My Experiments with Half-Truths...

Post Divorce Steps

2013-05-10T00:41:00.003-07:00

Divorce is typically harder on women than men financially. This is understandable, given the facts that men still tend to be the breadwinners in marriages (although women are catching up!) and women tend to take more time out of the workforce to be caregivers, putting them at a disadvantage when it comes to earning potential, Social Security benefits and retirement savings. Women also tend to earn less and have lower participation rates in employer-sponsored retirement plans than men when they are working.
These harsh realities do not bode well for us ladies. So we need to be better prepared. If you are recently divorced, going through it now or planning on it soon, follow this basic guide to help you have a more secure singlehood.
Give yourself time. Divorce makes your heart break and your head spin. Analyzing your finances and making potentially critical decisions should NOT be done when you are emotionally compromised. Give yourself time to grieve, process and refocus.
Consider a team approach. Legal, financial and tax planning can be overwhelming enough even when divorce isn’t involved. It may be worth the cost of working with professionals who can give you objective, personalized advice and at least remove that stress of figuring it all out on your own. Ask around for referrals who specialize in divorce planning and interview several candidates for comparison. Make sure to be clear on the potential costs upfront as they will need to be part of your updated budget (see below).
Take inventory. Calculate your current net worth (what you own of value minus your debts) and make a detailed listing of every asset and every liability. This should include bank and investment accounts, loans, outstanding credit card balances and property. Remember that you are typically entitled to a share of any savings that have accumulated or property that was purchased or gained value during your marriage (including your ex’s retirement accounts and any real estate).
Protect your credit. Make sure joint credit accounts are closed and that you have your own accounts set up. Also make sure that any outstanding joint debts have been settled. Check your credit report for confirmation and possible errors. Also know your current credit score.
Update your budget. Keep a close eye on your cash flow and create a detailed accounting of current income and expenses. Analyze your spending and look for opportunities to cut back, save more, and understand how much you might need to make up in income to live more comfortably, both now and in the future. You should probably also make peace with a “less is more” lifestyle.
Review your insurance. Update your property and casualty insurance policies to reflect your current needs. Also update beneficiaries on any life insurance policies and make sure you have health insurance in place, whether it is through an arrangement with your ex, COBRA or a new individual policy. If you are over 50, you should look into long-term care insurance if you don’t already have it. While the cost now may seem prohibitive, the future cost of long-term care could be overwhelming. Weigh the pros and cons carefully.
Revise your retirement and estate plans. Update any wills and trusts that may be in place and beneficiaries on all retirement accounts. Then reconsider your retirement goals (e.g. when to retire, where you will live and how much income you need to live comfortably in retirement). Keep in mind that if you were married for less than 10 years, you are not entitled to your ex’s Social Security benefits. Even if you were married for more than 10 years, chances are the price of divorce has caused you a significant setback in terms of retirement savings, particularly if you are over 50. So you probably need to think about retiring later, earning and saving more money in the meantime, and/or taking on more investment risk. For a fee, a financial planner can be very helpful in creating your new roadmap.
Explore earning more. Think about what you like to do and what you are good at. Network like crazy to find opportunities for work that is meaningful and leverages your particular skills. Volunteering for an organization or offering to work for free can help you gain contacts, knowledge and experience, and can often lead to paid positions.
Divorce at any age is difficult. Divorce later in life can be even more challenging because you have less time to catch up. The more proactive you are in having a post-divorce financial plan, the better off you’ll be. Good luck!

Fill your with the Good Days

2013-05-09T23:27:00.001-07:00

If you want to have a better life, you must fill it with good days. The best way to do that is to organize your day according to your personal priorities - doing the most important things first.

It's easy to do. Yet most people don't. Eighty percent of the people I know - and I'm including all the intelligent and hardworking people I work with - do exactly the opposite. They organize their days around urgencies and emergencies. Taking care of last-minute issues that should have been dealt with earlier. Or doing tasks that help other people achieve their goals while ignoring their own.

Doing first things first. It is a very simple discipline. Yet its transformative power is immense. It can change your life - literally overnight.
It is the single best technique I know for change. And it's the fastest and easiest way to turn your life around if you are not happy with the way it's been going so far.

Doing first things first. Is that what you do?

Here's what I do:

I get up early - never after 6:30 a.m.
I get to work early - never later than 7:30 a.m.
I spend my first hour doing a task that advances my most important goal.
If I'm going strong, I spend the next hour doing the same thing. If not, I switch to a task that advances my second-most-important goal.
I spend my third hour on another priority.
Only after four hours of doing important work do I allow myself to deal with less important work and other people's urgencies.

By the time most people start wandering into the office - between 8:30 and 9:00 - I've done at least an hour and sometimes two hours of work that is helping me achieve my important goals. Goals that correspond to my core values. Goals that will immensely improve my life.

That's how to begin a very good day!

I do this five days a week. And on weekends, I find at least two more hours each day to devote to my top priority. In a year, this averages to about 600 hours. Six hundred hours may not sound like much, but it is.

Six hundred hours is fifteen 40-hour work weeks. That's almost four working months! Think about it.

Here's what you can accomplish in 600 hours:

Learn to speak a foreign language with moderate proficiency.
Become a reasonably skillful ballroom dancer, with a good command of the swing, the fox trot, the salsa, and the hustle.
Achieve a blue belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu or a brown or black belt in one of many other martial arts.
Develop a decent singing voice and feel comfortable singing at parties.
Write five 60,000-word books on a subject you know.
Write and edit two novels or 365 poems.
Write, direct, film, and edit a 30-minute movie.
Start a multimillion-dollar side business.

Some Preliminary Observations

2013-05-09T05:14:00.001-07:00

To get started, here are some observations about great wealth builders like Jobs and Edison and Ford.

1. A "normal" person is concerned with protecting his ego. When dealing with a problem he doesn't really understand, he pretends he understands the contributing factors and doesn't try to find out what anyone else thinks. A person with a multimillionaire mind asks questions incessantly. He has no ego when it comes to learning. He knows that knowledge is power.

2. A "normal" person has a consumer mentality. He looks at a hot new product and thinks about how he would like to own one. A person with a multimillionaire mind has an entrepreneurial mentality. He looks at it and thinks, "How can I produce this or something similar in my own industry?"

3. A "normal" person is wish-focused. He daydreams about making gobs of money. A person with a multimillionaire mind is reality-based. He is always analyzing his own success and the success of others and wondering how he could learn from it.

4. A "normal" person, when confronted with a challenging idea, thinks of all the reasons why it might not work. A person with a multimillionaire mind sees the potential in it and disregards the problems until he has a clear vision of how it might succeed.

5. A "normal" person resists change. A person with a multimillionaire mind embraces it.

6. A "normal" person accepts the status quo. A person with a multimillionaire mind is always looking to make things - even good things - better.

7. A "normal" person reacts. A person with a multimillionaire mind is proactive.

8. A "normal" person looks at a successful business owner and thinks, "That guy's lucky." Or "That guy's a shyster." A person with a multimillionaire mind thinks, "What's his secret?" And, "How can I do that?"

Most importantly, a person with a multimillionaire's mind likes living like a multimillionaire. He doesn't shortchange himself when it comes to comfort and luxury. Rather than believing always that pain leads to gain, he thinks, "If I'm smart I can have my cake and eat it too.

You can start your mental transformation by studying this list and assessing your own impulses. Be honest. Identify the habits you don't have and try to develop them. Rather than think of this process as work, think of it as fun.

Commitment- An Enemy

2013-05-09T02:17:00.001-07:00

Commitment is one of the major enemies of relationships - one of
the chief reasons divorce is rampant in our society.

I'm not talking about the commitment you make to one another when
you marry -- the commitment to love each other no matter if you
become rich or poor, healthy or sick, etc.

Some people believe that once they "give their word" there is no
going back. Society often depicts those who change their minds as
weak-willed, indecisive or lacking conviction. In many cases,
those who are willing to change their minds are exhibiting
incredible courage and maturity.

There would be far fewer divorces and a great deal more blissful
relationships if men and women were brave enough to change their
minds more often.

Here are just a few major areas that someone should be mature
enough to change his or her commitment on:

- Not wanting to get married even though you are already engaged

- Desiring more or less children even though you agreed on a
certain number while dating

- Admitting that your present career is unchallenging or
emotionally draining and that you would prefer to switch to a
career that is more satisfying yet far less lucrative

- Willing to admit when you have a spiritual yearning even though
you dogmatically stated for years that you were an atheist or
agnostic

- Deciding to forgive someone (or say you were wrong or sorry) even
though you previously said hell would freeze over before that would
happen

- Agreeing to go to counseling for a problem with your marriage (or
for a personal issue) even though you made a vow that you would
never darken the office of a "shrink"

Of course there are many other areas where it is completely ok (and
sometimes very wise) to change one's mind. While there is a place
for life-long commitments in relationships, truly blissful ones
have the sort of accepting love that enables them to grow and
change together.

Flick off your negative thoughts

2013-04-29T02:17:00.001-07:00

When you have a negative thought, treat it like an ash that has popped out of the fire and landed on your jacket —flick it off right away and it won’t burn you!

Thoughts of doubt, worry and fear are not something you want to take over your consciousness. The moment you spot them, flick them off and go back to noticing what you’re grateful for.

The Criteria for Success

2013-04-23T03:52:00.002-07:00

Take This Opportunity

Matt Smith is ETR's Publisher. In this role Matt helps direct the business, identifying key opportunities to pursue, and liabilities to avoid. His real-world experience, wisdom, and vision for groundbreaking new ideas are tough to match, even at his relatively young age (he's only a few weeks older than your editor). That's why multimillion dollar a year companies seek his expertise. Most recently he became the CEO of Stansberry & Associates, a financial publishing company. But he still plays a significant role at ETR, and is here today to give you his criteria for success.

Craig Ballantyne

"Is your work attempting to beautify the world, is it striving to greatness in heart or deed, is it inspiring or uplifting, and moreover, is the world a better place because of it?" - Corey Anton

By Matt Smith

In the late 1990s, while most of my peers were taking the traditional college-route to success, I set out on a cross-country educational journey. From Portland, Oregon, to Buffalo, New York, and all the way down to Florida, too, I crisscrossed the country working for a variety of unique entrepreneurs.

It was from the business owners that I learned more than any college education ever could have provided. It was on this journey that I discovered the true Criteria for Success.

As a serial Entrepreneur, I'm regularly evaluating new business ideas. Whether these ideas involve launching a new company or adding a new product line to an existing company, I tend to evaluate the opportunity based upon six specific criteria.

Criteria #1: Can I clearly define the market and direct my advertising efforts to target the prospects with laser-like precision?

One of my companies sells a product designed specifically for Certified Public Accountants. It solves a real problem and is, in fact, a very good product at a fair price. That's great. But, I'm far more concerned with and excited by the fact that we know exactly who our customer is. We know exactly how to reach them. We know how to talk to them so that our message will resonate and we know when precisely they'll most welcome our message.

Most business and product ideas are vague and it's a classic mistake of new entrepreneurs to think that their great product should appeal to everyone. Even worse, it's easy to assume that great products sell themselves. I assure you, that doesn't happen.
Great products can languish while mediocre products become blockbusters so long as the mediocre product has a clearly defined audience who is easily reachable through measurable advertising.

Criteria #2: Does the idea solve a real problem?

Back in 2010, venture capitalists dumped $1.67 billion into social media companies. I don't have any major objection to social media companies, but I have a hard time seeing how most of these companies solve any real problem.

Let's look at one example. Color, a mobile photo sharing app, raised $41 million in venture money before launching. Okay. Color might be a cool little app, but it's a big stretch to say it solves a real problem or makes people's lives better, which, by the way, explains why they have no clear strategy to make money.

When you're adding value to the world and solving real problems, it's generally much easier to come up with a worthwhile strategy to make money.

This all reminds me of 1999 and the 'dot com bubble.' I was there in the trenches and made several huge mistakes which ultimately cost me everything I'd accumulated up until that point. It was a humbling learning experience for me, but a great reminder that as an entrepreneur my primary objective is to create value by solving real problems.

Criteria #3: Is it scalable?

As a child with entrepreneurial inclinations, I looked around for things I could sell or services I could provide. Not knowing where to start, I went for the low hanging fruit by trading my time for money. My ventures included Kool-Aid stands, paper routes, and selling little crystals from a broken chandelier to my classmates (ten cents each or 3 for a quarter).

I did okay as a kid by being a little creative and working my butt off. But, everything changed for me at about 19 years old when I came to understand scalability. Trading your time for money is a devil's bargain. It is the easiest way to bring in income, but in the end it is still a job.

The ability to scale means you have obvious leverage. You don't have to do all the work and when you do, you're efforts are multiplied significantly. That's one of the things I like most about the publishing business. It takes about the same amount of energy to communicate with 10 people as it does 1,000,000.

Look for businesses that can be systemized, grown through good marketing and with large enough target markets that the whole exercise proves worth the effort.

Criteria #4: Is there a special advantage I can leverage?

People are often surprised that I'm not a competitive person. I don't care if you're better at something than I am. I do, however, care deeply about outcomes and objectives. For whatever reason, there are certain things I want to see happen and the fact is, I prefer to take shortcuts to reach those objectives.

I always look for ways to gain a special advantage in any new opportunity and you should too. Here's an example of one relating to the CPA product I described earlier:

I would never consider adding this product to the existing business if I didn't have a special advantage up my sleeve. In this case, we happen to have a very close relationship with a pair of high ranking, well respected university professors who are already in this space.

These folks are at the top of their game with all the credibility in the market we could hope for. Leveraging their massive credibility and expertise makes this particular opportunity so easy it really does feel like cheating.

When evaluating your opportunity ask yourself these questions:

How can I leverage my current customer base to support this new opportunity?
Do I know anyone who has unique expertise that I can leverage to make this a home run?

Criteria #5: Does it fit within my core objectives?

After losing everything in 2000 my primary objective was to rebuild and add to my wealth. I started a marketing company built around generating leads online. The business grew quickly from there and branched off into software development where we created and marketed our own products.

The products we made were good and they solved problems, but the only reason I launched them was because I thought they could put lots of money in my pockets. There's nothing wrong with making money. In fact, there's a lot right about making money and, at the time, building and launching these new products helped to support my primary objective: rebuild and add to my wealth.

Today, however, there is no way I could pursue projects like that simply because my core objectives are fundamentally different then they were back then. Making money is important to me, but I have other objectives that override that one all the time.

Before I launch any new business or product I ask myself if this product fits within the vision I have for my life. Is this how I want to spend my time? Does this get me closer to my medium and long-term objectives?

Criteria #6: Can I build an immediate feedback loop by defining and watching key numbers?

I'll probably never be the guy that comes up with an idea that changes the world or builds a business that revolutionizes anything. That's the downside of Criteria #6. Fortunately, the upside makes up for it.

Our time is the most valuable asset we have. The worst-case scenario for an entrepreneur is to waste their time and priceless energy on a business that will not succeed.

How do you know if an opportunity will be successful?

Start with the five criteria above to select the businesses you start or opportunities you pursue and you'll dramatically increase your odds of success. Add to this a good feedback loop and you'll know quickly and with relatively low risk whether the business will succeed.

Two years ago, I spoke in Lithuania at an annual Leadership & Entrepreneurship camp designed for university students from all over the world. As part of the sessions, we had the students pick individual business ideas and break into teams to actually work out how they would implement the ideas.

One of their tasks was to define some key numbers in their businesses that would help them understand the relative health of the business at a moment's notice. These key numbers create the feedback loop we need in order to know if we're going in the wrong direction.

In most businesses developing a feedback loop is straightforward. I like to identify some key numbers in the business and watch those numbers every day. As the business grows, the numbers your watching will likely change, but that's not the point.

Most entrepreneurs don't bother establishing key numbers for their business or, if they do, often focus on things that are too far away from the objectives of the business to make much of a difference.

That's one of the things that Craig and I focus on with members of our Elite Virtual Mastermind. We help entrepreneurs discover the key numbers to drive growth in their business.

For instance, many businesses will know how many new customers they have or what their revenue was for last month, but they'd be better served to focus on cost per customer acquisition and Customer Lifetime Value.

Using these six criteria, we were able to better evaluate the business ideas put forward by the students at our camp. And more importantly, once the students understood these criteria, they were better able to create an action plan for taking their ideas to market.

No matter if you already have an established business or if you are simply on the verge of creating one, set aside some time to run your idea through these six evaluation steps. Each one will help you refine and improve your plan.

The impossible is not unattainable

2013-04-23T03:42:00.003-07:00

They are free of fruit that want an orchard. But I say: Everyone can have their own orchard!

Expanding Your Horizons

2013-04-23T03:35:00.000-07:00

Creating Your Life

Here's a simple truth. You can take control and create the story of the rest of your life. It really depends on what you're willing to do, how far you're willing to go. Today, a remarkable story of a young woman that expanded her horizons, created her own world, and let nothing get in her way.

Craig Ballantyne

"Do not think that what is hard for you to master is humanly impossible; and if it is humanly possible, consider it to be within your reach." - Marcus Aurelius

By Robert Greene

For the writer Zora Neale Hurston (1891-1960), her childhood represented a kind of Golden Age. A spirited and strong-willed girl, she spent a lot of her time alone, wandering through the town, reading, writing.

Then in 1904 her mother--who had always protected and sheltered Zora from her father--died, and the Golden Age came to an abrupt end. Her father, eager to have Zora out of the house, shipped her off to a school in Jacksonville. A few years later, he stopped paying her tuition and essentially abandoned her to the world. For five years she wandered from one relative's house to another. She took up all kinds of jobs to support herself, mostly housekeeping.

Worn down by work and depression, everything was tightening around her until all she could think about was her own tiny world and how sorry it had become. Soon it would be hard to imagine anything besides cleaning houses.

No matter how impossible it seemed, she could not let go of her dream to become a writer. To realize this dream, she would have to educate herself and keep her mental horizons expanding by whatever means necessary. A writer needs knowledge of the world. And so, thinking in this way, Zora Neale Hurston proceeded to create for herself one of the most remarkable self-directed apprenticeships in history.

Since the only jobs she could get at that moment were housecleaning, she managed to land work in the homes of the wealthiest white people in town--there she would find plenty of books. Snatching a few moments here and there, she would read portions of these books on the sly, quickly memorizing passages so she could have something to go over in her head in her free time. One day, she discovered a discarded copy of Milton's Paradise Lost in a garbage can. It was as good as gold for her. She took it wherever she went, and read it over and over. In this way, her mind did not stagnate; she had created for herself a strange sort of literary education.

In 1915, she landed a job as a lady's maid to the lead singer of an all-white traveling troupe of performers. Many of the members of the troupe were well educated. There were books everywhere to read and interesting conversations to overhear. By observing closely, she could see what passed for sophistication in the white world, and how she could make herself charming to them with her stories of Eatonville and her knowledge of literature.

As part of the job, they had her trained as a manicurist. She would later use this skill to find jobs in the barbershops in Washington D.C., near the Capitol. The clientele included the most powerful politicians of the time, and they would often gossip as if she weren't even there. For her, this was almost as good as reading any book--it taught her more about human nature, power, and the inner workings of the world.

Her world was slowly expanding, but still there were severe limitations on where she could work, on the books she could find, on the people she could meet and associate with. She was learning, but her mind was unstructured and her thoughts unorganized. What she needed, she decided, was formal education and the discipline this would bring her. At twenty five she looked young for her age, and so chopping off ten years in her application, she gained admittance to a free public high school in Maryland as a freshman.

She made the most of this schooling--her future depended on it. In this way, a few years later, she gained admittance to Howard University, the leading institution of black higher learning, and made the acquaintance of key figures in the black literary world. With the discipline she had gained in school, she began to write short stories. Now, with the help of one of her connections, she got a short story published in a prestigious Harlem literary journal.

In 1932, with the Depression raging in New York and her employment opportunities drying up, she decided to return to Eatonville and proceed to work on her first novel. From somewhere deep inside, all of her past experiences, her lengthy and multifaceted apprenticeship, rose to the surface--the stories from her childhood, the books she had read here and there over the years, the various insights into the dark side of human nature, the anthropological studies, every encounter that she had paid attention to with so much intensity. This novel, Jonah's Gourd Vine, would recount the relationship of her parents, but it was really the distillation of all of her life's work. It spilled out of her in a few intense months.

The novel was published the following year and became a great success. Over the next few years she wrote more novels at a furious pace. She soon became the most famous black writer of her time, and the first black female writer ever to make a living from her work.

Zora Neale Hurston's story reveals in its barest form the reality of the Apprenticeship Phase--no one is really going to help you or give you direction. In fact, the odds are against you.

If you desire an apprenticeship, if you want to learn and set yourself up for mastery, you have to do it yourself, and with great energy. When you enter this phase, you generally begin at the lowest position. Your access to knowledge and people is limited by your status. If you are not careful, you will accept this status and become defined by it, particularly if you come from a disadvantaged background. Instead, like Hurston, you must struggle against any limitations and continually work to expand your horizons.

Reading books and materials that go beyond what is required is always a good starting point. Being exposed to ideas in the wide world, you will tend to develop a hunger for more and more knowledge; you will find it harder to remain satisfied in any narrow corner, which is precisely the point.

The people in your field, in your immediate circle, are like worlds unto themselves--their stories and viewpoints will naturally expand your horizons and build up your social skills. Mingle with as many different types of people as possible. Those circles will slowly widen. Any kind of outside schooling will add to the dynamic.

Be relentless in your pursuit for expansion. Whenever you feel like you are settling into some circle, force yourself to shake things up and look for new challenges, as Hurston did when she left Howard for Harlem. With your mind expanding, you will redefine the limits of your apparent world.

Soon, ideas and opportunities will come to you and your apprenticeship will naturally complete itself. And you will be that much closer to mastering the field you've chosen

How Giving Can Make You Rich

2013-04-23T02:31:00.000-07:00

Build a Life of Value

Years ago there was a popular bumper sticker that read, "He who dies with the most toys wins."

Of course, that is not so.

What the bumper stick should have read is, "He who dies after adding the most value wins."

Let me explain in today's essay,

Craig Ballantyne

Be awesome. Take action. Attract others. Remember, other people want to be associated with positive people...people who are doing good things and allowing them to be a part of something bigger than themselves.

By Craig Ballantyne

Not too long ago, I watched a fascinating presentation by the inimitable Gary Vaynerchuk. Gary was born in the former Soviet Union and his father brought their family to America where nine family members lived in a studio apartment while his father pursued the American Dream.

Gary eventually grew the family business, Wine Library, from $3 million to $80 million per year, and he now runs a social media company helping large corporations optimize the use of Twitter, Facebook, and other Internet marketing channels. Gary's latest book, "The Thank You Economy," argues that the new economy is being shaped by the use of real-time insights from social media.

The presentation I watched was Gary's keynote speech from last year's Inc. 500 conference, and while not for delicate ears (warning: excessive cursing), Vaynerchuk delivered a non-stop tour de force and extreme value in his hour. Usually I can't stand to watch video (I much prefer to read), but Gary's presentation held me spellbound in front of my computer because it was both entertaining and delivered "a-ha" moment after moment.

Gary will be the first to tell you that giving extreme value to your customers is an essential part of building your business or career (just read his book, "Crush It," for the full story on how he used the delivery of tremendous value to build Wine Library).

But where do you, someone who doesn't have a wine store or 900,000 Twitter followers like Gary, start delivering value in your 'just-starting-out' or 'have-not-even-started-yet' business?

Well, it's simple. Begin at the beginning and go on 'til you come to the end.

You start with one person. One reader. One viewer. One customer. You deliver value to them, learn lessons from the interaction, and you improve your system.

You write your first newsletter, asking for reader feedback on how you can make it better.

You create your first product by hand and sell on e-bay or at a local swap meet for a profit, getting constructive criticism from your customer on what you can improve.

You go to your first seminar, meet some people, share what you know to add value to their lives, and you leave them better off than you found them.

The next step is to write a second newsletter for the seven or twenty or thirty-five new subscribers you attracted. Or you sell your 5th, 10th, and 100th product on E-bay or at the next swap meet.

Or you go to another seminar, make more friends and contacts, help more people, and go home to find more ways to help those people.

You ride in, help a bunch of people, and leave them saying, "Who was that helpful person?" And then they talk about you - in a good way. You build a reputation as a giver, a value-adder, a problem solver, and you become the person everyone else wants to connect with. You're invited into deals. You're asked to be a guest expert on websites. You get collaboration requests. You are rewarded for delivering excessive value.

This is the mentality I had when I created myalmost daily free email newsletter from, InternetIndependence.com. Each day I would provide extreme value to readers, so much so that they kept on asking, "When are you going to sell something?" My email list grew almost exclusively by word of mouth, because I had no affiliates (there were no products to promote) and I wasn't buying advertising.

I also created something that I called, "My blog post of a lifetime," and you can do this with a speech, presentation, or report, too. In my "post of a lifetime," I delivered all the content and value my readers would need to get started, and I wrote it from the perspective that "if I could only write one message for the rest of my life, what would it be?" You can read that blog post of a lifetime here.

The surest path to success is to help others. Solve problems. Design your product to provide the greatest value in the marketplace. Add value to someone's life. Follow the golden rule.

As my friend and mentor Yanik Silver is fond of saying, "I firmly believe you cannot out-give the universe. Anything you give out comes back to you in kind multiple times."

Don't you think you could build successful business relationships with others by being the most helpful, giving, and caring person in your industry? It's so easy. Just help as many people as you can, starting today. The more you help others and the more they succeed, the more success you will achieve. Don't hold anything back.

Can you ever give too much help to someone? I doubt it. I've yet to be accused of helping too much, and my three main businesses reach over 450,000 people on almost daily basis with advice that helps people move forward towards their goals.That's why I give my Virtual Mastermind members everything I produce. It's my latest attempt at "out-giving the universe."

Here's what you need to do in order to start helping and giving value today.

First, identify that problem in your industry that you can solve.
Second, become part of the conversation, online through social media, forums, and your own newsletter, or offline through attending seminars, trade shows, or swap meets - wherever your marketplace congregates.

Third, deliver value. Prove your worth. Take action and attract friends, fans, and followers into your life.

Give excessively. Give dangerously. Give so much value that other people think you are crazy to be giving that much value away.

The world needs entrepreneurs and problem solvers today more than ever. It needs you to go out there and give value to people. Make the world a better place. I dare you.

You can do it.

And we'll be right here at Early to Rise to support you every step of the way.

Seven Wonders of The world inside you

2013-04-22T02:55:00.001-07:00

The Great Pyramid of Giza, The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, The Statue of Zeus at Olympia, The Temple of Artemis at Ephesis, The Mausoleum at Halicarnassus, Colossus of Rhodes, and the Pharos Lighthouse of Alexandria.?

OR Is it

The Seven Wonders of the World are to see, to hear, to touch, to taste, to feel, to laugh, to love?

There are Seven Wonders of the World right where you are. You are in the midst of them. You are a wonder of the world.

10 Steps to Manifesting your Dreams!!!

2013-04-10T04:23:00.002-07:00

Imagine if you could use the power of your mind to manifest money into your life.

Sound far-fetched?

It's easier than you might be willing to believe.

But your mind-pattern (or belief system) tells you this isn't so... you've probably tried before and failed, and thus convinced yourself that "money does not come out of thin-air!"

It's much easier to manifest money when you're not thinking of money... but instead, all the things you can buy with money. Forget the "middle-man" for a moment, and focus on the object of your desire.

I'm going to reveal a unique method by which anyone can easily and assuredly attain money and be able to sustain it... and watch it grow into even greater amounts of wealth and prosperity over time.

What I'm revealing to you right now, is the Science and Art of causing reality to conform to Will. And while it isn't accepted among the "Scientific Community" as such, your own experiments will prove beyond any shadow of a doubt, that you not only create your own reality... You can control it.

1. Pick one object that you would like to manifest into the physical plane. Start small, and as your powers of focus and concentration increase, move onto larger objects. At first, you will be fighting against your left-brained "ego" which is hard-wired into your mind-pattern that tells you these things are not possible... you don't create your reality and cannot control it. This is a lie.

2. Write down the statement that calls forth the energy into the container... the words "I COMMAND" are very powerful and similar to giving commands to a computer. Anything after the words "I COMMAND" will create the form in the
likeness of its own image. (for example: "I COMMAND my electricity bill PAID in full before July 31st of this year!" etc.)

3. Now that the Universal Energy is contained, it must be held in place. This is accomplished through focus, concentration and detail. Concentrate and solidify this energy by creating a symbol that represents it. For instance, take your electric bill and mark-out the amount due with a pen or pencil, and write "0.00" just above it. Then place it back into its envelope, and in big letters write, "PAID IN FULL BEFORE JULY 31st!" – This is a symbolic "ceremony" that gives the Universal Energy a definite purpose – to have the electric bill paid before July 31st.

4. The more attention to detail you give, the stronger the force becomes. For this reason, place your symbol in a location where you'll see it and be reminded of your intent, every day. With purpose, your symbol now gains in "intelligence" and begins its descent into the physical.

5. On the page with your command statement, write down as many direct and in-direct benefits you can brainstorm, seeing each of these things come to pass in your mind's eye as you write.

6. Create a perfect scenario of how this manifestation will show up in your life and what you will do as a result of its appearance. Tell a story. Write it down. Make it as detailed and vivid as possible... each new effort brings you another step closer to manifesting your object. (But don't be attached to how it manifests... it may be completely different from your story – but you're giving it "life" and intelligence as you write – thereby strengthening the force to be controlled)

7. Next... write a single question: "What are the possibilities in which this can manifest now?" Be still. Remain quiet, and listen. You will soon pick-up on Thoughts, ideas and theories that will tell you several possible ways the object of your desire can manifest into your life... now. (Remember, energy is not limited by space or time, until controlled and contained!)

8. When the ideas cease and the mind is exhausted of all possible avenues for manifestation to take place, stop. Take the paper and fold until small enough to fit in your wallet, or inside your purse. The concentrated energy of these words
bring greater strength to focus and direct the Universal Energy... the conduit is you. Energy is neither created nor destroyed, but transformed through the Mind. Remember – focus, concentration and detail form matter.

9. From this point, allow your symbol to "freeze" the manifestation into existence and remove any remaining or reoccurring negative beliefs to be dissolved by the Light of Reason. This is symbolized by your subconscious as illuminating white-light. You can cast white-light around any negative Thought with the intent to do so, and feel it dissolve back into its pure form. (Here is wisdom: Light Illuminates the Darkness!)

10. Remain completely un-attached to how your manifestation occurs in the physical. Rest assured that through the phenomenon of Synchronicity, your Thought will manifest at the best possible time and place for your greatest benefit... even if you don't understand why in that moment.

An ode to Lady Thatcher

2013-04-10T02:29:00.002-07:00

I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.- Margaret Thatcher

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.

4 strategies you can use to control your stress level in the workplace.

2013-04-10T02:07:00.003-07:00

By Denise Gosnel

Strategy 1: Create A Stress Inventory

First, start by creating a stress inventory. For example, write down the situations, tasks, and events that caused you to feel stressed. Then describe your reaction to each. Did you feel frustrated, angry, or nervous?

Next, sit down and review your stress inventory. Choose one situation that you want to improve upon. Identify the problem and then come up with ways to resolve it.

For example, if you need to leave work early to pick up your children from school, then come to the office earlier, take work home to catch up on, or delegate tasks to others to get more done. The best way of coping with stress is to try to find a way to change the circumstances that are causing it.

Strategy 2: Delegate Tasks To Others

You should delegate things to others every time you have the opportunity. As a business owner, you tend to be a perfectionist, so this is often a difficult task to accomplish. The hard part to overcome is the fact that the other person may not do the task as well as you could do it yourself.

If you can delegate certain tasks to others that they can get 80% right, could you make it right in less time than it would have taken you to do it yourself from scratch? Or, is this the type of task that 80% right is acceptable so it doesn’t really matter anyway. In either situation, if the answer is yes, then that task SHOULD be delegated.

The point is “just do it.” If you don’t delegate, you will never have time to do the critical things that “only you” can do. You need to allow others to complete tasks for you.

Strategy 3: Accept The Unavoidable

Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You simply cannot prevent them or even change them. In these situations, you are forced to accept things as they are.

As a business owner, accepting what you cannot change is often times very difficult to swallow. You want to always be in the control … and, if you are not, your stress level increases.

So, rather than stressing yourself out over what you cannot control, take charge and accept what you cannot change. Focus on how to solve the problem and not the problem itself. By doing this, you will reduce your stress, while at the same time become more productive.

Strategy 4: Change Your Focus

Another way to reduce your stress meter is to change your focus and stay positive. As they say, “everything has a silver lining.”

When you focus your time and energy on being positive, your stress level will decrease. All your positive energy begins to work in a forward direction. By simply changing your focus, you alter the situation.

The way you can do this is by looking at the big picture. When you stop and put everything into perspective, is it really worth the stress? Will the problem you are currently worried about even matter next week, in a month or even next year? In most cases, it doesn’t. But either way, you can still adapt or even dismiss whatever is causing your stress and move on. It’s not worth letting the stress get you down when that just takes your energy away from solving the problem.

You have the ability to control and manipulate the amount of stress that you place upon yourself, even if it seems overwhelming at times. Just stay focused on everything that is positive in your life and on solving the challenges that are in front of you. And keep charging ahead no matter what roadblocks are thrown in your way.

3 best foods to Take at bedtime

2013-04-08T02:22:00.003-07:00

3. Bananas
Bananas are an often-overlooked but excellent source of tryptophan, an amino acid your body converts into serotonin – which boosts your mood and promotes restful sleep. Bananas also contain magnesium and potassium, which help your muscles relax, and even have a bit of melatonin, a hormone your body produces when it’s time to go to sleep.
2. Tart Cherry Juice
Cherries are another natural source of the “sleep hormone” melatonin, and research shows that levels are elevated in people who drink tart cherry juice regularly. Plus, one study found that drinking tart cherry juice improved sleep quality, increased total sleep time by about 25 minutes and boost “sleep efficiency,” a measure of sleep quality, by up to 6%
1. Almond Butter
Spread a tablespoon or two of almond butter on apple or banana slices, or even eat it straight from the jar. Almonds are a good source of sleep-promoting, muscle-relaxing magnesium, and they contain just enough protein to help keep your blood sugar levels steady while you sleep (without weighing you down like heavier protein sources).

The 5 Worst Foods to Eat Before Bed

2013-04-08T02:21:00.004-07:00

5. Ice Cream, Cookies, Cake … Anything With Lots of Sugar (Including Breakfast Cereal)
If you’ve got a sweet tooth, resist the urge to splurge right before bed. The extra sugar will cause a spike in blood sugar, making your energy levels jump and then plummet.[i] This wacky energy rollercoaster is the last thing you need to help you fall asleep.
4. Spicy Foods
Bedtime is not the time to break out your favorite hot sauce … spicy foods can interfere with your sleep. One reason for this is indigestion, but there’s more to it than that. They may also raise your body temperature, which can lead to poor sleep quality. Research shows, too, that when men ate Tabasco sauce and mustard right before bed, they spent more time awake during the night and took longer to fall asleep.[ii]
3. Steak
A big juicy steak right before bed might sound tempting, but red meat takes a long time to digest. This means that when you should be sleeping, your body will have to be hard at work digesting this fatty, protein-laden meal. Not exactly a recipe for restful slumber …
2. Dark Chocolate
Ordinarily, dark chocolate is one of the best desserts to try, as it’s got the highest level of antioxidants of all types of chocolate. However, it’s also got the most caffeine, and if you eat it right before bed, well, you might as well just drink a cup of strong coffee along with it.
1. Citrus Fruits
Because citrus fruits are so acidic, they’re notorious for causing indigestion and heartburn – especially if you eat them and then go and lie down. Save your grapefruits and oranges for earlier in the day, and if you want fruit before bed, opt for cherries or a banana.

Homeopath Magic. A must for your medicine kit

2013-04-08T02:19:00.000-07:00

Belladonna

The extract from the flowering Belladonna perennial is so powerful it has been used for centuries as an anesthetic for surgery. It reduces swelling, eliminates muscle twitches, and ends both muscle aches and shooting pains.
Ignatia
Derived from the seeds of a small tree native to China and the Philippines, this traditional Chinese medicine secret calms nerves and relieves emotional distress, allowing muscles to relax and relieve aching pressure.
Rhus Tox
Yet another long-proven natural medicine, Rhus Tox is one of the best homeopathic remedies available for relieving the sharp aching pains of arthritis, sprains, and bachache.
Naja
This rare but amazingly potent homeopathic remedy quickly calms nerve-based pain right through your skin and brings fast relief from inflammation.
Menthol
Derived from peppermint and other mint family plants, menthol provides cool penetrating soothing of muscle and joint pain. By increasing circulation it allows blood to quickly flush away muscle toxins and speed healing.
Magnesium Sulfate
This vital mineral compound acts fast to reduce muscle irritability, twitching, and painful muscle spasms. It has been shown to effectively deliver comfort by reducing pain in arthritic joints by 80% by itself.
Phosphorous
Phosphorous relieves the burning sensation of tight, painful muscles by regulating the nerves sending pain signals to your brain. It’s like throwing a bucket water over those muscle fires.
Lachesis Mutus
Another rare homeopathic remedy, lachesis mutus is especially effective at enhancing blood flow to speed up the healing process and relieve painful swelling.

To Thinking Great Thoughts

2013-04-07T22:51:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed I invest a great deal of attention in training you how to think and how to control your thinking.

Why might that be? What is the value in orderly, disciplined, creative and constructive thinking?

Think of this process as an upgrade for your mental operating system. Just as you don’t want your computer to run on an outdated system, your mind can also upgrade to a higher level of thinking.

Experience the kind of mental activity that generates what could be called your highest life. When you have “indulgent thinking” where you let yourself indulge in guilt or regret --or carry a grudge, you pay a price in the quality of your aliveness and creativity.

Pay attention to what you are thinking; Move toward your passion and gratitude. At the end of the month you will notice how much more energy you have, and how much beauty you have created around you.

To Thinking Great Thoughts

Silence really is golden!

2013-04-07T22:50:00.000-07:00

Once a master said to his students, “What does the musician have in common with the mystic?” After intense thinking the students all gave up and finally the master said, “The musician realizes that the finest music does not come from the instrument, but from out of the silence.”

Silence really is golden! So today, I invite you to deepen your listening to life in silence. Hear the beautiful silence speaking through nature, speaking between the lines, speaking between the sounds, even speaking between the beats of your own heart.

In the silence, Life is everywhere present. All it asks is that you tune in to the internal music that is always within you, revealing the delight the universe has in your life.

Listen to the Silence...

2013-04-07T22:47:00.002-07:00

You will experience your hardest tests and delays while you are still new in your power of understanding these principles.

In the beginning, there may appear to be giant obstacles in your path. This is a period of undoing your old thinking. It’s a period of opportunity for you to undergo some pop quizzes in your daily life.

You get to decide if you are going to persist in integrating your new understanding, or if you are going to revert to the gravitational pull of the patterns of your past. You will be tested. The wise don’t fight the obstacles. Just bless the obstacle and keep moving toward that which you are seeking.

Over time, as your course becomes more direct, you will begin to recognize an obstacle before fighting it and you will master how to maneuver through life. Over time, your obstacles will be used as stepping-stones.

To Your Persistance Paying Off

When I walk into the thick of trouble, keep me alive in the angry turmoil.

2013-04-07T22:42:00.000-07:00

Ivy, I must admit. I was stomping my feet and grumbling about a project that needed to finish for you when my wife, Debra, reminded me that there was only so much that I could do to help make your dreams come to pass. She said, “Master Prophet, the people of God really should know that you are praying for them because there are people praying for you.” Now, I know you pray for me. Do you know that I pray for you?
In that moment, I was suddenly quickened by the Holy Spirit and I could feel the spirit of prophecy on me so strong. I just had to release this word of prophecy to you today. First, you should really …

Believe that I pray for you and your family every single day.
Continue to pray for others in your life because prayer changes things.
See the hidden power of prayer in this prophecy that I give to you.

Ivy, now as you feel the Holy Ghost filling you with a sense of comfort on the inside of you, begin to relax deeply because what I reveal to you, will lend you power over your enemies. I have searched the Scriptures high and low and the Lord revealed a hidden prophetic prayer to me as I opened my Message Bible and the Gospel began to be revealed.

I know you aren’t ashamed of the Gospel, so wherever you are right now, make a fist and picture yourself as if you were clinching the hand of the Prophet. Visualize me standing in your midst as we pray this prophetic prayer together…

When I walk into the thick of trouble, keep me alive in the angry turmoil.

With one hand strike my foes, with your other hand save me.

Finish what you started in me, God.

Your love is eternal—don’t quit on me now. (Psalm 138:8 MSG)

Now as you continue to feel the power of this anointed prophetic prayer stirring up on the inside of you, read this next scripture below exactly three times because after you say the last word, you will notice that word is what you will have for today and in every venture you step into…

Choosing the Best Possible Life

2013-03-29T03:58:00.000-07:00

Take Time This Weekend to Think About This

I love weekends. Particularly long weekends. Time for long dog walks, introspection, and reflection. Time to figure out exactly what it is we're pursuing in life. Fittingly, with a quarter of the year having passed, Mark Morgan Ford gives you plenty to think about with three questions below. Take some time to reflect on these questions and let us know what you decide.

Craig Ballantyne

"You have only one life, and no one else will live it for you. Shouldn't you take the time right now to figure out what that life is all about?" - Harry Browne

By Mark Morgan Ford

Someone once said that the three most important decisions in life answer the following questions:

1. What are you going to do?
2. With whom?
3. And where?

I thought that was pretty nifty when I first encountered it 15 years ago. Today, I still think it is practical wisdom wrapped in a nutshell. From time to time, we should stop and consider the choices we have made--and can still make, however old we are--so that we can have the best possible lives.

My Career in 300 Words

When I was a child, I wanted to be many things--a policeman, a circus strongman, and a writer. Movie-generated illusions I had about the excitement and romance of such professions formed these ambitions.

My early work experience was very dull, since my youthfulness and poverty limited my job choices. I had a paper route and worked in the delicatessen down the street and in a car wash on the other side of town.

During my high school years, I worked weekends and summers as a grunt for hire, cleaning out warehouses, shoveling snow, painting houses, etc. In college, my buddies and I started our first real business, installing above ground pools all over Long Island. We had four crews running simultaneously, made what seemed like tons of money, and had fun.

It was a very good introduction to entrepreneurship, but I knew it wasn't going to be my career. After getting a master's degree from the University of Michigan, I enrolled in the Peace Corps and went to Chad (in north-central Africa) for two years. There, I taught English literature at the University of Chad in N'Djamena.

In addition to teaching, I did some writing on the side (editing the Peace Corps newsletter and writing a book on local oral poetry) and got great enjoyment from it. So when I returned to the states in 1977, I began looking for a job as a writer. I got one with a small newsletter publishing company in Washington, D.C.

I was initially happy with that work, but after several years of doing the same research and writing virtually the same story every week, I told my boss I wanted to run his business.

He agreed, and I did it. Two years later, I became the editorial director for a larger business in Florida. A year after that, I became my boss's partner.

That, in a nutshell, is the history of my career. I have put it in front of you to make a point:

The "what to do" in my life was not the result of thoughtful choice but of expedient decisions based on circumstances. It took me to a good place eventually, but the path, in retrospect, seems half accidental.

I believe that is true for most of us. We begin with youthful dreams. They dissipate with experience. We take a job to make ends meet, and then another to improve our income, and then another, and before we know it, we have had a "career."

It is a meandering path. Sometimes, we find that what we are doing is something other than what we really want to do.

What Are You Doing?

As I said above, it is never too late to ask, "Am I doing what I want to do? Is it giving me all of the benefits I want and need? How close is it to my perfect job?"

Take a few moments now to think about it. It might help to look at this brief list that identifies what--for me--are the most important characteristics of the perfect job.

Your Perfect Job

I would be happy to do the work I do for free.
I believe it has value--to me and to the people who pay me for it.
It is fully challenging. It engages both the logical and the creative sides of my brain.

If you find that the "what to do" of your life is not perfect, don't panic. If it is paying the bills, it is something. Our first responsibility, as moral citizens of the world, is to support the financial well-being of our families.

But if your work falls short in other areas--if, for example, it doesn't challenge your intelligence and imagination--you should commit to making changes.

If you are lucky, you may discover an opportunity to slip into your "perfect" job. More likely, you can move toward it step-by-step by making adjustments, as I did in my career. To help you in this regard, I recommend that you read my book The Pledge.

The Perfect Partner

I had always considered the question "with whom" to be about one's spouse. And that is probably its original meaning. But it is also relevant to one's occupation.

The people with whom you work--your boss, your partners, your colleagues, and your employees--determine to a great extent both the satisfaction and the success you will have from your working life.

If you stop to think about the work experience you've had, you will realize that much of the pleasure or pain you've experienced came from the relationships you had--your interactions with the people with whom you worked.

And you may think that you have no choice in these matters. After all, you can't hire your boss. But in fact, you can. In choosing the business you work for, you are choosing your future colleagues.

If you find yourself in a toxic work environment (a work environment that is political, rather than entrepreneurial), don't hesitate to look for a better company.

And when it comes time to hire employees, don't consider only their work skills and talents. Consider also whether or not you will enjoy working with them.

The following characteristics should help you choose the best possible partners:

He/she respects you
You have his/her back
He/she has yours
You don't expect him/her to change. You are happy with him/her as he/she is.

These four characteristics may seem obvious, but I managed to ignore them for most of my working life. Gradually, I came to recognize how important it was for me to make good choices in terms of partners. These are the characteristics that, after all of these years, seem most important to me.

The Perfect Place to Live

Where you live and work is important too. The physical environment you naturally prefer very much affects your perfect life. (Do you love the mountains, the plains, the beach? Do you prefer big, bustling cities or tranquil little towns?)

When you are starting out, you must go where the work is. But as you move up the ladder of business success, you will have more choice in the matter. This is especially true in today's world, where in so many industries one can work remotely.

Consider, also, your commute. Some people enjoy spending an hour or more every day commuting. They use this time profitably to listen to music or books on tape and so on.

Other people--such as I--prefer a very short commute. Locating my office a mile from my home has enhanced the quality of my life. I can walk, bike, or drive there in less than 15 minutes.

More specifically, the quality of your immediate work environment--your office--affects the quality of your life. Since you are likely to be spending a big portion of your active day in that one place, make sure you like everything about it.

Your office should not be an accidental, junky place that has what you need. It should be a haven where you can work productively and a bit of paradise filled with art and artifacts that give you pleasure.

Putting It All Together

Whether you are young or old, beginning a career or enjoying a retirement job, you can find good answers to all three questions.

Start today by thinking about the three questions I listed at the beginning of this essay. Conjure up your perfect life. And then begin the process of having it.

An Effective Solution

2013-03-21T04:23:00.000-07:00

When conflicts arise, we tend to believe we are communicating correctly. It's the other person who has no clue. Of course, they are thinking the very same thing about us.

So, how do we resolve interpersonal conflicts?

First, we need to become aware that, while we are working unconsciously out of our own Belief System, our counterpart is doing exactly the same. And, we all think that the way we see the world is the same way everyone else sees the world. It's important realize the fact that - in practically every case where there is conflict - we are both working out of two very different sets of beliefs.

Next, we practice staying conscious of this; constantly "checking our premises" - qualifying that we are making decisions based not just on appearances but on what really is.

Here's a very effective way to work with "Beliefs" and Belief Systems in order to practically ensure that both you and the other person come out winners.

When in conflict or confrontation, ask yourself four questions:

1. How is my personal Belief System distorting the actual truth of the situation?

2. How is his or her personal Belief System distorting the actual truth of the situation?

3. What questions can I ask this person that will clarify my understanding of their version of the truth (their Belief System)?

4. What information can I give that will help them clarify their understanding of my version of the truth (my Belief System)?

As the saying goes, within conflict between two or more people, there are generally three truths: your truth, their truth, and the actual truth (those first two truths are actually beliefs).

Through questions, as well as a caring exchange of information, the real truth can usually be discovered, generating understanding, respect and peace. This leads to results in alignment with our Belief Systems in which both people win, feel great about the situation, and about each other.

2013-03-19T05:04:00.001-07:00

You and I were both trained early on to think falsely about what we are capable of. What I’d like to do this week is undo those old knots and free you to expand your thinking into living a truly wealthy life.

I mean wealthy in every way! You are capable of vibrant health, having meaningful and fulfilling relationships, and deep enrichment giving your gifts to the world. Let’s reprogram your bank account for even more riches to come pouring in. Let’s reprogram your heart for even more love. Your mind for even greater more inspired thoughts.

Believe in the Higher Power

2013-03-18T05:58:00.003-07:00

Belief in the Higher Power Produces the Ability to Claim Your Personal Power - To respond in faith to the word of the Lord instead of react to the negativity and fear-based suggestions around you is the key to claiming your personal power. This is an effective way to counter the enemy's negativity and take back your personal power that God has given you.
Belief in the Higher Power Lets You Redefine Your Situation - When you find yourself in a very challenging environment due to the attack of the enemy, the word of the Lord allows you to look at your situation as a wonderful opportunity to practice holding the light amidst the negativity. Each word of comfort and correction serves as an opportunity to respond with faith, personal power, unconditional love and wisdom, instead of reacting to fear and circumstance.
Belief in the Higher Power Deflects Negativity At All Costs - Your prophecy is your personal power to keep other people's negativity away from you. When armed with the word of the Lord, no one or no thing can speak anything different into your atmosphere when you stand firm on the word of the Lord in your life.

Living with Children

2013-03-14T22:44:00.001-07:00

by Michael Webb

A lot of my readers commented that a big mistake made when they
became parents is forgetting they were a husband/wife. It is very
tempting to let this cute little bundle of joy become the center of
your world and to identify yourself first as mom or dad. Your
husband or wife should always come first. While that might sound
unloving to your children, it actually gives them a great deal of
comfort and stability knowing that their parents are very much in
love with each other.

The following are tips sent in by readers.

Be sure to let your children see you kissing, holding hands and
snuggling. They might find it gross at some stage in their life
but it will be an invaluable lesson as to the importance of
intimacy in a relationship.

Spend time making memories instead of spending money making
clutter; children enjoy the boxes more than the toys that came
inside.

Schedules breed security; it's is really nice to know what will
happen next, especially, when you're talking about food, or parents
coming home.

Church is important. Go as a couple and continue after the
children come along. Start early by taking the child and establish
the pattern of going as a family. Church fellowship and others
giving encouragement is needed, especially in this day and age when
families are so fractured. We need the mentoring of older godly
men and women.

When the children misbehave, be united in your discipline! Even if
you don't agree with a particular decision, stand united. Kids
learn quickly how to divide and conquer and play one parent against
the other.

If at all possible be a stay at home Mom all through their
schooling. The first thing teens yell out when they come home is
"Mom." It isn't only the young ones that need a parent in the home
to meet them, the teens do too even if they would never admit to
it. A smoothly run home and a sense of calm at home are worth a
great deal more.

Limit what the children can be involved in. They don't need to be
doing every activity or sport that comes along. Especially don't
start too early. Let the kids be kids and let them have child's
play. You may want your child to excel at some particular activity,
but remember it is you that will be taking them to all the
practices and going to all the games, bringing the snack and buying
the coaches gift at the end of the season. These activities all
have their place but shouldn't take over family life.

Do not let the kids interfere with you and your mates sex life. Do
not say, "We can't do it now the kids will hear." So what if they
hear, how did they get here? In all actuality if the children
happen to hear you, and are old enough to realize what is going on,
they will be happy knowing that their parents love each other.

Children learn by example. Even though they may cry when you go
out to a movie, plead that you take them with you, even find ways
to try to make the two of you feel guilty, DON'T give into that!
The example of being a loving couple to your spouse will far
outweigh the fear they have when you go out on your 'date'.
Reassure them, make sure they are comfortable and safe with the
person you are leaving them with, you may even give them a call
before they go to bed, but do not ruin your marriage to save a
relationship with your children. It will only backfire later.
They will see that if they whine enough they will get their way and
become spoiled by you.

We have consistently put the children to bed together, keeping a
routine that they can count on through the years. As the children
have gotten older the routine is Daddy doing the "flying bananas
into bed" routine while Mommy prepares to read a story or hear
bedtime prayers. Once the children are in bed, we know we have
time to steal away to our little "haven" to enjoy recounting the
day and listing the blessings together.

My husband and I have been together for 6 1/2 years; combined we
have 5 children ages 3-12. We home school full-time in addition to
the many various extra activities that the children belong to.
Everyone knows that Friday nights belong to Mom & Dad! We may go
out to eat; take in a movie; or just go to the bedroom and lock the
door! Just these few hours alone seem to recharge our batteries to
keep the FAMILY a healthy & happy unit.

I have been divorced for twelve years and one of the things that
might have helped us keep our relationship strong would have been
to leave the kids with a babysitter once in a while. We never did
that, we never even thought of doing that. Once the kids were born
we never went out as just a couple. Again, we never even thought
of it, too bad, because, even though we love our kids so very much
we lost touch with each other.

The very first thing we decided was that our bedroom was off
limits. Not only children, but mother/mother-in-law, friend,
guests...and so on. It is our peaceful haven from the world. We
decorated it in a pleasing manner to both of us and we can both
relax after work and kid's bedtime with disruption.

The kids know they will be going to bed at the same time every
night. If a television show comes on after bedtime we will tape it
for them. There is not discussion or argument on this issue. This
in turn allows my husband and me at least 2 hours of 'child-free'
time in the evenings.

Although schedules are wonderful, it is important to also teach
your children early on to be flexible. Otherwise, it is impossible
to travel or do other things that might make them miss a nap or eat
a couple hours late. Rigid children can turn into rigid adults, and
that is not a good thing.