AC

Yeah I rock so fuck you

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Sat, 01 Sep 2012 23:48:00 +0000

However I'm not sure if this is a lovely blog or a fabulous blog but hey any award for doing nothing is a good award thanks Kelly over at PSYCHO CARNIVAL you've made me hard in the pants!

Yeah it seems like a good idea at the time

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Sun, 12 Aug 2012 02:22:00 +0000

I'm 30 today and don't feel a day over 50 Some people may call me immature but all I have to say to that is I know you are but what am I?

Ahhhh holidays I love them I also love sex (duh) so in the interest of science and all things wet and sticky I decided to mix the both up and have a dirty weekend away with the lady it seems like a good idea right? WRONG I went to far and now I'm in pain and not the good pain that comes from whips or clamps or an un-lubed butt plug for today I tried a sex pill!

sex pills are very popular and you do hear stories of how they can go wrong and give you a 24 hour hard on and I've heard the stories first hand from customers in the shop but I never thought it would happen to me. I popped this little over the counter herbal hard on in a pill around 2pm thinking it would give me a good afternoons worth of fun and it did for the first few hours but now it's 11am the next day and I can't even walk outside due to my third leg sticking out like a elephants trunk (yes I'm that big) and the throbbing has gotten to the point where my testicles are the size of grapefruits and almost the same color.

So I've tried the match trick , cold water, panadol, yelling and swearing at it and even slapping it around but that just made me more aroused so now I'm thinking fuck it I should just go with it and stick it in as many things as I can find, you know like random holes around the place play hide the wad for the next couple that stay in the unit they could turn on the spa bath and find them selves having a bath in my primordial sludge that is oozing from every water jet hole.

I'm all out of ideas and hoping posting this maybe some of you would have something I can try as the little lady is full and I really want to get outside and enjoy my birthday with a cold beer up the pub!

PLEASE FUCKING HELP!

Pink Unicorn? That's a good enough title for me.

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 10:58:00 +0000

What the fuck how did I get here? How the fuck are ya's?

So fucking much has been happening since the last time I graced these gentle pages with my overwhelming and sometimes forceful sense of reason, righteousness and kindness to all things great and blah blah blah fuck that I'm tired I've been up for 2 days and I have a pink unicorn chasing me around trying butt fuck my left ear.

I'm sooo fucking tired and scared of having my ear raped that I am going to do something I told myself Angry Clown would never do unless it was over my dead body or pink unicorn raped left ear drum.

What a cute fucking cat!

So Angry Clown is moving to -

Your mums house cause she's fat and loves a good orgy and doesn't mind savage butt sex with power tools converted to sex toys. Yeah we are not going anywhere I was just having a go at ya and I'm way to fucking tired to share any of my awesome, sexy and amazing life adventures just at this moment so here are some funny fucking pictures of shit i don't care about. until next time, eat a fat dick cause there's just not enough meat on a skinny one for a fat prick like you!

To far? BTW I know my spellin and engrish and punctyouinthefacuation is a bit off but just get the fuck over it, if you can't read a sentence without a fucking spelling mistake in it then that kinda makes you a bit of a major fucking retard!

I really gotta stop swearing so much!

Dildos and Dildonts

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 11:08:00 +0000

This is a dong

There's a few things I've learnt in my 3 weeks as being a proprietor of fine rubber, silicone and jellies and if your ever lucky enough to work at a honorable establishment like an adult store then there's a few things you should know. So I present to you a list of what you should NOT do when selling rubber dick to the sick!

THE ANGRY CLOWN WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN WORKING IN A SEX SHOP LIST

Never ever EVER ask a customer if they need a hand. For obvious reasons.
Never ask a customer how big their anus or vagina is EVEN if it helps you work out if they need a 12inch or a 14!
Never offer to show the customer how a product works especially when explaining anal beads, I learnt this the very hard way.
Never assume you know what the customer wants. 80 yr old grannies sometimes want double ended dongs, sad but true.
Never greet a customer by asking wassuuupppppp, you wont like the answer.
Never run around the shop naked with a 14 incher chasing customers, no matter how much fun it is.
Most peoples fetishes are fucked up so try not to laugh when a customer wants a blow up turkey doll that has a 7 inch cock.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS.......

Forget the rules and fuck as much shit up as you can!

This is also a Dong

All's Well That Starts Well

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 10:39:00 +0000

Well well well guess who's back that's fucking right I am and oh hot doggy what a year its been! Let me take you on a magical adventure into a magical world full of magical magic...things and a butt fuck load of dildos and porn, just the way we fucking like it!!

So you may or may not of heard the rumors threw ET or TMZ or Cleo but I now manage an adult store in the most fucked up redneck wife beating step child molesting part of my state or possibly even my country where everyday is a good day to get high and drunk and rape ya wife but how did I get this exquisite position that I hold so dear to my heart? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!!!

It all started I guess when a regular came in to my old job told me about another job so I went for it, got it then 1 week later I was asked to become a manager of selling dildos, butt plugs, massive amounts of porn and of course THE GREAT AMERICAN CHALLENGE....its so big I have to use caps lock every time I say THE GREAT AMERICAN CHALLENGE. Fucking Americans I fucking love em!!!!!!!!! and fucking ! So anyways I said yes and now I'm doing my dream job, yes I'm a sick mutha fucker.

So from now on AC will contain a lot of porn and and other adult shit as I bring you more magically magical magic story from the land of cumshot and squirt and I'm sure that's where most of you want to live anyway!

So until next time get a butt plug up ya!

The book of Damo

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 00:39:00 +0000

The sky grew dark the wind picked up all of a sudden and leaves became afloat with the odd plastic bag rolling threw like a scene from an old western. The light became a trickle with cars needing there lights on just to see it was strange as it was only mid-afternoon. We thought we might head inside but something kept us out there something strange almost like we couldn't turn away from the darkness this was no normal storm and no normal day.

As the wind picked up and the rain began to sting our fragile model face's we decided it was time to leave and head into the safety of the house when suddenly a flash and a loud moan rang out accross the land not from one of us or from anyone or anything near but almost like thunder we looked at each other shocked then laughed it off "hahaha" we laughed whilst slapping our arses but still the darkness grew and the wind howlled and yes we were frightened.

As we turned our backs from the direction of the cloud to head home another giant moan sounded we gulped and stood still wondering what the fuck it was, it was not thunder but sounded more like an old man waking up first thing in the morning "fuck this" i said and we headed off.

Another flash grabbed our attention we turned and saw what looked like a massive ball bag start lowering from the cloud complete with pubes that seemed to tickle the clouds and made them dance accross the sky as it lowered. "holy fucking shit " I yelled as the gathering crowd started screaming and running there faces and looks of terror will stay with me like horrid tattoo's on my brain never to fade.

"FFAAAAAAAAAARRRTTTTTTTTTT PHHHHfffffffff AAAAHHHHHHHH yeah thats better" Came from what looked like a giant old man taking a massive dump on the world.

As shit slowly rained down covering all the ground and ocean like a thick stinky brown snow we all turned to each other looking like big brown bears and somehow knew that this was the secound coming of something evil that had scared the shit out of an unexpecting public for years that we all thought had died out and would never return but there was no other explaination it had to be the return...

...Of ANGRY CLOWN

All the signs pointed to it- Giant waves crushing Japan (whales say suck shit), More war in the middle east or in the middle of who the fuck cares, earthquakes and volcano's detroying everything , a black president in America and a female Priminister in Australia, Justin Bieber and yet no one knew suckers.

How could you not see the signs? Dumb fucks

I mean come on!

Look at this shit it screams angry clown!!

Beat That Tiger Penis

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 23:43:00 +0000

Jobs are harder to find in todays economy then tiger penis to aid in the delivery of happiness and sunshine from a dragon that lays with the golden koi (everyone bow).

Happiness Please

I've been looking and applying and shiting out applications like some robotic application machine that shits out applications everyday and while I'm still sane it is driving me slowly to that dark place in ones head where fish lay with dragons (again everyone bow).

So I was never really that sane but at least I could find a job and hold a job when said job was availible. Now I find myself scratching my balls and watching TV all day with the prospect of fishing as the most exciting bit of the day nay week NAY month, YES fishing fuck.

This Tiger penis is easy to find!

Fuck that as I realize its not just me this is happening too but a large number of the population has fallen victim to the "tiger penis" syndrome which I now call it. (please bow).

As a human being and a scholar and an awesome lover yeah bitch you know you want it it is my place nay my right to entertain and to give you some ideas on how to beat a tiger penis.

Introducing my top 5 rules for surviving the Tiger Penis!

Number 5. Get a hobby! Midget fisting or nun slapping with a fisted midget is always a favorite!

Number 4. Do volunteer work. You won't get paid and no one will give a shit that your doing it but at least you can pretend your a hero!

Number 3. Find a partner! Don't keep your pain and anxiety and depression to your self share it with someone special. Then they can fuck you over! cheers Renee!!

Number 4. Do nothing! Give up say fuck the world I'll just chill on my couch for the next ten years or until the tiger penis passes. You wont have to do anything! Its a win-win situation that keeps everyone happy especially your family that will get to feed your fat face and wipe your maggot filled ass!

Number 1. Start a blog or if you recently stopped blogging then restart its great you get to tell people what to do and spend all day on the net. This comes under hobby's you might be saying but don't you fuck head for some of us its more then that its a way of life its who we are.

Not me I'm way better then that!

Well Thats how you can survive these times but don't listen to me go out and find your own way to annoy people and please yourself when boredom and insanity hits just remember I told you so! (bow)

Spit that chewy out

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 08:21:00 +0000

Life is like a box of chewing gum, you chew and chew but the flavor never lasts long then your left with a bad taste in you mouth and you know you can't keep chewing it for ever even tho you try and try. Sure there's a few bubbles along the way but they always burst.

Life is really fucked up I know I can't complain as I like it being fucked up but what really fucks me up are the people that say they are good but end up being worse then me, sure I get jealous that they don't even have to try and somehow the end up fucking my life up.

Well FUCK that if no one takes life seriousley then why should I? I'm sick of being nice and good just so I can get a head in life as it turns out that if you lie, steal, sell drugs or kill kittens for anything else other then fun then you end up being the manager of BP and rich and famous or some shit like that.

We all need to step back and look at the real bad people in the world they are not the murderers or the muggers or petty thieves, they are the church and the government. They are the real bad ass mutha fuckas as they go out there to fuck you in the ass on purpose but make it out that they are doing it for you!

Yes please big company can you please come and fuck me in the ass because I need fuel and smokes and fucking bread.

It is just bullshit that life is hard enough for people like you and me. When was the last time you made it threw a full day without something going wrong? NEVER because it doesn't happen unless your rich or someone from a government.

I think this is complete crap and I wont stand for it anymore. I'm not getting ass fucked again over shit.

Sorry to tell you people this but its how it is you can't change it so why try? well thats what they want you to think all you need to do is change the way you think and start telling everyone to fuck off. If you can't have a good day then why should they?

If we try hard enough then maybe one day the world will suck a little less but if we don't it will just suck more and the ass fuckings will get harder and they'll use no lube! I'm over it.

Don't get ass fucked!

AHHHH spam not just ham in a can!

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 04:03:00 +0000

They bring crap to life and life to crap.

I've offended a few people with this blog and I'm proud of it and I guess spam is a part of every good revenge plot but come on! Spam? Thats just lame as fuck what ever happened to the good ole days of a horse head in your bed or killing someones family cause they dissed you moma and they don't know what they be talking about and you don't even know me so step back?

Every spam comment I recieve on this blog is a badge of honor for it means I have pissed off another person and changed someones life just enough that they feel they have to put links to everything on my website.

If you are a spammer then I feel sorry for you as all your time spamming this site has gone to waste as I find it interesting and informative and yes I am looking to find a site that offers me the best home loan deal and penis enlargers! (cheap viagra would be good too)

So as a sign that I still love you spammers and so all your hard work didn't go down the drain I will advise everyone to check out your awesome links to all your spam sites in the comment sections in previous posts.

Proof I'm way better then religion

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 22:26:00 +0000

This shits hot

I'm a fucking fire fighter... kind of. I've just joined the 'rural fire brigade' and have no formal training and have passed a police check, go figure.But have already been to some big ass mo fo bush fires (its Australia) and its hot as hell. Who would of thought that fire would be hot and burns and causes ouchies?

Anyways its the best fun I've had with my clothes on and cant wait for the next fire so I can work my skills and save shit for some reason.

So yes I am like a hero and should be given money and LARGE amounts of praise and gifts because I'm like better then God or some shit but its all volunteer and I don't get given a red cent or any praise because the world is fucked up.

Yes even in rural Queensland AUS the man has got to the farmers and ferals living in the hills and scared the shit out of them and isolated their brains with netbooks and notebooks and i plops and email and blogs and fucking facebook and so now the spoken word seems trivial and archaic and 'outdated' when in fact its not facebook or myspace putting out the fires around your home. Its water on fire and good ole fashioned hard work so its only fitting that the reward be just as effective.

I suggest booze and a thank you or booze and no thank you will also do fine but in some cases acknowledgment is enough but hey this is what the world is coming to.

So all you farming ferals out there that have just had your house saved by my awesomeness then here is your chance to right your wrong and correct an injustice that has caused me anger and constipation.

For all thank yous and to organize a time for me to come over and pick up the beers and all over gifts then leave a message. I know its not myspace or facebook or whatever but if the only way you can communicate is threw txts and emails and technology then give it a fucking whirl!

I'm done.

This is funny!

P.S I'm not done yet. The rural fire fighters are the best bunch of people I have ever met. I thought there was no good left in this world until now. They put their own lives at risk to save yours so if you ever get the chance join a brigade do it, unless your a scared pussy that cant handle a challenge and cries a lot.

Now I'm done.

'The Angry Clown Halloween weird shit that you should dump shit on that's funny list '

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:49:00 +0000

Its Halloween bitches and AC has some candy for you. Usually we would do a special post or tell a story or some shit to celebrate what ever holiday it is but this time we thought we would go elsewhere, literally.

OMFG I can hear you say your more excited then a jack rabbit with a gun and a reason to use it. Right anyways. Forget all those other sites that offer crap here we offer crap+ more= Osama Bin Laden happiness, you'll wake up everyday like it was September 11 2001 YES that fucking happy.

Fucking terrorists! Halloween is good and here's ya shit enjoy!

I've spent seconds of my precious life looking for all the weirdest sites and shit I could find on the web and putting it into the 'Angry Clown Halloween weird shit that you should dump shit on that's funny list ' for all of you to enjoy and poke fun at. Thank me later.

We begin with a guy who is quoted as saying.

"i will blog about anything that's insane and talk about everything that's pointless.
making sense of my world with your own words is appreciated. i own my third world"

Fucking brilliant. This is my favorite new site because he doesn't even know that he's a dick and he has made 2 sites! Check it out. Always have the faith and adilahho

These next few blogs are just fucked up and I think People love their cats a bit to much!

Hats Of Meat

Cats that look like Hitler

YogaKitty

Stuff On My Cat

Judge My Lunch

and the best weird shit site ever- KRAPSODY

Well I hope you all enjoyed my little list of shit and I hope it gave you as much fun as I had looking for them. Now fuck off!

This Is sh-it

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 19:37:00 +0000

Michael looking for love

The review you've been waiting for since the untimely death of Michael and since the making of a movie made to suck the last dollar out of slightly un-right people that praise weirdness like its some sort of godly feature.

'This is sh-it' is a tale of woe about a man that apparently sings about being black when he is clearly white and gone to a lot of trouble to get that way. Its about Billie Jean which is obviously a guy and also sings about acceptance of other cultures when he cant even accept his own.

The performance by Michael Jackson who plays a skinny white sickly child molesting white singer/celeb that used to be black and is made out of more plastic then a Tupperware factory is absolutely stunning and takes you into a world where we are meant to feel sorry for a person that's rich and famous and who had still never been happy even when they clearly caused all their own problems. It brings a tear to your eye when he makes his first million at age 6 but then looses it when all his money is spent by him suddenly and you'll laugh when he finds love in the ass of a 8 year old boy. Touching and magic.

This movie has brought pedophiles around the world together in only a way that the death of the most famous pedo of all time can.

Its such a wonderful thing that we are celebrating the life of an artist that had it all including several young children and who was so fucked in the head that they thought they were a child when actually they were an old strange man that had had his testicles removed so they could reach those pesky high notes that testicles so often ruin.

I don't want to destroy the ending for you but you will be shocked at the death of Micheal when he shoots himself up with enough drugs to take down several bull elephants but don't feel sorry for him I'm sure God lets in drug addict, child molesting, plastic surgery mistakes that are worshiped more then himself all the time, if not he's getting fucked in the ass with a chainsaw by a gang of demonic midgets!

Pedophile Denis Ferguson gives it 2 thumbs up!

Clean up

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:23:00 +0000

AC is different you may of noticed Its been a while since we have changed and to get the ball rolling I thought a new face would start it off.

AC is turning from rude/crude to clever funny smart that is rude and crude it will take me a while to get all the widgets/crap back up and a lot will be discarded along the way.

I invite all the authors, guests and Static (haha) to come back and help AC be as good as it can be.

Cheers, Angry Clown

Lick The Big Bone (Revised)

noreply@blogger.com (Static) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 01:50:00 +0000

^ Another Guest Post Courtesy of Static

You can thank Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States (1801–1809), and the principal author of the Declaration of Independence (1776), for starting what would become the largest collection of North American Mammoth fossil bones (in scientific speak that means, old massive pricks.) **No thanks to that wonderful duo, Lewis and Clark and their perverse expedition across America.**

History and science come together in this fascinating story of a woodland salt lick and how the fossilized Big Bones found there influenced the beginnings of paleontological pornography in America.

Located on Beaver Road and between the communities of Beaverlick and Rabbit Snatch, Northern Kentucky's Big Bone Lick saline springs have nurtured man and animal for centuries, and the Big Bones of extinct mastodons, bison and other creatures are buried deep in there to prove it.

The park features several nature trails, including the Outdoor Museum of Big Bonin' with Discovery Trail (I'll let you decide what that means), complete with spurting springs - and everyone knows that Kentuckians love salty springs erupting from Big Bones, just as much as Georgians do.

Ever seen Deliverance?

We're all Georgians..well, sorta, not really. But we do have Big Bones. To the Gulag, Boris!

Biology Professor emeritus Eyema Hedonist, illuminates a time when the concept of extinction of the Big Bone was considered outrageous, if not downright blasphemous, since it contradicted the biblical doctrine of a perfect, unchanging Big Bone creation. The Big Bone Theory, if you will, was met with much criticism.

Early 18th-century Big Bone naturalists believed the Big Bones were remnants of some, get this: rare type of elephant dong, possibly even Asian elephant dongs that had somehow wandered into American forests.. let's just see how many hits those underlined search words get on Google. God knows I've had plenty for whale penis.

Thomas Jefferson used the Mammoth bones to refute the European idea that the New World environment was inferior and unable to grow large animals.

No doubt, this theory was unfounded.

These elephants got Big Bones.

**
In RuneScape, or Run(Escape) as it is known in some circles; Big Bones are items associated with the skill prayer. Any RuneScape nerd knows Big Bones give 15 experience points when buried (we won't tell you where).

This is over three times as much experience as bones, making big bones an extremely popular method of training prayer in free-to-play (F2P). They are dropped by normally large monsters, such as any sorts of Giants (or elephants as pictured above), Giant Frogs, Ogres, your Wicked Stepmother etc.

Your Wicked Stepmother likes Big Bones
but she don't get none

The only free-to-play monsters that drop big bones are: hill giants, moss giants, ice giants, and your Wicked Stepmother.

Lately the price has been skyrocketing for big bones, most likely because of such high demand.

So dig deep if you wanna buy a Big Bone!**

**It's also common knowledge that porn stars like Big Bones. Just ask porn star Nikki Benz. She'll tell you all about her love for Big Bones. Poised for greatness, she can make Big Bones disappear before your very eyes. She has starred in plenty of Big Bone prone movies, and has plans to make many many more.

Nikki bends over backwards for Big Bones..
..the FREE couch also needs a new home and a good cleaning. Any takers?

The scumbucket porn industry is always seeking Big Bones to add to their collection. But since you don't have a Big Bone, you are excluded.**

Today Big Bone lies mostly in obscurity, much like this blogger's articles. However, with the advent of Viagra and Cialis, Big Bone may rise again. Long live Big Bone! The End.

It's amazing what you can find on the 'interweb', said Jumbone Licker, If I were to surf the net more often, I'd totally do it nekkid!

You can find out more about this degenerate, obscure blog-tard and his mammoth Big Bone at the following links:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA	http://www.krapsody.com
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
Visit MyBlogLog and get a signature like this!

Felt so fucken good

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Wed, 20 May 2009 22:19:00 +0000

Well well well here we are again, thought you had gotten rid of me for good? NO WAY MAN I'm not that easy to scare away and you're probably thinking it was you that made my brain stop but guess what it wasn't you so stop being so fucking vain! Dick.

This picture fucken sucks

Enough talk your probably all wanting to hear some great stories and lulz that only I can supply. Bad luck I've only got shit to say and thats the way I like it, I hate being serious as you all know and poking fun at the less fortunate is what its all about (it makes me feel like a big man)!

I cant say exactly why I went away for so long except maybe that I was bored with the Angry Clown and couldn't really be fucked anymore but now I feel like its a place to vent and now I need to vent so shut the fuck up and listen!

Everything sucks, everything is funny, the worse something is the funnier it is, war is funny, farts are freaken hilarious, "cute" computer lingo is gay LOL etc and should be only used when annoying others, car crashes are great, the middle east should be wiped of the map, terrorists should be raped using angry gorillas, everyone should listen to me, everyone shouldn't listen to me, pooh is brilliant and should be used at every occasion, funerals are funny, sad stuff is funny, its funny when old people fall over, midgets are funny and should be laughed at and pointed at when possible, midgets should be hunted as a sport, midgets should be fisted (thats what they were made for), Angry Clown is the best, I am the best, the people that post on Angry Clown are the freaken best and should be fisted, nuns should be felt up, priests should have their wangs removed with a blender, religion should be made fun of especially if its Islam (terrorists), gays are funny and everything should be called gay except the gays, swear words are great and should be used at least once in every fucking sentence shit, genitals make the world go around and are funny, things that look like cock and balls are the best thing in the world, animals hurting themselves is stupid and should be laughed at under your breath...then out loud, "when ... attack" shows should be shown in schools and are the smartest shows on telly, politicians are all fags and are known for sucking cock, shit balls ass, natural disasters keep the population down and are funny (when I'm not involved), EVERY OTHER BLOG EXCEPT ANGRY CLOWN SUCKS LARGE AMOUNTS OF SEMEN OFF A SAILORS SHEETS.

Little fag

That felt good I may have left a stain in my pants, pooh and pee! Dick

P.S cute pic's with cute words like in this post totally suck and shouldn't be used under any circumstances!

P.S.S I can use them!

"Cheer Up!" or "At least you aren't paralyzed from the waist down!"

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 01 May 2009 23:53:00 +0000

So MAYBE your blog is amateurish...and maybe you've got a high diarrhea-per-joke ratio. These facts are irrelevant. What is relevant, however, is that we can find humor in the most disturbing events known to mankind. For instance, this:

Further proof that if God DOES exist, he is one twisted son-of-a-bitch!

Unfortunately for me, I was not "laughing alone" when I first saw this clip but rather "alone laughing," meaning that I was the only person laughing in a room full of other people who, instead of laughing, shrieked with horror as they discovered the sheer lack of moral character which I possess. As you can imagine, laughing at crippled people rolling around on their backs as though they were turtles...turtles paralyzed from the waist down in some horribly disfiguring accident. See the following link for more lolz!!!

Paralympic wheelchar pile-up: Still images from the saddest thing ever whitnessed by human eyes since the infamous "Baby Buffet" in Indonesia!!!

Fitness Tips From An Unlikely Source

noreply@blogger.com (Static) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 03:34:00 +0000

^ Another Guest Post Courtesy of Static

Embrace your fatness, if someone can wrap their arms around you

"Ooh, look at me. I'm like, sooo skinny!"
You're a fat wannabe hoochie mama. Oh what, you have an 18.5 BMI?
That doesn't make you anorexic, it just means you're a spun out crack whore.

Angry Clown has some answers to everyday questions about fitness and the importance of a good diet. You can read the following Q&A for the details.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening....Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!!
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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !
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And remember:
Ashley Olsen isn't "the fat twin".

You can find out more about embracing your fatness by visiting:

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funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
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Finally

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 09:17:00 +0000

The most important blog in the history of all blogs in the world that has ever been and ever will be has finally reviewed the Angry Clown it was reviewed by the most important reviewers to ever crawl out of a vagina.

So check it out and before you think that its a bad review of Angry Clown please remember that we DO NOT aim to please we like to think that we say what you are thinking, if your a bit off in the head and we are the blog for the working man with no real education and no real plans to get one. This review means that we have succeeded in bringing you everything we wanted to and are thankful for it!

It would of been worse if they had liked A/C !

So when you see her standing there...she won't be wearing underwear

Fat Lift Man

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 08:21:00 +0000

Ever find yourself stuck in a lift with a fowl smell arising from the big sweaty bald fat man besides you? Yeah me too, want revenge at the expense of your dignity and possibly Youtube fame, then take a huge dump on his shoe using his tie for toilet paper.

Revenge on people can take many forms from dumping on someones shoes to sleeping with their partners or parents (no one wants someone to bone their mother or father).

Anyways what are the best plots for revenge you've seen carried out do you have the urge to serve someone that cold deadly food known as revenge?

Heres some ideas for all you scorned women and yes I know its all women that do the revenging because men don't hold grudges and have mental breakdowns over crap.

We all like a bit of excitement when it comes to revenge and we all like to see a fight, when ever we see a women screaming at a man in the street everyone knows to blame the bloke and yell "U go gal" and "kick his ass" so if you need to yell and scream but want some approval for it then do it in plain site of the public like a city street

If your more of a private person that bottles it up until one day you explode then take the revengee out bush with a shovel and a bucket of lime, I wont finish the rest of this one.

If your a women and I'm pretty sure you are then there a few things that you can aim at destroying of your rat bastard partners that will piss him off no end! These include cars, boats, widescreen TV, motorbike and of course you can cut off his penis but that would just be nuts hahaaa (pun).

So these are all classics and have been done before if you want to be totally original then you have severe mental issues and should seek help you crazy bitch.

One more word of advice, GET OVER IT!

.This is hell funny! She so crazy.
.

Whats the point?

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 10:40:00 +0000

What where am I? I know this place from somewhere oh yeah its Angry Clown the most rawken, kick ass, midget fistingness and rottenest blog EVA created in your face biotch BAM fuck yeah.

Sooooo whats the point of this post? Eh fuck points they're to much work, EVA try writing a post with no point? Its called a diary hahahaaaa fuck that.

Can you have a post with no point thats not a diary? FUCK YEAH ya can its called Angry Clown and ya mum loves it... all night long.

For the ladies

Heres a point, I'm sick of thinking and I'm just gunna go with what EVA from now on because ya know what? life's short and ya need to do what you want and just say "fuck you" to the people telling you what to do because one day your going to look back and its going to be to late!

I hear what your saying, "aren't you only 26? then why are you sounding like an old drunk" Heres the answer because I want to, problem solved.

Wars are going to still happen and people are still going to murder other people for no good reason if they do what they want and nothing EVA going to change that.

For the blokes (I know you love this shit)

So what the fuck is the point? The point is that we are made like this by who EVA the fuck made us or its how we have evolved from fish or monkeys and junk, if you believe in that.

I say fuck it we're going to do what we're going to do and no new president or bible bashing priest with a million followers or douche with a blog is EVA going to change the future, we do that (not very well).

Depressing enough for ya? HAVE A NICE DAY

Madness at the Pumps

noreply@blogger.com (Static) — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 02:46:00 +0000

Gas prices are beginning to rise again. Ironic considering it dropped just before Thanksgiving here in the states long enough to trick some folks that blowing their Christmas bonuses on a new HDTV was a good idea.

You remember that movie Mad Max (it's awesome on a huge tv set) starring that Australian actor Mel "Passion of the Christ" Gibson, y'know gas is so precious that people are killing each other for it. It was set in the future -- I believe it's set in 2009.

At any price, gasoline can hurt more than your wallet, petroleum is a precious commodity. Did you know that: Gasoline is extremely flammable; It is harmful or fatal if swallowed; May be harmful if inhaled; May cause irritation; May be harmful if absorbed through the skin.

I learned all that while I was huffing some, then I doused myself in it and had a drink just for good measure. And then I lit up a cigarette, which was odd because I don't smoke, and yep sure enough gasoline is extremely flammable and fatal.

Fatal it is. Sniffing out the great peril lurking quietly in my gas container, I realized that not only the dangers of but the value of gasoline are not exaggerated, we're talking liquid gold here folks! You cannot, MUST NOT waste a single drop!

As a horrid example of the waste of gasoline, I give you this tragic accident that occurred the other day. A gas station exploded causing the loss of hundreds of gallons of gas. Was it some idiot that caused it by huffing some, then lighting up a stogie...oops, did I do that? Community members who didn't burn to death are struggling to accept the devastating loss of so much premium fuel. Have a look at the video.

Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of Gasoline

What a horrible tragedy, this event will certainly lead to rising gas prices and the downfall of humanity. But at least I can still get cheap burritos.

You can find out more about ~~ass~~ GAS explosions by visiting:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA	http://www.krapsody.com
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
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Be stress free with me

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 11:30:00 +0000

I've just recently started chatting in chat rooms again after a year long break because everyone in the "outside world" sux balls and I've found something out since I've started strolling the rooms for strays and thats there is NO acceptable and unacceptable behavior its a free for all until you piss off the moderators or site owner.

I think thats fucken great! Here at AC we believe in the freedom of speech as long as we agree with it, so I urge all of you to go in a chat room every now and then and release the stress of your day-to-day lives on some person on the other side of the world that you have never and will never meet!

Here are a few rules to follow when trying to make an enemy in a chat room and let yourself go don't be afraid what are they going to do? Get obsessed, track you down, kill you and where your skin? That almost never happens.

RULE 1: Always introduce yourself as "your mothers lover" or "the dude thats gunna fuck you up" this will almost always raise a response and break the ice.
22:16 Dismo: Hi I'm your mothers lover she has nice tits shame about the being dead for 10 years tho

22:17 -Glenda-: oi c**t talk about my mother like that again c**t face you will get a bullet between ya eyes

RULE2: A comeback will be the next thing you will need to come up with as the last comment will bring upon a barrage of explicit words and sentences, you want the comeback to smooth things over so they keep talking to you. "Sorry I posted that on the wrong page" and "what I didn't type that" will get them back on your side.
22:19 Dismo: Sorry I posted that on the wrong page

22:20 -Glenda-: ok well maybe you should watch where ya doin it....ill let ya go this time

RULE3: Now you've made it this far you should be feeling a bit better but theres always room for improvement and at this stage you will need to offload all your problems in your life that you have ever had, don't be afraid to write a four page essay remember that the person at the other end is there to listen, always use extreme language and remember that sex romps gone wrong stories will remove large amounts of stress.

22:23 Dismo: My life is so f**ked...
22:23 -Glenda-: please I don't care!

RULE4: Never let them get a word in if they do shut them down and belittle their problems with responses like "shut the fuck up I'm talking here" and "thats nothing this one time I...". This pisses them off.
22:24 Dismo: Do ya mind mate, I'm talking here you rude f**ker, your whats wrong with the world.

22:25-Glenda-: F**k you c**t your really pissing me off!

RULE5: The "can I see you naked on cam" comment can make the difference between a good chat and a shit chat, if they say yes then by all means watch them naked on cam but be sure to laugh and call them fat and ugly, this will make you feel way better! If they say no then reply with "thats ok your probably pretty ugly anyway".
22:26 Dismo: Do you have a cam? I would love to see your tits!
22:28 -Glenda-: HELL NO NO WAY IN THE WORLD NEVER EVER

This is as far as the examples go as I was kicked of the site and banned, WINNER!

RULE6: Saying goodbye is never easy so the best way to do it and relieve stress is to start calling their family "a bunch of retards" and threatening to kill them because "the people inside my head are telling me to". Explaining to the other person that "you live just down the road from them" and "you will be over shortly just to hang out" will freak the fuck out of them and leave you pissing your pants laughing thus your stress is gone!

So the next time you visit a massage therapist or a psychologist think to yourself "do I really need to be here spending all my money or can I just go into a chat room and cause shit?" I think its an easy decision! You can thank me later.

This post has been edited for nuns.

I'M NOT GAY SO STOP WISHING I WAS

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 10:39:00 +0000

I hate posting shit like this but I'm that fucking angry that I have no problem posting it!

I'm not gay and the next person that says I am is gunna know just how not-gay I am. I don't have a problem with the gay population but I do have a problem with my so called best friend telling the world and me that I root my male friends, THIS IS NOT COOL!

The friend I am talking about will read this post and I hope she does, its time to set the record straight, literally.

I'm not gay and never will be, get used to it I'm here I'm straight and I think thats great (my new slogan).

If my friend wants to be a "fag hag" then I suggest you go out and find a real fag instead of wishing that the friends you do have were gay, thats kind of sick and twisted and will end up turning all your friends away from you.

NEVER GUNNA HAPPEN!!

What is it about me that makes people think I'm gay? I'm a scruffy dirty Aussie bloke that loves cars and tits! The furtherest away from gay that you can get, I just don't get it and am getting extremely fucking sick of it!!!!!

Tom Cruise Admits "I'm an A**hole"

noreply@blogger.com (Static) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 13:26:00 +0000

Wed January 21, 2009

Dingleberry USA (Krapsody special report) - Tom Cruise in another much anticipated "how far can he get his foot into his mouth" this time moment, Tom Cruise recently said he has flaws...sorta.

Not in so many words. But as everyone knows, Tom Cruise is God, and always refers to himself in the first person. I will refer to him by his full name, 36.4 times in this article.

Tom Cruise admits he came across as "arrogant" in a December 15 interview with Matt Lauer on the Today Show. Which is an understatement if you ask any person on the street. Insiders have stated that in recent polls, 10 out of 10 people think Tom Cruise is a bi-polar, crack addict. Basically you could say that means he's an angry clown.

His fiascoes over the years have cost him not only Nicole Kidman, but eventually a contract with Paramount Pictures where he has likely earned the studio billions of dollars, and could have earned more, if it weren't for his often odd and erratic behavior and his penchant for sitting on a hardboiled egg during interviews, muttering "shh, it's almost ready to hatch...any moment now."

Let's have a look at one of the most renowned moments of his public breakdown, Exhibit 1: the Scientology incident.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYgN3gTTI80

Aha, oh yeah. Classic stuff. This was the peak of his trek into angry clown oblivion.

Let's see if we got this right. 'Tom Cruise scientologist: Class 4 OT7 Platinum Meritorious and IAS Freedom Medal of Valor Winner' wax lyrical about Scientology, Tom Cruise is considered a member of the lunatic fringe. For more of his holiness read my article on Institutions of Jocularity™.

To add to the insanity, a few years ago Tom Cruise got pissed at a paparazzo for squirting him with a little water, which is not cool (that could be considered assault in most states) but then Tom Cruise grabs the guy (also not cool and is just the same as assault) asks him why he squirted him, over and over. Remember that? Well it was just water dude. And the papparazzo was a jerk.. but..uhhh... I think therapists nationwide agree Tom Cruise needs drugs. Mind altering drugs to be exact, which might actually balance him out and help him see reality. Sounds about right?

Long story short - Tom Cruise has definitely tossed off the shackles of Hollywood oppression and will continue to pilot his Scientology-fueled funny car straight towards you. Who has he won over with his rhetoric? ..well, except for Katie Holmes. I'm sure it'll be just a matter of time before she wakes up to his wickedness.

And now biggest nutbag, err... movie star in the world, Tom Spew!

Fun Factoid: Did ya know that Tom Cruise will not allow his likeness to be used in video games or for action figures. Because his likeness is so much in demand, Macy's wants to use his likeness for its mannequins.

Tommyquins are not exactly all that popular yet.

It also seems Tom Cruise is a slow learner, but he's on the right track to admitting when he's wrong. Another example, early in May 2008, Tom Cruise returned to Oprah’s couch and admitted that he was wrong about postpartum depression.

Tom Cruise had this to say about his comments regarding Brooke Shields and her use of medications to treat her postpartum depression, "It came out wrong, it’s just not true. I was raised by four women who have children and babies. And that's the way I like my women, barefoot 'n pregnant, slaving in the kitchen, making my dinner."

"I’m not trying or want to tell anyone how to live their life or what they should believe or shouldn’t believe. But I am. And just for the record folks, Tom Cruise thinks YOUR science sucks!"

Tom Cruise went on to say he felt "pressed" by the media during that period of his life - and regrets saying a lot of things on TV.

He added, "I felt like I could’ve handled it better. Like I shouldn't have said those things on TV at all. I should have kept them to myself, and suppressed my need to tell people my innermost, personal thoughts. It just showed how insane I really am. Muhahahahahahahahaha!"

The news story ends well. One afternoon after Christmas at Macy's, Oprah and Tom Cruise ran into each other shopping for those 70% off sales, and Oprah promptly sat on him.

The end.

Well not quite the end, you can see m0ar Tom Cruise smashing fun at the following links:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA	http://www.krapsody.com
funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire
Visit MyBlogLog and get a signature like this!

Revenge of the turds

noreply@blogger.com (Angry_Clown) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 10:32:00 +0000

This just in:

News parody blogs explode in numbers causing lameness on the interwebs.

Wut? Sorry remember a few weeks or days back I promised a story of untold stinkyness and disgust, huh do ya?

It all started on a warm Wednesday morning the day started like any other I got up had a pee, released my morning wood of its duties and had a nice relaxing shower as one does.

I quickly grew bored around 7am and decided to head for a drive to the beach, just for a drive to look at the ocean maybe have a perv and take some voyeur photos of the retired wrinkles that roam the walking trails and bike tracks along the beach.

All was good I picked up a couple of Redbulls for the trip and in case I was spotted and had to run I drank them down forgetting I had not yet had breakfast or had the morning crap, the stinkiest and most needed of all poohs threw out the day.

As I drove along the road across from the beach looking for the moldy oldies I felt a sharp pain in my stomach this could only mean that a turd was trying to free itself from the evil clutches of my small intestine little did I know of the will and sheer determination of my brown buddy.

As I swung a U-turn and headed for home in peak-hour traffic I came across a problem, there was an accident holding up traffic and I knew if I didn't get home soon I was going to deliver in my car, not cool!

I made a break for my Grandma's house as they lived closer and I was on a knifes edge. My contractions grew closer and closer together I feared every fart would be my last (like poetry).

Twenty minutes later I reached my grandparents place and in extreme pain I squeezed my ass cheeks together but also feeling a sense of relief as I drove up the driveway. I jumped out of the car and ran to the door knocking as loud as I could until my knuckles started to bleed.

They weren't home!

As I ran back down to the car a sneaky fart escaped from my ass taking with it a souvenir from its time in my bowels, my new smudge and I proceeded home as fast as I could drive without forcing anymore out.

Very nice!

By the time I arrived home it was to late I could not hold it in any longer and as I ran up the stairs squirting towards the toilet I thought to myself, why didn't I just stop at a petrol station and use their crapper? Damn that sucks!