tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43012672015227407282024-11-05T18:48:01.931-08:00Is est non dulcis vel decorus morior pro vestri dominusGradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-5912877427511705342011-04-07T04:29:00.000-07:002011-04-07T04:29:56.928-07:00

Events currently taking place across Europe and North Africa have been met with unparalleled levels of condemnation. Whilst the people of Libya sacrifice their lives to oust Gaddafi, British citizens have taken to their Twitter accounts in outrage at Simon Cowell's recent announcement. When the news hit that X-Factor 2011 would feature a revised panel of judges, half-witted fame-hungry bedlamites

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-25339755860004014962011-04-05T13:54:00.000-07:002011-04-05T13:54:38.785-07:00

To snooze or not to snooze, for that is the real question facing the unwilling participants of “alarm clock Britain.” Across Albion’s green and fertile lands are tired office workers dragging themselves out from beneath warm and faithful bed sheets. Whilst it is hard to derive any pleasure from this hateful obligation, for the thrill seeking employee, gambling against the alarm clock is just the

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-37603363524888389062011-04-04T02:56:00.000-07:002011-04-04T02:56:44.848-07:00

The inexperienced skiver can be identified by a morose expression and penchant for studying clocks. Gazing at the hour hand of a Seiko wrist watch is a thankless task and many would-be timewasters will eventually succumb to the lures of diligence. For shirkers wishing to avoid the pitfalls of hard work, there are a number of activities that can help to stave off the boredom of watching your life

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-79436049235026019612011-04-01T03:23:00.000-07:002011-04-01T03:36:13.642-07:00

Arch nemesis to all internet procrastinators is the IT Man. The office's Big Brother, Dave from IT, scans personal emails and internet search history for visible signs of defection. Despite looking like Gareth Keenan's (Google the name) older slightly chubbier brother, Dave's friendly facade hides a ruthless hunter who will stop at nothing to protect his network from Trojan Horses, Worms, Spyware

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-71774145356437508782011-03-30T02:14:00.000-07:002011-03-30T02:14:19.170-07:00

There is no greater pleasure than being paid to empty your bowels. Sitting there resplendent on your throne, you can stimulate your intestines safe in the knowledge that your employer is paying you for the privilege. The toilet cubicle, whilst sporting the faint aroma of your fellow employees’ excrement, is your sanctuary - make the necessary deposits and you can return whenever you require

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-64383229789387896402011-03-28T02:38:00.000-07:002011-03-28T02:41:00.887-07:00

There is nothing more grating than listening to a famous and privileged media personality telling you about the horrors of work. As they recount stories of the ghastly summer job they endured in the time between leaving stage school and receiving a multi-million pound television deal, it is hard to avoid the feeling that this is just a little like a paintball instructor telling a Vietnam war

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-72752273957430009372011-03-21T10:32:00.000-07:002011-03-21T10:32:40.671-07:00

The more astute amongst you may have noticed that the Daily Grindstone has been a little quieter than usual today. Before you enter a state of gut wrenching fear that after only 105 working hours, the Daily Grindstone has exhausted all of the work gripes that face the modern day employee, please rest assured that the break is only temporary and we will be back next week to provide your usual

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-88539429734688569992011-03-18T04:29:00.000-07:002011-03-18T05:21:09.792-07:00

Unless you are lucky enough to work from home or are unfortunate enough to be blinded to the colour red, you should know that today is Comic Relief. Whilst few of us could find fault with helping the needy, the manner in which office charity days aim to wrench money from our pocket can be a little grating to the sensibilities. I am not arguing that altruism should be confined to the privacy of

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-10295552867292042222011-03-17T04:31:00.000-07:002011-03-17T04:31:02.640-07:00

Somewhere in the haze of last night was the revelation that, contrary to everything that past experience has taught you, a bout of heavy drinking will “almost definitely” improve your ability to work in the morning. Having woken up with the unusual, but all too familiar sensation of navigating an ocean liner in a storm, you begin to doubt the previous night’s scientific breakthrough. Before you

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-86628757325673378382011-03-16T05:11:00.000-07:002011-03-16T05:12:43.423-07:00

Working in a busy office, it is hard to ignore, and to afford, the numerous birthday/Bah mitzvah/We're sorry you're dying/Congratulations on the new baby cards that will be thrust on to your desk at any given opportunity. Whilst it is trying enough to think of an original and heartfelt message for these cardboard messengers of mock empathy, no birthday will be complete without the obligatory

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-69367308957546536042011-03-15T03:45:00.000-07:002011-03-15T03:45:28.568-07:00

Sat there in the deepest darkest corner of the office fridge is a sandwich. Once the pride of Martin's lunchbox, the cheese is carefully crafted into interlocking trapezoids and the Branston sandwich pickle has been applied with the accuracy of a King's College brain surgeon. Like a bread-based reflection of Martin's career, the sandwich had entered the office with a cocksure promise of great

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-78220289540256053172011-03-14T04:26:00.000-07:002011-03-14T08:19:11.146-07:00

As the death-throws of religion sound out across the globe, the masses are once again demanding their opiates. Whereas once, subservience to a bearded figure was enough to secure your place in the sun, one must now pledge allegiance to the god of careers should you wish to secure a spot to rest your weary feet. In stark contrast to the religions of yester-year, this new god makes no commandment

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-20548868052649832542011-03-11T02:55:00.000-08:002011-03-11T02:55:14.687-08:00

In most civilized countries, it has become customary to avoid taking items which do not rightfully belong to you. Were you to take a friends car and exchange it for a handful of  shiny coins, not only would your friend be motivated to re-evaluate your companionship  but you would also, most likely, be granted an opportunity to familiarise yourself with  the interior of a police

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-34810016435544313392011-03-10T02:41:00.000-08:002011-03-10T04:08:28.662-08:00

For as long as I can remember, I have been brainwashed into thinking that Monday is the most depressing day of the week. Like a gloomy fog rolling over the hills of the weekend, Monday descends to signal another 35 hours of hard labour. Now either my experience is unusual or, as I suspect, due to its pole position in the working week Monday has come into an unfair level of criticism. An innocent

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-30241661848500858802011-03-09T03:00:00.000-08:002011-03-09T03:00:01.372-08:00

Having dragging yourself into work, there is little more depressing than finding a meeting invite ensconced in the comfort of your email account. With a time set for 9am there is little that can be done to excuse yourself from this hour of droning monotone. With no time to dream up excuses, you must accept this gloomy summons and look on as another hour of your life fades into history. The 9am

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-52485520628611079652011-03-08T04:18:00.000-08:002011-03-08T04:22:35.701-08:00

Being made to spend time with your colleagues is equivalent to being force fed beetle larvae. Sure you'll do it if you are on the brink of starvation but left to your own devices, you would probably prefer to dine on foie gras. No amount of paintballing, go karting, pottery painting, or wicker basket weaving will ever help to convince you that the sweating bedlamites you share an office with are

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-19879321875216587332011-03-06T23:50:00.000-08:002011-03-07T00:25:36.646-08:00

Every office has at least one person who believes that their modest job entering numbers into an Excel spreadsheet is no less important than finding the cure for cancer. Whilst there is nothing wrong with having pride in your work, if you find yourself forcing your passion for mediocrity upon your disinterested colleagues, it may be time to accept that you have become one of the most irritating

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-25164000020356185512011-03-03T23:48:00.000-08:002011-03-03T23:48:47.797-08:00

Like many people who one day dream of buying their own house, I am currently enrolled on a painful mission to build my credit rating. The prize for taking part in this futile exercise is an opportunity to stand in front of a feckless automaton and beg for their generosity. Thanks to a long held aversion to banking staff, I like to pride myself on being debt free. I have no overdraft, no credit

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-20812293883504101982011-03-02T23:42:00.000-08:002011-03-03T13:56:55.223-08:00

Trevor had never wanted to be the sub-team manager of CheapCo Office Supplies. As a child he had dreamt of playing football for Swindon town, unfortunately evolution had taken a tumble and he had been blessed with two left feet. His job at CheapCo had come about by accident really. A summer job filing purchase orders had developed into a winter job as an office clerk. By the time he had had the

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-81167691418884150972011-03-01T23:51:00.000-08:002011-03-02T01:05:42.765-08:00

In every office in every country, ghastly creatures lurk, waiting to ensnare naïve career debutants into their lair of Xerox machines and unfulfilled potential. As your travel along the lonely road to retirement it is inevitable that you will encounter one of these monstrous incubi. Awkwardly blending into normal society, if you are to survive a run in with an office dweller, you must first know

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-19068718333285838362011-03-01T02:02:00.000-08:002011-03-01T04:14:46.802-08:00

Ever looked at you tired and drawn face in the mirror and wondered what it is that your significant other sees? Your sparkling wit has turned flatter like a week old bottle of lemonade and the torso that would once have looked at home on a Norse god would now look more comfortable hanging off the frame of an aging darts player. In spite of this, using words borrowed from Shania Twain, your

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-42449495842464630752011-02-27T23:48:00.000-08:002011-02-27T23:48:24.348-08:00

As a reluctant member of the working masses, the Daily Grindstone’s author must assume the alias of Thomas Gradgrind to avoid detection from astute work colleagues and the ever watchful eye of ‘IT Support.’ Like an infinitely less effective version of Clark Kent, Thomas Gradgrind must denounce the corporate world under a veil of secrecy. Whilst few of us can afford to openly criticize our

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-47647968923551907972011-02-26T09:35:00.001-08:002011-02-28T04:35:15.147-08:00

So it’s Saturday and your plans for a slow and dozy recovery from last night’s excesses have gone sadly awry thanks to your inability to sleep past half past eight in the morning. Even as the last week fades into the annex of your biography, your very being remains firmly in the clutches of a merciless master. But is doesn’t have to…The weekend is a green and fertile pasture which you must defend

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-13136170054557943602011-02-25T03:55:00.000-08:002011-02-25T07:04:35.054-08:00

Even the most intolerant amongst us should possess the social skills that, for eight hours a day, allow us to rise above the character flaws of our colleagues and smile politely as they recount yet another "crazy weekend." The problem arises when we are forced against our will to spend an evening of 'fun' with these people. Sure it's not obligatory, but the stigmatisation you will receive for

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4301267201522740728.post-33041403572252540282011-02-24T04:14:00.000-08:002011-02-25T07:04:22.444-08:00

The hardest lesson for any new entrant to the labour market, is that doing a good job, isn't good enough. Not only are you expected to put in long hours and surrender your dreams, but you are also expected to throw off the shackles of common decency and recreate yourself in the image of an aggressive bull elephant with a penchant for cocaine. Trumpeting loudly and regularly about your

Gradgrindhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060491915165723023noreply@blogger.com0