sann

Enjoyyy......

2011-06-08T08:36:00.000+05:30

In Railway Station,
2 Husbands are searching for their Missing Wife due to crowd,

Hus1: How ur wife Look Like.?
Hus2: Slim’a,Sivappaa,Nallaa Structure’aa,
Gummu’nu Iruppaa., and How will ur Wife Be.?
Hus1: Avala Edhukku Thaedikkittu.? Vaanga.,
Namma Unga Wife’a Thaedalaam
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SIDE EFFECTS of working in the IT sector !

2010-10-22T15:15:00.000+05:30

Bhavik

I once went out to the market wearing my Infosys ID card and did not realize till my friend told me why I was wearing it !!!!

Ashok

few days back I slept at 11:30 in the ni8 and woke up in the morning at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 9.15 hours and laughed at myself when I realised abt that.

Jyotsna

One from me too...

Just after our training completion in Mysore Dc and postings to Pune, me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants. .

And as I finished.. I started walking towards the Basin with plates in my hand.. :)

Abhijeet

Jus to add...

Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, "why is she not attending the status call?"

Anup

I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home... thinking it will be blocked any way.

Till I realize - I am at home.

Rohit

Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also........ ....while writing personal mails also........ .I jus use the way as if I am writing to onsite or some senior person...... ..

Jus forget that we are jus mailing our friends..... .........

And keeping hands in front of tap for waiting water to drop by itself is very frequent with me.......... .....I jus forget that we have to turn on and off the tap......... ..

Nidhi

Awesome!!

Once after talking to one of my friend. I ended the conversation saying ..." Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"

(Hilarious!)

Nisha

Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message

from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe its in the recycle bin

Farina

I was about to throw my hanky into the bin after drying my hand.

Bhabani

Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the door with the keys.

Nisha

Kinda a same experience for me too..

I gave my office mail id and pwd to access Gmail and wondered when did they become invalid???

Sandy

I have a experience to share tooo .. I was earlier working at the back office of an international Bank. We used to 'dispatch' lot of Credit / Debit cards and statements for the customers and track its delivery later.

Once my granma was admitted in a hospital, my team mate once casually asked me " howz ur granma doing now ? still in hospital ? " ... and i replied to her " She is better now , she will dispatched from the hospital tomorrow !"

This was followed by a loud laugh in the entire bay !

Sandeep

Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....pharmacist asked whr I want 250mg r 500mg.....suddenly I replied as 256mg...lol. ...thank god he didn't noticed tht....

Ashwin

Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.

Vidyarthi

And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder, decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the silver screen!

Venu

Few of my friends and myself decided to go out for dinner. The place wasn't fixed yet. I said we shall decide it "run time"

Krishna

When I went to a movie theatre from office directly.. I showed the guy at the entrance my ID card and walked in... he had to call me back asking the ticket...

Rama

One late night when I went home after work, I was trying to flash my id card to open the lock and only after few secs, I realised what i'm trying to do

Sridhar

Once I went to have juice at the local juice vendor and innocuously asked him whether he had a plain 'version' of lemonade.

Arun

Few years back my shogun engine stopped on Bangalore MG Road as the petrol came to reserve. I told my friend I need to restart my bike!

Satya

The other day I was hearing one guy talking of a "Standalone" house.. when he was actually intending a independent house... Poor broker shud have tuff time trying to find a " Alone house standing in a huge empty area... " don't know what interpretations the guy must have made.

Need a KISS???

2010-07-20T16:08:00.000+05:30

One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home.

As they were about to wish each other good night at the front door, the
guy started feeling a little more romantic. With an air of confidence,
he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her
"Honey, would you give me a kiss ?"

Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

" Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
He asked grinning at her.

" No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on!

There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".

" No way, it's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".

" No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

" No, no. I just can't" " I'm begging you ... "

Suddenly.....Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and

The girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled, And
in a sleepy voice she said,

" Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if
needed, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake
.

.

.
"TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL.........."

Chicken Story (mind blowing climax)

2010-07-20T16:07:00.000+05:30

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.

Young cock :
O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.
.

.
.

.
Suddenly, Bang! ...... Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"

Copy & Paste...

2010-07-08T14:16:00.000+05:30

A famous Inspirational Speaker Said :
'
'
'
'
'
'
"Best Years of my life were spent in the Arms of a WOMAN who was not My WIFE".

Audience was in Shock & Silence.

He added :

"SHE WAS MY MOTHER"

Applause & Laughter!

' '
' '
' '
' '
'
A Top celebrity tried to crack this at Home.

After a good 3-4 Drinks, he said loudly to his wife, in the kitchen :

" Best Years of my Life were spent in the arms of a Woman who was not my wife !

There was sudden silence !"
Standing for a Moment and trying hard to recall the 2nd Half of the sentence , he finally blurted out
'
'
''
" Forget it , I can't remember who She was ".

By the time he regained his Senses, He was on a Hospital Bed recovering from Burns of Boiling Water.

Moral :
'
'
''
DON'T COPY IF YOU CAN'T PASTE.

Not all rules can be followed!

2010-07-08T12:21:00.000+05:30

A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.

"What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all.

I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling............ My name is John Darling."

"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is .……… "

The Husbands

2010-07-08T12:19:00.000+05:30

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.

The first old guy says to the second guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'

The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'

The first old guy says, 'Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?'

' The second old guy says, 'Well, she is 22 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing a short skirt. What does your wife look like?'

To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter, let's look for yours.'

Love story of Engineering student

2010-07-08T12:18:00.000+05:30

A sad love story of an Engineering student……….

A guy was deeply in love with his classmate.
One day he proposed her by saying that he loved her a lot….
But she was angry and refused and threatened him that she'd complain to the Principal if he ever bothers her again.
One day the girl borrowed a text book from that boy and wrote a message “I love you too, I'm sorry to hurt you the other day. if u've forgiven me, please come and talk to me and never leave me.” in that book.
But the guy never talked to her.
4 yrs went away and nothing has happened..

Moral of the story:
.*.******************
.*.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************

.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************
.******************

Engineering boys never open their books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Domain knowledge

2010-07-08T12:16:00.000+05:30

There was this family with one kid. One day the mother was out and dad was in charge of the kid, who just turned three.

Someone had given the kid a little 'tea set' as a birthday gift and it was one of his favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when kid brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea from father, kid's Mom came home.

Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the kid bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!'

Mom waited, and sure enough, the kid comes down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'

....Mothers know!!

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Domain knowledge is very important!!! Else your supplier will trick you......

Best interview.......!!!

2010-05-04T21:34:00.000+05:30

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it ..

What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th. I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I cannot invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.

Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms!

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.

1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.

2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.

3. I believe in flexi-timings.

4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.

5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.

6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in China in the current year, I don't mind going there in that period.

As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.

. . .

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys !

Dont Lie to ur mother.......

2010-05-03T21:53:00.000+05:30

INDIAN MOM- just can't beat her!!!!!!!!

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner....who lives with a room
mate, a girl named Sunita.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how
pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than
met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You
don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said, "Well, I doubt it, but
I'll email her, just to be sure...."

So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my
house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney Jar. But the
fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for
dinner.
Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read

Dear Son: I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not
saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if
she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by
now under the pillow...
Love, Mom.

Lesson of ur life : Don't Lie to Your Mother...... ........especially if
she is an Indian!

The Art of Appraisal...

2010-05-03T21:51:00.000+05:30

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Kumar: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Kumar: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Kumar: *faints*

What is confidence??

2010-04-30T18:41:00.000+05:30

What is Confidence

A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature Pilotless Technology: “It is an unmanned Aircraft.”

Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their Company's Software is running the Aircraft's Automatic Pilot System.

Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the Aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse!!

One CEO alone remains on board the Jet, seeming very calm indeed....!

Asked why he is so Confident in this first unmanned flight, he replies: "If it is the same Software that's developed by my Company's IT systems department, this Plane won't even Take Off!!!"

That is called Confidence!!!

See what Software Engineer can do...!

2010-04-30T18:30:00.000+05:30

There was a good old barber in a city. One day a florist goes to him
for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber
replies:
I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service.
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
-
-
--
-
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a
"Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
-
-
--

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he
again refuses to take the money.
The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.
-
-
-
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another
"Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
--
-

A MNC employee goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the
barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, guess what he finds there......

..

...

..
...

...

A Dozen MNC employees waiting for a free haircut... with Printouts
of Forwarded mail mentioning about free hair cut with the Google map showing the shop.

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

2010-04-30T18:22:00.000+05:30

Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an Open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in

The room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back

After 6 hours and then analyze

The situation.

If they are counting the

Bricks.

Put them in the accounts

Department.

If they are recounting them..

Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the

Whole place with the bricks.

Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the

Bricks in some strange order.

Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the

Bricks at each other.

Put them in operations.

If they are sleeping.

Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks

Into pieces.

Put them in information

Technology.

If they are sitting idle.

Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried

Different combinations, yet

Not a brick has

Been moved. Put them in sales.

If they have already left for

The day.

Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the

Window.

Put them on strategic

Planning.

And then last but not least.

If they are talking to each

Other and not a single brick

Has been

Moved.

Congratulate them and put them

Top management

Never Worry how many people Dislike you...

2010-04-27T19:34:00.000+05:30

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.. He kept increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept coming home before him.

At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

An hour later.... The man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.

Frustrated the man said," Put that damn cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions to reach home!!!

Moral:
"How much ever we dislike somebody, someday we will need their assistance. So never worry how many people dislike you ... "

Sardarjiiiiiiiiiiiii....

2010-04-22T16:11:00.000+05:30

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks "Tamil therima??"

Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.

Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ......

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Sardar at bar in New York .

Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"

Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"

Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the

other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says

YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the

exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father

in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,

SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE.. MY TRUE

FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.

Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".

Sardar thinks "how poetic"

Sardar says, "pass the custard you b@$!@7)".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?

Sardar : liquid state.....

Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS..... ..

-------- -------- ----------- ---------- ------------ ------------ -------- ------------ ---------- --------

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k

Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??

how much is DRIVING salary...?

--------- ------------ ------------- ---------------- -------------- -------------- ------------

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at

night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light

is not needed!!!

------------ ------------ ------------- -------------- ------------- ------------- ---------------

Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend ' u said v will do register marriage

and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post

office....

Can u write a java code like this?

2010-04-19T10:57:00.002+05:30

Can u write a java code like this?

Java to Tamil...! Is it right???

Java:
public class Project
{
public static void main(String args[])
{
int a;
  string b;
if(a==0)
  {
    b = "Zero";
  }
  else
  {
    b = "Non-Zero";
  }
  return;
}
}
Tamil:

WHY INDIANS GET ATTACKED ABROAD

2010-04-19T10:53:00.002+05:30

WHY INDIANS GET ATTACKED ABROAD

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the Fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:
'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the people, shall not perish from the Earth?''

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863', said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed.
Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than
you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F**k the Indians,'

Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'
Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? S**k this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to The teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson (RIP) to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th, 2008".(recession)

Role of IT.

2010-03-30T11:43:00.000+05:30

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW 7 Series advanced
out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Bryony suit, Gucci shoes, Cartier
sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you
exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,
Will you give me a calf?'

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully
grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, Why not?'

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his HP notebook computer, connects
it to his Nokia N95 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his
location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the
area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ..

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL
database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech
Miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and
says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'

'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused
as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my calf?'

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says,
'Okay, why not?'

'You're an IT Consultant', says Bud.
'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'

'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter
than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd
of sheep. . .'

''Now give me back my dog" :-)

English Can be FUN!!!

2010-03-23T10:34:00.000+05:30

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Outside a London second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world :

At a Budapest zoo:

PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome :

SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco :

THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Nairobi restaurant:

CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.

In a City restaurant:

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

In a Calcutta Coffee House:

PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE STUBS IN CUPS WILL BE SERVED COFFEE IN ASH TRAYS

Sachin's Appraisal... Typical manager's review!.....

2010-03-17T10:28:00.000+05:30

200 Runs/ 147Balls/ 25X4 / 3X6

Agree you have done GREAT BUT BUT BUT BUT

25 x 4s = 100

3 x 6s = 18

IT implies that you have done 118 Runs in 28 Balls.

And 12 x 2s = 24

58 x 1s = 58

IT means you have done all 200 Runs in only 98 balls

So you have wasted 147-98 = 49 balls

Considering only 1 run scored on each of these balls you could have earned 49 valuable RUNS FOR OUR TEAM

MANAGER’S COMMENT: So you only met the expectations and NOT EXCEEDING (though anyone of our team could not do it) and your Grade is C

Trainings for him: Learn from how to STEAL singles. ( you better know what I mean stealing single )

WeddingQuery. ...... ....... (SQL Style)

2010-03-08T11:39:00.000+05:30

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND Count(Car) > 20 AND
HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having
Brothers= Null AND Sisters =Null

SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalan ce FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW')
END
GO

Then the wife writes the below query:

DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;

Go Outside & Play....

2010-03-05T17:03:00.002+05:30

No more Comments.......

Wrong Number.....

2010-03-03T09:47:00.001+05:30

It was the day of my son's XII results and I was so tensed. I sat beside him while he logged on the website with his registration no. "Ma", he screamed in excitement, "I scored 1191, with centum in 4 subjects." I can't believe it. "I kind of became numb in my excitement. My eyes became wet. I kissed him on his forehead and smiled."

Soon we realized that he stood first in the state. Oh, my joy knew no bounds when Reporters and media persons soon swamped my house for interviews and photos. I was so honored to join him in the snaps.

I wanted to call my "wrong-number-friend" to tell him the news...... I was so excited. He was someone whom I have known for more than 20 years.

I still do not remember when we became friends, but certainly cannot forget the first day he called me When I blasted him for giving me so many wrong calls..... After that he had called up a week later asking apology, for he had now got the right no of his friend whom he wanted to talk to .We spoke for an hour that day...even without knowing each other's names. Though he kept pestering me to reveal my name I never did and so he kept a name...Sweety. I used to get so shy whenever he called me 'Sweety'. I was doing first year of BSc. Maths then, and he was a Computer Engineering student.

From then he used to call me very often. We almost discussed everything.

By the final year of my college, we probably we were in love, but I had been cautious. I was in a dilemma whether to tell him. But what if he was of a different religion? Do I have the courage to talk to my parents about it? ........all these questions ran through my mind.

I decided I'll not talk to him thereafter. When he called next time I laid to him I that I was going to Delhi for my post graduation. He gave me his office number and asked me to ring him up once I reach there. I never called.......

A couple of months later my marriage got fixed with a guy of my parent's choice. I was not happy but I did not complain; rather accepted it as an obedient daughter. At times I felt I missed my wrong- number- friend.......

My hubby was a moody person; I have hardly spent any good time with him- but he was genuine indeed and never bothered my personal space. After 2 years we had a boy...Yet, I was not very happy with my married life...One day I happened to browse through my diary and found I still had my old friend's office phone no that he had given me. I dialed it and spoke with him. He said he was married and got a kid too. I was happy for him though in the bottom of the heart I felt bad that I could not marry him.

From then I used to occasionally call him on that number. I never gave him mine as I felt that would put me in trouble... And till today I almost shared everything with him including my relationship with my hubby.....today I was so happy and I wanted to call him.

Just then I got a call. "Your husband met with an accident and died on the spot"

I banged the phone down. I broke. I did not call my friend.....I somehow started feeling guilty. I have never tried to talk to him properly when he was alive or moved close with him.... I felt I had been a bad wife........

A couple of years passed and one day my son brought home a Bengali girl and said they wanted to get married. I got them married as I did not want my son to go through what I did.

I decided to give my son his father's room and started clearing it. There was a phone book. I gently opened it to find,

"Wrong no Sweety - 26579785"!!!!!

God always puts the right numbers together. It's us who interpret it wrong!!!!!