Another Blog In The Wall...

Blog 18

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 11:12:00 +0000

El Carachiyah y’all - see what I did there? Combined Mexican flair with Southern American, yummy.

Ahhhhhhhhhh Yes, its been a long bloody while and I am just coming off the juice of reading the o-so-good JC blog that has got me enraptured.

It’s edgy, its got attitude, it says what we have on our minds, and then some. I L-O-V-E it. Hope it makes me cooler. (My try at a sardonic and dry commentary…guess it doesn’t work - gotta keep reading then).

Anyway, I have been thinking about writing in this blog for, oof, a long while. In fact I think while I was on the bus or something, I had a blog name and introduction all sorted to write, but like most things, I forgot.

Doesn’t matter biatches, because I will think of something. Oh, all the Mexican and ‘biatches’ is residue from another blog called 'Go Fug Yourself' which is a fashion critique blog, using comedy to make fun of celebs and has this hilarious spoof each time the writer does a blog about J-Lo with overly-wild Spanish rhetoric, while making fun of her clothes. Priceless.

I should probably address the fact that I haven’t done the pic-blog I promised about my travels, but can I just say, that loads of the pictures are up on my Facebook account, more than what I will post here - because only the best (“…Jerry, the best!”) will make the cut (mainly due to time and using my precious/limited internet quota will..err.. limit the amount of pictures I post…). So if its pretty pictures you’re after, then be my guest and find me on FB, otherwise, I promise, it will be done!

Another thing, is that I truly love reading old entries of my blog posts, some of them are so perfect, so completely powerful, I like, totally impress myself, buuut others are so disjointed and unreadable, it makes me a little bananas. I imagine this will be one of those awful ones. And yet, it feels so damn good to just “free-write” (ie no spell-check/rethinking involved). So I will do it for a little longer before I get to the good stuff in posts to come, where ‘editing’, ‘rewording’ and ‘thinking-of-a-topic-first’ will come into play. I will also attempt to begin working out how to create an RSS feed and continue to hyperlink (see the links in this blog!!) and a lot of other digital shit.

If there is one thing I know, is that when it comes to computers and IT, I will find a way to get it/know how to do it/be it. Got that muchacho?

keeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyzzzzz..signing of now!

x PEACE people, peace.

The Current Live Stream

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 07:16:00 +0000

Not Sure Yet..perhaps Blog 17?

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 04:35:00 +0000

Current mood: apathetic
Category: Blogging

Dude, Blogging.

This is just a quick update, because I have 2 assessments to finish. And no jokes, both are blogs.

Anyway, I read my last to posts. One was this fun, happy, well rounded, articulate and beautifully crafted blog. The other..moddy, dark, angsty, hard-to-read, and boring.

I guess it depends on the day, right? lol.

I got a feeling this is going to be another average blog. Sorry, just being kind with a warning.

List of My Blogs:
*Myspace Blog
*Blogger Blog
*Word Press Blog
*Last FM Blog

------ I think I only have four. Blogger is where I paste all my MySpace Blogs. Last FM is completely seperate and original. Word Press is for uni work, but I like it, so I may somehow convert it later; we'll see.

I recently came back from a week in Melb, because we had the AUJS AGM, and it was a little crazy and nice and weird. So, my kinda trip :P

Working Backwards: tue i was driven to avalon airport by Mila (aunt) with my gran in the car. And we dropped of Martha (couz) to school (cute!). Mon, i droped my couz to school, because she slept ova, then went to chapel st (for the zillionth time), then went back to my gramz's, then went to lunch with Stephan, came back home and bought some plants for Mila with my gramz, then when Marthz came hope we chilled befor going to Luna Park, where i met some ppl and went on 2 rollercoasters - historic moment coz it never happens. Sun was a day with G G Tzilz (great gran), where i tasted the most amazing piroshki and chicken soup, chilled, talked, did a bit of work, before going to dinner at Mila's house then back to grans with Marthz. Um...Sat was Shops in the morning (chapel st) with Gran and Marthz then in the evening I went to dinner with Matt and met Ary later to see Mao's Last Dancer in the Jam Factory theatre.Fri was the last day of the AGM, elections of positions, Liam (chair), Glen (vice chair [yay!]) and the only other position was Sarah (public affairs officer [not happy Jan]). Also i went to lunch with Dane, Taryn and Joel, and after, joel took me home, but not before he told me that he liked me, wanted to be with me and then ofcourse I told him IN A VERY NICE WAY that i didnt feel the same, told him to keep his chin up and all that, but he was crushed, and so was I (for making him feel that way). Thurs was first day of AGM, where we voted on constitutional amendments and that was fun! in the break, a few ppl went for ice cream, then the meeting continued till about 430pm. After we chilled before all the AUJS LDPers had a pre-dinner 'get to know you' games with Brando. That would have been more enjoyable, had i not been dilerious with hinger. but whatever. then we had dinner at 'Bennys Burger' before heading out to a pub and coming home round 12. it was bliss. Another than that, I arrived on Wed and didn't do much other than chill.

All that was for posterity, so i dont forget, if you skimmed, then you rock. If you read all of that, then you just experienced what it would be like to have a conversation with me in real like. haha

Ok, I dunno, thats pretty much it. Not feeling to inspired. Perhaps the weekend with give me something more. Im working tomoz, but going to meet Turnball on sunday for lunch with other young Libs. awesome. Also the NSW AGM is on mon, then its my bday on tues (woot!-ish) and thats pretty much the highlight of the week. But we'll see.

Busy, Happy, and ....

Shazz

ps I will hope to begin using the functions of adding a vid or photo or link soon! Look forward to me spreading my wings electronically! xx

pss Listening to Zeppelin Discography!

Blog 16

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 09:48:00 +0000

Date: 05 Sep 2009
Current mood: restless
Category: Life

Dear Me,

So much has happened, so many new thoughts, and I have waited far to long to write them all down. While many categories fit this day's blog, I can always rely on myself to provide me an easy out for the subject; "Blog 16". :P

So my tales are spun like this: I am now involved with AUJS UNSW in a serious way, dedicated to proactive advocacy, learning about the Middle East, public affairs and the Young Liberal Party. I am staring down the possibility of becoming UNSWAUJS President (or 'Chair' or whatever they are changing the name to...)but it all comes at a price.

My dream of going to UTS to study B Communications (Public Communications)/ International Studies is slipping away because you need to average a Distinction, and at this point, a low Credit will do. Its not that its hard, its just that I haven't been inspired and dedicated. For me, the work in AUJS is far more compelling.And the delima (not sure how you spell and refuse to check...) is that if by some miracle I get into UTS i will not be the President because its a new campus, all over again. However, I dont feel ready to be the President yet, becaue while I may be able to organise the day-to-day operations (with HELP!), so much of being the Head means that have to keep an eye on the Socialist Alternative (like Simon and other members do, to make sure that we fight against their bias and wrong doings on campus) or to liase and know who to contact and what to do in many different situations. After all I am the top of a very important society on campus, and that resposibility ways heavily on me.

Moreover, I still dont think that I will get into UTS, so if I dont run for this position (and at the moment it seems I am the only most committed and prepared to learn and take upon myself these issues) I will regret not using this opportunity. Perhaps I mustn't disclose that I am applying for UTS, because the positions are elected on October 1st and acceptance into UTS comes early next year.

In saying this, if I dont run for President, and I dont get into UTS, it will be a year wasted that I will regret very much. However if I do run for President, apply for UTS, dont get in (which dont get me wrong, I will be VERY unhappy about) Emm has said that perhaps it will take too much time, and I wont be able to concentrate on my studies to try again the following year.

These are the issues that face me now.

Wonderful things have happened too! While a confusing situation is prevelant as I mentioned above, these are definatly the sorts of things I am glad to be having as part of my strife at Uni! I recently said to my mum, that I am exactly were I want to be in my life and that makes me happy each day.

I recently attended a National Political Training Seminar held in Canberra. What an amazing experience! I got to not only meet many politicians but also mix with the leaders or tomorow. TOTALLY CLICHE I know, but you couldn't help but feel a spark of passion around some of these people that cared enough to teach themselves about politics, then debate and challenge everything. We also got to meet Young Labor representatives from South Australia, Queensland and everywhere else, who were not Jewish, but had a deep love and understanding of the situation in the Middle East, and thus their support is more than words can articulate.

Besides somesuprisingly fun evenings at the bars, plenty of attention from everyone, and even a memorable moment, when I asked Mike Kelley how he would respond to someone if they said they beleived in peace, but not reached through vilent and military actions, he replied "there are some people you just have to kill". And THAT made the entire trip worth more that I thought it could! This was a man was an invalauble asset in Parliament and I am glad that I got to thank him for talking to us, and a photo to prove it.

At this time, it is nice to know that those from as far as Perth, as low as South Australia and as near as Melbourne from this trip have stayed friends (via the powerful medium that is facebook) and I am really glad to be going down this path, surround by these type of people.

Also, tomorow is the regional PTS, so many of those who came from Sydney will be participating in a two-day event, which ofcourse I am looking forward too! During the time back from PTS I have continued to stay involved with Jewish activites, going to The Advocacy Program, starting HLI level 2 (coming soon..) atending UTS movie night (with Israeli Film Festival..mum and dad are going out again to watch tonight) and other fun friend related activities. This has all ofcourse put a strain on my budget :)

I also got accepted to LDP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will be travelling to Holland, America and Israel for 5 weeks and I can't wait! The interview process made me a little nervous, combined with mum's absence in Melb it was a bit much, but as it is, everything went in the best way possible. It is a difficult time because G G Tzilz is still ill(aka 3 cancers), and we recently came the revalation that Gramz has pancreatic cancer and also has a year, maybe less. So while I am hesitant to leave the family, encase, mum and everyone else says to go, and live your life. So thats what I'll do.

Also, I met a guy during the Pub Crawl, his name is Gabriel Danon, a french student studying abroad, and I am pretty sure he likes me. Its a simple statement, but there it is. While I dont get the same excitement about it, I like being around him only because he challenges me. Not in the disputive kind-of way, but that he is different, has a greater degree of life experience and tells stories in a expert way that is still new to me. We have inadvertadly been on 2 dates, both a pre and post communal event and we are ofcourse still getting to know each other. He is intense, and open with feeling, or at least I feel my walls more than ever with him, because my sarcasm (and saviour) doesn't fit into our conversations. He asked me if I would like him to take my portrat. To show his family the people he met while in Australia. While I have many apprehensions about that, I beleive its genuine, and mostly I just dont think I'm ready to open myself up and be free in the way he wants me to be, in the photograph.

He has a blog site, documenting his time in Australia. (http://gabriel.blogy.fr/?nppage=5&page=1) Its very good and so are the photos he uploaded. This also gave me a great idea about my blogging when I go on LDP.

Lastly, were I want to me, in my career, in my future, in my life IS begining to take shape. I am certain more than ever that you are born, inately with something that guides you. And mine job has always been a socially motivated one. I wanted to go to Africa, to teach, to be a social worker.....
Now I know that at the very least, my life will be meaningless if I dont find a way to become a prominant member in the Jewish community, helping to create programs that will strengthen Australian Jews. I love public affairs, policy, politics. I am growing more in love with Media, social networking and the power of public relations to utilise this to spread messages. It works both ways, and being the 'jewish watchdog' is an important role. If I could combine the influence of Australian politics, with the intellect and education of International Policy, specifically Israel, then that would be my dream job. Or perhaps serving on a board/committee or Think Tank for projects and programs to help my people.

This is were its at. This is my life now. And can you beleive I got through the whole blog without one mention of music?! :D

Its so funny how my diary has gone digital!
ps. Listening to JEFF BUCKLEY - GRACE ...(the Myspace app isnt working)

Sweet Dreams,
Shailee

Blog 15

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 03:14:00 +0000

Friday, July 03, 2009
Current mood: crunk
Category: Life

Hi!Nothing like loosing EVERYTHING to give a girl a new perpective on life. Ok, well maybe not 'everything', but when all the documents on your computer dissapear, you can excuse my hyperbolic language.

I'm starting from scratch, but at the same time I'm not. There's been a bit of growth, so don't freak out when I impart this little nuget of wisdom here but...there is no such thing as a 'fresh start'. !!!
!!!!!

!!!!

Ok, thats enough. The way I figure, you can leave (or lose 5000 songs from your computer :[ ) but still retain the memories of what was, and what should be now. And so when I took the daunting task to redo my computer, it wasn't as frightful as I imagined. Course, I've only got 500 songs, but still, that a start right?

At the moment, I'm on holidays, and its sweet! No major calamities have struck and so far next semester and all the glorious opportunities that await are looking pretty good. I'm as obssessed as ever about my TV/music, but hey, everyone has to have a hobbie!

Haaaaaaaa....o well. I have a lot of papers to sort through, because my list-making has once again reached exorbant proportions to which a mountain of loose paper, with seemingly unimportant but infact vital scribbles are potentially being ignored, because, well...I can't get to them.In other news... (this blog has no sensical or logical structure, so don't worry if it isn't as well rounded as either of us would like, its just the writings of a truthful and unedited brian...which is insanly bleak, showing no great amounts of naughty/dirty jokes, but plently of dry and slightly sarcastic comments that leads away from the original topic).

And to finish, I'm going to make a resolution to get more creative, more productive, more bold and take life by the horns to show that I will not be afraid to live and use life to my advantage, without the fear that I may make wrong choices or be corrupt or hurt others. I need faith, and I wont find it in religion. I know that the strongest faith comes from confidence and trust in your own ability to make the right choice.

But gosh, how do I go about getting all that without thinking about the 'journey' and clicheness of it all? All I want it to be. Be. Be. Be. There is just too much angst in this girl, without the clear reality - that life isn't a good episode of One Tree Hill, but simply a bunch of blah.

Hee!
Blah... and with that I wish you have an awsome week, wherever you are!xoxo Shailee

Currently reading:Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde By Robert Louis Stevenson

America Bullshit

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 08:20:00 +0000

Monday, June 08, 2009

America Bullshit
Current mood: betrayed
Category: News and Politics

I swear, now that a little time has passed, and people begin to settle into their lives after a turmulous set of events...(the presidential election, the crumbling of the American economy), it seems that the people of the US reside with rose-coloured glasses in order to limit the amount of pain they really are in.

Obama has alot of pressure to fix the economy, and he has stepped into the role as the mediator of peace between Israel and the Arab world.

Firstly, many people have way to many opinions about this topic, when it is clear that at least half of them dont even know the difference between the two groups.

Secondly, in light of Obama's recent speech, I have been instilled with a great amount of fear. FEAR is the best way to motivate. Just think about 9/11, and the changes to security both domestically and internationally that was invigored in the world.

Maybe on a more subtled note, factors of environment, between depleting non-renuable resources, greenhouse emissions and global warming, the world was transformed, and celebrities got alot more opportunity to perform.

My fear, is that between the rose coloured glasses of having a smart, young, attractive, black president, people will not pay attention to the formation of important domestic and international policies.

Pressure on Israel is not the way to go about creating peace. These are not people who have destruction, death and violence that follow them and brand them. While I cannot say muslims are to blame, it is true that ARABS (another term that should be researched for those confused in its difference) should be closely watched and even pushed in line.

I felt sick to my stomach to watch Obama APOLOGISE to the Arab nations. WHY? What is he apologising about? For being a leader of a democratic country? For working hard to be a leader and wealthy? What has America and the American people done that they should apologise to them?
Is America apologising to Israel for not defending properly the only democracy in the mid-east? Show me, where in any other arab country is there a single government that has at least 1 government party that represents the Israeli people (we are not even asking for 2 like Israel has for palestinians in their country).

Have you ever asked yourself - if the Israeli's are treating the Palestinians so badly, then why dont they move to Iran, Iraq, Egypt, Lebanon......I will tell you why; because those countries will never take them. They dont want these people.

Remember, there is a difference between Arabs, Muslims and Palestinians.

Moreover, pressuring Israel to not build settlements in the West Bank doesnt even have legal standing. It is unclaimed territory, and if anyone want to build on it ( including the palestinians) then they can.

Instead of a president, who proclaims his allegence and hundred percent backing to the Israelis, telling the Arabs that throwing rockets, sending suicide bombers and threats to wipe Israel and all Jews (another seperate term) in the world [ just like Hitler did..] is not acceptable, and that American stands by a people who you can count on to be productive in the world (do some research about the things Israel and Jews have done for your city/country), participate in negotiation...instead of this, we see a president who is weak, apologising.

Why haven't the Arabs apologised for 9/11?
Why haven't the Arabs apolpgied for terror-attacks in London, Bali....
Why.
Many question, but WHY don't people ask them.

I hope this can instill a productive fear in people to research (Glenn Beck - Islam in Europe - with Geert Wilders), read, be critical about the source and authors, bias and so on. And take of those glasses, to see the devistation and possibly destructive repercusions on a president who will not stand strong to the Arab world.

I pray it will not be at the expense of another 9/11.
Sincerly,
Shailee M.

Currently listening:American Idiot By Green Day

Blog 13

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Wed, 27 May 2009 07:24:00 +0000

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Blog 13

Current mood: crunk Category: Life

La la lal al aa....I'ts been a while since I've blogged...sheesh.

And boy have the days been crazy. Last week I had 4 (its bold to make it more dramatic) assignments to hand in...and i was tired. BUT that didnt stop me from going out to a german pub for my mate's 19th and ce-le-brating!

Gosh that place was aaawsome! people were singing and banging on the wood tables, waitresses where wearing crazy time-zy dresses with approns and white cloth hats and everything! we were surrounded by brick walls with multicoloured 'glass' windows, and a real-live german band - in green shorts, knee socks, the entire lederhosen outfit!

Anyway, the entire restauarant sat in a couple of long rows, drinking by the litre and listening to their funny german singing. There was a tiny dance area - not to large to be intimitating, but big enough if you wanted to test your coordination levels after your 3rd litre or so...

And a side room..revealed a classy, smokey and modern bar; the upstairs was also in keeping with the wood theme, but more about the flat screen television and dance music, if that was your thing. Yup, i loved and i plan on going back soon.

So i met alot of great people, finished the evening 'round ohh 1am..early i know, but i was up again @ 7am to work until 5pm...then i decided to go to a friends place for a movie. so i rounded the troops and we watched Momento. Its a great movie. thrilling, captivating, and has everything you need from action, tension, excellent screen-a-mo-tography (ha!) and all that jazz. Yup. but we finished early, coz most of the boys were still recovering ;)

anyway, i took Sunday..(if your keeping track with the days) to recover, but still went to bed late 1-ish..which was pretty stupid because i was up at 6am again to buy AC/DC TICKETS!!! thats right jelous no-bodies not-reading this blog! but after a few hours of waiting, buying the tickets, i was overcome by a wave of freakin-tiredness..whereupon i ditched uni and slept/procrastinated....if i pretend i had alcohol/drungs..its almost rock n' roll!!

anyhoo..tues was busy with a assignment to finish for Marketing..but i will spare u the details, other than to say, i was coordinating 4 other people and my own work, started my peice of the project that day, and was able to do tonnes of other things but the others team menbers wheren't able to send me their shit they started days before until 11.30pm! one guy didnt even bother to send his in!! ...i'm glad this was the last project i ever do with those lasy-mother-fuckers.

anyhoo that brings me to today, where i gave in the project and realised i have a nasty cold (ooo this will be remembered [whispered] foreeeveerrr) and furthered the art of procrastination. i dunno man, there has got to be a limit to how good you can get at this insnt there? maybe i'll ponder this when i have more energy at a later date.yup - so whats in the cards for the future?! weeelll...i have a few more ass-i-metns to do, and 2 test in the next few weeks before the first semester is over (ahhh!) but something tells me i wont be getting a distinction average. maybe i'll hope for a cred overall the subject, and try REALLY hard next semester....yeh, right.

i'm also going to Melb to visit my great-gran who is unwell (understatement) - which will considerable limit project-writting, test-studying time, but those are the sacrifices you make in a family. ooo, writing that sentence made me want to write a very sophisticated blog.

people like Hilarie Burton, Nicky Gray, Matthew Ryan and so on are people who are able to referrence a peice of art, or quote a poem or deliver lines from novels they read yonders ago, and create literature and film that is exciting, inspiring and high-brow whislt also maintain a sensibility about the audience that watches them.

it is these things that inspire me. i want to be my professors, and the Nicks in the world, who are intelligent and well-spoken, effortessly, and somehow maintain a youthful belief about magic and creation of the original which sadly i fear i will loose one day. i will grow other, mature, understand the hardship and 'what-needs-to-be-done' in order to survive, and i will grow cold, and forget the fantasy and urgency i feel know.

hopefully, if i continue to learn, to write, to read, paint, sing, listen and smile...i wont loose what i want for my future.

have a wonderful everything,

cheers
shazz

Currently listening: Take the Bite By Casey Shea

Blog 12 - Story Time

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 09:58:00 +0000

Monday, April 13, 2009

Current mood: mellow
Category: Religion and Philosophy

My special surprise,
I wrote this story in many versions...hope you like it :)

A Song For You

The crowd was screaming, their legs pushing against the floor, their arms waving, hands clapping. Lights flickered, as the crowd thumped together to the beat of the drums. Each footstep kept in time with the music, and their yelling voices became my song. Darkness turned into blinding light and the roar of human voices became a blur of noise that echoed the power of human desire. I walked the distance, and the eyes upon me, judging, was a familiar predication. Stepping up to the edge, hands reached out; not to greet but to feel the source of their infatuation. I stepped back and my mind swirled with fear and something else that I couldn’t name, up here so high. The strum of the guitar marked the start, and was drowned out by the union of their voices below. I closed my eyes and put my lips to the steel, and let out the first resounding note that came from deep within my gut. The journey was in full flight.....

******

That’s what brings be back to the road each time. It is the purpose to inspire, provide comfort and express through song, my prayer. There are defining moments that create a musician and define their status. These are the moments when all control becomes a hopeless idea and flaws are scrutinised. It is how the musicians deal with the ‘over focus’ of audiences that saves a performance, and hope. ....
The audience doesn’t know, but I do; the backstage drama of a broken light, missing instruments, drunk musicians. These inhibiters must not be allowed to penetrate our performance or the comforting song.....

******

The drums and guitar mingled together on the stage, and the crowd was silent, apart from the sporadic shouts of individuals. The whirls and swirls of dancing dresses behind me, created electricity in the air that was immediately felt by the auditorium. The room shook as the mass paced themselves along with the dancers, and the energy rose to the climax. My body swayed, and my mind left all thought behind, the only thing controlling me was the trance of music. Words tumbled out of my mouth and into the open crowd waiting hungrily to receive the tune, as if it were a drug that would numb their pain; and mine. The lyrics sent me up, higher, in a bewildered stupor and as the music slowed, brought me down. I felt what the crowd felt, and I knew I had connected with them, as our spirits flew together. We belong together.

******

When I stand on that stage, it’s a time set aside for me to pray, and hope for each of them to find their conviction. However, a wrongly played cord of the guitar, a shirt, underwear or flowers thrown at you, can often waver your concentration in the sanctuary you call the stage. But, you must find the control and add it to your music, so that the prayer and stillness I feel on that stage with my brothers can find the audience too.....
It’s hot. It hurts. I’m dizzy. We’re tired. But we play on. People don’t understand the pressures of each performance. Your record company demands sales, your managers demand interviews, but your audience demands escapism. This is something that cant’ be calculated in the midst of success. ....

******

Music is what brings me back to the world of the living. It envelops me wholly and shows me that there is something that can understand, without hurting. It emphasises each emotion to the brink, and gives the power to connect, and sends messages, pointing to the path to follow. The crowd, with one eye, followed my movements, my voice, and with the other, followed the song lyrics, chanting, as if to awaken the dead. The electric guitar and tambourine joined the celebration, and my arms rose to the air, guiding the crowd, to create unity, create passion. I kept them in a daze, but broke the spell, as the backing singers pulled us through the bridge, the layered voice surrounding us, taking us to another verse again, another journey.....

******

It’s hard to say or write the feeling, of camping in a new city, town and hotel room each night, but I can tell you it’s freeing. Time slows on my adventure, but speeds on the stage. How much I wish that it were reversed, that I could stand forever and capture the shining faces of each person, and pan to watch my band’s hands and hair work to the music that lives in our souls.....
You meet many people while you’re on the road, who find comfort in all the same things you do and it’s strange. You stop at places that you never knew existed. There is something mystical about it. Each home, each street light and gas station seem tweaked, just for you, so that a little pleasure and amusement can come from it, alienating you further, resonating the distance that you have travelled…a little homesick now, a little elated later.....
The stage is a place of safety, but the road is the element that separates your mind from the musical prayers you create. The distraction from the unruly crowd doesn’t compare to the torture my mind provides in the silence on the road. Each town is a slight version of the other; pieces remain from the one before to remind you of where you’ve been and where you are now. It is a constant struggle for sanity.....

******

My hand slipped up the stand, and held the microphone delicately. The journey to ecstasy on stage heightened as egging the audience on through syncopated rhythms which propelled then into metaphysical realms. My foot began to tap, I felt myself egging. They screamed and we sang out till our throats were sore and yelled to the heavens for serenity in our song. My guitar tuned in perfect fifths came to the rescue, like a sirens voice nearly pushing my heart out of my chest, hurting so much to want to follow the music like a sirens voice.. The beat of the drums brought back our senses.....
The chorus resonated through the crowd, and brought us in concert as one. All I could do was watch, thinking of the people around the city who could heard our cries. I stepped back from the microphone to the delight of the audience, and herd their voices rise for my attention. I ran back and pulled the microphone close to me and yelled…and they yelled back. So I yelled again…and they yelled back. Their commitment kept me safe, and urged the music to go on. I complied and pushed the beat in overdrive. We jumped together, On every plane, we journeyed as one. We listened, we dreamed and we jumped together. For a moment in time, I was Orpheus and I ran across the stage, feeling weightless, as I drew my energy from the multitude below me, in distance and in time. ....

******

The road is the loneliest place to be even if there are thousands that surround you. To curb the boredom I read. Ann Brashares, The Fourth Summer of the Sisterhood was a book I devoured on the long trips between venues, and it keeps coming back to me, “I remember the turning tides of battle. I went astray but my mind was still a dreamer”. These words begin to remind me of every song I wrote, of the turning tides in my own existence, and to notice when I stray.....
My writing is a therapy that links the hopes of each audience member to an honesty that they feel inside, but often leads to my duplicity. This is why control is helpless on a stage. I sing for them, completely removed from the lyrics because I concentrate on the possible chaos of each concert. Will this light go off unexpectedly? Who will jump onto the stage with us? Will they sing in time?....

******

Feverish feeling flew across my skin, as my voice trembled in fear, because I knew the populace has drifted into their own minds, to escape, just like I had. The drums, guitar, violin, tambourine, dancer and singers alike, rejoiced in union and harmony and feel the beat once more. Our powerful animosity poisoned our position in the escape of the song, so all we could do was cry at the mercy of the harmony. The concluding attempt to leave behind a piece of ourselves, to show we had once been here and seen the purest form of expression, shown in the wails of our singing, as the last line gave sapience and finished the journey in our hearts that we were destined for. The concluding notes were a final attempt to leave behind a piece of ourselves resonating lingering ecstasy.....

******

Each experience adds to the emotional pain I record it in my music. It is the intellectual discourse that I lack, and the picture I desire to draw. I have been asked, ‘if you weren’t a musician what would you be?’, and I ask myself whether I could be a carpenter, or baker or accountant? I know that the answer I give masks the pain of performing. But I also know that nothing can compare to the experience on stage. My conflict lies within. The tortured artist lives on. ....

******

Time slowed, and all the world seemed to hear was the final strain of the guitar. The guitar strummed with me as I closed my eyes and sang, knowing that all the eyes in the room were closed too. We stood together, in those final moments, listening to each other’s pulse. My mind stayed with the flamenco melody and I knew nobody was ready to leave. So I sang again. peace washing over, as the song had done for me, what it had done for thousands more. It let our essence ascend us; to a place we rarely got to go, and rejuvenate in us a fullness, and a will to fight on. The song transported us to a place we love to go. I sang long after the music stoped; to the audience, to myself, to no one and everyone and it didn’t matter because I knew they could hear me. The songs might not have lasted very long, but the effects on me, were ever lasting. ....

Currently reading:In Cold BloodBy Truman CapoteRelease date: 2002-03-05

Another Blog on the Wall...

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 09:54:00 +0000

Monday, April 06, 2009

Current mood: tired

Wow. Oh wait, have I started any blog like that already? Yeh probably.Anyway this one deserves a 'wow' too. WHY..the imaginary audience asked to themselves?

I haven't written a blog in a while (short space of time), and alot of music-stuff has happened. And I was thinking about this, but I recon despite MySpace being a universal/non-specific medium for experession, I can't help but think MUSIC is totally favoured.

Um.. so since the last blog (I checked) I have seen...Coldplay, The Fray, Snow Patrol and Augie March. Pahhhh!!

Yeh, no need to further any of that..its all pretty self explanitory :p And another thing. A REALLY great band called Civil Twilight entered my sphere of beauty. The song 'quite in my town' is playing now (and I plan to put in on repeat)..got it... and THIS song makes you feel embaressed that you haven't heard of them before. Also check out ENATION..another OTH band..as most of the awsome music I advocate is (hehe).

Um..still waiting for the Rolling Stone Mag to appear at my house (I subscribed) and I'm getting relatively impatient.

School is fab, I actually finshed an essay on Japanese Expanionism btw 1931-41 for Int'l Rels due for today..and I started basically yesterday at about 5 or 6pm. So I was almost finished but I had to skip the morning lecture and finish it.. but I did, so thats pretty rad.

Wow (there's that word again), I'm having quite a non-chalant, talk-about-mundane type-of blog huh? Oh well, I guess its that sorta day.

Looking forward to Easter (or should I say Pesach :] ) break..to do another piece of work, and work, and see if I can research about a volunteer/internship in the UN embassy or World Bank headquaters ...you know..get the foot in the door (hee!)

A bit ambitious, but you only get one chance at life...and its the 5:25 mark of Civil Twilights song, so you can't really argue with something like that. Haha. (made myself life..and that's half the battle isn't it?! [so says Craig Ferguson]).

Ok ..lets end it, maybe another time, I can 'ambitiously' attempt to emulate the virtuous Jim Beaver's blog style.... at least the TITLE of my blog is completly perfect. (um...if i may say so myself..lol).

And encase anyone was wondering...I get alot of music from the One Tree Hill Connection Podcast - even though I find Denise to be a self-congratulating, non-deserving, mildly-boring interviewer..she does help get the information and interviews of artist that need to be found, but haven't been discovered because making a headway on my 11 pg list of 'songs-to-get' is a daunting task, AND Limewire can be quite uncooperative when i do try.

p.s I'm working on a nice suprise for next blog...

Ok guys, Save the tah-tahs
and no goodbyes
Love Shailee

Currently listening:World in FlightBy EnationRelease date: 2008-10-21

Blog 10

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 09:51:00 +0000

Monday, March 09, 2009

Current mood: curious
Category: Blogging

Blogging is the 'category' today because my first day at uni spelt that out very clearly. Out of 3 accesable components in my 'Media, Culture and Everyday Life' blogging is essential. I must read a section of the text provided, and give my views. REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING?!!

This was closely followed with a girl, who I just happened to sit down next to (out of 400 people) who just happened to be an admirer of the Jewish people. Her name is Ellen and she is awsome. After a polite introduction, I mentioned by school and her face lit up. "Are you Jewish?" she asked. I replied yes, and she responsed saying "I love Jews! I want to marry Jewish and raise my kids Jewish...". For obvious reasons we got along quite well.

We spent some time in the uni bar, having coffee and chatting about uni, family, and I told her about some experiences in Israel. When she asked about the country, it wasn't the usual 'is it scary', 'did you feel unsafe' e.c.t, but rather such a refreshing idea, focusing her questions about the culture. I told that when you enter a place that is loved so much by the people within it, the air smell different, and each place, ditch in the road, hills and street corner crackles with the magic of history.

Later I found myself in another lecture (Marketing Fundamentals) - lucky it was your basic Yr12 stuff - so no dramas - and our lecturer Muhammad (switching gears here...!) was..really FUNNY. He told us jokes about his marriage, asked questions about people's boyfriend and girlfriends, told us about his exersize routine (walking up and down the isles in the lecture...and warned us not to be afraid), told us to ask him to repeat something if his accent is to strong (he's from Pakistan) and many more stories about cheap bed sheeps and human-hair carpets.

This day was really great. I got to read some more wonderful blogs from people at Southern Gothic (blogspot.com), I got the opportunity to fight back against the antisematic Social Activists in my uni, who perpetuate descrimination - my 'Aujus' exec leader sent the team an email with thoughts to appose the idea of a Palestinian Support Week' in the uni. And after all that I have meeting, parties, friends and good classes to look forward to in the coming week.

Thanks for reading, and I hope everyone is having a FAB Purim!

p.s Just wait till I start blogging about assessments and work loads!

p.s.s I do want to be more specific sometimes when I mention people and things, I do, but for security reason, I'd like to keep some things slightly confidential. Maybe when I become a better writer, I will find a way to increase the details without sacrificing saftey.

p.s.s.s Happy 10th BLOG! Love Shailee.

Currently reading:Diplomacy (A Touchstone book)By Henry Kissinger

Middle of the Day on a FriDay...

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 09:48:00 +0000

Friday, March 06, 2009

Current mood: okay
Category: Life

Hey, feeling pretty good.So what's on my mind? Well uni is starting on Mon (woo!) and I am now an general executive member in Aujus, (Jewish community in UNSW) as well as a 'Young Liberal' member. Both these arena's are going to allow me to express my concerns about issues dear to my heart. Not just the topical issues that surround youth and our education, but also many things that preside in our surroundings such as the environment and governmental policies. I look forward to learning so much about the place I call home and its relation in the world. It's an unsettling but vital feeling to know that Australia is just one place with one way of doing things. Traveling allows you to experience other cultures and government systems. As a 'new' member in the workforce and a person of growing intellect and understanding of the world, it makes me most happiest to know I can make a decision outside of my peripheral surroundings of family and friends, to decide where I want to live, study, work e.c.t. Moreover Aujus is so important to me because I can once again, learn so much about advocacy, appreciating other people's views on my 'people', and learning how to make the most of my individualism and be proud of who I am.

Lastly I'd like to step aside for just a moment, and be a little silly. A quick anonymous shout out to Jim Beaver, who once AGAIN delivers the best god-damn blogs ever. Unlike a certain other blogger that I unwillingly read, (...Denise Giddien on 'blogspot'...) he's the kind of guy that really IS full of wisdom that many people like me, wait hungrily to receive each time he kindly writes another thought for us. While darling Denise seems to be grappling for any kind of recognition of her greatness, by continuing to spew her monotonous preachings about percevirence and faith...uchh.

OK, final sane thought for the blog and summing it all up: I feel that starting uni I have no fears about meeting people and enjoying all that the new social environment has to offer. Between Aujus, Liberals, my 'Mentoring' group, and even a 'out-of-the-blue' reunion from an old friend (more about that later..), things are looking really great.I can't wait to get a hold on my studies, work with vigor and get as much as I can out of myself, improving my speech and confidence as a person who really does, have something great to say.

p.s. - Coldplay in 8 days!Take Care,Lots of love, light and peace,Shazz

Currently listening:Viva La VidaBy ColdplayRelease date: 2008-06-17

Blog 8

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 11:20:00 +0000

Sunday, February 22, 2009
Blog 8 Current mood: weird
Category: Blogging

Ok, weird.
My last blog was so...I don't know how to describe it. I wasn't in any kind of 'save-the-world-through-my-words' mood so I have no idea why all that came out. Maybe I was bored and I wanted to stir something, emotions to make me, you know, feel something. Does that make sense? Aaanyway. So I am getting more involved in the 'Southern Gothic Production' company - not personally but more emotionally invested. Has anyone realised yet that i have an addictive personality? And more importantly do you think it will go away?Basically SGP is a company formed by Hilarie Burton (actor from OTH) and Kelly Tenney and from what I understand they are in the business of producing movies. Not just another company but its specific to North Carolina and it's growing industry. They are latching on to the booming industry of southern film projects and doing it with flair. The family-style approach, surrounding themelves with friends (writer Nicholas Gray) , fellow actors (Austin Nichols) and the occasional internet strangers (their fans who comment along..) creates a stragley safe world.

The thing that's got me is those commenters. God. Why do people have a comment about everything. Most of what these people say is positive I'll admit, because it's not going to be know to anyone that isn't a fan of Hilarie's or isn't active in Carolina's film scene. Comments means that its catching attention, and thus maybe funding and a following. All good things. But still - it's just so damn confusing why people think their opinion means something (myself included) to these stragers. And yet they take it with good spirit, thankig people for their effort is spreading the word about thier company, thanking for their encouragement and comments and indulging us with blog and vlog of all kinds! It hardly seems fair. And I love it.

Call Me Crazy, but god I love when famous people can look down from their perch of superiority (which I promise they have) and do something wild, like commicate to people they don't know and then.....make them feel special and involved. Weird.

And another thing. Its not just enough that they are keeping total stragers up tp date with the on-goings of the company but also blogging personal things about their days, opinions, starting a book club, and all round being generous with their talent to let simple people like us get to be a step nearer..a step higher.

P.s I don't have low-self esteem issues, in fact, prides a problem for me, but if these people weren't interesting or doing something special...there would be no commentaters. This blog is a blur of frusterated awe for the people involved in SGP. I am both jelous at the fun that they get to call their day jobs and also excited to see its growth to say I was their at the begining, before Hilary and Kelly were to busy, with a zillion movies in production, to write a blog or post a video. My hope is that they will growth, prosper, and develop inspirational cinema while educating us about the complexities of human understanding.

P.s.s. Fall Out Boy mentioned OTH when someone asked what their fave show was at the Q&A session last night - I nearly jumped out of my skin from excitment, and All American Rejects rocked harder than FOB ..maybe I'm just bias..but overall 3/5 for the night!

LOTs of Love, Light and Peace.....Shazz

Currently listening:Call Me IrresponsibleBy Michael BubléRelease date: 2007-05-01

Money

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 11:18:00 +0000

Saturday, February 21, 2009
Money Current mood: content Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

New Topic: Money
Makes dreams come true...
Only if its owner is willing to make choices...
Nessaccery to allow others to experience development...
Everyone has needs that yield to consequences...
Youth spending drives what is created in the world

And thus, we are the people who will influence the goods produced ,and the way the governement subsidises education for the services it predicted we want...influencing employment, quality of life and happiness of those at this moment. We are NEVER to young to take responsibility for our actions, and today, our ideas...be it, our wants that drive an economy and political sytem or the emotion we feel toward others, that influences war or peace.It time to be aware. WAKE UP. I would love a chat, to let you know, to take a step, just one for the moment, and recognise your power to change opinions; of your brother, sisiter, cousin, mother, father, uncle and aunt, and FRIENDS.

Make choices that you can be pround of. One day they will matter. Be PROACTIVE and find a level of integrity that is within all of us. Find a way to tap into that. Be it, listening to music, reading hyperbolised speeches, talking to someone you trust or listening to your gut, because if we control the way money is used, then we control our future - don't let anyone else do it for us.

Lots of love, light and peace.......Shailee

Currently listening:3 Feet High and RisingBy De La SoulRelease date: 2001-10-23

Emmilly

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 11:16:00 +0000

Monday, February 02, 2009
Emmilly Current mood: grateful

Next Blog I write = I wanted it to be about my number one happiness. This is dedicated to my sister.

That was the note I wrote (on the 6th of Jan) to remind myself about what my next entry should be about. Like I wouldn't have thought to do it again! Really, Shailee, come on....ok, maybe it was wise, seeing as it staves off my sickness to write about the usual things I do...Speaking of which: As all things go, I can't resist to gush about the regular two things before I get started. 1. Music - I just added a couple of new people to my 'Friends' list who are very good musicians, and by-golly-gosh nothing warms my heart faster than music, and new music at that. 2. I read another Jim Beaver blog. Ahh (sigh). The only thing about writing this blog that I have apprehension about, is not doing it as eloquently, sophisticated and poetically as Jim would do. But I'll try.

She is the exact and yet contrary being to me. That is the definition of a twin. I don't want to list her achievements and material possessions so as to not sound like I'm writing an obituary, but rather highlight the small things that inevitably is what makes every-day people like you and me feel safe and trusting towards others. [First thing I did, so I wouldn't forget, was tell you 'what I am listening to' ]- the reason is that in her honour I wanted to display her favourite song. And although arguably I'm sure she'll say its Jet's 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl', I'll tell you that this song has all her epic qualities. There is no complex guitar or drums rock n' roll rift to distract you from the simple, upbeat melody of this song. To put it lightly...if you could hear what smiling sounded like, this song would be it.

I am by no means flustered or giddy writing this blog because of anything nice Emmilly has done for me....I simply thought it was time to introduce you/me to the most precious part of my life. She isn't excentric or sluty..a fear only recently crossing my mind, because in all those American movies one sister is quite and demure and the other is flirty and sexual. My sister is neither. She is strong. I can't even handle the thought that my parents disaprove of something or disagree with me, or feel that I need some advice. But my sister takes each of thier (sometimes unadaulterated) advice with a grain of salt. Is that the right saying? In any case her patience and inner strength to take a painful situation in a light way to me, is pure power. On the other hand she doesn't have confidence in herself, especially social events, which to me, make her seem a little awkward....but the boys don't seem to notice! I can't imagine what would happen when she realise how 'wow' fantastic she is...do you think she'll only look back to take pity of the rest of us who can never find the inner strength to resist pain from those closest to us? Lets not be so dramatic (not that it can be helped, I'm listening to Matthew Ryan's 'Some Streets Lead Nowhere'), parents only want the best for thier kids, but some parents just know how to say it, when, and in the way the message of thier love can get through...not the wrongs of the child.

Back to the point... my sister is fantastic because she will borrow my things, ask me to find/get her things when they are clearly in front of her(!) and expects me to come to her room when she calls, but not the other way round, annoys, pesters and bothers me, but when I sit in my room, writing, listening to music and being all round anti-social (...I just prefer the quite!) she will come to my room to talk and MAKE me get involved; not relenting till I am up and going to see the friends, or shops, or run or whatever. She makes me live. She is the line that points to where my next adventure, laugh and memorable moment will come from. Regardless of my moods and protests, she keeps coming back.

I could write forever offcourse, about her laugh where it grows louder to sound like a cross between a hiccup and giggle, and the way her nose wrinkles and eyes squint when she smiles, or how she has to re-write something if its not neat, or how she orders her cupbaord in tops, skirts, jackets...and colour coded, how she reads the dictionary for fun, how she prefers to put blue eye liner rather than black so that eyes stand out on their own, how she likes to make her bed every day...with all 100000000 pillows in their place, how she never hugs, how she whines when she is claustrophobic after...a few hours in the house, when it a beautiful day, how she talks about the weather like its a gift just for her, how her room is blue, and how if you didn't know her you'd assume (becuase of her blue eyes and rosey complextion) that she was some-kind-of English maiden that infact she is goofy and young and green

......and how she is my sister who in few moments, surprises me with her accurate knowledge of me, not just because we share our life memory, but the way I know that she knows how I will act in a new situation, and that is the epitome of feeling safe. A friend for life, and the after-life...my sister Emmilly.

Currently listening:Are You Still Having FunBy Eagle-Eye CherryRelease date: 2002-07-18

Blog 5

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 11:14:00 +0000

Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Blog 5 Current mood: breezy Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Neeeeeew Yeeeaaar!!!!!!

Ahhh it feels good. And ok yes, it may be a little bias because I just watched a fabulolus episode of One Tree Hill...but what's wrong with that? What's wrong with using a medium like dare I say 'music' or television to bring out all those feelings that are cooped up inside to the surface so you can feel free and content to be who you are...some times we need a little help.

Ok. Philosophy aside...what's cooking? Well I'm in Sydney (Australia) and I just came back from a week in Melbourne to visit my family and MY GOD its hot here! Never thought I would say it but for once Syd is actually warmer! This by no means is a good thing, if your getting confused with the exclamation points...it hot and gross. I am a more of a winter-y gal, so this isn't pleasant. Isn't it funny how the first thig you think about when you try and explain your at-the-moment predicament is you CURRENT mental or physical state instead of the factors leading up to it that made it this way?! I know i said no philosophy, but I think its to natural to not include it...so lets just accept it as a nessaccery part of this (and every other) blog and move on.

So about 2 months till I start UNI (gasp!) ...excited, trepidation is filling the air... but glad. This is definatly the path I want to follow. When I was gonig through the gastly HSC (final Yr12 exams..) I made a list of things I wanted to do when I finished. Here it is:

1. Learn to play the guitar and piano
2. Start putting together a scrapbook of my parents memories for the 20th anniversary (i have a little over a year to doit)!!
3. organise all the cd's and dvd's in order (big feat...i have many as you can imagine) - in the process
4. learn to drive (in the process)
5. get a job (done!)
6. organise my wardrobe (in the process)
7. redecorate my room (already bought the curtains!)
8. Fix up my Itunes (slow in any movment..i just keep adding to it instead!) and thats probably about it...as well as get more fit and read more!

But that's how it goes! those are my priorities and what would make me happy. I guess I didn't have a real purpose for this blog, just oulining my to-do's for this year, or at least the next few months! The next chapter is exciting, and I cant wait to hare my progress with you!

Currently listening:Let GoBy Nada SurfRelease date: 2003-02-04

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 11:13:00 +0000

Friday, December 12, 2008
Blog 4 Current mood:peachy Category: Music

Muuuuuussssssssiicccccc (music):

God, the word itself is beautiful! Firstly, I just want to mention that I got Coldplay tickets a few days ago (YAY!) and secondly, the reason for this blog is because I got a response from Bryan Greenberg himself!!!!!

Can I just say "what-the-hell!" Jim Beaver is another man (actor on CW's Supernatural) that has sent me a message after I gave them a quick hello and thanks for adding me! I was so sure that these people are too busy or posh to actually reply themselves to these emails. However they are not! I am at lease 100% sure that Jim wrote back to me and I'm sure Bryan did too.
Music is a beautiful thing and since I have got a MySpace account I have had lots of friend requests from musicians to add them and hear their music. I believe music is a gift from God (not to sound cliche' but I couldn't think of another pun that expressed its important and magnificence enough...) and I couldn't be more accepting of those offers. Whoever reads this know; that I care for music deeply and when I hear something with effort in it (regardless of my musical preference) I will devote time, to make it special.

In summation, I can't wait to build up my friends list with people who love music and cherish it the way I do. I am not exclusive to them offcourse, but this is my little Thank-you blog for those popular, acclaimed and famed people who have millions of fans, and actually go on MySpace (which it may be quite hypocritical..but...seriously!?) and reach back to the fans and give time and answer us. The feelnig is so special and takes away the thousands of kilometers that part between us.

Music is the emotion that keeps us together,
Love, Light and Music...Shailee.

Currently listening:Can't Love, Can't HurtBy AugustanaRelease date: 2008-04-29

Blog 3

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 11:12:00 +0000

Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Blog 3 Current mood: blissful Category: Life

WoW!

Step 1: breath in

I just got back from Camp Sababa and to say the very least, it was Amazing.

I spent the last four days of my life looking after kids with special needs, which if you read my last blog, you would know I was full of trepidation, hoping I wouldn't let them down. I have come back so much more self aware of my strength and passion to make life as creative and special for everyone. Kids with special needs live in a world of colour and magic and wonder...for the most part. I got to travel with them surrounded by games, colour books, arts and crafts and cartoons that have long since left me in my own childhood. It was refreshing and special to see life a different way, and learn the magic of a childs smile when you make them happy.

Step 2: hold your breath

There were times that were difficult sure. I looked after a boy with Prader Willie Syndrome. All you need to know is that this condition makes you think you are hungry all the time, even if you just ate. But my 'camper' is more than that. He is a boy, 15, who loves his dog, driving around, playing with the girls (hee!) swiming and being an all-round fun guy. Yes he has a condition, but that doesn't stop him living! I worked with him with another 'campanion' that I shared my role with. Together we helped out at meal times (too keep him eating a regular amount [sadly people with this condition die young from over-eating] however he was thin because his mother is food-strict!) and also kept him safe and entertained.

Step 3: breathe out

Some of the highlights of this camp was the talent show, where each camper (and thier companions to boot) got up and gave a performance, THREE fire trucks coming to the camp to spray everyone with water and wash them down the slide on the hill, the numerous buggy rides between the campers and companions around the complex, kareoke night (especially the teachers/helpers at the end!!), sailboating, swimming, and endless card games and chill sessions. I've learnt alot in this camp. Mostly in my relfection, I have become more aware about kids with disabilities. However it is more aparent that we are disabled when in comes to our view of them. They are kids. They are apart of society and shouldn't be feared. People stay away and try to ignore or hide away so they dont upset them, or embarress themselves, or any other multiude of excuses used. Myself included, would have rather crossed the road than walk near a child with down-syndrome or any other condition. But now, I see thier smiling face and laugh and emotions when we played drama games or sing-a-longs and I see then as equal member of sociely that just need the rest of us to be more open minded and think outside of our 'safe' norm, and allow for everyone to learn and be an individual.

Thanks for reading. Hopefully your compassion grows with me. Take Care and Happy Holidays,
Love, Light and Peace..Shailee. xoxo

Currently listening:Closer-The Best of Sarah McLachlanBy Sarah McLachlanRelease date: 2008-10-07

Blog 2

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 11:12:00 +0000

Saturday, December 06, 2008
Sababa Camp...or Camp Sababa Current mood: determined

Embarking on a journey of growth and experience is great. My biggest fear is complatency and knowing that my efforts as a volunteer, caretaker and friend to mental or physically disabled children for the next 4 days will give me a greater insight into myself as well as help out thier parents and enjoyment to the children is a really great thing. However growth can and is, usually slow. The idea that growth of self will happen so drastically in the camp is..scary. I'm not sure how I feel about changing so much. BUT the change will be the greater empathy towards people with disabilities, and that is only a good thing. My fear isn't for that but rather, finding out that I can't do this, look after someone, or connect, or understand them, or worse, that they don't connect and understand me. These fears are understandable offcourse, but as time goes by, I have a feeling I can find my way and squash my trepidation to work with my assigned camper. He has willies syndrome, and is described by previous volunteers in last years camp as delightful.

One of the most important lessons I learn was to see the Child before the Illness. This kid (who shall remain name-less for privacy reasons) loves sport, his dog, cards, guitar, wii games e.c.t. JUST LIKE US. I wanted to do this camp because I wanted to start my adult post-school life doing good things.

When I get back from this camp, I wander what I will feel like. Doing 'good' things is not exclusive to this moment in time, but forever. People say that this experience will be one of the best in your lifetime. I hope so.

Love, Light and Peace....Shailee... oxoxoxo (be well!)

Currently reading:The Final DetailBy Harlen Coben

Blog 1

noreply@blogger.com (Shailee) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 11:04:00 +0000

Saturday, November 29, 2008
Blog 1 Current mood: angsty Category: Life

Dear Readers!

Things are kind of awkward, as usual. In this limbo, of what may be perceivedas an overly-emotion-typical-teen-angsty kind of moment I feel that there isn't enough work, enough music, or even enough lists [...making lists calms me...just go with it;)] that can make me feel at ease with the fuss of being related to my parents. I know I 'may' regret starting my first blog in this tone, but it's how I feel, and who knows where it will end up.

I guess this is where 'writing' kicks in. Crazy. Writing that sentence actually made me calmer. Honestly comes from within, and nothing creates a stillness like attributing the exact source of your unhappiness (or happiness) in order to move forward. Thats what writing does. It forces you to organise your thoughts logically and rationally.

Do you ever feel like ...people aren't on your side? The ones that are suppose to be. Or that they are picking a fight because, What, they're ..bored?! I don't know. Logic escapes me when people (dad) come into your room and become condescending about what you like or disprove your way if its not thiers. This all sounds spoilt and unrespectful, and maybe it is. But people are layered and maybe, just maybe they are putting thier shit and issues on you. I LOVE both my parents even in the heat of my hurt and confusion, but all I want is to understand.

They cant comunicate in the perfect way I wish they could. So I turn the tables and hope that I can communicate to them.
STOP ASSUMING.
STOP ORDERING.
STOP LECTURING.

What's left? To make MySelf happi. Period. What did I do today to give meaning and to try and understand and grow as a person? Well...

Today I went to work, made some money, got a reward (..for my efforts!) and accomplished something for my career. I visited my grandma in the nursing home and helped mum in the kitchen. Random moments filled my day, forcing compatability and patience that changed my mood through active changes in the day.

Everyone reading, firstly sorry if this is 'deep' and faltering, and plain blah, I promise that many more will be filled with whimsical stories, jokes and lessons learnt, but for today, my introduction is that of a layered and uncertain character with doubts, emotions and ... non-logic at times.Be well, take care and look after yourself;Light, Love and Peace...Shailee

Currently listening:King of the Delta BluesBy Robert JohnsonRelease date: 1997-10-07