tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67631300976055701032022-02-19T11:51:42.689-08:00Escape from ObesityA look into the secret life and inner thoughts of an obese mom. I have to get out of this hellish nightmare.Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comBlogger1719125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-36800446749858088232019-01-03T12:22:00.001-08:002019-01-03T12:22:15.750-08:00January 1, 2019: 187 Pounds... and a Plan<br />Happy New Year! We have had a crazy couple of weeks around here and I got so busy I missed my usual update post on January 1st. So here it is along with an overview of my last year, and a plan for the coming year.<br /><br />On January 1, 2018, I weighed 217 pounds and on January 1 this year I weighed 187 pounds. That's a difference of 30 pounds... but it feels like *so* much more!! Of course, I am down 71 pounds since fall of 2017 so that is surely why I feel so much better. I spent most of 2018 eating lower carb and smaller portions. I was taking phentermine for about 7 months of the year, and I was not doing any scheduled/organized exercise except walking, swimming in the summer, and a little biking.<br /><br />Here's a picture of my weight in 2018.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bl4HL4ckojE/XCkgmeE1EtI/AAAAAAAACnY/wQCT1Grsuns31NJ0CLk7HAvy9rve-Q_7QCLcBGAs/s1600/2018.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="671" data-original-width="1597" height="267" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bl4HL4ckojE/XCkgmeE1EtI/AAAAAAAACnY/wQCT1Grsuns31NJ0CLk7HAvy9rve-Q_7QCLcBGAs/s640/2018.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />I hit a <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2018/10/100-pounds-gone-again.html" target="_blank">low of 178 pounds</a> in October, gained ten pounds in November for a lot of reasons (car accident, stress, holidays) and spent December maintaining between 187 and 189 pounds. Now I feel ready to get back to actively working at weight loss. I'm in physical therapy now, starting to bike again in 5-minute bits, and hope to be given some more strengthening exercises at my appointment today. I also have a new granddaughter who was born this week (yay!), a family birthday to celebrate today (cheesecake), and some amazing leftover prime rib and mashed potatoes to enjoy for dinner.<br /><br />I often am asked what my goal weight is, and the truth is I don't know. I do want to get the regained weight off (9 pounds to go) and the lowest weight I have seen in decades was 175 pounds back in 2010. My doctor wants me to stay out of the "obese" weight category and said that even if I can maintain around 170 pounds she would be happy with that. She suggested my ideal weight is around 155-160 pounds, but that is kind of unimaginable for me so I will just see how I feel as I reach new, lower weights down the scale. I lost 30 pounds last year so it might be good to lose 20 this year. I can't imagine being in the 160's... it has been so long... but it's definitely a possibility!<br /><br />I will see my endocrinologist this month and we'll talk about what's next and whether or not I should go back on the phentermine for a bit. I feel good and my main plan for the year is to get stronger! Now that my weight is in a reasonable range, I can focus on conditioning my body for a better quality of life. I'm excited to see where this year leads!<br /><div><br /></div>Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-25479268607305270232018-12-30T11:40:00.000-08:002018-12-30T11:40:08.511-08:00Changes and a New Year Coming<br />This week I feel like I've finally turned things around and am ready to go forward with this weight loss. It's crazy the difference four days can make in one's attitude, but I've had some good things happen that have helped me so much! One, I finally bought a new car. Well, not *brand* new, but new to me and I am happy with it. It's newer and nicer than the one that was totaled in the accident in October, and I feel safe in it. That's been such a huge relief! Two, on Friday I was finally cleared for physical therapy! I had my second evaluation and they said I am ready to start. I am doing 5 minutes on the recumbent bike and starting to take short walks outside, plus they gave me some stretches to do. That's enough for now and if those things don't cause pain or swelling over this week, they might add something new at the next visit. I still can't lift, vacuum, etc but will work up to it through PT.<br /><br />Those two things made me so happy this week that I find myself not eating for comfort anymore. It's easier to back off the sugar and live into my IF-style eating where I skip breakfast and just have coffee until sometime in the early afternoon, and then stop eating right after dinner. I am off pain medication and am only taking muscle relaxers as needed now. And this morning the scale was back down to 187, down from a high of 189 a couple days ago.<br /><br />Yesterday I went to Panera for dinner and it was so good! I posted a picture of the meal on my <a href="https://www.instagram.com/lynescapes/" target="_blank">Instagram</a>; as you can see, I am not eating "low carb" but "lower carb" like I was doing for most of this year. I had a Cobb salad with grilled chicken, bacon, hard boiled egg, veggies, and Green Goddess dressing, along with a few bites of bacon mac and cheese from a shared order, and a delicious baguette with butter. I have not eaten a salad in a long time but I was craving vegetables. I am craving them still today, so will bake a butternut squash and cube it up and toss with cheese and maybe some sausage for dinner.<br /><br />We have two days left until the end of 2018, and I'd really love to drop another pound or two by then. I think with the carb bloat leaving and the added activity, I'll be able to do it! But if not and I am 187 for the new year, I consider that a big win.<br /><br />What are your goals for 2019?<br /><br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-79429735948093512692018-12-26T11:01:00.000-08:002018-12-26T11:01:23.092-08:00After Christmas<br />My pants are too tight, the scale is not happy, and I woke up today not fitting into any of my jeans. I had to get out the single pair of size 16W jeans that were in the donate box and wear them today. Even these are a bit snug when I'm sitting down. I remember that when I tossed them in that box, it was because they were ridiculously saggy on my body to the point I could not wear them, even if I washed and dried them on high.<br /><br />The scale's been giving me feedback every couple of days this month. When I posted ten days ago, I weighed 187 pounds. Five days ago I weighed 188, last Sunday I weighed 187 again. I remember (just two days ago) looking at the scale and then looking in the mirror at my body and thinking, this isn't making me happy. Shouldn't I be happy that I ate everything I wanted for a week and didn't have a net gain? Shouldn't I be thrilled that I ate cookies and fudge and all kinds of carby things and didn't have a massive gain? I know how it worked... it worked because I still usually do the thing that some people call intermittent fasting: I wake up and have only coffee with cream, and generally don't eat anything until noon or later, which means I am not eating anything for about 17 hours each day. That's why I didn't gain even with all the sugar and carbs. But no, it didn't make me happy. It made me kind of sad, because how I feel and how I see myself are not at all reflected on the scale. I feel big, sluggish, sloppy, and gross. I don't have the energy I had before and my body is certainly a lot mushier than it was before the accident. Yeah, I know that being completely sedentary because of injuries is a big part of it. But again, shouldn't I be happy I ate whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted, did not exercise of even walk around much, and didn't gain a ton?<br /><br />I am pleased that I'm not gaining, for sure. I just know that if I didn't have a scale I would have guessed I am up 20 pounds by how I look and feel. And after the traditional salty ham dinner with mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, and pies last night, this morning the scale's back up to 189. Okay, no biggie, but my jeans don't fit. Having to wear these castoff used-to-be-baggy pants is a reminder that it's not just that number on the scale that matters... it's about more than that.<br /><br />This morning I didn't wait until afternoon to eat. I had a tamale and a slice of pie for breakfast and thought to myself, when will I get it together and fix this? "This," meaning this way that I feel. Not today, I think. Tomorrow? But there are leftovers... leftovers!! Hmmm, that kind of thinking reminds me of all those years of morbid obesity that were actually just a very long string of days putting the "diet" off until tomorrow... or Monday... or after the next holiday. We have a birthday in the family this week (cake) and I kind of crave pizza and there's New Years and the whole resolution thing. But I don't go in for the set a date to begin thing anymore. I tend more towards small changes on the fly. Drink a big glass of water when I walk into the kitchen. See if I can do that 5 minutes on the recumbent bike (which was ruled out at my last PT evaluation due to pain). Give away the rest of the fudge. Have a smaller portion of carbs at dinner tonight.<br /><br />I can't jump into something anxiety-provoking. I don't really have that food calm I cherished before, but I am not in that stressed, anxious state about my eating, either. I think I just need to edge back towards the calm, not restricting but making choices more like I used to make before the accident. I know I don't want to weigh 189 or more at the end of this year, and I sure don't want to be stuck with ONE pair of jeans that fit. So let's see what I can do this week to at least let the bloat go away (less salt, fewer carbs, more water) and go from there.<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-90258860963916161142018-12-16T19:27:00.001-08:002018-12-16T19:27:27.385-08:00Two Week Update<br />I can't believe it's been two weeks since I posted about the regain. I just haven't had it in me to weigh except for, I think, once between then and today. I tried to eat better and started posting on Instagram again but that didn't last long before I was sitting here wondering if I should post a picture of the Cadbury Fruit and Nut bar I had for dinner that day. I decided against it and went silent.<br /><br />I didn't fall headfirst into junk over the last two weeks, but I am still eating stuff that makes me feel bad. Part of that is probably an unhealthy response to feeling trapped and helpless over my pain and inability to do the things I want to do. But there is a part of me that says, no. I am not going to do this again. I cannot regain a hundred pounds AGAIN and I certainly can't lose 100 pounds a third time. That thought has been enough to reign in the eating *some.* I am working back into the good habits that got me to this point: making better choices, choosing smaller portions, and narrowing my eating window so that all I have most mornings is coffee with cream until noon or later when I eat an actual meal. And tonight I am having white chicken chili, which will be posted on my Instagram later.<br /><br />I went to my counselor last week and talked to him about why I feel like I can't cope with all the restrictions and pain unless I am eating a lot. And he talked to me about the usual things people use to cope but how I can also use my social circle, friends, volunteer work, and church as reasons *not* to overeat. And that makes a lot of sense to me emotionally. So I have been working on making the choice to do well for those reasons... so that I can get back to being more active in those things, which, to me, is far more motivating than just wanting to fit in my clothes and not wanting to get fat.<br /><br />As for physical therapy, I went for my first visit and they turned me away. They did some testing and an exam and said I was not healed enough to start PT. I was so disappointed. I have another appointment this week to see how I am doing and whether they can do anything to help me or not. If not, I'll just have to rest, heal, and wait until they say I am ready.<br /><br />Weigh in today is 187 pounds, which is basically a maintain over the last 2 weeks. If I can stay around this weight through the holidays, I will call it a success. Soon, I hope, I will be healed enough to start some kind of exercise. But in the meantime, I am learning to enjoy the forced time off. Even though it's not my choice, I can choose to see it as a blessing and use the time wisely.<br /><br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-34429747720552369772018-12-01T10:41:00.000-08:002018-12-01T10:41:05.624-08:00December 1, 2018: The Start of a Regain<br />I'm back for my monthly update and the news isn't good. It looks a whole lot like the start of a massive regain to me.<br /><br />On November 1, I weighed 178 pounds... my lowest weight this year. Today I am sad to report that I am up ten pounds to 188. Ten pounds in one month. And I know exactly what that ten pounds is made of. Fast food, candy, cookies, carbs, and junk. It's also made of pain, loneliness, anxiety, and tears. The fallout from my car accident has been big, but I know I don't have any real excuse for eating so much all the time. I'm not even trying anymore, to be honest. All doctor's appointments end with a trip through a drive through. All cravings and thoughts for something easy and convenient that I imagine might soothe my feelings for a bit are indulged. Frozen pizzas. Salami sandwiches. Anything my family cooks is eaten without discrimination. Long gone are the days of 1/4 cup of mashed potatoes as a side with meat and vegetables; instead. they are heaped on my plate with abandon, covered in gravy, and devoured. The calm is gone with food. And so is the ability to be satisfied with a bite or a taste. I can eat a heaping bowl full of chips and not get half the satisfaction I used to get with just 5 chips. Everything's changed.<br /><br />I tried taking phentermine this week and skipping some of the pain meds, but somehow, phentermine did nothing at all. Instead of getting the calm back and reducing my appetite, it did nothing at all, even on the highest dose. But then I kind of knew it would be that way. My peace was taken in that crash and I haven't gotten it back yet, and that is the one essential element to my keeping off the weight.<br /><br />I don't know what to do, because I honestly have no motivation to stop. Well, other than knowing that if I gain 5 more pounds NONE of my clothes will fit. Literally none. Stuff is tight already. I don't have much more room for failure.<br /><br />I had to reschedule my counseling appointment this week so didn't get in at all. That didn't help. I did get cleared to start physical therapy next week, which I don't understand HOW I am going to do it without hurting myself, but they're the experts. So we'll see. I don't want to get on the scale anymore. I don't want any vegetables. I just want to sit here and eat everything that anyone brings in, and Christmas is the season for plenty of dropped-off foods. I dunno, sadly, I feel like I just don't care.<br /><br />I don't know where this is headed (well, I mean, obviously I am either going to stay like I am and keep gaining, or find a way to stop and either maintain or lose), but if I could just finish healing physically and be done with the pain and restrictions, I feel like I'd get my old life... and peace... back.<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-30554458984542165152018-11-16T21:11:00.001-08:002018-11-16T21:11:30.054-08:00Diet Wrecked, Too?<br />I am really having a hard time this week. I think my emotions finally caught up with me about the car accident. I don't think I dealt with it, or even felt it emotionally before now. I'm driving again (a rental right now) and when I am out there driving, sometimes I see a bigger vehicle coming towards me or whizzing past me and it makes me so upset I feel like crying. I feel physically sick and sometimes shake a little bit. I hate the feeling so much that I have been saying things like "I need to buy a big truck" which makes no logical sense. I have zero need for a truck, all but two of my kids are moved out of the house so I don't need something big, I no longer have an RV to tow, and I really ought to find a car that gets good gas mileage. But there is a part of me that just wants to feel invincible when I'm going down the road. So I know a truck is not something I will get, but I am not sure when I will stop feeling so nervous about driving. My sons and friends were driving me at first, and I had to close my eyes sometimes to not freak out about the fear of getting hit. I guess I will talk to my counselor about it, but I really don't like the unsettled feeling I have about it.<br /><br />I also have not been coping with my pain as well this week. In fact, I've really regressed in my coping. I've started turning to food for comfort in an old, unhealthy way. I don't mean sitting down and enjoying a cup of tea and a piece of shortbread. I mean stuffing food in to stuff feelings down. I wouldn't say binge... it's not on that level, volume wise. But the feeling of not being at all hungry, sort of sitting in the anxiousness, wanting the pain to go away, wanting my old car back, wanting to be able to vacuum or take a walk... but being unable to, and instead, making a piece of toast and cramming it down my throat without tasting it. That's a very old tactic I used to use to deal with frustration and anxiety. I recognize it and it alarms me. It scares me because... where is my calm? What happened to my peace? All of my success in the past couple years has been based on peace and calm about food... and now... is it gone? Can I get it back? Will the un-calm, un-settled, anxious feeling about the accident and my own vulnerability and my pain soak into every aspect of my life and steal away that peace I had with food? I am worried. And I knew it was real when, the other day, I was out alone at night and was feeling extremely anxious, and what I did scared me. I went through a McDonald's drive thru and got a Big Mac meal and sat in my car and ate it. Even though I have not been to a McDonald's since 2009, when I found a fly in my ice cream cone. Even though I swore I would never, ever eat there again. And I was not hungry, either.<br /><br />I feel like I am losing my mind over this. I'm not sure what is going on. I am afraid to weigh. I was 182 pounds a few days ago and have not gotten on the scale since I've been eating all kinds of crap and junk that doesn't even taste good in what feels like some kind of self defense desperation.<br /><br />That's where I am now. Cramming another piece of toast while writing this and craving McDonald's and being revolted at the craving at the same time. I do not want this to be the start of another regain. This is hard to post, but I know it has to be said.<br /><br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-18273840391632578742018-11-11T16:07:00.000-08:002018-11-11T16:55:25.504-08:00Wrecked <br />It's been two and a half weeks since I last posted (<a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2018/10/100-pounds-gone-again.html" target="_blank">100 Pounds Gone Again, with pictures</a>), so although I am not feeling amazing at this point, I think an update is in order. For those who missed it, I did post a comment on that last post that I had been in a car accident and spent time in the hospital and at home recovering. I'm still healing. The doctor said it could be six months before I am back to my old normal... and while I didn't believe that at first, I am starting to believe it now. I'm very thankful to be here and not in worse condition. I am up and walking, but still not doing any lifting. I should be able to start physical therapy soon but I need help right now with day to day things like housework and laundry. I think we will start looking for a replacement car in a week or two.<br /><br />So about my weight. My last post showed me at 178 pounds. I have gone back and forth between 178 and 180 and back again. I was 178 on November 1, which means I lost two pounds in October. I am back to 180 today. My weight just fluctuates those two pounds with how I am eating now. I haven't been able to take the phentermine since the accident (I'm on different prescriptions now, like muscle relaxers and something for pain). I have not been able to walk the dogs, so my kids are doing it. I have done almost nothing activity-wise because I can't. I walk around the house a bit, and that's it. I'll build up as I heal.<br /><br />Today I was trying on some of the sweaters I bought for this winter (some I bought online without trying them on), plus it has gotten cold and I pulled out some coats to see what fits. Well the coats, that's kind of funny. All I have left are 3 options: a very big, baggy 2X coat that somehow escaped the donation bin all this time, a nice new size L coat that I bought last time I was this size that fits pretty nicely and zips but is JUST a bit snug, and a size M tan suede coat I bought years ago as a "goal" coat. I always wanted a cute suede coat like that and it was on sale so I got it, but I have never fit into it. Well I am *so close* to it fitting now! I can get it on but not closed, and the arms are too tight. As for the sweaters, I have two that are really soft and pretty but they are just a bit too tight (also size Medium). If I lost ten pounds, that suede coat and those two M sweaters would fit me perfectly and everything else I own would probably only be slightly loose. So that's my next goal: lose ten pounds and fit into those 3 things! I want to do it before winter is over so I actually get to wear them this year before it gets warm again.<br /><br />I hope that soon I will be able to start PT and maybe be able to walk a bit for exercise or start riding the exercise bike. Most of my pain is from the hips up, so I will ask the doctor this week if I can give the bike a try. One hip was injured so I do need to ask first. I am not thrilled to have to start from basically nothing with my activity and be unable to even do something simple like crunches or 5 pound arm weights or a mile walk, but I also see this as a challenge. I can't walk a mile, I can't lift 5 pounds, I can't do a sit up... BUT I WILL GET THERE. I'll update and start posting regularly again now that I can think clearly. Thanks for checking back even when I seem to have disappeared!<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-21402061805374387802018-10-24T16:26:00.000-07:002018-10-24T16:26:07.881-07:00100 Pounds Gone Again<br />Well how about that? I finally hit 178 pounds yesterday morning, which is 100 pounds gone *again*! It is no easy feat to lose 100 pounds. And it's even harder, in my experience, to lose it a second time. But finally, here I am! And when I went to look back at my original <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2010/10/update-pictures-100-pounds-gone.html" target="_blank">100 Pounds Gone post</a>, I noticed that the date was exactly eight years ago today! Wow... eight years of struggle, regain, efforts, and finally success again. Now that's a journey! I am very proud to have hit this milestone and hope to never have to deal with a regain of that magnitude again.<br /><br />I have not been feeling well, so my photos this time don't do justice to how much I have changed. They're not as numerous or as good as the ones last time in the link above, but when I feel better I will try and have one of my kids take some photos outdoors where the light is better. For now, here I am today at 178 pounds.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZpZNBnNLsEE/W9D6K5cKlwI/AAAAAAAACnM/9Y1PdW9xx1cxMiOxTwTQJ4k69Sn4P-xNACEwYBhgL/s1600/20181024_140722_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="876" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZpZNBnNLsEE/W9D6K5cKlwI/AAAAAAAACnM/9Y1PdW9xx1cxMiOxTwTQJ4k69Sn4P-xNACEwYBhgL/s400/20181024_140722_edited-1.jpg" width="217" /></a> <a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-O7U0vn5_gSI/W9D6Mzh8H8I/AAAAAAAACnQ/glt72-YpooYk8n2DWwrVKBC-nMQt2gRrACEwYBhgL/s1600/20181024_141019_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="693" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-O7U0vn5_gSI/W9D6Mzh8H8I/AAAAAAAACnQ/glt72-YpooYk8n2DWwrVKBC-nMQt2gRrACEwYBhgL/s400/20181024_141019_edited-1.jpg" width="171" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It feels so good to be back in this place! In 2010, the lowest weight I reached was 175 pounds, and I can't wait to see that number again... and maybe even lower. A few interesting facts:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In 2010, it took me 77 days to lose the ten pounds from 188 to 178.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This year, it took me 165 days... more than twice as long. This was intentional because this time around, I wanted to honor my feelings about the weight loss as I explained in my last progress pictures post at <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2018/05/update-pictures-90-pounds-gone-again.html" target="_blank">90 Pounds Gone Again</a>. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Size-wise, things are much different weighing 178 pounds at 49 years old than they were weighing 178 pounds at 41 years old. My body is a lot different; one good thing is slightly less loose skin this time. Clothing size is different, too. In my last 100 pounds gone pictures I was wearing size 10 jeans. Today, I actually found those jeans and couldn't even get them on! I am wearing size 12's now and they are comfortable. Tops are in a medium or large. According to my records, my waist is 1.75 inches larger than in 2010. My hips are also .75 inches larger, and thighs each a half in larger than at this weight 8 years ago. Hopefully as I start biking, all of my measurements will shrink.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Measurements:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In the last ten pounds, I have lost an inch off my bust, a half inch off each thigh, and .75 inches off each upper arm! All my other body measurements stayed pretty close to the same. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I cannot imagine posting 110 Pounds Gone pictures, but wouldn't that be cool?? We'll see what happens! Thank you to those who've stayed along and supported me all these years, to the new folks just coming along to cheer me on, and all those in between!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div>Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-75384806821844775562018-10-21T21:34:00.000-07:002018-10-21T21:34:18.262-07:00Another Week Gone By<br />Just a little update for my weekly weigh-in.<br /><br />Last week, I set 182 as my new "high line" for my weight range. Here is my weight graph over the last 12 days:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AoKYOMFZJTQ/W8z8TYm1FNI/AAAAAAAACm4/6dQo5ZPIwccpAykqUlD7Xw2dOtEn-SouwCLcBGAs/s1600/Oct2018.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="472" data-original-width="383" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AoKYOMFZJTQ/W8z8TYm1FNI/AAAAAAAACm4/6dQo5ZPIwccpAykqUlD7Xw2dOtEn-SouwCLcBGAs/s320/Oct2018.jpg" width="259" /></a></div><br />The weight line starts at 182 and ends at 179, which is what I weighed this morning. That's down a pound from last week. I feel good and none of this is a struggle. I even ate at Olive Garden this week and had the never-ending pasta bowl and bread sticks, and had the leftovers for dinner the same day. My portions were *not* small, either... I had a bowl of their fettuccine Alfredo topped with veggies, plus 2 bread sticks and salad for lunch, and a bowl of spaghetti with meat sauce and 2 bread sticks for dinner. Their chocolate chunk pumpkin cheesecake is pretty darned amazing, too! (I did split that with a friend). No, not low carb in any way, but I have started to really believe that a high carb/high volume day thrown in here and there is a good thing for me. There is no way *anyone* could feel deprived eating what I am eating. I also still have days of not eating anything (aside from coffee) until 11 or 12, and then stopping my eating at 7 or 8pm. And I usually do choose lower carb options and smaller portion sizes. It all balances out.<br /><br />Today I had several cups of coffee with half and half, then at noon had a bowl of potato cheese soup and some raw veggie sticks with dip. In the afternoon I had more coffee, a Clementine, and two sugar free Red Vines. Dinner was taco meat with grated cheese and sour cream with some corn chips. And dessert was a piece of crustless pumpkin pie (not sugar free) with whipped cream.<br /><br />I bought some new sweaters this week and was pretty surprised that a few of the size Large sweaters were way too big on me. Generally, I like sweaters to be pretty loose, but some of them were just baggy so I had to switch to a medium. That feels good! My size 14 jeans are insanely baggy (but comfortable, so I wear them around the house) and the 12's are just right.<br /><br />Looking forward to the holidays and not being afraid of special meals, dinners, and traditions. How about you?<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-5398780705890761052018-10-14T20:09:00.004-07:002018-10-14T20:09:51.191-07:00Where I'm At, Ranges, and Loose Skin<br />As usual, I'm here to share my weekly Sunday weigh-in. Since I was gone for awhile, I missed last Sunday's weigh-in but posted at 184 pounds on Tuesday. Today, five days later, I weigh 180 again... same weight I was on October 1. It feels good to be able to have a "normal" life and not be on a strict diet plan and stressed out all the time over every goal or gain. Hopefully I can use the next couple of weeks and get into my next new weight range.<br /><br />Weight ranges have been such a useful tool for me. Instead of being hyper-focused on getting to a lower number, I set goals of staying within a narrow range with a lower high end. So basically my ranges drop by about 4 to 6 pounds each time. It really adds up... as you can see by my ranges this year:<br /><br />mid Feb - late March 201 - 206<br />late March - late April 195 - 200<br />mid April - late June 188 - 195<br />late June - late July 184 - 189<br />late July - early Sept 180 - 185<br /><br />and for all of August, September, and so far in October, my range has been 179 to 184. So from a high of 206 in mid February and a low of 179 in October, that's a 27 pound drop in 6 months. Pretty good!<br /><br />I think it would be nice to slide into a slightly lower range, say 176 to 182, for the rest of the year.<br /><br />I started following "<a href="https://www.instagram.com/fatgirlfedup/" target="_blank">fatgirlfedup</a>" (Lexi) on Instagram recently. She has been sharing a lot of stories, photos, and videos of her excess skin after losing 312 pounds in two years. She's young, and super healthy, and really inspiring! She's having her extra skin removed soon, but what struck me the most is that she and I are about the same weight right now (her last scale shot showed 182 pounds). But when I look at her body and my body there is such a HUGE difference. I have complained for years about my loose skin... and my batwing arms sure do rival Lexi's... but on the rest of me, so far I don't have nearly the amount of loose skin that she has. Her top weight was about 200 pounds higher than mine... so I know that's the reason, and I am really excited to see how her skin surgery turns out. If I stayed the weight I am now forever, the only skin I *might* consider having removed is on my upper arms. There is nothing else bothersome at all at this point (well, except that I do wish I could have the skin under my chin tightened up! It's a bit wrinkly.) I have some body sag, but either it's not as bad as I remembered it or I have truly come to accept it. We'll see what I think ten or twenty pounds from now.<br /><br />On to another good week!<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-3995133330585904982018-09-30T20:42:00.000-07:002018-10-01T09:23:05.905-07:00Resurrected, and Weigh In<br />It's time for my weekly weigh-in and a recap of my month. I weighed 183 on September 1st and today is the last day of the month. I am down a pound from last week to 180. I did see 179 on the scale twice this week; I had seen 179 for two days a few weeks ago, too. For the month of September, I have stayed within the same 5 pound range (179 to 184) and in August I stayed in a four pound range (180 to 184). I feel very good about that maintenance.<br /><br />My clothing sizes are a little different this time around than they were last time I was this weight. I'm guessing my measurements will show a difference, too, when I hit my next ten pounds and measure to compare. I remember wearing size 10 and 12 jeans at this weight in 2010; now, I am wearing 14's. Granted, they are pretty loose. I wash them on hot and dry them on high and then they fit pretty well, but I also can easily fit into the one pair of 12's I wear once in awhile. Today I bought a new pair of jeans, and they are a size 12 and fit perfectly. I bet I could fit into 10's if I squished, but who wants to squish?? I am going to look for the pair of size 10's that I wore for my old pictures at 178 pounds eight years ago. I am sure they're in the Winter Clothes tote; I wonder if I can get them on now.<br /><br />Sometimes it feels like I am in some kind of a time warp. It seems like just yesterday that I was sitting on the couch lamenting that I had regained almost all of the 103 pounds I had lost. It was a nightmare... a complete and total nightmare. Weighing 260 pounds again *after* having lost all of that weight and feeling the amazing victory and freedom of weighing 175 pounds... it was worse, FAR worse than weighing 278 pounds when I started this blog. Knowing that it was possible, and I did it... knowing what it was like to be free... and then being chained up again into morbid obesity... it was nearly unbearable. It was terribly depressing and I felt nothing but deep shame that I had shown everyone that I could do it but then was not able to stop myself from eating my way right back into that hellish nightmare. It was heart-breaking and soul crushing. And the taste of 179 now, it is oh so sweet. So much more cherished, like a resurrected love which was once lost and longed for. Oh how we treasure and appreciate the things that we know can be fleeting.<br /><br />I don't know how it could be that I was *just* sitting here crying over that massive regain and yet now, my dream, my fervent wish has come true once again, and I have my body back. I have my weight loss back. And yet I know that just as quickly, in a flash I could be sitting here in misery yet again, if I don't find a way to hang onto this sweet, sweet freedom. I pray and hope I can, but more than that, I know I am ready to work for it.<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-24059885239169576572018-09-20T17:37:00.000-07:002018-09-20T19:28:52.565-07:00On Eating "SO MUCH"<br />Since I posted my list of "how I ate this week" (last week), I have gotten a couple of comments and emails asking me how I could possibly eat "so much" and not gain weight (in fact, down a pound today to 182). I've had people saying it's the phentermine (which I didn't take last week) but obviously if I am eating "so much" then an appetite suppressant sure isn't the cause of my not gaining. I believe my metabolism has been raised so I can now eat moderately without big gains.<br /><br />Anyway, I wanted to re-frame what I wrote before. What I wrote was a flat list of foods I had eaten in one week. Apparently that looked like a HUGE amount of food to some folks, so let's take a look at it in another way. Here is the same list of food, broken down into seven days.<br /><br />Monday<br />1 small homemade cinnamon roll, coffee with cream<br />croissant sandwich with turkey, lettuce and mayo with about 6 chips<br />small bowl of chili with a little grated cheese, dollop of sour cream, and 4 tortilla chips<br /><br />Tuesday<br />crustless vegetable quiche with about 1/2 cup of hash browns and 2 sausages<br />coffee with half and half<br />cherry tomatoes and a few chips<br />a gyro (lamb and vegetables with tzatziki sauce on pita), some Greek fries, 2 pita triangles dipped in hummus and half a piece of baklava<br /><br />Wednesday<br />about 4 oz of orange juice<br />coffee with cream<br />1 slice of pepperoni pizza, 1 plate from the salad bar with blue cheese dressing and bacon<br />an apple<br />a slice of pot roast, mashed potatoes with gravy, steamed peas<br />1 slice of homemade pie<br /><br />Thursday<br />coffee with cream x 2<br />raspberries and a small apple<br />cucumber slices dipped in Ranch<br />a Jimmy Johns Italian sandwich (on bread) with chips<br />1 slice of homemade pie<br /><br />Friday<br />small pumpkin spice latte<br />1/4 of a donut<br /> about 1/2 cup of mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans<br />1 piece of corn on the cob with cotija cheese and mayo<br /><br />Saturday<br />homemade cinnamon roll, coffee with cream<br />Dairy Queen cheeseburger, no bun (I forgot this in the other list!)<br />a wedge of watermelon<br />1 square of lasagna with Italian sausage, salad, and 1 piece of regular garlic bread<br /><br />Sunday<br />hot cereal made with oat bran, 1 tsp brown sugar, and a pat of butter, topped with half and half<br />2 slices of cheese and 3 slices of ham and turkey, a handful of cheese puffs, some baby carrots<br /> about a tablespoon of peanut butter on a banana<br />1 sugar free Greek yogurt<br />2 slices of pepperoni pizza<br /><br />To me, at least, it looks pretty moderate. Are there sweets and chips? Yes. Carby? Yes. But it is in no way a binge, a ton of food, an over-indulgence. Maybe it is not what *you* would choose, or even what *I* would have chosen years ago or on a different week. But it works for me, and I am content, have no restrictions, no compulsions, no food obsession, no white knuckling. It's kind of nice having a week or two of eating things I haven't had in awhile. It feels good to be flexible.<br /><br />Today I ate a bit less:<br />coffee with cream<br />egg whites scrambled with zucchini and spinach, a spoon of hash browns, and 2 sausage links<br />a sugar free blended decaf mocha<br />about 5 cheese puffs<br />a sugar free Greek yogurt<br />Dinner is going to be a big bowl of the homemade tomato soup I made this morning from tomatoes my neighbor gave us from her garden. I might have a couple of crackers and a slice of cheese with it, and a Clementine for dessert.<br /><br />The best part of this is that I know I could eat this way for the rest of my life and it would not feel like a diet. I am so glad to be off the diet roller coaster. I am working with my counselor on ways to feel at peace even when stressful things are happening in my life, so that in the future some crisis doesn't throw me back into the old binge habits for comfort. It's like an addict and I know it could happen, so I am doing everything I can to learn and practice healthier ways to cope.<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-64866834332346041252018-09-09T14:21:00.000-07:002018-09-09T14:21:04.556-07:00Down, Up, Swinging<br />This morning when I got on the scale, I knew it would be up a bit. Yesterday I kind of crashed and burned because I have been SO busy, and I finally got a day to just be. And apparently just sitting around for half the day reading and watching TV makes me hungry... or lets me think about food more often. I snacked more than usual and ate some fried chicken with potato salad. I *really* wanted a Snickers bar at one point, which I can have, but I didn't want it badly enough to get in the car and go get one so I skipped that... although I may make some sugar free brownies this afternoon.<br /><br />Anyway, earlier in the week I got a surprise scale drop and saw 179 pounds! I was really excited to see the 170's again after SO long (last time was over seven years ago). So I spent some time looking back at my blog posts from when I weighed between 175 and 179 pounds and landed on this post from October 2010: <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2010/10/swinging.html" target="_blank">Swinging</a>. Wow, I remember that. I remember what being on a swing at the playground felt like. I haven't had that experience in so long. It is just not fun (and can even be painful) to swing when you weigh 250 pounds.<br /><br />So I walked to the park the other night and got on the swing. In the dark, with no one else around, I was swinging and remembering and feeling. It was amazing. I hope I never let this go again.<br /><br />Today I weigh 181 pounds, down a pound from last Sunday (and down two from last Saturday). I love how everything is going. I had to sort my clothes AGAIN (<a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2018/04/i-did-something-hard-weight-loss.html" target="_blank">I thought I was done with this!</a>) because the weather has changed. It was easy this time since there is only one bin of fall/winter clothing, so all I had to do was pull some of those out (and discard a couple that used to fit in spring but are too big now) and send a few of my summer clothes to the Goodwill box and a few to the one, small, summer clothing bin under my bed. I also had to go back to Victoria's Secret and get a smaller bra because the two I got last January are way too big now, and all but one of the bras I had stashed away and have been using are suddenly just not fitting right. I had to retire one pair of jeans that has gotten too big since spring, and pulled out some new, smaller ones from my dresser drawer. I had to donate almost all of my winter pajamas though... they are way too big!<br /><br />I am all set now. I have enough to get me through the winter. If I keep losing I am going to need a new wardrobe in the spring! There is not a whole lot left that is smaller. I have not been under 175 pounds in something like 21 years. It sure will be interesting to see a lower weight on me now at 49, versus how it looked on me in my 20's!<br /><br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-33325135161040473182018-09-01T12:25:00.000-07:002018-09-01T12:25:18.566-07:00A Year of Lower Carb, and Phentermine<br />One year ago on August 26th, I started a journey that would change everything: I began taking phentermine and eating lower carb at the suggestion of my doctor. I did not have much confidence that it would help me at all, and I had stopped blogging earlier that summer. I did not come back to update until <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2017/10/the-next-chapter.html" target="_blank">October</a>, when I shared what was finally working for me. And here is what happened in the last year: I went from 258 pounds to 183 pounds, a loss of 75 pounds!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MEeK0fdNcQI/W4reotdysaI/AAAAAAAACms/GR3il9gpzi4dQDt3iNuLE2dBcataQfMUgCLcBGAs/s1600/1yrphenAug26.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="weight loss phentermine" border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="1389" height="275" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MEeK0fdNcQI/W4reotdysaI/AAAAAAAACms/GR3il9gpzi4dQDt3iNuLE2dBcataQfMUgCLcBGAs/s640/1yrphenAug26.jpg" title="" width="640" /></a></div><br />Out of those twelve months, I spent about two and a half months off phentermine completely. In addition to that, I took a half dose on more than 60 days. That translates to my taking a full dose around 60% of the days this year. My doctor is happy with the way I have interspersed breaks in taking it so that it didn't stop working and I never developed side effects. She says she would like to see me lose another 20 pounds or so, and that I can start taking it again at full dose as long as I am losing weight on it.<br /><br />I think it's a good time to press forward with losing. This particular weight was a very critical time for me when I got down to the low 180's before (in 2010) and I believe that one of the reasons I didn't keep it off was because I lost too quickly, without dealing with the emotions that come with a rapidly changing body. This time, I have been really working on accepting the changes, even embracing them, and not stressing out about it. I've been meeting with a counselor and he has helped me a lot with just re-framing how I see my body and my weight and how I handle any negative emotions as they come up. Hopefully September will be a good month of healthy eating and exercise along with phentermine to help me get into the 170's. I have stayed in the 180's since June and I weigh 183 pounds this morning, so I've had a good couple of months maintaining over the summer.<br /><br />The thing that is most interesting to me is how last month, I got pretty lax with my eating but still did not gain. I am up one pound for the month, which is shocking considering how much and the types of food I ate. In the past, if I ate whatever I wanted, I'd gain 8 or 10 pounds in a week or two! To maintain, I had to stay really strict... especially if I was not formally exercising. An example: I noticed that in the entry linked above, last August, I wrote this:<br /><br />"I let go and ate whatever. I went to the fair and had lemonade and a cheese steak and beer battered fries and a caramel apple. "But hey, I didn't eat an elephant ear or any ice cream!" I dunno, I guess I just felt like ten years is enough and maybe I just should be who I am. And by August 26th, I weighed 258 pounds."<br /><br />I had a gain of at least 6 pounds from eating that stuff at the fair last year Funny thing is, I ate the SAME THINGS this year, *plus* the ice cream and a shared funnel cake, and fried pickles! How is it possible that it affected me so badly a year ago, but not now?<br /><br />I think something really has been fixed that was broken. I have been able to eat the things I like without getting out of control, feeling bad, gaining weight. It's a great feeling. I just hope it lasts. There is always that scary element of "I thought I would never regain, but I did. And it could happen again." But for now, I am just taking it slow and figuring it out as I go along... and enjoying it.<br /><br />You can see by my <a href="https://www.instagram.com/lynescapes/" target="_blank">Instagram</a> that I am certainly not starving myself or even eating tiny portions all the time anymore. Chicken fried steaks, mashed potatoes, bacon and eggs, wings, steaks, tamales, corn on the cob with lots of butter or mayo/cotija, hash browns... it's not "diet food" and not even all low carb. Last night was a splurge: New York style pizza (and yes, I ate the crust), garlic bread sticks, and salad plus a cinnamon roll for dessert. I have eaten candy. I have eaten regular, high fat, high sugar ice cream. BUT, I have never binged, and I have interspersed those meals with low carb things like spaghetti squash, cheese, salads, fresh tomatoes, and keto desserts and breads. The farmer's market has provided me with plenty of berries, apples, melons, peaches, and nectarines, which I do not restrict in any way. And I have loved all the iced coffee with cream this summer... at least 3 a day! I feel like I am finally eating like a "normal" person with no stress about it, no guilt, no pressure to avoid anything in particular. And the best part is, no food obsession!<br /><br />Here's to a GREAT September! It's off to a wonderful start already!<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-42629962776100199322018-08-04T11:54:00.000-07:002018-08-04T11:54:35.534-07:00Happy Bloggiversary: 11 Years Blogging<br />I can hardly believe it! Today is the eleven year anniversary of my starting this blog. In honor of this, I decided to give a brief overview and some new data about the past 11 years.<br /><br />In my very first post on August 4, 2007, <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2007/08/why-i-am-fat.html" target="_blank">Why I Am Fat</a>, I weighed 278 pounds. I was so determined to get out of that "hellish nightmare" of morbid obesity!<br /><br />....insert a decade of blogging here....<br /><br />In my anniversary post last year, <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2017/08/10-years-of-this.html" target="_blank">Ten Years of This</a>, I was on the verge of giving up. I had lost 103 pounds, regained 85 pounds (soooo depressing), and one year ago declared that I would not be posting again unless I got back under 240 pounds.<br /><br />And then I disappeared. I had very little hope that I would actually lose that much weight. I felt defeated. After all, TEN YEARS!! I thought maybe it was time to hang it up with the blogging and just be fat and happy. Eat what I wanted. Get over this ridiculous drive to lose weight. And I tried to do that. But misery followed and after several weeks of gaining weight and feeling a bit lost, I went to my doctor for help... and started on phentermine.<br /><br />When I finally came back to blogging, it was October and true to my word, I had gotten under 240. I wrote a post called <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2017/10/the-next-chapter.html" target="_blank">The Next Chapter</a> and have been back ever since!<br /><br />Today I put all of my monthly weigh-in data into a new graph. I've charted my weight over the years, but a few times I changed charts so never had a complete, current graph of my weight from the start of my blog. But I have one now, and here it is. Eleven years of Escape from Obesity:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x0MeQSnpAdw/W2XqYxhU0ZI/AAAAAAAACmg/r9-IOb9de1AsXtgiT-4PLLZT3MFZynEJgCLcBGAs/s1600/Aug2007toAug2018withnotes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="long term weight loss chart" border="0" data-original-height="497" data-original-width="1243" height="254" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x0MeQSnpAdw/W2XqYxhU0ZI/AAAAAAAACmg/r9-IOb9de1AsXtgiT-4PLLZT3MFZynEJgCLcBGAs/s640/Aug2007toAug2018withnotes.jpg" title="" width="640" /></a></div><br />As you can see, I marked the three significant periods of weight loss, and between the red lines I noted what method I was using to lose the weight: calorie counting, Medifast, and phentermine. All the time in between was spent trying. <br /><br />I am SO GLAD to be at the bottom of that nice big slope at the end. I pray it will continue, although a bit less steeply, and then level out to a nice, long flat line with very little variation. That's going to be the real trick: maintenance.<br /><br />A bit of additional information my charting software gave me about the 11 years represented on this graph:<br /><br />Weight change: -96lbs (-34.53% of body weight)<br />Starting BMI: 44.9 (morbidly obese)<br />Current BMI: 29.3 (overweight)<br /><br />Wow. I never thought about the fact that I have lost over a third of my starting body weight! That is pretty amazing. No wonder I feel better!<br /><br />Well that's enough for today, and probably for tomorrow, too. I will leave my Sunday weigh-in number in the comments tomorrow. Thanks for all your support!<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-92101088332354444502018-08-02T08:17:00.003-07:002018-08-02T08:17:53.307-07:00August 1, 2018: 182 Pounds<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Yes! August 1st brought me to 182 pounds, which is a loss of 3 pounds for the month of July! I feel amazing, I am so happy that this time I am not white knuckling it through weight loss, just trying to hang on and force myself to lose more. If I never lose another pound but manage to maintain right here, I will be content! That seems to be the key, for me, to making this a doable-forever way of life.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This week I was wearing one of my usual shirts and kept having to mess with my bra straps and tug at the neckline to keep them from showing. Finally I realized that shirt was now too big on me (and the bra straps could use some tightening, too.) I took the opportunity to sort my very few shirts hanging in my closet, take out 4 that are now too large, plus a sweater that I know has become too big for me. I gave them away to a friend who is also losing weight but is a size behind me, so they will fit her just right. I also heaved a big sigh and decided that my two favorite swimsuits, which I have not worn since winter, really can't be worn anymore by me at all. They are size 20 and 22 but were tight enough to keep wearing for a long time. Now, they hang. Still in great shape, they made a nice gift for another friend who needed them. I am wearing my smaller, size 16 and 18 swimsuits now.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I also got two unsolicited comments this week: "Are you STILL losing weight??" Yes, I am... very slowly! But I guess it's noticeable. Somehow even three pounds in a month is enough to provoke questions! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Last night I ate a *lot* more carbs than usual, which is something I tend to do a couple times a month. A friend brought some freshly baked, still warm, homemade bread and that is one of my favorite foods that I have no keto substitute for! I had two slices, heavily buttered, one as a snack and one with my dinner. It was delicious! I like knowing I can enjoy anything I want in moderation. No restriction means no stress about food... and no weight *loss* goals means no stress about weight loss. I do have weight *maintenance* range goals and that is working well for me.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I wanted to share some graphs of what my weight's been doing over the past few months. Here are unlabeled, numberless graphs showing my weight each month from March through July:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">March<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5VP1Em-2mM4/W2MTLJrQx_I/AAAAAAAACmU/7UcjY7HOxQ4h8nygGXgpgRYen7lqjNXHACLcBGAs/s1600/March2018.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="98" data-original-width="180" height="108" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5VP1Em-2mM4/W2MTLJrQx_I/AAAAAAAACmU/7UcjY7HOxQ4h8nygGXgpgRYen7lqjNXHACLcBGAs/s200/March2018.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">April<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wlVoLHhp25Y/W2IuWdfWxTI/AAAAAAAACmI/gQiGf7zKGH4ROQeb0xKlungHh94ycfH5ACLcBGAs/s1600/April2018.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="100" data-original-width="173" height="115" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wlVoLHhp25Y/W2IuWdfWxTI/AAAAAAAACmI/gQiGf7zKGH4ROQeb0xKlungHh94ycfH5ACLcBGAs/s200/April2018.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">May<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Y1FNopFuVcs/W2Ir2_lu-mI/AAAAAAAACl8/UXpjLYux20EEMVCF7IlHBJlmrBIaYn5qACLcBGAs/s1600/May2018_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="97" data-original-width="180" height="107" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Y1FNopFuVcs/W2Ir2_lu-mI/AAAAAAAACl8/UXpjLYux20EEMVCF7IlHBJlmrBIaYn5qACLcBGAs/s200/May2018_edited-1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">June<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7Sz-whZF5po/W2Iix7vTe-I/AAAAAAAAClk/3QIV_uwe_twA8Z89A6zKxCgMM1MQlRyKQCLcBGAs/s1600/June2018.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="199" data-original-width="351" height="113" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7Sz-whZF5po/W2Iix7vTe-I/AAAAAAAAClk/3QIV_uwe_twA8Z89A6zKxCgMM1MQlRyKQCLcBGAs/s200/June2018.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">July<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aTM7MNuTeek/W2IeYZGuV2I/AAAAAAAAClI/BmPSzealCScB2oOMnDqffHm7viDOSVP8ACLcBGAs/s1600/July2018.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="193" data-original-width="359" height="106" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aTM7MNuTeek/W2IeYZGuV2I/AAAAAAAAClI/BmPSzealCScB2oOMnDqffHm7viDOSVP8ACLcBGAs/s200/July2018.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />Each graph is one month long and ten pounds high (ten pound span, top to bottom) so you can see how my weight fluctuates during each month. Weighing daily and graphing it has helped a lot with my peace about weight. Ups and downs are normal for me. It's the overall trend that really matters. If you connected those five graphs together, you'd see that from March 1st through the end of July, I went from 202 pounds to 182 pounds. Not bad, huh?<br /><br />My maintenance goal right now is to stay in the range of 180-185 pounds. I spent almost 6 weeks in the 184-189 range, so the timing feels right. My new range is just on the brink of the 170's, so if I manage to go there I think that will just be a bonus!<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-81463794271577062132018-07-22T13:50:00.000-07:002018-07-22T13:50:30.345-07:00Unrestricted<br />Just a brief update! Since my maintenance chart post on Wednesday, I've been seeing the same number on the scale every day. In fact, all week It's been 185, 185, 185 on the scale every morning. That feels pretty good to see! I am still kind of amazed that I am able to eat the way I do (without restriction, measuring, or counting) and maintain at this weight. In the past, I've restricted a LOT, kept my calories under 1500 or under 1200 or even lower than that for weeks and was not able to lose or maintain at 20, 30, 40 pounds higher than I am right now. And I usually felt pretty stressed and anxious about not being "able" to eat things I wanted to eat. Even when I was losing, I often felt like I was white knuckling it. I had this inner worry about things that might seem stupid to people who've never had an eating disorder, like "will I NEVER be able to eat a sandwich again?? Can I NEVER have a cupcake again?" That kind of thought resulted in a lot of mental pacing around trying to figure out how not to spiral into a desperate need (yes, it felt like a *need*) for chips and dip or pie or pizza. I knew in my mind that was irrational, but there was something deeper going on that felt out of my control. And the only way I got out of that kind of cycle was to stop restricting.<br /><br />This week I ate:<br /><br />tacos made with made-from-scratch corn tortillas<br />roasted chicken thighs with crispy skin, mashed potatoes and gravy, half a dinner roll, corn, and peas<br />coconut, honey, seed, and nut clusters<br />a slice of raspberry cheesecake<br />barbecued ribs, pulled pork, cole slaw<br />fresh berries, peaches, apples, and cherries<br />chopped kale and cabbage salad<br />fresh corn on the cob with butter and salt<br />a bunless burger with garden tomatoes, pickles, and cheese<br />chips and dip<br />yogurt<br />movie theater popcorn with extra butter<br />mixed nuts<br />sugar free brownies with sugar free ice cream<br />lots and lots of iced decaf coffee with sugar free creamer or half and half<br />a restaurant bacon cheeseburger (skipped most of the bun) with fries dipped in Ranch<br />various salads, cheese, watermelon, raw veggies, and half a deviled egg at a potluck<br />frozen yogurt ("tart" flavor which has less sugar) topped with fruit, walnuts, and honey<br />and (this is crazy) a deep fried, battered banana with peanut butter dipping sauce<br /><br />Okay, that's a lot of food, and not exactly "diet" food. A year ago I would have never believed that I could eat these things and not gain weight, even at 250 pounds. Something has truly changed. The biggest change has been my attitude and my sense of inner peace about food and weight. But I also have changed *when* I eat and *how* I eat. Most days I only have coffee in the morning and no actual food until lunch time... and then it is a smallish meal, usually 200 to 400 calories. I might fill in the afternoon with a bit of fruit, nuts, cheese, iced coffee or 1-200 calories of something else, but I try to wait til dinnertime for a big meal. And even then, my "big" meal is a heck of a lot smaller than it was on any given day when I was not restricting years ago (off plan, I called it). I eat much smaller portions; when I say I had "fries" it means I had a few... not a whole plate full. I keep my higher calories in a smaller window... so I am not spreading out extras and sweets during the day. I am eating them within about an hour or two after my dinner. I may eat 800 to 1000 calories some evenings but it is all within a window from about 6pm to 9pm at the latest. That limits just how much volume I can have and keeps me feeling very satisfied. I feel great! I take phentermine, a half dose most days, and that does help me go longer in the mornings before I feel I need to eat. On days I skip it, I get hungry between 10 and 11 and have to eat something. I just keep it to a small portion, like an egg with bacon and fruit, and then skip something else later like dessert or a higher calorie snack.<br /><br />That's what's working for now. I hope to keep going with this and maintain below 185 (overweight, not obese) forever.Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-14042970004180453072018-07-18T10:51:00.001-07:002018-07-18T10:55:20.802-07:00What Maintenance Looks Like, Charted Edition<br />For just over 3 months now, I've been maintaining very well within a ten-pound window after losing a whole lot of weight over the last 11 months. Since late last August, I have gone from 258 pounds to 185 pounds, a total difference of 73 pounds (and a loss of 93 pounds since I started blogging at 278 pounds). So without further delay, here is my charted weight over the last 90 days, as recorded on My Fitness Pal:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zP5XGU0KWwc/W095UHzx7pI/AAAAAAAACk4/f3EmDM9sJLo8Hfci5sZ_2xJrc2Wq7JPQgCLcBGAs/s1600/2018maintenance185to195_edited-1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="maintaining after weight loss graph" border="0" data-original-height="808" data-original-width="1246" height="414" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zP5XGU0KWwc/W095UHzx7pI/AAAAAAAACk4/f3EmDM9sJLo8Hfci5sZ_2xJrc2Wq7JPQgCLcBGAs/s640/2018maintenance185to195_edited-1.png" title="" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />Now, when you first look at this graph, it doesn't scream "maintenance" at you, does it? There are a lot jumps and dips and variation... not a straight line like we want to imagine maintenance to be. But look more closely. This is *three months* passing, with my weight staying between those two lines of 185 and 195. That is excellent for someone who used to see gains of 10+ pounds in one WEEK at times, not to mention my history of gaining 40 pounds in 3 months before. If you look even more closely, you will see the stages of maintenance in there. For the first two months I stayed between 188 and 195. In the third month, it's shifted downward and ranged from 185 to 189 pounds. I expect to stay within that range or a few pounds lower for at least another month or so.<br /><br />So no, maintenance is not a straight line. There will always be fluctuation for me. I am looking at the bigger picture, here, and seeing that when there is a small jump up, there follows a small dip back down. I don't stay up, or keep going up. I am learning to slowly and gently and CALMLY adjust my eating and activity on a daily basis to keep my weight in the range I desire. I think that will serve me well in the long term.<br /><br />That's it for now... heading out to have some summer fun!<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-23712813369968092132018-07-15T15:18:00.000-07:002018-07-15T15:18:29.111-07:00Weigh In<br />After I shared my thoughts earlier this week in my <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2018/07/a-different-journey.html" target="_blank">last post</a>, I spent some time thinking about whether or not I need to change anything (now or in the future... I don't put time pressure on myself anymore) and what type of plans I might want to make for weight loss and maintenance. I think about that kind of thing, but I keep the drama out of it. That helps me not to rush into anything that might backfire on me (like when I used to set a weight goal with a deadline, or a restriction that felt too stressful to me). But I do still put thought into the whole, long term, don't-regain-it plan.<br /><br />For one thing, my skin is not bothering me right now. I weigh 185 pounds today, and as I said before, the loose skin bothered me a LOT last time I weighed 185. It was anxiety-provoking to me back then. It isn't right now. But as I think about maintaining slightly lower, I wonder if there is anything I can do to prevent it from becoming an issue. I mean, the skin's probably going to get looser as I go, right? Right now, I've spent 3.5 weeks in the 184-189 zone, and think it would be just fine to tick down just a bit to aim for 182-185 for a few weeks. Taking it super slowly like this is helping. When you drop 8 or 10 pounds in a really short time (like 2 weeks) the body changes can be quick and shocking. I am not having nearly as much body dysmorphia as I did seven years ago with quick losses. To me, that's good, and less emotional drama = less weight drama (gains). Anyway, with the skin thing, I am aging and that's not going to make my skin any better. I do stay hydrated and this time around have been taking Biotin (and thus not losing as much hair as before) and fish oil, and use good lotions all the time, which I didn't do last time. But still, I wonder, is there something else I could be doing to help my skin rebound from how stretched out it was for so long? Is there anything I could take, or apply, or do, to get my skin to tighten up a little more? Something to minimize the crepe paper look I am just starting to see on my arms and legs and neck? If you know any anything that worked for you, please share. But in the absence of something new to try, I just need to keep taking this very slow so that my skin has time to adjust, and my mind has time to accept.<br /><br />Today, for the first time since my <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2018/04/i-did-something-hard-weight-loss.html" target="_blank">Great Clothing Purge</a> almost 3 months ago, I had to sort clothes. Since then, I've been easily living out of one dresser and wearing pretty much the same 2 pairs of jeans and 2 pairs of capri pants plus maybe 7 shirts in my closet. I just rotate, wash them, keep wearing them. Well, that was ten pounds ago. In my other dresser I had folded all the jeans, pants, and capris that were too small but I thought might fit sometime this summer. (All the smallest, 10's and 12's went into the one clothing tub for winter). So I noticed that my jeans and shorts have gotten a bit loose. Not unwearable, but almost too baggy. So this morning I pulled out the pants from that dresser full of too-small jeans. I had them stacked and sorted from the loosest to the tightest. And as I tried them on, one by one, I was shocked that every, single, pair of pants from that dresser FIT. As in, on and buttoned and not even tight! What on earth. NONE of them fit at all in the spring, just ten pounds ago! And now, 2 pairs were TOO baggy and have to be donated, 2 pairs are questionably too loose and might be able to be shrunk it the hot dryer, and two fit almost perfectly. Wow, crazy. I think I will donate those 4 that are too big and just keep the two that fit best. This is so weird. When I get rid of those, plus a shirt or two that are too baggy on me now, I will have the least amount of clothing I have had in *years.* I am happy. It's nice to know what I have, and think about the day not far in the future when I can go out and buy a new, smaller wardrobe and not shop out of a dresser or a Rubbermaid tub anymore!<br /><br />I feel good, and when I think about making changes, I do think it would be wise to cut down on the processed food and eat more natural foods, more often. That part has been more challenging than I thought it would be. In the past I have had times of eating more produce and lean meat, but I always seemed to rebound from that and dive into junk. So this time I have avoided the drama by just having the junk when I want it, in small portions, and not pushing myself to eat fish and vegetables if I'm in the mood for a burger and chips. I am working, slowly, on changing the ratios a bit so that there's more healthy stuff and a bit less junk, but I won't do it at risk of upsetting my peace and maintenance. I would rather weigh 185 pounds eating sugar free brownies and Arby's than be morbidly obese eating chicken and salads. So... slow, easy changes. But I do want to start choosing healthier options more frequently so that in a year there will be a noticeable shift in what I'm eating.<br /><br />Thanks for reading this long post, and I'd love to hear your thoughts or suggestions in the comments!<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-25635686452669057822018-07-13T14:06:00.000-07:002018-07-13T14:06:34.844-07:00A Different Journey<br />You know what's interesting about being back in the 180's again after seven years of regain? A lot. It's a completely different journey this time, both physically and mentally. It has never been so clear to me *how* different it is until I went back and re-read some of my blog posts from the last time I was in this weight range.<br /><br />This time around, I got into the 180's a little over 2 months ago. In fact, on May 11 I weighed 188, and this Monday I weighed 188. You know how I feel about that? Great! Successful, happy, content, and proud. Two months, 188. No net loss. And I am so pleased! But when I go back and read my posts from the summer of 2011, when I was in this *same* weight range, all I read is frustration, disappointment, and anxiety. I was literally pacing around fighting with myself all the time... trying to ward off obsessive food thoughts, pushing away the urge to eat compulsively the things that were "off plan" for me, and pushing myself to work harder and hurry up and get the weight OFF. The level of frustration I read in those posts over months of trying to stick to a restrictive plan and FORCE myself into a thinner body is astounding to me now. SO MUCH emotion... stress... and anxiety over food, my body, and the number on the scale. I could not accept the amount of time that was passing without big drops in my numbers. I felt like a failure. I sometimes thought I would never make it and was hanging on by my fingertips! Granted, those posts were near the end of an 11-month stretch of staying mostly in the same range I am now: the 180's. Maybe even now I would start to feel annoyed if 11 months went by without any significant loss... or maybe not. Maybe I would be fine with it this time, because I know from experience now that sitting in the 180's for a year is a heck of a lot better than slopping around in the 250's and 260's again. That was hell, it really was. Once you know what you had, what you could have been... yeah, then it hurts even more.<br /><br />The other thing about this journey, aside from the peace, calm, and contentment I now have about maintaining, is how I feel about my body. There was *so much* chaos last time about my loose skin, hanging mooshy fat, ill-fitting clothes, batwing arms etc that it was actually distressing to me. If you've never read my <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2010/09/i-dont-like-my-melting-body.html" target="_blank">Melting Body</a> post from 2010, I don't know where you've been! I quote it often, and link to it frequently, because it was such a key part of why I regained and how getting fat again "fixed" something that I was just not able to cope with in any other way at the time. I have known that doing that part differently... addressing the anxiety the 'melting body' caused me... is essential to not having a regain again. I *had* to find peace with this and learn to accept it, TRULY accept it and be okay with it. If looking at my smaller body causes a physical sense of stress, panic, and fear, then obviously my subconscious mind is going to push me to "fix" it... by gaining the weight back. And yes, for some reason, a fatter body with firmer, smooth skin was easier for me to accept and more comfortable for me than a thinner body that made me feel deformed and ugly.<br /><br />Interestingly, the Melting Body post was written when I weighed exactly what I weigh today: 185 pounds. And I vividly remember how much the state of my body stressed me out back then. Yet now, I look at my body at the same weight and I don't see it that way at all! Yes, there is some loose skin, but not nearly to the extent I describe it in those posts long ago. Has my body shrunk that skin over time? Oh, maybe a little, but let's be real here: about a year ago I was almost 260 pounds. There hasn't been a lot of time to really shrink anything that much. So perhaps it is my attitude that has changes. It is my eyes. My vision. I see my body and it is not distressing to me. I don't feel anxious or panicky about it, and part of that *has* to be because I am not pushing and berating myself to lose more weight NOW, get thinner NOW, hurry up and become "normal"! Another part of it is that I accept fully that I am not comfortable showing my upper arms to the world, so I wear sleeves to the elbows when I go out. That makes it a LOT easier to not obsess over the arms! But I look at them every day. I wear short sleeved shirts around the house sometimes. I put lotion on them, I hold them up and see and touch the hanging, loose parts and examine the wrinkles or bumps until I know those arms really well and am accepting and comfortable with them *myself.* I never got to that point last time. I was too busy being horrified every time I caught a glimpse of them, and trying to avoid looking. Look away, look away. Do not accept. So you can see how this time is very different.<br /><br />Well, this has gotten long, but I hope it has given you a sense of how and why the journey is different for me this time even though I am at the same weight. I have had a wonderful week with a couple of birthdays, some slices of cake, and some barbecued meals. This week I've had smoked ribs, potato salad, and fried chicken with friends. I've shown on my <a href="https://www.instagram.com/lynescapes/" target="_blank">Instagram</a> a couple of meals I've eaten in the car since I was busy. I had a "no sugar added" scoop of ice cream from Baskin Robbins one afternoon and a couple of Oreos one evening and ate at Arby's on another night. But I've also had plenty of salads, local fresh fruit, lean chicken, plenty of water, and long walks. I am happy and content. My 'plan' is so flexible that it is utterly stress free. My body makes me happy. The other day a friend, who had seen me just 2 weeks prior, stopped in his tracks and said, "are you STILL losing weight? You look great!" That made me feel so good. Even though my actual weight has remained in a ten-pound range for over 3 months, I look better, clothes fit better, and of course a smile makes everyone look healthier and more beautiful, right?<br /><br />Thank you for being here for this whole journey... especially now as the excitement of quick weight loss and progress pictures has waned and I am into the calm sameness of maintaining. I appreciate your support and I hope what I am sharing helps just one person understand that it's not just about getting the weight off. It's so much more than that.<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-3085659774604289522018-07-08T17:41:00.001-07:002018-07-08T17:41:57.754-07:00A Weight Range Helps<br />In 2010, I got down to 175 pounds from my blog start weight of 278... a loss of 103 pounds. I was so proud of that, and so focused on continuing to lose weight. This time, it's very different. There is something about a huge regain that changes your perspective.<br /><br />I never thought I'd say this, but my goal is *not* to lose weight anymore. I'm not determined, like last time, to see the number on the scale go down every week. I don't even mind if the number isn't lower at the end of a month. I no longer measure my success by my weight going down, down, down... but I *do* measure my success by the number on the scale. The way I do that is by deciding to maintain within a weight range. Gains are not failures. Fluctuations are not worrisome. I just use that information to make small adjustments with a goal of keeping my weight within my chosen range over time.<br /><br />This is my practice at maintenance. And heaven knows I need weeks, months, years of practice at maintenance! If I can become good at maintaining within a narrow range, that is success. Because if there's one thing I learned last time around, it's that it is not the weight loss that is most important. It is the ability to maintain.<br /><br />I started this strategy and new mindset right around the 200 pound mark, and maintained between 201 and 206 for 4 weeks this spring. Once I got to 200 pounds, that became my new "highest acceptable weight" and I stayed between 195 and 200 for about 4 weeks. I made my next "line in the sand" weight 195 pounds; that range lasted for 9 weeks. And just over 2 weeks ago, I set a new range of staying around 184 to 189 pounds and have done that since then (weighing 187 pounds today). See, there *is* a gradual progression downward, still... but that is not the daily, weekly, or even monthly goal. The true goal is to stay in a narrow range, not going above it nor much below it until I feel emotionally and physically ready to be a lower weight. Taking time to adapt and accept my body and being okay with the changes is critical, for me, in keeping off this weight for good.<br /><br />I love what I am doing, how I am eating, and the way I feel. There are no guarantees against regression and regain, but this time, I am doing everything I can to prepare for a lifetime of maintenance.<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-55024005975708603222018-06-28T09:28:00.000-07:002018-06-28T09:28:56.495-07:00Escaped, Again... and I Walked<br />It's like a flashback, in a way, to a different time. Can a scale be like a time machine? Can seeing a number you have not seen in years take you to another time in your life that was oh so different? For me, it can.<br /><br />Imagine my surprise when, after a 187 pound weigh in on Sunday, I stepped on the scale Monday morning and saw 185 pounds. There was no real reason for a 2-pound overnight drop, but I knew that number. 185 pounds means I am no longer Obese, but with a BMI of 29.9, I am merely Overweight. I have, once again, escaped from obesity.<br /><br />The last time I hit that milestone was in September of 2010... nearly 8 years ago. I remember <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2010/09/escaped.html" target="_blank">posting about it</a>... what it meant to me. And I remember thinking, I will never be Obese again. I am going to hang on to this forever.<br /><br />Life was so different then. My daughter was in kindergarten and I walked her to school every day. My boys were teenagers, and I had my little mini-dog. I hadn't even gotten my 100-pounds-lost "<a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2010/11/my-100-poundgoal-rewards.html" target="_blank">reward puppy</a>" yet! Now, my daughter is a teenager, I have only my youngest son left at home with her, and my other boys have finished school, gotten careers, one married, and two have bought their own homes. The mini dog is long gone to the Rainbow Bridge and my reward puppy and her adopted sister are 7 and 8 years old, respectively. It is crazy how a number on the scale can accentuate the passing of time.<br /><br />Every day since Monday I have seen 185 pounds on the scale. I know I may fluctuate up and down a couple of pounds in the future, but finally, I am okay with that. Escaping obesity is not *just* that number on the scale. It's about a much bigger change that has happened and continues to happen.<br /><br />Yesterday I dropped my car off for an oil change in the morning. And then I did something I have NEVER done: I walked home from the mechanic. Yes, there was a ride available, but I just wanted to see if I could do it. It was 2.3 miles. Now, to some people that might not seem like a far walk at all! But it is a distance I had not in several years intentionally set out to walk, all at once, without stopping to rest or sit or take a break. When I walk my dogs we do about a mile. I might do a mile in the morning and a mile in the evening. But with my arthritis, I do have pain from walking. This time I just wanted to challenge myself and see how I'd do. And I did it. I walked the 2.3 miles without a break to rest or sit down. I was about a mile and a half in when I started feeling pretty uncomfortable... legs tired, hips and knees hurting a bit, wishing I hadn't done this. But I kept on and it was a great feeling when I made it home. Knowing I *can* walk home from the mechanic is an awesome feeling! I took some Advil and though I am still a little sore this morning, I am happy and will keep pushing myself to walk farther distances more regularly. But the bike is easier!<br /><br />We are leaving on a short camping trip/mini vacation tomorrow morning and won't be back til Sunday night. I'm not bringing my scale to the woods, so I'll weigh tomorrow before we go and Monday morning to be sure I am staying on track. We're taking some of our own food and sharing meals with another couple of families who are camping with us, so I'll be able to eat well all weekend. I'm ready for some hiking and exploring! See you when I get back.<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-2987136822233811842018-06-24T13:29:00.000-07:002018-06-24T13:29:47.593-07:00Sunday Update on Weight and Maintenance<br />Happy Sunday all! I have had a decent week, started riding my <a href="https://www.myvirtualmission.com/missions/14063/fat-mom-across-america" target="_blank">exercise bike</a> again and started back on phentermine, a half dose AM and PM. Feeling good and ready to get my weight down into the next maintenance zone, which I think will be low to mid 180's for awhile. Will see how I feel as I go. Today I weighed 187 pounds, a new low this time around! That's 4 pounds down from last week.<br /><br />It's really funny, a week or two ago I went clothes shopping just to see if I could find another cute, 3/4 sleeve top or two in a light summery fabric to cover my upper arms but not be too hot. Well, I looked and looked but didn't like any of the shirts in the normal sections... so I sort of wandered over to the plus sized section to look. I found some tops that I thought were super cute! But when I tried them on, even the smallest size (1X) was SO huge on me. I was getting kind of irritated about it, and then I had to stop and laugh... how funny to be annoyed that I am too small for the plus sized clothing! Just the fact that I tried them on shows that I still haven't quite gotten my mind around my new, smaller body yet. I think it's been good for me to just experiment in ways like this, and learn and truly accept the changes. I have a couple of shirts that will work if I drop another few pounds, and some capri pants, too, so instead of shopping for new things I will just wait til I can get into those smaller clothes that I already have.<br /><br />I also had to purge my underwear drawer again! Remember <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2010/08/i-saved-granny-panties.html" target="_blank">the last time</a> I did this was in August 2010 at almost this exact same weight. I've noticed lately that there is way too much material in my undergarments, so it was time to sort and purge again. Wow, I had a lot to throw away! I tossed almost all of the size 9's, even though many were fairly new, and have just 7's and 8's now. I also tossed a few bras and grabbed some new, smaller ones out of the one tub of smaller clothes that is under my bed. You know those new bras I got from Victoria's Secret back in <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2018/02/february-1-2018-monthly-weight-update.html" target="_blank">late January</a>? I have lost 21 pounds since then and the cups on those bras are getting too big. I have a couple to get me through for a bit, but then will go back and get sized again probably this fall. It's a good feeling!<br /><br />That's all for now! I've been updating my <a href="https://www.instagram.com/lynescapes/" target="_blank">Instagram</a> more regularly with my meals, but I don't post pictures of things like my morning coffee or a random snack of yogurt or nuts in the middle of the day. Just keeping track of the main meals when it would not be awkward to snap a picture of the food. Have a great week!<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-2790463104526721972018-06-21T14:45:00.000-07:002018-06-21T14:45:43.598-07:00Maintenance Update<br />Time's been getting away from me and I am long overdue for an update on my weight. Last time I posted, I weighed 189 pounds (the Sunday before last). I missed posting my last Sunday weigh in but I did weigh, and got 191 pounds. Today I weigh 188. All good in the realm of maintenance. Speaking of which, I am ready to make a change.<br /><br />When I decided to maintain at a higher weight back in March, I had lots of reasons, but the main thing was that last time I did this, I did not honor my feelings and kept losing so quickly that my emotions could not keep up with it, and I ended up with a rapid regain. It was all about getting the weight off *pronto.* This time, it is all about *keeping* the weight off and being comfortable doing so. I knew I needed to take time to get used to being smaller, deal with my feelings on the loose skin and the clothing issues, just take it easy and learn to live in the body I have before changing it again. This is working really well for me.<br /><br />I have weighed 199 or less since the end of March... almost 3 months!<br />I have been maintaining within a ten pound range (188-198) for over two and a half months.<br />I have stayed at or below my "line in the sand" weight of 195 pounds for 2 months and one week.<br /><br />That's pretty good! Maintenance success. I am at <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2018/05/update-pictures-90-pounds-gone-again.html" target="_blank">90 pounds gone</a> right now. And lately, I have felt that I might be ready to try maintaining in a slightly lower window... say, under 190. So that's my goal right now: to drop another 5 pounds or so and just stay in the 180's for awhile... maybe the rest of the summer, we'll see. I feel like I've taken the time to get used to my body, accept the way my loose skin and mushy fat has been, and am just fine with the clothing choices I will have 5 pounds lighter, so why not? If it stresses me out or I lose my calm, I will just go back to the 188-195 maintenance window.<br /><br />Slow, calm, gentle. No forcing and no angst. This is how I hope to gradually get to goal: small stepdowns with maintenance windows, only changing them when I am 100% ready and comfortable doing it! Can't wait to see how the rest of the summer goes!<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6763130097605570103.post-76267524986626556182018-06-11T16:26:00.000-07:002018-06-11T16:27:19.767-07:00Lose, Gain, Maintain <br />I'm a day late for reporting my weekly weigh-in, but I *have* been weighing every day as planned and have been charting it in My Fitness Pal. It's been an interesting week. I like to look at data, so a quick rundown on my weight and phentermine use:<br /><br />My first week on phentermine (August 2017), I lost 8 pounds.<br />From August through February, I lost an average of 8 pounds/month taking phentermine.<br />In March, my last full month on phentermine, I lost 3 pounds.<br />In April I weaned off phentermine and only took it half the time or less, and lost 7 pounds.<br /><br />When I stopped taking phentermine, I weighed 192 pounds. Since then my goal has been to maintain and stay under my "line in the sand" weight which is 195; whenever I hit that weight it becomes *urgent* to reverse course immediately! Get it back under control! I never want to see the 200's again. Well, since then, I have gotten down to <a href="http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2018/05/update-pictures-90-pounds-gone-again.html" target="_blank">188 (pics)</a> on the 11th, but then hit 194 on the 17th and took 1/2 dose of phentermine that day to get my appetite under control (that's the only time I took it in May). Got back to 190, then hit 195 on the 29th after vacation, and then spent a week going between 192 and 195. I think it *is* success, because my weight is going to fluctuate a few pounds here and there. But when I got to 195 again last Thursday, I said to myself, "Nope. I am not going to just keep hitting that line like it is a game. Time to get back away from the line." So that morning I took half a phentermine and have been taking it since.<br /><br />Staying on a half dose of phentermine over the last 4 days got me back to 189 on Sunday, which is also what I weigh today. I am pleased with that and am planning to stay at a half dose for a little while.<br /><br />Today I went to see my endocrinologist, who was thrilled with my weight loss since the last visit, especially since I took a month-long (plus) break from phentermine! I got a refill and she said I was handling it exactly right by taking it for awhile, then taking a break, and then restarting. She said it is fine to just take it as I feel it's needed, keep tracking my weight, and start losing again when I am ready. She also said that phentermine may "fix" your metabolism so that even after you stop taking it, you're burning more calories than you did before. Makes sense to me!<br /><br />Going for blood work soon (for thyroid) but everything looks good so far. I'm very happy to be 189 and hope my new range is between 185 and 189 for a month or so!<br /><br />Lynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06926887495148083672noreply@blogger.com