Funny Jokes & Videos

Funny story: Mature Lady Driver

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Tue, 03 May 2011 17:07:00 +0000

A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see....Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Don't Mess With Mature Ladies
If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone you know.

funny : answers can be revealing

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 18:51:00 +0000

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.

He approached her and asked; " Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me.

You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.

Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, " Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state.

Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.

One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said:
"If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair ."

Funny : India's First Astronaut Landing.....

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 02:44:00 +0000

FIRST INDIAN ASTRONAUT RETURNS TO EARTH

Some have heard the news that India has entered into the race for the moon.

This is the picture of their first returned

Indian astronaut.

Just landed.

Funny Jokes : wife VERSUS girlfriend

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 04:46:00 +0000

Wife is like a TV
Girlfriend is like a MOBILE

At home u watch TV, but when u go out u take ur MOBILE

No money, u sell the TV, got money u change ur MOBILE

Sometimes u enjoy TV, but most of the time u play with ur MOBILE

TV is free for life,but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable

Operational costs for TV is often acceptable, but for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding

TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn't

Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk and listen),but with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not)

Last but not least! TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILEs often do...

Funny Story : Kind Lawyer

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 15:59:00 +0000

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw
two men along the roadside eating grass.
一天下午，有一个富有的律师在途中，看见两个人在路边吃草。

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
他觉得有点困扰，就吩咐司机停车。接着他下车查探。

He asked one man 'Why are you eating grass?'
他问其中一人，"为何你们在吃草？"

'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied 'We have to eat grass.'
那人答，"我们没有钱买食物，所以我们要吃草。"

'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you', the
lawyer said.
"那么，你可以来我家，我给你吃的。"律师说。

'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree'.
"可是我还有妻子及两个孩子，他们都在那边的树下。"

'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.
"带他们一起来吧。"律师说道。

Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us also.'
他转向另一个人说，"你也一起来吧。"

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as
large as the limousine was.
虽然那是一部大房车，他们也费了九牛二虎之力，全部人才能上车。

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.'
途中，其中一人说，"先生，你真是一个大好人，谢谢你把我们全部人带来。"

The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the
grass is almost 1 metre high!'
律师回答，"我感到很荣幸。你们肯定喜欢我的地方，那里的草足足有一米高。

Lesson : Don't trust kind lawyers. (Also, don't sent this to your good
friend who is also a lawyer)!!
这个教训我们：不要相信仁慈的律师。也不要将此电邮转寄给你的律师朋友。

Funny Story : A Touching Story

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 05:15:00 +0000

Year 1980

On their way back from School Arjun started talking

Arjun : Bro! I am moving to a different city to study. I will miss you man
Pargat: I will miss you too mate. But nothing can break our friendship. We will at least meet once every year.
Arjun: Yes that is a deal

and they parted with tears in their eyes...
As time went by, both got busy with their work life. They kept their promise for two years and after that they moved on with their own lives and in the process Arjun lost his contact with Pargat.. Time went by and both became Police Officers.

Year: 2010

Venue: The Police station where Arjun works

Tring... Tring...

Arjun picks up the call and he gets a pleasant surprise...

"Is this Arjun?"
"Yes. Who is on the line?"
"Bro. Its Pargat! I just found out that you are posted in this station"

Tear drops welled up Arjun's eyes

Arjun: Where are you?
Pargat: I am standing outside the Police station. Come Out !!!
Arjun: Is it? I am coming right away....!!!

Arjun rushed out of the Police station and saw Pargat standing outside. They were seeing each other for the first time after thirty years !!!. He wanted to go and hug his friend. But he could not hug his friend....???
It was a very touching moment for both of them......

SCROLL.

SCROLL.

SCROLL.

SCROLL.

SCROLL.

SCROLL.

SCROLL.

SCROLL.

Have you ever seen a touching moment like this?

Funny Story : Be Careful, What You Ask For!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 00:57:00 +0000

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' Asks the waitress.

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.

'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

‘That’s brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

Funny : Do you smoke?

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 13:58:00 +0000

Once a Smoker was smoking at the Gandhi International airport .........
A gentleman came & asked him, “How much do you smoke a day?”
Smoker: “Why are you asking such question?”
Gentleman replied: “If you had saved that money instead of smoking, the plane which is in front of you, would have been yours.”
Smoker then asked that gentleman: “Do you smoke?”
Gentleman: “No”.
Smoker asked: “Does that plane belong to you?”
Gentleman replied: “No.”
Smoker: “Thanks for your kind advice, but that plane is mine.”
[Smoker's Name-Vijay Mallya]. < owns Kingfisher airlines (India's Budget Airline)

Moral of the Story:- Unnecessary advice is injurious to health

Now I don't advise friends not to smoke, as I was a smoker myself until 30 years ago when I kick the habit completely.

As a smoker I did'nt own an aeroplane, and now as a non smoker I also did not own a plane.

Do whatever you like - Moderation is the word.

Funny : Men vs...'un-men'

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 01:26:00 +0000

Men vs...'un-men'.....hahahhhahaa..this is goooooood.......

Funny Story: God will provide

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 23:37:00 +0000

A young woman brought her fiancé home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother told her father to find out about the young man.
The father invited the fiancé to his study for a talk.
"So what do you do for a living?" the father asked the young man.

"I am a biblical scholar," he replied.
"A Biblical scholar. Hmm........" , the father said. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?"

"I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry Sir, God will provide," replied the fiancé.

The conversation proceeded like this and each time the father questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide.

Later, the mother asked, "How did it go Honey?"
The father answered, "He has no job, no plans and he thinks I'm God!!"

Funny Story: How To Get Away From Police Officer

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 03:38:00 +0000

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman : Is there a problem, Officer ?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Older Woman:Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please ?

Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one ?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers
please.

Older Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer:You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

---------

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2:Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2:One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding too.

Funny : Good girls vs Bad girls

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 23:52:00 +0000

Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons

Good girls wax their floors
Bad girls wax their bikini line

Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies
Bad girls know they could do it better

Good girls wear white cotton panties
Bad girls don't wear any

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls

Good girls pack their toothbrush
Bad girls pack their diaphragms

Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it
Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it

Good girls wear high heels to work
Bad girls wear high heels to bed

Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance
Bad girls think no place is the wrong place

Good girls prefer the missionary position
Bad girls do to, but only for starters

Good girls say no
Bad girls say when?

Good girls go to the party, go home, then go to bed.
Bad girls go to the party, go to bed and then go home.

Funny Story : The Nun & the Soldier

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 01:28:00 +0000

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt? I'll explain later.'The nun agreed.

A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked,"Sister, have you seen a soldier?'
The nun replied, 'He went that way.'

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said,
'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Afghanistan .'
The nun said, 'I understand completely.'
The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'

The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls..... I don't want to go to Afghanistan either.'

Funny Story : The pope

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 13:10:00 +0000

The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors who were all quite skilled in the latest medical techniques. None of them could figure out how to cure him, or even what ailed him.

Finally, a wise old physician was brought in. After an hour, he came out and told the
cardinals that the bad news was that the Pope had a difficult disorder of the testicles -- terminal blue balls.

He said that the good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured was to have sex a couple of times. Well, of course this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length.

Finally they went to the Pope himself with the doctor and explained the situation. After some thought, the Pope stated, "I reluctantly agree, but only under four very strict conditions."

The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite and uproar. Over all of the noise there came a single voice that asked, "And what are the four conditions?" The room immediately stilled.

The Pope replied, "First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex. Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex. And third, she must be mute so that if she somehowmfigures it all out, she can tell no one."

After another long pause, a voice finally asked, "And the fourth condition?" The Pope replied, "BIG TITS!"

Good Lawyer Jokes - Very Funny

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:19:00 +0000

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q. What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A. A Lobotomy.

Q. How do you save five drowning lawyers?
A. Who cares?

Q. What do you call a block of cement containing ten lawyers?
A. A waste of cement.

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A1: Shoot him before he hits the water.
A2: Take your foot off his head.
A3: No? Good!

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: What do you do if you run over a Lawyer?
A1: Back over him to make sure.
A2: Make another notch on the steering wheel.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of s***?
A: The bucket.

...Read more

reference: http://www.jokesandhumor.com/jokes/225.html

Funny Jokes: The Final Prediction

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 12:36:00 +0000

A low cost budget film crew was shooting on an Indian Reservoir beach about natural psychic abilities of ancient American Indians.

Suddenly an Indian shows up, walks to the Director and says, “Tomorrow wind Storm, No shooting please. “ Sure enough a storm came and Director saved lots of money.

A few days later, again shooting preparedness was made and the Indian shows up.

“Tomorrow hurricane, no shooting please.” Sure enough a hurricane came and Director saved the money.

The amazing accurate predictive ability of the Indian on snow, rain, ice, blizzard, lightning, thunderstorm, was financially benefiting the Director that he got fond of him.

Now he was reaching towards the climax of the important shooting and waiting for the Indian to come and predict the weather.

The Indian was no where to be found. So he personally went looking for him and found him in a stinking smoking chimney hut. He went inside, bowed to him in a manners of their ancient customs, praised him and prayed that he bless him with the prediction for tomorrow’s finale.

The Indian says, “Tomorrow no prediction. My Radio broke down.”

Funny Story: A Bee Story

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 01:53:00 +0000

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try it now,' said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'?

The bee answered ..

Wait for it.wait for it..

You're just gonna love

Bee Pee

I see you smiling... ;-)

Have a great day !

A Few Short and Funny Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 05:05:00 +0000

My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.

I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please anyone.

Fred: What's that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders?
Harry: Help! What is it?
Fred: Your head!

She's so ugly that when a wasp stings her it shuts its eyes.

First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity?
Second girl: No, it's imagination.

Who won the Monster Beauty Contest? No one.

First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh, what did you have done?
First witch: Nothing, I was just going in for an estimate.

Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week.
Mrs Baggy: Tried to?
Mrs Saggy: Yes, they couldn't find a crane strong enough to lift her face!

They say Margaret is a raving beauty. You mean she's escaped from the funny farm?

First witch: My beauty is timeless.
Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.

Funny Story: Can you imagine if this happen to you...

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 04:35:00 +0000

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.

The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music..

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.

I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Funny GCSE examination answer

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 02:45:00 +0000

People might look at the state of politics and be concerned for the future. I got emailed this today, which I think causes even more worry for future with the intelligence levels of tomorrow’s leaders…

The following questions were set in GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. )

These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.G. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q.. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

" In an Examination, There is no winner, no loser. There is only depression and destruction"

Funny Jokes: How Come ... Baby Come

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 13:21:00 +0000

.....Once there was a young Red Indian couple who just got married.
After 6 months of marital bliss, the wife was still unable to conceive, so the
husband brought her to the Medicine Man. The husband asked the Medicine
Man: "Many moons come, Many moons go; I come, Baby no come, How come?"

The Medicine Man told the husband to go to the Blue mountains and
meditate there for 9 months. After 9 months had passed, he came down from the
mountains, and was surprised to see that his wife had a baby.

So he brought her again to see the Medicine Man, and the husband asked
him: "Many moons come , Many moons go, I no come, Baby come, How come?" The
Medicine Man turned to the wife for an answer. She replied: "Many moons
come, Many moons go, You no come, Many men come...."

Funny Jokes: Thirteen, thirteen, fourteen!

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 04:47:00 +0000

A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting.
"Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen!" goes the noise from within the mental hospital's wards.

The man's curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence.

It's not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in. Instantly, someone jabs him in the eye.

As he reels back in agony the chanting continues "fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"

Funny Organization Hierarchy ... hahah

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:36:00 +0000

Funny Organization Hierarchy

the choice is yours...

Funny Jokes : Condoms ..... family pack... hahah

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 05:13:00 +0000

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

A Mother, a Son and an Electric Train

noreply@blogger.com (Wan) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 01:00:00 +0000

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! And all of you bastards, who are getting on, get your arse in the train, because we're going down the tracks".

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for traveling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the c**t in the kitchen."