My Weight Loss Journey

The Journey Begins (Again)

2008-07-15T00:04:00.000-07:00

I'm back. In case you were wondering where I've been, I have a good reason for being gone so long, really I do. Shortly after my last post, I discovered that I was pregnant with Baby #3. So, obviously the Weight Loss Journey was put on hold.

Well, I delivered my beautiful baby boy, my third son, in May and now I'm ready to get back on track. My doctor cleared me to begin light exercising about 3 weeks ago. It's hard to get back into the routine after almost a year of being out of it. But, I'm determined. I met with my personal trainer last week to set up a new workout regimen. I have to ease into it due to the fact that I had a C-Section and am still technically healing, although everything seems fine to me.

The good news is that I weigh less than I did when I gave birth. The bad news is that I weigh more than I did before I got pregnant. So, I'm trying not to get discouraged with how far I have to go, I just have to take it one step at a time. I have to get back into the weight loss mindset. I really don't have any excuses. The baby is old enough to take to the baby room at the gym and the older boys love going to their respective play areas too. Plus, I'm out of work for the summer so I can go in the middle of the day when it's not as busy. The only drawback is that the baby can only be in his childcare room for an hour, so that puts a crunch on my workout time, but I'll figure something out. I just need to get back into the swing of things. I look forward to school starting again only because of the forced reinstatement of my daily routine.

So, keep an eye out for updates on this page. While I did meet my goal of being able to wear maternity clothes with this pregnancy, I still have one more shot to make it to my "dream" of being one of those pregnant ladies who looked like I swallowed a watermelon (did you ever think that would be a dream of someone?) Yes, my baby is only 9 weeks old and I'm already talking about having another one. But, I know that it will be my last so I can't help but have it on my mind.

Here I am with Nicholas at 4 weeks old.

This is me on the beach at Hilton Head 7 weeks after having Nicholas.

Summer Vacation is my Downfall

2007-08-29T05:37:00.001-07:00

As it turns out, I have once again suffered a setback because of summer vacation. I was doing really well on my diet and exercise plan until summer started. I didn't live up to my resolve of still going to the gym at my regular time. But I didn't think it was affecting me too badly. In fact, on our cruise I even went to the gym 3 times and stepped on the scale to discover that I had gained 5 pounds. Pretty manageable.

But, we got home from vacation and didn't really get into a routine. I mean, I only had 2 days after getting home before I had to start back to work. I held off on going back to the gym until the second week of school, which is this week. I started off gently by going to water aerobics on Monday, not going on Tuesday, and then walking around the track today. I didn't get to walk for very long because I got a late start. But then came the shocker. I stepped on the scale and saw that I had gained 11 pounds since my last weigh-in in June. Holy cow, was I shocked. So now I've deleted all of my progress posting and started over again. It's so hard to be optimistic when it's so easy to reverse all of your progress. It makes me so frustrated.

Maybe I'll have some insight or words of wisdom after I've gotten over being angry with myself.

Tweaking the Plan

2007-06-13T20:33:00.000-07:00

It's not selfish to put yourself and your needs first. When you improve the quality of your life, everyone around you will reap the benefits.

Now that school is out, the Weight Watchers at Work meetings are over. I lost 3 pounds in the 6 weeks that we had been meeting. That's a decent half pound a week weight loss. Not bad, but not what I need or expect in order to reach my weight loss goals before summer vacation is over.

I had every intention of joining regular Weight Watchers meetings throughout the summer. There was one problem. Once you join, you have to pay for any meetings you miss. Not a problem in the beginning of the summer when we are in town, but it becomes a problem when we start going on vacations. Of course, in a discussion about losing weight, my darling cynical husband points out that Weight Watchers isn't here to help people. Their purpose is to make money. That's the reason they tell you to take it slow, that losing 1 pound a week is what you should shoot for. See, I told you...cynical.

During our last WW meeting, we were asked to think about what kinds of comments have been make by our friends and family when it comes to our eating behavior, exercise and weight loss. Were they supportive or were they critical? Do they understand what we're trying to do? I really don't discuss my weight loss efforts with others because I don't like to talk about myself. Funny, I know, considering I have a blog that does nothing but talk about me. But, it's true. When I do mention my eating or exercise habits to my friends or co-workers, they generally say how good I look or how they wish they had the ability to get up and go to the gym so early in the morning. They are really nothing but supportive.

We were also asked to think about whether or not our closest relationship thinks we will be successful in keeping our weight off long-term. Here's where I find that Kevin has a lot of faith in me. When we were discussing whether or not it made sense for me to continue with WW meetings, he said that he knew that I didn't need the WW meetings to succeed. I already know what to do, I just have to keep doing it. I just needed a little reminder. The most successful I'd ever been at losing weight was when I was using the tools from WW but doing it on my own. He said that he knows that I have what it takes to make this work. That makes all the difference.

But, of course it wouldn't be Kevin if he didn't think that he had a better way of doing things. Thus, "Kevin Carr's 8 Simple Rules for Weight Loss" was born.

KEVIN CARR'S 8 SIMPLE RULES FOR WEIGHT LOSS

Why Kevin is better than Weight Watchers

1. Pick a calorie/fat/carb/points system and stick to it.

2. If you eat too little in a day or two, don't worry. (In other words, only worry if you go over the limit.)

3. "Work out" at least 4 times each week.

4. Stay awake at least 3 hours after a significant meal; at least 5 hours after a large or main meal.

5. Do something active after each significant meal (e.g. brisk walking or go to the gym); as much as possible, make sure your daily "work out" is after your main meal.

6. Only snack on fruits and vegetables.

7. No sweets or refined sugar for at least 5 days out of a week; "splurge" treat (e.g. ice cream, candy within reason) no more than 2 times a week.

8. Always "work out" after the splurge.

THINGS TO KEEP IN CHECK

sweets

bread

"bad" fat food

"beige" foods

So, a deal has been born. I try the "8 Simple Rules" program for the summer and if I am not successful with it, I can go back to Weight Watchers all I want. I guess the most important thing is that I have a support system, not a saboteur.

To achieve success, all you need to do is truly believe you deserve it.

Unfamiliar Territory

2007-06-04T09:29:00.000-07:00

Don't suspend your life in order to lose weight. In order to be successful for life, adapt the program to your life.

I now find myself in unfamliar territory. I have been trying to lose weight consistently for a little over 2 years now. When I first made the commitment to lose weight, I joined a gym. The gym I joined was very convenient to my work, but not to my house. So, during the week and during the school year, I was very good about going to the gym. In fact, I worked out every morning, Monday through Friday, before school. The problem was that during the weekend and vacations, I didn't go to the gym because it was just too far from my house. So, I would lose a good amount of weight during the school year, but when Winter Break and Summer Break would come, my weight loss would come to a screeching halt (and some of the weight would come back.)

But, here's where I find myself in unfamiliar territory. The gym we joined in January of this year is only about 3 minutes from my house. It has everything I could possibly want or need. They have child care rooms that are open all day long. Can't blame taking care of the kids for not being able to go. They have outdoor pools, just right for the kids, so they beg me to take them to the gym. I've been going to water aerobics classes twice a week (which is going to challenge my determination this summer since the classes are at 6:00 a.m.) and a BodyPump class once a week. My husband and I have hired a personal trainer and already paid for a group of sessions. I am set up for success this summer. Being able to workout is not going to be a failure factor for me. I am anxious to see how this change in my routine affects my summer weight loss goals.

Motivation is what gets you started. Good habits are what keep you going.

Setbacks

2007-05-24T06:46:00.000-07:00

What you did is not important. What you learned from it is.

It's really hard not to get discouraged when you have a setback. This week, for the first time back at Weight Watchers, I gained weight. I am totally aware of the fact that the stress that comes with ending a school year, added to the water weight gain of "that time of the month" is what caused me to gain this week. But, I still can't help but get frustrated at seeing the scale go up.

Before going back to Weight Watchers, I had been at a weight loss plateau for months. No matter how much I exercised, no matter how little I exercised, no matter how much I ate, no matter how little I ate, the scale stayed around the same 2-3 pounds. And now that I'm officially "on the program" it's still hovering around those same 2-3 pounds. Nothing seems to matter. I can't help but ask myself, as everyone does at one point or another on their weight loss journey, "Am I just meant to be this weight? Should I just give up and eat what I want?"

I truly don't think so. I believe that there is a thin person inside me. I'm lucky that I either hide my weight fairly well or have blinders on when it comes to seeing how big I really am. I know it could be worse, but I know that I'm not happy at the weight and size I am. But, I don't suffer because of my weight. I can find cute clothes, not as cute as if they were a size 6, but not hideous old-lady muumuus either. I don't have any health problems. I am able to run around with my kids without suffering shortness of breath or chest pain. I don't have any problems exercising and being active. But I don't want to be pointed out in a crowded room as "the big girl" for the rest of my life either.

Yes, it would be easier to give up, be happy with what I look like and take the stress of trying to lose weight out of the equation. But that's the easy way out. I'm not going to give up on this challenge. I have to overcome my frustration, disappointment and impatience and just keep going. Anything worth doing is worth doing well and anything worth having is worth working for.

Don't quit! You've heard it before, but DON'T QUIT! Okay, so you didn't like the number the scale had to offer you today, but don't quit. You'll miss the results that come when you don't quit!

Patience

2007-05-17T08:54:00.001-07:00

Success is a journey, not a destination. Weight loss is a process. Just being part of the process means you are succeeding.

I'm not exactly a patient person. I've known this for some time now. Instant gratification...that's my thing. So, waiting the long haul to lose weight is just absolute torture for me. I follow the plan, I exercise, I talk the talk and walk the walk. I want the weight gone now!! But that just isn't happening. (Just so you know, it's not just weight loss that I'm impatient about. I hate waiting for the school year to end. I am a very impatient driver. When I know something special is coming up, I create a countdown calendar. I'm not kidding.)

I know that the weight that has settled on me didn't come on overnight and it won't go away overnight. I have to work hard and stick with it. I have been working hard, but it's so slow-going. I don't feel like I'm making any progress at all. In the four weeks that I've been doing Weight Watchers, I've only lost 3 pounds. I want to post some big numbers, but it just isn't happening. I have goals I want to meet and they seem so far out of reach right now.

The really bad thing about my lack of patience is how it consumes me. When I have something, like weight loss, that I'm really working hard at or something I'm looking forward to, it's all I can think about. It's not a bad thing to be so focused on something. That is, unless it interferes with other things. There are days that all I want to do is read up on weight loss and go to the gym and make menus and read success stories on the internet. It really is all-consuming.

There really are no big revelations to be had by writing this post. I don't have a magic formula for getting rid of the impatience or making the weight go away faster. I know, slow and steady wins the race. The longer it takes to take off the weight, the better the chances of it staying off. I guess I just need to be ever-conscious of my impatience and try really hard to not let it get me down.

Remember -- losing "only" one pound a week adds up to 52 pounds a year!

If I'm really being honest...

2007-05-08T11:42:00.000-07:00

Self-control is like a muscle: The more you use it, the stronger it gets.

Well, my subheading does say "An honest look at my life-long journey to gain control of my weight." And if I'm being honest with myself, which is most important on this journey, I have to own up to my shortcomings. I have realized that I am a very reactionary eater. I eat when I'm upset and I have no willpower when others around me are eating things I like but shouldn't have.

I'm not really an evening snacker. In fact, I oftentimes forget to eat. My husband says that's ridiculous. How does someone forget to eat? You may get so busy that you neglect to eat, but he says he's never forgotten to eat. I do it all the time. I get so busy that before I know it bedtime has come and I never made dinner for myself. Now, usually my two hungry little boys will remind me that they need to eat, but if I'm not home when they eat, I'll forget to do it myself. But the other night when Kevin said, "Hey, I'm making an eggroll, do you want one?" (We made homemade egg rolls a few weeks ago and froze them.) I had absolutely no willpower to resist because I remembered how good they were. He really is a bad influence on me. (Sorry honey, but it's true.) When he's not actively "on" a diet he tends to let his eating habits deteriorate and I tend to follow suit. Now the opposite is true as well. When he's "on" a diet, he's a really good influence on me.

I'm also an emotional eater. I was really upset yesterday about something that happened at work and I just fell apart. I didn't care anymore, I just wanted that big Bob Evans breakfast. Nothing soothed me like the Johnny Rockets cheeseburger, fries and chocolate peanut butter shake I had at lunch. I know I'll pay for it when I step on the scale tomorrow afternoon, but at that moment, I just didn't care. I just wanted to drown my sorrows and smother my anger. Now I'm feeling regret, but the damage has been done.

I know the mantras. You're only one glass of water away from being back on-program. Or how about, One day at a time, no guilt and move on. I am going to head to the gym on my way home from work and beat the hell out of that elliptical machine. It's all I can do right now. I can't undo the eggs and sausage. I can't un-eat the cheeseburger and fries. I know that I went way over on points yesterday, but today is a new day. I can't give up because I let it get to me.

So, I'm being honest. I screwed up. But I know it. I own it. I'm back in the game.

Refuse to accept missteps as failures. Try to identify the cause and learn from the experience.

What am I capable of?

2007-05-04T07:58:00.000-07:00

"If you don't think it's possible, it's not."

Our WW meeting this week focused on looking at what we are capable of. Our leader said that only looking at one perspective or aspect of weight loss will put a lid on what we can do. We have to believe that we are capable of doing this. She told us to think about who we are influenced by. Our spouse? Our co-workers? Our parents? Our children? Our friends? Are there people out there who are sabotaging us or bringing us down in our weight loss efforts? This was really something that hit home for me.

"Are you going to live with a history, or work toward a future?"

I don't know what weight I'm capable of attaining. I never knew the number on the scale growing up. I don't remember a time when I wasn't overweight. So, coming up with a goal number is shooting in the dark for me. I don't know what is realistic for a goal weight for me. I look at the "ideal weight" charts for my gender, height, and age and it's a huge window of weights. I don't want to set a goal that is completely unrealistic for me, one that I'll never reach and get frustrated about. But I don't want to shortchange myself either. I guess what I need to do is set a goal, and then readjust as I learn about my body and what my body is capable of. I can't be afraid to aim high.

Right now, I'm actually finding the eating portion of weight loss the most difficult. I've been working out every morning for over a year. I've got that. But I'm finding that I'm lacking willpower and self-control. I do really well in the morning, and pretty good at night at home. It's the in-between times right after lunch and into dinner. I have this great resolve and self-talk, but I succumb to temptation way too easily. I found a quote that I really like and I'm hoping that it might help see me through my temptations.

"Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment."

I just need to remember where I've been and where I want to be; and why.

The Start of a New Journey

2007-05-01T08:27:00.000-07:00

IN THE BEGINNING
I have been overweight for the majority of my life. I don't remember a time when I wasn't at least a little chubby. I look back at my elementary school pictures and just wonder. Up until third grade, I was blond and thin. Then in my third grade picture, my hair is suddenly brown and I'm chunky. What happened between second and third grade?

Never one to be brave enough to even own a scale, I never knew what my weight was. I don't know what my lowest was and I don't know what my highest was. I know that I was always bigger than my friends, but that never kept me from having friends. I just couldn't share their clothes. What's funny is that no matter how fat I thought I was, when I look back at pictures I'm amazed at how fat I WASN'T.

When I went to college I was lucky enough to LOSE the "Freshman 15". I attribute it to all the walking I was doing across campus as well as being away from my mom and dad's cooking and eating "philosophy"; that being "clean your plate" and "have seconds" and of course it didn't help that we were eating dinner after 8:00 or 9:00 each night.

GOING DOWN HILL
All was well until I got comfortable in my relationship with my future husband. We had both lost weight when we started college, but once we became "used to" each other, we both started packing on the pounds. After graduation, I had a wedding to plan and was working two jobs. I tried a real weight loss "program." I lost a little bit for the wedding, but not as much as I would have liked. After returning from our honeymoon, we settled in and got really comfortable. There was a fitness center at his office that spouses could use as well. We worked out for a little while. We played racquetball together. I took some aerobics classes--this is where I met my best friend. Then my husband changed jobs and the fitness center was no longer an option. I was on my own. I don't do so well on my own. I even joined Weight Watchers a couple of years later, but I didn't do very well with that either.

For years, I just didn't worry about it. My weight increased gradually, but noticeably. Then I started having children. I was very fortunate to have two wonderful pregnancies with no difficulties. With Liam, my worst problem was that my feet and ankles swelled horribly. With Ben, I was bordering on gestational diabetes, but thankfully it never progressed beyond that. The thing that disappointed me most was my clothing. I was so looking forward to wearing some cute maternity clothes. But that never happened. You see, they make maternity clothes in the same size as you are pre-pregnancy, they just add a little material around the stomach. So all through both pregnancies I never wore maternity clothes. I wore plus-sized clothes that were bigger than my "regular" plus-sized clothes. I was one of those people who never got asked about my pregnancy because people were afraid that I was just fat and they would offend me if they asked about the baby and there wasn't one.

THE TURNING POINT
It all changed for me in January of 2005. This isn't some silly New Year's Resolution. I'm so over those. No, there was a reality show that I watched called "The Biggest Loser." It's not as bad as it sounds. If you already know how this works, skip to the next paragraph. For anyone who isn't familiar with the show, (or for those reading this long after the show has run its course) it starts with 14-16 overweight people who are ready to make a change in their lives. They are given the opportunity to live on a ranch in California for 3 months (or as long as they last in the competition.) The contestants are split into two groups and each group gets their own personal trainer. All these people have to do for the time they are on the ranch is to eat, sleep, and breathe weight loss. They have left their families at home for the opportunity to do nothing but work at losing weight. The trainer shows them how to eat right, how to exercise, and how to modify their lives so that this is a life-long change. Each week, a contestant is voted off based on who lost the least amount of weight (thus bringing down their team's total) or who is the biggest threat to the others wanting to win. In the end, there are three people left. They each go back home for three months to continue to use what they've learned and lose more weight. Finally, there is a finale where we see how each of them did and they reveal their new thin bodies. The transformations are amazing.

So, at the finale of 2005, there was a contestant named Kelly. She had an unbelievable transformation. But what really got me were her statistics. Her starting weight was 5 pounds less than what I weighed at that moment. I was devastated. Surely I don't look like she did? She's a beautiful woman, but it was clearly obvious how incredibly obese she was. I just sat there and cried. I knew that if she could do something about it, I could do something about it. Of course I realized that all she had to worry about for the first three months was exercise and eating right. I still had to do my job and take care of my family. But it was possible.

The next week I joined a gym and began to turn things around. I saw success right away. The next step was adding an eating plan. I had joined Weight Watchers in 1999 and still had all the materials, so I decided to try that on my own. I have now lost a total of 28 pounds. But I've been stalled for quite a while now.

A FRESH START
I officially joined a "Weight Watchers At Work" group. You pay a fee up front to attend meetings at your work place for 6 weeks. During that time you attend one meeting a week, weigh in, get the membership materials and benefit from the knowledge shared at a meeting by not only the leader, but also by other WW participants. One of my co-workers, who knew that I was struggling with my weight loss, suggested that we join together.

So, I called Kevin and asked him if it would be alright for me to join this 6 week long program (not that I'm asking permission mind you, just that he's the one that knows if we can afford it at this time.) Being the wonderful, loving, supportive husband that he is, he said that I could do whatever I felt would help me out with this. (Isn't he the best?!) So, two Wednesdays ago we headed to the school that will be our weigh-in and meeting site for the next six weeks. We got all of our materials and had our first weigh in. Now, I'm not going to list all of my statistics, because I'm just a little too self-conscious to have it all out there like that, but I will post updates. Maybe knowing that I will be keeping an update going here will hold me a little bit more accountable.

I've already had the daily workouts in place, but I'm going farther. I do water aerobics on Mondays and Fridays at 6:00 a.m. with a friend from work. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I do cardio and abs and squats. Wednesday will alternate between cardio, group exercise class and the strength training that's been set up with my personal trainer.

I guess what has changed the most is that for me, it's time. I've tried in the past to lose weight but other things were always more important. This time around, this is more important. I'm ready. I have goals that I want to achieve, things I want to accomplish. But it all comes down to the belief that it is time. I need to do this for me.

MY GOALS
1. Lose 75 pounds
2. Firm up and tone my body
3. Wear clothes that DON'T come from a plus-sized store
4. Be thin before getting pregnant again
5. Know what it's like to NOT be fat
6. Be healthy
7. Have the energy to play with my kids

Wish me luck!