Y is a vowel, live with it

delivering in the dales

2007-04-23T19:57:00.000+00:00

i've given up driving down farm tracks to drop off leaflets - some of the buggers' measure in miles and can be annoying, rocky and bumpy. the escort lost its exhaust heat guard because of them.

and as for the dogs...

a little something

2007-04-16T21:32:00.000+00:00

so work just too busy for me to have the time to blog, heres a remotely amusing youtube thing for anyone who is still popping over. later.

slow blogging weekend

2007-03-26T21:28:00.000+00:00

work and all keeping idle thumbs busy, but ive changed the interactive stuff on the right there for some amusement. football fans will especially enjoy the sport bit.

reality check

2007-03-24T00:19:00.000+00:00

i really wanted to continue the unprovoked attack on scottish sporting failures that i'd started the other day with the egg chasing competition; i had even started on another daft picture taking the piss out of their embarassment in another english game, exported to the colonies, cricket.

but the murder of pakistans coach, and former england great, has taken the fun out of the sport and brought the realities of life back to the fore. sport is meant to be a laugh.

the spine sums it up with this image.

why not, its doing the rounds

2007-03-24T00:17:00.000+00:00

belgians mock fife constabulary

2007-03-22T22:16:00.000+00:00

after reading exclusively here on the Y campaign about how fife police refused to chase down a stolen subaru impreza because it was carrying eggs, the belguim car manufactuers decided to poke some fun at their celtic brethren.

after collaring the crooks doing 12 mph over the forth road bridge

(have you tried going faster?) they dragged the stolen merchandise back to the low countries, melted down the loot and rebuilt the impreza.

learn more about the chocy belguim charade.

hattip to total shambles.

police defend decision not to chase the egg (anymore)

2007-03-22T19:54:00.000+00:00

commenting after photographs suggest that part of the £70,000 worth of stolen cadbury's easter eggs were seen been driven at high speed across st andrews famous old course, local police from the fife constabulary defended their decision not to give chase.

"ack, jiz becorse we has proof tha the eggs were bein' carried in the twoked subaru impreza along the famous st andrews bridge, does nae mean wi will act." said chief inspector pointless. "efter scotland's pathetic showing in the six nations it is national policy te nae longer chase eggs in public. anyone wanting the neds caught shud wait until they make it te france, or ireland, ack, te anywhere else where people can actually chase eggs."

bbc scotlandshire has confirmed reports that the stolen impreza was seen driving in excess of 61 mph in a 60 zone along the a91, and would normarily receive 20 drving points. the hitherto unknown leader of the scottish liberal democrats promised firm action should someone actually vote for them in may's elections: "such high powered horse-less carraiges damage our precious things with their brooms brooms and desirable ability. we would protect our trees and stop these polar bear killers; if only we had people in the cabinet in holyrood!" bemoaned nicola something.

the eggs were stolen two days ago by three masterminds who spent hours trying to out-wit the delivery lorry driver, as lazily reported by the Y campaign here.

i doubt they will eat £70,000 worth of easter eggs...

2007-03-22T16:05:00.000+00:00

there's something childishly amusing about the story of three plucky robbers who drove off with £70,000 worth of cadburys easter eggs.

it seems our daring triplets duped the delivery driver by telling him the lorry was shedding its load. when the driver jumped out to inspect his cargo the musketeers jumped in and drove off along with a subaru impreza gettaway car.

But they may end up eating the snacks themselves, as a Cadbury spokesman said
the eggs would be hard to sell.

reports the socialist beep... erm, does the beep really believe they are not going to find anyone in the whole of yorkshire who will buy easter eggs that almost fell off the back of the lorry? don't be stupid.

seemingly oblivious to the steaming stupidity of his own workforce (surely drivers spot stuff falling out of their lorry in their mirrors) a cadbury spokesman went right for the jugular with this crafty statement:

"The criminal fraternity are pretty thick,

not so think they can't do you out of £70,000.

Next year, the indications are that you will be £320.36 worse off.

2007-03-21T22:52:00.000+00:00

bugger.

just played with the budget calculater on the beep and am delightfully informed that gordon broon will be nicking an extra £320.36 in tax rises off me. this is before council tax rises are included.

here's the breakdown:

i'll loose an £156 in fuel duty but will be given a whole £5 back due to the escort not considered a bad polluter.

Fuel - this year 4802.16 - next year 4958.16 - difference £-156
Vehicle excise duty - this year 40 - next year 35 - difference £+5

the rest is made up from swindling from fags, booze and becuase i commit the heinous crime of flying. a few other increases all equate to the price of a season ticket at the boro.

cheers very much you fat bastard.

another prediction comes up trumps

2007-03-21T20:53:00.000+00:00

yesterday the campaign predicted this for the budget:

i reckon the middle class will get hit with hidden (stealth) taxes whilst broon will raise the tax band for the poorest. i reckon income will rise by a few pence (probs one)

today mother beeb in all her socialist glory wrote:

Chancellor Gordon Brown announced a cut in the basic income tax rate from April 2008 in a surprise move at the end of what is likely to be his last Budget.

i should be on their payroll.

some changes to note

2007-03-20T22:13:00.000+00:00

on the right are added a few new things to play with. along with the usual 'motor of the week', which will now be a youtube of something that amuses me there are added a blogthing quiz and a sporting moment of the week. something interactive to pass a few minutes of the day with.

there's also an email to contact the campaign should the wish become overriding.

feel free to comment below with any comments, suggestions, questions and complaints.

a total shambles indeed

2007-03-20T21:54:00.000+00:00

can i refer you to a blog that is not updated frequently, and involves more tourettes style posting than this campaign, for a moment? the blog is totalshambles.

the most recent post bemoans the inability of one student to climb the property ladder and strike out alone as an individual. it reads:

Judging by the TV guide tonight, I'm wishing I could afford my own place ( which I can't thanks to high student debt, low graduate salarys and runaway house prices thanks to that fucking cunt of a bastard (sorry, please excuse the language but I can't see why the people of Great Britain are obsessed with voting the dick back in) leader of the government; just so that I could get sky, cause theres fuck all on, and because of reasons outlined above, I do not have the disposable income to go out drinking tonight, despite the fact that this is St Patricks weekend (and to all NI folk obsessed with tribal sectarianism - St Patrick was not x or y, he was CHRISTIAN, in an attempt to spread christianity amongst the pagans of Ireland. This was before Henry VIII decided to fuck every girl in England...) .

oh yeah, and the blog is based in norn ireland.

so here's the thing. the thatcher government sold off council houses which gave people ownership and personnel wealth. this allowed for greater social mobility and let people move on and up. the bliar government has hit my age group with so much tax that it is simply unable to afford the same opportunities. tax reduces mobility and constrains peoples future plans. how can students with huge debts manage to get out of debt, onto the ladder and on with families and life if they're too busy paying off ridiculous student debts?

its a shame the conservatives no longer run on abolition of student debts. but then, we have done so for the last two elections and lost both times, so logic must override and a change in policy and attitude must prevail.

tomorrow is budget day. who fancies taking me on with this bet; i reckon the middle class will get hit with hidden (stealth) taxes whilst broon will raise the tax band for the poorest. i reckon income will rise by a few pence (probs one) which will bring relief to at least a million people. ironically, the way the tax system works it will also force as many out of benefits as it will more profitable to get jobs. a clever tactic if he does it. any takers?

distractions

2007-03-16T11:18:00.000+00:00

of which there will be many over the next few days preventing the usual weekend glut of posts, come next week i'll have another tweak with the lay-out to prevent people thinking this is one of those political blogs that keeps up with developments and comments accordingly. also, i played about with the car of the week and replaced the pictures with youtube feeds, expect more random stuff like that.

vi ses.

unlikley support for the Y campaign

2007-03-15T13:03:00.000+00:00

as discovered by some recent commentators this is a right winged blog with a tongue in check campaign to relax the rigid nature of the english language and allow it to be used for what it was designed for; communication. why constrain our ability to communicate around accepted modes such as recieved pronunciation, split infinitives, glottal stops and the works? there is a difference between bad english and being unable to communicate effectively.

and so it is that Y village was inundated with one email highlighting national support for this campaign coming from demos, the left wing think tank reputedly behind much of tony bliars policy.

conundrum then; not good to be getting support from such unwelcome company. the solution; spin this into an issue that crosses the ideological divide of left and right, just like the support for the nhs. nifty.

support for the Y campaign has featured in the guardian - twice, the telegraph and the mail - though judging from the comments section perhaps not the mail's readership...

still, across ideologies.

ex boro boss resigns from danish side odense

2007-03-14T22:03:00.000+00:00

now how about that for a headline? capturing both the boro readers, okay reader, and the danish readers. and yet, there's a scottish element thrown in too. feel free to offer me a job 'the sun'.

bruce rioch has just resigned from the danish side odense. here.

bruce will be forever remembered as the manager to pull the boro through liquidation in 1986 - ever wondered why that year was on our badge? got this from wikipedia, yes i know...

He was appointed as manager of Middlesbrough in February 1986 and his first success in management came in 1987 when he guided Middlesbrough to runners-up spot in the Third Division and promotion to the Second Division at the end of a season which had started with them locked out of Ayresome Park by the official receiver and on the verge of bankruptcy. A year later they won a second successive promotion, this time as winners of the Second Division promotion/First Division relegation playoffs. However, Middlesbrough found it difficult to adjust to the pace of top flight football and spent all season fighting a relegation battle which was lost on the last day of the season. He was sacked the following March as the Teessiders hovered just above the Second Division drop zone.

and here's the scottish element; the auld boro boss beat tony mowbray's (an auld boro player come manager in europe) hibernian side 1 - 0 last july. here.

so there you go; i got to talk about sport, the boro, scottish teams, a danish side and link them altogether. where's the beer?

some chips to go with that panther burger

2007-03-14T13:35:00.000+00:00

and if you manage to avoid getting mauled by the scary black panther whilst out on the hunt, and suceed in making your own bbq burgers in hysteria sauce, you can always wash it down with a bag of chips, peeled for you by an 'elderly getnleman'...

hmmm, lunch

2007-03-14T09:43:00.000+00:00

that time of year again folks when the big, black cats are sighted around yorkshire. one of the 'small' things i missed about the area living in scotland is that panthers were never seen pottering about fifeshire.

the local newspaper reports:

A BLACK panther has been seen prowling a remote hillside in the Yorkshire Dales, according to reports. Day-tripper David Sykes said he saw the animal between Beckermonds and Deepdale, in Langstrothdale, between Hawes and Buckden, on Sunday.

according to the police this is not uncommon:

"There are several sightings every year in the county, but we have not yet found any concrete evidence."

so, tally-ho. i'm off to find the hounds and bag me a pather burger.

would have thought they'd have targets for these things

2007-03-13T11:06:00.000+00:00

it's now been 25 days since the scan and we are still awaiting the results. so that's; august for the attack, january for the first check up, february for the first scan and no results by january. the nhs is truely slow at getting things done.

what we have received though is letter from the counsellor... do you remember her?

january we saw her, march we get the letter she promised to send to the gp with us circulated in. it made for interested reading.

like holocaust denyers she accused us of not accepting the condition as epilepsy. i refer you to my previous posts and will let you work out if i'm in denial. she criticised us for choosing not to begin taking the medication (popping pills to stop the brian short-circuting basically). let's ingnore the maxim of 'patients choice' for a moment and have a look at the effects of taking the drugs. they increase the risk of giving birth to a disabled child and/or miscarraige etc from 2% to 4.7%, they are a confirmation that the attack was not a one off, but a likely recurrance. patient choice allows for not taking medication that will only help avoid (not prevent) seizures and since chances of a problematic birth are more than doubled the choice becomes a personnal one. having the condition confirmed invokes large life style changes. there's the obvious; banned from driving or operating most machinery. the quirky; informing the life-guard of your condition every you go for a swim. to the every day; look around you, if you were to have a seizure right now what could hurt you as you fall? the corner of the desk? need to buy those plastice covers. the pen holders? dont want one of those babies going in your eye on the way down do you? wants on the floor? happy lying on that to have a seizure? do you cook? will the oven burn your food and start a fire whilst you have a seizure? then don't cook that particular meal unless someone else is in the house.

you see, we're still waiting to find out if it was a one off or not. all the hospital want to do is send 'er indoors to see the counsellor. councsellor's keeping themselves in a job by refering everyone to each other. because yes, that was what the letter recommended, that she seek counselling to help come to terms with the 'condition'. oh, so she can confirm the condition but those who took the tests cannot? where's the damn test results then?

NOT A CHANCE!

2007-03-13T00:39:00.000+00:00

maybe it was a mistake to change the header sub-title from "this is not a political blog, but a blog by someone interested in politics" to "theres' no excuse for bad grammar".

for starters it caused confusion amongst some - bill cameron seemed to have some fun missing the point. but then, regular readers may have read that debate.

secondly; my traffic is now triple what it used to be. considering this is normally a personnal communication to friends and family i find that interesting. i note too that edinburgh has provided over 26% of the hits in the last week, normally this is less than 3%. maybe my earlier point was close to the mark...

and finally, there are peeps trying to tease me to on comment on issues relating to the party in scotland. yes, i may know one or two things but that does not mean i will comment on them. have a look around the layout of this blog; my flag is firmly planted in the conservative camp, so what makes anons. think i will respond to every suggestion is confusing. if you want a serious debate on the issues then read the bloglinks i have attached for scotland. i have chosen them because i believe they give an interesting - and often polarised - take on events.

if you have a blog, and make a comment, i will respond (even weneedachange) but anons will not get that same promise.

sorry, but this is not a political blog, but a blog by someone interested in politics. may i direct you to some blogs that are political?

i like mr j mc. and just follow his links for the rest.

a solution for our over crowded prision

2007-03-12T12:22:00.000+00:00

this popped into my email inbox today, one of those doing the rounds. joe arpaio's campaign website here.

i'd vote for him, anyone else?

Why can't our leaders think like this . . .

Well, this is certainly an interesting take on what 'prison' is.. or should be.. gotta say.. he got my vote!! =0)

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO, HE IS THE MARICOPA COUNTY SHERIFF (ARIZONA) AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

These are some of the reasons why: Sheriff Joe Arpaio created the "tent city jail" to save Arizona from spending tens of million of dollars on another expensive prison complex.

He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them. He banned smoking and porno magazines in the jails, and took away their weightlifting equipment and cut off all but "G" movies.

He says: "they're in jail to pay a debt to society not to build muscles so they can assault innocent people when they leave."

He started chain gangs to use the inmates to do free work on county and city projects and save taxpayer's money.

Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.

He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again but only allows the Disney channel and the weather channel.

When asked why the weather channel he replied: "so these morons will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs."

He cut off coffee because it has zero nutritional value and is therefore a waste of taxpayer money. When the inmates complained, he told them, "Thisisn't the Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."

He also bought the Newt Gingrich lecture series on US history that he pipes into the jails.

When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series that actually tells the truth for a change would be welcome and that it might even explain why 95% of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.

With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record for June 2nd), the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed- wire-surrounded tent encampment at
the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing pink boxer shorts were chatting in the tents , where temperatures reached 128 degrees.

"This is hell. It feels like we live in a furnace," said Ernesto Gonzales, an inmate for 2 years with 10 more to go."It's inhumane."Joe Arpaio, who makes his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches,is not one bit sympathetic. "Criminals should be punished for their crimes not live in luxury until it's time for parole, only to go out and
commit more crimes so they can come back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things many taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves."

Wednesday he told all the inmates who were complaining of the heat in the tents: "It's between 120F to 130F degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to walk all day in the sun, wearing full battle gear and get shot at, and they have not committed any crimes, so shut your damned mouths!"

Way to go, Sheriff!

If all prisons were like yours there would be a lot less crime and we would not be in the current position of running out of prison spaces.

If you agree, pass this on. If not, just delete it.

Sheriff Joe was just re-elected Sheriff in Maricopa County , Arizona

sit down germany, the boro are the best in the world!

2007-03-11T20:20:00.000+00:00

england is consistant in their inability to win penalty shoot-outs, i remember italia 90 all too vividly. for the scottish readers here's a youtube of englands last attempt to play put the little round ball in the big square goal.

watching the quarter final match against man utd yesterday - wondering if we would see another replay - when i got told this little nugget:

middlesbrough f.c. have won their last six penalty shoot-outs (two coming this season alone) making them the best in the world. coming second is germany with five straight wins. this would be official - if anyone actually cared...

there you go man u; beat us over 120 minutes or we'll beat you over 10 spot kicks.

gazumping the tories

2007-03-09T13:15:00.000+00:00

never one to miss a trick, theo spark hoodwinks the scottish tories and releases his own manifesto; the left wing activist does not miss a beat as he calls for the return to full blooded communism:

To reduce the power of unelected assholes who spawn ridiculous legislation
purely to give themselves a sense of importance,

fed up with the governments law and order policy being 'tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime', theo calls for more rehab and counseling:

We bring back Hanging for Terrorists, serial killers, child killers and
traitors!

and it seems the current government has not gone far enough with letting all the peado's out early, theo wants this speeded up:

Prison sentences must carry the full term, parole is a joke, hard labour and
'chain gangs' cannot be written off. Good behavior will be rewarded with access
to television, internet access and 'easy duties'.

in an attempt to woo the young, energetic commie from their tree-hugging festivals theo proposes a real constitutional shake-up:

The drinking age to be raised to 21. This should slow them down.

as with all commie's theo has chosen the isolationist foreign policy which will be followed by years of inward investment before establishing diplomatic ties across nations:

We have a duty to protect the population of our ex colonies, so Mugabe must be
taken out he is destabilising Southern Africa and must be assassinated at first
chance.

naturally hes a fan of the trade unions:

Their day is over.

and pro banks:

Credit card and overdraft rates to be pinned to 2% above Bank of England base
rate. Screw the Banks!

not to mention a strong supporter of increasing incapacity benefits for those, whom, life is just too tough:

When children reach 16 they will have 3 choices, stay at school for A levels, a
2 year apprenticeship with a company, or 2 years military service.

dont think im looking forward to the scottish conservative conference in perth as much anymore ;-)

normal service resumes

2007-03-08T23:07:00.000+00:00

no, i do not mean this blog - that sorry saga is several posts below - i mean toccionline has returned to being interactive.

the genius that brought us the clever i can't afford my gasoline (may need to hit replay) went silent on the video and game front for a while and i eventually forgot about him. the other day i got an exicted email alerting me to the new britney spiers game.

to waste time for 5 mins go and shave brits hair.

if you're new to toccionline check out his homepage and watch some videos; he may be a leftie but hes still clever and entertaining, and well worth a look.

do you think ill get a comment from the grammar nazi this time?

news that the home office will text illegal immigrants is met with strong support

2007-03-07T17:50:00.000+00:00

not stolen from the spine as someone accuses me off doing.

mr eugenides is also in support of the plan.

but the plans biggest support stems from theo with this, followed later by this - or was it the other way round?

lets have a fight

2007-03-07T17:28:00.000+00:00

last nights valencia v inter football match followed the snarling cup and have a riot. my favourite bit is the sub who runs on, brakes a guys nose then runs away again. see if you can spot the coward...