Momma Suz's Ramblings

Sickness, Exhaustion, Discouragement...Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

2015-06-22T14:31:00.001-04:00

Yep, those are my three biggest excuses! I am sick and exhausted so I can't physically do as much which discourages me! And guess what..they are valid excuses....for a while. Sometimes, occasionally, once in a while. But I think I am digging a hole in them!

See, I haven't felt great since October. It is now the end of June. That is a long time. I USED to be really good at pushing through and getting stuff done, just in smaller spurts. Now I just sit. And whine. And dream and wish that I felt better. And you know....those are valid feelings.

BUT...here is the kicker...the laws of physics apply. An object at rest tends to stay at rest. I might gain some energy when I am really sick and I rest and let my body heal. But when I am struggling with this nagging ick, not a debilitating sickness, then I end up staying at rest more and more and more. Then I have no energy, and I don't want to do stuff, and doing stuff is harder because I am more and more out of shape.

Does anyone else struggle with this?

Well today is my day. My day to overcome. See, I am tired of being tired and I am sick of being sick. I am headed to the doctor tonight for a request for a full battery of tests, no more throwing an antibiotic or allergy meds and hoping something helps. Tests with answers that we can then approach this and cure it instead of treating symptoms. And then to the exercise and getting stuff done. Even if I have to do small spurts, exercising between small amounts of sitting and recovering my breath. I am GOING to get this done! NO MORE EXCUSES!

Reflections from a lull in a crazy busy life!

2015-06-20T20:45:00.000-04:00

I have spent some time this week struggling with God. You see, I figured that I dedicate a LOT of time to serving him by reaching out to teenagers. When these teenagers make bad, or questionable decisions, despite obvious and recent lessons in our youth group, I feel discouragement and struggle with human feels in inadequacy, and invisibility (they don't listen, why do I teach!).

Come on people, I KNOW I am not the only one out there who struggles with this! Maybe sometimes I have spent a lot of time teaching a topic and a youth group kid does something directly against that teaching. Maybe it isn't so obvious, maybe I see as an adult where the future probably leads and the youth takes a path that I would not have recommended. Maybe one asks my opinion and then they do the opposite anyway. Maybe you don't struggle with this with a youth group, maybe it is a friend, or a family member.

You can choose (trust me, I know because I have done it!) to wallow in that negative feeling. Rolling around in it, justifying your feels of inadequacy, invisibility, frustration, discouragement, like a pig wallows in the mud. That mud sticks to the pig. And you know what, he does it because it feels good, it insulates him. It keeps him cool in the hot, it helps keep his skin from being burned. Gosh, don't those sound like great reasons to wallow in mud if you are a pig? When we wallow in the negative, we are insulating ourselves too. The problem in it leaves us cool, yes, it might protect us from being burned, but it also protects us from the loving warmth that we can have from the relationships we are hiding from. It adds an extra layer between us and God so we aren't feeling His warmth! These are NOT good things!

Now, don't get me wrong, I am GREAT at wallowing and struggle with seeing positives. But God has laid on my heart a LOT lately that major things wrong in our society, our church and even in my own family, is that we spend too much time focusing on negative junk. We aren't recognizing God's hand in our lives! Only the areas that WE perceive that HE is "forgetting" to act (i.e., our will, not HIS).

Isn't it amazing how even when we are wallowing, God still reaches out and hugs us, mud and all?

See, today is the 13th anniversary of my widowhood. I was 27, I had a 3.5 year old and a daughter who had turned 2 just 13 days before. I had been leading a drama group called CHAOS (Christ's Hands Acting On Stage). I had AMAZING group of teenagers who had stood by me during the 9 month illness my hubby had dealt with. These kids babysat, house cleaned, prayed and overall surrounded me with loving support. Then my hubby passed, eventually I remarried and moved about an hour away and didn't attend that church. Time passed, lives moved on. High school kids went to college, got married, had children, etc. In other words time passed and connections got lost and we lost track of each other.

Along comes facebook. Yeah, there is a lot of JUNK that goes around facebook. But through facebook, some of those youth group kids found me. I admit it, I stalked their facebook pages, I looked at their families, I rejoiced at their church involvement, and honestly, I figured that they had completely forgotten who I was!

Fast forward to this morning.....a private message on facebook pops up from one of these girls. Now, I haven't seen her in about 12 years. I haven't talked to her. And today she says to me "This day stays in my heart. Always." I expressed surprise that she remembered the date. She told me she never forgets. All these years later, I had impacted her in a way that she cares enough to remember the date and pray for me.

My heart rejoiced. I felt full. I remembered that I am NOT the savior, I am a sower. I sow seeds, through the blessing of facebook I was able to see fruit from those seeds that I might never have seen! On a week when I struggled with purpose and wondering why I bothered, God showed me what I needed to see. Gifted me with a blessing that couldn't have happened in any other way, but by following His leading and mentoring teens as He has called me to. No, it doesn't make the situations in this group any easier, but it changes my perspective. It reminded me of a video, I don't know if I can link to it right and I want to be sure the guy gets total credit, in the video he gets to the end and turns the picture around, changes the perspective, and changes the look of the entire picture. Here is the video

How are you going to change your perspective of a difficult situation today?

Love Languages: Words of Affirmation

2014-09-09T09:21:00.001-04:00

Words are powerful. Some people feel them more than others. Negative words replay through your head, dragging you down. The flip side is that positive words can replay and lift you up. Yet let me ask you this.....how many times do we complain? How many times do we encourage? We go to a restaurant and the service is terrible, the waiter is rude, the service is slow, the order is wrong and we want the manager! We want it fixed! How many times is the service good and we don't say a word? We just assume people don't need to be told or think that is just their job so we don't need to comment! Personally, I make it a point to leave a note or word of encouragement on those occasions. I hunt down the manager and make a point to say something GOOD about good service.

I've heard it said that for every negative thing we hear, we need to hear 5 positive things to counteract it. I've heard it takes 10 or 20 positives. But I don't think of it as a tally sheet. You learn from the negative AND the positive, but you feel better learning from the things you are doing right! So what do we do? We get in the habit of using more positive things than negative in our daily lives with everyone!

So what exactly are words of affirmation?

Praise: recognizing and acknowledging accomplishments and efforts SINCERELY! Fake things do no good! People know when you are just sicking up and when you are being real! You can praise even failures as long as you are genuine in recognizing the effort.

Affection: Not just the words "I love you" even though that can be very important too. But people we care about need to hear that they are important and valuable to us. They need to hear that we recognize and acknowledge the things in their life that are important to them and that we see those things as positive, even if they are not equally important in our lives. I may not LOVE to do the same things as my husband or children, but I can encourage them to pursue the things that make them happy instead of grumbling about the time, effort or money those pursuits take. This is MORE than a generic "good job" occasionally.

Affirmation and Acknowledgement: Not only do the people around us want us to affirm them, but they want us to do it in public too. Think about it, when someone tells you something positive about yourself, it feels good. When they tell you that same thing in front of other people, it feels even better. We perceive it to be more real or true.

So now that we have touched on the basics of words of affirmation: praise, affection, affirmation, acknowledgement; we need to talk about what it really looks like to give and receive it.

Some guidelines for giving words of affirmation include being genuine, being timely and being low key. When we are genuine, people can tell. It is more than just the words we say. It involves tone, facial expressions, body language...things that go beyond the words we are saying.

You have probably all had an experience where someone has said all of the right words but you just knew they didn't mean it. My mom used to tell me "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" and I would add "AND MEAN IT!" People aren't stupid. They can tell when something being said is genuine. Actually, things that are not really meant are almost more harmful that things not said at all.

As we think about timely words of affirmation, we need to think about how it feels to have someone react with an immediate and excited "Great job!" or a comment hours later that usually sounds like "Oh, by the way, you did a great job earlier." Which one feels better to hear? Are both words of affirmation? Sure, but one feel like an afterthought or obligation rather than a true reaction. As we look to give words of affirmation to others, we need to think about how we would feel if someone said that thing in that way to us. Would it uplift and encourage or instill doubts about the sincerity?

Then we have that low key part....I know, I just talked about doing it in public or immediately, but it also needs to not be overblown, over-the-top or excessive. If someone tells you the same thing in the same excited voice about 10 times and always in front of others, it starts to feel fake. You start to think they are trying to convince themselves, others and you that what they are saying is truth. Maybe it is, but this behavior can lead to doubts. That doesn't mean never affirm in front of others. It just means keep it believable.

In addition to knowing how to GIVE words of affirmation, we need to know how to RECEIVE them. I admit, I a particularly bad at this. I do not say thank you with grace and accept that people mean what they say even when they are following all of the above guidelines! I still doubt. I still try to deny, undermine or blow off what they are saying. It makes me uncomfortable and I never quite know what to say. Responding in that way does a great disservice to the people giving the words of affirmation. When people compliment you, graciously accept with a polite and heart felt thank you. Do not try to deny their words or opinion. Do not negate their blessing in that way. It isn't always easy and we are tempted to say "thanks but....." and try to explain away their words. We need to not do that.

Here are some questions to ponder.

Can you think of examples of words of affirmation that were obviously genuine? What gave you that confidence?

Do you regularly give words of affirmation? Why or why not?

How do you react when people give you words of affirmation? Why do you think you react that way? Is that a good reaction or not?

This can be a really touchy subject for a lot of people and that is why it is so important to learn the healthy way to both give and receive words of affirmation! We don't want to hurt someone else with our efforts to bless them or their efforts to bless us!

Have a wonderful day!

Love Languages

2014-08-25T10:11:00.001-04:00

At the request of some of my youth group kids, I am going to TRY to post some of my youth group lessons here. Probably not consistently, but hey, when have I ever been consistent with blogging!?

When we talk about love languages, we are not just talking about Oooo La La love. We are talking all types of love. Love is found among family, friends and those of interest in the opposite sex.

Many times you will hear people say love is not a feeling, it is a choice, action, decision, etc While this is true to some extent, we all know we must feel something also! There are people you meet and you just click (as friends or more) and people who just rub you the wrong way. I don't believe that every single person was made to be close friends with every single other person (friendship is different then treating people respectfully no matter what!). Sometimes it is a personality conflict, other times a misunderstanding or problem with perception on either part.

I had this experience vividly with one woman. When we were in the same Sunday School class it always came across to me that her answers were better than any others. She would respectfully let others answer then it always felt like she had to address their answer. I got to the point where I would avoid certain classes because she would be in them. I realized this was only hurting ME and not bothering her a bit so I prayed and got the feeling I was supposed to get to know her better. WHAT! So not the answer I wanted! I wanted to hold on to my negative feelings! After much time and an attitude change on MY part, I now see her heart. She AGREED with the answers given by others and was simply adding her thoughts. Maybe not the same way I would, but not belittling as I had perceived it either.

Opening myself to God on this did two things, it made me rethink how I view people and not be so quick to judge base on my initial impressions. I may still end up with people I simply don't click with, but I TRY not to view them judgmentally or negatively.

All of that to say, be sure to examine what you are bringing into each and every relationship and start recognizing how that plays into the feelings of "love" you have. Bring it to God. Give Him your negative feelings and ask for Him to open your eyes to the positive things about those people. Take your positive feelings to Him and ask Him to guide you in this and show you areas of concern if this is not a relationship He wants in your life.

So as we enter a few lessons on love languages, we need to think about why we desire love; what love looks and feels like for us in different relationships; and how we give love naturally. if we are expressing our love to someone one way but they don't receive love that way, we both miss out. They feel unloved, we feel unappreciated and misunderstood and frustration and anger often follow. This is a huge part of the breakdown of any relationship.

We were designed to seek relationships. Our creator declared that not only did He desired relationship with us, but we were to desire relationship with each other. In Genesis 2:18 the Bible clearly tells us "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone I will make a helper suitable for him.'". In Genesis 3:8-9 we are told "Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, 'Where are you?'". He was actively seeking Adam and Eve. Desiring to interact with them. And He didn't design us to only seek relationship with each other in a romantic way, but true community with others. 1 Corinthians 1:9-10 tells us "God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful. I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so there may be no divisions among you and that you might be perfectly united in mind and thought."

From our desire to seek relationship comes a desire to connect. We want to interact with others in a meaningful way. It leads to our desire to pray and connect with God and our need to talk, some more than others! Mark 12:33 says "To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all the burnt offering and sacrifices." WOW! This implies a desire to connect on a deeper, more meaningful level. This desire gives us the power to demonstrate acceptance and friendship or the power to harm others with our rejection. This is a powerful tool in today's world.

In addition to wanting to connect, we want to take care of others, and be taken care of in return. Philippians 4:19, "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." This isn't just holding hands, scratching someone's back or rubbing their feet (which are all wonderful things!) but true nurturing of all needs, physical and emotional. It drives mothers to feed, shelter and clothe their children, fathers to provide and people in general to truly care about the people around them. Think of and share some ways you feel compelled to nurture those around you. Is it different for family, friends, etc?

We need to feel important or special. Our self-worth or self-esteem comes into play. When we believe that others do not find us valuable (true or not), we start to believe that we are not valuable. As we recognize this need in ourselves, we should begin to recognize the need to fill this need in others. Choose to uplift and encourage others, even when you don't feel like it.

Questions to ponder:

1. What is love to you? Why do you have that view of love?

2. Have you had times where your first impression of someone (either positive or negative) was skewed by what you bring into a relationship and later that impression was changed? Would you share why you think caused the first impression and what triggered the change?

3. What is your first thought when someone says love? Does something in your history figure into your perception of love? Do you think your view of love is healthy or unhealthy? Why?

4. Everyone is at a different place in life, remembering that there are no right or wrong answers, do you feel like your need for connection is seriously lacking, okay, pretty well taken care of, or kinda spotty (Good in some areas, lacking in others)? How can you fix any problem areas?

5. Everyone connects differently. What does connection look like to you in relation to your family? Friends? Church? (Ex: Hanging out, playing games, watching TV, eating meals, conversations, Bible Study, etc.)

6. Just like we all feel connected in different ways, we all feel nurtured or the need to nurture in different ways. What does that look like for you? Is it different with the different people in your life? If so, why?

7. The dreaded self-esteem! Where do you stand? (Low, middle, high) Good in some areas, struggling in others? More importantly, do you share that with others, seeking their help in boosting the lows and viewing the highs objectively? Why or why not?

8. What if anything, really touched you about this lesson? Why?

As you can tell, the above lesson was directed at my youth group. I am pretty much including everything and encouraging the people who read it to really think about it. If you feel comfortable commenting, answering questions, etc. Feel free! I will gladly read those comments! I look forward to seeing what you think!

Suz

Forgiveness

2014-07-24T09:04:00.001-04:00

As I have led my Super Random, God Filled, Crazy People this summer I have pushed. I have pushed them to step out of their comfort zone, become leaders, pray out loud, learn to ask for help, work together, etc.

This week my daughter taught on forgiveness. She had a great start to her lesson. She worked alone and she was prepared...for a very short lesson! It was GREAT to see other kids step in, take the lesson a step farther and see where God led them! I was so awed!

And the lesson that could have gone no where fast......kids from the group quoted some of it in facebook! So it actually hit home!

You know their take away from the lesson?

Forgiveness is like a cut, it will heal, but it will leave a scar. Sometimes that makes you stronger, if you let it. THEN they realized that it is only that way from a human standpoint, from GOD'S standpoint, it can heal completely!

WOW! I'm impressed!

A few were honest and admitted they struggled with forgiveness. One said he struggled with hurt feelings when forgiveness was given to him but trust didn't follow. The whole leaving a scar and needing time to heal thing hit home with him. It was GREAT to see God take a small lesson and make it impactful!

Many thoughts, little time!

2014-07-22T13:58:00.002-04:00

WOW! It has been a LONG time since I wrote anything!

I have been busy living life and running my business. This week I am involved in the Build Your Bundle Homeschooling Book sale (https://www.buildyourbundle.net/affiliates/idevaffiliate.php?id=422) so I have been anticipating TONS of business. Well, it isn't so much a flood, but a tiny trickle so far! Here is hoping though. It is only day two!

I sit here knowing the sun is shining the kids are happy with Grandma, the house is a mess and I went to a meeting this morning to learn how to use Twitter and learned nothing about it, but did get some good insight and networking time with other business owners.

I am learning that there is TONS involved with owning and operating a business that I never considered and I have struggled to feel like I needed to be an expert at it all and I am learning that it is OKAY to not be perfect in every area, as long as you are able to delegate to someone qualified. Sigh, now to find qualified people! :-)

I start a new chapter in life here soon, homeschooling. Yep, we took the leap and are going to homeschool some of the kids. The oldest will stay in school, but the Freshman and 3rd grader will come home and my 4 year old will start a Pre-K/K combo this year. We will see how it goes! I am revved up and they are excited but when reality sets in it may be a different story! I am going to do a post about it once we get going on that!

Have an amazing day if you took the time to read this and let me know you are out there!

Painful Lessons

2013-09-13T17:36:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago for her birthday I got my oldest daughter a hand-fed, peach-faced, love bird. She was BEAUTIFUL!

I really wasn't convinced my daughter would like having a bird around. I thought it might be like all the other animals we had tried in the past (guinea pigs, rabbits, dogs, cats, fish, even our horses!) and it would be a cool novelty for the first few days then the reality of taking care of it would set in and she would be kinda ignoring the bird, etc. I was fully prepared to have to take over the care and keeping of the bird myself.

From the day she arrived and ended up being named Kuruka (Swahili for fly), the bird and Rebekah were best friends. If Rebekah was home, the bird was on her shoulder or with her in some way. They bonded in a way I had never seen.

Yes, you can see what is to come. The child who always left the bird with me when she went in the laundry room with the dogs, one time forgot, then played with the dog, knocking the bird off her shoulder, dog thought bird was toy, grabbed bird. Bird died. Pain hit! HARD! Both for my daughter and I.

For starters we had both bonded with the bird. Second, I hurt because I got my daughter something, in the best of intentions, to bring her joy. Instead it brought her heartache and pain. I felt like I had failed as a Mom in not shielding her and protecting her from that pain. I feel guilty for not reminding her to keep the bird and the dog apart. I felt guilty for not knowing how to keep the bird from dying in my hands a few minutes later.

We are still working through the pain in this house, but I am also seeing the lessons. When tough times hit in life, you can close your eyes and plow ahead and chose to never remember them again, you can choose to wallow in them, constantly returning and getting sucked back into that pain and not letting go of it, or you can choose to learn the lessons that every trail can teach. Rebekah is learning that in the future she will be a lot more careful with her actions. She learned that she LOVED having a bird and she wants another one (which is ordered and will be hatching in the next couple of weeks and arriving here in another 9 weeks or after that). I am learning that as much as I wanted to shield my child from such pain, I can't, but I can help her through it. I can help her learn not to let the pain ruin her life. I can encourage her that even though it hurts, the love is worth it (being widowed, I can identify with that in the scary step of loving again and remarrying!) and that life is for living, not trying to hide from the pain the way Kuruka hid under Rebekah's pony tail!

And though it is hard and painful and we can't see ever loving another bird quite like we did Kuruka, we are learning to stretch our wings, cock our heads, perch on a high spot and examine our world with the wonder and awe of a young bird. Sometimes the perch isn't the safest or the most comfortable, but it is still worth trying! So we are going to get another bird, open our hearts to love, let others in and stop trying to wrap up in bubble wrap for protection!

Have you experienced pain in your life? Has your instinct been to wallow in it, hide from it, plow through it? How did that one work for you?

God didn't call us to protect ourselves from all hurt and pain. He called us to open ourselves to His love and sharing it. It may not be comfortable but that is what we are going to do!

So as we look at pictures and remember, we will also look forward with hope that we will have another amazing bird in the future and until then, we are going to choose to wallow in God's love to comfort the pain. Who wants to wallow with us?

Fruit Cocktail Cake and Memories

2013-06-29T08:06:00.001-04:00

Sounds funny doesn't it? And maybe kinda yucky! Fruit Cocktail Cake. The first time my mom ever told me to get out the recipe I remember looking at her like she was nuts!

My nutty look must not have gone un-noticed because my mom told me that way back during the depression my grandma had this recipe for cake that didn't use milk. It was not uncommon to improvise things back then and I guess this was an improvision that they liked so well, they kept the recipe. I admit it, I had heard of ritz cracker apple pies that are made of crackers but supposed to taste like apple pie. I just don't buy it! So this idea of using fruit cocktail in a cake had me leery. Of course, this was BEFORE we made it.

After we made the fruit cocktail cake, I thought we messed it up! It was darker brown than most cakes, it was moist and one of the huge things I don't like about cake is that dryness so I thought we did something wrong! Mom reassured me that this was right. As we ate the cake I was in shock! This is a cake that is moist! And yummy!

Over the years I forgot the recipe even existed (am I the only one that does that?) but as I grew and got married and was moving out on my own, one thing I did was to go to Mom's recipe box and go through each recipe! You know, you don't think about it, but when you live at home and the box is there and you KNOW you have the recipes, you don't need them, but once you are on your own and you have to call and ask for the recipe a few times, you go with a bunch of cards and start copying! I found this recipe again during that trip to Mom's recipe box.

Of course, I didn't write it as nicely as Mom and I don't make it that often because it is still a cake and therefore not that healthy. Mom has made it with Splenda instead of sugar (I can't stand artificial sweeteners ever but it can be done!) For me what matters is the memories. When I make it, I remember that time I thought my mom was nuts (yes, there were PLENTY of other times I thought that and when I get that look from MY daughters, I try to extend grace!) and I remember my grandma (who would have been 101 this year). And I smile!

I still haven't learned how to put little arrows and such, but you can clearly see the marachino cherry in the bottom left corner. We add extras because our family LOVES them, but they are not required!

Fruit Cocktail Cake

2 Cups Flour

2 Cups Sugar

2 Eggs

1 Tsp. Salt

1 Tsp Vanilla (I use a bit more, but I make my own vanilla and have plenty on hand)

2 Tsp Baking Soda

Mix it all up. Then drain into separate bowl one large can fruit cocktail. Dump JUST the fruit into the batter. IF it is really dry, add some of the juice you drained, until you get a cake batter texture.

Pour into 8 x 8 x 2 pan. (hint, if you triple the recipe it perfectly fills TWO 9 x 13 pans) Then you have one for a carry in and one to leave at home! ;-)

Bake at 325 for about 50 minutes. Then enjoy!

As you can see from the picture, this is not typically frosted. I am sure it COULD be, but we never have. It truly doesn't need it!

If you try this recipe, let me know what you think!

Sleep, Bedtimes

2013-06-26T09:01:00.002-04:00

I admit it, I feel like ranting! So I'm throwing this out there...does ANYONE out there have bedtimes for their children and if so, what are they?

My children have bedtimes, summer and winter, spring and fall, weekends and weekdays. I'm mean.

My children are ages 14, 13, 7 and 3. For this summer the 14 and 13 year olds have an 8:30 bedtime. I know they don't actually shut off the light and settle until closer to 9 and that is okay. Heading to their rooms helps relax them and get them started down the road to sleep. The younger two are in bed between 7:30 and 8:00 depending on how grumpy they are!

I know MANY people who think I am too strict, too mean, too unreasonable, too mean...you name it and I have heard it!

My 8 year old nephew had a little league ball game last night that was supposed to START at 8:00 PM! That is crazy! By 8 pm, 8 year old boys need to be settling, calming, reading stories with Mommy and getting tucked in! Not starting a baseball game! But wait, the team before them took too long so their game didn't START until about 8:45! Yes, 8:45 at NIGHT! Then it is supposed to last an hour and a half! Do the math! If a storm hadn't blown up and made them call the game, my nephew could have been playing ball until 10:15 at night! Allowing time to get home and go STRAIGHT to bed he would still have been up until at least 10:40. I don't even stay up that late!

I have noticed a pattern with sports. It is crazy, they expect hours of practice, they expect game times and practice times that make family meals virtually impossible, but it isn't just sports, all sorts of clubs and such are working to fit in around all the others and have crazy schedules! What happened to families settling down and spending some quiet time together?

So I am curious, am I an oddity or do you all have bedtimes and such for your children?

I am also the mean Mom who expects her children to actually get up all summer long! They do NOT get to sleep away the day. Their bodies do better on a schedule so they get to keep closer to their school schedule!

Do you have stress?

2013-04-16T09:28:00.002-04:00

HA! What a question! Do you have stress? Don't we all? But the important question is how do you deal with it?

I have realized something lately....we all try to deal with it ourselves! Why do we do that to ourselves? That actually just piles on MORE stress! But realistically, why do we do that? I know for me I try to deal with it myself for a variety of reasons. I don't want to bother my family or friends. I know everyone else has enough junk to deal with and I don't want to bother them, add to their stress or a variety of other things. I sometimes feel like it is a weakness to admit I need help. I sometimes am embarrassed that I can't deal with it as well as I feel I should. Or think I am stressed over things that don't stress other people.

Anyone else ever feel like that?

Well, I was thinking about it today and I remembered...yeah, I know, a bit late, that I don't HAVE to deal with stress alone! For starters, I have God. An amazing and wonderfully loving God who WANTS me to come to him with my stress! And even if I don't go to him, he knows anyway. It isn't like with a friend that I can try to not bother them and they are clueless.

So as I sit here today, trying NOT to focus on all the millions of things I need to get done, or how stressful the evening running around will be, I am resting in him. I am relaxing and knowing that he will be with me today no matter what I go through. He knows all the things I forget and how important they are. He knows how I try to keep organized (and fail!). He knows what works for me and what frustrates me. He also helps me remember and try new things to see what works for me. I have to CHOOSE, DAILY, to trust that he is with me no matter what. That doesn't make the stress go away, it just makes it easier!

So, how can I deal with stress, since it DOES exist and I can't avoid it? First, I am going to acknowledge it. I am stressed. Partially because of things I can control and partially because of things I can't control. Identifying what you CAN control is next. If you are in charge of it and it stresses you, figure out how to change that! For me, I am an avoider. If I know something is going to stress me or be difficult, I avoid it. Then I stress and worry because it isn't done. DUH! If I would just do it and get it over with, then yes, I would have some stress, but then it would be done! We did that with our taxes this year. Usually we have them done in early February but this year with our exchange student we weren't really sure how to do them so we just kept putting them off. Yep, right up until Sunday. Then it turned out they were pretty easy and we cheated ourselves out of our return for quite a long time! Sounds silly, but we did it!

After I change the things that I CAN change and acknowledged that I can't change some things, I have to change my attitude. I spend a lot of time frustrated by the things I can't change. Like that does any good, right? So instead, when there are things beyond my control I am working on REGULARLY and CONSISTENTLY giving them to God. Simply acknowledging that he is in control of the situation and he sees the big picture is pretty comforting. Some people will rely on a Bible verse or a phrase that calms or comforts them. It doesn't happen overnight.

The last thing I am really working on is to STOP! Stop worrying, stop fretting and mostly stop dwelling on the negatives. This became clear to me last week when I had a really busy week and I was REALLY looking forward to my Friday home...all day....just me and James....working on business stuff....blogging....hanging out....catching up on chores.....etc. Hmmm....was that God's plan? Apparently not. I had a friend who had her dad die that morning. So I grabbed some food and headed to her house. I felt really silly because I took a laundry basket (yes, really) full of "stuff" and it is a friend that even though we get along, we don't spend that much time together so I wasn't entire confident that she "needed" me. So I packed up my food and my makings for chai and I headed over there. I parked myself in her kitchen, made chai, started a meal in the crock pot and basically hung out and listened to her talk. I let my little man play with her children and distract them. I stressed that I wasn't doing enough and yada yada yada. Then God knocked on my heart and told me it wasn't about ME...it was about HER. I was filling a need. Even if I didn't feel useful. And all of the sudden, my stress left. I wasn't worried about what I WASN'T doing. I was just enjoying strengthening a friendship. I was not worrying about all the "Stuff" and I was worrying about my friend. Yes, it was a really long day. No, I didn't get anything done that I had planned, but I followed God's plan and I felt no stress about what I didn't get done. It was still all waiting for me on Saturday!

So today is another day when I could stress, lots to do, unsure of the exact schedule, a long list of things to do, etc. And yet, I am at peace. God is in control and I am allowing that. And just since I started typing this, one of the things that I was regretting saying yes to because it was causing me a scheduling conflict and some stress got cancelled. See, calm down, focus on God and give him the stress. He is so much better at dealing with it than I am! I think I will head out to finish my day calmer and less stressed, more focused on him today!

How will you handle your stress today? Alone or with Him?

Balancing Act

2013-03-16T17:30:00.000-04:00

My life is just one giant balancing act! Sometimes I feel like I am perched precariously on the edge of a teeter-totter and I never know if I am going up or down!

As I try to figure it out, more and more things get piled on and I am always struggling to figure it out! Unfortunately my teeter totter is not as simple as the one pictured above. I have my family, my new home based business, my church commitments, my youth group mentoring and then in there somewhere I like to do a few things for me! How do you prioritize your time? Do you have a list of things that are all important? How do you balance them?

Sometimes I feel like I am sitting on a swing! I am working as hard as I can but I am actually getting nowhere! It may even be fun but I still make no progress over time. I am active, I am killing time, I am even enjoying it but the progress is not happening!

I am still trying to figure this out on a regular basis but I have come to some conclusions lately.

First is God. ALWAYS God is first. When I start my day with Bible study and prayer, my day just goes better. I KNOW this. I have experienced this regularly. Of course, I also regularly forget it. I get "BUSY" and it slips my mind. I have the world's best intentions but follow through is sporadic. Then I get discouraged!

Second is family. This gets more complicated. It shouldn't but when you have a larger family (I have 4 children and 1 exchange student until June), it is just hard to keep up with EVERYONE the same. I WANT to devote equal amounts of quality time to each person but then I also see that each one needs me differently at different times so I can't schedule this to fit MY needs. I need to fit THEIR needs. That makes is so much more complicated! I still haven't quite figured out how to balance the needs of my 3 year old with the needs of my 14 year old! I have discovered though, that QUALITY time is different in each of their eyes. For my 3 year old, it is cuddle time. Or playing with trains! For my 7 year old, she just wants me to take her with me. Just her. No one else. If I go to the store and I take her, it makes her happy. For my 12 year old...UGH...your guess is as good as mine! It varies so much from day to day, week to week that I can't keep up with her! My 14 year old wants quiet, contemplative time. She wants to work with me while no one else is around so we can talk and if that time is NOT available (even if she chooses not to use it!) then she gets grumpy and conflict happens. That is when her worst attitude comes out.

Then I have my good intentions...my business that is to help me be able to stay home with my children and devote more time to them. It takes part of my time, but still less time than a full time, out of the house job would. I can be flexible and work around their schedules so that I have to spend part of the time away from them, but I can do it at the best times for them.

My time with the church and with youth group is not as flexible. There are scheduled events. But I have chosen to get involved in ways that I am either with my children or busy at the same times they are busy so that I am not stealing too much of their time.

The part that really bothers me is the taxi service. It seems like the kids (who have very limited activities) are in things at different times! I spend much more time running from place to place than I want to. I am sure that will get better as it is easier to leave the littler ones with older ones.

As I stop to think about my life, I am thrilled. I love it. I knew when I was a child that being a Mom was a very important thing to me. I now find that it is the most rewarding thing! I have a wonderful husband who supports me in staying home and devoting time to being a Mom and that adds to it. I don't know how people work full time and still are Wife, Mom, Housekeeper and any other title you can think of! It would exhaust me!

So today as I balance my schedule....and learn to say NO to a few things (which isn't too easy!), I encourage you to prioritize and learn to say NO to a few things! Focus on the best things in your life and know that your family will appreciate it!

Re-evaluating your home church

2013-03-12T16:00:00.001-04:00

Sounds kinda strange doesn't it? Re-evaluating your home church? When was the last time you did that? Have you ever?

Think back...how long have you been in your current church? 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years or more? Now think about this...how much have you, and your family, changed in that amount of time? A little, a lot, so much that people couldn't recognize you on the street if they knew you then?

As I look back at the churches I have attended in my life as a believer, I see similarities...and extreme differences! I chose my first church because I was at college and I had friends who said "Hey, this church has a great college class, really active and lots of fun". Yep, it might sound shallow but that is how it was chosen. Combine that with the fact that the church ran a free shuttle bus to the college campus to get me and I didn't have to beg a ride each week. Hey, I was a college kid with no vehicle...what do you expect! HOWEVER....if that was all the church offered, I wouldn't have lasted long! As it was, I learned that the Bible was not just something historical...but applicable to my daily life! A lesson I treasure to this day!

My next major church change...my husband and I chose a church that was close to our house. Yep, we were in a larger city than either of us had ever been in and we found a small church close to us. It was all about location. And we muddled through. We liked a lot of the people but really didn't get fed much there. The sermons were not impactful, there was not much in the way of bible study available, etc. We kind of just hung out there while trying to decide what to do. Then we found out the church had hired a known child molester to drive the van for the church daycare and we decided that was it for us! We really didn't want anything to do with a church willing to compromise children. While we were totally not against giving second chances to people, that went a bit far on the foolish and downright dangerous side!

Next came a church farther away....we went there for 6 months. The first day we were there we were greeted....in the next 6 months we were never greeted, never invited to Sunday school, never connected at all. We skipped an entire month of church and when we got back someone came up and said "It was so nice to see you guys last week." but we hadn't been there the week before. We hadn't been missed and it wasn't noticed if we were there. So guess what....we left!

I was at each of those churches for about a year. Then we found a home church. It was a large church....and I mean large! We went to the church the first week and I loved it! Of course, I was pumped and getting so much out of the sermon and I looked over and my darling hubby who took notes every single week was not writing a thing! Ack! Oh no! What now! Were we going to clash? Nope...this is when I learned that he took notes to help him stay focused on boring sermons but that sermon was enough to capture his attention and keep it! We had found our home! We were there a long time. Through the birth of our two daughters, through his illness and eventual death. We loved the Saturday night service that was smaller than the Sunday morning ones. We connected. We made friends. We got involved. But, after I got remarried and we were moving away, it wasn't realistic to stay there. Change needed to come.

We moved to our current church. Once again we chose because of seemingly little things...it was close to the house, we knew at least one couple who went there and it had a band. Yep. It had a band. Those were the draws! Over the last 10 years we have changed our family dynamic from Mom, Dad and two little girls to now having Mom, Dad, teenager, tween, little girl and preschool boy! WOW! What a change! And in that time I have tried various things in the church, bible study, Sunday school, hanging out with other ladies while the kids were at Awana, ladies' night outs, etc. The kids loved it. They have a great program for young children. They learn a ton. They have wonderful people there who genuinely love the kids. But I wasn't connected. We stayed there for the kids. As time passed I got involved with the youth group. I found a spot I fit! I still felt the lack of connections in the friendship area but I felt like God had a plan for me with the youth. This past year has been hard. I know I am drawn to working with the teens, but the kids were floundering. There were changes happening in the youth Sunday school that the kids didn't like. The youngest girl was just not enjoying Awana. We were getting GREAT sermons but not even getting to say "hi" to people in church. We would walk in, go to service and walk out. No connections. People would refer to my home church and I wanted to say...not a home...just a place we go to listen to great sermons with no connections to people! Then came more changes...the youth group is changing....and for reasons I won't get into, I am given a strong impression that I am not welcome or wanted to be working with the teens this fall. As all of this is happening, a friend is talking about a new church they are starting and I keep thinking...WOW! That sounds like a church I would love...but I don't want to move my kids, rock the boat, make a change, etc. More things happen....and I start to realize....maybe God is talking and I am stuck in my church rut, ignoring Him.

So along comes some serious prayer time! And I realized! A church that fits you (speaking generically here, not about any church in particular) when you are a young couple which children who are 2, 3 or 4 and the church has a fabulous children's program might NOT be such a great fit when your children are 12, 13 or 14 if they don't have an equally amazing teenage/youth program. Yet we stay. We are COMFORTABLE where we are...but are we getting the MOST out of church? My family dynamic has changed a LOT in the last 10 years. If I were to look NOW for a church, we would not look for the same things we looked for 10 years ago. Oh yes, there are still benefits at our church. It is still the same distance from our home, they still have a band, we still get fabulous, thought provoking sermons....yet we are still disconnected, our children don't feel like they are getting anything from Sunday school, we are left searching for more.

After all this time I have become convinced that maybe God is leading us in another direction. Maybe HE has a greater plan and I am missing it because I am nervous, even scared, to go to a new church where I might not know anyone! I don't wanna leave my comfort zone! Maybe I am wrong! Maybe I am misinterpreting things! Maybe I am right where God wants me and the restless and lack of peace I feel is satan and not God prompting me to stretch? Gee, how easy it would be to talk myself into staying right there in the same old rut I have been in! Does that mean my current church is a bad church? NO! Absolutely not! But even a great church might not be where God wants me and that means I am missing out on His plan in my life!

Wow! Where did this all come from? What does it mean? It means that after some really serious prayer time, my family is church hunting! It doesn't mean we hate our church, the people in it, or that there was anything horrible that happened to make us leave...it simply means that over time the call we feel from God is AWAY from our current church and TOWARD something else. We aren't sure where He is leading, but we do know we need to follow and if we don't we will miss out.

Will I miss my church, where my children are comfortable and I know the sermons will lead me toward God? Yes. Am I eagerly anticipating what He has in store for us? YES! And that is the key. I want to make sure I am listening and following Him rather than staying in my comfortable rut and missing out!

How about you? Care to re-evaluate with me? Maybe your answer will be that you are exactly where God wants you! How cool would that be!? Maybe you will find that like us, He is calling you to try out something new? Are you willing to try?

I am stepping out in faith (and lots of trepidation) and trusting that something amazing is happening in our family!

Master Bedroom

2013-02-21T12:47:00.000-05:00

How many of you have the master bedroom as your personal sanctuary? Your special place for you and your hubby? How many have your kids in and out of it all day and all night? Is it clean or is it the catch all room?

In our house it is a combo. While are children are not forbidden to be in our room, it is also not a regular place for them. They can, and often do, drop things off in there but it is essentially OUR space. They do not share our bed or come to our room regularly. The occasional thunderstorm or nightmare will drive a younger child to the floor beside our bed. Usually sickness ends with Mommy in the living room with the child. That being said...our room is also that catch all! It is the place where everything gets thrown! Company pulling in the driveway? Hurry, run this basket of clean laundry to Mom's room and shut the door! Don't know what to do with something? Drop it in Mom's room and let her deal with it. And MOST of the time it gets tossed on my bed. Well, come 10 pm when I am trying to go to bed I am NOT in the mood to fold, sort or otherwise deal with STUFF...so it gets moved to the floor to be dealt with later. There is the catch....when is later? For me, it never seems to come! Here are the before pictures. I will be honest...this is the worst it has ever been!

As you can see, there was stuff kind of piled everywhere. Some from Christmas. Some from loaning the breathing machine but not the medicine to an Amish friend. Some that needs stored. Some that is too small for my kids and needs donated but I had to sort it first. Everything gets tossed in here!

Well, yesterday morning...when these pictures were taken...I had been at the end of my rope! I was at my ultimate limit! And the kids had stepped up on Monday and had the first floor in good shape so instead of dedicating my time to my public areas, I got to attack my personal, private HEAP!

Do I want it to get this bad? No! Do I usually let it? No. Does it get so overwhelming that I don't know where to start? Oh yeah!

So I started at the doorway and worked across the room. I sorted, I removed from the room. There was very little trash...it was all stuff that hasn't been put away (like laundry tossed on the cedar chest) and Christmas gifts and such. So I worked, and I worked and I worked. And then I had to leave! It wasn't done! I knew it would be hard to come back and I didn't want to leave it half done...but I had to!

Before I got to the room again, a friend posted on her facebook about rearranging furniture. She asked if we tend to periodically rearrange or leave everything as is. I am a rearranger. I LOVE to rearrange when the kids and Cory are not home and then watch their faces when they walk in! Too funny! So of course, I decided to finish the room last night and rearrange while I was at it!

There are still areas that need help like the top of this wire cage drawer for Cory's jeans. And you might be able to see that the rug needs vacuumed...but since I really don't OWN one....I have to borrow from my mother-in-law! This also has shelves on top that are waiting for my hubby to have time to install them on either side of the fireplace. They have been sitting there since I got them for him for Christmas....at least 4 years ago! Should I hold my breath that they will get up this year? Maybe! The two doors lead to the bathroom and the bedroom walk-in closet which were not yet TOUCHED so the doors got closed so you couldn't see them!

I also still need to tackle my bookshelf. If you can see, it is all at least 2 books deep and much of it is 3 layers deep. And this is just ONE bookshelf in the house! There is another in the hallway, one in Rebekah's room, at least two in the basement and still books in boxes! This picture also shows the wire basket unit that holds my jeans and shorts. Since I have family who sent me lots of pretty things from Kenya, I used some of them to drape over the sides of the baskets to pretty them up a bit!

As I continue to go around the room, I am reminded how much love my hubby put into this room as he carefully laid the wood floor and put the beautiful patterns in it. You can see the lighter stripes in these pictures but as I get over the fire place you can truly see his craftsmanship as you look under the wood rack and see the intricate square he created. It took him a long time to get it just right and it was all because he wanted our room to feel special. Then it struck me. Keeping my house clean is something I have tried to do to make it welcoming so I could feel free to invite people and share my God with them. But my room gets put last. What does that tell my hubby? Am I unintentionally telling him that he isn't as important to me as a million other things? Am I giving him the impression that I don't love him enough to put forth the effort? Oh, ouch! That kinda hurts! And yet....it gives me pause. And it gives me motivation! I want to finish the room and have it look AMAZING instead of just tidy up a bit! I want to blow him away! Oh, realistically I still see areas that need work and have no idea when I will get back up there to work on them, but I can say he was in shock when he got up there last night. He joked about being in the wrong house! And he slept peacefully in front of the fire in this clean room, having been SHOWN he was important.

As you can see, the mantle still needs some work...and I realized yesterday that only 2 of our 4 children have their picture up! Oops! Guess I need to add a few frames! The wood rack is empty since he made a fire last night and the one downstairs is full so I think I will take some up and get it ready for another fire! That was nice! Falling asleep to the crackling fire! My curio cabinet of music boxes got moved, but not dusted and cleaned out well. I admit it. It is not a perfect job! But I think the amazing thing is that I did it! I cleaned up the room, I moved the curio cabinet, the bed and the cedar chest and the end result was that Cory wanted to know WHY and I was able to say "Because I love you".

And you know the side benefit? Some giggles! See, moving the bed all around messed with him! He gets up earlier than me in the morning and he is so wonderful he makes his way to the bathroom in the dark. He has done it from one spot in the room for a year or two now. So this morning he floundered. He fumbled! He almost fell! It appears he does better maneuvering through a maze of stuff than across open floor space! Oops! Sorry dear! But you will get used to it because I realized! My master bedroom IS my sanctuary! And it is evidence of my love for my husband and he is NOT going to come last on the list anymore!

Thank you for sharing this walk through my honestly horrible room! Next on my list will be the bathroom and the closet....but I admit...not today! We are painting the living room, staircase and part of the kitchen this weekend and I am resting up to tackle that!

Amazing Day!

2013-02-18T19:08:00.000-05:00

I just had to post about this! Today was a day off school. Usually I dread those! I knew I was having friends over this afternoon to plan the garden. I knew I wanted the house cleaned up but was sure I was going to have to FIGHT to get it done. I hate that. I dread that! I wanted to avoid today.

James got up early and whiny. Oh great! This is not a great start! The girls didn't get up. We had to get them up. It was later than normal so I was pretty convinced that I was going to end up with grumps! They came down and quietly got breakfast. I wondered then why they were so quiet!

Well, the next thing I knew, they were ALL working on their chores WITHOUT me saying anything! They worked and worked and worked together. The house got cleaner and I got happier and they kept at it! They came to me and asked me to inspect rooms they thought were good enough. They didn't complain when I pointed out areas I thought they had missed! They didn't complain when I asked them to do something, they just stopped what they were doing, did what I asked and then went back to the previous job. This in itself is pretty shocking!

BUT that isn't all! Seriously! It got BETTER!

They asked if they could call Mamaw and have her come and play games. They called and she was going to be an hour or so. They got out the Wii and played together. Usually it only takes about 10 minutes for it to digress into bickering, fighting, insisting that someone is out to get the other, etc. Today, it was quiet. They started laughing. They were nice. They had fun. They stopped and got lunch and cleaned up the Wii without complaint! I was well on my way to my heart attack when my friends came over.

As my friends and I planned our garden (we are sharing this year), my kids played games with my mom. Lots of games. For a couple of hours. With no raised voices, lots of laughter and no fighting! I was SO glad! I was pretty sure it was too good to be true! They continued all day (and at 7 pm they are still calm and happy and I am still in shock!)

Well, I have to admit it! As shocked and pleased as I was, I decided to treat them! We went to Dairy Queen. That doesn't happen often! I thought I would share this short video of my James as he tried to eat his ice cream. He is so particular about getting "yucky" that he didn't really want to hold it! It was really pretty funny! He eventually decided that the ice cream was not worth it and gave the whole thing to his sister!

Weekend, Full House, Project Prep

2013-02-16T08:26:00.001-05:00

The weekend has arrived. Around here that means a full house. And it doesn't just mean that we have all of our family home, often we have multiple extras here! This weekend is kinda calm and quiet! Bethany has a sinus infection and is still a bit under the weather. Rebekah is pretty tired and has to babysit later this evening. Jessica and James will play all day! Laura will chat with her parents and possibly some friends. I can't imagine sending my child around the world and just using Skype to talk to them once a week! WOW!

Cory is going over to his cousin's house and helping cut wood all day. And I get to tackle the house! Yep, the entire house! It seems like we had a crazy week and things got behind, again! So today I start in the kitchen, and I move through the living room, foyer and dining room. Somewhere in there I want to get some laundry done....and clean up the laundry room....and then there are bathrooms. Oh my. I haven't even mentioned bedrooms yet!

See, I have a goal! I know it sounds crazy but a month or more ago we bought paint for the living room and kitchen and stairway up. Yep, there it sits. Forgotten in front of the fireplace, hidden behind some toys, blocked by the wood rack, used as a stepstool for my son to try to reach the phones on the mantle. Kinda expensive step stool.

I was the one who instigated the paint change in the rooms...and I think it will be great! We decided to go with some coordinating colors....and I chose one that was light and pretty and I thought would be a change but not too drastic. I am not afraid of color, but just wanted to be light and open! The picture doesn't show well, but we have a fairly bright blue/teal mix now and the light swatch in the middle is more of a light green color. Still nice and bright and having more color than white or cream, but not the blue that seems to show dirt and dings quite badly!

I let my hubby pick the accent color. I thought it would be nice to change it up since right now the entire living room, all the way up the stairs and all of the hallways upstairs are the same color. We talked about making the staircase a different color and make the wall with the fireplace in the living room be the matching color as an accent to tie the two areas together. I thought since I picked a light color that Cory would to and we worked and worked and worked....and this is what he chose!

Yes, that is a red color. Now the picture does not do it justice...it is called some kind of bean. It kinda reminds me of the color of those Boston Baked Bean candies we used to get Mom when we were kids! Anyone else remember those? Anyway, it almost exactly matches the flowers in the border in my kitchen.

My kitchen is a room I LOVE! I have posted pictures of it on my blog before. I decided when we were building the house that I wanted the backsplash between my counter and my cupboards to be pretty....and I knew I wanted flowers and yellow, bright, cheery and welcoming! This is the border we found, but it was tall! Taller than "normal". We put up the border before the cupboards and counters went in. My mom and I talked and talked and finally decided that the border wouldn't last if we didn't protect it so we covered it with a satin polyurethane that would make it washable. Then we chose a paint color for the room based on the border since most areas it goes under the counter and/or cupboard but at the stove, it ends about 4 inches below the hood. Well, after 9 years that yellow above the cupboards and especially around the doorways is looking pretty dingy and banged up and shows fingerprints terribly! So, since the color matches, Cory decided we should put the red color above the cupboards and around the door frames so that it blends the living room and dining room and hallway and staircase all together. Since we have an open floor plan, that should work well, I hope!

So my goal for this weekend is to get the house cleaned up enough that I can tell the kids that next weekend, no matter what, we are painting! It will be clean enough to shove everything to the middle of the room and paint around the edges. It will be enough warning that they can plan ahead and NOT try to go to a friend's house or whatever. In my dreams, this is going to work well! In reality....well, I will post updates!

Anyone else have a huge project like this that you need to tackle? Are you like me and have put it off for a couple of weeks, or months....or more like me and have known it needed done for a couple of years?

How often do you paint the rooms in your house? Do you have any rooms (like my dining room) that you absolutely love and you are trying to wait as long as possible to paint it because you can't imagine changing it to anything else?

What weekend project can you start today?

Productive Week Here

2013-02-15T12:37:00.001-05:00

This is one of those weeks where I actually feel VERY productive! Amazing!

I spent quite a bit of time working on business things. I am trying to get my business off the ground and doing so takes TIME! I have invested time in website pictures like the one above this week, product making this week, research and development including new scents AND new products like my new sugar scrub pictured here and working on new scent blends too. Created a Citrus Burst, one lemony one for my daughter that smelled like Lemon Head Candy and a Chai Spice on that my best friend should love!

In addition to that, I have dealt with a little boy who decided that if he was potty trained during the day he should wear undies to bed...GREAT right? Well, 4 dry nights have also ended up with 4 HORRIBLY wet days! Like 5-6 times a day after a month of only maybe once a day at most! I so do not understand the workings of a 3 year old mind!

I have been trying to garden plan a little bit and have a friend coming on Monday to plan what seeds we will be using in our shared garden this year. Planning ahead on garden projects too, like asking my hubby to create a tomato cage/stake combo and discovering I should think about using that for peas too!

Then I have had my "normal" things like laundry and dishes and cooking (I did resort to freezer meals a few times, glad I made them a month ago!) and cleaning and being a taxi (for my children and the Amish), and parent/teacher conferences, and a broken down (then repaired thanks to my hubby) van, and the list goes on!

How in the world do people run a house and work outside of it also!?

So as I sit here with a new recipe in the oven, wondering if my kids will like it, I think I need to work on labeling all of the products I made, and I should think about preparing dinner...but instead I am typing!

Wanna know my recipe? I twisted a recipe from this site.

I didn't have quite all the ingredients so I just started tossing in things I thought would work! :-) Yeah, that is totally how I roll! So, my revised recipe?

1 1/2 cups old fashioned oats
1/2 cup grated coconut
A healthy handful of peanuts (roasted and salted because that is what I had, but I eliminated the salt later then!)
I was gonna use raisins, but found a partial bag of chocolate chips and decided to treat the kids!

Mix these separate and pour over:
A healthy bit of vanilla (I never measure!)
A couple good spoonfuls of JIF Chocolate flavored Hazelnut Spread
A bit more than 1/2 cup of honey...it just seemed a bit stiff yet so I added a bit more.

I mixed everything together and put in a 9X13 pan lined with parchment paper and pressed flat. I then put them in the oven at 325 for 20 minutes because my kids would rather have chewy than crispy crunchy granola bars! And now I wait! Only 5 minutes left! Oh! Hey! Guess what! I (who don't like chocolate!) do not have to be the guinea pig! See, my 12 year old is home sick today!

Doesn't she look like a good guinea pig all curled up with our Daisy with her? I think she looks hungry! She needs a snack!

So as I close and take the granola out to cool, I am moving on to the 3 year old not napping, the packaging that needs done and contemplating labeling changes on the product I made yesterday. I'm just not happy with trying to fit all the info on one label.

Menu/Grocery Planning

2013-02-10T15:38:00.001-05:00

So as I am going through the weeks and having the kids each be responsible for a room, I am learning that they think meals magically appear on the table with no thought, no planning, no preparation and definitely no WORK! :-) So as I am doing this, the kids have the dining room responsibility one week and the kitchen the next week. When they are in the dining room they are responsible for creating a menu for the following week and taking that menu and building a grocery list from it. This is more complicated than it sounds apparently as my 14 year old just informed me that this is HARD! :-)

I have found a menu paper that I am liking fairly well. Of course, it is a PDF and I don't know how to imbed that in here! ACK! So, I will have to take a picture of one and post it! Anyway, I use a menu plan where they plan 6 main meals. Yes, I am aware there are 7 days in a week. I also recognize that I am not super woman and it is fairly unreasonable to expect that I will be able to manage to cook all 7 days and if by some miracle that DOES become a possibility, I can always use something that I didn't manage to make the week before! Usually on the 7th day, or the 2nd or whatever day my schedule goes nuts and cooking is no longer an option, we have leftovers or sandwiches! I do not plan breakfast, lunch and dinner the way many online menu planning gurus seem to be able to! Actually, I struggle in the summer time because I have to have three meals a day! They are usually on their own for breakfast, lunch is often sandwiches or leftovers and dinner is all together. They have to choose side dishes, any desserts they want, etc.

I also have a grocery list form that seems to work well for me. Yes, it is PDF also and if I can find a way, I will come back and edit this to include that instead of just a picture! This grocery list seems to work pretty well for me. I know, I have tons of grocery lists that involve pre-printed complete lists that I just have to check off when I need it with a \ then when I purchase it I use the other / so that I have an X when I have it on hand but this doesn't seem to work well for me! I like this one that is set up in generic categories and leaves me room for adding in my own items. Personal preference here and if anyone wants different grocery list options...or wants to be able to print anything I have included a picture of, I have figured out I can email a .pdf so I am more than happy to email it to you!

Is my menu/grocery planning perfect? Absolutely not! But have I improved the planning ahead for our family? YES! I used to have multiple days where I stood in front of the cupboard or the refrigerator or freezer and shook my head and said "What sounds good? Oh, I don't have the ingredients for that!" and I have pretty much eliminated that! I have also shared the menu planning with the children which means that at least one week a month they get to pick all of their favorite meals! This means I know they will be happy and they will also NOT complain about other meal choices because they know their time is coming!

How does menu planning work in your house? Or does it even exist? How about grocery shopping? Do you use a list?

Building Blocks--I am a Child of God

2013-02-08T10:38:00.001-05:00

My life is based on a few basic building blocks! Like this tower of blocks, it can be messy, unstable or dizzying, it may even have blocks pulled out, but the foundation never fails, never falls and always supports what I build on top of it! Here is my corner stone.

As a child, I knew I had a good life. I had two parents who love me and loved each other. I lived on a farm and I worked hard (and resented it) but I knew that I was loved. As I grew into my teens, I knew there was something missing. I mean, I was a good kid. I didn't mess around with drugs, alcohol or boys but I still felt like good wasn't enough. I rode my bike to the little country church down the road....there weren't many kids around and even fewer at the church. But I went...and I felt "something" that I just didn't fully understand.

As I grew into my junior and senior year of high school, my best friend invited me to her church. They seemed focused on family. They seemed fun. They seemed to have what I was lacking. I went. And I went. And I went. I was involved in Campus Life but it wasn't reaching what I needed. Her church REALLY gets into outreach and missions. So, soon after I turned 18 in my senior year, I was baptized in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I didn't really know WHAT it was...but they loved me.

I headed to college. I had applied and gotten accepted to Taylor University and I was happy to go down there. I knew it was a place where I could continue on my quest for what I was missing. I went to the Mormon church down there twice. I was SO extremely uncomfortable that I never went back and I stopped reading my Bible since all I had with me was one with the Book of Mormon references and such. I could tell that this was NOT working for me and that I had been caught up in the novelty of having them reach out and actively try to attract me. I was lost. I was not connecting with my roommate. I went to my dorm mom and begged for help. She gave me a Bible that didn't have extra junk in it. I learned what praise and worship music was. I decided to stop sitting in my dorm and get involved! WOW! Eventually I met a man and we started dating. His parents were missionaries in Kenya! Talk about connected to God! I wanted the peace that he had! Unfortunately I was lazy and I thought he could just explain it once and BAM! Peace would come. Well, he loved me enough that he wouldn't let me build on his faith. He could have. He could have answered every one of my questions and my faith would have been just there. Instead, he was "mean". He led me through two books (Know What You Believe and Know Why You Believe from Paul Little) and he REFUSED to answer my questions! Sounds mean doesn't it! Worse, when we were studying he wouldn't hold my hand, put his arm around me or act like my boyfriend at all! He made me write all my questions on sticky notes and then we went through the book page by page and he guided me to the Bible for my answers! If I had a question about that Bible verse, he showed me to look at the related passages often listed and compare them until I found answers for myself! Frustrated I asked him why he was being so hard on me! The answer...he loved me and wanted to marry me but he wanted to first make sure that my faith was MY faith, not his. He wanted to make sure that I didn't base my relationship with my FATHER on my love and attraction to him! People, that is LOVE! And I don't just mean that Tim loved me, but I see that God knew exactly how lazy I was, exactly the type of challenge I needed and loved me enough to put the people in my life to lead me to Him in a LASTING way, even if it wasn't the EASY way.

It was about this time that I accepted Christ into my heart and really understood that peace! I don't really have a TIME. I know it was during the fall of 1993 and that it was in the little theater that used to be at Taylor University. I know it was gradual. I know that my faith became MINE!

A few years have passed since then (like 20 now!) and my life has changed, grown and had many ups and downs (including marrying that man and having two amazing children with him, finding him suffering from a brain tumor and subsequently dying....but my faith didn't die with him because he loved me enough to make it MINE not HIS! WOW! He really was amazing! but not nearly as amazing as my God!) and yet my faith has continued to grow!

For a long time I regretted my dip into the Mormon church but I have discovered that even though I don't understand everything in my past, God has a plan and some way, some how it molded me and helps me to be more than I would have been without it.

Is my life perfect because I KNOW I am God's child? Nope! Not even close! But I can say with certainty that I love God, I know He loves me! I know He sent His son, Jesus, to die on a cross for ME out of love. I don't have to understand all the stuff. I just have to wallow in His love! Doing so lets all of the other blocks in my life start to form and take shape. Holding firm and steady on this foundation block! His amazing love for me!

Do you wallow in His love in your life? If not, what is holding you back?

Just an FYI...even though I linked to Taylor and to the books that influenced me so....I have NO clue how to get money (even though I know it is possible) from referring people to sites like Amazon.com so if you go buy those books, I get nothing, but you might get the opportunity to find an amazing relationship with your loving Father in heaven!

Raclette...um...what is that?

2013-01-29T09:10:00.000-05:00

So my birthday was last week. We have an exchange student. She is from Belgium. Apparently Raclette is something she really enjoys. She gives me a Raclette grill for my birthday. My response....interesting looking!

She is trying to describe to me how it works. I am sort of getting it...but not completely. I look online. I decided that I wasn't sure if the kids and Cory would like it so I thought I better have LOTS of options for the food so that I could make sure everyone was happy. It turned out to be a BEAUTIFUL table (I love it when that happens!)

As you can see, I tried to put the grill where everyone could reach it and then spread the food options out. I admit it. I offered way more than the traditional Raclette meal. BUT....I wanted everyone happy!

We had baked potato pieces, plain french bread and Italian garic and herb french bread, cheese, meat and green beans as well as the traditional gherkin pickles available.

For the cheese there is a Raclette cheese but we didn't have any so we just grabbed a variety of cheeses from the store. Now, I am a cheese chicken. Some soft cheeses bother my digestive system so I tend to stick with what I KNOW works. But we tried something new....we had Provolone, Cheddar, Applewood smoked Gouda, Muenster, fresh mozzarella, and my new favorite Havarti which melts PERFECTLY for this meal and our exchange student said it is pretty close in flavor and texture to the traditional Raclette meal.

We let her start, since she knew what she was doing! And this is what hers looked like. If you look closely you can see the potatoes on her plate and a pile of goo beside it. That pile of goo is her first tray of cheese and meat (I think it was Gouda) and she is showing the cheese and meats she is about to put UNDER the grill. The bigger stuff goes on top and the little trays all fit under and cook from the top.

She doesn't like pickles so that is not on her plate. Online they recommend fresh ground pepper and paprika on it but we forgot to put that out and honestly didn't miss it. We were just enjoying the blends of flavors you could create. We did have onions, peppers and olives out with the meats and cheeses.

For meats we had tiny diced ham, lunch meat type ham and turkey, thicker sliced ham that was WONDERFUL grilled on the top but I imagine would not have been good in the trays and of course, bacon. You can see in the picture to the left that my hubby even got into it and was grilling bacon and green beans (those were frozen from my garden this summer and we just mostly thawed them for this meal) on the top of the grill.

Overall I took lots of pictures (and I didn't post them all! Even if I wanted to!) and we had a lot of laughter. My mother-in-law came over for this meal and had a blast. The only person who didn't seem to enjoy it was my 3 year old and he has been fighting a virus and didn't eat much of anything last night so I am assuming it was more sickness and less lack of enjoyment of the meal than anything!

We decided that we could reduce the cheeses offered now that we know what cheeses our family likes. We can also put out fewer meats. My personal favorite was the tiny diced ham, my hubby the bacon and most of the kids liked the turkey lunch meat on it! But the cool thing was everyone could have their favorite things! Like I could load mine with onions and my kids could avoid them! My hubby used the bread to make a sandwich out of his cheese/meat mixture, others ate it open faced and then others preferred the potatoes as a base for theirs.

However you eat it, I can see it being a fun larger gathering meal. Set it and the food options up on the buffet and let everyone fix their own while you sit at the table and play games or watch a movie or something. But I do have one last word of caution! Be careful! The trays are teflon (we don't cook with that so I am not used to it at all!) and they come with little personal scrapers for each one so I ASSUMED (silly me) that the cheese would stick some. I reached out, grabbed my first cooked one and PLOP! Right into my freshly poured glass of juice! Um! Okay, Raclette covered in juice is NOT quite so tasty! But it does make the entire table laugh and be twice as careful! And me move my glass!

This one was cheddar cheese, onions and diced ham on a couple of baked potato slices in case you care.

Has anyone else ever tried Raclette? Ever heard of it even? Care to share your experiences or thoughts? If you live locally and think it looks like fun...let me know! We can party!

Building Blocks

2013-01-24T08:52:00.000-05:00

With a 3 year old book in the house, I definitely know a lot about building blocks! They come second only to trains in his mind! And he often makes a garage for his trains with them!

But as I look at life I see that we have many building blocks and it struck me that we are impatient people! We don't want to wait to build the foundation before we add the details!

I am seeing that in my life in so many ways! So I am falling back! Retreating....refreshing...renewing...re-evaluating. What exactly are the building blocks in my life! What is my foundation?

For me the obvious one is God. He is the foundation of all. And if I were to look at this like a tree instead, He would be my roots! With Jesus being the trunk! But what are the branches? I have so many different aspects of my life and I need to truly define what my basic building blocks are! I don't think I can move on without that!

So let's start with some basic subjects! What makes up my life? Who am I? (And I am instantly overwhelmed!)

I am a child of God.

I am a wife. (Twice)

I am a widow. (more later on that!)

I am a Mommy to a 14 year old girl. (Need I say more!)

I am a Mommy to a 12 year old girl.

I am a Mommy to a 7 year old girl.

I am a Mommy to a 3 year old boy.

I am a daughter.

I am a sister.

I am a friend.

I am a volunteer.

I am a youth leader.

I am a housekeeper.

I am a driver for the Amish.

I am a blogger.

I am an aspiring business owner.

I am a mentor.

I am a wanna be mentee! (In search of a mentor)

I am an artist.

I am a scholar.

I am a person who hates saying no.

I am a gardener.

I am a reader.

I am a chef.

I am a baker.

I am a giver.

I think that is probably enough to start my list! How about you? Have you ever taken the time to define who you are? Care to share some of that here?

I plan on addressing some of these areas in future blogs so stay tuned!

My Catch 22 Home

2013-01-22T15:17:00.001-05:00

Ever been there? Your house is a catch 22. Mine is! See, if I had people over more often, I would work harder to keep my house cleaner...but if my house were cleaner...people would probably be more willing to come over!

I am not saying my house is FILTHY! But it gets messy! I don't like DIRT...but clutter happens. Daily!

Okay...so let me think about it differently....why am I more willing to "impress" other people than I am my own family? Why are the others opinions more important than those of my family? Why should I keep the house clean for people who may (or may not) stop in but not for my family who lives here daily? OUCH! Okay, I think an attitude adjustment might be in order!

Sounds funny since I have a 14 year old daughter and discuss attitude adjustments regularly! :-) But in reality, I think I am the one who needs one! See, today is my birthday and it has not gone as planned. Not that I had a plan....but well...it wasn't what I expected. God has been challenging my thinking today! I was cold and I hate being cold so I started the day with a bit of a grump in me!

Had a great morning with my family but then was kinda lost. I dropped my son off to Grandma so I could go volunteer....and it was COLD in there. Gumpy hits again! Then I was alone in there....no one to chat with....you guessed it! Grumpy is back! Then the guy who is usually there in the morning said he wasn't coming in (sick kids). Now, the silly thing is that we sit at desks on opposite sides of the room and rarely talk unless it is about the business I am doing....but I am not alone there when he is there. As I am sitting there feeling a bit sorry for myself, thinking someone could have taken me to lunch for my birthday, or spent some time with me or something, my best friend called. She was obviously upset. She wanted to come and see me. That was fine...but I admit it (and yes, she will read this and laugh), Grumpy came back! I wanted her to want to come because she wanted to see ME...not because she was having a rough morning and needed to talk! Selfish, selfish, selfish! WOW! How not beautiful is that attitude! She comes...bearing tea (to turn into chai) and a donut. You know what...I am not even much of a donut person but that was the best donut I have had in a long time...because of the company! The thought behind it! Instead of Grumpy hitting me....God tapped my shoulder and showed me that the gift I was getting was TIME with my friend! And maybe a bit of an attitude adjustment!

After our visit, I was still alone in the office but didn't feel quite so lonely! I checked my face book and saw a friend who is struggling because her hubby is leaving her. Saw over 60 birthday wishes and immediately realized that most of the people are not ones who are daily involved in my life (or weekly, or monthly) and at first I felt like the weren't "Genuine" birthday greetings...Yep...God got involved again! More than 60 people took the time out of their busy days to think of me for even just a minute! Quit grumping and be thankful!

Apparently my attitude was STILL not where HE wanted it! Talked to another lady just after that....she is pregnant and living here while her husband lives in South Korea and is working to get the paperwork done to come live here. Oh...and partway through that process their apartment catches fire, kills their dog, burns him and ruins all the paperwork meaning they have to start all over. Oh, suddenly my selfishness is REALLY apparent! So finally! I decided to think about my attitude.

As I drove home I realized that I can make the change. It might not change my feelings...or my circumstances...but it will change me! I might still go to the self pity but as long as I drag myself out of it....I'm good. Then I walked inside and I saw a mess. Not a huge mess, but a sink full of dishes. My first thought was to grumble about lazy kids! Then I realized that I was the one who told the kids not to do their regular chores last night in favor of other projects. So if I wanted that sink empty, guess who better go do it!? Then it hit me....my kids didn't care and I could sit down and relax...after all...it is my birthday...I shouldn't HAVE to do anything! Oh YUCK! What an attitude! If my children talked like that I would be VERY UNHAPPY! So why was I doing it? Why was I excusing it in myself?

So, because it is MY birthday and I love MY family! Guess who is going to work hard to get the dishes DONE! That way the kids have one less chore to worry about later! And maybe, if someone shows up...my house will be just a little cleaner and they will feel a little more welcome and that catch 22 home will vanish and become a house that showcases my love for my family! After all...just take a glimpse! They are BEAUTIFUL!

Balancing Teaching Across the Ages

2013-01-19T20:01:00.000-05:00

I am currently in the middle of a dilemma. I have children. Yep, I probably could stop there! Enough said! But really, we have an exchange student who is now 18. Then we have three girls, ages 14, 12 and 7. Then we have a 3 year old son.

It lends to some challenges when we try to teach something to the children together. Oh, I can attempt to teach them about housekeeping, and responsibility, and respect and that is pretty universal but to get into something deeper! WOW!

So I am working on something and I am kind of unsure how it will work but we are going to start trying it!

I won a packet and poster from We Choose Virtues and we are trying to figure out how best to implement that into a family lesson time. I have the posters that I won posted on the pantry door where everyone can see it every day.

Most of the cards that deal with the virtues are geared toward our 7 year old. At least in my opinion. So, how do I take one lesson and turn it into a lesson for the entire family?

Right now my plan goes something like this....Each child will be responsible for one part of the lesson

Read appropriate Scripture to go with the lesson
Make a game of trying to guess (based on the Scripture) which virtue we are discussing
Read description of virtue and lead a discussion on what exactly it means in our family
Pass out coloring pages I also won that go along with each virtue (I am putting my 3 year old in charge!)
Challenge....older children have a notebook to record times during the week that the see the virtue in action, not only in our family, but in their life that week.

Does anyone else try to tackle this balance? Do you have a family lesson time or do you try to do it all individually? Do you think this will work for us? I am actually trying to create lesson plans and have an idea to make weekly family devotions based on this model also. Each child or family member can lead one type of lesson all based on the same theme for the week.

Any thoughts?

Sickness, good business and a little of everything

2013-01-18T12:29:00.001-05:00

So I have been busy this week. Many of the Amish near me have had tremendously sick children. This got me thinking about how we deal with sickness.

I tend to deal with it in seclusion! If my children are sick...they stay home! If they have been sick recently...they stay home! If I have someone who has recently been sick and I believe they have not gotten their strength back and are still fighting with a weakened immune system...they stay home! Are you seeing a pattern here?

And yet, if they stay home the school discourages that. Says I keep them out too long. If my hubby (who works at a hospital that claims to have a policy that if you have symptoms you stay home) actually stays home from work, he get a "point" that stays on his record for an entire calendar year. If he is sick for 3-4 days, it is 3-4 points. After that many points he starts getting warnings. So they want him to stay home, but stay home and get in trouble. Stay home long enough...or even just a couple of bouts of sickness in a year and he could possibly lose his job. This makes NO sense to me!

So as I listen to these Amish talk about their sick, hospitalized with RSV, pneumonia, flu, etc. children, I am hearing a constant....they went to church....in homes (or sheds with no heat!) on open buggies, with tiny babies being passed around from person to person and many other sick and coughing children around. Then their little ones end up sick.

Okay, so I admit it, I feel a little strongly about this! It is time for this world to take the focus off of business and focus on family! Realistically, a sick person is not an effective employee anyway!

I'll move on....I did have a positive experience I wanted to share this week!

We needed to order some products for my daughter's new rock tumbler. I hesitated to order but found what I thought was the best buy out there. Of course, it was to spend $16 on the product and $18 on the shipping! I was SO pleasantly surprised when I got a note from the seller that she had overcharged me the shipping and had already refunded my PayPal with over $9! (see picture below) Seriously! I was so surprised! Not too many businesses would do that anymore so I wanted to give a shout out to Sister's Rocks for great business practices. They definitely earned my repeat business and if you need anything to do with lapidary work or rock tumbling, check there first! That being said, they have NO idea that I am posting this and I am totally not getting paid! Just rewarding a job well done in my book!

I also ordered from eBay. I ordered some vanilla beans from someone I have bought from before. In the past I always got VERY prompt service and great quality beans! Today my phone rings. It seems I ordered something and he personally wasn't happy with the quality and didn't want to ship that to me without confirming that I was okay with it! We discussed some things and modified my order and the product should be in its way! Thank you to Vanilla Products USA for your prompt, friendly service and for working with me to ensure that you are providing the best quality product to the customer! Once again, he has NO idea that I am posting! I just believe in praising business practices that make me stand up and take notice! I think people are too quick to point out the negative but not equally quick to point out the great jobs that many companies do!

That all being said, this prompt service and honesty about shipping price goes a LONG way in solidifying me as a repeat buyer for these businesses!

Do you make it a point to remember companies that do great? Do you make it a point to promote them (even without being an affiliate?)

Let's Talk Chores

2013-01-17T09:37:00.001-05:00

Over the years I have tried everything. I started when my children were very young. If they could get something out to play with it, then they could help put it away also. Sounds like the right start! I had willing kids! We made it a game. And yet I struggle. My children have always struggled with chores.

A quick note, I struggle the most with my daughters, ages 14 and 12. My 14 year old has the philosophy that she needs to just do her chores better than her sister does. My 12 year old believes that she shouldn't be required to do chores because she is a child and her job is to play and have fun! I tell them that as a Mom, my job is to raise children who grow to be respectful and responsible adults (in addition to raising them to have a relationship with God!). The only way to teach responsibility is to give them responsibility and have it become a habit! They do not like this response!

I have done the cute little magnet chore charts. I have done the chore pads with tear off papers that you check off and throw away. I have done chore charts on the kitchen cupboard, the laundry room door, the computer (yes, even going so far as to have a website that they sign in and check off chores and Mom can grade them and they get points and they earn points toward a goal and get rewards!).

I have done generic chore lists, detailed chore lists, individualized chore lists. I have tried having TWO lists...one child has list A on Monday and list B on Tuesday. The other child has list B on Monday and list A on Tuesday. Somehow in their minds that was STILL not "fair". I have tried having them work together, work apart, work with me, work with Daddy, etc.

I have tried allowances, I have tried having a list of regular chores plus added bonus chores.....once regular chores are done you can CHOOSE to do the bonus chores and there is a value associated with them. I have had my nieces come over and work with the girls because that is far more fun the doing it alone! I have bribed, cajoled, disciplined, grounded, etc.

Anyone else feeling that same worn out, why bother feeling? Anyone else ever been there?

I hate to say it but I don't have all the answers! I am still alternating chore strategies! Currently I have two that I am doing.

The first one is that all week I have an area of our living space assigned to each child. Due to our exchange student and also including my 7 year old, there are 4 children rotating areas. Each week in our home management binder, I note the area and the child responsible. If you look to the left you will see last weeks. Each child is SUPPOSED to write their name on the day when they feel they have completed their area so that I know to check it. You will also note that each child as an assigned laundry day (yeah, experiment that FAILED! But I will revisit that another time!)

On the right is this week. I rotated the children to different rooms and Mom has had a busy week so no one has noted when they are done with their area. Obviously we need to revisit the instructions again!

On weekends, I will go through each room of the house, note the things that need to still be accomplished in each room and post them all up on the pantry.

I then give the children the opportunity to pick what room they want to be responsible for that day. I did have to revise some rules. You can't move on to the next week's room if you have not been successful in tidying the room for this week. So since Bethany struggles with that, we had to say that she could not move from the dining room to the kitchen until she had the dining room clean enough to turn over to Jessica. This meant that on Sunday Bethany was working on tidying the dining room and Jessica got to skip chores. This REALLY upset Bethany and hopefully motivated her to get her room clean enough to pass on so that she was not doing two rooms one day while another child is doing nothing! I also tried to space out the kids so that the ones who do a better job cleaning are not doing the same room back to back. This keeps the rooms from getting really trashed two weeks in a row!

Living room assignment includes basic pickup of the floor which is usually their brother's toys. He is 3 and is just learning to pick up after himself. Then they sweep it once a day. We have hardwood floors and it is just needed! I have asked them to challenge themselves....make some sort of improvement in the room every day...so clean to how it was the day before PLUS add one thing. Just one! I am TRYING to teach the older girls to recognize what needs done so I purposely do not have a detailed list. That is where the weekend lists come in. It kind of shows them the areas that got missed over the course of the week.

Foyer/Laundry Room is the easy space! They have to make sure coats are hung, shoes are not in walkways and toys in the foyer area are not spilling into the walkway! Then they need to sweep.

Dining room is a little more complicated! They have to make sure the floor is swept, the table is cleaned off and wiped down and set for dinner and usually need to take care of any missed dirty dishes after dinner. They are also responsible for helping Mommy generate the menu for the next week and the grocery list that goes along with it and when possible for going grocery shopping (just us!) with Mommy to make sure we have everything on hand and put away right. This is prep work for next week when they are in the kitchen!

Kitchen chores are by far the most complicated...and yet it is the room they all want to do! They have to help keep the dishwasher going! If they see it is done, they can empty it. If it is empty and there are dishes in the sink, fill it! If Mommy is cooking, they are my helper! They are helping with prep work, cooking and the clean up that comes after. They all need to learn how to cook and working side by side with me is the best way I know to teach them. Of course, since last week when they were in the dining room they chose the menu for this week, I know they are happy with the food that we are eating and they are more likely to be willing to help cook it! They also get to shake the kitchen rug and sweep the floors.

As I read over the list, it sounds like I have little slaves! Of course, I am working constantly on these areas too and I try to do the bulk of the cleanup from James. I am also working on laundry and other areas of the house, including bathrooms! I am trying to teach the kids to recognize problem areas and take some personal responsibility for their things! This is definitely a challenge they are fighting!

So far I am only on week 2 of this particular chore option. Of course, it may not work....but it is easier for me to remember a weekly schedule than a daily one! I am really enjoying having help with the menu planning and the help cooking is nice. I feel like I am getting a bit more one on one time with each child.

Anyone have any thoughts?

Home Management Step 1

2013-01-14T12:13:00.001-05:00

The printouts! Oh my! I have spent what seems like years but is probably only hours searching the internet for free (because I am cheap like that!) home management binder paperwork...then downloading them...then looking at the ones I downloaded and printing out some and comparing to see what I think will work best for me...and what I might be missing!

So what did I DO with all that paperwork? I got out my trusty 3-hole punch and stuck everything in one binder. COMPLETELY unorganized! Sounds helpful? Well, it kinda is! See, I KNEW this would be a large project for me and would take lots of time so I figured get it printed and get it put away so the grubby paws of my children couldn't ruin it....the piles on the desk would be reduced to organized chaos and so that I could at least know it was in there SOMEWHERE and not have to wonder where it went!

Then I took handy dividers and stuck them in an empty binder...or two....or three. See, I decide that I would not be able to use just one binder...it would be big and I would avoid using it! So...next came the generic process of dividing my printouts. Hey...look...some of these are for MOM and deal with basic cleaning schedules, suggested chores for different ages, decluttering, etc. Maybe it would make sense to make a Mom binder. Oh gosh! Wait! There is too much for ONE binder. Maybe a touch of overkill? Hmmm...lets put the calendars here...and the mentoring study you are working on...and maybe some potential devotional materials for the teens you work with and take all of the cleaning references and give them their OWN binder....along with all of those papers I haven't decided where they go yet!

Oh...wait...all of this stuff has to do with blogging....maybe it should have its own space!

Now comes the generic family related stuff...address lists, phone numbers, gift organization (Hey! I don't want the snoopy girls to see that...I'll put it in my Mom binder and keep it farther from prying eyes!), weekly calendars (as opposed to daily schedules), menu planners, grocery lists...it just goes on and on! Oh well, group them all together and stick them behind different dividers and don't worry about filling them out yet!

Now, I know many, many, many people keep coupons and recipes in there. Sounds like a plan...until I realize that I don't coupon. I don't need more clutter and I get so many generic things and I don't get many coupons delivered and I am not paying for clutter like newspapers to be delivered to my house on purpose! Shudder! So that section just doesn't exist for me! Sorry for anyone who wanted to know how I organize them! I organize them right into the trash!

Recipes! Those I have! Tons and tons and tons! Actually, they have an entire 3" binder of their very own! And I have to admit, it needs tons of work! Right now I have taken page protectors and stuck them in and had my 6 year old (okay, she is 7 now) but when she was 6 I had her take all of my loose paper recipes and cards and stick them in the page protectors and that is as far as I have gotten! I figured since I bought the page protectors for another failed chore project, I might as well put them to good use!

So, what do I end up with after step 1? Four binders instead of one. Hmmm....and I wonder how my clutter seems to multiply? I haven't even begun to add gardening stuff or my home-based business that I am trying to get really serious about into there yet!

Okay, so you like the concept? You think it is too fussy? Too complicated? Too detailed? Too organized, you could never do that!? Well, look a little closer! I haven't filled out the tabs on most of the binders. (Yes, even the ones you just slip the papers in have the papers just tucked into a pocket on the folder!) I very well might rearrange them another 3-5 or maybe 15 times before I am satisfied! But hey, guess what...I started! I have made progress! And if you never start then you are definitely NOT making progress! Maybe I haven't found the perfect solution for keeping me organized....but I am trying! And the paperwork that was falling OFF of my desk now all fits fairly well into the containers I have here.

Okay, so I am being honest! This is a CURRENT (like I JUST took it) picture of my desk now! Yes, there is still clutter...but you can see the desk...my chai mug is actually sitting flat...my 3-hole punch is able to be used. My pencils and pens and markers are finally all in a pretty container instead of a take home kids cup from Appleby's that is from my daughter who is now 14....so it was in SAD shape! So seriously, this is HUGE improvement! I promise!

I get in this rut sometimes where I want to go from TRASHED to PERFECT instantly! I get online and I see pictures of organized peoples' homes and I wanna be that way. But I am organizationally challenged! I mean, I know HOW...but implementation...yeah, I lack! Big time!

So I am sharing my teeny, tiny baby steps with you in the hopes that if you are like me you will realize that it is OKAY to not get it all done in one day, one week or even one month! Get started...and whatever you organize today....keep it up! Keep that particular thing organized daily until it becomes a habit! Once you are doing that naturally, then move on, pick something else and organize that! Just don't forget where you started! Share your stories here! I'd love to see others encouraging and giving ideas!