a journey from literature to current issues

Not enough

2016-02-12T08:43:00.001-08:00

All is empty, everything that lies ahead,

Everything that we left behind,

Hopes that we grew up with,

Promises that we got excited for,

A humble question that pesters,

“When is my daddy coming back?”,

“When are we going back to our home?”

That timid voice that still lingers,

Around my ears, begging for mercy,

Asking for justice, beyond what I could deliver,

A plea so simple, yet so poignant,

Lost hopes, shattered dreams, innocence very crude,

Feelings of giving up, realization of injustice,

Of that catastrophe only hits the destitute,

Affluence stays afloat amidst all misery,

Injustice not only by us, but also by the very god,

Who we all summon at times of desperation,

How do I find solace, when the very world is unjust,

Rights that are given, but not realized,

Structure that is so corrupt, yet boasts of transparency,

Our very own conscience that fails us time and again,

Our unfulfilled egos, unspoken desires,

Turning our back to the greatest disaster we face,

As we treat our fellow humans, trying to escape the brutality,

Just as numbers, as case studies that we portray in the classrooms,

At conferences, seminars, so detached from reality,

We brag about how much we have done,

How much we have provided, when the reality is something else,

How can we feel their pain when we haven’t walked in their shoes,

How can we call ourselves rational when we shut down all the doors,

Pushing them back to face the very torture they’re trying to escape,

Hunger, fear, disease, abject conditions of living,

Yet we speak of justice to the needy,

In workshops, conventions, only to glorify our own miniscule gesture,

As the world still suffers, as that timid voice still lingers,

It’s not enough, it has never been.

Dry Nationalism--Broken Hopes!

2015-10-09T09:18:00.003-07:00

In you, we trusted; in your words, we believed;

Not once, not twice, but multiple times,

You came, asked and we sacrificed.

In 2007, it was Rana dynasty,

We would liberate you against their tyranny, you said,

Education for all, you reiterated,

Little we knew what all that meant,

But still we fought in; we gave in all we possessed.

We marched the victory parade together,

Long live democracy, we chanted on the streets,

Not aware that would be the last time that you would,

Speak the language that we do,

And pretend to care, on a daily basis, what we go through.

In 2036 and 2047, it was Panchayat,

We need a democratic Nepal, you came back again,

Strong and inspired you seemed,

We trusted you one more time, with our future, with our lives,

Losses that we could not recover, but faith that we restored,

Despite your broken promises, we didn’t let our hopes drop,

Yet again, you forgot our language;

You forgot our plea; you forgot our pain,

In the aftermath of victory parade that lead you to the top.

In 2051, it wasn’t you, it was them,

They came from jungles, they came from rubble,

They spoke right through our hearts,

Inequality, injustice, prejudice, we will eradicate,

Mantras that soon became our motto,

Different they seemed from who you were,

Little it took for us to conform to;

Ideologies that was so alien, yet seemed ideal,

Philosophy that was so violent, yet so pertinent,

They gave us mantras; they gave us guns,

Fight is what we need to do; against you they provoked,

We gave in, we fought for, we resisted,

They too left us stranded, no longer speaking for us, speaking about us,

Again lives lost that we could not recover, but faith still lingered.

Time passed, they met you, and you two united,

Friendship that had nothing in common,

Except greed and desire,

In 2061, it was King Gyanendra,

We need a Republic Nepal, you two shouted together,

The same broken dreams, similar hopes that we fell for,

Belief that this would change our lives,

Faith that this would transform our dreams,

Led us to revolt again; on the streets, against the bullets,

Federal Republic that we established,

Over countless lives lost, tragedy so huge to surmount.

Then you disappeared,

We didn’t know where you two hid, once you got to that hot seat,

Did you even recall us?

Did you even care what happened to us? Did you even recall who lost their lives?

For you, it probably meant nothing; our brothers, our friends who died,

You got to where you longed; never looked back and pondered,

The plea that got us aroused, the pain that made us trust you,

For all this time, you motives were clear,

Just like morning dews, your mantras on nationalism dried up,

Only fool were we to believe opportunists like you,

To trust you with our lives, with our future.

This time, it isn’t against anyone,

There is no ‘us’ and ‘them,’

You ignited a fire between us,

Disturbing the social tranquility that had been our pride,

Again giving us false hopes, broken promises,

You made us take on streets again,

Against our own brothers, our own friends,

Your greed, your hypocrisy that should have been so obvious,

Yet, completely missed by our blind eyes,

Only fool ones are we to believe opportunists like you,

To trust you with our lives, with our future.

Nepal, new constitution, new hopes--what changed for me?

2015-10-06T10:32:00.001-07:00

Bhunte ka ba, where are you? How are you? Are you seeing all these? Can you see what we had to go through? Can you feel my pain? Can you feel my solitude? So many questions for you my dear, so much to talk to you about, so much to share; yet all I get is silence.

I wish you were here today. Wish you could see what Nepal has become. Wish you could see this chaos. I don’t think you thought this is what revolution would bring. I don’t think you were aware this would be the change. If this was what you wanted to fight for, I would not have let you go. I would have begged for you to stay. I would have done everything to keep you with us. If you had still wanted to go, I would have gone with you.

I keep thinking about you, I keep hearing your voice. It’s been rough thirteen years since we lost you, but still I feel your touch. You told us that you were fighting to liberate poor people; that you were fighting against inequality; and that you were standing up against tyranny. I didn’t object then since you wanted to go. I didn’t stop you since you had made up your mind. I could see that desire in your eyes. I could see that hunger inside you. That determination was so vivid that I thought this might just bring the change in Nepal. You were certain that you would come back one day, and we would breathe in new Nepal; that our kids will have better lives. You asked me to handle the household, take care of kids, and take care of your parents. I did my part, I fulfilled my responsibilities, but you forgot your promises.

In your absence, I had to take care of three kids: their constant questions about you, your whereabouts, and when you would return were not easy to answer. Every night I wondered where you would be, and how far you were in your mission. Many dashain, tihar came and went. Every monsoon, we struggled but we survived. We could not afford to buy winter clothes, but still we survived. We endured the pain, hunger and still managed to stay alive.

Your parents kept waiting for you until their last breath. They loved you very dearly, eagerly waiting for you to come home. Maybe you have united with them in heaven now. Maybe they have already expressed their complaints; I can only speculate how happy they would be seeing you. Many times, police would come to our house looking for you. Every time, I would tell our kids that their dad was not a criminal, but a freedom fighter. They didn’t understand then, and not sure whether they understand it now either. I thought I understood, but I am not sure whether I can say I understood what it meant.

4 years passed by, except for few letters we didn’t hear anything from you, anything about you. Yet, we had not lost the hopes. I had hoped that you would return and embrace me once again in your arms. That day, I thought I would cry my hearts out, forgetting all the pain that kids and I endured in your absence. I thought we would give up everything, move somewhere and start a new life. This loneliness was too much to bear, so I thought I would not let you go again. Shattering all our hopes, news about your death arrived before you did. I didn’t know what to do; I was not sure whether to cry or not to cry. In a matter of few seconds, I had lost all that I had lived for. Our kids had lost their father before they even got to know him. They knew nothing about you except your name-every time they would write your name in school assignments, tears fell through my cheeks.

Many things happened in Nepal, King Gyanendra came and went, elections were held, and earthquake hit us hard. The earthquake took our house, landslide took away our land. But, we survived. Bhunte grew up too early for his age. Having seen me struggle to manage the household, he quit school and started working. I tried my best to convince him to go back to school and finish college, but he didn’t listen. He didn’t get much work, could not make much money, so he has gone to Malaysia to earn, I wanted to stop him. But just like you, he didn’t listen, he just left.

I had not realized it had already been 13 years since you left. Now, they say new constitution has been promulgated. They say now things will change. However, I think back and wonder what has changed for me. Except for few gray hairs, and wrinkled face, everything has been the same. Poverty, struggle, and loneliness; it all took away my desires, my youth, my life. In the war, I lost you, my husband, my everything. This society has been very cruel, my dear, but still I have been waiting for you. You come once in a while in my dreams; you hold my hands, you caress my hair, you tell me to wait. But, how long do I wait now? How long? You are testing my patience. I don’t think that I have that much patience any more. I loved you then, and I still love you, but I now wonder whether you were too selfish to leave all your responsibilities behind and take off just like that. You left me, you left our kids. What still bothers me is you never asked me. You never did.

--Narrated by a middle-aged Nepali female who lost her husband in Maoist War. Based on real life stories heard. Names and details changed for dramatization purposes.

Roller Coaster~!@

2014-07-13T10:07:00.000-07:00

Emotional roller coaster it has been, 
Ups and downs, twists and turns, 
Life In the absence of your smile, 
That invigorates a sense of joy, 
A feel of something new, 
Something exotic that awaits you and me, 

That thing I always craved for, 
Sitting under a pine tree, by a lake, 
Watching the clouds play hide and seek, 
With the sun smiling despite the agony, 
Of his shadows, as the only thing he could render, 
To the world was all hidden, 
Beneath those dark sheets of sky, 
Thunders growl, lightning flickers, 
And I immerse my soul into yours, 
No expectations, and no retribution at all, 
For all happened was written in our destiny. 

Yet, I can't seem to forget, 
Your beautiful face, radiating as usual, 
With the smile, that got me wanting you, 
That kept me thinking, 
This was it, this was it, 
Yet, everything fell apart, you bade a farewell, 
So casually as if my existence was in doubt, 
As if my presence didn't mean anything to you. 

Alternate Dimension

2013-05-01T08:05:00.003-07:00

Early dawn broke across your face,

Like rose-tipped fingers dipped in gold,

Sensation that ran across,

When a shiny ray tickled my body,

An urge to hide,

Hide and burrow into my pores,

A light show underneath my skin,

I wrapped myself up, into your arms,

Trying to elude shadows of fear,

Trying to trick them into evaporating,

Smoke through a keyhole,

But the fear that still lingered,

Despite your soothing words, and your hands caressing me,

The fear that escalated lapped me up,

And desolation laughed along with misery,

At misery of your solitude and mockery of my innocence,

Threaded together, creating a steel cable that ran unbroken,

Binding itself to reality,

The moment of honesty is what you whispered,

Beneath your murmurs in this vague reality

Whispers of truth that hang themselves from your mouth,

Like dripping drops of morning dew,

But is that the freedom you wished for?

Like those morning dew that evaporate with the rising sun,

For despite all this, I am still convinced,

That we are each other’s salvation,

Or may be salvation is far-fetched,

And dreams took over your conscience,

This half-alive state of surreal-ness fogs my sense of time,

And everything slows down, creating an alternate dimension.

--Composed together by Jacqueline Terra and Paudel

Willing Victim

2013-05-01T08:04:00.000-07:00

In the midst of mystery, I forgot

To remember the desires of my intuitive destiny

Hiding beneath my self-wounds, I lost,

Ability to pull shattered glass shards from my flesh,

And I wondered all along where you hid,

Beneath the cold dark shadows of the skeleton trees,

Duped I was, by the hidden mystery and their dead fallen leaves,

But I kept thinking,

That the illusion of you would be more than mere mirage,

But was it all I wanted? Did you think the same?

This unspoken dynamics,

Broke upon my soul like battering salt-water against eroding shoreline,

Yet you kept walking along the shore,

Greens mosses, lichens and that smile,

Oh that smile that curled, slowly across your face,

And wrapped itself up in your hair,

That dark-blonde hair of yours,

That lurked beneath your shoulders and those enticing lips,

Drew me into the honey, a willing victim eager for your pleasure.

--Composed together by Jacqueline Terra & Paudel

Happy Nepali New Year 2070

2013-04-14T15:49:00.002-07:00

http://canvassnap.blogspot.com/2013/02/naya-barsha-2070-ko-subhakamana.html

Happy Nepali New Year 2070 to all my friends and family all over the world. Hope this year brings prosperity, joy, and happiness to all our lives. May we all live in peace, may we all have power to confess the truth and face the reality. May we all be bestowed with strengths to handle some tough situations in life. Overall, may we all be happy for who we are. And last not the least, may Nepal get the much-needed constitution and pave the way towards development.

Sincerely yours,
Paudel, Bishal

Don't look for me

2013-02-14T15:14:00.003-08:00

A deserted path,

And that forgetful incident,

A fight, always the same,

And the victims of two arrogant souls,

I wait till they laugh,

Despite the raining tears,

I wait till they say,

“Father, I’m not the culprit. Let me go.”

And eternal pleasure that inflows,

And the shadow that lingers,

Over the place I should be buried,

I, me, and my,

Everything within reach,

For I want peace,

I want harmony,

Don’t look for me.

Today I sing

2013-02-14T15:12:00.003-08:00

Today I write for you,

For the hearts full of grace,

For the souls ripe with zeal,

Striving for an existence,

To avoid the humility,

On the brink of devastation,

Today I sing for you,

For the victims of cruelty,

For the quarries of insanity,

Roaring with unheard breath,

To repeal the blame of futility,

In the lack of voice,

Today I speak for you,

For the words against tyranny,

For the voice against suppression,

Yelling for an innate freedom,

To scare the roots of ferocity,

For a deeper understanding of rights,

Today I stand for you,

For the casualties of atrocity,

For the steps towards destiny,

Discarding the trepidation of death,

To live a meaningful life,
For a realization of freedom,

A sovereign flesh, I am,

Blessed with positivity,

No more silence, my friends,

For there’s no periphery of sagacity,

Remorse would I feel, if I compromise,

For there’s no substitute for equality,

“Might is right” is gone my friend,

Open your eyes for a new clarity.

Beg in misery

2013-02-14T15:10:00.000-08:00

Amid a huge applause,

I wondered what my hopes were,

Never had a moment to self,

To let me ponder for the soul I care,

Success might be what I had,

And noisy crowd that follows me as wraith,

Hints of glory all over,

Not a single to muse by ablazed faith,

You ruined my confidence,

And yet show your smiling face,

Annoyed by your applause and laughter,

I hide myself behind your grace.

I beg in misery,

A company that could read,

Me and my agony,

Let me alone, you elegant majesty,

To discover the world,

Beyond your periphery.

Clueless

2013-02-11T14:29:00.002-08:00

I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you frown,

I’ve seen you naked,

With crimson cheeks, and eyes shiny and brown

Yet you hide your pain under that subtle grin,

So immaculate, so pristine,

Mesmerized I always be, like a pebble in the rain

Like a last drop of dew hanging on the leaves,

As the morning ray shines,

Shadow is all I could leave behind

You may say I left early I fled with the rest,

Would you ever understand,

Whatever I did, I did for the best.

Chinese New Year 2013

2013-02-09T10:07:00.004-08:00

Right when the North-East of the United States is covered with as much as 3 fts of snow, Beijing is busy celebrating the year of snake. The celebration that lasts for about 15 days is celebrated across the globe by billions of people. Let the celebration begin, and let us all wish each other a very prosperous, and joyful Chinese New Year 2013. Lets hope the year of the snake inhales all the venom that lurks around our lives.

Happy Chinese New Year 2013. Cheers!!

Source: www.wallpaperholidays.com

Own me

2013-01-27T17:28:00.002-08:00

The heart bleeds,
When the soul is raged by the fire within,
When the sun shines over the dark night,
When immortality outcasts the fear of survival,
When a deep laceration would instead be pleasing,
That moment, yes that moment I shall be obliged to you.

The deserted streets that ridicule my presence,
Nostalgia of the future that pesters my equanimity,
I wish I could,
I could simply abrogate the space between you and me,
The dilation of the heart that ripples to my entire body,
My wet eyes as eager as your quivering lips,
To embrace the puzzle,
That moment, yes that moment I shall obey your intuitions.

When I get tucked, when I get absorbed,
In solitary universe, and realms of hinted glory that fade away,
A sharp turn that takes us through,
To infinity that only love can entangle,
I nullify my faith at solitude, beneath a hidden reality,
I wish you could understand,
You could understand me, and my body,
That moment, yes that moment I shall follow your lead.

Let my lips dwell on yours, for an ever-lasting love we make,
Let me forget anything but you, before my lips dry up,
That moment, yes that moment, you, yes, you will own me.

Stuck on the highway with a flat tire and a broken jack-screw

2013-01-18T12:06:00.002-08:00

What would you do when you are stuck on a highway with a flat tire? If you have been in situations like this before, you will probably say- "Why does this happen to me always?" and if you've never been in these situations, you would panic like me. And what would be your reactions when you finally have everything in place but the jack-screw is broken? I know, I know. Anger would not know its bounds.

Waiting for friends to arrive can be very boring of course when the temperature is as low as -5 degrees. But, if you have a camera handy, then you might as well do some photo-shoot. And that's what we did. And of course, we got strange looks from people passing by, but they were too fast to realize we were just being silly.

With banners saying "Our protests will continue" and "Fulfill our demands," we definitely had our shares of fun. Albeit little cold, it didn't stop us from taking pictures with different poses. This incident taught us two important things: to be patient and to take the most of the situations which I hope we did to its best. Emergency lane on the highway for almost 4 hrs was really scary too. The cars, trucks running on the highway (the speed limit was 55mph) seem to be running way faster. We got scared multiple times when 18-wheeler would run on the right lane next to us. But, at the end of the day we had an album worth of pictures, and memory worth of experiences.

Thanks to the help from our dearest friends Deepak Baral and Dev Gurung. This experience would not have been complete without a silly mistake from Dev to lock himself out of his car once we had the spare tire fixed. We then had to wait for next couple of hours for his insurance to arrive and let him in. Then, again in the cold January afternoon. There is a piece coming soon, written by Sudeep Bhattarai where he describes the day from his angle, the background behind, and its consequences. Stay tuned my friends.

Never give up in life. Always cherish the moments as they happen. Every moment in life in precious.
Best,
Bishal Paudel
Vanderbilt University

CNN Heroes from Nepal

2013-01-16T16:01:00.000-08:00

"CNN Heroes of the Year 2010" went to Anuradha Koirala of Maiti Nepal.To all of us who are aware of socio-economic status of many villages of Nepal, Maiti Nepal and Anuradha Koirala are not unheard of. Maiti Nepal, established primarily to rescue Nepali girls trafficked to India into prostitution, has expanded itself to accommodate women suffering from family violence, torture, and social hatred. Anuradha Koirala has sacrificed her life to help those women become independent and live a meaningful life. The objectives of Maiti Nepal and its affiliated organizations reflect the true service to humanity. We need to respect the existence of other individuals if we expect to receive a meaningful status from society. Lets be grateful for what Anuradha Koirala has done to change the social inequality and support those helpless women, who would otherwise suffer throughout their lives. But, as evident from the recent uproars in Nepal and India about rapes and assaults, these sort of crimes had not subsided a bit. Instead they display a social loophole in which women are constantly assaulted in one form or other- be it within one's own family, or from outsiders. Anuradha Koirala has made all of us proud not only by becoming "CNN Heroes of the Year 2010" but also by changing our mind, and increasing awareness among people in remote villages about girls trafficking, which is such a heinous crime. This award is not an end but just a recognition of a tremendous work and service to a better cause that Koirala has worked tirelessly throughout her life.Please be grateful to such heroes in the world, and the bravery and courage they have shown to fight against the existing traditions, and inequality in society.

I had the privilege of watching both Anuradha Koirala (Maiti Nepal) and Pushpa Basnet (ECDC) receive the CNN Hero of the Year awards. Anuradha received the honor in 2010 and Pushpa followed her in 2012. Although both of their works were based in Nepal, they received applause and praises from all over the world. Both times when Anderson Cooper announced the winner of the coveted award, I was filled with joy. They had represented Nepal in an international arena through their selfless service for a very genuine cause. The kind of service they devoted their lives on is often neglected in Nepal, and most other developing countries. They rose above the cynics and critics to carry on with their mission. I’m sure we recognize they had lot of obstacles on the way, but they never gave up. The award not only does a justice to their service but also to their perseverance and self-belief. Moments after the social media were filled with ovation for our heroes, as well as frustrations towards our politicians. In 2010, as Anuradha landed in Tribhuwan International Airport, guess who was at the receiving end: some of our politicians. Such an act of shame on their part not to recognize their negligence towards the nation. Yet they didn’t waste a moment to hop over the news felicitating the Heroes. I often felt like saying our heroes are worth more than your felicitations; they have done tremendous job despite the limited resources they had. Only if these politicians could learn something from these heroes, Nepal would be so far ahead.They really need to realize the national interests are beyond the interests of their parties. If they truly understand anything from these heroes, they need to show us, the people their comprehension by putting it to work. If they do not comprehend, then they don’t deserve to welcome our heroes at the airport. And guess who is celebrating this honor more than us: our politicians. Yeah, you heard it right. They are busy in toasting for Pushpa's success at top-notch restaurants in the capital. And guess where is the money coming from? I don't even need to tell you where it comes from, you know it very well. I feel like reiterating what my school principal used to say: "What a shame, what a shame."

Nothing is Lost

2013-01-10T13:52:00.000-08:00

This is the first time I'm making my poetry available online. I would highly appreciate any feedback, suggestions, comments on it.

Thanks;
Bishal Paudel

Please find the link below to access pdf file of the Poems. If you have any issues, please email me.
https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=forums&srcid=MTgzMDg5NDQ2NjM2ODAxNTQ5ODQBMDQwOTIxNzAxMDI5MDMxMDIwMTIBV2VoLVd2dm5TWWdKATQBAXYy

Life is beautiful

If Only.....

2013-01-06T17:14:00.001-08:00

Guest Blogger Series-- Part 2

Under the eucalyptus tree
I was trying to recollect all the memories
Memories that came in bits and pieces
And, those that came in continuum
But, the intermittent rain brought chaos
To the serenity of my memories.

Things have plummeted since that fateful day
Never to turn back to the same again
And, I have been petrified
Feel like a lost soul in a crowd
Never to be repaired
Never to be rejoiced,
And, never to requiem.

Summer is just around the corner
The sultry sun intimidates
My friends make an effort to cheer me up
From this turmoil
To be near and smell the salty water
And, walk on the sand with the sun setting on the horizon
To experience the same ecstasy
That we had shared the year before

But, I am clinging by a thread of ‘if’
If only I had prayed further
If only time had waited a little longer
If only I had a moment to linger
If only I had a last hug to spare
If only I had...

And, now only if I could regret lesser!

A piece by Epsilon.

A Ray of Hope

2013-01-05T19:51:00.002-08:00

Disclaimer: All the characters in this story are fictitious. If it bears any resemblance to any one living or dead, it is by pure coincidence.

"A Ray of Hope" is my first attempt in story writing. The main character, Ben is a young professor in his mid 30's in Vanderbilt University who is highly successful in his professional life. Already the Head of Department (HOD) for Physical Chemistry, Ben's success is rare in his field for somebody of his age. However, like everybody else, he fails too. He has failed horribly in a pursuit to a happy family life. In the beginning, it might be his attachment to his career, and high aspirations that came as obstacles, but as time goes on, he realizes he is hollow in his sentiments, and feelings. He is fearful of the commitments. Through a rough patch in his disgruntled relationships, he discovers a meaning to his life. He comprehends what is actually worth in life. ``A Ray of Hope'' unfolds this metamorphosis in Ben's life as he, himself, begins to see it.

If you would like to know more about Ben, make a payment online. I will send you the ebook as soon as the payment is received.

It's only $0.99 USD (99 cents).

Words from the Readers:

Sudeep Bhattarai, Nashville, TN:

I do not have much patience in reading. However to my great surprise, when I read the first 3 chapters of Uncle Ben's story, I was asking more. I was desperate to read the other chapters. As far as I remember, the last time it happened to me was while watching the TV series "Prison Break", and it was because of the suspense in each episode. But this time, it is not only because Bishal created suspense in his writing, but also because of his way of presentation, the flow in his writing and the lesson he wanted the readers to learn. Uncle Ben's story taught me to be serious about my life. I should say that this is a great piece of writing by Bishal, given that this is his first attempt in story writing. I see a bright future in his literary journey. I encourage him to move ahead.

Mystery of Economic Development

2013-01-05T19:40:00.002-08:00

Guest Blogger Series Part 1

Piece by Sushil Khadka

http://skhadk.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-mystery-of-economic-development.html

5K and a new adventure

2012-11-24T09:30:00.001-08:00

Lately I've been enjoying running. When I was in college, I always wondered how people could enjoy running for nothing. Now I reflect back, and wonder how wrong I was. It was just a matter of time once you start running that you begin to get the feel for it. I don't recall how exactly I got into running. As I got into running more and more, I decided to take part in a some races in the town. The first race that I took part in Nashville was MayorChallenge5K. My goal was to finish 5K in 20 minutes. I must have set my expectations pretty high without realizing how tough it is with very limited practice. The first two hills went pretty well, but the third hill I had lost almost all. Thanks to the crowd who cheered the runners all the way. Drinking water while running was not a good idea. If I had known that, I would have certainly avoided water. Water made me slow down a bit, but I managed to finish just after 23 minutes. I need to improve, and I know its gonna be tough.

Flying in the dark

2012-09-26T16:57:00.001-07:00

I laughed, people thought I was crazy,
I cried, people thought I was insane,
I smiled, people thought I was out of my minds,
I knew then, whatever I do,
They will never stop with their own judgments.

I knew life goes on, despite what they say,
Despite their sarcasm, and bitter looks,
I found a path to lead my life,
A bit lonely it may seem, but who cares when,
Solitude is better than hatred.

I paused the Vivaldi's Four Seasons,
To listen to their heartbeats,
Their breaths hiding the bitter poisons,
But, did I ever wonder what they meant to say?
With their gestures floating in the air,
I ignored every bit of them, to find a peace in my mind.

I let it run, each moment that came my way,
I might have been scared of the past,
The recurrent theme of animosity,
I might have pondered about the future,
But, did I really care what came next?
Every day bringing the sheer surprise,
I realized life is worth flying in the dark.

Recall

2012-08-28T22:49:00.003-07:00

Clean trousers, grey shirt tucked in,

He walks along the lines to follow,

A dark void that's just been created,

Failed imagination to summon Apollo.

Chains that drag his feet along,

Much to the pain that resides and taints,

Glory that he basks amidst this misery,

Reflects nothing else but the historic ruins,

Dreams that never shatter, he recalls a tale,

A paradise they call it if that exists at all,

Morning woes that follows a nightmare,

Faded bliss he tries to track on the trail,

He walks with his head held high,

Like a soldier that conquers a post,

Nothing to mourn, he whispers,

Just the goodbye kiss he misses the most,

Yet he smiles as he marches on,

The path he never thought he'd cross,

The destiny that's just been redefined,

A vague memory of his youth still lingers.

Again, he thinks every thing has an end,

As the sun fades beyond the dark clouds,

Some embrace the pain as glory,

While some hide it as a pale shroud

One more push

2012-08-01T22:30:00.001-07:00

The brown leaves that I crush every day,

Beneath the bike wheels I roll,

The point of journey, uphill that I dread,

Every day makes me think-"Just one more pedal to complete,

Then I'm downhill again";

Long, deep breath, almost drained with sweat,

I push myself for the last time,

I realize its just one more cycle to go through,

The breeze that whispers across my ears,

Tells me to stop,

And rather walk,

I go deaf to all the voices that I hear,

Despite the tribulations, the fatigue running down my legs,

I muster all the courage,

To climb up the hill every day;

Hurray! my inner self proclaims each time,

The moment my bike rolls itself again.

My daddy told me life ain't easy when I was a kid,

I looked at my life then, and thought why not?

I confess it was easy then,

Until I bumped into the real world,

I recall the moment I almost gave up,

My daddy said just one more push,

One more time that you ought to kick,

Now I think I was being stupid-giving up,

How I wish I had my bike then,

To remind me to pedal once again.

I want to dream

2012-07-28T22:00:00.001-07:00

I wake up,

I wake up from a dream,

Me flying in the sky,

Blue, serene, and so surreal,
I gather an endless joy,

Amidst the white clouds I smile,

I smile for the pain,

For the bliss, and for the life I had,

With a cunning grin in my face, I lie;

I lie to my soul,

To tell me that the dream is real,

Then I close, I close my eyes,

To dream again, flying in the sky.

The sun goes down,

A dark sheet covers up the sky,

I wake up again; in an utter silence,

To summon the stars,

But the glow that still persists,

Little birds flapping their wings, their chirps,

Loved ones waiting in the nest, for the time,

To share their delight, and agony to endure,

Right when I delve into my thoughts,

The stars twinkle,

To bring back the ambience that I had lost,

For a moment, I had thought,

This was the end,

Then I close, I close my eyes,

I want to dream once again.

Your shadow in the trail

2012-07-15T16:55:00.003-07:00

When I see you at the same coffee shop,

The same cappuccino, the same bagel in your hand,

The same make-up on your cheeks,

And still the same white scarf around your neck,

I wonder if you ever felt detached from me.

Still you persist; you say its over,

You say there is no line between you and me,

Your thick, black hair still lurking beneath your shoulders,

The same red heels that you wore,

On our first date, the same perfume around you,

Are these memories still with you?

Does that remind you how much I cared?

I know how you feel,

Your arrogant pride won’t let you confess,

To face the truth that you miss me,

Those long nights of phone calls, those dates,

I know you won’t forget; the time by the shore,

The first time I kissed you under the moon,

Overseeing the fading sun, you had said this is all you want.

And you still say you have moved on,

I wonder if you really have,

The other day, I walked by the park we spent most of our time,

I recalled the moment, my head lying on your lap,

Counting stars, cursing the dark clouds and their shadows,

And you had said this is all you want,

Now I wonder if you really meant it, or I might be wrong,

Could be my fault to still trace your shadows,

On the footsteps in the trail, you had said this would be our last date.