ETC. ETC. ETC.

My New Obsession

2012-02-09T12:49:00.000-05:00

Also Know As "The Voice"

First off major bonus points to the Super Bowl and NBC for putting "The Voice" on after the big game, because just as those network execs were hoping, I tuned in after the game. And MAN am I glad I did. I am totally hooked. It's an experience I can only imagine is like the first time a crackhead hits the pipe because I can't get enough of it. I've used my NBC iPad app (NBC please make all endorsement checks payable to ETC Blog) to catch up on past episodes and I've got to hand it to NBC and the makers of this show because it's a brilliant idea and even better execution. It's like Karaoke Superstar meets Singled Out meets March Madness with an entirely unique aspect of working with superstars (Adam Levine, Cee-Lo, Christina Aguilera and Blake Shelton). So we here at ETC decided to break it down as only we can here at ETC ; with a strangeness usually reserved for a Michael Jackson public appearance (too soon?). So I give to you the things I took away from the first 2 episodes of Season 2 The Voice.

So one of the first contestants to participate in the blind audition was a boy and girl duo known as "The Line". They were very talented and performed a great rendition of "American Girl" (which besides being a phenomenal song by Petty, it's also a great song to perform at karaoke or by a cover band). But of course the thing that I took away from "The Line" was not their performance, but rather it was their dynamic. Here's their background video The Line -and try and guess what I will discuss from it before reading along below, it's quite fun actually.

Let's take a look at this bio frame for frame in a piece I'm calling "Instant Replay Rumination"

0:13 - As Carson is getting introduced to their family members we are allowed to see a truly disfunctional dynamic. Leland introduces us to his biological mother, who gave him up for adoption 29 years ago only to reconnect 9 years ago. To me, this woman probably knew who he was, saw the opportunity to cash in, and begged to get back in his life (just speculating). But also with the group is Leland's adopted mother, and I HAVE to imagine that relationship is rocky to say the least. It would be like if Guns N' Roses kicked out Axl Rose and continued to perform for years, just to have Axl come back into the picture down the road and start giving advice and trying to make bank off of them. Or exactly what Van Halen is doing right now. The biological mother is like the ultimate backseat driver in this situation.

(I'm Tarantino-ing this timeline for the sake of my breakdown)

1:15 - Hailey says it started with him hitting on her but it turned into something so much more.

2:06 - Seconds before they walk on stage for the biggest performance of their lives Hailey says to Leland "I love you".

1:19 - We are told they are NOT a couple.

0:37 - We find out how Leland and Hailey met. Now just watching these first few seconds I was assuming they were a couple. And on their first encounter Leland walked up to Hailey and delivered the following line "Hi, I'm Leland, you wanna get a shot of Jack". Now you don't just waste a gem of a line like that on some floozy at the bar. It's obvious he wants this chick and he wants her bad. Then, just in case the Jack line didn't work, which he knew it did, he told her that "they should write a song together" and she agrees. Jackpot, this dude is in like flint. (I gotta try these lines sometime, they gotta work right?)

1:15 - Hailey says it started with him hitting on her but it turned into something so much more. My man Leland is "rolling in the deep" by this point. He's got to be right?

1:19 - Hailey clarifies "we are NOT a couple". I swore these two love birds "could have had it all"

1:26/27 - The look on Leland's face is PRICELESS. Without saying a word he expresses everything I was thinking when Hailey said they're not a couple which is "I can't believe I've been working on this chick for 9 years and I still haven't gotten in her pants"

1:37-1:40 - Leland's frustration reaches the point of speechlessness.

2:06 - Seconds before they walk on stage for the biggest performance of their lives Hailey says to Leland "I love you". Hold the phone Miss Lippy. After keeping this dude on the rope for 9 years and not giving him a chance, she goes and tells him that she loves him? Talk about the ultimate mind-fuck. How is Leland supposed to focus when the entire goal over the last 9 years has been to get this chick to love him and she throws that expression around like its a snickers wrapper? She might as well have pulled down his pants, given him one or two head pumps on the johnson rod, stood up and said "good luck".

This concludes "Instant Replay Rumination" Did you play along at home and guess where I was going?

Anyway, "The Line" rocked their performance, despite the aforementioned dysfunctional relationships, resulting in all four judges hitting their buttons and vying for them to join their team. Eventually "The Line decided to join Team Christina, but not before Leland was given some hope by Cee-Lo and Adam Levine. Cee-Lo said the obvious thought and asked if they were a couple, to which Hailey said no. But Adam Levine, the wise tattooed man that he is said "not yet" and a glimmer of hope sparked inside Leland. After that promise from a rock and roll sex icon, how could Leland say no to Adam. Let me translate that exchange in guy code in a piece I'm calling, "How To Get Boy Band Ass"

Adam : "Not yet" translates in "How To get Boy Band Ass" to "She says you're not a couple, but if you work with me I guarantee you I will get you laid. Look around bro, I've turned down more ass than a toilet seat. Give me three weeks and you'll be the lead singer of her promise land"

Moving on.

The next thing that stood out to me was Christina Aguilera but not for the reasons you might expect. First of all what is with the boobs? And I say that as red-blooded, straight male who has a weakness for a great rack. I respond to boobs much the same way Popeye responds to spinach. But watching her on the show, her cleavage just doesn't look right. It looks like she had a bad boob job and there's a few hard patches that just don't move the way they should. It's hard to tell by looking at this picture, but if you watched the first two episodes you can obviously notice that they were just a little wrong.

And is it just me or is there some kind of weird sexual tension between Christina and Adam. It's like before she hits her button she looks over at Adam and without saying anything she manages to express "you remember that video "dirty"? Yeah, I'm still dirty". Which brings me to my last point about Christina. Why does she insist on referring to herself as "X-tina"? That's not a name, that's not even a decent nickname. And everyone knows you can't give yourself a nickname, believe me I tried. One summer I insisted on being called "tony bagels", needless to say it didn't stick. Remember when Christina was the Geenie in a Bottle? So do I. Fondly. Even though I proudly hung a Britney poster above my bed for countless years, there was a time when I wish I could "rub Christina the right way".

Now let me get to the performances. There were a few that were very excellent but the ones that stood out to me were Jamar Rogers singing "Seven Nation Army" that got him onto Cee-Lo's team. There was the performance by former Army veteran Angie Johnson, who served multiple tours in the middle east, killing "Heartbreaker". She kind of reminds me of Cassandra from Wayne's World , she's got that kind of asian rock-star flair that you just can't pay for. Her performance and hotness also landed her on Team Cee-Lo. Perhaps the most convincing performance was by Jesse Campbell who sang "A Song For You" and within the first 7 seconds of his performance three judges turned their chairs. All four were turned by the 25th second. Very impressive.

But by far my favorite performance was from Lyndsey Pavano who gave an unbelievable cover of Trey Songz "Say Aah". It was absolutely mesmerizing. It was so unique that it took the judges a few seconds to even recognize the song. She turned it from a quick, uptempo hip hop song to a subtle, artsy acoustic song that you can re-listen to over and over.

And I like this chick, she's got like a weird Zooey Deschanel vibe going that I dig. You know the qualities that I'm talking about. You can't pinpoint one overly outstanding feature but there's just something about them that captivates you. You would never say that she is a smokeshow along the lines of Mila Kunis or Olivia Wilde, but Zooey has a presence about her that the smokes don't have. So needless to say, I will be rooting for Lynsey in this competition.

Now to my final observation about "The Voice" and it's by far my favorite aspect, the chair, my god the chair. I want that chair so badly. Not so I can blindly judge musical talents but so I can put it into everyday practical applications. Honestly how cool would it be to have a huge throne like chair that when you hit a button you rotate around. It's amazing. But isn't it just a little bit unoriginal. Didn't Dr. Claw from the Inspector Gadget cartoons essentially have the same thing? The only difference was that when Dr. Claw pushed his button you fell down a trap door into some kind of prison dungeon. And then of course there's Dr. Evil who had multiple buttons and could also drop you into a dungeon at ease. And Cee-Lo took the whole Dr. Claw/Dr. Evil correlation even further when he brought his pet cat out into the chair and stroked it, just like Dr. Claw and Dr. Evil. Upon further reflection Cee-Lo has a 41% of morphing into an evil criminal mastermind. Dr. C-evil.

But think of the possibilities if you had that chair. It would exponentially increase the enjoyment of just about anything. You want chinese for dinner tonight, convince me. Pad thai, think of the pad thai and then I hit my button, turn around and we got chinese ordered. But the best application would be for relationships and marriages. It could be used at all times to settle any debate. Chick flick versus action movie, convince me. Bed Bath and Beyond versus Best Buy, let me sit in my chair. Wine and cheese party versus a kegger, convince me. I think that any good marriage counselor or couples therapist should prescribe a rotating chair when a relationship hits the rocks. It could significantly lower the divorce rate by a good 15%.

At the very least this chair should be used on Judge Joe Brown or Judge Judy. Hell, let's take it a step further, The American judicial system should have the juror's box should consist of 12 men and women whose back's are turned from the defendant. At any point in the trial a juror can hit their button, and instead of the message saying "I Want You" like it does on "The Voice" it would say "Not Guilty". WOW did I just re-invent the legal system?

That wraps up this edition of ETC. I would like nothing better than to appear on this show but for anyone that's seen me perform karaoke or play rock band you know that I've got a better shot of performing a no pants duet with Christina than singing on that show. Thank god "The Voice" is on Monday's because I have a serious void now that Monday Night Football is back in hibernation. Our next piece will be my two cents on the three best movies of the year especially as we get closer to the Oscars. I will also be doing the 3rd Annual Oscar's breakdown in the coming weeks. So until next time, as always...STAY CLASSY!

Doors that Slide and The Space Time Continuum

2012-02-08T18:55:00.000-05:00

A View Through The Looking Glass

The other day we received a request from one of our favorite people to screen a movie and shed some light on it. And since we here at ETC love movies, we were happy to oblige.

(I like to say "we" instead of just "me" or "I". We feel it lends some credibility to the blog in a kind of way that I employ several other bloggers to work for me. When in reality that couldn't be further from the truth. This is fun for a while, but I run the risk of going all Golum and mumbling about "the precious" years down the road as the blog-o-sphere consumes my mind and body. But I digress).

The film we were asked to review was 1998's Sliding Doors starring Gwyneth Paltrow. Before I get moving, please allow me a second to reflect on just how strange the name Gwyneth is. It's really a dead name, you don't see anyone naming their kids Gwyneth anymore and if I may borrow a line from Seinfeld, "who's gonna name their kid Blanche".

And while we're on it, is Gwyneth British? I may be way off-base but I just assumed she was American, yet when you look at her track work you've got her starring in movies featuring a British accent such as the aforementioned Sliding Doors and Shakespeare in Love and she married British rock star Chris Martin from Coldplay (who then proceeded to name their first born child Apple, which I have to believe is some kind of passive aggressive plot for revenge to piss off her parents for naming her Gwyneth). I think she's just American but I don't feel totally comfortable talking about this.

Back to Sliding Doors. I had never heard of this movie, and as person who prides himself on his movie acumen I was a little upset at myself for not at least being aware of the movie. The premise revolves around the idea that one person's life can go in very different directions based on the smallest of happenings; aka The Butterfly Effect. The film creatively tells the simultaneous story of two versions of Helen's (Gwyneth's) life, one if she catches the morning train, the other if she misses the train.

Now before I continue the review allow me a second to defend the male species. My biggest critique of this movie is that men are portrayed almost as badly as Nazi loving Taliban sympathizers. I guess because it's a chick flick and it's supposed to send some kind of message to women to always doubt your man, but I'm here to take a stand. NOT ALL MEN ARE DOGS. I will say that I do enjoy chick flicks, probably more than the average male and probably more than I should publicly admit, but the overlaying theme in most chick flicks is that men are dogs. I suppose this is the chick flick equivalent of having some smoking hot babe in an action movie slowly walking out of water or getting out of the shower. Water dripping off chicks is the same as males cheating on their girls; same marginalizing generalization, just two different archetypes really.

I bring this up because in Sliding Doors, the Helen that catches the train arrives home early, after getting fired from her job no less, finds her boyfriend in bed with another chick. But in the other version of the Space Time Continuum, Helen misses the train, gets mugged, goes to the hospital and returns home as the tramp who is sleeping with her boyfriend walks out the door, unknown to either that they are now eskimo sisters. This is where the movie begins to follow a "plotline A" and "plotline B" story which would be very confusing except in one of the plotlines Gwyneth cuts her hair really short (which apparently girls find cathartic, I don't get it). In "plotline A" Helen catches her boyfriend cheating, moves out and tries to move on with her life. In "plotline B" she stays with her boyfriend, but begins to get very suspicious that he is hussy-ing around.

In "plotline A", which I will call "Jolie", she meets an interesting British bloke ( I love British words) named James, who she proceeds to (rather predictably) fall in love with. Which brings me to my two biggest problems with this movie, aside from the whole "men as dogs" theme. First of all, we are supposed to be happy that Helen has found a new love interest and we are supposed to root for James because he is nice and seems to treat her well. But the problem is the James character really isn't interesting and it was not easy to root for them to get together. He was just something you probably should have in your life, like a bran muffin. But bran muffins don't have the appeal of a cinnamon buns and thustly it was hard to justify the relationship.

My other problem was the overall predictability of the movie. Aside from the creative use of dual storyline in presumably alternate realities, (for a better understanding watch this video, or read this short wiki-explanation) the movie played out pretty much the way every other chick flick plays out. The girl wants a cinnamon bun but decides that a bran muffin is probably the safer bet. Now back to "plotline B".

In "plotline B" , which I will call "Aniston" she rides out her crumbling relationship with her cheating boyfriend and things seem alright on the surface but the audience knows her boyfriend is prick so you root for Helen to discover the truth and move on. Where the movie gets interesting in when "Aniston" and "Jolie" begin to intertwine and in both scenario's Helen becomes pregnant, in each scenario with a different man. I don't want to give away plotlines in case any of our female readers would like to watch this movie, but instead I will focus on the two things that I found most interesting about the movie.

Firstly, I am a sucker for a great reference in a movie. It's been done a million times but only a great reference, used at the right time can linger (see Knocked Up). For me this is what I took away from Sliding Doors. The character of James, who in the "Jolie" plot line Helen falls in love with, uses a great expression for doing something unpredictable or unexpected. James tells Helen, "remember what the Monty Python boys say, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition". I did some research on the sketch and it's funny, very British, but very funny. It's moments in a film like this that can linger long after you've watched it. I, more than anyone I know, use references from movies or pop culture to help fill conversations. Some may say its pathetic but I show it off like a nerd's trophy and I measure people by their ability to recognize even the most obscure references. It's a sliding scale for those who can identify the easy ones like "roads? where we're going, we don't need roads" to the more obscure such as "unfortunately for Dawson and Downey I don't do anything better than I play softball". So from now on whenever someone tells me that they didn't expect something to happen, I will coyly respond by saying "nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition".

The other thing that I found interesting was the use of a very popular movie ploy that to this day, logistically boggles my mind. I am of course referring to the trick shot when one character opens a door or lifts their head from the sink to find a person standing behind them. It's very popular and in Sliding Doors this ploy is executed to perfection. "Aniston" Helen, who is still with her cheating boyfriend is talking to her bf in the kitchen. The boyfriend walks over to the window, pulls open the shades, and standing right in the window is the woman he's having an affair with.

Now allow my strange brain a moment to break this down. How long must she have been standing there to NAIL that moment (we need a name for that kind of scare. How about the "she missed her period" scare. Let's try it out). I mean logistically she had to have been standing there for at least an hour or two, and praying that the guy opens the exact window she was standing behind. Imagine how much of a letdown it would be if the boyfriend opened the other window. You then wasted your entire day on a "she missed her period" scare just to blow it. For once I would like a movie to depict the other side of the "she missed her period" scare and show the process of planning and executing said scare. I understand it would probably involve a lot of dead air and standing around, but I am sucker for the process. I will appreciate a well executed "she missed her period" scare much more when I can see just how much planning went into it.

So in conclusion I would say that in the world of chick flicks this was a tolerable movie whose enjoyment was increased by the last Spanish Inquisition quote. It's no Notebook (but really what is) yet it's not on the unbearable level of "Maid in Manhattan . It falls somewhere comfortably in the C+ range in my opinion. Rotten Tomatoes has it listed as a 63% and IMDB gives it a 6.8/10 so I may be a little generous. What made the movie watchable was the use of the space time continuum in a fresh way and for that I give it a C+. (and did you notice my attempt at a pop culture reference throughout this piece. What or who do Gwyneth, Aniston and Jolie all have in common).

Here's what you can expect in the next week :

- A Film Review of what I consider the two best movies of the year (hint, only one of them has been nominated for Best Picture)

- My new obsession with "The Voice" and other practical applications of it.

Let me know which one you would want to read first. So until next time, as always STAY CLASSY!

Super Bowl Edition

2012-02-04T16:00:00.000-05:00

And The Elephant in the Room

Tomorrow is the greatest day in sports and what makes this Super Bowl even more interesting is what's at stake for the main participants. I love the Super Bowl more than any other sporting event and now that my team is in the game it is reaching a whole 'nother level of excitement. The casual fan will gather for a Super Bowl party and enjoy some adult beverages while trying to watch all the commercials. However, as a rabid football fan, this game intrigues me more than any Super Bowl in recent memory. But the reasons for my peaked interest lay not in the individual matchups that will play out on the field, but rather a topic that no player or coach will address....Legacy.

The reason that Tom Brady or Eli Manning or Bill Belichick or Tom Coughlin won't address anything related to their legacy is because as a player this thought doesn't cross their minds come Sunday. Once all the excitement and circumstance ends the players will settle into the game and it becomes just another football game for them. But one of the things that makes sports great is the ability for fans to look back and assess what we have seen. It's why ESPN exists and it's why there is a Hall of Fame, so we can put into perspective an athlete's career and achievements.

In my opinion this is the most interesting Super Bowl, perhaps all time, and here's why. First of all, on the lowest of reasons, it matches Boston against New York, two cities that have arguably the greatest sports rivalry in the United States. I understand that the Patriots and Giants aren't true rivals, but it still allows the people of each city a chance to taunt one another. But then there's the most obvious element that makes this the most interesting game and that is revenge.

Just four years ago the New England Patriots were 18-0 and all that stood between them and immortality was a wildcard New York Giants team. We all know what happened and the Giants pulled off the greatest upset in football history, and perhaps in the history of sports. There's no way that Patriots fans can forget that moment and whenever a Pats fan starts talking shit to me all I need to say is "18-1". Imagine getting so close to perfection only to have David Tyree catch a Hail Mary against his helmet and in an instant you go from eternal legends to just another team that lost the Super Bowl.

Allow me a second to put this loss into perspective.

If the Patriots had won Super Bowl 42 and became the first team to go 19-0 then without question the Patriots would go down as the greatest dynasty in NFL history, as well as the being annointed the greatest team in NFL history. With his 4th Super Bowl win in 4 tries, Tom Brady would be unanimously known as the greatest QB of all time and Bill Belichick could be considered the greatest coach. But they came up just short, and now they "proudly" hang a banner from their stadium that says "16-0 2007 Patriots Perfect Regular Season" which is kind of like "playing just the tip", we all know you didn't finish.

Last night I decided to get the perspective from a Patriots fan, who may or may not have blocked Super Bowl 42 from his memory. I wanted to get his take on the game, and see if the game had the same meaning to a Pats fan as it did for myself. So I got my old college roommate on the line, Wild Bill Hews, and here's what he had to say...

ETC: What I find most interesting is the legacies at stake. Even though no one involved is talking about it, what's your take on what's at stake?
Hews: I don't feel like they would be thinking about it in the moment. But I agree, a lot is at stake for all parties.

ETC: I feel this is the most interesting Super Bowl, maybe ever, at least since Favre/Elway because Pats fan can deny it all they want, but this is all about revenge for them right? Tom and Bill, but especially for Pats fans who had to deal with 18-1 chants for 4 years.
Hews: I think the Pats would have rolled the 49ers if they had made it and I felt that way going into the NFC Championship. But I wanted the Giants. I want revenge. But in all honesty, I really like our chances.

ETC: Bias aside, are you concerned about stopping the Giants passing attack? Because Julian Edelman covering Victor Cruz makes me feel funny in my special parts.
Hews: I think we play to give up the short stuff. If you can score TDs in the red zone you win. That won't be the matchup. Arrington will on Cruz. I think you will be able to run a little, but if Pats pressure Eli you are in trouble.

ETC: What did you make of Eli's performance against San Fran? He got pressured and came out on top.
Hews: I don't think the pats will blitz much. Lots of max coverage, velco coverage. (sounds like he is trying to avoid that question)

ETC: What's the matchup that scares you the most and what's the matchup you're most excited about?
Hews: Scared most about the Nicks matchup. We usually get killed by the bigger WRs/ Brandon Marshall for example. Most excited about Welker vs whomever. Think he has a big day, could be MVP. Front runners for MVP are Manning, Brady, Nicks, Welker. Sleepers are Cruz, Hernandez, Bradshaw and Woodhead.

ETC: The Giants seem to have the Pats number. They ended the perfect season in Super Bowl 42 and this year they ended the Patriots 20 game home win streak. Do you think the Giants have a mental advantage?
Hews: No. I think they match up well with the Pats. Athletic defense and solid QB who is a gamer. Both wins came with under 1 min in 4th quarter. And let's not forget when the Pats beat the Giants in New York on the last game of the '07 season with nothing to play for but perfection.

ETC: Where does Super Bowl 42 rank in terms of worst loss as a fan?
Hews: Aaron Boone, Super Bowl 42, game 7 Celts vs Lakers no Perkins and blow double digit 4th quarter lead. And Michigan losing to Ohio State might have been worse our senior year when they were #1 and #2.

ETC: Do you think the banner that says 16-0 deserves to hang in Gillette or is it a constant reminder that you lost the Super Bowl?
*editors note: this is response is why the term Masshole exists. And it may make you hate Boston fans*
Hews: Not to sound like a dick but in 2007 the sox had just won it and the celts were on their way to their first championship. I was living in Boston. It was the season after spygate. We proved what we needed to and played our worst game of the season in the Super Bowl. It hurt more after Brady got hurt week one of the next year. No I think 16-0 is significant, but I'm also saying that the pats had won three, the sox that fall closed out their second. Pats roll after spygate to 16-0. The Celts have the big three and are rolling. It was a blip that hurts real bad, but hurt worse after Tommy got hurt the next year. Because I honestly thought we could go 19-0 the next year.

ETC: If the Patriots lose on Sunday, how much does it hurt Tom and Bill's mystique/legacy?
Hews: Caz, you have to understand since 2001 sox win 2, pats win 3 lose 1, Celts win 1 lose 1 and Bruins win 1. I think it makes people question the success against the top competition. I don't think it hurts because they have three Super Bowl wins. If they lose and never go back, it hurts more. Just like 2007 hurts less if they win Sunday. It doesn't change the past but it does prove that it was a blip on the radar of a decade plus of dynastic domination. Sunday's Mission : Prove it was a blip.

ETC: You think '07 was just a blip on the radar?
Hews: With a win Sunday it was a blip.

ETC: And with a loss?
Hews: It hurts that much more. And people will question the Pats vs Top Competition.

So there's the New England take on the game. It's amazing how much he discredits the Giants and that Super Bowl performance. He kept saying "top competition" when in reality, with a Giants win, people will always say that Eli and Coughlin just had the Patriot's number.

Here's my take, as a Giants fan. It's very strange to me that almost every media member and prognosticator is picking the Giants to win. After all they are still a 2.5 point underdog and the Patriots are the #1 seed in the AFC with 13 wins, including 10 in a row. I've taken a lot of shit from my friends because I wrote this Giants team off after week 11 when they were embarrassed by Philadelphia. I honestly thought they were done, and still fresh off being in the stadium for the DeSean Jackson meltdown, I was convinced the Giants were dead.

But something amazing happened to them when their season was on the line in week 16 against the New York Jets. Their playoffs began in week 16 and it seemed like they finally realized it was time to play at an elite level or their season was over. And as the past few Super Bowl champions have proved, its the team that gets on a roll heading into the playoffs that usually wins it all.

Sure the Patriots have won 10 games in a row to this point, but I am more impressed with the Giants 5 game winning streak and here's why. It's not just because I'm a Giants fan, but its the quality of the wins. They beat the Jets, the Cowboys and the Falcons all in the Meadowlands, each win more impressive than the previous. Then they went on the road to beat the 15-1 Green Bay Packers, a team everyone had penciled in to represent the NFC at the Super Bowl. But the Giants defense finally showed up, and a team destroyed by injuries all of a sudden had most of their players back. We all know what happened next as the Giants went to San Francisco and knocked off the 49ers.

What I can't get over is how eerily similar this run is to that of Super Bowl 42 and the 2007 Giants. Its almost to the point where it seems like a hoax. The Giants lost 38-35 at home to an unbeaten team late in the season in 2007. In 2011, they lost 38-35 at home to an unbeaten team late in the season. In 2007 they beat the Packers in Green Bay despite being a heavy underdog. In 2011, they beat the Packers in Green Bay despite being a heavy underdog. In 2007, they advanced to the Super Bowl by winning the NFC Championship game on the road with an overtime, game winning field goal by Lawrence Tynes. In 2011, they advanced to the Super Bowl by winning the NFC Championship game on the road with an overtime, game winning field goal by Lawrence Tynes.

Before I get to my prediction, I'd like to discuss the legacies at stake, because the players and coaching can avoid it all they want, but come this time on Monday it's all anyone is going to be talking about. First let's set the table for Tom Brady and Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots. A win would give Brady and Bill their 4th ring together, tying them both for the NFL record both for a QB and coach. And given the current status of the NFL with parity abound, most would agree that this run of 4 championships is far more impressive than that of Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana. Certainly Belichick's accomplishment would be viewed as far more challenging that that of Chuck Knoll's. At stake for these two is the chance to be considered the greatest at their respective positions. Bill could be mentioned in the same breath as Lombardi. And Brady, although technically being tied for the lead, could be called the greatest of all time. And they both have at least 4-5 years of elite play left in them.

As for the Giants the conversation isn't about the greatest of all time, but it would certainly cement some places among the all time greats. With a win Eli and Coughlin would both have 2 championships and would all but guarantee their spots in the Hall of Fame. For Eli it's even more personal. This is a guy who not so long ago was questioned as to whether or not he would ever win the big game. And now he is 60 minutes away from eclipsing his brother and raising the legitimate question of who you would rather have leading your team Peyton or Eli. A lot of mediocre quarterbacks have won a Super Bowl, but only the truly exceptional quarterbacks have won multiple.

It's finally time for my prediction. I know that I am incredibly biased, but I will try to look at this game as evenly as possible. I think the Giants are finally healthy and that they have a much better defense than the Patriots. The Giants have the ability to get to Brady without blitzing, something they did in Super Bowl 42 then they have a huge advantage. The toughest thing for the Patriots will be trying to stop the passing attack for the Giants. The toughest thing the Giants will have to do is limit Tom Brady, which is much easier to type than it is to actually do. Look back at the last 3 games these teams have played I think it will come down to the last possession and whichever quarterback has the ball last is going to win the game.

New York Giants 27- New England Patriots 21

That's my prediction and I'm sticking to it. So enjoy the Super Bowl, consume lots of delicious food and some adult beverages and let's hope the commercials are good. If you don't hear from me, it's because the Giants have lost and I can't bear to hear the abuse from Will Hews. Later this week, we will finally have the reader request piece published so keep your eyes out for it.

Until next time, as always...STAY CLASSY!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Hottest of Them All

2012-01-12T15:28:00.000-05:00

Disney Princesses and Courtship Approximation

The other day, as I voluntarily sat down to watch Aladdin I recognized one major enormous flaw to the story. The whole basis of the first act was that Jasmine couldn't find a suitor to marry her and so her father had arranged for numerous princes from all across the land to come and meet her. And despite the countless number of men she saw there wasn't a single one that could fit the bill.

Now hold on a second Miss Lippy. Have you seen Jasmine? Not only is she smoking hot, but she wears a belly shirt all day everyday and has a pet tiger. Let me repeat that. SHE HAS A PET TIGER!! That's like my dream girl. How is it that someone with all those outstanding credentials on her dating resume can't find a prince? I understand movie makers ask for a certain amount of leniency when it comes to the whole believability thing, but an insanely rich princess, with a banging body, a pet tiger and half a t-shirt could have her pick of the litter. But I'm willing to give this little mishap a pass because it provides a glimmer of hope that somewhere out there, there's a chick just like Jasmine waiting for me to sweep her off her feet and become best friends with her pet tiger. I'm just saying, it's possible.

Anyways, that got me to thinking that Jasmine has got to be a runaway for the hottest Disney princess. But you'd be surprised the amount of push back I got on this subject. Answers were as varied as a Halloween grab bag at your cheap neighbor's house. It was almost impossible to get a unanimous answer, and when people did agree it was for insanely different reasons. And therefore I decided that once and for all a Disney Princess ranking was necessary to settle the debate. And who better than I, a person who voluntarily watches Disney movies and is proud to admit that, to settle this once and for all.

Now a lot of thought went into this as did a few hours of watching tape just to make sure my thoughts were on point. Let me say that I am very happy that all movie renting nowadays is safe and secure online. Because if I went to a blockbuster store and rented 6 Disney princess movies back to back I'm pretty sure a wanted poster would have been drawn and hung on every street corner.

So here's the criteria of my rankings :

1. I am only using the "original 6" or as they like to be called "the slick 6".
2. Since these are classy women, this is a long term ranking. While Ariel might be the obvious choice if you met her at a club, I want to know their long term prospects.
3. As always, poise counts. If I'm going to have this princess for life, I need to know how she reacts when things go bad. And if you've ever seen a Disney princess movie you know things go bad.
4. Songs Count. We are talking Disney musicals after all.
5. Thats about it.

And here we go....

6. Sleeping Beauty aka Aurora : She must have had quite an impact because she only appeared on screen for 18 minutes. Talk about bang for your buck. In my opinion the only character to do more with that little time on screen is Colonel Jessup in A Few Good Men. So here's what Sleeping Beauty has going for her. Her uncanny beauty was enough to convince a prince to fall in love with her. The prince assumed she was just a peasant, when actually she was a princess. Here's the catch, the prince was arranged to marry a princess (in a cruel twist of fate the princess is actually the same peasant girl he fell in love with). Yada Yada Yada this causes mayhem in the royal castle and Aurora is cursed into eternal sleep, the only thing that can break the curse is a kiss from a prince ( I know, talk about cliche').

Here's what she's got going for her, she's blond buxom and despite being insanely rich, can easily pass for common folk (an invaluable characteristic). But here's my issue with her. She was cursed by an enchanted wheel. She was fixated on the shiny flashy unknown object. She knew she shouldn't touch the wheel but she did anyway and look what it did to her, it put her in an enchanted coma. If she could so easily stray from doing the right thing here, what else would she stray for? You know the expression, once a cheater always a cheater. Well with princesses it's more like once a cursed bitch always a cursed bitch. And I can't have that kind of bad luck looming over me for ever after.

5. Snow White: I feel a little bad putting the original Disney Princess out of the medal rounds. Let's go over a few things. First of all she lived in 1937, I mean talk about a rough time to live. There was so much more going on at that point in history and when so many people were out of work, Snow White gainfully and happily employed 7 loyal workers. But she does deserve serious consideration because her beauty was off the charts. Her evil step-mother ordered her death, except the henchman thought Snow White was so hot that they couldn't kill her ( who says chivalry is dead).

But Snow White has some baggage, specifically a crazy family. Her step-mother poisons her by tricking Snow White to eat an apple. If her step-mother could poison her own step-daughter, imagine what she would do to me, the step-son-in law. That's a rocky relationship as it is, and now we're adding a deranged step-mom to the equation...no thanks. I'd be constantly looking over my shoulder and I could never eat apples ever again. I don't think I could live like that. But here's why she ranks above Sleeping Beauty, though their tales are eerily similar. Snow White's loyal dwarf's couldn't bear to bury such a beautiful person that they built her a glass coffin, assuming she is dead. But some prince comes by and has the urge to kiss a dead chick and wouldn't you know it, the kiss wakes her up and they live happily ever after. Freud would have a field day with this prince, but the crazy tactic worked and he bagged himself a princess. So the common theme so far is that the first kiss REALLY matters, I guess most of the chicks flicks were right. Thanks Nora Ephron.

4. Cinderella : The mother of all fairy tales. The name alone has such secondary meaning and inferences which leads one to speculate that the original must have inspired pure awe. Here's a few things that Cinderelly has going for her; 1) She cleans up amazingly well. The transformation from scrubbing floors and talking to mice to ball room beauty who steals the heart of a prince is simply fascinating. Granted she has the help of a fairy godmother but that's a hell of a lot more than I can say I've got in my corner. My best move is putting on a sports coat, this chick is turning pumpkins into carriages, advantage Cinderella. 2). She's timely. She knew that she was working on a deadline; make the prince fall for you by midnight or its back to scrubbing floors. I can't stress how important that quality is. That way we can do whatever it is she wants to do during the day and still be back in time for the Giants kickoff. 3) She looks great without trying. I gotta hand it to Cinderella, even when she was toiling away on those floors she still was bringing the heat and I dig that. Look at that picture, she's not trying to impress anyone but she still looks like she could make a man do whatever she wanted. It's the roll out of bed look, and if you can rock that, well I don't need to tell you how far that goes.

But with every princess there's a few flaws. Now like I said I love the roll out of bed look and the timeliness and of course the natural beauty. Look at the blond hair and blue eyes. Now having said that, there are a lot of people in central Europe that would do some crazy things for that look. But my problem with her, and I'm nitpicking, is her friends. They're mice. Bottom line. And any girl that has mice, guinnea pigs, ferrets or any other kind of rodent as a pet is a major red flag in my book. Sure they are cute and supportive but so are orthopedic back pillows. You know how awkward it would be to have her friends over for a dinner party? I mean don't get me wrong I love cheese just as much as the next guy but where does it end? And I respect Ikea but there's no chance they have furniture that small so as her mice friends could be comfortable. Give me Snow White's dwarfs anyday of the week and twice on Sunday.

3. Belle - Beauty and the Beast: Man this was a tough decision. I have a soft spot for Belle and Beauty and the Beast in general. In fact, had things gone a little differently I may have been a famous stage actor but instead the 2nd grade production of Beauty and the Beast scared me from all theatrical performances. It's a long story, and most of my friends have probably heard this story, so I'll give the cliffnotes version. Instead of being cast in a leading role, or even having a single line in the play, I was cast as an extra, a knife, who wrapped up the play by telling the audience "thank you for attending our play. Refreshments will be served in the classrooms". And I never acted again.

But I digress. After careful consideration Belle takes the bronze medal, but a case could easily be made for ranking her higher, after all her nickname is BEAUTY. She radiates grace, not a little grace, but off the charts grace. You think its easy making a Beast fall in love. It takes a special kind of lady to do that. But let's go over her intangibles. 1)Compassion. Instead of letting her father stay imprisoned by the Beast, she trades her life for his freedom, talk about devotion. This is like a get out of jail free card, if you screw up big time in public or with her friends, she very well could take the fall for you. You can never count on this act of valor, but it's good to know she's got that ace in the hole. 2) Courage. She stood up to a beast, a friggin BEAST. I get scared of spiders and this chick is bossing around a BEAST. You think you're ever going to get over charged by a mechanic or pushed around by flight attendand, I think not. But be careful, this can easily backfire. Before you know it, she's wearing the pants, your carrying her purse and instead of watching Die Hard you're stuck watching re-runs of Sex and the City. It's a slippery slope but all in all, courage is a good thing. And she gets a major bump from the previous 3 because I find the music in Beauty and the Beast to be far superior. "Be Our Guest" and "Beauty and the Beast" are two of Disney's finest pieces. Not to mention she commands a dress. She's wearing a dress pretty much the entire movie and the way she looks in a dress, I don't blame her one bit.

2. Ariel - The Little Mermaid: This chick is just oozing sex appeal. Let's start with just the physical appearance that so many men value. She's wearing a sea-shell bra, I'm pretty sure that's a look that no man would say no to. Not to mention that I'll bet anything she's going commando under that bluefin mermaid tail (she's got to be, right?). And the flowing red hair hair, I mean comon. Some people don't like redheads, but I thought we live in a world where we don't discriminate based on race, color or creed. Certainly that applies to hair as well. I for one, dig the flowing red locks not to mention a few other characteristics that make her insanely appealing to the superficial male. And let's not forget that you could probably pull off underwater hookups, which if executed properly could give a whole new meaning to under the sea (did you see what I did there?).

Based on a few things I've noticed about her, I've determined that she would be the ideal candidate to date in high school or college and here's why. 1) She's rebellious. Her parents said she can't go out on Friday, but guess what, shes swimming off out of an underwater castle window. And since she's underwater, you don't even need a ladder to get to the window. 2) She's curious. She always wants to discover and try new things. I don't think I need to spell out why that's important gentleman. 3). Devoted to her man. She was so devoted that she was willing to give up her voice so she could be with her man. Take a second to let that sink in. She voluntarily hit the mute button on herself. But there's really only one reason that I denied Ariel the gold, and it's in regards to the mermaid tail. One of the major criticisms of men is that they really don't know how to successfully push the females buttons south of the border. We men have a hard enough time when our only real barrier is a thin layer of cotton or silk. Well I would have to imagine that it's a thousand times more difficult when you have to work your way through a scaly, mucous-y membrane that not even the great explorers of years past have been able to navigate. And let's be honest, is there anything worse than an unsatisfied woman. Ariel you are amazing, but you're more the kind of chick I'd want on the hood of my submarine, jamming out to Whitesnake.

1. Jasmine - Aladdin: This was not a run-a-way but after careful consideration she has to be the hottest Disney princess of them all. She's got that natural tan exotic look that you just can't get at Hollywood Tans. I know I previously mentioned that she has a pet tiger but that's just not something you can overlook. Any idiot can try to purchase a pet tiger but it usually ends disastrously. But not with Jasmine, she's got that Tiger to be so loyal and protective that it totally redefines the term man's best friend. But let's look beyond the pet tiger, Jasmine is to Disney princesses what Helen of Troy is to women. She's the benchmark, the one all others aspire to be. She is Beyonce in a world full of lounge singers, Harley-Davidson in a world full of scooters and fruit punch Kool-Aid in a world full of mediocre beverages.

Let's break her down and see how I arrived at this decision. 1) pet tiger - discussed ad nauseam. 2) Status doesn't matter to her. It takes a special kind of woman to turn down countless princes and instead fall for a liar, crook and homeless guy with a pet monkey (actually the pet monkey definitely helped his chances). Now I realize that she went on the magic carpet ride with Aladdin assuming that he was Prince Ali-Aliabawa. But she could see past the fancy clothes and appearances and knew she shouldn't get on that carpet but she did anyway. Which brings me to point number 3) See looks past flaws. Magic Carpets aren't the safest things, and Aladdin wasn't exactly spitting Leo DiCaprio game, but he still got her onto his carpet, a very good sign. And finally 4) She's forgiving. Let's be honest, Aladdin pulled the oldest move in the rom-com book, he lied to get a hot chick. He even took it a step further and consulted the powers of a magic genie. That's like shooting fish in a barrel. You show me a girl impervious to the powers of a genie and I'll show you Margaret Thatcher on a cold day. Of course there is the music to Aladdin, that may be the best work of all time from Disney. Cause let's be honest, if there ever was double meaning in a Disney song it's "A Whole New World" . And if you don't know what I mean then you clearly never had princess sex on a magic carpet (Where's a genie when you need one).

This was not easy, but someone had to do it. Now if we were to extend this to all Disney females than the answer is Nala from The Lion King, no questions asked. That cat doesn't even know what she's doing.

So what did we learn from this list? The best way to a cartoon princess' heart is the first kiss, never assume she is who she appears to be, and of course you need to be able to sing. I suppose that I can snag me a Disney princess too but we all know that I can't sing for shit. Unlike this guy who sings both parts of "A Whole New World" and absolutely kills it. Some say that's gay, but I say that's the best way to get yourself a princess. Because above all else they all share one common characteristic....They fall for the guy who can sign.

So that does it for this post. We'll see you again shortly so until next time, as always....STAY CLASSY!

My Letter to Roger Goodell

2011-12-16T12:33:00.001-05:00

Dear Commissioner Goodell,

Are you familiar with the term collateral damage? How about occupational hazard? Allow me to shed some light on the subject. When one becomes a coal miner, that person is well aware that there are certain inherent dangers that go along with being a coal miner. For instance there is a constant threat of being entombed alive from a collapse and a constant danger to their lungs from all the pollution and unclean air. The coal worker is well aware of these dangers yet every day thousands of people go into the coal mines. If Roger Goodell was commissioner of the coal workers union the world would have far less coal in it. At the first sign of a cough or if one person got trapped, he would suspend all work in that mine for fear of that worker's health.

Now to collateral damage. Have you ever gone swimming on a really hot day? Diving into a pool is incredibly refreshing and satisfying. You could stay in that water all day. Have you ever, after a day of swimming, had water in your ear that you couldn't get out? Or what about those awful wheezing pains you get in your lungs if you've stayed under water too long? This doesn't always happen, but sometimes its the unintended result of swimming. Collateral damage is precisely that, unintended damage that is the result of a separate action. If Roger Goodell was the commissioner of lifeguards, he would make sure someone was to be held responsible for your swimmers ear.

I write this due to the epidemic that has taken hold of the National Football League and that is the "unnecessary roughness of a defenseless player". Now I don't want to come off as an insensitive bastard who wants to see violence and injury. But I am also a fan of the game of football and at the end of the day football is an incredibly violent game. Every single player who is fortunate to play in the National Football League is well aware of the inherent dangers that come with it. Sure everyone wants to stay healthy, and no one would be in favor of injuries, but let's be honest when you play football, people are going to get hurt. It's the very definition of occupational hazard. If you don't believe me here is the Webster's dictionary definition...

Occupational Hazard : A risk accepted as a consequence of a particular occupation.

NFL players are not only well aware of these risks but they are also more than comfortably rewarded for taking these risks. In my opinion its very simple. If you don't want to put your body at risk then you forfeit the opportunity to make millions of dollars playing a game. But that's not the case. And every Sunday we have warriors putting their bodies on the line for our entertainment, and in return they get to cash their very large employment checks. Now of all the sports, NFL players make the least (compared to MLB and NBA) but that's a whole different story. I think NFL players should get paid the most comparative to the other sports mentioned.

If you don't believe me maybe you should ask the thousands of NCAA football players who never get the chance to chase their dreams of playing in the NFL. They get to the top of the mountain, as close as you can get to fulfilling their dreams, only to be turned away forever. Ask them if they would be willing to put their future health on the line for chance of millions of dollars, success at the highest level and fulfilling their childhood dreams. I know my answer. I'd do anything to play in the NFL and if that means I will have arthritic knees and a spotty memory then so be it. At least I followed my dream and competed at the highest level.

I write this because of the rash of "late hits" and "unnecessary roughness" calls that are plauging the league. People like James Harrison and Ryan Clark have had to pony up insane amounts of money for playing hard. Imagine if Dick Butkus or Deacon Jones or Jack Lambert or Ronnie Lott had to play under these rules. They not only would have lost a lot of money, but they also might not have been as dominant of players. Perhaps Jack Lambert would not be a celebrated hall of famer but rather a poster boy for penalties and dirty play. Actions that were celebrated in the 70s 80s and 90s are now being villainized (which may or may not be a real word).

If I was a wide receiver and I took a hard hit over the middle I would milk it, pretend to be hurt and the refs would throw a flag for unnecessary roughness. Why not? It happens like clockwork. A violent hit over the middle in which the defender separates the receiver from the football (something they are taught to do since the first day they played the game as kids) is flagged and the offense is rewarded. What Roger Goodell is trying to do is reverse a lifetime of football instincts and what he is finding out is that it is harder to rid the game of these hits than he thought. If I was Mr. Rooney, the owner of the Steelers, I would personally pay every fine that James Harrison receives. Because Mr. Rooney earned a lot of money off the violent actions of Jack Lambert and the Steel Curtain Defense. Now is watching as an ambitious commissioner tries to ruin the league. Let them play football and stop trying to make it two hand touch.
_________________________________________________________

PART 2: TEBOW vs BRADY

Since this is my return to blogging I have decided to make it a two part edition. If it's too long for you to read I really don't care. The other enormous topic in the NFL right now, aside from the late hits, is Tim Tebow. I have to say I am a fan of Tim Tebow. Ever since he provided the greatest football speech of all time, and went out and backed up every single word by winning the National Championship, I have been a fan of Tebow's. The guy is a winner, plain and simple and last time I checked winning is all that matters.

But this Tebow thing goes way beyond his performance on the field. It's been one of the most fascinating storylines to come out of the NFL in as many years as I can remember. But why? Why does every media outlet and every radio station obsess over Tim Tebow. I'm not here to give you my opinion on why people love or hate Tebow, that would make me no different from every pundit in the world. Instead what I am here to do is analyze this from a football perspective.

I don't care if Tebow is the lowest rated passer in the league. I don't care if every expert in the world says this style of offense can't last in the NFL. I'm along for the ride and the past 8 weeks have been amazing to watch. It's like he flips a switch and all of a sudden, come crunch time Tebow is a different player. There really is no explanation for it. But what I can see, the tangible element that Tebow brings to the table is his ability to lead. It's a truly rare talent and its something that coaches and GMs search for on a regular basis. Tebow inspires his players, and unless you have played on a team with Tebow you really can't understand it or quantify it. But it just seems like everyone who plays besides him is willing to put in a little more effort and that's a quality that can't be replicated. It's why I want to see him succeed, I want to see his team make the playoffs and see if this unconventional style of play can work in the NFL. And this week is the biggest test.

The most conventional quarterback of the last half century invades Denver this weekend and it seems to me like Tom Brady is out to prove a point. This season, despite putting up record numbers, Brady is being overshadowed by guys like Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees and deservedly so. They are playing at an incredible level. But there's old Tom, up to his usual tricks. It's hard to imagine that the Patriots are 10-3 considering they have the league's worst defense. And besides Wes Welker (who was nothing special in the years before coming to New England) and Rob Gronkowski, there isn't a single offensive player on their team that I would want on my team. Brady and Tebow share something special, and that's the ability to lead a team. You can see how competitive each man is every Sunday and their will to win is unlike anyone else's in the league. Which makes this Sunday's game all the more interesting.

I am curious to see what happens. Logic says that Tebow will be able to move the ball against the league's worst defense. But how will Brady fare against one the top defenses in the league? My guess is he will do just fine. Something happens to competitors like Brady when people begin to forget how good they are or overlook their abilities. It's that desire that every athlete has to prove people wrong. And coming into this Sunday's game, all anyone seems to be talking about is Tim Tebow. I have a feeling that Brady is going to come out firing. Like he wants to prove what a "true" quarterback can do. It almost reminds me of A Few Good Men when Tom Cruise is talking about his plan to crack Jack Nicholson. It's a great scene that goes like this....

I think he wants to say it. I think he's pissed off that he's gotta hide from this. I think he wants to say that he made a command decision and that's the end of it. He eats breakfast 300 yards away from 4000 Cubans that are trained to kill him. And nobody's going to tell him how to run his unit least of all the Harvard mouth in his faggoty white uniform. I need to shake him, put him on the defensive and lead him right where he's dying to go.

I think Brady is pissed off about all the attention Tebow is getting and he is just going to go off like Colonel Jessup. Brady is going to deliver the following message to Tebow..

"Son we play a game that needs a quarterback. Who's gonna do it you? You Tim Tebow? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the spread option and you curse the pro style. You have that luxury, you have that luxury of not knowing what I know. That downfield passing and pre-snap reads win games. And my existence to you, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, wins games. You don't want the truth because deep down in offensive meetings you don't talk about zone blitzes or four verticles. You want me under center, you need me under center. We use words like hot route, x-under and new mike. We use these words as the backbone of a downfield offense. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who wins and loses in the league I've been a part of for 12 years and then questions the manner in which I win. I would rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you start throwing downfield and reading defenses. Either way I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."

So there you have it. I hope this game is everything that it's been hyped up to be. If Tebow somehow pulls out another 4th quarter miracle then I am officially on board the Tebow express. But like I said, I have a feeling that Tom Brady is out to prove a point this weekend.

The blog is back and I would appreciate any comments or topic ideas going forward. Until next time, as always....STAY CLASSY

The Blog Is Back

2011-12-15T16:24:00.000-05:00

This is an official announcement. Tomorrow marks the return of the blog. I have a few topics in mind but if anyone has anything in particular that they would like discussed please comment below.

I look forward to providing the kind of content that can only be found at ETC ETC ETC.

See you tomorrow

-Management

The Loss of a Friend

2011-12-08T19:56:00.000-05:00

-I'd like the memory of me to be a happy one. Of happy memories that I leave behind when day is done.

On April 23rd 2006 the world lost an amazing person. Matt Turley was serving in Argentina on a church mission when he was struck by a drunk driver, tragically ending his life. I had the good fortune to grow up with Matt when he moved into our neighborhood in first grade. Right away we formed an amazing friendship, playing baseball and football in his seemingly enormous backyard. We would walk home from school, drop our book-bags off and then meet in his yard for home run derby or "two hand touch" football that always turned into tackle.

It's hard to believe that its been five years already. I try not to think about the loss and how long its been since I've seen my friend, but instead I remember all the good times we had. Like the summer that Matt, Joe Bonanni and I turned badminton into an extreme, no boundaries slugfest. Or the games of football we would play when Matt was the quarterback and I was the receiver. Matt would tell me to just run past the defense and he would get the ball to me. It only took a few games before Matt and I weren't allowed to be on the same team because it wasn't fair for everyone else.

It seemed like we did everything together, from Little League baseball to hours of video games. From nerf basketball in his tiny bedroom to snow forts and sledding. When I think of my childhood Matt is the first person that comes to mind. The memories are forever and on days like today I can think back on so many good times. Like when our 4 younger sisters put on a play in the Turley's living room. It was supposed to be very serious but Matt and I were uncontrollably laughing as if Jerry Seinfeld was in the room and not our sisters. That did not go over well at the time, but it always brings a smile to my face when I think about it now.

I think back on the day Aaron and Ryan Smith moved to Pennsylvania in 5th grade, the saddest day of our lives at that point. We sat in Matt's kitchen and cried for hours, not speaking a word. I even think back to the day that the Turley's moved from Old Stagecoach Road. Even though they were moving 3 minutes away, it felt like they were moving to California. And what should have been a sad day turned into a comedy of errors, from us dropping their refrigerator full of stuff on the driveway, to the moving van getting stuck in their yard.

There are so many things that I can look back on but my favorite memories are playing home run derby in his backyard. Matt's dad Scott would buy sleeves of tennis balls and pitch to us for hours as we tried to launch home runs into the woods. On the days Scott had to work Matt and I would beg him to hurry up so we could play. Their deck provided a great backstop, however each day we would lose a few balls underneath it. We would try to recover some from underneath the deck but some were so far gone that they are probably underneath there to this day. When I drive by that old house and look at the backyard I get emotional. I can still picture the badminton net and batters box next to the deck.

"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend".

I never got a chance to say goodbye to Matt or even let him know how much I appreciated our times together. It's still hard to think about what happened and I don't believe I'll ever truly be able to articulate his impact on his family, our friendship and all who knew him.

I hope that one day I will see him again and he will be waiting. With an unlimited supply of tennis balls and a backyard that will be big enough for home run derby, badminton and "two hand touch" football. I hope.

Top 10 SNL Performers

2011-03-24T15:58:00.000-04:00

The remainder of March will be known as the "Top 10" month here at ETC ETC ETC. And I decided to kick of the list of 10s with a subject that I hold very dear to my heart...Saturday Night Live. Ever since I was first exposed to SNL in the early 90s I was immediately hooked. I can't remember my very first episode although I really wish I could. In retrospect having known the importance that this show has had on my life, it would be really cool if I could pinpoint the exact moment for credibility's sake. It's almost like a badge of honor, much like your first baseball game. "When did you start watching?" "I've been hooked every since the Tom Hanks/Aerosmith episode of 1990". (I was only 5 so that can't possibly be my first. But you could imagine what that would be like)

Despite having a few bad episodes or even a few bad seasons, there has never been a more influential comedic institution than Saturday Night Live. Since it's inception in 1975 SNL is responsible for some of the most well known, critically acclaimed and flat out funny sketches, short films and movies of all time. People like Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Eddie Murphy, Dana Carvey, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, and Will Ferrell to name a few have defined generations and impacted what people think is funny. So I began to think, who is the best SNL cast member of all time.

I posted this question on Facebook with a few options and the response was a little surprising. Of course it favored cast members that were most recently on the show, and that only makes sense. Most people are not historians of the show, therefore the people they grew up watching are the ones they consider to be the best. But I wanted to take a deeper look. SNL is one of the few things I consider myself an authority on and so I made a list of people who I thought deserved consideration, which ended up coming to 20 performers, and then I widdled it down to the Top 10.

My criteria consisted of the following:

Cast Members Only: Certainly there have been great hosts and fantastic guest appearances. People like Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin, Christopher Walken and Tom Hanks have had a huge impact on the show. But this list consists of Cast Members Only.
Strictly SNL: I wanted to take into account each performers's post-SNL career, but that's just not fair. This list is just the Top 10 SNL performers, meaning what they accomplished during their time on the show. Post-SNL, Rob Schneider's movies have out-grossed Dana Carvey's movies, but does that mean Rob is a better cast member than Dana. Certainly not. Having said that, a career Top 10 list of SNL performers, both on the show and after, would be interesting.
Cultural Impact: Did you talk about a sketch this performer did? Were you imitating an impression at school or work on Monday? Are you still making references to this pefrormer/sketch years after it first aired?
Signature Sketch: Would you recognize their most famous sketch? Have you heard of Matt Foley or "living in a van down by the river". What about Wayne Campbell or the Church Lady? This category may carry the most weight in my opinion.

So here is my list of the Top 10 SNL performers of all time...but first the honorable mentions

Honorable Mentions: Chevy Chase (just 1 season on the show), Billy Crystal, Martin Short (better after SNL then during), Chris Rock (see Crystal, Billy or Short, Martin) Molly Shannon (terribly polarizing, either hated or loved her), David Spade (too much of a role player), Tina Fey (better writer/Weekend Update performer), Jimmy Fallon (# 11 on my list), Kristen Wiig (could force her way into the Top 10, but not yet), Andy Samberg (still too early, can he do more than digital shorts).

10). Dan Aykroyd- Akroyd was the very first "glue guy" and a member of the original "Not Ready For Primetime Players". His impact cannot be overlooked as he possessed incredible range. He could play the fast talking info-mercial pitchman or the talented, dancing Blues Brothers sketch. He also provided the blueprint for political impressions with his Richard Nixon character. My personal favorite sketch of his might the Coneheads or "Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute" but how can you forget "Two wild and crazy guys!"
Signature Sketch: Bass-O-Matic '76, The fast talking pitch man is now a staple on SNL however most of these sketches are pre-recorded. Akroyd pulled this one off live and it's still funny and outrageous more than 30 years later.

9) Bill Murray- Bill may have had the most successfull post-SNL career of all but his time on the show was almost as invaluable as any. Murray was tabbed with the nearly impossible task of replacing Chevy Chase who famously left after the first season. It was so difficult that through most of Season 2 (Bill's first on the show) he was not well received by the audience. But soon we all came to love Murray who completely pushed the limits of sketch comedy. He played the lovable nerd Todd DiLamuca with Gilda Radnor and who can forget the Cheeseburger sketch with Aykroyd and Belushi.
Signature Sketch: Nick Winters Lounge Singer . It was a perfect stage for Bill's talents as he could sing and interact with the crowd.

8) Mike Myers- I think Myers may be one of the most overlooked SNL performer's of all times. Sure every single person has seen Shrek, Austin Powers or Wayne' World, but Myers was a very versatile performer. I actually think Myers could be ranked higher on this list because of all the characters he developed. Wayne Campbell is arguably his most famous, but there's also Linda Richman on Coffee Talk, Sprockets, and Phillip the special youngster. A truly gifted performer, Myers may be the best at creating characters and growing a funny idea into a truly legendary character.
Signature Sketch: Wayne's World . It was so famous it was made into not 1 but 2 movies.

7) Adam Sandler- Sandler is one of Hollywood's most bankable stars now but before he hit the big screen Sandler was a unique and innovative cast member. Sandler was a duel threat who could not only act, but he was also very musically talented. This led to one of his most famous sketches Opera Man and several classic guitar pieces like "Lunch Lady Land". That sketch was one of his many collaborations with Chris Farley and it's tough to say which of the two can take ownership of them. Classics like "the Gap Girls" and the "Herlihy Boy". And you can't talk about Sandler without mentioning Canteen Boy.
Signature Sketch: Despite all that was just said, his best moment was the "Chanukah Song".

6) John Belushi- We all know the tragic end to Belushi's story but while on SNL he brought a style that had never been seen before. He was loud, physical and had impeccable timing. At one point Belushi was on the #1 TV show, had the #1 movie at the box office (Animal House) and had the #1 record with the afore mentioned "Blues Brothers" fame. But that doesn't factor into his placement according to my criteria. His impression of Joe Cocker set the standard for SNL impressions, a hallmark of the show thanks to Belushi. And without speaking english, he made the "Samuri Deli" a hit. The most ironic/tantalizing look at what could have been is "The Old Man" video in which Belushi outlived all the original cast members (worth a view for all who thought Belushi was just a physical comedian).
Signature Sketch: The Blues Brothers. Without a doubt.

5) Eddie Murphy- Murphy has probably earned the most money at the box office but he was asked to carry the show after the original "Not Ready For Primetime Players" left the show. Not only did he carry the show, he exploded on the scene with characters like Buckwheat, Gumby and the Mr. Rogers spoof "Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood". Some of his most famous work on the show was doing impressions, most notably Bill Cosby, Stevie Wonder and of course James Brown. Eddie also gave us a hilarious look at race relations when he pretended to be a white person for a digital short. It could be argued that without Murphy SNL may not have survived as he made the seemingly impossible transition from the original cast.
Signature Sketch : James Brown Hot Tub.

4) Dana Carvey- A personal favorite of mine (his standup from 95 in San Francisco was a life changing moment for me) Carvey led the revival of the show after the "dark years" when Murphy left. Carvey is best known for characters like Hans (from Hans and Franz) Garth from Wayne's World and of course "the Church Lady". Despite these great original characters, Carvey was best known for his impressions. Arguably the best impersonator in the show's history (the other would be Daryl Hammond), Carvey found a particular angle on his target and exaggerated it to the exteme. He could make the most dry, boring person funny (Tom Brokaw). His impressions include Ross Perot, Regis Philbin, Johnny Carson, Charles Grodin and cast member Dennis Miller. Here's an amazing stat..during the 7 seasons he was on the show Carvey was featured in 92.5% of all the sketches.
Signature Sketch: President George H. W. Bush . Not Gunna Do It, Wouldn't be Prudent.

3) Chris Farley- Much like his idol John Belushi, Farley's tale is as much a tragedy as it is a comedy. However his impact on SNL was unforgettable. A truly gifted entertainer, Farley was never afraid to go to extremes for a laugh. Some of his most memorable characters include Todd O'Connor from the Chicago Superfans, Beverly the Zagats reviewer, Bennet Brower the "air quotes guy" . Chris is responsible for two of the most famous sketches in the show's history. One being Matt Foley, and the other is Barney the Chippendale's dancer. I've seen those hundreds of times and both are still as funny now as they were then. Chris could be considered the top ever, but I rank him at three for this reason. He was not versatile. Most of his characters were very similar with the one exception when he played "himself". The Chris Farley Show was as unique of a sketch that every has been on the show. It was born from Farley actually asking guest hosts sheepish questions but it gave us all a look at the depth and range of Farley, something we rarely saw. I still get sad when I watch that sketch, as well as his legacy movie Tommy Boy. "The saddest thing in life in wasted talent" and despite the incredible comedy that Chris has left us, I feel cheated for all the great work that he would have done all these years later.
Signature Sketch: Matt Foley. Without question this is one of the most famous moments in the show's history. You can see David Spade and Christina Applegate laughing just like all of us. Listen up otherwise you're gonna be living in a van down by the river.

2) Phil Hartman- To the average SNL viewer Hartman may be litte more than an afterthought. But when you take a look at his body of work he is more than deserving of this spot and could make a case for the greatest of all time. Hartman was an incredible impressionist and his most notables include Bill Clinton, Ronald Reagan, Frank Sinatra, Phil Donahue, and Ed McMahon to name a few. Some of my favorite sketches of his are "the Anal Retentive Chef" and of course, "the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer"(Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I'm just a caveman"). Hartman was the first "everyman", the guy you could put in any role in any sketch and he would be funny. While on the show, his castmates referred to him as "glue", which should indicate how important he was. Hartman's tale ended in tragedy as well, however unlike Farley or Belushi, his downfall was not his fault. He was shot and killed while sleeping by his wife and once again a comedy great was taken too early.
Signature Sketch: Bill Clinton at McDonald's . Intercepted by warlords.

1) Will Ferrell- I think when you look back at the 36 years of the show Ferrell stands as the greatest. He brought a comedic style that had never been seen before. A man child with a boiling rage that existed beneath the surface of a seemingly normal person. This family dinner perfectly sums up Ferrell, it's awkward, hysterical and you can't stop laughing. Of his many famous routines, some of the best are the Spartan Cheerleaders, Jacob Silj, Marty Culp, the devil, and of course the hot tub lovaaas. And we haven't even scratched the surface with his impressions. His George W. Bush took the show to new heights during the 2000 election and produced some of the show's greatest political humor (strategery). He turned Neil Diamond into a sex addicted lounge singer, Robert Goulet into...well a funny skit, Harry Carey became an astronomer, James Lipton became relevant because of Ferrell's sketch and you can't talk about Ferrell without mentioning Alex Trebek. Celebrity Jeopardy became a staple of the show thanks in large part to Ferrell's angry intrepretation of the host. One paragraph on the 7 year span of Ferrell does not do him justice and if you want to see more you can watch one of his 3 Best of volumes from the show.
Signature Sketch: More Cowbell. It's become a catch phrase that's how funny it was. An interesting story about this sketch was that during dress rehearsal it didn't get a lot of laughs and before the live show, Will swapped shirts and put on the one you see in the sketch. Something about the tight shirt and his stomach make the sketch that much funnier.

I welcome all feedback about the list and have provided plenty of video links for your entertainment as we take you into the extended weekend. One of our loyal readers Chris has submitted several top 10 list ideas and if any readers want to submit a topic I will gladly consider it. So until next time, as always....STAY CLASSY!

Kanye - So Appalled

2011-03-16T02:48:00.000-04:00

dark knight feeling, die and be a hero

or live long enough to see yourself become a villain

I went from the favorite to the most hated
or would you rather be underpaid or over-rated?

I promised an influx of entries on the blog and I'll be damned if I break that promise because of a drug named Charlie Sheen. But on the bright side, apparently being fired isn't all that bad as they make it to be. So now that I'm "Employment Single" the blog will be back with more attention, more time and with way more dedication, so much so that you might confuse the new and improved ETC with Heather Mills circa 2002 (get it, second wives? no...).

Well I wanted to write to inform you that for the rest of the month I will be compiling Top 10 lists on a wide range of topics. I'm not talking basic "10 Best Movies" or "10 Best Athletes". Instead I will try to compile lists that will make you want to debate your friends. You will want to question co-workers on the subject so you can compare your list to theirs. And ultimately disagree with their list while confirming in your head that your list is best. So starting tomorrow there will be a Top 10 list and I encourage as much feed back as possible. But as I said that is starting tomorrow.

The point of my entry tonight is to address the timeless, but recently lost art of storytelling. Either you can tell a great story or you can't. In my opinion everyone has a story to tell that people want to hear. It's just a matter of properly retelling the story so that your audience can't help but get caught up in it, anxiously waiting the punchline. I consider myself an excellent storyteller (not to blow my own Johnson rod but I think I can tell a good story), so much so that in college I was once dubbed "the storyteller" (that's a whole different story that I will have to tell you some other time). But last night, I was fortunate enough to hear a re-telling of my all-time favorite story.

I was not even involved in this story but from the very first time i heard this story, I instantly knew it was my favorite of all time. It just so happened that last night was a perfect storm of ingredients that forced my roommate to re-tell my favorite story of all time. Now, unfortunately (because ETC's readership is not enough to warrant me telling the actual story) I can not tell you the details of this story. I'm currently working on writing the Hollywood screenplay so I can't reveal any details until the screenplay is more than 60% written. Anyway, I came to a strange but provocative realization as I enjoyed the re-telling of my favorite story. As this was happening, I thought to myself that this incredible, hysterical, outrageous story would make a viral sensation on YouTube (especially because I secretly captured the entire 16 minute re-telling on my phone. Maybe later in the week I will release the casting sheet that was created in the said 16 minutes).

With the recent success of viral videos, one can't help but think of how the landscape of video "response" has changed. Think of the past few years and all of the YouTube video's that you have seen. I mean who hasn't seen "Charlie bit my finger" (I'll admit, this was the first time I watched this video and I died laughing. Please click if you are having a bad day), "Double Rainbow" or "The Evolution of Dance". These are video's that have been seen hundreds of millions of times. And so my question is this to young filmmakers: is it better to have your video seen hundreds of millions of times on YouTube, or is it better to have an Indy film produced in Hollywood that makes you $3 million.

Before you quickly answer that question consider this. $3 million sounds like a lot of money to me and you, but in the year 2010, the movie "Inspector Bellamy" earned 3 million at the box office. I dare you to find a friend of yours that has even heard of this movie, let alone has seen it. So which film-making avenue is better? Becoming a cultural phenomenon or achieving "Hollywood" production.

I debate that very question as you read this. While I try to type up the screenplay. Or is it just easier to upload those video's to YouTube from my Iphone?

2nd Annual "And The Oscar Goes To"

2011-02-24T22:43:00.000-05:00

What do Mike Francessa and I have in common? Unfortunately not as much as I would like. But the answer is our obsession with the Oscars. Its Hollywood's biggest night and being the movie junkie that I am, it's only fitting that I get caught up with the Oscars. I am such a sick person that I rattled off almost every winner of the 5 major categories of the last 20 years (true story, just ask Mr. IMDB Lenny the Critic). Usually I like to see majority of the films up for awards however this year I am severely slacking. I'm not happy about it. In fact I may have a cram session on Saturday just to make myself feel better, but I don't know...I don't know if we'll have enough time. Shockingly I've only seen 3 of the 10 movies nominated for Best Picture. Usually I'm well over 50%. But I've done my homework, seen some trailers, read some reviews, watched some award shows, had dinner with Roger Ebert, sat courtside with Jack, smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering and then decided to blog. Based on my research there are at LEAST 4 absolute, stone cold, lock it up, put it in pen sure thing bets that will not lose. And the rest are kind of up in the air. So here are my predictions...

Best Picture:
Nominees: Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The Kids Are Alright, The King's Speech, 127 Hours, The Social Network, Toy Story 3, True Grit, Winter's Bone

What will Win: The King's Speech - This is the textbook Academy movie in which they can't say no to. They love British time piece movies with great costumes, elaborate set designs and classically trained actors (See Shakespeare In Love). I have not seen this movie, but it won Best Picture at all the other award shows and based on the reviews and opinions and buzz, I think this nudges out The Social Network.

What Should Win: Inception - It's easily the most creative, unique, entertaining movie of the year, however it will surely get overlooked. The consensus opinion for the "only reasonable threat" is Social Network. I really enjoyed Social Network but I didn't think it was amazing. When I saw Inception I was completely wow-ed by the experience. But Christopher Nolan wasn't even nominated for Best Director, which sums up how the Academy feels about this movie (and seriously what does Nolan have to do get a nomination).

Darkhorse: The Social Network - It's not much of a darkhorse considering its the only real competition. But I just think King's Speech has this thing locked up so if Social Network wins it will technically be an upset. Its a two horse race for sure. I loved the speed and pacing of this movie, and I'm positive that those two aspects got this movie nominated. I mean its a moderate story, but because everyone loves Facebook and really didn't know all the details, people became enthralled. However, its the story telling, speed and tempo that got this movie nominated.

Best Actor:
Nominees: Javier Bardem (Biutiful), Jeff Bridges (True Grit), Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network), Colin Firth (The King's Speech), James Franco (127 Hours)

Who Will Win: Colin Firth (The King's Speech) - This is 1 of my ABSOLUTE locks and I will be betting on this. Not only is the competition very weak, but chips are in his corner. The biggest threat is Jeff Bridges, but he won last year for Crazy Heart and I don't think the Academy is going to make him the first back to back winner in this category since Tom Hanks (Not to mention that the role of Rooster Cogburn in the movie True Grit has already won Best Actor award for John Wayne in 1969).

Who Should Win: Colin Firth (The King's Speech) - I haven't seen this movie, in fact the only I've seen in Social Network but this is a sure thing. Firth has been around for a while, gaining respect for years and I have a feeling that the Academy is going to reward him for this. Seriously, this is a shoe in.

Darkhorse: Jesse Eisenberg - Just for the sake of format I will give a darkhorse. As good as Eisenberg was, I would be shocked if Firth didn't win.

Best Supporting Actor:
Nominees: Christian Bale (The Fighter), John Hawkes (Winter's Bone), Jeremy Renner (The Town), Mark Ruffalo (The Kids Are Alright), Geoffrey Rush (The King's Speech)

Who Will Win: Christian Bale (The Fighter) - This is the biggest lock of the night. I may bet this seperately and as part of a parlay because this award is already over. Bale lost nearly 30 pounds almost to the point of which he was unrecognizable (a known weakspot of the Academy) and absolutely commanded the screen. He has won the Golden Globe and the Screen Actors Guild award, which means he is being recognized by peers and critics alike. Take this one to the bank.

Who Should Win: Jeremy Renner (The Town) - Renner has now been nominating for acting awards in back to back years and to borrow a term from a friend, he is "piping hot". Renner was simply perfect as the psychotic bank robber that it was almost scary. We've seen plenty of bank robber and plenty of killers in the past, but there was something about this performance that stood out. It was cold, succinct and strangely compelling because he was completely unpredictable. I'm sure you will be seeing a lot more Renner in the next few years.

Darkhorse: Geoffrey Rush (The King's Speech) - Rush is an academy favorite having already won a Best Actor award in the 90's and theres a good chance that this movie makes a clean sweep of the major awards. Rush plays the speech therapist who helps the future king overcome his speech impediment. I still can't see how Bale doesn't win this award. LOCK IT UP.

Best Actress:
Nominees: Annette Benning (The Kid's Are Alright), Nicole Kidman (Rabbit Hole), Jennifer Lawrence (Winter's Bone), Natalie Portman (Black Swan), Michelle Williams (Blue Valentine)

Who Will Win: Natalie Portman (Black Swan) - I'm pretty sure this is a shoe in. She's gained all kinds of accolades as the schizophrenic ballerina. Being able to pull off multiple personalities is not easy, in fact it often time leads to unintentional comedy. The other major factor that she has going for her is the awesome girl on girl love scene with Mila Kunis (if your girl makes you watch this, that scene can make it worthwhile) which shows her fearlessness (it worked for Halle Berry in Monster's Ball). I'm very confident about this, but I'm not gonna bet this one.

Who Should Win: Natalie Portman (Black Swan) - Because honestly have you, the casual movie-goer, heard anything about any of these other performances. I'm sure they were all really good, but Portman has America talking. She will win this award.

Darkhorse: Annette Benning - She's the wily old veteran in this category and has just enough going for her for me not to make Natalie a absolute lock. She won the Screen Actors Guild as a Lesbian who finally meets the man who donated his sperm for their children. I haven't seen this and I probably won't (not that there's anything wrong with that) but its got that off-beat quirky, new age movie kind of approach and certainly Annette has been around for a well and has done some great work. I wouldn't be surprised if she won, but I stand by Natalie.

Best Supporting Actress:
Nominees: Amy Adams (The Fighter), Helena Bonham Carter (The King's Speech), Melissa Leo (The Fighter), Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit), Jacki Weaver (Animal Kingdom)

Who Will Win: Melissa Leo (The Fighter) - I'm not happy with myself that I have not seen this movie, and this may be my choice to see on Saturday. It had to be good when it receives 3 acting nominations (but my boy Wahlberg gets screwed again). There is the chance that Adams and Leo could split the vote, but from what I've heard she dominated this role.

Who Should Win: Hailee Steinfeld - How about getting nominated for an Oscar in your first big screen movie. She must have done a hell of a job if she could hang with Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon. The only problem is I doubt she will win for her very first movie. I could be wrong, but this is the only major category that is totally wide open.

Darkhorse: Helena Bonham Carter - Just because there's a 20% chance that King's Speech runs aways with any close call category.

Best Director:
Nominees: Darren Aronofsky (Black Swan), David O. Russell (The Fighter), Tom Hooper (The King's Speech), David Fincher (The Social Network), Joel and Ethan Coen (True Grit)

Who Will Win: David Fincher (The Social Network) - This is very interesting, because generally speaking, the winner of best Director is also the movie that wins for best picture. However I think this trend will break, at least in my opinion. I think Fincher finally gets recognized (another trend recently has been rewarding great directors who are long overdue. see Scorsese, Martin).

Who Should Win: Tom Hooper (The King's Speech) - Again, just because there's a 20% chance that King's Speech goes for a clean sweep (except for Best Actor, that shit's over before it began).

Darkhorse: Coen Brothers (True Grit) - I think this is another two horse race between the top pictures of the night. I can't imagine the Coen's winner 2 oscars in 4 years, but you never know.

Full Winner Predictions:
Best Picture: The King's Speech
Best Director : David Fincher (The Social Network)
Best Actor : Colin Firth (The Kings Speech)
Supporting Actor: Christian Bale (The Fighter)
Supporting Actress: Melissa Leo (The Fighter)
Adapted Screenplay: The Social Network
Original Screenplay: The King's Speech ****Inception deserves this award though***
Animated: Toy Story 3
Art Direction: Alice in Wonderland
Cinematography: Inception
Costume Design: The King's Speech
Documentary Feature: Inside Job
Documentary Short: Poster Girl
Film Editing: The Social Network
Foreign Language Film: Biutiful
Makeup: The Wolfman
Original Score: The Social Network
Original Song: "If I Rise (127 Hours)
Short Film Animated : The Lost Thing
Short Film Live Action: Na WeWe
Sound Editing: Inception
Sound Mixing: Inception
Visual Effects: Inception

ABSOLUTE LOCKS:

So here are the picks that I'm betting heavy money on :

Toy Story 3 -Best Animated Feature
Christian Bale - Best Supporting Actor
The Social Network - Best Adapted Screenplay
Colin Firth - Best Actor

I would bet my entire life savings on Toy Story 3 but these 3 options make for a very compelling parlay. Honestly, I would do ridiculous things if Toy Story doesn't win Best Animated Feature. 1 of my friends already owes Pasquale a ridiculous thing, and I would certainly join in that ridiculous event if Toy Story lose. I mean it was nominated for Best Picture, its an ABSOLUTE lock to win this category.

Well that will wrap it up. I know there wasn't as much fun stuff in this entry, but there's a lot of information. I will be very curious to see my results. So sit back and enjoy the show folks.

Until next time, as always.....STAY CLASSY!

10 Movies For The Rest Of Your Life

2011-01-21T09:17:00.000-05:00

Guess who's back????

I know what you all must be thinking...ETC ETC ETC has the laziest blogger of all time. Well I can't argue with that entirely, however I will say this. If I had more time, in essence if I was lazier, I would have more time to dedicate to this blog. However more pressing things demand my attention and I have not been able to dedicate enough to this blog. But a snide remark from a co-worker known only as Bob really gave me a reason to write today's post (that and a lengthy bar discussion about movies). So a while back Bob asked me a question that demanded more thought than I anticipated. He asked me "if you could only watch 10 movies for the rest of your life, which 10 movies would you pick". Now at face value, that seems like an easy enough question to answer. You'd pick a few of the all time favorites, a few feel good movies and a few personal favorites. But then I began to dig a little deeper....

I mean 10 movies for the rest of your life?!?! I love Big Macs and all but could I eat them for the rest of my life? I don't know. But along that line of reasoning, if I eliminated Big Macs, does that mean I eliminate hamburgers altogether? So I really had to think long and hard about this topic and what I realized was is this; that my list says a lot about who I am as person, and certainly each person's list will inevitably say a lot about a person's personality (please excuse the alliteration). In fact I think this list might be as telling of an indicator as anything you could ask a person. For example, if you asked this to a potential friend or love interest, and they responded "you know, i really don't like movies" well then I walk away from that person before they have the time to tell me that communism is a misunderstood form of government.

But chances are any normal human being will able to provide you a list of movies that they hold dear. Now i can easily tell you my 10 favorite movies of all time, or even tell you what I consider to be the 10 best movies of all time. But asking a person to list 10 movies, and only 10 movies that they could watch for the rest of their lives...well thats a question that requires some serious thought. But I think this is a great question, and I think this should be used more often as a screening process for potential friends or love interests. Because in my opinion, and granted I am a sick person who LOVES movies and watches tons and tons of movies, this provides great insight into the kind of person you are.

So without further adieu, this is how I would answer the question "If you could only watch 10 movies for the rest of your life, which movies would you pick"

*Please note, these are in no particular order. Assuming I have all the time left on earth and can only watch these 10, I'm sure I would watch all of these movies an equal amount of times*

Dumb & Dumber - This is an all time classic comedy in my opinion. What makes this movie so great is that it's hilarious the first time you saw it (regardless of your age) but it gets funnier the more you watch it and the more you understand. The Farrelly brothers are comedic geniuses with movies like There's Something About Mary and Kingpin to their name but I feel this is their finest achievement. I saw this movie when it came out in 1994 when I was 9 years old and thought it was the funniest movie I had ever seen. It wasn't until I was in high school and truly understood every joke of this movie did I think it was a legendary movie. One of the reasons I think I could watch this for the rest of my life is because in all the years of toilet humor, there has never been and will never be a funnier toilet scene than Harry's epic turn on the faulty throne. This movie is quotable and rewatchable and is absolutely on my list.

Old School - Comedy is a huge theme in my selections and let's be honest, if you could only watch 10 movies for the rest of you life, you have to pick movies that continue to make you laugh even when you can recite the entire movie by heart. This is the case with Old School. I mean who hasn't said "You're my boy Blue" or "actually a pretty nice little Saturday. We're gonna go to home depot, yeah buy some wall paper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath & Beyond, I don't know. I don't know if we'll have enough time". This movie changed the way I viewed comedies. I had seen Animal House and I had seen Caddyshack, but this really took the outrageous comedy to a whole new level. Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell deliver incredible performances that I will never get tired of.

Anchorman - This may be my most polarizing choice of my 10. However, I can not leave this movie off my list. I saw this move 4 times in theaters. You can ask the people who saw this movie with me for the first time how funny I thought this was. And they will tell you that I laughed so hard that I had tears running from my eyes at 3 separate times....in the first 30 minutes of the movie. I absolutely love Ron Burgundy but the performances from Steve Carell, Paul Rudd and David Koechner are equally as memorable. And what's not to love about the mustaches? One of my top 2 Halloween's of my life was when I dressed in full suit, donned a stellar wig and powerful mustache and stayed in character as Papa Burgundy all night. I drank scotch and made claims like "I'm kind of a big deal, people know me" all night. It was fantastic. I can peform this movie as a 1 man show on Broadway and I still find it hilarious, so this is 100% on my list.

Wedding Crashers - (are you picking up a theme yet) I could make a case for this as the funniest movie I've ever seen. The first hour of this movie is non-stop, over the top, outrageous humor that stands against some of the greatest hours of a comedy move ever. A lot of people knock this movie for the "chick flick" element that dominates the end of the movie, however I think that that part makes this movie even stronger than its incredible comedic introduction. Rachel McAdams makes every guy fall in love with her and proves that shes not just a one trick pony in The Notebook. But let's not overlook the incredible quotability of this movie, like "stage 5 clinger" or "lock it up" among the many unreal quotes. And let's not forget the break out role of "Sack" aka Bradley Cooper who has emerged as a legitimate Hollywood A-Lister. Bottom line is that I never get sick of this movie, and its absolutely part of my 10 FOREVER list.

A Few Good Men - This is a no brainer in my opinion. This has one of the most iconic lines in all of movie history. Anyone over the age of 18 has heard the line "You can't handle the truth" (I arbitrarily picked the age of 18 but I think that my case holds water). I absolutely love this movie for many reasons. Not only is it incredibly gripping and riveting, but it also has moments of great comedic value. Tom Cruise delivers one of his best performances ever and Jack Nicholson, despite appearing on screen for only 14 minutes, provides a character that will last forever. Nicholson absolutely commands the screen in the short period that he appears and gives us some great quotes (besides the afore-mentioned "truth" quote) like "i want you to stand there in your faggoty white uniform and extend me some fucking courtesy". And I cannot mention A Few Good Men without mentioning Kevin Bacon and the most underrated quote of the movie "You're a lousy fucking softball player Jack"

Gladiator - I can and I have made a case that Gladiator is the best movie that I have seen....ever. The story of Maximus, a powerful general who becomes a slave and fights for his freedom as a gladiator is one of the finest character arc's I've ever seen. Not only is the story incredible, but the film making and cinematography is phenomenal as well. There is a scene in which Maximus (played to perfection by Russell Crowe) first lays eyes on the Roman Colosseum. The character is supposed to be in awe but not only is Maximus taken aback by the sight of this historic structure, but the audience is amazed as well by the incredible re-creation of the building that everyone only knows today by its ruins. And how can you forget the unreal speech Maximus delivers to Commodus, the man who ordered his death, in which hes says "my name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the armies of the north, General of the felix legions. Loyal servant to the true emperor of Rome, Marcus Arelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife...and I will have my vengeance, in this life of the next". It really doesn't get much better than this movie.

Forrest Gump - I could easily make a case for this being as good or better than Gladiator. What I love about this movie is that it has everything you can possibly ask for in a film. It is very funny, there are great action sequences, its tragically sad but at the same time creates an amazing feel good story. All at once this movie is about friendship, love, relationships, war, family, heartbreak, despair, triumph and perseverance while covering every noteworthy event in American history from 1950 to 1994. Tom Hanks won an Academy Award as the title character and I feel that an Oscar, while being the ultimate award for an actor, is not enough recognition for a performance that transcends film. Gump, for lack of a better term is slow, but Hanks was able to connect with all of us by displaying character traits that everyone can relate to. We all have had a best friend, been hopelessly in love, felt overwhelmed and done illogical things just because we wanted to do it. And we've all heard the cliched quote from this movie that "life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get"

Goodfellas - I find this to be one of the most influential movies of all time. People often compare and contrast this movie with The Godfather but in my opinion you simply cannot compare the two films. Godfather is so historic and so classic that people write it off, much the way people write off "Moby Dick" or "The Great Gatsby" as just another classic, without ever giving them their due recognition. Godfather gives us so many great quotes and scenes that are forever apart of the American consciousness that we assume no other mafia movie could ever be as good. Having said that, I find Goodfellas provides us with an intense, gritty, realistic portrayal of what life is really like in the mafia. Organized crime is not glorified in this movie, rather we are given a unique insight into life as ganster. The characters are disturbed, psychotic sociopaths that have an incredibly captivating quality. As you watch the movie you can't help but be drawn into the mafia lifestyle. And who can forget the absolutely legendary performances from Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci. Pesci's "how am I funny" speech is without question one of the most famous of all time. Some may disagree with this choice because of its length and straying storylines but in my opinion there is no better glimpse into the life of a gangster than this Scorsese classic.

The Sandlot - While this movie will not be in any critics top 10 list of all time greatest movies, The Sandlot is on this list without question. Perhaps the biggest contributing factor is the nostalgic angle that brings me back to my childhood. This was one of my favorite movies as a kid, but the true test of a "for the rest of my life movie" is that this movie has improved with age. The quotability of this movie is off the charts with classics like "you're killing me smalls" to the more inspirational "heroes get remembered, but legends never die". This classic tale of youth baseball -turned epic adventure is one that I can rewatch over and over again. I truly believe this movie will survive the test of time, not only with me as I get older, but that it will be a movie I can play for my kids and they will enjoy it as well. (If they don't like it.....well I haven't even considered that as a possibility, so ask me about this in like 20 years)

Good Will Hunting - This is another movie that I put in my top 5 of all time and could easily make a case for it to be in the top 3. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck gave us one of the finest screenplays of all time. The writing and dialogue are absolutely incredible. There are so many great scenes like when Damon tells a Harvard snob that he spent 130 grand on an education he could have gotten for $1.50 in late charges at the public library. Or when Affleck goes on a job interview for Damon and asks for an out of pocket cash retainer. But the two scenes that stand out, that make this movie legendary in my opinion are the scene when Damon and Williams meet on the park bench, and when Damon and Affleck talk about their futures at the end of the move. The scene with Williams single-handedly won him the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in which he told Will Hunting that " If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, "once more unto the breach dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable" . It's one of the best monologues in movie history and it totally defined a generation of people who used the internet to understand the finer life points.

And the scene with Damon and Affleck was an asbolutely perfect way to end the movie. Not only because its a fantastic display of screenwriting, but also because most people can find a Will or Chuckie in their lives and this line summed up all of our thoughts. "Every day I come by your house and I pick you up. And we go out. We have a few drinks, and a few laughs, and it's great. But you know what the best part of my day is? For about ten seconds, from when I pull up to the curb and when I get to your door, 'cause I think, maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No goodbye. No see you later. No nothing. You just left. I don't know much, but I know that".

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So thats my list of 10 movies that I would watch for the rest of my life. I know I have left off a lot of classic movies, skipped over a few genres of movies, but as always I stand by my list. And I have said it before and I'll say it again...the great thing about top 10 lists are that no two lists are exactly the same and you can debate them forever. So I would love to hear your feedback and response to my list, as well as to see the 10 movies that other people would go with. I know I have promised a drinking game manifesto and I will promise to you all right now that I will release said Manifesto shortly. It has required MUCH more thought and time than I had planned.

Its great to be back blogging and I can't wait to hear the response that we get from this entry. So until next time, as always.....STAY CLASSY!

Keep on Keep Truckin'

2010-10-18T21:13:00.000-04:00

So I drew the audience back in, now I need to follow it up. The theme is to keep on keep truckin' and there's NOTHING like a shout out from you VP of sales to kick start some blog creativity. So as you may or may not know...i teased the audience with my big comeback to the blog-o-sphere.

My once in a generation idea is a Drinking Game Manifesto. We have all played drinking games in our day, but there is no one authority or source to find the best games. Well that's what I'm working on. No matter if your sitting around with some buddies trying to take it easy, or if you want to escalate the party the way Lindsay Lohan escalates an AA meeting....we've got your poison.

Having said that, Manifesto's don't happen over night, just ask Karl Marx. I would be doing myself and my audience a terrible injustice if I rushed this manifesto and did not give it the thought and attention that a drinking game manifesto deserves. So I will be out there, crashing parties, playing drinking games, gathering evidence and formulating my thesis.

But I don't want to publish back to back teaser blogs. Instead I had a realization the other night while watching Baseball Tonight. And it sparked a terrible revelation about sports in 2010. Basically that it will never be as good as it once was. Now call me a cynic or a guy trying to hang on to the glory days but I just don't think its going to be as good as it was. I'm going all Tim Kurkjian here, so I present to you......

Why Modern Sports Suck

I wanted to make the subtitle of this "why Michael Jordan and Pete Rose would be spinning in their legacies". It seems appropriate for several reasons. Jordan and Rose have tarnished their legacies in the years since they have retired. Both, arguably, were the best at what they did in their respective sports. If they went quietly into the night, their legacies would have been solidified and they would be recognized the way their play deserved to be. Instead they both fell victim to their competitive spirit; Rose with his gambling addiction and Jordan with his Hall of Fame speech (And yes Rose's decision has had a much bigger affect on his legacy, but Jordan's public image has taken a huge hit because of this speech, almost to the point where we forget how much we enjoyed watching Jordan dominate). But it was because of their competitive spirit that they were so great. Sports need athletes like Rose and Jordan because without passionate competition, professional sports because more about entertainment and money than it does about winning. Jordan and Rose simply serve as the backbone for why the competitive spirit is all but gone in the modern sports world. Both Rose and Jordan are where they are now, for good or bad, because they were the most competitive players in their sport.

The reason I decided to write this is because I saw Nomar Garciaparra and Aaron Boone sharing the television screen on Baseball Tonight and it disgusted me. They were laughing and chumming it up like they were old golfing buddies instead of arch rivals. For those that don't know, Boone and Nomar are forever linked together by one of the most famous home runs in the history of baseball. Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS, arguably one of the most memorable postseason games of all time, ended in extra innings when Aaron Boone hit a walkoff home run, sending the Yankees to the World Series and adding another sad chapter to the Red Sox then tortured history.

I remember everything about that game and that homerun. I know where I was, the explosion of cheers that followed and how angry I still get thinking about it. The second Boone hit it, everyone that was watching knew it was gone. I remember how upset I was as a fan and if I was actually playing for the Red Sox, that moment would stay with me forever. And yet for some reason that homerun and that moment has resonated more with the fans than it SEEMS to have resonated with the players involved. I mean do you think Joe DiMaggio and Ted Williams would be standing where Nomar and Boone are now (and I recognize how ridiculous it is to compare DiMaggio and Williams to Nomar and Boone, but they shared the same rivalry, the so called "greatest rivalry in sports")

And i find this whole lack of competitive spirit totally in line with the biggest story line of the summer, Lebron James. Since I took the summer off from blogging I didn't have an opportunity to address this whole situation but it worked out for the better. We had to sit through "The Decision" and witness one person destroy an entire city the likes of which hasn't been seen since Sherman torched the South during the Civil War. But there's nothing that proves my argument more than Lebron throwing in the white towel to team with two other super stars. Even if Lebron wins a title now, what does that prove? That he's a great team player? Michael Jordan should be the happiest guy in basketball because Lebron has removed himself from the greatest of all time debate. He might put up comparable career numbers and might even win the same amount of championships as Mike, but he will never be mentioned as the G.O.A.T

My point is this just would not have happened back when winning still mattered. Larry Bird would never have signed with the Lakers to play with Magic. They wanted to show that they were better than the other and spent a lifetime trying to prove it. It reminded me of a story I heard in college. One of my roommates' father played in the NFL, Cliff Harris. He played safety for the Dallas Cowboys from 1970-1979 and during that time he played in 6 pro bowls and 5 Super Bowls. The big rivalry at that time was between the Cowboys and the Steelers and one night at dinner we got to hear Cliff tell stories about the rivalry. It was almost 30 years later and you can still see how much he hated Lynn Swan. He even gave an interview on ESPN a few years ago and said "if he saw Swan laying on the ground today he wouldn't help him up". That kind of competitive spirit just doesn't exist in the modern game. Everyone today is friends with each other, they make too much money for it to be life or death, win or lose.

But there is one competitive story line that still intrigues me. I never thought I would be drawn in by this example but it's all we have left (if anyone has other examples please let me know). I' referring to Kobe and Shaq.

Shaq is 38 years old, he can't run the length of the floor, he's pushing 400 pounds and he still can't make a foul shot. But he's back for one more season with the Celtics and the reason is simple. With 4 championships, 15 All-Star appearances, 3 Finals MVP awards, 2 scoring titles and the '99-00 MVP, Shaq is still playing for one reason...because he can't let Kobe win more rings than him. Last year Kobe won his 5th championship, 1 upping Shaq and proving, for now, that Kobe is the better player. Shaq really has nothing left to prove in the NBA, he is a sure fire hall of famer and easily one of the most dominant players of all time. But he had something to prove to himself. He just could not retire knowing that Kobe has won championships, so he signed with Boston hoping to make one last run at the championship. (it might also give us a sequal to Shaq's grammy winning rap, would that be something you'd be interested in?)

And you know what? I'm rooting for him. Because a Boston Celtics championship means that they would have had to defeat King Coward Lebron James and the Miami Heat. And maybe this time Shaq can ask Lebron how his ass tastes.

We Are BACK

2010-09-30T23:50:00.000-04:00

The blog is back. It's been a long time and I'm sure you all thought ETC ETC ETC was dead. Well I have a news flash for you Walter Cronkite....it isn't.

WE ARE BACK.

Listen, I took the Mike Francessa summer hours and I got a little too comfortable with the schedule. It was simple, it was easy, it was like sleeping with Snooki. I heard it from all the critics, the skeptics and the haters. They said ETC had a nice run, but it was destined to fail. Well a wise man, a man also known as the Pauper once said to "trust him, because he's a doctor". Well his words of wisdom fueled the fire for a comeback. Here's what he told me.......

There is a voice telling you to not go on and a voice telling you that stopping and cowering was never an option and will never be an option.

In these moments, there is fear, but there is also vigor. There is death but there is also life. There is loss but there is also triumph. This is what it means to be alive. To strive, to search, to struggle, to be profoundly actualized.....to be.

Take pride in past accomplishments, find your focus for new ones, expect nothing, take everything, embrace the hate, fuel the desire.

And with those words..........WE ARE BACK!

For those who have read the blog, those who have moderately enjoyed the blog....they know one thing.

We will not go quietly into the night. We will not vanish without a fight. The blog is going to live on. We're going to survive. Today we celebrate.....the Re-Emergence of ETC.

Having said that....this is just a teaser. An idea has been brewing for the past 6 months, an idea to end all blog ideas. It is my Moby Dick, my Great Gatsby, my Catcher In The Rye..... it is my destiny.

And if that has piqued your interest at all, then tune in for the next edition. Because if you know me, if you know my tendencies of drinking, then you will not be disappointed.

Bottom line is this................

WE ARE BACK!!!!!!!!

Doctors, Chicks Flicks and other Really Important Things

2010-06-02T21:15:00.000-04:00

We finally cracked the 50 follower barrier and I like to think that the Dancing With The Stars running journal is what put us over the top. It got a surprising amount of feedback ranging from "you're a sick person" to " I couldn't get enough"...so by my standards that a great entry.

And now we must build on that strong performance and kick off June with an even better performance.

As you know The Pauper began his weekly segment of reviews last week with his piece on Robin Hood. And ladies and gentleman it is obvious why the Pauper is going to be a doctor. I had dubbed his entries "Ask a Doctor" and hey, that's not bad. But it's not doctor quality. So the Pauper suggested we call it "Trust Me, I'm A Doctor" and quite frankly there hasn't been a better name change since Gordon Sumner started calling himself Sting.

I asked the good Doctor to weigh in with his opinion on an interesting matter. I was involved in a conversation about "chick flicks" when a new twist to the same played out argument came to my attention. A chick flick that guys can enjoy. Most guys are thinking..."not possible", just like its not possible to find a low fat supreme nacho platter or an entertaining Tyler Perry movie. But a movie was suggested and I asked the Pauper to weigh in on the matter and here's what he had to say......

"Trust Me, I'm a Doctor"

Relationships are messy and manic. They more often need a vacuum cleaner rather than a wine opener. It is a frappe of emotions, tics, childhood baggage, insecurities and utter unmitigated humanity. They hurt. They inconvenience our sports fanhood. They frustrate our need for order and comprehension. They come with a side order of late night phone calls smothered with placation. Yet we nevertheless willingly dive into these tepid pools of confusion for various reasons - maybe to experience love, maybe to find the better man inside ourselves, more likely for sexual gratification. Like Jerry Seinfeld, I don’t think I’ll ever understand but I probably wouldn’t want it any other way.

(500) Days of Summer is an exercise in this misunderstanding (I am going to start with why there are parentheses in the title) in the same family as Annie Hall. It shows us the gap between our expectations and reality is never small (in a painfully stilted, unsubtle way in one scene). The film, starring Zooey Deschanel and that dude that spread his arms at Angel Stadium and single handedly saved Tony Danza’s career, was presented to me as the “chick flick that guys can watch”. After all if there is one thing that guys have a tough time doing its watching movies designed by and for females. We would much rather be running grueling 90 degree road races, or attempting to eat a single chocolate cupcake with sprinkles in under 10 seconds. We pull the trigger at 2 AM after 3 consecutive white zinfandel in bud heavy shots so we can drink 3 more. There is an inherent action over contemplation in our lives.

Nevertheless, this clever and original film is effective at showing the beauties and pitfalls of a modern love in a manageable way (Buuut I try, I try… f#&$ you david bowie get out of my goddamn head). One reason it is manageable is that we are told that this relationship fails in the first 10 minutes. I would much rather see a train wreck and figure out why than see it arrive at the station and smile at its punctuality. One of my favorite parts is the soundtrack. The music is contemporary and skillfully in tune with mood, alternating between effervescence and morose adeptly. Another is the lack of full-on sentimentality and mushiness, for lack of a better word. Lastly, there is a definite non-RomCom sense of humor.

[500] is the deconstruction and study of relationships and relationship movies in general. It is that uniquely rare self-aware film that knows where you think it’s going in the genre scheme and plays with that. Traditional gender roles are reversed. It uses clever little cues to make us aware of this. It makes fun of our need to frame our lives and relationships in neat little packages and cards – the backdrop of the movie is a Hallmark-type card company. Tom, the main character, needs order and consistency in his life – holds a Steven Koren-esque passion for architecture, metaphor much?? Moreover, the two best friends of Tom (one is not the little JP that almost gets gipped out of the singular privilege of having Sgt. Murtaugh as a father) offer vignettes of alternatives to dating – one monogamous since 7th grade and the other haplessly non-dating.

The film is not without shortcomings. These include the ending (non-first row Yankee coliseum Minka Kelly sighting) and its occasional need to try too hard – see the narrator, massive quantities of Bass Ale being drank in a certain bar scene or the IKEA sequences. It may be a bit of work for the chronologically challenged as the audience jumps back and forth in time in the relationship. When all is said and done, the affection we have for this film may be a factor of the level of cynicism we are willing to look at love and relationships with. So for all the guys in the ether world, I would say that if you are inclined to watch a movie about relationships this should be the one. And please, when your girlfriend says, “How’s your rigatoni?” don’t just say good, offer her some.

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ETC: "So is it worth seeing? or is it only if a lady friend requests? And as always...where does it rank on the Nic Cage Movie Review System?

Pauper: "3 out of 4 Cages...the review states it all, def worth seeing"

The Pauper is wise. If he wasn't going to be a very successful doctor, it's evident that he would be a very good writer and critic. Remember this segment will be going all summer long, so if you want a doctor's opinion on something, just send in a request on the blog, facebook or email and he will share his thoughts with us.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm about to watch a chick flick. (It's doctor's order)

DWTS Running Journal

2010-05-25T23:32:00.000-04:00

So I got hooked on Dancing With The Stars, thanks to Nicole Scherzinger and Erin Andrews. Their 'tractor beams sucked me right in; just like Lloyd Christmas I was helpless. And now the 2 hour Finale is here and I won't lie to my audience...I'm fired up right now.

I think Nicole has this thing in the bag, but honestly I'd be fine with Nicole or Erin. So I'm breaking out the running journal...that's right I'm blogging in real time to Dancing With The Stars....like Ke$ha said "maybe I need some rehab".

AND HERE WE GO....

9:01: Tom Bergeron just greeted us. I could go without Tom but I can't knock the guy, who would have guessed Celebrity Squares would have led him to the #1 show on television. If that's not the American Dream I don't know what is.

9:02 : The early season castoffs are back for an opening number. I'd like to have some stern words with the panel who chooses some of these "stars". In what world is Kate Gosselin a star. Its not called "Dancing with D-List Reality Show Hosts". Gosselin literally just made me induce vomit.

9:04: First shot of Bruno.....it was MAGNIFICENT!

9:06: A nice little profile of Nicole Scherzinger...it really wasn't fair that she was invited on the show being that she's a professional singer/dancer, but good God am I glad they asked her on. I wouldn't have started watching if they hadn't. By the way...her and her partner are definitely banging, no questions about it. Derick must be thinking "all those years of being harassed as a teenager has really paid off".

9:10: First dance from Nicole. Len Goodman, the tough judge loved it. UNREAL reaction from Bruno. He's doing his trademark half stand and yell..."the SEXUALITY was RIVETING!" according to Bruno. My new favorite impression to do is Bruno, how has there not been an SNL skit yet, this is a layup.

9:15: Evan Lycechek is up. He really creeps me out, he looks like a wax statue of himself. His Russian dancer has really grown on me, must be the accent.

9:26: Erin Andrews is up and she looks intense. She just seduced me. (They're definitely bangin too. On last night's episode when Erin was rolling around (see picture) on a bed, Bruno said they had a minor slip up on the bed, and Maks goes "Thats not the bed we practiced on". Good job by you Maks.)The dance was kind of bland, looked good, but not dazzling. Judges loved it though so shes still got a chance. Great reaction from Bruno.

9:30 : Just got a close up of the judges "deliberating". It looked so forced, like they were faking it. If you recall the Seinfeld episode where Jerry and Elaine are renting a car and they see the agent talking to her supervisor behind a door. They're not saying anything they're just gesturing so it looks like they are really busy. This looks like the judges are trying to solve a Chinese Algebra equation.

9:32: Nicole takes the top spot after the first round of dances, followed by Evan and then Erin. I have a conspiracy theory that ABC is showcasing Erin Andrews (ABC owns ESPN, the company that Erin works for) after her awful situation with a stalker. If this is at all true, she will survive the first round of voting.

9:33 Just got a shot of Edyta, one of the professional dancers that got eliminated early. And....Smokeshow.

9:38: Question, was Kate Gosselin the worst contestant in the history of the show? I think so. This is the only season I've watched and I'm about 97% confident on that statement. Steven Hawking could dance better.

9:40: Edyta is dancing, if only we were fortunate to have her around for the entire season. I'm completely mesmerized. As you can see from her picture here.

9:41: HAHA most unreal entrance ever by Buzz Aldrin. They have the Star Wars theme playing for the space hero. I don't think he was on the show long enough to be banging his partner, but who knows, those astronauts move quickly. Good for Buzz, and guess what, he's a much better dancer than Gosselin.

9:52: A preview for Sex and the City 2 just aired and it really bothers me. You mean to tell me that Sopranos can just end, but we have to deal with 2 miserable movies of Sex and the City. The one girl is like 60 years old. That's not a cougar, that's Garfield. Come on HBO, you're better than that.

9:55: WOAH, one dancer is about to get eliminated. This caught me way off guard, I didn't think the elimination was until the last hour of the show. I'm nervous, if Erin doesn't make it I'm gonna be pissed. Close up of Erin, she looks concerned. Close up of wax doll, no emotions. Close up of Nicole, man she's hot.......NOOOOO Erin is gone.

9:56: Erin is starting to get choked up, great speech from her. "I came here with crummy circumstances in my life, and you've helped me get my smile back". Maks is choked up also. They are 100% dating. Full tears from Erin while watching the recap of their dancing experience. They get an extra long last dance. I obviously knew she was quite attractive prior to this, but man she is a serious catch. She's got a rare combination of looks, personality and passion for sports. In the words of Champ Kind...."I like the way you're put together....WHAMMY"

10:04: Just got a commercial for "Wipeout", quite possibly the greatest guilty pleasure show on television. You get to watch people get crushed and fall into pools of water while trying to finish obstacle courses.

10:06: There doing some college challenge, and I could care less. Although they are dancing to a Pussycat Doll song. This is very interesting. Foreshadowing anyone? I wonder what Nicole is thinking right now? This has got to be a good Omen. (Side note, I just got off the phone with Dicky and told him Nicole is a pure lock. I really hope I didnt just jinx it for her and have the trophy go to Wax Doll).

10:10: A little celebrity opinion piece. Larry King and Mario Lopez just made cameos haha what a pairing that would be. Let's get Larry on the show, hell we had Buzz on this year, no reason not to see Larry in some suspenders burning up the dancefloor. Final line of that little piece goes to Regis, but I can only think of Dana Carvey doing his Regis impression when I actually hear the real Regis.

10:17: I legitimately just cringed and had to look away from the screen. Kate Gosselin just gave a shameless plug for her 2 new shows. This bothers me so badly, I'm so mad I could spit. I'm sitting in my room and contemplating spitting on my own floors I hate her so much. Horrible job by DWTS here. And now she's dancing to a Lady Gaga song and somewhere Lady Gaga is thinking "this girl has problems".

10:22: Back to business...Nicole is back. I feel like the Seinfeld episode when Newman eats a broccoli and needs to chase it with a shot of honey mustard to cleanse his pallet. Nicole just cleansed my eyes (I would have never thought being compared to honey mustard would be a compliment but thats what Kate Gosselin can do for you)

10:26: Just got taken into Nicole's dressing room. Never thought I'd get to experience that in my life.

10:29: Nice little cameo from Pam Anderson. Like Mike Tyson in the Hangover...."shes still got it".

10:31: Neicy Nash just said "jiggly parts" for the 1,217th time this season.

10:36: We've got smoke machines and flashing lights. It's go time.

10:38: A nice little retrospect piece with Nicole. This piece confirmed they are banging, again good job by Derrick, can't knock the hustle.

10:39: Nicole's last dance. Love it already and I've only seen her for 2 seconds.

10:40: LOCK IT UP. this contest is over.

10:41: The judges are blowing up Nicole. They loved it, the crowd loved. 10's across the board. LOCK IT UP.

10:47: Time for Wax Doll's retrospect piece. His partner Anna, definitely grew on me, she's not on the Edyta/Nicole/Erin level, but shes pretty nice. Wow, looks like these two are banging also, good for Evan.

10:49: I'll give it to Evan, it was a good dance, but he's got no chance. It wasn't even close to Nicole's level. Bruno gave him the thumbs up, but it sure sounded like a consolation prize speech. Same with Len and Carrie Anne Inaba.

10:51: Carrie-Anne Inaba gave Evan a 10, uh oh. Len gives a 9 and so does Bruno. And now were going to get 8 minutes of commercials and cliffhanger moments until they finally reveal the winner. Real quick, how many cliffhanger moments will they cram into the next 9 minutes? My guess is two "And the winner of this season's Dancing with the Stars is.......going to be announced after the break". Bite me textbook ratings ploy.

10:56: HOLY CANOLI...no cliffhangers, we're going right in...A buildup speech by Bergeron and Brooke Burke. And the winnner is................wow really long pause...........NICOLE!!!! Well that made this whole experience worthwhile. Nice 2nd place speech from Wax Doll and now the moment you've all been waiting for.

10:58: Trophy presentation for Nicole and Derrick. Shockingly, there were no tears from Nicole. She had to have expected to win, so she really can't be too shocked. The ceremony was kind of short, I was expecting more, maybe a last dance and a little speech. But I'm nitpicking.

I knew Nicole would win but I'm still satisfied. I have to say overall, this was a good television watching experience for me. I haven't had a lot of shows to follow recently and DWTS gave me what I was looking for. I do think most of my enjoyment came from watching Nicole and Erin, and it really helped that they made it through to the very end. It will be very interesting to see what stars are picked for the next season. I'm saying that my status to watch the next season hinges on what stars are picked, but Pasquale doesn't believe that for a second. He thinks I'm hooked regardless. For your viewing pleasure I've added another picture Nicole just for fun. Nothing wrong with that.

Dancing With The Stars returns September 20th, will I be back to watch? We shall see.....

Anniversary Week Continues

2010-05-23T22:04:00.000-04:00

Anniversary week rolls on here at ETC ETC ETC and what a special edition this is. Before we get into the action, make sure you check out the Nic Cage Tribute Video from the last post in case you missed it.

Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls I promised you a special week and we have something really special. Way back when the blog first started, we were blessed with a Gripe from Dicky and it was stellar. The readers demanded more and Dicky was the hottest writer in the blog-o-sphere and then like Keyser Soze, we never heard from him again. Well the anger has boiled over and now he's back and he's taking aim at the social media. It started with a simple email comment in which Dicky said "there's no way people are this happy in real life". So without further adieu.......Heeeeeeere's Dicky

Dicky's Gripe

I have just recently become familiar with the phenomenon known as Facebook...yes i realize that makes me seem either very old since it seems like everyone and their mother has been on facebook for years, or completely out of the loop, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it until recently when I was forced to for business purposes. Now I know what you are asking yourselves: "Dicky, what is wrong with you, how have you lived without Facebook for all of these years." Quite well actually.

There is something to be said for having some sort of privacy in your life. Don't get me wrong, there are some redeeming qualities of social media. It certainly makes it easier to keep in contact with old friends from college etc. etc. etc. (see what I did there). Plus, who doesn't enjoy "creeping" (to borrow a term from a friend) around facebook pictures every now and then. However, it has recently come to my attention that either there are some of the hap hap happiest bunch of assholes in the world on Facebook, or you're all a bunch of liars. The amount of exclamation points and smiley faces being used on facebook is slightly disturbing. "Just had the greatest breakfast ever with my favorite people in the world!!! :)".........really? It's just breakfast, get over it. In an hour you will probably be sitting on the toilet because of that breakfast and if I see someone post "Just had the greatest shit ever in my favorite stall!!!" I'm just going to snap.

I refuse to believe that everyone is really that thrilled with the way their day is going, and if you are I would kindly request the name and number of your drug dealer. Maybe its filling some sort of void in your actual life, and you feel you have to come across as the happiest person in the world on facebook. Maybe you are trying to make everyone else jealous of that amazing breakfast that you had for whatever reason. I can't put my finger on the reasons behind why people feel the need to just gloat about their day, but let's tone it down a little bit shall we. I know I may be a little more cynical than most (its genetics) but I don't think I'm the only person that feels this way. I know for a fact there are several contributors to this blog that have in fact rid themselves of facebook because they couldn't handle it anymore. I won't go that far because like I said, it can have some redeeming qualities but I propose this advice: lets try to keep it real people

Great to have you back Dicky.

For those who have followed the blog I'm sure your remember The Pauper (if you don't check the archives. and shame on you). His cross country trip of enlightenment has put him on the road to becoming a doctor. After 1 full year of Med School he doesn't seem any more doctor-y to me, aside from the expert opinions he provides and the white lab coat he's been sporting lately. But he's got one last summer of relaxation and has agreed to a new role here at ETC ETC ETC. Every Thursday the Pauper will review whatever we want him to review....a movie, tv show, sporting event, news story, fine wines, rare cheeses, new flavors of gum....whatever we want. So we will open up the phone lines for requests and anything can be submitted via comments on the blog, email or facebook (see what I did there Dicky). For his first piece, I asked the Pauper to see and review the movie Robin Hood, the number 1 most anticipated movie of the summer. So here's the Pauper in his new segment that I'm calling........

Ask A Doctor

“Thank god all the bad guys wear dark eyeliner or else I wouldn’t be able to tell they were bad guys…” commented one of the females with whom I saw the movie (Don’t read into that statement) Robin Hood invoking a timeless observation of good and evil.

This is a useful trick (less a disappearing card and more a James Pancotti Halloween tactic – crude and effective) that lots of filmmakers use to emphasize dichotomies in a story – one that anyone who didn’t lick a frog or snort cat’s pee when they watched Joaquin Phoenix in Gladiator knows. Nevertheless, this brings us to an important point: You didn’t care or even notice in Gladiator because the story was utterly engrossing, linear and reasonable. In Robin Hood a viewer picked up on these subtle things because the story didn’t keep you interested – Malarkey from Band of Brothers making wise-ass jokes, the pissed-off commando from Lost scouring the English “jungle” for large women and Cate Blanchett telling Crowe that she sleeps with a knife and she’ll cut off his genitals. Somewhere among all of this Robin Hood breaks apart when you attempt to work out in your mind what precisely you are watching.

So how does this occur and why? Imagine you’re ready an extra ½ hour to an hour early one morning for work or school. You snag your cup of Joe and you say to yourself - “Yes, this is my f@#$ing day”. You hop into your tunafish can-colored ‘96 Chevy Impala and decide to take the long scenic route to get to your destination because you can. It will be fun you say and you may learn something new about a back road that can save you time in the future. You can imagine where this is going – You get lost, blow the suspension, spill the joe on the Dockers and waddle into work only to hear “Goddamn it Johnson, this isn’t a Creed concert – please, on time and without piss stains on your pants” We are in the backseat of Ridley Scott’s Impala. I don’t want to discourage this among the fledgling filmmakers out there – sometimes that road goes somewhere and you learn something new about the trip or yourself. In this case, it didn’t. The journey was quite novel and picturesque through the window (if those goddamn back windows went all the way down it would have been very scenic), but he lost touch with the realistic “historically accurate” story of Robin Hood that he proffered. His story sits in a no-mans land between the epically imaginary and the historically accurate (see Crowe putting an arrow through the carotid artery of the villain at 500 yards out).

Moreover, the people in the entertainment industry and those being entertained have this growing need for our entertainment to be “historically accurate” as if a make-uped Russell Crowe is not enough to dismount that claim. I have no problem with this trend in general. A demand for factual foundation could do all of us and ESPN a little good. The problem exists in using it as a ruse, which I hate to say Ridley Scott does here. There is a scene where Robin Hood demands of the King of England “liberty by law” and prepares a document to that end. Historically, we know this coerced document to be the Magna Carta of the year 1215, an early harbinger of republican government and a heftily cited “ground zero” for liberty in Western Europe. Thus the following thought albeit lengthily worded (I apologize in advance) ensued in my head:

Am I being asked to believe that Robin Hood - a man who by virtue of not being a clergyman was likely illiterate - was

1) the brains behind arguably the most important document in Western European history espousing republican principles and

2) a well-nautilused, brawny, sinewy “William Wallace” who led armies and charged beachheads giving the King of England advice on tactics?

Ridley Scott may beg to differ and forcefully reply back “Are you not entertained!!” I could only reply: So Mr. Scott, what is Michael Bay drinking these days? Still demolishing those bay breezes like they were on-set buses?

Don’t get me wrong. I like Ridley Scott. I enjoyed Kingdom of Heaven, White Squall and Blade Runner among others. I loved Gladiator. He has ability, he has creativity and he has style. Nevertheless, we see Crowe and Ridley Scott together here as a victim of their own success. Robin Hood was always a dude singing forest hymns and wearing a green leotard until Costner and Crowe donned leather hoods and cloaks. His story, like King Arthur’s, is a constellation of myth and fact set in a watershed moment in English History. After this movie we remain in a similar limbo about Robin Hood. Some will enjoy the mottling of action sequences threaded together throughout the movie but the fact remains that Robin Hood does not give them a reasonable context. Even though the beautiful scenery of this movie illuminates a 12^th century world we have yet to see on screen as fully and as masterfully as Scott imagines it here, Robin Hood nevertheless falls short by attempting to crystallize a legend in a neat and tidy way with all the historical corners tucked in, a legend that probably is not meant to be crystallized.

So this kicks off a summer series of reviews. Each week, probably every Thursday I will write a review for the blog. As you know this blog prides itself in being accessible and interactive, we will be accepting any and all suggestions. I am willing to review any sporting event, TV show episode/series, movies including and especially movies like Plan 9 from Outer Space (Seinfeld fans will know this as “the one that works”).

(Sidenote: I actually saw that movie recently as well as the Tim Burton biopic about its odd cross-dressing director, Ed Wood - Johnny Depp stars. Its like pretending to drop acid on Wednesday afternoon)

All ideas are welcome including reviews of mid-80’s McEnroe v. Connors Wimbledon matches.

Please forward all requests to the godfather himself, Mr. Ryan Cazalet.

Please forward all hate mail his way as well and he can give me an itemized list of my wrong doings with the phrase “Good morning Mr. Phelps” at the top.

So if you liked this review or hated it and know I can do better, I invite you to join me every Thursday night this summer with a fresh Marlboro 100 (maybe Snus and a beer these days) or a glass of milk and cookies, on your iphone or on your computer, at the bar or in bed and we will share in the simple delights of civilization. Every writer (I use this term very loosely with myself) likes to imagine his readers with both a pleasant summer breeze and a slight smurk on their face under a deep purple orange twilight. So meet me there if you dare, I’ll have the box of wine.

Thanks Pauper for that insightful critique. I have now adjusted my Summer Movie Preview, and officially declare Inception to be my new number 1 most anticipated.

I asked the Pauper to use the Nic Cage Movie Review System for Robin Hood ....

Me: So let me ask you for your official review of Robin Hood on the Nic Cage Movie Review System, 1-4 Cages, 1 being Bad Lieutenant and 4 being Stan Goodspeed in the Rock

Pauper: 2 cages and a "Caster Troy" = 2.5

So here it is...2 Cages and a Castor Troy. The Request lines are open for anyone who wants to "Ask a Doctor" and have something reviewed. So until next time, as always....STAY CLASSY!

ETC Anniversary

2010-05-17T20:37:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETC ETC ETC! It's officially been 1 year since the blog has been up and going and I can't even begin to tell you how many lives we've touched. People like the Prime Minister of England, and my cousin Harry, you and me, the fat kid from "what's happening", the Olsen twins, Natalie Portman, the guy who wrote "Catcher in the Rye", Nat King Cole, Carrot Top, Jay-Z, Weird Al Yankovich, Harry Potter, if he existed, the whore on the street corner, your mother. We're all one.

Our goal was to get 50 followers in the first year and we fell just short. We came in 49 and that's not too shabby. So if you're reading this and you are not a follower, please sign up on the right hand side. It's simple and easy and the 50th person will get a fantastic gift courtesy of ETC (Have you ever heard of Williard?)

So we are rolling our the red carpet for some of our prestigious contributors that you have come to know and love. I have petitioned Obama to declare this ETC week but he hasn't gotten back to me yet, thanks healthcare reform. So that means all week we are going to have pieces from people like MP4 and the Pauper, Pasquale and Dicky, Yahtzee and Steamin' Willie Beamen. And how could we possibly have an anniversary week without some good old fashioned Nic Cage fun.

So tonight I am going to give you two very special pieces, an anniversary double dip of the Fab 5 from Pasquale and an ETC ETC ETC original video paying homage to the man, the myth, the legend...Nic Cage.

So here's Pasquale....

Fab 5

since its the one year blog anniversary, i'll give you 5 to hate and 5 to love, that's 10 for the price of 5, usually you pay double for that kind of action

5 Things to Love

24/7 - If you're not familiar with 24/7 be sure to make a point to watch it the next time its on. 24/7 chronicles the 4 weeks leading up to a big boxing match. The theme song get me fired up and the narrator can make just about anything seem interesting. In some cases the 24/7 is actually more entertaining than the fight. I think all 24/7 fans are keeping their fingers crossed for mayweather/pacquiao. If you don't watch 24/7 or haven't watched it before, do yourself a favor and watch the next one.

Arthur Ave - Arthur ave is the little italy of the bronx. A few members of the etc, etc, etc staff were on arthur ave this past weekend and enjoyed an absolute feast. If you live in the new york area and have never been, make a point to head there and grab a meal, make sure that meal includes appetizers, full dinner, and desert at one of the many pastry shops in the neighborhood.

The Transitive Property - You can use the transitive property to prove almost anything. Here is one of my favorite examples of the transitive property at work. I hate Harry Connick Jr. Michael Buble sounds like Harry Connick Jr, so by the transitive property of hatred, I hate Harry Connick Jr.

South Park - For the last 13 years South Park has been the most relevant, up to date show on television. South Park might look like a low budget, poorly drawn cartoon show, but there are always underlying themes and lessons in the adventures of the kids from South Park. If you were in a coma for the last 13 years and wanted to get caught up on what had happened in the world while getting a laugh, South Park would be your best bet, and don't tell me its just a profane cartoon. If you think its just a profane cartoon, you're not watching.

Winning Time - This 30 in 30 documentary brought back the horror show that was reggie miller versus the new york knicks. While watching Reggie torch the knicks was difficult, it made me realize how good those games used to be. The NBA has gone soft now, most super stars are more concerned with their personal brand and image than winning. The mid 90's Knicks had the no lay up rule, which is among the greatest rules in professional sports, unfortunately you don't see much of this rule anymore.

5 things to hate

Long Sleeve Dress Shirts - These shirts absolutely kill me. It has nothing to do with getting dressed up. The elbows always rip. No matter what. It pisses me off. If someone can invent a reasonably priced long sleeved dress shirt with elbows that don't rip, they'll be a millionaire.

Fans who run on the field - Recently in Philadelphia, fans have been running on the field during the game. One moron who ran on the field was hit with a taser and there was some public backlash over the usage of said taser. are you kidding m?, if you're dumb enough to run on the field you should have to deal with the consequences whether that be a cop beating you down, a player tackling you, or being tased with serious amounts of voltage.

Religion - Religion really bugs the shit out of me. I was raised a catholic, so I'm particularly up to date on how ridiculous the catholic church is, but I'm an equal opportunity hater when it comes to religion. Each religion is completely full of shit in its own way. If you dislike religion, watch religulous, which is a film by bill maher where travels the world speaking with members of various religions and basically shitting on each of them. I don't mind if you are religious, i'm kind of envious of people who have strong beliefs like that, just don't talk to me about religion. There is nothing more obnoxious than someone who is outspoken about their religion and loves to point out to people how what they do is right and what you do is wrong. just keep it to yourself.

PSL's - I don't even need to explain this one. PSL's just blow. *EDITORS NOTE: PSL stands for Personal Seat License. A scam sport teams are using to milk thousands of dollars from their fans*

Internet Acronyms - Just don't use them. If you used them when you were in middle school, i might be able to give you a pass. But if you use them now, don't. just don't.

That's why we love Pasquale. To those who don't listen to sports talk radio you might not think this is a compliment, but quite frankly its the highest praise you can give.....Thats a Good Job by you.

A Nic Cage Tribute

So for quite some time now ETC has featured the Trademarked Nic Cage Movie Review System. People have come to know and love it but may not understand where it originated from. Yes we all love Nic Cage, that goes without speaking. But a casual conversation with a friend of the blog resulted in the following conversation. Most readers know who said it, but they will remain nameless...

"I was drinking some white zinfandel and watching a Nic Cage marathon"

Nothing wrong with that my friend. And from that innocent conversation a drink came to fruition...the Cage Bomb (a shot of white zinfandel dropped into a glass of beer. shockingly not as bad as it sounds)

We know Nic Cage, we love Nic Cage. He's experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of the lows. And so its only fitting that after being the most prominent figure thus far in the history of ETC, that I should show my appreciation by putting together a tribute video. So here is an ETC ETC ETC world premiere video I made....Nic Cage Tribute

2nd Annual Summer Movie Preview

2010-05-06T22:54:00.002-04:00

Seeing as Iron Man 2 hits theaters tomorrow I decided I am taking a break from the Ultimate Showdown debate with Mr. IMDB, Lenny the Critic in order to bring you the 2nd Annual summer blockbuster preview. So if you are new-ish to the blog this is the edition in which I analyze 10 movies that are being released this summer and what my expectations are for them. Last year I predicted that Harry Potter would be the top earning movie, just nudging out Transformers. Well I was very close but Transformers took the top earning spot of the summer (Transformers and Potter were number 2 and 3 for the entire year behind only Avatar, which opened in December and not on my summer list).

My format is slightly different this year. Some people were confused by the incorporation of the Nic Cage Movie Review System. They thought I had already seen the movie and given it a rating. So instead I will rank them from 10 to 1, least excited to most excited to see. Without further adieu, the 10 summer movies I'm most excited to see....(Sex and the City 2 will NOT be mentioned)

As usual, you can click on the title of the movie to see it's trailer.

10. Cyrus (July 9)- This one stars John C. Reilly and Jonah Hill and has been under the radar so far. Reilly is a down on his luck guy who finally meets a girl thats into him (Marissa Tomei). It turns out she has an awkward 20 something son that still lives with her. It's not a pure slapstick movie that we've come to expect from these two, but it definitely looks funny and could be a surprise hit.

9. Knight and Day (June 25)- This is either going to be a big hit or a huge disappointment. It's got Cruise and Cameron Diaz and it almost has a Mr. & Mrs. Smith feel to it. Cruise is a mysterious secret agent who goes on the run with Diaz and it looks like there are a bunch of plot twists and character developments. It looks like it's an action comedy, which is dangerous ground as it could be a good balance or way too cheesy. I'm banking that Cruise comes through in a role that is right up his alley. He's usually reliable with action movies.

8. Shrek Forever After (May 21) - Shrek is back. The last installment was not as good as the first two, so Mike Myers and Eddie Murphy are back to try and end the saga on a high note. The first Shrek was very funny and based on the preview, the final chapter looks like it will be just as good. It's basically a bizarro world in which every character is the complete opposite, including a fat and lazy puss N' boots. This has a chance to be the highest grossest movie of the summer due to its appeal to both kids and grown ups. Not sure where I fall on the kids/grown ups scale, but I'd like to see this.

7. Get Him To The Greek (June 4) - Aldice Snow is back. For those who don't recognize the name, Aldice Snow is the British rocker in Forgetting Sarah Marshall played by Russell Brand. Also returning in the spin-off is Jonah Hill, who played the creepy hotel worker who wants to be a musician. In this new version, Hill is an assistant for a music label and he must convince Aldice to perform at a concert. I would expect the same over the top humor from Marshall but I don't expect this to be as good as its original.

6. The Sorcerer's Apprentice (July 16th) - This is my sleeper pick of the summer, and not just because it's been years since my boy Cage has made a good movie. If you follow the blog then you know we've heard rumors about this movie last year when Paulie Walnuts snapped a pic of Nic Cage in costume, woofing down a slice of pizza in NYC. To be honest I thought this movie was either a dream or someone's idea of sick prank being pulled on me. Well I was wrong...its finally here. Jerry Brockheimer is producing so its going to have huge special effects and crazy CGI stunts not to mention people love the whole wizard/magician thing lately so I think its going to be surprise hit. God knows Cage needs the money now more than ever.

5. Toy Story 3 (June 18) - It was Pixar's first movie and it was a classic. Now Tom Hanks and Tim Allen are back as Woody and Buzz Lightyear as they deal with Andy going off to college. Pixar doesn't make bad movies (see Toy Story 1, Finding Nemo, Up) and it looks like they've got another hit with the last installment of the series that made them famous. My issue with this is that it's more of a kids movie than Shrek, and I am not going to see 2 "kids/cartoon" movies in one summer. Having said that, kids are going to eat this movie up.

4. Grown Ups (June 25) - Adam Sandler, Chris Rock and Kevin James star along with David Spade and Rob Schneider (who are both only funny when they're in movies with the guys mentioned) as childhood friends who get together for the first time in almost 30 years. Its the old SNL in the early 90's group back together so I have to imagine its going to be funny. And its hard to not to think that Kevin James' role would have been played by Chris Farley if he was still alive, but I find James to be very funny and think he will do just fine with Sandler and Chris Rock.

3. Inception (July 16) - I'm very fired up for this movie, but some people might disagree. It's kind of trippy and the previews don't even really explain what the movie is about but its got Leo in the lead role and its directed by Christopher Nolan who gave us The Dark Knight. It looks like The Matrix with it's slow motion action and it seems like it takes place inside people's memories. It's going to be action packed, thrilling and intense and I've got really high expectations for this one. It's my wildcard for highest grossing movie due to Leo as the star and this being Nolan's first movie since The Dark Knight. This might just be an opening night attendance movie for me.

2. Iron Man 2 (May 7) - I originally had this as my number 1 most anticipated movie, but then I watched some trailers and decided to put this at 2. Its probably more like 1b and the top movie is 1a but this is a top 10 list not a cop-out list. However, I think this is going to be the highest grossing movie of the summer (the trailer has over 30 million views already). It's got a built in audience already and is easily the most anticipated movie of the summer. To add on to that, we now have Scarlett Johansson in a tight leather suit and the addition of Mickey Rouke as the villain is pure genius. I was unsure about the original and didn't see it in theaters. That was a mistake I will not make with the sequal because I thoroughly enjoyed the first installment. Robert Downey Jr has emerged as the most dynamic actor of the past 5 years and is perfectly cast as Tony Stark. In my younger years, I might go see this at midnight tonight but I don't have the stamina for that. I will see this one hopefully this upcoming weekend, but I will most certainly have a Nic Cage Movie Review within the week. This is pretty much the definition of a summer blockbuster. I think its a lock for the top earning movie of the summer, the only question is...can it catch The Dark Knight for biggest weekend opening of all time?

1. Robin Hood (May 14) - We all know the Robin Hood story but Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott are out to prove that Robin Hood was a bad-ass and not some "take from the rich, give to the poor" philanthropist. If this is half as good as Gladiator it will be amazing, and based on the trailer it looks like it will not disappoint. I can't expect it to be as good as Gladiator because that's just not fair, but this looks like it could be more action packed believe it or not. I don't think it will gross as much as Iron Man, but I am more excited to see this. I saw a teaser preview during the Super Bowl in January and I've been looking forward to its release since then. Russell Crowe is on the short list of actors that I think doesn't give bad performances and I would see pretty much anything that he makes. I did flip flop this a few times with Iron Man and Inception, but I decided to go with this as my number 1 most anticipated movie of the summer.

Honorable Mentions: Jonah Hex (Megan Fox is the only reason why I might consider seeing this. Although if I was an actor I guess I would sign on to do a shitty movie if it meant I would have a sex scene with her, good job by Josh Brolin) , The Other Guys (can Will Ferrell finally rebound and make a funny movie. Its got Eva Mendes and Mark Wahlberg so its possible.), Despicable Me (another cartoon, I can't possibly consider 3 in one summer so I won't be seeing this one) and Dinner For Schmucks (Paul Rudd and Steve Carrell, sounds like it can't miss but the preview isn't great).

Well that wraps up the 2nd Annual Summer Movie Preview. To recap, my sleeper hit is The Sorcerer's Apprentice (no that's not a joke), my wildcard for the top earning movie is Inception and my pick for the top earning Summer movie of 2010 is Iron Man 2. If any readers see these movies, feel free to leave a comment or an email about them and I will compare my thoughts with yours. So until next time, as always.....STAY SWEET!

Ultimate Showdown Part 2

2010-04-25T17:38:00.002-04:00

We're back to continue the debate of the 100 movies to see before you die, modern classics. Once again I welcome to the forum Mr. IMDB himself, Lenny the Critic to help me break down the years 1996, '97 and '98. If you missed part 1, check it out here.

1996

ETC: so i figured its about time to continue the Ultimate Showdow pt. 2. we left off with 1996 and we will cover '96 '97 and '98....

Yahoo's picks: Big Night, Dead Man, Fargo, Ghost in the Shell, Lone Star, Scream, Secrets and Lies, Sling Blade, Swingers, Trainspotting

I totally agree with Scream being on the list. Despite my well known hatred/fear of scary movies I have to admit this was one of the better scary movies of all time (2nd in my opinion to the original Nightmare on Elm Street). What I like about Scream was that it was entirely realistic. It wasn't some supernatural being who can't be killed, it was a couple of psychos who terrorized a town. Having said that, I'll never watch it ever again. But the best of this class, and a movie that I'd put in my top 5 of the modern classic list is Swingers. I love this movie and it really put Vince Vaughn on the map. It also helped make Vegas cool again. I can't back that claim up, but it seems like the whole "Vegas baby" lifestyle really took off after this movie (see Oceans 11,12 and 13, What Happens in Vegas, Vegas Vacation, 21, Hangover).

As for the other movies they've listed I have to disagree with them all. Amazingly, I haven't seen Fargo. I've only heard good things about it but it looks a little wierd however that is to be expected from the Coen Brothers I guess. I think the most obvious snub of this year is Jerry Maguire. Despite having a heavy chick flick feel, its a great movie. Cuba Gooding Jr's only good role and it earned him an Oscar and not to mention Cruise's best acting performance of his career (not his best movie, but probably his best performance). I'm very surprised this got snubbed but Billy Bob Thorton and Sling Blade made the list.

Some others that are personal favorites that probably don't deserve the "modern classic" title but a case could be made for them include, Mission Impossible (if 94 was the Carrey Debacle perhaps 96 is the Cruise Catastrophe) The Rock, That Thing You Do, The Cable Guy, Primal Fear and the "good, bad movie" super trifecta of Twister, Indepedence Day and Executive Decision.

And I've never seen the English Patient, but I'm glad it's left off the list just because of my support for Seinfeld and their thoughts on the movie, specifically Elaine's take.

MR. IDMB, Lenny the Critic: I admit I only saw 2 movies on this list. I totally agree about Scream needing to be on the list. It rebirthed the slasher movie craze for the modern era. Swingers is one of my favorite movies, could put it in my top 10 overall. The movie that really started Vince Vaughn’s career and coined the phrase “You are so money baby and you don’t even know it.” And find one person who goes to Vegas and doesn’t say “VEGAS BABY VEGAS” at some point during their time there and I will fund your trip to Vegas.

Cannot argue about any of the movies on your snubs list, Jerry Maguire being at the top of the list. I agree with all of the others, and would like to note that Primal Fear may be the best movie that nobody has ever heard of, easily in my top 5. The Rock (Nic Cage’s best movie in my opinion, and Independence Day with one of, if not the greatest movie speeches of all time (future blog debate?)

ETC: I'm so glad you mentioned the Independence Day speech because it is one of the greatest movie speeches of all time, at least on the unintentional comedy scale. It so happens that I included the famous Bill Pullman speech in a past blog, the 4th of July entry as a matter of fact when I went to DC for the weekend. I noticed the party was beginning to fade so i pulled up the speech on youtube and the party responded exactly how President Thomas J. Whitmore intended. The drinking games intensified, the beer began to flow like wine and the women flocked to the party like the salmon of Capistrano. Needless to say, it became an hourly tradition and something that will continue this year as well.

Mr. IMDB, LTC: WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT, WE WILL NOT VANISH WITHOUT A FIGHT.....

love it

1997

Yahoo's Picks: Boogie Nights, Eve's Bayou, L.A. Confidential, The Sweet Hereafter, Titanic

Mr. IMDB, LTC: Despite having the richest movie ever up until recently, it's kind of a lean year, only a few snubs that I could really argue to make the list.

I have only seen 2 of these movies in Boogie Nights and Titanic. Two movies that couldn’t be any more different, but both are must sees for very different reasons. Boogie Nights is probably the most unique movies I have seen and has a few great scenes with young hot Heather Graham. Titanic, despite being the love story of all love stories when it comes to movies, is a great movie. I have no problem saying that, it is a great movie. I am a huge Leo DiCaprio fan in pretty much any movie he does and he was very good in Titanic. Also, if you haven’t seen Titanic, that is just bizarre.

One movie that I definitely see as a snub is Good Will Hunting. A great script written by Damon and Affleck that launched their careers into orbit. Incredible performance from Robin Williams, all around great movie. I am a big fan of Air Force One, Harrison Ford at his best. Finally, shout out to Cage in Face/Off. I have to admit I had not seen it until very recently, and I enjoyed it.

Again, a lean year in my opinion.

ETC: As for '97, I'm in agreement. Boogie Nights is a must see, very different type of movie but totally captures the meteoric rise to fame/money/sucess and how quickly you fall from the top. Also totally changed the direction of Mark Wahlberg's career. He was still in the whole Marky Mark phase but after this movie he became a movie star.

As much as Pasquale is going to hate me for saying this, I totally agree about Titanic. It's a landmark movie, probably one of the 5 most memorable movies of all time and is the love story to end all love stories (the notebook might make a run at that title but I think it falls short). I actually saw this movie twice in the theaters and girls were crying like they lost a family member. I also am a huge fan of Leo and this is the first time I really noticed how good he was as an actor. Kate Winslett will always have a special place in my memory thanks to the famous diamond necklace drawing scene that is fantastic for a PG-13 movie and 12 year old boys.

I've seen LA Confidential and I enjoyed it but no way it deserves to be on the list ahead of Good Will Hunting. In fact this is the biggest snub to date because I think this movie might be in my top 5 movies of all time, but easily falls in my top 10. Its almost incomprehensible that this was left off the list and detracts from the credibility of Yahoo's list. Robin Williams was amazing in this movie and Damon and Affleck's script is one of the finest I've ever seen. Think about how many great speeches and moments there are in that movie. It's also Affleck's best performance as an actor and is really the only reason why I like him, even after all the bad movies hes made since then.

The other huge snubs in my opinion are As Good As It Gets, a movie in which Jack Nicholson won another Best Actor Oscar and Austin Powers International Man Of Mystery. I think if we're talking about memorable movies, Austin Powers has to be mentioned. It's such a good spoof that most people think its just a straight comedy. And as for As Good As It Gets I think that's a movie that gets overlooked. When I first saw it, I totally didn't get half the references and the deep theme of the movie, but now that I'm older and (not) more mature I like the movie much more. Also a few others that were left off were Liar Liar (Carrey still gets no love) Donnie Brasco and Men In Black.

We have to give a shout out to Cage here for his performance in Face/Off. When he was Castor Troy in the beginning, he was excellent. But when he was the husband he wasn't that good. Its a solid movie but by no means should be on the most memorable list. Same goes for Air Force One, a film that is a regular in our "good, bad movies" marathon and a favorite of Pasquale.

On to '98....

1998

Yahoo's Picks: The Big Lebowski, Out of Sight, Saving Private Ryan, There's Something About Mary

ETC: I agree with Lebowski, Saving Private Ryan and There's Something About Mary. The first time I saw Lebowski I didn't like it at all and I still don't love the movie. But the Dude is great and John Goodman as Walter makes the movie worth seeing.

Saving Private Ryan is fantastic, there really isn't a flaw in this movie. As of now its in the top 5 of this entire list for the years we've covered (90-'98 with Goodfellas, Forrest Gump, Titanic and Swingers rounding out the list). The opening scene at Normandy is so real and intense that I heard WWII veterans didn't want to watch it because of how accurate it was. I really can't say enough good things about this movie and its a travesty that Shakespeare in Love beat this movie out for Best Picture.

There's Something About Mary was the first R rated comedy I saw in the theaters and it was so funny that it marked the first time I cried from laughter at a movie (Anchorman holds my personal record with 3 seperate "tears of laughter moments"). There are so many great moments from this movie like the "zipper scene", the battle royale between Ben Stiller and a puppy and of course the infamous hair gel scene. Absolute classic comedy that sometimes gets overlooked.

I haven't seen Out of Sight so I can't knock this one only because I've heard good things about it. Hard to argue with Clooney and J-Lo in her prime and I just watched the trailer and it looks like a movie I would enjoy. Having said that, there are some notable snubs that should be talked about. The most noticable exceptions include Rounders, a movie that I never get sick of and knowing our shared affinity for gambling I think you would agree with that assesment. Jim Carrey continues to get no love as the Truman Show is left off the list, a movie that I would argue deserves mention and possibly a spot on the list. It's incredibly unique and the first of a slew of legitimate acting performances from Carrey, not to mention the always reliable Ed Harris. Another solid movie is Enemy of the State, a movie that makes me totally paranoid about the capabilities of technology (and seeing the new features of facebook and google I'd say this movie is way ahead of its time)

A few movies that I enjoy but don't consider modern classics at all include Nic Cage as Rick Santoro, a shady cop who finds himself in the middle of a murder conspiracy at an Atlantic City boxing match in the movie Snake Eyes. Another movie I like a lot is He Got Game and you can't argue with Denzel, especially when his character blurs the line between good guy and bad guy. Not to mention Will Ferrell's first starring role in "A Night at the Roxbuy" and i was like "EMILIOOOOO". Also '98 is unofficially dubbed the meteor year as both Armageddon and Deep Impact hit the theaters this year (Interesting side note, '97 was the unofficially dubbed volcano year as both Dante's Peak and Volcano came out. Why do natural disaster movies come in pairs? Keep your eye open for 2010's "Nor'easter" and "Tropical Storm Ernesto" coming to theaters soon).

Mr. IMDB, LTC: Saving Private Ryan, I don’t think there’s anything that needs to be said, arguably the best war movie made. There’s Something About Mary is another no brainer. The movie managed to walk a line between raunchy, gross-out comedy and a romantic comedy. Stiller is great, Cameron Diaz is hot, Matt Dillon is hilarious, and a great cameo by Brett Favre. I was interested to see your assessment of The Big Lebowski. It is a cult favorite amongst a lot of people, and when I had said I hadn’t seen it, people looked me like I was crazy, so I finally watched it and here is what I think. The Big Lebowski is the most overrated movie I have ever seen. I said it. Maybe because it was so hyped up, it did nothing. I remember saying at the end “that’s it?” Hopefully I haven’t offended too many people, but that’s how I feel.

I agree with all of those snubs you mentioned, so I won’t wast time commenting on them, but I will discuss a few that may have been overlooked. Edward Norton is my favorite actor, and I loved your mentioning of Rounders. But in my opinion, other than Primal Fear, Norton’s best performance is American History X. A movie that shows the harsh reality of hatred and racisim and Norton’s transformation after being locked up. An extremely powerful movie on an unbelievably touchy subject, really displaying Norton’s flexibility and range as an actor. Definitely could argue that this should be on the list

Another movie that I believe flies under the radar, in terms of being a good movie, is Wild Things. Wild Things hides behind is intense sex scenes (yes, Denise Richard is smoking in it despite her pretty awful acting), it actually has a pretty decent plot line with endless amounts of unexpected twists and turns. Now it would be ludicrous for me to say that it should make the list, but potentially a movie that gets overlooked based on its stereotype.

Well that sums up Part 2 of the Ultimate Showdown Debate as we covered 1996-1998. We are about to enter the 2000's and there are a ton of movies to talk about so I think it will only get more interesting from here. Again we love to hear feedback and if you have any thoughts about our reviews feel free to leave a comment and we will address them in the next post. For the record, so far our Top 5 movies from 1990-1998 are Goodfellas, Saving Private Ryan, Forrest Gump, Titanic and Swingers. Keep an eye out for Part 3 where we will debate the years 1999, 2000 and 2001. So until next time, as always......STAY SWEET!

The Ultimate Showdown Part 1

2010-04-15T22:29:00.002-04:00

ETC nation, we are about to embark on a first here at ETC ETC ETC. A casual email about the "100 movies to see before you die" has turned into a serious back and forth email conversation between myself and Mr. IMDB himself, Lenny the Critic. Not only did we have an email chain going, but we were also having a Gmail Chat at the same time, so some of our conversation will be mixed in to the conversation as well.

So lets get right into and understand that both myself and Mr. IMDB himself, Lenny the Critic agree that we could write an entire book on this......

(Be sure to click the link so you can follow along with the list of the movies for each year)

Mr. IMDB, Lenny the Critic: Count how many movies you have seen on this list and then compare

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/100-movies-to-see-before-you-die-modern-classics.html

ETC: this would be a stellar blog entry. i think we should have good back and forth email convo about this and get it up on the blog. this is heavy though so its going to have to be well analyzed and broken up into segments.

Mr. IMDB, LTC: most underrated on the list in my opinion is the Matrix

I thought the first installment of the Matrix is one of the most clever movies i had seen, not to mention the sick special effects for a movie made in the 90s

ETC: definitely the most creative/innovative/copied movies probably on that list. im not sure if its underrated, i feel like everyones seen it or at least heard about it. i might have to give the underrated award to almost famous. that doesn't even have a little tag next to it that says "why you should see it"

Mr. IMDB, LTC: almost famous is a very good movie, but in my opinion its rewatchability is suspect

a very underrated movie that i just saw looking through it again is Memento. Christopher Nolan, the guy who directed the new batman movies, directed it. one of those movies that messes with your head to the point where you have no idea whats going on until the very end, much like Basic.

ETC: very true. almost famous is a little slow and parts do drag, but i like it alot. memento is great, thats very under the radar

ok so i like the breakdown so far, that can be a great intro to start off the blog convo but lets do this by 3 year periods and then some major awards like best of the list, underrated/overrated, worst movie(shouldnt be on the list) etc....

so starting with 1990-1992 i think the best movies from this period are CLEARLY goodfellas and silence of the lambs with thelma and louise, beauty and the beast and unforgiven just behind. in fact that would be my top 5 from this block. I'd even nominate Goodfellas to be a potential top 3/5 of this entire list.

For the most part the movies listed are pretty solid and should be on the list but clearly there are some that shouldn't be on there and some others that have been left off.

i have a big problem with 1992. I've never even heard of hard boiled (im guessing its foreign), ive never seen the player, no way supercop should be on there, and raise the red lantern looks foreign too.

some noticable absentees include...
1990- home alone, pretty woman
1991- point break (even though it shouldnt be on the list i love it and want to talk about it)
1992- reservoir dogs, a league of their own, a few good men

Mr. IMDB, LTC: I honestly dont think i could disagree with anything you just said

Goodfellas is definitely at the top of the list in this group followed by silence of the lambs

I think this list is solid with a few childhood favorites in which i would put in, including one that are in my personal top 5 favorite movies. A few of movies that I personally love are Home Alone (1990), Ninja Turtles (1990), The Mighty Ducks (1992) Aladdin (1992), and two movies that are in my personal overall top 5 favorite movies (very bold), which are Hook (1991)

I would agree that 1992 is the most overrated, based on the fact that there are so many movies that I never even heard of.

ETC: totally forgot about and overlooked hook. that is a great movie. its tough with movies that are perceived to be kids movies. home alone is probably the best example and hook should be in the discussion also of movies that resonate, everyone has seen them and theyre still as good now as when they were when you first saw them.
*G-Chat Convo:

i love aladdin the most above turtles and ducks and i guess if beauty and the beast is on their list aladdin should get some consideration as well. but aladdin just goes with the 3 that i listed that were left off the list that all 4 seem to be more deserving than the ones on the list. i think if for our list 1992 begins with a few good men, a league of their own, reservoir dogs, aladdin and then you can make an argument for unforgiven and malcolm x.

Mr. IMDB, LTC: 1993: You cant really argue that these three shouldnt be on the list, all three are classic movies in such different ways. Dazed and confused is a great movie with one of the greatest cameo appearnances by Matthew McConaughey. "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age." Grounhog day is classic Bill Murray, enough said. Schindler's list, arguably the most powerful movie ever made.

Movies that I think could be argued to be in there; Jurassic Park, The Fugitive, The Pelican Brief

Personal favorites: Mrs Doubtfire, Cool Runnings, Rookie of the Year, and my number 1 overal favorite movie The Sandlot

ETC: Im with you on the movies that are listed. Dazed and Confused is such a generational movie in that it perfectly defined an era. granted it was a look back, but it really captured an entire way of life. And I couldn't agree more about McConaughey, could easily be one of the best cameos. That quote is amazing.

Groundhog Day is Bill Murray at his finest and really shows that he can do more than just be funny, that he is an excellent actor period.

You can't dispute Schindler's List. the only possible thing against that is the rewatchability is not there, but I think that is a testament to how powerful the movie is.

Jurassic Park has to be on this list, no questions asked. It's a great suspense movie and it's one of the most memorable movies not only of this particular year but possibly of all time. Couldn't agree more about the sandlot. we all know how we feel about that movie

Some huge noticable missing ones in addition to those you had are.......

a bronx tale, cool runnings, grumpy old men, rudy, the firm, the fugitive.

I think Rudy has to be on the list. It's one of the only movies that has the potential to make grown men cry

Mr. IMDB, LTC: 1994:

There are a lot of movies from this year, but I have only seen three, and all three are no brainers on the list. Forrest Gump, Shawshank, and Pulp Fiction. All phenomenal movies with incredible performances. Easily Hanks’ best movie, Robbins and Freeman in a perfectly told story, and Tarantino at his best.

I am blindly going to award Jim Carrey with the most snubs in a year award in 1993. Two of which are classics, 1 is just a movie I like.

I would argue before seeing the rest of the years that 1994 is at the top of the snubs list, on both a personal level and great movie level. Here is the list: The Lion King, Dumb & Dumber, Clear and Present Danger, Ace Ventura, Angels in the Outfield, D2 The Mighty Ducks, Major League 2, The Mask.

*G-Chat Convo: dude, 94 and 95 have an all-star cast of snubs. i thought 94 was bad, and i just looked at 95 and it might take the cake *

ETC: Agreed with your assessment of the movies listed. Gump, Shawshank and Pulp Fiction should be on the list. Gump is in my personal top 3 of all time, I mean its got everything you can ask for in a movie. It's funny, its sad, its got war scenes/action and its Tom Hanks at the top of his game. Shawshank gives me chills everytime i watch it. "hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things". And while I personally like Reservoir Dogs better then Pulp Fiction as a whole (story, development etc) Pulp is the more "fun" movie to watch. It's style has been copied so much since then its amazing. But the other 3 movies they have listed are tragedies when you look at some of the snubs.

Jim Carrey's career was essentially made in this year, which is incredible. The fact that Ace Ventura, The Mask and Dumb and Dumber all came out in the same year is shocking. 1 of those movies has to be on any list, and I'd argue that all 3 belong on the list for that matter. That has to be the best year a comedian has ever had in terms of movies. I can't imagine a better year than that? Can you think of any better year for a comedian?

Definitely agree about Lion King, I think it's my favorite disney movie and deserves some recognition. Clear and Present Danger, D2 and Major League 2 deserve to be talked about, especially CPD, but I think in comparison to the 3 that are originally listed and the Jim Carrey snubs, I dont think those should make the list

*G-Chat Convo: its crazy how many are left off, not to mention the ones they listed for the most part should be on there though. Jim Carrey's career was made that year, its incredible and none of them are on the list*

Mr. IMDB, LTC: 1995:

I need to retract my previous statement about 1994 being the top of the snub list, because we now have a new heir to the throne. I have seen 4 movies in here, but know about most of them. Toy Story, if I am not mistaken, is Pixar’s first bigtime movie in a line of great animated movies, with the classic quote “To infinity, AND BEYOND”. I am a big fan of Heat, a great modern crime movie with a loaded cast in Pacino, DeNiro, Val Kilmer, Jon Voight, Ashley Judd, Dennis Haybert, Natalie Portman. Wouldn’t be mad if it wasn’t on the list, but I like it. The Usual Suspects, in my top 5, no brainer on this list. Arguably one of the greatest “No fucking way” moments that leave you speechless in movie history, up there with the ending of Primal Fear. Kevin Spacey is incredible. I am going to keep Clueless on the list. Could go either way, started the careers of Alicia Silverstone and the late Brittany Murphy. Award for 30 year old playing a smoking high school girl goes to Stacey Dash, who may look hotter now at 44 than ever.

I am going to argue this is the most snubbed year based on the movies that made the list versus what didn’t make the list.

Great Movies: Apollo 13, Crimson Tide, Braveheart, Outbreak, Casino, Tommy Boy. The fact that none of these movies made it over Babe boggles my mind. Come on, Babe? Really Seth? Babe? REALLY?

Personal Favorites: Ace Ventura 2, GoldenEye, Seven, Bad Boys, Batman Forever

ETC: Fantastic analysis, It's almost exactly how i feel. Toy Story deserves to be on the list, really launched the Pixar revolution and look at how many great movies they've made since then. I love heat, but it is very long and there are some very slow parts, so I'm gonna leave it on the list just because of a few key scenes that make the movie. Usual Suspects is absolutely a no brainer. I think it's the greatest ending of any movie in the history of movies, better than Primal Fear (but that's very close). And whats amazing about Usual Suspects is that even when you rewatch the movie, and you know the ending, you're still fascinated and pick up on so many details that you missed the first time. Sometimes with ploy movies like that, you can't rewatch it because the "shock value" is lost, but that doesn't happen with suspects. Clueless definitely belongs as well no doubt about it. It's another generational movie, but this captured the 90s and it was made in the 90s. It will last and despite being one of the biggest chick flicks of all time, I love this movie and it's features Paul Rudd very early in his career as well.

This has been the most snubbed year so far, more so than the Carrey debacle of 94. Every movie you just listed as a snub are far and away superior movies than babe. In fact this could be argued as a reason that this list is terrible. Babe is on the list but all time classics like casino and braveheart are completely overlooked. And while we are picking on babe, we certainly cant leave Sense and Sensibility out of this argument. a hugh grant movie cant be said to a must see when we've got hanks, deniro, denzel and farley among others that were made this year. I dont think either of us have seen or heard of Living in Oblivion and before sunrise. And that doesnt mean they might not be good movies, but if both of us have never HEARD of them, they can't possibly be ranked about casino, braveheart or apollo 13 (and the rest of our snub lists)

Even your personal favorites, which would also be included on my personal favorites (or maybe guilty pleasure would be a better description) could be argued for, especially Seven. not to mention movies like billy madison, jumanji and die hard with a vengeance that are all enjoyable movies. Jumanji was innovative and unique and I'd much rather watch that than sense and sensibility.

*G-Chat Convo: haha excellent assesment, you almost took the words out of my mouth*
*Mr.IMDB, LTC: that whole year is a crime*

So that is our part 1 of our discussion. We broke it up by half decades, so Part 2 will range from 1996-1999. Mr. IMDB, Lenny the Critic and myself are having way too much fun with so we hope that you enjoy the debate as much as we do, and want to hear some feedback. So keep a heads up for Part 2 and until next time, as always....STAY SWEET!

Opening Day and Baseball Flicks

2010-04-06T11:36:00.002-04:00

Sports fans, we are currently in the midst of one of the greatest stretches on the calendar. March Madness came to a close last night as Butler fell inches short of knocking off Duke for the National Championship. Instead Duke took home the crown and that is upsetting on so many levels. It came down to a half court prayer from Butler that came within an inch of going in. If that shot went in and Butler defeated the high and mighty Blue Devils, I think that game would go down as the most memorable championship game and would be an upset along the lines of the 1980 U.S. hockey upset of Russia. A case could be made. Despite the result of that game we have so much to be excited for as we look ahead on the calendar.

The Masters kicks off on Thursday and with the Tiger hooplah its going to be a circus but above all the media attention the fact remains it is still a "tradition unlike any other". Awaiting on the horizon are the NBA playoffs, the NHL playoffs and the NFL draft. But what I'm really fired up for is that baseball season is officially upon us. I'm a sucker for the crack of the bat, eating peanuts and cracker jacks and all the aesthical appeals of the game like a perfectly manicured playing surface. I'd pay good money to be able to take batting practice and grounders on a major league field. Sadly, I don't think thats going to happen any time soon.

I really don't think there was a better way to begin the season than to have the two biggest teams in the sport do battle at the most storied stadium in baseball. The Yankees and Red Sox renewed their great rivalry Sunday at Fenway Park and the game played out like a September matchup instead of the first of 162 games. The combination of the historic ball park, the excitement of a new season and nostalgic feelings our national pasttime brings made me think about some of the greatest baseball movies (not to mention a request from Sturgio)

If you are familiar with my previous movie lists you know that I have a few key categories that I use to rank the movies. They are rewatchability, quotability and defining scenes. While composing this list I came to this realization; it's amazing how many good to great baseball movies there are, way more than any other sport. So with that said heres my list......

Top 10 Baseball Movies

10. The Rookie- The true story of a high school coach who chases his dream to become an MLB pitcher despite being very old by baseball standards. It's got the whole based-on-a-true-story angle as well as the inspirational comeback story going for it. It ranks at 10 because its not as rewatchable as the rest of the movies on here but definitely a good baseball movie. It's got the whole Disney, "remember the titans" feel to it so naturally there are some very good chills moments, but there aren't any great quotes that stand out nor are there any defining scenes. Having said that, when Jimmy runs out of the bullpen for the first time is a terrific scene.

9. Rookie of the Year- A childhood favorite of mine about a 12 year who's broken arm heals funny and gives him the ability to throw 100mph fastballs. He is then signed by the Chicago Cubs and becomes a phenom. It's got solid comedic performances from John Candy and Daniel Stern (Marv from Home Alone) and who can forget the one and only Gary Busey as Chet "Rocket" Steadman. Let me tell you something, Chet Steadman can pitch on my team anyday, and if I were to assemble a movie pitching staff, Chet would be a great 5th starter (Costner's Billy Chapel would be my aging #1, "Icky" Nuke Laloosh would be my up and coming #2, pre-injury Roy Hobbes would be my sneaky good #3 guy, sly veteran Eddie Harris would be 4 and Chet would be my 5th. And I've got Henry Rowengardner and Denunez from the Sandlot in the farm system waiting to fill any retirments. That's a pretty solid staff) Anyways..."Pitcher's got a big butt" and "funky butt lovin" are a few of my favorite quotes from the movie. (not to mention a cameo from a pre-steroids Barry Bonds who looks as skinny as Megan Fox)

8. Little Big League- Another great childhood movie that is still enjoyable today. It follows the story of a 5th grader who inherits the Minnesota Twins when his grandfather passes away and makes him the owner of the team. He then names himself the team's manager and leads the Twins on a magical season. While at times its cheesy and a kids movie, it avoids some of the major cliches of sports movies. It's very funny and has some surprisingly good baseball moments that you wouldn't expect from a "kids movie". What I really like about this movie is that it reminds you baseball is a kids game and sometime professionals forget that. The clubhouse/dugout/team travel dynamics in this movie is perfectly depicted.

7. The Natural- Easily one of the best baseball movies I've ever seen. The story of Roy Hobbs, the mysterious player with the "wonderboy" bat. It's got at least 2 great "chills" scenes, when he knocks the cover off the ball and when he blows out the lights with a home run. I had this ranked as high as #2 on my list, but ultimately it is a little slow and not great on the rewatchability scale so it fell to 7. But defining scenes and memorable quotes are very high like "I want them to say, 'there goes Roy Hobbes, the best there ever was". Robert Redford and Robert Duvall stand out in this one but you've also got a fantastic mustache appearance from Willford Brimley aka the Post Master General from Seinfeld.

6. For Love Of The Game- Stars my boy, and the king of baseball movies Kevin Costner as Billy Chapel, a future Hall of Famer pitching what could be his last game. I debated putting this higher on the list but didn't only because of Kelly Preston. I think if you substitute Charlize Theron into that role and all of a sudden its a great romantic storyline to go along with the great baseball story. Based solely on its baseball content, this could be the greatest of them all. But again, the Preston scenes are only just alright and while they're neccesary to the movie they at times take away from the baseball storyline. Regardless, it's got several great "chills" scenes, uses flashbacks as well as any sports movie I've seen and captures a lot of the feelings a pitcher experiences. (interesting side note-Costner actually threw every pitch in the movie, which only makes me like him and this movie even more)

Before we continue with the list I want you all to know that a case could be made for any of the following movies to be #1. True to form, I switched the rankings of these movies many times before going with this final list.....

5. A League of Their Own- Tom Hanks makes this movie a classic. Without one of his best performances, this movie is just good instead of a top 5 baseball movie. The story of the all girls baseball league that was created during World War II era while many of the men's players were off at war. In addition to Hanks terrific performance, you've got good roles from Geena Davis, Madonna and yes Rosie O'Donnel. It's very funny and endearing at the same time. Very quotable case and point being that I'm pretty sure everyone has heard "there's no crying in baseball" and my new favorite thing I love saying is that I just took a "jimmy dougan piss" during a night of drinking. Arguably the most underrated baseball movie of all time.

4. Field of Dreams- Another great Costner baseball movie follows Ray Kinsella who turns his Iowa cornfields into a baseball field because he is hearing a voice saying "if you build it, he will come". It has not only one of the greatest sports speeches, but one of the most memorable scenes/speeches in all of film. "It reminds us of all that was once good and could be again". If I was the commissioner of MLB, I would make it a rule that this speech must be played at every stadium on opening day before the first pitch. The chills factor is the greatest of all the movies on this list especially Ray playing catch with his father, and truly reminds us about everything that is great about the game of baseball.

3. The Sandlot- What an amazing movie, not just a great sports movie. Quotability is off the charts including one of my all time favorite quotes "You're killin' me Smalls". A classic tale of kids growing up who love to play the game of baseball turns into a gripping adventure to get back an autographed Babe Ruth baseball from a killer dog known as the "the beast". So many great moments like Squints pretending to drown so that the hot lifeguard Wendy Peffercorn will give him mouth to mouth. "Michael 'Squints' Palledorous walked a little taller that day". Or what about the Great Hambino talking smack behind the plate. It's so funny and iconic, yet strangely under the radar. "heroes get remembered, but legends never die"

2. Major League- Great blend of comedy and good baseball scenes about an owner trying to sabotage a season so she can relocate them to a new city. Charlie Sheen and Wesley Snipes are as good as ever as Wild Thing Rick Vaughn and Willy Mays Hayes respectively. Bob Uecker steals the movie as the hilariously sarcastic announcer. His quotes makes the movie like, "Juuuuust a bit outside"(Amazingly this clip is not anywhere on the internet, nor were any other relevant clips. Who's ever in charge of the internet, can you fix that?) This movie plays out like a standard comedy but just when you think it will continue to be slapstick, it creates a good baseball story

1. Bull Durham- Costner strikes again. I put this at number 1 because it captures every aspect of the game and shows a side of it that is rarely seen, the minors. The story follows Crash Davis, a career minor league catcher who is brought in to help groom a young pitcher into the majors. There aren't many chills scenes, if any, but there's some very funny parts and it perfectly demonstrates the bizarre and unique conversations that baseball players have. Its got a few iconic scenes like when Costner describes the show and we learn the one word you can't call an umpire when Crash argues a call. Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon are great in supporting roles and the romantic dynamic with Sarandon, as the groupie/guru, is perfect. Unlike Major League, this movie plays out like a drama/chick flick except when you think it is about to go cheesy, it comes through with some of the most accurate portrayals of baseball I've ever seen(The writer, Ron Shelton, actually played 5 years of minor league ball, which explains the dead on accuracy). It's the church of baseball in all its glory.

Serious Beefs

2010-03-26T16:55:00.000-04:00

So ETC nation, it's been nearly a week since I have spoken and I apologize for my absence. In my hiatus the number of hits on the blog has absolutely skyrocketed. It was such a drastic jump that I'm a little suspicious. Pasquale thinks it was some kind of web-bot that has skewed my numbers and he is probably right. But I'm going to pretend that we just had an insane boost in popularity and am giving the credit to Paulie Walnut's "Lawman Corollary". It just proves that you don't mess with Seagal because he always has the last laugh. Anyways I'm back I have some serious beefs.

My first beef is with Beiber Fever. Let me tell you something. I would rather suffer a slow, painful death from the black plague than ever be infected with Beiber fever. In fact, I'd like to nominate Justin Beiber to be the next teen star who is most likely to end up in a gutter somewhere reminiscing about the glory days and/or trading sex for crack. I mean let's do some peripheral research here folks. He's 16 years old but sings and acts like he is some kind of greek god/Backstreet Boy wanna-be who in all reality is probably suffering from a horrid acne breakout and is about to experience puberty and will have to explain to his legions of fans why his voice cracks make his music sound like yours truly singing "Born to Run" at a kareokee night in Jersey. For the goodness of humanity, let's hope that Justin Bieber is then next Vanilla Ice or Bobby Brown and that in the next year 5 to 10 years his name will be synonimous with the macarena and/or legwarmers; a passing fad that when you reminisce about, you feel embarassed that you lived during that era.

My next beef is with Donny Osmond. Really Donny Osmond? You have a problem with Lady Gaga? Why do I care what you have to say, Donny Osmond? When was the last time you were even remotely relevant, 1976? I would rather watch a colonoscopy than a Donny Osmond concert. In fact, I would rather have a colonoscopy performed on me than watch a Donny Osmond concert. Apparently Lady Gaga's newest music video is a little too steamy for Donny and he wants her to "use more discretion" next time because it sets a bad example for our kids. Really Donny Osmond? Have you even see the show "Cougartown". Or what about the TV shows on ABC Family nowadays? They're practically Cinemax cast-offs. Grow up Peter Pan, Count Chocula.

Now I'm not saying Lady Gaga isn't a complete kook, because she is. But if she wants to be a sideshow, who am I to tell her she can't. I would make some kind a sarcastic comment similar to what I said about Beiber, but I'm pretty sure she is already experimenting with some kind of hardcore drugs. So hopefully in the next 5 to 10 years Lady Gaga will end up in a church somewhere, bathing in holy water. "the power of christ compels you, the power of christ compels you".

My last beef of this post is with my NCAA Bracket. It's totally and utterly shot. I wouldn't be that upset if it just started to fall apart, but I was out of it from the first tip off. I haven't had a bracket this bad ever and I'm fearing that my bad picks aren't just a minor aberration, but rather my family history of bad luck picks catching up to me. Not even a hot tub time machine could have saved my bracket this year. Amazingly I'm in 7th place out of 15 in a small pool I'm in with my friends, so I'm assuming everyone's bracket is shot also.

We've got some more movie debates lined up and I will try and get a Nic Cage Movie Review incorporated for the next edition so until next time, as always....STAY SWEET!

The Lawman Corollary

2010-03-16T16:55:00.001-04:00

I asked the nation to sound off on the Leo vs Cruise 5 or 10 corollary and one man responded with a counter-corollary. It is one that I can only call the Lawman Corollary. On the surface it may seem like a joke, but I must say the research and topic points are compelling. This piece was submitted by the one and only Paulie Walnuts, the genius mind that snapped the Nic Cage photo where Cage is woofing down a slice of pizza on the New York subway. Not to mention Paulie Walnuts submitted the now famous picture of Nic Cage used on the Nic Cage Movie Review System. With a body of work like that I had to give Paulie Walnuts the proper forum to speak his mind. I give you Paulie Walnut's Lawman Corollary......

Caz,

I feel like you have unintentionally fallen into the trap that so many critics stumble into. Ask any Joe Blow on the street for the best actors today, and you’ll get the same responses, to some degree – Leo, Cruise, Hanks, Denzel etc… To truly evaluate talent, on the other hand, you have to sometimes look outside of the box.

Do yourself a favor and look at the roles that Leo and Cruise have played over the last 25 years. Upon first glance, you see characters of Luxury Cruiseship Passenger/Irish Gangster/Con Man/Undercover Cop… and Pilot/Bartender/NASCAR Driver/Sports Agent, respectively. “Ohhh man! They’re such unreal actors!! Look at all of the bases they cover in those roles!!” WRONG. Take another look at all of those roles… Something look familiar amongst them? Exactly.

You may look at Leo as Frank Abagnale in Catch Me If You Can and Cruise as Lt. Daniel Kaffee in A Few Good Men and think, “These roles couldn’t be further apart.” Unfortunately, you’d be dead wrong. In the end, these actors have been playing the same role in every one of their movies over the years: Young to Middle Aged White Guy. Granted, that middle aged white guy may specialize in tracking valuable diamonds, or babysitting his savant brother, but at the end of the day, let’s call a spade a spade – They both go out and play the same role over and over again. As Kramer tells Jerry about the Bellybutton voice, “It’s played… Soooooooooo played.”

What we need to do is look for the solution of this lack of character diversification. Until you think about it, you wouldn’t even realize that there may be an actor out there who can cover multiple bases. Luckily for cinema, this actor exists, and his name is Steven Seagal. Go ahead and take a moment to scoff at that notion. To the untrained eye, it may seem a little ridiculous. However, let’s take a look through Seagal’s filmography, and you will see that I am right.

In Seagal’s less glorified career, he has played the roles of Italian, Irish, Columbian, Alaskan, Native American, Eskimo, Canadian, Russian, Buddhist, Mexican, Japanese, and Vietnamese. You read that correctly. All of those roles played by the same one man.

What makes the spectrum of characters that Seagal can cover more impressive is the fact that acting only came to him late in his career. Seagal had never been in a movie before he debuted in his first film, Above the Law (1988) at the ripe age of 37 years old. (Note: Cruise last worthwhile role in Jerry Maguire (1996) came during Cruise’s 34th year… DiCaprio is now only 35 years old.) What’s more impressive is that Seagal only got into acting as a means to exhibit his true loves: martial arts and environmental protection. For the last decade, Seagal has been writing/producing/bankrolling/acting in all of his films, enabling himself to put these issues in the forefront of the public’s eye. What Seagal really cares about is practicingand teaching Aikido, serving the last 20 years as Deputy Sheriff in Jefferson Parish, LA (a point Pasquale had touched on briefly on the ETC. in the past), making music (YouTube “Girl Its Alright” for his music video and you’ll never listen to music the same way), creating his own energy drink (Steven Seagal’s Lightning In A Bottle), and protecting nature.

My point is this: It is easy to fall into the Hollywood trap that Cruise may be the best actor of a generation, but you’d be doing acting an injustice to declare him so. With the exception of The Last Samurai (2003), Cruise has stayed in his comfort zone of middle aged white guy (and I think we can all agree it was a bit of a stretch to imagine Maverick as a Samurai. The attempt was pretty cute, but I ain’t buying it.) It’s also easy to force a child into something at an early age, disguising it as trying to “give them the best opportunity.” DiCaprio was making his first appearances on TV by the age of 16 years old. Sounds like parents forcing their own dreams onto an unknowing child to me. We’ve all seen how that works out… Jon Benet Ramsey, anyone?

Why not give some props to the guy who deserves it: The guy who isn’t afraid to go out on a limb and play someone outside of his comfort zone... The guy who doesn’t need a huge studio to back his film, because he is willing to write/direct/produce AND star in it himself, on his own dollar, while filming it on location at his personal farm.

If you don’t want to agree with me, that’s fine. Judging quality of acting is subjective. The same performance may be described as enthralling by one viewer and embarrassing by another. But there is one actor that I know Caz (and I’d hope the entire ETC Nation) respects highly, both in his Award Winning Perfomances on screen and personality off the screen: Bobby DeNiro. I’ll leave you with this. 2010 will bring us the movie Machete, starring both DeNiro and Seagal. DeNiro has NEVER signed on to act alongside Cruise. He was forced into acting alongside the young Leo in This Boy’s Dream (1993), but was able get through it by beating and abusing the pulp out of DiCaprio’s character (in which he played, surprise surprise, a young white boy.)

My opinion is voiced. Nation?

You can agree or disagree with Paulie on this one but either way I've got to hand it to Paulie. I was never a big Seagal fan, in fact I've only seen a handful of his movies including Under Siege, Hard to Kill, Under Siege 2, and Executive Decision. So naturally I was skeptical about throwing Seagal into this group. Yes Seagal has achieved a cult status among movie goers but to me he was a punchline despite my tremendous fear of Seagal. If I was arrested by Seagal in Jefferson Parrish I would be absolutely terrified. I'd probably laugh as a natural knee-jerk reaction and then have my windpipe crushed by a lightning quick karate chop that I didn't see coming.

Having said that, my only problem with the Steven Seagal Lawman Corollary is the diversity of roles argument. It is amazing that one can play that many races/religions/backgrounds whatever you want to call them. However I must say that every role I've seen him in has been some kind of martial arts expert or law officer out for revenge/killing bad guys. Yeah Cruise and Leo are playing middle aged white guys, but for the most part all the problems and emotions are different in each role. Seagal is an expert at martial arts in real life so it is very easy for him to play a skilled warrior in a movie. Along those same lines, I'm pretty sure Leo doesn't know the first thing about counterfitting checks nor does Cruise know the first thing about Naval Law. It is a compelling argument and I'm very intruiged to hear some reactions to this piece because I know Pasquale is a HUGE fan of Seagal's reality show Lawman. Excellent work Paulie Walnuts.

Looking ahead, it's one of the best times of the year in terms of sports. I will give you my full March Madness prediction as well as Spring Training report from Steamin' Willie Beamen. So until next time, as always....STAY SWEET!

The 5 or 10 Corollary

2010-03-11T16:21:00.000-05:00

As of this weekend I can no longer say that I am in my early 20s. You know when people ask you on your birthday if you feel older? Usually I say no but now old age is slowly setting in and a few things happened recently that really make me feel old.

1. I tripped over a pair of sneakers that were laying in the middle of the floor. I didn't notice them and almost fell and got really pissed as to why someone would leave sneakers in the middle of the floor. Trademark old person reaction.

2. I hit my shin on the corner of a coffee table and it hurt for like 2 hours afterwards. I was honestly doing the Peter Griffin move of holding my shin tight repeating the phrase "AAAAHH" for an extended period of time.

3. I downloaded a James Taylor song and Neil Young song in the same week.

4. I got someone in trouble for cheating in school. This coming from a guy who put an entire Shakespeare monolouge that I was supposed to memorize for a quiz on post it notes on the desk in front of me. (Hilarious story. Me and Dicky wrote the whole monolouge on post it notes and in turn got a 100 on the quiz. Our teacher quickly read through them and realized we were the only two people who aced it. So she called on Dicky to stand up and recite it to the class. Unfazed, Dicky said "you know, I really know it much better when I write it down". Genius.)

Now let's get to our title of this entry. This is another debate submitted by Steamin' Willie Beamen. It's very intruiging because on the surface the answer is easy, but it requires a more in depth look before a clear cut answer can be determined so I did a little research.....

The 5 or 10 Corollary

Tom Cruise vs. Leonardo Dicaprio- Before you mail it in for Leo, let's take a closer look. The laundry list of good movies for Tom may or may not outweigh the epic dominance of Leo's 5.

In my opinion the classic/defining Leo movies are as follows...Titanic, Gangs of New York, Catch Me if You Can, The Departed and Blood Diamond (sorry Pasquale, but Titanic is probably his most memorable role)

His "under the radar" movies include What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Romeo and Juliet, The Aviator, Body of Lies, Revolutionary Road and Shutter Island (which may become a defining movie for him but it's too early to determine). He's been nominated for 3 Academy Awards, for his roles in What's Eating Gilbert Grape, The Aviator and Blood Diamond. 4 of his movies have grossed more than $100 million at the box office and they are The Departed, The Aviator, Catch Me If You Can and Titanic (Shutter Island is currently at $97 million and will most likely surpass $100 mil) . The average gross of a Leo movie at the box office is $78.5 million from 19 movies.

Now let's take a look at Cruise's resume. To go with the "5 or 10" theme I'm going to list the 10 classic/defining Cruise movies and in my opinion they are....Risky Business, Top Gun, The Color of Money, Cocktail, Rain Man, Days of Thunder, A Few Good Men, The Firm, Mission Impossible, Jerry Maguire all of which were made in a span of 13 years.

Not to mention very solid movies and/or box office hits like All The Right Moves, Born on the 4th of July, Mission Impossible 2 and 3, Minority Report, The Last Samuri, Collateral, War of the Worlds, Interview With A Vampire, Vanilla Sky and a great cameo in Tropic Thunder. He also has 3 Oscar nominations for his roles in Born on the 4th of July, Jerry Maguire and Magnolia. Cruise has 15 movies that have grossed more than $100 million at the box office, including 5 in a row (the only person with more is Tom Hanks with 16) and the average gross of a Tom Cruise movie is $96.4 million from 29 movies.

Clearly Leo is a better actor who takes on more challenging and complex characters. His movie's are intense and very emotional and his 5 defining roles are simply exceptional. If you were to hold a fantasy draft with actors (something I would really be interested in doing, just to see how it plays out) Leo and Cruise would both be first round picks. In order to make my decision the criteria used are rewatchability, iconicness (one of the perks of writing is making up words), quotability, box office sucess and overall quality.

Based on those categories, I'm going to give my vote to Cruise. Yes the guy is a "stooge" according to Pasquale, and I must agree. But I could care less about what he does when he is not acting. He's clearly one of the most bankable movie stars of all time and I think his clinching category is rewatchability. The Departed can be watched every day for a month and still be amazing, however I don't think the same can be said for his other roles. As great as Blood Diamond is, I don't think I could watch it over and over. It's a phenomenal movie, but the theme is so "heavy" to quote Marty McFly that I can only watch that movie once in a while.

Leo will absolutely win an Academy Award before his career is over and I doubt Cruise will. But if you could only watch Leo movies or Cruise movies for the rest of your life and that's it, I think you would choose Cruise. A Few Good Men remains one of my favorite and most quoted movies I've ever seen. I mean who hasn't heard somebody say "you can't handle the truth". Throw in a top 3 action movie in Mission Impossible, a potential top 10 sports movie in Jerry Maguire and the greatest bartending movie in Cocktail (don't you dare say Coyote Ugly even despite the aesthetic appeal) and you've got endless entertainment.

Having said that, I am all kinds of fired up to see Leo's new movie Inception.

(In case you were wondering Nic Cage has 7 movies that have grossed more than $100 million and his average gross is $45 million from 44 movies. Which means he's had a few bombs recently including The Weather Man ($12 million), Next ($18 million) Bankok Dangerous ($15 million) and Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans which has made a whopping $1.7 million)

I want to hear some feedback on this one although I am positive what Pasquale's vote will be. Stay tuned for the next installment of the Steamin' Willie Beamen debates coming soon. So until next time, as always....Stay Classy!

The Hurt Predictions

2010-03-08T23:45:00.002-05:00

The Hurt Locker stole the party Sunday night as it won 6 awards including the top honors Best Picture and Kathryn Bigelow winning for Best Director. It came as a big surprise to me, as I predicted that Avatar would win those awards, but it only won 3 and they were all technical awards. But looking back at my predictions blog, it is clear that I missed my calling. While I only got 3 of my predictions correct I did provide some interesting insight. Christoph Waltz won for best supporting actor, Mo'Nique won for best supporting actress and Jeff Bridges won for best actor (all 3 I correctly predicted). And while I got the other 3 predictions wrong, I did have some words of the wise, including.....

What Should Win: Avatar is the clear cut favorite, and I have to agree. It's an amazing achievement in film, but let's not forget that the Academy loves artsy, human interest movies. That's why The Hurt Locker has a great chance for the upset, which I recently saw. It's very good

Yes I was wrong in picking Avatar, and yes I excluded the end of that sentence that said "but I don't think it was better than Avatar", but I'm counting this as a partial victory. I then went on to say that if Avatar lost it would be an upset along the lines of Cash Warren landing Jessica Alba. Well now I see that anything is possible because The Hurt Locker did beat Avatar, Cash Warren did land Jessica Alba and I am still incredibly jealous of him. (We'll always have Paris Jess)

I was also incorrect in picking the best director. I thought Cameron had this in the bag, but here's what I said...

Darkhorse: Kathryn Bigelow. She made a very tense, very real war movie that wasn't over the top and didn't glorify the violence or the war (like a lot of war movies tend to do)....this award is usually a lead in for best picture, so whoever wins this award, look for the respective movie to take the top award.

Again I'm counting this as a minor victory as I was spot on about the director award being a lead in for best picture. While I am surprised I must say that I'm not disappointed. Unlike some other years in which the best picture won over a more deserving movie, (ie Chicago beating Gangs of New York, or Shakespeare in Love beating Saving Private Ryan to name a few) The Hurt Locker is a very deserving, good movie and Bigelow did an excellent job. It is also vindication for one of my favorite "good, bad movies" Point Break starring Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze. Bigelow was the genius director behind it, and from now on Point Break isn't just an awesome surfing/bank heist movie...it's a stylish, innovative movie made by an Oscar winning director. Thank you Kathryn Bigelow, thank you.

And now we switch gears from award winning movies to Nic Cage movies. Our long lost correspondant, Steamin' Willie Beamen is back with a great installment of movie debates. They are so interesting and intruiging that I am releasing them one at a time so as to give them their proper analysis.....

All Signs Point to Nic Cage

The Rock v Con Air v Face Off

Wow. Wow. Wow. This is an epic battle that can only be called an Ode to Nic or TNT/TBS Wet Dream. It is three of the best action movies that have ever been lead by the same man. Nic Cage had a three movie run here that you don’t read about because it doesn’t happen. All three have great second fiddles and all three have good third fiddles. These three movies were released back to back to back all within 12 months. The issue under debate is not their greatness but instead their relative success against each other.

The Rock (1996): Great plot, great cast, great setting. Mike Bay. Everyone loves the disgruntled military takeover. The movie starts with a great third fiddle Ed Harris. Maybe I am the only person who loves Ed Harris but the guy is good. Nic Cage playing the epic Stanley Goodspeed is an awesome unassuming lead. Sex scene with Vanessa Marcil that was PG, but in '96, when I was 12 was the greatest thing I had ever seen. Enter the great second fiddle Sean Connery as an unknown spy with secrets of JFK and Roswell. Great chase scene through San Fran and an awesome trolley scene with a huge dude yelling “save yourselves!!!!!”. Did I mention that most of the movie takes place on the most mysterious, amazing island on the planet?.?.? Alcatraz.

Con Air (1997) Great cast, ok plot, great cast. I mean anytime you can take Nic Cage and put him ahead of John Cusack and John Malkovich you should be good. Add in the Steve Buscemi, Ving Rhymes, and Dave Chappell. You have a hit. Great battle scenes both in air and on ground. Love the prison underdog story. It has tons of cops getting killed and the noble Cameron Poe trying to save the day. Add in the plane landing on the Vegas Stip and the movie has all the makings. Cyrus the Virus. Classic.

Face/Off (1997) Great idea. Two great actors. John Woo. No second fiddle in this one. Two main guys who have the unique and difficult task of playing both parts. I love the shift in the roles and I love how the movie plays out. Must suspend a little disbelief to think that you can take your face off but at the end when Travolta tries to cut off his face is sick in both ways. Tons of gun fights and a cool prison make this another solid action film with the solid Nic Cage.

Verdict: The winner is The Rock. Combo of Sean Connery, the best of the three Nic Cage characters (Castor Troy of Face/Off would win but he switches faces half way through the movie and turns into a puss), and it takes place at Alcatraz. All three are solid movies and the fact that they came out all within the same 12 months is simply amazing

Here's my take on the debate. Cyrus the Virus might be the greatest nickname/bad guy combo in an action movie. If Hans Gruber had a nickname he would take the cake, but since he doesn't I've got to hand it to the Virus. Con Air has Nic Cage rocking some kind of disguistingly amazing mullet thing that you can't take your eyes off of. And I agree with Steamin's take on Castor Troy in Face Off. He would have been the best Cage character but since he switches faces he becomes the sympathetic father his performance is just not as good in the end of the movie. But the best of those movies has got to be The Rock. It's a legitimate action movie full of great quotes and the rewatchability factor is off the charts. Stan Goodspeed, what a characters. Such great cheesy lines like "do you like music? Have you ever heard Elton John, the Rocketman. I was just wondering because its you, you're the Rocketman". Or what about "I'll take pleasure in gutting you, boy". Classic.

The next post will have the rest of Steamin' Willie Beamen's debates, and they are very interesting. So keep an eye for that and let me know what your thoughts are on the Nic Cage action trifecta. So until next time, as always.....STAY SWEET!