AC

'The Angry Clown Halloween weird shit that you should dump shit on that's funny list '

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:49:00 +0000

Its Halloween bitches and AC has some candy for you. Usually we would do a special post or tell a story or some shit to celebrate what ever holiday it is but this time we thought we would go elsewhere, literally.

OMFG I can hear you say your more excited then a jack rabbit with a gun and a reason to use it. Right anyways. Forget all those other sites that offer crap here we offer crap+ more= Osama Bin Laden happiness, you'll wake up everyday like it was September 11 2001 YES that fucking happy.

Fucking terrorists! Halloween is good and here's ya shit enjoy!

I've spent seconds of my precious life looking for all the weirdest sites and shit I could find on the web and putting it into the 'Angry Clown Halloween weird shit that you should dump shit on that's funny list ' for all of you to enjoy and poke fun at. Thank me later.

We begin with a guy who is quoted as saying.

"i will blog about anything that's insane and talk about everything that's pointless.
making sense of my world with your own words is appreciated. i own my third world"

Fucking brilliant. This is my favorite new site because he doesn't even know that he's a dick and he has made 2 sites! Check it out. Always have the faith and adilahho

These next few blogs are just fucked up and I think People love their cats a bit to much!

Hats Of Meat

Cats that look like Hitler

YogaKitty

Stuff On My Cat

Judge My Lunch

and the best weird shit site ever- KRAPSODY

Well I hope you all enjoyed my little list of shit and I hope it gave you as much fun as I had looking for them. Now fuck off!

This Is sh-it

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 19:37:00 +0000

Michael looking for love

The review you've been waiting for since the untimely death of Michael and since the making of a movie made to suck the last dollar out of slightly un-right people that praise weirdness like its some sort of godly feature.

'This is sh-it' is a tale of woe about a man that apparently sings about being black when he is clearly white and gone to a lot of trouble to get that way. Its about Billie Jean which is obviously a guy and also sings about acceptance of other cultures when he cant even accept his own.

The performance by Michael Jackson who plays a skinny white sickly child molesting white singer/celeb that used to be black and is made out of more plastic then a Tupperware factory is absolutely stunning and takes you into a world where we are meant to feel sorry for a person that's rich and famous and who had still never been happy even when they clearly caused all their own problems. It brings a tear to your eye when he makes his first million at age 6 but then looses it when all his money is spent by him suddenly and you'll laugh when he finds love in the ass of a 8 year old boy. Touching and magic.

This movie has brought pedophiles around the world together in only a way that the death of the most famous pedo of all time can.

Its such a wonderful thing that we are celebrating the life of an artist that had it all including several young children and who was so fucked in the head that they thought they were a child when actually they were an old strange man that had had his testicles removed so they could reach those pesky high notes that testicles so often ruin.

I don't want to destroy the ending for you but you will be shocked at the death of Micheal when he shoots himself up with enough drugs to take down several bull elephants but don't feel sorry for him I'm sure God lets in drug addict, child molesting, plastic surgery mistakes that are worshiped more then himself all the time, if not he's getting fucked in the ass with a chainsaw by a gang of demonic midgets!

Pedophile Denis Ferguson gives it 2 thumbs up!

Clean up

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:23:00 +0000

AC is different you may of noticed Its been a while since we have changed and to get the ball rolling I thought a new face would start it off.

AC is turning from rude/crude to clever funny smart that is rude and crude it will take me a while to get all the widgets/crap back up and a lot will be discarded along the way.

I invite all the authors, guests and Static (haha) to come back and help AC be as good as it can be.

Cheers, Angry Clown

Lick The Big Bone (Revised)

x.static.one@gmail.com (Static) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 01:50:00 +0000

^ Another Guest Post Courtesy of Static

You can thank Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States (1801–1809), and the principal author of the Declaration of Independence (1776), for starting what would become the largest collection of North American Mammoth fossil bones (in scientific speak that means, old massive pricks.) **No thanks to that wonderful duo, Lewis and Clark and their perverse expedition across America.**

History and science come together in this fascinating story of a woodland salt lick and how the fossilized Big Bones found there influenced the beginnings of paleontological pornography in America.

Located on Beaver Road and between the communities of Beaverlick and Rabbit Snatch, Northern Kentucky's Big Bone Lick saline springs have nurtured man and animal for centuries, and the Big Bones of extinct mastodons, bison and other creatures are buried deep in there to prove it.

The park features several nature trails, including the Outdoor Museum of Big Bonin' with Discovery Trail (I'll let you decide what that means), complete with spurting springs - and everyone knows that Kentuckians love salty springs erupting from Big Bones, just as much as Georgians do.

Ever seen Deliverance?

We're all Georgians..well, sorta, not really. But we do have Big Bones. To the Gulag, Boris!

Biology Professor emeritus Eyema Hedonist, illuminates a time when the concept of extinction of the Big Bone was considered outrageous, if not downright blasphemous, since it contradicted the biblical doctrine of a perfect, unchanging Big Bone creation. The Big Bone Theory, if you will, was met with much criticism.

Early 18th-century Big Bone naturalists believed the Big Bones were remnants of some, get this: rare type of elephant dong, possibly even Asian elephant dongs that had somehow wandered into American forests.. let's just see how many hits those underlined search words get on Google. God knows I've had plenty for whale penis.

Thomas Jefferson used the Mammoth bones to refute the European idea that the New World environment was inferior and unable to grow large animals.

No doubt, this theory was unfounded.

These elephants got Big Bones.

**
In RuneScape, or Run(Escape) as it is known in some circles; Big Bones are items associated with the skill prayer. Any RuneScape nerd knows Big Bones give 15 experience points when buried (we won't tell you where).

This is over three times as much experience as bones, making big bones an extremely popular method of training prayer in free-to-play (F2P). They are dropped by normally large monsters, such as any sorts of Giants (or elephants as pictured above), Giant Frogs, Ogres, your Wicked Stepmother etc.

Your Wicked Stepmother likes Big Bones
but she don't get none

The only free-to-play monsters that drop big bones are: hill giants, moss giants, ice giants, and your Wicked Stepmother.

Lately the price has been skyrocketing for big bones, most likely because of such high demand.

So dig deep if you wanna buy a Big Bone!**

**It's also common knowledge that porn stars like Big Bones. Just ask porn star Nikki Benz. She'll tell you all about her love for Big Bones. Poised for greatness, she can make Big Bones disappear before your very eyes. She has starred in plenty of Big Bone prone movies, and has plans to make many many more.

Nikki bends over backwards for Big Bones..
..the FREE couch also needs a new home and a good cleaning. Any takers?

The scumbucket porn industry is always seeking Big Bones to add to their collection. But since you don't have a Big Bone, you are excluded.**

Today Big Bone lies mostly in obscurity, much like this blogger's articles. However, with the advent of Viagra and Cialis, Big Bone may rise again. Long live Big Bone! The End.

It's amazing what you can find on the 'interweb', said Jumbone Licker, If I were to surf the net more often, I'd totally do it nekkid!

You can find out more about this degenerate, obscure blog-tard and his mammoth Big Bone at the following links:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA	http://www.krapsody.com
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
Visit MyBlogLog and get a signature like this!

Felt so fucken good

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Wed, 20 May 2009 22:19:00 +0000

Well well well here we are again, thought you had gotten rid of me for good? NO WAY MAN I'm not that easy to scare away and you're probably thinking it was you that made my brain stop but guess what it wasn't you so stop being so fucking vain! Dick.

This picture fucken sucks

Enough talk your probably all wanting to hear some great stories and lulz that only I can supply. Bad luck I've only got shit to say and thats the way I like it, I hate being serious as you all know and poking fun at the less fortunate is what its all about (it makes me feel like a big man)!

I cant say exactly why I went away for so long except maybe that I was bored with the Angry Clown and couldn't really be fucked anymore but now I feel like its a place to vent and now I need to vent so shut the fuck up and listen!

Everything sucks, everything is funny, the worse something is the funnier it is, war is funny, farts are freaken hilarious, "cute" computer lingo is gay LOL etc and should be only used when annoying others, car crashes are great, the middle east should be wiped of the map, terrorists should be raped using angry gorillas, everyone should listen to me, everyone shouldn't listen to me, pooh is brilliant and should be used at every occasion, funerals are funny, sad stuff is funny, its funny when old people fall over, midgets are funny and should be laughed at and pointed at when possible, midgets should be hunted as a sport, midgets should be fisted (thats what they were made for), Angry Clown is the best, I am the best, the people that post on Angry Clown are the freaken best and should be fisted, nuns should be felt up, priests should have their wangs removed with a blender, religion should be made fun of especially if its Islam (terrorists), gays are funny and everything should be called gay except the gays, swear words are great and should be used at least once in every fucking sentence shit, genitals make the world go around and are funny, things that look like cock and balls are the best thing in the world, animals hurting themselves is stupid and should be laughed at under your breath...then out loud, "when ... attack" shows should be shown in schools and are the smartest shows on telly, politicians are all fags and are known for sucking cock, shit balls ass, natural disasters keep the population down and are funny (when I'm not involved), EVERY OTHER BLOG EXCEPT ANGRY CLOWN SUCKS LARGE AMOUNTS OF SEMEN OFF A SAILORS SHEETS.

Little fag

That felt good I may have left a stain in my pants, pooh and pee! Dick

P.S cute pic's with cute words like in this post totally suck and shouldn't be used under any circumstances!

P.S.S I can use them!

"Cheer Up!" or "At least you aren't paralyzed from the waist down!"

noreply@blogger.com (Julio) — Fri, 01 May 2009 23:53:00 +0000

So MAYBE your blog is amateurish...and maybe you've got a high diarrhea-per-joke ratio. These facts are irrelevant. What is relevant, however, is that we can find humor in the most disturbing events known to mankind. For instance, this:

Further proof that if God DOES exist, he is one twisted son-of-a-bitch!

Unfortunately for me, I was not "laughing alone" when I first saw this clip but rather "alone laughing," meaning that I was the only person laughing in a room full of other people who, instead of laughing, shrieked with horror as they discovered the sheer lack of moral character which I possess. As you can imagine, laughing at crippled people rolling around on their backs as though they were turtles...turtles paralyzed from the waist down in some horribly disfiguring accident. See the following link for more lolz!!!

Paralympic wheelchar pile-up: Still images from the saddest thing ever whitnessed by human eyes since the infamous "Baby Buffet" in Indonesia!!!

Fitness Tips From An Unlikely Source

x.static.one@gmail.com (Static) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 03:34:00 +0000

^ Another Guest Post Courtesy of Static

Embrace your fatness, if someone can wrap their arms around you

"Ooh, look at me. I'm like, sooo skinny!"
You're a fat wannabe hoochie mama. Oh what, you have an 18.5 BMI?
That doesn't make you anorexic, it just means you're a spun out crack whore.

Angry Clown has some answers to everyday questions about fitness and the importance of a good diet. You can read the following Q&A for the details.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening....Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And remember:
Ashley Olsen isn't "the fat twin".

You can find out more about embracing your fatness by visiting:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA	http://www.krapsody.com
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
Visit MyBlogLog and get a signature like this!

Finally

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 09:17:00 +0000

The most important blog in the history of all blogs in the world that has ever been and ever will be has finally reviewed the Angry Clown it was reviewed by the most important reviewers to ever crawl out of a vagina.

So check it out and before you think that its a bad review of Angry Clown please remember that we DO NOT aim to please we like to think that we say what you are thinking, if your a bit off in the head and we are the blog for the working man with no real education and no real plans to get one. This review means that we have succeeded in bringing you everything we wanted to and are thankful for it!

It would of been worse if they had liked A/C !

So when you see her standing there...she won't be wearing underwear

Fat Lift Man

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 08:21:00 +0000

Ever find yourself stuck in a lift with a fowl smell arising from the big sweaty bald fat man besides you? Yeah me too, want revenge at the expense of your dignity and possibly Youtube fame, then take a huge dump on his shoe using his tie for toilet paper.

Revenge on people can take many forms from dumping on someones shoes to sleeping with their partners or parents (no one wants someone to bone their mother or father).

Anyways what are the best plots for revenge you've seen carried out do you have the urge to serve someone that cold deadly food known as revenge?

Heres some ideas for all you scorned women and yes I know its all women that do the revenging because men don't hold grudges and have mental breakdowns over crap.

We all like a bit of excitement when it comes to revenge and we all like to see a fight, when ever we see a women screaming at a man in the street everyone knows to blame the bloke and yell "U go gal" and "kick his ass" so if you need to yell and scream but want some approval for it then do it in plain site of the public like a city street

If your more of a private person that bottles it up until one day you explode then take the revengee out bush with a shovel and a bucket of lime, I wont finish the rest of this one.

If your a women and I'm pretty sure you are then there a few things that you can aim at destroying of your rat bastard partners that will piss him off no end! These include cars, boats, widescreen TV, motorbike and of course you can cut off his penis but that would just be nuts hahaaa (pun).

So these are all classics and have been done before if you want to be totally original then you have severe mental issues and should seek help you crazy bitch.

One more word of advice, GET OVER IT!

.This is hell funny! She so crazy.
.

Whats the point?

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 10:40:00 +0000

What where am I? I know this place from somewhere oh yeah its Angry Clown the most rawken, kick ass, midget fistingness and rottenest blog EVA created in your face biotch BAM fuck yeah.

Sooooo whats the point of this post? Eh fuck points they're to much work, EVA try writing a post with no point? Its called a diary hahahaaaa fuck that.

Can you have a post with no point thats not a diary? FUCK YEAH ya can its called Angry Clown and ya mum loves it... all night long.

For the ladies

Heres a point, I'm sick of thinking and I'm just gunna go with what EVA from now on because ya know what? life's short and ya need to do what you want and just say "fuck you" to the people telling you what to do because one day your going to look back and its going to be to late!

I hear what your saying, "aren't you only 26? then why are you sounding like an old drunk" Heres the answer because I want to, problem solved.

Wars are going to still happen and people are still going to murder other people for no good reason if they do what they want and nothing EVA going to change that.

For the blokes (I know you love this shit)

So what the fuck is the point? The point is that we are made like this by who EVA the fuck made us or its how we have evolved from fish or monkeys and junk, if you believe in that.

I say fuck it we're going to do what we're going to do and no new president or bible bashing priest with a million followers or douche with a blog is EVA going to change the future, we do that (not very well).

Depressing enough for ya? HAVE A NICE DAY

Madness at the Pumps

x.static.one@gmail.com (Static) — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 02:46:00 +0000

Gas prices are beginning to rise again. Ironic considering it dropped just before Thanksgiving here in the states long enough to trick some folks that blowing their Christmas bonuses on a new HDTV was a good idea.

You remember that movie Mad Max (it's awesome on a huge tv set) starring that Australian actor Mel "Passion of the Christ" Gibson, y'know gas is so precious that people are killing each other for it. It was set in the future -- I believe it's set in 2009.

At any price, gasoline can hurt more than your wallet, petroleum is a precious commodity. Did you know that: Gasoline is extremely flammable; It is harmful or fatal if swallowed; May be harmful if inhaled; May cause irritation; May be harmful if absorbed through the skin.

I learned all that while I was huffing some, then I doused myself in it and had a drink just for good measure. And then I lit up a cigarette, which was odd because I don't smoke, and yep sure enough gasoline is extremely flammable and fatal.

Fatal it is. Sniffing out the great peril lurking quietly in my gas container, I realized that not only the dangers of but the value of gasoline are not exaggerated, we're talking liquid gold here folks! You cannot, MUST NOT waste a single drop!

As a horrid example of the waste of gasoline, I give you this tragic accident that occurred the other day. A gas station exploded causing the loss of hundreds of gallons of gas. Was it some idiot that caused it by huffing some, then lighting up a stogie...oops, did I do that? Community members who didn't burn to death are struggling to accept the devastating loss of so much premium fuel. Have a look at the video.

Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of Gasoline

What a horrible tragedy, this event will certainly lead to rising gas prices and the downfall of humanity. But at least I can still get cheap burritos.

You can find out more about ~~ass~~ GAS explosions by visiting:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA	http://www.krapsody.com
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
Visit MyBlogLog and get a signature like this!

Be stress free with me

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 11:30:00 +0000

I've just recently started chatting in chat rooms again after a year long break because everyone in the "outside world" sux balls and I've found something out since I've started strolling the rooms for strays and thats there is NO acceptable and unacceptable behavior its a free for all until you piss off the moderators or site owner.

I think thats fucken great! Here at AC we believe in the freedom of speech as long as we agree with it, so I urge all of you to go in a chat room every now and then and release the stress of your day-to-day lives on some person on the other side of the world that you have never and will never meet!

Here are a few rules to follow when trying to make an enemy in a chat room and let yourself go don't be afraid what are they going to do? Get obsessed, track you down, kill you and where your skin? That almost never happens.

RULE 1: Always introduce yourself as "your mothers lover" or "the dude thats gunna fuck you up" this will almost always raise a response and break the ice.
22:16 Dismo: Hi I'm your mothers lover she has nice tits shame about the being dead for 10 years tho

22:17 -Glenda-: oi c**t talk about my mother like that again c**t face you will get a bullet between ya eyes

RULE2: A comeback will be the next thing you will need to come up with as the last comment will bring upon a barrage of explicit words and sentences, you want the comeback to smooth things over so they keep talking to you. "Sorry I posted that on the wrong page" and "what I didn't type that" will get them back on your side.
22:19 Dismo: Sorry I posted that on the wrong page

22:20 -Glenda-: ok well maybe you should watch where ya doin it....ill let ya go this time

RULE3: Now you've made it this far you should be feeling a bit better but theres always room for improvement and at this stage you will need to offload all your problems in your life that you have ever had, don't be afraid to write a four page essay remember that the person at the other end is there to listen, always use extreme language and remember that sex romps gone wrong stories will remove large amounts of stress.

22:23 Dismo: My life is so f**ked...
22:23 -Glenda-: please I don't care!

RULE4: Never let them get a word in if they do shut them down and belittle their problems with responses like "shut the fuck up I'm talking here" and "thats nothing this one time I...". This pisses them off.
22:24 Dismo: Do ya mind mate, I'm talking here you rude f**ker, your whats wrong with the world.

22:25-Glenda-: F**k you c**t your really pissing me off!

RULE5: The "can I see you naked on cam" comment can make the difference between a good chat and a shit chat, if they say yes then by all means watch them naked on cam but be sure to laugh and call them fat and ugly, this will make you feel way better! If they say no then reply with "thats ok your probably pretty ugly anyway".
22:26 Dismo: Do you have a cam? I would love to see your tits!
22:28 -Glenda-: HELL NO NO WAY IN THE WORLD NEVER EVER

This is as far as the examples go as I was kicked of the site and banned, WINNER!

RULE6: Saying goodbye is never easy so the best way to do it and relieve stress is to start calling their family "a bunch of retards" and threatening to kill them because "the people inside my head are telling me to". Explaining to the other person that "you live just down the road from them" and "you will be over shortly just to hang out" will freak the fuck out of them and leave you pissing your pants laughing thus your stress is gone!

So the next time you visit a massage therapist or a psychologist think to yourself "do I really need to be here spending all my money or can I just go into a chat room and cause shit?" I think its an easy decision! You can thank me later.

This post has been edited for nuns.

I'M NOT GAY SO STOP WISHING I WAS

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 10:39:00 +0000

I hate posting shit like this but I'm that fucking angry that I have no problem posting it!

I'm not gay and the next person that says I am is gunna know just how not-gay I am. I don't have a problem with the gay population but I do have a problem with my so called best friend telling the world and me that I root my male friends, THIS IS NOT COOL!

The friend I am talking about will read this post and I hope she does, its time to set the record straight, literally.

I'm not gay and never will be, get used to it I'm here I'm straight and I think thats great (my new slogan).

If my friend wants to be a "fag hag" then I suggest you go out and find a real fag instead of wishing that the friends you do have were gay, thats kind of sick and twisted and will end up turning all your friends away from you.

NEVER GUNNA HAPPEN!!

What is it about me that makes people think I'm gay? I'm a scruffy dirty Aussie bloke that loves cars and tits! The furtherest away from gay that you can get, I just don't get it and am getting extremely fucking sick of it!!!!!

Tom Cruise Admits "I'm an A**hole"

x.static.one@gmail.com (Static) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 13:26:00 +0000

Wed January 21, 2009

Dingleberry USA (Krapsody special report) - Tom Cruise in another much anticipated "how far can he get his foot into his mouth" this time moment, Tom Cruise recently said he has flaws...sorta.

Not in so many words. But as everyone knows, Tom Cruise is God, and always refers to himself in the first person. I will refer to him by his full name, 36.4 times in this article.

Tom Cruise admits he came across as "arrogant" in a December 15 interview with Matt Lauer on the Today Show. Which is an understatement if you ask any person on the street. Insiders have stated that in recent polls, 10 out of 10 people think Tom Cruise is a bi-polar, crack addict. Basically you could say that means he's an angry clown.

His fiascoes over the years have cost him not only Nicole Kidman, but eventually a contract with Paramount Pictures where he has likely earned the studio billions of dollars, and could have earned more, if it weren't for his often odd and erratic behavior and his penchant for sitting on a hardboiled egg during interviews, muttering "shh, it's almost ready to hatch...any moment now."

Let's have a look at one of the most renowned moments of his public breakdown, Exhibit 1: the Scientology incident.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYgN3gTTI80

Aha, oh yeah. Classic stuff. This was the peak of his trek into angry clown oblivion.

Let's see if we got this right. 'Tom Cruise scientologist: Class 4 OT7 Platinum Meritorious and IAS Freedom Medal of Valor Winner' wax lyrical about Scientology, Tom Cruise is considered a member of the lunatic fringe. For more of his holiness read my article on Institutions of Jocularity™.

To add to the insanity, a few years ago Tom Cruise got pissed at a paparazzo for squirting him with a little water, which is not cool (that could be considered assault in most states) but then Tom Cruise grabs the guy (also not cool and is just the same as assault) asks him why he squirted him, over and over. Remember that? Well it was just water dude. And the papparazzo was a jerk.. but..uhhh... I think therapists nationwide agree Tom Cruise needs drugs. Mind altering drugs to be exact, which might actually balance him out and help him see reality. Sounds about right?

Long story short - Tom Cruise has definitely tossed off the shackles of Hollywood oppression and will continue to pilot his Scientology-fueled funny car straight towards you. Who has he won over with his rhetoric? ..well, except for Katie Holmes. I'm sure it'll be just a matter of time before she wakes up to his wickedness.

And now biggest nutbag, err... movie star in the world, Tom Spew!

Fun Factoid: Did ya know that Tom Cruise will not allow his likeness to be used in video games or for action figures. Because his likeness is so much in demand, Macy's wants to use his likeness for its mannequins.

Tommyquins are not exactly all that popular yet.

It also seems Tom Cruise is a slow learner, but he's on the right track to admitting when he's wrong. Another example, early in May 2008, Tom Cruise returned to Oprah’s couch and admitted that he was wrong about postpartum depression.

Tom Cruise had this to say about his comments regarding Brooke Shields and her use of medications to treat her postpartum depression, "It came out wrong, it’s just not true. I was raised by four women who have children and babies. And that's the way I like my women, barefoot 'n pregnant, slaving in the kitchen, making my dinner."

"I’m not trying or want to tell anyone how to live their life or what they should believe or shouldn’t believe. But I am. And just for the record folks, Tom Cruise thinks YOUR science sucks!"

Tom Cruise went on to say he felt "pressed" by the media during that period of his life - and regrets saying a lot of things on TV.

He added, "I felt like I could’ve handled it better. Like I shouldn't have said those things on TV at all. I should have kept them to myself, and suppressed my need to tell people my innermost, personal thoughts. It just showed how insane I really am. Muhahahahahahahahaha!"

The news story ends well. One afternoon after Christmas at Macy's, Oprah and Tom Cruise ran into each other shopping for those 70% off sales, and Oprah promptly sat on him.

The end.

Well not quite the end, you can see m0ar Tom Cruise smashing fun at the following links:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA	http://www.krapsody.com
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
Visit MyBlogLog and get a signature like this!

Revenge of the turds

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 10:32:00 +0000

This just in:

News parody blogs explode in numbers causing lameness on the interwebs.

Wut? Sorry remember a few weeks or days back I promised a story of untold stinkyness and disgust, huh do ya?

It all started on a warm Wednesday morning the day started like any other I got up had a pee, released my morning wood of its duties and had a nice relaxing shower as one does.

I quickly grew bored around 7am and decided to head for a drive to the beach, just for a drive to look at the ocean maybe have a perv and take some voyeur photos of the retired wrinkles that roam the walking trails and bike tracks along the beach.

All was good I picked up a couple of Redbulls for the trip and in case I was spotted and had to run I drank them down forgetting I had not yet had breakfast or had the morning crap, the stinkiest and most needed of all poohs threw out the day.

As I drove along the road across from the beach looking for the moldy oldies I felt a sharp pain in my stomach this could only mean that a turd was trying to free itself from the evil clutches of my small intestine little did I know of the will and sheer determination of my brown buddy.

As I swung a U-turn and headed for home in peak-hour traffic I came across a problem, there was an accident holding up traffic and I knew if I didn't get home soon I was going to deliver in my car, not cool!

I made a break for my Grandma's house as they lived closer and I was on a knifes edge. My contractions grew closer and closer together I feared every fart would be my last (like poetry).

Twenty minutes later I reached my grandparents place and in extreme pain I squeezed my ass cheeks together but also feeling a sense of relief as I drove up the driveway. I jumped out of the car and ran to the door knocking as loud as I could until my knuckles started to bleed.

They weren't home!

As I ran back down to the car a sneaky fart escaped from my ass taking with it a souvenir from its time in my bowels, my new smudge and I proceeded home as fast as I could drive without forcing anymore out.

Very nice!

By the time I arrived home it was to late I could not hold it in any longer and as I ran up the stairs squirting towards the toilet I thought to myself, why didn't I just stop at a petrol station and use their crapper? Damn that sucks!

An inconvenient tooth (get it)

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 04:16:00 +0000

Holla for a corn dog yall its summer time so pull out ya thongs and sunnies and lets all cruise to the beach unless ya live in the states and thats, well all of my readers and authors so, NEXT POST.

Hows winter going for you all? Cold? yeah suck shit its freaken awesome down ere, the fishing is great the water is clear, the surfs up, the sharks are biting people in half, yeah thats right 4 shark attacks in the last month, beat that Hawaii bunch-a-wannabes .

So we've had a few swimming sets of teeth around, nothing new right? Wrong the nice scientist people in the wonderful government (sarcasm) are blaming the increased numbers of sharks around this summer on global warming "quick run for the hills theres a global warming afoot" Were all going to die...very very v...e...r...y slowly.

Is Global Warming the new excuse for everything? Me thinks so it used to be blame the communists, damn reds but now its all our own fault because I didn't turn off that damn light when I went out the other year, if only I knew then what I know now? I'd still do the same.

Who has time to make sure all the lights and TV and electrical equipment is off when your heading out to abuse cripples?

There is only one way to see if all this Global heating crap is caused by us and cars and junk and that is to pollute more and see if we all die in a horrible natural disaster and if that does happen then sorry I was wrong and the lovely overpaid scientist people were right but when am I wrong? NEVER!

So until then don't go swimming where there are sharks, and lets blame the increase of shark attacks on the amount of people swimming in the sharks feeding grounds due to the growing population on the coastline or communists.

What The Hell?

masterheathen@yahoo.com (Kelly) — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 00:21:00 +0000

Here's a goddamn video clip for ya, filled with joy and uplifting sentiment.

BOING!

There once was a man from?

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 11:01:00 +0000

Anyways enough of the serious cutting edge world issues on Angry Clown, its time for some fun...SO HAVE SOME FUCKEN FUN NOW!!

"Caption this" posts suck, I really hate them but it seems that a lot of "people" like them it think its fun and interactively goodness and junk...Balls.

So here it is, Angry Clowns first EVER "caption this" contest, you could win a million dollars or that new liver your alcoholic father so desperately needs, are you going to tell him that you wont save his life because you refuse to submit your funny fucking caption to Angry Clown? Yeah I thought so!

Caption this...scrotum

You have 1 week to amaze me and "the others" with your witty remarks, enjoy.

Cannibalism part II: Why Cannibalistic Serial-Murderers Are Waaay Better Than Non-Cannibalistic Serial-Murderers...

noreply@blogger.com (Julio) — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 21:40:00 +0000

I know the title might be a bit much, but I am kind-of distracted. You see, my young son is currently asking me about why the "airplane" I gave him for Christmas looks an awful-lot like a cardboard box with the word "airplane" written on it. If I were the Jeffrey Dahmer type, I would probably eat him for interrupting my blog entry. However, being a law-abiding American citizen, I have decided instead to simply ignore him so that when he becomes an adult, he can use the trauma of his neglect to become a prominent lawyer...and then defend me in court for 7 felony counts of cannibalism. At least that's what I read in some parenting book some homeless guy sold me for 3 bucks.

He 'said' he was a doctor, but I still have my doubts

Anyway, we all know that Serial-Murderers are the most frightening of murderers because those of us without much money (like, say, 98% of the U.S. population) are often the targets of their brutal assaults, midnight blood orgies and, of course, delicious cullinary masterpieces. If we were rich, like, say...the remaining 300,000 or so assholes who keep their immense riches only for themselves and therefore actually DESERVE to be eaten, then you're more likely to be kidnapped by Arab terrorists and beheaded because your family doesn't "negotiate" with terrorists (nor do they give 3-shits about you, jackass) than eaten. You see, serial-killers are the poor-man's Arab terrorists who hold you hostage for a ransom, which, like most things reserved for the poor, sucks WAAAY MORE than what rich people get.

I should have known Chicken McNuggets didn't come "Pre-Chewed"!!!

So we've covered Serial-Murderers...what about Cannibalistic Serial-Murderers? You might think that Jeffrey Dahmer is the most evil of serial-killers because he also ate his victims. No so. Although he did eat his victims, he is the most evil of serial-killers because he sexually abused and tortured young boys. Eating them was actually the most sane thing he did. I find it difficult to defend cannibalisitic serial-murderers, not because they are cannibalistic, but mostly the whole "murder" part. Assuming that all of Dahmer's victims had in fact died of natural causes, would we still consider him a monster because he just so happened to eat 15 people? Just think about it (if you dare). Why waste a perfectly good 150 or so pounds of meat just because it happens to be part of the human body? For more of an intellectual discussion on the morals of cannibalism, here's a clip from the 1993 movie "Alive".

Skip to about 8:00 for awesome cannibalistic action!

The reason cannibalistic serial-murderers are better than regular, non-cannibalistic serial-murderers has nothing to do with the "serial-murder" part of it but rather with the "cannibalistic" part of it. Here's a "Logical Argument" to help you understand:

1. If cannibalism is good and murder is bad then Jeffrey Dahmer is a good thing and a bad thing.

2. Cannibalism is good and murder is bad

___________________________________

3. Jeffrey Dahmer is a good thing and a bad thing

The assumption here, however, is that cannibalism is a "good thing." My job is not only to entertain you with sex jokes and cuss-words, but also to convince you of the positives of cannibalism. If, however, logical analysis is too complicated for you to understand (i.e. you're a dumbass), here's proof you can understand.

It is simply a matter of resources. The average dead body weighs roughly 150 lbs. That's bone, muscle and fat mostly, half of which are edible (mmm, bone marrow). Aside from the obvious benefits of eating the corpse (which were described in my previous article), there are also serveral uses for the inedible portions of the human body, very much like those of our animal counterparts. For instance, they can be used for music. Weaponary. Art. They are even "collected" and used for either scientific purposes or for weirding everyone the fuck out in your neighborhood. According to "the Bone Room," "...it is perfectly legal to posses and sell human bones in the United States." Science has infinite uses for human remains, from curing cancer to making your penis bigger. Either way, woudln't you rather your corpse be used to make a scientific breakthrough than to be eaten by worms, fungi and bacteria? I didn't think so...

It is a compliment to be a frightening quasi-author in the eyes of the GREAT Angry Clown (A/C). I promise to make angryclown.com SO angry that the very sight of this webpage will cause uncontrollable crying, masturbation, angry letters to your local congressmen, masturbation and 24-hour marathons of I Love Lucy (which, of course, will lead to further masturbation)!!!!

http://projectjulio.blogspot.com

satire, social commentary, politics and political incorrect-itude

Life wants to fuck you in the ass!

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 11:32:00 +0000

Well thanks to our new "author" Julio, he even freaks me out. That was some post...I think.

Introducing Julio

As many of you may have noticed its been a little while since I've been anywhere near AC or even a computer for that matter and thats because life has grabbed me by the balls, twisted and then sliced off my scrotum with a blunt and rusty fishing knife while ramming its huge over sized and unwashed fist up my ass while flicking my eyeball with a lit match...Good times, good times indeed.

It was great fun I'm sorry you all missed it but fuck that and fuck everything, lets get this party started, who has the oiled up naked midgets and the giant tuna fish sandwich? MMMMM oily tuna midget sandwich naked fisting-yummy....ass!

Mo fo wheres my tuna sandwich at?

??Ever had to shit so bad that you wish you had a big black dildo stuck up your ass? Well I have and its a funny story that I'm sure you all want to hear so badly that it hurts and squirts when you think about it.

WOW 3 cans stacked on top of each other! That takes skill

Just fucking wait you inpatient granny snatch rooter It will be up soon just go and play with yourself or burn down an orphanage until then and please come back soon...dick.

I'll be over there >>

Cannibals Part I: Why funerals are Buffets just WAITING to happen

noreply@blogger.com (Julio) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 01:50:00 +0000

Look, before you say anything, I know exactly what you're thinking: "I'm using the internet and am NOT currently looking at porn." I can sympathise with that, although this is completely unrelated to today's entry and will therefore will be replaced with an "intellectual conversation" (defined as one which consists of at least a 6th-grade reading level) about cannibalism. And maybe porn...okay, the entire article is about porn.

Above: summation of this entire article

Okay, I lied. Actually, the article IS about cannibalism, but not in the way you would expect. Murdering someone and eating their remains is about one of the worse things one human being can do to another human being. Fortunately, there is nothing in the definition of "cannibal" that involves "killing someone". That attribute is reserved for murderers. And Dick Cheney.

This is his idea of "self-help"

Cannibalism simply involves the consumption of human flesh. Sorry all you stalkers out there, but eating the hair you found on a comb in Linsey Lohan's dumpster does not make you a cannibal (hair isn't flesh moron), although it does mean that you and I have at least one thing in common (call me!). But seriously you guys, just think about it for a moment. Aren't funerals such a WASTE? A Funeral is the only thing that costs more than $5,000 that NOBODY has a good time during. Not even your alcoholic, gay uncle Frederick and his Asian sex-slave/accountant Fred have a good time, and to him, EVERY-FUCKING-DAY is a party!

In today's financial market, sex-slave is the #1 job-choice for accountants!

As far as the costs are concerned, there's the casket to think about; the mortician to "beautify" the body; the food to feed the guests...does anyone see where I'm going with this? If so, then you're one sick bastard (call me!). Anyway, we here at "Fuddrucker's Dining Hall and Funeral Parlor" understand that you can't spell "funeral" without "FUN," which brings me to my next point. You can replace the casket with a silver platter, the mortician with a chef and the food with...you guessed it, the dead guy, because let's be honest, he's been given a free ride for FAAAR too long. It's about time he pulls his own (albiet dead) weight. The body of the deceased, instead of rotting in the ground waiting to be sodomized by crack-addicted necropheliacs, would instead be sodomized by crack-addicted necropheliacs after FIRST being eaten by your grieving yet thankful (for all the money you saved them) family.

Either the Japanese are completely insane, or they do the weirdest shit just to

fuck with us.

Now, before you call your local Congressman to prevent such a trend from spreading, don't you worry. I only operate my business in the U.S. Minor Outlying Islands, which I fucking DARE you to point to on a map. For Christ's sake, you can't even point to your OWN country on a map. Not even a U.S. map that has written, in all capital letters, "THIS IS A MAP OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, DUMASS!"

That's it, I'm moving to Great Britain! Now where's my butt-plug...

Still not convinced of American inferiority? How about THIS:

Send the above article to ALL your friends (or else!!!):

http://angryclown.blogspot.com/2009/01/cannibals-part-i-why-funerals-are.html

Want more unbelievably useless and possibly psychologically scarring social commentary? Look below for more details (and quite possibly free pornography)!

Project Julio

Conceived in the womb when I was a mere zygote, Project Julio is now the internet's #1 underground comedy blog in Communist China! Taiwan Rules!

http://projectjulio.blogspot.com

satire, social commentary, politics and political incorrect-itude

Hiya Karate Tits

x.static.one@gmail.com (Static) — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 21:17:00 +0000

Christ Jebus on lollerskates.
When viewing the following video, be sure to wear safety glasses.

Amazing Breasts - video powered by Metacafe

What does the rest of the world call this technique, hiya karate tits? This is made of God and Win. There needs to be an Olympic beer can tit smashing event. She would certainly get a gold medal, since there seems to be few competitors with massive jugs like hers.

Can you imagine if she hit you with one of those? She'd either knock you out or kill ya all kinds of dead.

I wonder if they bruise easily, like a watermelon or cantalopes do? The second thing that comes to mind is, are they actually real, is this some kind of stunt that involves prosthetic breasts? I think those knockers need to be inspected to ensure there is no trickery involved.

Busty Heart has some notoriety for her talent so far, having her own website, appearances on various shows including that clip from "America's Got Talent".

Angry Clown will have a follow up report on the identity and background of this woman, and the authenticity of her talents.

In the meantime, you can see m0ar tit smashing fun at the following links:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA	http://www.krapsody.com
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
Visit MyBlogLog and get a signature like this!

Weirdest Shit Evar

x.static.one@gmail.com (Static) — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 03:18:00 +0000

Looking for that perfect gift? Meet Facebank from Banpresto. A piggy bank with a twist.

I swear the Japanese make some of the weirdest shit in the universe.

The Facebank is hungry and LOVES to eat your coins! Using sensors embedded in the eyes, the Facebank knows that you’re about to give it a delicious coin and starts to chew. Just leave it in his mouth, and he’ll chew it up and swallow it!

I'd hate to get my finger caught in there... or my penis. O_O YIPES OmzzSgHlFknSH#&;*!!!!!!

You can find out whether or not I'd actually do that at the following links:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA	http://www.krapsody.com
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
Visit MyBlogLog and get a signature like this!

Lick The Big Bone

x.static.one@gmail.com (Static) — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 01:04:00 +0000

You can thank Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States (1801–1809), and the principal author of the Declaration of Independence (1776), for starting what would become the largest collection of North American Mammoth fossil bones (in scientific speak that means, old massive pricks.) History and science come together in this fascinating story of a woodland salt lick and how the fossilized big bones found there influenced the beginnings of paleontological pornography in America.

Located on Beaver Road and between the communities of Beaverlick and Rabbit Snatch, Northern Kentucky's Big Bone Lick saline springs have nurtured man and animal for centuries, and the big bones of extinct mastodons, bison and other creatures are buried deep in there to prove it.

The park features several nature trails, including the Outdoor Museum of Big Bonin' with Discovery Trail (I'll let you decide what that means), complete with spurting springs - and everyone knows that Kentuckians love salty springs erupting from Big Bones, just as much as Georgians do. Ever seen Deliverance?

We're all Georgians..well, not really. But we do have Big Bones.

Biology Professor emeritus Eyema Hedonist, illuminates a time when the concept of extinction of the Big Bone was considered outrageous, if not downright blasphemous, since it contradicted the biblical doctrine of a perfect, unchanging Big Bone creation. The Big Bone Theory, if you will, was met with much criticism.

Early 18th-century Big Bone naturalists believed the Big Bones were remnants of some, get this: rare type of elephant dong, possibly even Asian elephant dongs that had somehow wandered into American forests.. let's just see how many hits those underlined search words get on Google. God knows I've had plenty for whale penis.

Thomas Jefferson used the Mammoth bones to refute the European idea that the New World environment was inferior and unable to grow large animals. No doubt, this theory was unfounded.

These elephants got Big Bones.

Today Big Bone lies mostly in obscurity, much like this blogger's articles. However, with the advent of Viagra and Cialis, Big Bone may rise again. Long live Big Bone! The End.

It's amazing what you can find on the 'interweb', said Jumbone Licker, If I were to surf the interweb more often, I'd totally do it nekkid!

You can find out more about this degenerate, obscure blog-tard and his mammoth Big Bone at the following links:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA	http://www.krapsody.com
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
Visit MyBlogLog and get a signature like this!

Things to know part 1

da-mo666@hotmail.com (Angry_Clown) — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 22:45:00 +0000

Yes we can

"If only I knew then what I know now"

I've learned a lot in my 26 years on this earth like sponges are smarter then starfish and if its wet then it isn't a fart, yes I've learned a lot.

Its about time that I shared my amazing 26 year olds wisdom with the world in an attempt to make living in it just a little bit easier because I'm super nice and awesome and stuff and...junk.

There are some things in life that you don't get told about and just have to learn yourself and there are other things that shouldn't be talked about even if it would help out because they're classed as being "taboo", well fuck that!

Heres everything you should of been told but weren't because your parents were pussy's!

Santa is not real, none of those things are real, no easter bunny no tooth fairy, no nuttun so get the fuck over it!

The "bible" is really just a load of crap, if you ever read it you would find out that it is more unbelievable then the "Harry Potter" novels, which brings me to my next point. People are gullible, you can scam anything out of them IF you are smart enough!

Don't trust anyone... EVER if you do you will be disappointed but especially don't trust priests or help a priest shove a candle up his ass if he asks, if he doesn't then its ok.

Never say yes to a favor before you know what it is, you could be shoveling shit for a week for all you know.

You can't chose your family but you can divorce them!

If life gives you lemons say "fuck the lemons" !

Never ever follow threw on a fart, just don't do it.

The final and most important lesson I've learned is that people die and there is nothing you can do about it so learn to deal because one day you and everyone you know will die so make the most of what you have now and never forget that the grass is never greener on the other side its just been fertilized with bullshit.