Life Amplified

2013-05-13T16:59:00.003-07:00

5 stars- well, okay.

2013-05-13T16:48:00.001-07:00

SO it goes again. I haven't been on in almost a month, but for good reason. I am in the process of mainly focusing on this J-O-B I have...and boy o boy does it take up some time. But I pulled myself away, seeing that I was fading away on what I working on anyway.

There is no topic that I have for this blog...so I have to think. What's going on? What is something that is worthy of looking back on and reading at a later date. Hmmm. If there was anyone following me, what would they like to read? Hmm again. Well I guess it really doesn't matter.

First thing that comes to mind is love. Yes, dumb, silly love. Matters of the heart. Not an unusual topic for me to talk about to anyone of my girlfriends, and a couple fellas..just to get a guys take on all that swarms in my head. Perhaps they have some insight...but not usually. Sorry guys.

I have posted before in the regards of spending time alone. (Which I am not good at, unless I am angry) And I am finding myself battling again with myself.
You see, I have a matter of the heart that is taxing on me at this time and I am uncertain of its outcome. And while that may not be enough to deal with, I am watching a bunch of red flags pop up and I am trying to address them all and make sure I am not falling into pattern. Fucking patterns. They really are just annoying at times. But I am listening and aware, so I guess I have that going for me.

I am in this place after a long relationship and some random visits into that heart place.. that is foreign and I am trying to understand it. I am trying to seek out the best for me. 5 stars if you will.

Take a look here and you will understand.

http://thedeliciousday.com/life-love-living-in-spain/how-to-fall-in-love/

She can write it better than me. Enjoy. And here is to 5 stars.

An oldie but goodie.

2013-04-17T08:02:00.000-07:00

1.Never stop thinking. This is important. If someone ever says to you 'You need to stop thinking so much,' call them ignorant in your head and keep thinking deeper. It is this mentality that breeds stupidity and sheeple. Your mind is the most important tool you have, if you stop using it, it will atrophy. Question everything.

2. Stare into space blankly and don't mentally punish yourself for doing it, even if it is for that split second. If you have a problem with staring blankly, think of it as daydreaming.

3. Root Beer sucks after having spicy food.

4. Everything is going to be just fine. If you worry about acne, you're going to get a fucking pimple.

5. Don't be afraid to talk about anything. You shouldn't be afraid of reality.

6. Everyone is a hypocrite.

7. You are all original. Every life experience is case sensitive and unique. Every time you wake up or go to the bathroom or quote someone else, you are becoming more you than anyone has ever been.

8. Do pointless things. Don't actively restrain or hide yourself from the redundant.

9. Stop rushing. Shut up and embrace the sound of silence.

10. Religion shouldn't be taught, it should be found. No one should tell you what to believe except you. And while were on the subject...

11. Don't be restrained by one religion. People change every moment of everyday. Minds grow and evolve. Religion has no law so feel free to mix and match. Make your own.

12. Going to the bathroom is not a right nor a privilege. it's an act of nature.

13. Talking to yourself is healthy. Is there anyone that you have more in common with?

14. There is no such thing as time. The sun never sets or rises. Days and years don't exist. There is only your life. Earlier today you were born and death is predicted later in the evening.

15. We will always be in a transitional phase. Look outside and know that everything will be replaced at some point. This existence is temporary.

16. Its not half empty or half full. Its half a glass.

17. Every now and then take something that you see everyday and try to see it in a different light. Renew its existence.

18. Be happy, but don't force it.

19. You will always succeed in trying.

20. We are all crazy. Every person you read about in the history books had some kind of 'disorder', they just knew how to use it.

21. We are all about as similar as we are different.

22. Ideas are just as valuable as people. Why do you think we keep making people?

87. Numbers don't have to go in order.

24. Words will always be just words. Love is just another four letter word, only the feeling is real.

25. Ask a child for advice. They may not know much, but they know what is important.

26. Prove you're alive. Do anything from dancing in the supermarket to screaming 'Fuck' during a moment of silence. Remind the world you are still here.

27. Don't take anything, even this, too seriously.

My childhood reminds me...

2013-04-13T12:05:00.000-07:00

Ah, another attempt to get this blog going. I am of course looking back on the last entries and giggling because I am seeing the pattern of procrastination. It seems to be a reoccurring thing in my life and I am in a place that I have noticed that I have never taken any time to do something completely for me or regarding just me and only me. Perhaps the fear of "being out there" is what holds me back.

I had a visit from a friend last night from out of town, she is obsessed with her dentist here and drives hours just for appointments with him. Now that is allegience. Anyhow, she and I have chatted hours on end about issue and life and sadness and happiness. We have these great motivational talks every time we are together..however, she started applying some of these ideas and chats into her life. She started working out. Yes, as simple as that. Working out, what the fuck...and she's happy? Seriously.
After talking more, she explained that she was looking to her husband as a resource of her happiness. Not that she does not get joy from him, but she was looking at him and seeing that he loves playing music, working in his woodshop and so on...but these were not her things that she found happiness in. So, she decided to go to the gym. When someone asked her how much weight has she lost and is she seeing body changes, she answers " Hell no I am not weighing myself, it's not about that. I am not a model, nor do I want to be one. I have a big butt and huge boobs and I'm not going that route. I just want to be an active participant in my happiness."

...and active participant in my happiness?

Seriously. I found this answer amazing. She is amazing and I am now taking her lead and doing the same. However, going to the gym is not in the top 3 that I am working on now. I will get to it one day. I'm sure.

I am not a person that enjoys being alone, however I have been working to cultivate that comfort for me...and so far, kind of failing miserably at times and doing alright others. I would much rather be surrounded by people, go to an event, or better yet, sit on someone else's couch rather than by myself.
This I have found to be a little wounding to me seeing that in the past, it caused me to do the good old relationship hopping. Never wanting to be alone. What I am gathering now is that I need to spend this time with myself and allow it to bring up whatever it is that it does. Be, Process and carry on.

I left a relationship roughly a year ago...a long one, 9 long years. And although I am much happier now, it was definitely a building block to look at the whys and whats that swirled in that place. I had found a place to move to, which I like to call the "Recovery Home", and found myself sitting alone. Totally alone, with the exception of the dog and cat staring at me. It was fucking scary to say the least. It was a strange place...however, I took necessary steps to start digging in the box of life. (Which is literally a box of life, with photos, diary's and art pieces from childhood) It started to read these journals, about the cat throwing up and whose house I was going to that weekend. Not necessarily the most interesting entries but fun to look through.
I had came across a few entries that just kind of took my breath away and it made me reflect to childhood and what the feelings I had written down. I was amazed to have written so easily about sadness and upset, that I am thinking that it all just still hung with me as I grew up.

In this reflection that I took, I started to see where some of the issue was staying. In childhood. As an adult we all try to make logical decisions and make statements as such "oh I was just a kid, it wasn't really that bad" and I was finding that it WAS that bad and molded me for how I would continue into my future relationships, self reflection and spirituality.

Now I have definitely went through therapy sessions and found that a lot of past childhood anger, resentment and sadness lingered. How could this be? As kids we don't know...we don't understand. Right? I have never been so wrong. The journals were the inside look and without resolution it just seemed as though I had created ways to deal with it as I grew up. Never bringing it up out of fear that I would be left alone and unloved.
Holy shit, that's it!
Cut to a look into every relationship I have had, romantic, friendships and family. All of them. Damn it! This is where things start to make sense for me. I have been in this process of repairing and acknowledging these "childhood" feelings to make for a better me. A happier me. So far it seems to be working.
Not to say it still doesn't arise, but I at least see those red flags of pattern and kindly smile and stay aware of how I react or feel. Never to let it bog me down.

So I start the quest of my happiness with this blog. At least it will serve as a reminder of me, about me and this funny path that I am walking down. To be an active participant in my happiness. No one else can do it. Truly, they can't and now in my soon to be mid-30s I am figuring this out. Thank goodness I am. I would have hated to continue the ways I was. It was a very fake and damaging place. Thank goodness my childhood reminded me.

2012-02-08T11:14:00.000-08:00

Go kitty, Go.

2011-12-21T12:45:00.000-08:00

So as Christmas nears...the shopping is now really, really needing to be done. I have a couple items for the momma-lou, nothing for the feller, and pops...well he is always the hardest, seeing that the last thign he told me he wanted was a million dollars. So I will be checking the lotto tickets I purchased earlier this week. Maybe his dream gift will come true.

Can you imagine winning the lottery? I always wonder what would I do with any winnings. Pay off the crappy cars and just buy new ones. Get the debt taken care of, even though I have been plugging away at it? A dream vacation? Peru would be a must. Total must...but even with out the lotto winnings I think I am doing that any way.

I sure do hope that I can get some presents before the eve dinner that I have with the 'rents. It is a tradition that I have had with them for a long while. It is nice to spend that time, and relax a little , since we all seem to get our panties in a bunch about who to get what for, and money.

I think that I am over this holiday thing. Come on 2012...we are ready for you... and maybe a few bucks from the lotto tickets wouldn't hurt.

Have a safe and happy holiday to those that even see this... can't wait to hear what everyone got.

Enjoy the true meaning of Christmas...santa's birthday.

2011-12-15T11:17:00.000-08:00

So after viewing all of these things that I NEED on pinterest, I seriously may go into debt again. No no I haven't spent any money yet....but I will. Why is there sooooo many things I want. And they are not nearly close to being in my price range.

Christmas list maybe... I do keep getting asked what I would like.

I want this. https://catbirdnyc.com/shop/product.php?productid=18388&cat=326&page=1

2011-12-15T11:08:00.000-08:00

I can't help but share this... and know, that he could probably scratch the shit out of my eyes.

Sheep-dip

2011-12-15T10:22:00.000-08:00

Hi all- or lack there of. I think there are a couple peeps that have clicked the button to follow me on this not so frequesntly updated blog, BUT- I will be striving to keep up with it. (This seems to be a frequent statement) But now I have an app to remind me to blog. Well, no I don't but I am making a to-do list for each day and I will be putting the blog on there.

I am finding that more and more time is getting sucked away from me. I do not seem to do the things that I enjoy, because of the basic excuses of ... "I am too tired", "I don't have time" or my favorite..."No one cares anyway" - Well I care and I think that it may just be theraputic. So off again I am to commit to this blog. Shit, if I can't do this, than for the most part everything else is fucked.

So lately I am learning more an more about these sites that let you hoard all this pictures and things that you like on the internet. Now, a while back I came across the Stumbleupon world and just loved it. I found that after finding everything under the sun that I wanted to craft, dress like, cook and paint... there was no place for me to put these finds. I have again, found the world of Pinterest...neato. Now I can take all of these finds that I have shared to a zip drive and a desktop folder and share...much easier, and organized. And it will be freeing up about 3 zip drives that really need to have work crap on them, not pictures of cats and wedding dresses.

So on that note, I have added the button to the blog and maybe, just maybe you will come across this little page and wanna see what I like. Or not, either way - it's there.

I will be back soon with additional info on the exciting life of, well....a thirty something chick in Detroit. God, I need to really get moving on this exciting life thing.

Light and love peeps.

Ah, Friday-

2011-09-30T08:45:00.000-07:00

I always hated the acrynum T.G.I.F. - although back in the day I was quite fond of TGI Fridays restaurants. I was in love with the blackened chicken alfredo and their little garlic breads. Yummm. Okay anyway i didn't start this blog to talk about chicken alfredo, although i do not eat that anymore, now that I have taken on the dairy free diet.

Anyways- again on track. I am quite glad it is Friday. First and foremost I get to hang with my man man JB- since he has the weekend off from band land. Its is rare that we get that weekendy time together so it will be nice. Check out some other music and celebrate birthdays, along with a stop at the DIA for the neato event : Memory Cloud.

http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?llr=ixgggocab&v=001HZh_ryKk0qdZD2Wn0apRzjLjlFk6yB3EZ3M3HEG5ZAbOZniLCmaM-v1eiyMctAveuGvRFJ4eI3fgqTu19f1_un-fEd4eLnAk-aG5Lzlbn-amSPrpcqx_TuSmCaBG_bPqjaIHaDojZ-zGbEWsH2HSxjfBroLPpAwTGw2WnC7AJij8UiQQsGGBXra8TE92eHfZsh7RZjt1hBw%3D

I am looking forward to seeing this for date night...I think that any art in Detroit only make Detroit more beautiful. This city sure does get a bad rap. But from the ashes we will rise right..like that phoenix bird. So there is that info.

I am also going to begin posting some inspirations to my page...some great Detroit shops and blogs that inspire me to be creative and crafty. Some of these places I have not even been to...WELL...it will be changing in the future. I just hope my pocket book is ready...(and JB's too, hehe) Maybe with doing this I will get some people interested in reading some of my babbles. Or not. Either way i will have fun with it. You just wait and see.

Good day to all- EmGeeJay

P.S. Now I want chicken Alfredo...damn you dairy free diet, damn you.

Hi again-

2011-09-28T13:50:00.000-07:00

Once again I am off to try and continue this blog world. I already knew that I would have a hard time doing this...even if I try and tell myself that I will take 10 minutes of time out to blog and then move on. Well, I guess I will give it a whirl again. I am finding that I have about 4 zip drive thingys with folder and folders of what I like in fashion, home wedding details, funny pictures and what not...this one here is actually from the folder labeled "Just neat looking things"-- seriously. I will try- I guess I need to make a reason to do it. I will work on that first and be back later.

Oh yeah, this thing.

2011-03-29T18:14:00.000-07:00

Once again I see myself neglecting this blog. I actually realized, while trying to log into my blog, that I have a whole other blog that was started ions ago. Nice huh? I can not even remember that I had an earlier blog, that seems to have had a slow death and is now buried with the millions of other dead blogs.....
Well, I will stick with this one. First for the fact that I like this blogs name and second, the photo depicts me in such a way that I would hate to see it sink into the black hole and fade.

I was sparked to blog, due to my friends blog that she posted onto facebook. It made me realize that I had forgotten about this little "time out" that I create for myself .... and miss her. So Annie Bananni -I miss the shit outta you and thanks..you made me take a moment from staring in the mirror examining my wrinkles and use this "time out". Your the best.

Lately has been interesting. I am still trying to assist in the wedding plan for crazy Lucy, however she is back and forth with what her plans will be. It always comes down to money or lack there of. The ideas are still flowing, but it seems that these ideas are finding there way into my "wedding ideas" folder. I am thinking that there are way too many ideas in this folder now.
This has now kick started my wedding. Yes, I typed it. My wedding. So J and I are over this "surprise" kinda thingy that weddings seem to be. (at least to me) We are talking about it all now...however I am still sticking with the plan of a proposal. I want that at least....well I want my granmaws ring. So J will have to go pry that from my mother's fingers. The thought of that just makes it worth it.

I have started medication a few months ago, which has assisted in the quitting of smoking (thank you, *bow* thank you) as well as has worked with the mild depression that I have had for a many years. It has cleared the cobwebs in a way. It has been nice. J has also been receiving some help of sorts. I find it very interesting how just a step in a positive direction to live a more fulfilled life can profoundly effect what your thoughts for the future are. It is something that has been current for us, and enjoyable. It has opened doors of communication that were either not there, or muted due to some issue that was never talked out. This is probably why we are talking about the future more. It actually seems real.

So there is that. It's nice. Today however, is not a happy happy day...I am entirely irritated. I am hating work right now...and I work for family, so....put that together. Maybe I need to take a double dose of these "happy" non-smoker pills. No, I joke. But sometimes I wish that there was at least a few thousand dollars in a bag that I find, and I could go on a trip...yes, that would be perfect.

Well, my head hurts. I will again blog and upbruptly end the blog, because I get bored or that vein in my head that can only handle so much computer light before it explodes, explodes. I am off.

Randa out.

2011-02-04T05:06:00.001-08:00

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2011-02-01T08:30:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite sites...EVER! Loved this necklace...and its message.

Check out www.uncommongoods.com - you will not be disappointed.

Dum, Dum, da, Dum...

2011-02-01T08:19:00.000-08:00

So the gap in time has been due to a gal pal asking for me to help with a wedding. I am apparently the go to gal for this. Last October I also assisted in prepping a wedding for a friend. For the October one, I was the maid of honor, so per that bride's wedding planning book of tasks, I was to do a crap load of stuff. These books are insane. First off, they weigh more than a 6 month old baby and bride's haul this book everywhere. Now I love being organized, but for pete's sake...A binder of shit is not needed. Well at least for me, I think. The October event turned out great, other than the bridzilla moments that occurred. I am still in a recovery mode from this, but on a path to getting back to my normal self.
With this said, a new gal pal is planning to get married in September of this year. She was engaged in November and has now since realized that she probably should be planning. Everyone is asking and she is freaking out a little. She is planning the DIY wedding...it should be interesting.

Now I do have to take a moment to explain my friend. Picture Lucille Ball, but with super curly hair and talks a million miles a minute. Other friends that I introduce her to, sit wide eyed at the speed that topics fly out of her mouth. It truly is amazing and I am proud to say I understand her. Well, most of the time. Her and I are very similar...not in the hair color or speed of talking...but in style. We like loud, bold colors and a lot of them same vintaged styles...its great when we go to estate sales together. We usually gravitate toward the same items and get a little perturbed when the other buys it. So yeah, we like the same stuff.

While helping her, I have came across quite a few ideas that I liked. These have now made it into a folder named "My wedding ideas". Yes, for my wedding that is currently non-existent. Is pre-planning weird? And I stealing these ideas that I know she would possibly like? I have never really fantasized about a wedding...but now I am finding all of these ideas and saving them.

I AM, however getting some wicked ideas for her wedding. So I am using that as justification on finding stuff I like. Right? Right.

I will share some of these neato ideas that I have found her. I am looking forward to seeing how this all turns out...with such limited time. I do know that it will be fun. We will see if my magic skills work to helping her get this all together. If anything it will be interesting. At least I will be there to translate when she starts talking with panic. I bet you wouldn't find that in those wedding planning books.

Lack there of.

2011-01-25T13:45:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in a while......I promise to do so tonight. As for now...I want this hat.

I heart sausage.

2011-01-24T13:30:00.000-08:00

Well it does...little input today for the blog. Sit and marinate on this.

WHO will make these with me?

2011-01-21T13:13:00.000-08:00

Absolutely too CUTE...this is a MUST do - DIY project. I stumbled upon this and thought this would be a fun project for the kiddos of the family. Big props to Alison Koh check out her etsy store too. http://www.etsy.com/people/mettaville

Blur.

2011-01-21T13:00:00.000-08:00

I miss when I was a kid standing in the field of my grandaparents farm, and staring at the night sky. Those stars were so bright. Then I would twirl around.

Brain Farts

2011-01-21T11:10:00.000-08:00

Okay- So I am making a listing of some blog "topics"...maybe down the road when I ever get any readers, I will be able to have help on other topics. But, for now, I will start here and try to make this blog worth reading..

To start I am going to give some props to a few sites and people that I have been utilizing over the last few months.

Mint.com-- go there, check it out. If you are anything like me, you NEED help figuring out where all your money has gone. I will dive more into this at a later date. This is just a starter list.

www.mint.com

Credit Karma - it is NOT a scam...and quite informative.

www.creditkarma.com

Iwillteachyoutoberich.com - NOTE: it does not say I will "make" you rich...this is Ramit - he is a genius..and once again, if you are anything like me and don't have a god forsaken plan for the future and your money....you MUST look at this.. if anything it will at least make you think a little bit. Again, on the list for future postings.

I have this book too....it has helped me change my life with money and budgeting....NOTE: it HELPED me change not change it for me...lots of people don't get that.

Hm, let's see...what else.

I do want to write about my mother and tell that story. She is magical - and if I can be half of the woman she is, I will be doing good. This will probably lead into another blog of some sort regarding my upbringing...it is why I think I am the way I am...and that in no way is average...

Crafting and DIY projects - wet felting, the seed-bomb idea I have....gardening, composting...being kind of like a hippie but with out the patcholi smell.
Food projects...yes for me they are projects and NO I am not a vegetarian.

Estate sales- I looooove these. I will be going to one tomorrow and will try and get some snap shots of this adventure...plus I have a lovely lady named Tracy coming along with a kiddo or 2. (She is family of the BF..so basically she is my family.)

So there is a start. Call this a brain fart.

Stupid Michigan

2011-01-21T07:56:00.000-08:00

I ran into a snow bank today...I thought that this was appropriate. I hate snow banks.

Family Ties...no not the TV show.

2011-01-20T17:47:00.000-08:00

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.

~Jane Howard

One of my favorite quotes....

It seems that there are a lot of blogs that are of families...like, mom or dad made it to showcase those great kids of theirs. I understand that it is a way to have family log on and read up on the family events and happenings....but it makes me think of how disconnected that truly is. I know, I know...there is distance between family members, and grams and gramps aren't always nearby...and technology allows us to talk over the computer..., but I guess it makes me think that we, humans, have gotten really lazy with family. I was raised with my two older cousins, on a farm with our Grandmother as the matriarch. The uncles both had homes on the farm property and I would sit at the farm hose window waiting for my cousins to walk across the field to come eat and play. My Grandmother was who brought the family together...for holidays, recitals, games, birthdays, anything that allowed her to tell us all to be around the dinner table together. And no one dared to say no. I wish that she was still here to do that for my family.

It seems to be as though I am pulling teeth to get us together...all I can think of is "What if Grandmaw was here?" It would be entirely different. She would make it happen. No one could say no. I try to fill that space, but my family is really good at saying no.

I made the holidays happen for the family this last year...I know that it would be so important to my Grandmother to have all of those great-grandchildren gathered on the floor opening presents. How I wish she could see that. I was so glad to see that...that excitement and awe of the presents and toys is so sweet, I can soak it all up like gravy with a biscuit. Those children are my family's future. It is so important to me.

Maybe that is why I am in charge of the family reunions. Maybe I am becoming the matriarch. Hm, never thought of that.

The one thing I can say - what will make me continue to push and pull to have us together...is my cousin Rob. That night a couple weeks back, while all the kids were hollering and tugging on our hands to get on the floor a play, he looked at me. Put his hand on my shoulder and said, "thank you, thank you for getting this all together"...just in saying that.. I know that he felt Grandmaw with us....he knew why I did it all...and made sure that those kids had the holiday they deserved as Grandmaw Margie would have wanted.

American Idol....really?

2011-01-20T09:47:00.000-08:00

People need to shut up already about the American Idol crap...think of the millions of kids who know classics, from Irving Berlin standards to Beatles songs, only from their "Idol"-ized versions.. but they all sit in front of their tv...twice a week, i hear, for how long watching this crap...they need to go listen to a record or something. Geesh.

2011-01-19T12:48:00.000-08:00

I have been really noticing more street art. It's probably from the last 3 movies I have watched....

Exit through the Gift Shop.

Bomb It.

Beautiful Losers.

All these movies actually moved me. In saying that it made look up why movies are called "movies"- (see that 2nd blog is a making a little more sense, right?)

Its because of them being moving pictures in the old days....fascinating huh.

Well, anyway it makes me want to organize my craft projects...I have a huge bin of them. (again, a whole other topic for the blog.) Maybe art and or crafts is my hobby? I guess for now I will just admire others...until something else comes along.

2011-01-19T11:50:00.000-08:00

Yes....I want. Then I can check "dress like a wrestler" off of my bucket list.