Kitchen Retro

Walpurgis Night In Translation

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 21:38:00 +0000

People generally think that the spring holiday of Walpugis Night was really made famous by the great German poet Goethe, but let me tell you a little secret: he actually got the idea from my ancestor, Johann Friedrich Loewen, the frontispiece of whose 1756 book of poetry is shown over on your left. Goethe wrote about Faust and Walpurgisnacht in 1800, 44 years after Loewen did.

And Loewen's giving Goethe a Very Good Idea is one of his main claims to (very minor) fame. He also was a theater critic and writer, though ultimately not a very successful one, since he ended his career as a minor government employee in the city of Rostock. All of which is a roundabout way of telling you that this frontispiece got me thinking both about my forays into translating and reading German - and about Walpurgis Night, which will be coming up on the 30th of April, the night, that is, before May Day.

The Brockenberg

Walpurgis Night is something like All Hallows' Eve (and in fact is exactly 6 months before it). Named for the English medieval Saint Walburga, It is traditionally a night during which witches celebrated and bonfires were made, bells rung, and aromatic herbs were burned to fumigate rooms that had been shut up during the long winter months.

It was celebrated in northern Europe mainly - Scandanavia, Germany, Scotland and England, so is not known as much in North America. In Germany the celebrations are especially associated with the Harz Mountains, in particular the Brockenberg or Brocken Mountain - which is where Loewen was born and grew up, in the town of Clausthal. Perhaps Lowen learned about the Walpurgis legends as a child.

In his 1888 translation of Faust*, Bayard Taylor notes that:

Johann Friedrich Lowen, a native of Clausthal, in the Hartz, published in 1756 a comical epic entitled 'The Walpurgis-Night," wherein, apparently for the first time in literature, Faust appears on the Blocksberg. I quote the following lines as a specimen: -

'At Beezlebub's left hand there Doctor Faust was sitting;
He filled his glass and drank most bravely, as was fitting,
And when the nectar made their spirits warm and strong,
The spectres cried 'Hurrah!' Faust sang a drinking song.'"

Bilberries

I am glad that Mr. Taylor has lent his translation services to this verse. Still, I might celebrate this year's Walpurgis Night by translating some more of the poem. I might also sip a glass of homemade May Wine, the traditional beverage for spring in Germany - and quite possibly what Dr. Faust and the spectres were imbibing up on the Brockenberg.

To make May Wine, one 1883 cookbook** suggests that you put a bottle of hock (Rhine wine) into a punch-bowl, and add to this a glass of sherry, a sliced lemon, a sliced orange, and some sliced strawberries. Then add sugar to sweeten and 12 sprays of woodruff, an aromatic herb. And I am sure that a glass of May Wine, and the fires of Walpurgisnacht, will inspire me to brush up my college German and start translating.

*You can see it on Google Books, right here.

**Cassell's Dictionary of Cookery, p. 411.

Pedantic accent-related note: Loewen's surname is often spelled with an umlaut over the o (the e following the o is an accepted substitute). I wasn't able to get my computer to comply with typing an o-umlaut so I'm using the oe spelling instead - but when I quote Taylor I just leave it off altogether. So there you go.

A Grapefruit Worth Its Salt

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 15:57:00 +0000

Have you ever heard of this? Putting salt in grapefruit juice? And on grapefruit halves? I never have. I love pink grapefruit and usually have some around, but it has never once occurred to me to start salting them.

But this Morton's Salt ad from 1949 makes it sound like, well, of course this is what people do. It does so much for grapefruit, the 1940s Morton ads all say. Yes, it does. It makes them salty.

A 1946 ad from Morton's says that there are "special displays" of Morton's-plus-grapefruit in all the best grocery stores:. This was probably because the yellow grapefruit looked good with the girl in the yellow dress and yellow umbrella on the blue Morton's box. The 1946 ad copy goes on to rave poetically about cool salt and tingling grapefruit flavor:

Perhaps you've heard about it - wondered about it. Why not try it? This cool, pure salt on grapefruit brings out all the delicate, taste-tingling flavor at its best...You'll discover flavor you never knew.

So did Morton's think this pairing up as a brilliant marketing strategy? Another Morton's ad (from 1947) says that, well, they don't really know whose idea it was - maybe it was the Florida citrus growers. And you know what? I did a little bit of research (not a lot, just a little) and this is exactly right. You see, back in 1917, it was reported in the United Mine Workers Journal that there had been a sugar shortage and this impacted the grapefruit market quite a bit - so much so, that the growers suggested to people that they use salt instead of sugar. And apparently putting salt on all kinds of fruits really does bring out their flavor - see this thread over at Chowhound, for example, to see some examples.

Baked By Nabisco

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 16:01:00 +0000

"Pardon our enthusiasm, but have you discovered Nabisco 100% Bran?"

Pity the poor Man in the Street, trying to get to work, when this couple - brought to some disturbing high by bran cereal - accosts him while hanging out of their window, and shouting about Really Different Bran. The key words here being Really Different. Yes, that's a nice way of saying what these folks are.

This 1942 ad features a couple who take their love of bran to levels that defy sanity. They hang out of their window and accost people trying to walk down the street. The man that they are thrusting the cereal bowl towards has a glassy, frightened smile, doesn't he?

They do not stop at this, though. They spend their whole day ringing random doorbells. And they blame it on Nabisco. It has "flavor that makes you ring doorbells." What on earth is in this stuff? Either it is spiked with who-knows-what - or else 1940s era bran had one hell of an effect on folks. Yeah, that must be it.

Because how else can we begin to explain how the way in which this Odd Couple end their day - tucking the box of Nabisco into bed and cooing over it. Yes, this is our baby. Isn't it just the cutest? And so good-natured, too.

That is because its bran flakes are smaller - so "they are less likely to be irritating." Unlike its parents. Who, like their strange cardboard-boxed offspring, are baked, all right. But probably not entirely by Nabisco.

In the Kitchen Garden With Dinah

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 15:08:00 +0000

Well, not literally in the Kitchen Garden with Dinah - what a thought. That was just a slightly desperate attempt at a title. You're just lucky I didn't go with All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kitchen Garden.

Singer, actress and mid-century personality Dinah Shore may call that stuff on the platter Kitchen Garden. But I am thinking maybe we should call it Kitchen Compost. Just take a platter and onto this unload a job lot of boiled frozen peas, green beans, diced carrots and lima beans, which let's face it, are probably fairly soggy. Even though they are supposedly "picked at the peak of perky youth." Add some boiled cauliflower, also soggy. Finally, saturate it all with cheese sauce and "onion-tinged butter."

I'm sorry, but I just can't. I love fresh vegetables now that I'm grown up and can stir fry broccoli and so on (cut off here so as not to show off, etc.) but I spent the peak of my retro/vintage, not-so-perky youth staring down at depressed-looking frozen green beans and beady yet mushy little canned peas. So this just looks like a hundred kinds of terrible to me.

Maybe what she means is that it is supposed to taste as if we all had real kitchen gardens out in the back forty. I can understand that line of thinking. But to call the actual dish a "Kitchen Garden" just doesn't make any sense. Not unless she's going to serve it in a wheelbarrow and let us eat it with pitchforks.

Would you love to see a large version of this 1946 ad? Well, here you go!

One Shell Of A Dinner

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 13:27:00 +0000

LJ Vintage Ads

Betty Crocker looks a little bit worried and it's not just because she's a disembodied head.

Well, she should be worried. Because that family of six is not going to be best pleased when they get a look at their dinner tonight. Dinner in a Shell, indeed. It is Something in a Shell, all right. Primal soup perhaps. But not really something you could call Dinner.

It floats in the air, barely supported by a strange hand attached to an arm clad in what looks like a Butterball turkey wrapper. The Shell - and the arm, for that matter - are both several times the size of Betty's head. So she probably feels that it is politic to praise them and stay well out of trouble.

Poor Betty, traumatized by dinner. And she's not the only one.

What in the world is in this Dinner in a Shell? It is supposed to be - Betty assures us (and herself) - that it is beef, pork, onions and green peppers. Also there are lima beans lurking in the brew. And cabbage. And gravy. And sour cream. But I think there may be small creatures in there, too.

Despite what this 1940s era ad says, this is not the way to "feed your family royally, yet keep your food bills down." Because you will want them to not only keep the food bills down, but keep the actual food down. And from the look of this, I don't think that's going to happen.

How To Wear Dozens of Hats At Once

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 22:01:00 +0000

It’s all about the hats. A cartoon tuna in a hat urges us to make tuna soufflé with a hat - and make sure the hat is high! This makes it fancy because only formal tuna soufflés wear top hats. Yes, make sure everyone is wearing tuxedos and ball gowns tonight, Mom.

I’ve been meaning to write about this terrific ad (which I found here ages ago) for a long time. But I didn’t. You know why? Because I made a URL bookmark for it that ended up being buried in a bookmark list. I rediscovered it this week - thanks to Clipix.

Clipix is a terrific new online tool you can use to organize any and all images you find and love online by making as many Clipboards as you like. You can use it for anything, not just images - but the first thing I wanted to do was pull up all the images I’d lost track of. I wanted to see them together - and Clipboards are just what I was wanting (even though I didn’t even know they existed).

It’s really easy to sign up for a Clipix account using either Facebook, Twitter, or an email address. There is a little Clipix icon that you drag to your toolbar. This allows you to save any given image (or anything else you see online, for that matter) onto the Clipboard. It’s quite easy to move images around on different Clipboards ; and you can also set up Multiboards, which are groups of related Clipboards.

Syncboards are Clipboards that you use with friends and family - to share anything you like among as many people as you like. You can post any of the images on FB or Twitter, and its easy to set your Clipboards as public, private, or just for some friends to see.

You can use Clipix for tons of things besides finding images. How about making the best shopping list ever, that you can add to in the store? You can do that if you use the Clipix iPhone App. Or make some Clipboards into vacation planners, gift lists, reading lists and as a way to save great articles for later reading - it’s so much easier to organize almost anything if you can visualize it on a Clipboard. At least it is for me. You can see a screen shot of my "In the Retro Kitchen" Clipboard above on the right.

It is so inspiring and fun, and makes me remember why I love these images so much.Clipix is revolutionizing the way I think about my writing, my blogs and any lists I’ve been making on tiny pieces of paper. Imagine making a Google Image search and just being able to gather striking images into groups - complete, I’m happy to say, with citation and a link to the original.

I am having so much fun with Clipix, it’s a bit hard to tear myself away to write this, but I wanted to share it with you. Because if you ever have anything you want to gather and look at (I think that’s pretty much all of us, right?), I think you will love Clipix. It will let you wear as many hats, so to speak, as you like - even a high hat to go with that fancy retro tuna soufflé.clipix

Promoted Post

A Puritan Recipe For Romance

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:11:00 +0000

I was amused by the juxtaposition of these two ads in a 1937 magazine so I scanned them together. There's an exciting occasion in here somewhere, bookended by Pilgrim Rum and some very salty toothpaste.

John Alden chats up Priscilla, sans cocktail

Pilgrim Rum will certainly make your Old Fashioned pop, because it is 90 proof and in a squat, no-nonsense bottle. Old Fashioneds date back to the 19th century; the term was first used in the 1880s and they mainly consist of whiskey - not rum - mixed with a little Angoustora bitters, a sugar cube, and a dash of water. You add a lemon twist, an orange slice and a cherry to make it look nice, too. According to Wikipedia, brandy is used instead of whiskey in Wisconsin (why Wisconsin? they don't say).

Perhaps in New England they substitute rum. Yes, just like the Pilgrim Fathers. I can just see John Alden and Priscilla Mullins chatting it up over a few Old Fashioneds, can't you? Their love story was probably a fiction made up by their descendant, poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow in "The Courtship of Miles Standish." You see, Miles sent John to tell Priscilla he, you know, liked her. And guess what happened? Priscilla said (in the poem, anyway), why don't you speak for yourself, John? The rest: made-up history! So if we want to imagine them all downing a few Old Fashioneds, I say, why not. Miles in particular could have used one, I believe.

After you've had that sugary Old Fashioned, you will no doubt be thinking: I certainly wish I had Brighter Teeth and Healthier Gums (yes, you will be thinking in capitalized words). And this is where Worcester Salt Toothpaste comes in. It contains "specially powdered pure salt, milk of magnesia and other beneficial ingredients." Well, salt was often used as a traditional teeth cleanser, but - oh dear - Milk of Magnesia? This is used for upset stomachs and - I hate to tell you this - as a laxative. So let's just ponder that for a moment.

Food Company Cookbooks

I hope that this is not what makes Worcester Salt "really sensible." Maybe it is sensible in that it will tell you to stop after one Old Fashioned. And since "you will like it more and more every day" (that's what they think!) soon you will be brushing your teeth with Worcester Salt Toothpaste instead of reaching for the Pilgrim Rum. Or maybe you'll want to combine the two experiences and try whisky toothpaste* instead. Which probably gave John Alden the dental Dutch courage (and alluring breath) he needed to woo Priscilla Mullins.

*This post was another double feature - whiskey toothpaste and a half-nightgown. Any John Alden/Priscilla Mullins/Pilgrim courtship jokes you can think of go right about here.

Reflections In An Enormous Plaster Eye

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 20:59:00 +0000

I spy with my enormous eye!

This picture is from Popular Science in 1930 and shows what kind of teaching aids some medical schools were using back then: plaster models. These were made by toy manufacturers in the town of Sonneberg, Germany. Sonneberg had long been known for toy making and there is a toy museum there still.

Anyway, back in 1930, the toy-makers had branched out and were making all sorts of anatomical plaster models. Some were made to scale, like the arms and legs. As for the eyeballs - they were apparently nine inches in diameter, can you imagine?

These remind me a little of the plastic head I had as a child - my dad was a doctor and got it from some pharmaceutical company - that opened up to reveal a plastic brain. You could take out half the brain and see a painted spinal cord and - um, some other stuff. It was the head of an Ancient-Grecian sort of gentleman, but plastic - not plaster. Circa 1973. I don't have the head anymore, sadly, and have no idea where it went.

There are all sorts of ways that medical students study for things like the gp exam, gp application, gp recruitment and gpst stage 3 these days - all sorts of ways to teach and present courses and lectures. I wonder if any of them involve large plaster eyeballs? I think that that would really make the students sit up and take extra notice, don't you?

No Magic Shampoo Required

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:00:00 +0000

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Walgreens for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

To begin with, I must tell you that I don't know who Marlene was. This isn't Marlene Dietrich, I do know that. She may be the smiling disembodied head in this 1952 ad. And she was offering us this incredible Hair Waving Shampoo which was supposed to make curls and waves spring up in your hair like magic. A newspaper ad I found for this stuff called it "exciting" because "you shampoo-in personalized waves and curls." Personalized? Not with your initials, I hope. And Marlene never tells us how the shampoo works. Maybe that's why there are no ads for it after 1952.

Now, Walgreens, unlike Marlene, tells us exactly what they can do for us, and any surprises that may ensue are only good ones. And also unlike Marlene, they back up their promises and deliver savings that might just make your hair curl from sheer delight. Case in point: right now, they are offering special discounts on any annual Prescription Savings Club at Walgreens membership - the family membership at only $35 a year, or the individual membership for only $20.

What do you get? How about some significant savings on brand-name and generic products, on pet prescriptions, on nebulizers and diabetic supplies - and if you get your flu shots at Walgreens, you'll score a discount on them, too. And when you buy Walgreens brands and do your photo-finishing there, there will be even more bonuses in store. And you can also keep up with all the latest Walgreens offers and news through following Walgreens on Facebook and also Walgreens on Twitter, too.

A Harvest In Your Freezer

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 13:21:00 +0000

LiveJournal Vintage Ads

Be the farmer's daughter tonight...farm out the cookin' to Banquet and harvest a crop of compliments...Expensive? No siree! Just tastes expensive!

OK, let's all just hold our horses for a minute. So to speak. Consider the angle of this 1965 ad for Banquet frozen dinners: the idea is that everyone will think you made or somehow persuaded and paid a genuine country chef to prepare a classic fried chicken dinner.

For one thing, if you are like the down-home gal in the ad, just holding the box like that is a give-away, right? Actually, she seems to be floating or hiding behind it, not holding it. But still. Everyone will know you are just giving them a cheap frozen meal. And also: that picture on the tell-tale box is the impossible, Platonic-ideal depiction of the Fried Chicken Dinner. You know, I know, and Straw Hat Hattie knows that what lies within the box is far, far worse.

Therefore, you will not be harvesting a crop of compliments. You will be fielding sad looks, overt complaints, and a few requests for Tums.

And even that idealized picture does not look wonderful. It certainly doesn't look "expensive." Or even edible. Which is why Hattie has been chomping on the straw from her hat. What a giveaway.

Cheap? Yes siree. And it tastes cheap, too.

A Visit to Lake Louise

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:20:00 +0000

Beautiful Prince's Island Park and downtown Calgary

Back in the early 1990s I lived in Calgary, and it was an amazing experience for someone who had grown up on the East Coast and had never been much west of Philadelphia. We drove out through Indiana and North Dakota and a bunch of other places, and it took about a week to get there. And then we had to get used to the air being a bit thinner since Calgary is at a higher altitude than we were used to. We ended up renting in the Northwest of the city, near beautiful Prince's Island Park. I miss being able to walk downtown from our apartment via the island which is linked to downtown and the Northwest through pedestrian bridges.

Lake Louise and the Château

I miss being able to drive out to Banff every weekend - it's only about an hour's drive away from Calgary, and beautiful Lake Louise is a bit farther than that, but totally easy to get to. I was especially thrilled to finally see Lake Louise because my grandparents had stayed at the Château Lake Louise back in the 1930s on a holiday. Isn't it beautiful? It was built by the Canadian Pacific Railway beginning in the late 19th century, and different wings have been added and changed since then. My grandfather worked for the Northern Pacific Railway so I imagine that their visit was somehow connected with that.

You can walk a good distance around the lake on a lovely pathway lined with trees. You can't really see it in this picture, but there is a huge glacier in the mountains facing the hotel. And now I am really missing Calgary and Lake Louise.

A Picnic With Eleanor Roosevelt

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 13:57:00 +0000

So it isn't really picnic-ad weather. Oh, I know it. But sandwiches know no season, as they say (no, they don't really). And it's Monday and, well, this is what I've got on the menu for you today. And if it's Miss America's favorite then it's good enough for all of us, right?

Actually her favorite is peanut butter and either jelly or - ugh, Miss America! - peanut butter and mayonnaise on white bread. As for Lou Boudreau, the baseball guy, you can just give him some old hamburger, he doesn't mind. Yeah, that's more like it. And Fibber McGee, the fictional radio star (real name Jim Jordan) - he likes ham but you have to frizzle it by cooking it up in a pan with butter and generally fussing over it. His wife Molly might not mind frizzling sandwich meats in pans but it's not something picnickers generally do. You know, because they don't generally pack frying pans in their baskets. Or little flags to stick in the bread.

But dear old Eleanor will be happy with a simple "hot dog" - as long as it has quotation marks around it, that is. Yes, it's those mysterious, subtext-making quotation marks again. I know I've written about them in ads. But I can't bear thinking about going through the 1000-plus posts here (yep, over 1000!) and finding some for you. Just take my word for it. And while I go puzzle out what Eleanor means by a "hot dog" I'm going to go have more coffee. I take mine without quotations marks, please.

*She and FDR served hot dogs to the King and Queen of England, when they visited Hyde Park, apparently. FDR's mother was "horrified," apparently. Sounds like fun.

The big version of this 1949 ad is right over here, by the way.

A Soothing Prickly Pear

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 15:25:00 +0000

Prickly pears

The fruit of the Nopal cactus has been used for generations by various indigenous peoples as a healing substance; they are grown in Mexico, and in many places in the United States, from the northwest all the way to New England and up into southern Canada. They are also grown in southern Europe and the Middle East. They are sometimes known as paddle cactus or cactus figs.

The Opuntia ficus-indica, also known as Indian fig or prickly pear, is one of the best known of the Nopal species. The prickly pear has culinary as well as medicinal uses, and was realtively easily avaialble in the United States by the 19th century. In 1889, Hester Martha Hunt recommended them in her Fruits and How to Use Them; she advised the reader to eat them sliced and dusted with powdered sugar. And Thomas Jefferson Murrey's 1884 book on Murrey's Salads and Sauces featured a Prickly-Pear Salad similar to Hunt's recipe - but with added lashings of orange juice and "a wineglassful of brandy."

Prickly pear for sale in Mexico

The Nopal cactus is frequently used in Mexican cuisine in everything from egg dishes to candy, jelly and beverages. In Mexico, too, they are traditionally used for medicinal purposes, especially as an anti-inflammatory. You can enjoy both the delicious taste and health benefits of the Nopal cactus in a wellness drink called Nopalea, available from Trivita, a company that's been concerned with people's physical, emotional and spiritual health since 2000. Opuntia cactus (and Nopalea, of course) contain all kinds of antioxidants that have been proven to help relieve inflammation in the joints and muscles. Nopalea can be drunk daily to help neutralize toxins in the body, reduce inflammation, and help the body in general as a tonic. If you or someone you know suffers from inflammatory problems in joints and muscles, or digestive problems, you might want to give Nopalea a try; you can try it for free ($9.95 shipping) by calling Trivita at 1-800-203-7063.

[Images from Wikimedia Commons.]

Jerry's Valentine Vision

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:51:00 +0000

When you look at life through rose-tinted glasses - or rose-tinted Valentine's eyeglass frames - you just feel better. Unlike Jerry and Jane. Jerry used to be so romantic on Valentine’s Day, but now - well, now he’s just a big grump to poor Jane. A big grump, apparently, with indigestion. And she really just wants to be his Valentine. And him to be a little more like Valentino.

Well, she also would like some fancy chocolates in a heart shaped box, but that’s just a corollary, really. In this little 1941 saga, Jane solves her problem (i.e. Jerry’s unromantic indigestion) with a little Milk of Magnesia. Yes, not only does Milk of Magnesia calm the GI tract, it also inspires romance! It is just amazement in a blue bottle, is what it is.

But you know, there are probably better ways to inspire and recharge your significant other. Because maybe he or she just needs to be able to see better. Maybe they need perking up with some new eyeglasses frames. So instead of heading for the medicine cabinet, why not try some of Zenni Optical’s cute Valentine’s Day themed eyeglasses? These frames with little sparkly hearts on the sides would be just ideal. They have lots of other Valentine’s-themed frames, too. All at prices that won’t upset your stomach - or your pocketbook.

Zenni is the top online eyeglasses store where you can get prescription glasses for amazing prices. You can go check all the different colors and styles of eyeglasses that they offer and be sure to find one that will put you (and anyone else you have in mind) in the right sort of holiday mood. And not only that, but your Valentine-visioned Valentino will be able to spot just the right box of fancy chocolates to get you.

Dishing With Pocketchange About Kitchen Retro

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 14:08:00 +0000

This week the creative and delightful folks over at Pocketchange - the shopping blog and blog-central part of Become.com - were kind enough to interview me and asked me all sorts of questions about how Kitchen Retro got started and my thoughts on blogging in general and on pop culture.

It was a lot of fun to look back on the past 4 years of KR - which was originally going to be just about vintage recipes. The first existing KR post from January 2008 (the very first one I think I deleted, it was about the Duke and Duchess of Windsor's favorite desert) is about macaroons. And another was called Dishing About Junket - and neither of these posts have any funny retro ads in them (maybe I can find some to add in).

The Duchess will have a ruby on top, please

And speaking of dishing: this week Kitchen Retro is Pocketchange's featured blog! You can read the interview here*(and I hope you do) - and while you're over there, do check out all the other cool stuff they have got, including their tips center - which I've bookmarked for all the occasions when I need some quick advice on everything from baking (I can always use some help here) to gardening (will this grey-thumbed city kid ever get a herb garden to thrive? - maybe this year!).

Many thanks to Max and everyone at Pocketchange for featuring Kitchen Retro this week - it was a pleasure to work with you! And now I'm going to go look for some amusing Junket ads. I really wish there was one featuring the Duchess of Windsor. But this could never have been. Because the Junket people didn't have any giant rubies to put on her Junket instead of a cherry.

*There's a widget on the lefthand sidebar of this very page that also links to this.

The Hidden Glasses Mystery

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 17:46:00 +0000

Bigger version here

I love a good mystery almost as much as I love Virginia Dare wine ads, so let's all put on our deerstalker hats, take up our magnifying glasses and solve the 1941 Mystery of the Hidden Glasses!

The story begins with a dejected couple who have just hosted a party. A terrible party, it seems. Was it Bob's excessive use of Brylcreem that upset the guests? Or perhaps Peggy's black pencilled parentheses eyebrows upset them. But wait. Here's a clue: the half-full glasses on the mantelpiece. And behind the potted palms. And under the coffee table:

Look, Peggy, our guests left their glasses still full and hid them! What a flop our party was.

I'm so embarrassed I could cry but friend Alice was here...she'll tell me the trouble.

Yes, Friend Alice will tell it to you straight. So put on your best miniature sombrero and let Alice introduce you to her little friend named....Virginia Dare. Who has been hiding in Alice's liquor cabinet all this time holding a little tray of booze! Yes, it's 10am but why not, have a snort, Peggy. It's "grand-tasting" all right. Also smooth. And "it's so different" that it will make your party "an instant hit."

You know what's coming, don't you, in Act 3? Of course you do, Scooby Doo. Everyone comes to Peggy's next party - armed with full hip flasks and thermos bottles - but wow, they certainly love Virginia Dare wine, "America's Great Social Drink." Yum yum. And it's so cheap, too. "What a help to our budget," cheapskate Peggy says - not too loudly, one hopes. But I don't think anyone is listening.

I just wish that this all ended with Virginia Dare being revealed to be Old Man Muggins, hardened jewel thief on the run, in a devious rubber mask and some bedsheets. And then Scooby and Shaggy could go make enormous sandwiches out of what Peggy's got in the fridge. Although she's probably just got a lot of Spam in there. Don't worry, guys - maybe Virginia has the good cold cuts hidden on another tray in her cabinet.

Want some more Virginia Dare? Of course you do, it is so smooth and delicious. And cheap. Here you go:

Bill and the Magic Bottle
A Zesty After-Dinner Plot
The Accidental Wine Expert
Truth or Virginia Dare

Mrs. Dooley's Nightmare

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 13:24:00 +0000

Gallery of Graphic Design (bigger version here)

This is just not what you need after a hard day of housework, is it? Or really, after a day of anything. Little pieces of anthropomorphized dirty laundry with the faces of hardened Bad Guys, and flexible black spoons for limbs, enter your dreams. And they have plenty to say to you when they do.

Tommy's Blouse is happy to announce that "you'll have to rub my perspiration streaks till your back aches." Tim's Rompers are proud to be "all smudged up with grime you can't get out." I guess Tommy and Tim are small grimy boys. Although maybe one is the husband and one the child. I can't quite decide which is which, though (let me know if you can).

And as for the Bathroom Towel, well, he is glad to tell you that "dirt from people rubbing me" will also turn your day into a waking nightmare. And make your knuckles sore, too.

All this has turned Mrs. Dooley into a line drawing whose sleep is "haunted" by "dirty, greasy spots." Happily though, her fancy friend just happens to have brought her some P and G Naphtha Soap.

Coincidence? I think not. The lady in the bowler hat is probably Tim's Rompers in disguise. Because even if the clothes get clean, Mrs. Dooley's knuckles are still going to be pretty sore from scrubbing.

Walgreens: Reliable As An Old Fashioned Ice Cream Soda

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 06:01:00 +0000

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Walgreens for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

This Victorian soda fountain is typical of those that were found in drugstores back at the turn of the century (it's from the Pharmacy Museum in New Orleans, by the way). Just like today, people back then liked to go to their local drugstore and depended on it for great service, familiar surroundings, and everything they might need at a pharmacy - whether that meant some medicine, or an ice cream soda.

Well, Walgreens wants its customers to depend upon them in just the same way. You see, as of January 1st, Walgreens and Express Scripts pharmacy provider network are no longer partners. This applies to all US Walgreens stores as well as all Duane Reade pharmacies in New York.

Of course, this is going to cause Walgreens or Duane Reade customers who also get prescriptions there a fair bit of stress and worry. They worry that they'll have to pay more, and if they have to go to a new pharmacy, well that can be stressful, too. I know I like going places that are convenient and that I am familiar with - you get to know the store and the people who work there. And since Walgreens has 24 hour service in many stores, and drive ins, as well as great discounts - well, that's going to be a dilemma for people wanting to fill their prescriptions.

Only patients under some insurance plans will be affected by this, so do check with your pharmacist or look on the back of your prescription insurance card. If Express Scripts isn't mentioned on the back of the card, you haven't been affected.

But whatever your card says, you are going to love what Walgreens has decided to do to help their customers. They are offering a special discount on the Prescription Savings Club at Walgreens. You can get a family membership (including you, your spouse and all dependents younger than 22) for only $10 a year. And with it you'll get discounts on over 8000 brand name and generic medications. You'll also be able to get discounts on things like flu shots and pet prescriptions, nebulizers and diabetic supplies. You can even get bonuses when you purchase Walgreens brand name products or take your photos in to get developed in-store. You can also join the Walgreens Prescription Savings Club as an individual for $5, and get the same great benefits.

Want to keep in the loop about Walgreens and their Prescription Savings Club? I really like Walgreens so am Liking Walgreens on Facebook* and following Walgreens on Twitter at @Walgreens - you can do this too, and keep up-to-date on things like sales and special offers, as well as general news. And you can continue to go to your own favorite Walgreens, just like people have always liked to do. You can even get some Walgreens brand ice cream (lowfat or Premium) for some old-fashioned ice cream sodas, while you're at it.

*If you Like Walgreens on Facebook (now through the end of February), they will be donating $1 for every Like to the Way to Well Commitment, which supports wellness initiatives in local communities, which is very good news right there. [Image above from Wikimedia Commons, by the way]

The Bull in Elsie Time

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 20:30:00 +0000

Elsie the Cow started shilling for Borden's back in 1936, and all through the middle decades of the 20th century, the poor thing never took a break. Not only did she have to push things like Borden's milk, ice cream, Hemo (a vitamin drink) and all the fab things you could make with them - she had to put up with Elmer.

Elmer the Bull was her rageball (ragebull?) husband. Fun fact: he was later used by Borden's chemical division as the spokesbull for Elmer's Glue. Yes, the very same Elmer who helped facilitate all those horrible grade school craft projects. So it's kind of ironic that he's such a perfectionist.

Elsie prevails, though. Always. Her steely cheeriness not only helps her triumph over Elmer's loudmouthed foolery - but also won her accolades: honorary degrees such as Doctor of Bovinity and Doctor of Ecownomics (apparently). But Elmer? Not so much as a Masters of Bullosophy or even a Bachelors in Glue-ography.*

The bigger version is here if you want to read the whole crabby story. The short version? A skewed version of Robert Frost's poem about that cow who ate too many fermented apples and got a little fermented herself:

The Bull in Elsie Time

Something inspires Elmer the always-crabby bull
To bellow just because the dining table's full,
Concluding that Elsie and the calves are fools.
His face is not attractive, but he rules
The airwaves and the house. Having tasted dessert
He scorns apologies, yet seems less curt.
And Elsie runs kitchenwards to sweeten
Both Elmer's furious ways, and what they've eaten.
She loads the plates. When Elmer makes one last cry
Of outrage when he fails to notice pie,
She thinks: someday, I'll kick him to the sky.

The actual poem, "The Cow in Apple Time," by Robert Frost, is here.

*Sorry, that's the best I can do.

Jack's Catfit

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 19:02:00 +0000

Big version here

I just can't get over how pleased this gal is about Jack having a - heh - catfit. Gee, that was terrific when his head swelled up like a purple balloon and he shouted so loud the pictures fell off the wall! Tee hee, I laughed myself silly!

You probably can tell what a catfit is just from the sound of it, and the context. But I must tell you that The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines "catfit" as "a conniption." And a conniption is indeed one big ranting, raving, screaming session, usually brought on by having spent three hours in a Wal-Mart on Saturday afternoon or when something gets stuck in the VCR. Ah, modern life! But this is the 1930s Jack is coping with and his problem has to do with the oil his gal has laughingly put into their car.

He ranted around about me being the ruination of our new car - if I didn't stop buying every new bargain oil that came along.

Where is she finding all these bargain oils? In the grocery store, perhaps. Still, it is always best not to Rant Around. This makes Jack seem like the personification of that retro bovine rageball, Elmer the Bull. Now, Elsie the Cow would just hand Elmer a piece of pie* and tell him to stop bellowing. But Jack, after tiring himself out with his catfit, "trotted out the atlas and gave [her] a lecture on Pennsylvania Oils with the emblem."

Yes, Jack, that's fascinating. From now on, I promise to buy oil with the little emblem you like on it. Now please shut up! Look, here's a piece of pie. Our new next door neighbor Elsie made it.

*Yes, I'm going to write about some Elsie ads pretty soon. There are a lot of them and they are just the sort of thing for Kitchen Retro.

The Melon Shell Game

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 16:47:00 +0000

1940 ad, big version here

Wouldn't you like to impress all the wealthy matrons down at the Newton Lawn Fete, whatever that was? Oh, you would? I'm not surprised. Who wouldn't want to surprise stuffy Mrs. Bradley, wife of the Bank President, and tell her that your mayo is NOT "one of those store-bought salad dressings." No ma'am, it's store-bought mayo. Big difference!

This is how you too can be "prouder than a peacock" at your next Lawn Fete:

First, put on your fanciest pink hat. And make sure your dress has a floppy white collar that can pinch-hit as a napkin (make sure Mrs. Bradley isn't looking when you use it to wipe your mouth).

After you've done that, go get a big jar of Hellmann's mayonnaise from the pantry. Yes, if you are the wife of a lowly bank clerk, and you want Madame Bank President to notice you, make sure you serve a startling combo of mayo and fruit.

Yes, people who can afford to have Cook make them aîoli from scratch every night are going to be totally amazed when you present your Melon Shell Salad - that would be some cut up fruit in a hollowed-out cantaloupe rind - and douse it with Hellmann's.Just add some fruit juice to it and call it - are you ready? - Fruit Juice Mayonnaise.

No, don't bother with sweetened crème fraiche or a plum-raspberry coulis. Just treat your dessert like a tuna sandwich. That'll make the high and mighty sit up and take notice. And if it doesn't, you can always try putting some of Hot Dan's mustard in your lemon meringue pie.

Finally, don't forget to drop in on Mrs. Bradley the next day and present her with her very own jar of Hellmann's. Yes, she will be really pleased to see you again. It will make your day when she finally rouses herself to say, as she nudges you ever closer to the back door, "I'm so glad to have Cook see it." Why, before you know it you'll be hob-nobbing with the Bradleys and your husband will become the Vice President of the bank.

Or else you and Cook will get to be friends as you do Mrs. B's grocery shopping together. One or the other.

My Life Saver Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 14:37:00 +0000

This is why you should always carry a pack of Life Savers wherever you go. Because maybe someday you'll be sitting on a plane and a Cute Person is sitting across the aisle whining to the steward/stewardess that their mouth is dry and they need a drink, stat! Because "these champagne farewells" leave your mouth so very dry, darling.

The girl in this late 1930s ad actually says this. Look at me, I'm a fancy starlet with wealthy friends. What a show-off.

But Life Saver dude is very impressed and offers her an attractively-named Molas-O-Mint (and he'd better be quick about it because they weren't on the market for very long*). Yum, molasses! That'll dry up your mouth some more. Because those molasses hellos are even worse than champagne farewells.

But naturally this impresses Miss Starlet and she ends up introducing the pink-cheeked Not-F.-Scott-Fitzgerald to "about half the people in Hollywood." The half who who make cheap costume dramas and then swill champagne, seemingly.

And guess how she introduces him. Not as Biff Gatsby** or whatever his name is but as "my Life Saver friend." And then supposedly she writes him a note about how amazing molasses and mint Life Savers are. As if this would ever really happen. I think maybe Biff did a little creative writing there, fueled by the strange power of molasses and mint affecting his brain.

*See Wikipedia here: Molas-o-Mint Life Savers were made in the late 30s to early 40s. Oh, and it says here that they were only available specifically between 1936 and 1942. If you even care, I mean.

**That would be The Great Gatsby's cousin from Tulsa (which is where the Life Saver guy says he's from while he's reading the letter).

Note: this ad was on LiveJournal, and then PhotoBucket took it away, and I managed to find it again, but it is not the best quality. Hope this works. And sorry 'bout that!

The Tasti-Diet Tomato Queen

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 20:16:00 +0000

1954 ad, big version here

Tillie Lewis (1904-77) - born Myrtle Ehrlich - was a business tycoon and diet diva who was named National Business Woman of the Year in 1951. She learned the food business from her grocer husband, and after they divorced she moved to Stockton, California and began her own business of importing pomodoro tomatoes to the US, with the help of a partner. She paid off her business partner by 1937 and became full owner of the company, Flotill Foods. She expanded the business to include canned foods, and Flotill supplied most of the canned goods sent to US troops during the Korean War.

By the early 1950s, Tillie was a millionaire (by 1971 annual sales of Tillie Lewis Foods were more than $90 million a year). A Time article in 1951 called Tillie "the world's tomato queen" and quoted her as protesting the St. Regis Hotel in New York charging her a dollar for 2 tomatoes. "You tell Vincent Astor that these tomatoes cost him no more than 5 cents apiece, that's 1000% profit," she snapped to the waiter. I'm not sure why she ordered 2 tomatoes on a tray, though. Maybe it was for some kind of diet dish.

Oh, there's the lead-in to the point of this post. I knew it was in here somewhere. Anyway, in the early 1950s Tillie Lewis started her own line of diet products with the slightly dubious name Tasti-Diet Foods. These were about the earliest artificially sweetened products ever.Saccharin was involved, I guess. Lots and lots of it - in the "chocolatey topping," in the Dietetic Peaches, and probably even in that Whipped Diet Dressing that some asparagus have been trapped under.

The Tasti-Diet line was quite successful. The Vanderbilt Hotel in new York even created a special Tasti-Diet menu in 1953 and by the time this ad came out in 1954 the foods were being sold all across the US.

The ad makes it sound like Lewis was made famous by going on a diet and that was why she was America's First Woman of Foods. Nary a mention of her canny business sense or her canning empire! That is Tillie in the black dress, white apron and triple strand of pearls, showing some other normal-weight ladies her canned fruit. Interestingly, according to Carolyn Thomas de la Pena in her book about artificial sweeteners, Empty Pleasures,* Tillie Lewis had actually never been overweight or had to diet. She was just really, really good at selling her products.

*There is a whole lot more about Tillie and the Tasti-Diet line in this book, which I recommend!

It's Only A Paper Punch Bowl

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 17:44:00 +0000

It may be only a paper moon sailing over a cardboard sea, like the song says - that's true. But you can also throw a New Year's party for all your rowdy friends using nothing but paper, according to this 1952 ad.

This is just what we all need to get for tomorrow night: a nice paper punch bowl that looks like an"old oaken bucket." Forget about that Waterford crystal punch bowl and the matching cups that you have stashed in the china closet.

Because on New Year's Eve you just know that someone's going to break something. But they won't be able to crack that paper bucket, now, will they? No sir, they will not.

And you know what else you can get? How about a crepe paper candlestick? Oh, don't worry! It is "fire-proofed for extra safety." And you'll have a bucket of punch to toss on the crepe paper candlestick just in case, anyway. Yes, this is going to be some party, all right.

Underwear For Arrogant Onions

noreply@blogger.com (Lidian) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 17:13:00 +0000

How's Your Refrigerator Strategy?

Oh, it's fine thank you, how's yours? But really, it doesn't actually have a strategy, you see. Because it's an appliance and doesn't have a brain or anything. So it doesn't think. And my strategy is to just put stuff in it and keep it clean and - oh yes, and not to anthropomorphize bowls by putting underwear on them.

Pillsbury had other ideas, though. Hence this 1937 ad for oiled-silk refrigerator bowl covers called, if you can believe it - Pantry Panties.

Yes, this really could be the worst named product of the 20th century. Just because the words sound almost alike does not mean that they should ever, ever be put together in the same phrase.

Whoever wrote the ad copy just didn't think it all through, that's all. They were so pleased with their odious little phrase that they kind of lost the plot. Why else would you write that PPs are edged with "firm, live elastic" so that your "insistent fish, arrogant onions or riotous cheese" can be contained. This gives rise to all sorts of dreadful images that I am not even going to start on. Ugh.

But maybe they did realize that this was starting to sound weird and gross, because right after that they change the subject and go on and on about Pillsbury Sno Sheen Cake Flour and how amazing your every cake will be if you use it. Oh, and if there's any cake left over, you know what you can slap on it, don't you? Just make sure you keep it well away from those arrogant onions - and from the cheese riot going on on the top shelf of the fridge.

The big version is right here, if you really want to know more.