The Daily Digress

Hmmm...

2011-10-24T22:27:00.004-04:00

Dear Anonymous (The final Anonymous from this post, that is),I'm inspired. Please, stay tuned. While I wouldn't dare give you advice -- seeing as how my husband and I got together in a random, immature way I can't recommend to anyone -- you've totally started a ball rolling. Can you wait a while for an answer? Hope so.Meanwhile, ponder the awesomeness of this...Namasté, y'all.Love,The real me.

What should I have for dinner?

2009-07-10T15:06:00.005-04:00

I have received a lot of questions recently about food. I love food and I eat a lot of it, so this strikes me as very appropriate. Here we go...1. How do you make your steel cut oatmeal? It sounds delish, but I just needed some ideas to get started. Thanks! I love your blogs :)Instead of water, I use milk (two parts milk to one part steel cut oats). I prefer rice milk, but your milk of choice

People are nuts.

2009-06-29T13:50:00.001-04:00

First Piece of advice: If you want customers not to be cranky while they wait, have free internet, like they do here at Nuttall's. They rock. A bottled water would be nice, too, but I'm over it.I received this letter recently:What is your take on the etiquette of shopping for a greeting card? Here is my scenario, while shopping for a Father’s Day card I was patiently waiting for the person

First bit of advice.

2009-06-21T10:09:00.002-04:00

Stop breathing weird in the next room. I can hear it and it's irritating.Now for the first reader question, from kbfenner, who I love, because she reads both of my blogs. Which means she is also very smart. She writes:Wow--I was starting to think this was the Monthly Digress. Too much ShopTarting....tsk tsk.My question is what the heck do y'all wear under those flimsy silk spaghetti strap tanks

My Advice About Everything! And More!

2009-06-17T23:03:00.003-04:00

I have this fantasy. I want an advice column. It would be funny. And brilliant, I'm sure. I need practice, though. So...here's a thought. Maybe you are all too irritated with me, because I've neglected this blog for far too long, but I hope you aren't, because I like you. I do!I also love sharing my opinion and may need to do less of that when it's unsolicited. But...what if I had a whole advice

It's just hair.

2009-06-02T14:47:00.002-04:00

One summer, I let my children get faux-hawks. For the unfamiliar, the faux-hawk is a classic cut involving spiky hair in a strip down the middle and buzzed sides. Because the sides aren't shaved, the style can be converted into a church-ready 'do by removing the gel. The first faux-hawks happened when the Tank was a baby. School had just let out for the summer, we didn't have a routine (like we

Bad idea, ladies.

2009-05-26T13:41:00.004-04:00

So, a friend of ours was enjoying an adult beverage on the porch of a popular bar in Five Points recently. Apparently, it was his lucky day, because he ended up chatting with three attractive young things, roommates. One of them mentioned her pending DUI*. Our friend asked if she had a lawyer (God bless people like him!) and, lo and behold, she had retained the best guy in town, TF."Oh," our dear

Ouch.

2009-05-13T14:11:00.006-04:00

Saturday night, my husband and I went to a party. It was a grown-up party, the kind you have to pay money to attend (for a good cause and all that.) Unlike the bona fide adults we are, we decided to go to Bar None for a vague after-party.1. We are too old for any after-party, unless it involves a cup of warm tea and an old episode of Law and Order.2. Bar None? In Five Points? What were we

More toddler fun and a short work update.

2009-05-04T14:09:00.003-04:00

Over the last week, I've composed a hundred posts in my head. That's an exaggeration, but you get it. I love my job, I really do. I'm trying to find people to help me do it, so if you know someone who wants to be in ad sales on commission, do let me know. I'm also looking for a free intern and I give great recommendation. So...call me!I know what you all want to know. Just how is the potty

Thanks?

2009-04-25T15:05:00.002-04:00

I was at Starbucks the other day, loading up my herbal tea with honey. Yup. Still on the herbal tea. Haven't had coffee since my big detox. But I digress. So, I'm loading up my tea and this young woman, mid- to late-twenties, approaches me from the side."Could you be any skinner?"I could tell from her tone she meant it as a compliment and I took it as one, but I didn't know how to answer. Now

Do what?

2009-04-22T13:49:00.003-04:00

99¢ KIDS HELPMEAL WANTEDPART TIMEWhat's the deal with the strange Burger King signs? They need to include something about this in the training manual. Or maybe they need a new department. If I wrote the manual, I would include these rules.Be careful when you climb on the ladder to do the sign.When you're finished, climb down carefully and read the sign.Ask someone else to read the sign. Maybe a

I'm a big loser! And I'm okay with that!

2009-04-19T22:13:00.003-04:00

So, as you may or may not have noticed, I haven't blogged in almost a week. At least one person noticed and he harangued me about it last night at the Soirée du Soleil. I was flattered beyond belief. I had a little Sally Field moment in my head. Thank you, kind sir. Anyhow, I feel bad. Sort of. I don't actually feel bad, because I know I'm not perfect. I set a goal when I started this blog: I

So, you want to know how the potty trainingis going?

2009-04-13T22:56:00.001-04:00

I'll tell you how it's going. Not that great. But not that bad, either. At the beginning of last week, when we informed the Tank that his diapers were too small (except for at night, when they miraculously fit), he avoided wetting his pants about ten percent of the time. Score: Potty 1, The Tank 9. The next day, Team Potty did a little better, scoring about 2 to the Tank's 8. A week later,

Chocolate-covered bacon. Hell yeah.

2009-04-10T15:19:00.005-04:00

So, down in Charleston recently, I popped into Ted's Butcher Block to pick up a salad. I'm trying to eat healthy. Know why? So I can eat stuff like chocolate-covered bacon while patting myself on the back and murmuring,"Oh, dear, you are so healthy. You deserve this little treat. You are so special!"While I was waiting for my salad, a lady came in with a really cute dog, possibly a French Bulldog

Worst way to potty train ever.

2009-04-07T16:13:00.003-04:00

What you are about to read is not good parenting, not at all. But we, the parents of the Tank, are tired of diapers. The Tank is not tired of them at all, but we don't care. Please click on the ads on this page as we are going to need a ton of money for therapy, now that we have decided to ruin his life. So, here it is, the worst potty training method ever...drumroll...wait for it...We started

My new motto.

2009-04-05T10:41:00.003-04:00

The other day, I was at Pout stocking up on stuff to take to the beach (Litchfield - yay!) and I ran into someone I really admire. I won't tell you who it is, because I'm going to quote her and I didn't ask, although what she said was brilliant.She recently spoke to a bunch of USC Honors College students about the importance of projecting a professional image. She tried to do them a favor,

The voice in my head.

2009-04-02T22:22:00.003-04:00

My sister came over last night wearing a t-shirt that read,"Phone is ringing. Oh my god."You know that song. It’s in your head now, isn’t it? And you are powerless to stop it. If you don’t already own it, you’re looking for it on YouTube right this second. At my advanced age, I forget things. I couldn’t remember who did the song. I thought Beastie Boys, but added,“I hear Q-Tip in my head.”“Wow.”

Quinoa Week comes to an anti-climactic close.

2009-03-30T21:21:00.005-04:00

Well. I don't love this recipe, but I liked it. And it was all I had the energy to make after a few days in Charleston for their Fashion Week. According to the Weekly Beet, I may be suffering from PFST. I agree with this diagnosis and must acknowledge that I may also be suffering from PCFS*. To aid my recovery, I'm eating nice and clean and avoiding alcohol, for at least a few days. I am

Excellent advice about lice.

2009-03-27T16:30:00.000-04:00

Although Quinoa Week 2009 should be over, it isn't. Maybe I'll rename it: The Daily Digress, The Quinoa Period. It ain't over until the skinny lady gets her dessert and she wants dessert made with quinoa, which she attempted to make the other night after rolling in from Goatfeathers, announcing that she was "halfway to drunk" and that she "might as well bring it," as she grabbed a half-empty

I love my life and I love me some quinoa.

2009-03-24T14:46:00.003-04:00

Remember how you boiled a bunch of quinoa at the beginning of the week and kept it in a closed container in the fridge so you could use it as needed without having to boil it every time? Well, first of all, I think it would be nice if we could boil the hugest pot of it ever, divide it into freezer bags and take it out of the freezer as needed. Is this a good or bad idea? Discuss.For the last two

What does he mean?

2009-03-22T21:18:00.007-04:00

My dear husband TF "almost wants" to do a lot of stuff, as in,"I almost want another helping of that pork roast."or"I almost want to keep fresh basil above the sink all the time. It smells so good."or, the most annoying one my personal favorite,"I almost want to break Lent and have just one beer."I fail to understand how you can almost want to do something. I mean, either you want to do it, you

More words I hate and more quinoa.

2009-03-20T13:39:00.005-04:00

The other day, I expressed my irritation with a product I was reviewing on my other site, Nivea Creme. Yup. You read it right. They misspelled "cream" and didn't even misspell it right, "crème." Also, I ain't French or nothing and it's been pointed out before that my French is really bad, but wouldn't it be Creme [sic] Nivea rather than Nivea Creme? I would have been most pleased with Nivea Cream

Quinoa Week 2009!

2009-03-17T21:02:00.005-04:00

So. I love quinoa. I really do. It's a nutty grain, chock-full of complete protein. That's a lie. It's not a grain. It's seeds. But still, it's delicious and I love it. To participate in quinoa week, you will need to boil a large pot of quinoa and refrigerate it, cooked, in a sealed bowl. If you are going to eat quinoa every single day for a week with me, you'll want to pre-boil it, because I

Guess who's back? And he better be nice to my kid.

2009-03-14T09:07:00.004-04:00

Does anyone remember Coach Keith? Fortunately for everyone concerned, he's no longer Coach Keith. The coaching gig put a touch too much strain on his mental health, I think. Normally, I don't use actual real names on my blog when complaining about someone. I'm way too much of a chicken. But Coach Keith is hard-core, plus he put it in writing, so I think he can take it. And I will happily fight

I really like nice people. And sometimes I am not one.

2009-03-10T13:16:00.002-04:00

I like to think those of you who have known me for years would say I've gotten nicer. Well, I'd like to think you found me kind and generous all along, but...anyhow, no need to leave a comment praising me for improvement. And if you think I'm an a-hole, well, what do you want me to do about it?Anyhow, I do think that niceness begets niceness, so I try. The other day, I was thrilled to score a