about how her friends don't let her play with them. So she generally sits in class and plays with clay. I ask her about x and y and then z. These are names I hear very often. She tells me that they play with other kids and not with her. I told her maybe you should join them. She tells me I asked them "Can I play with you" and they said "No". Don't ask what that confession does to me. She is a 1-2 friend kind of a girl and engages only where she has been met half way atleast. I haven't yet seen her play in a group, not that there are many opportunities for that either other than her school. We live in a small building complex and there aren't many kids around. Just the 2-3 kids and she is comfortable playing with them.

Now to be fair to the peapod, this could be a trait she has inherited from her father. P is not exactly shy but he isn't very social either. He can be quite charming if he decides to play the part but most times he chooses not to and does not like mindless chatter. He generally kills all my funnies I narrate from office with a look and a question,'So?'. To my mind that is the peapod's basic nature as well. But unlike her dad she does laugh at my funnies, thank God for small mercies. She evaluates too much and can not join a group and start playing. She rarely plays alone though she does write, colour and paint on her own. I remember one time we were visiting a family member and she was asked to sing or recite something and she just couldn't bring herself upto it. She didn't refuse or show discomfort or walk off confidently like many kids do who do not relish being the idea of instant entertainment to adults but she just clamped up. While her cousins her age did do stuff almost non-stop, we couldn't get a word out of her. we did not force her but we tried cajoling her to sing a song. That was probably a good 8-9 months back. Today she does sing or recite the Lord's prayer or recite a poem if she is in a mood in front of the family crowd atleast.

Her teacher told me every child in the class is asked to stand up, face the class and tell a story or re-tell a story they just heard or saw and the peapod never participates.

Two things that come to my mind are Language skills & Ability to respond to situations

We do not talk to the peapod in English everytime we talk to her and that is not saying we do not talk to her in English at all. The primary language around here is Malayalam and I and P also converse in Hindi and English and we switch between languages seamlessly like any other household without even realizing it. Untill she went to school, she had not spoken a whole sentence in Hindi or English and we hoped she will pick up in school. She has picked up both languages and converses in both languages, albeit broken sentences, but conveys the message. She is no match yet to kids who shoot off stuff like "She is not responding", "Don't threaten me" and "The teacher is vacationing in Kerala". She fumbles for the right word and that probably is because she thinks in Malayalam and speaks in Hindi or English. We used to do a lot of reading before Chattambi arrived on the scene. After Chattambi I just haven't been able to keep up with her books along with mine. I realize that is something I need to get back to - reading with the peapod. I guess once she is confident with her language, she might not hesitate as much.

About making friends and playing along, I wonder if we have confused her with our parenting. She is a stickler for rules though not at home but in public places. I remember her teacher last year once told me that if I tell a class full of kids to fold your hands and come back in 5 minutes, the peapod will be the only one with folded hands even if she is running around or going yakety yak but her hands will be folded. She doesn't get into fights but she is the one keeping the score. So she is usually telling the parents about who scratched first and what happened next and I want to just shut her up and pull away. But to her its important. Her reaction to any unkind word or bad behaviour is to withdraw and sulk. Yeah she is the sulking queen. Everytime she sulks I have some parent telling me she is a sensitive child. I don't believe that though. She is not overly sensitive but I think she is just at loss of how to respond.

While I don't want her to get into fights or return an unkind word for another, I would like her to stand her ground, assert herself and get going. Sometimes I wonder if I have confused her too much about how she should respond and is that why she sulks not knowing what is the right way to react while many other kids seem to settle their scores and move on. I do not know yet. But I am listening to her and keep telling her she needs to join kids on the playground and not sit alone in class and play with clay.

A couple of sites I referred to also talked about encouraging kids with various activities and help them excel in something. That builds confidence and in-turn helps overcoming shyness. Story telling is something I am working on with her. Being a set of working parents puts a lot of restrictions on "other" activities that need to be pursued before 7pm outside the building premises. I push myself to be able to take peapod to the few birthday parties she gets invited to. I am trying to get her to a skate class starting today so that she can learn a new skill and meet a few other kids as well. The skate class itself is going to require me to leave office an hour early, twice a week. This is the max we can afford at the moment.

I believe shyness is a painful characteristic to have. And shyness only grows with age and it might become something of a social phobia latter. The earlier we start addressing it, the better. I want her to, at some point in the (near)future be able to make new friends and not wait for them to reach out to her. I want her to join a group and move on at will. I want her to take centre stage confidently without having to fight her shyness everytime she even thought about it. I am not sure how long this might take but I am very committed to ensure she does not turn out a shy teenager.

The scare called Meningitis

2011-09-08T07:29:00.005+05:30

After reading Rohini's experience with the medical fraternity, I was reminded of this most painful episode of my life. It was when chattambi was hospitalized. He was just a baby all of 4 months then. His soft spot was swollen one evening and he was running a high fever of 99-100deg c. We took him to his pediatrician immediately. She initially said the swelling was because of high fever and will subside when the fever subsides. And we talked some more and the doctor started talking about how this is a symptom of meningitis. Soon she termed it as a medical emergency. We were on high alert. She advised us to hospitalize him immediately. We did as advised and the doctor had instructed the doctors on duty for a few tests. The little fellow cried for more than half an hour while the doctors tried to inject a needle into his baby veins. We were asked to wait outside. That 30-40 mins outside the ward was very traumatic. When the door opened, we got into an altercation with the doctors that night and never saw them again in the 3 days we were at the hospital.He was administered wide-spectrum anti-biotic through saline. After that he went through a CT scan and also lumbar puncture which required inserting a needle into his spine. After a few other blood tests it was reported that there was nothing. All the reports came back negative. It was just fever and when that subsided all was well.

Back home, I was feeling quite upset about having to let my child go through all that pain. So I started googling about meningitis. I learnt there are 2 kinds of meningitis, bacterial and viral. Bacterial meningitis can be life-threatening if not treated right away. Viral meningitis is very common in kids and mostly since it is accompanied by fever goes undiagnosed. Of the various symptoms listed, all my child had was fever and the swollen soft spot and I know that is not conclusive. So only the doctors can tell the difference. And if they suspect bacterial the whole course of treatments is the way to go.

In hindsight because nothing came through the reports and the tests, I know it was viral and feel very bitter about the whole episode but at that point we trusted the doctor totally and even today if a doctor called something an emergency situation we would still run and endure anything and be safe than sorry.

Thereafter I noticed that everytime we went for chattambi's vaccinations she was prescribing something for the peapod too and charging us for it as well. She would look at the peapod and generally say things like oh she looks so dull .... is she very stubborn? Most 4-5 year children are stubborn, atleast that is what most parents think about their brood. The term "very stubborn" is relative. And then she prescribed an iron supplement since stubbornness is a symptom of iron deficiency and such like. After the meningitis episode I was very wary of her but she was the only reputed pediatrician in our area. While I kept getting irritated with her irate diagnosis, P was still tuned in. But slowly with every visit, even P was getting more bewildered at her general diagnosis about droopy eyes and dull faces and the different supplements she kept writing down. As soon as I saw P getting irritated, I was only happy to keep the visits to a minimum. We now take both the kids to a general physician, our family doctor for everything except for vaccinations. We still go to her for vaccinations and do not take the other kid along. That works for us.

Just to clarify, I do not believe she was purposefully fleecing us then but she wasn't sure or confident about her own initial diagnosis and thought it was better to get all the tests done. All the time we were at the hospital and latter too she would repeatedly reassure us that it was good we did all the tests so now we do not have any doubts at all. But in my opinion my child went through a lot of needless crap because she wasn't a good enough doctor. I am not really convinced today that our situation then warranted ALL that tests. But prescribing supplements for the accompanying child with no complaints whatsoever, that I think is a fleecing strategy.

Money spent is one matter but subjecting kids to unnecessary medications and tests is so not done.

Btw, Did you notice the new makeover of the blog? The picasa application was so easy to use to create that header. When I say easy..I mean really easy peasy

"Efficiency" is a virtue....

2011-09-02T21:34:00.003+05:30

..that I am so lacking in. I am often amazed when I find people who seem to be everywhere, partying, socializing, updating facebook status, tweeting often, travelling, watching movies, working, reading, gyming, cooking and have a perfectly run home with happy kids and support causes close to their hearts and go that extra mile for it.

I think I have abundant help but I still just can't get above the basics. The morning chores are perfectly divided between the hubby and me and we take over from each other as necessary. I get the breakfast and the dabba moving and he is responsible for everything else, getting the peapod up from bed(which takes him half a minute and me 30 minutes of endearments and screaming and threatening thereafter) to feeding her breakfast while ironing her clothes to getting her ready. I have the final responsibility of combing her rogue hair and getting them in control and walking her to the bus stop. After the peapod leaves I have an hour almost till the hubby & chattambi are up again. I use that time some days to read - that is if I am reading something, else to catch up with some blogs or bake (that is a recent activity since we just bought an OTG). That is also the time to water my plants, fold some clothes and get some order back into the rooms. God forbid if I have started a book, then its just reading and everything else gets into the back burner. After both the boys are up, we get through breakfast, bathe and change while the maid sweeps and scrubs the floor and cleans the utensils. So we try to leave the house in pristine condition to return to in the evening. These days I am not as busy at work as I did like and so do browse at work but then half the world is blocked there so there is only so much one can do.

Most days I reach home by 6:45 - 7. The kids play with their friends at my mom's place untill 7-7:30pm and then I pack them back home and when we are back I have the cooking lady come in and prepare dinner in 30-40 mins while I change and freshen up. Normally the kids are doing their stuff, sometimes playing, sometime fighting and we adults talk. If I am reading something, then I just pick up the book and try to disappear into a corner and leave P and the kids to themselves. Once the maid leaves, feeding the kids start. Depending upon the mood of the day, mine and the kids, the dinner could stretch from 1 minute (which means, if the kids don't want - I just say OK) to 45 mins which includes lot of screaming and crying and threatening (which means, the kids dont want and I and the hubby have got into an argument about what and how they should eat). P is very strict about the kids being in bed by 9:30-10pm during the week. So that deadline applies to me too bcoz untill I am not in bed with them and switch off the lights they dont as much as lie down. The days I am reading, I lie down and keep reading and the kids are jumping over me or having a pillow fight and P keeps getting angrier by the minute.

Where is the time to go on facebook or twitter or socialize?, I ask.

Every time I start reading, specially the ones that can't be put down I am in deep trouble with the daily chores. Once I am done with a book I tell P, I am not starting an another one and then he plays the devil's advocate and encourages me to read because he doesn't get to read as much. That is all I need to start again and then starts the next volley ball match. Once I get into a book, I can not get out untill the last page. And if its a romantic flick then God save me, I can not put it down untill the last passionate kiss...sigh.

How do some do so much more than I manage to squeeze into a day. If you look at my schedule, I am pretty packed but the pace is relaxed but still the regret I have is I do not keep in touch with my friends as much as I would like to. I do not socialize as much as I would like to. I do not blog as much as I would like to. This year, I atleast managed to meet quite a few friends and I hope I can keep meeting more friends than solely parents of peapod's friends. Want to do many more lunches and dinners with people who knew me as a fun person before the kids. Want to watch more than 1 movie a year and want to get back in shape. But when and how? I do not know. I worry if I do anything more, I might never see my kids awake.

Any tips from anyone ?

So what am I reading next. I am yet to begin, these are waiting by my bedside to be picked up any day now.

1. Never look Away by Linwood Baclay
2. The hand that first held mine by Maggie O'Farrel

Anna Hazare's protest

2011-08-25T22:32:00.001+05:30

Proves a few points

Unless politically motivated, thousands of people can get togather and protest without destroying public property and harming fellow citizens.

When people come togather for a cause, the govt has got to listen. When people march, the govt crawls - that was the apt headline in TOI.

We do not have a great govt but the opposition is even worse and has no position on any matter other than congress thrashing.

And now its time to withdraw the fast
and let the elected representatives focus on their job.

Do you race your hubby?

2011-08-23T10:52:00.001+05:30

Most days we leave home togather for office. I drop chattambi at my mom's place and chat a little while before I leave. I rarely meet the hubby enroute. But on a rare occasion when he is leaving after i do (mind you he is never late, he usually reaches his intended location way before time. That is a topic for another discussion) we end up a car or two away. The moment i see him ahead of me I have to reach him, cut him and race him. He will let me cut him but will never acknowledge me in the rear view mirror. The next signal he roars past me and I dont hold a chance. There have been times I have raced past him but its a rare satisfaction. Since he is so shy of acknowledging that the errant driver cutting & honking is his wife, I have a good mind of whistling at him but then I might have colleagues and bosses just around me and might look like I am on a high early morning. This morning I raced and cut in and just was about to wink into the rear view mirror to realize that wasn't our car.....just a number here & there and I loose the plot.

If you find your hubby/spouse driving just a few cars ahead of you what do you do?

Coorg and Goa in the rains - Awesome

2011-08-20T13:14:00.011+05:30

Its been a very very long time, infact since the time I was pregnant with my son, we haven't had a leisure tour. So early this year I vowed I was going to start using my club mahindra membership which I have had for the past 2 years but hadn't used it yet. So early June when my sis had planned to come down to see the baby we decided to go to Coorg. With 2 toddlers who needed to be fed regularly we didn't plan to move around a lot but to just enjoy the resort and relax for 4 days and that is exactly what we did. Early June it was drizzling lightly and it was just right to be out there.

This is Jellybean's baby sis crawling and the peapod watching

The girls were busy with the rich flora and fauna around which were so pretty and in abundance

Here they are busy offering some prayers and chattambi looking on

Early August we took the bus to Goa. In hindsight that was a bad decision. Should have gone by train or flown. The only reason we took the bus was since it started right in front of our appartment. It was raining and again we didn't want to move around a lot in Goa from one beach to another. We just wanted to take it slow and enjoy the beach and the food. It drizzled at times and rained at other times but we did also have a sunny day thrown into it to make it a nice monsoon package. Most evenings we were at the beach and it was so so relaxing just sitting and watching the waves with the kids playing right beside us. It was the first proper beach vacation for both the kids. The last time in Goa was just us on our honeymoon. A lot of it is hazy memory but a few things very clear in the mind which is off blogging limits unfortunately :).

The peapod collected a lot of shells and we did get back a handful of good ones

We still have half a year to go and I hope we manage to pack in more trip towards the end of the year. The one thing about trips is kids need kids to play their own crazy games and there is only so much we can do to become kids and join them untill the parent in us starts taking over and we start killing the fun of having fun.

Hansi, she loves that funny face on her.

The Peapod and Chattambi

2011-08-08T11:28:00.003+05:30

Its been so long that I dont know where to begin and what to write. Since this blog was suppose to be a journal of my kids and everyone around us let me begin with the latest addition to the family. My other sister(not the jellybean's mom) delivered a beautiful baby boy on June 2nd. Oh yeah, we girls have been on a roll :) what can I say. So we have a baby for every year since 2006 to 2011 except 2007. We drew a blank at 2007 since the peapod and jellybean managed to squeeze into the same year. We just queued up like ants one after the other. And the next best is this sister moved to Pune to live close to us. Its getting too exhausting to come up with blog names for all these kids. I am getting tempted to use real names. I still havent figured a blog name for my second born and I think I am going with 'Chattambi', which is what we call him at home and he calls himself so too at times which is the malayalam equivalent of a brat. So with the basic settled lets move on.

The best part ofcourse was the little boy who went from being a baby in my arms to a full fledged toddler who can now manage to get under tables and beds and get out of it too and climbing beds and side tables and comfortabling getting off them as well. I haven't been closely monitoring his milestones, he has just been an active child and he already calls me Mumma and can also say Dada and Taataa and an another dozen things like cocolate, manam(wellam for water), papatti(chappati),pal(milk), kal(leg), ball, Ammacha (for ammachi) and Joe(the peapod). He has about 8 teeth already and is ever ready to grab anything edible.

He is 19months and is keeping us on our toes every waking moment. When he is right in front of our eyes, he is in our face. He is either trying to grab the electric kettle while its on, playing with the toaster cable, sometimes found climbing our delicate glass coffee table. If he is silent that is all the more trouble. That means he has layed his hands on something forbidden and is enjoying the time away from the limelight. He is trouble spelled twice in CAPS,if you get what I mean. Our current open kitchen with no trollies is heaven to him. I am only screaming - I am actually not sure why - because that doesnt deter the little cretin from anything. He kicks his ball amazingly well for his age I think. He builds up his run-up and kicks like he is scoring a goal. He is not into a lot of crying business. He is easily distracted and I have travelled with him in every kind of transport since he was 4 months I think. He is pretty cool. He loves to be on the go. Coming to the sibling equation, they are only screaming and fighting ALL THE TIME. I dont see any hope there. He is always and I say always bent on arm twisting the peapod. There are times she loses her patience with him and hits him back and all I can hear is shouts and screams. You settle one and before I turn my back he is sitting on top of her book, board or throwing her stuff off the balcony ad grinning. He goes picking fights with her where none exists. He has earned his nickname in every right. The peapod can scream till the world ends but he acts like he hasn't heard a sound. And then he is not just that, he also has a sweet side to him with kids younger than him. My heart melts everytime I see him kiss the new baby. Its got to an extent we can not click the baby without him in the frame. He is always kissing him or find a sheet/blanket to wrap him.

I finally leave you with a few snaps - I know that is why you come here. The last pic is the new baby in the family.

Finally back

2011-07-11T07:55:00.002+05:30

Its been a while since I bought my samsung galaxy s phone with the intent of being less ancient than i am and do all the jazzy stuff like facebook, twitter, linkedln & the kinds. I never got hooked to any. Infact I hadn't even checked out all the features in my new phone. Ok so I am ancient. I just got up one day last month to find myself on the other side of 35. When did i grow so old? In my head i was still my carefree self at 25.
Anyway, i just realized i can also blog using my smart phone and this is my first try. If it also lets me put up a snap then awesome - what do you say.
So lets hope i will get back to the blog world. There are just toó many good blogs out there that i cant get enough of reading and oggling at.

Merry Christmas and a Happy First Birthday

2010-12-27T22:47:00.005+05:30

Merry Christmas to all of you.

My little one turned 1 this Christmas. We had a small party for close family and friends and it was nice evening with kids all below 5 running around each other while each was trying to reach out to the other breaking their own small barriers of language or moods. My little one was busy running around balloons and other kids.He was pretty cool on his own swinging and clapping to music the whole time untill he finally dozed off totally tired.

It seems like it wasn't all that long back that I was still carrying him. On 24th night after dinner and Christmas shopping when we were back home, P & the peapod slept off almost immediately and me as usual couldn't sleep so watched TV for like untill 3am when the pains kinda started. They were very mild and then again I wasn't sure if indeed these were "the pains". I timed them at almost 40 mins. As soon as the certainty dawned on me, I wanted to sleep for a while(this kind of behaviour is very typical me). Went to bed at around 4:30 and I think I did sleep for a little while in-between pains. When finally the pains started coming in at half hour intervals it was 6:30 am. I mentally listed what needed to be done. We had Christmas breakfast planned - appam and curry - I do not plan many elaborate breakfasts and when I do I will ensure no labour pains was going to stop me. Needed to pack the peapod's clothes as she was to stay at her grandparents place untill I was back and I wondered when would be a good time to inform mom & sis(s) and so on. When I was mentally done, I woke up P to tell him that I seem to be having labour pains. His first reaction was "WHAT ..are your sure? ...but today is Christmas, how can that be" and I was like "Yeah, I know". After breakfast, I kissed the peapod before she left for her grandpa's place. P, me and mom drove to the hospital by 10am. Friends and family kept calling to wish a merry Christmas only to be told I was in labour. The excitement was much. I was admitted by 10:30. In the room where I was admitted for initial examination, I had company in the next bed and the poor girl was screaming her heart out every 5 mins or so. Immediately after the first scream or second and even before the doctor could examine me I had tears running down for absolutely no reason. I wasn't scared one bit of labour pains untill then because I never entertained that one thought in as much detail. I had opted for epidural during the peapod and it was an option this time too but I wanted to try the pain way this time(Who was that who was giving gyaan about pain and gain) but who was I kidding. I wasn't made for stuff like that. I couldn't stop crying every time my neighbour screamt and in an hour after I was admitted and the pains were coming at like every 15 mins I requested for epidural. All that the hubby needed was an sms to quickly sign the form. Mom was in a difficult situation, she couldn't see me cry and nor could she stay out leaving me alone untill my Aunt(Dad's brother's wife) came in. Every time mom came in she tried hard to look all calm to me and kept telling me to recite psalms 91, I am sure she was. I was exhausted with the pain and the crying and ofcourse lack of sleep. Soon after the epidural I think I slept for like an hour. And then by around 12:30 I could feel intense contractions. Though I couldn't feel the intense pain but I could feel the contractions and some pain(I think) and the tears were back.Soon I was moved to the delivery room. After 4 pushes and amongst sweat and tears the little one was born a little after 1pm. When I first saw him, he was all bundled up and I was too tired to feel anything. I kissed him and I think I passed out. I was in there for an another hour or more and then moved to the private room. The boy was much fussed over by all and initial comparisons were drawn. I had no cuts and post-pregnancy was a lot easier than the first time. Feeding, sleeping, walking, handling the baby all was familiar territory this time. I almost enjoyed my post delivery oil massages and bath and rest. I made the most of it since I knew this would be the last time I had the luxury of a whole month of oil massages and hot herbal water bath. Most nights I would be sleeping with the peapod and mom with the little one untill I had to get up for the feed. I took rest a lot more seriously this time and did give my back good rest since unlike last time this was luxury that I had come to appreciate.

Its been a year since that day and I can not thank the good lord for 2 beautiful healthy babies that he has blessed me with. I wanted a girl the second time as well and that wish actually stemmed from the fact that I believe siblings of the same gender bond very well and stay bonded all their life. I have seen my mom and her sisters, my father and his brothers, me and my sisters, my cousin brothers. The relationship is easy, its not the customary birthday/festive call but just the every day or random nonsensical call that helps be a part of each other's life. Call or drop in because you feel like talking or meeting rather than awaiting your turn to call or drop in or feeling obliged to pay a visit. For a brother and a sister to stay bonded its easy during early years but most of them move separate ways as they grow older and once married serious efforts need to be made to stay in touch. In the past one year I am not sure how many times I have thought about this and wondered what could I do to help them build a rock solid and easy relationship. I still don't know "HOW" but I know I want them to feel comfortable enough to confide their darkest fears in each other. I want them to be there for each other such that neither ever feels lonely. I don't want them to use us as their mode of communication with each other. I want them to talk to each other because they genuinely want to hear each other, feel each other and stand by each other.

My granny(mom's mom) is very proud of the fact that her 3 daughters and their kids mingle around all too well. She would very proudly tell anyone who cares to listen that cousin B is with Aunt B and Aunt B's daughter is(was) staying with us and how I stayed with Aunt B for a while. When my mom called my aunt(her sis) in bbay to tell her I was in labour and we were going to the hospital, she immediately sensed my mom's tension and abandoned her Christmas day plans to be beside my mom. My father and his brothers had a equally strong bond. Recently I was told by my cousin's wife that she has heard more about my father than my uncle(his father) from my cousin. That is very touching and it speaks volumes of his love for dad. And to think that at a time I used to be scared he would back answer dad since dad used to be ruthless criticizing him and taking him to task. We or anybody else have no role to play in that bond. There are all kinds in a family and its never a sooraj barjatya movie with only song and dance. These bonds grew inspite of the circumstances, inspite of the various personalities around and inspite of all kinds of issues, differences one could have. A hug, a call, a word of comfort is all you need at all times in your life. Its comforting to know, there is someone who wishes the very best for you even when they are in the dumps. Everyone fights their own battles and demons but to know you have support in your family base makes you 10 times stronger. I realize, just like my granny, my mom, my dad, I too want my kids to be there for each other ALL THE TIME, ALL THROUGHOUT LIFE, COME WHAT MAY.

It will be our continuous endeavour with fervent prayers to help the kids build a relation that will last them a lifetime. If we succeed that will be our gift to both of them for many many birthdays even when we are not around.

My Garden

2010-10-27T21:58:00.006+05:30

As you can tell, I have about 10 pots and they are re-arranged in every other snap. Any snap taken on the 1 feet wide balcony is angled to include my dearest pots as well. And the Chrysanthemums are at their best now. I just can't get enough of clicking them. I just love the yellow.

And this post is dedicated to my little boy who just took his first step today.

The Dad and his girl

2010-10-27T21:44:00.003+05:30

While I am going through the umpteem snaps I have of the 10 pots I have to put up as a garden post, the father and daughter are going bananas.

About the father, I have already told you he thinks no end of his daughter. They have a mutual admiration club. He tells her "You are a genius" and she echos it right back. I am told if I wasn't such a cynic the daughter would have done addition and multiplication right at the back of her hand. oh yes subtraction and division too. This is how they bond. While I have been asked to sit in a corner and browse through my emails, the father is going "1x1=1, 1x2=2" and the daughter continues "9x11=11, 5x12=2" ...brilliant isn't it. She is just enjoying rambling off random numbers in no particular order and he is trying to make her see the sequence. He abandons it right there and moves on to 10-20-30 and she adds 100-1000. It isn't working ...and I can't stop laughing. Btw, during similar bonding sessions she know primary colors, secondary colors and ternery colors. So maybe she will learn multiplication. What do you say?

I am reading

2010-09-17T18:10:00.004+05:30

What a read it is. I am loving it. I am reading into the night, stealing 10 - 15 mins here and there in between the 10 chores in the morning before I get myself and the kid out of the door. The hubby is irritated but understands that this is how it is gonna be untill I finish the book so takes over feeding the kids, putting them to sleep, sending the peapod to school and anything that is left off. I am grateful, how can I not be ..This is a trilogy.
I just finished Jodi Picoult's Perfect Match and it wasn't all that great. It kept me interested untill I reached about half the book and then I was skipping pages to just get to the end.
I have Montana Sky - Nora Roberts to go after this. And I am still not done with Shantaram that I started I think a year back. Its just not the kind that can be read in one go. But I enjoy it whenever I read it.

Jellybean and sister

2010-09-14T17:22:00.005+05:30

Before the Jellybean takes over a very delayed but much important news relay

"My sister delivered a healthy baby girl on the 8th of August. The little one came out 4 days late and had the whole big bang family waiting for her to arrive. People had their tentative plans all chalked out which she kind of walked over sweetly. Sis and kiddo and granny(the VVIP) all doing fine. The li'l girl looks exactly like the jellybean. Only God knows how jealous I am."

In a week after the li'l one arrived, my other sister came over to help. So we had 5 kids all under 5yrs under 1 roof. It was like we were in a mela (fair). One jumping off the sofa, one trying deliberately to push stuff inside the sofa through the cracks, one under it, one lying on it the other sulking in a corner. And then you had 3 of us discussing our stuff right over all the noise. And a granny who walked in and out of it changing diapers for one, maybe feeding another or sometimes just asking us to "stop yapping and LOOK OUT". We had a good week until my sis left with her son. Now everything is very much routine. The girls are having fun. The peapod goes to school, comes home, plays, sleeps and plays a little more till I come and then back home.

Meanwhile the Jellybean at home seems to be honing her skills at wise cracks such that she has us gaping at her after a retort only to pick up shreds of our pride off the floor in good time to salvage whatever is left of it.

After a busy morning one Saturday, I fell asleep with the son at mom's place. The Jellybean was busy playing in one corner of the bed. I suddenly got up to the noise of a 'thud', its got to be the son and it indeed was. I had my heart in my mouth when I saw the li'l fellow on the floor and setting his pitch for the loud cry. In a feeble attempt at self redemption, I asked the jellybean why didn't she wake me up when the li'l fellow was crawling to the edge. For a sec she stared into my eyes like 'oh so now this is my fault' and said "Why did Suni mummy sleep? that is why he fell" - Ofcourse like any wise adult, picked up the child and left the room before I let that reach my mom.

Since the Jellybean is at mom's place so no school for the last month and this month too. So I generally carry her around on my Saturday errands. Every time she and me get on my scooter, she will ask me "Suni mummy, why are you driving so slowly" and this is at 30-40kmph, "My pappa drives very fast and my hair flies like this, when you drive my skirt also does not move". I threaten to leave her by the road sometimes, I have some pride ..don't I?

My mom's sis was home a few months ago and during a hair oil massage session at home the oil bottle slipped and broke. After the pieces were carefully and thoroughly picked and thrown off, she couldn't stand the wastage of good almond oil. So she opened up her waist long tresses and tried to mop up the oil on the floor using it. The Jellybean who saw this told my aunt that the maid had already mopped the floor and there was no need for her to mop again. You can imagine my Aunt's plight - ofcourse like any wise aunt, she asked her to get lost :).

The story of the peapod and the gummy bear continues

2010-08-03T17:13:00.005+05:30

Unmana requested her readers to pay up and here is mine upfront. If you want to read a good story and be part of a writer's journey, pls hop over to Unmana's Voices in my head.

Now, if I keep waiting for the right time to blog anymore, the peapod would have got through age 4 with no mentions here at all and my little boy who we named Noel will be a year. So here is an update without much ado

The peapod's doing well at school so far. By that I mean she goes to school without much drama and imitates her teacher to the 'T'. Picks up 2 books and goes on "This book is thin, this thinner, come on children". Her English vocabulary is improving, its no more limited to a yes and a no. And by the way, we did get into the school I and P had wanted for her which is close to our place as well. We are now hopefully set for the next 12 years. She is a mini fashionista. She loves dressing up. She wants all the bling & accessories she can lay her hands on and her aunts do not disappoint her. She tries matching her bangles, necklaces and colorful things that can be thrown into her curly mesh of a hair to her dress. She loves belts. She will make my mom hunt high and low for the perfect top with a skirt. She loves her mini heeled sandals. She refuses to put them away even though she has outgrown it already. She loves reading, writing, coloring, painting and the works. She is very moody though. She is very caring and loving towards her little bro and carries him around like a kitten.

Now about my gummy bear, he is crawling around all day. He loves footwears, mats, combs and paper. All the lovely (and expensive, need I mention) fisher price toys can fill the floor doing funny things but he will be crusing towards Dada's shoes in the corner. Like the peapod, I wasn't particularly looking forward to what the kid would do next. He was just doing his stuff and I was catching up. Before he can crawl comfortably, he is already begun to pull himself up and grab things. He does not believe in doing one thing at a time, he is just going at it all together. His kisses are drools but very very heart warming. He sets the butterflies in my tummy fluttering every time he kisses me. And most of the time I am thinking, God this is my last chance at a baby :D. Just imagine, the last of the gummy baby smiles, the last of cute bums wriggling their way around the house, the last of baby laughter, the last of seeing that innocent face beam every time the door opens and he sees me, the last of that sweet baby smell which gives me a high of a very different kind, very very intoxicating. I so love this baby if I could just keep him like that.

My sister will be delivering anytime this week (the date's Aug 4th) and we are all waiting with our fingers crossed. I am betting on a girl, the one I did not have. The peapod and jellybean have had such pretty cute frocks that either would have worn just once. I want to see an another little princess wear those pretty dresses again. Yeah I am silly that way.