Musings of the Lame; life as a birthmother in adoption

Help This Dad Find His Kingston Family

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 07:05:26 PST

Former Hudson Valley Adoptee Born December 25th, 1976 Searching for His Birthmother While most of the world sees adoption as a good thing, which is forever finding families for unwanted children, I view the system a little differently. As a birthmother who fights for Adoptee Rights, I often focus more on the legislative injustices, systematic corruption, and the loss that is an automatic part of adoption. In my experience, the positive side of adoption has been often been linked to...

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Lessons in International Adoption

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 08:01:01 PST

Media Attention of Haiti Adoption Sheds Light on Raw Adoption Truths It seemed like the minute I heard about the earthquake in Haiti, the story was linked to adoption. My poor husband, such a news junkie, started clicking away from the channels when an adoption related story came on. I had to tell him that I would not start screaming at the TV, rather, I knew and expected that when there was a catastrophic natural disaster, whispers and then demands to adopt the children left alive would soon...

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Protecting the Privacy of Birthmothers

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 17:00:19 PST

Original Birth Certificate Access by Adopted Adults and the Lies of the Adoption Industry I am, quite frankly, sick and tired of the adoption industry pretending to protect me and other birthmothers. I just listened to the wonderful interview of Adult Adoptee Diane Crossfield speak on behalf of the ( at minimum) 6 million American Adult adoptees who are denied access to their birth certificates. You can hear the taped version of The Takeaway; Adoptees Fight for Access to Original Birth...

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Is Your Adoption Agency Ethical?

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 17:00:38 PST

How are Prospective Adoption Parents Supposed to Know How Ethical an Adoption Agency Really Is? An Inside Look from a Birthmother’s Perspective Adoption is particularly hard because it is never something we really learn about before we find it in our lives. I know I never dreamed that one day I would grow up, have a baby, give him to other parents to raise and not see him for 19 years. I believe that is true for many adoptive parents as well. Maybe you always felt that you would eventually...

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Breaking the Birthmother Rules

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 07:00:07 PST

I wrote this in August of 2006. It was for some publication or contest that I don't ever even believe came with a rejection letter. I know it didn't get published, but I think it deserves some time in the light of day. Not much has changed in my views in the last years. Dear Adoptive Parents; I know you will think I am scary. I have gotten use to it. Most people are shocked when they see me. I am little, not a big threatening Amazon. I know it is not how I say things, how I write,...

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Why Adoption Kool-Aid Tastes so Good!

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 12:03:38 PST

A Look at Birthmothers, Decision Making, and Denial It was close to 10 years ago, if not more the first time I was called out on being a birthmother in denial. Max was only 13 and years away from being found and I was new to the adoption community online. I was still saying things like "Adoption was the hardest decision, but the best choice for my baby I could have made. I do not regret it" and expecting to get pats on the back for my selflessness and courage. Instead I was publically...

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Who Wants to Be a Birthmother?

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 11:45:55 PST

What's in a Word: Birthmother I was asked to write a piece about why mothers who relinquished children to adoption might be upset by the use of the word birthmother by Adoption Mosaic. 700 words on a topic I know quite well, so I said no problem. And then I struggled. About 16 revisions later, and with the deadline looming, I sent off what I THOUGHT was my final version and headed to Texas for the Adoptee Rights Protest. I had sent version #12, but they liked it and I didn't HATE it, so...

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Adoption: Broken Ornaments

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 11:46:30 PST

This post was orginally writen in Dec 2010 for GIMH: The Christmas Tree and Family Traditions One would not think that a middle class family on suburban Long Island would be trend setters. In many ways, my family was quite unremarkable. My father was a NYC police Lieutenant, my mother a stay at home mom for most of my childhood; yet, somehow they did stuff ahead of their time. We had one of the first microwaves, we had a VCR from the early days, we were eating pesto way way...

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Adoptees and Sisters Reality Show Casting Call

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 14:56:59 PST

Prime Time Reality Show Looking for Adoptees and their Sisters I'm just a passing this on....I DO encourage peope to DO these sorts of things, not becasue you want to be on TV, but becasue the more TURE stories out there.. the more it helps. PLEASE remember to SUPPORT ADOPTEE RIGHTS if, you know, you happen to go for it. Mentioning on TV the reality of adoptees sealed records could do a world of good! OK the rest of this is copy and paste! My name Jamie Pease and I’m the casting...

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#AdoptionChat on Twitter Deemed a Success!

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 15:28:49 PST

For a first time chat dreamed up in a week; I am very pleased to say that this was a GREAT Tweet Chat! I knew we had it in us! In about 90 minutes, we tweeted over 288 times about adoption issues. And yes, one can have an in depth conversation with only 140 characters! Next Tweeting @AdoptionChatIf you missed it, we're doing it again! Sundays were deemed good; so once again December 4th, 4:00 pm EST at http://tweetchat.com/room/AdoptionChat. If anyone has any ideas for a topic;...

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#AdoptionChat on Twitter

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:37:28 PST

Real Time Chats About Adoption on TwitterIn the social media world, Twitter Chats are a huge thing where at a selected time and date, people get together on Twitter in real time and chat. It's kind of like the good old fashioned chat rooms of our old favorite forums, except that you have to get your point across in 140 characters as it is on Twitter! Adoption is NOT Represented in Twitter Chats! I have combed through the massive public Google document that IS the industry list to Twitter chats...

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When a Signature Changes Your Life: Relinquishment

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:28:59 PST

I'm in the midst of it all: Adoption Trauma week or better known the Season of Max. So here it is; it's November. The week from hell. Trying to remain "normal", but feeling so very tightly strung up as if I could break or snap at any moment. Tired, impatient, restless, annoyed, teary, over excited, sad. Friday: Finish another long week, and promptly get into a stupid agreement with Rye over stupid paint colors. The whole evening was…stupid. I cry ridiculously hard; sobbing. It's the...

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A Good Birthmom

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:29:43 PST

How to Describe Life as BirthMother?I love it when someone else reaches inside and pulls out their heart to show us. This is a good read. Well done. This part: “…it was too hard for her to feel so much, and she has let go now. We know each other, but we pretend not to feel anything. She is there, but impenetrable.I have vowed to be different. To be strong enough for my son and for me. I have promised myself that I won’t let go, I will feel it all – pain, loneliness, loss, and along with it,...

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Adoption and Halloween

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:30:07 PST

It's no secret that I LOVE Halloween. We spend weeks decorating. Seriously, I used to control myself until October 1st, now it's back to school and get out the Halloween boxes. I actually spin the spider webs on my porch like a spider would. It takes me hours. I don't even think Martha Stewart does THAT! Ok, she does, but mine ARE SERIOUSLY way MORE BETTER! I have more backlights than a LSD den in 1972. I broke my arm hanging Halloween decorations and that has still never...

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Dental Care for the 99%

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:30:24 PST

#Occupy Kingston Fights Back with the BEST DENTIST EVER!I might be living on the Wall Street in Kingston, New York; but for over 30 days now my heart has been on the OTHER Wall Street in NY. It's firmly there, occupying, protesting and standing up for being one of the 99%. People say that the protests make no sense. People say that the list of demands is confusing and too all encompassing. I say that's because OMG: there is just too much already! I am so proud of people getting up, getting...

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Buring Down a House, Losing a Soul

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:30:40 PST

Uptown Kingston Fire 181 Wall StreetMy street feels like it is in mourning. This past Monday there was a fire in a house down the street in the middle of a beautiful post Hurricane Irene afternoon. Only a half hour before the fire broke out, Rye called me at work to say that he had gotten called down the fire house. The volunteers were helping to control the flooding, pumping put basements in downtown Kingston. While the kids were home, Grandma was next door, so I could continue my day at...

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The 2011 Adoptee Rights Video

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:30:58 PST

Without the San Antonio Heat! Long at last! I know.. it took me FOREVER, but here is the next best thing to being at the Adoptee Rights Protest. It does not due it justice, so all I can say is... START PLANNING TO CHICAGO IN 2012 NOW!!!! Expect a follow up post sometime in the next 3 months! I'm sorry.. I AM LAME!! Tweet var linkwithin_site_id = 477703;

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Travel Completed: I Have Arrived in San Antonio for the Adoptee Rights Demonstration

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 00:50:49 PDT

Fourteen hours of traveling is completed. A grand total for three different buses, 2 planes, 3 flights, 6 cites (Kingston to NYC to Newark to St. Louis to Dallas to San Antonio) and about one hour sleep... Worked out exactly as I planned. In fact, it probably could not have gone better. I'm going to have to film a bunch of stuff at this hotel. OMG..I'm quite impressed. Of course I adore old historic buildings and this place is oozing of old! Also, apparently my room is in the haunted older...

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On the Road to the Adoptee Rights Protest 2011: San Antonio Texas

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 12:38:50 PDT

It's almost 2am and I have a 6am flight out of Newark. I hate early morning flights, but I search and priced tickets for 6 months and I did a round trip on Southwest for.. Under 240? So 6am it is. Once agin, the start of my Adoptee Rights Protest adventure starts with being up all night! I do miss travel ing companions though. Newark airport at 2am is a cold and lonely place. Don't worry..I have my pepper spray! So I took the last bus out of Kingston at 10:30. The bus went into NYC'sPort...

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National Adoptee Rights Group Travels To Texas to Free Original Birth Certificates

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 16:01:40 PDT

American Adoptees Denied Civil Rights to Birth CertificateDue to archaic laws that are a legacy of cultural shame stigmatizing infertility, sex, unwed mothers, and adoption, over 90% of all American adoptees will face a life of discrimination unless current laws are changed. Wanting to end discrimination , the Adoptee Rights Coalition; http://www.adopteerights.net ; adopted persons, their families and friends will be gathering in San Antonio, Texas, during the Annual Summit of National...

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Make it OK for Adoptees in OK

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Wed, 18 May 2011 13:48:57 PDT

I was wondering if some first mother's would mind writing a quick email to the Oklahoma legislators below and please point out that as first mothers you were not "promised" confidentiality, but that it was enforced upon you when you relinquished your children. They are trying to include language about balancing "birthparent privacy" when Judge's consider an adoptee's request for their records, in their adoption bill and some of the legislators are trying to fight it, but need help from the...

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Finding Normal; Visits with Adopted Siblings

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Tue, 17 May 2011 16:36:02 PDT

Last Minute Plans and Adoption VisitsThis post is dedicated to the lovely Miss Doom, whom was not only the inspiration and catayst of the whole visit, but also, quite a trooper. She gets my "Favorite Person of the Week" Award! Maybe it just had to be like this. No advanced planning, no time to think, no opportunity to worry, wonder of second guess; just a chance to hit the road and once again, begin the journey back to Boston, back to my son. Could it be that I was actually going to Boston...

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Screw Birthmother's Day! I am Officially Rebeling!

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Tue, 17 May 2011 16:36:19 PDT

So, Tomorrow is Officially Birthmother's Day. You know that that they give us to keep us separated from the "real" mothers of the world. Because, as you should know, it takes more than just giving birth to make a person a real mother. And being a birthmother, all we do is make the babies and give away our motherhood to another who is more deserving of being a mother and of course, more ready. So we can't dare to count ourselves in on Mother's Day. I say screw that! Like most mothers who have...

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Adoptee Rock Wilk Coming to the Hudson Valley

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Tue, 17 May 2011 16:36:38 PDT

Kingston Receiving an Emotional Journey of Adoption TruthI love it when the universe comes to a full circle. When I was working on the Blondie Music Video I got to talking to the one of the producers of the local Kingston venue where the video was shot . Now Hudson Valley locals know it as BSP, or Backstage Studio Productions, on Wall Street, right down the block from both my home and my office. Built as a Vaudeville Theater in the late 1800s, the building itself is incredible. For one,...

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Finding My Andy Warhol

noreply@blogger.com (FauxClaud) — Wed, 18 May 2011 14:08:29 PDT

My 80's Club Scenes, CBGB's, Music Videos and Blondie WeekendIn the days before my birthday, it's pretty natural to find myself deeply introverted and taking stock of the almost 43 years that have made up my life so far. While some years are better than others, I often think back to the person that I thought I wanted to be and the person who I actually am now and I think about how 16 year old Claud would judge 43 year old Claud. I remember the first time it occurred to me to think about...

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