6 hours---briefsteak, space...

after burn

2011-10-31T18:19:00.003+08:00

moving on.
it's a long hard road to recovery,
knowing and facing truths;
a reality you can't accept and fathom
but have to endure in hopes that,
eventually, it will indeed get better.
She did you a hella good, son.

And you did what you could,
but could've done more.

It's eating me alive.
I'll get by.
I will.

updates

2011-05-28T17:07:00.000+08:00

Things have been going relatively well with life so far.
I've got a job, finally...
I'll be able to start paying off my debts
and start living again.

flunkdmath

2011-04-15T10:11:00.000+08:00

i created a tumblgr page. It's so i can post my instagram pics online,
its much easier to do that there than on here.
I'll still be going to and from this place and the other
so no worries. :)

flunkdmath.tumblr.com

cheers!

oopdayets

2011-04-13T15:54:00.000+08:00

instagram has taken over my life.
I haven't been able to rant and rave
as much as I should here.
Rest assured I'll try my
bestest to keep up
and update.

So here's a quick lowdown...
I'm still bummin about,
I tried out for the SIA thing,
didn't make it this time,
but next one I'm trying out again.

mmm things are still messy with
her, but we're finding a common ground
and trying to be as grown up as we can,
her doing a better job than I can,
funny how that is since I'm older,
but maybe it's always been a guy thing,
no matter how old we get, seems like
we're less grown up than our better halfs.
I don't know...
ciao for now.

picspicspicspostnewpics

2011-04-01T16:52:00.003+08:00

Mel and Mae

bloody finger.
my brother jared

polaroid gaynicity
helly, me and ivan
why you feet so big little brother?

breakword

2011-03-30T13:55:00.001+08:00

I keep doing it to her to us I ask myself why all the time and try to make sense of it all and the result is the same. always. apologies count for nothing if you keep making the same fuckups again and again. I have to stop. being this way. It kills.

pusillanimous

2011-03-15T01:41:00.001+08:00

Just got back from Bintan, Indonesia
over the weekend and getting back into
the groove of normality.
hi world...

off me chest

2011-03-05T06:23:00.000+08:00

How did things get so fucked up, we ask?

There really is no answer to that.

How do you fix it?

Can it even be fixed?

How do you get on with it,

with life, and the possibility

that the future isn't gonna be too pretty?

You love her,

yeah you tell her all the time

but you don't do shit about it

and still you try to piece together

a future that is so fucking blurred and uncertain

based solely on a gut feeling,

envisioning the both of you

together, finally, despite the odds

heavily stacked against you.

neither of you knows for sure,

and it's been months.

she loves you too, you know?

You jackass.

Days,weeks, months,

it's been that long.

You've got nothing.

Nothing but a messy mop of hair,

a bed you rarely sleep on,

replacing it for the limitations of the living room sofa,

now dusty, and mite infested,

the very reason you moved out of your room in the first place.

Empty pockets except for a few bucks worth of coins and notes.

Slowly but surely you're disappearing off of

everyone's radar, forgotten, a distant memory.

Life is beautiful, it really is,

when the bad has passed and the credits start rolling,

and everybody leaves the theater happy.

Until then you gotta pick yourself up,

pull yourself together and get prepped for the next act.

You might just find out who gets the girl after all.

a cause for concern

2011-02-26T07:49:00.001+08:00

I hate myself and I wanna die.

Kurt Cobain initially wanted to name Nirvana's last album that.

That phrase pretty much sums up everything right now.
Not that I'm thinking dark thoughts of razor blades
syringes, excessively fatal amounts of happy-inducing
narcotics and shit like that,
(a welcome notion, if only the consequences weren't
such a drag)
it's just this huge weight of frustration and nonsensical
fucky skedoodads and everything else you could sandwhich
between two slices of monkey poop bread and dressed with a
ridiculously generous dollop of fuck-you sauce is a bane.
yummy.

fourtnight

2011-02-23T00:37:00.001+08:00

Valentines...
came, went, gone.
not bitter, no not bitter at all..
trivial, these things.
More pressing matters need to be addressed,
though one would welcome a state of playful undress.
not alone, no definitely not.

weeks pass,
my hair is as shabby as I feel,
and I feel... empty.

I'll welcome the mundane formalities of blue collar-ness existence
over sticking it out putting my ass on a plate and deal with people.

I'm on my way.
You might not be there in the end.
I wish and hope you could.

titleRequired

2011-02-14T21:32:00.002+08:00

screened

cream. yeah, I love to stir shit up in the kitchen.

fruits of my labors, bitches.

all gone.

14th feb...
Somethings up today, don't know what;
hmmm... ah well.

Ok, job hunt,
fingers crossed,
Should know the good news end of this week.
So until then, it's freelance.

I'm gonna experiment more with desserts,
gotta feed my sweet tooth cravings.

Been listening to a hell lotta music lately
though some 90's alternative always does it for me,
can't blame me for growing up when music meant something.

iron

2011-02-09T23:41:00.003+08:00

Mel called and asked if I could help out at his shop today with some things.
boy what a load of things it was.
manual labor mostly.
A freight containers worth!

There's more boxes behind those
and beyond the ones in the background

James

psychokitteh

mondaze

2011-02-07T12:32:00.001+08:00

So I'm on my search still to get employed
and reduce a little of my deficit and put some
crumbs on my dads table. I owe him more than that;
way fucking more.
he's been picking up after my mess that's been going on for oh so long now.
I'm happy I've updated my CV after putting it off for eons.

Life's a funky mess, and the little streaks of light poking out at the
seams are encouraging and somewhat uplifting.
Lots more to be done and to achieve, and plenty of little stones
to clear away, before I walk upright, head held up high.
maybe not alone as I'm used to, who knows.
Fingers crossed, bite my tongue, pray, and hope and wish
things go the way the stars align, and would allow.
Whatever comes my way, I'l take it especially if I bring it upon myself.
I've promised myself I'd do things different.
Yeah, you've all heard that before, and still, more often than not,
I end up bathing in my own shit.

It's not gonna be like that, and things better pick up,
it's a challenge to get up, dust yourself off, and do something worthwhile
after sitting around doing nothing for God knows, it's been so effing long.

She gives me hope.
There's not a time I don't stop and think that somewhere out there
someone is quietly rooting for me.
Her especially.
I think of nothing but good, pleasantly awesome times.
Probable, maybe, iffy, we'll see in the end.

indulgeneeyepoop

2011-02-07T12:15:00.000+08:00

I'm crazy about Instagram.

Most of these were edited with Instagram filters on my 3gs.

yeah I know...

was watching MTV the other day.

Dragonforce was on. Nothing much nice on MTV anyways.

For a very long time.

My brother Jared's elephant, courtesy of a special

someone's christmas box goodies

Kurt Cobain. Rock God. Artist. Poet. Idol. Hero.

jack skellington

you can put your weed in it. don't have any.

don't do any, so don't bother asking anything more

ok. Liverpool fc. I love the Beatles though.

bus ride looking out.

chinatown.

still chinatown.

gotham central. anybody who's been to this Area

near Arab Street, Singapore will know why.

My buddy, esteemed Attorney :) Fel took this of me

yeah. laugh. go ahead. laugh.

t shirt.

walk.

innoparticularorder. foodsimplyfood.

2011-02-06T04:01:00.002+08:00

food. enough said.

My whole family loves to eat.

Especially when it's from your own kitchen.

yummo.

leftovers make a new meal.

My dad made the pasta, justin did the chicken,

and I was on salad duty.

mom's brown bread loaf.

Burger night. pork&beef patty made with carrots and herbs,

cheese,egg and salsa on a bun. all home made.

Jared's version, twin sunnyside up with salsa and wedges.

Song Fa Bak Kut Teh @ clark quay.

Joel munching on his own burger

My favorite peanut butter. Ever.

Hand tossed salad.

my famous eggs

My buddy Fel flew in from Phil and we sure had a blast

@ Song Fa Bak Kut Teh

bananas, nutella,cheese on crackers.

my not so perfect roast pork.

ham,cheese,roast chicken on brown bread.

Jareds wierd mix of pasta and egg sandwhich

Justin's ribs and chicken combo.

Had this for dinner last two nights ago

My gandpa owned a bakery.

I'm learnin the ropes from my dad, an engineer

so I can pass it on to someone someday

so they can make an insanely awesome sandwhich.

ontheuppityslowly

2011-01-17T08:59:00.000+08:00

So, I'm sorting out all the nitty-gritty-not-pretty
details that discolor even further what little is left
of my seemingly, on the surface at least,
not so bright disposition.

mmm, good news is I'm the new PRO (public relations officer)
for the SU Alumni here, so it's an honour to be able to help out in some capacity
considering I never actually graduated, and to be recognised, officially,
that I can contribute in some way, is a good feeling...

I'm still on the hunt for anything at all that'll bring some dough to the table
so I can start clearing all these unnecessary debts I've incurred over the last few months.

My year is officially beginning to unfold.
Can't get myself undone too soon.

photos of Embrace Them Ghosts are up on their page:
http://www.facebook.com/EmbraceThemGhosts

embracingtheghosts

2011-01-15T08:09:00.000+08:00

Had a decent start to the weekend, with me taking up photographing
duties for ETG... hoping the pictures come out alright...
Killer set for their first show of the year,
and they're as tight as ever, though the speakers
for the vocals kinda sucked, they still brought the house
down, and transformed a cramped lecture room
into a sweaty, greasy mix of moshtradamus proportions.
They were on overdrive this time,
belting out song after song, and they even played a clean instrumental filler
to usher in breathe i think it was...
I was too busy taking it all in, and trying to focus
on taking pictures of them in action so it was a multi sensory task
that I enjoyed immensely.
I'll post some of the pics up here and some other random ones of me and everything else
when I get to doing that.

Can't wait for this to come out:

gimme my z's back.

2011-01-09T05:50:00.003+08:00

it's 5:45 in the AM and somebody's fucking car alarm has been ringing
the whole entirety of the night and that doesn't help the fact that
church is in another 3 hours or so and I haven't slept.
It's not the ringing that bugs me, rather the way it's ringing that's the problem.
Did I say ringing? I meant wailing, it wails like a fuckin' baby pachyderm does
when it finds itself unfortunately beached on the shores of some public beach or something like that.
Is a whale a pachyderm by the way? Ah who cares..
Note that I'm not being mean to any animals or would wish anything bad on anyone, literally, but I'm extremely annoyed.
So, all you animal lovers and activists can put a sock in it, lighten up, you'd be pissed too if you could hear what I'm hearing right now.

The battery is probably shot to shit so it's making a whiny almost Lo Batt kinda sound,
you know, like a broken tape recorder does when the tape gets caught inside and the sound just sounds all fucky?
Or like a sick cow or wild yelping animal that's screaming and begging to be put out of it's misery.

Dear Lord, bless the owner of this car, 'cos he's gonna need it.
He probably won't be able to start it later, and I will be amongst the lynch mob of many sleep deprived
zombies screaming for his head on a styrofoam platter.

godgiven

2011-01-08T09:01:00.000+08:00

sooooo...
looking for a new job, occupation, time filler, bring the bacon,
win the bread.
it is not fun. and my attention span and concentrative (that's not even a word) powers
are that of an 8 year old.

Trying hard to distract myself constructively, but I'm doing a miserable job at it.
things have been hard, especially leading into the new year with certain issues
that need resolving.

Time ticks no matter the ups or downs, it doesn't wait at all, the bastard.

rant.

2011-01-04T17:17:00.000+08:00

I'm still reeling from all commotion that new years has brought
and the machine that is this God damned earth, planet thing cranks out
its well oiled gears and what-nots, as we all go back to work and school and carry on with
renewed hope and a wide eyed enthusiasm for the days ahead,
I on the other hand am not feeling it.
Not one similar sentiment, whatsoever.
It's not angst or bitterness;
Just an empty hollow occupying what was left
of my chest cavity.
Numb's the word.
Spell it.

And I bid all you merrymakers, all you people going back to work and school and play,
a good week and a great year ahead of you,
God knows I do.

rantabulous

2010-12-16T01:56:00.001+08:00

Another two more weeks, and we welcome another new year.
It's Christmas in 9 days.
It's her birthday this Saturday.
And somehow I feel like I have nothing.
I don't wanna sound ungrateful,
but it's been quite an awesome year,
aside from some mounting problems that I won't mention here.
I've had yet another journey towards discovering myself
and whatnot and I've fallen flat on my face a thousand billion times
and I've hit some sort of a dead end for now.
It's not looking dreary, but it ain't pretty either.

Everybody should be blessed with being happy
and passing on that feeling to the next guy
and even more so, this time of year.
I think somehow I kinda got skipped over,
and rightly so I guess,
cos I couldn't do more.
cos I can't, and it's my fault.

Anyways, just ranting off my skull.
here's some pictures from the last few weeks...

Zai and me at Hudah's party.

This is like the first picture we've had together since god knows when.
Shows how much we've all been busy with life.
And there's me sporting a hole in my perfect smile :P
Yeah I cracked a tooth and it fell off.

My awesome friend Mas with birthday girl Hudah and Mas,
Zai's girlfriend.

Licia and me barbecuing the morning after her party

Joel, me and Jared at Embrace Them Ghost's gig, the last one before Jared left the band.

Credits to Tess for the picture. And instagram effin rocks.

this caught my eye at starbucks so I got her one. :)

gettin' domestic at the grocery store.

SU Alumni Singapore Christmas Party.

cut my hair couple days back.

yeah, we all gut haircuts, 'cept for jared

joel muckin' about.

after.

watch grave of fireflies by hayao miyazaki,

and dance in the vampire bund,

then make a trip to daiso and get yourself one of these.

doh seh

2010-12-14T13:37:00.000+08:00

12 months I flew, I thought I knew,

but it hits me back.

vertical.

2010-12-06T12:44:00.000+08:00

Am I on a downward spiral once more?
I wouldn't say I'm not having fun, but,
I'm not living.
I'm happy, 'cos she's there.
And I'm gonna have to step up to do the same.

The only way is up, and I've gotta go up.

cum shop. lol

she makes me smile.

bin

2010-10-25T05:05:00.000+08:00

trashed.

i miss you now.
even though we spoke barely a few hours ago.

I'm going through a rough patch
with monetary concerns and I'm struggling to juggle.
I'm no circus act,
but I gotta do something.

I miss you.

Out

2010-10-15T09:16:00.000+08:00

There's always a rough patch
And it seems like another one of those
is showing is showing it's ugly face;
A familiarity I've grown accustomed to,
to the point of revolt and disgust.
ah fuck it all.
I'll get out of this.