TAKE MY WORD 4 IT

Self-Evaluation - The Mantra to Success

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Wed, 4 Nov 2015 20:15:00 +0530

A King once went for hunting with his soldiers. While hunting, the hunting party met with an accident in which the king lost his way in the jungle. He was in a severe condition when an old wood cutter found him lying in an unconscious state.
The old man carried him to his hut and treated him with the local herbs and medicines. For over a month the king lied in unconscious state, but the old man took good care of him. Finally one day the king was fully recovered, he was very grateful to the old wood cutter who had saved his life without even knowing who he was. He thanked him for his kind gesture and returned back to his kingdom. There were celebration all over his kingdom seeing their beloved king alive.

One day the king called his minister and pointing from his window he ordered to grant the entire forest to that wood cutter who had saved his life. The minister was surprised and suggested to grant some other land instead. But the king refused to change his mind and hence the order was followed.

Three months went by and the king thought of revisiting that old man to see how he was doing now. On reaching the same place he was shocked to see the same small hut. On entering the hut he noticed and was even more surprised to see that old man in same untidy torn clothes. Unable to hide his curiosity, he finally asked the old man that why was he still in the same condition.

To this the old man refuted, "What else do you expect me to be in?"

The king still puzzled queried, "What did you do with the entire forest I granted on your name?"

To this the old man irritatingly replied, “That's none of your business in first place, once you granted me why are you bothered to know. Still if you want to know, I am a wood cutter not a gold merchant, to be in lavish clothes, I cut trees, then burn them to produce charcoal and then sell it.

The king was aghast listening to this and out of sheer disbelief he questioned, “What!!! you burnt the entire forest?”

To this the old man calmly replied, “Yes I did.”

The king still in disbelief, nodding his head, could only utter, “That was a sandalwood forest!”

How often we find ourselves in the same situation? We all have potential, we all get opportunities to succeed, but not knowing our own value and underestimating the opportunity in front, we ignorantly behave like the old wood cutter of the story. We keep cursing and complaining for our state, for the lack of growth, for lack of opportunities. There are others, who believe “Ignorance is bliss”, they remain happy underachieving because they don’t feel the need to improve owing to their laid back attitude. Both these cases are reason for failure in achieving our goals in life. Without a goal, life is meaningless and a goal without determination and planning is directionless. The most critical part in setting a goal is gauging our potential, self-evaluation. Underestimating ourselves would lead to under utilization of our potential, which will further lead to lesser growth, leading to unhappiness. The only solution to the problems mentioned is Self-Evaluation.

It’s we who know ourselves better than anyone else. We know our limitations, we know our strengths. If we succeed in proper self-evaluation, combined with proper planning and determination, we will surely achieve our goals and live a happy stress-free life. To sum it up, let’s not depreciate our value anymore and remind ourselves that we all are sandalwood, capable of spreading our fragrance which will last till eternity.

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Avanti & I

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 19:48:00 +0530

Amay Naik's Personal Diary

-12 June

It has been a week now that Avanti passed away leaving me all alone in this world, letting me be alive to have such a dejected life. In couple of weeks it is our 3rd wedding anniversary! It’s still hard to believe that she is no more; it feels like that we had just begun our beautiful journey of married life but before it could flourish effusively … Avanti left me!

I don't feel like doing anything, I haven't even updated my diary. I resumed my work few days back, but still I am yet to take the charge of my construction site, all that I do is visit my site office and spend entire day by sitting idle . All the files were updated by Mayank. Mayank rightly told me that you have to start living now and move on. Anyways I have to accept the bitter reality moreover to kill loneliness I have recommenced to pen down my feelings. Nevertheless I know this diary can’t leave me half way, rather will be lifelong companion…

Though I am trying hard to forget Avanti It’s merely impossible to take her out of my mind. She was nine months pregnant when last Monday she had labour pain and I admitted her to maternity home. I had never imagined in my wildest dream that the pregnancy will have complications that too Para-mounting to loss, of both my unborn child and my beloved wife!! We had seen so many dreams for our baby but now that scenario flashes in front of my eyes every moment. It all seems as a dreadful nightmare.

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-13 June

It’s incredible after recalling the status of Mayank but I can’t just evade the fact which was evident enough. In first place Mayank himself is unbeliever in all this stuff. If someone else would have uttered something like this he would have made mockery out of it. And even initially, in front of me he tried to side-step that topic, didn't he? His male ego might not have let him accept that he was frightened. But it was so substantial- he couldn't move a bit. He was damn scared.

Around 9:00 PM he had invited me at his place for drinks, I had accepted his proposal, as even I needed company. When I pushed the door and entered the living room. Mayank was sitting on his chair. His hair was messed up, he was perspiring profusely, his face reflected the state of shock he was in and his eyes were widened staring the wall exactly in front of him.

I was terrified when I noticed him. I shook him generously to get him out of that tremor. After getting out of that trauma, he couldn’t recognize me, but then when he did, he asked me to sit down beside him. On investigating about his state he initially tried to bypass the whole topic, but after incessant probing finally he collected guts to reveal the truth. After hearing what he had to say I was totally thrown off my feet!!

Mayank had seen Avanti !!

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-16 June

Since last two days I have been completely engrossed in my chain of thoughts. Can we actually see someone after their death, It was simply absurd. But the solitary reason for me to discard this thought was that I haven't experienced it yet. Mayank is also not convinced with that day’s incidence too; he told me that it was just a disillusioned thought of his tired brain and nothing else.

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-20 June

While rethinking about all the happening that occurred on that eventful day, suddenly I felt bad about the fact that how come Mayank saw my wife? And why not to me?

Since the day that Mayank has beheld Avanti's soul I have a hope that someday even I would be fortunate to feel her presence and may be talk to her, hope that day comes sooner than later.

Avanti was not only a lovely wife but also an awesome person; she was very friendly and had an uncanny knack to win anyone's heart. She was cheerful in nature she could make any person comfortable by her manifestation; she was caring, nurturing overall a perfect home maker.

If I ever see her I won’t be scared as Mayank, instead I would be glad to see her because I know she will protect me against all evils, as she did when she was alive. I would give anything to see her. If he could see her than why can’t I? Very soon I will see her, I am confident. I must wait.

Mayank was not an unfamiliar for her. He had just joined our construction site as a site Engineer. His smartness and frankness had won my heart and we got along well and jelled up quite quickly than I imagined. Once I invited him for a tea at my place. Coincidentally Avanti already knew him since they were college mates. We three started hanging out together for trips, dinners, movies etc. In-fact the concept of writing a Diary was initiated by Mayank and hence we started writing since last April. Avanti had smirked on this thought and teased us saying "Let’s see how long you continue I am sure you both will give up in couple of weeks."

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-21 June

Today is our wedding anniversary. Last year same time we were in Singapore for our 2nd honeymoon. Today I am here- and Avanti is.....??

Why the hell Avanti is visible to Mayank and not to me why? Else as Mayank says this all might be just his illusions and nothing else. Anyways I don't believe in supernatural-- Forget it.

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-23 June

Well! From start I have stood by my word to Mayank that all he has been experiencing is not a mere illusion. At last I was proved right. It was real. I have a proof! And oh, what a proof! While I am writing this the proof is lying in front of me on the table. It is proof to lot of things! Almighty God why didn't you end my life while I was still in my sweet illusion filled life instead of making me face this bitter dirty reality. It would have been better, if it would have been me instead of Avanti who died. It would have saved me of this embarrassment and even Avanti would have been happy....

Last night Mayank came at my place at 11:00 PM. As soon as I opened the door he hugged me tightly. Somehow I made him sit on the sofa, made him drink some water. He was looking damn scared. Still recovering from his shock he began reciting the whole incidence to me.

He was on the way to my place as usual to chit chat and to have some drinks. Midway he saw Avanti; she smiled at him and told him to stretch out his hand. He did as she commanded, than she removed a gold ring from her finger and wore it on his finger and disappeared! Terribly startled Mayank somehow had reached my place in that traumatized state.

I did examine Mayank's hand on which he had worn that ring and then there was no room for calling it delusion anymore. There was no doubt what so ever in whatever he had just told me, because the very ring that was in his hand was the ring I had given to Avanti on our engagement day.

Here is the proof at last!

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-27 June

The moment God gave us the rational brain he took away all the happiness from our lives. Since last four days my brain is stormed by all type of weird thoughts and questions which are making me go crazy! Midnight I woke up and then I was not able to sleep again till early morning.

Sometimes I feel may be God was kind to me that he took Avanti away before people could have started gossiping about Mayank and Avanti openly. Oh! No! What have I written this? Na not at all, there can be nothing good in death of Avanti. My Avanti!....but how can I call her "My" anymore?

Sometimes I feel I should ask Mayank about all this, but than what's his fault in all this after all? I don't remember him behaving loosely with her anytime. If he ever had any wrong feelings for her then he would have never told me about all this happenings. Should I ask to Avanti about all this…. But then I am not able to see her to question her.

If I continue thinking, then all the old memories come storming my brain, I remember once Avanti had made special halwa for Mayank as he loved it a lot. She had once told me that in college days she liked Mayank's guitar playing a lot.

Avanti however made me believe that she was happy with me always. Now I realize that she must have found me boring. What's there in me? In comparison to Mayank neither I am handsome nor do I have any skills.

Mayank was always a perfect match for her in all possible sense. I should have realized this long back. Avanti never loved me. May be before our marriage she and Mayank were having....may be! May be she thought I was more stable than Mayank that time. She was aware of our richness and affluent status in society. How tactful of her! She down right cheated me. But the dead do not deceive. Now there is no reason for her to fool me. Now we don't share the same world. Now she can be honest to herself. She is honest, she herself removed that ring from her finger and gave it to someone she considered appropriate for it, that too my ring! Oh god, this is all so terrible! The amount of pain that I endured at her loss was nothing as compared to this realization of her cheating on me, what should I do? How can I forget this? How can I??...

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-29 June

Finally I could forget it, for some time though. There is a bar near my place where I spend most of my free time.

Sometimes Mayank convoys me, but he doesn't indulge in drinks as much as I do.

Last night while we were coming back from the bar, he viewed her. Avanti!

I was kind of drunk. Suddenly he stopped midway. He held my arm tightly. He was staring at the dark with wide opened eyes. He was not ready to move an inch; I was trying to drag him. He started muttering- "See her- Near that shop!"

Looking at his state I knew what he had seen, but I couldn't see her. As if she had no relation with me at all. This was expected, but I was still hurt.

"She is calling me. Can you see?" Mayank asked.

"I can’t see her, if she is calling you then go." I retorted somewhat in frustrated tone and moved away.

Holding my arm tightly Mayank said "Please don't go I am scared"

"Let’s go home" I told him.

"No. I am not coming with you.” Mayank said; but it was subjected to Avanti.

After some time there was a thorough silence. Then he said, "Why do you come time and again?"

Again muteness followed. After which he said, "How come? I will never forget you"

I took his hand off me and started moving. He was saying, "What! You actually don't recognize him? You were married to him. He is Amey Naik..."

I headed to Mayank. "Mayank please tell her to be perceptible to me too, atleast once.... atleast once!...."

He replied as if he couldn't believe in what I was saying, "What! That means you really can’t see her?"

"No Mayank." I was ashamed of my state now, but I couldn't lie in front of him. "Tell her Mayank please, tell her!......."

"She has gone." he countered.

Whole night I couldn't sleep a bit. I kept turning my sides and tried hard to break the sequence of occurrences took place which were infuriating me immensely.

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-4 July

I am ashamed of myself. I am abashed of my existence. Today I have crossed all the limits and have made myself a laughing stock for people around. Today in the rage and under the influence of drinks, I literally hit Mayank in the bar. I exactly don't remember the entire conversation that I had with him; but it’s more obvious it would have been something related with Avanti. Who says that alcohol makes you forget your worries, in fact they take awful form and extant them in front of you. Whatever it was I remember at the end of that chat I had grabbed him by his throat and was slapping him abundantly.

He was downright in his senses hence knowing my state he didn't even react to my beating and kept calm. I realized my mistake and started snivelling there in front of everyone. I had lost control over myself.

Day by day I am getting worse and approaching to animal like behaviour. I make all possible efforts to forget her. Well, who cares for her? If she never loved me, why should I remember her?

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-7 July

I feel like killing myself. Due to monsoon even the work at site has abated. To kill my loneliness and boredom I went to the last floor of my under construction site. It was almost evening and the place was unrestrained as the workers were now busy with more of interior works. The only source of light was an orange light halogen attached to one of the columns. Every time I use to come here and dare to look down this 25 storey tower, an unidentified fear use to creep my heart and a thought of 'what if I fall down from here' use to dissuade me time and again. There was not much of safety precaution as the construction was still on, apart from a temporary railing made from steel bars. I was lost in my thoughts staring down the tower when suddenly I sensed someone was holding my arm tightly, on turning around I realized it was Mayank. He pulled me back and said 'Naik, don't visit this place during this time of the day. It’s a horrible place!'

I kept looking at him with a bizarre expression on my face. He continued "Since last three evenings Avanti brings me here-against my wish. Hesitantly I have to follow her."

"Why the hell she brings you here? What does she say?" I asked him.

Mayank kept mum for some time. It was palpable from his expressions that it was problematic for him to reply to my question. After long time finally he spoke, "She doesn't say anything. She just makes love to me."
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-9 July

I have made my mind now I will end my life. Tomorrow 10 July I will jump from that tower.

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-10 July

Today morning when I got up I decided to myself that it’s the last day of my life. After reaching office I heard that Mayank was absent. Actually I wanted to talk to him a lot. In the whole world he was my lone well-wisher and companion. On further inquisitive I came to know that since 8 July he isn't coming to work. I was under the impression that may be he directly goes on site instead of coming to site office. To inquire about him I directly reached his residence.

The door was already open. he was dazed after seeing me but later he was calmed a bit; but he didn't utter a word. He was sitting on his bed with both legs folded and held close with arms wrapped around them and chin resting on his knees. His eyes were rolling right left and zeroing on the blank wall in front of him. There was an unstated terrible fear in his eyes. I asked him, “Did you see Avanti?" Hearing this he held me tight by my arm and was not ready to leave me. I could sense fright jam-packed in his entire body.

After some time I realized that he was hungry from last couple of days, he had not even bathed or done anything. He was scared to even move from one place to another. I did try to feed him something, but he was too scared to even eat or respond to my queries. He was not even ready to drink water. Now I got really scared. I called his downstairs neighbour to sit beside him and went to call the doctor. On examining, the doctor suggested to admit him in a nearby hospital as soon as possible.

With the help of his few neighbours I got him hospitalised. By the time all the formalities were done with it was almost 9:00 PM. I set to leave for home when I remembered my resolution to end my life today. However now at least till Mayank gets well I have to postpone my plan to end my sufferings. After all I am all that he has, to take care of him.

It was raining heavily when I was on the way to my home. The hospital was at walking distance from my place so I preferred walking. I wasn't carrying any umbrella today, and I wanted to soak myself in this heavy rain and that's exactly what I did. On reaching my home I opened the lock and entered my living room. There was persistent noise of windows knocking coming from my bed room. I went in to close the windows. My study table was adjoined to the window. On it, laid my diary. Besides it, there was another diary.

Whose Diary it is? How did it come here?

The Diary cover was completely dry. I opened it. On first page it wore the name of its owner Mayank Varma.
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Mayank Varma's Personal Diary

-13 June

Even I am hurt by untimely death of Avanti; but not as much as her emotionally fool husband. In fact Avanti was as good as dead for me when she had rejected my proposal during our college days. I had never ever imagined meeting her again in this life time. Suddenly when I met her she acted very nicely to me. Even then I doubt whether her hatred towards me has completely wiped out.

Her husband loves her a lot. He’s an idiot, completely unaware of the tact’s of this cruel world. He believes in whatever nonsense I c0nvey. He trusts me blindly. On observing his innocence I had made up my mind to avenge my ego which was hurt long time back. I tried a lot to poison his mind and make him suspect that Avanti has feeling for me. While doing so I used to get a kind of satisfaction that use to mollify my false ego.

Still Amey was so oblivious rather innocent that he never comprehended what I meant. He simply never alleged his wife.

However after Avanti's death I had a splendidly superb idea to finally take vengeance of my hurt ego.

I was an awesome actor from birth. Till date people have suspected living beings but this time I was going to make him suspect a dead. By making Naik forget his love for Avanti and making him hate her, I will make him payback for rejection that I had to take few years back from Avanti. When his love for her will be septic by suspicion and later turn in hatred then and only then my burning ego will recede.

It was the first blast today when I told him that I saw Avanti. I could sense that he believed in it. Just few more such tricks and they both will part away forever -Physically they are already but even eternally now.

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-23 June

Today it was 2nd blast from my side! On blowing dynamite even the hard rock cracks and Naik's heart was as soft as butter. Month back Avanti had handed me her gold ring. She wanted to surprise gift a similar one for Amey for their 3rd wedding anniversary. It was apparent that as she had planned a surprise so Amey would be completely unaware of it. After lying idle with me for such a long time finally today it will be useful to me.

I am an excellent actor- Amey should accept it now! Perceptibly after knowing the fact! But sadly he will never ever come to know about this.

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-30 June

Amey Naik by now is completely a lost soul. He is now an alcoholic depressed and tired of his forbidden life. It’s simply amazing! So what that he was betrayed by his wife, so many people get deceived and dumped but they don't counter the way this fool his reacting to it, that too when in truth he was never let down! Can you believe he feels that I am lover of his dead wife? I am glad that; so what if I couldn't get this place when she was alive but I could get it after her death at least. That too gifted to me by her foolish emotional husband. What can be a better revenge than this?

Last night suddenly something made me get up from my deep sleep- I had a dream where I saw Amey Naik jumping from our construction site tower from last floor. I had a thought- what if he actually does this? I don't want him to die. I want to see him suffer as long he his lives.

What if Avanti's soul is watching all this....but I don't believe in ghost stories….they are damn doleful...

What if Avanti actually meets me someday???

This thought didn’t let me sleep even a bit.

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-4 July

Today Naik cried liberally in the bar. Month a back he was considered a well-disciplined man, but no what left in him? I could still hear his weeping in my ears.

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-5 July

Last night suddenly my sleep was disrupted. Someone was sobbing. Initially I thought its mere illusion; but the voice of sobbing was travelling near that too much swiftly. I could hear it close to my bed now. Somehow I got up from my bed and switched on my room lights. There was no one in the room; but I could still hear that sobbing. I ran towards the door, but on opening it, I couldn’t see anyone out there. I returned to my bed and screamed- “Please stop! Please! I won’t lie to him henceforth.” Suddenly the sobbing stopped. I lay back on my bed and could get a sound sleep then.

On getting up in the morning, I thought it was just a bad dream; but the room lights were still on. What the hell was that, I couldn’t understand anything; but I feel it was just my guilt trying to get worst out of me.

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-6 July

Today morning I found a piece of paper lying in my room. On it were two sentences:

“Don’t play with Naik’s life anymore. You will repent it.”

There was no signature at the bottom. But the handwriting was known to me; but exactly who’s I couldn’t recognise. Then suddenly I remembered.

-It was my own handwriting!

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-7 July

Today I couldn’t resist myself.

While standing on the top floor of our construction site I saw Amey glaring down the tower. Suddenly I recollected my dream. May be he will jump, I thought and ran towards him to stop him.

But as he asked “What happened?” I forgot my promise to myself and couldn’t resist lying to him. I told him a dirtiest imaginable story, which pierced his heart and shattered him completely. I was happy to see him in that agony.

-That very moment a fear grasped me. What I did I have to repent today itself I thought. I was even scared to enter my own house. When I started with this whole game of revenge it seemed all easy. Naik would take it so seriously and will lose his desire to live I had not imagined in my wildest dream. This is all too dangerous!.....Too dangerous! No one should be cheated in this manner! But what if Naik was cheated after all I had to take my revenge didn’t I?

But then whom I am scared of?

While writing this I am continuously looking behind, at the wall. There is a constant fear that Avanti might appear from it exactly the same way I had narrated to Amey when I started this bloody cheap game.

So or the other day she will find me. On the way, at site, at home….

She will question me for the entire trauma Amey had to face because of me!

I am sorry Avanti! I was wrong!

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-8 July
What should I do? Someone is constantly gazing at me all the time. While I am writing this….Its reading every word of it….even if I move a bit it follows me. I just can’t avoid that gape. Where should I hide from it?

It will be good if Amey stopovers here now. Should I tell him everything? This fear…this continuous staring….will he accompany me?

But how should I confront him? No! No! I will prefer dying instead of accepting the truth in front of him. He should never come to know about the truth. Never ever……

Then who will accompany me here? God, what the hell I am writing? Am I in my senses? And – and what the hell is this?..... Someone please save me! In front……

Avan…..!

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Amay Naik's Personal Diary

-12 July

Mayank’s diary was blank after that last note. I was comforted moreover pleased after reading it. I had gotten my Avanti back. Avanti, Please forgive me.

I had sympathy for Mayank. Yes he was emphatic wrong in what he did, but he was being punished for his sins. His conscience was bothering him from within. That’s the only fact, else why would he been witnessing such illusions?

Today evening I was going to see him in the hospital. I was going to tell him “Don’t worry. I have forgiven you. You won’t be troubled anymore.”

But as soon as I was about to leave from my place I received a call from site.

I rushed to my site. I was stunned on what I perceived there. Mayank’s body was lying on the heap of sand with a puddle of blood around that too in bad shape because of his fall from the 25 storey building…..

No one could tell how exactly he reached there from hospital.

4-5 days back he had told me, “Don’t visit this place during this time of the day. It’s a horrible place….. Avanti brings me here-against my wish. Hesitantly I have to follow her."

But those were all lies; didn’t he mention it in his diary? He might have sneaked out of the hospital avoiding attention from hospital staff. Due to uncontrollable fear he might have jumped himself; else he could have slept due to slippery edges formed due to continuous raining….

I don’t think my Avanti could ever punish anyone. She was very tender….far too tender….

It would have been poor fellow’s conscience biting him.

However one thing is still unsolved. Who kept Mayank’s diary on my table that too on that heavy monsoon night, so that I could know the truth !!!!

Really, who was it ??? who kept it ……

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- Sujal Wade(SW) & Aditya Kasar(AK)

P.S: The Story is a piece of fiction and resemblance to any person dead or alive is purely coincidental.

Art of Sketching- My passion!!

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Sun, 25 Nov 2012 21:31:00 +0530

While my writing skills have taken a much needed break for the creative juices to come up with something much better and unique concept, I have kept myself busy with one of my other passion- "Sketching".

Herein I have uploaded some of them just for the exhibition purpose.

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For the first time I have tried sketching myself and fortunately ended up with something which resembles to me more than I could have ever thought I could.

This is a sketch of my Friend cum Co-Author.

This one is just out of pure imagination!!

My Favorite Actress-"Kareena Kapoor"

My first attempt towards "The 3-D Art".

This one is my favorite "An Innocent Child!!

Truth is stranger than Fiction!!

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P.S: All the images in this post are my own work and all the rights are reserved with me.

Some of them are recreated sketches of already existing art found on web and nowhere I take credit for the creativity.

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

The Fragrance!!

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Fri, 5 Oct 2012 20:59:00 +0530

I recognized her at once. She stood at the bus-stop, disheveled in the windy rain, struggling with her umbrella, trying not to get wet. I stopped the car, opened the door and waved to her. She smiled, shut her folding umbrella, ran towards my car, got in and closed the door.

The moment she entered the car and sat down beside me, I sensed the distinctive aroma of her signature perfume – soft, relaxing aroma of scented geraniums, a delightful leafy rose fragrance, not too heady, a hint of spice, subtle yet alluring – a clean, exhilarating and utterly unique fragrance, an everlasting fragrance etched deep within me forever.

She kept the wet umbrella near her feet, smoothed her hair with her hands, turned towards me and said, “Thanks.”

I changed gears, set the car into motion, and asked her, “Where shall I drop you?”

“Where are you going?” she countered.

“Sion” I said.

“Great. You can drop me on the way,” she said, “I live near Matunga”.

“You live in Mumbai? You’ve come back?” I queried with a hint of surprise in my voice.

“Yes.” She replied.

“Oh! A flat in Matunga! Successful NRI returning to one’s roots, is it? He must be a head honcho in some MNC…” I giggled.

“I’ve come back alone!” she replied with an emotionless face.

“Alone?”

“Yes. We broke up. My marriage didn't work out.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“You married?” she asked.

“No,” I answered.

“Because of me?”

“I don’t know.”

“They told me you were very upset.”

“They?”

“My parents.”

“Oh.”

“Tell me, what could I do? I couldn't marry both of you, could I? I had to make a choice.”

“And you made your choice – you chose him!”

“Yes.”

“The wrong choice?”

“Maybe…”

For a little while we drove in silence, and then suddenly out of the blue she said, “I wish I had married you…maybe things would have worked out much better.”

“Maybe,” I said.

“Yes, maybe I really made the wrong choice,” she said wistfully.

I didn't say anything.

“How about you?” she asked, “Any plans to get married?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

We drove in silence.

“Hey, I’ll get off here,” she suddenly said.

“Here?” I said slowing down the car and steering left towards the footpath.

“That’s where I stay,” she said pointing to a building, “Working Women's Hostel.”

“Working Women’s Hostel?”

“Yes. Room number seven. Easy to remember – lucky seven,” she said, opening the door of the car, “Why don’t you come in for a cup of coffee?”

“Thanks. Not now. I've an appointment.”

“Okay. Maybe sometime later?”

“Maybe.”

“Bye. And thanks for the ride.”

“You’re most welcome.”

She got out of the car, closed the door, gave me a smile and wave of thanks, turned around and walked away from my life once more. But the lingering fragrance of her enchanting perfume remained with me as I drove on to my rendezvous.

My fiancee was waiting for me at Sion.

“Hey,” my fiancée said, sniffing the air in the car, “What a lovely fragrance. A feminine perfume?”

“Malvaloca,” I said.

“Malvaloca?”

“It’s a perfume made from scented geraniums.”

“Wow! So you’re two timing me, is it? Giving rides to ravishing beauties?”

“Maybe,” I laughed.

I drove the car to Marine Drive, stopped the car by the seaside, opened the windows to let in the fresh sea breeze, and let it blow away all traces of the perfumed fragrance.

Then, I took my fiances soft hands in mine, looked into her eyes and told her everything. She just smiled back at me and with a dazzling spark in her eyes told me "It doesn't matter what your past was, what matters to me is your present and future!"

P.S: The story is a piece of fiction resemblance to any person dead or alive is just purely coincidental.
_____________________________________________________________________________

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

THE BROKEN HEART

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Sat, 8 Sep 2012 17:53:00 +0530

The following story is based on a real life experience. However the names of people and places have been replaced to respect their privacy.

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In the midst of a very cold night I was lying restless on my bed changing sides and trying to sleep but somehow I couldn’t, my mind was stormed with all the incidents that had taken place the previous evening.

16 December 2007@ 6:15 PM Dadar CCD:

I was all prepared today to finally convince her, not long before I proposed her two days back, she had asked some time to think over it, but I was sure for a much affirmative reply today. Time was passing very slowly as my patience were tested to wait for her, my eyes all set on the entrance of the café, at the same time I was rehearsing in my mind for how I am going to speak to her how I am going to convince her finally.

Finally the long wait was ended as she entered the café, wearing a blue chiffon dress she was looking like an angel, her curls falling on her forehead just adding that special spice to her beauty. As she headed towards me I got up and greeted her to the table. The early few minutes were completely filled with an awkward silence, which I finally broke as I took her hand in my hand and with a ring in another, proposed her “Will you marry Me?”By then my hands had already gone cold, but I tried to remain cool as I didn’t want to look nervous and lose my composure.

Then she looked at me with those beautiful eyes, and as smiled filled her face, she replied “Yes I will”. Just trying to get the feel of the moment I was completely lost, still trying to make sure it was not a dream I was on the top of the world. Love is forever and ever was my belief and this was beginning of our new life. By then I knew the battle is half won as we had to still convince our parents, but I was optimistic as always, to do so, all I wanted was her by my side.

22 January 2008@ 7:20 PM Dadar CCD:

As I was trying to sip in my café frappe the discussion was more intense on how we were going to go about the preparations for our engagement ceremony, I had my pen ready to jolt down all the "To-Do Lists". She was busy telling me about friends we need to invite and people we needed to ignore. By 9:00 PM finally we finished somewhat with our rough planned list of things to be executed in coming days. As weekdays were really severe on both of us as our working schedules were tighter and hectic than traffics jams of Mumbai city, all that we were left was the coming weekend and anyways 14 Feb was not much faraway -yes our engagement day!

24 January 2008 Early Morning 6:00 AM:

I was well engrossed in my sweet dreams when suddenly the ugly ringtone of my cell got me searching for my cell. Still half asleep I got hold of my cell churning my eyes so that I could force them open to see who was dying to talk to me so early in the morning. It was an unknown number which made me more irritated, anyways I had to pick it up to end the screeching tone. I was surprised to hear Neha's voice on the other end and before I could even wish her morning she interrupted me and told me that we need to postpone our shopping plans to next weekend. Obviously shocked and curious to know the reason behind this abrupt popup I queried gently "But Why?? Is everything alright??" to which she replied "Yes everything is fine its just that yesterday our regional Manager informed our team that we need to visit our Chennai Branch for our new product launch, and you know being the marketing- manager I have to be there". I Kept silent for few seconds, trying to get the hang of the situation and my rational mind already working on how to react to such a sudden unplanned event! "Its' Fine!!" is all that I could utter.

27 January 2008 Sunday afternoon:

I was wondering what Neha would be doing right now, was she eating on time, getting rest properly because it was already two days that I had contacted her. I did try, but her cell was out off reach, yes she could have tried contacting me from landline number, my rational mind poked me time and again, but I suppressed its revolt saying she might be really busy with whole product launch stuff, after all she was specially invited for the same purpose.

Two more days passed I was busy staking my files on the shelf's, ready to finally leave for home from my hectic work. Walking on the crowded streets of Mumbai-Central station road I was lost in thoughts or should I say a sort of War between my Positive and Negative Thoughts. Each one trying to out question the another, my mind was stormed with thoughts of all sort..."Why is she not contacting me?, she didn't even replied to my call or messages? what has gone wrong? Is she alright? Should I leave for Chennai right now??" I was getting irritated now, unable to find answers to any of my questions. Anyways I had no option I had to wait till she comes back, and then and only then I could have got answer to all my queries.

1st February 2008 Morning:

I was busy leaving for my work when suddenly a message beeped in..

"hey Hws U? Cal me soon".

Finally a message from Neha made me leave a sigh of relief, without wasting much time I dialed her number eager to hear her voice "Hello Neha How are you? I was worried Why didn't you contact me?" Before I could end my list of lined up questions, she interrupted me "Yeh I will tell you everything, just meet me in the evening, same CCD ok...even I need to leave for my work catch you later bye"

I was amazed by this changed behavior from Neha, Something was wrong for sure, but I need to wait for the evening to finally know whats cooking. I had already waited so long than why not another few hours, I tried convincing myself.

"What?? Why?? How come suddenly???" I was in a shock and who won't be, when someone makes allegations against you that too a person you love and are about to get married to in few days. She made allegations of me being unfaithful to her, me going out with someone else in her absence. "This is ridiculous!! who told you this crap?" I flabbergasted.

"I need some time to think about our relation" were Neha's final words for that evening which left me speechless and stunned.

5th February 2008 :

After five days finally my clueless mind finally accepted that Neha wanted to break up with me, but the way she did it, hurt me more than the action itself. She blamed me and my family for this breakup. She alleged my family for asking dowry. I really can’t take it anymore. She doesn't want to be with me, that's fine, but then why the hell is she accusing my family? Where did I go wrong? She wants me to be blamed for our break up! why? Thousands of questions were running through my mind. My mind was full of queries and slip ups. Was this the same Neha I loved? I wondered!!

I had no answer; I closed my eyes trying to dissuade my mind. I wanted to run away somewhere. I wish I could…. Because I really love her, she can’t do that, she can’t leave me like this. I have never hurt her, I never shall.. then why is it happening to me? I comprehended that I was again engrossed in those thoughts and that night went restless… with bunch of unanswered queries….

14^th February 2008 night:

I was supposed to be engaged today, if Neha wouldn’t have thru that drama then, tonight would had been sheer dream come true for me. ‘But’ yeah there is always ‘but’ in exultant moments…unfortunately it’s exclusively altered. I got news of her engagement with her boss today, the same guy whose family belongs to Chennai. I was collapsed, It was deplorable for me to believe but thanks to Neha her latest feats enforced me to consent this veracity of her, this move at least bit rapider than the former one.

I got up from bed, went to bathroom, to freshen up my face. I looked in the mirror, my haggard face was abundant to direct me. ‘This is the right time to move on’ I plumped. ‘Yes it is’ I said to myself. One more sleepless night conceded like previous ones but it was last one indeed…I was determined… I had enough, I should live my life … I don’t know how.. but I shall… at least I’ll try …

After 2 years (2010):-

Neha was a nightmare in my life but luckily nightmare never last longer. Well she didn't. My life was changed .. My diligence procured me at peak of professional accomplishment. I was promoted as a new project manager for Kohinoor. I was delighted with unforeseen evolution in my proficient and personal life as well… life was smooth going and customary until one day ….

5^th February 2010:

I was driving home. My new Kohinoor project was at Dadar , the most crowed area in central Mumbai. I was just getting used to traffic and those roads. It was 6 pm I was late. Everyone was waiting for me at home and I was super thrilled to discourse with them. But then signal spun red and I was stuck once again. I elicited burger and started guzzling. I must say its conceivable to do many things when you are stuck at mumbai’s traffic. I turned on FM to pass the time .. My favourite RJ meera was speaking incessantly… ‘her poor partner’ I thought and smiled but today was something unusual about her. She was chatting about her birthday celebration with listeners.

And then she said “5^th February” my favourite day in whole year. I got numb, my nerves were frozen. It’s the same day when Neha broke up with me, worst day of my life! I turned off FM and exasperated to deliberate of something else. I looked outside, and what I perceived was last place and last person I would like to see in my life. My car was standing outside the exact same CCD and neha was sitting at same table where we used to spend hours. It was alike abode where I and Neha had pooled sweet and bitter memories. I tried to calm down but its never so easy to confront your past. It wasn't for me either. I was stunned how come she is here and why? I was muddled. My train of thoughts interrupted due to guttural of horns. Signal has become green again. It was signal to me to move ahead in my life by my destiny. I drove my car.

Is that really neha or someone else look alike her? I probed to myself… ‘no it was her though I had banished her…I knew how she looks. I tried to rewind that moment. She was sitting on same table near the entrance of ccd , with our usual frappe in her hand, her apparel was so diverse now with black Indian kurta. I realised that I am again lost in her thoughts…

Once again my night went in fidgety…

13^th February 2010:

Its been a week, my schedule was unaltered. I used to pass through same road and same CCD. I repelled myself to look at place where my life was tumbled down but I couldn't, she used to be there every time and session of my sleepless nights resurrected so at last I decided to kill my curiosity and had to pry. I frantically got out of my car and started heading toward her. My heart was beating faster after each and every footstep of mine.

Finally I reached there, she was sipping her frappe, I still had no guts to pledgee the talk so I just cleared my throat to grab her attention. She looked up; her face was serene, disenchanted and anxious at the same time. She stood up to greet me; but couldn’t utter a single word. She just offered me to sit by her action

Suddenly every moment disbursed with her flashed in front me. Our first date, her touch, kiss, proposal, our wedding plans. Every damn thing was still thriving within me. I fondled like I’ll lose my control and will forgive her if i join her at the same place but then our last meeting flashed and my mind returned back to present. I thought her deeds, her back stabbing… everything was abruptly tidied up.I was in dilemma whether I should sit or not…

At last I made my mind by discerning about my present-day, it reinforced me to gather courage. I sat and placidly spoke “hi, hows you?”

She was eyeing at me. I repeated my question acting as if she couldn’t hear me whereas I knew she did. “I am sorry” she retorted.

“What?” I asked as if I couldn’t understand why did she apologise ..

“Yes I am, I know its not enough but it would unburden me a bit.”

Tears started rolling over her cheeks, I silently waiting for speak up, We both knew that she wanted to… her laconic nature was too familiar to me but now situation was different, I was different…. I wasn’t settler anymore.

“He left me after 3 months for his girlfriend, he never loved me. He just wanted to marry me to make his parents happy so that he’ll get their property soon and he left after that. I was trapped, I was being cheated”

Her last line had stuck a knife into my heart. ‘Yeah you were cheated’

She wiped her face, took long breath and continued

“I am sorry, I really am.. I realised that how pathetically I behaved with you and your family. You never deserved it. Please forgive me. You know I always come here and cherish our memories. You were the best thing that happened to me. I am guilty”.

She bent down on her knees and what she did was totally wicked. She held my hand and uttered “Is there any chance that you could take me back in your life? I really love you … I will never leave you again. I promise”.

I knew what I had to do next. I drew out my hand and held her shoulders to make her sit again on chair. She was expectantly looking at me. I opened my bag and removed envelope from it. I gently kept it on the table.

“Wedding card?” she exclaimed

“Yeah, I am engaged and getting married in few days. I have found my ‘The ONE’. I hope you understood what I meant.”

I zipped my bag and got up to leave “All the best for your life!”

I left café by deciding that I would never turn back now and all she could do was keep staring at my wedding card…..

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-Sujal Wade (SW) & Aditya Kasar (AK)

One Fine Sunday

noreply@blogger.com (Sujal) — Sun, 26 Aug 2012 15:29:00 +0530

“Wake up dear its 10. How much are you going to sleep? Even kumbhakaran would have got complex if he would be alive now” mom was yelling from kitchen. It was not enough of cessation my sugar sleep that evil member of my family took charge to exasperate me by playing stupid basshunter’s song vociferously.

“Stopover that non sense else I’ll smash your that music player you monster” I shouted at my younger brother by wrapping my head snugly by my super soft pillow. He did unerringly what he shouldn’t have done. He dragged my bed sheet and commenced exhorting “Di get up now, else I’ll have to call dad then he’ll see you better”. This was contravention of limits; he blackmailed me! I had to rouse nonetheless to retort him.

I was getting infuriated, I coveted that moment how better it would have been if I could have a switch, to ON or OFF my audibility. Nonetheless it was not possible so I tried harder to overlook it and slip back in my blanket.

But then I had to get up to bout snoopier sibling. But before I did few things of my daily wake up routine; checked my alarm clock, it was ticking 10:05. It didn’t resonated that morning as it was my favourite Sunday morning. Flipped daily calendar it displayed 26. That’s my much-loved task to turn it over to change the date by my own.

I vindictively moved toward him, it was pretty sure that my anger was about to burst hence upshot was manifested that he was going to get miffed very hard. But then the expectedly mom intruded to save her adored rather spoiled brat like when soldier takes charge to defend their king when he is been condemned by opponents.

“Go get freshen up and you know na today’s is Sunday, it’s our family get-together, you have to do lot of shopping” mom ordered by dispelling our forthcoming dissension. I must say no one can beat my mom in diverting our fights. I was quite irritated by mom’s statement not only because my brother was rescued but also bunch of people were going to come home. First of all I have nothing but only animosity for family functions and then my house would be filled with all living creatures who talk incessantly. Gosh!! I simply hate such fuss.

I freshened up and went to mom in kitchen curious to know what's special in lunch for today.

"Muma, what special you cooking today?" I asked mom trying to make that baby like face.

"What do you want to have" Mom replied with sweet charming smile as always.

"Chicken obviously muma you know I'm pure chicken lover" I countered instantly.

"So go to market and get it along with all the other essentials" mom directed me.

"Ok! I will" I said and got ready to go to market.

As I stepped out of my house and started walking close to the street market i could sense - a public library of sights and smells brought to life by its buzzing activity, especially during the Sundays it was more pronounced. I walked down the street with the blithe gait of a young girl, awaiting the spectacular awakening of this busy hive. Soon, I could hear the buzz everywhere, the noise of vendors to out class each other in the sales of their product with a unique way of saying it bedazzled me every time I visited here.

Though I always disliked noisy places, now my focus was clear that I had to get chicken at least it was going to distract my mind from bedlam at my place.

Around the corner, I could smell the fresh aroma of coffee and the baker's sweet buttery perfume. It was so fresh, so distinct; I could almost taste the rolls and pastries and drink the toasted coffee on the morning air.

Abutting on the sweet shop was a fruit market with a pungent orchard of essential juices. The grapes lay like frosted marbles in the baskets while the daffodil-yellow star fruits hung heavily on the silver hooks. Voluminous pineapples made their looming presence felt as they stared imposingly.

Strutting along the stone-paved sidewalk, I came across restaurants of every kind. Every restaurant had their distinctive auras - Chinese food with tangs of sweet and sour, Indian delicacies with the coaxing smell of curry leaves and spices, and Italian food with the rich smell of cheese and cream.

Then, I saw a newsagent, a scraggy old man who sat under a large golf umbrella, fanning himself with a newspaper folded under the torrid heat of the sun. The acrid headlines of the bold print of the New Paper caught my attention, as it sauced out the latest news and gossip. Too good to resist, I handed over the coins I had in exchange for the enchanting update of the news of the day.

As I walked past the fishmonger's briny bouquets in ice and salt, plain whiffs of blood and the putrid smell of decomposed fish assaulted my nostrils. The butcher store adjoining it was no comfort either and by that time, I felt awfully nauseated. But I had to bear that discomforting smell to enjoy my favourite meal.

I started striding towards chicken shop but suddenly one kid bumped me. I was stumbled so I stopped to apologise to that small boy. I looked down hurriedly. His apparel was enough to perceive that he was street boy rather a beggar. He was so engrossed in something which was held very compactly with his both hands that falter didn’t bother him at all. He wasn’t even concerned to look at me who jolted him.

I said “hey I am sorry, are you okay?” it was outlandish that he didn’t even turn up at least to respond. I hadn’t seen his face, I was oblivious of what was exactly happening then a very irksome voice of toy mobile beeping in some Bollywood song tone got my attention. As soon as I searched from where this deafening voice was elating I was surprised when I perceived he holding the same thing in his hands so forcefully.

The shop was few feet away from me, I thought of getting rid of that kid and rather relentlessly frolicking annoying tone.

But before I could move, I sensed something has gone wrong. I saw a mob with lathi's and flags screeching out slogans walking towards the market area. They were protesting against some communal violence in northeast. I failed to understand the logic beyond this move though, to protest against violence forcing the same on others and disturbing the peace was far above my head.

The whole situation had started to get chaotic, the noise was booming me. I recognised it was dicey to halt here so I was trying to plan my next move, about how to get back to safety. But before I could even think of something the inevitable occurred ; the riots begin. There was a wide-ranging chaos everywhere, everyone started to run for their life, I was utterly stunned by this abrupt deliberation of action in front of my eyes.

I had not witnessed such state of affairs before it was startling as well as boggling. All I could think of is to salvage myself as quickly as possible.

Then again my overhaul was snatched by that abandoned lad. It would have been ruthless leave him in that commotion. So I tapped his shoulder to pursue his attention. He reared and I was numb to after seeing that he was blind. Now there was no way other than compelling him with me. I was frantically trying to find my way out of this hustled place, I held his right hand and started relocating away from the marketplace. He was too credulous moreover inept to grasp the turmoil around us. We started running randomly, my heart beats were resounding stridently for me. He was still stocked that mobile like device in his hand. We ran for few minutes, slowly racket turned blur, intensity of noise shrunk but still I couldn't take sigh of relief.

Foot tapping of our sandals was conspicuously audible other than my own palpitations and incessant tone.

Suddenly while moving I was disturbed by a soft feminine voice calling me from behind. After swift exploration I realized an old woman was shouting me from a small house beside me.

"Hey dear come inside, it’s not safe outside, things are getting worst, hurry up" the old woman decreed gently.

I had little option if any so I accepted her humble request and got in her house along with that blind child, all this while his toy mobile was continuously irritating me. The series of happenings since morning had made my mind go dazed. I conjectured how bad the day was gonna get now. She closed the door and told us rest for till the time everything gets back to normal. Just to check what was happening out I came closer to the window to kill my oddity. The window was closed but still from the glass panes I could figure out all the chaos taking place there. My heart beat settled down, I was hushed; It was relieving moment of concord. I opened window sluggishly to analyse situation.

The shops were been burned down, there was fire raging from the bakery that I had admired few moments back. A feeling of uneasiness had started to set in, I wondered if I was going to survive this scary day. Again that irritating noise from the toy got my attention and just to get my peace of mind I grabbed it from that boy and hunted for the off button to silent it for some time now.

I figured out there were two buttons a red one in left and green in the right of the panel. I was rolling my fingers over red button by accustomed estimation of it would finish it off. Then again I looked outside and then old lady yelled from other room and at that instant I mistakenly pressed red button.

Wham!!! Sound echoed all over in my ear. Shop was banged with fire. Before I could witness anymore explosion I lost my senses….

When I leisurely opened my eyes, I was on same bed. Mom was weeping her tears , dad was worriedly staring at me. I looked here and there,I was shaken when I looked at my flipping calendar was exhibiting 27. ‘My god, whole day had passed’ millions of questions shielded my mind ‘what happened to that kid? What about riots? Old lady? Riots? ’Surprisingly I even thought about my stupid family function ‘hush thank god I am rescued from that fuss’.

Mom and dad could capture my muddle. But no one was uttering a word. Suddenly my eyes perceived ineffable sight. The music player was kept on mute mode. I smiled I asked my dad that what’s exactly happening “why mom’s crying and that music player is mute?” I was astonished that I couldn’t speak it loudly. I tried to clear my throat thinking it must be choked. Then dad stopped my actions by holding my hands and directed to stay quite by keeping his finger on my mouth.

I was confused, I didn’t know what he was doing. He took notepad and scrubbed something on it by pen. I was just waiting for his next movement. He handed over the notepad to me. I wish I never had to face what happened next. But life is forbidding, we have to face it’s whether pleasing or agonies. I read it “Dear, we are really sorry. Yesterday in market you faced bomb explosion and because of that you have lost audibility forever, you will never able to hear anything now onwards”.

I was nonplussed. I yelled as loud as I could but I could not even hear elusive voice. I got numb,Tears started rolling down over my cheek. I felt deserted; I started looking all around my bedroom. I envisaged all possible voices from everything. Music player, my favourite wind champ, wall clock, ceiling fan, my so called annoying alarm clock. It was worst sentiment I could ever have!

And suddenly my bother entered, I was staring at my mom and him one by one. I recollected yesterday’s scenario, life was so diverse now. It reminded me each and everything happened exactly 24 hours ago.

How my mom was shouting at me, my brother irritated by playing songs, later market racket and every tiny sound which had maddened me. Suddenly my irritation blew away. Everything seemed wanted rather adoring…

It was of no use now. My creepy wish had spun true … I wanted a switch to turn off my audibility for desired time but unfortunately it's permanently switched OFF now….

I went back in my blanket. Where no one can interrupt my thoughts then I realised ‘oops now anyways no one can disturb me’ I felt pity for myself and I closed my eyes…

“You are still in bed. This is really height of laziness. Get up now” mom reprimanded. I was amused in happiness ‘gosh! I can hear’ but I couldn’t believe. Then I felt it was a dream, Very warm and pleasant dream!!! I didn’t open my eyes. I wanted to listen more. I wanted everyone to talk, I wanted noise!

At last my brother pulled blanket and I was left with no option. I got up and moved toward my table.

And what I saw what more pleasant than what I perceived before few seconds….my flipping calendar was showing date 26. I exclaimed in amazement “what!” and I heard it too.

It was jovial moment for me. I got up and turned on music player. I called my brother “hey dumbo come here I’ll show you magic”. He came and I was innocently smiling by gazing at that player. He couldn’t understand anything “you have gone mad. No sorry you are mad as usual”. He passed non sense comment and I even laughed over it without arguing with him. He was confused but before he could utter more senseless stuff I went to kitchen to see my mom.

Then exactly same things happened, but I rejected to go market that day. First time I enjoyed family get together by not considering it as just useless fuss.

I was smiling whole day about what happened and what I had seen in the dream. Yeah it was a dream. A dreadful dream!!!

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- Sujal Wade(SW) & Aditya Kasar(AK)

P.S: The Story is a piece of fiction and resemblance to any person dead or alive is purely coincidental.

Nathuram Ghodse- The Real Hero!!

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Mon, 20 Aug 2012 17:01:00 +0530

Why Godse Killed Gandhi?

Nathuram Ghodse is often a misunderstood character. He is referred to as a Hindu fanatic. It is often hard to understand Godse because the Government of India had suppressed information about him. His court statements, letters etc. were all banned from the public until recently. Judging from his writings one thing becomes very clear – He was no fanatic. His court statements are very well read out and indicate a calm and collected mental disposition. He never even once speaks ill about Gandhi as a person, but only attacks Gandhi’s policies which caused ruin and untold misery to Hindus. Another interesting point to note is that Godse had been working with the Hindu refugees fleeing from Pakistan. He had seen the horrible atrocities committed on them. Many women had their hands cut off, nose cut off, even little girls had been raped mercilessly. Despite this Godse did not harm even single Muslim in India which he could easily have. So it would be a grave mistake to call him a Hindu fanatic.

Let us start by studying the motive behind Godse’s act. By seeing the nature of the assassination in public space and Godse’s act of turning himself over to the Police, we can see that Godse did not do this for personal reasons. He very well knew that he would be hanged and his name would be disgraced as Gandhi was considered a saint. And again Godse could have ran away and escaped punishment. But he did the reverse. He called a police officer and courted arrest. Before we proceed it would be wise to understand the backdrop of the assassination.

The central government had taken a decision — Pakistan will not be given Rs 55 crores. On January 13 Gandhi started a fast unto death that Pakistan must be given the money. On January 13, the central government changed its earlier decision and announced that Pakistan would be given the amount. On January 13, Nathuram decided to assassinate Gandhi.

Nathuram Godse was a learned man, very sharp and intelligent – editor of “Agrani” (one of the most famous newspaper of that time – with Nana Aapte). In his last editorial of “Agrani” which he changed overnight – he said “Gandhi must be stopped – at any cost” and he justified why Gandhiji’s assassination was not only inevitable but also a delayed action, sth tht shud’ve happened LONG AGO.

In Nathuram’s words – “ I don’t refute Gandhi’s theory of non-violence. He may be a saint but he is not a politician. His theory of non-violence denies self-defence and self-interest. The non-violence that defines the fight for survival as violence is a theory not of non-violence but of self-destruction.The division of the nation was an unnecessary decision. What was the percentage of the Muslim population as compared to the population of the nation? There was no need for a separate nation. Had it been a just demand, Maulana Azad would not have stayed back in India. But because Jinnah insisted and because Gandhi took his side, India was divided, in spite of opposition from the nation, the Cabinet. An individual is never greater than a nation.

In a democracy you cannot put forward your demands at knife-point. Jinnah did it and Gandhi stabbed the nation with the same knife. He dissected the land and gave a piece to Pakistan. We did picket that time but in vain. The Father of our Nation went to perform his paternal duties for Pakistan! Gandhi blackmailed the cabinet with his fast unto death. His body, his threats to die are causing the destruction — geographical as well as economical — of the nation. Today, Muslims have taken a part of the nation, tomorrow Sikhs may ask for Punjab. The religions are again dividend into castes, they will demand sub-divisions of the divisions. What remains of the concept of one nation, national integration? Why did we fight the British in unison for independence? Why not separately? Bhagat Singh did not ask only for an independent Punjab or Subhash Chandra Bose for an independent Bengal?

I am going to assassinate him in the open, before the public, because I am going to do it as my duty. If I do it surreptitiously, it becomes a crime in my own eyes. I will not try to escape, I will surrender and naturally I will be hanged. One assassination, one hanging. I don’t want two executions for one assassination and I don’t want your involvement, participation or company. (This was for Nana-Apte and Veer Savarkar as they were against ghandhi’s policies too, Godse wanted to assassinate gandhi all by himself and took promise from Nana Apte that he will continue helping Veer Savarkar in rebuilding India as a strong free nation.)

On January 30, I reached Birla Bhavan at 12 pm. Gandhi was sitting outside on a cot enjoying the sunshine. Vallabhbhai Patel’s granddaughter was sitting at his feet. I had the revolver with me. I could have assassinated him easily then, but I was convinced that his assassination was to be a punishment and a sentence against him, and I would execute him. I wanted witnesses for the execution but there were none. I did not want to escape after the execution as there was not an iota of guilt in my mind. I wanted to surrender, but surrender to whom? There was a good crowd to collect for the evening prayers. I decided on the evening of January 30 as the date for Gandhi’s execution.

Gandhi climbed the steps and came forward. He had kept his hands on the shoulders of the two girls. I wanted just three seconds more. I moved two steps forward and faced Gandhi. Now I wanted to take out the revolver and salute him for whatever sacrifice and service he had made for the nation. One of the two girls was dangerously close to Gandhi and I was afraid that she might be injured in the course of firing. As a precautionary measure I went one more step ahead, bowed before him and gently pushed the girl away from the firing line. The next moment I fired at Gandhi. Gandhi was very weak, there was a feeble sound like ‘aah’ (There are proof that Gandhi did NOT say “Hey Raam” at that time – it’s just made up stuff ) from him and he fell down.

After the firing I raised my hand holding the revolver and shouted, ‘Police, police’. For 30 seconds nobody came forward and I scanned the crowd. I saw a police officer. I signalled to him to come forward and arrest me. He came and caught my wrist, then a second man came and touched the revolver… I let it go…”

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This is Nathuram Godse’s speech in court:-

Born in a devotional Brahmin family, I instinctively came to revere Hindu religion, Hindu history and Hindu culture. I had, therefore, been intensely proud of Hinduism as a whole. As I grew up I developed a tendency to free thinking unfettered by any superstitious allegiance to any isms, political or religious. That is why I worked actively for the eradication of untouchability and the caste system based on birth alone. I openly joined anti-caste movements and maintained that all Hindus were of equal status as to rights, social and religious and should be considered high or low on merit alone and not through the accident of birth in a particular caste or profession. I used publicly to take part in organized anti-caste dinners in which thousands of Hindus, Brahmins, Kshatriyas, Vaisyas, Chamars and Bhangis participated. We broke the caste rules and dined in the company of each other.I have read the speeches and writings of Dadabhai Nairoji, Vivekanand, Gokhale, Tilak, along with the books of ancient and modern history of India and some prominent countries like England, France, America and’ Russia. Moreover I studied the tenets of Socialism and Marxism. But above all I studied very closely whatever Veer Savarkar and Gandhiji had written and spoken, as to my mind these two ideologies have contributed more to the moulding of the thought and action of the Indian people during the last thirty years or so, than any other single factor has done.

All this reading and thinking led me to believe it was my first duty to serve Hindudom and Hindus both as a patriot and as a world citizen. To secure the freedom and to safeguard the just interests of some thirty crores (300 million) of Hindus would automatically constitute the freedom and the well being of all India, one fifth of human race. This conviction led me naturally to devote myself to the Hindu Sanghtanist ideology and programme, which alone, I came to believe, could win and preserve the national independence of Hindustan, my Motherland, and enable her to render true service to humanity as well.

Since the year 1920, that is, after the demise of Lokamanya Tilak, Gandhiji’s influence in the Congress first increased and then became supreme. His activities for public awakening were phenomenal in their intensity and were reinforced by the slogan of truth and non-violence, which he paraded ostentatiously before the country. No sensible or enlightened person could object to those slogans. In fact there is nothing new or original in them. They are implicit in every constitutional public movement. But it is nothing but a mere dream if you imagine that the bulk of mankind is, or can ever become, capable of scrupulous adherence to these lofty principles in its normal life from day to day. In fact, honour, duty and love of one’s own kith and kin and country might often compel us to disregard non-violence and to use force. I could never conceive that an armed resistance to an aggression is unjust. I would consider it a religious and moral duty to resist and, if possible, to overpower such an enemy by use of force. [In the Ramayana] Rama killed Ravana in a tumultuous fight and relieved Sita. [In the Mahabharata], Krishna killed Kansa to end his wickedness; and Arjuna had to fight and slay quite a number of his friends and relations including the revered Bhishma because the latter was on the side of the aggressor. It is my firm belief that in dubbing Rama, Krishna and Arjuna as guilty of violence, the Mahatma betrayed a total ignorance of the springs of human action.

In more recent history, it was the heroic fight put up by Chhatrapati Shivaji that first checked and eventually destroyed the Muslim tyranny in India. It was absolutely essentially for Shivaji to overpower and kill an aggressive Afzal Khan, failing which he would have lost his own life. In condemning history’s towering warriors like Shivaji, Rana Pratap and Guru Gobind Singh as misguided patriots, Gandhiji has merely exposed his self-conceit. He was, paradoxical, as it may appear, a violent pacifist who brought untold calamities on the country in the name of truth and non-violence, while Rana Pratap, Shivaji and the Guru will remain enshrined in the hearts of their countrymen forever for the freedom they brought to them.

The accumulating provocation of thirty-two years, culminating in his last pro-Muslim fast, at last goaded me to the conclusion that the existence of Gandhi should be brought to an end immediately. Gandhi had done very well in South Africa to uphold the rights and well being of the Indian community there. But when he finally returned to India he developed a subjective mentality under which he alone was to be the final judge of what was right or wrong. If the country wanted his leadership, it had to accept his infallibility; if it did not, he would stand aloof from the Congress and carry on his own way. Against such an attitude there can be no halfway house. Either Congress had to surrender its will to his and had to be content with playing second fiddle to all his eccentricity, whimsicality, metaphysics and primitive vision, or it had to carry on without him. He alone was the Judge of everyone and everything; he was the master brain guiding the civil disobedience movement; no other could know the technique of that movement. He alone knew when to begin and when to withdraw it. The movement might succeed or fail, it might bring untold disaster and political reverses but that could make no difference to the Mahatma’s infallibility. ‘A Satyagrahi can never fail’ was his formula for declaring his own infallibility and nobody except himself knew what a Satyagrahi is.

Thus, the Mahatma became the judge and jury in his own cause. These childish insanities and obstinacies, coupled with a most severe austerity of life, ceaseless work and lofty character made Gandhi formidable and irresistible. Many people thought that his politics were irrational but they had either to withdraw from the Congress or place their intelligence at his feet to do with, as he liked. In a position of such absolute irresponsibility Gandhi was guilty of blunder after blunder, failure after failure, disaster after disaster.

Gandhi’s pro-Muslim policy is blatantly in his perverse attitude on the question of the national language of India. It is quite obvious that Hindi has the most prior claim to be accepted as the premier language. In the beginning of his career in India, Gandhi gave a great impetus to Hindi but as he found that the Muslims did not like it, he became a champion of what is called Hindustani. Everybody in India knows that there is no language called Hindustani; it has no grammar; it has no vocabulary. It is a mere dialect; it is spoken, but not written. It is a bastard tongue and crossbreed between Hindi and Urdu, and not even the Mahatma’s sophistry could make it popular. But in his desire to please the Muslims he insisted that Hindustani alone should be the national language of India. His blind followers, of course, supported him and the so-called hybrid language began to be used. The charm and purity of the Hindi language was to be prostituted to please the Muslims. All his experiments were at the expense of the Hindus.

From August 1946 onwards the private armies of the Muslim League began a massacre of the Hindus. The then Viceroy, Lord Wavell, though distressed at what was happening, would not use his powers under the Government of India Act of 1935 to prevent the rape, murder and arson. The Hindu blood began to flow from Bengal to Karachi with some retaliation by the Hindus. The Interim Government formed in September was sabotaged by its Muslim League members right from its inception, but the more they became disloyal and treasonable to the government of which they were a part, the greater was Gandhi’s infatuation for them. Lord Wavell had to resign as he could not bring about a settlement and he was succeeded by Lord Mountbatten. King Log was followed by King Stork.

The Congress, which had boasted of its nationalism and socialism, secretly accepted Pakistan literally at the point of the bayonet and abjectly surrendered to Jinnah. India was vivisected and one-third of the Indian territory became foreign land to us from August 15, 1947. Lord Mountbatten came to be described in Congress circles as the greatest Viceroy and Governor-General this country ever had. The official date for handing over power was fixed for June 30, 1948, but Mountbatten with his ruthless surgery gave us a gift of vivisected India ten months in advance. This is what Gandhi had achieved after thirty years of undisputed dictatorship and this is what Congress party calls ‘freedom’ and ‘peaceful transfer of power’. The Hindu-Muslim unity bubble was finally burst and a theocratic state was established with the consent of Nehru and his crowd and they have called ‘freedom won by them with sacrifice’ – whose sacrifice? When top leaders of Congress, with the consent of Gandhi, divided and tore the country – which we consider a deity of worship – my mind was filled with direful anger.

One of the conditions imposed by Gandhi for his breaking of the fast unto death related to the mosques in Delhi occupied by the Hindu refugees. But when Hindus in Pakistan were subjected to violent attacks he did not so much as utter a single word to protest and censure the Pakistan Government or the Muslims concerned. Gandhi was shrewd enough to know that while undertaking a fast unto death, had he imposed for its break some condition on the Muslims in Pakistan, there would have been found hardly any Muslims who could have shown some grief if the fast had ended in his death. It was for this reason that he purposely avoided imposing any condition on the Muslims. He was fully aware of from the experience that Jinnah was not at all perturbed or influenced by his fast and the Muslim League hardly attached any value to the inner voice of Gandhi.

Gandhi is being referred to as the Father of the Nation. But if that is so, he had failed his paternal duty inasmuch as he has acted very treacherously to the nation by his consenting to the partitioning of it. I stoutly maintain that Gandhi has failed in his duty. He has proved to be the Father of Pakistan. His inner-voice, his spiritual power and his doctrine of non-violence of which so much is made of, all crumbled before Jinnah’s iron will and proved to be powerless.

Briefly speaking, I thought to myself and foresaw I shall be totally ruined, and the only thing I could expect from the people would be nothing but hatred and that I shall have lost all my honour, even more valuable than my life, if I were to kill Gandhiji. But at the same time I felt that the Indian politics in the absence of Gandhiji would surely be proved practical, able to retaliate, and would be powerful with armed forces. No doubt, my own future would be totally ruined, but the nation would be saved from the inroads of Pakistan. People may even call me and dub me as devoid of any sense or foolish, but the nation would be free to follow the course founded on the reason which I consider to be necessary for sound nation-building. After having fully considered the question, I took the final decision in the matter, but I did not speak about it to anyone whatsoever. I took courage in both my hands and I did fire the shots at Gandhiji on 30th January 1948, on the prayer-grounds of Birla House.

I do say that my shots were fired at the person whose policy and action had brought rack and ruin and destruction to millions of Hindus. There was no legal machinery by which such an offender could be brought to book and for this reason I fired those fatal shots.

I bear no ill will towards anyone individually but I do say that I had no respect for the present government owing to their policy, which was unfairly favourable towards the Muslims. But at the same time I could clearly see that the policy was entirely due to the presence of Gandhi. I have to say with great regret that Prime Minister Nehru quite forgets that his preachings and deeds are at times at variances with each other when he talks about India as a secular state in season and out of season, because it is significant to note that Nehru has played a leading role in the establishment of the theocratic state of Pakistan, and his job was made easier by Gandhi’s persistent policy of appeasement towards the Muslims.

I now stand before the court to accept the full share of my responsibility for what I have done and the judge would, of course, pass against me such orders of sentence as may be considered proper. But I would like to add that I do not desire any mercy to be shown to me, nor do I wish that anyone else should beg for mercy on my behalf. My confidence about the moral side of my action has not been shaken even by the criticism levelled against it on all sides. I have no doubt that honest writers of history will weigh my act and find the true value thereof some day in future.

-NATHURAM GODSE

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- Aditya Kasar (AK)

Sources:-http://worldwondertrends.blogspot.in/2009/10/why-nathuram-godse-killed-gandhi.html, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathuram_Godse,

Life's a Bitch!! Part-2

noreply@blogger.com (Sujal) — Sun, 19 Aug 2012 17:24:00 +0530

Continued from Life's a Bitch Part-1

_______________________________________________________________________

I nodded to him but in my mind’s eye I smiled to myself – the “joke” was going to be on him! Then I waved everyone goodbye, went to the waiting hall, sat on a chair, opened my bag and took out the letter I had written to Aarti.

During the flight I alleged about it. After trying my utmost, I just could not envisage Aarti as my wife in my new life any more. Till now I had done everything to make everybody happy. But It was my life; Time would heal wounds, abate the injury and dissipate the anger; but what if I got trapped for life with Aarti, it would be an absolute adversity.

While walking towards the exit of Banglore Airport, I spotted a red post box. I walked towards the red post box and stood in front of it, indecisive and muddled. I took a deep breath, drew out the envelope and looked at it – the address, postage stamp – everything was okay. I knew I had to make the crucial decision right now. Yes, it was now or never.

As soon as I relocated my hand to post the letter, an incessant force clogged my hand in its tracks. Hesitation covered my mind, I tried to conceive the severe upshots, the terrible consequences of my forthcoming move.

Suddenly my cell-phone rang intruding my exploit. ‘Must be Aarti monitoring me as usual,’ I thought getting peeved at her – Aarti’s stifling familiarity and closeness seemed like manacles and I was glad I was getting away from her. I decided not to answer, but my mobile kept ringing persistently, so I looked at the display. It wasn’t Aarti but an unknown number.

“Hello,” I said into my cell-phone.

“Mr. Vaidya? Sir, we've come to receive you. Please come to the exit gate and look for the board with your name” a male voice spoke.

“I’m coming,” I said and looked at the letter addressed to Aarti in my hand.

‘No! Not like this, in hurry.’ I warned myself. Frugality was giving me signals to wait and to think over it, not to do something so irretrievable in such haste. So I continued walking toward the exit by putting that dreadful epistle back in my pocket.

Few days passed, I was well settled in my new job as well as I liked my place in Banglore. I was introduced to new colleagues cum friends. Life was going pacific and most vitally estimated. I was enjoying the hefty and unimaginable change in my life.

Only one thing wasn’t altered that was dilemma about conveyance of feeling to Aarti. Every morning I used to put the envelope in my pocket determined to post it outside my office but I couldn't. Meanwhile I used to ring up Aarti and my mother, every evening, and made charade that everything was okay but I was the only one who knew about gradually building stress and strain within me.

Every time I beheld the envelope I felt as if I had a primed grenade in my hand. With every passing day, the 20^th of March was approaching nearer and nearer. Time was running out, and I knew I had to divest myself of the bombshell pretty fast. So one day, during lunch break, I decided to post the fateful letter and get it over with once and for all.

Receptionist called me out, “Hey, Mr. Vaidya, is Mr. Sharma in his cabin?”. I said, “No, Sharma sir is on tour. Anything I can do?”.“Sir, there’s a courier for him,” the receptionist said by pointing towards courier guy waiting for someone to attend it. “I’ll take it and give it to him when he comes,” I said, as I signed the voucher and took the envelope from the courier guy, once again I was stuck.

The moment I looked at the envelope an electric tremor of trepidation quivered through me like a thunderbolt. Sender’s name was flashing ‘Ms. Aarti Joshi’

The bewildered astonishment and shocking consternation I felt when I saw Aarti’s distinctive handwriting on the envelope.

My pulse raced, my insides quivered, my brain resonated and I trembled with feverish anxiety. At first impulse I wanted to tear open the envelope and see what was inside, but I controlled myself, tried to mask my inner emotions, put on a fake smile of geniality for everyone around, gently put the letter in my pocket and began retracing my steps back to my office.

I locked myself in my office, sat down, calmed myself with a glass of water, took out the two envelopes and put them on the table in front of me. My letter to Aarti would now have to wait – I thanked my stars that some mysterious hidden restraining force had stopped me from posting it every time I tried to.

I looked at the envelope. The whole thing was incredulous. Why on earth should Aarti write to Raj Sharma? What was the connection? How did she know Sharma? What had she written to him?

The suspense was killing. I felt restless and uneasy. When I feel tense, I go for a long walk. That’s what I did. I went for a long walk around my entire office, each department, making pretence of MBWA [Management By Walking Around]. When I returned to my office it was four, still an hour to go. The next hour was the longest hour of my life. I rushed home to my apartment. I put some water in a pot to boil and then carefully held the envelope over it. I had to steam it open very meticulously and delicately.

At last I opened it…..

Dear Raj,

The suddenness with which you popped the question left me so dumbfounded that I am still recovering from the shock. Shock? Maybe that’s the wrong word, but the swiftness of your proposal, out of the blue, on our very first date – well I am a simple girl and it really left me dazed.

You sent me an e-mail, Explaining your feelings; Apologizing for what you did at the spur of the moment. Please don't be sorry. You haven’t hurt my feelings at all. Maybe outwardly I didn’t show it, but in fact, inside, I felt so good, so happy, that a suave man like you found a simple ordinary looking girl like me so attractive.

Raj, I also feel the same way about you. I can’t exactly describe the emotions I experienced when we were together. Is it love? It’s the first time it’s happened to me that I’ve felt so attracted to someone. I really feel like being with you, forever, spending the rest of our lives together. Thanks for proposing to me, Raj.

What I want to say now I don’t want to say over the phone, or e-mail, so I am writing this letter. I am writing this because I believe that there is no place for secrets between husband and wife. Please read it carefully and destroy it. For my sake, Please. Read what I have written, think about it carefully…

You know Nishant Vaidya. Of course you do. He works with you in Banglore.

In fact, I came to Nishant’s promotion party in Pune just to see how his boss looked like. I was more interested to know how he is doing in his new job in Banglore and maybe say something good about him. But the thunderbolt struck and we ended saying sweet nothings to each other. I hope no one noticed , about our hush-hush dinner-date the next evening in that lovely romantic garden restaurant.

And about Nishant; we are neighbours ever since I was born. Our families are very close, deeply bonded to each other. We are the dearest of dearest childhood friends, inseparable buddies who grew up together. He has always been my most intimate confidant. I have always told him everything. Except about you – about us. It’s the first time I have hidden something from him. And I’m feeling so guilty about it.Raj, I really like him; But not in that way. He is my friend; actually my buddy but I just can’t imagine him as my lover. Like I can visualize you!

Now brace your heart, Raj!

I am engaged to him. You came late in the party so he actually forgot to mention that I am his fiancée and our wedding date has been fixed on the 20^th of March. Everyone knows about it.This was fixed long back by both our families. Our marriage is a foregone conclusion and implicit happy culmination of our friendship.

I just can’t tell him it will be a terrible betrayal. I can’t break his heart. I don’t have the guts to tell my parents; or his, either. They will be shattered, the hurt very painful and relationships will be strained forever.

So what do we do, Raj?

I have an idea. Why not make Nishant fall in love with someone else?

Raj, why don’t you introduce him to some nice girl out there? Someone- smart and chic, like Aayesha. He is fond of girls like her; I've seen him stealing canny glances at her when he thought I wasn't looking. Right now he is lonely, vulnerable, and I am sure there are many lovely, mod, savvy, attractive women out there in Bangalore who would like him. You've just got to match them and hope for the best.

I want him to call off our engagement. I want him to “break” my heart. It will be better that way, isn't it? For me, for you, and for all of us.

Am I asking too much of you? You like the idea na or Is it too weird? Or can you think of anything better?I am waiting for your reply. Please send me e-mails only. Don’t ring up or write – we have to very careful of hidden ears and curious eyes.

And remember to destroy this letter right now.

Yours lovingly;

Aarti

It was unbelievable. I laughed to myself. I thought I was shrewd, but it was Arati who was playing the double game.

I closed my eyes, and tried to think evidently. It was irrational – a classy snob like Raj Sharma falling for a humdrum Plain Jane like Aarti Joshi! Yes, Love is blind – Love is truly blind! Or, is it?

I never imagined Aarti could be so secretive, so mendacious. It was strange – how close one can be to a person and yet know nothing about her. And Raj Sharma? I worked with him every day, spent hours together, yet knew nothing about him, except that he was brilliant workaholic and a recluse – a most boring and private person who always kept to himself, never mixed around, never socialized or a pain in the neck who everyone avoided and the only thing he ever talked was about work.

Made for each other – two enigmatic loners – Aarti Joshi and Raj Sharma.

Suddenly, I was jolted out of my thoughts by the ring-tone of my cell-phone.

“Hello, may I speak with Mr. Nishant Vaidya” feminine voice popped from other side. “yeah, say” I replied deprecatingly. “Vidhya here” I had no clue who the hell was she. “so?” I replied indecently. But what she said next was enough for me to be concerned about further conversion “I am your boss’s wife Mrs. Raj Sharma”

I muddled “what? I mean I didn’t know that Raj sir is married.”

“Sorry mam what can I do for you?” my tone abruptly turned courteous

“I am coming to Banglore, my flight will board now its 6 hour journey and Raj has told me to contact you to pick me up”.

Another jolt!!! Why me? “ok mam but sir is in Chennai for business meeting” I retorted by hiding my emotions.

“OMG! you are absolutely clueless na? he is in Mumbai now for some urgent meeting. That’s why he had told me to contact you. You gather all information about arrival timings of my flight. I shall recognize you. Raj has mailed me your pics. Ok bye”She hung up hastily. I didn't know how to react.

I tried to analyse the mystifying happenings of this most eventful day of my life. First Aarti’s letter asking Raj to set me up with some chic girl in Banglore so that I call off the marriage, instead of her, become the villain of the piece, take the rap from family and friends and look like a dirty jilting philandering rascal in everyone’s eyes, while Aarti looks the poor victimized wronged all-suffering sanctimonious goody-goody, besides saving her a guilt conscience.

Only, this Mr. Raj Sharma is a dirtier rat one up on her. He’s married, and is obviously hiding this from Aarti, at least till now. And he’s not told his wife about Aarti either, or has he?

And what’s this sudden urgent work in Mumbai which no one in the office has a clue about? Devious cheat, making a jackass of everyone while romancing in Pune at company expense!

Suddenly I felt a premonition – that at this very moment they are together – at some secluded place, having a romantic dinner, or maybe…

In a flash, comprehension dawned on me. Raj was setting me up with his own wife Vidhya! In connivance with his wily lady-love Aarti. It’s truly disgusting! How low can anyone get?

“Okay friends,” I say to Raj and Aarti in my mind’s eye, “you want to play a double game? I’m in. Let’s play!”

I reached the airport well in time and started observing passengers coming out of the arrival gate without being easily seen myself. I recognized her at once without ever having seen her. Stunningly attractive, a real beauty, smashing, sophisticated, elegant; truly chic – my type of woman – optimally designed, precisely engineered and finished to perfection. Suddenly she looked in my direction and realized that I was feasting my eyes on her. At first she gave me stern look, then seeing the frank admiration in my eyes, she melted, her lovely, dark, expressive eyes began to dance and she gave me a smile so captivating that I experienced a delightful twinge in my heart.

“Excuse me,” someone was tapping my shoulder form behind. Exasperatingly I turned around and glared at the podgy pedestrian suburban unpretentious looking homely woman who has disturbed me and snapped angrily, “Yes. What is it?”

“Mr. Nishant Vaidya?” she said grinning like a Cheshire cat, “I am Vidhya Sharma. I told you I’ll recognize you, didn't I?”

I was deflated. Yes, deflated! I’d never felt so deflated before – or since!

She said naughtily, “Aha, Mr. Nishant Vaidya. So you thought that sexy dish over there is me, is it?”

I pivoted round, then back, all confused, and stammered, “No, actually…”

“It’s okay. You’re not the first one to wonder how a handsome hulk like Raj Sharma married a Plain Jane like me,” she says, adjusting the hair pin in her bun.

“No, No…” I again fumbled in acute embarrassment.

She simply smiled.

I said nothing; tried to conjure up a contrived smile of polite geniality.

“We met at IIT. You know how ‘dry’ it used to be out there in IIT, isn’t it? The mirage! The mirage!,” she says as if it is some secret joke, “When you are starved, and thirsty, even a Plain Jane like me looks as if she is a Cleopatra…” she laughed with sheer innocence.

Now I broke out into a genuine friendly smile, amused in my mind’s eye about Raj Sharma’s penchant for Plain Janes.

“Hey, what are you thinking?” Vidhya said, “Come, let’s collect my baggage and go home.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” I said, remembering she was my boss’s wife.

“Hey, don’t ‘Ma’am’ me!” she commanded, “My name is Vidhya. And I’ll call you Nishant.”

Soon we sat in my car and I began driving towards my house nearby in Veenapuri.

We reached my apartment and I looked at the wall clock – it’s almost three in the morning. “If you want to sleep you can sleep on the bed…” I said.

“Hey, I’m dying for a cup of coffee, then I’ll bathe, and then we’ll see – we've got the full day ahead of us,” she said, walking towards the kitchenette.

She really made wonderful coffee. We sat down and talked. She was easy to talk to and my words came tumbling out. I told her everything about myself, well, almost everything!

“Any love life?” she asked with a naughty conspiratorial look in her laughing eyes, at once inviting and taunting.

“No,” I said, “And you?”

“I told you – Raj, Raj, Raj! That’s all. And a long distance marriage, pining for him, hoping that absence makes our hearts go fonder!”

I remained silent, not knowing what to say.

“Nishant, I like you,” she suddenly said with undisguised affection in her eyes.

“Like me?” I said nonplussed.

“Yes. After a long time I’ve met someone with whom I can be myself.”

“Me too,” I genuinely said. I felt a soft tenderness for her, a warm feeling of elation, but I quickly checked my thoughts and hastily said “You’ll like to have a nice hot shower, won’t you?” for I believed that thoughts could transmit themselves if they are strong enough.

She nodded so I pointed toward bathroom.

She came out, freshly bathed, wearing a slim nightie that was so revealing that she might as well have worn nothing, but she conveyed such innocence that it is obvious that she has no inkling of this. She looked so pure, so pristine, so desirable, and I realized that she’s not that plain looking at all, in fact, she was quite appealing, sensuous in a natural sort of way.

By instinct, and almost against my will, my eyes linger, travel all over her body. The transformation in her is amazing. Now she looks so wonderful, so feminine, so tender, so alluring, and so new – a woman in full bloom.

“I've become a little plump sitting on my haunches all day,” she said candidly, without a trace of coyness, throwing away the towel wrapped around her head, letting her luxuriant hair fall on her shoulders. She looked so tantalizing that I felt a moment of alarm. Maybe we are unthinkingly beginning something dangerous…so I blurted out, “I’ll have a shower too,” and rushed towards the bathroom.

When I came out of bathroom , I perceived Vidhya reading Aarti’s ludicrous “love letter” to Raj Sharma.

Oh, my God! I cursed myself. What a careless fool I had been to let those letters lie on the table.

Suddenly she turned and looked at me in incredulous despair.

“I can’t believe this,” Vidhya moaned, “It’s horrible,” she sobbed, “Everything’s collapsed like a pack of cards,” she cried, “I invested my life in two things – my marriage and my career –and look what I’ve got in return? My marriage is a shame and my job – the two things I banked on, both have jilted me, and all I am left with is myself.”

“Your career? Your job? What happened?”

“It’s terrible,I’m going through a very rough patch. Last week I was demoted , my junior promoted over my head,” she paused, wiped her nose, “And I this so-called conference at the Head Office in London – it’s all a masquerade. I have a feeling they are going to fire me, give me termination letter, have an exit interview, settle my dues and tell me to go home, I’m feeling so down, I thought I’ll stop over, talk things over with Raj, find some solace in his arms, plan our future, and see what happens! He does this!” she sobbed holding out the letter.

“Maybe you can talk to him, patch up…”

“Patch up…?” she scorned mockingly, “A relationship in which the seeds of distrust have been sown – such a relationship, I think it is better to sever it, break it, terminate it permanently, than try to patch it up, isn't it?”

I moved my hands, wanting to take her into my arms, consoled her, but with hesitance not knowing what to do…

“I’ll never forgive him for this, for betraying me so terribly when I needed him the most,” she screamed, and then suddenly her flaming red eyes looked at me with such furious distress that I thought she had gone raving mad.

“Why didn't you tell me?” she asked hoarsely, waving the letter. I saw tears trickling down her cheeks. She covered her face with her hands, wildly shook her head, disheveling her hair.

I tried to comfort her by touching her shoulder. She flashed her eyes at me through the tangled strands of her hair, and suddenly the blazing fury in her eyes collapsed into incredulous despair.

“I loved him so much! Why did he do this to me, why did he do this…?” she shrieked hysterically, wildly clutching my arms, totally breaking down, her knees giving way.

I grabbed her, held her tight, and she slumped forward into my arms. Then she stared in my eyes, yearning, thirsty, ravishing. And suddenly, naturally, instinctively, it happened. The most spontaneous, natural, beautiful and passionate experience of my life. Spur of the moment, unplanned, unforeseen frenzied love. Like a volcano.

It was wonderful, lovely, exquisite. I was cherished. But what about her? Vidhya? Is it spontaneous love? An explosion of fiery pent up passion? Or is it an act of frenzy, rage, expiation?

I gradually came into consciousness, my eyes heavy, my body overwhelmed by the pleasurable sensation of lethargy in the aftermath of passion. Everything looked blurred and slowly Vidhya’s face came into focus.

“Vidhya. I’m so…”

She gently put her hand on my mouth and said, “It was lovely.” Then she lovingly ruffled my hair with her fingers. I closed my eyes, snuggled up to her, and let her ruffled my hair. The emotion that came to me was compassion for what we had done..

It’s almost noon by the time we were ready. We've still got most of the weekend ahead of us.

“What shall we do?” I ask Vidhya, “Movie, shopping, sightseeing…whatever you want...”

“Let’s disappear,” Vidhya said roguishly.

“Disappear?”

“Yes, Nishant, let’s just disappear, vanish into thin air, where no one will find us.”

“Where?”

“Anywhere, far away from this throttling life. Come Nishant, let’s head for the hills, breathe some new pure fresh air, cleanse the cobwebs, the demons from our minds.”

“I’ll cancel my flight to London” She called up exactly did what she stated few minutes ago. And smashed her cell phone.

She took my cell phone and switched it off by saying “To hell with the world - let them stew in suspense.”

“What about these?” I pointed to the two letters lying on the table – My letter to Arati, and Aarti’a pathetic love letter to Raj, tear-stained, crumpled.

Vidhya opened my letter to Aarti just tore it up, shredded it to pieces.“What…?” I shouted.“This flotsam and jetsam; memories of betrayal – better get rid of it,” she said, shredding the other letter too. “No point carrying useless painful baggage of the past.”

“Come,” she uttered taking my hand, “Let’s get away from all this. Be free. We both need to breathe some fresh air.”

And so we disappeared.

At sunset we sat together, all by ourselves on the precipice, relishing the breathtaking spectacle of the delightful dance of the panoply of colors on the awesome vista in front of us as the soothing orange sun plays hide-and-seek behind the snow capped peaks of the Himalayas, and then disappearing below the horizon and lighting up sky with vanishing crimson rays, streaks slowly dissolving in the enveloping grayness of twilight.

I felt wonderful, my spirits uplifted, my head in the clouds after savoring this inspiring soul-elevating feast for the eyes, I turned towards Vidhya, cupped her face in my hands and drown myself deep into her eyes. I could sense her finger-tips caressing the nape of my neck. The debris of the past has disappeared and a fresh new life was about to begin....

______________________________________________________________

- Sujal Wade & Aditya Kasar

P.S: The story is a piece of imagination & resemblance to any person dead or alive is purely coincidental.

The story is a product of collaborative writing.

Life's a Bitch!! Part-1

noreply@blogger.com (Sujal) — Sat, 18 Aug 2012 11:15:00 +0530

“When did you come home? And what are you doing here? Did you have dinner?” my mom was staggered when she wedged me in kitchen so started questioning like archetypal concerned mother. “Yeah mom” I retorted as cold as water bottle elicited from refrigerator. I knew my mom was nippy enough to clench resentment behind my unruffled reply. She became quizzical to find ulterior “What’s wrong Nishant? Is there anything troubling you? Didn’t party go well?”
I gathered courage to tremor my mom “Mom, there is something you should know before it’s too late…I can’t marry her” first time in my life, I was not guilty for being audacious cause I knew it was about my entire life.

She reacted unerringly the way I had anticipated “Have you gone mad? Do you even know what you are saying? You want to call off the wedding? ” she was dazed and I had no clue how to make her realise my perspective. Because I was pretty sure that she could never comprehend it.

So it was palpable to not talk about it. “Mom, she is not girl I want to marry. I have my career and you know very well that where it’s going, I always had different outlooks from life and its waiting for me now, I can’t let it go”

She was flabbergasted by my avatar, before she could utter I continued
“Please you let them know by your means else I will do it by my way”

She initiated to convey the most feasible discourse “But at least tell me the reason, did anything happen at party? She is a very erudite and nice girl and moreover you guys have spent your life together till now. She knows you more than anyone else. Our families share alienation for three decades. How are we supposed tell them these news?”

Before mom could elongate her oration that how it’s immoral of cessation family relations doorbell rang. I grabbed sigh of relief, at least for minute I was set aside from mom’s emotional dose.

Mom went to check who was waiting to come inside; we both were jumbled because of someone’s advent at unusual time. As soon as mom opened door and she was standing with her usual smiling face. I didn’t know what to say. My mom was shocked too when she seized her. But women are clever enough to camouflage their emotions and fool others. Mom invited her like nothing had happened minute ago “Aarti, Come inside dear, is everything alright? How come you are here these late?”

Aarti entered inside and responded placidly by offering small jar to mom “Aunty, mom has sent mango pickle for Nishant, you were saying last week that he would miss home food there and you know how much he is fond of my mom’s handmade foodstuff”.
Mom received the jar of pickle from her. Aarti innocuously propounded help to mom “So done with packing?”

Mom instantly replied “No beta, you know how indolent he is! Come with me I need your help. Also want to have few words with you”. Mom’s last sentence was alluring. I was assured that she would at least give vague idea of afore agony. I was neither interested in preamble moreover ancillary womanize fuss nor further furore so I preferred to leave that place “I am going to have bath”.

Though I had done providence by mopping obligation to mom, I was fretful about Aarti’s and her parent’s rejoinder. I and Aarti had brought up together. Everyone presumed we would be married one day. She literally and then eventually befitted my girl next door. Initially I didn’t notice her persona but I conspicuously could feel it last night.

It was supposed to be best night of my life. Exactly couple of week ago I had surpassingly promoted and ascertained everyone’s surmise. All colleagues enforced me to throw swanky treat which would match status. I was fervent about it.

I was too naive to apprehend of upcoming slur in party. I and Aarti entered in disco. Everyone came up to congratulate me. I introduced my fiancée bashfully. I was pleased like never before; but I could catch disgusted smile on their faces. At the start I couldn’t get reason behind it rather I preferred to evade it. Then all of sudden it popped out when Aarti denied to dance with me.

“No,” Aarti was firm.
“Come on. I’ll teach you,” I pleaded. “Everyone is on the floor.”

But Aarti did not budge. So we just sat there watching. Everybody was thoroughly enjoying themselves. Many of my friends and colleagues were on the floor, with their wives, fiancées and girlfriends. And then Sameer and Aayesha entered.

“Who is this wallflower you’ve brought with you?” taunted Sameer in insolence, it was insinuation. “My fiancée, Aarti,” I answered by controlling my rage and keeping my mind cool.

“She is your fiancée! How come you’ve hooked on to such a Vern?” Aayesha mocked.
“Come on Nishant” she said derisively, coming close and looking directly into my eyes.
“You are an Executive now, not a clerk. Don’t live in your past. Find someone better. She doesn’t belong here.”

If someone had stuck a knife into my heart it would have been easier to withstand than these insidious words. It always rankled; the fact that I had come up the hard way, promoted from the ranks.

“This is too much” I said angrily to Sameer

“Cool down, Nishant” Sameer said putting his hand on my shoulder as if he cared that his so called girlfriend’s words miffed me. “You know Aayesha doesn’t mean it.”

But I knew that Aayesha had meant every word she uttered.

“Let’s go,” I stated. “ I've had enough.” The best night of my life had turned to insipid as well as impertinent commemoration. We were quiet. When we were driving home, Aarti asked innocently, “What’s a Vern?”

“Vernacular!” I answered bluntly. That’s all we spoke that night. Nothing was left to talk about. All I could think about was embarrassment I had faced because of her. That night I could not sleep.

I thought of my future, trying to see both halves of my future life, my career and my marriage, side by side. I thought about Aarti, Plump faced, with small brown eyes and dusky complexion, hair drawn back into a conventional knot, not at all attractive – there was only one adjective to describe Aarti– ‘prosaic’; yes, she looked prosaic – so commonplace, unexciting and pedestrian. She was entirely agrestic.

Then I thought about my career graph I realized that it was more significant to me than anything else. I had to succeed at any cost. And a key ingredient in the recipe for success was a ‘socially valuable’ wife. It mattered. It was the blunt verity – whether you are fond of it or not! Aayesha was right. Arati just didn’t belong to that status and class of society of which I was now a part. I had crossed the class barrier; but Arati had lingered where she was. She seemed ultimately boor to me and she would remain there, reluctantly and unable to change.

At the point of our engagement I didn’t think much about her being boor. It was only now, that my eyes were widely opened; I realized the enormity of the situation. I was an upwardly mobile executive now, not a mere clerk, and the equations had drastically changed. What I desired was someone like Aayesha. She was nifty, modish and savvy; convent educated, well groomed and accustomed to the prevalent lifestyle, a perfect hostess, an asset to my career. And most importantly she was from a well-connected family.

I envisaged what life would have been like if I could have got someone like Aayesha. I really envied Sameer that night, he was so propitious to have life partner like her and I was stuck with an unmitigated disaster called Aarti.

“Nishant!” I heard voice-over, it brought me back to present. I thought ‘Arati must have left' so I approached mom to ascertain current eminence. She was gone, oblivious of what was going on in my mind. I felt a sense of deep culpability, but then it was question of my life.

“What’s wrong with you? Why were so rude to Arati, so distant? She loves you so much!” my mother asked with expectant eyes and disgrace on face.

“I don’t love her,” I said flatly.

“What?” my mom was startled, “Is there some else?”

Now it was unexpected, I never thought that my mom could even think of that.

“I don’t understand you.” She reacted with misperception
“Arati is not compatible anymore. She just doesn’t fit in.”

Though she was trying to be calm and nonchalant; her fury was visible only in her eyes.

“Who do you think you are?” she said icily, trying to control her.

“You know Aarti from childhood, isn’t it? For the last two years you have been engaged and moving around together. And suddenly you say Aarti is not compatible?” My mother paused for a moment, and then taking my hand asked me softly

“What happened last night?”

I told her. Then we argued for over two hours and till the end I stuck to my guns.

Finally she said, “This is going to be difficult. And relations between our families are going to be permanently strained. Think about Aarti It will be so challenging for her to get married after the stigma of a broken engagement. Forget about last night. It’s just a small incident. Think about it again. Aarti is the ideal wife, so suitable for you.”

But I had made up my mind, so I told her, “If you want I’ll go and talk to her father right now and break it up.”

“No!” my mother snapped. “Let your father come home. He will decide what to do.”

“Mom, my head is paining like hell, I need rest. Anyways it’s too late” I genuinely said. Mom exactly captured last line and repeated “yeah it’s too late”. We both understood what she intended to convey.

I couldn't argue further I went to sleep with mountain of thoughts on mind. i was guilty but I thought all over again. Was I being selfish? Really? I didn’t think so. Was that wrong to think about my own future? What if I hurt her now rather than cursing myself entire life. I couldn’t conclude so I was closed my eyes to see what I really want, surprisingly there was no Aarti All I could see was my memories at office, my 1^st pay check, how delighted I was when Raj sir admired my diligence and announced my promotion in front of whole staff. I simply smiled, I guess I had got my answer and had sound sleep.

Next morning I was waiting for breakfast, I was curious to know whether mom talked to dad or not. I yelled “mom, where are you? I am hungry. And where is dad?”

Before she could answer, doorbell rang. I got up and opened the door. What I perceived what outrageous. Bunch of people was standing in front of me.

It was my dad. I was totally confused moreover nervous to reply rest of the gang because they were Aarti and her parents. I was stunned; I thought that now undeniably dad would slap hard on my face and I am finished but next what he did was wholly unforeseen

“I have fixed up your wedding with Aarti Joshi on the 20th of March of this year,” my father thundered peremptorily in his usual impetuous style.

“Congratulations,” echoed Aarti’s parents.

I was dumbstruck. Aarti was smiling coyly.

My mother was signalling to me with her eyes not to say anything. She was probably happy at the fait accompli.

I felt trapped. I excused myself and went up to my room. I locked the door. Someone knocked. “Give me five minutes,” I said. “I’ll get ready and come down.”

“Come soon,” said Aarti from the other side of the door.

I took out my notepad and wrote a letter to Aarti:

Dear Aarti,
Forgive me, but I have discovered that I can’t marry you and I think that it is best for us to say goodbye.

Yours sincerely,
Nishant

I knew the words sounded insincere, but that was all I could write for my mind had gone blank and I wanted to get it over with as fast as possible; just one sentence to terminate our long relationship. I knew I was being cruel but I just couldn’t help it.

I sealed the letter in a postal envelope, wrote Aarti’s name and address on it and put it in my bag. I looked at my watch. It was time to leave. Everyone came to the airport to see me off. Sameer and Aayesha had come too. They were located at Mumbai and I was off on a promotion to Bangalore.

“I’m really very sorry about last night,” Aayesha apologized to us. She took Aarti’s hand and said tenderly, “ Aarti, please forgive me. You are truly an ideal couple – both made for each other.”

As I walked towards the boarding area Aarti’s father Mr. Joshi shouted to me jovially, “Hey, Nishant. Don’t forget to come on 20th of March. The wedding muhurat is exactly at 11.15 in the morning. Everything is fixed. I have already booked the best hall in town. If you don’t turn up I’ll lose my deposit!”

I nodded to him but in my mind’s eye I smiled to myself – the “joke” was going to be on him! Then I waved everyone goodbye, went to the waiting hall, sat on a chair, opened my bag and took out the letter I had written to Aarti.

To be Continued>>>>>> Life's a Bitch Part 2

_________________________________________________________________

- Sujal Wade & Aditya Kasar

P.S: The story is a piece of imagination & resemblance to any person dead or alive is purely coincidental.
The story is a product of collaborative writing.

Lost Identity

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Thu, 16 Aug 2012 18:59:00 +0530

Looking out of the window observing the dense clouds from my plane I was trying to recollect all the sudden series of moments that had disturbed my solaces. Exactly three hours back I had seen the e-mail and after reading it I did two things. First I took a print-out of the mail, kept it in my pocket and deleted the mail from my mailbox. Then I called the airlines and booked my ticket on the next flight to India.

The e-mail contained a name and an address. That’s all – a name and an address.

I cannot begin to describe the emotion I felt as I looked at the name. I had so many questions to ask him. Unanswered questions that were haunting me for the past so many years.

It all began when my fiancée Mitali suddenly broke off our engagement without any explanation.

“Why?” I asked her totally shocked.

“I can’t tell you,” she said.

“You can’t dump me just like this. I’ve done nothing wrong,” I pleaded heartbroken.

“I’m sorry, Akshay. I can’t marry you,” she said trying to look away from my eyes.

“What do you mean you can’t marry me?” I shouted shaking her angrily.

She didn’t say anything, just remained silent, averting her eyes.

“Is it someone else? What do you mean you can’t marry me? Actually you don’t want to marry me, isn’t it?”

“Okay, you can think what you like. I don’t want to marry you.”

“You have to give me an explanation. I am not going to accept being jilted like this.”

“You have to accept it. Don’t delve too much.”

“What do you mean ‘don’t delve too much’, you unscrupulous cheat?” I screamed in anger.

“Cool down,” she said pushing me away. “It’s you who tried to cheat me.”

“I? Cheated you?” I said stunned, shocked and furious.

“You shouldn’t have tried to hide things from me,” she accused.

“Hide what?” I asked.

“That you are an adopted child,” she said.

“Nonsense. Don’t talk rubbish. I’m not adopted!” I shouted in anger.

“You are.”

“Who told you?”

“We got some matrimonial enquiries done.”

“You spied on me,” I accused her, “to blackmail me, to humiliate me?”

“Don’t worry. No one else knows. It’s a reliable and discreet investigation agency.”

“It’s not true. I’m not adopted,” I said feeling shattered, numb, depleted, as if I had been pole-axed.

“Why don’t you ask your parents?” Mitali said as she walked away from my life, leaving me heartbroken, desolate and shattered.

I never asked my parents, the only parents I knew. They were the one’s who loved me, gave me everything. I could not ask them; hurt them. I did not have the heart to. They did not say anything to me but I could see the sadness and a sense of guilt in their eyes, as they withered away having lost the will to live. I felt deeply anguished and helpless.

My parents loved me, meant everything to me, and we carried on our lives as if nothing had happened, and I lovingly cared and looked after them till their very end; but deep down I felt terribly betrayed.

Years passed. I relocated abroad past and immersed myself in my work. I tried to forget but I could never forget. One day I could bear it no longer. I decided to find out. And now I had. The investigation agency had done a good job. Confidential and discreet. For the first time I knew the name of my actual father. My biological natural father. And now I had to meet this man and ask him why he did it – abandon me to the world.

I landed at Mumbai airport in the very early hours of the morning. It was cold, the morning chill at once refreshing and invigorating, the driver drove fast and it took me six hours by taxi to reach the magnificent bungalow in Ant Top Hill. I checked the nameplate and briskly walked inside. There was a small crowd gathered in the porch.

“What’s happening?” I asked a man in the crowd.

“Bada Sahab is no more. He passed away this morning. He was so good to us,” he said with tears in his eyes.

I pushed my way through. His lifeless body was lying on a white sheet bedecked with flowers, ready for the last rites. As I looked at his serene face, tears welled in my eyes.

Suddenly I lost control of myself and cried uncontrollably, “I have become an orphan. An orphan!”

“Me too!” a familiar voice said softly behind me.

I turned around and was stunned to see Mitali, I stared into her eyes. As comprehension began to dawn on me, Mitali and I kept looking into each other’s eyes. In silence. A grotesque silence. A deafening silence.

Time stopped. And as I looked deep into her eyes I felt a feeling for her I had never felt before.

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

P.S: The Story is fictitious in nature and any resemblance to any person is purely coincidental.

Stolen Moments

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 10:00:00 +0530

Shyam, a newspaper guy checked the time, ‘oh its 8:10. I am late, I should have delivered paper to “Aalap” by now’ he engrossed in thoughts and started striding. His feet stopped as he reached commodious white bungalow. Every morning he sees it, he is implicated in peering enormity and its magnificence as well. He found it equally amazing every time.

He pulled thick thread of bell, the bell was jangling. It was real bell which is generally used in school and at temples. He still remembered how amused he was when he had heard that chime for first time. Shyam was waiting for her to open the door, meanwhile he was peering the nameplate. It was unlike others but very artistic. Name was written using musical notations… though it was tough to recognize it at glimpse, it was innovative.

After couple of minutes his fervour crossed the peak, he wanted to wish her for such a great news. Suddenly one middle aged lady of around 50 years old, opened the door. Fair complexion lady was wearing cream coloured sari, her long hair were open and wet indicating she was just done with her bath, her wrinkled face had attractive features… serenity was flowing through her eyes with sweet smile, her appearance was simply virtuous. But she exclaimed with the sweetest thing she had that’s her voice, “oh shyam , it’s you! I thought, it must be…” shyam interrupted her by saying “congratulations madam! I read the news .you really deserve it” and handed over newspaper. She expressed gratitude by saying thanks and they exchanged smiles. She closed the door with disappointment. She sat on couch and started to read the newspaper.

It was her daily routine to wake up early in the morning and to do riyaz (practising vocals) , getting fresh and later get to know what’s happening around the globe. She checked the headline then her eyes rolled to bottom of the page, she noticed her photo with caption, “SAVITRI PATHAK : Winner Of Lata Mangeshakar Award ” . Her lips exhibited satisfactory smile and purity enhanced her beauty. As soon as she started reading article of her own journey towards that award, bell rang again. Her face was enlightened more than that of when she saw her own news in paper. Certainly she was waiting for someone very special indeed close one.

Savitri hastily opened the door; this time her expectant eyes perceived something astounding, one person was holding big bouquet of crimson carnations by covering upper half of his body. She was delighted at that moment. She adored carnations more than anyone else did. She was sure that it has to be him, who else knew her better than him. All of sudden that person took down the bouquet and uttered “congratulation savitri! It’s so nice to see you after long time”.

Person’s face was visible to savitri now….she was disheartened again, because he was not the one for whom she was waiting for. Man standing near the door of aalap was around same age as that of savitri’s. Middle-aged man wearing white kurta and blue jeans had average looks with light brown complexion and curly long hair with thick framed specs; in short he had typical journalist looks.

Savitri’s displeasure turned into confusion because she didn’t know that guy. Man captured her expressions and again spoke “hey I know you must have forgotten me. You had to because we were only 20 when we saw each other for last time” she kept mum and tried to pressurize her brain. But she couldn’t succeed. Rather she was more confused now. Finally stereotype man took charge to introduce himself “Hi, I am Dushayant, we were together in degree college”. At last savitri recollected him. ‘Yeah he is the same guy who used to be with him’ She broke her silence “oh dushaynt ! I am so sorry, I really couldn’t recognise you. Thanks a lot” she accepted bouquet and invited him to come inside.

Dushaynt entered into aalap. Savitri went to kitchen. He was astonished by what he had seen. ‘this exactly how she wanted her dream home to be’ he thought. He sat on sofa and started scrutinizing living room. He noticed violin shaped wall clock, big showcase almost occupied with trophies and certificates. Sitar adjacent to Statue of saraswati devi. His eyes further relocated to other side. He observed wall full of photo frames. Photos of savitri with one man, he noticed gold chain with heart shaped pendant hanging on wall in between the frames. savitri intruded his inspection by offering him glass of water and sat on sofa in front of him. He took glass and drank sip of water.

She initiated the chat by general inquiry “where have you been? I didn’t see you after our farewell party”. Dushyant replied by keeping glass on tray “I got busy in my career so couldn’t make up time for friends” she continued her inquiry like typical women do “How did you get my address? I never expected that we would meet like these”. He tried to reveal clandestine “well it’s never difficult to track celebrity u know.” They both laughed over it, he clarified further “I was passing by your house and of course I came to know about that news yesterday so I thought it would be good opportunity to give you my wishes”. She smiled with elegance while getting up and said “I will get coffee for us, wait for few minutes, I will be back”. He nodded in affirmation.

She left living room and entered in kitchen, she was humming and smiling due to series of surprises from last night. 1st it was about that honourable award and now about Dushayant. But she was still unaware of what’s ensuing in her life. Her destiny had planned something for her, something dreadful, and something uninvited….

Meanwhile dushayant again started gazing at that heart shaped locket, he looked here and there. His face turned blank, he hurriedly got up and walked toward that wall, it was clear that something outlandish was on his mind. He pulled out chain out of nail on the wall which was surrounded by savitri’s memories and placed in his jeans pocket. He still wasn’t done with what he had decided, he moved away from that way and directed left to the table where statue of sarswati was kept. He took out one envelope from pocket of his kurta. He put on that table near to statue.

His agitation was lastly terminated, he settled back on sofa. He popped his hand in pocket and grabbed out handkerchief to wipe out his sweating face. Savitri showed up after few minutes, she was so naive that couldn’t grasp alteration at that place so quickly. She stepped forward with tray having two mugs of coffee and by that time he had relaxed and got time to make up like nothing had happened. They both had coffee and conversed for next few minutes.

Dushayant stood up to take a leave. He again congratulated her and wished her for future n left aalap by leaving prints for many queries to credulous sweet lady……

Savitri was watching the sky, staring at stars innocently. It was quandary to state that who was more beautiful; The Sky with full moon and shining stars or the lady gazing at them. She had worn plane red sari, even though she was not wearing much accessories she was looking simply awesome. Her matching bangles and small red bindi on forehead had enriched her prettiness. But best ornament she had worn and which completed her womanhood was mangalasutra. She had held it close to her heart with her left hand.

Her heed got distracted due to vibration; She had held cell phone in another hand tightly as she had been waiting for that special person to buzz off. At last that moment had arrived; she swiftly turned her eyes to the screen. It was text message saying “I will be there in few minutes”. She smiled softly and checked the time it was 8:30pm. Exactly 12 hours ago Dushyant showed up and since the time she was waiting for that special one...

She again looked up at sky, it was dark and azure. All stars were clearly discernible and full moon was glowing. She was sitting at river bank. The river bank was evident of every significant event her life. She started raking at the water; it was steady exactly like her life. She had everything she wanted from her destiny; But its human tendency to intrude stable things. She leaned forward; picked few pebbles in one hand and began chucking them one by one still water. She simply loved to see those ripples but she had no clue that as she was disquieting reflection of moon likewise her equanimity was also going to be disturbed because of forthcoming commotion.

She was done with all tiny stones. As soon as she opened her bag to grab handkerchief to scour her hands, her eyes riveted at brown envelope. She quickly elicited her handkerchief and cleaned her hands then again diverted her march at that envelope.

It was the same envelope left by dushayant. She recalled everything happened in the morning, while Morning Prayer she had noticed it on the table. She was surprised when she perceived it but then she picked it up and read cover message. It was clear that dushyant had left it behind; but picture became clearer when she read text displayed on it. At top savitri’s name visible and at centre it was written “SHOULD ONLY BE READ AT 9 PM, STRICTLY NOT BEFORE THAT”. She got curious due to unusual remark of the time, she felt like reading it at that moment itself but she was really matured lady. She controlled her eagerness and put it back on the table and while leaving home in the evening she took it with her.

She reread the message displayed in bold letters; she shrugged and inserted it back in her handbag. She rested her right elbow on her knee by supporting her chin by palm. Once more time her waiting session continued for someone special…

Few minutes passed, she heard sound of footsteps. Her head turned to clench the moment she had been waiting for quite long. Tall man approached savitri. He was well apparelled with white shirt and black pant. Almost same aged guy had eye-catching personality; his wrinkled face was not only bright but also appealing. Only peculiar feature he had that was about his hair because he didn’t have any, he was bald.

Savitri got up to greet him; she was highly delighted due to his appearance. She was smiling like a small kid. She finally spoke up “Hi Anil, where were you? ” and she started complaining alike every wife does “I was here since an hour and you have come now” she tried to illustrate counterfeit resentment. Anil seemed bit sombre; he tried to respond her exactly the way she wanted him to be, after all Anil was uvula but as to pacify woman in 1st attempt is unmanageable. She neglected his apology for being late and his wishes for award.

Quiet lady had totally transformed into aggressive television reporter, was chiding her husband without even taking breath. Her emotions were about to upsurge “you know I was waiting for your wishes since last light and you are congratulating me now. Couldn’t even mention it in the text? Just wrote that see you at ashoka vihar at 8.thats it!!! ” sweet female singer was trying get angry on him and poor husband could hardly answer. She was talking continuously; she had to. After all they were seeing each other after 2 months.

Later like every better half does, she enumerated her queries in row “when did your flight land? I came to know it was in morning so what were doing you doing whole day? ”. Anil preferred to stay silent throughout because before he could answer she asked the utmost awaited and scariest question for him “what has happened to your hair Anil?”

He couldn’t dare to answer any of her questions. He was standing like a statue, his face was impassive. He was about to confront biggest veracity of their lives that night.

At last he broke monologue and tried to clarify “I was busy in some work so couldn’t come home. Now I am done every job of mine” suddenly anil’s tone became severe, savitri noticed it and again inquired about his hair. But still he had no guts to answer that question.

So he did something at which every man has to be skilful, he couldn’t answer so he just switched the topic to get rid of existing issue. He altered focus to award ceremony. Savitri innocently started conveying every tiny detail. while narrating it reminded her of dushayant . She drew out envelope from her hand bang and continued “you know dushayant? The guy who used to be with you during our junior college days” and paused for anil’s feedback…

Anil just nodded his head so she sustained her recitation “He had come home today and left these behind for me” showed him that envelope with muddled face; He took it. “ I guess it’s right time for you to read it, clock’s ticking 9” stated by checking his wrist watch.

Savitri was amused by his reply; he directed to read it without even reading that cover message. She was too much messed up due to sequence of astonishments. It started from envelope then anil was being vanished entire day and then his hair and now this!

She was so tired that evaded further interrogation and unobtrusively opened the mysterious envelope; old piece of folded paper was inside it. Anil’s heart was beating fast. It was the time; and he had to face it. She still didn’t have vague hint of imminent turmoil in her life.

As she started reading epistle; it brought her 30 years back…. At exact same place, same time, exactly same couple and anil’s voice started echoing in her mind with every word she uttered….

My Dear savitri,

Sorry I dared to call you mine at the start but I want you to be mine not only at the start but till the end of my life. I want to spend rest of my life with you…

You know savi every guy in our class is really amazed by your beauty initially I was one of them. But when I came to know you as a person I realized you are more beautiful than you look and I fell in love with you.

Every excruciating detail about you makes me go crazy. I like the way you smile, the way you talk… every damn thing you do….

I want to be with you, I want to share your sorrows and want to make you happy, I still remember how you had elaborated your dream home in essay. I want to make that home for you….

Being with you seems like a dream, I haven’t experienced dream coming true yet….will you help to make it happen? Will you be love of my life?

Savitri was done with reading whatever was visible on that old paper. Her bewilderment and confusion crooked it contentment as she had become young girl again who was being marvellously proposed… she couldn’t stop smiling….

Maybe she was smiling for the last time; she was not going to have single reason to smile anymore….

That old paper was not fully opened yet; last fold at bottom had still concealed all answers of savitri’s questions. She resumed to the present and her mind again busted with curiosity that why Dushyant dropped this letter at her home…

She was about talk about her doubts and Anil grabbed her emotions. He told her to unfold the letter at bottom and that’s what she exactly did without asking anything as she wanted know everything as soon she could .What she saw next was startling….

It was signed by Dushyant!

Her mind got numb. She wasn’t able to react anymore. So it was time for anil to take initiative to elucidate because she needed moreover deserved it to know actuality. And certainly he did. He took deep breath and started prevalent confession of his life.

“Whatever you read is true, yeah it was written by dushyant and he meant every word of it.Savi I always wanted let you to know these but didn’t have guts but now when you know the fact I won’t hide anything from you.”

Savitri was not able to believe in what her ears had just heard. But anil’s wasn’t done with his speech yet. There were many things she should had been known long back…which was going to change her life …

“As you know I and Dushayant were best friends. He used to love you but he was under confidant because of his looks and family background so once I had suggested him to express his feelings through letter and he did. He gave me to read and to let him know whether it was ok or not. I never returned it back. He had told me that he was going to propose you here by saying whatever you read just now. He also wanted to gift chain having heart shaped pendant which could open and he wanted fix his and your photos inside it. As he didn’t have money, I promised him to help financially.

One day I was talking to my friends about that and they planned a prank over it. They told me to replace him and to check your reaction. That’s what I did savi. I proposed you the way dushayant was going to do after our fair well party. When I proposed you, you were thrilled and you spontaneously accepted it. I enjoyed that moment of victory not of love. I just let some days pass and I had decided to tell you truth but it was too late, I was already in love with you. But fact was not going to change that the time we spent was stolen moments of best friend. I ditched him when he needed me the most. For which obliviously I had to get punished someday so now that time has arrived, I uncannily played with your and his emotions and now destiny is playing with me. I am being punished for my sins”

Savitri was stunned. She had nothing to say. She was shivering; she never knew that she would ever face such upheaval in her smooth going life. Her nerves were frozen. She didn’t know how to react … what to react…

Whereas Anil was candidly going on with his catharsis. It was somewhat clear that anil was yet to reveal many more mysteries… so he continued again

“Savi As you know I had been to landon for last couple of months but it wasn’t business tour. I had been undergoing through medical treatment. I am at last stage of leukaemia. I have no chance of survival left. I know your love for me is so immense that I didn’t want to sadden you. I have few days left to live, I am guilty savi. Please forgive me. I stole precious moments from my friend which I really didn’t deserve. But that doesn’t mean that I never loved you or I never cared for you. I know I left you alone many times for my career but I had no clue that later I won’t have time to spend with you. I want to spend last days of my life with you and I want you to restart your life after my death….”

Gradually tears started rolling down from anil’s eyes. He tried hard to control himself and paused. Now finally savitri was facing all facts one by one. Few more were still to come up…

Anil drew out chain with heart shaped pendant, yeah the same chain which was lifted by dushyant in the morning from aalap; he threw it in water on very next moment. Savtri was silently witnessing anil’s each and every move. She had seen enough to be traumatized. Now her emotionless face was just expecting him explain justification of his recent action…

“I know I don’t have any more right on it so I had to do it. You must be wondering about how I got that chain. Actually I met dushyant yesterday in my flight. It was complicated situation for me to face him after so long time. But he commenced the talk and I came across worst thing I could possibly think of. He never got married because he still loves you. I was really shocked and embarrassed. I apologised to him for my deeds. He said that savitri has everything she wanted, he didn’t want anything else. He would forgive me at one condition that I should always keep you happy so at last I had to tell him about my illness. I took him to my old apartment and gave him that envelope which I should have given him long back. I told him to leave it at our place and get that chain because I had couldn’t gather courage to face you whole day; I had been making my mind. Just before an hour I met him and expressed my feelings about taking care of you after me…

Savi I really love you. I want you to spend rest of your life with the person who really loves you. And trust me dushyant is that person. No one can love you like he does. He will always be with you unlike me but please don’t leave me in last phase of journey of my life. You were with me at my good and bad times, be with me till I take my last breath and please forgive me for those stolen moments!!! Will you?

Anil was entreating to her and savitri was still speechless, she didn’t know how to react and what to react…..

_______________________________________________________________

-Sujal Wade (SW)

P.S: The story is a piece of imagination and resemblance to any person dead or alive is purely coincidental.

A Bitter Confession!!

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Sun, 5 Aug 2012 18:25:00 +0530

I loved Ritika a lot and couldn’t risk losing her; this was my only chance to get her back forever. That’s why I did not tell her or involve her in any way. Not even the smallest hint. I made my plans alone and with perfect care. An “accident” so coolly and meticulously designed. Precisely at 04:40 in the afternoon, the ghastly accident would occur. And then my phone would ring – to convey the “bad” news. And suddenly I would be a free man.

Free, Liberated from shackles. Released from bondage. Then all I had to do was to keep cool, maintain a solemn façade, and wait for Ritika to return from Germany. Then after the customary condolence period was over, Ritika would propose to marry me – an act of chivalry, of sympathy, or even “self-sacrifice”. First I would demur, then “reluctantly” succumb to the pressure from my friends and relatives, and accept - just for my children’s sake. There would be nods of approval all around. And soon I and Ritika would be Husband and Wife.

The phone rang. I panicked. There is no fear like the fear of being found out. I looked at the wall-clock. It was only 11.40 am. Had something gone wrong? I felt a tremor of trepidation. The phone kept on ringing – it just wouldn’t stop ringing. I picked up the cell, and held it to my ears with bated breath.

The moment I heard Riyana’s voice I felt relieved.

“Why didn’t you carry your lunch box today?” Riyana asked.

“I forgot in the hurry darling” I lied.

“Should I get it to office?” she asked.

"No!” I tried to control the anxiety in my voice. “It’s ok I’ll order something from nearby restaurant” I said cautiously.

“I hope you remember you are suppose to leave early today for Arpita’s house warming party in Lonavala” Riyana asked.

“Of course, how can I forget” I said and put down the phone.

I smiled to myself. That was one party Riyana was going to miss. Probably they would cancel it and would be right at my home instead offering their condolences and sympathy. I would have to be careful indeed. I looked at my wife Riyana’s framed photograph on the mantelpiece. Soon it would be garlanded. My marriage to Riyana had been a miserable mistake, but soon it would be over and I would be free to live the life I always wanted.

I wish I didn’t have to kill Riyana, but there was no way out – Riyana would never give me a divorce, and if she came to know about me and her sister Ritika, she would destroy both of us, ruin our lives; for she is now the owner of Kapoor Empire after the death of her super rich father.

The plan was simple. I had manipulated the car brakes. At exactly 03:30, Riyana would enter her car to drive to Arpita’s house warming party and then she would drove off in her car, as she loves driving it on her own instead of having so many drivers. She was a safe driver but today it would be different. I had surreptitiously manipulated the car brakes and as soon as the car hits 60 Kmph mark the brakes would stop functioning slowly.

At precisely 04:30 Riyana would be on the Mumbai- Pune Express Highway heading straight to meet her death. It would be a ghastly sight. Riyana had been a fool to tell me everything and dig her own grave. It was a foolproof plan and no one would suspect. I had ensured that it would be an accident, an unfortunate accident indeed

Condolences, compensation, insurance – soon I would be a rich man and owner of Kapoor empire, with one and all showering me with sympathy and compassion. And then I would wait for Ritika to come back from Germany. And then, after a few days I knew she would propose to me, and I would ‘reluctantly’ accept and we would live happily ever after. I looked at the wall clock. It was almost 03 O’clock. Suddenly I began to have second thoughts. Maybe I should give Riyana a last chance.

All I had to do was pick up the phone and ask Riyana to wait and we both would drive together for the party. But no! I tried to steel my nerves. I had crossed the Rubicon, and there was no going back. The tension of waiting was unbearable, but I must not lose my head. I tried to divert my thoughts to Ritika.

The first time I suspected that Ritika loved me was when after coming back from UK after completing her graduation she took more interest in spending time with me than her sister. At that point of time I was so disillusioned with my marriage that my daily life was rather like sitting in a cinema and watching a film in which I was not interested. Ritika and I began spending more and more time together, and somewhere down the line emotions got entangled and physical intimacy followed.

Did Riyana suspect? I do not know. Was that the reason she had sent Ritika to Germany? I don’t think so. We had kept our affair absolutely clandestine. I looked again at the clock. 03:45 pm.

One hour to go. I began to have a feeling of dread and uneasiness, a sort of restlessness and apprehension – a queer sensation, a nameless type of fear. So I poured myself a stiff drink of vodka. As I sipped the alcohol, my nerves calmed down. Today was the last time I was going to have a drink, I promised myself.

Once I married Ritika I would never drink – there would be no need to.

I was lost in my thoughts when my cell-phone rang and got me back to presence. I shook out of my stupor and picked up my mobile phone. It was an unknown number. I rejected the call. The cell phone rang again; same number. I looked at the number it was from Gemany.

Was it Ritika? From Germany? My heart skipped a beat. I answered urgently.

“Hello,” I said.

“Hi Abhimanyu, how are you?” it was Ritika’s voice.

“Where are you speaking from? Is this your new number?” I asked.

“No. This is Rahul’s cell-phone,” Ritika said.

“Rahul?”

“Yes, Rahul, he wants to talk to you,” Ritika said.

“Hi Abhimanyu,” a male voice said, “Ritika has told me so much about you.”

It was strange. Who was this Rahul? I knew nothing about him!

So I said, “But Ritika has told me nothing about you!”

“I know,” Rahul said, “it all happened so suddenly. Even I can’t believe it could happen so fast – Love at first sight, whirlwind romance, swift wedding.”

“Wedding?” I stammered, shocked beyond belief.

“Yes. We, Ritika and I, got married yesterday and we are on our way to our honeymoon”

“You bastard! Give the phone to Ritika,” I shouted, losing control, the ground slipping beneath me.

“Hey, chill out. What’s wrong with you dude?” Rahul said calmly, paused for a moment, and spoke, “Ritika has gone for check-in hey, she’s waving to me. I’ve got to go now. Bye. We’ll see you when we come there.” And suddenly he disconnected.

I stared at my cell-phone, never so frightened, never so alone. I felt as if I had been pole-axed. I looked at the wall-clock. 04.45.

Oh, My God!

The deadline of 04:40 had gone.

It was too late. My blood froze. The cellphone rang. I picked it up, my hands trembling.

“There’s been an accident, sir” said the voice. “We are rushing Riyana madam to the hospital”

“Hospital? Tell me the truth,” I shouted hysterically into the phone, “Tell me, is she dead?”

“No. She’ll survive.”

Riyana did survive. I’m happy she did for her sake and for mine. For I couldn't be able to live with this guilt for rest of my life. Thanks to my small miscalculation.

But my real miscalculation was about Ritika.

____________________________________________________________

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

P.S: The story is a piece of fiction and resemblance to any person dead or alive is purely coincidental.

Only If I Could.....

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Wed, 1 Aug 2012 20:37:00 +0530

Only if I could tell you what my heart really feels for you ..

Only if I could shout to the world how happy I am having you ..

Only if you could be here with me every time I need you ..

Only if you could be every now and then just mine..

Having you in my life seems a blessing from up above ..

You fill the empty space I have in my Life ..

You taught me how to smile and take challenges in Life ..

Sometimes I Wonder, why fate leads us to each other ..

Sometimes I could not stop asking why? ..

Why do I have to meet you? ..

And fall in love with you? ..

And now I'm so confused, could this be love? ..

I love you, not because your perfect or what ..

But I do love love you because of who you really are ..

I love simply who you are ..

And I will always do ..

Only if I could tell you all of this ..

Only if I could express everything I feel for you ..

Only if I could kill the fear to lose you, my heart longing only for you

Only if I could say directly to you, how much I do love you ..

Only if I could ..

Only if...

_____________________________________________________

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

An Engineer's Nightmare

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Mon, 30 Jul 2012 15:55:00 +0530

I was walking back home, on a dark fogy winter night, when a small figure lying huddled beside the abandoned lane leading to LBS Marg got my attention. At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around. My first guess was it could be some drunken chap who might have exceeded his limit and failed to walk home so resting his body on this cushion less path. But as I got closer I realized it was someone who was well dressed and for sure not a drunkard. With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it. To my shock there was blood all over the body which was lying face down. It seemed to me that a ruthless blow by a speeding vehicle by some careless freak could have caused the end of this body. The guy seemed to be of around my age. My first instinct was to call police, but second thought clashed with it, screaming at me to get away from here and save myself from this unnecessary trouble. I tried to see if I could find someone, but all I could find there was a dark misty fog everywhere with not a single soul on that road.

The detective in me now started raising its head and pushed me to investigate the matter on my own, yes watching too much of C.I.D had started to take its effect on me. With a heavy heart which was beating twice its speed now I proceeded to inspect that lifeless soul, after all I wasn't a professional like Daya . Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope tugged in his hands, which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope from his hands (though I was not carrying the white gloves) and was completely amazed to see the phrase "appraisal letter" on it. With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy before reporting it to police. I-card strap around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be an engineer. I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details were typed in flying colors.

Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart literally when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!! My God! Goodness gracious! It was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed. My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this poor guy died such a miserable death". As a fellow engineer, I could relate myself to his misery. After slogging hard for hours in office, completing every assignment on time, working on holidays, even doing stuff which is not in your domain, what you end up is this- peanuts in the name of appraisal. On contrary those ass lickers who do nothing but please the superiors with their ass licking skills end up getting promotions and better hike.

As a sense of respect, I thought I should mourn for him and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand. I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.

While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter. Hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials. This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a fraction of second. I felt as if lightening struck me, the guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name. It was me who was dead there!!!!!!!!

While I was still lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders. My heart skipped its beat; I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind... splash!!! Went the glass of water on my face as I came out of my wild dream to see the dreadful face of my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder with that wicked smile saying, "wake up man? Stop dreaming and start working before its too late and yes come to my cabin I have your appraisal letter ready".

______________________________________________________________

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

P.S: The story is a piece of fiction, and the Image used is the property of its rightful owner.

All those who can relate to this misery specially my Engineering friends feel free to share your views and comments.

The Mysterious Death of Riya Oberoi

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 20:32:00 +0530

Death is certain when dark secrets are revealed.

I wasn't apprehensive at all. I always make my plans with the greatest of care. Murder is a serious business after all and you cannot be imprudent about it.

For Riya I had chosen Abrin.

Yes, Abrin – the deadliest of biotoxins. It’s even deadliest as compared to Arcin which is itself Six thousand times more lethal than cyanide. No antidote, No trace and no tell-tale symptoms. It was safe for the murder and certain death for the victim, stupid, unsuspecting Riya.

When she visits me this weekend I will offer, her favorite chocolate specially prepared by me, mixed with Abrin powder, the yellowish-white color powdered poison would camouflage in the dark color chocolate, making it impossible to trace.

She would unsuspectingly consume the deadly sweet. And then, she would take the Rajdhani express to Delhi to attend her International conference on Fashion Designing.

On Sunday the Abrin would begin to act on her.

First, she would develop vomiting and diarrhea that may become bloody. Severe dehydration may be the result, followed by low blood pressure, which is normal if someone consumes the too hygienic food from our train pantries.

Most likely, the workaholic and careless that she was about her health and food habits, she’d pop in a pill of Flora-Q for diarrhea, feel okay, and continue working.

Suddenly late on Sunday night she’d be in distress – high fever, severe cough, vomiting, kidney failure and circulatory collapse.

By Monday morning Riya would be dead.

Of course there will be a post-mortem at some hospital in Delhi.

The Diagnosis: Food poisoning, leading to death, as failure to take proper treatment.

It was as simple as that.

A precise threshold dose of Abrin was critical.

An overdose would be disastrous – she’d probably drop dead on my doorstep.

And an under-dose would be exercise in futility.

If I waited, it may be too late, before I could get such an opportunity again.

My wife Anita would return from her parent’s place on Thursday and life would be normal once again.

I cross-checked everything, there was no room for error. The work of perfectionist – everything would happen exactly as planned by me.

Riya’s chocolate was ready, specially prepared by me with a significant dose of Abrin, 50 micrograms to be precise.

I put the chocolate in the plastic wrapper and placed it on the dinning table.

Suddenly a thought crossed my mind. Suppose she didn’t eat the chocolate?

No problem. I had plenty of back-ups my sleeve.

Abrin dissolved in tea or juice. Three days to certain death due to severe jaundice followed by irreparable cirrhosis of the liver.

Or maybe I’d give her a face tissue, to freshen up before she leaves. A lavender scented face tissue laced with Arcin powder Transdermal delivery through her rosy cheeks.

But that would be a last resort. Mitali had dropped dead even before the train reached Thane. The tabloids had said: “Massive Heart Attack” as the cause of death. Just imagine – that’s the state of forensics out here. You can get away with anything, even murder.

Mitali gone now only Riya remained.

Riya was the only surviving link to the dangerous skeleton I had kept safely locked up in the cupboard of my heart. She had been my best friend. Riya knew things about me that no one else did, not even my parents. We had spent lot of time with each other and had loads of memories to cherish.

I was young, handsome, and affluent and on top of it the college life, carefree, reckless, moments of indiscretion in the flush of youth that cost me dear. It had been easy to kill Mitali. No pangs of conscience she was a crude blackmailer. All that she ever wanted from me was my money.

But with Riya, it was different. She had been my closest friend. Riya knew things about me that no one else did, not even my parents. It was Riya who had helped me out when Mitali had claimed she was pregnant with my child and threaten to make it public if I don't pay her a hefty amount to abort it and shut her mouth forever. To safeguard my Dad's political career that was the only option I was left with and had to succumb to her blackmailing.

After college was over, she suddenly disappeared to USA for higher studies and we lost contact, till she surprised me in the lobby of the Taj Hotel the other day, chocolate dangling from her lips. Riya looked vivacious, in tight jeans and a close-fitting T-shirt. We hugged.

“It’s been a long time,” she said.

“Ten years,” I said. “Let’s go home".

She looked around my luxurious flat on Bandra, and from the shelf, picked up the framed photograph of me and my wife.

“Your wife, she’s very beautiful.”

“Yes. Her name is Anita. She’s gone to her parent’s house for few days”

“Kids?” asked Riya.

“Yes a girl. She’s studying in III std now it’s a weekend so she has accompanied her mom too.”

“You are really lucky, Adi. You’ve got everything and I’m still struggling…” Riya paused for a moment, and suddenly smiled,

She talked about herself, her divorce, her success in the fashion industry and then she suddenly asked me, “Does she know?”

“Who?” I asked.

“Anita, your wife. Does she know?”

“What?” I asked with a bewildered look on my face.

“About you and Mitali?”

“No. Let’s have lunch” I said, trying to change the topic.

" Come on there’s no place for secrets between husband and wife, you should have told her everything. A relation stands on trust, don't worry when I meet her I will tell her in my own way. Don't worry she will understand, we all do mistakes in youth” Riya tried to convince me.

I shuddered to think what would happen if she told Anita everything about my past life that I had so carefully kept hidden.

My world would come crashing down. The fairy-tale marriage, the “social triumph” the opulent lifestyle, the flourishing career, the perfect wife and my lovely daughter – everything would fall apart like a pack of cards.

I could not allow Riya to meet my wife at any cost. She was too much of a blabbermouth.

Before she left, Riya said, “Adi, I am dying to meet your pretty wife.”

“Not this time,” I said, “Anita is returning on Thursday.”

“No dear, I’ll meet her on my way back to the States. In fact, I’ll stay with you in your lovely house and we’ll all have a good time together, okay?” Riya said.

“Okay,” I replied.

Riya gave me a hug and walked to the door.

Suddenly she stopped at the door, turned around and said, “Have you meet Mitali recently?”

“No,” I replied, completely frozen. I recovered my composure quickly and said, “I lost contact with both you and Mitali ever since you left for America after college.”

“It’s funny,” Riya said, “I unexpectedly ran into Mitali at Sydney airport last year and she told me she was relocating back to Mumbai and that she would track you down”.

“Well, that’s good news but she didn’t” I said firmly.

“Strange! She’s just vanished, disappeared into thin air. Now we’ll have to track her down when I come back next week,” Riya said, as she left.

It was at that moment I decided to kill Riya.

Mitali was dead. Once Riya was dead, the ghosts of my past would never ever haunt me.

On Friday afternoon I took half a day off and hurried home from my office to get ready for the evening with Riya.

I opened the door with the latch-key and was stunned to find Anita sitting on the sofa.

“Hi,” my wife said with a beautiful smile “came home early?”

“What are you doing here?” I asked, “You were supposed to come back on Thursday”.

“I cut short my trip.”

“But you could have called me.”

“I took a last minute decision and everything was so uncertain and I thought I should surprise you”. Anita replied, looking a bit irritated, “Adi, I thought you would be happily surprised to see me.”

“Of course I am happy to see you dear. I’m sorry I was rude, but where is our sweet daughter by the way” I asked.

“She has gone to play with her friends as she was missing them a lot” Anita replied.

I sat on the sofa and it was only then that instinctively, my eyes went to dinning table and I saw the chocolate wrapper empty. It was same chocolate pack that I had spiked with Abrin.

An indescribable fear drilled into me.

“Who ate that chocolate?” I asked.

“I did,” Anita said.

“Oh, My God…” I barely managed to whisper.

“By the way, Adi, since when have you started making chocolates?” she asked.

“Not me, my friend. She forgot it here last evening,” I stammered.

“Friend?” she asked with suspicious look on her face.

“You don’t know her.” I replied

“Riya Oberoi? is it” she asked.

I felt as if I had been pole-axed. I stared dumbstruck at Anita.

“She rang up just before you came.”

“Who, Riya?” I asked somewhat astonished.

“Yes. She said she won’t be coming today. Something important has come up. But she said she would definitely come over on her way back next week.”

I felt a sense of relief.

And then my mind became clear all of a sudden and I was panic stricken.

Anita had eaten that chocolate but she did not look even a bit affected.

Maybe the Abrin had yet not started taking effect.

Oh. My God! The Abrin. No antidote. Irreversible.

There was nothing I could do except watch my wife die in front of my eyes.

It was terrible, unimaginable mental agony.

The day passed, Saturday, Sunday, and finally Monday. Anita did not die. In fact, she seemed healthier than ever.

The Abrin hadn’t worked. I wondered what had gone wrong with my calculations according to which Anita should have been dead by now, but I was glad it didn’t work though.

As for Riya, I will have to think of something different.

On Tuesday morning I opened the newspaper.

The news item on front page corner got my eyes. A small item: “Award winning internationally famous Fashion Designer Riya Oberoi (34) dies in Delhi. Fashion Industry shocked at sudden death. Post-mortem indicates Food poisoning, leading to death as failure to take proper treatment”.

My mind went into a tizzy.

Anita eats the Abrin filled chocolate but Riya dies.

Puzzling, isn’t it?

Strange chilling thoughts start perambulating in my brain.

I put a stop to my train of thoughts.

It is best not to delve too much.

Let bygones be bygones.

It is time to forget the past and get on with my life.
________________________________________________________________________________

- Aditya Kasar (AK)

P.S:- The story is fictitious in nature and any resemblance to any person and place is purely coincidental and completely unintentional.

Learning in Progress..

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 11:54:00 +0530

Well thats true there's always a learning in whatever you do or whomever you meet, you always get a chance to know and learn lot of things and also the tact to deal with difficult situations. Learning with experiences from day to day life only makes you wiser.

Thats exactly what happened to me, I got a call from one of the organisation for an interview, it was mentioned clearly in the mail that that position is for "MANAGEMENT TRAINEE" and the interview was scheduled on coming Saturday, so being a holiday in the company where I was already working I decided to give it a go.

As the much awaited Saturday arrived, there I was all pumped up and prepared for the new opportunity. Things went smoothly as I was through my first interview and it all seemed good till then. I was called for the second rounds on tuesday, now I had a problem, Tuesday being a working day I had to give some explanation for my absentee in my current organisation. However determined for a change from my current boring job I made an excuse of not keeping well and attended the secondary round of interview.

Everything went good on that day too, I went trough some tests including aptitude and management rounds and had a good induction program, followed with the final interview with the General Manager himself. The way smoothly the things were going it seemed like a dream for me, but somewhere something hinted that this all was too good to be true. But I shunted my intuitions blaming them to be too pessimistic.

Finally I was told that I would be informed about the results by evening, so I relaxed and went home. In the evening I received the call from the company confirming my selection, and Wow! I was happy wasn't I. Filled with excitement I started to feel as if I have achieved a great success, happy to get out of the boring job profile, but what I wasn't aware of was things to follow next day.

Next day as I went to my new office I was informed about the meeting I was suppose to attend wherein the GM himself would be addressing. I was nervous but at the same time curious to know abut the job profile for which I was assured a hefty package. I entered a small hall where I saw lot of young guys and gals well dressed in corporate outfit chit chatting with each other. They all looked confident and enthusiastic, looking at them I felt much better as it made me some what more optimistic about my new job.

Then as the GM took the podium I noticed he was a young dynamic guy may be in his late 20's, well dressed with a super cool look and to match it a very fluent English. I was impressed by his introductory talks but I was eager to know that what was my role in all that he was highlighting.

Slowly and steadily he came to the point and then I realized that I was supposed to go door to door and raise funds for some NGO. In the terms he used he called it "Attitude, Stylish way of doing it" but for me it seemed ridiculous, not that rasing funds for the needful is bad but what they demanded is barging gates and security, meeting people in their offices or residence making false pretext and pleading for help for the needies. There were many on that floor who were doing it for long time, there was nothing wrong but simply not my cup of tea.

But I didn't quit, I spent the whole day with my team noticing all that was going around and trying to make my mind. At end of the day I knew exactly what I was thinking, Yes you got right "I CAN'T DO IT,THATS IT". But I learnt few things through this job fiasco.

First foremost, next time when I go for an interview I will be damn sure, what is the job profile? and try to see through the rosy picture portrayed to me.

Secondly I will be very careful while even selecting the openings for an interview.

But meeting so many people on my "A DAY JOB" thought me so many things, from what you must do and what you must not, it was good to go through this experience for a change , to get some thrill and excitement in my dull monotonous routine.

And if you might be wondering what happened to me after this fiasco, well luckily I had not resigned from my present company, and that was the only wise move I did, else I wound have been in a real soup. Now I am sitting in front of my desk and writing this piece so that it can prove to be a piece of advice to all those who are applying for jobs.

So All the Best!!

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

The Eleven Balloons!!

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Tue, 24 Jul 2012 20:41:00 +0530

I was busy reading my novel when Ritu suddenly interrupted me.

"Again you started reading your book, cant you get some time to talk to your wife, you and your books are just too much". her stern voice commanded an explanation from me.

Ritu and I were married just few months back and were on our way to visit her maternal relatives for some ritual where in we have to visit for lunch. In first place I was tired of attending these ritual from past couple of weeks and secondly the place we were going was some where in a remote place from Chiplun. And too worsen my woes I had to travel from the state transport bus, thanks to the breakdown of my beloved car. I was already pissed with the too comfortable ride that I was taking from last 30 minutes and hence to divert my mind preferred reading my favorite novel.

"Ritu! I need to complete this book before we leave for Mumbai you know how hectic it gets once the office starts, I wont be able to read it then and I'm already tired from this traveling, can't we talk once we reach" I pleaded.

"What, you are tired of, talking to me, what about me? you never have time for me" she argued, somewhat getting annoyed with me now.

I tried to calm her down by giving some logical reasoning, but you know once you offend a lady and that too your wife it gets difficult to get her back on right track so easily.

"Fine you continue with your treasured novel I'm not going to talk to you anymore throughout this journey" saying this she got up and took a seat few blocks behind from where I was sitting. The bus was almost half vacant so getting a seat was not such a big deal.

I knew her well, she would calm down after few minutes and come back to me on her own. But to avoid further elevation in her temper I closed the book and started observing things around. I noticed an old man may be in his 60's sitting on seat next to mine he was well dressed clean shaved and interestingly he was carrying lot of balloons along with him which got my attention. One thing peculiar about those balloons was, they had smiley on them. Curiosity got better of me and I couldn't resist myself from asking him, hence curiously I asked.

"Nice! balloons are you carrying it for your grandchildren?"

"No! not for my grandchildren but for my wife!" he replied with a smile on his face.

"For your wife! why?, its her birthday or does she like them so much?" I queried.

"Actually whenever she gets angry on me for any reason, this is the only way I say sorry to her, all that I need to do is get her 11 balloons with smiley on each one of them and a sorry card to compliment them" he responded.

"Well that's so nice but I guess they are more than 11 if I'm not wrong" I questioned.

To which he smiled and replied "Yes actually by the time I reach, some of them burst, and if she sees less than 11 than I have to come back next day to get them again, so its better to be safe than sorry".

"Yes you are right, but its such an easy way to persuade a lady you're lucky to get such a wife" I smirked.

"No not so easy, you know I have to travel 20 Kms to get these balloons from that Bharni Naka" he responded to my smirking.

"But why is she angry on you, what did you do" I queried.

"Well nothing serious, she gets annoyed on me for any small reason, like yesterday she got annoyed because we couldn't decide the color of the commode. Now tell me is this reason sufficient for argument, how does it matter which colour commode you have white or red, as far as it serves its purpose" he said mockingly.

Even I had a smile after listening to this weird reason for the tiff between him and his wife.

He continued "You know she keeps getting annoyed with me for simplest of reasons, just as your wife got annoyed because, you were busy reading the novel and not talking to her. But that's how these women are, all they need is your company and someone to listen to them and when we don't understand their such simple needs, its obvious their temper will rise, isn't it"

I nodded to what he said, I was getting his point, it did made sense. But I was eager to listen to him, his talks were interesting and his way of portraying them was even more significant.

"After 30 years of marriage still we keep fighting on petty issues, then we try to persuade each other by doing these simple things, like me getting these balloons for her and she makes my favorite sweet dish Gajar ka Halwa for me, till now we have had fights on all the weirdest topics possible, right from which side on the bed I should sleep, to me sneezing" he completed his sentence with a comic expression on his face.

"What fight on sneezing? that sounds interesting" I interrupted him.

"Yes on sneezing, you know what happened I was drawing mehndi design on her hand and suddenly I sneezed, now its a natural phenomena what could I do, but due to it the mehndi design somewhat got altered, that's it she got annoyed!" he continued with his story.

"And then" I queried eager to know, getting involved in this animated talk.

"Then next morning when I got up, I had a red nose! she had applied mehndi to it previous night. Now imagine I had a important meeting that day, and even if I didn't had any meeting, how was I suppose to go to office with a red nose. It took a month for it to get back to normal" he finished and bursted into laughter.

Even I couldn't contain my laughter and even I joined him.

"So do you need one of these balloons to persuade your wife, but you will only get one" he teased me pointing to my still upset wife.

"No thank you so much, I will get, her favorite chocolate when we get down from the bus that should be enough to get a smile back on her face" I replied to his generous offer.

Suddenly the bus stopped and I realized it had reached its final destination, the conversation with that jolly old man made the whole journey an interesting one. That old man got down along with those balloons and headed away. I was about to get up from my seat when I noticed he had forgotten his sorry card on his seat. I took it told Ritu to wait for me near the rickshaw stand and went behind him to hand it over to him.

I followed him, he kept walking for some time and then entered a gate, from outside it looked like a cemetery to me. I wondered what was he doing here, and to my shock I saw him seating in front of one of the gravestone. My heat sank, his wife was no more, she had died a year back, which was evident to me from the name plate carved on the grave. I didn't wish to disturb him hence I left the card on a rock beside and left.

But this incident did touch me deep within, this old man in such a short journey thought me such a big and important lesson of my life. How often we take our own people for granted, time and moments are precious, once they pass by they never come back. As soon as I reached the bus depot I went to Ritu and handing her favorite chocolate and holding my ears I said sorry. She was surprised to this gesture of mine, she never expected this from me, with wide open eyes she asked me

"What happened, you OK Na?,"

To which I just smiled and said

"I'm sorry dear I will see to it that next time onward no books when I'm travelling with you, now lets take the rickshaw and head to your uncle's place before we get too late for the lunch"

Holding her hand I walked towards the rickshaw, she was puzzled with such a sudden change in me, but was happy from within, and I was happy to see her happy and also to learn a lesson from an old man and the 11 balloons .

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

P.S: The story is inspired from one of the tales from the Bollywood movie Dus Kahaniyaan.

The images used are for representational purpose only and are property of rightful owners.

Forgive Me O Love!

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Sun, 22 Jul 2012 17:32:00 +0530

23-July will always remain special for me and on this special occasion I want to convey my feelings to my love, sadly this letter is the only way I can convey it to her. Knowing that she won't talk to me now, and have blocked me from her life, for the pain I have bestowed, knowingly or unknowingly. But I hope that she reads this somewhere, someday, somehow and does forgive me, because that's all I long for.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

You will always remain in my memories

Dear Love,
I am so distraught right now. Everything is over and I can’t fix it. There is nothing left to say, nothing left to look at. All I have are these memories of you, I find them comforting. My memories are the place where only you and you live. I despise myself for this. I will never forgive what happened. Fury is the only emotion that constantly fills my heart and I wonder if it will ever leave me.

I can’t ever remember feeling happier than I was when i was with you. I can still recall exactly what you wore on our first date, exactly how you smelt, and exactly how I felt. I was so determined not to like you though because of how careful I am with my heart. I knew this would happen, I knew your parents will never validate our relation and everything logical was screaming at me that what we were doing, falling in love, had to stop; but I guess sometimes the least logical paths in life are the most intriguing to follow.

ocean blue eyes

For some reason, I just couldn't find the courage to stay away from you. You are so breathtakingly gorgeous. I can’t get past your perfect smile or your ocean blue eyes. I can actually remember the first time I really looked into your eyes. We were sitting in the CCD. I told you that I have hearts for you and you were starteled because you were expecting me asking your help to hook up with your friend. I was mesmerized by your eyes; they held so much beauty and mystery. I wished then, that I could be that one guy who unravels every secret you held in your heart.

I’m a strong person. I’ve always prided myself on that, but why is it that I’m still so broken? I still walk around this big campus and constantly see things that instantly remind me of you. You are like some kind of depression drug that I can’t get myself to stop taking. No one on earth can get me to stop. I look at all of our pictures sometimes to remind myself of all the good times we had, but in the end they just make me sadder.

Everything I used to love just doesn’t matter without you and I’m sure that sounds pathetic. I’m so sorry for needing you this badly. All of this hurt is exactly why I was so determined to dislike you when we first met. I never imagined it might hurt this badly though, or in this way. I thought that we’d just breakup. I never expected this.

I replay the moment you told me you loved me in my mind at least two or three times a day. The memory comforts me when I feel most alone. I still taste you on my lips when I remember the moment. We were outside and the moonlight was framing your face so perfectly, and as you bent in to kiss me before I drove home it was different. I could tell by how nervous it seemed, you were trembling and as you broke away you whispered my name. I began to get nervous and anxious; I wasn’t sure what was happening. I whispered your name back quizzically and then you whispered mine again. You paused for a half of a second which felt like a millennium then whispered those beautiful, fateful, dangerous and intertwining three little words to me. You said, “I love you.”

I choked up in that exact second. I wasn’t even sure I had heard you correctly. The next moment I felt myself being spun in the air from your happiness. I felt your entire body relax and when you bent in to kiss me it was magic. There was so much passion and desire that it overwhelmed me. It was as if our hearts beat in the same rhythm that night. This is the most powerful memory I have of you. It will linger with me as others will forever. This makes me happy to remember it, but sad to know that I’ll never get a chance to make more memories with you. Though we can never be back together ever, I respect your decision and I still love you so much.

Yours Forever,

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

P.S: The images used are for representational purpose only and are property of their rightful owners.

A Miracle….Race with time & Luck

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 22:00:00 +0530

This article was written 2 years back and I am re-posting it. This was my true experience, my interesting tale, my journey to Datta Meghe College of Engineering (DMCE)...
___________________________________________

I have been a witness to lots of miracles in my life and somehow they keep happening to me from time and again. The sole reason I am writing about this one is that I had promised myself that if the desired result is achieved than I will surely put it on my blog. So here it goes…...

Just few weeks back I had given an interview for the post of lecturer in Datta Meghe College of Engineering [DMCE]; I cleared the first round and was told to come for another [management round] in few days. I was happy, since after months of toiling hard and searching for a job of my interest I was a step closer to my dream. But couple of weeks passed by and there was no call whatsoever, on 22 Jan 2010 infuriated I called up the HOD to inquire about the status and his response was not so optimistic.

Fed up of my luck I got a TOI (Times of India) newspaper and searched for vacancies, and bingo there was a vacancy in Shah and Anchor College of Engineering [SACE] and interview was due on next day at 10:30am. With no other option I convinced myself to settle for what’s there up for the grab. So next day @ 10:05am I was in Chembur [SACE] and to my amzement I could only find myself for the interview so my confirmation here was obvious.

However I was still upset about the response from previous interview, more for not given a chance for another round just because I was not an Ex-student irked me!

And there my cell rang and it was the HOD [DMCE] himself asking me if I would be able to make for the interview by 11:00am. I had few seconds to decide; for me it was a last chance, and so began my race with time and my Luck!!

I took an Auto @ 10:20am for Kurla Station, after going through all the traffic and with my fingers crossed and praying within for this miracle to happen; luckily I reached station @ 10:32am. There I saw I fast local for Thane [10:35am] I had no time to take a ticket, so I had to take a risk of ticket less travelling, my heart still beating faster than normal. Through out the journey I was trying to calculate time required to reach, with different assumptions as if they were going to make a huge difference [these are something’s that we do more often to console and convince our stupid rational minds.]

As train reached Thane station @ 10:55am I was a happy man, but my happiness was short lived as there was no adjoining train for Airoli for next 10 minutes. I knew reaching 15 min late won’t make a huge difference but than I knew my luck can abdicate me anytime, so didn’t wanted to take any chance; but now I had no option either but to hope for the best. Finally I reached for the interview @ 11:20am offfffuu…I was there finally. Anyways I was the last candidate so I had 20 min to compose myself and prepare for this opportunity for which I had travelled like a crazy for last hour or so.

My name was called and in I went, the interviewer stated with his job more like a formality and within next 20 min I got the news, beginning of my new career field. Happier I was finally my luck stood by me when I needed it the most. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all those who had prayed and wished for me all through. I am a relived man now; my restless sleeps would be put to rest now finally….!!

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

P.S: The images used is property of the rightful owner

Essence of Love...

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Tue, 17 Jul 2012 14:06:00 +0530

With Love..

Listening to my all time favorite song "Nothings gonna change my Love for you" by George Benson I couldn't resist writing this article which is straight from my heart.... :)

Each one of us sometimes or the other goes through a phase where we seem to lose all the hopes, we feel, as if their is no more meaning left for the survival of this mortal soul. Life seems to be mundane, irksome, insipid and torpid...isn't it?..

When whole world seems to be blissful, enjoying their moments including your friends and family; except yourself who has a huge void, a feeling of abysmal desolation grasping you, that foreboding darkness never seems to end. But that very next moment, life plays a twist, because you have no clue what so ever that your life is about to change, forever and ever.

Life presents you with a wish, which you had asked long time back, and by now you might have even abandoned the hope of it getting fulfilled...but it does! suddenly comes true, making you realize the power of that almighty, who has in store plans for each one of us.

Suddenly a person invades your dull existence and with him he gets an euphoria, exhilaration and exuberance. You are filled with the desire and aboriginal will to live your life. Again there is that fighting spirit in you, which you thought had died long time back. Now you feel you have everything in your life, you are complete in every sense, you feel as you can conquer the whole world, and when you go through all this, thats when suddenly a fear grasps your mind- ..... is all this true or a beautiful dream or then a game played by the destiny to prove its supremacy over you?.

All the above mentioned symptoms clearly signifies, that you are in love, with that person, who happens to be the reason to transform your boredom filled routine with much more interesting and zestful happenings. The fate of your love is already sealed by that almighty, beyond our mortal capability to reveal it. Whether you succeed or not in your journey is a formality, its worthless to ponder over thoughts like these, instead its better we follow our heart, after all matter of hearts can never be left with rational brains.

But what matters his your sincerity in the efforts you take not only in the inception of your relation but also for its survival. The need to be loved his felt by each one of us, hence it is imperative that we value it...because if we don't, we might lose its essence and purity and end up remorse it for the rest of our life.

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.”
― Joan Crawford

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

P.S: The images and video used are property of their rightful owners and are used for representational purpose only.

Diary of a Terrorist

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 18:00:00 +0530

Things had calm down after the intense firing between my team and the two terrorist that had stormed the terminus 20 minutes back, as I entered all that I witnessed was people lying dead in pool of blood, the count would be in 100's was my approximate assessment. In the cross firing we had shot down the two terrorist who were responsible for this dismay. When I reached near one of those dead insurgent I saw him lying with a small diary in his left hand and a pen in another, he seemed in his early 20's wearing a fancy T-shirt and cargo. Later when I analyzed that day book I found out it was his diary where in he had written the detailed description of his daily activities. As I opened the first page, it read.........
______________________________________________________________

25 Nov

_________________

From last six months I have been rigorously training in this camp at Azizabad near Karachi, my training included Psychological, Basic Combat, Advanced Training and Commando Training. A month back from the batch of 25, 9 others along with me were handpicked for the Mumbai mission. Besides the use of high-end weapons and explosives we also received special training in swimming and sailing, under the supervision of LeT commanders.

The preparation also included intake of heavy doses of steroids and stringent workout to develop a better physic and stamina to provide enough resistance to Indian defense forces when we confront them. By now we have also got accustomed to taking cocaine regularly to keep awake for nights on stretch without feeling dizzy, this is essential for success of our mission I have been told.

Being the second in chief of the operation its success thrives on my shoulders now, every move needs to be assessed with precise accuracy, its now or never for us. I need to be strong and merciless when I massacre all those people; I want to see fear in their eyes, I want to fill the streets of "City of Dreams" with raging blood all over.

This is my only opportunity I know to pay back to my nation and avenge the injustice done to my people on other side of the border, who have been maladroitly treated there for ages; and now its time to liberate them from their misery.

Me and my 9 companions know it well that we wont make it back, after all its a fidayeen (suicide attack) mission but we are rest assured that our families will be well look after by our commander-in-chiefs.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

26 Nov:

_____________

Today we boarded a small boat for Mumbai to travel by sea from Karachi, across the Arabian Sea; mid way we hijacked one of the Indian fishing trawler, killed the crew and then forced the captain to sail to Mumbai.

During the journey as the cold breeze hit my face, I couldn't stop wondering about how people sell their souls, their loyalty, their love for their nation just for the sake of money, and this boosted my moral; at least we were dying for the call of duty- for our nation.

As the trawler was approaching the coast, we were busy studying the blue prints and other detail for one final time, the Google earth and navigation has made our task that much simpler.

As per the plan I'm shouldered with the responsibility to storm the crowded railway station, which also happens to be a prime terminus and a heritage site of this city. Attacking it will leave bruises and scar's on this nation which will never heal and continue reminding them of our power and will forever.

On reaching close to Mumbai shore we murdered the captain and entered the city on a rubber dinghy. As the dinghy reached the south coast of Mumbai we disembarked in the shabby slum and got lost in the dark streets of the city.

"Today is the day of our success, today we strike and strike their soul, no matter how and when we die, but we will still take hundreds of them with us!" these were my words enough to provide the needed impetus to my team. before we split in different directions to execute our mission.

As I entered the terminus, all that I could see around me was a horde of people walking, children crying, old men and women waiting for the train to arrive. Suddenly something within me yelled at me "What are you waiting for? Start firing!! Its now or never Do it now!!”

Coming back to my senses I pulled out my AK-47 and started firing in a rage, there was a mass hysteria all around, suddenly I noticed a policemen opening fire from his pistol at me, I ducked and took cover behind one of the columns and couldn't stop mocking at this country;

"how strong was their defense?" I muttered to myself. "He just has few bullets and an ordinary pistol and I ‘m carrying an automatic rifle and a good supply of ammunition with me. How is he going to stop me poor hapless chap, his country has made him a scrape goat". I smirked.

He kept shooting helplessly with his pistol but it was no match to my AK-47 and when finally he was done I aimed straight for his forehead knocking him down and continued my massacre with a wicked smile on my face. My adrenaline was pumping by now and cocaine was taking its effect taking me to a ecstasy; boosting my ego.

By this time panic had set everywhere, people were running haphazardly, running in the puddle of blood created by me, running for their lives. But I was determined to kill as many as possible before I die.

Suddenly I felt something struck me from nowhere, Ah ! I was hit my a bullet I realized, I ran for cover and hid in the corner of a booking counter. From there all that I could see in front of me were dead bodies lying in a tarn of blood.

I was trying to recuperate and prepare myself for another strike, loading the magazine, and then what I saw shook me to the core, a man who was badly injured himself was trying to carry a small child to safety- a child who happened to be of my religion, just beside him there was a police officer trying to take an old couple to safety-who again happened to be of my religion;

What was this? I pondered. After all we were told repeatedly in the camp that our people were treated badly in this nation, they were tortured, all the videos that I witnessed in the camps signified the same.

But what I was witnessing right now in front of me portrayed a completely different picture. I started questioning myself whether what we did was right; because I could see my people there too, lying in the heap of bodies; courtesy me and my AK-47.

"It was suppose to be war to liberate our people isn't it?" my inner voice stated "Then why are they lying there in hundreds? who is responsible for this?? Its you and only you!!"

Yes I was the one; who was responsible to kill so many of my own people, it was me whose bullets had injured that small innocent child, then how come I was doing it for my God? My God never preached violence, he could have never encouraged war, and what I was a part of; was definitely in no ways a war for freedom from evil and injustice. Bullets don't differentiate between people and their religion it just kills I realized.

The pierced bullet had started to spread the pain deep within; my blood was profusely flowing. I realized it's too late now, what has been done can’t be undone. I was misguided by traitors of our own nation.

Lying in my own gore, I hope my God forgives me, for this horrendous crime that I have committed in pretext of his name. My vision has started to fade now, and I can remember the day...

I had fought with my dad, just because he couldn't give me 100 bucks on my birthday and in that rage I had left my home, started with pick pocketing and later got picked by LeT, only to be brainwashed on pretext of our religion and people; to come for this attack.

I regeret leaving my parents, I could have been better but I didn't, neither did I prove to be a good son nor a worthy citizen of my country. I'm not a martyr but a terrorist and I die as one.

I hope someday someone reads this log so that he can understand, how we were misguided and how thousands of young folks like me are mislead everyday to believe that they are in war for justice, they are brain washed and made to believe that our people aren't safe in this country. I want to spread a message via this diary, "Terrorism has no religion, no cast and no nation. all that it does is kill humanity"~~~.........

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As I finished reading the last log, I made my mind to publish it, so that it can serve as a message and also a warning for all those misguided young lads from all over the world and also help them in giving an insight in a life they are planning to take up and the end they will meet.

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

P.S: The story is a piece of fiction and imagination and any resemblance to any person, place is mere coincidence and completely unintentional, by no means the author intends to hurt sentiments of any nation or religion mentioned herein.

Left Alone

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 12:25:00 +0530

Its a beautiful & touching poem penned by Kaustubh Hile. on the background of my story "The 09:05 CST Local". It summarizes the whole story in a perfect poetic rhythm leaving you mesmerized.

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While travelling in a train,
In a light drizzling rain.
An unknown person,
Asked me a question.
Do you believe in true love??

I ignored him,
He asked again.
I avoided him,
He made eye contact.

Finally, I answered him.
My heart was sinking,
My eyes were blinking,
But I answered him.
I said,
Yes, I believe,
That’s the reason I live.
I had one wife,
She was my life.

She loved me truly,
Beyond your thoughts,
Beyond the reach,
Beyond imagination,
Beyond my speech.

But she left me,
she left me all alone,
in this big bad world…

Breaking my link,
He started to think.
He again hammered a question,
How weird is your relation??
If she loved you, why did she leave you??

Leaving me all alone

I said,
It was not my will,
Not her wish.
She’s no more alive,
To be in my life.

I wanted to cry,
But had to hold on.
I wanted to die,
But had to move on.

I said,
She suffered from leukemia.
She was moving towards termination.
She knew she’s gonna die,
But strong was her determination.

Before her death
She spent each second with me,
She dropped me,
She picked me,
She did her best to be with me.

As her memory,
She knitted this sweater.
The warmth in which,
Has become more sweeter.

This sweater is incomplete,
Because she left the world in between,
Leaving me & sweater, both incomplete,
Without her….
I miss her…
I miss her… a lot ;(

-Kaustubh Hile.

P.S: You can also find the original posting at http://kaustubhhile.blogspot.in/2012/07/left-alone.html

Images used are for representational purpose only and our property of their rightful owners.

The 09:05 CST Local

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 09:05:00 +0530

Today was a special day for me, with a promotion I was reallocated to the head office in Colaba (Mumbai). A nice place for an office and though the distance was considerable, the newness seemed worth the trouble of commute. All set for this wonderful opportunity, I planned to leave well in time so that I won't be late for work on the first day, and with the reliability factor of local trains in the monsoon at back of my mind, I preferred leaving home well in advance. I reached Bhandup station near about 08:55 am, and b'cos of new office location, even my regular schedule of boarding had to be changed . As I reached platform no.2 my eyes tried to spot the indicator to see the next expected train, and it read 09:05 CST Slow. (CST: abbreviation for Chhatrapati Shajivi Terminus.) As the train approached the station, a mental preparation for a mini battle to get in the train started. And to my amazement, I could easily get in the I class compartment without having to bruise anyone. Just as Ghatkopar station arrived, I was fortunate enough to get a seat, with a sigh of relief I sat just next to the window. Being an early monsoon, the climate was pretty comfortable today as compared to some other days. It was drizzling outside.

The train halted at Ghatkopar station and a throng of commuters rushed in. After few moments, I noticed a couple sitting on the adjacent seat who had boarded the train few minutes back, I presume. Well, there was nothing special about them in the first glance, late 20's, married most probably, the guy was busy reading his newspaper while the lady was talking to him and simultaneously she had a knitting kit and she was busy trying to to make something from the red/maroon yarn balls. Nothing special. The journey continued as I drowned in the music on the hands-free plugged to my cell.
A few weeks passed. The 09:05 am local became a routine but an interesting one too, with almost similar faces traveling in it everyday. But what seemed more intriguing to me was that same couple had the same routine; the guy used to be always busy reading his newspaper and the girl busy with her knitting tools and her one-sided conversation. I have often wondered
whether he even paid attention to what she said (this was the reason i had assumed they must be married b'cos usually that's when only girls speak and guys keep their mouth shut :P). Even they used to get down at CST, and by now it became safe for me to assume that they both must be working in the same office. Days passed by, nothing much changed, neither my regular local nor the commuters, yes but something was changing everyday and that was, the yarn balls; they were taking some shape now, and by month of September I could easily guess she was trying to make a sweater which seemed to be on shorter side which led me believe that maybe she was pregnant (b'cos thanks to Bollywood movies that's when a women knits a sweater usually, otherwise I don't see a point why someone will take so much of pain when you can get it easily from any of the shops).

All these months I never ever communicated with them, they were any ordinary couple but something was quite distinct about this one. I was analyzing them for about 4 months now, they never fought or had any arguments, the guy used to nod at whatever she said and was always busy in his newspaper, even she never nagged him, both were happy doing their own stuff but still had each others company.

It was Early November morning, I sneaked in my regular 09:05 local, the train had reached Ghatkopar station but to my surprise today for the first time in the past few months that couple did not board the train, 'may be they were late,' I thought to myself and got lost in my music. The month went by, but I never saw that couple again. I wondered what might have happened. I had all these foolish thoughts flooding my mind that too for someone I never knew personally, but still my rational mind wondered whether they had a break up, or did their office timings get changed or is it that they have changed their regular local. It's just that I was curious to know, then i thought,.'maybe she was really pregnant and has a baby now; after all she was making a sweater for him.'

One fine December morning travelling the usual, I was surprised to see that same face in my local, but he was all alone this time; his wife was not accompanying him, 'may be she was busy taking care of their new born baby,' I thought.

January arrived and all this while I noticed that lady never accompanied him ever, and I wondered why, now I simply couldn't resist asking him what has exactly happened. I knew I was poking my nose and trying to invade someone's personal life, but I had to kill my curiosity. He was standing near the door wearing a maroon sweater with his office bag hanging across his shoulders. I got up from my seat and went besides him. I was nervous, wondering whether it was a good idea to poke someone like I was about to do) but finally I did.

"Hey, hello. I am Aditya, I'm traveling in the same local for last 6 months and I have always noticed you and your wife all along for the first few months, but from these few months I didn't see you, so wondered, if everything was fine?" To which he gave me a stern look and kept silent ( he must be wondering who I was and why I am trying to poke my nose in his personal life) but I was adamant to know what was wrong, so I kept looking at him waiting for his reply. He stared away from me, busy looking outside the running trees and buildings. I again made an attempt to interrupt him and dared "I am sorry to interrupt you, but its just that I wondered why you both don't travel together again I hope everything is fine". He looked at me with eyes those were intense this time. His expressions revealed that I was about to be punched in the face or he was just troubled by a nagging nobody. I realised that if I pushed it anymore I might really have a bleeding nose. But I was surprised and taken aback when he finally spoke to me.

"I am Jayesh and that lady you are talking about was my wife Preeti, she was very adamant, stubborn and never listened to me and that's the reason she finally left me." (my brain meanwhile was drawing conclusions on it's own that, he was responsible b'cos he never used to pay heed to what she said and loved his newspaper more than her). He continued, "eight months back she was diagnosed with leukemia; she was ill. Doctors had told that she was in her final stages and could only live for few more months and had suggested her to take bed rest, but she never listened to anyone. She argued with me that she doesn't want to live her final days lying on bed instead she wants to be with me and spend most of her time being with me as much as possible, and hence every day she used to accompany me, she used to come all the way to leave me till CST station, from there we used to take a walk till my office in Fort and then she used to come back all alone. Her condition was deteriorating day-by-day, but she continued to accompany me. Finally in month of November her condition got critical and that's when I took leave from my office and was with her all the time, and then as the month ended so did my other half......(he took a look pause.... just looking at the pole at the door)
she passed away leaving me all alone."

I will be incomplete without you.

My heart sank. For what I did, I was feeling guilty b'cos I had misread this guy, he was not rude as I thought. The train reached CST station, Jayesh lost in his own thoughts got down and started walking, and then suddenly I noticed something; the maroon sweater he was wearing was a bit unique, it was a full sleeve sweater but its right sleeve was missing .....and then I realized that, it was the same sweater that Preeti was knitting the whole time. I couldn't believe that true love still existed in such a busy fast paced life. She knew she had less time in her hands, yet she loved him to her fullest. And even though the sweater was incomplete his love for her was.

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

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Incomplete Love

There were pages to be written,

There were loose ends to be tied,
There were our plans for kids,
why did you leave things behind?

You were stubborn, you were adamant,
You used to cry, you used to smile,
You couldn't go on but you still wanted to try,
then why did you leave things behind?

I couldn't look at your face,
You knew I would weep and cry,
Wasn't much time before we knew you would die.....
still you left things behind.......

You loved me more than I could grasp,
Sometimes it was for a love that would never last,
And yet your last wish would still be another day with me,
Till that breath in your lung would last.....

Every time you sat next to me with that smile,
I realized the day my tears flowed for a million miles.....
The distances don't allow I know,
But without you.... within me.....there's no place left to go.....

.. there's no place left to go......

- Jeswyn m.

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Also check out the poetic version of this story at http://kaustubhhile.blogspot.in/2012/07/left-alone.html or http://www.kasaraditya.com/2012/07/left-alone.html

P.S. The story is a piece of imagination and fictitious in nature, any resemblance to any place or person leaving or dead is purely coincidental.

Images used are only for representational purpose and are property of their rightful owner. A special thanks to Jeswyn m. for the beautiful poem and final editing touches.

LEARNING FROM BHAGWAD GITA-I

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Mon, 9 Jul 2012 17:57:00 +0530

Dear friends whatever that you are about to read in this article is summary of the great "BHAGWAD GITA" which I was fortunate enough to read in times when I was completely in mess and was trying my best to fight against it, and today I have realized the change that the great Bhagwad Gita has brought in my life. The wordings of Lord Krishna gives you a complete crystal clear vision of what life is and how you can live it to the fullest without getting too attached to the materialistic things in life that tend to give you sorrow and pain in times to come.
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After I finished reading The Gita I find myself completely transformed to a person who can understand life better that he ever did. Friends Bhagwad Gita is too vast and there too many things which you might think are difficult to follow in today’s world, but to your amazement there are some simple things that you can follow even in today's busy hassle filled days of your personal or professional life; for which you don't need to be a saint or a Mahatma. Herein I have tried to simplify and explain my understanding from some extracts from the great epic to keep it simple short and sweet I will post the learning in parts.

The first thing that you understand is the simple truth of life which is:

“Whatever happened, happened for the good; whatever is happening, is happening for the good; whatever will happen, will also happen for the good only. You need not have any regrets for the past. You need not worry for the future".

Yes if you believe in that almighty god regardless of whichever form of his you believe in, you must know that whatever he has planned for you has to be good. Alike as a mother can never wish her children’s to face troubles but sometimes she lets them face some, because she wants them to be strong enough and learn from their mistakes. Similarly the almighty God who is our mother our father always looks after us and tries to make us better everyday. So when you have got yourselves acquainted to this almighty truth you can see there is no reason to feel depressed and lose your hopes against life as it was always meant to happen like that, neither you neither anyone else could have changed it.

The Second truth that reveals itself in Gita is that;

"What did you lose that you cry about? What did you bring with you, which you think you have lost? What did you produce, which you think got destroyed? You did not bring anything - whatever you have, you received from here. Whatever you have given, you have given only here. Whatever you took, you took from God. Whatever you gave, you gave to him. You came empty handed, you will leave empty handed. What is yours today, belonged to someone else yesterday, and will belong to someone else the day after tomorrow. You are mistakenly enjoying the thought that this is yours. It is this false happiness that is the cause of your sorrows".

Yes the biggest truth which we all know still we are so reluctant to accept it. Every person that we meet in our lifetime is predefined by the destiny; then may it be your parents, friends, partner, etc. how much time well no one knows then why not live each day with them as if it is a last day and try to make them happy and in turn be happy. At the same time Lord Krishna tells us that don't get to attached to anyone as one or the another day that person has to leave you as it is destiny and no one to blame. The moment we accept this fact of nature how easy it gets to live our life, now you have no reason to feel depressed or feel dumped by someone, as it was the destiny and surely one day you will realize that it happened for your betterment.

-Aditya Kasar (AK)

P.S: The images used are property of their rightful owners.

PREM

noreply@blogger.com (Aditya Kasar) — Sat, 7 Jul 2012 22:16:00 +0530

Still Hoping against all odds, that she will come back to me...

A poem that depicts the feelings of a true lover who is in immense pain from the loss of his beloved but still wishes & hopes that she returns someday some how....
It's dedicated to Love of my Life.
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प्रेम असते तरी काय हे कधी कळलेच नाहीं,

जे वाटले ते कधी घडलेच नाहीं .

प्रेम एक सुंदर स्वप्न वाटले,

पण त्याने आयुष्यात नुसते अश्रूच आणले.

ते परतेल ही अजूनही एक आस आहे,

आणि तोच माझ्या जीवनाचा शेवटचा ध्यास आहे.

-Aditya Kasar (AK)