MY LIFE

2012-04-12T09:09:00.006-07:00

IN THE DARK

Yesterday I woke up to loud knocking at my door. It was the electric company. There was a pass due bill that I couldn't pay on time, so my electricity was being shut off. I called the company to see if there was any way to resolve the matter. We needed the electricity on. I spoke to a supervisor who agreed to turn the electricity back on if I made an additional payment that day. I didn't have the money to make the payment at the time, so I called my grandfather and asked for his help. He was able to make a payment for me. Unfortunately the electric company did not list my name for reconnection until the next day. We spend last night in darkness.

This is the financial hardship of many other single mothers in America. I was upset and angry when this happened. It was not that I was being irresponsible; I simply didn’t have the money. I paid the majority of the bill hoping that I would have enough time to pay the balance. It was frustrating. Life stopped for us yesterday. I couldn’t cook. The phone was not working. There was no TV and no internet. In a house with six children, it was difficult, but thank God we got through it.

2012-04-11T00:46:00.003-07:00

A LITTLE BIT OF HEAVEN

I am a living testimony that you can survive the worst tragedies in life and become a good person. I didn't start out as this happy go lucky mom. I was made, over time and with lots of persistence. I used to be this naive girl, who thought she knew everything, but didn't know anything. I came from a mentally and physically abusive home and because of it I never felt good enough. Even as an adult I doubted myself. I have read other blogs where moms describe motherhood as this wonderful every day ecstasy. Motherhood didn’t start out this way for me. Never did I consider that I would ever be a mother, moreover a mother of six. My life had been a mess up until the time I gave birth to my sixth child. It has been eighteen long, hard months, of self discovery and finding purpose in my life.

I have worn the title of "mother" ever since I gave birth to my first child at the age of seventeen. I held no identity except for this. There was no me other than the “mommy me”. My whole life was dedicated solely to my children. While this is a really good thing, I also needed to have a life of my own. I came to this conclusion and started taking a tiny bit of life for myself. It brought me a lot of joy and fulfillment. I gained a renewed sense of purpose in my life. Most importantly, I was able to be a better mother to my children.

2012-04-10T16:14:00.003-07:00

PROTECTION

Today I went to the courthouse. I had filled an order of protection against my daughter's father almost two years ago. He came to my house that same weekend after the order was granted and violated it. I am not a person accustomed to being in a courthouse. It felt strange to me, even though I had been there before. Recently the kids and I moved. I lost the order of protection during the move. I knew it expired in April, but i was unsure about the date. I was glad that it hadn't. It gave me time to refile. Now the reason I filed this restraining order is because I was physically pushed by my ex boyfriend in 2010 when I was six weeks pregnant. When I left him, I started receiving daily threats of violence towards me and the children. There is no easy way to say this. Many women have been physically abused by a husband or boyfriend. I was one of these women. I did not stay in this relationship because it was not good for me or my children. No woman should ever feel that she has to stay with an abusive man.

2012-04-09T22:32:00.002-07:00

IN MY MOMENT OF WEAKNESS

Some mornings I wake up with the world on my shoulders. In about a month and a half we will have to move out of the house I have been renting because it went into foreclosure. I am constantly reminding myself to be positive and to trust in God. I do trust in God, but sometimes I get discouraged. Whenever that happens I look at my children. I see the innocence in their faces and how much they depend on me. I draw my strength from that. I am reminded these words of the holy bible, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". No bad situation lasts forever. Everything has a beginning and an end. I am a much wiser woman than I was twelve years ago. There is a drive in me that I cannot explain, I simply won't give up. I won't settle for less and I will raise six happy and successful individuals. By God, I will!

2012-04-09T22:18:00.002-07:00

A BLOG I JUST READ

I was searching through some single mother blogging pages and I ran into this one http://mssinglemama.com/2009/03/31/you-had-me-at-hell/ I was moved by the words in this statement. It takes a lot of courage to put your life out here on the worldwide web, but I do not regret doing it. This blog is a way for me to connect with other women and share my story. For many years I have lived in hell. I have been depressed, mentally and physically abused, mistreated and left alone to raise my children. I never ever regretted having my children. I am so happy that they are growing up so well and healthy. The time has flown. Babies grow into adults. The task of being a mother is honorable and a gift. I thank God that I am able to do it.

This lady is mean. I know that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but it is not right to pass judgments on anyone, especially a single parent. The job of parenting alone is difficult. Being a single parent can seem humongous. I think the author of this blog handled herself really well.

FAMILY PICS

2012-04-09T01:00:00.001-07:00

EASTER SERVICE

2012-04-08T20:02:00.007-07:00

Easter Service was wonderful , much like the other services we've had, but just a little more special. The church was full of visitors, as it always is on Easter Sunday. The children went ahead of me, so they could attend Sunday school. I stayed home with the baby and got ready for the service. I arrived to church at 11:45 am. I was running late this morning; luckily the sermon had not yet begun. When i walked into church , I felt a sense of hope in the air. It inspired me to be there.

The message was obviously about "the Resurrection of Christ", but Pastor taught on other subjects also. One of these topics was the gift of life. He spoke about children being an inheritance from the lord and blessed is he who has his quiver full of them. Dear I say that this describes me. There have been times I was discouraged by the idea of being a single parent. I complained to myself about how unfair it was. I was reminded today that my children are blessings to me and not burdens. Doesn’t matter how hard it gets; this is what I believe. I gained strength from this message, that I hope to share with other single moms. I was renewed today for task at hand which is raising six amazing souls.

THE EVOLUTION OF EASTER

2012-04-07T11:29:00.005-07:00

April 7th, 2012

Easter is celebrated today much differently than it was in ancient times. The word "Easter" originated from "Eostre". Ancient Greeks served a goddess whose name was Eostre. Greeks believed that their goddess brought the light of day. Because of this belief, pagan festivals were held every year in honor of her. Later the Christian church changed this pagan holiday into what we now know as the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The Church Council of Nicaea made the decision for Easter to be recognized on the Sunday following the first full moon after the vernal equinox. Ancient Greeks held their holiday on the spring equinox. This took place in 325 AD. As a result Easter is celebrated a different date each year.

Easter is a day celebrated by all modern day Christians in reverence to the death and resurrection of our lord Jesus Christ. The holiday itself involves attending an early morning service (preferably sunrise) and savoring a delicious "Easter ham". Parents also decorate eggs and bunnies for their children. This is how our family will celebrate this Easter Sunday.

HUGGIES OR PAMPERS

2012-04-06T12:16:00.004-07:00

April 6th, 2012

I always wondered what was the difference in these diapers brands, except of course the names. I used pampers for years. I was loyal and never thought of switching to huggies. One day my son ran out of diapers. I went to the store and they were out of pampers, so I bought at pack of Huggies diapers. Ever since then, I have been a devoted Huggies fan and this is why. While Pampers diapers are attractive on the outside, Huggies diapers pass the durability test (which is important to me). The risk of my baby getting a diaper rash was dramatically decreased. I was saving money on diaper rash cremes and also diapers. I cannot say enough good things about this product.

THE TEENAGE BLUES

2012-04-05T21:30:00.001-07:00

    April 5th, 2012

      Having a teenage daughter can be a challenge. At times i am at a lost words and actions. My teenager daughter and I go through these stages were she likes me and then she doesn't like me. When we get along, we like super girlfriends, but when we don't get along we are like sworn enemies. I imagine being a teenager is difficult, especially when you are from a single parent family, but i work hard every day to make sure she knows how much i love her.
    I have made lots of mistakes in my life. It sometimes scares me to think that my daughter could repeat my mistakes. Sometimes I am overbearing and overprotective.  This stems from my wanting to protect her from all the evil things that exists in this world. In all reality, we can't protect our children from everything. We can only guide them in the right direction. I look at my daughter and I see myself; the same i know it all attitude. I also see the good in her, which far outweighs her mood swings. what is a parent to do in such cases as these. My first instinct is to be there for her and pray to God that she makes the right decision.

A TRANSFORMER OBSESSION

2012-04-05T14:04:00.001-07:00

April 5th, 2012

Two months ago i purchased the new transformer movie. Since then my two sons Jacob and Matthew have been completely obsessed with the fictional figures. I swear i have watched that movie over a hundred times already. I have even chosen my favorite character, who happens to be "Optimus Prime". Jacob who is four years old is able to play the theme song with his mouth, note by note. Mathew made a list of what he wants for his birthday and Christmas. Guess what he wants? I dare you to guess? That's right, a new transformer toy! That was a no brainer. There are so many things that kids can get into out there. An transformer obsession is indeed a welcome one :)

THE BABY FIT

2012-04-04T21:44:00.001-07:00

April 4th, 2012

My eighteen month old daughter refused to go to sleep tonight. Of course she was fed, her diaper had been changed, she was cool and comfortable. All the important things that should be checked with a crying baby. Those things didn't matter to "Her Majesty". She wanted what she wanted and that was to be held and pampered until the end of time. She's a libra, just like her mom, lol! Tonight I decided I would not pick her up. I always had in the past and she had become accustomed to it. So I let her cry this one out and boy did she cry and cry and cry; making sure i knew why she was crying. I was patient thank God and eventually she went to sleep. Even the baby fit can be conquered. There is yet hope :)

HOPEFUL

2012-04-04T10:22:00.005-07:00

April 4th, 2012

I woke up today with a renewed since of hope. I have never been this hopeful in the eleven years i have lived in America. I have always been an independent woman. I always had big dreams. When i became a mother i wanted to give my children every opportunity to succeed in life. Being a single mother of six and without status made that extremely difficult. Not to mention, i was fighting my own demons on a daily basis. But today i don't feel hopeless. Come to think of it i haven't felt hopeless for a long time; hopeful rather.

REVITALIZED

2012-04-04T00:57:00.004-07:00

Today i felt pressured and discouraged. I didn't think that i would be able to do it all. After praying and talking to God, I realized that I could. Sometimes we get so caught up in the big things we forget to give thanks and apreciate the little things. I am grateful to have six healthy children and also thankful that I am too.

AN INSERP FROM MY BOOK "UNDOCUMENTED"

2012-04-01T23:27:00.001-07:00

April 1st, 2012

" After I gave birth to my son Nathaniel, I moved to a more affordable apartment. I ran
into the same situation I had in the past; not being able to find a livable
apartment. I choose what seemed decent enough. I didn’t need a credit report
for this apartment. I paid eight hundred and fifty dollars for a two bedroom,
one bath apartment. The apartment was in a rundown apartment building. These types
of living situation, was all that was available for a person like me. I had come
to except it. "

GRATEFUL MOMMY

2012-04-01T10:43:00.002-07:00

April 1st, 2012

Today was a good day. I made dinner for the children and me. We had a delicious Baked chicken, garlic mash potatoes and butter cream corn dinner. The kids did their homework and fortunately I got some work done. I would call that a miraculous achievement, lol :)