MY Life Before The Life i Live Now

Someone Dear to me Wrote this to me

2011-02-05T19:56:00.003-08:00

Friends are friends forever together 'till the end.You promised me that you would always be my friend.One day something changed I'm not sure what it was.I lost you on that day and the reason was because it was a late dark night and we had a stupid fight.And... for some reason, I don't know why, we couldn't make it right.We went our separate ways.This went on for days and days.I made new friends and you made yours,but that hole in my heart could not be filled for that hole was only yours.Times got really tough,my road of life was, oh, so rough.I needed friends, not the kind you see from day to day,but the kind that will always and forever stay

another day at work

2010-05-30T09:24:00.001-07:00

hello people

The True Meaning Of the word "LOVE"

2010-04-25T06:31:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered or even thought about what the real meaning of "LOVE" is? I was talking to a very well blessed man last night on yahoo messenger, I told him what he wanted to hear, which was the truth, that i understood him. He asked me how. so i did. Being that said his name is Thaddeus, although at times when we talk i think deep down he thinks im stalking him, which im not, i admire him for so many things that he does.

The conversation last night set him into tears, I just read what he wrote in him blogg about me, in which he told me was. Thaddeus is more of a friend to me, i feel very confident when speaking to him and talking with him. I hide no mercy nor do i cake the plate when talk. its just real talk. It came up last night that he was sad and wanted to know why, he didnt understand. i told him that he sad cause he was lonley. he wants the perfect guy that will go though every detail with him and not just leave when the guy gets what he wants from him. I bow down to Thaddeus for that. For taking the time to think about his body and his feelings and not his desires. It takes alot for a man to think with his feelings and not with his desires.

In closeing to this id like to add that Thaddeus you are not alone no matter how much you think that you are. Im always here, Good Lord willing, and the Creek dont rise, Ill always be here when you need me Most.

Love thy body And The Art

2010-03-27T21:04:00.001-07:00

Comment From Pimusique's File

2010-03-27T20:56:00.000-07:00

I commented on a blogg post about the way that gay people's life is structured and i admit there are times when i dont want to come out and call soemoen out but othe times i will, i know that its not right for me to do that but hey its always right when you know your doing the right things

The Avid Reader

2010-03-26T04:42:00.000-07:00

Once again i have started reading one of my followers blogs. Its been a while but when i spoke to him and quoted things that even he had forgotton about he knew i was an avid reader of his blog.. for a while i have been trying to get his attention and now it seems as though i have and im pround of myself and him for not give up on me and me not giveing up on myself

And Too it shall come to pass

2010-02-10T22:17:00.000-08:00

Its been over a year since i wrote to you guys, ive had a lot of dealing in with social life and love life that its unexplanable, ive started back to school and its halarious, cause i never would have though that i could do it again, well i did and so can some of you if you put your mind to it

ushers tribute to michael

2009-07-15T00:06:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re-bvAhhMFY

New Year New Me

2009-01-18T18:06:00.000-08:00

Ya know this year was supposed to be a good year for me, so i though. The last day of december on new years eve i was told that i was suspended from my job pending an investigation.

People dont realize that now a days its hard to find a good job or to even keep the one or ones tha they have. Its hard living these days i swear people most of the time im wondering weather or not ill have my jab or not actually right now

A Fucked up Way for someone to be

2008-11-15T11:35:00.000-08:00

Have you ever though about the way that people think and do these days? some of the time its like either they dont know or dont care to whom they hurt or people that suffer from their mishaps. It really kinda amazes me as to how people think and act and do in the world today.

As i start off i am referring to an incident that occured at my

May Today Be All You Need It To Be !!

2008-09-20T03:08:00.000-07:00

May today be all you need it to be. My the peace of God and the freshness of the Holy Spirit rest in your thoughts, rule in your dreams tonight, and conquer all your fears. My God manifest himself today in ways you have never experienced. my your joys be fulfilled, your dreams be closer,and your prayers be answered. I pray that faith enters a new height for you; I pray that your territory is enlarged. I pray for peace, healing, health, happiness, prosperity, joy, true, and undying love of God

"" ? ""

2008-09-20T02:15:00.000-07:00

I have covered a lot of grounds over the past 12 years since I came out to my moms about my sexuality. Here just recently I thought about how much pain and suffering I have went through and how I have put people though. It is very hard living my lifestyle and being me to the point that I don’t want to be me anylonger. I find myself weaping over things that I cannot controll. Getting angry at people cause they don’t like the way that I am. Is there some type of change that I am going through that I should know about?

Over the past several months id say prolly 8-10 I have been in many relationships that ended up being just a lust for the other person or myself. I don’t dislike the person cause of what they desire, I dislike the fact that they used me or visaversa to possiably get that desire then thrown away like a worn out rag. An understament came across me this evening, someone had fallen in love, Hmmmm… ODD one for me….

I was in love once and it swept away from me.. this was long before my moms knew anyting about me…

Well to make things a little shorter, The person I am refering to is a person that I have spoken about in previous conversations… He is a one of a Kind guy that I would like to get to know more about and all, although he thinks that I have lied to him twice but I don’t recall ever lieing to him. Not to my knowledge. If I did I do appologize, I do recall jumping down his throat and jumping to conclusions about things, but if you was to read some of the things that this person writes you would think the same lines that I did when I read them..

What is the world coming to where every human being is after some type of sex act? What do we have to say for ourselves. I have sat online for hours and hours just trying to see who and what I could get myself into and when it boils down to it , I really didn’t want to do anything at all, it was all part of my immigination. Or at least I thought I did. I can sit in my bedroom for hours, even If I have to work that day I can sit and just chat up a storm with just about anybody and before that conversation ends im making a date to sleep with them? Boy that does make me look bad, I mean real bad, Am I that desperate that I need to have sex that often or is it just cause im lonely and cant find the right person to fill what is lost or emty… I tend to judge people before I know anyting about them, I plan to change that but it does take time and time is patience and paitence is virtue, so the say. Well my virtue is about out..

Commenting on the subject about being in love I wrote to him and said these words to him in a round about way “ I don’t know who you are refering to but I don’t know if I want to know and will regret knowing.” Deep down I do want to know cuase if it is me (maybe maybe not) then at least my mind will somewhat be at ease.. To all the readers that read though my blog if you know me and know me well then please do not judge me, therfore I would not judge you about things that you write. And for those of you just not gettig to find out things of my nature please do not get offended or stop reading due to things that you have read thus this far. Im working on a better me and I would not like to do it alone..

A comment from within

2008-09-14T19:37:00.000-07:00

This selection that im writing about is from a reader of mine, he is going through some things that i would like to help him with but its hard due to he doesnt open up to me like he does you readers...

As a Day Comes to An End

2008-09-13T01:28:00.000-07:00

As the day comes to an End i still find myself weaping over things i cannot change and or do. what is it about a man that makes me just fall head over heals for him/ he knows who he is and he knows that i will do what ever it takes for him to realize that.

He mentioned me in his blogg about a day ago and was seeking substance or help with the way that he is.... I know that deep down i would love him maybe one day that day will come to where i have him in my arms and hold him tight, who knows that else will being me to this.... i know that he is going on a cruise in october if the weather is right for him to do so. i do hope that he will be safe and have a safe return home....

Expressing A feeling

2008-09-11T21:47:00.000-07:00

Today's Topic is about how i am having problems expressing my feelings twards a person. People always tell me that i make it easy for them to tell things, if that be the case why is it so hard for me to find a good GUY to be with.

Grante i have several people that would like to Holla at me as you call it, but is there really a good guy for me? alot of times its hard for me to tell a guy how i feel, i went though my phone today and deleted all the numbers in my phone that did not mean nothing to me, some how i find myself keeping certain ones. Ones that either put something on me that i could not refuse or just ones that touched me in places that no other has done. those people would know who they are... Now its like i dont have a clue as to what i want to do anymore. that is why i find myself doing the things that mean most to me.. Being ME....... why is it like when i talk to a guy its like i already know what they are going to tell me, EX: your not my type, lets just be friend, yady yada and things of that nature... i would just like to find a guy thats always by my side eery minute no matter what situation im in... people say that i kold hearted or vein, in some ways. i dont think that i am, im just blunt with what i say...

Until then another day another dollar....

beneith my well beings

2008-07-26T23:41:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to know what another person is thinking and or feeling? Well todays topic is about learing what you already know, and how true it can be

I have learned by my past relationships that you cannot always trust what the other is saying, grante im no artist of telling the complete truth about some things but most of which i tell is to the point if not right on target. Im a reader of people and love doing it, most of the time it comes with nature. i love to sit and watch people as they do there daily task.

I found out today that a guy that i once dated is seeing someone else, is it wrong of me to feel hurt by that? he stated that me and him will always be freinds, now take in mind that this is a person that i love being around and i loved doing things with, he was an all around guy, now take im mind also that he is like 8 yrs younger than i am but i didnt care, he was always there for the comfort of knowing that i could call him at anytime of the night and talk to him for hours. i love him still to this day and i would marry him if the laws of this state would let me. no doubt!!!

Im just wonding if its an infatuation that im seeing or a long life partner? could this be something that ive always wanted or soemthig to pass the time?

Perfect

2008-06-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

I made her...she is different. She's Unique
With love i formed her in her mother's womb.
I fashioned her with great joy.
I remember with great pleasure the day i created her

I love her smile. I love her ways. I love to hear her laugh.
And the silly things she says and does.
She brings me great pleasure. This is how i made her.

I made her pretty and not beautiful, because i know her heart
And knew she would be vain....
I wanted her to search out her heart and learn that it would be Me in her
That would make me beautiful...
And it would be Me in her that would draw friends to her.

I made her in such a way that she would need me.
I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be...
Only because i need for her to lean and depend on me.
I know her heart - I know if i had not made her like this
She would go her own chosen way
And forget me...her Creator.

I have given her many good and happy things...
Because I love her.

Becuase i love her, i have seen her broken heart... and the tears she cried alone.
I have cried with her and had a broken heart too.

Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone.
Only because she would not hold My hand.
So many lessons she's learned the hard way because she would not listen to My Voice.

So many times i have set back and sadly watched her go her merry way alone.
Only to watch her return to My Arms sad and broken.

And now she is mine again.
I made her and then i bought her....
Because i Love her.

I have to reshape and remold her...
To renew her to what i had planned for her to be.
It has not been easy for her or for Me.

I want her to be conformed to My Image...
This high goal I have set for her.
Because I Love Her.

The Cleaning Capt'n

2008-06-07T23:14:00.000-07:00

Let me begin this evening by telling you that it is a shock to find out that someone likes you and the bad part about it is there straight.

I worked with this one guy lets call him (Juan), He was my cleaning capt. at the job where i work.
Everyday juan would come in like usual at 8 o'clock sharp, not a min early or late. he did his usual and went on about his mary way. well i started hanging out with him on a daily basis, in the afternoon when we both would get off, we would go and have a drink and go home. juan decided he was going back to his home town. so i helped him get a bus ticket and headed home he went.

I talked with Juan last night and we talked about everyting, i mean everything, he was telling me how much he missed me and how much he wanted to give me a hug and hold me and all that, i was like WHOA, dude your straight, at least that what you claim to be anyways, he told me that he had went to jail and he had a bitch in there. i was like, so what you trying to say, im yo bitch now, he was like NO, YOUR no where near that. your special to me, your a friend and i hope to be more than a friend.
I just was in shock when he said that, and somehow i hoped he would have said that before he decided to leave this town, but he didn't. Well to make matters worse, he now wants to date me and i dont know what to tell him, i did tell him that i have a friend that me and him could just be friends an that was it, he really didnt like that idea but was ok with that for the time being and he told me that if the relationship didnt work out he would still be there, and i reminded him that he was straight once again and that i was not, and that we both know where we stand and all, he was like i know all about you and im comfortable with you at all times. thats why i have let you know now how i feel twards you and all.

It was a shock and all, i dont have a clue as to what to do just yet... i will hav to make my decission soon.. unitl then.......GO ME!!!!!!!!!!

Fresh Start

2008-06-06T01:38:00.000-07:00

It has been nearly a month since i last wrote to you guys, I haven't really had alot going on, this is the month where i find out if i have to have my surgery, or NOT, iM hopeing NOT.
I went to the Dr last week and he gave me some type of pill that really keeps me calm at all time to keep me from snapping on someone, i really needed that one, i guess.

I met this really Kewl guy that i think i like alot, His name is not that important, at this present time lets just say that im happy right now, for the mean time, i dont know where it might lead to i hope to more happiness for me, who knows what the future holds for me and for him.

Id also like to say that i have met alot of people in my time and most seem to be pretty kewl kats at times, but some can really be a bitch or a turn down for me, especially if i give 100% an they give NONE!!!!

2008-05-11T09:29:00.001-07:00

MOTHER

We all have some kind of struggles as we're goin thru life. The biggest challenge 4 1person, can be just piece of cake 4another.
The madness we face
The games we play
The hurt we deal with
The tears we cry.
The love we share..

Eventually all will come2 end

But..
There is only 1person remember ur smile when u come in the room,
the 1st time u walk,
ur 1st word,

YOUR MOTHER!

The greatest pain any MOTHER has 2go thru is to BURY her
own children.

Live strong
Live long
Make ur mother PROUD.

We were meant to live for so much more..

It's Raining, And No Men

2008-05-11T06:26:00.001-07:00

Well, how would i start off the day? it raining and i had planned on helping out a friend in the yard today, his roommate and himself have company comming over on tuesday and it looks like its going to be a long day. Dont know when exactly were going to start with the cleaning and all. Guess it will have to wait for another day.

On antoher note, things are looking for the best for right now? Things are going to go on a slow slow basis.

2008-05-08T01:13:00.000-07:00

well i told him how i felt and i dont thin i would ever want another person to know exactly how i fee but him, i didnt want him to go one without knowing how i felt and all

The Big Day

2008-05-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

Everybody's Always talking about having a Big Day and what it would mean to them to have one. I myself don't have very many of those..a big day for me would be to tell someone how i truly feel in hopes of return that he might feel the same way. a big day for me would be like getting home and seeing the person that i love and trust waiting patiently for me on the couch. he doesnt have to know how to cook or even clean just be himself. thats all i ask. i know one fellow thats like that, he is always himself, his name is not really that important and he would pitch a bitch if i put it in here, but he is the kindest guy that ive ever met, very suttle in his own ways, very pleasant to be around, i honestly deep down think that ive fallen for the guy but dont quite know how to tell him that. I really dont want to scare him off or let him that im just toying with his emotions, i dont do that to people. what should be said and what should be done to make things right from the jump so that i dont have to explain why i feel the way that i feel?? Maybe i should just sit down and kiss him and tell him how i feel in hopes that he will NOT slap the shit out of me.. i konw he would not do that to me i just can tell it, he may act like he would want to but i doubt he would.

Sleepy Days

2008-05-04T23:38:00.000-07:00

im sitting up early in the morning, trying to get some sleep but cannot get any sleep, im going to try and get some sleep now

Sarcasm

2008-04-27T02:11:00.000-07:00

Here is a really good question for all you people, If be sarcastic all the time is painful to the mind, then why do people do it 24-7?