Random Thoughts from a Mod Mommy

Thanksgiving Blues

2011-11-24T20:36:00.000-08:00

So, it is Thanksgiving Day, or well, evening of 2011 and I am not only bored out of my mind but lonely. This year my children are with their Dad and I'm a thousand miles away from my family. Much like last year and once again feeling a little blue. I grew up in a normal sized family and holidays were always a HUGE deal but over the last year my family, including myself, have all moved to other states and those get together's are no more. My husband and I went out to dinner as we both found no point in cooking an extravagant meal for just us and preferred to get out of the house. So, TGIFriday's it was. Great food but still not the same. Now he's unfortunately passed out and I'm up with my laptop in our living room missing the rest of my family.

Of course, I have so much to be thankful for and I'm choosing to instead think of these things rather then wallowing in self pity. I have three healthy, beautiful and not to mention amazing children who are just as happy as can be. I have THE best husband who has been there through so much for me in the past year and yet we're still going strong. I have a wonderful support system that is built up of my Grammy and Mom and I am ever so grateful for their kindness and advice. And one of the best things is that I am healthy. I have had a few rocky moments in the past several years with my health and Diabetes but surprisingly I'm still doing really well and have no issues whatsoever. Thanks to a very caring God and a guardian angel who is always on point. :)

We, as people, often can find so many things to sit and mope about and a list of reasons to be discouraged but I think it is vitally important to make sure you keep the positives in your life at the top of that list. Remember the things you have or the people you have around you and realize that the vast majority of us are all extremely lucky to even be living in this great country. There are so many unfortunate people in this world, who I am sure would gladly take all of our small problems with joy at the thought of just having a roof over their heads and one meal a day. One of my favorite sayings is, "If you don't like it, shut up or do something about it." Yes, it's a little blunt but maybe it is that swift kick in the butt we need sometimes. Don't sit around and feel sorry for yourself, get up and do something about it. Make something of yourself and make sure your problems know just how big and powerful your God is.

Remember to always be grateful for all the great things in your life and give the rest to God. Happy Thanksgiving everyone...

Onward and upward and shining on!
Mod Mommy

Wife STATUS

2011-11-18T00:34:00.000-08:00

So, it's been a little while since I have last written and as usual there is always a ton of "stuff" going on in my life (much like everyone else). So, lately my drama has been with the past and present. It's not news to anyone that I am a wife...Not only am I a wife, I am a second wife and also an ex-wife. Each of those statuses come with their own feelings of entitlement, insecurities, wrong doings, the list could go on and on. But it is what it is.

I am married to a wonderful man, he could probably say the same thing about being a husband, second husband and ex-husband. We have our so-called "baggage", our hope for a better marriage the second time around and our feelings of doing things the right way this time.

I'll start with the status of being a wife (or husband)...This isn't my first go-around but it might as well be. You see, even though I have been married before, I am now married to a completely different person. A man who has different pet peeves, different mannerisms, different qualities...He is DIFFERENT. So, it would seem like this is my first time all over again because it is my first time with him. My first wedding didn't technically happen, we just eloped in Vegas. This time around I still had an equally small wedding in Las Vegas but it was more formal and not in a wedding chapel but in an amazingly gorgeous almond orchard called The Grove. Definitely look that place up, I swear by it. You'd never know you were in Vegas. Along with a more formal wedding my now husband and I also moved to a completely different state so we also had the chance of really starting over somewhere new, and that we did. I think this time around we know what we're getting ourselves into, we know who we are as people and we definitely know what we want out of a life partner. We both married fairly young, being truly inexperienced in love and relationships and just dove into what we thought would last forever. And as we both found out, the people we married and the people we were didn't stay the same and we grew apart.

Now, being an ex-wife is something new to me. I recently attended my oldest child's parent/teacher conference with my ex-husband. It was the first time we had been in the same room with each other besides being in a court room. We are now at a point where we act like civilized human beings instead of tearing at each other in front of a judge and other civilians but it is still quite odd. You sit there with a person you once shared so much with and you don't look at each other, don't talk to each other and sit as far apart as humanly possible without it being extremely uncomfortable for the teacher. There were some points where I almost felt sorry for our daughter's teacher as she seemed a little uncomfortable by our un-united front (something we're trying to work on). We have definitely come a long way from when we first began our divorce proceedings and I hope that one day we will be able to discuss our children by talking instead of just e-mails and text messages but one step at a time. The thing that I hate about being an ex-wife or an ex to someone you share a child or children with is the awkwardness if things didn't end nicely. Eventually, it gets to a point where you have to try to communicate in some form just for the sake of your child and you really have to be adult enough to put all of the hurt feelings and nasty allegations behind you. One day at a time.

Now, as for being a SECOND wife...Or for some people a third or fourth. I am the stereotype of the second wife. I'm significantly younger than my husband's ex-wife, as she loves to point out (and by the way he's quite a few years younger than her as well so it's not as if he's married to someone ten years younger than himself). She hates me, and when I say hates me I mean if she could run me over with a car and get away with it SHE WOULD. The feeling is pretty much mutual, we were introduced to each other when my then boyfriend wanted to introduce me to their daughter. Being the man he is, he had the respect to have us meet each other so she would know who her daughter would be around. I just had no idea, being the naive person, that I am that she would turn into a fire breathing dragon soon after. I know, I'll probably get some backlash for this part of my blog but in reality if you knew this women and all that she has done you couldn't honestly blame me. She honestly acts as if I am the reason for their entire marriage falling apart although I hadn't even met him until long after they had called it quits and he was living out on his own. I did try to be friendly with her, even befriended her on facebook and we exchanged e-mails for a short time. Then she just became obsessive about everything I posted and would take it out on him (now husband) for anything enjoyable we did that I posted pictures about. So maybe the facebook friend thing wasn't the greatest idea...I just thought her getting to know me a bit better would make her feel more at ease with her daughter spending time with me. WRONG.

It definitely didn't make it any easier when she decided that the in-laws she had once despised so much were going to be her new best friends and help her kick me out of the picture whether I wanted out of my relationship or not. All it has done is made my husband become an outsider to his family who now for whatever reason are not my biggest fans. I know the stuff she tells them, and when she involved their daughter and made it appear that I was of some harm to her it became an issue so big that they felt he should go running back to her and leave me immediately (even though she originally wanted the divorce). Was I hurt by these actions? YES. And I hurt even more for my husband who is the only one truly suffering from all of it. It's funny when someone shows interest in a person you didn't want how quickly you run back to try and claim ownership, almost like a small child with a toy. I know, bad comparison but it's true! I know how much my husband loves me and I wish his family could accept that and at least be civilized enough for us to all be a family but that appears to be too much to ask for. I only hope that in time they will come around. I have read the horror stories of the first wives causing a barrier between the new wife and her new in-laws and this just happens to be another one of those stories. I never felt they needed to disown her, she is the mother of their only grandchild...But whoever said they could only accept just one of us? As they say blood is thicker than water and apparently hers just jumped into their bloodline.

Being a second spouse has its battles...You have this horrible insecurity monster that often wonders if you are doing things better or worse than the previous spouse. That little monster can be the end of a really great relationship if you don't get over it quickly and move on. I had a bit of trouble with it in the start but read a book that gave me something to think about. If the person before you was so great they would still be with your significant other wouldn't they? The answer is yes. Obviously, they weren't that compatible or things would've worked out. Don't let it get you down and just keep on, keepin on!

If you can't already tell you should probably know that this is something I'll probably revisit every now and then so stay tuned for the "stuff".

Onward and upward and shining on!

Mod Mommy

And Here We GO!

2011-11-05T01:17:00.000-07:00

Well, being that this is my very first post on this new blog of mine I wanted to write about something exciting and interesting...But after sitting and pondering all the topics I want to discuss in the upcoming future I just couldn't make up my mind. Being the random person I am, I decided to do what I always do and just choose at RANDOM. So, I've chosen to go with friendships and lessons learned as my first big topic. I know, not completely exciting and interesting, but I think it is something that everyone can relate to.

I'm definitely not, nor have I ever been the most popular girl in school or in life. I don't have a long list of meaningless friendships but I do have a good handful of friends who brought meaning into my life. Friends who I may not talk to anymore for whatever reason but people who were there for me as I was there for them through what we felt were the most dramatic moments of our lives. I sit and wonder about them from time to time, search for them on facebook to see what they look like now, how many kids they have, whether they are married and how they are doing. I reminisce about our crazy days of youth when we would sneak out of the house, hang out at Denny's and have sleepovers and talk about the hottest or the baddest boys in school. I can't believe how much time has actually passed, how far I have come.

Friends, just like boyfriends and/or girlfriends come into our lives to stay for a short time, a little while or for a lifetime but they all leave imprints on our hearts, they all have lessons to teach us. I remember the days when it seemed like that broken heart was going to be broken forever, that the world as I knew it surely was ending before my eyes and I would never be able to go on. Alright, so I could have probably gotten the lead in the school's play with my dramatic episodes but like any teenager my problems were worse than everyone's and no one could possibly know the pain I was going through. Right? Wrong.

Now, that I am older and a mother myself I sit and laugh with my own mother about how naive and stubborn I was and probably still am according to her. :) My mother always did know best but to me she was just trying to control me, to ruin my life. She had no idea what I was going through...She was just my mom! Now, I know better...Maybe she always did know, maybe because she had been young once too. I am still my momma's crazy daughter who gives her more "silver" hair then she'd ever care to admit, but at least I ponder her advice now.

They say that hindsight is 20/20 and I couldn't agree more, I look back and laugh wondering what in the world I was thinking and why didn't anyone ever tell me how foolish and ridiculous I was? But that is what growing up is all about...Making those mistakes, getting your heartbroken, gaining best friends, losing those who were never your friend in the first place, making memories and bandaging skinned up knees.

So here's my question, my thought for you to ponder...

Take a trip down memory lane...Look up an old lost friend. Chat with your mother about all the advice you wish you had listened to that she gave you. And for those of you with children of your own...If you're wondering why your child just can't seem to make the right decisions or bring home a decent boyfriend or girlfriend. Remember you too were once driving your own parents crazy. It has nothing to do with you being the world's most horrible or greatest parent. It is just LIFE.

Onward and upward and shining on!
-Mod Mommy