Incessant Ramblings

The mondegreen princess

2011-06-03T23:50:00.000-07:00

Today, in the car, Addison requested that I play that Pixies song about her....

What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this...

2011-06-01T23:54:00.000-07:00

Karma is a bitch!

Okay, so I don't believe in karma or reincarnation or the like, but I sometimes I certainly feel I am being punished for something.

Today started as a good day. I got out and about without the children to run errands (not my errands mind you, but it was a nice break nonetheless). On the way home I got a phone call from a transcription job that I applied for yesterday telling me that I did an excellent job on the test. They were emailing me a contract, and as soon as I signed it and sent it back they would get me a login for their platform and I could start today if I wanted. (Nice, huh?) Later two of the children decided they wanted to spend the night with Nana (the other two wanted to, but didn't want pack so they decided they'd rather stay home).

This is great! Just two kids to deal with while I get all my new stuff set up for work. Excellent! So, I had three 10-page reports to transcribe for my other job. I started those, then had dinner with my two remaining evils and watched a little of Nanny McPhee Returns with them.

Then I went back to work....

When most people are asked what their favorite sound is, they will reply children's laughter. This, I must say, is definitely NOT my favorite sound. It is a sound that alerts me that someone is up to no good. I had my headphones on so I didn't hear all of the exchanges between the two that were maniacally laughing in the kitchen, but I did hear enough to know they needed to stop what they were doing. I called them into my room where I was working and asked them to please be sure all the dinner plates made it into the dishwasher and the counter was wiped off. They said this was already done, so I asked them to please play quietly upstairs or in the basement so that I could finish my work rather than having to stop every few minutes to deal with them.

After I finished work, it was nearly time for Alan to come home. So I wanted to check and be sure everything was clean so he could relax.

(For those of you who don't know, Alan is a bit of a neat freak and cannot sit and relax if the house isn't clean. Not that he expects me to do it, just that I hate for him to come home and clean after he has worked all day--Yes, I have too, but his is much more physical than mine. Of course, I say that and I literally said in one of our discussions tonight, "You don't know how hard it is to sit in one position for hours on end." I immediately started laughing at myself realizing that he stands for 8 hours in a place so hot that metal fuses together.)

I digress....

I should think that 5 years old and 10 years old are acceptable ages to be allowed to play without being under my thumb or hyper-vigilant eye, right? WRONG! Granted, I know that ultimately this is my fault for not standing guard and cracking a whip, but COME ON! They are 5 and 10! They are much too old for this....

So, I walk into the kitchen and find what appears to be a battlefield strewn about with shredded cheddar cheese and juice. I don't know who won... it looks as though both sides lost. So, I walk upstairs to find out what happened. I am informed that Addison "accidentally" dropped some cheese on the floor.

"Who said you could eat that cheese??"

Addison: "Ummm... you did."

I think back and realize she did ask me if she could have some cheese--but I was thinking a SLICE of cheese, not a bag of shredded cheddar!

"Oh yeah! But, HOW did it get everywhere if you 'accidentally' dropped it?"

Addison: "I was walking around while I was eating it."

"You know you aren't supposed to walk around with food. How do you 'accidentally' cover 600 sq. ft. of floor with shreds of cheese??"

Addison: "I'm fast."

Of course, while talking to her I realize that 3 buckets of water are sitting on the TV stand. Let me repeat that, THREE BUCKETS of WATER are sitting on the TV stand!

"Why is there water where the electronics are?"

Zoe: "Because we are having a pajama party."

I try to rack my brain trying to find how those could be related, but I can't.

"I don't know how that is relevant, but you guys KNOW that water can destroy the electronics if you spill it!"

Addison: "I won't spill it."

"You can't walk without spilling cheese! How am I supposed to believe you can handle water?"

I give up! I never did find out how the juice got all over the floor. Though I am fairly certain that I wouldn't get the real answer anyway.

The only good thing in this is that I hadn't mopped recently, so it did need the mopping I had to give it. I wish it were on my terms though. Oh, and technically they did do as I asked. The dishes were in the dishwasher and the counters were clean.

Maybe when I give them a to-do list, I should also give them a don't-do list too. Evil children...

I was just informed by Alan that there are face and hand prints on the TV in the living room.

Nanny McPhee, where are you when I need you??

Mortality and Ancestral curiosity

2011-05-29T14:01:00.000-07:00

Addison was rummaging through my office and found a pewter box of mine that she wanted to have. It led to an interesting conversation that I did not expect....

Addie: "Mom, can I have this box?"

No, it's mine.... but if I die, you can have it if you can find it.

Addie: "Mommy, Daddy will die before you."

Not necessarily.

Addie: "But Daddy is 40 and you are only 34. Oh wait! Can you catch up to him?"

Umm, no. It's just that there isn't a predetermined age at which one dies. I could die before him.

Addie: "Who was the first person to die?"

Ever? Umm... I don't know.

Addie: "Okay who was the first person that YOU know who died?"

Ummm, that I remember? Probably my great-grandfather, followed 2 years later by my great-grandmother.

Addie, looking quite confused: "What?!? What made them so great?"

well... I though they were at least ;)

Yes, that's me with braided pigtails rockin' the flannel circa '80-'81.

An excellent day for a faire...

2011-05-28T22:35:00.000-07:00

I have very fond memories of spending each of our birthdays from age 13 or so until 18 with my dear friend, Michel, at the TN Renaissance Festival. In California, the Renaissance Faire was held in September, and while I did go each year, it didn't have the same nostalgic quality. It was hot, sunny, (there were very few trees in the places it was held) crowded, not to mention that there wasn't a real castle that you could tour!

Since returning to TN, we attempted the Renaissance Faire in 2008 with much frustration and complicated weather (in CA, it was never raining, nor was there the slightest chance for it!). That kept us away for quite some time. I decided it's my damned birthday, I'll go if I want this year! Since it was the last year that the little girls were free, I thought I would give them another chance while not complaining about wasting an extra $21 on them.

I am happy to report, that this time was actually a success! Not only did the girls all sit through 3 shows in the muggy heat with the blairing sounds of cicadas, walk through crowds, and not throw tantrums when told that they couldn't have ice cream or ride "the rides," when asked if they wanted to see one more show or go home, they unanimously said, "See another show!" Do you know how rare it is to get a unanimous anything from them? I can't even get a single response on dessert options!

So here are some highlights of our day...

The little girls playing with their butterfly wands while watching the faeries.

Irregardless of how many cute hats and jewelry I showed my girl, she HAD to have the bandana "with the skull like a pirate." Since the others had spent their own $$ from their lemonade stand, Zoe had to stay in her lemonade budget as well. So, she was not able to buy the sword and shield that she originally wanted.

I love my little freethinker!

Even Addison was happy among the oddly clothed and chests abound!

One of the benefits of staying for the additional show is that Sydney was chosen to play a part in the show. This is her first nonschool-related public performance. Originally Zoe was chosen, but she didn't want to so Sydney stepped up for her.

Here Sir Phillip is explaining why it is a G-rated show, as 5-year-old Sydney is sitting watching and soaking in everything that is said, and we wouldn't want he to come home later requesting answers for some of the things she learned at the show today. (He must not read my blog... that girl is schooled on many, many topics. Most the textbook definitions and diagrams, but it was a kind gesture nonetheless.)

This is her second stage act, in which after traveling away with Sir Phillip so that he would not hear audience suggestions for the next game that was to played, she told him many things about herself which he was kind enough to share with the crowd. "This is Sydney, as you know she is 5. She is in Kindergarten. This is not her first taste of acting. She was previously in a stage performance of Goldilocks and the Three Bears and sang some songs." How cute is that? I have no idea where they went. He said "Let's get you a beer." as they walked off, but then Addie and Zoe were upset that she got to go get a beer and they didn't!

Look how pleased she looks as he shares stories of Sydney!

After the show, they wanted a photo with them. Addie did not so she took this one:

Little did I know Addison had a crush on the pirate, Red, and jumped at the chance to be in this photo!

Zoe requested this, since they were kindred spirits.

So all in all, excellent day. I am noticing that they are becoming more and more "human" each day. Last week I heard an unsolicited sarcastic comment or three with perfect inflection from a couple of them. How lucky am I that my children get real humor at such young ages?

I'm even considering PAYING for them to join me next year!

She's a maniac on the floor

2011-05-26T17:03:00.000-07:00

Natalie on exercise:

"Mommy, I can feel my heart beating. It's like it's having a dance party!"

Too much of a good thing...

2011-05-23T15:18:00.000-07:00

We allow the children so many things that others would give their left arm to have or do. We have more TVs in our house than we do people, yet they would rather play "pretend" or go outside than to sit and watch TV. We have a PlayStation in the basement, but they would rather beg us to play boardgames or color with them. When I can get their noses out of books to play on the computer, they choose to go to educational websites such as ReadingEggs , Starfall, or Study Island.

While I think these are all wonderful things, I sometimes am still shocked by some reactions they have to things. This one kind of blew me away--cotton candy! I didn't expect them to like it, as we have tried on numerous occasions in the past to give them a "full carnival experience" at fairs and such. At which time they expressed a dislike for the texture and refused to put "that cloth" in their mouths. We gave up trying years ago, so today's take on the wispy, color-filled, confectionery cloud was quite interesting....

Sydney: "Mommy, we had cotton candy at school today."

"You did? Did you eat it?"

Sydney scrunched up her face with a bewildered, disgusted look, "Umm, I tried it, but I could not eat it. There was sooo much sugar in it that I did NOT like it. Way too sugary!"

Natalie pipes up from behind her, "It was blech, eww. Sticky. Gross!"

So I am so amused by their reactions I went to check with Addie... she will actually ask for cookies when I take grocery requests rather than recite a list of wholesome fruits to fill her desires.

"Addie, did you have cotton candy at school today?"

"Well, I tasted it, but I did not like it. It is made of pure sugar. That is just gross!"

And to think... people mocked me when I did not allow them sugar and had them be vegetarians for the first 2 years of life. (On a side note: Zoe still does not eat cotton candy either. Funnel cake though... that's a whole other story, but who doesn't love funnel cake?)

It's not all fun and games...

2011-05-22T20:12:00.000-07:00

While I had a lovely night out last night, I certainly had to pay for it today.

The children were on unstoppable hyper mode because the house had four extra people in it today. One of who was a "new" person... which automatically means that person doesn't realize how much the children want and hasn't learned to say "no." So the volume is ridiculously loud (beyond our normal loud even), I spend most of the day saying "no" only to be told "no, it's okay." (I used to say no again, but sometimes I get tired of fighting and let people dig their own graves. I pick battles with the children, why not with guests?)

The highlight of my day was a lunch at my grandparents' house for May birthdays (mine included!) and only three kids in tow. Zoe wanted to stay at home since people were over. It was so nice and quiet there even though there were over 20 people in attendance. (Thank you, Granny and Grandpa! It was a lovely lunch and much appreciated, even if I did have to leave relatively early) Well, now I have the second best part of today... the kids have gone to bed, three visitors are gone, and the other is sleeping (these kids can suck the life out of anyone!)

Sorry... off point again. Worst part of my day, hands down, was the resurgence of Sybil. For the protection of the guilty, I will refer to this kid as "Sybil" as well, though I am guessing those that know the children can guess who it was... please don't ask, I don't want to embarrass her and cause her any more emotional damage than what she is clearly already suffering from!

So it is bath night. I hate bath night. Normally, while I complain about it, it isn't THIS bad. Typically it is sorting out who is taking a bath/shower, where they will do so, and if they will be doubling or tripling up. Then there is the lining up and spraying them like it's done in "county" (image prison line up--hands against the wall and a high-pressure hose, only our shower head is slightly more humane.) Then there's the washing of hair, rinsing, soap distribution, begging them to get out so we can have dinner or put them in bed depending on when we started, and the clean up of towels and water-soaked floors.

Tonight, the personality portal of hell was present in the bathroom. Luckily, three of the children weren't affected. However, the fourth more than made up for any ease I had with the first few.

See that door with the light coming through it?

That's the portal. It looks innocent enough, right?

It started off like a normal shower. Hair was clean, giggles were abundant, and I was even able to patch up the hole in the wall where the toilet paper holder was once attached. Then it happened. One snippy comment and it was on. Post soap distribution, a very condescending "More soap, Mom!" was thrown into the ring. It was followed by "Sure! Once you ask nicely." [cue exorcist theme and spinning head]. Some irritating back and forth occurred, and true to our natures, neither of us would budge. After a few deep breaths, I stopped talking... and Sybil didn't take well to that and yelled, "I'm mad at you! I don't want you to ever kiss or hug me again." So I say, I didn't want to be in the bathroom anymore and I would leave her to finish her bath in peace. Then, I went to sit in her room and wait to talk to her once she calms down.

While sitting in the recliner, I hear her crying in the bathtub, "No, Mommy, please don't leave me. Mommy, don't go away!" Over and over and over . Then she gets out wraps herself in a towel and walks through the doorway. Not knowing I was there, she has a very surprised look that then changes to anger. She then throws her towel down and stomps back to the bathtub crying, "Mommy, I don't want you to go away." What??? I am here; YOU walked away. A few moments later she gets out, peeks her head around the door, and exclaims, "I'm not going to take a bath until you go downstairs!" To which I reply, "I'm not going downstairs until you finish your bath and come talk to me." [crosses threshold again] Then repeated cries, complete with crocodile tears, of "Stop ignoring me!" are coming from the tub.

So I sit, and I wait, and wait, and wait, taking lots of deep breaths, all the while Sybil is periodically crossing through the door to yell some conflicting absurdity at me, then goes to cry in the bathroom. I realize, that the transition seems to occur when she crosses through the doorway. I know she is just trying to get a reaction out of me so I am now just watching her and not responding... and it's driving her crazy!

Fast-forward to about half an hour later she comes out and says in a tiny little voice, "May I have more soap, please?" To which I reply, everso sickeningly sweet with a smile so forced my face still hurts, "Of course, honey!" I walk in the bathroom, give her the soap, then say, "And once you have rinsed and dried off, come see me. I need you to explain to me what the hell just happened!" Still smiling so wide that I imagine a little cartoon-like sparkle reflecting off my enamel.

Once she dried off, she climbed into my lap and gave me a hug and kiss. We then have a long discussion that included 10 seconds of slight displeasure compared to 45 minutes of turmoil, angry mommy vs. non-angry mommy, and then I let her choose from one of three punishments.

I wish I could say that this is a rare occurrence... sadly, we have I'd say at LEAST two of these episodes a week. If she's going to change personalities all the time, couldn't she get some nice ones? Or maybe ones that like to help people? A joyful cleaner would be nice too. Instead, I have stubborn, angry, shy, temperamental, bossy, and just plain psycho! Sally Field, even when it was the "bad" personalities, still seemed much more pleasant than these! I know there is a genuinely sweet and kind little girl in there somewhere, I have seen her before... I adore her. Why do the evils have to surface most often?

I don't get it... She's never experienced any real trauma (just the drama she creates). She lives in an intact, loving, two-parent home in a nice neighborhood. She needs for nothing (wants for lots though). We don't believe in corporal punishment, so she's never experience physical abuse. Where does all of this come from? Can people just be born angry? I need to see if there are any pending case studies out on this..

Whew! Vent over. I feel a little better, so I am not going to read through this again to correct typos or spelling/grammatical errors... I'd just get all worked up again!

If it isn't Scottish, it's crap!

2011-05-22T01:57:00.000-07:00

Tonight, we have returned from another most excellent performance. Mogwai has again "rocked my socks off!" I have written quite extensively about a previous performance (I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stitch to wear) I still stand by my love of watching Stuart play. Most excitingly this time is that even the opening band, Errors (also from Scotland), was great! Their drummer,James Hamilton, even stood in for Martin. That's 2+ hours of drumming. I was a little nervous about a different drummer, but very pleasantly surprised. Awesome job, James!

I think likely what has the most power from the Mogwai shows is that rarely do I change the CDs to Mogwai. I will listen if they are on. I have a Pandora station for them. I love their music, I do... but to experience them live is a whole different sensation.

I see lots of bands live (well, not as often as I used to!), I have even seen the Cure, Morrissey, and Interpol since the last Mogwai show, and while I love going, I am so built up with excitement before the show that I am not as blown away as with Mogwai. For the record, I have never been let down by a Cure show, and the only Morrissey shows that let me down are the ones he cancels! Interpol has a fantastic live show as well, but something about seeing Mogwai live is magical. Maybe it is that most of their songs are instrumental so no one is distracted by a cocky lead singer, maybe it's that I can listen and forget that I can't see very well because clubs don't arrange people by height (shorties out there, can I get an amen!?! I'm not really that short, but everyone is heads and shoulders above me at shows), maybe its the joy from the sensation of my sternum and ribs vibrating with the resounding bass and drum beats. I don't know if it is even just one thing, but these shows make me very happy!

I'm extremely tired, so I will have to cut my love session short. I will leave you with a couple of videos that don't do the real show justice, but they're all I have!

I love this song! I have a photo film of Zoe with this as the background music, and it looks fabulous!

While I wanted to share the song they ended with, Mogwai fear Satan, its over 15 minutes long... but Glasgow Mega-snake is a great song to see live as well.

Someday I will be...

2011-05-20T19:31:00.000-07:00

"Someday I will be a techrr becus I now how to read."
(...teacher because I know...)

"Someday I will be a mommy beckuse it sownds fun and I will be the best mommy ever."

(... because it sounds...)

"Someday I will be a mom becuse I like to pass out the plats."

(... because... the plates.)

I must make this mommy thing look pretty easy. I hope they get job that pays the bills though. Because if the curse that my parents put on me about having a kid harder than I was works as well for them, they are screwed!

Musings of a Third Grader

2011-05-20T19:06:00.000-07:00

Zoe brought home her creative writings. Here are a few samples:

Zoom

Obedient

Eager

***

A little third grade girl names Chyna was locked in the dark library. She heard a scarey sound. It sounded creepy like a monster. The ugly red monster with a pencil stuck in her head jumped from behind a desk and then chased Chyna around the room and threw books at her. Finally, the little girl dug a hole from the library to the outside. She crawled through the hole and escaped.

***

Dear Mr. Hunter,

Please do not shoot me. I am too young to die. I am not good to eat. Why don't you eat cupcakes instead of me? Why don't you pick another turkey instead of me? You shouldn't shoot me because it is against the law.

Love,

Zoe

I love that she signed this one "Love."

A sign of the End of Days...

2011-05-19T20:59:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow my 3 of my children will be tainted by the evils of the world--okay, so they aren't being captured by Nazis, but I feel they are being introduced to a cult. Tomorrow on a school field trip, they will have their first taste of all that is wrong in the world.

Yes, that's right... my little children have lived 5-1/2 years (or in Zoe's case nearly 10 years and counting) without ever tasting a "Happy Meal." They have only been exposed to McDonald's once, in which the grandparents took them for a small ice cream and the play area -- I was informed afterward. Why is this such a big deal to me? I HATE MCDONALD'S! It has nothing to do with the food, but really I had it all the time when I was a kid... and I haven't eaten anything from McDonald's in over 15 years. Actually, wait, I lied. Once when I was pregnant I was out in the middle of nowhere and the ONLY place around for miles was, you guessed it, McDonald's. If I hadn't been on the verge of vomiting I wouldn't have stopped. Even after I bought it, I was kind of excited as I had remembered loving the fries before I was a vegetarian (for the record, I am no longer a vegetarian, so no, that isn't why I hate them-- oh why didn't I eat the fries after becoming a vegetarian? Because they are soaked in beef fat; therefore, they are not meat-free). After taking the first bite, I was gravely disappointed. Once my nausea subsided, I threw it away. Morgan Spurlock was crazy to eat that and only that for 30 days!

Okay I am rambling again...

Reasons I hate McDonald's, other than it tastes awful:

1) Ray Kroc was an ass. I don't agree with his business practices. In the mid 1950's, he went to meet the McDonald's brothers at their family restaurant (opened in 1940) to find why they had purchased enough milkshake machines to make 40 milkshakes at once. After finding that they had a thriving business in San Bernardo, CA he decided he wanted a part and presented a business plan that would make him partner in the franchising with him receiving 1.4% of franchise profits while the brothers got 0.5%. That wasn't enough for him, so in 1961 he became frustrated with the McDonald's brothers' desire to keep it small and bought out the company and McDonald's name from the brothers. Not only that, he made a "handshake agreement" that they would keep their original restaurant and would gain 1% of the gross sales. Later Kroc refused to acknowledge the 1% because it wasn't written, and because he now owned the McDonald's name, they had to change THEIR restaurant name, which then became "Big M." Of course, that same year, Kroc opened a McDonald's one block away and drove the family restaurant out of business... so he left them without that income and screwed their family out of the over $100 million/year in royalties they would be earning now. THAT, my friends, is an ass.

2) Ok, truth be told the business practices is my main reason for my original real boycott of McDonald's back the late 90s. However, I have since been irritated that they use marketing geared toward children to bring in business. Why? Because they are impressionable and they know parents would do nearly anything to get them to be quiet in the car. Damned clown!

3) That clown supports corporal punishment.

ok, so I am kidding about that one. The photo made me laugh.

Okay, so you say, but what about their charity work? They support the Ronald McDonald House Charity. WRONG! This is from their own site:

"Doesn't McDonald's fund Ronald McDonald Houses?

Local McDonald's restaurant owner/operators generously fund portions of the annual operating costs of the Houses. However, the majority of the annual operating income comes from individual and other corporate donors."

In other words... YOU dropping coins in the canisters, regular people paying franchising fees to the McD Corp., and other companies fund it. NOT the McDonald's Corporation.

In conclusion... I hate McDonald's and will be glad when tomorrow is over and my children realize how horrid it tastes anyway. If you must venture into a franchise rather than a local eatery, go to Wendy's... Dave Thomas was a saint!

Dave Thomas (7/2/1932 – 1/8/2002)

American restaurant owner and philanthropist

The new educational plan

2011-05-18T18:58:00.000-07:00

Tonight while finishing homework...

Addison: "Mom, I don't need to go to school after Kindergarten. I don't need to go to 1st grade because I don't need to learn anything else."

"Why is that?"

Addison: "Because when I grow up, I am going to be a mom. So I don't need to go to school to learn, I just need to stay at home and watch you so I can learn."

"Ohhh! Great idea! Let's get started now. Can you go help Zoe study her multiplication tables while I go give your sisters a bath?"

Addison: "What's multiplication tables?"

"Oh, that's something you learn about in 3rd grade. Hmm... but if you are going to be a mom you would need to know things like that. Maybe you should keep going to school so you can help your children when they get to 3rd grade."

Addison: "Hmm... Mom, can you be a mom without having any kids?"
"You're going to school, Addie. There's no getting out of this one."

A slight paradox...

2011-05-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

Today, my Kindergarteners' homework was to write a sentence to tell about your favorite thing about Kindergarten. I found their responses rather entertaining.

Sydney: "My favorite thing abuot Kinergarten is lerning how to spell words rite."

Yep.... good thing you still have a week left!

Addison: "I like reces because we git to play."

I love her dearly, but I hate that she writes with an accent. It's "get," baby, g-E-t.

Natalie: "My favorite is lerneing becuz I would Love to be a Teachrs."
This was difficult for her because I refused to help her spell. I told her if she couldn't sound it out, she'd have to think back to where she had seen the word and try to remember how it looked. So I walk in to check on her and find her with Green Eggs and Ham, and a rather creative way of marking a word she was having difficulty spelling.

Green Eggs and Ham (I Can Read It All by Myself Beginner Books)

Inventive, isn't she?

Not a fan of commentary...

2011-05-16T22:13:00.000-07:00

Funny Pictures

So my sweet Natalie was upstairs watching a movie before bed and all of a sudden comes rushing downstairs looking very irritated.

Natalie: "Mommy, I need your help."

What's wrong?

Natalie: "I am trying to watch a movie, and there's this guy that keeps talking so loud I can't even hear it!"

Sorry, Mr. Burton. She loves your work but couldn't care less about how you accomplish it!

Beaver Fever

2011-05-15T13:41:00.000-07:00

The little girls just came running up the stairs singing, "Baby, baby, baby, oh... baby, baby, baby, oh..." and then Addison informed me,

"Mommy, We like Justin Beaver. Me, Sydney and Natalie do."

"Addikins, have you ever seen or heard Justin Bieber?"

"No, 'cause he's not real. Beavers can't sing. It's just pretend!"

I pause, should I just enjoy this so that she never asks to, or do I correct her so that she doesn't become the victim of elementary school mockery? Damn it. I don't want to do the right thing... but I suppose I must...

"Honey, he is real. We just don't listen to his songs because Mommy and Daddy are not fans. Justin Bieber is a real boy."

Addison: "Wait, a minute... he IS real?!? Is he just a boy pretending to be a beaver? Why would Darby sing songs of a boy who wants to pretend to be a beaver? That's just silly!"

Yeah... well, I tried. Not going to beat that dead horse.

Happy pill

2011-05-14T12:32:00.000-07:00

Aunt Lori: "I'll be right back you guys"
Addie: "Where are you going?"
Aunt Lori: "To take my happy pill."
Addie: "Happy pill? Is there a smiley face on it?"

Mistaken anatomy

2011-05-13T22:36:00.000-07:00

Sydney: "Mom, when we go to Aunt Lori's can I go in? I have to pee."
We're not going straight there. Can you hold it?
Sydney: "Yeah, I'll be okay. I'm sitting in my vagina, so it shouldn't come out."

Um Yeah... That's not quite how it works...

Woes of a working mom

2011-05-12T13:50:00.000-07:00

Guys, I got a new job!
Addison: "No! You can't get a job!"
Why not?
Addison: "Then no one will be at home!"
Umm... I actually will be at home more than before since I will be working from there.
Addison: "Oh, good! I was worried about the house being alone all day."
What?!? Why?
Addison: "It may need you sometimes."

Can't take the heat....

2011-05-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Addison had a postop followup appointment for her tubes, which happened to overlap school pick up time. So my dad was kind enough to pick up the other 3 from school for me while I took Addison to the doctor. Since I have a litter and the children won't fit in a standard car/SUV, whenever someone takes the kids, we have to swap vehicles. So he took the minivan and I took his Jimmy.

This Jimmy, mind you, was purchased two weeks before I graduated high school so in car years, it's a little on the elderly side of life... The rear windows still roll all the way down, the air is broken, cars were built for smokers, he's been carrying around his fireman gear (it has a name, but I can't recall it right now) for 15+ years so it has a house-fire smell, etc.

So it was a fun ride with a 5-year-old inquisitive girl that was used to her posh minivan & Prius life. Here are a few topics that arose:

"Mom, can you roll up the windows and turn the cool air on?" "What do you mean the air doesn't work? Does Grandaddy not like to be cool? How can he like it to be hot?!?"

Upon seeing an ashtray..."Is this for people who smoke?" "Did they all die from smoking and that's why he rides by himself?"

"Grandaddy needs to clean his car. I could do it for him, but it would need a lot of soap and good smelly stuff."

"Do bugs not come in here because it stinks?"

"He should buy a new one." "Until it dies? When it does die, will he bury it in the ground like dead people?"

Poor Jimmy. I hope it didn't get a complex after all the criticism.

Harry Potter's got nothing on them!

2011-05-08T20:55:00.000-07:00

So it is now after 11 PM and just a few moments ago, I responded to a "Code: Mommy" cry upstairs only to be told that Addison and Sydney could not sleep because they "could not stop using their magic powers." After turning on the foyer light so it wouldn't be dark in their room, they were still upset. I was then told that even while they are sleeping, they will "still have their magic powers" and they were "scared!"

I finally went upstairs to find out what the issue was.

Sydney: "Mommy, we're scared! I can't stop my powers and I can't go to sleep because I will keep doing them!"
Addison: "And I can't stop mine either."
Okay, what are these powers you speak of?
Sydney: "I can make the fan go around fast just using my eyes."
Syd, that's electricity making it go around fast. If you think it is going faster it's just an optical illusion.
Addison: "Well, I can make the house move. Very slowly. So slow you can't see it right now."
Addie, we are all moving constantly. The Earth spins. You can't feel it, other than you aren't floating out into space.
Addison: "Well I can make invisible animals!"
What?
Sydney: "Look, she put an invisible bunny in my bed! It's by my pillow."
A bunny? Um, cuddle with it so you can sleep easier.
Sydney: "Well, I can also make monsters out of shadows!"
No, you can convince yourself that a shadow is a monster. Show me one and I will prove it's not a monster by shining light on it. (It was her lamb.) See, that's not half as scary as Daddy will be if you keep calling us up every 5 minutes!
Good night!

I must say, I can't prove that Addie isn't making invisible animals. It's my word against hers. I suppose I should embrace her talents!

See the photo above? It's Addie's invisible bunny. She makes her momma so proud!

Innocence lost

2011-05-07T12:10:00.000-07:00

Overheard from the children while they were looking at a textbook and apparently found a section on anatomy:

Addison: "Look! It's a man with a penis!"
Natalie: " Yep, that's a penis."
Addison: "Oh, and here's a baby with a little baby penis."
Natalie: "Eww! Addie! I don't like penises!"

Hold that thought, Natalie, for a long, long time.

2011-05-06T20:42:00.000-07:00

Cards from my little girls. They were too excited to wait. Top left is Natalie, Top right is Addison, Bottom is Sydney.
The insides:
*sigh* Sydney, could you be any sweeter? Remember this when I am old and you have to take care of me.

I love you too, Natalie! I will tuc you in bed at nit as long as you let me :)

It's true, Addison. I do luves you!

PS, I don't know who Tim is, but I don't want him kissing you at bed.

She has her Daddy imitation down pat!

2011-05-06T15:51:00.000-07:00

Girls, we have to go to daddy's work to give him his hat.
Sydney: "did he forget his hat?"
Yes
Natalie: "Was he like 'Shit! I forgot my hat!'?"

Umm could be Natalie. Could be...

2011-05-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

I warn you, this isn't for the weak stomach or those that are visual thinkers.... (It's not that exciting, just something Natalie said that she will kill me if she were 13 and knew I was repeating it)

Okay, I warned you.....

Natalie: "Mom! I just had a giant poop! I just sat on the toilet and it came out. It was big. Like a baby's arm. Giant!"

I will spare you the visual for that--You're welcome!

My little psychic

2011-05-02T19:56:00.000-07:00

Regarding her missing party hat, Natalie says "I just know Quentin stealed it! Because he hates girls.".
You don't know that.
"Yes I do! I just read it in his mind!"