Urban Safari

Hating you more than myself

2013-11-28T14:22:00.001-08:00

After this mess, this tornado in me

Heart puked out of my body

Soul lost in the gloom of wintertime

Being alone empties my mind

Head spinning and thoughts too loud

In the emptiness peace is found

Hollow and shallow but free

That's what my heart, mind and body seem to be

Seeing the light but not being there

Reaching for it but not far enough

It's really a pity you didn't care

Because hating you more than myself is kinda rough

You Were Like Snow

2013-11-22T19:22:00.002-08:00

It was wonderful and mesmerizing

I welcomed your addicting touch

I finally found what I was craving

But it all slowly dissolved in our sleep

It felt passionate and surreal

My anxiety had been satisfied

My desires I had to reveal

The sunrays melted those emotions

The glance of a fulfilling night

While slowly awaking entangled

We departed in the sunlight

And it all just melts away like snow

CLEANSING

2013-11-16T13:54:00.001-08:00

I was wrong,
It was all about the afterglow
Until we found the aftermath

I was hurt,
It turned out it was nothing
Until I thought it was something

I have regrets,
Since I realised it was all in my head

I'm brokenhearted,
Since I gave up on having hope

I'm me,
Just me

Without you,
Without the thought of you

My head, my heart, my soul,
Now cleansed from your demon.

DIE SCHULD

2013-11-04T12:58:00.000-08:00

Du weist sicher wie es ist ganz alleine zu sein. Auch wenn es nur ein Gefühl ist, kann es zur überwältigenden Realität werden. Du kennst das Gefühl von Leere, doch kennst du die absolute Leere, die herrscht, wenn dein Leben keinen Sinn mehr hat. Alles ist nur noch finster und pechschwarz. Das Licht ist unerreichbar und von Zufriedenheit und Glücksmomenten kannst du nur träumen. Du erkennst keinen Ausweg mehr, ausser dem erlösenden Tod. Doch auch der Tod ist zu schön, zu einfach um dich von deiner Schuld und deiner Vergangenheit zu erlösen.

Meine Geschichte hat kein Anfang und kein Ende. Das Ende kommt erst, wenn ich selber bestimme, dass das Ende gekommen ist. Bis dahin kenn ich nur Schmerz. Alles ist nur meine Schuld, nur mir ist die Schuld zuzuweisen. Für alles, was geschehen ist, werden nur meine Fehler als Ursprung erklärt. Nichts wäre kaputt oder zu Ende gegangen ohne mich. Ich bin der Auslöser, der Sündenbock und das Böse. Alles ist meine Schuld.

Diese Worte waren nicht meine, bis ich anfing, dies alles zu glauben und mir diese Schuld selbst zuzuweisen. Ich lebe jetzt jeden Tag mit meiner Schuld. Ich hasse mich selbst und bestrafe mich selbst für meine Taten. Ich weiss, es ist die Wahrheit. Ich bin Schuld. Hätte es mich nie gegeben, wäre meine Familie nicht vor meinen Augen zersplittert, sodass die Scherben, die in meine Augen geschleudert wurden, mich nicht blind gemacht hätten. Doch leider bin ich nicht blind. Ich sehe noch alles, leider zu klar. Die Tränen meiner Schwestern und meiner Mutter. Und leider bin ich auch nicht taub. Um die Worte nicht mehr zu hören. Ich weiss, dass ich Schuld bin, doch ich will es nicht mehr hören. Meine innere Stimme erinnert mich jede Sekunde daran und meine Narben zeigen mir, dass ich mit meiner Schuld lebe.

Ich trinke um meine Sorgen zu ertränken. Ich konsumiere, bis ich weiss, dass ich den Schmerz nicht mehr spüren kann. Ich weine, bis meine Augen ausgetrocknet sind, damit ich mein Blut nicht mehr sehe. Ich höre mein Schreien nicht, weil ich meine Ohren mit Musik betäube. Doch ich glaube, ich schreie nicht mehr, weil die Schmerzen zur Gewohnheit geworden sind und die Stimme in meinem Kopf mich immer wieder versichert, dass ich dies verdient habe und jetzt mit den Konsequenten leben muss.

★ Star-crossed ★

2013-11-04T12:51:00.000-08:00

You feel it so do I

Sweet temptations bringing me down

I really wanna have a try

It’s so seducing, makes me high

Stars shining through the mist

So beautiful in a nostalgic way

So tempatious I can hardly resist

Those are the stars I wanna kiss

Wow now I’m high

Up in the outer space

Just a speck in the sky

The shooting stars I will race

I'm glowing, I’m free

I'm touching it, I feel the air

The darkness of space

I feel good up there

No other life, no trace

Loneliness sets back in

I need you as company

So our story will begin

I don’t wanna die solitary

Free to soar

Like a shooting star

Oh, how I want more

More than you are

I need my drug, my love

To reach the above

Das Monster

2013-07-13T08:17:00.001-07:00

Lichter in der Entfernung, am anderen Ufer, so weit weg, eine grosse Distanz, dunkles Wasser trennt sie von der Erleuchtung. Alleine mit den Füssen baumelnd über dem Wasser, das immer wieder wellenartig steigt und sinkt, sitzt sie in Gedanken versunken in der nächtlichen Finsternis. Eine Träne kullert ihrer Wange hinab und fällt ins Wasser, wo sich Ringe ausdehnen. Sie blickt hinab in die Tiefe, scheint verloren zu sein. Das tiefe Wasser würde sie gerne in sich hinein ziehen, sie nie wieder loslassen, ihr die dunkle Seite zeigen bis sie zu atmen vergisst. Sie will nicht mehr, kann nicht mehr, sieht aber erkennt nichts mehr. Sie schwebt schon seit langem an der Grenze, sie ist fast tot, keine Wiederbelebung ist noch möglich. Nicht einmal das lebendige Wasser kann sie noch wachrütteln. Wo auf dem Weg hat sie alles verloren und hinter sich gelassen? An welcher Kreuzung bog sie falsch ab? Wieso lässt sie das Monster nicht mehr los? Die Narben seiner Krallen sind tief und immer noch blutig.

Looking Back

2013-01-17T03:10:00.000-08:00

A year has come and gone

Without you by my side

I have tried to stay strong

But I have to admit sometimes you do cross my mind

Sometimes you even haunt me in my dreams

I don't want you there but my subconscious does

A year went by and still like yesterday it seems

The day I realise it wasn't real and true love

Looking back I just really don't care

I can say I did learn and I've lived on

But still what you did just wasn't fair

Still I forgave and forgot, a new dawn

Now I'm happy and feel so free

Nothing can tie me down any longer

I finally know who I want to be

And realised that I'm so much stronger

-The Truth About Forever-

2011-12-10T11:49:00.000-08:00

Please don't leave me here alone

To bleed in my sorrow

Don't forget you're my world

I will love you 'til the end of time

Yes I may be young and shallow

But I can grant you paradise if you let me

Just don't go

I don't want to lie awake every night

Thinking of you

Never forgiving myself

For being so shy

Not seizing my chance

Not seeing how much joy you give me

Insomnia will take over

Nightmere's will haunt me forever

If I let you go

I don't want to wander through life

Hating myself, not being able to love

Ever again

Staring out the window

Waiting

Always waiting

I'm never gonna give up on you

Yes I'll cry

I've cried

But it's not over yet

It won't be

I'm gonna do everything

To save what we have

To show you

That I love you

With all my heart

And my soul

Just don't leave me

And we will be endlessy happy together

Forever

Searching...

2011-12-06T14:17:00.000-08:00

In the beginning there was just a girl

Not wanting to give her heart away

Just her body

No strings attached

Pleased through pleasing

Giving away all she's got

Not thinking twice

Just doing

Never looking back

Then someone turned her world around

Everything got thrown off track

Now she doesn't just give and take

Now she thinks twice

If not too much

She's even scared to touch

It's just 'cause of this someone

That she's learning to believe

In love, caring

But now she's shy and so timid

And can't turn back

Into the whore she was

Even if he wants her to

Now she's searching

For her wild fire

Her passion

And her sensual seduction

HOPE

2011-07-07T07:34:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not gonna give up

I'm no gonna back down

I'm not gonna stop running

Until I fall to the ground

I will still believe

Til there's nothing to believe in

I will hope

Until i really have to leave

Hope will keep me going

Nothing's lost yet

I won't make a mistake

Or anything I will regret

The Highroad

2011-06-13T11:40:00.000-07:00

Can't regain the state of normality

I've reached a way of living high

But I'm constantly soaring

Will I ever fall back down to earth?

I'm so frightened that I'm stuck

Because yes, it is pleasuring

But no, I can't just stay up here

Need to clear my head

Reach the state of pure soberness

But how can I end an addiction

Rapidly, painlessly, without complications?

I need to check out from life

Take a break in a motionless world

To find the way back to myself

The Journey

2011-05-27T13:39:00.000-07:00

Everything will be forgotten & left behind

Once I free my soul from all indignity & sin

I will overcome evil through clearing my mind

My new journey to glory shall begin

I'll wash away all of my deep sorrow

I float on clouds, indulge in light

I'll be happy & await every tomorrow

It's the trip to dawn from night

Freedom redeems my wounded heart

My journey's just taking it's start

Don't know, don't care how long it'll take

I want to find what I've been searching for

It's your side at which I wanna wake

You feed my soul, so I crave you more

Nothing's more perfect than this

Everything glissens in an inspiring bliss

But sometimes I do love the moment of solitude , watching the dawn

Because you never really know how soon you may be gone..

One Night Only

2011-05-26T11:46:00.000-07:00

That wonderful flood of lust wanders through my body

I try to grasp control

But I'm mesmerized by you, I can't pull away

My friend don't dare to go

I try to make you want me more, through showing off

I want to see your envy

You come over & seize control, I'm so overwhelmed

I will let myself fly free

We indulge into our own world of sensibility

We can't let each other go

I want to give my all to you, I'm yours to keep

Let's get down low

I'll show you what I got & I will make you melt

Darling surrender yourself to the night

Will find our serenity in the rush of ecstasy

You'll find our bodies wrapped so tight

But in the end I remain alone, waiting for a solemn soul

Because one night can make all dreams come true

But after the dawn not much good it will do

Superwoman

2011-05-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

The horizons of living are conquerable to me

I can't see the impossible, I own every key

To every door over our boundaries to the sky

I'm the magical creature who satisfies & flies high

Sometimes you just have to leap & seize the chance

Or fully let yourself go & loose control in the dream of dance

If you can control & fulfill your soul, you're free

To be unlimited & everything you ever wanted to be

Just believe in magic & supernatural things

Because belief is the start, where it all begins

Sensual Seduction

2011-05-11T09:10:00.000-07:00

The rush of that feeling you give to me

The joy of your presence mesmerizes me

I want to feel your breath on my neck

You pull me in, I want you, something I can't neglect

You turned my head, my world around

I've been lifted so high up I can barely see the ground

I need to have you to, need to seduce you

Cause I think there's nothing else left to do

The End Of Our Time

2011-04-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

We used to be so happy being young, free and wild

We were fulfilled in being naiv like a child

We believed all our dreams could come true

And that there was nothing we couln't do

We were the missing piece to eachothers souls

Together we seized total control

We tripped together through worlds unknown and new

We were stupid but happy and free, we had no clue

You were my addiction, I relied on you & your heart

I started to crave you so bad when we were apart

I needed you like my daily dose of freedom

So that I could be what I wanted to become

The memory of me tracing your back in the sheets

Where every morning the sun's rays would meet

Our wrapped & tangled up limbs, sleeping in grace

I loved waking up to you, it made my heart race

But when you left I lie on those sheets alone & sad

Without you my life stood still, everything seemed bad

Me alone, without you, made me cry everytime I thought of life

I had awful thoughts of things I could do with that knife

I fell into a deep and dark hole, couln't see a thing

They told me to search for the light, but where to begin?

I was to dependent on you, now I'm destroyed and dead

I'm sick of sitting alone with thoughts of you in my head

Without you, there's no me, without me..

There wasn't ever a us

summer pleasures

2011-04-12T11:57:00.000-07:00

I feel the warmth upon my skin

The sun's rays make the fun begin

I'm deeply contempt in the light

Because with it our fututre seems so bright

I don't ever wanna leave this solemn place

When the water rushes over my body, my heart starts to race

I love this feeling of being free

Free to fly & be what I wanna be

{ In Anticipation Of Summer }

2011-03-25T12:08:00.000-07:00

We anxiously await the summer days

When we chill & a good song plays

We feel the warmth upon our skin

The sun's rays make the fun begin

We are unified in the beautiful light

Because then are futures seem so bright

We don't ever want to leave thos solemn place

When the wind blows over our bodies our hearts start to race

We love this feeling of being free

Free to fly & be what we wanna be

I gave you the key to my soul, so why won't unlock it and take control

2011-03-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

When words can't express what I need to say
I try to show you in other ways

How much you really mean to me
That your the one I long to see
I love no other more than you
And to you I'll always be true

My heart is yours to keep
Cause you contol it's beat

You're my source of energy, my drive
You're the thing that keeps me alive

Without you I couln't succeed
So don't leave me alone to bleed

Urban Safari

2011-02-04T06:14:00.000-08:00

Let us stride through the streets

Like proud lions

Showing our majestic power

Our animal print dress

Fluttering around our knees

The smell of the city

Makes me wanna roar

We explore our territory

We start our urban safari

On the streets

Of our hometown

The Catfight Of Passion

2011-01-24T09:09:00.000-08:00

I want to touch you

with my fingertips

caress your body

with the tip

of my tongue

melt

into your tenderness

inspire

our inner lions

the catfight

of passion

the fire

ignites

the flames roar

oh yes

the slashes

and ashes

of pure

orgasms

sublty distinguish

into

thin air

but

the passion

and flames

are still there

¬Indian Girl

2011-01-22T09:13:00.000-08:00

Oh don't you wish you were

The redheaded indian girl

Dancing around the fire

Jack Daniel's in hand

Drinking and smoking away

Her fears and sorrows

Silently wispering to herself

''It don't matter

How I look

How much I drink

How high I am

We're all fucked anyway''

2011-01-21T05:05:00.000-08:00

It's raining down on me

But I'm stunned by it's beauty

The glissening of the drops

The peaceful sound of water

It fills my ears and heart

I lie down and let the drops

Wash away my fears

I let it drizzle on me because

I enjoy the feeling of being clean

It's so unknown to me

So I lie there in peace of serenity

And wait for the moment

Of sun and morning glory

¦-Wasted Youth-¦

2011-01-20T08:21:00.000-08:00

Yes we might be

the wasted youth of the city

the beings of the streets

the stars of the night

smudged make-up

ripped tights

Yes we might look frightening

but we do have souls

we've just kinda lost control

...Addiction...

2011-01-17T08:05:00.000-08:00

I'm addicted to you,

to your presence,

your touch,

your voice,

your body,

your mouth,

the tip of your tongue,

your seduction,

your power,

your strength,

I can't get enough of you

In any way

I want more

you are my drug

my high

my trip

my dream