LOVE & RELATIONSHIP

2016-01-29T23:44:00.000-05:00

5 Secrets to Make 2016 Your Best Relationship Year :)

I want you to have a very wonderful 2016, especially when it comes to your romantic relationship.

If you are single, I want to help you make this the year you attract your right mate.

If you are already in a relationship or marriage, I want to help you make your relationship strong and solid, filled with love and satisfaction for both you and your partner.

If you must let go of your relationship this year, I want you to be able to let go with the minimum amount of pain, recover well and start on the road to creating the relationship you want.

To start your year of in the direction of healthy, wonderful romantic relationship, here are 5 secrets to making 2016 Your Best Relationship Year. Use these and start your 2016 off right!5 Secrets to Making 2016 Your Best Relationship Year

1. Become relationship smart.
The best thing you can do for yourself in 2016 is dedicate time to improving your relationship life. This does not just mean finding people to date if you are single, or working on your relationship if you have a partner. Creating a healthy, successful relationship takes something more.

I suggest you work on becoming relationship smart, meaning you become a person who understands yourself and others in relationships. To do this, first work on your relationship patterns. You can then closely examine the choices you habitually make in relationship situations, understand them and perhaps change them. You can learn more about what makes relationships healthy, and what to change in your relationship situation to make it work.

That’s a lot to learn, but it is absolutely doable. I work with my clients on this all the time and see them gain tremendous relationship wisdom often in as short as 3 months of coaching.

2. Choose your support people wisely.
Whether you are single and seeking a new partner, or in a relationship or marriage and looking for support, choose wisely the people you surround yourself with, connect with and confide in. The people in your life matter to your emotional and mental well-being.

When you are the most vulnerable and raw, the wrong people can alter the course of your relationship and your life permanently. Well meaning friends can give you the wrong advice or make you doubt yourself, your judgement, and your capacity to make your relationship work. They can tell you to leave a partner you should hold on to, or tell you to hold on to a partner you should let go. The wrong people can tell you that a situation is your fault, when in fact you have done everything right. Or they can tell you that it’s not your fault, when in fact the responsibility is yours.

In these times of need, the right people can offer support and lift you up, helping you see clearly what you need to see, so that you are more able to create the relationship and life you want.

3. Consider the roles you expect your partner to play.
Not all your needs can be met in a relationship, because not all of your needs are relationship related. Yet, both men and women will often try to get their partner to fill all the important roles in their life. Many relationships struggle under this burden.

Here are examples of roles that certainly should not be pushed upon your relationship partner:

Your only best friend; your constant companion, your only support, your only social connection.

In many cases it’s hard to know if what you expect from your partner is healthy or unhealthy. You may want to get into a habit of examining what you need or want from your partner and questioning whether that particular need should be met in your relationship or in another way.

4. Relationships take work. Make sure it’s the right kind.
Relationships take work. But it should be the right kind of work, the kind that makes you grow and makes your life better. The work of a relationship should never be settling for less emotional connection than you want, or learning how to put up with a relationship that feels empty a lot of the time.

A good relationship should make you work through your insecurities because it is safe. It should make you work through your needs, because they are well taken care of. It should push you to grow emotionally and in your ability to open up and connect because your partner wants that from you. This kind of work is not easy, but it’s the kind of work that pays off for a lifetime.

5. Find good help.
Dating, relationships, marriage, or letting go of a relationship are difficult for most everyone. You don’t have to struggle through these relationship situations and transitions alone.

When you find good help, you will be able to find your way out of the forest of emotional and relationship confusion, with new skills that will serve you for a lifetime of healthy relationships.

Romantic Date Ideas

2016-01-29T23:38:00.001-05:00

Go on a road trip Bored of seeing and doing the same stuff all the time? There is nothing like changing your surroundings to add more sparks between you and that special someone. Going on a road trip to a new place is sure to add romance and adventure to your relationship.

Rent a limo If a limousine is involved, the date is guaranteed to a romantic one. There is also the added benefit of not having the responsibility of driving during the date. We all know that dates go better with wine! This way you can have fun and know you’re going to make it home safely.

DancingWorking up a sweat together always brings a couple closer together. What better way to get exercise and have fun than to go out dancing? Find out what night clubs and bars offer dancing and let your feet loose!

Go for a walkThis is a classic inexpensive date. Going on a walk together is great because you have lots of time to talk privately. For even more privacy, go on a walk in nature. Being outside away from the hustle and bustle of the city is very relaxing and gives you the setting to focus solely on your loved one.

Plant a vegetable garden Looking for dirty ideas for your next date? Try planting a vegetable garden together. Planting vegetables and then watching them grow is a great way to bond with your significant other.

Go ice skating This date can be a tricky one if you’ve never ice skated before. Don’t worry, everyone falls their first time and it doesn’t hurt that bad. The nice part about this date is that when you fall your date will be there to pick you up. Holding hands while ice-skating is the definition of romance. This date is always a favorite but remember to be careful the ice is very slippery.

Watch shootings stars Hold each other under the light of the moon and stars as you look for shooting stars. This activity is most romantic if you are lying down, so be sure to bring a blanket. Plus, if you’ve ever watched for shooting stars standing up you know how fast your neck starts to hurt. An important note is that stars can be seen much better if you leave the bright lights of the city.

Do a puzzle together If you aren’t easily frustrated with a challenge then this is a great date. It is a great way to be close to each other and makes a great atmosphere for flirting. Don’t worry about finishing the puzzle, just have fun, and use the opportunity to be close to your loved one.

Hot air balloon ride A very fun date, but not the best if you’re afraid of heights. However, sometimes we need to do something a little crazy to add excitement to our dates. A ride in a hot air balloon is not only exciting, it will give you great views and a memory you’ll never forget.

Sunset boat cruise Both boating and sunsets are very romantic; but the two together and you’re guaranteed a good time. There is something about the fresh air of being out on the water that is very liberating. The best part about this date is that you get to cuddle and keep each other warm as you watch the sunset together. Don’t forget to bring a jacket!

Begin to Set Personal Boundaries

2012-04-06T10:28:00.000-04:00

Do you have a hard time standing up for yourself? Do you keep agreeing to do things that you really don't want to do? Do you tolerate rude comments or pushy people because you can't handle conflict? Do you take things personally?

Life coach Cheryl Richardson says that creating stronger boundaries is the number one way for most women to improve their lives. Here she shows you how to stand up for yourself! Set personal boundaries and free yourself from the "disease to please" with these three steps!

Step 1: Self-AwarenessThe first step in learning to set boundaries is self-awareness. Complete the following sentences.

Step 2: Setting Your BoundariesLearn to set boundaries with others. Find support and using specific language.

Step 3: Strengthen Your Internal BoundariesToo often, women neglect to stand up for themselves by avoiding confrontation. When someone offends you, stop and ask these three questions.

Guilt in Setting Boundaries
Learn how to overcome guilt. Get rid of the obstacles that could be blocking your way to setting boundaries in your life.

2012-04-06T10:19:00.003-04:00

The first step in learning to set boundaries is self-awareness. For example, pay close attention to the situations when you lose energy, feel a knot in your stomach, or want to cry. Identifying where you need more space, self-respect, energy or personal power is the first step.

Another way to identify your boundaries is by completing these three sentences with at least 10 examples.

1. People may not ___________.Click for examples

2. I have a right to ask for ____________.Click for examples

3. To protect my time and energy, it's OK to _________________.Click for examples

Step 2: Setting Your Boundaries

LOVE & RELATIONSHIP

2012-04-06T10:19:00.002-04:00

LOVE & RELATIONSHIP

2012-04-06T10:17:00.000-04:00

Start setting simple but firm boundaries with a graceful or neutral tone. This will feel uncomfortable at first, but as you take care of yourself, the personal power you gain will make it easier.

Be sure to have support in place before and after each conversation. If you can't find support from a friend or family member, you may be successful finding a friend online.
Vent any strong emotions with your partner before having your boundary conversation.
Use simple, direct language.
- To set a boundary with an angry person:
  "You may not yell at me. If you continue, I'll have to leave the room."
- To set a boundary with personal phone calls at work:
  "I've decided to take all personal calls in the evening in order to get my work done. I will need to call you later."
- To say no to extra commitments:
  "Although this organization is important to me, I need to decline your request for volunteer help in order to honor my family's needs."
- To set a boundary with someone who is critical:"It's not okay with me that you comment on my weight. I'd like to ask you to stop."
- To buy yourself time when making tough decisions:
  "I'll have to sleep on it, I have a policy of not making decisions right away."
- To back out of a commitment:
  "I know I agreed to head up our fundraising efforts, but after reviewing my schedule, I now realize that I won't be able to give it my best attention. I'd like to help find a replacement by the end of next week.
- To set a boundary with an adult child who borrows money:
  "I won't be lending you money anymore. I love you and you need to take responsibility for yourself."
When setting boundaries, there is no need to defend, debate, or over-explain your feelings. Be firm, gracious and direct. When faced with resistance, repeat your statement or request.
Back up your boundary with action. Stay strong. If you give in, you invite people to ignore your needs

Step 3: Strengthen Your Personal Boundaries

LOVE & RELATIONSHIP

2012-04-06T10:16:00.001-04:00

LOVE & RELATIONSHIP

2012-04-06T10:15:00.000-04:00

One of the reasons that women take things personally is because they have weak "internal boundaries." An internal boundary is like an invisible shield that prevents you from taking in a comment without checking it out first. For example, when someone accuses you of being arrogant, stop and consider the statement before taking it in.

When you use this internal shield, especially with difficult people like an ex-spouse or critical parent, it gives you time to ask yourself the following three questions:

How much of this is true about me?
How much of this is about the other person?
What do I need to do (if anything) to regain my personal power or stand up for myself?

This last question is very important. Too often women neglect to stand up for themselves by avoiding confrontation and end up weakening their internal shield, making it harder to set boundaries at all. So, if someone offends you, it may be necessary to let them know in order to protect and strengthen your internal boundaries.

Guilt in setting boundaries

2012-04-06T10:10:00.000-04:00

Is guilt standing in your way of saying no to the things you don't want to do? Learn how to overcome guilt and other obstacles that could be blocking your way to setting boundaries in your life.

Overcoming GuiltYou have to be ready to make tough choices to change your lifestyle. Cheryl Richardson says guilt is the most common obstacle to taking care of yourself. You will feel guilty by making yourself a priority. To overcome guilt, face it head on. See it as a sign that you are on the right track.

Overcoming ResistanceTell people your priorities have changed and that you are taking care of your needs. If you feel your own resistance to focusing on yourself, remember, when you put yourself first, you are then fully available to others without resentment or anger.

Find Support
When you start making yourself a priority, you may feel uncomfortable and uncaring. Stay with it and find support from other women doing the same.

More on curing the disease to please:

Don't be a doormat
Set personal boundaries
Your absolute yes list
Learning to say no to others

2012-04-06T09:58:00.001-04:00

10 Ways to Have Peaceful, Loving Relationships

2012-04-06T09:46:00.001-04:00

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” ~Dalai Lama
Though Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, this is not a post about romance. It’s about any relationship–with your brother, your mother, your coworker, your friend.
And I admit I am not an expert.
I’ve made a million and one mistakes in relationships. I’ve expected too much. Or not asked for what I needed in fear of rocking the boat. I’ve been competitive. I’ve been suspisious. I’ve been dependent. I’d like to think what redeems me from all these mistakes is that I’ve also been honest.
Being self aware, in my opinion, is far more valuable than being perfect–mostly because the former is attainable and helpful, while the latter is neither.
Relationships are not easy. They mirror everything we feel about ourselves and the way the world works. When you’ve had a bad day, the people around you seem difficult. When you’re not happy with yourself, your relationships seem to be lacking.
If you’ve ever gotten in a fight, only to find yourself wondering what you were really upset about, this post may help you. If you’ve ever been disappointed because someone didn’t meet your expectations, this post may help you, too. Feel walked on and unheard? You guessed it–there’s likely something in here that will help you change that.
We don’t live in a vacuum. We have thoughts and feelings that can be confusing. Other people do, too. And just like in the movie Crash, they don’t always collide smoothly.
When I apply these ideas–which I do better sometimes than others–I feel confident, strong, compassionate, and peaceful in my interactions. I hope they can do the same for you.
1. Do what you need to do for you.
Everyone has personal needs, whether it’s going to the gym after work or taking some alone time on Saturday morning. If someone asks you to do something and your instinct is to honor you own need, do that. I’m not saying you can’t make sacrifices sometimes, but it’s important to make a habit of taking care of yourself. (More on this:10 Ways to Make Valentine's Day Special)
Someone once told me people are like glasses of water. If you don’t do what you have to do to keep your glass full, you’ll need to take it from someone else–which leaves them half full. Fill your own glass so you can feel whole and complete in your relationships.
2. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
It’s tempting to doubt people. To assume your boyfriend meant to hurt you by not inviting you out with his friends, or your friend meant to make you feel inadequate by flaunting her money. People who care about you want you to feel happy, even if sometimes they get too wrapped up in their own problems to show it well.
Sometimes they may be hurtful and mean it–let’s not pretend we’re all angels. But that won’t be the norm. It will likely be when they’re hurting and don’t know what to do with it. Odds are they’ll feel bad and apologize later. If you want to get good will, share it by seeing the best in the people you love. When you assume the best you often inspire it.
3. Look at yourself for the problem first.
When you feel unhappy with yourself, it’s easy to find something wrong in a relationship. If you blame another person for what you’re feeling, the solution is on them. But this is actually faulty logic. For starters, it gives them all the control. And secondly, it usually doesn’t solve the problem since you didn’t actually address the root cause.
Next time you feel the need to blame someone for your feelings–something they did or should have done–ask yourself if there’s something else going on. You may find there’s something underlying: something you did or should have done for you. Take responsibility for the problem and you have power to create a solution.
4. Be mindful of projecting.
In psychology, projecting refers to denying your own traits and then ascribing them to the outside world or other people. For example, if you’re not a loyal and trusting friend, you may assume your friends are all out to get you. It’s a defense mechanism that allows you to avoid the discomfort of acknowledging your weaknesses. There’s no faster way to put a rift in your relationships.
This comes back to down to self awareness, and it’s hard work. Acknowledging your flaws isn’t fun; but if you don’t, you’ll continue seeing them in everyone around you. And you’ll continue to hurt. Next time you see something negative in someone else, ask yourself if it’s true for you. It might not be–but if it is, identifying it can help create peace in that relationship.
5. Choose your battles.
Everyone knows someone who makes everything a fight. If you question them about something, you can expect an argument. If you comment on something they did, you’ll probably get yelled at. Even a compliment could create a confrontation. Some people just like to fight–maybe to channel negativity they’re carrying around about the world or themselves.
On the one hand, you have to tell people when there’s something bothering you. That’s the only way to address problems. On the other hand, you don’t have to let everything bother you. When I’m not sure if I need to bring something up, I ask myself these few questions:

Does this happen often and leave me feeling bad?
Does this really matter in the grand scheme of things?
Can I empathize with their feelings instead of dwelling on my insecurity?
6. Confront compassionately and clearly. When you attack someone, their natural instinct is to defend themself–which gets you nowhere. You end up having a loud conversation where two people do their best to prove they’re right and the other one is wrong. It’s rarely that black and white. It’s more likely you both have points, but you’re both too stubborn to meet in the middle.
If you approach someone with compassion, you will open their hearts and minds. Show them you understand where they’re coming from, and they’ll be willing to see your side. That gives you a chance to express yourself and your expectations clearly. And when you let people know what you need at the right time in the right way, they’re more likely to give that to you.
7. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.
There are all kinds of ways you can feel vulnerable in relationships: When you express your feelings for someone else. When you’re honest about yourself or your past. When you admit you made a mistake. People don’t always do these things because they want to maintain a sense of power.
Power allows you a superficial sense of control, whereas true, vulnerable being allows you a sense of authenticity. That’s love: being your true self and allowing someone else to do the same without letting fear and judgment tear it down. It’s like Jimi Hendrix said, “When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.” I discussed this more in-depth in 5 Rules for Life.
8. Think before acting on emotion.
This one is the hardest for me. As soon as I feel hurt, frustrated, or angry, I want to do something with it–which is always a bad idea. I’ve realized my initial emotional reaction does not always reflect how I really feel about something. Initially, I might feel scared or angry–but once I calm down and think things through, I often realize I overreacted.
When you feel a strong emotion, try to sit it for a while. Don’t use it or run from it–just feel it. When you learn to observe your feelings before acting on them, you minimize the negativity you create in two ways: you process, analyze, and deal with feelings before putting them on someone else; and you communicate in a way that inspires them to stay open instead of shutting down.
9. Maintain boundaries.
When people get close, boundaries can get fuzzy. In a relationship without boundaries, you let the other person manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do. You act out of guilt instead of honoring your needs. You let someone offend you without telling them how you feel about it. The best way to ensure people treat you how you want to be treated is to teach them.
That means you have to love and respect yourself enough to do that: to acknowledge what you need, and speak up. The only way to truly have loving, peaceful relationships is to start with a loving, peaceful relationship with yourself. This is a huge topic; if it resonates with you, I recommend this wonderful article (yes, on Oprah’s website) that explains how to set personal boundaries.
10. Enjoy their company more than their approval.
When you desperately need someone’s approval, your relationship becomes all about what they do for you: how often they stroke your ego, how well they bring you up when you feel down, how well they mitigate your negative feelings. This is draining for another person; and it creates an unbalanced relationship.
If you notice yourself dwelling on pleasing someone else or getting their approval, realize you’re creating that need. (Unless you’re in an abusive relationship, in which case I highly recommend getting help.) Instead of focusing on what you can get from that person, focus on enjoying yourselves together. Oftentimes the best thing you can do for yourself and someone else is let go and give yourself permission to smile.
What do you do to create peaceful, loving relationships?

I LOVE U

2012-04-06T09:45:00.000-04:00

I Love You, in 50 different languages -
1. I love you in Bulgarian – Obicham te ;
2. in Belarusian – Ya tabe kahayu ;
3. in Bangla – Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi ;
4. in Cantonese Chinese – Ngo oiy ney a ;
5. I love you in Catalan – T`estimo ;
6. in Cheyenne – Ne mohotatse ;
7. in Chichewa – Ndimakukonda ;
8. in Creole – Mi aime jou ;
9. in Croatian – Volim te ;
10. I love you in Czech – Miluji te ;
11. in Danish – Jeg elsker dig ;
12. in Dutch - Ik hou van jou ;
13. in Esperanto – Mi amas vin ;
14. in Estonian – Ma armastan sind ;
15. I love you in Ethiopian – Afgreki` ;
16. in Farsi – Doset daram ;
17. in Filipino – Mahal kita ;
18. in Finnish –Mina rakastan sinua ;
19. in French – Je t`aime/ Je t`adore ;
20. I love you in German – Ich liebe dich ;
21. in Greek – S`agapau ;
22. in Gujarati – Hoo thunay prem karoo choo ;
23. in Hawaiian – Aloha wau ia oi ;
24. in Hebrew – Ani ohev otah (to female) and Ani ohev et otha (to male) ;
25. I love you in Hindi – Hum tumhe pyar karte hae ;
26. in Hmong – Kuv hlub koj ;
27. in Hopi – Nu` umi unangwa`ta ;
28. in Hungarn – Szeretlek ;
29. in Icelansic – Eg elska tig ;
30. in Indonesian – Saya cinta padamu ;
31. in Irish – Taim i`ngra leat ;1. I love you in Bulgarian – Obicham te ;

32. in Italian – Ti amo ;
33. I love you in Japanese – Aishiteru ;
34. in Kannada – Naanu ninna preetisuttene ;
35. in Korean – Sarang heyo ;
36. in Latin – Te amo ;
37. in Latvian – Es tevi miilu ;
38. in Malay – Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu ;
39. in Mandarin Chinese – Wo ai ni ;
40. in Navaho – Ayor anosh`ni ;
41. in Norwegian – Jeg elsker dek ;
42. in Persian – Doo-set daaram ;
43. in Pig Latin – Lay ovlay ouyay ;
44. in Polish – Kocham Ciebie ;
45. in Portuguese – Eu tea mo ;
46. in Romanian – Te ubesk ;
47. in Russian – Ya tebya liubliu ;
48. I love you in Serbian – Volim te ;
49. in Slovenian – Ljubim te ;
50. in Spanish – Te quiero / Te amo .
32. in Italian – Ti amo ;
33. I love you in Japanese – Aishiteru ;
34. in Kannada – Naanu ninna preetisuttene ;
35. in Korean – Sarang heyo ;
36. in Latin – Te amo ;
37. in Latvian – Es tevi miilu ;
38. in Malay – Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu ;
39. in Mandarin Chinese – Wo ai ni ;
40. in Navaho – Ayor anosh`ni ;
41. in Norwegian – Jeg elsker dek ;
42. in Persian – Doo-set daaram ;
43. in Pig Latin – Lay ovlay ouyay ;
44. in Polish – Kocham Ciebie ;
45. in Portuguese – Eu tea mo ;
46. in Romanian – Te ubesk ;
47. in Russian – Ya tebya liubliu ;
48. I love you in Serbian – Volim te ;
49. in Slovenian – Ljubim te ;
50. in Spanish – Te quiero / Te amo .

101 Ways to Reduce stress in life

2012-04-04T13:40:00.001-04:00

1. Get up 15 minutes earlier
2. Prepare for the morning the night before
3. Avoid tight fitting clothes
4. Avoid relying on chemical aids
5. Set appointments ahead
6. Don’t rely on your memory … write it down
7. Practice preventive maintenance
8. Make duplicate keys
9. Say “no” more often
10.Set priorities in your life
11. Avoid negative people
12. Use time wisely
13. Simplify meal times
14. Always make copies of important papers
15. Anticipate your needs
16.. Repair anything that doesn’t work properly
17. Ask for help with the jobs you dislike
18. Break large tasks into bite size portions
19. Look at problems as challenges
20. Look at challenges differently
21. Unclutter your life
22. Smile
23. Be prepared for rain
24. Tickle a baby
25. Pet a friendly dog/cat
26. Don’t know all the answers
27. Look for a silver lining
28. Say something nice to someone
29. Teach a kid to fly a kite
30. Walk in the rain
31. Schedule play time into every day
32. Take a bubble bath
33. Be aware of the decisions you make
34. Believe in yourself
35. Stop saying negative things to yourself
36. Visualize yourself winning
37. Develop your sense of humor
38. Stop thinking tomorrow will be a better today
39. Have goals for yourself
40. Dance a jig
41. Say “hello” to a stranger
42. Ask a friend for a hug
43. Look up at the stars
44. Practice breathing slowly
45. Learn to whistle a tune
46. Read a poem
47. Listen to a symphony
48. Watch a ballet
49. Read a story curled up in bed
50. Do a brand new thing
51. Stop a bad habit
52. Buy yourself a flower
53. Take time to small the flowers
54. Find support from others
55. Ask someone to be your “vent-partner”
56. Do it today
57. Work at being cheerful and optimistic
58. Put safety first
59. Do everything in moderation
60. Pay attention to your appearance
61. Strive for Excellence NOT perfection
62. Stretch your limits a little each day
63. Look at a work of art
64. Hum a jingle
65. Maintain your weight
66. Plant a tree
67. Feed the birds
68. Practice grace under pressure
69. Stand up and stretch
70. Always have a plan “B”
71. Learn a new doodle
72. Memorize a joke
73. Be responsible for your feelings
74. Learn to meet your own needs
75. Become a better listener
76. Know your limitations and let others know them, too
77. Tell someone to have a good day in Latin
78. Throw a paper airplane
79. Exercise every day
80. Learn the words to a new song
81. Get to work early
82. Clean out one closet
83. Play patty cake with a toddler
84. Go on a picnic
85. Take a different route to work
86. Leave work early (with permission)
87. Put air freshener in your car
88.. Watch a movie and eat popcorn
89. Write a note to a far away friend
90. Go to a ball game and scream
91. Cook a meal and eat it by candlelight
92. Recognize the importance of unconditional love
93. Remember that stress is an attitude
94. Keep a journal
95. Practice a monster smile
96. Remember you always have options
97. Have a support network of people, places and things
98. Quit trying to fix other people
99. Get enough sleep
100.Talk less and listen more
101.Freely praise other people

Love Quotes

2011-04-21T17:28:00.000-04:00

A mighty pain to love it is, and ’tis a pain that pain to miss; but of all the pains, the greatest pain is to love, but love in vain.”
Abraham Crowley

“So much of what we know of love we learn at home.”
-unknown

“You don’t marry someone you can live with – you marry the person who you cannot live without.”
-unknown

“Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes.”
-unknown

“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
-Saint-Exupery

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”
-Ingrid Bergman

“Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies.”
-John Donne

“He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.”
-Benjamin Franklin

“I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love.”
-Henry Ward Beecher

“Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love – and to put its trust in life.”
-Joseph Conrad

“True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.”
-La Rochefoucauld

“Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?”
-Christopher Marlowe

“We perceive when love begins and when it declines by our embarrassment when alone together.”
-La Bruyere

“Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.”
-St. Augustine

“To love another person is to see the face of God.”
-Les Miserables

“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.”
-Alexander Smith

“When we are in love we often doubt that which we most believe.”
-La Rochefoucauld

“Sympathy constitutes friendship; but in love there is a sort of antipathy, or opposing passion. Each strives to be the other, and both together make up one whole.”
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

“Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship – never.”
-Charles Caleb Colton

“The richest love is that which submits to the arbitration of time.”
-Lawrence Durrell

“There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not.”
-La Rochefoucauld

“A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.”
-Stendhal

“There is no remedy for love but to love more.”
-Thoreau

“Blushing is the color of virtue.”
-Diogenes

“Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time… It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other.”
-Leo F. Buscaglia

“Love cures people – both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.”
-Dr. Karl Menninger

“Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor… Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.”
-Mother Theresa

Romantic Date Ideas

2011-04-21T16:59:00.000-04:00

Go on a road trip
Bored of seeing and doing the same stuff all the time? There is nothing like changing your surroundings to add more sparks between you and that special someone. Going on a road trip to a new place is sure to add romance and adventure to your relationship.

Rent a limoIf a limousine is involved, the date is guaranteed to a romantic one. There is also the added benefit of not having the responsibility of driving during the date. We all know that dates go better with wine! This way you can have fun and know you’re going to make it home safely.

Plant a vegetable gardenLooking for dirty ideas for your next date? Try planting a vegetable garden together. Planting vegetables and then watching them grow is a great way to bond with your significant other.

Go ice skatingThis date can be a tricky one if you’ve never ice skated before. Don’t worry, everyone falls their first time and it doesn’t hurt that bad. The nice part about this date is that when you fall your date will be there to pick you up. Holding hands while ice-skating is the definition of romance. This date is always a favorite but remember to be careful the ice is very slippery.

Watch shootings starsHold each other under the light of the moon and stars as you look for shooting stars. This activity is most romantic if you are lying down, so be sure to bring a blanket. Plus, if you’ve ever watched for shooting stars standing up you know how fast your neck starts to hurt. An important note is that stars can be seen much better if you leave the bright lights of the city.

Do a puzzle togetherIf you aren’t easily frustrated with a challenge then this is a great date. It is a great way to be close to each other and makes a great atmosphere for flirting. Don’t worry about finishing the puzzle, just have fun, and use the opportunity to be close to your loved one.

Hot air balloon rideA very fun date, but not the best if you’re afraid of heights. However, sometimes we need to do something a little crazy to add excitement to our dates. A ride in a hot air balloon is not only exciting, it will give you great views and a memory you’ll never forget.

Sunset boat cruiseBoth boating and sunsets are very romantic; but the two together and you’re guaranteed a good time. There is something about the fresh air of being out on the water that is very liberating. The best part about this date is that you get to cuddle and keep each other warm as you watch the sunset together. Don’t forget to bring a jacket!

Being Memorable Lessons

2011-04-07T12:20:00.000-04:00

It may be true that first impressions are largely determined by outward appearances, but how is it that the average-looking girl is voted homecoming queen, while the class beauty is passed over? What makes everyone want to be near her? She has a magnetism that attracts people; she’s memorable. When navigating the dating scene, being remembered is key to getting a second look and keeping someone’s attention.
To be memorable, you have to be authentic. There’s nothing memorable about a person who is just like everyone else. If others find you so comfortable to be around that they want to know you better, your relationships will be more plentiful and life will be more interesting. Your career may benefit when you put an emphasis on being more memorable and are willing to go against the mainstream.
Some people have characteristics or personalities that make people remember them. But even those who aren’t blessed at birth with memorable traits can develop an attitude and way of living that can make them more memorable. Some of that magic can be learned.
Self-acceptance
Memorable people are unique, know it and embrace it. If you’re embarrassed by your own quirkiness, you can’t expect others to find it endearing. Your ability to accept who you are, without reservation, brings opportunities for other people to truly get to know you. Discover specific traits that make you stand out in a crowd and capitalize on them.
Once you acknowledge and accept your uniqueness, it’s time to develop it. Many people do just the opposite and attempt to eliminate, diminish or refine the traits that make them different, which unfortunately negates the very thing most people hope for - to be remembered. If you’re too willing to conform to society, you’ll be seen as a simple part of the whole and not a complex, confident individual.
Realize the risks
Not everyone will find you memorable. Jealousy and envy may bring rejection from others and not the acceptance we all hope for, but that’s a risk you’ll have to take, if you want to be your true self. Just remember that it’s only collateral damage and that those people would never have been accepting, even if you were willing to conform to fit in.
Let it shine!
The people we find memorable are able to express the full range of their personalities. They never repress or censor their uniqueness to fit in or to avoid standing out from the crowd; their genuineness is obvious. Say what you want to say, but graciously; do what you want and show more of who you are. Others will notice and remember.

Beauty May Fade - But True Love Remains

2011-03-31T16:10:00.000-04:00

I read an article recently claiming that beauty begins to fade at 27. It made me sad and angry. It’s bad enough many in our society go through life worrying about the size of their thighs or behinds, now we’re being told that there is a specific point in our lives when we begin the downhill slide to ‘old-age’. But even if it were true, does it make a difference when it comes to matters of the heart? Is it possible you have met your soul mate, but because their physical presence didn’t cause you to catch your breath, you missed your chance? If your priorities are for physical beauty, you may end up wasting a lot of time kissing frogs.
The ideal body image that the media portrays is solely determined by outward factors. But beauty is subjective; each one of us defines it in our own way. The truth of the cliche “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” makes it impossible to pin down a day on the calendar when beauty begins to fade. The message that society sends about beauty is not only dangerous to our health but also to our relationships. Young girls refuse to eat to maintain a size ‘0′; young adults are exercise excessively to gain a bodybuilder’s physique and men and women of all ages are opting for cosmetic surgery, in an attempt to stop inevitable aging.
It’s true that the first thing we notice about someone is their appearance. But the people I’m most drawn to are not who you would call ‘pretty’ people. They’re every-day men and women who have confidence and charisma. Their specific characteristics are not always obvious but they have traits I’m attracted to and make me want to make a connection. They pay no attention to what is happening around them, but stay true to their own morals, ethics and life goals.
It may be outer beauty that first makes individuals stand out in the crowd but their inner beauty is what keeps us interested. Seeing beyond the physical will bring the connectedness we all crave. Your partner might not be strikingly beautiful but have a heart of gold. I also assert that the people we truly love grow more beautiful in our eyes.
Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”

Are you dating a married man?

2011-03-27T03:15:00.000-04:00

So you’re feeling more than a little bit attracted, physically and emotionally, to the great looking guy you’ve been dating, even wondering if you could be in love. But do you really know him? When it has been estimated that over one-third of men in the dating scene, whether online or not, are married, it’s an important question to have answered. How can you be sure he’s not married, without paying for a background check? There are signs and hints that can help you learn the truth.
Is he already married??? Here are some signs to look for:

Trust Your Inner Voice - Not exactly scientific or heard by others, your inner voice is your intuition or sixth-sense. You don’t know how you ‘know’ - you just do. Learning to pay attention when you sense something is not quite right may protect you from unknowingly getting involved with a married man.
Personal Information is Vague or Withheld-It's understandable that personal information won’t be shared in the first few dates, but once the relationship becomes more serious, learning more about each other is natural and healthy. But a married man will rarely share this kind of information, even using a fictitious name. If your date hesitates to share his home phone number, where he lives and works, you need to be cautious. Anyone who lives out of a suitcase, provides a post office box as a mailing address and explains it away with a flippant devil-may-care attitude is someone who may not be giving you the whole scoop.
Never Invites You Home - Probably the most obvious sign that you’re date is married is that you’re never invited to his home. Roommates or clutter are the excuses often cited, but anyone who keeps you from seeing where they live could be married.
Schedules Dates like Clockwork - The times you can meet are so predictable that you could set your clock by them. Be wary especially if he can only see you during the week. Weekends are out of the question for a married man - that’s family time.
Avoids Social Events - A married man will want to avoid social events. He doesn’t want to be called out on his deception. If you rarely go out socially, even to innocent places like a restaurant and have never been invited to meet his friends or family and vague excuses are given, your date may be married. A sincere, single man will be more than happy, even honored, to have his family meet you.
Sudden Disappearances - If you’re dating someone who has to go out-of-town during the holidays or just plain disappears unexpectedly for periods of time, you need to investigate. Does he call at odd hours, hang up without notice and call back later. These signs may indicate he’s a busy family man or at least a married man.
Behavior and Attitudes - A dating married man will be cautious in every way. He may be quiet, not participating in the conversations around him. Obviously, he may just be shy, but over time that should lessen and he should be able to open up.

There are risks whether a person uses online dating services or goes the traditional dating route. Deceptive people will use all kinds of tricks to get what they want. But the signs are always there when a person is playing a cruel game in a relationship, you just need to be alert to the possibility. The best defense is to be aware that you may hook up with one and learn to trust your gut.

10 Ways to Make Valentine's Day Special

2011-03-26T03:27:00.000-04:00

As you've probably noticed, we are all being bombarded with messages like don't forget the flowers, boxes of candy, and of course, the diamonds (even chocolate diamonds!) because of Valentine's day.

Most holidays can bring up a myriad of emotions but this one is especially ripe for unearthing hidden and not so hidden expectations.

You emotions can be all over the place from feelings of deep love and excitement to deep disappointment and loneliness.

So how can you deal with a holiday like this and actually enjoy yourself, whether you are in a "relationship" or not?

Here are 10 suggestions to make your relationships better--no matter what day it is from our"Red Hot Love Relationships" course...
1) Don't Forget Kindness and Thoughtfulness

We all get in a rush sometimes and forget to be kind. We just want to get the things done that we have to get done and move along to the next thing to be done.

Whether you are currently in an intimate relationship or not--take a moment to be kind to the people in your life. Kindness certainly doesn't have to mean "doing" for someone (but it can.)

It can mean just giving a smile, sending a kind, loving thought, or simply listening to a story that you may have heard many times before.

2) Don't Forget Appreciation

So often we find ourselves dwelling on what irritates us about the people in our lives and we forget to appreciate the things about our relationships that are working. Appreciation only works when you want nothing in return. If there are "strings" along with your appreciation of another person, (like you want appreciation in return) it will seem like an empty, needy gesture. Appreciation has to be expressed from your heart and in such a way that is
genuine.

Even if you want to be appreciated back (we all do), start it off by telling someone in your life what you appreciate about them today.

3) Listen Closely to What Your Partner Wants

Whether it's to make plans for a Valentine's day celebration or just listening to how your partner's day went--leave your ego and your desire to help or "fix it" for him or her at the door and just listen.

We all get into habits that stifle communication--that shut off a true connection of the heart. To open up and bring more joy and ease into your relationship, take a moment to realize what you do to assume, to fix or to judge (even though you may not think you are doing those things) and just listen to understand your partner.

4) Listen Closely to What You Want

Listening closely to what you want can be even harder than learning to listen to your partner. So many people have learned along the way that it's not safe to feel emotions--and they simply don't know how to listen to what they want. You have to practice listening to the voice inside you so that you can be honest and authentic with the people in your life. You have to learn who you are and honor that by letting others know who the real "you" is.

5) If It's an Intimate Relationship, Don't Forget Time Alone

In our busy lives, we often forget to recharge by spending some time alone. Whether it's taking a walk outside by
yourself and enjoying nature or it's taking 20 minutes to meditate or tune in and calm your thoughts--we've found that we are much better people and treat each other more lovingly if we take time for ourselves.

6) Don't Forget to Breathe

It may seem kind of silly to remind you to not forget to breathe, but so many of us actually live in the land of anxious, shallow breathing. Belly breathing can relax you, help you to clear your mind and keep you in the present moment.

What's that got to do with creating great relationships? When we are relaxed, we listen better to others and we don't react quite so quickly from old patterns. We are able to access a fresh point of view when we breathe that can promote more understand and closer connections.

7) Don't Forget the "Show"

What's the "show"? The show is what we do to show the other person that he/she is special in our lives. It can be a greeting card, a present or creating a special night or weekend away. It can be elaborate or it can be simple--whatever the two of you prefer. The main thing is that you "show" the other person how special they are to you.

8) Don't Forget Discernment

The media likes to use hype and if you buy into what the mass media promotes as "the way Valentine's day should be," then you might be setting yourself up for disappointment after the big day comes and goes.

Remember, it's not about the money you spend, where (or if) you bought that special diamond necklace, or where you went for dinner. It's about the love that's underneath all of that.

9) Don't Forget to Be Present and Be Real

If you're like most people, you're usually either mentally thinking about what you have to do or are going to do in the future or thinking about what happened to you in the past. The present moments fly by without you really participating in them.

To be present and real means to be fully focusing on what's going on right here and right now. Great relationships are built on that idea and whether it's Valentine's day or not, it's a terrific practice to get into.

10) Don't Forget to Think Long-Term Love and Not Just Short-Term "Wow"

Whether it's a dating situation or long-term committed relationship or marriage, when you are thinking about a celebration of your love or of your relationship, keep in mind what would create and feed long-term love instead of going for the "wow" factor.

To know the difference, you have to keep showing each other how special you are to each other in every day--and not just this day because it's a day of "love and romance."

The real juice in keeping a relationship that is alive and growing is in what you do and say in every moment to each other.

At any time during the year, we invite you to make conscious decisions about your life and not just let "life" happen to you.

Our best to you on Valentine's day and every other day.

One Sure Way to Get Closer...

2011-03-26T03:10:00.001-04:00

Registration is now open for our "Get Closer Weekend" and this is really exciting because if you've enjoyed our articles, books and courses, you'll have the opportunity to work with us personally on creating the relationship you've always wanted.

If you want to "Get Closer" to your spouse, partner or lover, then you're going to want to click on over to this web page and watch the special relationship advice video we just created for you that will tell you all about how you can do it.

When you apply what we are going to share with you during this incredible event, the possibilities for what you can create in your relationship or marriage are amazing.

For people who attend this event...

*Closed Hearts are going to open

*Passion is going to be reignited

*Sex is going to get hotter, juicier, more delicious and possibly more frequent

*Lost connections of the heart are going to be restored

*Trust is going to be rebuilt

*Resentments are going to melt away

*Communication is going to get easier

And you might even feel like you've fallen in love all over again.

Check out this video that describes this amazing opportunity for you to truly "Get Closer" to your spouse, partner or lover.

3 Ways to Keep Your Love and Passion Alive

2011-03-26T03:03:00.000-04:00

How do you keep a relationship loving, intimate, alive and growing over the long haul?

We are constantly on the look out for ideas to keep the spark alive in our relationship and we love passing them on to you. Just the other day, the Borders book store that is not far from our home had a going-out-of-business sale and we went shopping. Since we love books and our house is full of them, we had fun picking out some new books that would give us some new ideas to keep our love-making fresh and exciting.

One of the books is filled with erotic (but not too over the edge) stories that we're going to read to each other while we're on a vacation that's coming up.

So a trip to the book store might be fun for the two of you or you might choose something else...

One way you and your partner can reactivate your love and passion is to attend our workshop that's coming up--a "Get Closer Weekend." (Check out our short video aboutgetting closer to your partner)

Here are some ideas other ideas from three people who agreed to share how they keep their passion and relationship alive and growing...

1. Be open to trying new things.

"For our marriage it is the openness to try different, new things. Go to new places, buy new things, try new activities. Just the willingness and the openness to do any of these things has a great power. Whether we continue them or not isn't the point its the trying it and being honest. It's showing trust in the other persons
ideas. We have found simple things like playing a computer game my husband truly enjoys but I have never tried. Going to a new place that I have gone but he hasn't."

2. Change things up and flirt with each other.

"After 12 years of marriage and 4 kids, my wife and I understand the need to 'work' to keep intimacy in our relationship. Truth be told, it is not work. We are both very good at doing the small things... sweet talk, gentle
touches throughout the day, demonstrate respect for each other. But we also look to change things up a bit. I
recently bought my wife a new cell phone with texting capabilities. I taught how to text and she almost immediately began texting me highly suggestive messages while I am at the office. By the end of the day, we have worked each other up mentally that we are really looking forward to see each other when I get home. Poor kids get sent to bed early A LOT recently."

3. Surprise your partner and communicate daily.

"One of the key things we do to keep our relationship alive is to make sure we can surprise each other. Surprises can take the form of presents of course, or simply an unexpected evening out, meal for two or even a gesture, a kind word here and there, a joke, a new way of looking at things, a new aspect to the relationship, a new activity together.

Otherwise, of course communication is key, and being open to listen to the others' concerns and feeling able to express one's own concerns is extremely important. We schedule time on a daily basis to see how the other person's day went, and also at the weekend to reflect over the week. When travelling, there are many forms of communication which can help to keep things alive, so we're thinking of each other: text messages, phone calls, e-mail."

If you have other ways of keep your relationship loving, alive and growing, we invite you to send us your story.

8 Sure Signs Your Relationship Could Be In Trouble (Without You Even Knowing It)

2011-03-26T02:54:00.000-04:00

You've been hearing us talk a lot about our upcoming "Get Closer Weekend" and if you are considering coming...

NOW is the time to act.

This is because the early bird special which means big savings on our "Get Closer Weekend" is about to expire.

Whether you're single or in a committed relationship, come learn the secrets to keeping love, passion and a great connection alive for as long as you want.

Just go here to get the details or to sign up for THIS incredible "Get Closer Weekend."

When people ask us what's one thing they can do to get closer in their relationship, we give them a suggestion
that goes something like what we talked about in our free teleclass we gave this past week...

If you want to get closer, one way is to focus on getting on the same team.

This seems so obvious but "getting on the same team" and getting the two of you lined up in the same way and focused in the same direction is one of the real challenges of relationships.

We can tell you from personal experience that when both of you work as a team as you move through life together, you can literally conquer anything and everything that gets in your way of keeping the passion, love and connection alive.

When it comes to great examples of "getting on the same team," you don't have to look any further than sports for inspiration, especially this time of year when the NCAA college basketball teams are gearing up for the "big dance."

Since we're from Columbus, of course we follow our Buckeyes and are excited the men are #1 right now in the standings.

As we've watched college basketball and other sports, especially the Cincinnati Reds baseball team, we've come to some conclusions about winning teams...

*It's not only talent that creates a winning team but it's also the way they work together as a team

*In winning teams, individual roles are clearly defined

*Individuals on a winning team appreciate their teammates and build them up. You don't hear them talking badly about each other.

*Winning teams have a sense of community and working toward a common objective. They are lined up in the same direction with the same purpose.

What does this have to do with your relationship?

Plenty.

When you take the time to get lined up and get on the same team, everything's easier. Disagreements are less intense and don't last as long--and passion and closeness are greater.

The problem is that most couples don't feel they're always (or even sometimes) on the same team.

What do couples do when they aren't on the same team?

1. Become aware of what you do as a habit that pushes your partner away.

For Susie, it's stopping herself from being pushy and interrupting Otto and just listening when she gets irritated or tense. She has to slow herself down from jumping into finishing his sentences.

For Otto, he has to remember Susie's not the enemy and stop himself from getting into "fight" mode when he gets triggered. He has to remember how delicious their closeness is to him and not fall into fighting or withdrawing from her.

2. Find ways to stop whatever habit you have that takes you from feeling like you are on the same team.

For us, we have to be aware of the urge to do whatever is a habit for us to do when we get triggered by something and then make a conscious choice to remember our commitment to listening to understand where the other is coming from.

Not always easy, we know, but when we remember that our love is more important than "being right," we do get on the same team and resolve whatever has separated us.

Does that mean we become doormats?

Of course not. We find ways to express what we're feeling so the other can hear. We find ways to work out our differences. If you want some "magic words" to say when you're at odds with each other.

For you, we suggest you become aware of what takes you away from being aligned with your partner.

Take a moment now and write down one thing--maybe a small thing--that you know if you stopped doing it, the two of you would feel more in alignment with each other and on the same team.

We invite you to practice that "one thing" this week and see what happens in your relationship.

Living Together Before Marriage – A Good Idea?

2011-03-26T02:27:00.000-04:00

More than half (54%) of all couples who married between 1990 and 1994 began their relationship cohabiting together before getting married. By 2000, the total number of unmarried couples in America was nearly five million, up from less than half a million in 1960. Nearly ten percent (9.6%) of all couples living together were unmarried in 2007, according the U.S. Census. And for couples who have been married more than once, the rate of living together is even higher.
An increase in the number of couples who are cohabiting goes along with an increase in society’s acceptance. It was only thirty years ago that an unmarried couple who was living together were breaking the law. It was only a generation ago that it was considered a disgrace to shack-up; these couples were the rebels, the risk takers of society. Today those societal standards have gone by the wayside and nod and a wink is the typical response by friends and family to an unmarried couple living together.
Many people believe that living together is a good test run before committing to marriage, helping to lessen the inevitable marital problems. But moving in together means a commitment that goes deeper than many people realize - buying or renting a place together, getting a dog and sharing in an exclusive relationship. And couples who aren’t sure they want to marry will find it much more difficult to end the relationship.
Although it’s true that the overall divorce rate is higher among couples who have lived together before marrying, not in the way you probably think. A new study shows that the real risk is for those who lived with someone other than their eventual spouse.
Higher Divorce Risk
Cohabitation does not reduce the likelihood of eventual divorce; in fact, it’s associated with a higher divorce risk. Social research on the topic shows that the chances of divorce ending a marriage preceded by cohabitation are significantly greater than for a marriage not preceded by cohabitation.
A reason for this could be that the experience of dissolving one cohabiting relationship generates a greater willingness to dissolve one later. This may be similar to the effects of divorce; going through a divorce makes one more tolerant of divorce. Living together isn’t the cause, it’s the attitude of the people who are choosing to give it a ‘try’ before committing to marriage.
Infidelity and Aggression
Divorce may not be more prevalent in those who cohabit, but infidelity is, along with physical aggression. Women in cohabiting relationships are more likely than married women to suffer physical and sexual abuse. Aggression is fifty times more likely in live-in situations. Several studies found that women in cohabiting relationships are about nine times more likely to be killed by their partner than are women in marital relationships. Researchers theorize that marriages are held together by a strong ethic of commitment, while cohabiting by nature undercuts ethics with less commitment and a greater desire for personal autonomy.
Communication and Satisfaction
The assurance of a long-term commitment that comes with saying “I do” provides fertile ground for people to develop their conflict resolution and support skills. Cohabiting couples have less invested in the relationship and fewer reasons to work it out. They report lower levels of happiness, sexual exclusivity and satisfaction. Nearly 40% of couples living together will break up within seven years.
So whether you choose to cohabitate or not the benefits of committing to marriage are too numerous to ignore. Married couples experience better physical and mental health, happiness, longevity and production in the labor market. In addition, depression is three times more likely in cohabiting couples than in married couples.

Importance of Touch in Relationships

2011-03-26T02:04:00.000-04:00

Our first impression of other people comes through our sense of sight, sound and smell. Our sense of touch, on the other hand, is something we hunger for and one of the best ways of communicating our feelings to others. Touch provides comfort and reassurance.
From the moment we are born we crave touch. It is the beginning of how we build self-esteem and a way to increase intimacy. In a romantic relationship, we go through stages of touch that play an important part in the increasing intimacy of the relationship.
There is a great deal of research on the importance of touch in healthy relationships. Studies have shown that by simply holding hands or rubbing someone’s back, you can lower stress levels, lessen anxiety and physical other disorders. There are noticeable changes in mood and even health when we’re exposed to simple human kindness in the form of touch.
Touch is an important method of communicating your feelings to your partner. It shows that you care, want to be involved and supportive. Touching someone lightly with your fingertips will communicate a personal language to the person touched. You will enjoy it as much as your partner and be aware of their absence when you’re apart.
Touching Your Date
Touch can be tricky you’re dating. Some people need their personal space, while others love to be touched. Some people love to touch and others don’t. This is when being able to read body language is important. Look for responses to your moves before advancing to the stage.
You may be seen as pushy or fast if you move too quickly to touch a new date. But on the flip side, move too slowly and you could frustrate your date. A touch must come at the right moment and in the right context. Try to be aware of your own desires and behaviors with touch.
Keep in Touch
Couples in crisis often reflect their discontent with less of the touch that is crucial to a relationship. When you’re relationship is hurting, it is important that you make some sort of physical contact every day - spontaneously hold hands or give a full body hug to your partner. Talk to your partner and if you feel there is something lacking in your life, make an effort to change. You may be surprised by the positive outcome.