Inspire

Did You?

2012-01-25T03:12:00.001+08:00

Ever had a song, that when you listen to the lyrics, or find out what it means, you immediately click to it.

Like the melody and the lyrics, sync with one another.

It's not that you're addicted to it, or how the lyrics goes on a loop in your mind,

but more of, "Hey, this is what I'm going through."
or, "This is exactly what I'm feeling."
or however it may be, hope you catch my drift.

Well, there is this one song for me recently.
'I Won't Give Up', by Jason Mraz.

Right from the first line, till the last.
It might not be every line,
but I can definitely relate it to me.

The song can be for someone who's in a relationship, and one who isn't.
One would say,
"Whatever happens, good or bad, I won't give up."
The other would say,
"Whatever happened, through the good and bad, I won't give up."

Well, that's my take on the song.

To a friend that I might have judged way before I gave him time to show it, I'm sorry. I will support you through and through, but I will be brutally honest about everything. If I offend you, you deserve it. Okay, that sounded bad, lol. But yeah, please try all your best, all you can and then only say, "I tried."
For so long, and after countless times of hearing people cry out their relationship problems one by one, again and again... please listen to yourself, and make something happen.
Walk the talk. Let actions come after your words.
If you know something is about to happen or did happen, then do something about it, don't just, "Oh, well." WTF. Never judge something before its' time. You never know what might come out of it.
People like that just get on my friggin nerves.
And I respect people who could always take the first move, to do whatever.
So far, only one caught my eye. So far la. It's you.

I will say it again,
"Relationships is and will be complicated."
Fix yourself, then fix the relationship.

Don't judge.

Awakening

2012-01-21T03:55:00.001+08:00

I just had this sudden urge to write something down.
but, my mind is so filled with words now, I don't know which to say.

Just watched Underworld : Awakening.
Good movie, blood here and there.
Kate Beckinsale... uh oh, you're hawt.
I don't know, if it's the accent, your fair skin, or the eyes.
Gosh, you make one good vampire.

Always had this interest in myths and legends, whether it may be Greek, Roman, European or whatever, still damn interesting to me. ;D

In the movie she said, "Just yesterday I was this close to the man I love, and went to sleep. I woke up 12years later finding out that he's not longer alive. I'm not cold hearted, just heartbroken."

I bet we have this moments where we push people away, and sometimes, not them physically, but emotionally as well.
We detach ourselves from people, trying to figure out ourselves.

Can't really take the whole blame right? '
Cause we let emotions and feelings take over.
We're still human, eh.

Frank Ocean's song, 'We All Try', part of the lyrics says,
"I still believe in man,
A wise one asked me why
Cause I just don't believe we're wicked
I know that we sin, but I do believe we all try."

We all try to be good, but somehow somewhat, we fail time and time again.
and we take it into our hearts, and never learn from our mistakes,
but I believe in people, that we forgive and somewhere along time, we forget.
It's easier if we have someone to share the burden with too.

So look up into the sky,
And see that all is calm,
Wave the old you goodbye
For the worst is yet to come.

Trust me, there are far more bad things ahead of us,
but step by step, we conquer.
I conquered.

Not all, but I will, eventually.

보고 싶어

It's Complicated

2012-01-17T02:32:00.003+08:00

This movie, "Relationship Status", is in fact, a Malaysian movie.

It's about different kinds of relationships, but not all types of relationships.

It's kinda like "Love Actually", like how all the characters relates to one another.

The movie was shot with a Canon 5D Mark II.
Which is supposedly an 'AWESOME GOOD-ASS' camera.

but, always a 'BUT', the cameraman, sucked.

The focus was way over controlled, some scenes were blur, it was way, wayyyy, WAYYYY, too shaky.

Okay, now that the details are done with, on with the movie itself.

SPOILER ALERT.

This guy is in an open relationship, without him even knowing it, that the girl he's hooking up with, had sex with this married guy that made him had a divorce. And the divorcee's wife is friends with a girl that works in the same office as the first guy, and her husband is hooking up with the divorcee'. And a Chinese guy's parents doesn't approve his son for being in a relationship, with a girl so 'open'. And the first guy's boss' husband passed away, and doesn't know how to cope with it.

What makes it all so much more interesting, is that they're all somehow mutually related on Facebook.

It's kinda confusing without watching the movie, but yea, that summarizes it up.

For me, the movie really had a lot of good scenes, like emotional touching scenes.

The actors and actresses had their good and bad scenes too.

but in the end, the storyline was good and made sense.

Nothing was overrated.

Best line in the the movie, for me,

"Take the relationship status on Facebook as an example. We can tell the entire world, we're single, in a relationship, engaged, married, divorced, widowed, whatever we want. We can even tell the world, it's complicated. But here's my question, 'Isn't every relationship complicated?'. "

To all my friends, who's in a relationship now, please remember and know for sure, that every relationship IS and WILL BE complicated.

'Cause every relationship is different.
You can't take what you see in the movies or in reality and compare them to yours, 'cause it's different.
Accept the differences, and make your way around it.

Don't make the mistake of quitting when you haven't tried everything.
You just might have the best relationship in the world. Who knows?

You can be whoever you want, but be real. Every relationship is complicated.

Just Words

2012-01-16T03:15:00.001+08:00

Always breaking promises.
Always not fulfilling my words.

This is when promises becomes, empty meaningless words.

It gives hope and happiness for a moment, but after awhile…

I’m sorry. I broke all my promises.

Big or small, it doesn’t matter ‘cause it still didn’t come to fruition.

I will make it up to you.

Do you remember your most precious promise?

Bye.

2012-01-12T01:42:00.002+08:00

Rushed down to see you lying down,
Called your name,
But you made not a sound,
Now its never the same.

Rest In Peace grandma.

Nothing is worst than death?

Mission I.M.Possible

2012-01-10T01:06:00.003+08:00

Went to watch MI4, again, with my brother.
Just because he hasn’t seen it yet, cause of his all-so-busy schedule.
Well, he paid, so wtheck right?

This time round, to make the movie count, I paid a little more attention to the little things.
Like every scene has its loophole to the next, like hinting the thing.

There were some interesting scenes, here and there,
but what really caught me eye was, the ending.

He saw his wife, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her.

What kind of love is it, that you give your whole life and the one you love, just so that he/she can be safe?
And you would get the worst kind of treatment.
One of the best kind.

Could you remain silent, about the love you have, so that they can smile and live a better life without you. Hoping that they would eventually love you back.

Ethan Hunt, didn’t gave up on the mission, even when the missile launched, cause he knew his wife was where the bomb might hit.
He tried with all his blood, sweat and more blood, to make sure that she would be safe.
and like his teammate said, “This people don’t even know they were this close to being vaporized.”

He knew, and he made sure that didn’t happened.

We all have this love, silent love.
Think about it. We all do.

And it was a full moon tonight. Wished you saw it.

One of the few silent love I have. A.

Polite

2012-01-07T04:00:00.000+08:00

We smile and nod to hide the pain, that could or would, eventually kill us.
Is it ego? Or is it politeness?

If it’s ego, it’s all about themselves and not wanting to humble down.
If it’s politeness, it’s about caring for another persons’ feelings more than themselves.

So do we cry ourselves to sleep just because we have something yet unsaid, but we leave it as it is, for the sake of being polite?
Or do we give the brutal truth, which could cost money, time, hurt and relentlessness, and be judged as ‘ego-ish’?

We should always do something that’s for the better good. But which good?
Yourself or others?
What if one weighed more than the other? Which would you choose?
To save a hundred now, or a million later?

But I guess, most of the time, we are more polite than the other.
We prefer smiles, rather than tears.
Honestly, who wants tears?

Sometimes, we’re just kinda dumb to choose the happy feelings that could last us a minute.
Sometimes. Lol

Just smile and nod. It’s better for everyone. :D

I would smile, to keep you smiling.

What A Start

2012-01-04T00:17:00.001+08:00

2012.

Nothing much happened for me.
It was like a transition from a second to the next.
Didn’t had that ”Woohoo, it’s a new year,” kinda thing.

Maybe it’s cause I imagined it differently before.

Less than a week down, and 2 people I know passed away.
What a way to start the year eh?

To sit there, to watch and listen to their loved ones mourn and cry over them.
It hurts even just to be there.
The kind of love that you can share, but just not as much equally.

We miss the things that has been done.
We regret the things that hasn’t been done.
We are only human.

Even when I was your shoulder to cry on,
it still wasn’t you.

and R.I.P. Jay, my friend.

Christmas Everyday.

2011-12-25T00:56:00.000+08:00

Most of us have the wrong concept of Christmas.

That it’s all about receiving, taking and themselves.

Well, they’re WRONG. Lol

Christmas is about giving, appreciating and blessing others.

I guess, most of us have forgotten or didn’t even know what Christmas was really about.

but I hope that, this Christmas we would grasp hold the right way of Christmas.

It comes once a year, but I hope that it would be part of us to be have this jolly Christmas spirit to give and think of others first.

Don’t think of what we can get from someone, like the benefits, gifts or presents.

but think like, “Hey, what can I give to that someone?”

‘Cause sometimes, we think wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much that causes us to lose focus of what the main goal is.

The love we receive, is the love we should give.

There’s always love, it’s the matter of whether we feel the love.

So, be more sensitive to it. DON’T be a hard rock ass. LOL

Merry Christmas to you wherever you may be.

너랑나

Fact / Fiction

2011-12-18T04:36:00.000+08:00

It’s not that I want to die young, it’s just that I don’t have this urge to die old.

It’s like the same how people say, “I want to quickly finish off studying and start working.”
For me, how would you know what it’s like to work? People hate what they do, and despise it every.single.second.

I know not all jobs are like that, but only the business students tell me that. SO DONT TAKE BUSINESS. Lol

How would you know what it’s like to live old?
It may be painful to watch and experience the view of death of others.
or you might live a blessed life and not see one.
Who knows?
I’m young and free, and excited for life.

“When you came out, you were crying people were smiling, make sure when you go out, you’re smiling and people crying.” – John Futa.

We forgot to appreciate what we have, rather we complain and compare.
What we have would never be merely enough, to what we imagined to get.

It’s a good thing to aspire for more, but why, when you have so much to appreciate now, you forget and look ahead?

I look at what I have and what I don’t.
I look at what I need and what I want.
I look at what I can and what I can’t.

I don’t have everything, but I would say more than enough.
God.Family.Friends.You.

“You made it seem like we as your friends have failed to be your friend, and to make you not think that way.”

The fact is, you guys made life so much more worth it. Knowing y’all was my honor. And to be your friend was a blessing.

I didn’t want to say it, cause it sounded way to cheesy and unbelievable.

I take my words back for not fighting for my life. I will. I definitely will.
But like how I explained to a friend, the life I live wasn’t meant to be, till He came and rescued me.
And if He decides to take my life, he took my life.
He gives and He takes.

We wouldn’t know the entire wonders of the world, or the knowledge of the universe.
If one would know, he be God.

To a certain age,
It's just simple math,
To be a young or old sage,
Not afraid of death.

Oh Oh Oh, Ho Ho Ho

2011-12-15T21:22:00.002+08:00

Well, December is finally here.
Not exactly the end of the month yet, just slightly almost half, but lots has happened.

Actually… the things that happened, I can never ask for more.
I would call it an early Christmas gift or New Year’s present,
but it was, nice.

An acoustic guitar, rekindled friendship and refreshing moments of companionship.

I really couldn’t ask for more. After months of wishing and praying and sleepless nights thinking when will those come true, it all finally did.

After what was done, it felt like a HUGE rock was literally removed.
Heartbeat back to normal, sleep became more comfortable and mind cleared.

But all that made me wonder if I can really do things myself, or do I always need to wait for something to happen.
Yes, I did feel a ‘lil bit worthless and useless. But I was just thinking WAYYY too much.
So kids, don’t be like grandpa Rhys. LOL

Right now…
it just feels a ‘lil bit too quiet.

Friends away, family going off, home alone, idle phone, plan-less and whatever.

I need to find something productive to do now.
Maybe more like climbing hills and writing screenplays.
or I could just lay dead on my bed. Wth, no.

Anyways, Merry Christmas.

Last Christmas, I …

Grad3

2011-12-03T03:02:00.001+08:00

Same place, same crowd, same atmosphere, same speakers, different person.

Loneliness hits you, when you least expect it to happen. That’s because the person on your right and left would suddenly just disappear and you’re left all alone. Nothing to do, but to give empty cheers to strangers on stage.

Knowing that everyone else has to have their moment, and it was time to live the moment, but just wasn’t my time.

I wouldn’t want to spoil or ruin anyone’s moment, so I left.

Everyone deserved a good and enjoyable time, and it would be an ass of me to ruin it by sending off bad aura.

Words from the Valedictorian and the program director both gave a wonderful and meaningful speech. One bout not just only winning the race, but finishing it with someone, helping them up when they fall. The other, that life might be short, and to live life to say, “I’ve had lived a good life, and not hurt anyone,” is the essence of life itself.

As lonely, as sentimental, as touched, as fun as it is,
I see that hobble.

Dream/Sorry

2011-11-25T03:03:00.000+08:00

I don’t know whether the dreams we dream are what our subconscious are thinking, cause I know for sure when I’m fully awake, I’m not.

Not to say I hate it, but I wasn’t completely loving it too, cause to a point, I knew it was all just a dream.

I’m not sure how I would judge it, be it bad or be it good, it did affect me.

and I’m sorry.

I didn’t know what to do, afraid that I might fall. So I just played it safe.
all about you. lol

Fragile

2011-11-12T23:22:00.001+08:00

Today I was reminded of life itself.

That no matter how much we do and plan with it, it’s always fragile,
and today, I kinda have a grasp of the meaning of it.

Fragile, that it could break or be taken away, just like that.
Maybe it’s just me, but I always hear, that “life is short.”

Today, I found out that a lecturer from my Pre-U course (CIMP), passed away due to some misunderstanding, which cost him his life. And he had no fault of any sort.

A friend of mine posted in FB saying,
“This picture really bring tears down my cheek... how can such an adventurous sporty and open minded person like him die so early? all he wants is to travel around the world and live the moment. I respect you sir you are really my inspiration. “

What he said was so true. He was just out on a holiday an out of a sudden, the next thing he knew was that he was fighting for his life. It really hurts to see an individual so outgoing and cool, to just come to an end like that.

I didn’t know Mr.Pelland personally, but from seeing the lives that he touched and the people he has changed, it truly gave me the impression that he IS a great man. Doing what he can and did what he wanted with an open heart and mind. I respect him as an individual that was able to truly help and change people.

And for that, he would truly be my definition of real ‘coolness’.

Another thing that strike me today, was the fact that my grandma has high blood pressure.
It might not seem like a huge issue, but if I actually think about it, I could have lost my grandma today as well.

She’s 78 but acting like she’s 60. And I’m happy to see that she is still as active as most grandmas out there. I ain’t dissing anyone’s grandma, but I bet you love them as much as I love mine. The thought of losing her, is really unbearable.

I was supposed to just drop something off today and be off. I had a long day myself, and wanted to take a rest from a long day, till I found out. And I wanted to stay as long as I can, to really enjoy her presence as if it was her last.

Life itself is really fragile.

Say what it’s needed, and I guess I have said what needs to be said.
In the end, it’s all said and done.

here.we.go.

Eyes Closed .

2011-11-06T23:46:00.000+08:00

Little Tommy always kept his eyes shut. He pretended to never see what was happening to guard himself from the pain and heartache. It wasn’t his first time avoiding and pretending like things was just happening, but he fears that if he actually clicks or imagines that he does, the world he lived in would just fall and crumble. He never really dared to go further than the boundaries he made, cause he knows what would happen exactly when he does. Eventually, pain still find its ways to creep in.

Who are you talking to..

Walk

2011-10-28T01:29:00.000+08:00

A Walk To Remember.

A story of an undying faith and love of two individuals towards each other.
I can honestly, watching it again from a whole new perspective did teach me some lessons.

1. Say ‘No’ to peer pressure.
2. Every girl is beautiful.
3. Miracles do come true.
4. Breaking promises ain’t that bad.
5. Last minute work does payoff.
6. Apologizing heals.
7. There are ways to learn new things.
8. A girl can change a guys’ life around.
9. Sacrifice is a form of love.
10. Girls are seductive in their ways.
11. Break away from what doesn’t make you better.
12. There’s always that one friend who’s there.
13. Handshakes are necessary in an awesome friendship.
14. Laughter helps break the ice.
15. Brutal honesty is the best way.
16. The truth isn’t easy accepted, but it takes time.
17. Learning to dance is required.
18. Supporting mothers do help.
19. Jealousy does exist between strangers and haters.
20. Girls pushes guys to the limit.
21. Have a to-do-list.
22. Finish the to-do-list.
23. Have someone help you finish it.
24. Never give up on teaching.
25. Lies can save a life.
26. Leukemia is a bitch.
27. There’s a fear of letting go.
28. Living life to its fullest.
29. Tattoo’s are cool, temporary ones.
30. Never judge someone for what they wear.
31. Girls have killer smiles.
32. Not expecting anything.
33. Ask the dad for permissions first.
34. You can’t outrun the police.
35. Have fine dining for a date.
36. Pay for everything.
37. Pretend everything’s alright to look strong.
38. Waiting for the girl to wake up.
39. Sleeping under the stars won’t be a bad idea.
40. I should totally join a musical.
41. Forget the lines, and just say, “You’re beautiful.”
42. Switchfoot is an awesome band.
43. Go the distance to find the answers.
44. Sometimes, it’s about being there, even if it’s 10seconds.
45. Find a book of quotes and read everyone.
46. Have faith in someone even if they don’t look like it.
47. In suffering comes compassion, in suffering look for hope.
48. Never giving up, even if I know it’s going to end.
49. Love isn’t easy, for both sides.
50. Death can’t separate love.

In that list, I’ve done some, failed some.
but definitely, learnt a lot from most.

Watching the same movie from a different perspective gives everything a new look.

Give it a try, what can you learn?

a kiss?

2011-10-17T01:08:00.001+08:00

what does a kiss mean?
either a peck or making out itself.
"what IS a kiss?"

went and Google-d my questions. got all sorts of stuffs.
one of 'em said, that it was a way of showing affection.
or it could be, the transferring of hormones. wtf.
or just for the heck of it?

is there more of an answer to just the scientific and obvious?
is there no elaborated answer?

for me,
-a kiss on the lips, signifies an openness and honesty in a relationship. that the partner allows the other to actually take a step closer into her life, physically and relationship-wise.
-making out, on the other hand, is more than just a feeling, but the action of embracing one another, in each other's arms. but rather being all comfortable and trustworthy enough to trust the partner not only with their lips, but body, too.

i don't really know why, am i thinking so much after watching a movie that i had watched over 5times, but only now just thinking bout it.
blame it on the nostalgia, blame it on the curiosity, blame it on me.
wtfcares.

changing a place to put my thoughts,
rather than sharing it to 796,
i will share it to 53 instead.

but what does it mean to you?

Why was I how I was?

2011-10-15T00:46:00.002+08:00

Why was I how I was?

I didn’t know what that ‘umph’ feeling was.
Ruined a night, ruined a day.

Got me thinking, whether it was a happy or sad thing.
After a day of thinking,
it was neither. Or maybe it was both.

If it was sad, I guess it’s ‘cause of the memories came flashing back and all,
Nostalgic… that would be my defense.

If it was a happy one, it’s cause..
I got to see you? After such a long time. Almost a month, no?

-----------------------------------

I’ve put in, way too much connotation in the Moon.
and everytime as I gaze at it, I would think of you.

The Moon became something that I really adored and looked forward too, because,
our month-vesary would always have a full Moon.

A friend asked me, “Why does everyone look at the moon as if it’s something beautiful and round and perfect? If you look closely, it has holes and it’s not really white. “
“Like every other human, we ain’t perfect with our flaws and ugliness. But deep down we’re beautiful.” I replied.

The thing with accepting someone else’s differences, it takes a lot. When I say a lot I mean A LOT.
We accept the ones we love eventhough they’ve hurt us over and over again.
May it be, family, or even friends.
but the funny thing is, we didn’t let go.
of the feelings, memories, hopes and dreams.

Maybe we’re just fools or dreamers hoping the best that would come out of the situation. Not accepting reality and fact.
but living off the fictional side of the story, in our hearts.

----------------------------------

Someone who would take a chance on me, and give me a try.
but I’ve build this defense mechanism in me,
to not get hurt.

Pushing away the possibilities of a heartbreak, whenever it is.

That’s why I wouldn’t take the chance.
Wouldn’t take step of courage,
to not leap forward, but rather staying where I am now.

I wouldn’t want to hurt you, and you me.
But..
Que Sera Sera. Whatever will be, will be.

A day away,
from that day,

which made so much difference,

which I try not to reference.

Rhythm & Melody

2011-10-07T02:16:00.001+08:00

Do you have that one thing that doesn't leave you?

That will always be there for you no matter what.

Well. I have.

Even in my darkest times, in my happiest of times too.

I realized that I never really appreciate it till I was left with it for a long time.

But the funny thing about is, it could make me sad or happy.

Even when I’m all high up in the sky, but then suddenly, BAM, I just feel that sudden cold breeze.

Well, however ironic or hypocritical it could be, I would say I love it.

It is music.

For a long time now, I would always have my earplugs with me, whenever I go out.

Cause I needed a sense that, ‘someone/something will always be there for me, whenever I need them.’

It sounds foolish now, thinking and talking about how I treat music. But that’s how I see it.

I realize that nothing and no one can be there for me all the fucking time.

My friends, they have their own life and their own group of friends too,

My close friends, are too busy with ‘assignments’ and their social life,

and I’m left all alone.

But I don’t mind being alone, cause I can stand being alone.

I was alone when I was 8, and I can be alone if I want to now.

but,

I’m blessed, with awesome people surrounding me.

“Being alone, doesn't necessary mean you’re lonely,

Being lonely, doesn't necessary means you’re alone”

We can hide behind our walls of failures, dreams, hopes or expectations,

we wait for people to come break them down,

sometimes, some people can,

but, some cant.

For the wall we set up, is just way too high, and it’s unachievable.

“We sometimes look and long for somethings that we want,

rather than the things that we need, and what we always needed, was in-front of us the whole time.”

I always take long walks, from uni to my car or even to college.

It’s because I take that time to be alone, and be with something that I love,

music.

It has always been there for me.

and I ask you,

to find something you need, rather than want.

“I make it look easy.”

2nd Oct

2011-10-02T23:18:00.005+08:00

Happy Birthday. hmm. :)

Kimjongilia

2011-10-01T12:12:00.000+08:00

Is a documentary about North Korean citizens that found their way out of that country to find a new life.

What all of them had in common was that they were trying to escape.
Escape from the pain of being there and the fear of being beaten or worst, killed.

As the survivors tell their story, it’s very obvious that life there was hell and still is. But they really need to get away from all of that fake so called love of their leader Kim Jong Il.

There’s this part of the interview, where his death was taken so seriously, because the citizens there were thought that he was some kind of ‘god’.

I quote a survivor, “How Christians say grace to God before they eat, we say grace to Kim Jong Il.”

People thought that it would be the end of the world when he passed, because their ‘god’ has somehow died and no one was there to protect them. But a man, realize how stupid that was and made his decision to leave North Korea.

That got me thinking, do we stay in the lies of others?
Do we live in their mistakes?
Is there no way out?

I believe in “decisions”.

The decisions we make will always do good for us in the future or now, whatever it is. It’s because we choose whatever happens to us.
Even when we get into an accident, it’s the mistake of another that causes our sadness and pain, but we make the decision to get out of the ridiculous state of mind.

Pain and suffering comes after the storm, so that when it comes again, we would be more than ready to get hit again.

Life itself is a very ironic thing. Since we’re young, we’re always thought that there would be a happy ending at every “The End.”
and when we come to a place in our lives and it’s not how we imagine it to be, where all the smiles and laughter are replaced by tears and pain. I was reminded that, “If it’s not a happy ending, it’s not the end.”

Whatever is thrown at my face, I will take it head on with all my might to know that there’s always something bigger and better in the future. Because I know that whatever happens now is a gift from God, because I’m still alive and well.

They say, “It’s the journey that matters.”
no matter how my life ends, the main thing is how I got there.

This year in my life, I’ve met real awesome people.
Friends that I wish I never replace, experiences and memories I wish never be forgotten.

September ended, time to wake up. (:

what is?

2011-09-22T07:38:00.004+08:00

It’s 7:14 now and it’s officially 22 hours of no sleep.
There’s lots in my mind and I just can’t seem to stop thinking.
Everything in my mind is now in a blur.
Not knowing what is more important than the other, but there is one thing in particular that keeps popping in my mind.

“Do we do what’s right?” or “Do we do what makes us happy?”

After a long nice productive talk with a friend, the end topic was, “What makes us ‘truly happy’?”
For all the things and times that I have spent with you, was it worth it all?

Does doing the right things makes us happy?
or
Is doing the things that makes us happy, right?

Was it a mistake or a blessing? Was it patience or self-control? Was it fear or strength? Was it a waste or worth it? Was it fake or real? Was it painful or harmful? Was it dangerous or safe? Was it sacrifice or reward?
Was it stupidity or love?

Gahhh..

What I know off now is, I miss my friend. Am I still one of yours?
I still care.

I'm so sorry..

2011-09-20T05:15:00.002+08:00

"Living life in the 'single' lane,
Made me wonder about life,
Whether I could love again,
Thinking I was afraid to take the dive.

Before, I thought I moved on,
The past behind, it's long gone,
Or is it better forgotten,
Or leave it as an unnecessary burden.

Yes, no, time will eventually still tick,
Going forward and not stopping,
Life gave me a kick,
To stop hoping and dreaming.

Well, that's all I know,
'My' point of view,
Time to go with the flow,
Start things afresh, anew.

Still, there are things I can't help,
Memories, wonder and all,
Maybe all I need is a nap,
To recover from that once so heavy fall.

I'm up and strong now,
With experience and thicker skin,
Too many times I've said "oww",
Open my eyes, a new life begin.

Met someone who showed me something,
We call it 'love',
Something I've been missing,
Even from the 'Man' above.

My prayers answered,
Even if it was a long time ago,
Whoops, I'm caught, busted,
Love comes back, how can u say no?"

What are the signs of someone being happy?
That has become a mystery to me over the past few weeks.
Is it when they smile? cry? what?

Smiling don't mean, "I'm happy."
It might as well mean, "I'm coping, thank you very much."

For what's worth, I know I'm happy NOW.
Does it matter if I know I'll get sad in the near future?
Gah.. that won't happen.

My eyes are wide open now.

You can't hide. I see you. Come back.

"Have I lost a friend?"

거짓말.

just a little.

2011-09-13T00:18:00.002+08:00

I had to come to a point my life where I had to ask myself, “Wth is wrong with you Rhys?”

I haven’t been myself lately, and all the things I do and say is like a mask that I have to wear.
I’m sick and tired of people pitying on me, giving me all this false hopes and dreams and whatnots.
I ain’t perfect.

I’ve been staying strong for way too long, but that doesn’t mean I’m bullet proof.
Treat me like how you treated me before, and not show me ‘mercy’ or compassion.

The past week, everyone seemed down. Well not everyone, but the ones I care for.
and it hurts to see people down and depressed or sad.
Either it’s you, or my close friends.

I try to be myself, and try to be the all supporting and positive when I’m approached for help.
but bit by bit, it sinks into me.
I cant help to feel what they feel too.
Loneliness.Betrayal.Misunderstood.Forgotten.

Thought I moved on completely.. but after a simple greeting, no I wasn’t. heh. Silly.

Silly silly me..

I promised a friend, that I will stay strong. Not for my friends or whoever, but for myself too.
and THIS is a reminder to self.
“Stay strong. Do it for yourself. It’s always worth it.”

Full moon tonight. Heh.

Idk anymore

2011-09-11T01:52:00.003+08:00

How can a simple “Hi”, leave my mind in wonderment, shock and awe.

After all it’s said,
Either you linger or fade,
That what was once man-made,
To slowly turn cold and dead.

gahfmldilemma